How To Get Over Resentment
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ต.ค. 2024
- Resentment can be a tough one because more often than not, the person we are bitter and resentful toward has no idea we resent them. There is a process to stop feeling resentful so we can let go of resentment and in this video I'm going to teach it to you.
___
Get my free 10 MINUTE GUIDED MINDFULNESS EXERCISE: courses.juliak...
Join the waitlist for The SHIFT SOCIETY: courses.juliak...
-----
Come connect with me on both Facebook & Instagram:
Facebook: / juliacounsellor
Instagram: / juliacounsellor
#resentment #emotionalintelligence #angermanagement
What was one of your biggest takeaways from this talk?
Try to always take a step back and ask yourself if the feeling is coming because of an expectation that you had of the other person doing or saying something and not because they are unappreciative. Also remember that people also have things going on in their lives and if they did do something to offend you it probably wasn't intentional, particularly if that is not how they behave.
@@VideoCesar07 Three big take aways! 1.) You have a 7, 5 and 2 yo.... wow !! 2.) You usually mostly push me out of my zone of comfort to examine myself. 3.) Recognizing the vibrations of resentment from my primary environment in areas where it bleeds over into other parts of my life!
1. Get curious and ask yourself
2. Give yourself what you think you're needing and silently expecting from others. Feel fulfilled, it can be in your hands - that's allowed.
The ending was so profound regarding holding on to resentment. Any suggestions for someone who will not let go and keeps harboring ill feelings for more than a decade?
This is so true. , In your example of driving , I expected to hear the word trust , the expectations would have been less would it not if the trust is stronger from the bigger picture of the relationship day to day.
I feel I would do the same because my day to day has little trust . After all I was with a BPD / covert NPD and am trauma bonded severely now. More on that later in your comments of videos .
The root of resentment is disrespect from others.When it is repeated you will feel good by cutting your losses and getting out
Exactly!
Yes!
Actually I have gotten resentment from my "friend" when I did nothing wrong. There is two sides to resentment. Sometimes it's justified and sometimes not
I agree 100%. I resent my sister in law more than anyone else. I've tried to work on myself, but the hate I feel for her just builds and builds. She's the coldest most arrogant person I know. She has no empathy or sympathy. The fact that she expected that I was there for her when she had issues with her husband - my brother, but when I've been struggling getting out of a destructive relationship, suffering with trauma, trying to parent traumatized children and on top of that dealing with serious illness - she's not been there even 1%, she's talked behind my back, ne et been supportive, never showed my kids any love.. It feels like she kicked me when I was laying on the ground crying. I know my resentment for her is poisonous to myself, but I can't seem to get rid of it... And I agree with you that when people are disrespectful it's best to cut them loose and stay far away, especially if it's a more than one incident situation. It's such a huge sign of personality disorder like narcissism. I wish I could move far far away from them. When I don't have to deal with them I'm fine. The resentment just comes up if I have to deal with them. It's driving me mad. I want to let go of it. I resent her more than I resent my exe who abused me... That's how much she hurt me.
Sometimes the only way to “win” is to not play the game. Remove yourself and move on.
Not everybody has trouble communicating or being honest in their relationship.
Resentment can exist when you have fully and openly verbalized your every thought and feeling numerous times over.
Hey, I relate to this, completely. have you been able to work through this? Has anything worked for you? I hope you see my comment. Thanks ❤️
That's the current situation I'm in. If they don't take you seriously the first few times(and it shouldn't even be that many) then they don't care. Step away and move on. If its family, then set boundaries and don't spend too much time with them.
Exactly...
Exactly
Exactly ‼️‼️
"Expectations " I expected to be treated like a human as a child.
You’re Asian too?
Yes-what about resentment for how you were abused or neglected as a child?
I hear you Jey. Resentment is a broad topic, some situations are more serious than others. She touched on that briefly at the end. Majority of this video is for less serious cases, such as her example with her husband. Please reach out, I could use support too. Big hugs
I feel you. I "expected" to never be harassed, threatened and stalked by a mentally unstable stranger.
Gosh...
I believe when someone has wronged you and you resent them,they know they just don't care you are left with the left over anger that usually builds up because the person refuses to acknowledge what they have done to you....
sometimes they can't I don't know why
I hear you. It’s shocking and the anger is just intense. I’m sorry you are left carrying such a weighted lump of anger and toxic energy.
