@@calculuslover386 because they physically hurt and are very overwhelming, and often also come without warning and completely disruot everything. they push out whatever else was in your brain and overload your processing centers and the only way to cope is to try and push it back out by replacing it with stimming. But mostly it just hurts. Some autistic people who are undersensitive to lights or sounds actually like them though, because it acts as a stim.
@@andrefagan2068 it can, a lot of it is due to our environments though. Its different for everyone and some people don't like being autistic because of how difficult things are for them while for others it's much more positive. For me it's just how I am and sometimes my brain does weird shit like carry pronouns across scripts so I end up accidentally using the wrong ones but for the most part it's just fun, and I really like how my brain works. There are countless things I love about being autistic. The only things that make it suck for me are my sensory issues and how everyone else expects me to be able to communicate and function the same way they do.
I had a psychiatrist tell me I couldn't be autistic because I was too empathetic and had such a visceral PTSD-reaction to remembering 9/11, an event that had a major impact on my family and my upbringing. Needless to say, I'm still going to get assessed, because thanks to people like you and Yo Samdy Sam and other Autistic TH-camrs, I've learned that people on the spectrum can and do still feel empathy. They're not psychopaths.
My autist friend/crush is very empathic if he understand a reason behind something. He just wont shut up if i ask him to and can talk for 5 hours straight
I hate that as well... "We are all a little autistic". What is that? A joke? A way to look down on people born on the spectrum? All it is, is that it is ducebag talk.
My husband has Asperger's; he is an odd one because he has not one obsession, but I call it "the obsession cycle" - find new interest, ignore everything else, learn everything/buy everything, lose interest, repeat. It can be fun, and i learn too! But it can also be expensive and lead to rooms full of equipment that is no longer used... ugh lol
Totally can relate to this. It's not just oooone special interest .. it's like a whole cluster of diverse things. But often they have sum things in common. Science, Space, Nature, Movies/Series, Animals .. &&' it can change within days .. xD but the topics are same at all 😅
I do that all the time, and thats how i ended up with soccer cleats, 2 guitars, a bunch if makeup, a sewing machine, and an absolute ton of art supplies.
I feel like people expect certain facial features like Downs Syndrome. And/or severe autism is what comes to mind when they hear autism so they're confused when they meet someone who doesn't struggle to walk or anything like that.
I also get the feeling that they mean looking antisocial and very nerdy when they say that. I don't look very nerdy because most people don't look like the stereotypical nerdy you see in movies that people expect in autistic people, and I also am quite social so neurotypical people are often confused when they hear I have ASD
Maybe it has to do with passing. When I am trying to control my emotions I tend to try mask them until I have had enough time to process the knot of emotions I feel. So often my verbal responses become more stilted and I tend to move around more slowly because I am clumsy and have poor motor skills so the last thing I need when trying to calm myself down is try do things too fast and land up stubbing a toe or tripping over my own feet. The result is I come across as more robotic when emotional. I think a lot of people see autisitc people as not having emotions, we are in fact very emotional and can be too emotional, but the way we express emotion can be different from neurotypical people and so I think that makes us seem a little outwardly strange and a tad alien. This leads to confusion when I have a meltdown because I can be outwardly calm but inside I'm struggling and then when I'm triggered I explode, it creates a certain dissonance for the people around me.
Of course we can fall in love. For me, I didn’t fall in love until I met my husband at age 28. I have never experienced such overwhelming emotions, weak in the knees, heart rate going fast, blushing all the time! And after 10 years of marriage, those "in love" feelings are still there. I remind my husband he is very lucky to be married to me, cause my feelings for him will never change, and I can't lie. I seriously can't lie. When I think of telling a lie, I immediately get so mad at myself that I tell absolutely the whole truth! No exceptions.
@sonia Joubert I met my first girlfriend when I was 26.. She was also my first sexual partner.. I was madly in love with her.. Still am.. Sadly she died two years ago from cancer and it still hurts when I think of her.. My councellor says its hard for some people to let go of strong emotions.. Its worse for me with the feelings I get for my closest of friends.. Anyhoo.. 😢
I've read we (aspies) are "all or nothing" people so while NTs need to spend 6 months with a person to sort of get an idea of whether they'll like the person or not, we're ready to give them a ring two or so months in (actually speaking from experience here).
I used to have a partner who was on the spectrum (I am suspected to be on the spectrum too, but awaiting diagnosis), and before I ever even witnessed her have a meltdown, I asked her what I should do to help her in that situation. It depends from person to person, so if you have someone in your life who is autistic, just politely ask them so you are prepared. She told me only to ask simple yes or no questions because it is harder to process what people say when in a meltdown and complex questions could overwhelm her more. Some good questions are: do you need to sit down for a moment? would you like me to guide you to someplace quieter? Also to ask her if she wants me to hug her because tight squeezes trigger a calming effect (but only do this with consent because unwanted touch could overwhelm her more). Doing breathing excises together helped sometimes too to calm and ground them. Of course, everyone is different, but generally if you could (with consent) get a person on the spectrum out of the environment that is overstimulating them and stay calm yourself, that would allow the person a safe space to calm down and come out of the meltdown. Just be patient and understanding, not getting frustrated at the person having a meltdown because that would make them more frustrated too. Try to exhibit a calm and understanding vibe for them to feel safe.
I do as well because it's hard to tell when your not in the middle of one. I've been trying to reflect back on my life thus far to see if I can spot specific things that will aid in getting me a proper/official diagnosis and it's hard to tell some things until it's pointed out. Like I've had anxiety/panic attacks before but unless I am actively in one I can't describe how it felt or what I need during one. I can whole heartedly say that the worst things to do are saying "it's not that bad/it's okay" and "are you okay". Idk of its just me, but if I recently had one or if I'm in the middle of having one, asking me if I'm okay is a trigger that makes it worse. I've seen a video that talks about meltdowns, anxiety attacks, panic attacks and something else and made me wonder which ones I actually have bc they are very similar and so alike that they are often overlooked as the same or people use it interchangeably like I did earlier because I'm not sure which it was. Knowing more on the subject would be nice
When I have meltdowns or shutdowns, which weirdly enough got worse when I started university after not having them in about a decade, I have basically no control over myself. Like a robot who got hacked, or like someone else took the controls of my body away from me. The things I wish people would do for me, would be to remove all expensive things from the area as I typically end up breaking things (one time I ran into a wall and threw my phone on the floor, breaking it, which I later cried about). I also find that quiet, or relaxing music can help. Things like background noise, the sound of a TV or even a lightbulb can be enough to make things a lot worse. So turning off anything making noise can help, and same with other senses, like getting away from bright or flashing lights (emergency vehicles are terrifying for this) or getting away from scented products. When the person calms down, if they can speak and are aware of their needs, try to guide them to figure out what happened. There's always a reason, and often it's a combination of things. I've mostly stopped having meltdowns because I have figured out the things that bother me and try to avoid them when possible. Prevention is the best thing you can do, but it takes time for someone to calm down and be able to think about it.
My boyfriend is on the spectrum and we are in love and have a physical relationship just just fine! Also he is the only one can drive between us. He is a really good driver.
I agree on the kinky/alternative lifestyle. I'm on the spectrum, hubby is not. He tends to be more into foreplay and being 'romantic' than I am. It took me many years to understand and accept that was just how I am, not less into 'bedroom' time , just different. While I do make eye contact w hubby and very close friends but I very rarely do w strangers. Its not really a concious thing, its just more *input* than I can handle while also trying to actively communicate. When its an unfamiliar situation or person, my verbal skills seem to offline, which can be frustrating, which can make it even harder to communicate. When I wake up first thing, I can be very short tempered and grumpy. Hubby has learned that trying to have a conversation too soon after I wake is a sure fire way to make me angry. That shift of near non-verbal to being able to communicate takes a few minutes in the morning (coffee!).
I want to get married, I want to have an intimate relationship with my married partner I want to have kids I want to live like every other person just because I'm autistic doesn't mean I'm not a person with the same dreams as a neurotypical person
@@geniusmindmeditation6776 I'm not married. I've never even been on a date. I came to these conclusions on my own. I needed to know myself before I got to know someone else. I'm 22 now and I think I'm finally ready to give and receive the unconditional love, respect, and support, that every person deserves in a relationship. 💕
@@Mintyeon470 ask a friend to take you on a date..platonic practice..or have a friend find you a platonic date.. there are thousands who will go out with you, to help you practice
Can autistic people have sex : it depends on their sensory anomalies (and other things too, but I'll keep it short). I can technically have sex, and did have sex in the past. But the energy cost and the sensory overload that goes with this activity causes so much physical and cognitive exhaustion and emotional distress that for me it's really not worth it. Don't assume every autistic people wants to have sex or that it's a positive thing for all autistic people, because it's not for me and I've chatted with quite a lot of other autistic people who share my "it's not worth the total mess state it leaves me in for hours or days". Plus, the proportion of autistic people who suffered sexual abuse is much more higher than in general population, there are studies demonstrating it. Some people who suffered sexual abuse aren't interested into sex anymore (while for some it's the opposite and they are actively seeking sex).
Though some Aspergers people are highly sexual and passionate, and crave human touch. They instead may be averse to loud sounds, bright lights, certain smells, itchy clothing, etc. The variability among ASD1 people is often ingnored.
My parents always accused me of lying for not making eye contact which led to punishment. So I started making myself make eye contact which led to anxiety which apparently is a sign of lying, which led to punishment. I never lied to my parents except for when I just admitted to whatever I was being accused of which led to less punishment. It sucked cause I always did what I was supposed to do and still got my video games taken away which just led to me sitting in my room with nothing to do on my free time because I was antisocial and on too much Adderall.
You mean "asocial". "antisocial" means being violent and abusive to others and violating their rights. "asocial" means being shy and withdrawn from social interactions.
I have Autism, one point about special interests that your video didn't cover is that because we "understand the world" partially, and in our own way, this interest IS something we are comfortable with; so when anxiety strikes us, this is something we know, have control over, because it uses communication/ language we CAN understand, and also it does break down some anxiety/ barriers to communication, as with this, we can talk about it.ONE other point is that, as we are comfortable with this, this also allows us a "purpose", as most neaurotypical people have "social" skills, social 'tasks' & needs, WE on the spectrum have this "special interest" which partially fills these voids in our lives, Giving us a purpose and a JOY which partially compensates for the lack of friendship, etc.
Eye contact is weird for me. I like looking at people when I talk to them but not in the eyes. I don’t like it when people have too little or too much eye contact with me. I can hold eye contact with people I’m close/comfortable around.
you arn't the only one. I avoid eye contact but I'm willing to look at them in the face. Thankfully my stepmom has stopped demanding I look her in the face after we figured out I'm probably (like 99%) sure I'm on the spectrum.
same, but I also have an additional layered issue with anything with eyes after a traumatizing incident getting a piece of metal in my eye while playing on a swing set as a child, so anything with eyes freaks me out and give me panic attacks
@@glaciesaeternach.9549 I look at mouths because I am half deaf, so it's an excuse and helps me understand people better by reading their lips. This also maybe one of many reasons I was undiagnosed for so long.
