Adult with Autism | 5 Reasons Why Everyone Isn't a 'Little Autistic' | 64
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มิ.ย. 2024
- I wasn't going to upload this due to having a foggy mind blocking my clarity to think or speak clearly. I lose my train of thought often, and am not very engaging...even writing this I am struggling to find the words I need!
But, welcome to my ever-changing Autism...and lack of sleep!
Despite this, it is an important topic to cover, as I am not the only one who has had someone response when they find out I have Autism, with 'everyone is a little Autistic'.
So I cover how it makes me feel based off scenarios, and hopefully amongst the lost state in the video, it still manages to come across.
0:00 Intro
6:33 The Mask
13:37 Coping Mechanisms
19:30 Recovery
23:04 Reclusive
26:07 Reasoning
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OMG! I relate so much to this video.
Two things that people say that make me super angry are “everyone is a little autistic” and “your autism is probably super mild. I could never notice.”
First you’ve never noticed because you don know what autism actually is - outside the nonverbal child trope.
And 2, some autistic traits are human traits. You’re not a little autistic because you are introverted, or because you like numbers. There are actually neurological differences and diagnostic criteria, to be considered autistic.
You don’t think I’m autistic, but you do think I’m super weird, and rude, and inconsiderate and don’t have feelings . That I’m clueless and have “childish tantrums”, and you also. don’t understand why I made “such a fuss” when people changed the lightbulbs in the office, the new ones are whiter, brighter and save energy , oh another thing why do I have to dress always the same. Use more color, wear make up. And a thousand other things, that drain all my energy, at the same time that it doesn’t matter how much I try and mask, it’s never enough.
Well mate, that’s because I’m freaking autistic, and not every body is. Because if you were, you’d know, all that you consider as me failing to be a good/normal adult, is not a failure, nor laziness, not fussiness, is me, autistic human, struggling and trying super hard to keep up with y’all.
If it were easy, I wouldn’t live in anxiety and depression.
It’s not mild, it’s not easy, and no, not everyone is a little bit autistic.
Well put Mandy!
I'm wondering if in a parallel universe somewhere, when a non Autistic person announces they're not Autstic, that the response is 'you're not Autistic? Ah don't worry mate, we're all a bit of a cabbage at times' 😂
Yeh
😢 Damn, you made me cry .😢😭
Hopefully I didn't!
So well said!
People who are not challenged in this way don’t seem to realize how offensive their “advice or suggestions” are as though we are stupid and can’t come up with the typical solutions that work for the typical person. Those suggestions and the advice doesn’t have the same outcomes. They don’t get “can’t” because they “can”. The fall out, melt downs and shut downs dispel the “Everyone is a little bit autistic”. If they were the fall out shut down melt down behavior would just be normal behavior. But the world screams it isn’t 🤷♀️ Good vid Paul!
Only Autistic people know this struggle! And not always having the energy to correct it too. We have to be so so careful of opening our mouths these days over anyone who is different in anyway to who you are. But Autism is kind of the exception to the rule it seems.
Sweet sweet validation ❤
Exactly. Drives me crazy how they can give us such blatantly obvious advice as if we would be too dumb to realize such easy solutions. Could it be, just maybe, that our issues are so much more severe that such solutions never worked? But really, I think they do know it's severe, they just like to trivialize those issues to make them feel better about themselves. They see themselves as if they had the ability to easily overcome it because of their superiority, but the rest of us are obviously stuck at an attitude problem, ie we're the problem. Sigh!
I’m diagnosed with IBS and need to join in and complain about being suggested/told to “watch what I eat” or not drink/eat XYZ.
Like damn thanks I have never had that thought while spending 12 hours unable to leave the washroom, nor have I consulted with medical doctors about this.
It's like when you have clinical depression and someone says "well everybody gets down."
Or when people say 'cheer up'. Oh yes! Why didn't I think of that!
@@AdultwithAutism😂
Autism is always wanting to get home
That should be a T Shirt slogan...
Hahahahaa😊
I had to pause the video when you said that you have to mask when you have a package coming. Not because I don't want to watch the rest of the video, I do, but because I actually started to cry. That's honestly the first time I've ever heard another person say something like that, and it resonated so strongly with me.
My bf doesn't understand why it's so hard for me to make a simple phone call, or why I resist when he wants to order a pizza but he'll be busy, so I have to answer the door when it comes. He will never understand. It's always felt to me that no one would or could ever understand.
To hear someone say the words was pretty overwhelming for me. I'm early in my realization that I'm not just 'wrong', that I actually have a condition that shapes the way I think and feel and interact with the world...and it's just now hitting me that there REALLY are people who navigate the world feeling the same things that I feel and, well, it's a big deal.
I'm sorry, I'm rambling, but I just wanted to thank you for your videos. For talking so openly about your experiences. Seriously. Thank you. ❤️
You're more than welcome Cheryl, and sorry it made you cry!
But I know full well how it feels. Some nights I've gone without my main meal as if I was to order a food delivery, I sometimes simply dont have the energy to mask to accept it from the door...so don't bother.
It's not just the accepting it, it's the anxiety waiting for it, the 'what if it doesn't arrive...then I'll need to pick up the phone and I hate that', it'll be confrontational, what if I phone to see why it's delayed and they arrive mid conversation and I feel stupid...
Then it arrives and you're not hungry anymore because you've got yourself so anxious, you don't want it!
