People are saying this - I can’t believe you and multiple others have stuck around for so long, coming back and have basically grown up in the meantime! It kinda makes me feel like a proud dad ngl 😆 And I’m only 2-3 years older than you!
@@Kovukingsrod Haha! I realized earlier while commenting this you were only a few years older, I thought you were much older when I was 14 at the time haha, it was what inspired me to figure out I was non-binary :)! Proud dad Kovu XD
I respect you for being a healthy representation of trans individuals that take a step back from T and still reivindicate their identity. Many people "stay" unhappy in their choices because they may feel uncomfortable coming clean as something, but it´s videos like these that the right people will come across. This is good. Other people will feel okay with not taking T anymore and still feel as what they identify with, and this is beautiful. As a gender non-conforming person I find a lot of relief in your words...
I watched your videos when I was 13 and figuring myself out, I am now 20 next month and I am 2 days on T :) you were a huge help for me so I can’t thank you enough dude
That’s amazing! I feel so honoured you’ve been around for that long to be able to give me that update and that so much has changed, thank you for sharing ❤️
@@CanadianMason85 you’re right, I am proud of myself and i’m finally being myself after years of hardship, it’s my body and I am so happy and thankful to be able to transition and be who I am :)
kind of funny how many of the comments are people who’ve been watching for a long time - me too, lol. i started watching just before you started T, and i’ve been on it now for 1.5 years myself. i’ve also been getting a lot more androgynous in style the more comfortable i am with my body, it’s way more fun when it doesn’t spark dysphoria. i’ve been growing out my hair and learning how to do makeup, etc. good luck to you!
I've been on T for 16 months now and I'm feeling the same! I've gotten comfortable enough to grow out my hair and the uneasiness I felt around makeup has almost entirely gone away. It's such a nice feeling being able to explore these things without the discomfort of dysphoria I felt before. Good luck in the rest of your journey and here's to finding comfort in ourselves :)
The way you described being willing to identify and present in a less binary way once your dysphoria was less intense was so relatable to me. I’ve been on T for six and a half years and I got top surgery four and a half years ago and l have only recently started identifying as nonbinary to my close friends. It’s fascinating how much easier it is when my body isn’t making me miserable.
I have top surgery coming up in two weeks & that is exactly the kind of thing I've been looking forward to... Being a GNC/genderqueer person in a masculine body feels "right" to me, VS doing so from my feminine body. I don't think I'd ever stop T unless it were a serious health risk, hair loss & all, but... I'm definitely excited to look more masculine so I can express more femininity w/o dysphoria. ☺️ I'm so glad you're feeling comfortable. 💖
A NEW VIDEO!!! AAAHHHH!!!!! glad you are confident in your body and mind. absolutely amazing. thank you kovu, your songs and music helped me so much when i was in school and uni. looking forward to the future! way to go dude.
@@Kovukingsrod thank you for your reply! i think i might know, just a little. hahaha... i always wait, for an update from you. thank you for introducing me to sleeping at last, too, with what is still my favorite cover, ever. maybe someday, i can pay you back for it all. until then, remember, you matter, people care, and we are here, cheering you on. youve got this!
thank you for this video, ive ben struggling with the same thing and am considering stopping T as well, i’m going to try finasteride first tho but your video has made me a lot less scared about the prospect of potentially stopping T, thank you for this
Losing hair was my biggest worry about T. I immediately got on a combination of Finasteride and men's hair care products made for keeping hair. It's been 20 months (almost 2 years) and I haven't lost any hair (or if I have it's been very little). I would encourage looking at men's shampoos and conditioners (should be some for all hair types) made to prevent hair loss. No pressure to stay on T, but if hairloss is your number one worry I highly encourage looking for other solutions :]
nothing wrong with taking a break or stopping hormones if that's what is best, i'm gonna do it eventually to be a seahorse dad. I started testosterone about 3 months ago at 23 and it's interesting to hear that we're experiencing similiar changes but in opposite directions, trans bodies are so amazing and unique
Hey Kovu it's been so long! It's thanks to you that I was able to realise I was transgender. I was 18 at the time and now am 23 with 3 years on T and happier than ever! Thank you so much again ❤
Hey Kovu! I’m really glad that you’re open about the effects and feelings of on being on and now off T, i feel like people aren’t always honest with how it actually is. Love that you seem healthy and happy, I’ve been around and watching your content for around 10 years now and it’s good to see. You were a huge part in my transition journey back in the day but I detransitioned back in 2020. Just some encouragement, don’t feel like because of your past journey that you have to be stuck feeling or being masculine. Being feminine or androgynous is perfectly fine and you can celebrate and embrace that for yourself (: i love you and always hope the best for you 💕
This is really sweet, thank you so much for the kind and encouraging words ❤️ It means a lot to hear that I seem healthy and happy, I replied this to another commenter but I haven’t felt this content and calm about things since I was a kid. I realised I had a lot of pent up shame and I finally was able to find a really good trans friendly psychologist last year who’s helped me work through a lot. Also, thank you for sharing that with me, I really appreciate that❤️ I’m wishing you the best and I hope you’re doing well
@@Kovukingsrod And that’s definitely a good thing to be hearing! I’m so happy for you!!! ☺️❤️ I’m really glad that your therapist was able to help you with that, not everyone has a very good (and helpful) experience with some therapists. Side note, you should totally do a piercings and tattoos tour video!
It makes me really happy to hear your experiences with being genderqueer, because I've been thinking about using that label recently as well. You were one of my first introductions to the trans community when I was in middle school, and now I'm in college and on T. You've always been such a positive and kind figure in the community, and I love that you're still inspiring me to figure out my gender after all these years. Thank you for everything, Kovu.
i have been watching you since I was 15 and now im 20. Back when I was in high school, your videos were a huge inspiration to me and really helped me find the strength to keep myself alive when I was in very low places. I'm still struggling with my mental health a lot because my depression recently turned into bipolar disorder and school is kicking my ass but every time I see you in my instagram or youtube feed I get reminded of the fact that I am capable of getting better. So I just wanted to say thank you for being an inspiration to so many people out there! Even if you do not post a lot anymore, it still means a lot to me and im assuming at least a few other people that there are so many videos on your channel reminding us of how important it is to stay alive no matter how hard life gets.
Thank you so, so much for this beautiful comment. I am so deeply honoured that you attribute some of the inspiration to get through difficult times to me being visible - that means more than you could ever know, and it’s beyond me that my existence can be that impactful for someone somewhere out there in the world. I wish you a beautiful life and the strength and love to get through anything. Thank you again for this ❤️
Kovu! I'm honestly really happy to see your new video. Your content helped me a lot when I was in a really dark place not too long ago, it kinda pulled me out of it. I truly don't know if I would be here if I didn't find your channel. Your stuff actually gave me the confidence to come out to my close friends, then other people, and even my teachers now. I now go by Shawn in 5/6 of my classes :) Thank you so much for making your videos, they really made a difference for me, and I'm sure they have for other people too.
I really appreciate you sharing your experience, it helps a lot to hear someone go through a somewhat similar experience. I was on t for about 5 years before stopping back in 2020 also primarily due to hair loss. It's been a journey and difficult at times but it's also allowed me to learn a lot more about myself. I still think about going back on t but even though some things have changed in ways I didn't want, the changes that are permanent such as voice drop have allowed me to feel relatively okay with my body and at the moment that's enough for me. I appreciate hearing someone else discuss going off of t when you are not detransitioning as I don't see too many talking about it.
Lots of people are commenting this already but it is so lovely seeing you :), I remember watching you in middle school when I was still figuring myself out and now I’m in university and I started T last month ! How wonderful to see the amount of change that has happened for the both of us :)
(TW: blood mention, cramping, dysphoria) Coming from someone pre-t, who was on the implant for a year, it very well may be the implant. I was bleeding so heavily for months on it, in horrible pain from the constant cramping, and bruised very easily. The symptoms outweighed the benefits for me so I went off it. Whatever the cause of your irregularity, I wish you luck in figuring it out, and hope you find yourself in good health soon!
It’s cool to see you post again! You were definitely a part of my early transition. I’m Nonbinary, 24, and i’ve now been on T for 6.5 years. I totally see where you’re coming from. I love my hair and I would definitely consider going off if I started loosing it. I’m glad to hear your journey with that is going well!
I stopped T after 8-9 months back in August for some of the same reasons as you, so seeing someone else who stopped T because they were genderqueer and not detransitioning is so comforting
oh my god KOVU I remember so vividly being 16 and watching your video on how to bind, questioning my own gender and looking at your snapchat stories...🌾 I didn't follow quite a lot of people at the time but you were very sympathetic to me and helped me figuring all of this gender dysphoria. Then life went on and I eventually started T when I was 19. And now here I am AGAIN cause I'm thinking about stopping hormones for the EXACT same reason as you... I'd rather loose my passing than my hair. (Unlike you I also feel more drawn to my femininity than ever but yeah... still genderqueer). Looking for honest and kind testimonies -not just people being mad at trans people / community / "ideology", or being SO binary about their own "detransition", or weaponizing it against the lgbtq+ community-, and running into you really feels like a sign. Thank you for still sharing your story and being a source of appeasement after all those years.