The stupid thing is in high school people used the word autistic as a curse word for people that act out of the norms. ofcourse me being autistic i always were out of the norm and i did not feel like i fit in (still feel that way) but now i atleast have people that kinda understand me. And people get more aware about autism so.... Its just somtimes hard to function.... And using autistic as a curse word is just stupid. But any way im happy there are chanels like these
Part of that is stupid high school kids being stupid high school kids, but a bigger part - to me, anyway - are the people around those kids (teachers, parents etc) that *don't do anything to correct them.*
@@julinaonYT Yet, they are misusing their talents by getting deeply interested in a thing or field that does not matter. Ah well, society could be so much better if people with such talents where raised differently. Still great anyway.
I can relate to so many things you said. I jump between my special interests like The Sims 4, the Beatles, everything related to the Fifties&Sixties, Classic Disney and other. For example, when I obsess over Disney, for literally months I can listen only to Classic Disney Movie songs! I never ever get tired of listening every day the same songs over and over again, cause I love them so much 😅 They give me a warm, safe feeling. I'm now in my 30ies, and I just love the Disney Movies and Songs the same as I was a kid. ❤
I drive, but I seemed to have a lot more difficulty learning how than most people do. It's hard for me to gauge distances, so if I'm trying to turn onto a busy street then I can't tell if I have time to go before the oncoming cars hit me, or I have trouble telling if I have time to get through a yellow light before it turns red, and have trouble telling if a parking space is big enough for my car. I tend to err on the side of caution and not go unless there's definitely enough space, because what's at stake if I think there is and I'm wrong is that I get into a wreck. Mainly the way this affects my life is that it takes me a little bit longer to get places than most people.
Omg I have the same problem. I'm 38 driving since I was 15 but I have the same exact fears! I also have a fear of getting into the interstate due to a accident I had when I was 17 and I find interstate signs confusing and also scared of high speeds. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. But I do have to admit it is a hindrance and I would love to just drive across town or out of town to go places. I feel like I'm missing out but have such a big fear.
I have these same problems driving and only now begin to realise it's because of add / autism! Driving a lot has ofcourse enhanced skills a bit but these main difficulties - can't tell distancies, speed of approaching vehicles, size of parkin lots or paths - I still struggle 😰. Nice to know I'm not alone with these things. I've been driving for 33 years now. Luckily mostly outside of big cities, there's not too many big cities here In Finland anyway 🤣.
Wow I’m 18 and am having trouble getting my license for this same reason. My parents keep saying it’s because I’m not confident enough and my step dad gets upset when I don’t just go when there are cars crossing. Like I wait until there is no one there because I can’t time well otherwise. At this point he just tells me when to go. Which isn’t going to help when I drive on my own
I'm OBSESSED with Japan! Someone says the word Japan in the other room and I'll come running 😂 If I ever got lost all you need to do to find my is call out the word Japan! 😂
@kavewoman100 Japan is awesome! It's existences has drastically altered my personality for the better! I love there ideology, the way they value loyalty, hard work, and there impeccable attention to small details, just the thought of Japan inspires me every day to do my best and be my best!
Prior to looking into autism heavily, no one ever really got it when I said that colour was too bright. But that seems to be a thing with autistics, and I feel so less alone now.
I find the driving thing interesting. Cars were an early obsession of mine, right from when I was little, and one that was really intense through my teens. I couldn't wait to start driving, and was driving the little tractor (Ferguson TEA 20) on my parents' farm from a young age. I took every opportunity to drive cars too, and by about the age of 14 was driving on back roads. I passed my driving test first go. I really enjoy it, and learned to drive manual, non-synchro gearshifts, trucks and bikes, and have enjoyed driving all sorts of cars. I even worked in a car museum for a while, and this allowed me to drive some really interesting stuff, as well as getting under the bonnet and underneath and really up close and personal. My son, on the other hand, who is also autistic, has really had to have a lot of encouragement. I started him out on the paddock from about 14, but he never really was a natural. He is now 18, and still a very cautious learner driver. I have a driving instructor for him who specialises in teaching autists, and she is very good, but it is taking a while and I think my son's heart isn't really in it. I think the sensory input is overwhelming for him - my main sensory sensitivities are smell and food textures, neither of which really affects driving, but he finds sound and visual stimulus hard to take. Everyone's different I guess.
When I was younger I had this idea that Autistic people had their eyes more far apart, have big ears, tantrums as an adult in public, walk strangely, wears oversized overalls. When you look up autistic people on google you do get some photos of people who looked a little different, then some that don't at all. I somewhat recently discovered that an Autistic person can look anyway possible just like everyone else. I also recently found out, I myself is Autistic, and I never knew.
On the topic of sex and romance, I've seen research on how we're more likely to be queer and on the ace/aro spectrums than the general population, but also more likely to be kinky, which makes a ton of sense when you think about how we can relate to things like gender differently and our sensory processing can influence both of the latter! (I myself fit under all of that lol; I'm trans, bi, greysexual, demiromantic and kinky). Obviously that doesn't mean ppl should assume every autistic person is any of that, since it's just a higher percentage and cishet vanilla people are probably still the norm, but I thought it was interesting.
Yo do you have some links for that research? Like I would love to learn about that. It’s interesting how much I’m having to learn about people on the spectrum while being on the spectrum myself. Doctors don’t teach you anything. I have learned most what I learned from myself and friends on the spectrum.
@@hayleyscomet3447 I didn't save the links but I found some of them through a free app called Researcher, white icon with a stylized pink helix, others I just searched up studies on the topic out of curiosity so Google can probably help!
Personally I identify as asexual.. But I wasnt always.. I had a girlfriend once.. In my life Ive only been intimate with four women.. But as Ive gotten older Ive foubd my interest in sex has dwindled.. I also have Klinefelters Syndrome (47XXY), so my sex drive hasnt been that powerful to start with.. Sorry to the four ladies I was close to.. I have friends that used to ask if I'd be interested in coming along to see some strippers or whatever but I was never interested.. They then labled me as being gay or whatever.. Even if I were gay I wouldnt be interested anyway.. Seeing guys or girls getting their kit off doesnt interest me.. Ive never understood the interest in people taking off their clothes.. Id rather stay home and read a book or play a video game.. Did I go off topic? I tend to do that..
"2.Why Do You Obsess Over Things?🤩 Because things have a deeper level that people often miss." I really like the above as it frames my microfocus and hyperfocus in a very positive way! I'd add to the list that intimacy can be difficult due to touch and smell issues as well as social issues. I've yet to find solutions to this, but maybe someday I'll meet another aspie who understands as neuto-typicals maybe don't IMHO YMMV and that knocks one's confidence, which has further negative effects. #StuckInADifferentWorldThanINeed :p
Another one to add is why aspies are so direct. Answering personally I'd say it's because I don't appreciate smalltalk and I'm terrible at it. Same goes for manners. So in summary I just don't faff about, don't hold back and so just say stuff like it is! Please don't see this as rude my NT brothers, I'm just not padding out what I'm saying like you tend to. Sorry ... but also NOT sorry :)
I did have four kids who are Aspies just like me...and I am GLAD they are Aspies and not sadly NeuroTypical...lol...the looks I get when I say that (smirks)
I wonder if they (NT's) realise how insulting they are being. Essentially they are saying that being autistic is a bad thing and that we are bad because we are autistic. When I opened my wifes eyes to that she was like WOW, I'm so sorry.
If they ask you that, then what they are really asking is "don't you think you are the sort of person who should not exist?". It is a truly horrible and frightening thing to be asked.
I am SO GLAD you explained the eye contact thing. I am a gay aspie man born and raised in the American south (I live in Oregon now) and I find it particularly difficult to look men in the eyes because I am afraid that they may think that I am hitting on them.
I have autism and sometimes struggle to look at people in the eye and I’m a bit of a shy person and also in my autistic world I want to try and understand humans and to watch out for ignorant people. I also drive a car I passed in a Manual
Hey Dan, wanted to comment on 2 points in the vid. First, on driving, I have always felt that driving is easier for me than dealing with people because it's not people driving the cars, it's just the cars. I don't have to try to figure out cars. They're machines, I can look at them directly and it's obvious what they're doing. It's like being surrounded by robots rather than people. Machines are so much simpler. Second, autistics in love. I'm 51 years old and was just diagnosed a little more than a year ago, but since then I've realized how much of my life was driven by this condition. In particular, my relationships. I've realized that my relationships were characterized by ... well, I was just too "much". Too clingy, too intense, too needy. I wasn't able to regulate how much I grabbed on to people, how much I required of the people I was involved with. Also, I wasn't able to see when someone was taking advantage of me or using me, and between the two I got pretty much run through hell. So I stopped having relationships at all in my late 20's, because once is bad luck, twice is coincidence, three times is a pattern. I didn't know why (at the time) that every relationship I had turned out so bad. So I quit. I've been alone since, without even friends really much less romantic companionship. It's just too complicated and I'm just not able for it. It's one of the things I want to work on, though I have little enthusiasm at this point. It's just, this is my life and like a recovering addict I'm aware of what I have to avoid to stay healthy and be at peace. Thanks for the vids!
I am a mom of three kids and it’s really hard for me to get into my special interests the more children I ended up having. As a parent now yourself, do you find it hard to get into your special interests when you want to? I often have meltdowns because my brain will want to focus on some thing and I will need to focus on my children instead and it can be very conflicting.
Omg not even going to pretend I didnt cry reading this comment, I am new to motherhood I have a boy (1year) and have no female friends that are on the spectrum like myself so I haven't had a chance to speak to anyone about this sort of thing ,i am always in a state of pre meltdown as i really struggle with finding any balance between meeting my needs and my childs needs .thank you so much for this comment.
I’m an autistic mama of three and YES I miss being able to dive deep into a topic on my own when I Homeschool the 3🤪🤦🏼♀️🤷♀️🥴 I just try to carve out time for myself and make sure that precious time is reserved for my special interests 👍
MamaEvaUSA I also have ADHD and I just recently started medication after years and years of not having it so we’ll see if I can learn how to juggle it in between 🤞but I know without my meds the only thing I’ve been able to focus on are the children to make sure that they have everything that they need.
@@l.w.tomaso6277 I know medications take time to take affect and for your body to get used to them ,but I would be interested to know if it helps you to create more of a balance ❤
I suspect that when people talk about the "autistic look" they mean 'flat effect' (habitually serious or blank facial expression), unfocused or hyperfocused gaze at one object or everything (lack of situational awareness expressed in the eyes), hunching or straight-backed posture; a general unconcern or lack of notice for the world or the inability to focus on social situations, or pain or distress and confusion in social situations. In reality we have those moments but we can interact with people and enjoy it. If there's any 1 real universal "look" for autism, it's sunglasses! :-)
I find that when im driving my adhd makes me not focus on the road enough, but I found a way around this that works for me, I drive stick which helps to keep me engaged more on driving, especially since its more fun than automatic imo
Lol. That part where you were talking about the lights and noise around 8:30 and had all the background noise is so accurate that I was already getting stressed out just listening to it.
Re: Driving. I prefer manuals to auto for the same reason you prefer autos. Manuals are more stimulating and engaging. Older cars (pre1990s) also have a different sensory input: sounds, smells, sensations from a whole host of stimuli (engine, oil, interior materials, heavier controls etc.). They are a more stimulating drive - the actual act of driving. Modern cars are sterile in this regard (light controls, no smells, full of bland plastic) and have an overload of computers with unnecessary information which detracts from both the driving (distracting) and the enjoyment of the sensation.
