One day I sat down in front of a mirror and tried to say everything I usually said to myself and then imagined saying it to a friend. 6 years later and so many tears, the self-hatred has dissipated. Good luck, all.
A big lie that many people buy into is the idea that you can literally befriend the universe. If you listen it will certainly speak to you. And guess what? It absolutely hates you. The worst part, it hates you to no fault of your own. Why? That is simply it’s nature. Always has been. You just happened to be born in it. It does what it does to all of us despite of what we do, it can even do it by corrupting the very things that we might have taken for granted in terms of integrity and purity. Yet they too can be compromised. Some forms of “love” and “friendship” are just other ways for the universe to express it’s spite once we realize how twisted some so-called friends and lovers truly can be. But here’s the key, it only matters if you let it get to you and keep you down. You must understand the role that you play in your own life. So what if the universe doesn’t really love you? It won’t matter as long as you manage to take care of and love yourself. The trick is to stay strong. 👍🩷
This is literally the answer. Children who grow up in loving, encouraging and accepting homes don’t develop self hatred. They learn that they are enough just as they are and that they are worthy of unconditionally love.
Agreed. Just work on yourself and don't compare yourself to others. It can even be something as simple as taking long walks outdoors, which is a great form of exercise and a way to get sunshine which has a positive effect on our mood. Set personal goals and patiently work to achieve them.
@@MattAngiono Competition in Capitalism is more about building or providing a better product or providing a better service than your competitor companies with the hopes of not only of getting more business (i.e., making more profits), but making peoples' lives better in some way. I think what is being discussed here is comparing yourself to others and feeling unworthy if you feel you can't compete with others' looks, personality, or status. JMO.
@bryanjones8778 IMHO, competition is a number of things. Capitalism is the overarching system that drives a lot of this, though. It generates profit when we compare ourselves and try to "keep up with the Joneses," and the constant narcissism benefits corporations. There's good, friendly competition which I quite enjoy, but yes, comparing myself to anyone, even my friends seems toxic. I guess I'm just saying we're p programmed into this thinking by the system and it's the system we have to change, beyond ourselves (for many other reasons too though)
My profound self-hatred is a lifelong personality trait, that has been darkening my life since the beginning. Despite I know, that as a child, my parents treated me as an unworthy parasite without showing any human gesture, the feeling of inferioirity and non-humanness remained in my adulthood, making my one and only life empty and purposeless. I tried many activities, like sports, diets, arts, hobbies, psychiatric drugs, therapies but nothing helped. It discourages me from social interactions, resulting in isolation. Self-hatred is a devastating condition, I wish that no one ever lives through it.
Man, I totally relate. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll tell you what, isolation amplifies these feelings a thousand fold. My theory is that helping others I.e. the homeless and needy, we remove the focus from ourselves and get in contact with the truly valuable parts of ourselves. In a way, by going outside, you help look inside. Does that sound wrong?
@@TheEternalPupil No, it doesn't sounds wrong. Actually, I work in the healthcare system and yes, I agree, it is a great feeling when you can help someome. But the other side of this coin is that it is more painful when you can not help. I would say, this work helps me a lot, but it is not fulfilling by itself, because it does not solve the problems of my private life. I managed to get quite far with the "non-focusing on myself" approach, but in the end of the day, the bad thoughts just come up with greater force.
I too know the feeling, but I come from a loving family. There are any numbers of reasons we can justify such thoughts. But we have to listen to what's being said in the video. It's difficult. Brain patterns get reinforced over time making harder to escape. But you CAN reprogram your mind! You can tell yourself a different story and over time build up that new pattern. The more you believe the better. Life is hard and making things is hard, but that's usually my solution. Art is a great idea. But it will take time. It's easy to make things you hate but eventually you learn the craft and get better. Music is a great pursuit. Learn to play the blues! It's an entire genre about moving through suffering. Also, get into a beautiful place in nature if you can. That's always healing for me. It's especially helpful if you can hike up a mountain. Hope some of that helps!
@@tamaspancsa5486 Sounds like you need to probe deeper in to philosophy to get to the deeper questions. Cause yeah, as you said when you reach the limit of physical capabilities, it may be time to go inwardly. It’s wonderful that your life doesn’t reflect the internal turmoil you feel, but I also understand that just cause things are alright, doesn’t mean you are alright. It’s either that, or another pragmatic solution, like throwing yourself into new passions. I understand why that feels superficial, you have no choice but to go deeper my friend.
@tamaspancsa5486 Your comment contains your solution. Your expression of self hatred is not a personality trait. It is a learned behavior. You came into this world with love, and the people who were supposed to love and support you did the exact opposite. You are blaming yourself for your parents' shortcomings and seeking external solutions to an internal dilemma. That internal dilemma is carrying the burden of your parents' flaws. You are love, and you are worthy of love. You are an adult now, and you survived a painful childhood. Congratulate yourself for that. Forgive your parents for their flaws because every expression of self hatred is not a reflection of you but a reflection of your parents' flaws. You are love. You have love to give, but in order to give it to others, you have to first give it to yourself, regardless of what may have happened in your past. You are love. Feel it. Sit with it. Process whatever painful memories come to the surface and release them. You no longer need to rely on your parents' flaws to survive their household. You did that. You loved yourself enough to do that. Now love yourself enough to say "I don't need to do that anymore. "
I live in the D.C. area and enjoy my simple life as a Security Guard, but I started with self hate and insecurity issues when making social introductions. Most of the people in my area have high paying white collar jobs and advanced degrees, and once the question "So what you do?" Comes up, I can see they are no longer interested in continuing the conversation. I really appreciate these videos for giving my perspective, and reminding me that most of the planet does not have the attitude of my area.
I used to do cash processing for a large store, so I worked with the security team regularly. They were all really nice and helpful. They taught me a lot about the behind-the-scenes stuff at the store and helped me feel safe when I was new and nervous about handling large amounts of other people's money. So for whatever it's worth, here's one random internet person who appreciates security guards. ❤️
@@Tom-qp6oh Security guards have been responsible for helping my motorcycle not get stolen, keep street dogs (that I'm terrified of) away, and just smile and wave at me every time I pass the gates. As someone pursuing my Master's degree, I'd bow to you if I could. The "lower" jobs are the backbone of society. From the garbage collectors to delivery agents to plumbers and electricians to, yes, guards. I have massive respect for all of you. Hope one day others will also realise how important these jobs are.