I fully know how it feels, you're not alone 👍🏻
I agree
This part hit me as well! This ended up a bit long so TL;DR - I agree that phones and deliveries are scary.
I live in an apartment and the building people come by every 3-6 months to do things like change the HVAC filter and make sure the smoke alarms are good, and I have to put on my Presentable Comfy Clothes. I'm on edge the whole day until they show up because I also have to make sure I'm listening for the knock on the door, which means I can't have the noise cancelling on my headphones at full strength, which means that I can hear the HVAC or the traffic. If I have to take out garbage or recycling, I have to put on my Presentable Comfy Clothes.
One of the things I like about my apartment (I lovingly call it my concrete box in the sky) is that we have a package locker. I get a notification by e-mail, then go down and put a number in the system, and it unlocks the locker and I take my package. Still have to put on my Presentable Comfy Clothes to take the elevator down, but don't have to interact with people.
And same with the phone calls and answering the door to food delivery. My partner used to get frustrated and bemused because I would do just about anything to avoid making a phone call, even to my parents, whom I love dearly. And he also stopped asking me to answer the door for food delivery because I would just feel so uncomfortable and would repeatedly ask him about the process in preparation. And I wouldn't be able to relax and do anything else until the food delivery happened because, as I realized later, I have no sense of time, so the delivery could happen at *any time*.
Thank you for comment regarding how incredible it feels to be validated. When we hear someone echo our cries, our ears perk up! it’s a really big deal. I completely relate❤.
@MrsBifflechips presentable comfy clothes...I like that term 👍🏻
I had the typical symptoms as a child. No eye contact, started talking late, bad comprehension, even had a special ed teacher to help me with eye contact and pronunciation. Never got diagnosed.
Now as a working adult, I think I've been so good at masking I can appear to assimilate well enough in society. Although i still get stressed over the simplest of things. When asked to hang out with coworkers, i stress about what to wear. I wear scrubs at work. I'd say my daily clothing is "autistic" since it's comfortable for me, it's all the same, and not fashionable in society's standards.
I couldn't mask anymore when meeting my ex boyfriend's friends. I was able to do it once or twice and carried on conversations well, but I realized my internal anxiety was just too much with such social outings. So I just stopped meeting his friends and happily stayed home when the ex went out
I really like your channel. It's very calm and very relatable
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Paul. You're one of the very few people with autism who I feel speaks the most openly and candidly about the struggles we go through, to a level that may autistics can't articulate. Thank you for that.
Thank you 👍🏻
you're the only autism youtuber who i can fully relate to, like THE closest match to how my brain works and how i see the world, and it's so refreshing and validating
Good to hear that, as I remember the feeling of not finding anyone I could relate to 👍🏻
The worst part about people say, and everyone’s a little autistic is that they treat us differently than they treat everyone else, and Barry apparently so. Like you know I’m different. But then when I say I’m different. They are like no everybody’s like that.
I identified with everything you said here. I’ve always tried extra hard too, because deep down I guess I felt insecure in my job. All the critical BS directed at me as a child. I hovered where you seem to be for a decade or two, slowly grinding myself down, till my mind just stopped working. I couldn’t even open mail because I felt one more bit of bad news in the form of an unexpected bill would finish me off. But I didn’t just burn out. My body stopped working as well. The stress of years of masking screwed up my heart. Years of AF led to a mitral valve breakdown. I was so ill, I literally couldn’t stand up any more. This is why we have such a lower life expectancy. Stress. You have to be able to identify when your body is struggling. This is really hard when you are alexithymic.For example, I literally can’t tell the difference between feeling anxious and hungry. That makes it so hard to differentiate between feeling ill because I’m stressed, or ill because I ate a bad chop. Now, whenever I visit one of my old workplaces, I have to mask so hard in order to be able to be there, my body buckles under the strain. I don’t feel it coming on, but I actually get migraines now where my eyesight stops working. I go completely blind. It’s not so bad, I see these beautiful lights and patterns… but still. I can’t drive when I’m like that and I have to sit quietly for an hour or so until my sight comes back. So people who are not autistic cannot possibly understand what an autistic burnout feels like. It can literally kill you.
Thanks for sharing, and a stark reminder. Especially to those who think we 'play the victim' when we finally reach out for support 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism Very true. I used to be a soldier and a volunteer fireman, so not many people are going to say to my face that they think I’m faking it. But behind my back… people have always criticised me for acting ‘autistic’ and now that I have a diagnosis, they think I’m faking it. You can’t win. And unfortunately, the world is full of people who need a really good thump in the face. But you’re not allowed to administer it, no matter how medicinal it might be.
What a powerful video ❤ thank you very much. I’ve found that it’s really hard trying to explain those things to people who are not autistic, in fact I’m watching this video right now cause I can’t sleep after having tried to explain my train of thought to someone I’m positive is not autistic. It’s so overwhelming and draining
Thank you, and hope you got some sleep in the end.
Thankyou. This is so important. I'm recently "self diagnosed" ASD, (having read lots and discussed with a family member with professional knowledge on the subject). I've only just started mentioning this to people and have indeed had this response.
The section on being a reclusive and recovery really really resonates.
It takes me days to recover from any big social event that I have to attend.