You have every right to come off of T, and I really respect you and you no longer need any medicine to make you, you. I know you well enough, as my friend, that I can say you’ve come a long way, there is nothing invalidating about this, and the gel won’t be missed, really. Personally, the first 30 of my life was not fun, and I was balding*, got used to shaving my head. *since I started E, I’ve been letting my hair grow, and I’m praying the hair loss can be reversed. None of these medications alter or change who I am, so what works for me is worth it, to me.
Not really a question or anything, but as someone who has been on T for over four years, I understand the identity shifting as you become more comfortable exploring your identity. Also, I’ve watched you for many years and I love seeing how much you’ve grown up
I’ve been here since maybe 2015-2016ish and it’s so nice to see you still making content! I was on T for a little over a year and got off because of the hairline thing, I’m so glad to see you’re happy!! Hope you’re doing well Kovu ❤
i vibe with your description of gender and sexuality so much. and your style too! as someone who hasn’t gone on T yet, it’s really interesting to hear your thoughts and experiences. Wishing you all the best, love from Australia! 🩷
Wow I relate so much to pretty much everything you're saying. I've never heard anyone else articulate these kinds of feelings. Thank you for sharing your experience
Thank you so much for being so open about your experiences, Kovu! It means a lot to me, to also hear from others that it's not just going on t and the rest of your life will be just perfect.😊
New viewer here, but I just want to say, I really appreciate that you mentioned how T (and now lack thereof) can affect the way that the reproductive/vulval region can change in how it exists or responds. Sorry, phrasing that was difficult. (Trying to remain sensitive to how certain words or terms can make you feel, as I only just discovered you.) I myself am a trans guy whos preT, about to turn 28. And over all the years that Ive been watching and reading other trans men and transmasc people, Ive yet to really hear a solid mention of changes in "self lubrication" or hydration or that sort of thing. Obviously, theres tons out there on bottom growth. But I really appreciate that you werent afraid to mention the uh, the "wet". (I myself struggle immensely with my female bits, which also makes phrasing difficult for me.) But yeah, all that to say, fantastic video. Thank you so much for making it, Im glad it popped up on my suggested. 🙂
You see a lot more of those "explicit" conversations on Reddit tbh. My lubrication got better on T, but the tissues are more fragile, so it's like the wetness doesn't do it's job as effectively? I always preferred to use lubricants, even beforehand, just to avoid discomfort. But yeah, largely, estrogen-dependent tissue is going to struggle no longer having its hormone of choice.
i used to watch your videos when i was just starting to question my gender and today i had my first appointment with a psychologist to get diagnosed with gender dysphoria! hopefully i'll get a referral soon :) thanks for being to open and informative, it's a joy to learn about your experiences :)
Thank you very very much! 🙏 After many hours looking after videos with that content ( stop testosterone after several years and feeling (more) trans masculine, not with the goal of detransition, just stoping T what ever reason it may be) I ‘m finally so happy and grateful to have found your video. I hope hope very much you will continue posting regarding your experience; feelings and changements without Testosterone. And of course: I wish you sincerely all the best, to be happy and feeling yourself along your journey with what ever decision you may make. Thank you so much for being that brave and putting you out there with your story; your privacy, your life and helping many people out there not feeling alone and sharing about that particular subject, stoping testosterone feeling trans masculine ( hope I took the right word to describe), without really wanting a detransition / become more feminine, but just traying to accept / to get along with the changes may come without T and being, loving yourself whatever it my look from the outside, regardless if the appearance is congruent with your inside feeling regarding more masculine or feminine. All the best, kindest regards,Mo
Good to see you again ^^ remember being in my mid-teens and in high school when I discovered you - now 22. Wishing you the best transition into this new period of your life!
Watch out for mental health issues with the implant, made me feel robotic and hollow inside but it grew over a long time and I didn’t realise it wasn’t trauma. Got it taken out and felt like breathing fresh air xx (also I love your channel and thanks for being you!)
If ever you want to go back on T and keep your hair, there's always the option to go on finasteride. Happy to see you thrive, fellow androgynous transmasc!
@@Kovukingsrod Yes I was going to say this. I'm trans masc and my hairline started receding too. I'm now on minoxidil (tablet form) and finasteride and have had great experiences. I'm happy to chat with you about it if you ever need x
@@haydenmoon7273 hey there, i know your message was for kovu but I´d also be happy to chat about that with someone who has already made xperiences. I occasionally take minoxidil in form of a spray and i heard a lot about finasteride but I´m quiet worried about side effects and i don´t even know if this is a thing in my country ...
Thanks for sharing your experience! I stopped taking T a little over a year ago, after taking it for 3 years, for the same reason (and also facial hair giving me cystic acne and the itchiness of the very, very few visible prickly hairs that I had sent me into sensory overload.) I have a very similar face shape and forehead to yours, and I was starting to have intense body dysphoria and anxiety about the hair thinning. The harassment you mention at the end is exactly why I'm scared of presenting the way I want. I'd like to wear more colorful/flamboyant clothing, like I used to do pre-transition (I was into J-fashion and had colorful hair.) I have long hair again, and people automatically assume I'm a girl or a very androgynous 16-year-old boy (I'm turning 40 this year, LOL.) And on the phone it's always "Sir" unless they know my gender marker is X and educated enough to use "Mx.", so when I show up to an appointment sometimes, the person who previously talked to me on the phone is very confused. People are constantly in shock/confused when I start talking which gives me very intense anxiety, I feel super hypervigilant, especially since I live in a sketchy neighborhood with unfortunately lots of transphobic religious communities around. (3-4 different ones on top of all the conservative people who don't know anything about being trans and non-binary.) RIP💀 I'm severely chronically ill, so at least I'm not forced to go outside, but it has literally turned me into a complete shut-in.
Aw kovu we're both grown up now! I last saw you when i was tiny and thought i was binary. You look really happy and comfortable with yourself, support whatever you choose to do. Transition is not linear. Thanks for sharing and good luck!! ❤
I haven’t seen you since I was 17 and very much trying to figure myself out. I can’t believe it’s been 6 years already. Good to see you’re still active!
I stopped T after 3 years as well, the only thing I dislike about my body now is my femininely shaped face. It takes a few months for the E to kick back in, but I’m happy with my decision!
Hello mate have you thought about finasteride? I have a friend who’s not trans he’s cis but he started experiencing hair loss at like 18 and he’s now 21 and he’s on finasteride and it seems to have stopped the hair loss really well. I assume trans guys can take it as well?
Holy shit- good to see you on my recommended again after a long while! :) All the other commenters are mentioning having watched you for a long time, and I'm going to jump onto that train. Little me from 4-ish years ago got a lot of comfort form your old videos, and I still really appreciate them.
ive been a subscriber of your channel since i was 13, i'm 20 now and you still help me to come to terms with my own ongoing gender struggles. 7 years later i still have no clue who exactly i am and what label i feel most comfortable with, so ive just kind of taken to calling myself queer or genderqueer because it doesnt feel too specific but still encapsulates my experience of being "different" (in terms of gender identity experience). thank you for sharing your story, it is wayyy way more impactful than you may think and it genuinely helps so much
I'm completely new to your channel, but I'm glad to be here! I'm non-binary transmasc and early in my transition but going to possibly try going on T because my voice gives me dysphoria, but I don't mind keeping my feminine frame minus my chest which luckily I'm in the process of getting surgery for. So going on T temporarily for the voice change is likely what I'll go for but I'm likely predisposed to balding from the looks of my 48 or so old dad. So to hear a bit about the side effects that come with going off, is definitely something I was more than glad to come across! For me, I'm attempting to get my ovaries and other internal female organs removed, so I'm hoping maybe I can go on a mix of both hormones or something, either way I know taking estrogen once my voice drops is something I'm fine with since you still need a primary hormone so you don't fall apart lol
oh geez i think the last time i watched your videos was when i was around 15? i remember when you got 100k subscribers. i'm 21 now, so it's been a while -- you look good, man!!