@@rynnthetired Cashiers too! I remember whenever I was anxious dealing with items for exchange or refund. I always apologised so much. You all made me feel so much better and helped me out. Frontline workers have all my love and respect!
I'm 72 years old retired disabled I'm very fortunate/lucky to have a small retirement. I've had 100s of jobs that gave me insight to the importance of everyone's contributions. There's no I/me in a team organized for social and financial support. Without a safe environment nothing positive is possible. Trusted security protects and serves everyone.
Your channel has helped me through some of my darkest moments in life, and your Kindle essays are awesome reads! TYSM for always bringing us free quality content!
I’ve been watching a lot of Mr Rogers videos lately. He tells kids that he likes them as they are. His songs also say the same thing. It’s been really helpful to realize that there are people who can like you for being who you truly are.
@@TonyWKoo We are in a time in history, especially in the US, where there's a rigid standard for what is acceptable and if you fall outside of that standard, you are not accepted.
I like your statement and I agree. I like the simplicity of it and I feel it will apply to the majority... most of us are somewhere in the middle (and it might be moving from day to day). Now let's take your 2nd sentence and replace "tolerate" with "love".
Works for me as well. Self-love seems completely counter-productive from a logical and objective standpoint. Accepting the present and reality is better from a non-bias perspective that generally becomes distorted overtime throughout life. Love and hate are pretty much symbiotic so not everyone can tolerate the reckless nature of such feelings. The dismissal of expectations and judgments comes from neutrality, not being bias of what you perceive to be favoured by others. Basically, self-love cannot exist without hate, or the external influence of others which can wreck your mental health long term. Not to say people who desire such turbulence are wrong to act or live like this, just a different way to approach life.
Yes, bullies have their own bullies. It's a chain of pain and it can end with you as long as you don't transfer the pain to another being (plant, animal, or human.)
My therapist put it like this: My parents started a system in which I was prey and they were predator. But now that I'm an adult, my need for familiarity keeps me playing the roles of both predator and prey. The only way to win is to not play.
I was picked on by some of my peers when I was younger, but I was never severely bullied. My parents divorced though when I was 7 and I grew up mostly without my dad. Not having a positive influence to counter the negativity I got from others made even moderate bullying stick with me in a disproportionate way.
I think that's the first step. You're not absorbed in yourself anymore. I think it's idealistic to want to love yourself. The goal should be self-acceptance. Just being fine with your existence and every aspect of it. Just my opinion.
Attribution style in a sense can describe the process by which we stop 🛑 attributing so much hate and loathing upon ourselves. Seemingly attribution style can describe what we attribute to ourselves in general, as an hypothesis.
It’s interesting that you upload this today, as last night I was really sad over the amount of hatred I hold for myself. It’s really hard when it’s on my mind everyday. And last night I broke down. But I guess everything happens for a reason, because I woke up to seeing you just posted this.
I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember because of my self-loathing. Didn't plan on living as long as I have. But over time I realize that every mistake I felt I made and every negative thing that has happened to me has put me where I am today. And I am the happiest I have ever been. I embrace all the negatives in my life because without them I would not be where I am today!
Yeah no all of my failures have made life worse I am pretty sure my dad sees me as a failure with the added benefit of people being assholes to me. Life is so fun
@@ohah-b I mean you can't really do anything about it. But the longer the walk the better I feel afterwards in general. Especially a hike in a nice scenery is recommandable and the advantage is it doesn't really cost me that much willpower because you don't have to interact with anyone.
You save my life and sanity everyday Einzelganer!!! I start every morning with a few of your videos to help keep me in a better state of mind. So grateful for you and the excellent content you keep creating! Thank you so much!!!❤️🐙
Being a shy introvert, I always blamed myself for missing opportunities and now burn out got into my life. For a while, I was fine by thinking and handling things in a positive way, but now I'm back to the self hatred part when I found that my bestfriend never valued me. Hope I'll be able to go back to my happy self.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
I still agree with Schopenhauer's interpretation that life is an unprofitable episode that disturbed the blessed calm of non existence. Everything was fine for billions of years, everything was fine when we didn't exist and it's a shame it could not have stayed that way.
@@TomVable Not sure what book it comes from unfortunately, Arthur Schopenhauer had published many works over the years. I came across that quote he made somewhere online. If you are sympathetic to anti natalist arguments then I would highly recommend looking into this man's works.
@@Canada2760 I read Rudiger Safranski's fascinating biography of Schopenhauer many years ago, and so took a sampling of many of his thoughts and feelings. As an INFJ I could relate with a lot of them, although Schopenhauer has a hardness in his pessimism that is not mine... Wishing you all the best in (the struggle of) life! ;-)
Einzelganger, your videos and books are a constant source of encouragement in my life and have helped to educate me about stoicism and philosophy in general. Thank you.
Thank you so much for yet another awesome video. Of all the great TH-cam channels there are, yours is by far my favorite. Your substantive, insightful, thought-provoking work is truly a healing force in a world that’s become ever more frenetic and confusing. You’re living a life of kindness and purpose, and I’m sure all of us who subscribe to your channel are giving you a great big virtual hug!
Self hatred has been a problem for me during the past couple of years. I know this struggle first hand and I know where it can lead to. Some days are better than others and lately I've made progress with overcoming it.
Being related to a gaslighter and narcissist for a parent contributes alot too my depression, anxiety feeling not good enough. My father is a bully, liar , scam artist , thief , who's very greedy with many double standards he's also very neglectful.
Thank you for being vulnerable, it was very touching and I value the introspection. You and other videos have helped me turn myself around. The battle will never be over, but knowing we all face our own challenges gives me strength to see it through. Things fade with time. Do not let numbers cloud your path. Do what feels best.