I think when people say "you don't look autistic, and I'd have never guessed you were on the Spectrum," I think what people mean is that because you're on the low supports end of the spectrum, or "high functining", you don't immediately appear or present yourself in a way that it's obvious that you're on the Spectrum. For example: People that are in need of high supports or who are "lower functioning" might do lots of stimming behaviors, or behave in such a way that it appears more obvious because of their actions that they are autistic. Peculularities in vocal tone, speech impediments, flapping, jumping around, sitting around rocking a lot, wiggling or fighting ones hands or fingers while standing- are all things I've seen. Also those on the spectrum requiring higher supports might tune everyone out even when around others, and they might repeat phrases or movie lines, play with a toy or object while oblivious to anything else. They might be very quiet or reserved, and melt down easily. I am on the spectrum, I suspect with Aspergers, but they did away with the term. Yrs ago, I used to work as a group adult day program staff for those with various special needs in a community. There were at least two people who came to the program who had Autism on the high supports end. And I has to assist day program attendees with activities n such. I was good at one on one with folks, or leading a small group with a creative project, but not as good at dealing with the large size of the group overall- too much to manage, too much stimiluli. I have Adhd as well. I was scolded by my boss at that job for not immediately helping an Autistic lady when she began getting worked up. The problem was, I was not given enough background info about her, or her behaviours, & I didnt know what was the appropriate support to provide her with, until my boss told me. I was told to bring her into the quiet room to de escalate and play with a toy and listen to soft music. I learned from the experience, but it want my fault my boss wasn't clearer or more direct with me on what was expected. I'm a great caregiver if I know what is in the clients care plan! Anywho, I don't do caregiving anymore, as I got burnt out on it. But I think if we are on the low supports end of the spectrum, most folks cannot tell we have anything different about us, and so ppl say that they are surprised when they find out we're autistic, because they think Autistic is less a spectrum, and more specifically referring to those who have high support needs.
My response is a simple one. “You don’t know what an autistic person looks like. Autism doesn’t have a specific look, autism has specific traits which you can’t place on looks.”
I’ve never been interested in sex I just find it uncomftorable. That was one of the reasons I almost failed biology in the 7th grade. I just don’t want to talk about it. And yes some bullies used this as a way to psychologically torture me and make fun out of me. They constantly asked me really detailed sexual questions. Thanks my bullies! Because of you I’ll probably never get a girlfriend.
Hi Dan. My name is Dan too. I really love what you are doing for us and our community. I am a very high functioning autistic with Asperger's. My big gripe is when people do not ask what's wrong, or why we are different, etc. Obviously, most people do not realize we are on the spectrum at all. It literally pisses me off that they just think I am weird or something. Please comment back. Thanks!! Love your channel.
About smells, I like going to anime and sci-fi conventions, as they're a great space to talk to people with similar interests for those of us into various fandoms. But what's funny, is usually I can locate my friends based on their scents. And about relationships, within the asexual spectrum, there is a higher rate of autistic people compared to general society, but that doesn't mean those two things overlap fully. There are plenty of people who are neurotypical and don't want to be in relationships, and there are also plenty of people who are autistic and have families and great relationships. That's a personal question, not a question for a group where everyone is different.
I never check if I have Aspergers/ASD or not, but you do speak for me about eye contact, obsessive interest and how we see the world. Thank you very much!
I have multiple special interests but i was able to turn one of my special interests (languages) into my career (teaching french). I also combine my special interest in music with my lesson plans.
You are blowing my mind with your videos... I was diagnosed with a personality disorder a few years ago because of my meltdowns and strange things I was experiencing after a big life stressor, but now I think back on my childhood and how my mom described me, and I am 99% sure I’m on the spectrum.
Because you most likely have more of a connection with the universal consciousness than most. Have you read The Holographic Universe or The Field? Dr Strange is on to something 🤓
Do Aspies have sex.... *looks at 4 minions running around 2 of which are face clones for my Aspie partner* 😂 Although in many of the Aspie partner groups sex is a common concern. Either for being overwhelming for the ASD partner and they avoid it or the ASD is sensory seeking and overwhelming the NT partner. My husband is one who gets overwhelmed but we found a balance and figured out what works for both of us.
There is another autism channel I watch, Yo Samedy Sam, and she discusses the link between demisexuality and autism. It's very interesting and completely true for me. You should check it out.
“You’re too pretty and put together to be autistic; plus you can read social cues!” Yeah that has nothing to do with 20 years of trying to emulate SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DOING AN AMAZING JOB AT IT?! 🙄 My family really makes me wanna... just... hide in a cave and just not human. I get that every day since I started self diagnosing and going through the processes of starting my assessments (America being a laggy F-wad, as per usual) and I swear if one more person goes “if they say you aren’t will you accept it”, I’ll scream. I will scream and cry and throw the nearest liftable object and I might just punch someone. Because that’s my biggest hurdle. I’m FEMALE. We apparently don’t GET diagnosed, we get looked at like we’re stupid and over exaggerating everything. U g h h h. 😞
Speaking of obsessive interests and Pokemon, that was actually one of the things I was really into as well when I was a kid and it's actually one of the reasons I've come to terms with the fact that I'm autistic because one time I was looking through some files in one of my parents' filing cabinets which had a lot of my medical information in it and I found something in there that was written by a psychologist who had analyzed me when I was like 4 and it noted that I didn't want to talk unless a topic was brought up that really interested me and it noted specifically I just wanted to talk about Pokemon.
There was a question someone asked me once about how autistic people are able to act if they don't understand emotions (I'm not an actress by profession, though acting is something I enjoy and have done). I didn't really give him a good answer since I didn't make an effort to really understand autism back then, but now that I know more, I feel like acting is just something a lot of people on the spectrum do everyday. (Sorry if my statement is generalising. I'm still learning.)
The funny thing is...I tell people that I am acting everyday to better suit the people around me... But I have learned to ease into roleplay quite easily, I think due to being autistic
That is a really interesting question. For my part I started studying people early, both in person, on TV/movies, and with books. It was a dedicated effort, and a lot of work, to try to understand how NT people operate, and practicing the responses and facial expressions and body language to replicate that until it looks smooth and convincing, and "real". I certainly don't think I'm alone in that. I think that is why some of us may have an advantage as actors: we do it every day, and we know how to put it together consciously. Your average NT never needs to learn that, they go through life just doing it unconsciously, so when they have to act they may simply not have the skills.
@@Daniel-vl8mx My daughter explained me that she began to "study" ppl in age of 12 or so. She has not been diagnosed In spectrum (her younger brother is ADD and Asperger and I am ADD) but is now considering to. She is now turning 16. I was amazed when she recently told me about her "study of ppl". She is a very determined and introvert type of person. Very very artistic and talented in arts too.
@@minnaminna0202 Your daughter sounds amazing. I heard it's harder for autistic girls to get diagnosed properly, since most of the research has been done on autistic boys. Still, good luck with the diagnosis!!!
@@minnaminna0202 ohhhhhh, yes, I study TF outta people...I have to! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I'm 38... It's been a long time finding people that understand it...
No. 5 Can autistic people drive? Yes! Cars are my main special interest. I’ve raced cars for years and it’s the thing in life that makes me feel the most alive. I’ve also been fortunate enough to drive a wide variety of cars. In 17 years of driving I’ve never had an accident. I will say that I’m very specific in my driving habits though.
Hey Dan... I have my first appointment tomorrow to be evaluated for Autism. I’m a 29 year old female and have ADHD. Unfortunately, I’ll be going by myself because my parents are pretty ignorant towards mental disorders and believe that there’s nothing “wrong” with me, and my spouse won’t be going with me either and hasn’t been very supportive. I’ve watched almost all your videos and they’ve helped a ton. I’m really nervous for tomorrow. So much so that I’m getting really overwhelmed at the thought of having to talk about why I think I might have Aspergers/ASD. I think I’m more nervous of not getting a diagnosis because I KNOW I have Aspergers/ASD, but will these people believe me? I’m just going through a lot of emotions right now and it even caused me to step away from work today because I felt extremely overwhelmed and knew that if I didn’t step away, I’d most likely have a meltdown... Anyways, is there anything you recommend I do prior to going? Any last words of advice/recommendations? Thanks for all you do, Dan! Much appreciated.
Best wishes and solidarity! As an undiagnosed 32-year-old female, I know exactly what you mean about being afraid you won't be believed. I haven't found the courage yet to take on the medical professionals again :-\ I hope everything goes well for you in spite of having to go alone! We're rooting for you!
poopiesTellsMeNOO! ugh. I’m not Dan but make lists of what fucks up your everyday life in symptoms and tell them that you are really afraid to not be able to communicate your problems clearly and be understood and explain that you need them to ask you specific questions not general since general questions often makes you freeze up since you don’t know why they are asking and what answers they want. So Ask them to do direct detailed questions not general. These things should tell them a) you really have asd symtoms because otherwise you wouldn’t Ask b) make it a lot easier if they do this for you to give the answers you need.
Anna Rehbinder - Thank you so much for this🙏🏼 that is exactly what I’m doing. I have like 5 pages worth of information. Truly, thank you🙏🏼 I appreciate you.
I'm an autistic woman, and I have been told that I can't be autistic because I "look pretty". I've also been told that I shouldn't have kids because I could pass the autism gene on. Society is so strange.
With the eye contact I would recommend the bridge of the nose or eye brows but at a distance any part of the face will do for the comfort of others. Just what I do to mimic that.
I'm always happy to have people ask questions about autism and all the individuality that comes with it.......The more information people have, the better their understanding..... which in turn produces acceptance and an ability to relate to those who function differently. While I do not have autism, my mother, one younger brother, daughter and my husband do. Neuro-typical people are curious about autism which I think is a good thing, but often do not know how to ask their questions. Grace and understanding is needed from both sides. Thank you for you videos...... My daughter and I enjoy them! =)
I’m 27 and have never felt love or enjoyed sex without over thinking every moment and driving I love it but also it’s a HUGE sensory overload kinda like grocery shopping
Hi Dan and thanks for taking the time to do this video, my 3 years old son just got diagnosed with autism and I'm really worried about his future, the pediatrician told me that he's a very intelligent child but I'm still really worried about him 😥😥😥
I can drive... I can drive a manual and I prefer to. I can drive a motorcycle, a forklift and a semi (lorry). ASD doesn't limit a person, we're just more focused on our interests.
Very strange, but sex seems to be my Autistics super power, my ex best friend is the polar opposite, he can't even think about sex without being grossed out.
I think what people mean by "looking Autistic" has to do with passing. When I am getting overwhelmed, experiencing sensory overload, or an burnt out I tend to make more of an effort to mask my emotions and so when I do express emotions it is in a more controlled manner since I am trying to control my emotion and not let it control me. This often leads to me being more stiff and slightly robotic in my verbal responses and my body movements are typically slower as I am trying to be less clumsy so I don't have to deal with more sensory information. So that slightly stilted and mechanical way I talk and move when I get more upset in public is the way people see all autistic people. trying your best not to have a public meltdown is not how we normally act, masking/passing is a very conscious act to try and suppress anxiety and stress from outwardly showing and trying to fit in.
As an autistic person my sexdrive has always been pretty high, because sex is something that I actually understand and that make sense, unlike everything else in the world. I don't know how socialising works, but I do know how sex works. What's expected of me.
internally an autism diagnosis is similiar to a cancer diagnosis, externally there is no physical symptoms for cancer until such things as the hair of the cancer patient (during chemotherapy) starts to fall out (among others) so an adult with autism could (potentially) also be an amputee (a physical disability), but the people that are around the adult with autism (+ only one leg or arm) wouldn't necessarily know they have autism, enough said.
