Adult with Autism | Sex | 68
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มิ.ย. 2024
- I made a very conscious effort not to make this video 69...😂
Hopefully this video comes across light hearted as intended. All I can do is offer a perspective over where difficulties lie for me. Cannot speak for everyone, not rude enough to think I can. But you just never know who might connect.
0:00 Intro / Catch Up
8:48 Lust
10:03 The Divide / The Flow vs. Obviousness
12:45 What Does It Mean?
15:45 Clear Direction vs. Mood Killer
18:33 Enjoyment vs. Masking
22:10 Sensory Trigger
||PATREON ||
Patreon: / adultwithautism
|| SUPPORTING THE CHANNEL ||
Paypal: paypal.me/AdultwithAutism
Buy Me a Coffee: www.buymeacoffee.com/adultwit...
Wishlist: www.buymeacoffee.com/adultwit...
T-Shirts: www.redbubble.com/people/adul...
|| SOCIAL ||
Instagram: / adultwithautism
Twitter: / adult_w_autism
**NOT ON ANY OTHER FORM OF SOCIAL MEDIA**
|| LINKS ||
(My music) Soundcloud: / adultwithautism
(Audio version of the channel) Audio Podcast: adultwithautism.podbean.com
|| OTHER ||
(Apologies but I no longer have time to respond to all emails. Priority given to Patreon subscribers)
For enquires: oldandautistic@gmail.com
![ตัวอย่างภาพยนตร์ #Venom: The Last Dance [Official - Sub Thai]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/DHPjvAwmnRE/mqdefault.jpg)
Kiss kiss kiss...
Undiagnosed autistic brain: "hmm slimy, slippery, wet, i don't think this feels good. Kinda gross actually"
Sexy brain: "ok i think this feels good, ooo butterflies in the tummy now"
undiagnosed autistic brain: "now which way does my tongue go? Up, down, side to side?"
Sexy brain: "just let go, go with the flow and enjoy"
Undiagnosed autistic brain: "ok so how long do we continue kissing until it gets awkward?"
😢
Haha, how very true 👍🏻
The part with the lady going to the hatch to get the guy a drink sounds like it’s straight out of Faulty Towers or something 😂
It felt like it. Glad to say I haven't been back 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism Man I cant help it, but that would have been the absolute funniest thing ever. unexpected and absurd.
She sounds like she was having fun, being a jester. playing her own games.
Sounds kinda ASD to me, because ive done this same thing. in a different context.
People on the Autism Spectrum should learn that it's OK to never having had sex.
It's certainly not a compulsory thing to do 👍🏻
8:10 this is SO relateable. I've found that the more I learn about myself as a newly diagnosed autistic adult, the more I'm finding myself to be demi/asexual, to sometimes outright sex averse. It's been comforting finding I'm not alone.
It would be great if more people went about sex this way-to actually talk about it instead of "going with the flow".
That's how bad things happen- not communicating.
Exactly. I've never understood how people won't just openly communicate on anything anyway. Life isn't a TV drama so stop making it like one, if you're thinking it then you can say it. Things go wrong, then they act surprised when it does...buy nowhere does anyone just talk. Humans are an odd bunch.
I feel the same. I never had much interest in doing it. Even when I was much younger.
Now it’s even worst 😂 I forget this type of thing exist. But I feel like an alien.
Also I can’t comprehend how someone can go sleeping around. It’s something so personal, so intimate. It’s your private parts, cmon.
Couldn't agree more! 👍🏻
I am on this journey with my grandson and accept that I can not hug him. That’s hard for me but a forced hug is harder for him so thank you. So much to learn and your way better than medical people. I’m a trained nurse and understand a lot but you are so easy to listen to and even when you think you don’t make sense you do. Every grandma who cares enough to get to understand this massive journey needs a dose of you at least once’s a day. My grandson has 3 good A levels and right now is so anxious he is almost non verbally. I love him and will learn as much as I can from you xx thank you
It’s the same for Neurodiverse women too
Good to know 👍🏻
As a menopausal introvert, you sound a lot like me. It all makes logical sense and you explained it perfectly.