I never progress from colleagues to friends because I NEED to maintain control of social demands and avoid this progression because what then follows is the other presuming they'd mis-read things when I deliberately stay very vague or avoid any conversation moving towards setting up an event, because I just don't know whether I'll be in a mental place I can handle it when it comes. The friendship thus doesn't progress and I appear stand offish / aloof to others.
I think it can add a glass ceiling in the workplace as a result too.
Anyway, I waffle, THANKYOU for what you are doing.
You're welcome, glad it resonated! Amd I hear you, I do the same with people. I stay relevant enough for my name to be remembered, but not important enough to miss me at events.
Sounds silly and simple, but so much effort goes into it!
Howdy Paul, another great topic! I agree with you and I hate when people say that. After someone says that I like to give them a day in the life sort of thing. They see me all together because I am masking. Even with the masking I still come off a little weird however. I think some people say that, because like your friend who is obsessed with the number four, they have a single autism trait. They don’t realize that they don’t have the “whole package” as it were. I think that you work even harder than me to mask as I am often clueless about what is currently on trend or the current topic of conversation. Another reason I come off as weird. Also I think “a little autistic” is dismissive of the autistic person as it trivializes the condition. “It can’t be that hard because I have to deal with the number four!”
Super video! Very well reasoned and clear of thought. As always, thanks for posting!
Thanks Bryan. I felt it was all over as my brain was on 'go slow'. My thoughts had to wade through treacle before they were allowed to be translated for my mouth to say 😂
My autistic son's special education teacher actually said that to me last year when I disclosed I am autistic as well. Super awkward.... 😅 Great video!
It's scary when special Ed teachers are saying it! 😂
@@AdultwithAutism a therapist at my job said it about a high functioning child. I am level 1 autistic and undisclosed at work. I tried to mildly correct her but some people are so stuck on their wrong opinions and I am just TIRED
Things like this just provide further evidence that one of the reasons Autism cannot progress is due to the majority or specialists not actually having Autism themselves. You can educate so far, but you can't feel it.
@@AdultwithAutismfor sure😊😊😊😊😊
Great Video, as always. Have started to bump into this phrase/idea due to having to unmask/disclose - even from family members! Tried to educate the family, but you just can't fight every time you hear it.
If everyone were a little autistic then they would know what autism really is - and its generally not just doing things 4 times! (although may be part of a presentation - I'm trying to be nice)
Hope you get some good sleep, been having trouble myself.
That's a big part, not having the energy to educate every time you hear it. Hoping for a good sleep tonight 👍🏻
Liked the shopping bag analogy 👍 As usual, what you're saying all makes perfect sense. And, as much as we'd love to educate people so they can understand, the bottom line really should be 'they don't need to understand, they just need to accept', or maybe believe! We don't ask NTs to explain why they have, eg, blue eyes, we just accept it, so why should we have to explain to get understanding. Just acceptance would be good.
I have heard this kind of comment from supposedly pro autistic organizations. I absolutely 100% agree with you if everyone was a little autistic my life would be so much easier. Burnout is a real thing, I'm in it and I haven't been able to get the opportunity to try and claw my way out of it I'm constantly running on empty these days. My neurotypical friends can go home on a Friday night drink a few beers and they're fine the next day That's not enough for me.
Same Michael. And that's a good way if putting it, you do have to claw your way back to some kind of normality...or our version anyway. It isn't an easy road back from burnout, and each time gets harder. I feel that!
You are so real and relatable. I'm very solitary also. I have what you would call a stray cat personality.
I'm glad you can relate 👍🏻
The thing about people saying "Everyone Isn't a 'Little Autistic'" is although its annoying for us, I believe its meant well, albeit a bit ignorant. But what its saying is that "you're not a freak." I can appreciate it on that level, even if I don't want to hear it. But on the other hand, its been equally annoying to me when I tell someone I'm autistic, and then they start being ultra careful, and stepping on eggshells around me... because when that happens I then start feeling like this delicate overly sensitive petunia freak. I guess the ideal response for me would be for them, just not trying to change me, accept me and my quirks and my general unmasking, as just my unchangeable personality. There are contradictions even in me saying that, but I guess that's my point... that its not black and white. its amorphous, and with no written in stone rules. I have various non-autistic related attributes that make me fit into about 2 additional minority groups, and so if the history of activism has taught me anything, its not to bite the hands of allies. Every movement on the planet is expedited by having them.
Haha, if they say it as a way of telling I am not a freak, then if that's how they view Autism, I don't need that type of person in my life at all.
Treat others as you would want to be treated, don't do to others you wouldn't want done to yourself, if you cannot say you are doing it, then chances are you probably shouldn't. If we all did that, the world would be a better place.
Dealing with nts is something supersonic. They should bow to us 🤣
They don't speak the same language. They use the same words but they don't seem to really fathom the actual meanings of words and kind of just make it up whenever they feel like it.
Really though I fen the same way about this topic.
I don't know why I said Supersonic...probably because I was listening to Oasis earlier!!
Most people get to be unconsciously get by, I would love to feel that for 5 seconds when I leave the house. Instead I feel like I work for the FBI and watching for a terrorist.
@@AdultwithAutism same
Hey Paul, it's been awhile since I've commented (life happens), but I believe I've watched every video! Anyway, completely agree with your sentiment on the video topic. Also am on the same page in regards to multiple "tiers" of comfy clothes, haha! Comfy when no one is home, when wife is home, when kids are home... when we have extended family over, when someone from work drops some plans off (still working from home a few days a week), or for a delivery like you said... or a drive-through for food when I shouldn't have to exit the vehicle...