@@kaylawilson1999 Thank you,Kayla I'm working on my resentment,I pray ,journal ,I use to do thearpy now I just ask God to help me.Thanks so much for your considerate words.May God bless you and yours....🙏🙏
I think there's a certain point it needs to be clearly state. I was screamed at down the phone for 5th time. I won't answer now. People lost respect when I tolerated the behaviour.
Hi Curtistine, You are loved and valued always. Just one concern regarding the phrase "they don't care". Sounds like an assumption to me, and assumptions are not facts. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:12 that right now we see as through a mirror dimly (in part), down the road we shall see everything with perfect clarity (to know fully) as we are fully known. God bless you.💝
"Don't outsource your happiness to other people". Great advice, thanks.
Resentment can really sabotage your life.
Resentment can be also a sign that is time to walk away -like if a person is always giving you this feeling. I struggle with my resentment towards my mom since she is very absent and most of the time only cares about her problematic boyfriends, it's hard not to feel resentful
Resentment can motivate one to protect oneself and set boundaries. I just listened to a talk by Jordan Peterson. But, we must use it wisely. Every emotion is valid.
I agree. The mantra of always forgive everybody all the time and never resent is unrealistic. As you say emotions and feelings should be respected and not artificially ignored or removed. Sometimes resentment is entirely fitting.
This is helpful in otherwise healthy relationships. When it comes to relationships with abusive people, resentment is a self-preservation mechanism.
Yes that's true, so what's needed is withdrawal as a better protection than resentment.
Withdrawal isn't always an option
So true. The author of the video never thought of a scenario when for example : you are falsely accused of an atrocious act by someone you loved or cared about.
It is not about difference in values. To falsely accuse someone is wrong everywhere. Then, resentment becomes self-preservation.
"Don't expect so much of other people and you won't be disappointed as much," my first husband once said to me. Over 30 years later, I haven't forgotten that. I no longer expect big favors or even small ones from anyone, even my family. I used to resent them for allowing me to be homeless. But now I rely solely on myself and God. Thanks, Julia, for the enlightenment. You rock!
Thx for sharing. This quote is useful for me today!
u have 2 expect more! if u stay in the same gear or same lane u can't expect different results... find ur boot straps n pull w/all ur might n look beyond ur box... much ❤ fr one who has survived the change... it will happen if u persist!
Thank you for sharing. Also, much respect to you for overcoming homelessness. It is so great of you to forgive that from family.
Be well and much blessings
By resenting someone.. you're giving them your power. It boils down to a person not doing what you wanted them to. I think a key to releasing resentment is accepting that other people will not always do what you want/expect them to do. People will make mistakes...and that's okay. Communication is key. Thank you for this video. I watched resentment corrode my mother and sisters relationship.
Yes, our expectations of others and theirs of us.. is a huge part of getting past it.
i.e. lower expectations. I am a high achieving person and thus my expectations of those around me are really high. I have to constantly remind myself to tone it down a bit. And that is ok that other people don’t have expectations that match mine. This video really speaks to me.
@@jenshark4 one thing is the expectations you project on someone and other thing is your own expectations. You should lower the expectations you have of other people. But you can aspire to be the greatest of all time.
@@Neo-Reloaded fantastic advice. Thank you
This was amazing and exactly egat I needed x
I’ve been resentful towards my daughters for not showing an interest in my life. They’re both adults and have their own lives. Guess I’ll start focusing on being more interested in my own life.
Veronica Louis yep, I can relate. Only interested in themselves. Oh well.
Veronica Louis Watch what happens when YOU are interested in your life 🙂
I'm excited for what's going to happen when you do!
I´m sure that in the moment your daughters realize that you are focusing on yourself, they are going to show more interest in you, but probably will be too late.
Alexander Chaparro Vega It’s never too late for self love 😊
I love the analogy of “drinking poison and hoping the other person dies”
That is so true...theoretically...I had so much resentment towards my parents for years and one day I just let it go...it is freeing...now I occasionally have resentment towards my husband for not doing things or saying things I expect him to say or do...which is not fair to him...”outsourcing your happiness” to others...man that hit home!
I’m three minutes in. Are you seriously telling me women at large do not know that I want them to find me attractive and that I want to find them attractive in a mutual exchange. They do know, we all know.
I agree, resentment is unmet expectations, and human desire is a core expectation. That is all resentment is here. It’s not drinking poison, it’s not about knowledge and awareness. It’s constant, lifelong negative reactions by the same people that cause you to dislike them.
“I told myself what I needed to hear”. 👍
Takes a lot to stop hating someone..To anyone who has then i can safely say your doing yourself a service.
Resentment and hating are very different...