👍🏻
Thank you for so clearly and concisely explaining your experience with sex on the spectrum. I have a feeling it is that way for most ASD men, and it gives me better insight into the inner workings of my ASD husband's mind. I could also add, when the men are young, and the testosterone is flowing freely, all of this is much easier than when they are older. Just think how removing the "igniter" would affect interest and frequency in the later years. If it is anything like my experience with my husband, the "not wanting to be touched" overrides everything else when the testosterone wanes...even down to separate beds and even separate bedrooms. I think that is probably one of the major reasons 80% of ND/NT marriages end in divorce.
Hi Maureen, I know exactly what you're saying. When the testosterone reduces, the feelings and needs don't in relation to the Autistic mind. If anything, they get stronger.
I also understand the separate beds and rooms, most older people I talk to with Autism day if they had their time again, they wouldn't live with their partner. What is expected via societal expectation isn't my design especially, and I understand that too.
But what it the hard part? The communication and the understanding from both sides, as its one of the hardest points to find a compromise.
@@AdultwithAutism “they wouldn’t live with their partner”
Yeah I have dated here and there and I’ve met women I was attracted to and liked yet still could not
Imagine trying to live with them
Full time. That would be completely exhausting
Exactly. Social confirmities are not a 'one size fits all'. Doesn't mean we care any less 👍🏻
@@brianmeen2158 So is this more of a male ASD trait or does it affect women as strongly?
@@scruffypupperyes definitely need a bunch of psychological foreplay before any touching of anything and you’d best keep it light even then. I used to think penthouse forum was full of BS because women IMHO do not enjoy their nipples tweaked at all but apparently some do. I do NOT ever. Certain times of the month it is a recipe for getting your head separated from your shoulders.
To be honest, as an autistic person I've swore at my parent on multiple occasions but it was never over anything as petty as taking a juice away from more or something, it was always when they were not taking my autism symptoms seriously and assuming I was being dramatic (this was before my diagnosis) when I was actually in distress
I find that when I’m with someone, I do find it never gets easier to be intimate with them. I feel awkward and as much as I want to do certain things, I often talk to distract myself out of embarrassment. So when you say go with the flow it’s just like this. It takes me longer than I can stand because of everything I’m feeling/ seeing it’s all quite overwhelming 😅only discovered I’m autistic in the last three months and I realise I lose interest if the guy isn’t patient with me. Thanks Paul for your videos, they’ve really helped shed light on certain topics and I’ve felt less alone with my journey.
Really glad they're worth watching 👍🏻
I need to love the person before I get physically appealed to her too. I see intimacy as a buildup of a love relationship
That was surprisingly comic, thank you (I needed a smile and a chuckle). Also an eye opening perspective. P.S. trouser kiss - never heard that before, funny and clean way to describe it.
Clean ways are always better!
Sometimes I feel sad that I can't have a partner in this mad world because I can't find someone who also doesn't want to have sex. Thank god I love my solitude!
Enjoying your own company is a blessing. I love my company and my relaxed and quiet surroundings...I need them as the opposites to the world I have to engage with.
@@AdultwithAutism Yeah...it is about the balance. Mine's a bit out of whack these days. I suppose that's why I talk to strangers on the interweb. 😜
And sing to them of course!
@@AdultwithAutism Oh geez...the cat's outta the bag! 😸
Maybe someone needs to write a song about cats getting out of a bag! 😂
We'll miss your videos but I'm so glad you are looking out for yourself and taking a break!
Thanks Whitney, I'll post something on the Community Post page when I do it so I don't just disappear!
I think the coolest thing I ever saw along these lines was a trans woman who created a three page trifold to provide to partners. It was her 'user manul' and listed the do and do nots and I thought it was brilliant. Everyone should come with one of those!