Enzi, thank you for all your videos. You taught me to accept myself and improve my out look. From your videos, I think more in terms of healing than self loathing. Self love is what I am working on now! I opened up my psychology through the help of a yoga therapist. I finally feel like I am going forward instead of being stuck. Virtually you helped me with all aspects of myself! God Bless You!! Hayley
Some years ago when I saw couples on the mall I had a amount of Jealousy because "how The F* that guy who is lesser looking than me has a girlfriend and I don't?" Some years as passed and I started to go to therapy again and one day I was going home, and I saw a couple holding hands walking on the sidewalk and my first thought was: "One day I will be that guy" I had a shift in my mentality, still didn't had the opportunity to construct a relationship but I'm getting better
Edit: I’m still serious, if you love yourself you don’t hate being alive(!). Stating otherwise is just self-contradiction. But go right ahead and spout nonsense, I guess lol.
I think of lao tzu and the story of the knarled tree everyone ignores but continues to live longer than other trees, cut down for their good qualities. I think being driven by planned practice and repetition is more worthwhile than emotional aggression.
Great video, thank you for sharing - I needed to hear this. I have spent a lot of my life in self-hatred, letting go and practicing Stoic/Buddhist principles and mindfulness has helped quite a bit. I occasionally practice the view from above meditation and it does help put things into perspective. I have to remind myself that we are not here all that long and so it is best not to waste the precious time we do have on self hatred, which for me was also a form of perfectionism and never being "good enough". Realizing we are truly good enough intrinsically is freeing.
I think turning to your experience and making this channel more personal will allow people to connect more, change things a bit! I can really see you take off with this kind of content. People will see your past, rigorous approach, and will have confidenc in your experience and advice.
I usually don't comment under yt videos but I think this is the time. Just to say - THANK YOU EINZELGÄNGER 🙌🏻. I implemented your solitude advice and tho there were some problems, it personally was of great help. I was once again spiralling into negative thoughts (although this time I wanted to be surrounded by people) but just couldn't understand what was going on. And this is when I remembered I used to listen to you . And this is exactly what I was experiencing and wanted to get out of it. Ik I cant ,just by watching a video but.... yk , it had provided me a starting point to for beginning my journey. Once again, Thanks a lot. 🙏🏻
The message you spread is only available for those who seek to improve themselves in an open manner. I have seen every one of your videos. Your narrative and insight from psychologists and philosophers is truly life changing. You have opened my eyes to the truth not once but many times. And for that this is one of, if not the best, channel in TH-cam. Thank you!
This video was great Einzel. I've been following u for a while and have heard u talk about almost everything at this point. I really feel theres alot to learn here and u explained it in a great way. Really good things to think about. "Are we really that significant among billions of galaxies" and "does self hatred mean we are to self absorbed" just to name a few. Great stuff
Please make a video on addiction! Out of several videos we haven’t seen a single video on this topic and I feel that it is something of very great importance to address!
Great Video. I still have issues at times with this but part of my personal cure was eliminating lots of people from my life, snd those I couldn't eliminate because of work, business etc I just became a different person in their company and pushed back on even the smallest dig at me. Over time my got more confidence and strength. Do this. Love yourself first.
There hasn’t been much hope for me. I’ve pulled away from the world in all but the most necessary to survive ways. Relationships give me anxiety, because I obsess over whether I’m doing the right things so often that I had crippling panic attacks on a daily basis.
The world has shown me time and time again that i am not wanted/needed. No matter how hard i try, how many qualifications i get, its all the same. I dont hate myself. I've just had enough being unable to do anything i want in life because the gate keepers say no. Just looking forward to when it all ends. Im in gods waiting room.
@Einzelgänger: Man. You're an inspiration to a lot of people, myself included. Don't doubt yourself. Maybe revise your goals and ambitions. Seems to me they're a little too high. ;-) /big hug @all self-haters: Self-hatred is the worst thing you can do. Just don't do it. If you don't love and respect yourself, who will? Screw everyone else, even if you're the ugliest person on earth, it doesn't mean you have no value at all. Maybe you're super intelligent and one day you'll invent the cure for cancer, who knows. Even if you just live your life without intentionally harming anyone, your life is worth so much more than many other people's lives. Love yourself! No one can ever take that away from you.
Giving up self loathing won't make me taller, smarter, or better looking. The world will still loathe me. Self esteem is irrelevant absent tangible results
Thank you for continuing to push forward Einzelganger 🙏💙. I think that the content that you produce continues to be extraordinary... not that being extraordinary is important. '"Love doesn't need you to be extraordinary" said the mole.' ~ The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse.
i don’t hate myself but happens to hate fate of being surrounded by deeply unconsciousness/dishonest people/society, living in such society seems an unbearable challenge because they block the Wu Wei
If you hate yourself. Forgive more and more and more. Eventually God will show you it’s ok to finally forgive yourself and abandon hatred of anyone. Especially yourself.
The problem is that we historically need a community to survive and being thrown out because we behaved wrongly may have been a death sentence. So we keep thinking about these events and how to behave differently next time to lower the threat of being abandoned by the community. Yeah it may be a minor thing seen from the universe but deep inside our instinct tells us that our survival depends on the acceptence of the big group. This may also be the reason why we are people pleasers, trying to fit in etc. This is even worse when we felt abandoned and rejected as children. And I think it is getting worse with the loss of real community and at the same time neoliberal individualism which seem to determine our worth by looks and achievements and not by our contribution to the community and the "greater good"- if that exists. If we would value "human" traits more than financial success, looks etc maybe less people would hate themselves. Because most people become "losers" in this economy somehow, we can never achieve the standards imposed on us and and the same time the lack of real communties leaves us devoid of real appreciation. We tie our self worth to superficial things that were thrown at us when we were children (looks, school grades etc) and internalized these and we always fail to meet them because there is always someone better than us. We compare ourselfes to others and beat us up for not being able to be as good as them. And as soon something minor happens that confirms our bias about ourselves we beat us up even more and it confirms our self as losers. Incels especially fell for this neoliberal trap because they think all it takes to get a girlfriend is status, money and looks when overall women today can aquire money and status by themselves and want a real partner they can talk to, share hobbys and offer mental support. These guys fail to deliver what most women seek today. It is not their lack of looks or money but their lack of real kindness, understanding, partnership and acknowledgment that women are people, too.