@@jamieswanson8828 it's more like wanting to be loved... not wanting to hate.... accepting they can't... you know, because you tried over and over.
@@jamieswanson8828 they’re related tho
Great video. Too much energy is expended when you harbor resentment.
Say it again for the people in the back!
It’s not easy to let go unless the offender owns up
Lack of self respect and responsibility, to me, are two of the big key drivers to resentment. It's understandably very tempting because it's gratifying in the short term to relinquish politeness/self-respect and responsibility by lashing out to show dominance and demonstrating how malicious you can be if you don't get your way so that no one can dare challenge and "mess with you"... but the problem is that it creates further problems and/or aggrevates the existing problem even more and that can lead to unnecessary disasters - because the more you engage in it (which you will if you just leave it alone and unconsciously), the stronger and worse it gets and can get extremely destructive and abusive and potentially murderous. It's a vicious cycle; a feedback loop that incrementally builds as you habitualise it. So... leaving it unaddressed for long enough and it's highly likely that the harboured bitterness and resentment can manifest itself unconsciously such as direct or indirect revenge on others, and escalating into worse matters such as extreme abuse. To resolve it, you have to address it as soon as possible and that's firstly through painstakingly consulting with your own conscience and, if it helps further, you can discuss it with others such as your partner, friend, family member, therapist, etc. so that, rather than using him/her to think and/or do things for you (which takes your gift of independence away as well as unnecessarily burden the other person with things they're not responsible for - it's a insufferable situation for both of you), he/she can instead help you to think out loud for yourself by listening and reflecting back on your thoughts. To me, the key is reclaim responsibility for your own wellbeing and the complicated processes that come with it, and then go from there and articulate the issue and then find ways to resolve it psychologically and practically. Could be a thoughtfully inspiring self-discussion ripe with potential new opportunities from here on in (learned and accounted from that experience in the past), or doing/creating something that simultaneously makes the matter less worse and offers some optimistic pathway forward that can benefit yourself in many multidimensional ways and, even better as a consequence, also the people around or involved with you too. And it has to be underpinned by the intention to negotiate/self-negotiate towards mutual peace rather than looking to win and dominate, regardless of whether you're right or wrong, etc. Who knows... with many more years of practice, as well as psychological and philosophical excavation and evaluation of past experiences, it's possible that you may end up justifying the underlying deeply rooted issues and address that "hot temper" and the source of it. More often than not, it boils down to the proposition that life is undeniably unfair and full of suffering (because at some point or another, we've all been wronged and endured tragedy to some degree or another which has internally shaped us - and then it's about how to respond to that "shaping")... the question is how the hell we can justify it in a way that can be helpful and useful to us and also more likely to avoid falling into unnecessary pits that you can then see after hindsight and enlightenment from these past known and yet-to-be-known experiences.
Amazing!! Thank you
Deep analysis.
I come to this incredible little corner of the internet....
I feel Better.
Thank you Julia. This was an eye opener for me. I am once again reminded that I am responsible for myself and my needs. Your videos have increased the quality of my life. Thank you for sharing your insights, your personal experiences and your knowledge with us.
Thank you Christine - this really means a lot to me. And GOOD for you for doing the work.
I'm not a huge fan of the messaging on this one. My expectations of the people who disrespected me were very basic. Basic levels of courtesy and respect that I do a pretty good job of reciprocating in my relationships. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect basic human decency. Your example was pretty small beans compared to many people who are probably watching this video. Please do a video that doesn't assume we're being unreasonable, but still want to let go of resentment.
Oh hey look! I found the center of the universe
This probably makes sense for minor things like in your example. When you are experiencing significant abuse then it’s not a model I can put into place.
I don’t want anyone to “die.” Recognize and communicate, yes. That aside, no one is responsible for me. Humans are not perfect and incapable of filling our soul. They will disappoint. Not purposely. Only God is perfect. He fills the voided areas that man cannot.
Parents are responsible for their kids though. If they failed you it's hard to let it go.
"Oursourcing your need for happiness" that is just spot-on and such a no-no!
Yes, that was a great point.. Dont let our happiness be dependent upon what someone else does or doesn't do.
I love the thought of giving yourself positive reinforcement and kudos for a good job or deed. We can be so hard on ourselves and then we can project that onto others. Your helpful words always come at the right time. Thank you for the welcome and wise insight, Julia!
Always Cathy. Glad you're here.
Yes, I like the part where we need to step back, give "yourself" the credit for what you achieved.. Validation is not dependent upon someone else performing the validation..
Many times it is between you and God...He will never forget and always sees the the heart you gave..