I have 2 questions about the eye contact thing: 1) Is it okay for you to look into your partners eyes? Is that somehow different or not? 2) is it okay if someone looks you in the eyes when you looks somewhere else?
Not sure if you’re autistic trying to understand Eye ethics or the other way around.But I’m not autistic and I will give you an answer to your questions in my experience or worldview. I’m in no way saying this the the correct way. It’s just the way I feel comfortable. I don’t even think about it for the most part. 1. It is okay for my partner to look into my eyes. I actually want them to because if they don’t, it makes me feel like they are not listing to me or understanding me. It’s like a form of connection. I’m guessing I feel this way because when I’m looking someone in the eyes it’s me trying to read them and understand them so if someone doesn’t do it to me it’s like they are indifferent to me and don’t really care to know more of what I’m feeling or what I want. 2. I’m totally comfortable someone looking in my eyes when I’m looking elsewhere. To me it’s them trying to read me even if I’m looking elsewhere. I could be looking elsewhere because I’m thinking about something and they are just looking at me waiting for a response because they are concerned or interested in my thoughts. But that’s just me. If I’m looking away from the person I’m talking to, it’s because I’m in deep thought or distracted however I deliberately look back to them to reassure them they have my full attention. It’s sad because I’m learning that a lot of autistic people are misunderstood as being stuck up, indifferent, or just plain rude because it seams they sometimes tend to ignore people or not look people in the eyes because of their insecurities, anxiety or whatever it may be that they are feeling at the moment. In my observation people who are not autistic but very insecure tend to bully people on the spectrum because they thrive on attention and if they don’t get the response they’re expecting, they feel violated and tend to lash out. I hope this helps. I am in a relationship with someone I suspect is on the spectrum and I have been doing a lot of research and reading a lot of comments from people who are on the spectrum just to understand him. I’m not a doctor and I can’t diagnose him but everything I’ve been reading about people who go through it, is so relatable and helps me understand why my partner overreacts,, doesn’t like to drive, hates to be out in the public, and is not really sexual, ocd about his things, pulls his hair out, And so many other differences I’ve never experienced before. I love him very much and I want our relationship to last so I’m doing my best to understand why he does what he does. And this whole autism spectrum thing seems to be the most explainable reason otherwise if I can’t figure him out then I’ll look at him like he’s nuts. But if I know he is on the spectrum then I can understand him and know he’s just different but not crazy. I could never love him any less if he found out he was on the spectrum I would just be relieved and know that he is completely sane but just different because of a disability. Sometimes I don’t even believe it’s a disability I just think the world is not accommodating which makes a person who has autism disabled. I believe the world just needs to enable one on the spectrum then there would be no label of them being disabled. And that idea just comes from a Ted talk that I agreed with, lol
I used to talk with a coworker who had autism. He talked to me because he was trying to get used to the idea of talking with girls i guess. It was hard to tell if he was attracted to me or just comfortable around me. But conversations were always a bit choppy, awkward. Idk if he was talking to girls because he genuinely wanted to or if it was because he thought it was what he was supposed to do or expected to do.
Thanks so much for this Video! I don't have such problems with eye contact (for me it's more like I forget to look at someone a few times), but I can identify with the rest pretty well.
1. Among autistic people non-heterosexuality is more common than in the general population. This includes asexuality - many of those of us to whom this pertains don't have sex, actually. Autism and sexuality are distinct things, but the former affects how you experience the latter, in my experience. 2. There is an autistic look: it's when a person is looking at their shoes when talking with you. Unless they're high-functioning - then they're looking at your shoes.
I think my 2 year old son is on the spectrum but no one is listening to me ( I am pushing to get him checked out), the way I have educated myself is by watching Fathering Autism, your channel and Our Landing Crew. I was wondering if your parents knew you were unique?, what were your signs and what it was like for you growing up?
I have high function autism and I have been driving a manual for over 10 years plus also I tested race cars before a race in pass. I learnt to drive in manual by a very good driving instructor who worked for those who have extra needs and he taught me how drive with my disabilities in a safe and control manner by passing test for racing test driver before the instructor had confidence and skill that I needed for the road. I love racing and love my animals also nature and crafts I get told all the time there is no room for anyone else or you are just a vegetable. I look at them said really okay and just walk away. I think being at 40 I have mellowed and retelate less so not getting into fights learning to accept things the way they are and just walking away. I have been attacked many times but because you have a disability and you have no rights according to a court of law does not mean that you do not have a voice having a voice is louder then a right I was told. I have been on all sides and still standing holding my own. My children who are also on the spectrum got into a little bother at school because according to them that they are different and different is not good but my children said ' being different is okay and like my mum said being robots machines of all the same what a boring world this would be. Being different is cool and you can learn so much more from each other like my mum said. My mum is our super hero who is yours.'
I am not afraid, I have Aspergers myself so did my late brother and and asked you if you thought substance abuse ie alcoholism is sometimes prevelent in aspies and I was very disheartened with no response
I am wondering with obsessing, does this count as researching a topic? So- pick a topic and fixate and learn as much as you can, then moving onto a new topic?
What a great video, yet there's one glaring issue I see with these questions. These are all coming from people who more thank likely have little to no idea about what autism or Asperger's is. What's unique about people with autism is that they almost always stand out from the crowd. Sometimes, every once in a blue moon, you will come across a social bug who has it, and you know by how social they choose to be, because it's over the top. I grew up in a church that consisted of my extended family on my mother's side. Growing up was hard, and I know they prayed for me consistently around the clock. I know that they know, and being with my folks there I know that I am safe.
Dang, the driving attitude of people on the same spot of the spectrum differ so greatly. I drive an automatic, but I want a manual so I can feel more in control of the car.
Please offer some advice on getting a dx. I'm unintentionally hurting everyone I love because I'm at a crossroads in life.. I'm 51 I've been dx with Bipolar d/o, add/adhd, ptsd and occasional anxiety.. treatment has been short of successful. My son had Aspergers but in 2014 committed suicide after leaving the navy. My grandson was dx or is receiving physical therapy for autism.. he's 2. I have a life long story but who doesn't.. but I believe autism runs in my family and we weren't aware but I believe my symptoms are unquestionably autistic in nature but not knowing for sure. My kids feel like I'm anaffected, apathetic, indifferent, selfish, narcissistic , and cold hearted, as a person who claims to love her family but can't/ won't succumb to a more orthodox display of affection or in their words.... "proof of life" They don't believe a word I say.. I can't look them in their eyes while under stress, knowing they are grading my sincerity quotient . And I can't recall vital information that has the potential to make or break my plea for a leap of faith and compromise from my kids or significant other.. . my recall is nonexistent EVEN if life and riches depended on it ! A dx might be the only thing that might save my relationship with my kids.. maybe all their doubts or questions about my love for them my be answered and make sense. Do you have suggestions..I live in Texas
Great video Dan! Funny how you say that you rather drive an automatic car! I have no poblem whatsoever driving stick but i also owned an automatic though(Volvo 340 Variomatic).
I am asexual but I have a celebrity crush who is my main obsession (Swedish musician Tomas Ledin). I am also obsessed with Aston Villa, spiral staircases and pagodas. A child psychologist dismissed me as 'idle and naughty'. I was finally diagnosed at 57.
Yeah... it gets pretty gnarly.. I can tell who is around me with seeing or hearing them by their scent. A regular conversation with more than 3 people becomes unbearable. Zoning out is the way out of everything if I cant physically get myself out. I'm awaiting my assessment but yeah Dr said I was on spectrum but me being me I need tangible proof official assessment and help.
Can we fall in love? Well, I very rarely fall in love, but every autistic person is different. I am polyamours and a relationship anarchist and obviously most autistic people are not just as with neurotypical people. Have I met other autistic people who are? Yes, I have, a whole bunch actually.
I’m one of those people with really good special awareness who learned to drive pretty quick. My instructor told me he was surprised I hadn’t been learning for longer before I started lessons with him 😂
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 87 วันนี้!! คู่เอก "ก้องชัย vs โชคปรีชา"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YN6e7HVnekw/mqdefault.jpg)
What would you add to this list!?
I always get asked why I'm so sensitive.... 😑
Does autism suck
why dont you like loud sounds or flashing lights
@@calculuslover386 because they physically hurt and are very overwhelming, and often also come without warning and completely disruot everything. they push out whatever else was in your brain and overload your processing centers and the only way to cope is to try and push it back out by replacing it with stimming. But mostly it just hurts. Some autistic people who are undersensitive to lights or sounds actually like them though, because it acts as a stim.
@@andrefagan2068 it can, a lot of it is due to our environments though. Its different for everyone and some people don't like being autistic because of how difficult things are for them while for others it's much more positive. For me it's just how I am and sometimes my brain does weird shit like carry pronouns across scripts so I end up accidentally using the wrong ones but for the most part it's just fun, and I really like how my brain works. There are countless things I love about being autistic. The only things that make it suck for me are my sensory issues and how everyone else expects me to be able to communicate and function the same way they do.
I had a psychiatrist tell me I couldn't be autistic because I was too empathetic and had such a visceral PTSD-reaction to remembering 9/11, an event that had a major impact on my family and my upbringing. Needless to say, I'm still going to get assessed, because thanks to people like you and Yo Samdy Sam and other Autistic TH-camrs, I've learned that people on the spectrum can and do still feel empathy. They're not psychopaths.
@@julinaonYT What’s mind blindness?
I was told I couldn't have ASD because my facial expressions were basically too expressive.
My autist friend/crush is very empathic if he understand a reason behind something. He just wont shut up if i ask him to and can talk for 5 hours straight
@@sukiosartchannel3689 something non autistic people have when it comes to understanding autistic people!
@@camellia8625 That makes sense.
I got told that "girls cant have autism" and one of my pet peeves is when people say "we're all a little autistic".
bro i hate when people say “we’re all a little autistic” like you cant just say are autistic unless you’ve been tested or something
I hate that as well... "We are all a little autistic". What is that? A joke? A way to look down on people born on the spectrum? All it is, is that it is ducebag talk.
“We’re all a little autistic” makes my blood boil. Along with “you don’t look autistic”.
I agree, it's incredibly diminishing & dismissive of the struggles we might have.
aargh My mum says this. She also says things like " I could manage so I think you can" WE AREN"T THE SAME we have different struggles
My husband has Asperger's; he is an odd one because he has not one obsession, but I call it "the obsession cycle" - find new interest, ignore everything else, learn everything/buy everything, lose interest, repeat. It can be fun, and i learn too! But it can also be expensive and lead to rooms full of equipment that is no longer used... ugh lol
Yes!! I call it his "flavor of the month ". We are on to movies at the moment lol.
I'm the same way but I just watch TH-cam video's about my obsessions.
Totally can relate to this. It's not just oooone special interest .. it's like a whole cluster of diverse things. But often they have sum things in common. Science, Space, Nature, Movies/Series, Animals .. &&' it can change within days .. xD but the topics are same at all 😅
ugh. i do this. i feel like a specialist practitioner who can’t stick to one field.
I do that all the time, and thats how i ended up with soccer cleats, 2 guitars, a bunch if makeup, a sewing machine, and an absolute ton of art supplies.
I think when people say "you don't look autistic" it's cause they think everyone on the spectrum is stimming all the time.