Thought replacement is an interesting tool I use whenever I feel like a loser. The way you behave is highly influenced by your thoughts and emotions. If you change your exagerated self-hating thought you can influence on your emotions and your behavior. Someone who is constantly hating him/herself usually behaves like a low energy person. That makes others see you as a loser, which reinforces your self-hating emotions. I see a guy who's in a worse shape than me, younger than me with a cute GF and a nice job. The instinct is to think "I'm such a loser I can't find someone, and I'm earning less, while being older" You can replace the thought with something like: "Lady fortuna made two people meet each other and fall in love, despite society beauty standards, and someone appeared in his life and was willing yo hire him according to the skills he built" Things like finding a crazy good job, your height, genetics, whether you meet someone or not are all, are all up to god.
The act of choosing implies that the chooser doesnt know what choice to make If I have the knowledge for a choice you choose it. If you have evidence for a choice outweigh the other choices you choose it. Understand this and set your soul free
Now at 68 I feel I've lived 3 lives. Upon reflection little by little, I understand why I felt what I did, and why I did what I did. The darkness, the suicidal wanderings, the punishing thoughts, self abuse, resentment, raging racing thoughts, the malaise the grey zone, the I don't give a f**k, the uselessness, the reality spun of sugared glass waiting to be touched and shattered into a vast empty black.... I haven''t forgotten, I just don't live there anymore. The second life I tried "everything" society had to offer to get away from the first, and failed, and then cleanup. Do what's best for all involved. In a vacuous loss, sitting on the couch out came a pathetic meak scribble on the wall, "All I need to do is take the next breath, ask the next question." Part of me wants to live and I don't know how. I never fit in, I still don't. I learned not to be concerned with such things as fitting in. What I need to do or find, I'm never exactly sure of. Yeah sometimes I'm scared, uncomfortable, rage quit my job, somtimes happy enough. It's not about perfection, it's about the direction you're going in. Keep going, don't give up, reach out, as it's the hardest thing to do... and if you can't, I understand. Everyone has value, the world will be a lesser place without you, so I've been told, and come to understand.
Such a good video. The Incel online space really messes up young peoples mental health and it is sad to witness. Your mind is fed by the content you consume.
The ups and downs of life can be very cruel. but the lessons we learn at the bottom can help us to avoid getting distracted by the "highs" at the top. Sorry to hear YT is jerking you around- I've heard of other self-improvement channels getting downranked. I suspect I know why this is happening, but I would be called a conspiracy junkie if I shared my thoughts on it. Anyway, keep in mind it's not your fault for things happening with your channel. Good luck with it man. Also look at alternatives to YT as a backup.
Hey just a quick aside, I love this channel. I think as far as philosophy content goes this channel is easily at the top of my recommendations. Don't get caught into the yt trap of demographics, views, and subs. You make fantastic content!
I feel sorry for those with instagram. I hate myself without one (even though I have many things that are above average including looks) but if I used insta, i would have probably hanged myself by now.
One day I sat down in front of a mirror and tried to say everything I usually said to myself and then imagined saying it to a friend. 6 years later and so many tears, the self-hatred has dissipated. Good luck, all.
did you get you laid?
That's a good idea.I think i'm trying a variation
Wishing you success! It's a first step, but it heals you to start others. @@kevintewey1157
So happy you did that! Mind blowing and start of real change!
@@RoMaRobMarq I think he took each day .... one at a time
"Inside every cynic is a disappointed idealist."~George Carlin
great quote
As we say in the rural South, "Testify, Brother Carlin, testify!"😉
A big lie that many people buy into is the idea that you can literally befriend the universe. If you listen it will certainly speak to you. And guess what? It absolutely hates you.
The worst part, it hates you to no fault of your own. Why? That is simply it’s nature. Always has been. You just happened to be born in it. It does what it does to all of us despite of what we do, it can even do it by corrupting the very things that we might have taken for granted in terms of integrity and purity. Yet they too can be compromised. Some forms of “love” and “friendship” are just other ways for the universe to express it’s spite once we realize how twisted some so-called friends and lovers truly can be.
But here’s the key, it only matters if you let it get to you and keep you down. You must understand the role that you play in your own life. So what if the universe doesn’t really love you? It won’t matter as long as you manage to take care of and love yourself. The trick is to stay strong. 👍🩷
They tried to befriend a universe that isn’t all that nice despite of what they were told.
@@Dinoslay Very elegantly, and very spot on observation.
When your childhood consists of everyone criticising you, you built up a "truth" that you're not good enough and slowly start to hate yourself.
😩
Pretty much my story...
This is literally the answer. Children who grow up in loving, encouraging and accepting homes don’t develop self hatred. They learn that they are enough just as they are and that they are worthy of unconditionally love.
My adulthood has been no different. I'm almost 40 and feel like I have no hope left and that nothing will ever change.
Pretty much my story
Abandon perfection. Abandon competition.
Agreed. Just work on yourself and don't compare yourself to others. It can even be something as simple as taking long walks outdoors, which is a great form of exercise and a way to get sunshine which has a positive effect on our mood. Set personal goals and patiently work to achieve them.
This is good
Better ditch capitalism then!
@@MattAngiono Competition in Capitalism is more about building or providing a better product or providing a better service than your competitor companies with the hopes of not only of getting more business (i.e., making more profits), but making peoples' lives better in some way. I think what is being discussed here is comparing yourself to others and feeling unworthy if you feel you can't compete with others' looks, personality, or status. JMO.
@bryanjones8778 IMHO, competition is a number of things.
Capitalism is the overarching system that drives a lot of this, though.
It generates profit when we compare ourselves and try to "keep up with the Joneses," and the constant narcissism benefits corporations.
There's good, friendly competition which I quite enjoy, but yes, comparing myself to anyone, even my friends seems toxic.
I guess I'm just saying we're p programmed into this thinking by the system and it's the system we have to change, beyond ourselves (for many other reasons too though)
My profound self-hatred is a lifelong personality trait, that has been darkening my life since the beginning. Despite I know, that as a child, my parents treated me as an unworthy parasite without showing any human gesture, the feeling of inferioirity and non-humanness remained in my adulthood, making my one and only life empty and purposeless. I tried many activities, like sports, diets, arts, hobbies, psychiatric drugs, therapies but nothing helped. It discourages me from social interactions, resulting in isolation. Self-hatred is a devastating condition, I wish that no one ever lives through it.