Thank you for this representation, it’s so important for all trans people to know that there’s NO shame in your gender continuing to evolve throughout your lifetime. This is so refreshing vs the negativity associated with “detransitioners” whose words are co-opted by transphobes
I haven't seen you in a while! We started T only one month apart and I just stopped T in january mainly because of my hairline. I find this coincidence quite funny :D
I related to this so much. I also recently stopped taking t after 5 years because it raised my blood pressure and hemoglobin too much. I had to focus on lowering my cholesterol too bc of genetic factors and it was just too much all at once. It wasn’t too hard stopping the t because I stopped getting anything from it. I relate to your feelings on gender. People who matter to me use my name and pronouns and I look androgynous. I’ve been told I look like a pretty boy which I love lol. I haven’t noticed anything feminine except my monthly is finely regular again after it stopped for a year then became crazy irregular and long. Now it’s just a couple days every month versus weeks long and random. 😊❤️
Yeah, the only reason I'd stop T is if I ended up getting serious health problems. Once I finish getting the changes I want & a uterine ablation, I mayyyyyy stop using it? But IDK... One benefit is that it makes my joints more stable & it would suck to go back to where I was.
Hey dude I just wanted to say I've been seriously thinking of going off T for exactly the same reasons and how you feel is exactly how I feel right now. We are also the same age and went to the same uni! Crazy. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for this video it's making me feel better about my decision though I'm still brickin it
I really appreciate the openness and honesty!! It's very interesting to hear the perspective/experience, and it can help clear up some confusion at least for me.
amazing to see this on my feed just as I've made the decision to finally pursue medical transition for myself - glad to see you doing well and fingers crossed for that hairline!
Yeah, especially if someone JUST wants the permanent changes like facial or body hair, voice drop, & bottom growth. There's no need for every single trans man to be on T permanently in order to be legitimate.
i was on t for around the same time as you (~6 years) and came off t about 4 years ago c: i still identify as a man, and i didnt really wanna get off t haha but i decided to try it while i still had access to it in case i really regretted it quick. I had to move countried and getting on t where i live now takes way too long so i would be off t for a while anyways by the time i moved. I did get off t "cold turkey" (i of course informed my endo, who was always very supportive), so i had a lot of sudden changes in a few months. Weight redistribution and weight gain was the biggest thing, and periods and such was another. It took a while to get to the point where i got dysphoric tho. After a few years i stabilized, and i dont look super different than i did when i was on t. I miss t, and i want it back lol but i am super busy at the mpment and i dont want the added stress of going about getting it prescribed here. I am actually more muscular than i ever was on t because i am in a much stable place in my life so i am able to take care of myself better, so i eat and workout more consistently! so in a way i look more masculine now than i ever did on t, specially as i always had fat depositing itself naturally on my butt and hips, even on t. So hopefully not much changes for you either c: specially since you went about getting off t more gradually than i did, so my hormones took a while to adjust. cheers!
literally just checked out your insta for the first time after having watched you since you like first came out and now you posted!! crazy honestly haha! lovely video and Im happy you posted again!!
I am also gender fluid and im honestly still on the fence about starting hormones. I've still got a while to think about it though, ive just turned 18 and I don't want to make the decision on hormone therapy right now since my mental and physical health is very fragile atm, I feel like introducing something like that could potentially make things worse ;^^ Very proud of you for finding yourself though! Hopefully taking a break from T will allow you some peace while you decide what you want to do henceforth :] deciding to stop T indefinitely is ok too! best of luck :>
I went off T about 6 months ago, I haven’t gotten my period back which I’m really glad about, (im enby) but I’m also not sure if and when I want to start taking a low dose again, I definitely noticed that I became more emotional again which I was very glad about because I felt really numb a lot of the time on t. I think that’s my most importantreason for wanting to stay off it or go on a low dose.
have you considered going on finasteride in addition to testosterone? It should stop or at least slow down your hair loss, but it likely won't lead to a lot growing back
i relate kinda to what you said at the end.. i mean i used to force myself into being binary? but even when i felt like i was a trans boy some masculine terms kinda “bothered” but then being referred to as a girl or feminine terms made me rlly dysphoric.. i even told myself im lying abt being trans but thankfully ive accepted that im just not binary and its okayyy.. like yes im transmasc but that doesnt mean im binary
Omg completely felt on the part where you talked about being qu33r in every way. I went through the exact same process of transman to "call me whatever you want (but ideally see me as who I am), idc about being binary I'm just trying to vibe." I went from he/him>he/they>they/he>they/them over the span of a couple years. Totally agree on how being called "they" originally felt invalidating to my masculinity, and I do miss the aspect of being acknowledge as,, idk, a man in some aspect? Which tbh is why I kept he in my pronouns for so long lol. I like the neutrality about it even though I don't feel it fully encapsulates my identity
awesome to see an upload from you, especially with this topic! sometimes i think about the idea of going on testosterone but i don't think id want to stay on it forever (or even if my body would tolerate HRT forever), and there aren't many video like this. most video are about starting HRT and not stopping it, and videos about stopping HRT are usually from the perspective of someone who's detransitioning, so it's really great to see a new perspective on it from someone who's trans! on a different note, i've been watching your videos for i think 10 years, now i'm 20, seeing a new upload from you always makes me happy :) i hope youre doing well! i'm also so happy for you embracing being genderqueer, it's kind of comforting since i've recently embraced being genderfluid/genderqueer and your videos were such a comfort to me in middle and high school all those years ago. my dysphoria was/is pretty intense so i was really limiting myself to being only trans masc and how i could present, it gives me hope that you can also embrace being genderqueer and find happiness too
Omg!!!! Still as relatable as ever, and it's so nice to hear from yoir experiences again! I used to watch your videos whilst questioning my gender about 6 years ago, what a throwback 😂 I'm really happy to have an update ;)
Hey Kovu, I'm glad you still update us. Like many of the comments it's been nice seeing your journey alongside the development of my own from when I found your channel when I was 12 to now being 18 :) Have you looked into going on finasteride and/or derma stamping and using a rosemary/castor oil mix? I believe rosemary oil has the same effect as 2% minoxidl but would be much gentler on your skin. I hope all goes well with being off testosterone and with uni!
Hey! I'm another of the people who watched you when they were young, and came to check up. Just a couple of things I know that could help you out, trans women have an insane amount of resources on how to deal with hair loss, so maybe ask around on their reddits to see if anyone knows some minoxidil alternatives. I also kind of, have a complicated history with they/them pronouns, I still feel misgendered when people use them. I do really fuck with exclusively fellow queer people using he/it for me. I could finally start T 3 months ago, and I'm getting top surgery next year December. It's so interesting to see how we've both changed, I was also insanely dysphoric back then but presenting very masculine somehow made it worse (Just being hyper aware of how different I looked from cis men presenting in the same way, so I was very much leaning like, at the time, demi-boy nonbinary trans masc vibes. As time went on I started to feel more and more comfortable in myself and how binary I am, and I've ended up being very comfortable as a kind of "genderqueer ftm transexual" situation, I don't really vibe with trans man, being trans just describes the process I went through to be myself.
Also sorry another question as a trans guy 9 months on t and worried about hair loss. If you went of but took hormone blockers instead would that help with not getting the “females changes” as well as stop receding the hairline? I’m curious, as if so that’s definitely the route I would feel the need to go through as I think coming of would bring me a large amount of anxiety
Jackson Bird mentioned being on Finasteride for a while - IDK if he's still on it. His changes slowed down a lot, but nothing went backwards, if that makes sense.
Kovu!! I just wanted to thank you for the videos you've made. I started watching your content at about 13 years old and I am now 18. You've really helped me to better understand myself and accept what I feel. I've realised that it's OK and it's not shameful to be trans and to want to transition. Sadly, I still can't start my transition due to the laws in my country, but I can at least be somewhat at peace with my own mind.❤❤❤
Just a little tip, wearing hats too often does contribute to hair loss. Any tight band around the head will limit blood flow to the scalp. If you wear hats everyday, get a good hair oil and shampoo brush and massage the scalp with the brush and oil on the days you wear hats. (Sorry for the unsolicited advice lol)
I totally get this. I’m on t currently but I know I’ll have bouts where I might come off it and go back on. I’m masc-flux and that’s what works for me. The hairline is def a thing. Also I do injections and needle fatigue is a thing. You’re still always valid and loved and supported!!! ❤
I'm so sorry to hear about the needle fatigue. I use exclusively gel because the fluctuations of a shot regimen aren't healthy for me [likely to trigger Bipolar just like my monthly Estrogen cycle did], so... IDK if you ever wanna switch to gel, but it's definitely not too inconvenient! The most annoying thing is that I wear a tattoo cover-up sleeve to protect my cat from getting exposed & I HATE WASHING IT. 😭
Thank you for this Video :) been thinking of going off T due to my immune system getting to critical levels, in hopes that it will recover again, but I also don't want to loose the changes T brought me. So, my question is, did you have troubles with getting sick a lot on T and did you notice your immune system getting better the last 3 months? Also, second question: even if you go off T, facial hair still grows as usual, right? Or does it stop growing?