I feel like people expect certain facial features like Downs Syndrome. And/or severe autism is what comes to mind when they hear autism so they're confused when they meet someone who doesn't struggle to walk or anything like that.
I also get the feeling that they mean looking antisocial and very nerdy when they say that. I don't look very nerdy because most people don't look like the stereotypical nerdy you see in movies that people expect in autistic people, and I also am quite social so neurotypical people are often confused when they hear I have ASD
i guess that makes sense
@@TsukiNaito1 facial features are habits and genes. Stay knowledge.
Maybe it has to do with passing. When I am trying to control my emotions I tend to try mask them until I have had enough time to process the knot of emotions I feel. So often my verbal responses become more stilted and I tend to move around more slowly because I am clumsy and have poor motor skills so the last thing I need when trying to calm myself down is try do things too fast and land up stubbing a toe or tripping over my own feet. The result is I come across as more robotic when emotional. I think a lot of people see autisitc people as not having emotions, we are in fact very emotional and can be too emotional, but the way we express emotion can be different from neurotypical people and so I think that makes us seem a little outwardly strange and a tad alien.
This leads to confusion when I have a meltdown because I can be outwardly calm but inside I'm struggling and then when I'm triggered I explode, it creates a certain dissonance for the people around me.
I hate having conversations with people I’ll never meet again. Small talk is one of my biggest annoyances
I agree. Unless this stranger is genuinely trying to be my friend, why do they need to ask such questions?
Of course we can fall in love. For me, I didn’t fall in love until I met my husband at age 28. I have never experienced such overwhelming emotions, weak in the knees, heart rate going fast, blushing all the time! And after 10 years of marriage, those "in love" feelings are still there. I remind my husband he is very lucky to be married to me, cause my feelings for him will never change, and I can't lie. I seriously can't lie. When I think of telling a lie, I immediately get so mad at myself that I tell absolutely the whole truth! No exceptions.
@sonia Joubert I met my first girlfriend when I was 26.. She was also my first sexual partner.. I was madly in love with her.. Still am.. Sadly she died two years ago from cancer and it still hurts when I think of her.. My councellor says its hard for some people to let go of strong emotions.. Its worse for me with the feelings I get for my closest of friends.. Anyhoo.. 😢
I've read we (aspies) are "all or nothing" people so while NTs need to spend 6 months with a person to sort of get an idea of whether they'll like the person or not, we're ready to give them a ring two or so months in (actually speaking from experience here).
what I want to know more about is the meltdowns. How it feels for the person and how I could help someone who's having a meltdown
I used to have a partner who was on the spectrum (I am suspected to be on the spectrum too, but awaiting diagnosis), and before I ever even witnessed her have a meltdown, I asked her what I should do to help her in that situation. It depends from person to person, so if you have someone in your life who is autistic, just politely ask them so you are prepared. She told me only to ask simple yes or no questions because it is harder to process what people say when in a meltdown and complex questions could overwhelm her more. Some good questions are: do you need to sit down for a moment? would you like me to guide you to someplace quieter? Also to ask her if she wants me to hug her because tight squeezes trigger a calming effect (but only do this with consent because unwanted touch could overwhelm her more). Doing breathing excises together helped sometimes too to calm and ground them. Of course, everyone is different, but generally if you could (with consent) get a person on the spectrum out of the environment that is overstimulating them and stay calm yourself, that would allow the person a safe space to calm down and come out of the meltdown. Just be patient and understanding, not getting frustrated at the person having a meltdown because that would make them more frustrated too. Try to exhibit a calm and understanding vibe for them to feel safe.
I do as well because it's hard to tell when your not in the middle of one. I've been trying to reflect back on my life thus far to see if I can spot specific things that will aid in getting me a proper/official diagnosis and it's hard to tell some things until it's pointed out. Like I've had anxiety/panic attacks before but unless I am actively in one I can't describe how it felt or what I need during one. I can whole heartedly say that the worst things to do are saying "it's not that bad/it's okay" and "are you okay". Idk of its just me, but if I recently had one or if I'm in the middle of having one, asking me if I'm okay is a trigger that makes it worse. I've seen a video that talks about meltdowns, anxiety attacks, panic attacks and something else and made me wonder which ones I actually have bc they are very similar and so alike that they are often overlooked as the same or people use it interchangeably like I did earlier because I'm not sure which it was. Knowing more on the subject would be nice
When I have meltdowns or shutdowns, which weirdly enough got worse when I started university after not having them in about a decade, I have basically no control over myself. Like a robot who got hacked, or like someone else took the controls of my body away from me. The things I wish people would do for me, would be to remove all expensive things from the area as I typically end up breaking things (one time I ran into a wall and threw my phone on the floor, breaking it, which I later cried about). I also find that quiet, or relaxing music can help. Things like background noise, the sound of a TV or even a lightbulb can be enough to make things a lot worse. So turning off anything making noise can help, and same with other senses, like getting away from bright or flashing lights (emergency vehicles are terrifying for this) or getting away from scented products. When the person calms down, if they can speak and are aware of their needs, try to guide them to figure out what happened. There's always a reason, and often it's a combination of things. I've mostly stopped having meltdowns because I have figured out the things that bother me and try to avoid them when possible. Prevention is the best thing you can do, but it takes time for someone to calm down and be able to think about it.
@@chrissy4301 I'm jealous! I wish I had a person like you in my life!
I have to calm myself down when I'm having a meltdown...
Jenna Crothers seamen
My boyfriend is on the spectrum and we are in love and have a physical relationship just just fine! Also he is the only one can drive between us. He is a really good driver.
I agree on the kinky/alternative lifestyle. I'm on the spectrum, hubby is not. He tends to be more into foreplay and being 'romantic' than I am. It took me many years to understand and accept that was just how I am, not less into 'bedroom' time , just different. While I do make eye contact w hubby and very close friends but I very rarely do w strangers. Its not really a concious thing, its just more *input* than I can handle while also trying to actively communicate. When its an unfamiliar situation or person, my verbal skills seem to offline, which can be frustrating, which can make it even harder to communicate. When I wake up first thing, I can be very short tempered and grumpy. Hubby has learned that trying to have a conversation too soon after I wake is a sure fire way to make me angry. That shift of near non-verbal to being able to communicate takes a few minutes in the morning (coffee!).
I want to get married, I want to have an intimate relationship with my married partner I want to have kids I want to live like every other person just because I'm autistic doesn't mean I'm not a person with the same dreams as a neurotypical person
I absolutely agree. You need to live your life to the fullest and not worry about negative outside influences. Congratulations on marriage!
@@geniusmindmeditation6776 I'm not married. I've never even been on a date. I came to these conclusions on my own. I needed to know myself before I got to know someone else. I'm 22 now and I think I'm finally ready to give and receive the unconditional love, respect, and support, that every person deserves in a relationship. 💕
@@Mintyeon470ok I see. I totally agree. Everyone deserves to find love and I hope you do as well.
@@geniusmindmeditation6776 Thanks 😊
@@Mintyeon470 ask a friend to take you on a date..platonic practice..or have a friend find you a platonic date.. there are thousands who will go out with you, to help you practice
The intimacy of eye contact is so true. Too intimate…. Even if I am intimate with them. High social anxiety.
Can autistic people have sex : it depends on their sensory anomalies (and other things too, but I'll keep it short). I can technically have sex, and did have sex in the past. But the energy cost and the sensory overload that goes with this activity causes so much physical and cognitive exhaustion and emotional distress that for me it's really not worth it. Don't assume every autistic people wants to have sex or that it's a positive thing for all autistic people, because it's not for me and I've chatted with quite a lot of other autistic people who share my "it's not worth the total mess state it leaves me in for hours or days". Plus, the proportion of autistic people who suffered sexual abuse is much more higher than in general population, there are studies demonstrating it. Some people who suffered sexual abuse aren't interested into sex anymore (while for some it's the opposite and they are actively seeking sex).
Yes! Completely agree! It's exhausting and overwhelming and I'm a survivor of sexual abuse.
Though some Aspergers people are highly sexual and passionate, and crave human touch. They instead may be averse to loud sounds, bright lights, certain smells, itchy clothing, etc.
The variability among ASD1 people is often ingnored.
This is the comment I was looking for. Was wondering if anyone else felt the same way.
My parents always accused me of lying for not making eye contact which led to punishment. So I started making myself make eye contact which led to anxiety which apparently is a sign of lying, which led to punishment. I never lied to my parents except for when I just admitted to whatever I was being accused of which led to less punishment. It sucked cause I always did what I was supposed to do and still got my video games taken away which just led to me sitting in my room with nothing to do on my free time because I was antisocial and on too much Adderall.
You mean "asocial". "antisocial" means being violent and abusive to others and violating their rights. "asocial" means being shy and withdrawn from social interactions.
I have Autism, one point about special interests that your video didn't cover is that because we "understand the world" partially, and in our own way, this interest IS something we are comfortable with; so when anxiety strikes us, this is something we know, have control over, because it uses communication/ language we CAN understand, and also it does break down some anxiety/ barriers to communication, as with this, we can talk about it.ONE other point is that, as we are comfortable with this, this also allows us a "purpose", as most neaurotypical people have "social" skills, social 'tasks' & needs, WE on the spectrum have this "special interest" which partially fills these voids in our lives, Giving us a purpose and a JOY which partially compensates for the lack of friendship, etc.
Eye contact is weird for me. I like looking at people when I talk to them but not in the eyes. I don’t like it when people have too little or too much eye contact with me. I can hold eye contact with people I’m close/comfortable around.
you arn't the only one. I avoid eye contact but I'm willing to look at them in the face. Thankfully my stepmom has stopped demanding I look her in the face after we figured out I'm probably (like 99%) sure I'm on the spectrum.
Eye contact feels entitled to me.
You don’t know me, but I need you to look at me like I’m someone you can trust.
No I don’t know you.
same, but I also have an additional layered issue with anything with eyes after a traumatizing incident getting a piece of metal in my eye while playing on a swing set as a child, so anything with eyes freaks me out and give me panic attacks
I look at their eyebrows lol works wonders, or top of the nose
@@glaciesaeternach.9549 I look at mouths because I am half deaf, so it's an excuse and helps me understand people better by reading their lips. This also maybe one of many reasons I was undiagnosed for so long.
The stupid thing is in high school people used the word autistic as a curse word for people that act out of the norms. ofcourse me being autistic i always were out of the norm and i did not feel like i fit in (still feel that way) but now i atleast have people that kinda understand me. And people get more aware about autism so.... Its just somtimes hard to function.... And using autistic as a curse word is just stupid. But any way im happy there are chanels like these
Part of that is stupid high school kids being stupid high school kids, but a bigger part - to me, anyway - are the people around those kids (teachers, parents etc) that *don't do anything to correct them.*
@@hectorandem2944 amen to that brother!! they always act like it's a curse!!!
I love how people think because you have a learning difference, that you shouldn't have a relationship or sex.
autism isn't a learning difference / disability, some autistic people have learning disabilities but it is not one in itself.
I have heard the sentence, "wow, you know a lot about dragonflies...for some reason" more than I would like to admit. 😊
See, I find that endearing!
@@julinaonYT Yet, they are misusing their talents by getting deeply interested in a thing or field that does not matter. Ah well, society could be so much better if people with such talents where raised differently. Still great anyway.