People should...then I'd know who to avoid 😂
I totally understand what you say about having instructions beforehand. I was with a woman and after a couple of times with her she sed "don't do that just keep doing the other thing" it totally throw me off. I think you should look at egg rolls, its pretty much the answer to your question 😊
Moving from omelettes to egg rolls, this is my type of conversation! 😂
Go with the flow!!! Sends me absolutely nuts all because it’s not black or white . I end up in a meltdown because it’s not right 😂 I’m like a 2 year old having a tantrum
It's impossible to do, especially when there are so many things you can't do per individual. Imagine if you just started biting their elbow? Nor sure that's a tick in the box for anyone, but if I go with the flow, who knows what's going to happen 😂
Nothing wrong with a chat about it in my book 👍🏻
Thanks for sharing this. It has made me understand my partner and know it's part of his condition rather than it being some form of ptsd or childhood trauma
No problem at all👍🏻
this ‘condition’ is so fundamental that sensitivity | susceptivity to ‘collecting’ both the latter should certainly be anticipated | counted on, though - rather than NT-comfortably ruled out. more often than not, xx.s would primarily be registered as mixed incarnate of redflag and trigger - certainly not ‘intimidating’ but turning off (into indifference) rather than on (to lust). and btw, any contracepted ‘action’ is functionally equivalent to mæsturbætion on object anyway, procreation-wise, that is.
The 'creased shirt' and 'trouser kiss' just ticked all the boxes for me! Hilarious! 👏👏👏 (I couldn't bring myself to like the video, as it is at '333' likes. Needless to say, I enjoyed it.)
That super mannerly way of saying it . Ms. Manners approves this message ....
I've just discovered your videos in the last week, and have been watching them every chance I get. You've expressed so much of what I feel but couldn't articulate, and between your conversational, unedited style, sense of humor (the lady at the window 😆), and willingness to share, have made me so much more accepting of myself.
I wasn't sure what to expect on this topic, but you did a great job, and I could identify with virtually everything you said.
Thank you for your willingness to put yourself out there. It just makes such a difference.
Btw, love the never-ending omlette idea! 🍳😆
Thank you for your kind words, egg-cellent comment 👍🏻
Well done Paul. I was totally cracking up at the one women show at the hotel! It took a while in get intimate with my partner. I too have to know the person, get some data etc!
Hey Bryan, glad you enjoyed. It really was like something off TV.
The hatch part of the story, absolutely hilarious!!!!😂
Thanks for making me chuckle out loud with the Faulty Tower's story...🤭🤭
Haha, I'm staying near there this week...but not staying there for obvious reasons
Your most relatable content so far (and pls don't take that as a criticism of your spot-on takes before this)! ☺
I am in a 30 yr long relationship but still understand what you are saying/needing from your encounters. I needed a "map" too. 🤭and often still do - not understanding boundaries despite my relationship.
Haha, a map is a good way of putting it
you did a great job talking about this.
Thank you, much appreciated 👍🏻
Thank you for this. I am still unraveling a lot about myself and how I work. It makes so much sense that it is tough to think that most people don't look at it this way. More open conversation would have seriously helped me to be more comfortable in my "freshman" years of intimacy. Open conversation should come into foreplay and is a huge builder of intimacy. Something that can be tough for ND and NT alike.
Open conversation beats no conversation at all. We just need to accept that no one makes it out of life alive...so on occasion, we need to lighten up the heavy stuff to make it more palatable.
Loved this 😂❤
Well done!
That struck a great balance. Well done, fab 😊
Haha, thanks 👍🏻
The drinks hatch ! 😂😂 The thing is i see buffonery in EVERYTHING. Dont get me wrong on reflection, i do realise my "standards" can at times be excessive, but this type of weirdness if you are "switched on" ALL THE TIME, is everywhere !
This is great to hear from your viewpoint..