Holy cow you explained exactly how I was feeling!! Resentment comes from having silent expectations! Now I know what I need to work on.
I’m excited for this video, I’ve gone through periods of resentment before and I’m never doing it again!! Resentment only torments the person holding the grudge, not the person or people it’s directed towards!! I hope you have a great day! 💜
you got it! A+ star student 😉
Julia Kristina Counselling Awe thank you so much! 😉
Thank you for this video...I've been feeling very angry and resentful for the past couple of years...and I'm trying to learn to let things go
Julia, thank you for sharing all of these videos. They really help.
Hey Julia. it’s helping a lot . Thanks 😊
It's an honour Tammy. Thanks for being here.
Holding grudge against someone is like drinking a poison and expect the other person to die
!!!!!!
I was just resenting someone as this video popped up. I'm glad I am all tapped in . Thanks.
I guess I'm in the other category. Someone told me time was my decision to meet, then write me later saying update he squeezed in something and he could.only meet at a time. No where in the message was I hope this fits or I know I said the decision could be yours...( It was just meeting for a drink)
My question is this a sign of how behavior might cycle. Something coming before me? ..I am.in the recognizing a red flag early on and not wasting my time. But I am.sure he's only thinking it's a drink. So I simply asked him maybe you want to just have a drink with your friend when your finished helping him? I am curious if meeting me is not really high on his list. To feel better i.let it go...but I am also thinking to let it ALL go and move onto the next. I am.learnimg how to speak up for myself.im not sure what's most important here.
I feel that this speech is mostly applicable to anger, getting angry. When we cannot communicate what we need when we expect too much, then we get angry but resentful to me is very different and reasons are very different. It is a longer-term result of allowing others to disrespect, to disregard, to be unfair to you... and that is suppressed for a long time, when we allow that to happen and continue, one day the devil of resentment wakes up and very difficult to calm it down. Anger still can harm in the short-term due to our fuses being short and keep showing anger for anything even tiny stuff and it can cause damage to the relationships that are mostly good enough but the resentment usually comes up after a long time of allowing ourselves to be some form of abuse, unequal relationship and we know we did not we could not stand up for ourselves and kept allowing that to happen again and again and again with the same person. That is to me the resentment. If that was dealt with early on, after a few first instances by cutting off or confronting the person, it would just be healthy anger, not resentment - resentment brews like a strong bitter cup of tea that makes it a hidden enemy of health and all other neurotic behaviours later in life.
It is not always expectation! But it is that some people are “objectively” shitty, judgmental, middling, not knowing their business, racist, ... . For example, what to do when you have been subject to racism? You would hate the racist person. So would you say I shouldn’t have expected others not to be racist? I think the example of you and your husband is so misleading about real resentment.
you're right
What do you do, when your boss continuously corrects your mistake in a demeaning manner? Based on experience, you feel they might not appreciate you telling them how you feel about their actions. Also, you aren't sure how to tell them about their degrading way of correction. Yet, it is something the team members took personal, but they think it pointless to bring it up to her because they are pissed and maybe feel she won't recognise our pain. What do you do as the team leader? To save your mind and the sanity of your team member.
In my case and I just recently realized this, my resentment towards soon to be my ex wife (about to divorce) came from me putting her in a pedestal. It destroyed my marriage. I finally realized that most if not all my bad behaviors(being needy, being upset, being immature, and everything else) came from having so much expectations from her. And none of that is her fault. Because I was the one that put her up that pedestal. I don’t wanna bring my upbringing but I think it’s a big part of it. It’s a dangerous thing to put someone up a pedestal. I wish I realized that way before so I could have changed it and possible change the outcome of my marriage. But I feel like it’s too late now. If anything I’ll walk away from this divorce learning something
I have been avoiding getting help because no matter how many times I ask my husband to stay home with me he'd rather go out and hang with the guys at a bar. I resent hi.m because he knows I need him to spend time with me on his days off work but he goes any way. What am I doing wrong
I'm still struggling somewhat with how to get over resentment as a child who carries resentment towards their parents. I feel like that is a case where it really is "fair" to expect certain things from them, and the expectations I had for them are basic parenting expectations. I can certainly take care of myself and find my own happiness as an adult now, but whenever they talk to me about my childhood I still feel resentful.
