im a hetero trans guy 38 yrs old. i had top surgery and had partial hysto this year. top surgery back in 2007. but never went on T. i felt i never needed it and i never cared about body/facial hair either. i never had an issue passing as a male thankfully. my voice is naturally deep and people just think im a 19 year old kid still lol. its personal decision. i know couple trans guys that never went on T too. just had top surgery or hysto or both.
@@oblongfan1Wow, that's pretty cool..I have very high voice naturally, and also I'm short and thin. People assume I'm 12 years old, even though I'm almost 19. I have very feminine appearance, so I doubt that I can pass even with HRT :(
full support but as a biologist I wanted to send some info your way. body shape/fat distribution/muscle development are NOT permanent changes and will gradually shift back. muscle mass tends to drop off pretty significantly in the first year with the maximum effect around 4 years. fat distribution is slower but it will likely be noticeable by a year as well. also as you mentioned, facial hair (and body hair) will become less coarse and fast growing over time. if you're okay with that or just wanna try it out that's totally fine, just wanted you to know.
@@nalei9997 Pretty sure he already knows that and explained that? Most people on HRT know the effects of going on and off of it, especially for someone like Ashton who is already so educated on physical transition.
I may be misinterpreting but it sounded to be me like he was listing body shape and muscle growth as permanent effects of testosterone. Not trying to condescend here
@@9GORGON9 He mentioned potential shift in muscle but not really fat redistribution. It might just be an error but to me it did should like he said that fat redistribution is a permanent change on T.
15:37 as a transfem I feel the opposite. Not being able to feel sad when I knew I should made me feel worse than the issues. Now on E I just feel like I'm seeing in colour for the first time. I'm dealing with emotions before they become a nightmare
T MAKES YOU FEEL LESS SAD? I havent watched the video yet but I am already a very non empathetic person (I care about others I just never feel the feeling) so emphasising that even more about myself could be cool. I'm glad you're feeling better now though!
@chrono4998 in my experience feeling less sad is not a guaranteed effect of T. ashton says in the video he "felt emotions the same way the whole time, but testosterone just makes it harder physically for you to cry" & that was my experience as well. i definitely relate to op in that going on hrt made me more mentally/emotionally healthy, but everyone's experience is different so what happens to one person may not happen for you or at least not to the same degree or in the same time frame. hope this helps!
@chrono4998 Different people experience different things! Some people don't feel any changes emotionally, others feel less sad/experience less crying even when sad, and others get MORE sad. Often times it's in the grey area when your body's wacked out and not hormonally balanced but it can be a long lasting change too
When I didn’t feel sadness I went straight to irritation or anger towards myself. Getting off T I can process my emotions way better. I totally get what transwomen say by E opening up the water gates, seeing color for the first time, and being able to process emotions before they become a nightmare. I was more into substance abuse on T. I couldn’t express myself but not everyone will be like me i am neurodivergent. And I was very aesthetics about T, once I got my changes and top surgery- I didn’t like the acne or the hair loss so I was only on it 3.5 years. I also wanted kids and didn’t want a hysto. Periods do suck but whatever. I can pass as female or male whenever I want to. My voice is male passing but also lesbian butch at the same time if I try bc I have inflection. My gender identity is nonexistent. I identify as a spiritual being having a human experience for the time being.
It's already "normal". What even is "normal"? We just need a mindset that different people need very different types of transition, sometimes unexpected. Expect the unexpected.
what the hell does this sentence mean? for binary trans people transitioning is binary you're literally just saying word salad nonsense at this stage. whether or not someone can access transitioning is one thing but for the love of God let binary trans people be binary. its transphobic to call binary trans people anything but what they are which is why we now have 'allies' thinking calling trans people their assigned gender at birth is somehow 'gender affirming'
I think transmasculine people are warned off taking T or staying on T a lot as it is maybe just normalize taking your transition into your own hands and being informed.
personally im trying to bald. i probably wont until im old cuz nobody in my family started losing hair until like 60. but i want that hugo weaving hairline. that julian sands in his 40s hairline. the kind of hairline they just dont make anymore. when im 50 i NEED to look like michel foucault or i might as well not be 50. bald revivalism. bald love. bald future.
I've been in a similar boat. I medically transitioned about 11 years ago but for a few years I went off T due to possible health concerns (turned out I didn't need to be concerned), and it did not effect my life basically... at all lol I still continued to pass 100% of the time, nothing changed outwardly except my skin got softer, I had a little more curves (I'm naturally not very curvy so even then it barely changed), and my voice got very slightly softer. Other than that? Eh. I'm considering going off T again because it's just easier and less to worry about. I do like its effects for working out, it definitely makes exercise easier and I have a condition where I need to stay fit if I don't wanna be in debilitating pain, but I think I could still manage without. (Also I still get periods even after 10+ years of T, my doctors doesn't know how it's physically possible lmao, guess I'm just "lucky".) It's so bonkers that people count people like us in their "detransitioner" statistics even though we're still the same as before.
The period thing has to do with how much you’re getting your t levels not impact you. But for you to still get them it would be in part because you’re not on t as much
@Bubba.mitchell4603 I started T again almost four years ago, my T levels are that of the average cis man's. I'm also intersex and my doctor suspects that could be why I still get them because with my current levels there's no way I should still be getting them.
i'm glad we're having these conversations especially because there's a weird expectation that transition has to mean something to the eyes of The World when ... it really isn't about that at all. it's all about what you want. i can definitely see a future for myself, as a binary trans man, where i don't stay on testosterone after a few years, or i simply stay on a very low dose for the foreseeable future. masculinity and femininity are absolutely whatever you want them to be and there's no less "transition" to it if you don't need it to feel right in your own skin yk
Cool. Support. My dear friend Liam went off T *twice* to have kids. Recently he passed he was only 36 (cuz of serious health problems from diabetes) and that part is tragic but the first part was amazing we were all so proud of him. He did a lot of amazing things in his life. Absolutely do whats right for oneself.
Definitely. Funnily enough, I found it all perfectly fine, even though I've never heard of this way before. I'm a young trans woman, not even 3 years from egg cracking, and I'm pleased with myself for having the instinct of no longer getting shocked, but pleased for people making unexpected decisions that are right for them.
Well hi, I'm so much earlier than I usually am. I just wanted to say that I've been watching you since your first few months on T and I'm just really glad you made this video. I am now almost a year and two months on T, and once i get to a certain point in my transition, I plan to stop T. Thank you for all of your informative and fun videos! Your content was something that got me through the rough patches before I was able to start Testosterone. If any of you are still struggling with that wait to start hormones I just want to let you know that it gets better, just wait, as much as it sucks to wait, just wait. It will be so worth it. Best wishes to you all
I recently started T (about 8 weeks ago) and my plan is to stay on it until I get the particular changes I'm interested in and then stop (probably 6 months). I'm genderqueer and I don't feel like looking or presenting as a binary gender, plus it's scary knowing it could be taken from me at any time and choosing to stop feels like being more in control. Thanks for sharing your journey with this, it's been super helpful!
choosing when u stop definitely is helpful w/ feeling in control, i can totally understand that. thank u for sharing too, i hope it all goes as well as possible for you!
Regarding muscle loss, I'm a trans woman and a rock climber, on estrogen and T blockers for almost five months. I don't know what would have happened to strength if I had stopped exercise, but I've only noticed a decrease in muscle *mass*--my arms are a bit thinner, but otherwise continuing my routine has really retained more than I expected. My burst strength isn't where it was, but general strength and endurance haven't changed. I don't know if this apply to you, but thought I'd offer the perspective.
I went off t after 5 years for similar reasons (mainly hair loss, shot scar tissue buildup, and curiosity). It's been 4 years now and I've been happy with my choice. Some things I experienced I wasn't expecting were a big increase in sensitivity both mentally and physically. I can cry now and I cry a lot, it also feels better and more cathartic to cry. I experienced a lot of tenderness and soreness after going off T and I think it increased the sensations of pain, cold, discomfort, etc. My sex drive tanked and what interested me sexually changed quite a bit. It's also harder to orgasm now. I had a shift in my identity since socially I began being read very androgynously and was often read as a trans woman. After a couple years of living in this new social role it kind of shifted my own identity more in the nonbinary direction. I also experienced an unexpected return of some amount of dysphoria but it's been much more manageable with just mental strategies like acceptance and mindfulness than when I was pre-t. Overall I've had a positive experience with being off hormones, and the benefits have continued to outweigh the cons for me thus far. It's nice not having to remember to do a weekly shot and I appreciate that I stopped losing my hair.
it's so interesting to hear abt how people's perception of you influenced ur identity! i'm glad the dysphoria's been manageable for you, thank you for sharing all of this :)
@graveyardpansy I'm glad it was helpful to read! I continued to identify as a trans man for a while after stopping hormones but I was also exploring more feminine gender presentations sometimes and then at some point I realized that people weren't consistently percieving me as a man the way they had when I was on T and I was getting all kinds of different reads from people thinking I was a cis man, cis woman, ftm, or mtf. I mean I know I could still identify as a man regardless of how other people percieve me, but I found that the fact I confused people didn't really bother me. I was also just really tired of caring about and managing other people's perception of me and trying to convince people the validity of my transness. Now I usually just say I don't care how people percieve me and I also don't care what pronouns people use. I regularly get all three he/they/she. Although people close to me like my family and partner still use he/him because they know that's what I prefer, it no longer bothers me if other people use she. It's been really freeing tbh. Definetly not what I expected at the beginning of my transition but that was 14 years ago. Anyway the point is everyone has their own unique experience with transition and I think it's important to normalize "nontraditional" paths and narratives. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and continuing to follow what feels right for you!
I'm curious about what you mean wrt scar tissue buildup, since I've been and still am on several meds which I inject into my stomach (including T) and I haven't experienced anything like that.
@@morreiy I experienced a sort of hardness and lumps under the skin in my thighs and stomach where I would do my injections that wouldn't go away. Over time it became harder and harder to inject because it was hard under the skin. I did subQ injections so I think it was related to how the T would sort of sit under the skin in a lump and the scar tissue would form around that, not just about where the needle would go in. I also have hEDS which I think is relevant since that can sometimes affect how things heal.
as an autistic person i just love you saying "change is beautiful, change is normal and fun. And it's good to have things change sometimes" at 1:58 thehehee
I also went off T somewhat recently! I was originally having health problems and planned to taper off of it. Also, due to so much anti trans panic the clinic I was seeing was forced to close. We were running out of recourses and I eventually just had to completely stop. It was rough at first but now that I’ve been off of it almost a year I don’t feel like I need it as much anymore. I’m happy with all the changes I got on it and that’s enough for me right now. Thank you for sharing your experience and I wish everyone luck with their Hrt and transition journeys, no matter what that looks like for you!
your videos are LITERALLY a life saver. gathering info and experiences about nonbinary masc people let alone also autistic is way harder than it should be. youre doing gods work fr
Nice to hear you talking about your experiences/reasons for going off T! Always happy to see you upload ✨️ Unrelated: It's funny when people say that T makes you aggressive and unstable, when it has actively made me *less* so, and being off for over a month after being on for four years (and noticing the difference) has proven that once and for all. Anecdotal, of course, so take that with a grain of salt 😅
The second part of your comment is what makes me nervous about eventually getting off T. I'm NB and I definitely don't want to be on T forever but I very much like the levelheadedness it gives me.
@@inuendo6365I'm in the same boat! I'm about 75% trans guy & 25% nonbinary, so going off of T was always part of my plan, but being on it... Just makes my brain feel better. It's going to be a bumpy ride whenever I feel like I've gotten enough of the changes I wanted from HRT.
So glad for this video. I'm genderqueer/agender/masc-ish/whatever and got on T at 18, was on it for almost 2 years, got off it for a year for health reasons, and am considering starting it again sometime soon. Gender is a journey, not a destination, especially for people more in the mushy center of everything. Also - slight tangent, but I've been on heavy psych meds since early adolescence. I got out of institutionalization at 18 and have dealt with pretty much every side effect both biological and more kind of existential. I'm kind of in the process of putting language to lived experience and reading up on anti-psychiatry. I'm trying to untangle that shit from my mind, and have titrated off of everything. I got my Autism Dx inpatient + PTSD and it's clear that that is what all the other diagnoses were trying to drug away and instead nearly killing me (twice) (serotonin syndrome.) The intersections of disability and transness and the politics of psychiatry -- the way you are only allowed to call "mutilation" (transition) creation if you are treating an ailment -- are both fascinating and deeply frustrating. Anyway, I really enjoy your videos!
kinda random but if you end up going off duloxetine, make sure you do a lot of research and go really slowly. doctors and psychiatrists don't always understand how slowly you have to wean off of it to not get like awful withdrawals. i have a friend who went off it for like a week and now has akathisia which for them is lifelong and untreatable, and their doctors/psychiatrists never warned them about anything with it. you might already know this stuff, i just wanted to make sure i put it out there just in case! also i recently also went off t after being on it for a few years and it's going really well! i will say for me the acne got really bad a few weeks after stopping, like i was 14 again lol. it's cool to see someone else stopping because it's been a little weird to explain to people :)
I definitely get what you mean by not wanting to be on antidepressants for political reasons! I’m currently on psych meds because I have extreme suicidal ideation without them. But there is political issues with forced treatment of mentally ill/mad people and our consent not being respected. Same with people with visible intellectual and developmental disabilities. And congrats on stopping hormones! Hope it does what you want it to for your body!
glad u get what i mean !! definitely seems like we are thinking along the same lines. that’s a part of why im concerned abt going off them, i had really severe depression pre-medication but it’s so difficult to parse how much of my recovery has been due to meds and how much has been other assorted things. thank u
huh this is interesting to me bc i had to fight for adhd meds and am happily on them now bc they work for me... forced treatment feels separate to asking for them bc you need them, but it sounds like an interesting subject even if i don't get it atm!
@ just to preface this, I’m a survivor of psychiatristic institutionalization (fortunately short term) and am approaching this convention from the perspective of a radical psychiatic abolitionist. You’re approaching this discussion in good faith so I’m trying to explain my values and thought processes, but a TH-cam comment section doesn’t leave room for the nuance this subject requires. But that being said not having access to psychiatric medications and treatments you want and need and being forced into meds and treatments that are harming your or you don’t consent to are two sides of the same coin. They both stem from the same attitudes about madness and mad people being unable to make our own decisions because we are “crazy” or “unstable”. Along with this is the belief that only the psychiatric system can decide what treatment someone gets or has access to. So forcing a person to take antipsychotic medication even though they don’t consent to taking it because it doesn’t help or has severe side effects and denying a person stimulates because the person appears “fine” and doesn’t know what they need come from the same place. Not valuing the autonomy of mentally ill and mad people and assuming they are the only ones who know what we need. And that we need to be controlled “for our own good” .I believe in everyone having access to medical treatment that would help them AND that people shouldn’t be forced into medical treatment they don’t want, even if there are significant consequences to not doing the treatment. Psychiatry is just the gatekeeper of treatment not the giver of it.
@debesys6306 sorry forgot to directly reply under your comment but my thoughts about what you said. (I’m not disagreeing necessarily just trying to explain my thoughts)
while estrogen and hrt have been incredible for me, i sometimes think of all the transitions that are manually learned, (after you've gone thru testosterone puberty) like voice, style, mannerisms and social practices. like hrt is a phyiscal tool, but my main dysphoria stuff has always been social so a lot of my problems aren't solved by HRT but like relearning how to act femme after a lifetime of being masculine to avoid homophobia. so i definitely get what you're saying, if i stopped HRT I would stilll act and present as a woman like it's just a tool not a solution. That being said, i don't think i realized what i specifically was dysphoric about physically until HRT started fixing it.
i also stopped T after taking it for 3 years, i feel like quite a few people these days are doing that and talking about it. My hair started to thin and I was getting more and more facial hair which is not something i really want, so I waited until i could get a hysterectomy and stopped T right after. I've been off T for almost 2 years now and so far I have zero regrets, i might go back on T if i feel the need to later but honestly I doubt that'll happen. Very little has changed since stopping, i wish my facial hair had gone back to peach fuzz, so far it hasn't, but maybe in the future. my hair is thicker, my hairline stopped receeding and i evengot some baby hairs back. On a psychological level it feels really nice to be "done" with medical transition honestly, i really like not having to actively think about it anymore. I hope everything turns out well for you !
I can't help but be surprised by this kind of thing, I'm transfem and even if my T wouldn't mess with me if I stopped E I still wouldn't stop because I feel more depressive if I don't have E in my body as though it's making some kind of chemical difference to my mood. It may be worth keeping an eye on your mood just to be sure that there isn't a noticeable dip in your mood day to day. I hope this path works well though, not having to do injections weekly sure sounds much more convenient!
Yeah, I can’t imagine ever going off E, it’s mentally balancing in a way that T can never hope to match. The thought of stopping E for whatever reason fills me with utter dread. I’ll definitely reduce my dosage in the future, as I don’t wish to feminize fully, but that’s still a long way off.
@@margotpreston most feminisation happens purely from low T- low dosing E will just make your E too low and probably make you feel bad, unfortunately doesn't cause slower effects like low dosing T (low dosing E with nothing else just causes breast growth, funnily enough. no other changes if T isn't suppressed)
Yep I think that the conversation often leaves this out, the fact most of us mentally and physically benefit from hormones. I know people who decided to try quitting long term hormones only to get a flare up in depression and many physical symptoms. On the other side i dont know if I want to have to socially transition so I just take a low enough dose as an antidepressant.
I feel the same way about Testosterone - it has given me more control over my emotions in a way my default hormones weren't capable. Sure, I've survived during times I didn't have access to my HRT, but I certainly wasn't thriving.
i'm so glad you mentioned the potential effects of getting a full hysto and how that changes your options with going off hormones! i feel like not a lot of people mention that (ymmv of course), and i'm glad to hear someone talking about it honestly without either brushing things off or fearmongering. i also know having fluctuating hormone levels can cause very similar issues, so for some people it can be better to stop hrt rather than worrying about forgetting and messing up their hormones. for me it's really important to have all the information you can when making a medical decision, because at the very least you'll have more ability to prevent or handle problems if they do pop up, no matter what choice you've made. i ended up rambling a lot more than i expected in this comment lol, but tl;dr thank you so much for being open and honest about your experiences and pros and cons!!!
I'm trans fem nb and it took about 2 weeks to see a big difference in my skin. It continued getting softer and thinner for another month and has stabalized for the last couple years. I had a blast of acne right at first too, but i suspect that was because the thicker skin didn't slough off the softer skin right away and made a mess of my pores. If you keep using the muscles you probably won't have noticeable loss. I noticed the biggest difference in my grip strength. I went from struggling to open a new pickle jar to being unable to open it without a tool to improve torque. It took over a year for my facial and body hair to visibly change. For me I'm super happy that my hair grows like 1/2 as fast looks thinner and slightly lighter but i suspect that'd probably be undesirable. Pictures are handy to see the change. So take some now and some in about 15 months and compare. It totally snuck up on me and if i hadn't had photos to compare it'd probably have taken longer to notice
"not wanting to be on antidepressants politically" is intriguing, and i would love to hear you elaborate on this topic if you feel so inclined! i'm a person who has benefitted a lot from antidepressants and a person with generally radical politics, but this is an aspect in which i have not really contemplated the personal as political.
Hey! I'm a random person who also takes political issues with antidepressants, obvs I can only speak for myself but maybe there's similarities. Side-effects aside, basically I don't like that the onus is on my brain and I to just function "better" (as dictated by a capitalist society ie. be more productive.) Most (of my+everyone's) struggles come down to basic needs not being met even though it would be so easy to meet them, it's just more profitable to withhold them.
@@DZrachethanks for replying, i was also wondering what they meant and assumed it was something like this but it's good to hear it from someone who holds the same opinion!
I came out as a trans man before I realized that I'm nonbinary. I also had a hysterectomy with ovaries attached. I tried T, but it messed me up pretty bad so I quit. but now I'm going through menopause, so I have to be on HRT--estrogen. Not the hormones I originally wanted to replace when I came out as a trans man.
Wow, I'm similar! I wrestled with whether I was ftm or nonbinary for a while and I just keep coming back to really truly feeling as if I'm nonbinary.. despite the hate that nonbinary people get from cis and binary trans people alike. I didn't have a hysterectomy but I don't produce hormones naturally.. I basically went through menopause as a teenager and have to be on estrogen and progesterone and shit sucks but it's worse not to have ANY hormones.
Hi you! I am also planning to have a full hysterectomy and then doing HRT with estrogen and I am terrified. Is the HRT working? Like how far is it eliminating the menopause symptoms? 😶
@@human.24 I know u didn't ask me - but i knew I was a "guy" since I was 2. I'd planned on medically transitioning about 11y ago (I'm 50yo now) & due to a heart problem? Top surgery wasnt an option. I also tend to be kinda "cancer·y" - so hormones weren't an option. I don't feel safe enough to just socially transition (ptsd), so i miserably present as a gal. I get your fears so well. I'm no less valid & neither are any of us. We all have a journey & politics tries to force us all into boxes. Do what you feel you'd like to do to be your authentic self no matter what - i guess that's all I wanted to say🫂🫂🫂🫂 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🖤✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽🖤🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 PS: I still have yet to go thru menopause so I cant even answer ur query😊🫂
I really think that this is an important discussion to have. I’m a nonbinary genderqueer person. And I often question on whether or not I’ll medically transition with HRT outside of possible top surgery in the future. These types of videos make me feel okay about my uncertainties regarding HRT and that regardless of whether or not I take HRT, it doesn’t make me any less valid as a trans nonbinary person.
what a coincidence, today i met with a psychologist who referred me to an endocrinologist who will (if all goes well) put in my very first T prescription! this video made me feel a lot better about not having a super specific transition timeline. no one knows what their future self is going to want and that's fine, it's part of being a person
I keep getting distracted by how awesome your look is, genuinely goals Also while I’m still not on T, I think that going off T after a few years on it could very well be a thing I might do in the future, once all the changes have occurred that I want. So hearing about people doing that is always good, I’m really curious to hear about how your body will change (or not change) because of this decision!
I remember when miles mckenna, another trans guy TH-camr went off T, if i remember it was like 3 or 5 years in and it was over bad acne. He saw the results he needed and stopped. I really appreciate trans people who make these videos about the nuances of hormones. Theres also 2 singers who are trans men who wont be going through with hormones because of their voices. And one of them doesn't even eant surgery. The trans community and the journey is not monololythic its dimensionsl and diverse
getting some serious gender jealousy from hearing about having had a hysterectomy and voice and facial hair being affirmed lol. happy you've made it to where you are and hope things continue to go well for you!!!
MtF enby here. Obviously I'm biassed, but personally I think E is pretty awesome - if you reckon it's the right hormone for you, then welcome to the club! I can also say from personal experience that E doesn't make a dent in terminal beard hairs (which in your case is presumably a good thing)
I've been considering going off T myself at some point in the future, since I have most of the changes that I wanted from it. Although I would still like more facial hair lol. I'm about a year and 4 months on T now. I would also need to get a hysterectomy though because having periods is also a huge source of dysphoria for me I don't think I'll stop until I'm able to get that done. But otherwise I've pretty much gotten all the effects I wanted from it so having to keep up with injections may become more of a hassle than it's worth. I appreciate seeing other trans people talk about how varied our experiences with transition can be, but those experiences are all valid. Thanks for making this video!
Just fyi you can also use the birth control ring to prevent periods. you leave it in all the time and swap it out once a month, you'll never have a period. You can also do that with the pill but you have to remember to take it everyday.
Answering your question about acne here. The presence of estrogen in the body is more or less neutral to acne formation. Its the presence of testosterone and especially DHT that increases oil production in the follicles, which results in acne for most people. Side note, I'm 5½ years on T and I had to do a round of accutane for cystic acne. Now I'm on tretinoin, salicylic acid, and benzoyl peroxide. It kinda sucks lmao but I hate acne more :))
so happy to see you again! this was super interesting to hear about, even as someone who never plans to go on hormones. also is it ok if i make a patch/pin saying "you can do whatever you want with your body, forever"?
aw thank you! you're absolutely more than welcome to use that phrase, i'm sure many other people have said it before lol. and i'd love to see anything you make :)
hi ashton!! love the life update from you :3 and i love your bangs! i hope ur journey goes well, Ive been considering what stopping t would look like for me in the future. im considering a hysterectomy myself but grad school has gotten in the way of that. periods also gave me a lot of dysphoria, way more than anything else, and itd be so annoying to go thru them again. either way, im excited for you on this next step in your journey. stay safe and take care!!
Hi, I'm literally in the same boat. I was on T for 6 years, starting at 16, and stopped like 6 months ago. I've gotten everything I've wanted and I don't regret it at all, it changed my life for the better. I'm so much more confident. My identity also didn't change. I'm still a guy (maybe non binary guy idk) my reason for stopping was also mostly curiosity as well. But also the hair thing lol. I haven't lost that much hair but I think I don't want to lose more. Maybe I will get back on T in the future combined with finasteride or low dose idk. It's so interesting because I can relate to almost everything you're saying. I feel good about my decision but sometimes I feel a little alone because of my "atypical" transition journey, so thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you so much for talking about how HRT/stopping HRT can affect disability! My migraine disorder symptoms decreased almost exponentially since starting testosterone almost 3 1/2 years ago and I'm kind of in a similar boat as you in terms of wanting to stop hair loss/acne and being genderqueer/ not 100% dude. I'm looking into getting a hysterectomy because 1. I don't want uterus and 2. if I got off T and didn't have a period that would probably keep my migraines at bay because I have a hunch that my cycle affected my migraines a lot preT. I'm just going into detail here in case anyone else has a similar experience or knowledge etc.
if it's helpful, my hysto felt like a super fast recovery and relatively little pain (compared to top surgery.) if you want it, i'd definitely recommend going for it. i hope whatever you decide to do is helpful for you !!
I'd advise keeping in mind hysterectomy vs hysterectomy + oophorectomy - if you're not on any hormones at all whether supplemental or from keeping ovaries, it can effect your bone health and time of menopause.
i’m so glad i saw this today! i’m in a similar boat, 7 years on T and realizing i’d like to lower my dose and possibly go off of it entirely sometime soon. i consider it a natural part of my transition, and i couldn’t be happier about my decision to explore my options.
I have a pretty physical job and I started estrogen last year and it didn’t really effect my max carry limit but it did effect my stamina so I have to go a little slower and take more breaks so you might experience something like that once you start having an estrogen dominant system.
@ You’re already used to the work so I assume you’ll be fine earlier today I helped my boss move 20 80lb bags of concrete so it doesn’t keep me from doing things that require strength.
as a non binary person who fluctuates from feeling really masculine and then closer to femininity over long periods of time i've always felt funny about taking hormones. i really like my voice and im a singer, and facially i find myself very androgynous but i also like getting dolled up lol. hearing someone talk about the absence of hormones as part of a transition is so refreshing and reassuring and i really appreciate it. in the uk i feel like it's almost impossible to get any hormones or surgery without long processes and gofundmes and all the beaucracy in between, and i really don't have the patience for that to be going on in the background of my life,, which is annoying because i do kind of want top surgery but i dont really have any strong feelings about it now. sometimes i want to pass as a cis guy and other times i dont or don't really care at all, my feelings change on it a lot and i have always had a fluid identity. so yeah, hearing you talk about coming off of hormones has helped me understand how transition isn't binary, progress isn't linear, and how our idea of a transition has been soo influenced by cisnormative society. thanks !
You probably know this but just for people watching, you don't have to have a hysto to stop periods. When I first went off testosterone I went on the birth control ring, you leave it in all the time and once a month you swap it for a new one, no periods. You can also prevent periods with the pill but you have to remember to take it every day. You just skip the week where you're supposed to stop taking it and have a period as this is just a "withdrawal" bleed and completely unnecessary. Just another option for those considering this. Ultimately I did end up having a hysto a couple years after I went off t for peace of mind. Edit: Thanks to commenters for reminding me to specify, I am specifically talking about the ring and the pill, other forms of birth control don't work the same and their effect on your period is a lot more dependent on individual factors. Please see the other comments on this thread for more information and of course talk to your doctor before trying. My doctor was able to prescribe the ring for continuous use like this as an "off label" use.
hey, i just want to add to this that how hormonal birth control affects you really depends on the person. A lot of types of birth controls can be used to stop periods, but it doesn't always work for everybody. Personally, before T the birth control implant just gave me 6 months of bleading straight..
(not trying to say you're wrong, it does work for a lot people, and im happy it worked for you! just adding slightly more nuanced/precise info for the other people reading this, who might want to try this out)
Also, _letmeshoutitfromtheback_ UTERINE ABLATION. Mess up the lining of the uterus juuuuuuust enough that it's an inhospitable environment for implantation, but not need to go through an entire surgery about it.
it doesnt work for everyone, ive tried multiple types of hormonal birth control and most of them dont completely stop my period, except a progesterone only pill which gave me extreme anxiety (very uncharacteristic for me), sensitive sense of smell, no appetite, and a sharp increase in OCD symptoms
i've been watching your channel for several years now and I really appreciate your transparency and honesty! I've been on T for 4 years now but I've had similar feeling of being happy with where I'm at transition wise- thank you so much for sharing! it's given me lots of food for thought, I wish you the best!
I also went off T a year ago after being on it for 3 years :) for me it was more that I realised I’m genderqueer and don’t feel like trans man describes me anymore. I’m so happy with the changes I got but I didn’t want any more. The biggest changes have been my skin, which is super easy to take care of now. And my libido has absolutely plummeted after stopping. Which honestly I kind of like my high libido + Grindr made me do many bad decisions in the past two years lol. I’ve also started my period but it’s actually way less of an issue than it was pre-t I get less pain and it lasts shorter. The little beard I had before has stayed mostly the same (even like 5% more actually). My body hair has definitely thinned. Which is good because a part of me realising I was genderqueer was realising I didn’t even like that part. You should be fine if you don’t shave it off. The hair you already have is going to stay there for a while.
thank u so much !! i've been cutting my own hair for? 6-ish years, ever since I shaved my head. i clip the sides with an electric clipper on the shortest setting every month or so, it's like having long hair on top and just both sides shaved if that makes sense :)
Thank you for talking about your experience and decision. I have a feeling my journey will look fairly similar (though I'll probably opt for low dose instead of stopping), and it is nice to see someone talk about this kind of experience
First of ur vids im seeing, very nice. We trans ppl can be very into passing and adhering to the standard of how to be accepted by bigots that we can forget what we deep down support just by existing. Certain Hormonelevels, presentation styles, speech etc are all important things for feeling happy sometimes. But surface stuff is not what defines us. A couple weeks ago i made the spontaneous decision to go off E completely for a time where i needed energy. I come out of a veery depressed summer and i had to move and i realized that something about the dose im diying is interacting with my brainchem and my long standing depression in a way that is making activity impossible, even tho i knoe i want E in my life. Now im trhu the time where i needed the T energy. Im back on E and im adjusting my dose so that i still get the effect that i want without feeling like a constant MD hangover. Im starting to learn how to do life. Fucking great. We should all do what we want and whats helping us. And if we do something thats i.portant but also has doensides we should be free to try and change something about that to make it work. And wether or not that makes ppl believe we are less valid or trenders or whatever the fucc is not even secondary it doesnt matter and its sad that in reality it does
It was nice to see you too! This was a great update and I love hearing about your experience. I also hope to get more things from your shop soon if I can
I love that you are comfortable with where you are and are able to re-evaluate and change your gender-affirming care. There are so many possibilities and ways we can manage our care.
hi i was on duloxetine for chronic pain + wanted to titrate off my meds for politically adjacent reasons! if you need a vote of confidence, i noticed basically no difference in my pain levels off duloxetine once the initial withdrawal symptoms resolved (they were so so bad for me for about 3 months but after that point i felt so much better). the titration process is kind of a hassle and although i noticed tons of changes coming off of it, my pain levels were not noticeably affected. wishing you the best in what ever path you choose :]
ooh this is so interesting, thank you so much for this comment! it's definitely something i have to think about, i want to see if my hormone changes impact my pain levels before i make any other med decisions - one thing at a time, u know? but i will keep this in mind!
Good on you for talking about this, I'm fascinated by NB HRT options and I've considered changing things up myself. Will be curious how this goes for you!
I love that you posted this, cause I've been going back and forth on lowering/quitting T for nearly a half a year now. A few years back I had the best summer of my life, and later found out my body had been hoarding my T and not distributed it - Meaning my T levels were all fucked, way way lower than intended. Now I'm looking back at that and think whether lower T had contributed to me feeling so good, physically and mentally. And my hair is thinning badly lol. I genuinely appreciate you posting this cause it might've been the push to call my Endo to talk about this. Thanks, and Good luck!
That's awesome, I'm enby as well and I want to take E for just a while, it's nice to see that other trans people also do similar things and change their hormones temporarily to get only the changes they need and be done with it. Thanks for sharing!
also glad to hear that hysterectomy was so easy for you! hormone therapy for me is currently taking "birth control" as anti-menstruation / hormone stabilizer medication. but i would love to have the guarantee of no periods even if i do not take it
If you can't get access to a full hysterectomy, maybe look into a uterine ablation? That's the option I'm going to seek - even tho T has finally stopped my periods after almost two years, I want a guarantee that it won't return & not have to undergo a major surgery, lol.
Hey, thank you for making this video! I used to watch you a lot and its a little serendipitous the algorithm showed me this one! I actually just started T two weeks ago, and I haven't had any effects yet but I'm mostly looking forward to the permanent ones, so going off it way in the future was something I was curious about. So hearing about your journey so far off of it is really insightful! I also didn't know you could do hystos like that to retain the ovaries, so that's pretty sick to know! As a nonbinary and intersex person, I already have a lot of facial/body hair and mostly nonexistent periods, so I went back and forth on whether it was worth it to start T. After deciding yes, I want the effects HRT would give me still, I've had a few people double check with me that I wasn't a binary trans man now and seeing if my pronouns were different. But it's really cool how customizable transitioning can be, whether or not you're binary, intersex, any or none of the above! (Also weirdly super validating hearing how hard it is to remember to take the shots. I specifically chose shots over gels only because I knew there was no way I'd remember to do it daily LMAO)
i recently went off of T too! for me i'm just not very sure at the moment. i don't regret or hate anything T has done to me, i'm just starting to realize how much femininity, "femaleness" (for lack of a better word) and also lesbianism means to me and i felt i needed to take a step back to really recon with how drastically T has changed how i'm perceived in those spaces and it has taken a toll on me. while yes i feel more like myself, i feel very alienated from a community that's always been important to me. in addition to that i'm also at that point where i feel T has done for me all that it can, and going off of T made me realize how much it was suppressing my emotions? i know it's probably a lot more complex than that but i'm like finally able to cry again and like my emotional instability is back but that's just who i am and i kinda missed it idk lol.
oof some of the comments on this one. As always, really cool to hear your perspectives and experiences! I feel like the amount of fear mongering in regards to reproductive organ removal surgeries is absolutely wild- I got a bunch of shit for my tubal removal, but as long as there's bloodflow it's good! I didn't know that there were options for hysterectomies that kept the ovaries intact, which is fucking wild considering my own experiences fjsdk. For anyone else who might prefer not having surgery (or who might just want a tubal removal/ligation ((though I will say a removal is more recommended because it can greatly lower your risk for ectopic pregnancy or for some types of ovarian cancers))-- I would recommend a menstrual cup if that might work for you! They made periods a million times more manageable and million times less dysphoria inducing
tysm for sharing all of this !! i've definitely seen some transmascs talk about menstrual cups and other alternatives to pads/tampons being really helpful, i'm glad that's something that's worked for you :) ur soooo right about it being challenging to figure out what's affirming when ur not a binary trans person lol. but it can also be so rewarding !!
love seeing people talk about cups haha, i'm not trans but it certainly makes sense that they'd be good for period dysphoria because i practically forget i'm even on my period for 90% of the day ever since using a cup
I'm nonbinary, more specifically a demiboy, and I've never taken T, in part because I don't want it to affect my hair or skin. and I'll be looking into getting diagnosed with some form of hypermobility, possibly EDS, next year. so I feel very seen by this lol
Im a little over two years on T, and the past few months ive realized something about how T helps me with meltdowns/crying. Im also autistic, and before I hit one year on T, I was crying every other day, and crying I think was sensory overload for me at points? Now when I feel overwhelmed, there’s a hint of that doom and panic feeling at first, but it’s very faint and I can get through it and go about my day normally. Whereas I would get pulled under every time I had that panic feeling before I was on T. So, T has helped with sensory issues? Pog?
Such an interesting insight, because I'd like to get some of those changes myself but don't want everything and knowing it's an option to go off T once I got what I wanted is really helpful. I hope it goes well for you and you can keep all the changes you wanted. Low dose being an option is probably also very helpful for that
thank you for sharing about your transition journey! it's nice to see what other options are out there for transition outside of the "binary route." i have a similar plan to go on t until i have all the desired permanent effects. i just turned 18 and i'm more eager than ever to start transitioning once can be more independent 😁
Hairloss is also happening to estrogen reigned people. My moms side in the family has it and my two sisters noticed it in their mid thirties. Just to give a little info in case you want it. If not, just ignore my comment.
so the body needs a certain level of T or E for bone and heart health. so for people who have had hystos going off T will be dangerous bc you need to monitor that
been watching your videos for years throughout my own transition and i appreciate you so much! this decision sounds like the right step for you and im glad theres someone like you to talk about the different paths trans people can take wrt hormone therapy. im back on t after a break i took last year. i found what i learned about myself being off t was deeply valuable to my understanding of myself and respect for myself as a transmasc. anywho, im finding the injection part to be the hardest part to do each week again.... were you ever on gel? im thinking about asking my dr about it simply because its the biggest drawback for me. i love you, love trans people, love being trans 🫶
i was never on gel, no, but plenty of people are and really like it! u could definitely at least ask about it. if u prefer injections though, have u tried auto-injectors at all? i found they made a huge difference in the ease of doing shots.
your approach to hysterectomy was the same for me!! I also had a hysterectomy without removing the ovaries. I actually stopped T like 3 years ago and I'm happy most of the time! Just recently I actually thought about going on T again... a lot of the changes from T have reversed/stopped so much that I have slight dysphoria sometimes? But it's still FAR from the dysphoria I felt pre-T so I don't regret my decisions. If you're interested what exactly my changes have been: crying more often, having very few body hair grow back (my facial hair does grow back tho), my skin is softer + my acne is better and my hips + ass got bigger again. Those are the most prominent I think. I'm fine with most of them, it's just that the lack of body hair is slowly making me dysphoric, but at the same time I'm worried about balding if I go on T again. agh, it's not easy. but I'll find a way I guess lol
I love your bonkers possible answers I feel like all the above could also be an option, always like hearing your journey and your honesty and your general perspective on life I appreciate it
first of all, congrats on a new big step in your trans journey :3 secondly, i'm curious how antidepressants are connected to your political stances? it's just that it's the first time i'm hearing of it so i'm curious (maybe you've talked about it in another of your videos? i watch them so sporadically i forget what you talk about in them), and the only thing i'm getting when i google it is studies on how american politics affect the depression rates in american youth is it something to do with like, medicalizing everything that's outside the norm even if it isn't really harmful to a person? that's the closest guess i have
Congrats! Coming from someone who started T slightly over a year ago, and also is nonbinary I've wondered if maybe in the future I'd want to do the same, and some of the things youve brought up today might just help me on my journey years down the line, especially with disability in mind as a factor, thank you always for talking about your journey
i personally had a very bad experience with cymbalta, it helped me with pain for a while but i got very desensitized to it because that’s what happens with antidepressants, when it stopped working my pain came back full force so just be careful you could be fine, also good luck on coming off T it’s something i’ve been thinking about for a bit.
As a fellow enby that would like to go on low dose T, are you sure muscle gain is permanent? I have heard otherwise, and I don't think I would be able to afford to be on T for the rest of my life and that is one of the main changes I would be looking for. I train very hard and wonder if it's even worth starting T because of this, I'm hoping that being as consistent as I can will achieve what I want without being on T but worried that I don't have the genetics for it
testosterone makes building muscle easier, but you can still maintain muscle with lower testosterone. But they would probably have to work out a bit more than usual just to maintain it
as far as i know, muscle gain is only as permanent as like your lifestyle is consistent. if you built muscle and then went off of T but kept up the same exercise routine you wouldn’t suddenly lose all the muscle you built just because you’re off T, but building new muscle would be harder
i'm not trans so idek what i'm doing here haha- i think i just like seeing it when people are very conscious of the decisions they're making in their life and choosing based on their own needs as opposed to society's ideas of what their life is "supposed" to look like. this channel and its comment section is always full of that mindset, it's super inspiring as an indecisive as hell recovering people pleaser! like yeah i can just... do things that i want, and then stop doing them if things change and in the future i don't want them anymore. it's so simple and yet i overcomplicate it in my head so much, so yeah i just really appreciate this vid from a general decision-making thought process perspective!
yea im a trans male, but ig more specifically masc enby like you! im pre everything and im lucky to only be dysphoric over a few things, so i know im probably gonna be on testosterone and go off it at some point. as much as balding is “just part of being a man”, if i lose my hair ill lose a huge part of myself. plus ive day dreamed forever about being a boy with long hair. all i really want is a voice change, facial hair and masc body changes. and they wont really go away once i go off t. ive never been dysphoric over periods, in fact i genuinely forget that i have them sometimes 💀 so i dont really need to worry about that. so yea! good luck to you with everything!
This is awesome and thanks for sharing! As a genderfluid person, I love to see people just being thoughtful, original, and creative with choices about gender! Most journeys in life are not linear and I love to hear from other minds who are naturally curious and open and willing to change course whenever it makes feels right :) There are always pros and cons to every gender-related decision and I appreciate your thoroughness in discussing the potential good and bad… curious to see how it goes!
That's super nice 🙂 I would prefer if I could stop hrt, but it's required for rest of life since I'm transfemme & had srs 🙄 But yeah, absolutely nothing has happened for years, now it's just to stay healthy. Sadly already have reduced bone density, so super important I'm on it 😬
Very interesting perspective! I am a very binary, very masculine trans guy. I am a bit over half year on t. Before I started t I always had in mind that at some point I would like to stop testosterone. Mostly because I don't like the idea of being on a medication for the rest of my life. I am still very indecisive about what I'll do in the future because on one hand, I don't wanna loose my hair (I have heavy balding genes and even now I do see I am shedding more hair than usual) and I don't wanna have to depend on a medication (wich is expensive where I live) but on the other hand I am very concerned about having female fat redistribution, specially in my face as I have a lot of face dysphoria and I also like so much more the emotional state that I have on testosterone, I like never crying and feeling more ''cold headed'' when I wasn't on t I would cry about everything in the most innaproppiate settings and I really really hated that. I am still very uncertain, I guess I'll just have to wait and see lmao.
muscle gain is not a permanent change? i dunno if i misunderstood what you were saying but muscle development is very much dependent on the hormone currently dominant in your body and muscles do require continuous development
I transitioned in 1988, top surgery and hysterectomy (a human rights violation by The Netherlands). Was on T until about 1997, didn't like myself as a person on T. I halted use until 2017, when my GP advised me to because of osteoporosis. Again, didn't like myself as a person, halted again. I must also say that there was not much reversal, not in beard growth, my larynx had grown, fat distribution maybe a little and I've always been a cyclist so I never developed my chest or biceps anyway.
i got my hysterectomy for the exact same reason and when i went off T my ovaries no longer worked the way they were supposed to so I couldn't actually stop taking HRT. I'll have to take Estrogen HRT from here on out if I do want to go off T which is so annoying since I hate taking medication regardless T_T
I'm absolutely terrified to take testosterone, not because I don't want to transition, I want facial hair, deep voice, etc. (I am scared to lose hair early because I love my curls!) I'm not afraid I would regret it, I'm afraid of the blood problems it may cause (heart wise, blood clots, diabetes type 2,)
Ok, so this is an entirely subjective perspective from an amab person who has been through *five puberties so far. My thought on why testosterone increases muscle density is that at higher levels it causes you to subconsciously tense your muscles more often. So I think that if you keep a relatively active lifestyle maintaining that muscle mass will probably be pretty easy. And if not before like getting on T again I would just try to make sure every muscle in your body gets exercise once a week Maintaining that muscle should be a lot easier than gaining it in the first place.
hey Im not a transperson. Always learning about different life experiences so very much supporter. I have female hormones and I go throu a big rolllercoaster of emotions when my E en P are high or low. Some parts of my cicle I feel strong and some I feel very sad. Some days I wish I had more stable hormones. I also hate my period its awefull wish I also could remove it . Hopefully it won't be a rollercoaster for you.
im a hetero trans guy 38 yrs old. i had top surgery and had partial hysto this year. top surgery back in 2007. but never went on T. i felt i never needed it and i never cared about body/facial hair either. i never had an issue passing as a male thankfully. my voice is naturally deep and people just think im a 19 year old kid still lol. its personal decision. i know couple trans guys that never went on T too. just had top surgery or hysto or both.
thanks for sharing !! it is so cool how customizable transitioning is, and i'm glad you've found a path that feels good to you :)
@ thanks ! And I agree 100%. I’ts nice that we can customize our transitions and be happy no matter what
So you’re a lesbian.
If only it was that simple. For anything medical there's an issue of approval, with heavy gatekeeping...
@@oblongfan1Wow, that's pretty cool..I have very high voice naturally, and also I'm short and thin. People assume I'm 12 years old, even though I'm almost 19. I have very feminine appearance, so I doubt that I can pass even with HRT :(
full support but as a biologist I wanted to send some info your way. body shape/fat distribution/muscle development are NOT permanent changes and will gradually shift back. muscle mass tends to drop off pretty significantly in the first year with the maximum effect around 4 years. fat distribution is slower but it will likely be noticeable by a year as well. also as you mentioned, facial hair (and body hair) will become less coarse and fast growing over time. if you're okay with that or just wanna try it out that's totally fine, just wanted you to know.
^
Didnt he explain that in the video already? Especially im regards to their eds?
@@nalei9997 Pretty sure he already knows that and explained that? Most people on HRT know the effects of going on and off of it, especially for someone like Ashton who is already so educated on physical transition.
I may be misinterpreting but it sounded to be me like he was listing body shape and muscle growth as permanent effects of testosterone. Not trying to condescend here
@@9GORGON9 He mentioned potential shift in muscle but not really fat redistribution. It might just be an error but to me it did should like he said that fat redistribution is a permanent change on T.
15:37 as a transfem I feel the opposite. Not being able to feel sad when I knew I should made me feel worse than the issues. Now on E I just feel like I'm seeing in colour for the first time. I'm dealing with emotions before they become a nightmare
T MAKES YOU FEEL LESS SAD? I havent watched the video yet but I am already a very non empathetic person (I care about others I just never feel the feeling) so emphasising that even more about myself could be cool. I'm glad you're feeling better now though!
@chrono4998 in my experience feeling less sad is not a guaranteed effect of T. ashton says in the video he "felt emotions the same way the whole time, but testosterone just makes it harder physically for you to cry" & that was my experience as well. i definitely relate to op in that going on hrt made me more mentally/emotionally healthy, but everyone's experience is different so what happens to one person may not happen for you or at least not to the same degree or in the same time frame. hope this helps!
the emotional aspect of hormones are so interesting, esp bc they're so different for every person. thank you for sharing !!
@chrono4998 Different people experience different things! Some people don't feel any changes emotionally, others feel less sad/experience less crying even when sad, and others get MORE sad. Often times it's in the grey area when your body's wacked out and not hormonally balanced but it can be a long lasting change too
When I didn’t feel sadness I went straight to irritation or anger towards myself. Getting off T I can process my emotions way better. I totally get what transwomen say by E opening up the water gates, seeing color for the first time, and being able to process emotions before they become a nightmare. I was more into substance abuse on T. I couldn’t express myself but not everyone will be like me i am neurodivergent. And I was very aesthetics about T, once I got my changes and top surgery- I didn’t like the acne or the hair loss so I was only on it 3.5 years. I also wanted kids and didn’t want a hysto. Periods do suck but whatever. I can pass as female or male whenever I want to. My voice is male passing but also lesbian butch at the same time if I try bc I have inflection. My gender identity is nonexistent. I identify as a spiritual being having a human experience for the time being.
We have to normalize getting off T as part of some people's transitions. Transitioning isn't a binary thing, even for binary trans people
It's already "normal". What even is "normal"? We just need a mindset that different people need very different types of transition, sometimes unexpected.
Expect the unexpected.
@@taliabutton1593yes, to “normalize” something (in this context) means to start treating it like it’s normal, because it is
what the hell does this sentence mean? for binary trans people transitioning is binary you're literally just saying word salad nonsense at this stage. whether or not someone can access transitioning is one thing but for the love of God let binary trans people be binary. its transphobic to call binary trans people anything but what they are which is why we now have 'allies' thinking calling trans people their assigned gender at birth is somehow 'gender affirming'
I think transmasculine people are warned off taking T or staying on T a lot as it is maybe just normalize taking your transition into your own hands and being informed.
personally im trying to bald. i probably wont until im old cuz nobody in my family started losing hair until like 60. but i want that hugo weaving hairline. that julian sands in his 40s hairline. the kind of hairline they just dont make anymore. when im 50 i NEED to look like michel foucault or i might as well not be 50. bald revivalism. bald love. bald future.
this made me wonder if anyone does like electrolysis for your head, or if you can use those home kits that supposedly work as well as electrolysis.
what type of shit is this 🌚
@@practicalgamer4991 Did you take a wrong turn somewhere, bud?
I've never heard someone seeking baldness be it man, woman and person. That's crazy homie
based
I've been in a similar boat. I medically transitioned about 11 years ago but for a few years I went off T due to possible health concerns (turned out I didn't need to be concerned), and it did not effect my life basically... at all lol I still continued to pass 100% of the time, nothing changed outwardly except my skin got softer, I had a little more curves (I'm naturally not very curvy so even then it barely changed), and my voice got very slightly softer. Other than that? Eh.
I'm considering going off T again because it's just easier and less to worry about. I do like its effects for working out, it definitely makes exercise easier and I have a condition where I need to stay fit if I don't wanna be in debilitating pain, but I think I could still manage without. (Also I still get periods even after 10+ years of T, my doctors doesn't know how it's physically possible lmao, guess I'm just "lucky".)
It's so bonkers that people count people like us in their "detransitioner" statistics even though we're still the same as before.
You are lucky you are able to pass I've been 9 years on T and I still can't
The period thing has to do with how much you’re getting your t levels not impact you. But for you to still get them it would be in part because you’re not on t as much
@Bubba.mitchell4603 I started T again almost four years ago, my T levels are that of the average cis man's. I'm also intersex and my doctor suspects that could be why I still get them because with my current levels there's no way I should still be getting them.
@ you would have to take whatever parts are causing it I would guess
i'm glad we're having these conversations especially because there's a weird expectation that transition has to mean something to the eyes of The World when ... it really isn't about that at all. it's all about what you want.
i can definitely see a future for myself, as a binary trans man, where i don't stay on testosterone after a few years, or i simply stay on a very low dose for the foreseeable future. masculinity and femininity are absolutely whatever you want them to be and there's no less "transition" to it if you don't need it to feel right in your own skin yk
I’m not trans but is it really? What I’ve noticed is that many Trans people are very sensitive to how they are perceived and then treated…
Cool. Support.
My dear friend Liam went off T *twice* to have kids. Recently he passed he was only 36 (cuz of serious health problems from diabetes) and that part is tragic but the first part was amazing we were all so proud of him. He did a lot of amazing things in his life. Absolutely do whats right for oneself.
I'm so incredibly sorry about your friend. That's tragic. I hope you're doing okay
@@ava4689who's the "she" ?
Was the Diabetes of the brittle kind? I am sorry, his life was cut short.
@@ava4689Why are you assuming he wasn’t doing anything to manage diabetes?
@@ava4689He*
Way to disrespect the dead.
it’s cool to hear about more nuanced transition journeys
Definitely. Funnily enough, I found it all perfectly fine, even though I've never heard of this way before. I'm a young trans woman, not even 3 years from egg cracking, and I'm pleased with myself for having the instinct of no longer getting shocked, but pleased for people making unexpected decisions that are right for them.
Well hi, I'm so much earlier than I usually am. I just wanted to say that I've been watching you since your first few months on T and I'm just really glad you made this video. I am now almost a year and two months on T, and once i get to a certain point in my transition, I plan to stop T. Thank you for all of your informative and fun videos! Your content was something that got me through the rough patches before I was able to start Testosterone. If any of you are still struggling with that wait to start hormones I just want to let you know that it gets better, just wait, as much as it sucks to wait, just wait. It will be so worth it. Best wishes to you all
tysm for all of this !! i hope T brings you everything you want, & you're right that all the waiting can be worth it :)
@@graveyardpansy Ofc!! Thank you for creating content i can really relate too :)
I recently started T (about 8 weeks ago) and my plan is to stay on it until I get the particular changes I'm interested in and then stop (probably 6 months). I'm genderqueer and I don't feel like looking or presenting as a binary gender, plus it's scary knowing it could be taken from me at any time and choosing to stop feels like being more in control. Thanks for sharing your journey with this, it's been super helpful!
choosing when u stop definitely is helpful w/ feeling in control, i can totally understand that. thank u for sharing too, i hope it all goes as well as possible for you!
Wait we both started T 8 weeks ago!! Hello fellow gender queer 😎🙏 Congrats 🎉
give it longer
@@coolranchbaby1668 woah, twinsss! that's so cool
@@urbandiscount maybe I will, maybe not - I'm mostly interested in my voice changing and some of the more subtle changes I've been seeing so far
Regarding muscle loss, I'm a trans woman and a rock climber, on estrogen and T blockers for almost five months. I don't know what would have happened to strength if I had stopped exercise, but I've only noticed a decrease in muscle *mass*--my arms are a bit thinner, but otherwise continuing my routine has really retained more than I expected. My burst strength isn't where it was, but general strength and endurance haven't changed. I don't know if this apply to you, but thought I'd offer the perspective.
I went off t after 5 years for similar reasons (mainly hair loss, shot scar tissue buildup, and curiosity). It's been 4 years now and I've been happy with my choice. Some things I experienced I wasn't expecting were a big increase in sensitivity both mentally and physically. I can cry now and I cry a lot, it also feels better and more cathartic to cry. I experienced a lot of tenderness and soreness after going off T and I think it increased the sensations of pain, cold, discomfort, etc. My sex drive tanked and what interested me sexually changed quite a bit. It's also harder to orgasm now. I had a shift in my identity since socially I began being read very androgynously and was often read as a trans woman. After a couple years of living in this new social role it kind of shifted my own identity more in the nonbinary direction. I also experienced an unexpected return of some amount of dysphoria but it's been much more manageable with just mental strategies like acceptance and mindfulness than when I was pre-t. Overall I've had a positive experience with being off hormones, and the benefits have continued to outweigh the cons for me thus far. It's nice not having to remember to do a weekly shot and I appreciate that I stopped losing my hair.
it's so interesting to hear abt how people's perception of you influenced ur identity! i'm glad the dysphoria's been manageable for you, thank you for sharing all of this :)
@graveyardpansy I'm glad it was helpful to read! I continued to identify as a trans man for a while after stopping hormones but I was also exploring more feminine gender presentations sometimes and then at some point I realized that people weren't consistently percieving me as a man the way they had when I was on T and I was getting all kinds of different reads from people thinking I was a cis man, cis woman, ftm, or mtf.
I mean I know I could still identify as a man regardless of how other people percieve me, but I found that the fact I confused people didn't really bother me. I was also just really tired of caring about and managing other people's perception of me and trying to convince people the validity of my transness. Now I usually just say I don't care how people percieve me and I also don't care what pronouns people use. I regularly get all three he/they/she. Although people close to me like my family and partner still use he/him because they know that's what I prefer, it no longer bothers me if other people use she. It's been really freeing tbh. Definetly not what I expected at the beginning of my transition but that was 14 years ago.
Anyway the point is everyone has their own unique experience with transition and I think it's important to normalize "nontraditional" paths and narratives. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and continuing to follow what feels right for you!
I'm curious about what you mean wrt scar tissue buildup, since I've been and still am on several meds which I inject into my stomach (including T) and I haven't experienced anything like that.
@@morreiy I experienced a sort of hardness and lumps under the skin in my thighs and stomach where I would do my injections that wouldn't go away. Over time it became harder and harder to inject because it was hard under the skin. I did subQ injections so I think it was related to how the T would sort of sit under the skin in a lump and the scar tissue would form around that, not just about where the needle would go in. I also have hEDS which I think is relevant since that can sometimes affect how things heal.
as an autistic person i just love you saying "change is beautiful, change is normal and fun. And it's good to have things change sometimes" at 1:58 thehehee
I also went off T somewhat recently! I was originally having health problems and planned to taper off of it. Also, due to so much anti trans panic the clinic I was seeing was forced to close. We were running out of recourses and I eventually just had to completely stop. It was rough at first but now that I’ve been off of it almost a year I don’t feel like I need it as much anymore. I’m happy with all the changes I got on it and that’s enough for me right now. Thank you for sharing your experience and I wish everyone luck with their Hrt and transition journeys, no matter what that looks like for you!
that sounds like a real complicated & stressful situation, but i'm glad it's worked out okay for you! thank you
your videos are LITERALLY a life saver. gathering info and experiences about nonbinary masc people let alone also autistic is way harder than it should be. youre doing gods work fr
Nice to hear you talking about your experiences/reasons for going off T! Always happy to see you upload ✨️
Unrelated: It's funny when people say that T makes you aggressive and unstable, when it has actively made me *less* so, and being off for over a month after being on for four years (and noticing the difference) has proven that once and for all. Anecdotal, of course, so take that with a grain of salt 😅
I agree but before T I was aggressive and unstable I personally haven't stopped taking T and it has made it easier to control my mood
The second part of your comment is what makes me nervous about eventually getting off T.
I'm NB and I definitely don't want to be on T forever but I very much like the levelheadedness it gives me.
@@inuendo6365I'm in the same boat! I'm about 75% trans guy & 25% nonbinary, so going off of T was always part of my plan, but being on it... Just makes my brain feel better. It's going to be a bumpy ride whenever I feel like I've gotten enough of the changes I wanted from HRT.
same lmao, before t I was the kind of person who would punch walls and get into fights, now I am just a chill polite dude lmao
So glad for this video. I'm genderqueer/agender/masc-ish/whatever and got on T at 18, was on it for almost 2 years, got off it for a year for health reasons, and am considering starting it again sometime soon. Gender is a journey, not a destination, especially for people more in the mushy center of everything.
Also - slight tangent, but I've been on heavy psych meds since early adolescence. I got out of institutionalization at 18 and have dealt with pretty much every side effect both biological and more kind of existential.
I'm kind of in the process of putting language to lived experience and reading up on anti-psychiatry. I'm trying to untangle that shit from my mind, and have titrated off of everything. I got my Autism Dx inpatient + PTSD and it's clear that that is what all the other diagnoses were trying to drug away and instead nearly killing me (twice) (serotonin syndrome.)
The intersections of disability and transness and the politics of psychiatry -- the way you are only allowed to call "mutilation" (transition)
creation if you are treating an ailment -- are both fascinating and deeply frustrating.
Anyway, I really enjoy your videos!
kinda random but if you end up going off duloxetine, make sure you do a lot of research and go really slowly. doctors and psychiatrists don't always understand how slowly you have to wean off of it to not get like awful withdrawals. i have a friend who went off it for like a week and now has akathisia which for them is lifelong and untreatable, and their doctors/psychiatrists never warned them about anything with it. you might already know this stuff, i just wanted to make sure i put it out there just in case!
also i recently also went off t after being on it for a few years and it's going really well! i will say for me the acne got really bad a few weeks after stopping, like i was 14 again lol. it's cool to see someone else stopping because it's been a little weird to explain to people :)
I definitely get what you mean by not wanting to be on antidepressants for political reasons! I’m currently on psych meds because I have extreme suicidal ideation without them. But there is political issues with forced treatment of mentally ill/mad people and our consent not being respected. Same with people with visible intellectual and developmental disabilities. And congrats on stopping hormones! Hope it does what you want it to for your body!
glad u get what i mean !! definitely seems like we are thinking along the same lines. that’s a part of why im concerned abt going off them, i had really severe depression pre-medication but it’s so difficult to parse how much of my recovery has been due to meds and how much has been other assorted things. thank u
huh this is interesting to me bc i had to fight for adhd meds and am happily on them now bc they work for me... forced treatment feels separate to asking for them bc you need them, but it sounds like an interesting subject even if i don't get it atm!
@ just to preface this, I’m a survivor of psychiatristic institutionalization (fortunately short term) and am approaching this convention from the perspective of a radical psychiatic abolitionist. You’re approaching this discussion in good faith so I’m trying to explain my values and thought processes, but a TH-cam comment section doesn’t leave room for the nuance this subject requires.
But that being said not having access to psychiatric medications and treatments you want and need and being forced into meds and treatments that are harming your or you don’t consent to are two sides of the same coin. They both stem from the same attitudes about madness and mad people being unable to make our own decisions because we are “crazy” or “unstable”. Along with this is the belief that only the psychiatric system can decide what treatment someone gets or has access to. So forcing a person to take antipsychotic medication even though they don’t consent to taking it because it doesn’t help or has severe side effects and denying a person stimulates because the person appears “fine” and doesn’t know what they need come from the same place. Not valuing the autonomy of mentally ill and mad people and assuming they are the only ones who know what we need. And that we need to be controlled “for our own good” .I believe in everyone having access to medical treatment that would help them AND that people shouldn’t be forced into medical treatment they don’t want, even if there are significant consequences to not doing the treatment. Psychiatry is just the gatekeeper of treatment not the giver of it.
@debesys6306 sorry forgot to directly reply under your comment but my thoughts about what you said. (I’m not disagreeing necessarily just trying to explain my thoughts)
stopping taking necessary medication for "political reasons" is bizarre and doesn't do anything except make your health worse.
while estrogen and hrt have been incredible for me, i sometimes think of all the transitions that are manually learned, (after you've gone thru testosterone puberty) like voice, style, mannerisms and social practices. like hrt is a phyiscal tool, but my main dysphoria stuff has always been social so a lot of my problems aren't solved by HRT but like relearning how to act femme after a lifetime of being masculine to avoid homophobia. so i definitely get what you're saying, if i stopped HRT I would stilll act and present as a woman like it's just a tool not a solution.
That being said, i don't think i realized what i specifically was dysphoric about physically until HRT started fixing it.
i also stopped T after taking it for 3 years, i feel like quite a few people these days are doing that and talking about it. My hair started to thin and I was getting more and more facial hair which is not something i really want, so I waited until i could get a hysterectomy and stopped T right after. I've been off T for almost 2 years now and so far I have zero regrets, i might go back on T if i feel the need to later but honestly I doubt that'll happen. Very little has changed since stopping, i wish my facial hair had gone back to peach fuzz, so far it hasn't, but maybe in the future. my hair is thicker, my hairline stopped receeding and i evengot some baby hairs back.
On a psychological level it feels really nice to be "done" with medical transition honestly, i really like not having to actively think about it anymore.
I hope everything turns out well for you !
I can't help but be surprised by this kind of thing, I'm transfem and even if my T wouldn't mess with me if I stopped E I still wouldn't stop because I feel more depressive if I don't have E in my body as though it's making some kind of chemical difference to my mood. It may be worth keeping an eye on your mood just to be sure that there isn't a noticeable dip in your mood day to day.
I hope this path works well though, not having to do injections weekly sure sounds much more convenient!
Yeah, I can’t imagine ever going off E, it’s mentally balancing in a way that T can never hope to match. The thought of stopping E for whatever reason fills me with utter dread. I’ll definitely reduce my dosage in the future, as I don’t wish to feminize fully, but that’s still a long way off.
@@margotpreston most feminisation happens purely from low T- low dosing E will just make your E too low and probably make you feel bad, unfortunately doesn't cause slower effects like low dosing T (low dosing E with nothing else just causes breast growth, funnily enough. no other changes if T isn't suppressed)
Yep I think that the conversation often leaves this out, the fact most of us mentally and physically benefit from hormones. I know people who decided to try quitting long term hormones only to get a flare up in depression and many physical symptoms.
On the other side i dont know if I want to have to socially transition so I just take a low enough dose as an antidepressant.
I feel the same way about Testosterone - it has given me more control over my emotions in a way my default hormones weren't capable. Sure, I've survived during times I didn't have access to my HRT, but I certainly wasn't thriving.
i'm so glad you mentioned the potential effects of getting a full hysto and how that changes your options with going off hormones! i feel like not a lot of people mention that (ymmv of course), and i'm glad to hear someone talking about it honestly without either brushing things off or fearmongering. i also know having fluctuating hormone levels can cause very similar issues, so for some people it can be better to stop hrt rather than worrying about forgetting and messing up their hormones. for me it's really important to have all the information you can when making a medical decision, because at the very least you'll have more ability to prevent or handle problems if they do pop up, no matter what choice you've made. i ended up rambling a lot more than i expected in this comment lol, but tl;dr thank you so much for being open and honest about your experiences and pros and cons!!!
I'm trans fem nb and it took about 2 weeks to see a big difference in my skin. It continued getting softer and thinner for another month and has stabalized for the last couple years. I had a blast of acne right at first too, but i suspect that was because the thicker skin didn't slough off the softer skin right away and made a mess of my pores.
If you keep using the muscles you probably won't have noticeable loss. I noticed the biggest difference in my grip strength. I went from struggling to open a new pickle jar to being unable to open it without a tool to improve torque.
It took over a year for my facial and body hair to visibly change. For me I'm super happy that my hair grows like 1/2 as fast looks thinner and slightly lighter but i suspect that'd probably be undesirable. Pictures are handy to see the change. So take some now and some in about 15 months and compare. It totally snuck up on me and if i hadn't had photos to compare it'd probably have taken longer to notice
"not wanting to be on antidepressants politically" is intriguing, and i would love to hear you elaborate on this topic if you feel so inclined! i'm a person who has benefitted a lot from antidepressants and a person with generally radical politics, but this is an aspect in which i have not really contemplated the personal as political.
Hey! I'm a random person who also takes political issues with antidepressants, obvs I can only speak for myself but maybe there's similarities. Side-effects aside, basically I don't like that the onus is on my brain and I to just function "better" (as dictated by a capitalist society ie. be more productive.) Most (of my+everyone's) struggles come down to basic needs not being met even though it would be so easy to meet them, it's just more profitable to withhold them.
@@DZrachethanks for replying, i was also wondering what they meant and assumed it was something like this but it's good to hear it from someone who holds the same opinion!
I came out as a trans man before I realized that I'm nonbinary. I also had a hysterectomy with ovaries attached. I tried T, but it messed me up pretty bad so I quit. but now I'm going through menopause, so I have to be on HRT--estrogen. Not the hormones I originally wanted to replace when I came out as a trans man.
Wow, I'm similar! I wrestled with whether I was ftm or nonbinary for a while and I just keep coming back to really truly feeling as if I'm nonbinary.. despite the hate that nonbinary people get from cis and binary trans people alike. I didn't have a hysterectomy but I don't produce hormones naturally.. I basically went through menopause as a teenager and have to be on estrogen and progesterone and shit sucks but it's worse not to have ANY hormones.
Hi you! I am also planning to have a full hysterectomy and then doing HRT with estrogen and I am terrified. Is the HRT working? Like how far is it eliminating the menopause symptoms? 😶
@@human.24 I know u didn't ask me - but i knew I was a "guy" since I was 2. I'd planned on medically transitioning about 11y ago (I'm 50yo now) & due to a heart problem? Top surgery wasnt an option. I also tend to be kinda "cancer·y" - so hormones weren't an option. I don't feel safe enough to just socially transition (ptsd), so i miserably present as a gal. I get your fears so well.
I'm no less valid & neither are any of us. We all have a journey & politics tries to force us all into boxes.
Do what you feel you'd like to do to be your authentic self no matter what - i guess that's all I wanted to say🫂🫂🫂🫂
🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🖤✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽🖤🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
PS: I still have yet to go thru menopause so I cant even answer ur query😊🫂
hey can I ask how t messed you up? I'm gonna try getting on low dose t myself
@@human.24 if E is being dosed well there should be no menopause symptoms
I really think that this is an important discussion to have.
I’m a nonbinary genderqueer person.
And I often question on whether or not I’ll medically transition with HRT outside of possible top surgery in the future.
These types of videos make me feel okay about my uncertainties regarding HRT and that regardless of whether or not I take HRT, it doesn’t make me any less valid as a trans nonbinary person.
what a coincidence, today i met with a psychologist who referred me to an endocrinologist who will (if all goes well) put in my very first T prescription! this video made me feel a lot better about not having a super specific transition timeline. no one knows what their future self is going to want and that's fine, it's part of being a person
I keep getting distracted by how awesome your look is, genuinely goals
Also while I’m still not on T, I think that going off T after a few years on it could very well be a thing I might do in the future, once all the changes have occurred that I want. So hearing about people doing that is always good, I’m really curious to hear about how your body will change (or not change) because of this decision!
I remember when miles mckenna, another trans guy TH-camr went off T, if i remember it was like 3 or 5 years in and it was over bad acne. He saw the results he needed and stopped. I really appreciate trans people who make these videos about the nuances of hormones. Theres also 2 singers who are trans men who wont be going through with hormones because of their voices. And one of them doesn't even eant surgery. The trans community and the journey is not monololythic its dimensionsl and diverse
getting some serious gender jealousy from hearing about having had a hysterectomy and voice and facial hair being affirmed lol. happy you've made it to where you are and hope things continue to go well for you!!!
its really nice to hear from you again! you also seem really happy so I'm very happy for you comrade
MtF enby here.
Obviously I'm biassed, but personally I think E is pretty awesome - if you reckon it's the right hormone for you, then welcome to the club!
I can also say from personal experience that E doesn't make a dent in terminal beard hairs (which in your case is presumably a good thing)
I've been considering going off T myself at some point in the future, since I have most of the changes that I wanted from it. Although I would still like more facial hair lol. I'm about a year and 4 months on T now. I would also need to get a hysterectomy though because having periods is also a huge source of dysphoria for me I don't think I'll stop until I'm able to get that done. But otherwise I've pretty much gotten all the effects I wanted from it so having to keep up with injections may become more of a hassle than it's worth. I appreciate seeing other trans people talk about how varied our experiences with transition can be, but those experiences are all valid. Thanks for making this video!
Just fyi you can also use the birth control ring to prevent periods. you leave it in all the time and swap it out once a month, you'll never have a period. You can also do that with the pill but you have to remember to take it everyday.
Answering your question about acne here. The presence of estrogen in the body is more or less neutral to acne formation. Its the presence of testosterone and especially DHT that increases oil production in the follicles, which results in acne for most people.
Side note, I'm 5½ years on T and I had to do a round of accutane for cystic acne. Now I'm on tretinoin, salicylic acid, and benzoyl peroxide. It kinda sucks lmao but I hate acne more :))
so happy to see you again! this was super interesting to hear about, even as someone who never plans to go on hormones. also is it ok if i make a patch/pin saying "you can do whatever you want with your body, forever"?
aw thank you! you're absolutely more than welcome to use that phrase, i'm sure many other people have said it before lol. and i'd love to see anything you make :)
@@graveyardpansy thank you!
hi ashton!! love the life update from you :3 and i love your bangs! i hope ur journey goes well, Ive been considering what stopping t would look like for me in the future. im considering a hysterectomy myself but grad school has gotten in the way of that. periods also gave me a lot of dysphoria, way more than anything else, and itd be so annoying to go thru them again. either way, im excited for you on this next step in your journey. stay safe and take care!!
thank u matteo :3 if u ever want to chat about hysto stuff lmk, it was so very affirming for me (& school getting in the way totally makes sense!)
Hi, I'm literally in the same boat. I was on T for 6 years, starting at 16, and stopped like 6 months ago. I've gotten everything I've wanted and I don't regret it at all, it changed my life for the better. I'm so much more confident. My identity also didn't change. I'm still a guy (maybe non binary guy idk) my reason for stopping was also mostly curiosity as well. But also the hair thing lol. I haven't lost that much hair but I think I don't want to lose more. Maybe I will get back on T in the future combined with finasteride or low dose idk. It's so interesting because I can relate to almost everything you're saying. I feel good about my decision but sometimes I feel a little alone because of my "atypical" transition journey, so thank you so much for sharing!
wow we do sound super similar in terms of transition, that is so interesting !! thank you for sharing :D
Thank you so much for talking about how HRT/stopping HRT can affect disability! My migraine disorder symptoms decreased almost exponentially since starting testosterone almost 3 1/2 years ago and I'm kind of in a similar boat as you in terms of wanting to stop hair loss/acne and being genderqueer/ not 100% dude. I'm looking into getting a hysterectomy because 1. I don't want uterus and 2. if I got off T and didn't have a period that would probably keep my migraines at bay because I have a hunch that my cycle affected my migraines a lot preT. I'm just going into detail here in case anyone else has a similar experience or knowledge etc.
if it's helpful, my hysto felt like a super fast recovery and relatively little pain (compared to top surgery.) if you want it, i'd definitely recommend going for it. i hope whatever you decide to do is helpful for you !!
I'd advise keeping in mind hysterectomy vs hysterectomy + oophorectomy - if you're not on any hormones at all whether supplemental or from keeping ovaries, it can effect your bone health and time of menopause.
i’m so glad i saw this today! i’m in a similar boat, 7 years on T and realizing i’d like to lower my dose and possibly go off of it entirely sometime soon. i consider it a natural part of my transition, and i couldn’t be happier about my decision to explore my options.
I have a pretty physical job and I started estrogen last year and it didn’t really effect my max carry limit but it did effect my stamina so I have to go a little slower and take more breaks so you might experience something like that once you start having an estrogen dominant system.
thanks for the insight!! that does kinda make sense. i'm curious how it'll turn out.
@ You’re already used to the work so I assume you’ll be fine earlier today I helped my boss move 20 80lb bags of concrete so it doesn’t keep me from doing things that require strength.
as a non binary person who fluctuates from feeling really masculine and then closer to femininity over long periods of time i've always felt funny about taking hormones. i really like my voice and im a singer, and facially i find myself very androgynous but i also like getting dolled up lol. hearing someone talk about the absence of hormones as part of a transition is so refreshing and reassuring and i really appreciate it. in the uk i feel like it's almost impossible to get any hormones or surgery without long processes and gofundmes and all the beaucracy in between, and i really don't have the patience for that to be going on in the background of my life,, which is annoying because i do kind of want top surgery but i dont really have any strong feelings about it now. sometimes i want to pass as a cis guy and other times i dont or don't really care at all, my feelings change on it a lot and i have always had a fluid identity. so yeah, hearing you talk about coming off of hormones has helped me understand how transition isn't binary, progress isn't linear, and how our idea of a transition has been soo influenced by cisnormative society. thanks !
You probably know this but just for people watching, you don't have to have a hysto to stop periods.
When I first went off testosterone I went on the birth control ring, you leave it in all the time and once a month you swap it for a new one, no periods. You can also prevent periods with the pill but you have to remember to take it every day. You just skip the week where you're supposed to stop taking it and have a period as this is just a "withdrawal" bleed and completely unnecessary. Just another option for those considering this. Ultimately I did end up having a hysto a couple years after I went off t for peace of mind.
Edit: Thanks to commenters for reminding me to specify, I am specifically talking about the ring and the pill, other forms of birth control don't work the same and their effect on your period is a lot more dependent on individual factors. Please see the other comments on this thread for more information and of course talk to your doctor before trying. My doctor was able to prescribe the ring for continuous use like this as an "off label" use.
Hysterectomy without removing ovaries exist
hey, i just want to add to this that how hormonal birth control affects you really depends on the person. A lot of types of birth controls can be used to stop periods, but it doesn't always work for everybody. Personally, before T the birth control implant just gave me 6 months of bleading straight..
(not trying to say you're wrong, it does work for a lot people, and im happy it worked for you! just adding slightly more nuanced/precise info for the other people reading this, who might want to try this out)
Also, _letmeshoutitfromtheback_ UTERINE ABLATION. Mess up the lining of the uterus juuuuuuust enough that it's an inhospitable environment for implantation, but not need to go through an entire surgery about it.
it doesnt work for everyone, ive tried multiple types of hormonal birth control and most of them dont completely stop my period, except a progesterone only pill which gave me extreme anxiety (very uncharacteristic for me), sensitive sense of smell, no appetite, and a sharp increase in OCD symptoms
i've been watching your channel for several years now and I really appreciate your transparency and honesty! I've been on T for 4 years now but I've had similar feeling of being happy with where I'm at transition wise- thank you so much for sharing! it's given me lots of food for thought, I wish you the best!
I also went off T a year ago after being on it for 3 years :) for me it was more that I realised I’m genderqueer and don’t feel like trans man describes me anymore. I’m so happy with the changes I got but I didn’t want any more. The biggest changes have been my skin, which is super easy to take care of now. And my libido has absolutely plummeted after stopping. Which honestly I kind of like my high libido + Grindr made me do many bad decisions in the past two years lol. I’ve also started my period but it’s actually way less of an issue than it was pre-t I get less pain and it lasts shorter. The little beard I had before has stayed mostly the same (even like 5% more actually). My body hair has definitely thinned. Which is good because a part of me realising I was genderqueer was realising I didn’t even like that part. You should be fine if you don’t shave it off. The hair you already have is going to stay there for a while.
i love videos about autism and transsexuality
thank u so much !!
i've been cutting my own hair for? 6-ish years, ever since I shaved my head. i clip the sides with an electric clipper on the shortest setting every month or so, it's like having long hair on top and just both sides shaved if that makes sense :)
Thank you for talking about your experience and decision. I have a feeling my journey will look fairly similar (though I'll probably opt for low dose instead of stopping), and it is nice to see someone talk about this kind of experience
hi i watched some of your videos! good luck on your transition! :D
TLDR: You're trying to find the best balance to have as much hair as possible?
LMAO yes i am hairmaxxing
First of ur vids im seeing, very nice.
We trans ppl can be very into passing and adhering to the standard of how to be accepted by bigots that we can forget what we deep down support just by existing.
Certain Hormonelevels, presentation styles, speech etc are all important things for feeling happy sometimes. But surface stuff is not what defines us.
A couple weeks ago i made the spontaneous decision to go off E completely for a time where i needed energy. I come out of a veery depressed summer and i had to move and i realized that something about the dose im diying is interacting with my brainchem and my long standing depression in a way that is making activity impossible, even tho i knoe i want E in my life.
Now im trhu the time where i needed the T energy.
Im back on E and im adjusting my dose so that i still get the effect that i want without feeling like a constant MD hangover. Im starting to learn how to do life. Fucking great.
We should all do what we want and whats helping us. And if we do something thats i.portant but also has doensides we should be free to try and change something about that to make it work. And wether or not that makes ppl believe we are less valid or trenders or whatever the fucc is not even secondary it doesnt matter and its sad that in reality it does
It was nice to see you too! This was a great update and I love hearing about your experience. I also hope to get more things from your shop soon if I can
bro looks hot af
I love that you are comfortable with where you are and are able to re-evaluate and change your gender-affirming care. There are so many possibilities and ways we can manage our care.
hi i was on duloxetine for chronic pain + wanted to titrate off my meds for politically adjacent reasons! if you need a vote of confidence, i noticed basically no difference in my pain levels off duloxetine once the initial withdrawal symptoms resolved (they were so so bad for me for about 3 months but after that point i felt so much better). the titration process is kind of a hassle and although i noticed tons of changes coming off of it, my pain levels were not noticeably affected. wishing you the best in what ever path you choose :]
ooh this is so interesting, thank you so much for this comment! it's definitely something i have to think about, i want to see if my hormone changes impact my pain levels before i make any other med decisions - one thing at a time, u know? but i will keep this in mind!
Good on you for talking about this, I'm fascinated by NB HRT options and I've considered changing things up myself. Will be curious how this goes for you!
I love that you posted this, cause I've been going back and forth on lowering/quitting T for nearly a half a year now. A few years back I had the best summer of my life, and later found out my body had been hoarding my T and not distributed it - Meaning my T levels were all fucked, way way lower than intended. Now I'm looking back at that and think whether lower T had contributed to me feeling so good, physically and mentally. And my hair is thinning badly lol. I genuinely appreciate you posting this cause it might've been the push to call my Endo to talk about this. Thanks, and Good luck!
That's awesome, I'm enby as well and I want to take E for just a while, it's nice to see that other trans people also do similar things and change their hormones temporarily to get only the changes they need and be done with it. Thanks for sharing!
also glad to hear that hysterectomy was so easy for you! hormone therapy for me is currently taking "birth control" as anti-menstruation / hormone stabilizer medication. but i would love to have the guarantee of no periods even if i do not take it
If you can't get access to a full hysterectomy, maybe look into a uterine ablation? That's the option I'm going to seek - even tho T has finally stopped my periods after almost two years, I want a guarantee that it won't return & not have to undergo a major surgery, lol.
Hey, thank you for making this video! I used to watch you a lot and its a little serendipitous the algorithm showed me this one!
I actually just started T two weeks ago, and I haven't had any effects yet but I'm mostly looking forward to the permanent ones, so going off it way in the future was something I was curious about. So hearing about your journey so far off of it is really insightful! I also didn't know you could do hystos like that to retain the ovaries, so that's pretty sick to know!
As a nonbinary and intersex person, I already have a lot of facial/body hair and mostly nonexistent periods, so I went back and forth on whether it was worth it to start T. After deciding yes, I want the effects HRT would give me still, I've had a few people double check with me that I wasn't a binary trans man now and seeing if my pronouns were different. But it's really cool how customizable transitioning can be, whether or not you're binary, intersex, any or none of the above!
(Also weirdly super validating hearing how hard it is to remember to take the shots. I specifically chose shots over gels only because I knew there was no way I'd remember to do it daily LMAO)
i recently went off of T too! for me i'm just not very sure at the moment. i don't regret or hate anything T has done to me, i'm just starting to realize how much femininity, "femaleness" (for lack of a better word) and also lesbianism means to me and i felt i needed to take a step back to really recon with how drastically T has changed how i'm perceived in those spaces and it has taken a toll on me. while yes i feel more like myself, i feel very alienated from a community that's always been important to me. in addition to that i'm also at that point where i feel T has done for me all that it can, and going off of T made me realize how much it was suppressing my emotions? i know it's probably a lot more complex than that but i'm like finally able to cry again and like my emotional instability is back but that's just who i am and i kinda missed it idk lol.
oof some of the comments on this one. As always, really cool to hear your perspectives and experiences! I feel like the amount of fear mongering in regards to reproductive organ removal surgeries is absolutely wild- I got a bunch of shit for my tubal removal, but as long as there's bloodflow it's good! I didn't know that there were options for hysterectomies that kept the ovaries intact, which is fucking wild considering my own experiences fjsdk. For anyone else who might prefer not having surgery (or who might just want a tubal removal/ligation ((though I will say a removal is more recommended because it can greatly lower your risk for ectopic pregnancy or for some types of ovarian cancers))-- I would recommend a menstrual cup if that might work for you! They made periods a million times more manageable and million times less dysphoria inducing
tysm for sharing all of this !! i've definitely seen some transmascs talk about menstrual cups and other alternatives to pads/tampons being really helpful, i'm glad that's something that's worked for you :) ur soooo right about it being challenging to figure out what's affirming when ur not a binary trans person lol. but it can also be so rewarding !!
Also, uterine ablation!! That's the one I wanna get, as soon as I'm through dealing with a bunch of other health nonsense, lol
love seeing people talk about cups haha, i'm not trans but it certainly makes sense that they'd be good for period dysphoria because i practically forget i'm even on my period for 90% of the day ever since using a cup
Good for you comrade doing what feels right!❤
I'm nonbinary, more specifically a demiboy, and I've never taken T, in part because I don't want it to affect my hair or skin. and I'll be looking into getting diagnosed with some form of hypermobility, possibly EDS, next year. so I feel very seen by this lol
Same!!! I’m a trans guy and already struggle with acne so I don’t want to go on t
Im a little over two years on T, and the past few months ive realized something about how T helps me with meltdowns/crying. Im also autistic, and before I hit one year on T, I was crying every other day, and crying I think was sensory overload for me at points? Now when I feel overwhelmed, there’s a hint of that doom and panic feeling at first, but it’s very faint and I can get through it and go about my day normally. Whereas I would get pulled under every time I had that panic feeling before I was on T. So, T has helped with sensory issues? Pog?
Such an interesting insight, because I'd like to get some of those changes myself but don't want everything and knowing it's an option to go off T once I got what I wanted is really helpful. I hope it goes well for you and you can keep all the changes you wanted. Low dose being an option is probably also very helpful for that
When changing your bodies primary hormone keep an eye on your bone health
I’ve been on and off T for four years now, and my identity as a non-binary person has never changed
thank you for sharing about your transition journey! it's nice to see what other options are out there for transition outside of the "binary route." i have a similar plan to go on t until i have all the desired permanent effects. i just turned 18 and i'm more eager than ever to start transitioning once can be more independent 😁
Hairloss is also happening to estrogen reigned people. My moms side in the family has it and my two sisters noticed it in their mid thirties. Just to give a little info in case you want it. If not, just ignore my comment.
so the body needs a certain level of T or E for bone and heart health. so for people who have had hystos going off T will be dangerous bc you need to monitor that
only if ovaries were removed! but yes very good point
You can have a hysterectomy and keep your ovaries
Hysterectomy without removing ovaries exist.
CONGRATS ASHTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
been watching your videos for years throughout my own transition and i appreciate you so much! this decision sounds like the right step for you and im glad theres someone like you to talk about the different paths trans people can take wrt hormone therapy. im back on t after a break i took last year. i found what i learned about myself being off t was deeply valuable to my understanding of myself and respect for myself as a transmasc. anywho, im finding the injection part to be the hardest part to do each week again.... were you ever on gel? im thinking about asking my dr about it simply because its the biggest drawback for me. i love you, love trans people, love being trans 🫶
i was never on gel, no, but plenty of people are and really like it! u could definitely at least ask about it. if u prefer injections though, have u tried auto-injectors at all? i found they made a huge difference in the ease of doing shots.
your approach to hysterectomy was the same for me!! I also had a hysterectomy without removing the ovaries. I actually stopped T like 3 years ago and I'm happy most of the time! Just recently I actually thought about going on T again... a lot of the changes from T have reversed/stopped so much that I have slight dysphoria sometimes? But it's still FAR from the dysphoria I felt pre-T so I don't regret my decisions.
If you're interested what exactly my changes have been: crying more often, having very few body hair grow back (my facial hair does grow back tho), my skin is softer + my acne is better and my hips + ass got bigger again. Those are the most prominent I think. I'm fine with most of them, it's just that the lack of body hair is slowly making me dysphoric, but at the same time I'm worried about balding if I go on T again. agh, it's not easy. but I'll find a way I guess lol
I love your bonkers possible answers I feel like all the above could also be an option, always like hearing your journey and your honesty and your general perspective on life I appreciate it
You're a real one for this vid.
first of all, congrats on a new big step in your trans journey :3
secondly, i'm curious how antidepressants are connected to your political stances? it's just that it's the first time i'm hearing of it so i'm curious (maybe you've talked about it in another of your videos? i watch them so sporadically i forget what you talk about in them), and the only thing i'm getting when i google it is studies on how american politics affect the depression rates in american youth
is it something to do with like, medicalizing everything that's outside the norm even if it isn't really harmful to a person? that's the closest guess i have
Wait I actually love your style so much 🙏😭
Congrats! Coming from someone who started T slightly over a year ago, and also is nonbinary I've wondered if maybe in the future I'd want to do the same, and some of the things youve brought up today might just help me on my journey years down the line, especially with disability in mind as a factor, thank you always for talking about your journey
You're doing a really cool thing! Thank you for sharing.
I got my first T-Shot today and I am so excited to start this journey :))
i personally had a very bad experience with cymbalta, it helped me with pain for a while but i got very desensitized to it because that’s what happens with antidepressants, when it stopped working my pain came back full force so just be careful you could be fine, also good luck on coming off T it’s something i’ve been thinking about for a bit.
Sending all the love!!
As a fellow enby that would like to go on low dose T, are you sure muscle gain is permanent? I have heard otherwise, and I don't think I would be able to afford to be on T for the rest of my life and that is one of the main changes I would be looking for. I train very hard and wonder if it's even worth starting T because of this, I'm hoping that being as consistent as I can will achieve what I want without being on T but worried that I don't have the genetics for it
testosterone makes building muscle easier, but you can still maintain muscle with lower testosterone. But they would probably have to work out a bit more than usual just to maintain it
as far as i know, muscle gain is only as permanent as like your lifestyle is consistent. if you built muscle and then went off of T but kept up the same exercise routine you wouldn’t suddenly lose all the muscle you built just because you’re off T, but building new muscle would be harder
the muscle composition might change a bit and you might lose a little bit but it shouldn’t be a massive difference if you kept the same lifestyle
i'm not trans so idek what i'm doing here haha- i think i just like seeing it when people are very conscious of the decisions they're making in their life and choosing based on their own needs as opposed to society's ideas of what their life is "supposed" to look like. this channel and its comment section is always full of that mindset, it's super inspiring as an indecisive as hell recovering people pleaser! like yeah i can just... do things that i want, and then stop doing them if things change and in the future i don't want them anymore. it's so simple and yet i overcomplicate it in my head so much, so yeah i just really appreciate this vid from a general decision-making thought process perspective!
yea im a trans male, but ig more specifically masc enby like you! im pre everything and im lucky to only be dysphoric over a few things, so i know im probably gonna be on testosterone and go off it at some point. as much as balding is “just part of being a man”, if i lose my hair ill lose a huge part of myself. plus ive day dreamed forever about being a boy with long hair. all i really want is a voice change, facial hair and masc body changes. and they wont really go away once i go off t. ive never been dysphoric over periods, in fact i genuinely forget that i have them sometimes 💀 so i dont really need to worry about that.
so yea! good luck to you with everything!
you look so different from the last time ive watched your content!! congrats on your life ❤
This is awesome and thanks for sharing! As a genderfluid person, I love to see people just being thoughtful, original, and creative with choices about gender! Most journeys in life are not linear and I love to hear from other minds who are naturally curious and open and willing to change course whenever it makes feels right :) There are always pros and cons to every gender-related decision and I appreciate your thoroughness in discussing the potential good and bad… curious to see how it goes!
That's super nice 🙂 I would prefer if I could stop hrt, but it's required for rest of life since I'm transfemme & had srs 🙄
But yeah, absolutely nothing has happened for years, now it's just to stay healthy. Sadly already have reduced bone density, so super important I'm on it 😬
I do hope if you experience any changes that you'll provide an update as well : )
Hi can you please elaborate on the antidepressant/political thing you mentioned? I don’t get what it means but I’m curious as I’m also on ADs.
I'm also curious
same- could you elaborate?
yeah, i'd love to talk about this more. it's on my planned-videos list now :)
Very interesting perspective! I am a very binary, very masculine trans guy. I am a bit over half year on t. Before I started t I always had in mind that at some point I would like to stop testosterone. Mostly because I don't like the idea of being on a medication for the rest of my life. I am still very indecisive about what I'll do in the future because on one hand, I don't wanna loose my hair (I have heavy balding genes and even now I do see I am shedding more hair than usual) and I don't wanna have to depend on a medication (wich is expensive where I live) but on the other hand I am very concerned about having female fat redistribution, specially in my face as I have a lot of face dysphoria and I also like so much more the emotional state that I have on testosterone, I like never crying and feeling more ''cold headed'' when I wasn't on t I would cry about everything in the most innaproppiate settings and I really really hated that. I am still very uncertain, I guess I'll just have to wait and see lmao.
muscle gain is not a permanent change? i dunno if i misunderstood what you were saying but muscle development is very much dependent on the hormone currently dominant in your body and muscles do require continuous development
ok later on in the video you did make clear you know that your muscles may deteriorate, so i must've either misunderstood or you misspoken
yea i think the way i worded it at first was kinda confusing lol. sorry abt that
I transitioned in 1988, top surgery and hysterectomy (a human rights violation by The Netherlands). Was on T until about 1997, didn't like myself as a person on T. I halted use until 2017, when my GP advised me to because of osteoporosis. Again, didn't like myself as a person, halted again. I must also say that there was not much reversal, not in beard growth, my larynx had grown, fat distribution maybe a little and I've always been a cyclist so I never developed my chest or biceps anyway.
i got my hysterectomy for the exact same reason and when i went off T my ovaries no longer worked the way they were supposed to so I couldn't actually stop taking HRT. I'll have to take Estrogen HRT from here on out if I do want to go off T which is so annoying since I hate taking medication regardless T_T
I'm absolutely terrified to take testosterone, not because I don't want to transition, I want facial hair, deep voice, etc. (I am scared to lose hair early because I love my curls!) I'm not afraid I would regret it, I'm afraid of the blood problems it may cause (heart wise, blood clots, diabetes type 2,)
Thanks for sharing this is so interesting and useful for other trans guys. Im on T and plan to stay on but love to learn abt other transition paths 💘
Ok, so this is an entirely subjective perspective from an amab person who has been through *five puberties so far. My thought on why testosterone increases muscle density is that at higher levels it causes you to subconsciously tense your muscles more often. So I think that if you keep a relatively active lifestyle maintaining that muscle mass will probably be pretty easy. And if not before like getting on T again I would just try to make sure every muscle in your body gets exercise once a week Maintaining that muscle should be a lot easier than gaining it in the first place.
hey Im not a transperson. Always learning about different life experiences so very much supporter. I have female hormones and I go throu a big rolllercoaster of emotions when my E en P are high or low. Some parts of my cicle I feel strong and some I feel very sad. Some days I wish I had more stable hormones. I also hate my period its awefull wish I also could remove it . Hopefully it won't be a rollercoaster for you.
tysm for sharing this!!
I have a question? For your hair, can a trans guy take Finasteride and would it work as well as it would on a cis man?
yes it'd work tho taking fin (or dutasteride) for many many years isn't the best idea bc it's associated w/ a lot of disorders