Man, I totally relate. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll tell you what, isolation amplifies these feelings a thousand fold. My theory is that helping others I.e. the homeless and needy, we remove the focus from ourselves and get in contact with the truly valuable parts of ourselves. In a way, by going outside, you help look inside. Does that sound wrong?
@@TheEternalPupil No, it doesn't sounds wrong. Actually, I work in the healthcare system and yes, I agree, it is a great feeling when you can help someome. But the other side of this coin is that it is more painful when you can not help. I would say, this work helps me a lot, but it is not fulfilling by itself, because it does not solve the problems of my private life. I managed to get quite far with the "non-focusing on myself" approach, but in the end of the day, the bad thoughts just come up with greater force.
I too know the feeling, but I come from a loving family.
There are any numbers of reasons we can justify such thoughts.
But we have to listen to what's being said in the video.
It's difficult.
Brain patterns get reinforced over time making harder to escape.
But you CAN reprogram your mind!
You can tell yourself a different story and over time build up that new pattern.
The more you believe the better.
Life is hard and making things is hard, but that's usually my solution.
Art is a great idea.
But it will take time.
It's easy to make things you hate but eventually you learn the craft and get better.
Music is a great pursuit.
Learn to play the blues!
It's an entire genre about moving through suffering.
Also, get into a beautiful place in nature if you can.
That's always healing for me.
It's especially helpful if you can hike up a mountain.
Hope some of that helps!
@@tamaspancsa5486 Sounds like you need to probe deeper in to philosophy to get to the deeper questions. Cause yeah, as you said when you reach the limit of physical capabilities, it may be time to go inwardly. It’s wonderful that your life doesn’t reflect the internal turmoil you feel, but I also understand that just cause things are alright, doesn’t mean you are alright. It’s either that, or another pragmatic solution, like throwing yourself into new passions. I understand why that feels superficial, you have no choice but to go deeper my friend.
@tamaspancsa5486 Your comment contains your solution. Your expression of self hatred is not a personality trait. It is a learned behavior.
You came into this world with love, and the people who were supposed to love and support you did the exact opposite. You are blaming yourself for your parents' shortcomings and seeking external solutions to an internal dilemma. That internal dilemma is carrying the burden of your parents' flaws. You are love, and you are worthy of love.
You are an adult now, and you survived a painful childhood. Congratulate yourself for that. Forgive your parents for their flaws because every expression of self hatred is not a reflection of you but a reflection of your parents' flaws. You are love. You have love to give, but in order to give it to others, you have to first give it to yourself, regardless of what may have happened in your past.
You are love. Feel it. Sit with it. Process whatever painful memories come to the surface and release them. You no longer need to rely on your parents' flaws to survive their household. You did that. You loved yourself enough to do that. Now love yourself enough to say "I don't need to do that anymore. "
I live in the D.C. area and enjoy my simple life as a Security Guard, but I started with self hate and insecurity issues when making social introductions. Most of the people in my area have high paying white collar jobs and advanced degrees, and once the question "So what you do?" Comes up, I can see they are no longer interested in continuing the conversation. I really appreciate these videos for giving my perspective, and reminding me that most of the planet does not have the attitude of my area.
I used to do cash processing for a large store, so I worked with the security team regularly. They were all really nice and helpful. They taught me a lot about the behind-the-scenes stuff at the store and helped me feel safe when I was new and nervous about handling large amounts of other people's money.
So for whatever it's worth, here's one random internet person who appreciates security guards. ❤️
@@rynnthetired It's worth a lot to me! Thankyou for your kind words.
@@Tom-qp6oh Security guards have been responsible for helping my motorcycle not get stolen, keep street dogs (that I'm terrified of) away, and just smile and wave at me every time I pass the gates. As someone pursuing my Master's degree, I'd bow to you if I could. The "lower" jobs are the backbone of society. From the garbage collectors to delivery agents to plumbers and electricians to, yes, guards. I have massive respect for all of you. Hope one day others will also realise how important these jobs are.
@@rynnthetired Cashiers too! I remember whenever I was anxious dealing with items for exchange or refund. I always apologised so much. You all made me feel so much better and helped me out. Frontline workers have all my love and respect!
I'm 72 years old retired disabled I'm very fortunate/lucky to have a small retirement. I've had 100s of jobs that gave me insight to the importance of everyone's contributions. There's no I/me in a team organized for social and financial support. Without a safe environment nothing positive is possible. Trusted security protects and serves everyone.
Your channel has helped me through some of my darkest moments in life, and your Kindle essays are awesome reads! TYSM for always bringing us free quality content!
I’ve been watching a lot of Mr Rogers videos lately. He tells kids that he likes them as they are. His songs also say the same thing. It’s been really helpful to realize that there are people who can like you for being who you truly are.
Not in this decade lol
@@comecorrect1 what do you mean?
@@TonyWKoo We are in a time in history, especially in the US, where there's a rigid standard for what is acceptable and if you fall outside of that standard, you are not accepted.
@@bchristian85 then this society is driving itself towards insanity, self hatred and self destruction.
@@bchristian85Pretty much but I am still a patriot lol.
Never clicked a video so fast in my life
Yup. Me 2
I don't like or dislike myself. Just kind of tolerate my own existence
I like your statement and I agree. I like the simplicity of it and I feel it will apply to the majority... most of us are somewhere in the middle (and it might be moving from day to day). Now let's take your 2nd sentence and replace "tolerate" with "love".
I'm an "anti natalist". I think it's cruel to force a soul to exist in the prison of a human body & slave like existence.
That might be a good first step. The goal of unconditional self-love feels idealistic to me. My goal is always self-acceptance.
Works for me as well. Self-love seems completely counter-productive from a logical and objective standpoint. Accepting the present and reality is better from a non-bias perspective that generally becomes distorted overtime throughout life. Love and hate are pretty much symbiotic so not everyone can tolerate the reckless nature of such feelings. The dismissal of expectations and judgments comes from neutrality, not being bias of what you perceive to be favoured by others.