Especially hearing what may come out if the mask is off in the bedroom. Sex talk I've found is a no no 😂
Haha, the clothes can come off, but the mask stays on 😂
Well said, thank you very validating.😊
No problem 👍🏻
The most shocking aspect for me was hearing but you don't speak to humans, I'm new to many of these topics, so thank you for stating that
Paul I’d be interested in an episode on relationships (of all types) BETWEEN autistics. Eg Do you look for friendships within the community?
Thanks.
I have a plan to discuss them at some point. But I personally don't look for friendships, I'm one of the very few who doesn't miss human interaction 👍🏻
I haven't done it in a while (not interested much anymore), but after knowing about autism some experiences now make much more sense and I absolutely agree talking about it beforehand would be a big plus! I had an ex who just pulled it out at the beach behind a rock and expected me to just go at it. I was in a totally different mood (photographing seagulls actually! what fun!) and extremely irritated and was made to feel bad that this is not my kind of thing. I need to feel safe and not be distracted etc. Honestly at the moment it's just easier being alone. Although I would like to be in a loving relationship, but what I had so far is not something I would put myself through again. Maybe there is someone more compatible out there. We will see...
Whipping it out whilst you're taking photographs of birds isn't exactly reading the room! 🫣
An omelette conveyer belt is what i pictured in my mind as you said the never ending omlette 😂. You could really get creative with this. Above the belt, you could have dispensers for different topping and then a final sprinkle of cheese as it moves along
That sounds a plan to me 😂
Oh wow Paul. You are speaking my language! 😂😂😂 I think we are the same person. 😂
Haha, we might be! 👍🏼
It’s good you’re making this video - if the occasion should arise you could have your prospective or potential partner watch it first !
Haha, I am not shy in coming forward. These types of conversations absolutely happen.
Makes sense Paul. I am not autistic but I also find the quick intimacy weird, and never could understand that narrative they put in movies. Real life is way messier and just weird if you are not ready.
Couldn't agree more. Some people put more effort into what groceries they're going to buy than the people they share a bed with. Not for me!
Yeeeess thank you!!! Love the back door comment. I get some crazy looks for calling that out but it needs said. I think you've just started a list of things that make autistic guys the best at sex, but I would be biased 😆
Haha, maybe I should rename the video to that 😂
Literally just described me. I think the omelette thing is a good idea, i really want to try that now.
Let me know how you get on with it!
I always feel weird about it...but i like it. And i agree its vital people talk about they like. In the heat of the moment it isnt the right time.
Even worse if they just 'do it'...nope 👍🏻
Darn, now everytime I make an omelet now my brain has crossed it with sex. For my brain once two synapses collide they don’t divide 😂 This one gave me a chuckle Paul.
Haha, try not to think of the omelette blanket 😂
Omg I am so d same!!! I totally get u yes yes yes! Thank u its gd to know am not d only one!
Haha, awesome 👍🏻
Hi Paul,
You tackled this subject well ,no one else on the spectrum that make TH-cam videos seem to want to talk about it,which I find strange as sex is the most basic human want/need especially when we are younger and the hormones are here there and everywhere.thank the lord that they calm down as we get older. I do find it annoying when doing the business and a stupid thought enters my mind, such as how clever the folding mechanism is on a Brompton bike 😂 lucky my wife is used to my cranky mind, I do think that this should be discussed more with younger people on the spectrum and not to skim around it as a taboo subject.
Hi Jason, I agree. It isn't spoken about outside of 'yes, Autistic people have sex'. That doesn't tell you anything though! I just hope the next time I don't think of Brompton bikes!
@@AdultwithAutism bad luck Paul, I've now planted the seed 😂
Maybe I'll just shout it half way through as loud as I can to see if I can break out of it 😂
For some of us it’s not a basic human need it isn’t important to us.
@@Dancestar1981 perhaps you are the lucky ones 🤔
Video about sex: "alright, moan time..." 🤣
Haha, wouldn't be the same without it 😂
I really liked that it was almost 69! So that you made sure it wasnt, made me laugh!
