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I never considered Phoebe "settling" by choosing Mike. In her own words, he provided a sense of stability and security that she lacked while growing up. He also reined in her craziness at times, such as proposing changing his name to "Crap Bag" to point out how ridiculous she was being about "Princess Conseula." They were a perfect match!
that was such a good episode. It really showed how he could balance her, and the best part is that he did it without putting her down or embarrassing her, as a good partner should.
I never thought of them as settling either. If anything, I saw Mike as her real soulmate. Everyone else who was weird or quirky didn't suit her for various reasons, Mike is the soulmate she never expected. A soulmate is not supposed to be your exact copy or everything you ever wanted, but someone who is compatible with you and that you enjoy. I think Mike fills that perfectly. I also never saw him as boring, he was ruthful in his honesty like Phoebe, he was sarcastic and funny and they shared goals, interests and a sense of humor.
Yes! They were a perfect match because they were opposites in many aspects! Phoebe grew up in an unstable and problematic environment, so inaproppriate for a child, and she longed for a normal family. Mike grew up in a wealthy and constipated environment and he longed for freedom, indepedence and some craziness.
GAGAGAGAGA I just disliked my own face because I am unpretty. HOWEVER: I always like my GOOD videos however. No dislikes allowed where I come from. Don't be mean, dear beq
Yeah, I don't feel like this video ever made it clear why Phoebe settled? Mike isn't as weird as her, I disagree with you on that, but I find it odd so many fans assume she would have to be with someone as weird as her. Most people aren't just attracted to the people who are most similar to themselves. I think a balance of similarities and differences works best.
I don’t think dating someone who's different than you means you're "settling" for something that isn't right for you.. Phoebe and Mike compliment each other perfectly, actually.
Exactly, I've never even considered that I should be looking to date people who are just like me, that isn't really what I'm into. Seems a little narcissistic, even.
I don't think she settled. Settling means lowering your standards in order to not end up alone, even if you're not happy. If anything, Phoebe changed her standards due to growing and maturing. They are happy, share similar values and sense of humor and more important, they support each other. I don't see it as settling.
I would also like to add that, while Phoebe was craving stability, Mike was craving wildness. He came from a wealthy background, was married and working as a lawyer, living a pretty conservative life. However, some time before meeting Phoebe, he got divorced, he quit his job in the law and started working as a pianist -- less stable and prestigious, but more creatively fulfilling. I see it as a guy who got fed up with his perfect conventional life and tried out for something new. I think Phoebe is part of that, even if he didn't want to marry her in the beginning -- I think he was still trying to hold on to his pursuit of wildness. He does change his mind and goes on to marry her and, probably, have 2.5 kids, but she's still Phoebe. She'll never be your typical soccer mom. They complement each other well.
Indeed, while I felt sorry for David, Mike is ultimately the better choice for Phoebe, since she needed someone who balanced out her eccentric nature. While David was nice, he was just as quirky as Phoebe, and they might not have worked out long term.
There's a major distinction between settling down and settling. When you settle, you stay in a relationship where you don't feel understood, supported, or valued. When you settle down, you make a conscious choice to support and understand someone else because it's reciprocated and because you value each other.
She didn’t “settle,” she “settled down” with someone great who she loves. Big difference. Despite the highs and lows of Ross and Rachel’s grand love story being at the center, I think the show actually lines up with Monica and Chandler’s discussion about how soulmates don’t exist but instead solid relationships come from a combination of love, choice, and work. Mike and Phoebe love each other and chose to be together like Monica and Chandler because they love each other and balance each other out nicely.
She settled With her friend group. You can imagine someone as interesting and out of the box as her could’ve found more exciting interesting friends with more to talk about but you know she was happy and content because she found a family kind of. That transferred onto her character which makes the ending more realistic
Why didn’t she leave the group if she really settled with the Friends group then? She lived farther away, she wasn’t connected to any of them, none of them forced her to stay. If anything, she just took advantage of the kindness of the Friends group if she really ‘settled’ with them.
This is the weirdest take I’ve ever heard. Phoebe didn’t “settle” in any sense of the word, nor redefine it. She grew and changed and realised that what she needed in her life was stability and normality. Mike offered that and David didn’t (never had). Mike was completely right for her.
I suspect that The Take does these weird takes sometimes to create engagement. I usually enjoy the analyses and interpretations but some of them are... kind of off?
they did mention though, that this take is supposed to be a response to some assumptions, and complaints some fans did on social midia and all that, maybe they never thought it was settling down until than, so they made this video as response, like... "What's the problem with settling anyways"?! Just a guess 😅😅
@@trinaq Exactly! I once dated a guy who was arguably more eccentric than me and even though it was fun while it lasted, it was also a whirlwind of chaos. I need a man to remind me to take my vitamins with breakfast, not one who encourages me to mix Red Bull with vodka (oh boy was that a crazy night).
My favourite story was when the show wrapped, a bunch of the actors and producers were hugging and crying and Paul Rudd supposedly walked over and joineed the hug saying "We did it guys, it was 10 long seasons, but we did it"
I mean if she loves Mike and picks him over the "one", how is she settling? Just because you're with someone you didn't think you'd end up with doesn't mean you settled. That's like saying Elizabeth Bennett settled for Darcy.