I can relate to so many things you said. I jump between my special interests like The Sims 4, the Beatles, everything related to the Fifties&Sixties, Classic Disney and other. For example, when I obsess over Disney, for literally months I can listen only to Classic Disney Movie songs! I never ever get tired of listening every day the same songs over and over again, cause I love them so much 😅 They give me a warm, safe feeling. I'm now in my 30ies, and I just love the Disney Movies and Songs the same as I was a kid. ❤
I drive, but I seemed to have a lot more difficulty learning how than most people do. It's hard for me to gauge distances, so if I'm trying to turn onto a busy street then I can't tell if I have time to go before the oncoming cars hit me, or I have trouble telling if I have time to get through a yellow light before it turns red, and have trouble telling if a parking space is big enough for my car. I tend to err on the side of caution and not go unless there's definitely enough space, because what's at stake if I think there is and I'm wrong is that I get into a wreck. Mainly the way this affects my life is that it takes me a little bit longer to get places than most people.
Omg I have the same problem. I'm 38 driving since I was 15 but I have the same exact fears! I also have a fear of getting into the interstate due to a accident I had when I was 17 and I find interstate signs confusing and also scared of high speeds. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. But I do have to admit it is a hindrance and I would love to just drive across town or out of town to go places. I feel like I'm missing out but have such a big fear.
Wow I’m the same way!
Not Aspie but ADHD and I have a pretty strong glasses prescription. Could you have a depth perception issue?
I have these same problems driving and only now begin to realise it's because of add / autism! Driving a lot has ofcourse enhanced skills a bit but these main difficulties - can't tell distancies, speed of approaching vehicles, size of parkin lots or paths - I still struggle 😰. Nice to know I'm not alone with these things. I've been driving for 33 years now. Luckily mostly outside of big cities, there's not too many big cities here In Finland anyway 🤣.
Wow I’m 18 and am having trouble getting my license for this same reason. My parents keep saying it’s because I’m not confident enough and my step dad gets upset when I don’t just go when there are cars crossing. Like I wait until there is no one there because I can’t time well otherwise. At this point he just tells me when to go. Which isn’t going to help when I drive on my own
I'm OBSESSED with Japan! Someone says the word Japan in the other room and I'll come running 😂 If I ever got lost all you need to do to find my is call out the word Japan! 😂
I relate to this so hard 😂😂😂💛💛💛
I’m the same way!! 😂😂
@@jennyleann1401 what's your obsession?
I'm also obsesed with yarn! I love to crochet its very therapeutic. 💖
Me same for harry potter
@kavewoman100 Japan is awesome! It's existences has drastically altered my personality for the better! I love there ideology, the way they value loyalty, hard work, and there impeccable attention to small details, just the thought of Japan inspires me every day to do my best and be my best!
Prior to looking into autism heavily, no one ever really got it when I said that colour was too bright. But that seems to be a thing with autistics, and I feel so less alone now.
I find the driving thing interesting. Cars were an early obsession of mine, right from when I was little, and one that was really intense through my teens. I couldn't wait to start driving, and was driving the little tractor (Ferguson TEA 20) on my parents' farm from a young age. I took every opportunity to drive cars too, and by about the age of 14 was driving on back roads. I passed my driving test first go. I really enjoy it, and learned to drive manual, non-synchro gearshifts, trucks and bikes, and have enjoyed driving all sorts of cars. I even worked in a car museum for a while, and this allowed me to drive some really interesting stuff, as well as getting under the bonnet and underneath and really up close and personal.
My son, on the other hand, who is also autistic, has really had to have a lot of encouragement. I started him out on the paddock from about 14, but he never really was a natural. He is now 18, and still a very cautious learner driver. I have a driving instructor for him who specialises in teaching autists, and she is very good, but it is taking a while and I think my son's heart isn't really in it. I think the sensory input is overwhelming for him - my main sensory sensitivities are smell and food textures, neither of which really affects driving, but he finds sound and visual stimulus hard to take. Everyone's different I guess.
When I was younger I had this idea that Autistic people had their eyes more far apart, have big ears, tantrums as an adult in public, walk strangely, wears oversized overalls.
When you look up autistic people on google you do get some photos of people who looked a little different, then some that don't at all.
I somewhat recently discovered that an Autistic person can look anyway possible just like everyone else. I also recently found out, I myself is Autistic, and I never knew.
On the topic of sex and romance, I've seen research on how we're more likely to be queer and on the ace/aro spectrums than the general population, but also more likely to be kinky, which makes a ton of sense when you think about how we can relate to things like gender differently and our sensory processing can influence both of the latter! (I myself fit under all of that lol; I'm trans, bi, greysexual, demiromantic and kinky). Obviously that doesn't mean ppl should assume every autistic person is any of that, since it's just a higher percentage and cishet vanilla people are probably still the norm, but I thought it was interesting.
Yo do you have some links for that research? Like I would love to learn about that. It’s interesting how much I’m having to learn about people on the spectrum while being on the spectrum myself. Doctors don’t teach you anything. I have learned most what I learned from myself and friends on the spectrum.
@@hayleyscomet3447 I didn't save the links but I found some of them through a free app called Researcher, white icon with a stylized pink helix, others I just searched up studies on the topic out of curiosity so Google can probably help!
Nerdy Wolverine same
Sometimes I wonder if being ANY kind of non-Typ makes you more likely to be anything and everything compared to cis-het vanilla people.
Personally I identify as asexual.. But I wasnt always.. I had a girlfriend once.. In my life Ive only been intimate with four women.. But as Ive gotten older Ive foubd my interest in sex has dwindled.. I also have Klinefelters Syndrome (47XXY), so my sex drive hasnt been that powerful to start with.. Sorry to the four ladies I was close to.. I have friends that used to ask if I'd be interested in coming along to see some strippers or whatever but I was never interested.. They then labled me as being gay or whatever.. Even if I were gay I wouldnt be interested anyway.. Seeing guys or girls getting their kit off doesnt interest me.. Ive never understood the interest in people taking off their clothes.. Id rather stay home and read a book or play a video game.. Did I go off topic? I tend to do that..
"2.Why Do You Obsess Over Things?🤩
Because things have a deeper level that people often miss."
I really like the above as it frames my microfocus and hyperfocus in a very positive way!
I'd add to the list that intimacy can be difficult due to touch and smell issues as well as social issues. I've yet to find solutions to this, but maybe someday I'll meet another aspie who understands as neuto-typicals maybe don't IMHO YMMV and that knocks one's confidence, which has further negative effects. #StuckInADifferentWorldThanINeed :p
Another one to add is why aspies are so direct.
Answering personally I'd say it's because I don't appreciate smalltalk and I'm terrible at it. Same goes for manners. So in summary I just don't faff about, don't hold back and so just say stuff like it is! Please don't see this as rude my NT brothers, I'm just not padding out what I'm saying like you tend to. Sorry ... but also NOT sorry :)
"Why did you have children if your autistic, aren't you afraid they will be too?" Been asked this a couple of times
That's chilling.
I did have four kids who are Aspies just like me...and I am GLAD they are Aspies and not sadly NeuroTypical...lol...the looks I get when I say that (smirks)
I wonder if they (NT's) realise how insulting they are being. Essentially they are saying that being autistic is a bad thing and that we are bad because we are autistic. When I opened my wifes eyes to that she was like WOW, I'm so sorry.
If they ask you that, then what they are really asking is "don't you think you are the sort of person who should not exist?". It is a truly horrible and frightening thing to be asked.
I'm an aspie myself, but my son is perfectly neurotypical.
best descriptions evar.
edit: i can drive i just don’t want to have to work out what everyone else on the road is about to do before they do it.
I am SO GLAD you explained the eye contact thing. I am a gay aspie man born and raised in the American south (I live in Oregon now) and I find it particularly difficult to look men in the eyes because I am afraid that they may think that I am hitting on them.
I have autism and sometimes struggle to look at people in the eye and I’m a bit of a shy person and also in my autistic world I want to try and understand humans and to watch out for ignorant people. I also drive a car I passed in a Manual
ok, when you got to the part of everything is bright , colorful, chaotic, and moving fast...i had to close my eyes! way over stimulating...whew!
Haha, I felt the same way. "Ahhhh, overload!"
But it was sooooo accurate! XD
yeah ahahah, I put my hand in front of the screen ahahha
@@shakingbirdart absolutely!
@@mayalua1 i hear ya!
Hey Dan, wanted to comment on 2 points in the vid. First, on driving, I have always felt that driving is easier for me than dealing with people because it's not people driving the cars, it's just the cars. I don't have to try to figure out cars. They're machines, I can look at them directly and it's obvious what they're doing. It's like being surrounded by robots rather than people. Machines are so much simpler.
Second, autistics in love. I'm 51 years old and was just diagnosed a little more than a year ago, but since then I've realized how much of my life was driven by this condition. In particular, my relationships. I've realized that my relationships were characterized by ... well, I was just too "much". Too clingy, too intense, too needy. I wasn't able to regulate how much I grabbed on to people, how much I required of the people I was involved with. Also, I wasn't able to see when someone was taking advantage of me or using me, and between the two I got pretty much run through hell. So I stopped having relationships at all in my late 20's, because once is bad luck, twice is coincidence, three times is a pattern. I didn't know why (at the time) that every relationship I had turned out so bad. So I quit. I've been alone since, without even friends really much less romantic companionship. It's just too complicated and I'm just not able for it. It's one of the things I want to work on, though I have little enthusiasm at this point. It's just, this is my life and like a recovering addict I'm aware of what I have to avoid to stay healthy and be at peace.
Thanks for the vids!
I am a mom of three kids and it’s really hard for me to get into my special interests the more children I ended up having. As a parent now yourself, do you find it hard to get into your special interests when you want to? I often have meltdowns because my brain will want to focus on some thing and I will need to focus on my children instead and it can be very conflicting.
Omg not even going to pretend I didnt cry reading this comment, I am new to motherhood I have a boy (1year) and have no female friends that are on the spectrum like myself so I haven't had a chance to speak to anyone about this sort of thing ,i am always in a state of pre meltdown as i really struggle with finding any balance between meeting my needs and my childs needs .thank you so much for this comment.
💕
I’m an autistic mama of three and YES I miss being able to dive deep into a topic on my own when I Homeschool the 3🤪🤦🏼♀️🤷♀️🥴 I just try to carve out time for myself and make sure that precious time is reserved for my special interests 👍
MamaEvaUSA I also have ADHD and I just recently started medication after years and years of not having it so we’ll see if I can learn how to juggle it in between 🤞but I know without my meds the only thing I’ve been able to focus on are the children to make sure that they have everything that they need.
@@l.w.tomaso6277 I know medications take time to take affect and for your body to get used to them ,but I would be interested to know if it helps you to create more of a balance ❤
I suspect that when people talk about the "autistic look" they mean 'flat effect' (habitually serious or blank facial expression), unfocused or hyperfocused gaze at one object or everything (lack of situational awareness expressed in the eyes), hunching or straight-backed posture; a general unconcern or lack of notice for the world or the inability to focus on social situations, or pain or distress and confusion in social situations. In reality we have those moments but we can interact with people and enjoy it. If there's any 1 real universal "look" for autism, it's sunglasses! :-)
I’m autistic and I can’t have sex, it’s too uncomfortable, intimate and I don’t like the skin to skin feeling. I wish I liked it but I just don’t.
I find that when im driving my adhd makes me not focus on the road enough, but I found a way around this that works for me, I drive stick which helps to keep me engaged more on driving, especially since its more fun than automatic imo
Lol. That part where you were talking about the lights and noise around 8:30 and had all the background noise is so accurate that I was already getting stressed out just listening to it.