Mx. Morphling went off T a year ago because they're genderfluid & they still seem to grow facial hair regularly. Also, I didn't notice any serious issues w/ T & my immune system! I have Psoriasis but it hasn't spread [or improved] since starting & the only difference in my allergies is that I'm more prone to post-nasal drip than I was before.
very interesting to here about some changes! I feel like being on T has made me feel more open about my gender expression. was that something you experienced aswell? also its crazy for me to realize how I've seen your journey on T from the beginning. Back then i could only wish to be on testosterone and now I'm 1 year on T lol
Yes definitely! It made me feel so much more confident and comfortable and free to express myself in ways that made me feel dysphoric before. And wow that’s so long! Thank you for sticking around and for giving me that update, that really means a lot, and I’m so so happy everything worked out well for you :’)
First video of yours I've seen--youtube just randomly recommended it to me. I've been on a low dose of T for almost six weeks and hair loss has definitely been a huge concern for me. You mentioned minoxidil in the video, but I'm wondering if you took finasteride at any point? I brought up hair loss and started finasteride right away along with T, which might be slowing my transition, but I'm hoping it'll also help me keep my hair. I've also thought that a receding hairline would be enough for me to stop T
lol i’m also on lexapro and testosterone (tho i’m still on it)! i identify a lot with the way you seem to experience gender. i’ve recently started identifying as agender because i really don’t feel strongly tied to any gender. but i still prefer he/him pronouns because oddly they feel the most neutral to me! but like you i’m warming to the idea of they/them! i also love what you said about being queer in sexuality and gender and everything. same here and i love it :) i love seeing these updates :)
Omg i haven't seen your vids in years im 20 now and im so happy you're okay i hope your journey goes well im still working on mine i don't really know where i am in my identity journey
So interesting that as I’ve watched you over the years we’ve basically been on the same gender journey, ftm to nonbinary pipeline? Idk but congrats! I guess there are a few differences like me not having access to T or hormones for medical negligence reasons and finding out I’m intersex. Anyways it’s nice to see ur videos again
Hi Kovu, thank you for this video, it was really helpful! If you have the time to answer and are comfortable sharing: How did you talk to your doctor about wanting to go off T (for the moment)? Was there resistance on the doctors side or did they accept your wishes?
Time to get Bosley. I think it's good to get off T once your voice drops for this very reason. Sometimes cis guys use estrogen to stop hair loss. I have a nonbinary friend from Italy who doesn't want to transition but they have been thinking about using estrogen to get their hair back. It might be too far gone for them. Their hair is so receded that it looks like a yamaka.
It doesn't happen for everyone though it's typically a risk if it runs in your family but for a lot of trans guys, going off of T just isn't an option, it'd cause a lot of dysphoria. Some trans guys also learn to embrace it, like Alex Bertie, and that's fine, everyone is different. We can support people not going on T, we can support people who go on and then go off for whatever reason, we can support people who go on and off a few times, and we can support people who stay on it for the rest of their life, everyone's journey is different
I've been off of T for some time too, and something I worry more and more about is permanently looking young. I'm 23 but look 18. It bothers me quite a bit. Is this something you worry about at all?
Hello there! Good to see you again! I agree, more hair would be nice, I went partially bald once I started T. I was hoping for a few more years before I had to start wearing hats to not get a sunburned noggin lol I'll try not to get too graphic, but yeah, atrophy and dryness can be VERY painful. I couldn't even walk without feeling like something was pulling my hooha out. I've had a hysto/oophorectomy, plus I had PCOS though, that could make a big difference. I have an estradiol pill I put up there once a week, and that helps (once I fought the doctor for it. They thought they couldn't give me both kinds of hormones or one would cancel the other out. It didn't for me, ymmv) Boyfriend is cute and accepting, awesome 😊
Kovu!! It's been so long since i've seen you pop up on youtube. I just wanted to thank you for documenting your transition and journey with your gender identity for all these years. It's really helped me come to terms with and even be more confident with my identity. Wish you all the best with uni!!
I’m also nonbinary and love looking androgynous (I like being read more as a guy but on the androgynous side) so the idea of losing my hair was terrifying to me. Ive always had thin hair but didn’t think it would happen so soon. I decided to come off T for 2 years in hopes it would help my hair regrow / slow the process. the top was so thin and I ended up wearing hats / bandanas all the time 🥲 never thought id ever come off T after being on for 5 years. But after some time I started noticing my body was becoming more feminine again, not majorly but my weight, hips, butt, chest (I had top surgery but excess fat at the sides were bigger and my face was rounder, and voice was a little softer, so I ended up going back on T because I was becoming more dysphoric again. Being back on T made all these things go down again. But it made me realise what was more important to me, the idea of having hair or my body feminising again. Of course I wish I had hair, but I also realised that it’s just hair and it happens to people. Doesn’t make you any less attractive or androgynous or feminine. I decided to embrace balding. Ended up shaving my head and getting a sick head tattoo and I get complimented a lot on it :) I’m so glad I had this journey. I still look like an androgynous twink lol despite being a baldy now but I think it’s defo necessary to consider coming off when you feel you need a break. It gives you time to connect with what is making you comfortable and uncomfortable. Your hair looks a lot fuller and thicker than mine did though so you may actually be catching it at a good time where it can regrow! Love to see these updates because I feel like it’s normalising coming off T, whether that be forever or jsut for the time being. You seem a lot happier in yourself with your own identity and gender expression, it’s good to reflect , change and grow. Unfortunately people will question or criticise trans people exploring when it’s not binary or typical transition, but it’s what makes you happy! :)
i will say-- i'm also struggling a lot with hairline receding. been on T 4 years ish? minoxidil isn't known for being good for receding hairline because it doesn't do anything for blocking DHT- the main perpetrator of the loss from my research. a lot of people use finasteride(DHT blocker) in combo with their T to counteract this, but it can also cause "demasculinizing" effects, like restarting cycle and fat distribution. not a fan of those, so, what i've started which has already been helping me noticeably is rosemary oil. it's a natural localized DHT blocker so it doesn't mess with any hormones in your system- just the ones on your scalp :D i use it in combo with minoxidil but i think it's probably useful without it; also really connect to the leaning into maybe a queer/ less binary identity. i've struggled with they/them pronouns for myself for the same reason, i think i'm more in line with a bigender sort of thing that's been difficult to accept cuz, maybe some internalized transphobia sticking to me still (i was raised in florida so adhering to a binary was a very strong matter of safety and also comforting to my severe dysphoria even tho i've always really loved androgyny) but yeah!!! gender is funky and cool and mailable no longer how long you've been out as something as and it's weird to remember that
Do doctors where you live, if they’re easily accessible, offer finasteride or dutasteride for hairline/ hair loss? I’ve seen good results in trans girls as far as it reversing hair loss and lowering hairlines slightly. I’ve also heard of trans guys taking it the entire time they’re on T if hair loss runs in the family, or non binary people taking it to not grow facial hair I think. Lots of transition uses.
I didn’t realise it had that many uses! I’ll definitely look into it more and might ask about it at my doctor’s appt tomorrow, thanks so much for the tip!
Holy crap Kovu I haven't seen you since I was like 14. 20 now. Good to see you!
People are saying this - I can’t believe you and multiple others have stuck around for so long, coming back and have basically grown up in the meantime! It kinda makes me feel like a proud dad ngl 😆 And I’m only 2-3 years older than you!
@@Kovukingsrod Haha! I realized earlier while commenting this you were only a few years older, I thought you were much older when I was 14 at the time haha, it was what inspired me to figure out I was non-binary :)! Proud dad Kovu XD
woa its exactly the same for me, im 20 now too! crazy how time passes
@@KovukingsrodI’ve been here for about that same exact time period too haha. So thankful for your channel!
omg same! And I‘m also 20 now.
I found this channel trough the 100 ways to come out :D
I respect you for being a healthy representation of trans individuals that take a step back from T and still reivindicate their identity. Many people "stay" unhappy in their choices because they may feel uncomfortable coming clean as something, but it´s videos like these that the right people will come across. This is good. Other people will feel okay with not taking T anymore and still feel as what they identify with, and this is beautiful. As a gender non-conforming person I find a lot of relief in your words...
Same 💙
I watched your videos when I was 13 and figuring myself out, I am now 20 next month and I am 2 days on T :) you were a huge help for me so I can’t thank you enough dude
That’s amazing! I feel so honoured you’ve been around for that long to be able to give me that update and that so much has changed, thank you for sharing ❤️
gonna be over for you soon
You are unique and amazing just be yourself. You don't need the pharmaceutical profit machine to produce chemicals to be yourself.