"And another thing...!" ;-) I really liked how you described "being done" after your meltdown at the training. At the bottom of the ocean and not enough time to get to the surface for a breath. "Well, I'm F-d". And almost not even mad about it? Just realistic? Helpless and defeated? Whatever it is I was trying to do, just isn't going to happen right now and I've got to step away and hopefully try again later, no matter how ridiculous it might look to others? "What do you mean you can't make it to the surface? It's only just there..." No, please... just let me back out without much ado. A simple "Ok, no worries, we'll figure it out later!". Beyond that, any more attempts to try and "reel me back in" usually results in me saying something I'll probably wish I hadn't said and bridges begin burning... AND like you mentioned, often with VERY nice and well-intentioned people... which makes it feel even worse! These are NICE people I'm having a problem with here... and I'm the odd person out... even though I thought *I* was a nice person?
So ya, completely agree! Everyone isn't "just a little bit autistic" ;-)
Hi Nathan, glad you agree. You either are Autistic, or you're not. It's such a silly thing to say. It's like me saying 'you're Chinese? Yeah, I'm a bit Chinese as there is a China Town not far from my house'.
It honestly sounds that stupid to me these days.
I haven’t been diagnosed but after my niece and nephew were diagnosed it got me thinking about my childhood and the similarities. I questioned my mum about how I was as a kid and that I wondered if I was autistic too and that was her exact reply. I was like yeah, thanks mum.
WOW! This gave me a real ah-ha moment! Thank you! I'm self diagnosed, at this time, maybe in the last year. What you were saying about how you like football ⚽ vs how neurotypical folks like football! It made me think of me liking to go dancing vs others liking to go dancing...all the similarities stop right there! The rest is 💯 different! And I realized that I unmask on the dance floor and stim like crazy, totally sober, because everyone else is liquored up and it no longer matters!!! 🤯
I'm gonna have to take a look at some other things like this!
Thank you!
No problem at all...and keep dancing!
I'm this way about my art. It drives me crazy when people refer to it as a hobby. I say, "No, it's one of my lifelong passions."
My great aunt, who had a passion for dancing, won many prizes well into her late 80's. She wasn't competing in her age category, but with all ages. She was a woman who rarely spoke, but as a kid I always felt she "got" me. Wish she were still alive. Both she and my grandmother had many signs of autism. My gran was excruciatingly sensitive to light and sound and lived alone, happily, in her later years. No phone, no TV, but a passion for plants and literature. I share these to some degree, but was always to klutzy to dance.
@@kdcraft89 I now realize that my grandma had so very many signs of autism as well. I have very little doubt that she must've been. Her sister and my mom also seem to signs as well. It's so interesting to look at the family from a new perspective.
@@allisgrace1313 When I first found out I'm autistic, I did a whole family tree (in my head) and looked at the signs in aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts, etc., all the way back to great-grandparents, some of whom I knew. The vast majority had signs of autism, only a few seemed NT. Many of these people also had gifts of music, with nature, engineering, etc. They all led somewhat unconventional lives, esp. not "regular" jobs. Certain threads run through our family history with autism. Only one family of cousins with children who would have been seen as autistic who were mentally impaired.
Thanks this video really helps me understand how autism ( unknown to me for 60 years ) has impacted my life.
Hi Shawna, really glad it helped!
@@AdultwithAutism And it helps me as I have gotten “everyone is a little autistic”.
I did explain the process to get diagnosed. Your video has given me more ideas to think about.
I'm glad it can help, or give food for thought. It's all I want to do 👍🏻
Hallo Paul, ich finde deine Videos und deine beschriebene innere Lebenserfahrung und deinehinterfragenden Gedanken sehr bereichernd. Ich wollte erstmal nur erfahren ob Kommentaren in anderen Sprachen, von Dir übersetzt und gelesen werden können. Ich kommuniziere durch SozialMedien so gut wie nie, jedoch höre ich mit Neugier die Stimmen deren Menschen , die sich von meiner Gedankenwelt unterscheiden oder meine Perspektive erweitern können; so wie Du mit deinen Beiträgen. Ich danke Dir dafür. Die Hintergründe und Absichten deines Kanals, finde ich sinnhaft und regen eine tief-gehender Betrachtung über „das Anders sein“, Stigmatisierung versus Konformität, zwangsläufige Anpassung und Durchschnittlichkeit, an.
I was diagnosed in my 30s in 2021. After discussing it with my parents, their response was "yeah, I could see that" and was just stunned at their indifference... I met with a psychologist for several sessions, then a counselor that specialized in autism for a little over a year. I moved out if state (US) and, out of curiosity, sought a second opinion from another psychologist to come to the same conclusion with a separate diagnosis.
Thank you for your channel. I have watched a few of your videos and you explain my experience better than any other channel or professional has ever been able to. Keep educating people. Thank you
Thank you for that, I appreciate your kind words.
Great discussion about recovery. Before I understood my own autism I always underestimated how much time I needed for recovery and felt guilty about it, but no more.
When I told my physician I'm autistic he pooh-poohed it and said "everyone is a little autistic." I'll continue to see him since he's helped me with various conditions, but don't expect understanding. I think he's autistic, and perhaps that's why he thinks this.