Re: Driving. I prefer manuals to auto for the same reason you prefer autos. Manuals are more stimulating and engaging. Older cars (pre1990s) also have a different sensory input: sounds, smells, sensations from a whole host of stimuli (engine, oil, interior materials, heavier controls etc.). They are a more stimulating drive - the actual act of driving. Modern cars are sterile in this regard (light controls, no smells, full of bland plastic) and have an overload of computers with unnecessary information which detracts from both the driving (distracting) and the enjoyment of the sensation.
I think when people say "you don't look autistic, and I'd have never guessed you were on the Spectrum," I think what people mean is that because you're on the low supports end of the spectrum, or "high functining", you don't immediately appear or present yourself in a way that it's obvious that you're on the Spectrum. For example: People that are in need of high supports or who are "lower functioning" might do lots of stimming behaviors, or behave in such a way that it appears more obvious because of their actions that they are autistic. Peculularities in vocal tone, speech impediments, flapping, jumping around, sitting around rocking a lot, wiggling or fighting ones hands or fingers while standing- are all things I've seen. Also those on the spectrum requiring higher supports might tune everyone out even when around others, and they might repeat phrases or movie lines, play with a toy or object while oblivious to anything else. They might be very quiet or reserved, and melt down easily.
I am on the spectrum, I suspect with Aspergers, but they did away with the term. Yrs ago, I used to work as a group adult day program staff for those with various special needs in a community. There were at least two people who came to the program who had Autism on the high supports end. And I has to assist day program attendees with activities n such. I was good at one on one with folks, or leading a small group with a creative project, but not as good at dealing with the large size of the group overall- too much to manage, too much stimiluli. I have Adhd as well.
I was scolded by my boss at that job for not immediately helping an Autistic lady when she began getting worked up. The problem was, I was not given enough background info about her, or her behaviours, & I didnt know what was the appropriate support to provide her with, until my boss told me. I was told to bring her into the quiet room to de escalate and play with a toy and listen to soft music. I learned from the experience, but it want my fault my boss wasn't clearer or more direct with me on what was expected. I'm a great caregiver if I know what is in the clients care plan! Anywho, I don't do caregiving anymore, as I got burnt out on it.
But I think if we are on the low supports end of the spectrum, most folks cannot tell we have anything different about us, and so ppl say that they are surprised when they find out we're autistic, because they think Autistic is less a spectrum, and more specifically referring to those who have high support needs.
Perfect explanation! ❤❤❤
My response is a simple one. “You don’t know what an autistic person looks like. Autism doesn’t have a specific look, autism has specific traits which you can’t place on looks.”
I’ve never been interested in sex I just find it uncomftorable. That was one of the reasons I almost failed biology in the 7th grade. I just don’t want to talk about it.
And yes some bullies used this as a way to psychologically torture me and make fun out of me. They constantly asked me really detailed sexual questions.
Thanks my bullies! Because of you I’ll probably never get a girlfriend.
Same here
Plants are cool.
Most of them are a lot less icky.
You can control whether or not the bullies words impact you
@@altruisticPing no you can't.
Oh course we have sex...
And we are probably better... Because we study TF outta it 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Epic comment alert 🚨
Hi Dan. My name is Dan too. I really love what you are doing for us and our community. I am a very high functioning autistic with Asperger's. My big gripe is when people do not ask what's wrong, or why we are different, etc. Obviously, most people do not realize we are on the spectrum at all. It literally pisses me off that they just think I am weird or something. Please comment back. Thanks!! Love your channel.
Hey Dan yeah I totally get that it’s so annoying uh!? / thanks for the kind words 💚✌🏼
About smells, I like going to anime and sci-fi conventions, as they're a great space to talk to people with similar interests for those of us into various fandoms. But what's funny, is usually I can locate my friends based on their scents.
And about relationships, within the asexual spectrum, there is a higher rate of autistic people compared to general society, but that doesn't mean those two things overlap fully. There are plenty of people who are neurotypical and don't want to be in relationships, and there are also plenty of people who are autistic and have families and great relationships. That's a personal question, not a question for a group where everyone is different.
I never check if I have Aspergers/ASD or not, but you do speak for me about eye contact, obsessive interest and how we see the world. Thank you very much!
I have multiple special interests but i was able to turn one of my special interests (languages) into my career (teaching french). I also combine my special interest in music with my lesson plans.
This is so interesting. Thanks for sharing.
You are blowing my mind with your videos... I was diagnosed with a personality disorder a few years ago because of my meltdowns and strange things I was experiencing after a big life stressor, but now I think back on my childhood and how my mom described me, and I am 99% sure I’m on the spectrum.
Hey Dan, care to explain why I'm interested in the universe and history to my entire school. XD
Because you most likely have more of a connection with the universal consciousness than most. Have you read The Holographic Universe or The Field? Dr Strange is on to something 🤓
Do Aspies have sex.... *looks at 4 minions running around 2 of which are face clones for my Aspie partner* 😂
Although in many of the Aspie partner groups sex is a common concern. Either for being overwhelming for the ASD partner and they avoid it or the ASD is sensory seeking and overwhelming the NT partner.
My husband is one who gets overwhelmed but we found a balance and figured out what works for both of us.
What a wonderful way of describing the fascinations that autistic people have
OMG THIS VIDEO IS GOLD! I've had people have the audacity to ask me how I have sex as an aspie and I never know what to say lol!
thank you so much for this! I also hate when people ask some of these questions! and I always feel horrible for not being able to drive
There is another autism channel I watch, Yo Samedy Sam, and she discusses the link between demisexuality and autism. It's very interesting and completely true for me. You should check it out.
“You’re too pretty and put together to be autistic; plus you can read social cues!” Yeah that has nothing to do with 20 years of trying to emulate SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DOING AN AMAZING JOB AT IT?! 🙄 My family really makes me wanna... just... hide in a cave and just not human. I get that every day since I started self diagnosing and going through the processes of starting my assessments (America being a laggy F-wad, as per usual) and I swear if one more person goes “if they say you aren’t will you accept it”, I’ll scream. I will scream and cry and throw the nearest liftable object and I might just punch someone. Because that’s my biggest hurdle. I’m FEMALE. We apparently don’t GET diagnosed, we get looked at like we’re stupid and over exaggerating everything. U g h h h. 😞
Dan i found your old channel and i didn't know you had a Jedi church! thats awesome!
Having a category for complex beauty is pretty accurate for the things we obsess over... But damn it's great! 👍
Speaking of obsessive interests and Pokemon, that was actually one of the things I was really into as well when I was a kid and it's actually one of the reasons I've come to terms with the fact that I'm autistic because one time I was looking through some files in one of my parents' filing cabinets which had a lot of my medical information in it and I found something in there that was written by a psychologist who had analyzed me when I was like 4 and it noted that I didn't want to talk unless a topic was brought up that really interested me and it noted specifically I just wanted to talk about Pokemon.
There was a question someone asked me once about how autistic people are able to act if they don't understand emotions (I'm not an actress by profession, though acting is something I enjoy and have done). I didn't really give him a good answer since I didn't make an effort to really understand autism back then, but now that I know more, I feel like acting is just something a lot of people on the spectrum do everyday. (Sorry if my statement is generalising. I'm still learning.)
The funny thing is...I tell people that I am acting everyday to better suit the people around me... But I have learned to ease into roleplay quite easily, I think due to being autistic
That is a really interesting question. For my part I started studying people early, both in person, on TV/movies, and with books. It was a dedicated effort, and a lot of work, to try to understand how NT people operate, and practicing the responses and facial expressions and body language to replicate that until it looks smooth and convincing, and "real". I certainly don't think I'm alone in that.
I think that is why some of us may have an advantage as actors: we do it every day, and we know how to put it together consciously. Your average NT never needs to learn that, they go through life just doing it unconsciously, so when they have to act they may simply not have the skills.
@@Daniel-vl8mx My daughter explained me that she began to "study" ppl in age of 12 or so. She has not been diagnosed In spectrum (her younger brother is ADD and Asperger and I am ADD) but is now considering to. She is now turning 16. I was amazed when she recently told me about her "study of ppl". She is a very determined and introvert type of person. Very very artistic and talented in arts too.
@@minnaminna0202 Your daughter sounds amazing. I heard it's harder for autistic girls to get diagnosed properly, since most of the research has been done on autistic boys. Still, good luck with the diagnosis!!!
@@minnaminna0202 ohhhhhh, yes, I study TF outta people...I have to! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I'm 38... It's been a long time finding people that understand it...
No. 5 Can autistic people drive?
Yes! Cars are my main special interest. I’ve raced cars for years and it’s the thing in life that makes me feel the most alive. I’ve also been fortunate enough to drive a wide variety of cars. In 17 years of driving I’ve never had an accident. I will say that I’m very specific in my driving habits though.
Hey Dan... I have my first appointment tomorrow to be evaluated for Autism. I’m a 29 year old female and have ADHD. Unfortunately, I’ll be going by myself because my parents are pretty ignorant towards mental disorders and believe that there’s nothing “wrong” with me, and my spouse won’t be going with me either and hasn’t been very supportive. I’ve watched almost all your videos and they’ve helped a ton. I’m really nervous for tomorrow. So much so that I’m getting really overwhelmed at the thought of having to talk about why I think I might have Aspergers/ASD. I think I’m more nervous of not getting a diagnosis because I KNOW I have Aspergers/ASD, but will these people believe me? I’m just going through a lot of emotions right now and it even caused me to step away from work today because I felt extremely overwhelmed and knew that if I didn’t step away, I’d most likely have a meltdown... Anyways, is there anything you recommend I do prior to going? Any last words of advice/recommendations?
Thanks for all you do, Dan! Much appreciated.
Buy the DSM5 and save yourself a trip
Best wishes and solidarity! As an undiagnosed 32-year-old female, I know exactly what you mean about being afraid you won't be believed. I haven't found the courage yet to take on the medical professionals again :-\ I hope everything goes well for you in spite of having to go alone! We're rooting for you!
poopiesTellsMeNOO! ugh. I’m not Dan but make lists of what fucks up your everyday life in symptoms and tell them that you are really afraid to not be able to communicate your problems clearly and be understood and explain that you need them to ask you specific questions not general since general questions often makes you freeze up since you don’t know why they are asking and what answers they want. So Ask them to do direct detailed questions not general. These things should tell them a) you really have asd symtoms because otherwise you wouldn’t Ask b) make it a lot easier if they do this for you to give the answers you need.
Melody Little - thank you so much 🙏🏼 I hope all goes well with you too.
Anna Rehbinder - Thank you so much for this🙏🏼 that is exactly what I’m doing. I have like 5 pages worth of information. Truly, thank you🙏🏼 I appreciate you.
"Dapper fine and super dope!" Exactly!
Lol, I get told I look dapper and couture and hipsteresque often.
I dunno. If “dapper fine and super dope” is what autistic looks like, maybe I’m not autistic after all! ;)
I'm an autistic woman, and I have been told that I can't be autistic because I "look pretty". I've also been told that I shouldn't have kids because I could pass the autism gene on. Society is so strange.
That is just weird...
@@PraveenSrJ01 It really is. I'll never understand it.
Got my diagnosis last week. Asperger 😊
With the eye contact I would recommend the bridge of the nose or eye brows but at a distance any part of the face will do for the comfort of others. Just what I do to mimic that.