@@CanadianMason85 you’re right, I am proud of myself and i’m finally being myself after years of hardship, it’s my body and I am so happy and thankful to be able to transition and be who I am :)
you'll probably detransiton too. you arent a man nor will you ever be anything more than a woman on steroids.
kind of funny how many of the comments are people who’ve been watching for a long time - me too, lol. i started watching just before you started T, and i’ve been on it now for 1.5 years myself. i’ve also been getting a lot more androgynous in style the more comfortable i am with my body, it’s way more fun when it doesn’t spark dysphoria. i’ve been growing out my hair and learning how to do makeup, etc. good luck to you!
I've been on T for 16 months now and I'm feeling the same! I've gotten comfortable enough to grow out my hair and the uneasiness I felt around makeup has almost entirely gone away. It's such a nice feeling being able to explore these things without the discomfort of dysphoria I felt before. Good luck in the rest of your journey and here's to finding comfort in ourselves :)
The way you described being willing to identify and present in a less binary way once your dysphoria was less intense was so relatable to me. I’ve been on T for six and a half years and I got top surgery four and a half years ago and l have only recently started identifying as nonbinary to my close friends. It’s fascinating how much easier it is when my body isn’t making me miserable.
I have top surgery coming up in two weeks & that is exactly the kind of thing I've been looking forward to... Being a GNC/genderqueer person in a masculine body feels "right" to me, VS doing so from my feminine body. I don't think I'd ever stop T unless it were a serious health risk, hair loss & all, but... I'm definitely excited to look more masculine so I can express more femininity w/o dysphoria. ☺️
I'm so glad you're feeling comfortable. 💖
SAME!
A NEW VIDEO!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!
glad you are confident in your body and mind. absolutely amazing. thank you kovu, your songs and music helped me so much when i was in school and uni. looking forward to the future!
way to go dude.
Thank you so much for this comment, you’ve no idea how much I appreciate it :’) x sending so much love your way!
@@Kovukingsrod thank you for your reply! i think i might know, just a little. hahaha... i always wait, for an update from you. thank you for introducing me to sleeping at last, too, with what is still my favorite cover, ever.
maybe someday, i can pay you back for it all. until then, remember, you matter, people care, and we are here, cheering you on.
youve got this!
thank you for this video, ive ben struggling with the same thing and am considering stopping T as well, i’m going to try finasteride first tho but your video has made me a lot less scared about the prospect of potentially stopping T, thank you for this
Losing hair was my biggest worry about T. I immediately got on a combination of Finasteride and men's hair care products made for keeping hair. It's been 20 months (almost 2 years) and I haven't lost any hair (or if I have it's been very little). I would encourage looking at men's shampoos and conditioners (should be some for all hair types) made to prevent hair loss. No pressure to stay on T, but if hairloss is your number one worry I highly encourage looking for other solutions :]
nothing wrong with taking a break or stopping hormones if that's what is best, i'm gonna do it eventually to be a seahorse dad. I started testosterone about 3 months ago at 23 and it's interesting to hear that we're experiencing similiar changes but in opposite directions, trans bodies are so amazing and unique
Hey Kovu it's been so long! It's thanks to you that I was able to realise I was transgender. I was 18 at the time and now am 23 with 3 years on T and happier than ever! Thank you so much again ❤
Hey Kovu! I’m really glad that you’re open about the effects and feelings of on being on and now off T, i feel like people aren’t always honest with how it actually is. Love that you seem healthy and happy, I’ve been around and watching your content for around 10 years now and it’s good to see. You were a huge part in my transition journey back in the day but I detransitioned back in 2020. Just some encouragement, don’t feel like because of your past journey that you have to be stuck feeling or being masculine. Being feminine or androgynous is perfectly fine and you can celebrate and embrace that for yourself (: i love you and always hope the best for you 💕
This is really sweet, thank you so much for the kind and encouraging words ❤️ It means a lot to hear that I seem healthy and happy, I replied this to another commenter but I haven’t felt this content and calm about things since I was a kid. I realised I had a lot of pent up shame and I finally was able to find a really good trans friendly psychologist last year who’s helped me work through a lot.
Also, thank you for sharing that with
me, I really appreciate that❤️ I’m wishing you the best and I hope you’re doing well
@@Kovukingsrod And that’s definitely a good thing to be hearing! I’m so happy for you!!! ☺️❤️ I’m really glad that your therapist was able to help you with that, not everyone has a very good (and helpful) experience with some therapists.
Side note, you should totally do a piercings and tattoos tour video!
It makes me really happy to hear your experiences with being genderqueer, because I've been thinking about using that label recently as well. You were one of my first introductions to the trans community when I was in middle school, and now I'm in college and on T. You've always been such a positive and kind figure in the community, and I love that you're still inspiring me to figure out my gender after all these years. Thank you for everything, Kovu.
i have been watching you since I was 15 and now im 20. Back when I was in high school, your videos were a huge inspiration to me and really helped me find the strength to keep myself alive when I was in very low places. I'm still struggling with my mental health a lot because my depression recently turned into bipolar disorder and school is kicking my ass but every time I see you in my instagram or youtube feed I get reminded of the fact that I am capable of getting better. So I just wanted to say thank you for being an inspiration to so many people out there! Even if you do not post a lot anymore, it still means a lot to me and im assuming at least a few other people that there are so many videos on your channel reminding us of how important it is to stay alive no matter how hard life gets.
Thank you so, so much for this beautiful comment. I am so deeply honoured that you attribute some of the inspiration to get through difficult times to me being visible - that means more than you could ever know, and it’s beyond me that my existence can be that impactful for someone somewhere out there in the world. I wish you a beautiful life and the strength and love to get through anything. Thank you again for this ❤️
Damnnn last time I saw you here was like 5/6 years ago when you got on T!! Happy to see you again
Kovu! I'm honestly really happy to see your new video. Your content helped me a lot when I was in a really dark place not too long ago, it kinda pulled me out of it. I truly don't know if I would be here if I didn't find your channel. Your stuff actually gave me the confidence to come out to my close friends, then other people, and even my teachers now. I now go by Shawn in 5/6 of my classes :) Thank you so much for making your videos, they really made a difference for me, and I'm sure they have for other people too.
I really appreciate you sharing your experience, it helps a lot to hear someone go through a somewhat similar experience. I was on t for about 5 years before stopping back in 2020 also primarily due to hair loss. It's been a journey and difficult at times but it's also allowed me to learn a lot more about myself. I still think about going back on t but even though some things have changed in ways I didn't want, the changes that are permanent such as voice drop have allowed me to feel relatively okay with my body and at the moment that's enough for me. I appreciate hearing someone else discuss going off of t when you are not detransitioning as I don't see too many talking about it.
Lots of people are commenting this already but it is so lovely seeing you :), I remember watching you in middle school when I was still figuring myself out and now I’m in university and I started T last month ! How wonderful to see the amount of change that has happened for the both of us :)
You have a super chill vibe, I really enjoyed this video and your thoughts! Also relate to the hair loss anxiety as I'm AMAB
(TW: blood mention, cramping, dysphoria)
Coming from someone pre-t, who was on the implant for a year, it very well may be the implant. I was bleeding so heavily for months on it, in horrible pain from the constant cramping, and bruised very easily. The symptoms outweighed the benefits for me so I went off it.
Whatever the cause of your irregularity, I wish you luck in figuring it out, and hope you find yourself in good health soon!
I hope you’re enjoying uni! I’m starting uni in the fall and I’m super excited and super nervous :)
Kovu, thank you so much for the update. I’m in like exactly the same situation right now and this is incredibly helpful
It’s cool to see you post again! You were definitely a part of my early transition. I’m Nonbinary, 24, and i’ve now been on T for 6.5 years. I totally see where you’re coming from. I love my hair and I would definitely consider going off if I started loosing it. I’m glad to hear your journey with that is going well!
Nothing wrong with taking a break from HRT, whether that's for reflexion or to minimise certain symtoms. Good on you for listening to yourself!
I stopped T after 8-9 months back in August for some of the same reasons as you, so seeing someone else who stopped T because they were genderqueer and not detransitioning is so comforting
oh my god KOVU I remember so vividly being 16 and watching your video on how to bind, questioning my own gender and looking at your snapchat stories...🌾 I didn't follow quite a lot of people at the time but you were very sympathetic to me and helped me figuring all of this gender dysphoria. Then life went on and I eventually started T when I was 19. And now here I am AGAIN cause I'm thinking about stopping hormones for the EXACT same reason as you... I'd rather loose my passing than my hair. (Unlike you I also feel more drawn to my femininity than ever but yeah... still genderqueer). Looking for honest and kind testimonies -not just people being mad at trans people / community / "ideology", or being SO binary about their own "detransition", or weaponizing it against the lgbtq+ community-, and running into you really feels like a sign. Thank you for still sharing your story and being a source of appeasement after all those years.
You have every right to come off of T, and I really respect you and you no longer need any medicine to make you, you.
I know you well enough, as my friend, that I can say you’ve come a long way, there is nothing invalidating about this, and the gel won’t be missed, really.