It's been my observation that those who are autistic but heavily masked and in denial may be the most hurtful since they have a strong motivation to deny. I was once heavily masked but if someone had told me they are autistic I would have just listened and tried to understand. But perhaps that's why I figured it out sooner than these folks. I'm done with trying to educate those close to me, though. It has always gone awry. I accept the hurt as a fact of life, as a part of being autistic. Now I just try to be happy in a solo life. Having your videos and some others has been helpful when I've been hurt by this, and I recover faster knowing there are those who understand even if not in my immediate environment.
It is an extreme ignorance, lack of education, or ignorance which leads people to say those words 'everyone is a little Autistic'. It makes me cringe every time I hear it these days.
I wish I could give you a better comment but at the moment I can't. I think I don't want to comment either because I'm feeling so deeply understood and that's rare, I rather enjoy was happening inside me. Still, I do want to say thank you. Thank you for share this particular issue nad your experience around the world not being a little bit autistic. I cried of relief listening this. Thank you.
Sorry you cried, but thank you! 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism 🫂 it was good to cry for this
hey paul another fantastic video, well explained !!!
Thanks Gemma, it was a tough one to get through as I couldn't get my brain fired up.
I think that this idea that "everyone is a little autistic" comes from a fundamental misunderstanding and miscommunication of the notion of autism being a spectrum.
Many people think that statement, along with some others, means that everyone is someone on the spectrum. The other statements are that the behaviors of autistic people are human behaviors. Yes, they're normal human behaviors that everyone can have from time to time. However, that doesn't mean everyone is autistic.
The spectrum is the spectrum of experience, challenges, and impacts that autistic people have, not everyone.
We have these behaviors in a very concrete and permanent way because we are fundamentally different, not because we're just a bit more autistic than the average person.
What it boils down to is that we have hyper connected brains. All babies are born with hyper connected brains. Our brains are like topiaries... they have things in common with sculptures and you could have asked Michelangelo about the sculpture of David and he would say that he just removed everything that didn't look like David. Well, that is what happens with babies within the first couple of years... mTOR is released and it prunes the unnecessary synapses in their brains. Except... not in autistic people.
So, we keep all of these synapses. NTs learn to tune out the noise because their synapses being pruned gave them that ability. They don't have a massive super highway from every sensory input to everywhere else in their brain. At rest, we're taking in 42% more input than an NT. That is overwhelming. So, the reason why we have a large set of these normal human behaviors that we display far more frequently and consistently is because we live in a constant state of overwhelm. The spectrum is the notion that it manifests differently for each autistic person because the human "connectome" is different for every human, autistic or not.
I'd probably be quite surprised by the science of our minds if I looked into it. The problem is, finding the reliable sources! But my 'rest' state still never rests 👍🏻
I had a mental health professional say this to me a few years ago. They then failed to diagnose my teenage son who is clearly autistic and ADHD. What chance do we have?! I get 'oh yeah, I'm like that' or 'we all do that, don't we?' I'm struggling with my supervisor at work at the moment. She doesn't have a clue but clearly thinks she does 🙄 and just thinks I'm being funny half the time. Drives me mad!
You've just described a normal daily life of the hidden Autistic! Disbelieved, overlooked, not considered, and trivialised.
It is horrible, it is exactly the same as when someone reports to the Police that someone is stalking them, they don't do anything at all until there is a 'crime' committed. So the perpetrator can get away with it for as long as they want, until they get the courage or the poor mental health judgement to attack the person. Only then do they do anything about it, but the damage is already done.
What I am trying to say in the nicest way is, if your supervisor is ignorant, look for different employment. If a health professional talks instead of listens, put in a written complaint and move on to the next one. If the ship doesn't come to the shore, swim out to it. If we don't look out for our best interests, no one else does. Hope it gets easier!!
@@AdultwithAutism Cheers Paul 👍
👍🏻
“The more open and honest you are the more the look of confusion on the other persons face”. Yes. This dynamic always makes me more than a little sad when I experience it and after a while you just don’t want to experience that anymore so you stop trying to explain yourself and what you need and you just distance and isolate and that’s not the way this should be going down. This is why I think autistic people show greater empathy versus the supposed Neuro typical because we can actually recognize and accept and respect the people are different from us and their experience is different from us and our experience is different from them without that confusion being the predominant walk away. We can actually get that people can be different from us experiences can be different for each person and that should be respected and honored and simply “understood”. But maybe that is not empathy but just logic😁
I get that. Even this week. I was being more open and it got me nowhere except saying the wrong thing without meaning to, or thinking it could be taken the wrong way. Felt rubbish ever since.
When people tell me to be more like the authentic me, it instantly trips me up and I feel more disassociated than before. Then I get empathetic for myself 😂
@@AdultwithAutism It must be the common vs unique experience then eh?
Indeed. Plus my uniqueness is an acquired taste!
you are the most relatable guy ive seen on the web so far. thanks a lot for your input mate
Thank you, much appreciated 👍🏻
I'm level 2 autistic, late diagnosed. My GP often says that everyone is a little bit autistic and I feel it invalidates my diagnosis, I feel most health care workers don't understand what it's like and they aren't educated properly in autism.
I'm with you, it's such an undermining thing to hear. It completely washes over what we do just to fit in 👍🏻
My local Aldi has\had a one-way layout for flow. I love it!