I feel this strongly. I entered the in law family for 5 years and then the co sister in law just pops up after dating my husband's brother for 6 months. I was so excited to be friends with her but she immediately was cold to me. She wouldn't reciprocate any type of communication or connection I tried to make with her. What really began the resentment was how the in laws began to treat her. They treated me very cold and distance from the start, never tried to get to know me, won't put any effort to communicate with me or hang out. I just chalked it up to us not being compatible or they are just defensive and don't know how to act around me or they're not good at talking to new people. But then in walks this new girl and immediately it was like the president had just married in to the family. They text and call her all the time, they go out to eat, they travel hours away to see her when I live 10 mins away, they chat so well with her and actually have conversations with her that aren't superficial. Whenever I'm with them together they just shove down my throat how much more connected they are to the point that I resent this girl soo much. I question what I did to them, what I could've said or maybe I'm just not good enough. I tried mimicking what she does and it didn't make a difference and it made me feel fake and like it really is that they just hate me for no reason. Now I have to sit back and watch them plan for her wedding and dress shop when the in laws couldn't even be bothered to care about my wedding. The mother in law bailed on my bachelorette party that she wanted to plan for me which ended up never happening. She never showed up to my fittings. They left my wedding early. So yeah I'm envious and resentful because what is so special about this sister in law that no matter what she does she's perfect, I have to only hear about her and how amazing she is when I try to hang out with them, she gets everything I've ever asked for which is just love and inclusion. I have no idea how to unpack it because they are people that will not listen to reason and very fixed to their ideas, I can't just ignore them because they emotionally guilt me and my husband for distancing ourselves even thought they don't value us when we're around, and they see no faults in their own actions.
Wow! I'm so sorry that you're going thru that. I hope that you can find the strength to get past their rejection and just continue to live life with your husband within your very own happy place.
Sometimes family can be so disingenuous and it's nothing you can do about that. Unfortunately 🙄
Sending you peace and blessings ❤️
To be honest with you, I would just cut that off and try to be happy myself and my husband, you married him not them, if you feel bad and uncomfortable and belittle, cut that off, you deserve peace and being treated right by the people who surrounds you. I cut that off and idgf 😀😀😀
Exactly how my in laws have done me! After 20 years, I'm still not good enough. But they just adore my husbands ex wife who cheated on my husband and was a dead beat mom while I raised her 2 children for her. My husband wonders why I'm so bitter and send him alone to his family gatherings. And my don't they just love posting all the photos of the great time they all had while I wasn't there! It's sick really. These people are mental. If I had to guess, just like in my case, these people are jealous. I'm sure you are an amazing lady and your light is blinding those demons. At least that's what I tell myself. Stay strong and may God richly bless you!
I can relate to this so much. Keep your distance pursue your peace without them.
Very sorry for the pain they've caused you. I have a similar situation with my partner's daughter in law, a shallow and selfish girl who comes to my house and ignores or disrespects me repeatedly. And everybody loves her because she took on my partner's eldest, who is borderline and a real piece of work. I've been told he is growing tired of her self-importance, but I wouldn't want them to split, they have a baby. I just don't want to ever have to see her again.
Everything connected to me. This came at the right time for me as well. Working on a 12 step program and already did my 4th step which is writing out all resentments. We're always reminded that expectations are future resentments. On step 9 now which is about making amends to people I have wronged and one of them is someone I have HUGE resentments against and have kept me stuck on this step for months now. I know that most likely they will never recognize or apologize for what they did to me so this video has helped me refocus on having to make amends to what I did to them, not what they did to me.
I harbor resentment toward a group of supposedly adult women who ganged up on me and mobbed/bullied me and then gaslighted me at the same time and afterward.
Resentment is so toxic and causes so much suffering. Thank you for this beautiful video ♥️♥️♥️
I feel like you are downplaying peoples’ experiences. Sometimes resentment arises from valid trauma and not miscommunication. I resent my abuser because they made me want to die, not because they did not know they were hurting me.
“It’s ok to give yourself some compliments ” ... thank u.
I have over hearing mother and she makes big decisions for my toddler especially since I became a single mother. I am not made of money but I'm done with her stepping in. Shes the same with my hair colour or any friends I choose. When I do what I wish she just withholds affection . It's just awful
Knot came loose. Saving this video for the next time I get tied up.
Thanks, Kristina. I was seething toward my husband when I pulled this up, and your video really helped. Honestly, I really appreciated giving myself a verbal affirmation. As a mom, people seldom notice all you pour out, so it’s nice to remind yourself out loud that you’re doing great.
"التوقعات الصامتة تولد الأستياء"
Hey. This is quality content. I think my problem as a "people pleaser" is that I struggle with the fact that other's don't tend to have those tendencies and don't view pleasing others (ME) as a priority and I get resentful that they don't make the same effort as I do. I guess this is the rulebook I have made for myself and I need to take a different look at the situation. Thank you.
I am so resentful towards my partner for second guessing me, and not letting me speak or say how I feel. He thinks he does, but his constant "solutions" is not what I need. I just need anyone to listen at this point.
Most people don't want to keep resentment. They just dont know how to process it and let it go. Resentment might be a secondary emotion with primary emotions being more than one thing.
Often times resentment is something that has built up over time... its usually not a one hit wonder.
In cases with people who have cptsd, and were abused or neglected as kids they may grow to be resentful of their caretakers or abusers, especially if they may still have to deal with them regularly.. in these cases how do these traumatized individuals even let go of resentment, most of them struggle with anxiety, hypervigilence, and dont even know how to process their emotions ... so how then do people just get over resentment? There needs to be some sort of processing guide with this :/ otherwise its still just telling people to get over it when they dont know how too :/
I'm pretty resentful of my family members who have neglected or made me feel like an idiot over the years due to a few medical conditions I have. Still hard to deal with them till this day.
Hi Julia, I want to thank you for this video. I have been struggling with the most terrible thoughts because of all the resentment I have toward my family, in specific my father. He's my father so my expectations were what a daughter should get from their father. I find myself having the hardest time forgiving and letting go of this anger. I was in a bad place in my mind and I live in my head most of the time. I just came across your video today for the first time. The resentment is a huge burden I carry everywhere and I find myself trying not to feel this way. It is not easy. I am responding over reacting most of the time. I have to watch more of your videos. Many thanks!
What do you do when a member of your own family has been recruited by a narcissist and turned against you. My sister in law entered a romantic 6 year relationship with my brother (confusing, set up I know) . I went from having a close relationship with my brother to spending six years being subjected to verbal and physical assaults from my brother because she manipulated him so much. I uncovered she had embezzled 8k from us and she ended up the victim because I apparently had no right investigating it (despite the fact we were putting money into her account every month for 5 years). I can’t let go of the resentment towards my brother for turning on me
Ah, if only you could talk things through with people you resent. Not possible in the office if you are dependent on someone. You just have to grin and bear it. It's not your place to criticise the boss unless you want to lose your job. There is no way to say "I'm suffering because you are not doing your job" to someone who is higher than you. Please don't tell me that expecting someone to do their job is unreasonable. I mean top-down you get fired for not doing it.
Sometimes bad bosses DO lose their jobs! They can keep the secret from their bosses for only just so long, then they're busted.
My takeaway is that I should have asked my father’s family to love me, accept me, include me and be kind to me 40 years ago. I wouldn’t think one would have to ask this of family. A child knows if they aren’t liked. My bitterness is my problem, still. For a long time I stopped expecting it.
My favorite part: Taking responsibility for our own expectations and needs instead of outsourcing our happiness to other people. Esp when they that don't even know what we need. We are allowed to meet own needs.
Hey Julia
Love yr videos ..I love the fact that u seem to be talking from yr heart and not just rattling out information..love to hear yr personal anecdotes ,makes me feel that u are real and applying yr advices to yourself.
This is important to me coz it addresses the feeling, oh you don't know what I am going through!
Love the way u navigate to the central feeling of an emotion..
Hoping to apply and be successful !
I have so much resentment towards a few people. Need so much help. Loved the video.
Hi I’m Jill I have just found your channel. I have a lot of autoimmune diseases and have been working on my emotional issues and it is becoming clear to me that resentment is one of my main negative emotions, I am hoping that in clearing this my health will improve.
I have resentment towards my fiance because I found out he had an online affair with some girl. He excepted responsibility and said he wasn't in the right place emotionally and apologized. But I just can't seem to get over it after months. I don't know how to move on. I thought we were sooooo happy beforehand. But he was in the process of getting over an addition as well so a part of me is understanding to it. It just hurts so bad. He continued to show deceit in some ways until he grew more emotionally stable. Now he's done better but I don't know how to get over it. We used to love on each other so much, we still talk about how much we both miss those times.. but.. he wasnt happy apparently at all. 🥺 HELPPPPP
Yesterday I returned home from a trip that included driving alone with two kids, 5.5 hours each way...I smiled so big when you reminded us to tell ourselves “good job!! That was really hard and you did it!”. Amazing how just hearing you say it helped so much, thank you ❣️
So thankful I’ve found your videos...exactly what I need. Thank you for all of your hard work and help. You’re very appreciated x
Hi I'm Brandon and I resent my wife
My husband feels this way about me and my chronic illnesses. I try to let him have me time. To give him time away from our kids 6 and 4. He had to cancel an appointment this week because I started a new drug and he said , “don’t ever say I didn’t do anything for you”. It made me feel awful 😢
This is powerful. I wonder how this would apply in a relationship where there’s constant invalidation and affirmation. Even after you voiced what you like? It seems like some needs we can’t supply ourselves or you can get them from others when your in a committed relationship. Yeah I don’t know. This was powerful though.
I understand that I have created my own resentment. But how do you stop resenting a spouse for the mental and emotional abuse that they did to you?
Let me be your 2nd husband ☺😍
7, 5 and 2 ?!? Bless you! Always amazing! I recognize my resentment, it is still a work in progress! When words and actions don't match... I have to be especially mindful when this relationship bleeds over into other areas.
Thank you Julia - I really needed this - I was doing a guided mindful meditation on being kind - I did really feel that I needed this I want to add!! I mean I'm really kind! Part of it was to visualise someone that you didn't 'feel' kindly to. So I did - what really surprised me is that I wasn't willing to let go of the resentment and anger that I feel for them and then I actually saw that there were several people - in my past - that I still hold resent for. The scaring thing is that I don't want to give this up for any of them!! This seem a bit crazy to me as on the whole I would say that I was a good person. My search about resentment lead me to you and I am thankful for your video - at least now I understand why I feel it - I just need to work on why I'm so comfortable with this resentment and why I don't want it to go - I guess I still am waiting for them to 'pay' - ha ha and that's not going to happen - oh dear - sad face!!
My resentment is coming from the fact the people only care about their self-interest.
Me too!
I just found you and already had a break threw and this was ruining my peice of mind. I'm eager to delve into some of your other video's.
Julia, your content is always so right on target and communicated so effectively. You are making a HUGE difference in the community you influence by bringing truth and emotional health. I appreciate you and all I continue to learn from you. Thanks for using your talents to serve your community so beautifully 😊
Although I also agree with everything she says about expectations. I find it's about unappreciatiation and lack of respect that has already been discussed and they don't get what you mean.🤔 I havent gotten a Birthday, Christmas or Mother's day gift in years from my daughters. If I even vaguely bring it up the deflection is painful and changes nothing. So I continue a resentful relationship, otherwise I'm the petty one and then that hurts and we become estranged because of me. It's a very vicious cycle. The more I let slide the bigger it gets. I'm seeing it with others too. We are a large go along to get along family . It's getting more difficult for me to handle as I get older
Hi I’m new to this channel but I already know it is going to help me.
Julia, thank you so much for your honest, grounding, and inspirational videos. you deliver your messages in a way that makes me feel heard and safe. i’d love to see a video about how to get over feelings of guilt because you don’t feel “sick enough” or like your problems aren’t real? I often compare myself to my friends who struggle with diagnosed mental health problems, and then I don’t feel like I deserve help even though I struggle so much too.
Would love a video on resentment caused by broken agreements.
I'm new to this page/site, and it has been really helpful. I recently separated after 11 years, and it has been really hard to deal with life challenges and all this stress from the separation, recently diagnosed with a rare disease and loosing my mother and just haven't cooped with all of it and just going a little crazy. Friendships are non-existent and just trying my best to juggle everything. Thank you again for the helpful videos and messages
Wow, yes,, you made your efforts to keep your kids happy and occupied look effortless. I'm sure your Husband thought you were ENJOYING yourself with your kids. No wonder Men don't want anything to do with these bored and over thinking 'women'. Too much idle time in your head.
Yes to everything you said but also it’s very typical for man to just be happy to be acknowledged without giving acknowledgment to others. I say it is your husband’s job to make you feel appreciated.
This is not just anybody we are talking about…this is the man you married. This is not just “other people”! You keep selling Abby’s story but underneath the sheet of feeling empowered you will make yourself wrong.
Hello
OK but, given your example, I am curious.. Pacifying the kids and ensuring they were entertained was primarily for your husband’s ability to focus. We can talk alternatives too (you could’ve driven etc). So I don’t think it would be unreasonable to feel that it deserved appreciation from your husband. You literally, in your head, did it for him. While I think it would be more fair to ask your husband after you thanked him, “do you appreciate what I did to keep the chaos down so you can drive at peace?” but I personally don’t think thanking myself in that sort of situation would be adequate. For all I know, he doesn’t even care about the chaos!
My point here is so often we do things assuming that it’s helpful or that it’s providing some sort of pleasure for someone else when we should just be focusing on our own. This is the self-sacrifice that women have been conditioned to do. Men are literally just focused on themselves. We should start doing the same.
Thank you for that incredible incite. I’m Wes. I’m feeling a lot of resentment within a relationship with my wife and I’m finding this so very helpful. Thank you!
Wow this is really what I need. Yeah you are right. This is not their responsibility to fulfill my needs..😢 I want to remember this..🙏🏻
God fills voids in our souls that humans cannot. Our inner-being.
I'm so happy you're doing this video. Thanks for sharing on this topic Julia!!
This video is useful to everyone; even those who are not in need of counseling. .
@@barrymichlowitz1071 Yes!! I absolutely agree. Thank you for commenting :)
Same as other comments. It’s a given that parents don’t abuse their little 5 year old girl her whole life , still working on forgiveness. As an adult I asked the scapegoating , and abuse to stop. It continued. I took space . I pray to forgive them daily. I don’t trust them . Cheetah don’t change their spots
Getting over resentment is extremely difficult.
Hello Julia. Thank you for the videos! Air hug
A couple of people I feel resentment towards for their complete disregard,.selfishness and lack of empathy are people I unfortunately cannot move away from: my partner's adult son and daughter in law. What can I do? My partner forbids any kind of conversation on the matter, with him or with them.
Your arguments are way too generic and lack gravity.
Ask a person who has been in a narcissistic family for 30 yrs.
Hello. Experiencing resentment towards a dead person. After a year or so of understanding codependency and analysing the past it is obvoius now that abuse by an adult in the family was part of my growing up. First physical and emotional until the age of about 8-9 and then it became only emotional during my teens. Now I'm 58 and this is the moment when I finally get it. The abuser passed away 4 years ago and now when I remember all that happened I can't help but to feel resentment. Still working on it as resentment is not a good feeling. Perhaps forgiveness should take it's place somehow?
What if I resent the creator of my resentment?
Or the creator of resentment
Just found your channel after searching 'resentful' and spending a weekend with a (girl) friend that I was very disappointed about. It definitely didn't match my expectations because it was planned around something she wanted to do but then bowed out of, which spoiled things. I didn't want to raise any issues as I thought it would just lead to an argument. I really should have followed my initial instinct because I had a feeling she hadn't prepared in advance (for a special event around hiking). I'm still feeling rather cross as it involved expenditure and me driving 6 hours. I completely agree she probably isn't aware of why I was not on good form. Not sure how to fix the situation now.
You're amazing, very informative video. I have learn something new today because of you. You deserve this subscription 🙏🙏
Write down your resentment and fears. I have resentments.
This vidoe help me with working with resentment exercise included Anne Runkle I'm greatful.😀🌞👍 Write down your resentments to regulate yourself. I will try your link mindfulness. 😺
Thank you for another useful tool for inner growth. This will go on our weekly Digest at selfhelpchampion🙏🙏
I am Gary Bellomy. New here. Saying hello. Work in progress.
I am currently in therapy. This is when I start my morning therapy. Had to search on TH-cam for dealing with resentment just to clear my mind to be open to meditation. Sibling bs with good siblings . . Just me wanting more.
Yeah, but you THOUGHT that because you’re suppose to. Your husband does not value women’s work of taking care of children. To him, driving is more important. But good on you for putting on a good little wife hat in the end. Patriarchy thanks you.
I'm a son of an abusive mother. She's dead. Hello. I have resentments about bullies, people who continue to harass & attack abd threaten my life. I expect him to continue tormenting us, bullying even people with disabilities, bullying people who are vulnerable. Can I just give the other person poison? Or kill her him? The police can't Orr will not help. Why not? Have an authentic conversation with a narcissistic abuser who defies everyone? Are you kidding? All my life, people bully, tease, cheat, lie, steal from, physically & emotionally abuse me. Not talking about a little fuss. Talking about gang activity. Talking about predators.
I don’t think that resentment is what we experience when we do let our partner know what our expectations are, and the expectations are simply how you would respect anyone on any given day, but they still do what suits their own needs instead. Because I don’t feel the example of me swallowing poison and expecting the other to die. First off, in my anger over them disrespecting my boundaries, I never have felt like I wanted to hurt them (revenge), I just didn’t want them to keep hurting me.
I was feeling it bad today... It was pure hatred. I meditated on it feeling the feeling knowing everybody feels the 3 poisons greed, hatred and delusion. I feel ok now. Man it can be full on. I neutralised it by just naming it as a normal feeling and then could feel my way through it.