Personally, the first 30 of my life was not fun, and I was balding*, got used to shaving my head.
*since I started E, I’ve been letting my hair grow, and I’m praying the hair loss can be reversed. None of these medications alter or change who I am, so what works for me is worth it, to me.
Not really a question or anything, but as someone who has been on T for over four years, I understand the identity shifting as you become more comfortable exploring your identity. Also, I’ve watched you for many years and I love seeing how much you’ve grown up
I’ve been here since maybe 2015-2016ish and it’s so nice to see you still making content! I was on T for a little over a year and got off because of the hairline thing, I’m so glad to see you’re happy!! Hope you’re doing well Kovu ❤
i vibe with your description of gender and sexuality so much. and your style too! as someone who hasn’t gone on T yet, it’s really interesting to hear your thoughts and experiences. Wishing you all the best, love from Australia! 🩷
Wow I relate so much to pretty much everything you're saying. I've never heard anyone else articulate these kinds of feelings. Thank you for sharing your experience
Thank you so much for being so open about your experiences, Kovu! It means a lot to me, to also hear from others that it's not just going on t and the rest of your life will be just perfect.😊
New viewer here, but I just want to say, I really appreciate that you mentioned how T (and now lack thereof) can affect the way that the reproductive/vulval region can change in how it exists or responds. Sorry, phrasing that was difficult. (Trying to remain sensitive to how certain words or terms can make you feel, as I only just discovered you.) I myself am a trans guy whos preT, about to turn 28.
And over all the years that Ive been watching and reading other trans men and transmasc people, Ive yet to really hear a solid mention of changes in "self lubrication" or hydration or that sort of thing. Obviously, theres tons out there on bottom growth. But I really appreciate that you werent afraid to mention the uh, the "wet". (I myself struggle immensely with my female bits, which also makes phrasing difficult for me.)
But yeah, all that to say, fantastic video. Thank you so much for making it, Im glad it popped up on my suggested. 🙂
You see a lot more of those "explicit" conversations on Reddit tbh. My lubrication got better on T, but the tissues are more fragile, so it's like the wetness doesn't do it's job as effectively? I always preferred to use lubricants, even beforehand, just to avoid discomfort.
But yeah, largely, estrogen-dependent tissue is going to struggle no longer having its hormone of choice.
i used to watch your videos when i was just starting to question my gender and today i had my first appointment with a psychologist to get diagnosed with gender dysphoria! hopefully i'll get a referral soon :) thanks for being to open and informative, it's a joy to learn about your experiences :)
Considering doing similar for similar reasons. Interested to see how it goes! Thank you for the updates. Been watching your channel since 2017.
Thank you very very much! 🙏 After many hours looking after videos with that content ( stop testosterone after several years and feeling (more) trans masculine, not with the goal of detransition, just stoping T what ever reason it may be) I ‘m finally so happy and grateful to have found your video. I hope hope very much you will continue posting regarding your experience; feelings and changements without Testosterone. And of course: I wish you sincerely all the best, to be happy and feeling yourself along your journey with what ever decision you may make. Thank you so much for being that brave and putting you out there with your story; your privacy, your life and helping many people out there not feeling alone and sharing about that particular subject, stoping testosterone feeling trans masculine ( hope I took the right word to describe), without really wanting a detransition / become more feminine, but just traying to accept / to get along with the changes may come without T and being, loving yourself whatever it my look from the outside, regardless if the appearance is congruent with your inside feeling regarding more masculine or feminine. All the best, kindest regards,Mo
glad you left this last lil bit at the end of the video. this "boyfriend 👀" made my evening)
also nice to see you here. been missing you
Good to see you again ^^ remember being in my mid-teens and in high school when I discovered you - now 22. Wishing you the best transition into this new period of your life!
Watch out for mental health issues with the implant, made me feel robotic and hollow inside but it grew over a long time and I didn’t realise it wasn’t trauma. Got it taken out and felt like breathing fresh air xx (also I love your channel and thanks for being you!)
If ever you want to go back on T and keep your hair, there's always the option to go on finasteride. Happy to see you thrive, fellow androgynous transmasc!
Yes I have heard of that one! Definitely will consider it, and thank you so much!😁
@@Kovukingsrod Yes I was going to say this. I'm trans masc and my hairline started receding too. I'm now on minoxidil (tablet form) and finasteride and have had great experiences. I'm happy to chat with you about it if you ever need x
@@haydenmoon7273 hey there, i know your message was for kovu but I´d also be happy to chat about that with someone who has already made xperiences. I occasionally take minoxidil in form of a spray and i heard a lot about finasteride but I´m quiet worried about side effects and i don´t even know if this is a thing in my country ...
Not every Male loses their hair it just depends on genetics I'm 65 in August and IV still got all mine
the best english to understand for non-natives ever 😍
Thanks for sharing your experience! I stopped taking T a little over a year ago, after taking it for 3 years, for the same reason (and also facial hair giving me cystic acne and the itchiness of the very, very few visible prickly hairs that I had sent me into sensory overload.) I have a very similar face shape and forehead to yours, and I was starting to have intense body dysphoria and anxiety about the hair thinning.
The harassment you mention at the end is exactly why I'm scared of presenting the way I want. I'd like to wear more colorful/flamboyant clothing, like I used to do pre-transition (I was into J-fashion and had colorful hair.) I have long hair again, and people automatically assume I'm a girl or a very androgynous 16-year-old boy (I'm turning 40 this year, LOL.) And on the phone it's always "Sir" unless they know my gender marker is X and educated enough to use "Mx.", so when I show up to an appointment sometimes, the person who previously talked to me on the phone is very confused.
People are constantly in shock/confused when I start talking which gives me very intense anxiety, I feel super hypervigilant, especially since I live in a sketchy neighborhood with unfortunately lots of transphobic religious communities around. (3-4 different ones on top of all the conservative people who don't know anything about being trans and non-binary.) RIP💀 I'm severely chronically ill, so at least I'm not forced to go outside, but it has literally turned me into a complete shut-in.
Aw kovu we're both grown up now! I last saw you when i was tiny and thought i was binary. You look really happy and comfortable with yourself, support whatever you choose to do. Transition is not linear. Thanks for sharing and good luck!! ❤
I haven’t seen you since I was 17 and very much trying to figure myself out. I can’t believe it’s been 6 years already. Good to see you’re still active!
I stopped T after 3 years as well, the only thing I dislike about my body now is my femininely shaped face. It takes a few months for the E to kick back in, but I’m happy with my decision!
Hello mate have you thought about finasteride? I have a friend who’s not trans he’s cis but he started experiencing hair loss at like 18 and he’s now 21 and he’s on finasteride and it seems to have stopped the hair loss really well. I assume trans guys can take it as well?
Holy shit- good to see you on my recommended again after a long while! :) All the other commenters are mentioning having watched you for a long time, and I'm going to jump onto that train. Little me from 4-ish years ago got a lot of comfort form your old videos, and I still really appreciate them.
ive been a subscriber of your channel since i was 13, i'm 20 now and you still help me to come to terms with my own ongoing gender struggles. 7 years later i still have no clue who exactly i am and what label i feel most comfortable with, so ive just kind of taken to calling myself queer or genderqueer because it doesnt feel too specific but still encapsulates my experience of being "different" (in terms of gender identity experience). thank you for sharing your story, it is wayyy way more impactful than you may think and it genuinely helps so much
i’ve been watching you since like?? early high school!? damm it’s been awhile. and to join with the others… 22 now myself!
As a fellow Norwegian I have been watching you for 5 years now and I’m finally starting T in about 6 months !!!!
Omd I remember your "100 ways to come out"-video! Nice to see you for a long time
I'm completely new to your channel, but I'm glad to be here!
I'm non-binary transmasc and early in my transition but going to possibly try going on T because my voice gives me dysphoria, but I don't mind keeping my feminine frame minus my chest which luckily I'm in the process of getting surgery for. So going on T temporarily for the voice change is likely what I'll go for but I'm likely predisposed to balding from the looks of my 48 or so old dad. So to hear a bit about the side effects that come with going off, is definitely something I was more than glad to come across!
For me, I'm attempting to get my ovaries and other internal female organs removed, so I'm hoping maybe I can go on a mix of both hormones or something, either way I know taking estrogen once my voice drops is something I'm fine with since you still need a primary hormone so you don't fall apart lol
oh geez i think the last time i watched your videos was when i was around 15? i remember when you got 100k subscribers. i'm 21 now, so it's been a while -- you look good, man!!