Basically, self-love cannot exist without hate, or the external influence of others which can wreck your mental health long term. Not to say people who desire such turbulence are wrong to act or live like this, just a different way to approach life.
agreed
This video dropped at the perfect time, ty bro
true
If you get bullied, the bullies are the people with the problem. They suck. And they're wrong. Dont let them make you hate yourself.
Easier said than done… but you are right of course
Yes, bullies have their own bullies. It's a chain of pain and it can end with you as long as you don't transfer the pain to another being (plant, animal, or human.)
My therapist put it like this: My parents started a system in which I was prey and they were predator. But now that I'm an adult, my need for familiarity keeps me playing the roles of both predator and prey. The only way to win is to not play.
I was picked on by some of my peers when I was younger, but I was never severely bullied. My parents divorced though when I was 7 and I grew up mostly without my dad. Not having a positive influence to counter the negativity I got from others made even moderate bullying stick with me in a disproportionate way.
@@brushstroke3733 Bullshit. Bullying is normal behavior and happens regardless of the bully's circumstances.
I don't even hate myself anymore. I don't even see myself as someone worthy of hate.
Ayo 💀
Change your self talk. It seems impossible but you’ll feel better. Find the cause. Could be NPD parents
I think that's the first step. You're not absorbed in yourself anymore. I think it's idealistic to want to love yourself. The goal should be self-acceptance. Just being fine with your existence and every aspect of it. Just my opinion.
Bruh this is disowned unprocessed emotions
Please seek out a good psychotherapist.
This has changed my life alot
❤
Attribution style in a sense can describe the process by which we stop 🛑 attributing so much hate and loathing upon ourselves. Seemingly attribution style can describe what we attribute to ourselves in general, as an hypothesis.
I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
Are you the son and heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar? Or perhaps of nothing in particular?
I am the son, and the heir.
Of nothing in particular.
@@jimurrata6785 What exactly do you mean?
@@maurices5954 I go about things the wrong way.
we love you
It’s interesting that you upload this today, as last night I was really sad over the amount of hatred I hold for myself. It’s really hard when it’s on my mind everyday. And last night I broke down. But I guess everything happens for a reason, because I woke up to seeing you just posted this.
I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember because of my self-loathing. Didn't plan on living as long as I have. But over time I realize that every mistake I felt I made and every negative thing that has happened to me has put me where I am today. And I am the happiest I have ever been. I embrace all the negatives in my life because without them I would not be where I am today!
Yeah no all of my failures have made life worse I am pretty sure my dad sees me as a failure with the added benefit of people being assholes to me. Life is so fun
Off-topic kinda but going on walks is AMAZING for giving yourself time to think i highly recommend it!
What if the thoughts are still negative during the walk ? How do you distract yourself ? :(
@@ohah-b I mean you can't really do anything about it. But the longer the walk the better I feel afterwards in general. Especially a hike in a nice scenery is recommandable and the advantage is it doesn't really cost me that much willpower because you don't have to interact with anyone.
This video is hitting the spot today, big time!! Thanks, Einzelganger!!
You save my life and sanity everyday Einzelganer!!! I start every morning with a few of your videos to help keep me in a better state of mind. So grateful for you and the excellent content you keep creating! Thank you so much!!!❤️🐙
Being a shy introvert, I always blamed myself for missing opportunities and now burn out got into my life. For a while, I was fine by thinking and handling things in a positive way, but now I'm back to the self hatred part when I found that my bestfriend never valued me. Hope I'll be able to go back to my happy self.
i understand that
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is dr.porassss.
I still agree with Schopenhauer's interpretation that life is an unprofitable episode that disturbed the blessed calm of non existence. Everything was fine for billions of years, everything was fine when we didn't exist and it's a shame it could not have stayed that way.
Very interesting view. Could you perhaps refer me to the book where he wrote that? Thanks in advance!
@@TomVable Not sure what book it comes from unfortunately, Arthur Schopenhauer had published many works over the years. I came across that quote he made somewhere online. If you are sympathetic to anti natalist arguments then I would highly recommend looking into this man's works.
@@Canada2760 I read Rudiger Safranski's fascinating biography of Schopenhauer many years ago, and so took a sampling of many of his thoughts and feelings. As an INFJ I could relate with a lot of them, although Schopenhauer has a hardness in his pessimism that is not mine...
Wishing you all the best in (the struggle of) life! ;-)
@@TomVable Thank you.
Einzelganger, your videos and books are a constant source of encouragement in my life and have helped to educate me about stoicism and philosophy in general. Thank you.
I hate myself daily. Great video by the way 😊
I love all of your videos, it helps me a lot to carry on.
Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.
-Brené Brown
I needed this :) Thank you!
Thanks
Thank you so much for yet another awesome video. Of all the great TH-cam channels there are, yours is by far my favorite. Your substantive, insightful, thought-provoking work is truly a healing force in a world that’s become ever more frenetic and confusing. You’re living a life of kindness and purpose, and I’m sure all of us who subscribe to your channel are giving you a great big virtual hug!
Self hatred has been a problem for me during the past couple of years. I know this struggle first hand and I know where it can lead to. Some days are better than others and lately I've made progress with overcoming it.
Try carnivore diet, it will blow you away how your diet effects your thoughts😮😮😮!!!
This is excellent. Painful, but excellent. Hits close to home. I appreciate the work you do.
Being related to a gaslighter and narcissist for a parent contributes alot too my depression, anxiety feeling not good enough. My father is a bully, liar , scam artist , thief , who's very greedy with many double standards he's also very neglectful.
Thank you for being vulnerable, it was very touching and I value the introspection.
You and other videos have helped me turn myself around. The battle will never be over, but knowing we all face our own challenges gives me strength to see it through.
Things fade with time. Do not let numbers cloud your path. Do what feels best.
Enzi, thank you for all your videos. You taught me to accept myself and improve my out look. From your videos, I think more in terms of healing than self loathing. Self love is what I am working on now! I opened up my psychology through the help of a yoga therapist. I finally feel like I am going forward instead of being stuck. Virtually you helped me with all aspects of myself! God Bless You!! Hayley
Thanks!