I love the hotel stories. I always wonder if people like that realize they are like that.if they know they are, do they think it's hilarious to see people's reactions? Are they just daft, and doesn't know it at all!? Is she being petty toward the building owner because she was running it all by herself?! Having to play different characters, making it into a fever dream in real life for others!
There's a name for needing a mental connection prior to having sex called demisexual!
Telling people what you like and dislike is a great thing! I think a lot of people have trouble or embarrassment speaking about such topics in real life vs typing so if you don't prompt them beforehand with a list they might freeze up- but I'm sure a partner would think about this because you would have told each other these things hopefully.
I agree about your small talk topics. BORING, not genuine, do not care. And especially don't feel strongly enough about it to have that conversation with someone. I think almost anyone who asks wants to fight and I rarely know anything to have debates on them.
I think a talented person with rounded pan sides could make an omelet blanket. I think they may need practice because I,an untalented omelet chef could not.
I was going to do a different type of video before I realised the number...didn't want this to become 69, but now forgotten what I was going to do one about!
Probably about the awesome person you found to make an omelet afghan! ;)
Maybe your burnout and needing to recharge from videos and general life. Or a great waffle!
Haha, I'll be keeping an eye on the catwalks to see if I've there are any egg inspired designs.
I’d much prefer deep connections to people
The "go with the flow" thing only works if your brain automatically translates body language of other people and keeps you updated on this. My brain does not do this, so I simply cannot work on autopilot because the info into the autopilot simply isn't there. Plus, of course, I'm out there on the ace section of sexuality which again isn't a great help.
I don't build IKEA furniture without instruction, so I am not going to flop about with someone without knowing the fundamentals! 👍🏻
I have the drive but I need a person I can trust very much. So, I don´t really can get what I want.
Im on the spectrum as well . I had negative thought towards kissing .. anyone else intimidated by it ?
Bro, i also identify with the sexy time. Its like you were speaking my mind. Iam 46 and have only been with 6 women. I'm a good looking older man and I get the attention from women. I just can't be bothered. Is it worth all of the baggage? No, no it's not. I love your thoughts sir. Going to have to subscribe and binge your channel.
Ahahahahaha, love that: "I'm not sharing me moves"! 😂😂😂 And the "neverending omelette". I'd definitely do comedy again.
I don't ever mix never ending omelettes and my moves together though! 😂
I absolutely love your videos man hahahahahahahaaaa
Haha, thanks
"If it's hot and I'm hot, don't come near me"
Yessss!!! Also, don't frikin light touch me, it makes my skin crawl.
The weather has a huge impact on how our of i can be touched.
I literally JUST told my autistic friend that the humidity is bugging me, she showed me a pic of her cat laying on her, I said "I love my cat, but dear God I hate being touched when it feels like mother nature is trying to smother me."
Haha, absolutely no chance. I love my cat, but I love him more when the temperature allows him to get on. Otherwise he has to make do with a chin scratch at arms length in hot weather.
I so agree with this I can't do it as a spontaneous act I want to know what's coming it being a random event nope I don't want that 🤣 I seriously wouldn't be in a relationship if it wasn't for having a friend that forced me to mingle with people and its great we no each other I was 16 and now nearly 30 he literally knows what I'm like and now autism is just the name to my face
That's good, and it's not bad when you've been with someone for a long time and you know each other inside and out. It's that beginning bit that's the pain! 😂
Hey thanks for the video, can relate to a lot of things :) but hey, you didn't wanna do one other video before this one so that it would be number 69? ;) sorry, ill show myself out
Trust me, it was very purposefully avoided 😂
I dont it want to crease my top! 😂
Ye going into a situation lets say when you are not prepeard is not fun. I think the problem i have is i ended up in situations where they asumed i would like somethings and i have just freaked out and it can a tiny thing to other people. Its why i am not like my mates on these apps 24/7 find the next guy or woman or both what ever you are into. I think with me when i feel rushed into doing anything i start stress out
I know people who are never off the apps. Like addicts. I don't get it.