Since the pandemic caused stores to make delivery more widespread, I don't make it there very often when there's a lot of people, but I loved that years ago! 😊
To be honest, a one way system would matter more to me when it comes to choosing the shop than the prices!
Hi Paul,
I love hearing the chime alert notifying me that you have uploaded a new video.
You made perfect sense on this topic; as a fellow computer gamer, I always explain my autism in terms of my brain being on a completely different operating system than the rest of the world.
That, to me, explains why I experience so many communication challenges - the ‘coding’ language in my brain just isn’t on the same frequency as everyone else.
Also - I ‘m sure I’m not alone when I say I love listening your waffling!! It’s very interesting to hear you verbally process your thoughts and emotions. That raw, unfiltered expression is sincere and much appreciated 🌷
Thanks Rebecca, I appreciate that. And agree there with the computer analogy. It's like when you have a printer linked to the computer, you want it to print, but it says 'can't find printer'. That's how it feels when I talk to a lot of people, my version of the printer is trying to find the connection to the stories.
Good catch that if everyone would be little bit autistic, then everything would be bit more autistic friendly. It's a very good argument.
...if everybody would be bit autistic, I wouldn't have right now a desperate need to go hide under my work desk at the office. Or actually if everyone would be little autistic I would follow the urge and go hide under my desk and feel better
I get it. I'm yet to submit my reasonable adjustments at work and one of them is to confirm in writing that I am a home worker. It's part of my role to be a home worker, but it's for that protection of 'just in case' as its a tough gig.
Hi Paul
I’m going to start a campaign to get indicators fitted to shopping trolleys, I made the biggest mistake yesterday and went to Asda to get my weekly shopping and nearly got run over on several occasions by a trolley, when I have worked this out I will try and work out how to stop the screaming kid’s and their parents that don’t give a damn.
Haha, it's a nightmare. My worst ones are pensioners, just walk right in your path to get what they want, or just stand directly in front of you to just look...which is what I was doing!
Parents who take tired children to the shops should be fined, and the money used as compensation to the rest of us who had to listen to a screaming banshee for the entire shopping visit.
Are trolleys what we call carts in North America? If so, they need horns, too! 😜
I sometimes wonder if a screaming child is autistic and having meltdown because of sensory overload. Probably most are just shitty kids who have shitty parents.
I really love these comment sections. My people!
Yep, trolleys are carts. They need all sorts! The main one for me would be some type or device that makes it impossible to be stationary for more than 30 seconds to remind people that it's a store and not a place to catch up for an over in front of the bread!
I really couldn't agree more. Worse of all is that it seems to become more and more common. It's like a slap in the face with good intent.
Because it's more identified these days, I've noticed the interest is a lot less in people when they find out I'm Autistic, and it gets pushed to the side more than it used to.
Blast this on Times Square blast this between any program. This is so insightful and beautiful. THANK YOU 🙏
Haha, I am down for that!
I agree. It's minimizing to be told "everyones on the spectrum, isn't that why it's called a spectrum" or "everyone is a little autistic" and being autistic its very tricky to communicate why that doesn't feel good to be told that.
Then I feel like "ok so I'm invisible to this person, I'm not going to be able to consider this person as someone I could try to connect with".
People have to get open and quieter and slow down to make it possible to connect with someone like me, and very few people, in my experience, would go to that effort, unless they are paid to do it.
Only Autistic people that I know can do that with me, or my children who have no other mother to turn to.
So I stay in my very small world and I get some human contact through this modality because even autistic people need human contact.
I tried full blown masking when I was younger because survival and I had no idea what I needed or how to communicate how hard I was struggling and I got labeled "crazy". It was very traumatizing on top of so much other traumatic abuse and I ended up with the labels bpd and cptsd. burnt out so hard core its years and years later and now I can do so little.
Id rather be able to say "I'm on the spectrum or I'm autistic" than the other mean things people have probably said and thought about me. And I don't treat people meanly but of course I have always had many melt downs, shut downs and burn outs.
I agree. If I hear it said to me, I don't try to argue or clear anything up. I just roll with it and accept that person isn't for my design 👍🏻
Interesting subject! Question- have you heard a category of people who don’t check all the autism checkboxes (not enough to be diagnosed autistic), but who check more boxes than a neurotypical would? I believe the psychological term is “subclinical”.
You don’t have to call it “a little bit autistic”, but I can imagine a “subclinical spectrum” in which I’d place myself.
Thanks.
I haven't in all honesty. Of everyone I've spoken to who is Autistic, wherever they sit on the spectrum, all have the triggers that has a strong adverse reaction into societal expectations they're expected to fall within. Regardless of the way they walk through life, the mentality and effect it can have, is too impactful to be considered a lighter version of Autism.
Someone referred to their version of Autism as 'Autism Lite', but that's also the other term of High Functioning as well as the newer term of Low Support Need.
But in my opinion, you either are Autistic, or you're not, regardless 👍🏻
😊 My niece says she can see some autistic traits in herself, but not to the extent of traits she sees in her now young adult children. Who did get diagnosed as children. She doesn't consider herself autistic, but nearly.
Great videos Paul, great to hear a solid Manchester accent. So much of this rings true for me.
It's toned down for the videos as people South of Wilmslow struggle to understand otherwise 😂
Thanks so much for your videos. Im learning so much! And I appreciate your honesty depicting societal norms and expectations that can be so draining and anxiety producing i.e. i.e being stuck in traffic or having to socialize a bit a work.