Thank you for this representation, it’s so important for all trans people to know that there’s NO shame in your gender continuing to evolve throughout your lifetime. This is so refreshing vs the negativity associated with “detransitioners” whose words are co-opted by transphobes
I haven't seen you in a while! We started T only one month apart and I just stopped T in january mainly because of my hairline. I find this coincidence quite funny :D
I related to this so much. I also recently stopped taking t after 5 years because it raised my blood pressure and hemoglobin too much. I had to focus on lowering my cholesterol too bc of genetic factors and it was just too much all at once. It wasn’t too hard stopping the t because I stopped getting anything from it. I relate to your feelings on gender. People who matter to me use my name and pronouns and I look androgynous. I’ve been told I look like a pretty boy which I love lol. I haven’t noticed anything feminine except my monthly is finely regular again after it stopped for a year then became crazy irregular and long. Now it’s just a couple days every month versus weeks long and random. 😊❤️
Yeah, the only reason I'd stop T is if I ended up getting serious health problems. Once I finish getting the changes I want & a uterine ablation, I mayyyyyy stop using it? But IDK... One benefit is that it makes my joints more stable & it would suck to go back to where I was.
Hey dude I just wanted to say I've been seriously thinking of going off T for exactly the same reasons and how you feel is exactly how I feel right now. We are also the same age and went to the same uni! Crazy. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for this video it's making me feel better about my decision though I'm still brickin it
I havent seen you since I first came out (12). I've been on my own journey, been prescribed T since August 2023. I am 5 days from being 18 years old.
I really appreciate the openness and honesty!! It's very interesting to hear the perspective/experience, and it can help clear up some confusion at least for me.
amazing to see this on my feed just as I've made the decision to finally pursue medical transition for myself - glad to see you doing well and fingers crossed for that hairline!
As an androgynous binary queer trans guy... we need to normalize trans men going off T
Yeah, especially if someone JUST wants the permanent changes like facial or body hair, voice drop, & bottom growth. There's no need for every single trans man to be on T permanently in order to be legitimate.
I'm glad to see you again. You look in good shape. Thank you very much for your video, it’s always a pleasure to hear from you. Bye See you soon.
Thank you so much for your comment, I’m doing very well thanks, hope you are too!
i was on t for around the same time as you (~6 years) and came off t about 4 years ago c: i still identify as a man, and i didnt really wanna get off t haha but i decided to try it while i still had access to it in case i really regretted it quick. I had to move countried and getting on t where i live now takes way too long so i would be off t for a while anyways by the time i moved.
I did get off t "cold turkey" (i of course informed my endo, who was always very supportive), so i had a lot of sudden changes in a few months. Weight redistribution and weight gain was the biggest thing, and periods and such was another. It took a while to get to the point where i got dysphoric tho.
After a few years i stabilized, and i dont look super different than i did when i was on t. I miss t, and i want it back lol but i am super busy at the mpment and i dont want the added stress of going about getting it prescribed here.
I am actually more muscular than i ever was on t because i am in a much stable place in my life so i am able to take care of myself better, so i eat and workout more consistently! so in a way i look more masculine now than i ever did on t, specially as i always had fat depositing itself naturally on my butt and hips, even on t.
So hopefully not much changes for you either c: specially since you went about getting off t more gradually than i did, so my hormones took a while to adjust.
cheers!
i also stopped T to avoid hair loss and i'm really happy with my decision
literally just checked out your insta for the first time after having watched you since you like first came out and now you posted!! crazy honestly haha! lovely video and Im happy you posted again!!
I am also gender fluid and im honestly still on the fence about starting hormones. I've still got a while to think about it though, ive just turned 18 and I don't want to make the decision on hormone therapy right now since my mental and physical health is very fragile atm, I feel like introducing something like that could potentially make things worse ;^^
Very proud of you for finding yourself though! Hopefully taking a break from T will allow you some peace while you decide what you want to do henceforth :] deciding to stop T indefinitely is ok too! best of luck :>
I went off T about 6 months ago, I haven’t gotten my period back which I’m really glad about, (im enby) but I’m also not sure if and when I want to start taking a low dose again, I definitely noticed that I became more emotional again which I was very glad about because I felt really numb a lot of the time on t. I think that’s my most importantreason for wanting to stay off it or go on a low dose.
have you considered going on finasteride in addition to testosterone? It should stop or at least slow down your hair loss, but it likely won't lead to a lot growing back
i relate kinda to what you said at the end.. i mean i used to force myself into being binary? but even when i felt like i was a trans boy some masculine terms kinda “bothered” but then being referred to as a girl or feminine terms made me rlly dysphoric.. i even told myself im lying abt being trans but thankfully ive accepted that im just not binary and its okayyy.. like yes im transmasc but that doesnt mean im binary
i also see ppl making similar comments so im gonna do that too.. i used to watch ur videos when i was 13-14 and now im 20 😭
Holy shit, hearing you spesk Norwegian at the end was so surprising!
Omg completely felt on the part where you talked about being qu33r in every way. I went through the exact same process of transman to "call me whatever you want (but ideally see me as who I am), idc about being binary I'm just trying to vibe." I went from he/him>he/they>they/he>they/them over the span of a couple years. Totally agree on how being called "they" originally felt invalidating to my masculinity, and I do miss the aspect of being acknowledge as,, idk, a man in some aspect? Which tbh is why I kept he in my pronouns for so long lol. I like the neutrality about it even though I don't feel it fully encapsulates my identity
awesome to see an upload from you, especially with this topic! sometimes i think about the idea of going on testosterone but i don't think id want to stay on it forever (or even if my body would tolerate HRT forever), and there aren't many video like this. most video are about starting HRT and not stopping it, and videos about stopping HRT are usually from the perspective of someone who's detransitioning, so it's really great to see a new perspective on it from someone who's trans!
on a different note, i've been watching your videos for i think 10 years, now i'm 20, seeing a new upload from you always makes me happy :) i hope youre doing well! i'm also so happy for you embracing being genderqueer, it's kind of comforting since i've recently embraced being genderfluid/genderqueer and your videos were such a comfort to me in middle and high school all those years ago. my dysphoria was/is pretty intense so i was really limiting myself to being only trans masc and how i could present, it gives me hope that you can also embrace being genderqueer and find happiness too
Omg!!!! Still as relatable as ever, and it's so nice to hear from yoir experiences again! I used to watch your videos whilst questioning my gender about 6 years ago, what a throwback 😂
I'm really happy to have an update ;)
Hey Kovu, I'm glad you still update us. Like many of the comments it's been nice seeing your journey alongside the development of my own from when I found your channel when I was 12 to now being 18 :)
Have you looked into going on finasteride and/or derma stamping and using a rosemary/castor oil mix? I believe rosemary oil has the same effect as 2% minoxidl but would be much gentler on your skin.
I hope all goes well with being off testosterone and with uni!
I would definitely recommend rosemary oil for hair loss/regrowth. I believe there was a study done on men comparing minoxidil and rosemary oil.
Hey! I'm another of the people who watched you when they were young, and came to check up.
Just a couple of things I know that could help you out, trans women have an insane amount of resources on how to deal with hair loss, so maybe ask around on their reddits to see if anyone knows some minoxidil alternatives. I also kind of, have a complicated history with they/them pronouns, I still feel misgendered when people use them. I do really fuck with exclusively fellow queer people using he/it for me.
I could finally start T 3 months ago, and I'm getting top surgery next year December. It's so interesting to see how we've both changed, I was also insanely dysphoric back then but presenting very masculine somehow made it worse (Just being hyper aware of how different I looked from cis men presenting in the same way, so I was very much leaning like, at the time, demi-boy nonbinary trans masc vibes. As time went on I started to feel more and more comfortable in myself and how binary I am, and I've ended up being very comfortable as a kind of "genderqueer ftm transexual" situation, I don't really vibe with trans man, being trans just describes the process I went through to be myself.
Hey Kovu, thanks for sharing your experience with us ❤ miss your uploads
Also sorry another question as a trans guy 9 months on t and worried about hair loss. If you went of but took hormone blockers instead would that help with not getting the “females changes” as well as stop receding the hairline? I’m curious, as if so that’s definitely the route I would feel the need to go through as I think coming of would bring me a large amount of anxiety
Jackson Bird mentioned being on Finasteride for a while - IDK if he's still on it. His changes slowed down a lot, but nothing went backwards, if that makes sense.
Kovu!! I just wanted to thank you for the videos you've made. I started watching your content at about 13 years old and I am now 18. You've really helped me to better understand myself and accept what I feel. I've realised that it's OK and it's not shameful to be trans and to want to transition. Sadly, I still can't start my transition due to the laws in my country, but I can at least be somewhat at peace with my own mind.❤❤❤
I'm sorry about the harassment, keep safe! Praying all is well friend
Just a little tip, wearing hats too often does contribute to hair loss. Any tight band around the head will limit blood flow to the scalp. If you wear hats everyday, get a good hair oil and shampoo brush and massage the scalp with the brush and oil on the days you wear hats. (Sorry for the unsolicited advice lol)
yay, a new kovu video !!