@AdultwithAutism I am with you their it's like they get addicted to them
I would have appreciated a few gory details because I still have no clue how sex is accomplished with a ND partner without causing sensory overload. And is sex “endured” for the sake of the relationship, or can it be enjoyable to the point of wanting it?
A public platform is no place for gory details, far too personal. But regardless, you don't do it if you don't want to. And slow and steady wins the race. There is no rush, and it's certainly not a deal breaker in relationships for me.
Can I ask what age you where diagnosed? Thanks
I was diagnosed when I was 34 👍🏻
Personal question, but I think most questions worth asking are. I was. in a long term relationship with a fellow autie. (neither of us knew we are autistic at the time). You are describing his behaviors regarding sex to a T. I tried to talk about it to see if he had thoughts about why things were the way they were, and according to him had been his whole adult life. He'd say, "Yes, but I can't explain it." 6 months after we broke up he told me he'd been using porn, on and off for many years, that he now saw it as an addiction, and had broken that cycle. I'm wondering if porn is used by people with sensory difficulties and people who need to fully think through everything they do in life to feel confident and relaxed enough to enjoy whatever it is they want to do. Porn takes the unknown out of sex. You pick exactly who you want, escape to your own fantasy, are in control of everything. It's been two years now, we are still friends but, as I am one who finds it near impossible to let something go unless I understand it, (on nearly every subject) it will be very helpful to me to understand if there's a link. , I'll appreciate feed back on this. He also has an avoidant personality type, so that could play a huge role. I get if you want to answer anonymously.
i used to use porn to discharge my sexual self, i was in a releationship and i somehow got booked into an all girls flat at uni, they turned me on sometimes and so i used porn to turn it off again.
I don't watch it, I hate the idea of it. Sharing yourself in that way should be far more connective that throwing a couple of strangers together to go at it for the entertainment of others, where the sole purpose is to show big parts or how far things can be pushed. I don't think porn takes the unknown out of anything personally, I think it does nothing but create a false perspective on everything to do with intercourse.
It is much more important for two people to sit down and discuss it. Likes, dislikes, what they want to try, not try etc. Intercourse isn't drama or a mystery, both people know why they are there...so why wait until you're doing it to make decisions?
As for the 'can't explain it' part. Everyone knows why they do what they do, why they like what they like, and why they want what they want. Admitting for him might be difficult, so worth a discussion.
Apologies if this isn't helpful, but it's honest 👍🏻
Sounds to me like you may be Asexual. I’m also both Autistic and very much Asexual. My ex, on the other hand, is also Autistic, but very much sexually minded. Those of us on the Autism spectrum are disproportionately Asexual, compared to neurotypicals.
I just know I prefer a brew and a chat! 👍🏻
Good to know the cheese aisle is G-rated at Costco these days …. 11:50
Finally!
how old are you?
Probably look older than I am...
And BDSM ? clear boundaries there.
Trusted company allows for an open mind 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism 🎯
👍🏻
Oh wait, you even get to that point?
It's usually fraught with anxiety and ends up being a disaster...but at least I get to be the worst someone had experienced 😂
@@AdultwithAutism yeah I knew from a young age that lust and sex were two things that did not come natural to me. I distinctly remember a handful of cute girls that were into me and we dated yet I remember not having any sort of lust or sex drive - hell I didn’t even feel the urge to touch them
Or kiss them but I usually forced myself to because well that’s what humans are supposed to do, right? My teen years and early 20s were so damn confusing in the dating/sex realm - i couldn’t figure out what the deal was and looking back this really made it harder to relate to other guys . I didn’t even figure out I had autism until I was 38 but so much damage done that can’t be reversed. It’s very hard to square
Sex is over rated
Yup 👍🏻
ever heard of demisexuality?
also isn't it normal to...communicate? about personal tastes, desires and boundaries? i only get into bdsm relationships so it is the norm for me to discuss these things, but aren't they for vanillas too?his sounds a lot like that.
I have, but I just crack on as I am. My X life doesn't need a name...or does it! 👍🏻