Very well-done. Thank you
Self-hatred is what moves me forward
Some years ago when I saw couples on the mall I had a amount of Jealousy because "how The F* that guy who is lesser looking than me has a girlfriend and I don't?" Some years as passed and I started to go to therapy again and one day I was going home, and I saw a couple holding hands walking on the sidewalk and my first thought was: "One day I will be that guy"
I had a shift in my mentality, still didn't had the opportunity to construct a relationship but I'm getting better
It has taken me thirty years to stop hating myself after I lost my scholarship. Hating myself does no one any good. Love your channel, keep it up.
It's not me I hate, I love myself. It's the rest of the world, and life itself I hate and no longer want to be part of.
Been feeling that way the last 4 years.
I feel you, brother. Same here...
They're the same thing
@alfie2436 no man is an island brother, refreshing to see. We are inextricably connected. Thankyou for being a voice of reason ❤️
Edit: I’m still serious, if you love yourself you don’t hate being alive(!). Stating otherwise is just self-contradiction. But go right ahead and spout nonsense, I guess lol.
I think of lao tzu and the story of the knarled tree everyone ignores but continues to live longer than other trees, cut down for their good qualities.
I think being driven by planned practice and repetition is more worthwhile than emotional aggression.
"I ENDURE myself"....Emil Cioran
Great video, thank you for sharing - I needed to hear this. I have spent a lot of my life in self-hatred, letting go and practicing Stoic/Buddhist principles and mindfulness has helped quite a bit. I occasionally practice the view from above meditation and it does help put things into perspective. I have to remind myself that we are not here all that long and so it is best not to waste the precious time we do have on self hatred, which for me was also a form of perfectionism and never being "good enough". Realizing we are truly good enough intrinsically is freeing.
I think turning to your experience and making this channel more personal will allow people to connect more, change things a bit! I can really see you take off with this kind of content. People will see your past, rigorous approach, and will have confidenc in your experience and advice.
You have 2mil over subscribers E. That is incredible! You should be so proud of your channel!
Thank you ❤. I'm loving myself through a toxic environment ❤ its hard today. I very Much needed this video. 💝🌹💐🍀 Much appreciation to you 🪄
I usually don't comment under yt videos but I think this is the time. Just to say - THANK YOU EINZELGÄNGER 🙌🏻. I implemented your solitude advice and tho there were some problems, it personally was of great help. I was once again spiralling into negative thoughts (although this time I wanted to be surrounded by people) but just couldn't understand what was going on. And this is when I remembered I used to listen to you . And this is exactly what I was experiencing and wanted to get out of it. Ik I cant ,just by watching a video but.... yk , it had provided me a starting point to for beginning my journey. Once again, Thanks a lot. 🙏🏻
Thank you Einzelganger.
Insightful as always.
People fill their walls with achievements, I fill mine with hateful words and sentences. But they always remind me to keep moving on.
having a party
No one knows the real meaning of the word HATE until you hate yourself.
Your videos are wonderfull, never doubt that!! Thank you for all the gems on your channel!
This channel is so necessary. Thank you Einzelgänger. 🙏
I hate some of the choices i made 😢
Guess its important we ask ourselves to forgive ourselves, ya?
We all need mistakes to grow; the real problem is not learning from them.
@@dany_1111yes, me too.
Let go of your personal hystory😉
You didnt choose, your I the ego did
The message you spread is only available for those who seek to improve themselves in an open manner. I have seen every one of your videos. Your narrative and insight from psychologists and philosophers is truly life changing. You have opened my eyes to the truth not once but many times. And for that this is one of, if not the best, channel in TH-cam. Thank you!
Thanks
Do you pay him money?
@@nhanbuithanh7874 yes. As a thank you gift. I have been listening to him for the two years and have gained much insights.
Been going through a very tough time lately. Your videos have really helped me so much already. Thank you. Please keep it up
Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪
Your videos really means to people like me...... thanks for Such valuable content Man❤❤❤❤
Loved the dichotomy of the heavy topic with the positive message. Beautifully articulated as always.
This video was great Einzel. I've been following u for a while and have heard u talk about almost everything at this point.
I really feel theres alot to learn here and u explained it in a great way. Really good things to think about.
"Are we really that significant among billions of galaxies" and "does self hatred mean we are to self absorbed" just to name a few.
Great stuff
Your falling number of viewers on YT has nothing with you to do rather it is due to the number of people you have cured. THANKS!
Please make a video on addiction! Out of several videos we haven’t seen a single video on this topic and I feel that it is something of very great importance to address!
Great Video. I still have issues at times with this but part of my personal cure was eliminating lots of people from my life, snd those I couldn't eliminate because of work, business etc I just became a different person in their company and pushed back on even the smallest dig at me. Over time my got more confidence and strength. Do this. Love yourself first.
There hasn’t been much hope for me. I’ve pulled away from the world in all but the most necessary to survive ways. Relationships give me anxiety, because I obsess over whether I’m doing the right things so often that I had crippling panic attacks on a daily basis.
The world has shown me time and time again that i am not wanted/needed. No matter how hard i try, how many qualifications i get, its all the same.
I dont hate myself. I've just had enough being unable to do anything i want in life because the gate keepers say no.
Just looking forward to when it all ends. Im in gods waiting room.
Really your comment made me feel. Is it possible to find/ do something you want that doesn’t involve gatekeepers?
This came...as I should've expected...at exactly the right time. Thank you.
@Einzelgänger:
Man. You're an inspiration to a lot of people, myself included. Don't doubt yourself. Maybe revise your goals and ambitions. Seems to me they're a little too high. ;-)
/big hug
@all self-haters:
Self-hatred is the worst thing you can do. Just don't do it. If you don't love and respect yourself, who will?
Screw everyone else, even if you're the ugliest person on earth, it doesn't mean you have no value at all. Maybe you're super intelligent and one day you'll invent the cure for cancer, who knows.
Even if you just live your life without intentionally harming anyone, your life is worth so much more than many other people's lives.
Love yourself! No one can ever take that away from you.
Love your videos and editing style man!