I totally get this. I’m on t currently but I know I’ll have bouts where I might come off it and go back on. I’m masc-flux and that’s what works for me. The hairline is def a thing. Also I do injections and needle fatigue is a thing. You’re still always valid and loved and supported!!! ❤
I'm so sorry to hear about the needle fatigue. I use exclusively gel because the fluctuations of a shot regimen aren't healthy for me [likely to trigger Bipolar just like my monthly Estrogen cycle did], so... IDK if you ever wanna switch to gel, but it's definitely not too inconvenient! The most annoying thing is that I wear a tattoo cover-up sleeve to protect my cat from getting exposed & I HATE WASHING IT. 😭
Thank you for this Video :) been thinking of going off T due to my immune system getting to critical levels, in hopes that it will recover again, but I also don't want to loose the changes T brought me. So, my question is, did you have troubles with getting sick a lot on T and did you notice your immune system getting better the last 3 months? Also, second question: even if you go off T, facial hair still grows as usual, right? Or does it stop growing?
Mx. Morphling went off T a year ago because they're genderfluid & they still seem to grow facial hair regularly.
Also, I didn't notice any serious issues w/ T & my immune system! I have Psoriasis but it hasn't spread [or improved] since starting & the only difference in my allergies is that I'm more prone to post-nasal drip than I was before.
very interesting to here about some changes! I feel like being on T has made me feel more open about my gender expression. was that something you experienced aswell?
also its crazy for me to realize how I've seen your journey on T from the beginning. Back then i could only wish to be on testosterone and now I'm 1 year on T lol
Yes definitely! It made me feel so much more confident and comfortable and free to express myself in ways that made me feel dysphoric before.
And wow that’s so long! Thank you for sticking around and for giving me that update, that really means a lot, and I’m so so happy everything worked out well for you :’)
First video of yours I've seen--youtube just randomly recommended it to me. I've been on a low dose of T for almost six weeks and hair loss has definitely been a huge concern for me. You mentioned minoxidil in the video, but I'm wondering if you took finasteride at any point? I brought up hair loss and started finasteride right away along with T, which might be slowing my transition, but I'm hoping it'll also help me keep my hair. I've also thought that a receding hairline would be enough for me to stop T
I remember watching you when i was a preteen and figuring out I was trans, im out of highschool now man, I hope everything gets well for you!
lol i’m also on lexapro and testosterone (tho i’m still on it)! i identify a lot with the way you seem to experience gender. i’ve recently started identifying as agender because i really don’t feel strongly tied to any gender. but i still prefer he/him pronouns because oddly they feel the most neutral to me! but like you i’m warming to the idea of they/them! i also love what you said about being queer in sexuality and gender and everything. same here and i love it :) i love seeing these updates :)
Omg i haven't seen your vids in years im 20 now and im so happy you're okay i hope your journey goes well im still working on mine i don't really know where i am in my identity journey
Last time I saw you, you graduated from high school. Wow, you've grown up! You look so good now! You're rocking your queerness!
So interesting that as I’ve watched you over the years we’ve basically been on the same gender journey, ftm to nonbinary pipeline? Idk but congrats! I guess there are a few differences like me not having access to T or hormones for medical negligence reasons and finding out I’m intersex. Anyways it’s nice to see ur videos again
Hi Kovu, thank you for this video, it was really helpful! If you have the time to answer and are comfortable sharing: How did you talk to your doctor about wanting to go off T (for the moment)? Was there resistance on the doctors side or did they accept your wishes?
Time to get Bosley. I think it's good to get off T once your voice drops for this very reason. Sometimes cis guys use estrogen to stop hair loss. I have a nonbinary friend from Italy who doesn't want to transition but they have been thinking about using estrogen to get their hair back. It might be too far gone for them. Their hair is so receded that it looks like a yamaka.
It doesn't happen for everyone though it's typically a risk if it runs in your family but for a lot of trans guys, going off of T just isn't an option, it'd cause a lot of dysphoria. Some trans guys also learn to embrace it, like Alex Bertie, and that's fine, everyone is different. We can support people not going on T, we can support people who go on and then go off for whatever reason, we can support people who go on and off a few times, and we can support people who stay on it for the rest of their life, everyone's journey is different
Thank you so much for this video! Please do another update in the future.
I've been off of T for some time too, and something I worry more and more about is permanently looking young. I'm 23 but look 18. It bothers me quite a bit. Is this something you worry about at all?
Hello there! Good to see you again!
I agree, more hair would be nice, I went partially bald once I started T. I was hoping for a few more years before I had to start wearing hats to not get a sunburned noggin lol
I'll try not to get too graphic, but yeah, atrophy and dryness can be VERY painful. I couldn't even walk without feeling like something was pulling my hooha out. I've had a hysto/oophorectomy, plus I had PCOS though, that could make a big difference. I have an estradiol pill I put up there once a week, and that helps (once I fought the doctor for it. They thought they couldn't give me both kinds of hormones or one would cancel the other out. It didn't for me, ymmv)
Boyfriend is cute and accepting, awesome 😊
Kovu!! It's been so long since i've seen you pop up on youtube. I just wanted to thank you for documenting your transition and journey with your gender identity for all these years. It's really helped me come to terms with and even be more confident with my identity. Wish you all the best with uni!!
I’m also nonbinary and love looking androgynous (I like being read more as a guy but on the androgynous side) so the idea of losing my hair was terrifying to me. Ive always had thin hair but didn’t think it would happen so soon.
I decided to come off T for 2 years in hopes it would help my hair regrow / slow the process. the top was so thin and I ended up wearing hats / bandanas all the time 🥲 never thought id ever come off T after being on for 5 years.
But after some time I started noticing my body was becoming more feminine again, not majorly but my weight, hips, butt, chest (I had top surgery but excess fat at the sides were bigger and my face was rounder, and voice was a little softer, so I ended up going back on T because I was becoming more dysphoric again. Being back on T made all these things go down again. But it made me realise what was more important to me, the idea of having hair or my body feminising again. Of course I wish I had hair, but I also realised that it’s just hair and it happens to people. Doesn’t make you any less attractive or androgynous or feminine.
I decided to embrace balding. Ended up shaving my head and getting a sick head tattoo and I get complimented a lot on it :)
I’m so glad I had this journey. I still look like an androgynous twink lol despite being a baldy now but I think it’s defo necessary to consider coming off when you feel you need a break. It gives you time to connect with what is making you comfortable and uncomfortable.
Your hair looks a lot fuller and thicker than mine did though so you may actually be catching it at a good time where it can regrow! Love to see these updates because I feel like it’s normalising coming off T, whether that be forever or jsut for the time being.
You seem a lot happier in yourself with your own identity and gender expression, it’s good to reflect , change and grow. Unfortunately people will question or criticise trans people exploring when it’s not binary or typical transition, but it’s what makes you happy! :)
i will say-- i'm also struggling a lot with hairline receding. been on T 4 years ish? minoxidil isn't known for being good for receding hairline because it doesn't do anything for blocking DHT- the main perpetrator of the loss from my research. a lot of people use finasteride(DHT blocker) in combo with their T to counteract this, but it can also cause "demasculinizing" effects, like restarting cycle and fat distribution. not a fan of those, so, what i've started which has already been helping me noticeably is rosemary oil. it's a natural localized DHT blocker so it doesn't mess with any hormones in your system- just the ones on your scalp :D i use it in combo with minoxidil but i think it's probably useful without it;
also really connect to the leaning into maybe a queer/ less binary identity. i've struggled with they/them pronouns for myself for the same reason, i think i'm more in line with a bigender sort of thing that's been difficult to accept cuz, maybe some internalized transphobia sticking to me still (i was raised in florida so adhering to a binary was a very strong matter of safety and also comforting to my severe dysphoria even tho i've always really loved androgyny) but yeah!!! gender is funky and cool and mailable no longer how long you've been out as something as and it's weird to remember that
Loving the Welsh flag in the background ❤ love from Wales
Do doctors where you live, if they’re easily accessible, offer finasteride or dutasteride for hairline/ hair loss? I’ve seen good results in trans girls as far as it reversing hair loss and lowering hairlines slightly. I’ve also heard of trans guys taking it the entire time they’re on T if hair loss runs in the family, or non binary people taking it to not grow facial hair I think. Lots of transition uses.
I didn’t realise it had that many uses! I’ll definitely look into it more and might ask about it at my doctor’s appt tomorrow, thanks so much for the tip!
Hey, minoxidil will grow hair back (at least for me)
minoxidil is extremely toxic to cats so not everybody can use it unfortunately
In the video he said he tried that and that it made his skin super irritated
@@ylla_ yes, it does that to me too, still worked- i think it might just be normal and the alcohol in it. For me it went away again after like 1h