Peace & blessings
You're welcome. Glad you like them 👍🏻
Appreciate your sparkly light bulb in the top left.
Yes I am.
👍🏼
Thank you so much for making this video, the shopping bag analogy and recovery is so real it’s everything to an autistic person
No problem at all. I'm glad you could relate 👍🏻
I like your reasoning, it helps raise the level of the common discourse around autism. If everyone were a little bit autistic there'd be no autism, because it would be more the norm. It's like saying everyone gets a bit of TB because they get a cough occasionally, or everyone has a bit of Alzheimer's because we occasionally forget things - both obviously senseless and wrong. When people don't understand our need for accommodations and respond with "Why can't you just...?" - that's precisely why it's a disability, because we can't. The challenge is that it's an invisible one, they can understand why a one-legged person might struggle to carry the shopping in, because the absence of a common faculty is visible. But you have to actually be, or live with, an autist to see and experience the absence of the critical faculty. Since we're a minority, most people don't get that opportunity.
Very true 👍🏻
THANKYOU I FEEL SO HEARD❤
That's great to hear!
Meeting strangers in Lycra, I get sarcastic about anatomy. Of course that’s behind closed doors.
Great video!
Thanks
Fab video. Thank you 😊
Thank you 👍🏻
Great talk!
Thank you 👍🏻
Oddly enough, I understand everything you're saying.....
Excellent 👍
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Fully agreed brother😊😊😊
Awesome 😁
Funny thing is in Czech Republic there are one-way aisles in supermarkets.
I might have to put the Czech Republic on my places to visit for just that reason!!
As a late diagnosed autist, I love you Paul
Haha, many thanks 👍🏻
I relate to much of what you're talking about bec of trauma/anxiety but i don't have autism. It would be interesting if you did a video on the differences between PTSD/ trauma and autism
I've been struggling with trying to do that video since I started. It has so many layers to it and the deeper it goes, the more that appear. But if I ever crack the code, I will 👍🏻
@AdultwithAutism I know, after I wrote the comment, I realised that it would be a tall order bec you'd have to know both perspectives. But if you ever need any help from my side of things (I'm a highly emotional introvert, always massively struggled with fitting into this world, socialising, surface frivolities over meaning). I've also been trying to understand myself my entire life.
Having a little of something doesn't imply in understanding what is like having a lot of it. A person with a little of money will not necessarily understand how it is to be a billionaire.
When people say "everybody is a little autistic" what i think they mean is that the average neurotypical person will have some isolated traits that are part of the list of possible autistic traits, and that is correct. I understand that an autistic person, that is aware of being autistic, would feel offended. But it is an emotional thing, not really logic to be offended by factual statements because of supposed "bad" intentions. To use the word "everybody" is a normal exageration that could be clarified without any hard feelings.
Other interesting thing related to this is that if autism is of genetic origing [I imagine it is] then it involves hundreds or thousands of genes. A person with Down's syndrome have some few specific genetic differences and in this case I think nobody can say that they have a little of Down's syndrome. You have it or you don't have it. But autism is too complex and even genetically it would make sense to say neurotypical people could be a little autistic. There is a continuous spectrum from the most pathologically extroverted to the most pathologiclly introverted.
What if everyone who said this was autistic??
Haha, those are some odds!!
@@kdcraft89Chappie, just stop...just because someone said something you don't like it doesn't mean they're "broken" and whatnot. He could have just not wanted to really probe deeper, or he has some ego and doesn't like his analyses questioned...it's as simple as that.
Also, your comment is literally the same type of behaviour as the chappie in the video is talking about! You decided to pick on a few isolated traits and then extrapolated that, well...the doctor is just like you! Same like people who desperately try to pin narcissism or psychopathy on their exes, they see a few certain traits and then make a false diagnosis so they, hmmm...feel better about themselves? I'm not sure why people do that to be honest, but there's so many sites out there of "how to see if your partner is a narcissist" that it's most assuredly a common, ignorant assumption many like to have.
Needless to say, you are frustrated people don't take you at face value and make assumptions about you, yet you yourself make blatant and automatic assumptions about others in return. It seems that you aren't as different from neurotypicals as you think you are...
In my experience, comments like "Everybody's a little autistic'' often precede comments like ''get over it,'' ''man up,'' ''it's no big deal'' or ''that's life.''
That's true. It's always diminished which doesn't help at all 👍🏻
Dora Raymaker is an autistic researcher who researches autistic issues.
I'm glad there are some out there 👍🏻
I have a quandary, but first the disclosure that I am AuDHD, late diagnosed.
The quandary:
So we of the Late Diagnosed didn't know we were, in fact, autistic....until we did. Before then, I will surmise that all too many of us subscribed to a lot of the stereotypes about autism that are out there.
Autistic people cannot necessarily pick another autistic person from out of a crowd. Autistic people aren't all acculturated the same, whether they or the people around them know about their autism or not, and thus have different opinions and feelings about how to be and how to treat autistic people. I have met many who are, quite frankly, an as*hole despite us both being autistic. We don't necessarily agree on all the hows and whys of interactions and how to treat each other.
And that's partly because we are mutually awkward at being people and interacting with them. That doesn't change when I am talking to another autistic person.