I look at people's mouths. Never thought about it til I discovered I was ASD. It just helps me hear better.
I'm always happy to have people ask questions about autism and all the individuality that comes with it.......The more information people have, the better their understanding..... which in turn produces acceptance and an ability to relate to those who function differently. While I do not have autism, my mother, one younger brother, daughter and my husband do. Neuro-typical people are curious about autism which I think is a good thing, but often do not know how to ask their questions. Grace and understanding is needed from both sides. Thank you for you videos...... My daughter and I enjoy them! =)
I’m 27 and have never felt love or enjoyed sex without over thinking every moment and driving I love it but also it’s a HUGE sensory overload kinda like grocery shopping
Hi Dan and thanks for taking the time to do this video, my 3 years old son just got diagnosed with autism and I'm really worried about his future, the pediatrician told me that he's a very intelligent child but I'm still really worried about him 😥😥😥
I can drive... I can drive a manual and I prefer to. I can drive a motorcycle, a forklift and a semi (lorry). ASD doesn't limit a person, we're just more focused on our interests.
Very strange, but sex seems to be my Autistics super power, my ex best friend is the polar opposite, he can't even think about sex without being grossed out.
Love it! Keep up the great work!
Thank you!!
@@TheAspieWorld no probs 💕
I think what people mean by "looking Autistic" has to do with passing. When I am getting overwhelmed, experiencing sensory overload, or an burnt out I tend to make more of an effort to mask my emotions and so when I do express emotions it is in a more controlled manner since I am trying to control my emotion and not let it control me. This often leads to me being more stiff and slightly robotic in my verbal responses and my body movements are typically slower as I am trying to be less clumsy so I don't have to deal with more sensory information. So that slightly stilted and mechanical way I talk and move when I get more upset in public is the way people see all autistic people. trying your best not to have a public meltdown is not how we normally act, masking/passing is a very conscious act to try and suppress anxiety and stress from outwardly showing and trying to fit in.
Dan im so distracted by your ring 😂
As an autistic person my sexdrive has always been pretty high, because sex is something that I actually understand and that make sense, unlike everything else in the world. I don't know how socialising works, but I do know how sex works. What's expected of me.
I totally understand number 7! So many people have said to me ‘your daughter doesn’t look autistic’ 😡😡
Dan thank you for helping me to understand my son. This tipe of videos are very clarifying.
internally an autism diagnosis is similiar to a cancer diagnosis, externally there is no physical symptoms for cancer until such things as the hair of the cancer patient (during chemotherapy) starts to fall out (among others) so an adult with autism could (potentially) also be an amputee (a physical disability), but the people that are around the adult with autism (+ only one leg or arm) wouldn't necessarily know they have autism, enough said.
I just finished my third cycle of a sonsory similar thing and it made such a difference! It is so so worth it guys!
I have 2 questions about the eye contact thing:
1) Is it okay for you to look into your partners eyes? Is that somehow different or not?
2) is it okay if someone looks you in the eyes when you looks somewhere else?
Not sure if you’re autistic trying to understand Eye ethics or the other way around.But I’m not autistic and I will give you an answer to your questions in my experience or worldview. I’m in no way saying this the the correct way. It’s just the way I feel comfortable. I don’t even think about it for the most part.
1. It is okay for my partner to look into my eyes. I actually want them to because if they don’t, it makes me feel like they are not listing to me or understanding me. It’s like a form of connection. I’m guessing I feel this way because when I’m looking someone in the eyes it’s me trying to read them and understand them so if someone doesn’t do it to me it’s like they are indifferent to me and don’t really care to know more of what I’m feeling or what I want.
2. I’m totally comfortable someone looking in my eyes when I’m looking elsewhere. To me it’s them trying to read me even if I’m looking elsewhere. I could be looking elsewhere because I’m thinking about something and they are just looking at me waiting for a response because they are concerned or interested in my thoughts. But that’s just me. If I’m looking away from the person I’m talking to, it’s because I’m in deep thought or distracted however I deliberately look back to them to reassure them they have my full attention.
It’s sad because I’m learning that a lot of autistic people are misunderstood as being stuck up, indifferent, or just plain rude because it seams they sometimes tend to ignore people or not look people in the eyes because of their insecurities, anxiety or whatever it may be that they are feeling at the moment. In my observation people who are not autistic but very insecure tend to bully people on the spectrum because they thrive on attention and if they don’t get the response they’re expecting, they feel violated and tend to lash out.
I hope this helps. I am in a relationship with someone I suspect is on the spectrum and I have been doing a lot of research and reading a lot of comments from people who are on the spectrum just to understand him. I’m not a doctor and I can’t diagnose him but everything I’ve been reading about people who go through it, is so relatable and helps me understand why my partner overreacts,, doesn’t like to drive, hates to be out in the public, and is not really sexual, ocd about his things, pulls his hair out, And so many other differences I’ve never experienced before. I love him very much and I want our relationship to last so I’m doing my best to understand why he does what he does. And this whole autism spectrum thing seems to be the most explainable reason otherwise if I can’t figure him out then I’ll look at him like he’s nuts. But if I know he is on the spectrum then I can understand him and know he’s just different but not crazy. I could never love him any less if he found out he was on the spectrum I would just be relieved and know that he is completely sane but just different because of a disability. Sometimes I don’t even believe it’s a disability I just think the world is not accommodating which makes a person who has autism disabled. I believe the world just needs to enable one on the spectrum then there would be no label of them being disabled.
And that idea just comes from a Ted talk that I agreed with, lol
I used to talk with a coworker who had autism. He talked to me because he was trying to get used to the idea of talking with girls i guess. It was hard to tell if he was attracted to me or just comfortable around me. But conversations were always a bit choppy, awkward. Idk if he was talking to girls because he genuinely wanted to or if it was because he thought it was what he was supposed to do or expected to do.
Thanks so much for this Video! I don't have such problems with eye contact (for me it's more like I forget to look at someone a few times), but I can identify with the rest pretty well.
1. Among autistic people non-heterosexuality is more common than in the general population. This includes asexuality - many of those of us to whom this pertains don't have sex, actually. Autism and sexuality are distinct things, but the former affects how you experience the latter, in my experience.
2. There is an autistic look: it's when a person is looking at their shoes when talking with you. Unless they're high-functioning - then they're looking at your shoes.
I think my 2 year old son is on the spectrum but no one is listening to me ( I am pushing to get him checked out), the way I have educated myself is by watching Fathering Autism, your channel and Our Landing Crew. I was wondering if your parents knew you were unique?, what were your signs and what it was like for you growing up?
Great video, Dan! I loved it as a parent of an autistic child! 💖🙏
I have high function autism and I have been driving a manual for over 10 years plus also I tested race cars before a race in pass. I learnt to drive in manual by a very good driving instructor who worked for those who have extra needs and he taught me how drive with my disabilities in a safe and control manner by passing test for racing test driver before the instructor had confidence and skill that I needed for the road. I love racing and love my animals also nature and crafts I get told all the time there is no room for anyone else or you are just a vegetable. I look at them said really okay and just walk away. I think being at 40 I have mellowed and retelate less so not getting into fights learning to accept things the way they are and just walking away. I have been attacked many times but because you have a disability and you have no rights according to a court of law does not mean that you do not have a voice having a voice is louder then a right I was told. I have been on all sides and still standing holding my own. My children who are also on the spectrum got into a little bother at school because according to them that they are different and different is not good but my children said ' being different is okay and like my mum said being robots machines of all the same what a boring world this would be. Being different is cool and you can learn so much more from each other like my mum said. My mum is our super hero who is yours.'
I am not afraid, I have Aspergers myself so did my late brother and and asked you if you thought substance abuse ie alcoholism is sometimes prevelent in aspies and I was very disheartened with no response
Im an alcholic and addict,i hate using those words,but its easier for other people to understand.im on the spectrum.
I am wondering with obsessing, does this count as researching a topic? So- pick a topic and fixate and learn as much as you can, then moving onto a new topic?
Yes, it counts.
What a great video, yet there's one glaring issue I see with these questions. These are all coming from people who more thank likely have little to no idea about what autism or Asperger's is. What's unique about people with autism is that they almost always stand out from the crowd. Sometimes, every once in a blue moon, you will come across a social bug who has it, and you know by how social they choose to be, because it's over the top. I grew up in a church that consisted of my extended family on my mother's side. Growing up was hard, and I know they prayed for me consistently around the clock. I know that they know, and being with my folks there I know that I am safe.
Dang, the driving attitude of people on the same spot of the spectrum differ so greatly. I drive an automatic, but I want a manual so I can feel more in control of the car.
Please offer some advice on getting a dx. I'm unintentionally hurting everyone I love because I'm at a crossroads in life.. I'm 51 I've been dx with Bipolar d/o, add/adhd, ptsd and occasional anxiety.. treatment has been short of successful.
My son had Aspergers but in 2014 committed suicide after leaving the navy. My grandson was dx or is receiving physical therapy for autism.. he's 2. I have a life long story but who doesn't.. but I believe autism runs in my family and we weren't aware but I believe my symptoms are unquestionably autistic in nature but not knowing for sure. My kids feel like I'm anaffected, apathetic, indifferent, selfish, narcissistic , and cold hearted, as a person who claims to love her family but can't/ won't succumb to a more orthodox display of affection or in their words.... "proof of life"
They don't believe a word I say.. I can't look them in their eyes while under stress, knowing they are grading my sincerity quotient . And I can't recall vital information that has the potential to make or break my plea for a leap of faith and compromise from my kids or significant other.. . my recall is nonexistent EVEN if life and riches depended on it !
A dx might be the only thing that might save my relationship with my kids.. maybe all their doubts or questions about my love for them my be answered and make sense. Do you have suggestions..I live in Texas
Great video Dan! Funny how you say that you rather drive an automatic car! I have no poblem whatsoever driving stick but i also owned an automatic though(Volvo 340 Variomatic).
You're lucky you can travel. I can't, without a meltdown.
I am asexual but I have a celebrity crush who is my main obsession (Swedish musician Tomas Ledin). I am also obsessed with Aston Villa, spiral staircases and pagodas. A child psychologist dismissed me as 'idle and naughty'. I was finally diagnosed at 57.
up the Villa! x
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My Titanic phase was bad...
Names and surnames... Still. Lol
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research shows that almost everyone does not like looking others in the eyes..traditional family values teach us to do it
Looking into someone’s eyes feels like staring into the sun + anxiety
That's the best description of it I've ever heard.
Yeah... it gets pretty gnarly.. I can tell who is around me with seeing or hearing them by their scent. A regular conversation with more than 3 people becomes unbearable. Zoning out is the way out of everything if I cant physically get myself out. I'm awaiting my assessment but yeah Dr said I was on spectrum but me being me I need tangible proof official assessment and help.
I love your videos man, but you really need to work on the pacing; having a 3:45 minute-long intro (if you count the ad) is just too much imho.
Can we fall in love? Well, I very rarely fall in love, but every autistic person is different. I am polyamours and a relationship anarchist and obviously most autistic people are not just as with neurotypical people. Have I met other autistic people who are? Yes, I have, a whole bunch actually.
I'm on the Autism spectrum and went through childhood trauma and abuse. Love is very foreign to me.
I’m one of those people with really good special awareness who learned to drive pretty quick. My instructor told me he was surprised I hadn’t been learning for longer before I started lessons with him 😂