I love your videos, this one hit especially close to home. Thank you for making this!
hope is a dangerous thing😢
agree
Thanks for all your awesome videos. Keep on making them if you like what you are doing, they are a blessing to me and probably many many others.
Thank you for this youtube channel. its helping me a lot
Giving up self loathing won't make me taller, smarter, or better looking. The world will still loathe me. Self esteem is irrelevant absent tangible results
Thank you for making this video, I came out while I needed to see it the most
i love you, GRAZIE!
Best video i seen at least for me❤
I hate my self so much.. it feels like I'm going insane can't take this life anymore
i care about you
Thank you for continuing to push forward Einzelganger 🙏💙. I think that the content that you produce continues to be extraordinary... not that being extraordinary is important.
'"Love doesn't need you to be extraordinary" said the mole.'
~ The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse.
i don’t hate myself but happens to hate fate of being surrounded by deeply unconsciousness/dishonest people/society, living in such society seems an unbearable challenge because they block the Wu Wei
If you hate yourself. Forgive more and more and more. Eventually God will show you it’s ok to finally forgive yourself and abandon hatred of anyone. Especially yourself.
The problem is that we historically need a community to survive and being thrown out because we behaved wrongly may have been a death sentence. So we keep thinking about these events and how to behave differently next time to lower the threat of being abandoned by the community. Yeah it may be a minor thing seen from the universe but deep inside our instinct tells us that our survival depends on the acceptence of the big group. This may also be the reason why we are people pleasers, trying to fit in etc. This is even worse when we felt abandoned and rejected as children. And I think it is getting worse with the loss of real community and at the same time neoliberal individualism which seem to determine our worth by looks and achievements and not by our contribution to the community and the "greater good"- if that exists. If we would value "human" traits more than financial success, looks etc maybe less people would hate themselves. Because most people become "losers" in this economy somehow, we can never achieve the standards imposed on us and and the same time the lack of real communties leaves us devoid of real appreciation. We tie our self worth to superficial things that were thrown at us when we were children (looks, school grades etc) and internalized these and we always fail to meet them because there is always someone better than us. We compare ourselfes to others and beat us up for not being able to be as good as them. And as soon something minor happens that confirms our bias about ourselves we beat us up even more and it confirms our self as losers.
Incels especially fell for this neoliberal trap because they think all it takes to get a girlfriend is status, money and looks when overall women today can aquire money and status by themselves and want a real partner they can talk to, share hobbys and offer mental support. These guys fail to deliver what most women seek today. It is not their lack of looks or money but their lack of real kindness, understanding, partnership and acknowledgment that women are people, too.
Thank you, I really like your videos!
Thought replacement is an interesting tool I use whenever I feel like a loser.
The way you behave is highly influenced by your thoughts and emotions.
If you change your exagerated self-hating thought you can influence on your emotions and your behavior.
Someone who is constantly hating him/herself usually behaves like a low energy person.
That makes others see you as a loser, which reinforces your self-hating emotions.
I see a guy who's in a worse shape than me, younger than me with a cute GF and a nice job.
The instinct is to think "I'm such a loser I can't find someone, and I'm earning less, while being older"
You can replace the thought with something like: "Lady fortuna made two people meet each other and fall in love, despite society beauty standards, and someone appeared in his life and was willing yo hire him according to the skills he built"
Things like finding a crazy good job, your height, genetics, whether you meet someone or not are all, are all up to god.
Love your video’s. They are a real eye opener.
Great video! Love the Epictetus quote ❤
The act of choosing implies that the chooser doesnt know what choice to make
If I have the knowledge for a choice you choose it.
If you have evidence for a choice outweigh the other choices you choose it.
Understand this and set your soul free
Now at 68 I feel I've lived 3 lives. Upon reflection little by little, I understand why I felt what I did, and why I did what I did. The darkness, the suicidal wanderings, the punishing thoughts, self abuse, resentment, raging racing thoughts, the malaise the grey zone, the I don't give a f**k, the uselessness, the reality spun of sugared glass waiting to be touched and shattered into a vast empty black.... I haven''t forgotten, I just don't live there anymore. The second life I tried "everything" society had to offer to get away from the first, and failed, and then cleanup. Do what's best for all involved. In a vacuous loss, sitting on the couch out came a pathetic meak scribble on the wall, "All I need to do is take the next breath, ask the next question." Part of me wants to live and I don't know how. I never fit in, I still don't. I learned not to be concerned with such things as fitting in. What I need to do or find, I'm never exactly sure of. Yeah sometimes I'm scared, uncomfortable, rage quit my job, somtimes happy enough. It's not about perfection, it's about the direction you're going in. Keep going, don't give up, reach out, as it's the hardest thing to do... and if you can't, I understand. Everyone has value, the world will be a lesser place without you, so I've been told, and come to understand.
Such a good video. The Incel online space really messes up young peoples mental health and it is sad to witness. Your mind is fed by the content you consume.
The ups and downs of life can be very cruel. but the lessons we learn at the bottom can help us to avoid getting distracted by the "highs" at the top. Sorry to hear YT is jerking you around- I've heard of other self-improvement channels getting downranked. I suspect I know why this is happening, but I would be called a conspiracy junkie if I shared my thoughts on it. Anyway, keep in mind it's not your fault for things happening with your channel. Good luck with it man. Also look at alternatives to YT as a backup.
I always discover the right vedio at right time . Thank you
I wish YT had a superlike button. A simple like isn’t enough for your channel.
Hey just a quick aside, I love this channel. I think as far as philosophy content goes this channel is easily at the top of my recommendations.
Don't get caught into the yt trap of demographics, views, and subs.
You make fantastic content!
Your channel helps me alot
Very timely-relevant!
Thank you 🙏
This has been me everyday for a long time 💔
Take hold of perfection and realize nothing is wrong with it, it is the one thing with complete flaws.
Lol perfect timing.I was up all night thinking about all the cringe things ive said and done😂
I'm sorry your channel is struggling. I have learned so much from it. I hope you carry on
I feel sorry for those with instagram. I hate myself without one (even though I have many things that are above average including looks) but if I used insta, i would have probably hanged myself by now.