Autism and attitude are not as closely linked as people can make out. There are plenty of Autistic people with terrible attitudes for a plethora of reasons. Even me when I'm in a bad mood.
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Saying "Everyone's a little autistic" is like telling a person with athsma "Well, everyone coughs sometimes."
True
25:58 a brother from another mother.
totally agree.
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@@AdultwithAutism thanx for your response 😁
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" Well we are all a little bit pregnant "
Yeah,that's what i said to my GP the week i got my adult assesment results at 41 and he said this nugget of ignorance.
Almost 40% of GP' shave never received any formal training on Autism, sounds like you ended up with one of them! 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism ive had that discussion with him as ive worked for over 30 years in critical care specilizing in disablity as a nurse and leading up to that with overlap i was a disablity support workerfor years and in community services mainly with kids at risk with a grate slab of the teens i worked with where on the spectrum and or ADHD.
Ive got a good relationship with my gp, he has been mine for over 15 years and i can speak very frankly to him and lm constantly telling him to come back to the real world where not everyone has you income bracket. Lol
But on a few occasions ive had to remind him that the title GP means general practitioner so that means he is a specilest in nothing , hence the general and with all the education ive recived mainly geared around working with clients with disability, i know for a fact we really learnt nothing other than the legislation surrounding the disablity act but nothing much on any 1 disablity and now im on the flip side of that i feel like all the matiral i was studying, everything was written by NTs for NTs and they have no clue as id actually question alot of the ethics i learnt to work in my chosen field as the ethics where more " one must cover one own ass" and not much to protect our clients rights as people.
So i can tell my gp to stay in his lane and his job is colds ,flu's, referrals to specilest that know more than him and put your pride away when you dont know shit about somethin and your to renew scrips without him getting his nose out of joint after i had been experiencing what truned out to be a very bad case of GURD for over year and i felt like i had been punched in the throat all that time.
He did not see the value to send me to a EENT specilest so i sort asecond opinion and , got the referral to the EENT hospital in no time flat and had my records sent to him to have the meds scripts renewed as needed.
When i showed for a refill on my script, he stated he was not comfortable with what i had been prescribed and was at first not going to refill my script until i reminded him that he let me suffer with this for over a year , i took matters in to my own hands and got a referral for a diffent gp to see a specilest he should have sent me too 12 months ago and ive even undergone a endoscopic examination at the EENT hospital and they scipted this and sent you a care plan , check your e-mails.
Remember you a GP , emphasis on the genral, the specialist has sent you instructions .... follow them.
As for the hooplah with my autisum assessment and how that played out .
I ended up gifting him a copy of one of tony attwoods books to scrub up on women and girls on the spectrum and in the card i wrote enjoy the read as the hrs it will take you to read this would be longer than a clinical psychologist would have to study spectrum disorders to get their doctorate, yep they only do 5hrs on spectrum disorders and they are more qualified than you apparently.
He dosent say stupid things any more sounding spectrum disorders. lol... well he dosent say stupid things around me.
Do you know if there's any update on the man with cat and Sainsbury's?
Not that I've seen. He did reach out to me on IG to tell me I was wrong on a few points. I just wished him well and will keep an eye on the developments as they happen!
@@AdultwithAutism An opinion is just an opinion, it can't be wrong, it can be agreed or disagreed, but not wrong. A fact can be wrong, but that's just my opinion.
It's an opinion I wholeheartedly agree with 👍🏻
Can the symptoms you mention be cyclical? In my case I am really struggling to tell apart Scz, bpd remnants and mild autism.
I've never explored any other diagnosis as Autism is my primary driver for my design. If it ever got to a stage where I needed to put as much attention into something else, I'd definitely explore that route 👍🏻
You might want to look into misdiagnosis of autism. From what I've read, at least autism is often misdiagnosed as bipolar. The reason is that meltdowns can be misinterpreted. Of course, anyone can have more than one disorder and that's something you can look into. You might need to consult experts who understand this distinction, I'm not suggesting one way or another.
Is this anything like being "a little bit pregnant?" 🤣
Exactly the same. You either are, or you're not!
My doctor said that, you have to find the right doctor to refer you.
Odd response. Every GP in England can refer you. Not sure where you are though 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I was first told there was nothing wrong with me, it was a way off life. Needless to say, I never saw that doctor again. I found a brilliant doctor and she referred me. I was diagnosed in January. I live in Devon.
We are divergent, we are not all the same, life would be boring if we were all the same.
It would indeed 👍🏻
I told a friend I think I have autism and he called me special?.. wtf
He just needs to he educated on what Autism actually is by the sound of it 👍🏻
After being diagnosed a family member said this to me… or the other one…. Well you do not look autistic FFS 🤦♀️
I'd respond with 'If I'd have known you were the expert, I'd have just come to you in the first place'...
Another response might be, "just wait until I better understand it myself. I'll likely look more autistic once I stop masking as heavily." This has been true for me. Some things I used to suppress heavily and apologize for, I no longer do. One is overtalking about my benign special interests. I always listen politely to small talk from others, so no more apologies if I'm with family and the mask slips.
I was silenced from a young age. Nobody wanted to hear it. And now I’m so flustered to talk if anyone shows interest I go mute and fuck it up anyways or get frustrated because I’m stumbling with words to get it all out, I’m an oversharer. Details are real for me. I live in my bubble and it’s ok. Writing has been a useful tool.