I usually agree with your friends takes but not this one. I never thought Phoebe settled for Mike in any way. He gives her everything she ever wanted - a stable home, a future, the reassurance that any kids they have won't have a childhood like her's, complete acceptance for her eccentricities, and unconditional love. I relate to Phoebe's need for stability. I grew up in an emotionally abusive home and I'm only recently realising the psychological damage it's done to me. I desperately want a stable, loving, supportive, calm home. If someone comes along who can offer me that I would never consider that settling. It would be a dream come true.
PERFECTLY said!♥️ I agree. I am 50, and I still deal with the damage of an abusive, toxic upbringing. I thankfully, met my Mike and married him 25 years ago. We have 3 grown kids and every single day we make the choice to be the parents ours were not. What makes you "settled" over time is different from "settling".
I’m a Phoebe and I married a Mike and Phoebe and I didn’t settle. My hubby has balanced me out and enthusiastically encourages my art and my wonderful weirdness. He has said that he fell in love with me because I keep him on his toes and doesn’t want me any other way. I feel that is the same reason why Mike fell for Phoebe. I often forget normal things like to fill my tank and wear my purse is. My hubby helped me grow up a bit, he is the best for me and Mike is the best for Phoebe.
I’m a fan and I never thought she settled. David was the one she needed to meet to know what she wanted in a partner. I’m in the same situation as hers. I dated a male version of myself and he became the one who got away. What I learned from that relationship is that 1) I was being extremely narcissistic, 2) loving means that if they want to go, you have to set them free (even if it hurts), 3) if it hurts more than it makes you happy, it’s a no-go. Now I’m with someone who I never thought I’d be but he gave me stability, happiness, unconditional love. I’ll kill whoever dares to threaten him. I’m madly in love with the things that make him unique and have nothing to do with myself. I think this is the first Time I’ve been in love for real. Not the romanticised version of “true love” (pride and prejudice). I think that’s one thing Bridget Jones (the first one) got right.
I'm so happy you found your person and I wish you both so much happiness in the future too!! And it's so cool to hear how much you've grown and learned. Peace man 💜
Was the booing in the show? Tried to rewatch but a lot of the early jokes (especially the homophobic lite remarks) sound very weird in the 2020s. Old as it makes me, the 90s were 30 years ago and sometimes it shows.
Oh I know right? I'm still baffled people think Ross & Rachel are relationship goals. They are so incredibly toxic, that ending was just another massive fight waiting to happen.
You're absolutely not alone in that. Chandler and Monica were perfect together, as were Phoebe and Mike. I STILL wish Rachel had stayed on the plane. She and Ross were toxic together.
I never understood the people who said Mike was "boring". I mean, yeah, he's no Chandler, but calling him "boring" always felt like a pretty damn big stretch to me. He still had some funny lines, and damn if Paul Rudd didn't give his all.
@@Garcelle1987 I think him calling his character a "prop" comes from the fact that Mike as a character was only put in the show to give Phoebe a happy ending, he didn't have any other purpose than that and was shown in the show only to lay the ground and solidify Phoebe's decision of marrying him. Hardly counting as a "bore". He has a lot of qualities, they just never got to properly include him into the group (as they did Richard for example), so they didn't focus on him much outside of his relationship with Phoebe. But if you think about it, we don't really see much of other people's lives outside their relationships with the main group, which makes perfect sense considering none of them were main characters.
@@bLaCkRoSs3 Didn't he clarify that the "prop" thing was more about the fact that he never managed to feel part of the "Friends group" when the cameras weren't rolling? It's a complain that other recurring actors had, like Tom Selleck, that the core six were so close in real life that most actors outside that group had a hard time joining in and feel part of the crew.
Phoebe DOESN'T settle. She knows exactly what she wants and she gets it. The flaws with Mike's character (a bit bland) have nothing to do with PHOEBE's character.
But we’re not talking about Paul Rudd. We’re talking about Mike Hannigan. People be having problem separating actors with their characters and that’s just wrong
@@kitsunehikaru-4268 i haven't watched the show sgdhjfkg i'm the type of person that clicks on the title/thumbnail before even watching the video so that's what i was basing my comment off rip.
@Hubert Humphrey If you think women have high standards, then why do so many women put up with sexism/ gaslighting / DV/ etc? The bar is literally underground. If you think our standards are too high, I think that says a lot about you and how you have absolutely nothing to offer with some lovely misogyny sprinkled on top.
She would’ve settled if she had chosen the science guy. Mike just lost his faith in marriage after his failed and Phoebe gave him a reason to have hope for it again.
I think people forget the difference between settling and settling down. Settling means you're making a choice that you don't really want to make. It's a mistake that you have to avoid so you don't spend your life regretting. Settling down means you're making the choice to take an opportunity for the nice calm life you want. Settling down doesn't mean you're settling. It doesn't mean it's a mistake. It means it's an opportunity for a life that you can be content in. After the turbulent, exciting, and honestly traumatizing life PHEOBE ( since everybody's up my ass about it 😑)had, it makes sense that she would want to settle down and create a home, family and life where she could just be happy.
Yes, you're completely right. