I've been off of T for a year and a half now and I feel great about it, I reached a point where i'm confortable enough not to need it and the perspective of loosing my hair plus the hastle of dealing with prescriptions and injections was a lot. I waited until i could get a partial hysterectomy since i really didn't want my period to come back, and now it feels really nice to just exist without having to deal with all of it. It feels peaceful. Getting off of T is not for everybody of course, but as you said I think it's important to go into it giving yourself permission to change your mind and to reassess your needs and wants
I hope you don't mind me asking, but a curious trans guy here - does this mean that you can have a type of hysterectomy that makes it so that a period doesn't come back, but you also still get estrogen in your system, aka you don't have to take any supplements? Because I know that when you do a whole hysterectomy, you will then always have to take T, because your body doesn't produce oestrogen anymore, and you need to have one or the other hormone in your body for it to function normally?
@@metroboomin8895 I don't mind at all! I had my uterus, cervix and fallopean tubes removed but kept my ovaries, that way I still have estrogen production but don't get periods (you can actually keep the cervix and fallopean tubes as well as long as you take out the uterus) you can still have some period symptoms and pms but not the bleeding itself
@@metroboomin8895 i am curious about this too, I'm thinking of getting a hysterectomy but i thought i'd always have to be on T because of complications when you're without hormones
im close TO going on T and one of my thoughts has been that if i regret it, i can just go off. I dont feel worried about ‘irreversible effects’ like my voice dropping forever and seeing you be happy after stopping T affirms that for me
Woah I remember watching your videos back when I was probably 15/16 which was during the period I identified as a trans man. Watching you gave me strength and so much perspective on the topic! I'm now 21 and I've also started exploring my gender beyond the binary, realising a few years ago that I'm neither cis nor trans. It's really comforting to know that despite my story being so complicated and constantly changing, there are other people, like yourself, who experience and discover gender similarly! I'm so happy for you and I wish you the best ❤
hi kovu! i’ve been following you for years and i love watching your journey and watch you figure out who you are :) i check in on your account sometimes just to see how you’re doing and you always make me smile! lots of love :)
Thanx Kovu! So nice to see you’re fine and happy! How you feel, your experience with T; reasons why start and why stop T etc and specially how you talk about it is just so incredibly helpful and eye opening for me. Helped me realize a lot for me too. So happy about that and so grateful! Your latest videos helped me to realize several things, to be able to make an Important change for me and being okay with it! hank you so much ! 🙏 you’re lovely and great as your boyfriend too! Kind regards, Mo💛
hey kovu, ive been watching you since i was a kid and came back through the years to see how things were going for you and i always loved to listen. but although im not trans myself, it broke my heart when you said how you felt back then, i'm still in exact same point in my life right now that i even posted my unfinished writing thinking i wouldnt be able to finish it just to have some of it be out there, but seeing your progress and how you make decisions you want and that make you feel happy makes me think i should be a little bit more patient and not so harsh about the life that i have, want and dont have yet. take care and i wish you all the best!
Yo Kovu, if you do end up restarting T but still have concerns about balding, look into finasteride or duasteride. They are 5 alpha-reducatase inhibitors, meaning they block the conversion of T into DHT, which is the hormone responsible for hair loss, bottom growth, facial and body hair growth.
I grew up with your videos as a young trans teen, assuming I was solely a binary trans man. Yeah so that was a lie I'm bigender and a lesbian now LOL I guess we all go through these changes every once in awhile! I'm 21 now. I'm a bit more confident in my identity than I was years ago, and you were def an inspo. ty kovu :3
Hi, I’ve never seen your channel before but I’m a nonbinary AFAB person trying to figure out how I want to transition and your video brings me a lot of comfort in what’s honestly kinda scary. I’ve felt very lost since as you said with trans people it’s like a path and you follow it and I’ve felt like that but there isn’t a path for me to take. I’ve debated going on T and you making this video is really great and I really appreciate it.
Your videos have always had this wholesome vibe to them! I started T about a month after you and it has been so nice to hear your perspective on things.
So how`s T doing for you? There`s no info on your channel, just you went away, you`d taken T and changed. Your last video was a year ago. What happened to the top surgery you were planning? Let`s hear your perspective on things. People want to hear about Tpeople who`ve been on cross-sex hormones for 3/4 years plus.
it's been months since i watched a video of yours, just wanted to say you were so helpful for me and i am finally getting top surgery in a month, i am so so happy because i remember you getting it and how i wish it was me, anyway im so happy to see you posting a new vid
hi!! I remember watching your videos since 2017 when I was 14 learning my identity. I'm 21 now and have just now started figuring myself out and undoing years of repression. You're right about the progression thing and certain "checkpoints" that I don't really want to do but there's no "right" way to be trans everybody's journey is different and its okay if that takes a while. I was so happy to see your video in my recommended though I'm glad you are doing well
You talk about things needed to be that way made me change the way I think about something that I couldn't stop hating myself for. It was a decision I've made when I was younger which now makes me want to go back and tell my younger self to not make that decision. Your words about ending it if you weren't able to get your treatment gave me a different perspective, because I would do the same thing if I didn't make that decision. Thank you and sorry for my english :)
Kovu, I know I’ve already told you this before, but I’m genuinely wholeheartedly so friggin proud of you dude. I look up to you beyond words and I can’t wait to see what you do moving forward on your journey of loving and finding yourself 🩷 you’re incredible and I’m forever sending my love to you my friend
Hi Kovu! Thank you so much for this video! I've been on T for 5 years (started at 19, I'm now 25) and I've been thinking about stopping for about six months now. I have extreme health anxiety, so getting a blood test (where the results are kind of not okay, and I've been told by multiple doctors that it's because of HRT, and it's not gonna get better) every three months is getting more and more difficult, also I want to become a dad (not biologically), and I don't think having T gel on my skin would be safe for a baby/kid, and I can only take T in a gel form, so the only option I see is stopping. I rarely see people who go off T and don't detransition, and seeing people being happy about "getting back their feminine features" makes me really dysphoric and scared. It was really interesting to see your side, the way you think about things, and I feel like I can relate, like I still don't think that I "made the wrong choice", if I'd be at the beginning right now, with all the knowledge I have now about being on T, I'd do it again, my body still makes me happy, but I don't think relying on medication (hormones and antidepressants, just like you) is a sustainable thing for me for the long term. They got me through really difficult parts of my life, and I'm so thankful I have access to them. Testosterone (and top surgery) helped me make my body suitable for my soul, and I'm still not 100% sure my soul would do okay without it, but the point is: Thanks for being relatable, I feel a little less alone, and this video gave me a lot to think about
You say `I have extreme health anxiety, so getting a blood test (where the results are kind of not okay, and I've been told by multiple doctors that it's because of HRT, and it's not gonna get better)` Well you need to get off t then. When your blood test is `kind of not okay` and `multiple doctors` say you`ve got a problem because of HRT, that`s the time to stop it. They should just stop it, and give you the medication you need to get your blood test to have results that are `kind of okay.`
Hey! I'm a trans man, who was on T gel for eight months, and came off of it suddenly (for me, it was moving house and my local GP surgery refusing to continue the shared care agreement I'd had with private gender specialists, and just did not continue my testosterone prescription... ... ... yay). It felt terrible to begin with, because it wasn't a choice that I'd made, and going on T had been such an exciting prospect for me. But it's been a year and a half now, and I honestly haven't experienced any of my changes reverse - I lost a bit of weight, but that was it. Granted, I also hadn't experienced many changes on T (my face was masculinised a bit, my voice dropped, and I gained some weight), but I'm passing as much as I did while I was on it, and my relationship to my gender has remained the same. - Hope that makes you feel a bit more at ease with the prospect of stopping T yourself, if that is what you decide to do!
@@barryledgister4496 Oh, I currently don't have any problems (aside from the health anxiety, but I'm on meds to reduce that) and my doctors say it's okay to stay on T, medically, it's just not optimal, but it won't ever be optimal, since it's hormones. Taking hormones is always dangerous. I'm not feeling unwell, I'm being monitored regularly, and I'm still on T because my doctors told me it's okay. The test results are not in the very dangerous range, but also not in the optimal. The doctors said it's gonna stay the same but it's not going to kill me. Any kind of HRT shortens life if you're on it for a long time, it is how it is.
been following you since about 2016 when i was just starting to figure out my own trans identity. i love seeing you grow and figuring yourself out over the years. i feel similar about being on T. i needed to start when i did to survive and i'm quite impressed that i was able to make that clear of a choice at 18/19 years old but it needed to happen. i never thought i'd be on T for my whole life, i just go along with how i feel and if i still want to be on T. growing up and becoming an adult while also transitioning to save your own life definetly is a strange experience.
Så kul att se dig igen! Är lika gammal som dig och brukade kolla på dina videos i tonåren. Kom också ut 2015 som transman men ser mig som ickebinär nu. Allt tog väldigt lång tid så börade testo först för 7 veckor sen. Så intressant att höra dina upplevelser
i really appreciate this video. i've been on t for 5 months and i get a little worried because there's so much propaganda surrounding this topic. but i needed to see a video like this, bcs now i have hope. thank you for being open about your experience, it gave me a lot of relief as a young trans guy. i hope the rest of your journey goes well
Hi Sweetie! What a great video! I love seeing your face! I have a question. Has your family found another dog? Love you so very much and you are always my boy! xoxoxo
holy crap he's less than 2 years older than me? I felt like such a kid looking up to them. This is actually a similar story to me. I have been forgetting to take my shots lately & tbh I've been thinkinig about staying off for awhile. I have a consult with a surgeon & that made me realize: If I'm getting top surgery, I won't need testosterone to make me feel nonbinary. I wish my voice could still get deeper, but I've also reached a point where I am starting to dislike my fat distribution. I think it was nice maybe a year ago, but now it's getting more internal & in my abdomen, which at first was better than my hips but now is kind of unpleasant. A while ago I was really really happy with my body hair but now I think I'm going too far to the masculine side of things. Now, I'm finally happy with my facial hair. Testosterone has done what I wanted, but it has also gone past what I wanted in some areas (not enough on my voice) & I think I was staying on it, partially bc I like how strong it makes me feel & I want to keep dropping my voice, but also because I feel like I need the masculinity while I'm still pre-op. I think once I get top surgery I won't need to be masculine in my hormones too, I can be nonbinary because I have less femininity that needs to be evened out with hormones. I have noticed that since I've been on T I am more comfortable dressing or accessorising in feminine ways bc I don't feel like I need to balance out my body's fem with dressing masc. I haven't had a period yet tho so we'll have to wait until then.
You can`t pick and choose the effects of testosterone. You`re obviously a woman who doesn`t like the effects of t, so stop it, move on, and stop obsessing about something as insignificant as `gender`. Look at Kovu, two years older than you, but could pass for a decade and a half older.
The direct feeling of empathy and joy about the little things in life are something that happens after overcoming depression. I dont see it as something related to gender. The who is more trans thing and who transition earlier sounds a lot like pro ana groups. Ideally comparison and envy should not be part of transitioning. Yes, hairloss is probably never the only reason to stop T. Cis men don't start estrogen to keep their hair. Hormones have an effect on way more than just hair So a single cosmetic thing cannot be the reason to completely change the endocrine system. Yes, 16 is really young. I can only imagine what this means to think "how would life has been for me without medical Intervention as my birth gender" even if you have been suicidal back then. I also see in many trans people after years of transition when they are more chill they start thinking as if gender doesn't matter that much and even thinking they could have easily lived as their birth gender because they forget how they felt like before transitioning. Making sure you dont make a decision because of pressure is almost impossible because even so you want to keep that out of the equation you still feel the pressure otherwise it would not have been a thought at all. What you say in the end that it was impossible to delay starting T.. That's what is not take seriously when talking about young people even if they are not forever trans. A lot of the people who are called rogd or whatever.. They still so suffer very much and it needs to be treated and take seriously. It is not as if there was no problem at all even if they later stop T or whatever. Something was going on nonetheless.
This is incredibly helpful, i came out recently, im 22 and have been questioning myself for a while now, but i keep doubting wether t is right for me or not, as im not even sure if im a trans boy or just nonbinary, and what transition looks like for me....but what you said about not regretting taking t because you wouldnt have been able to move on without trying, like it would just constantly be in the back of your head, the 'what if'....thats how i feel, and i think im okay with the permanent changes if i want to go off, so i think i should just try it? But im going to give myself a bit more time to adjust to being out, and the social transition aspect....i dont feel a lot of disphoria but since coming out everything has doubled and the social disphoria and impostor syndrome are so hard to navigate, makes me wonder if im just making a mistake, cause things are harder now than before coming out, but again if i dont allow myself to explore it i will forever regret it
Also im pretty sure i want top surgery but i dont want to do that until o decide if i want t or not, so im like having to try to be patient and give myself time but omg its so hard to just sit, and try not to panic when the anxieties and doubts come, even while i know im feeling euphoria with some parts of my transition.....being not cis is complex hahaha
Hi! It feels weird to be commenting but i want to share how gratefull i am for your "openness". I found your channel in 2019, i believe that it was one where you explained what was disphoria. Your videos (and other trans creators) were a big part of my journey figuring out my gender and what i wanted. It was ages ago, mostly 5ish years i guess - and throughout the years I have been following your journey and today it feels like a full circle. I turned 20 yesterday, and i had my first T shot yesterday too. It feels weird to know that my 15 year-old self was watching your videos and praying about the moment that i was able to be on T and it felt like it was never going to happen, and now I'm still here. I am grateful that you chose to share your life with the internet and help so many of us thru rough patches. (i know this comment is kind of messy but its a lof of emotions and not my first language, i hope you understand it) Thank you for reading this, Miguel - all the way from Portugal.
i have a funny friend group in that i’ve got one trans masc friend, i’ve been on T almost two years (after waiting 5, oof. the only thing keeping me around was that i kept being handed false hope throughout that process), no surgery, and my friend has had top surgery but hasn’t started T yet. we’re both exploring ourselves in slightly different ways. id like to get surgery and he’s going to start T hopefully soon, but i think either of us would be chill about stopping T. we’re not transmeds at all, i never really fell into that and they’re not binary trans so, lol.
I love how open you talk about this, especially compared to the old videos where you kinda tried to fit into the box of a trans man. I've had so many similar experiences. Went from a trans man to nonbinary to I've never really tried being a woman and I'm curious if I could be one to I don't want to label anything anymore to nonbinary again. And it's not like I'm new to this, I've thought about it for six years now and been out for three. I changed my name a few times and still haven't really found the right one, right now I use a nickname of my birth name, and honestly I don't even know if I want to change it. Started T last week and in the weeks leading up to that I realized that I have actually no Idea what my transition goal is. I dont think I want to stay on T forever, but probably once the changes start, I'll change my mind. Or realize that T actually isn't for me. I always wanted top surgery but right now I'm not sure if I still need it. And I honestly have no Idea where the social transition is going. There's a new self ID law, I could change my legal gender... And I dont know if I'll ever want to. But if there's one thing I learn from you then it's that this is okay. I don't have to know where I'm going, but I'm sure that this is the right path.
in case you do want to go back on T, please also look into going on finasteride, I've recently gone on finasteride in addition to T to treat beginning hair loss
I find your experience so enlightening and it reassures me that I'm not the only one being more on the non binary side. I'm getting my uterus removed in a few weeks, and after that I'm going to drastically drop the amount of T I'm taking. Most of the changes I needed happened and I'm confortable now, and as long as I don't have my period, which was a very disphoric thing for me, then I don't mind getting off of T for a bit. It's nice to feel it's something I can choose for myself, and that it means being closer to myself without worrying about being a real trans or something. I reached my most comfy spot, I'm in better health than Ive ever been, and you make me feel seen. Thank you so much for all your videos and your openness about these things!
thank you for sharing your experience.❤ when i started hrt over a year ago at 19yo, i accepted the possibility of me stopping it in a few years - i actually knew that one day i will want to stop (and perhaps start again later), but that day has not come yet. :) it doesnt change anything about the fact that im trans and that hrt helped me so much when it comes to daily life and overall comfort in my body. i feel great with where im at at the moment.🌼 different people have different needs and goals that can change as time passes. im happy to be able to hear about your journey. i wish you all the best!
I've been a passive viewer of this channel since the video where you came out to your parents, and although I knew I was trans at the time, I only managed to access T 2 years ago. I just wanted to say it's really comforting to hear your perspective on this and I really appreciate it. I'm happy on T right now and I'm steadfast in my identity, but it's comforting to hear someone who was once a binary trans man come up and say it's okay to just go with the flow of your identity. I have a lot of admiration for you and the place you are in right now compared to what you put out online years ago. I'd love to see further reflections in the future, your rambles are quite captivating :)
this honestly kinda inspired me as a transmasc pre everything nonbinary person :) the thought of not having to do it forever .. bc its honestly the only worry for me, balding... thanks kovu :) will totally mention this in my next therapy session :D
I also made sure I would be ok stopping T before starting, I even watched detransitioner's videos because I also wanted to make sure I would be ok being a detransitioner if that ever happened. I am.now 2 years on T and not looking to go off it. I have always related so much to how you explain you experiences and it's crazy. I did not come out as early as you, but how you explain your experiences really resonates with me
Happy belated birthday Kovu! I've been following you for years, and I'm glad you're doing alright 😊 Much love from Minnesota 🫶 Edit: I just had a thought while you were wrapping up your video: I think you're such a cool person no matter what you choose to do with yourself and your life. I'm glad to have found your channel and I look forward to any updates you have about anything! One of the things I remember you doing was making jewelry out of bones, that was really neat! Do you still do that? Stay awesome Kovu, you are loved and supported!
I've been watching you for years and I'm so happy you could find yourself!! And I'm greatfull I get to know these about you!! You are awesome, thank you so much for everything! I also understand the thing about testosterone you say on 14:37. You wanted it then so it was important to have it.
Wow, I remember watching as you started T when I was 12 and figuring out my own gender. I just started T ten months ago and I'm hoping to one day be as comfortable with myself as you are 🏳⚧
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I've been off of T for a year and a half now and I feel great about it, I reached a point where i'm confortable enough not to need it and the perspective of loosing my hair plus the hastle of dealing with prescriptions and injections was a lot. I waited until i could get a partial hysterectomy since i really didn't want my period to come back, and now it feels really nice to just exist without having to deal with all of it. It feels peaceful. Getting off of T is not for everybody of course, but as you said I think it's important to go into it giving yourself permission to change your mind and to reassess your needs and wants
I hope you don't mind me asking, but a curious trans guy here - does this mean that you can have a type of hysterectomy that makes it so that a period doesn't come back, but you also still get estrogen in your system, aka you don't have to take any supplements? Because I know that when you do a whole hysterectomy, you will then always have to take T, because your body doesn't produce oestrogen anymore, and you need to have one or the other hormone in your body for it to function normally?
@@metroboomin8895 I don't mind at all! I had my uterus, cervix and fallopean tubes removed but kept my ovaries, that way I still have estrogen production but don't get periods (you can actually keep the cervix and fallopean tubes as well as long as you take out the uterus) you can still have some period symptoms and pms but not the bleeding itself
@@metroboomin8895 i am curious about this too, I'm thinking of getting a hysterectomy but i thought i'd always have to be on T because of complications when you're without hormones
@@metroboomin8895 Probably hysterectomy without oophorectomy (removal of ovaries)
@@metroboomin8895 A partial hysterectomy only removes the uterus. The ovaries stay in place.
im close TO going on T and one of my thoughts has been that if i regret it, i can just go off. I dont feel worried about ‘irreversible effects’ like my voice dropping forever and seeing you be happy after stopping T affirms that for me
Woah I remember watching your videos back when I was probably 15/16 which was during the period I identified as a trans man. Watching you gave me strength and so much perspective on the topic! I'm now 21 and I've also started exploring my gender beyond the binary, realising a few years ago that I'm neither cis nor trans. It's really comforting to know that despite my story being so complicated and constantly changing, there are other people, like yourself, who experience and discover gender similarly! I'm so happy for you and I wish you the best ❤
hi kovu! i’ve been following you for years and i love watching your journey and watch you figure out who you are :) i check in on your account sometimes just to see how you’re doing and you always make me smile! lots of love :)
That is so sweet! Thank you so much for this and for following along :’) sending lots of love your way and I hope you’re well!
Same to me🙏👌🏻😀
Thanx Kovu! So nice to see you’re fine and happy! How you feel, your experience with T; reasons why start and why stop T etc and specially how you talk about it is just so incredibly helpful and eye opening for me. Helped me realize a lot for me too. So happy about that and so grateful! Your latest videos helped me to realize several things, to be able to make an Important change for me and being okay with it! hank you so much ! 🙏 you’re lovely and great as your boyfriend too! Kind regards, Mo💛
@@Kovukingsrod 0:49 4:05 If you wanted everything to stay the same why don't go back on testen gel microdosing it ?
I just got T from riksen !!! Been waiting 6 years lol
Been watching you for years and it’s finally my turn so excited
hey kovu, ive been watching you since i was a kid and came back through the years to see how things were going for you and i always loved to listen. but although im not trans myself, it broke my heart when you said how you felt back then, i'm still in exact same point in my life right now that i even posted my unfinished writing thinking i wouldnt be able to finish it just to have some of it be out there, but seeing your progress and how you make decisions you want and that make you feel happy makes me think i should be a little bit more patient and not so harsh about the life that i have, want and dont have yet. take care and i wish you all the best!
Yo Kovu, if you do end up restarting T but still have concerns about balding, look into finasteride or duasteride. They are 5 alpha-reducatase inhibitors, meaning they block the conversion of T into DHT, which is the hormone responsible for hair loss, bottom growth, facial and body hair growth.
I grew up with your videos as a young trans teen, assuming I was solely a binary trans man. Yeah so that was a lie I'm bigender and a lesbian now LOL I guess we all go through these changes every once in awhile! I'm 21 now. I'm a bit more confident in my identity than I was years ago, and you were def an inspo. ty kovu :3
Hi, I’ve never seen your channel before but I’m a nonbinary AFAB person trying to figure out how I want to transition and your video brings me a lot of comfort in what’s honestly kinda scary. I’ve felt very lost since as you said with trans people it’s like a path and you follow it and I’ve felt like that but there isn’t a path for me to take. I’ve debated going on T and you making this video is really great and I really appreciate it.
Your videos have always had this wholesome vibe to them! I started T about a month after you and it has been so nice to hear your perspective on things.
So how`s T doing for you? There`s no info on your channel, just you went away, you`d taken T and changed. Your last video was a year ago. What happened to the top surgery you were planning? Let`s hear your perspective on things. People want to hear about Tpeople who`ve been on cross-sex hormones for 3/4 years plus.
it's been months since i watched a video of yours, just wanted to say you were so helpful for me and i am finally getting top surgery in a month, i am so so happy because i remember you getting it and how i wish it was me, anyway im so happy to see you posting a new vid
hi!! I remember watching your videos since 2017 when I was 14 learning my identity. I'm 21 now and have just now started figuring myself out and undoing years of repression. You're right about the progression thing and certain "checkpoints" that I don't really want to do but there's no "right" way to be trans everybody's journey is different and its okay if that takes a while. I was so happy to see your video in my recommended though I'm glad you are doing well
You talk about things needed to be that way made me change the way I think about something that I couldn't stop hating myself for. It was a decision I've made when I was younger which now makes me want to go back and tell my younger self to not make that decision. Your words about ending it if you weren't able to get your treatment gave me a different perspective, because I would do the same thing if I didn't make that decision. Thank you and sorry for my english :)
Thank you for sharing all of these. It's really important for some of us to hear it. Sending a hug.
Kovu, I know I’ve already told you this before, but I’m genuinely wholeheartedly so friggin proud of you dude. I look up to you beyond words and I can’t wait to see what you do moving forward on your journey of loving and finding yourself 🩷 you’re incredible and I’m forever sending my love to you my friend
Hi Kovu! Thank you so much for this video! I've been on T for 5 years (started at 19, I'm now 25) and I've been thinking about stopping for about six months now. I have extreme health anxiety, so getting a blood test (where the results are kind of not okay, and I've been told by multiple doctors that it's because of HRT, and it's not gonna get better) every three months is getting more and more difficult, also I want to become a dad (not biologically), and I don't think having T gel on my skin would be safe for a baby/kid, and I can only take T in a gel form, so the only option I see is stopping. I rarely see people who go off T and don't detransition, and seeing people being happy about "getting back their feminine features" makes me really dysphoric and scared. It was really interesting to see your side, the way you think about things, and I feel like I can relate, like I still don't think that I "made the wrong choice", if I'd be at the beginning right now, with all the knowledge I have now about being on T, I'd do it again, my body still makes me happy, but I don't think relying on medication (hormones and antidepressants, just like you) is a sustainable thing for me for the long term. They got me through really difficult parts of my life, and I'm so thankful I have access to them. Testosterone (and top surgery) helped me make my body suitable for my soul, and I'm still not 100% sure my soul would do okay without it, but the point is: Thanks for being relatable, I feel a little less alone, and this video gave me a lot to think about
You say `I have extreme health anxiety, so getting a blood test (where the results are kind of not okay, and I've been told by multiple doctors that it's because of HRT, and it's not gonna get better)`
Well you need to get off t then. When your blood test is `kind of not okay` and `multiple doctors` say you`ve got a problem because of HRT, that`s the time to stop it. They should just stop it, and give you the medication you need to get your blood test to have results that are `kind of okay.`
Hey! I'm a trans man, who was on T gel for eight months, and came off of it suddenly (for me, it was moving house and my local GP surgery refusing to continue the shared care agreement I'd had with private gender specialists, and just did not continue my testosterone prescription... ... ... yay). It felt terrible to begin with, because it wasn't a choice that I'd made, and going on T had been such an exciting prospect for me. But it's been a year and a half now, and I honestly haven't experienced any of my changes reverse - I lost a bit of weight, but that was it. Granted, I also hadn't experienced many changes on T (my face was masculinised a bit, my voice dropped, and I gained some weight), but I'm passing as much as I did while I was on it, and my relationship to my gender has remained the same. - Hope that makes you feel a bit more at ease with the prospect of stopping T yourself, if that is what you decide to do!
@@barryledgister4496 Oh, I currently don't have any problems (aside from the health anxiety, but I'm on meds to reduce that) and my doctors say it's okay to stay on T, medically, it's just not optimal, but it won't ever be optimal, since it's hormones. Taking hormones is always dangerous. I'm not feeling unwell, I'm being monitored regularly, and I'm still on T because my doctors told me it's okay. The test results are not in the very dangerous range, but also not in the optimal. The doctors said it's gonna stay the same but it's not going to kill me. Any kind of HRT shortens life if you're on it for a long time, it is how it is.
Great to see you, Kovu! I'm glad you're looking happy and well.
been following you since about 2016 when i was just starting to figure out my own trans identity. i love seeing you grow and figuring yourself out over the years.
i feel similar about being on T. i needed to start when i did to survive and i'm quite impressed that i was able to make that clear of a choice at 18/19 years old but it needed to happen. i never thought i'd be on T for my whole life, i just go along with how i feel and if i still want to be on T.
growing up and becoming an adult while also transitioning to save your own life definetly is a strange experience.
I’ve been watching you for years I’m very happy for you and your happiness.❤
It's so nice to see you again Kovu💕
oh hey kovu
Så kul att se dig igen! Är lika gammal som dig och brukade kolla på dina videos i tonåren. Kom också ut 2015 som transman men ser mig som ickebinär nu. Allt tog väldigt lång tid så börade testo först för 7 veckor sen. Så intressant att höra dina upplevelser
I've been thinking about stopping T myself after 3 years on it so this is very helpful
i really appreciate this video. i've been on t for 5 months and i get a little worried because there's so much propaganda surrounding this topic. but i needed to see a video like this, bcs now i have hope.
thank you for being open about your experience, it gave me a lot of relief as a young trans guy. i hope the rest of your journey goes well
Hi Sweetie!
What a great video!
I love seeing your face!
I have a question. Has your family found another dog?
Love you so very much and you are always my boy! xoxoxo
Glad you seem to be doing well.
holy crap he's less than 2 years older than me? I felt like such a kid looking up to them.
This is actually a similar story to me. I have been forgetting to take my shots lately & tbh I've been thinkinig about staying off for awhile. I have a consult with a surgeon & that made me realize: If I'm getting top surgery, I won't need testosterone to make me feel nonbinary. I wish my voice could still get deeper, but I've also reached a point where I am starting to dislike my fat distribution. I think it was nice maybe a year ago, but now it's getting more internal & in my abdomen, which at first was better than my hips but now is kind of unpleasant. A while ago I was really really happy with my body hair but now I think I'm going too far to the masculine side of things. Now, I'm finally happy with my facial hair. Testosterone has done what I wanted, but it has also gone past what I wanted in some areas (not enough on my voice) & I think I was staying on it, partially bc I like how strong it makes me feel & I want to keep dropping my voice, but also because I feel like I need the masculinity while I'm still pre-op. I think once I get top surgery I won't need to be masculine in my hormones too, I can be nonbinary because I have less femininity that needs to be evened out with hormones. I have noticed that since I've been on T I am more comfortable dressing or accessorising in feminine ways bc I don't feel like I need to balance out my body's fem with dressing masc. I haven't had a period yet tho so we'll have to wait until then.
You can`t pick and choose the effects of testosterone. You`re obviously a woman who doesn`t like the effects of t, so stop it, move on, and stop obsessing about something as insignificant as `gender`. Look at Kovu, two years older than you, but could pass for a decade and a half older.
happy late bday kovu!!
The direct feeling of empathy and joy about the little things in life are something that happens after overcoming depression. I dont see it as something related to gender.
The who is more trans thing and who transition earlier sounds a lot like pro ana groups. Ideally comparison and envy should not be part of transitioning.
Yes, hairloss is probably never the only reason to stop T. Cis men don't start estrogen to keep their hair. Hormones have an effect on way more than just hair So a single cosmetic thing cannot be the reason to completely change the endocrine system.
Yes, 16 is really young. I can only imagine what this means to think "how would life has been for me without medical Intervention as my birth gender" even if you have been suicidal back then. I also see in many trans people after years of transition when they are more chill they start thinking as if gender doesn't matter that much and even thinking they could have easily lived as their birth gender because they forget how they felt like before transitioning.
Making sure you dont make a decision because of pressure is almost impossible because even so you want to keep that out of the equation you still feel the pressure otherwise it would not have been a thought at all.
What you say in the end that it was impossible to delay starting T.. That's what is not take seriously when talking about young people even if they are not forever trans. A lot of the people who are called rogd or whatever.. They still so suffer very much and it needs to be treated and take seriously. It is not as if there was no problem at all even if they later stop T or whatever. Something was going on nonetheless.
This is incredibly helpful, i came out recently, im 22 and have been questioning myself for a while now, but i keep doubting wether t is right for me or not, as im not even sure if im a trans boy or just nonbinary, and what transition looks like for me....but what you said about not regretting taking t because you wouldnt have been able to move on without trying, like it would just constantly be in the back of your head, the 'what if'....thats how i feel, and i think im okay with the permanent changes if i want to go off, so i think i should just try it? But im going to give myself a bit more time to adjust to being out, and the social transition aspect....i dont feel a lot of disphoria but since coming out everything has doubled and the social disphoria and impostor syndrome are so hard to navigate, makes me wonder if im just making a mistake, cause things are harder now than before coming out, but again if i dont allow myself to explore it i will forever regret it
Also im pretty sure i want top surgery but i dont want to do that until o decide if i want t or not, so im like having to try to be patient and give myself time but omg its so hard to just sit, and try not to panic when the anxieties and doubts come, even while i know im feeling euphoria with some parts of my transition.....being not cis is complex hahaha
Good to see you :)
Hi! It feels weird to be commenting but i want to share how gratefull i am for your "openness". I found your channel in 2019, i believe that it was one where you explained what was disphoria. Your videos (and other trans creators) were a big part of my journey figuring out my gender and what i wanted. It was ages ago, mostly 5ish years i guess - and throughout the years I have been following your journey and today it feels like a full circle. I turned 20 yesterday, and i had my first T shot yesterday too. It feels weird to know that my 15 year-old self was watching your videos and praying about the moment that i was able to be on T and it felt like it was never going to happen, and now I'm still here. I am grateful that you chose to share your life with the internet and help so many of us thru rough patches. (i know this comment is kind of messy but its a lof of emotions and not my first language, i hope you understand it) Thank you for reading this, Miguel - all the way from Portugal.
i have a funny friend group in that i’ve got one trans masc friend, i’ve been on T almost two years (after waiting 5, oof. the only thing keeping me around was that i kept being handed false hope throughout that process), no surgery, and my friend has had top surgery but hasn’t started T yet. we’re both exploring ourselves in slightly different ways. id like to get surgery and he’s going to start T hopefully soon, but i think either of us would be chill about stopping T. we’re not transmeds at all, i never really fell into that and they’re not binary trans so, lol.
Kovu!! 😊 hi henlo glad you fine and well. also cool informative video
12:00 "I would not be ready to start it if I wasn't comfortable with stopping it"
I love how open you talk about this, especially compared to the old videos where you kinda tried to fit into the box of a trans man. I've had so many similar experiences. Went from a trans man to nonbinary to I've never really tried being a woman and I'm curious if I could be one to I don't want to label anything anymore to nonbinary again. And it's not like I'm new to this, I've thought about it for six years now and been out for three.
I changed my name a few times and still haven't really found the right one, right now I use a nickname of my birth name, and honestly I don't even know if I want to change it.
Started T last week and in the weeks leading up to that I realized that I have actually no Idea what my transition goal is. I dont think I want to stay on T forever, but probably once the changes start, I'll change my mind. Or realize that T actually isn't for me. I always wanted top surgery but right now I'm not sure if I still need it.
And I honestly have no Idea where the social transition is going. There's a new self ID law, I could change my legal gender... And I dont know if I'll ever want to.
But if there's one thing I learn from you then it's that this is okay. I don't have to know where I'm going, but I'm sure that this is the right path.
Loved hearing your perspective! Got back on T after stopping it for a few months (:
You have Ehlers-Danlos-Syndrom. GD is a Symptom - also Hormonimbalance.
Sometimes as a cis guy i wish i could "go off testosterone" cus i wanna FEEL more lol
in case you do want to go back on T, please also look into going on finasteride, I've recently gone on finasteride in addition to T to treat beginning hair loss
You still look great regardless
❤
Will your voice stay the same or will it get a high pitch ?
It stays the same
Heyy, I'm here since... when was that... 2017?
I took my time. I'm starting T in a few months ^^
We lost another one
Kovu Kingsrod got mentioned (with a pic) on Mx Morphling`s latest video. Mx Morphling`s been off t for two years.
I find your experience so enlightening and it reassures me that I'm not the only one being more on the non binary side. I'm getting my uterus removed in a few weeks, and after that I'm going to drastically drop the amount of T I'm taking. Most of the changes I needed happened and I'm confortable now, and as long as I don't have my period, which was a very disphoric thing for me, then I don't mind getting off of T for a bit. It's nice to feel it's something I can choose for myself, and that it means being closer to myself without worrying about being a real trans or something. I reached my most comfy spot, I'm in better health than Ive ever been, and you make me feel seen. Thank you so much for all your videos and your openness about these things!
thank you for sharing your experience.❤
when i started hrt over a year ago at 19yo, i accepted the possibility of me stopping it in a few years - i actually knew that one day i will want to stop (and perhaps start again later), but that day has not come yet. :) it doesnt change anything about the fact that im trans and that hrt helped me so much when it comes to daily life and overall comfort in my body. i feel great with where im at at the moment.🌼
different people have different needs and goals that can change as time passes.
im happy to be able to hear about your journey.
i wish you all the best!
About the authenticity.. I dont know. I feel authentic after transitioning but didn't feel unauthentic before transitioning.
I've been a passive viewer of this channel since the video where you came out to your parents, and although I knew I was trans at the time, I only managed to access T 2 years ago. I just wanted to say it's really comforting to hear your perspective on this and I really appreciate it. I'm happy on T right now and I'm steadfast in my identity, but it's comforting to hear someone who was once a binary trans man come up and say it's okay to just go with the flow of your identity. I have a lot of admiration for you and the place you are in right now compared to what you put out online years ago. I'd love to see further reflections in the future, your rambles are quite captivating :)
this honestly kinda inspired me as a transmasc pre everything nonbinary person :) the thought of not having to do it forever .. bc its honestly the only worry for me, balding... thanks kovu :) will totally mention this in my next therapy session :D
I also made sure I would be ok stopping T before starting, I even watched detransitioner's videos because I also wanted to make sure I would be ok being a detransitioner if that ever happened. I am.now 2 years on T and not looking to go off it. I have always related so much to how you explain you experiences and it's crazy. I did not come out as early as you, but how you explain your experiences really resonates with me
Interesting guy you are
Happy belated birthday Kovu!
I've been following you for years, and I'm glad you're doing alright 😊 Much love from Minnesota 🫶
Edit: I just had a thought while you were wrapping up your video: I think you're such a cool person no matter what you choose to do with yourself and your life. I'm glad to have found your channel and I look forward to any updates you have about anything!
One of the things I remember you doing was making jewelry out of bones, that was really neat! Do you still do that?
Stay awesome Kovu, you are loved and supported!
Sounds slightly Frankenstein-ish. Like something went terribly wrong. Hope it gets better.
Please can I ask you something
Dude why lol
He says it in the video? 😭
I've been watching you for years and I'm so happy you could find yourself!! And I'm greatfull I get to know these about you!! You are awesome, thank you so much for everything! I also understand the thing about testosterone you say on 14:37. You wanted it then so it was important to have it.
Wow, I remember watching as you started T when I was 12 and figuring out my own gender. I just started T ten months ago and I'm hoping to one day be as comfortable with myself as you are 🏳⚧
Would you mind sharing your experience with Nexplanon?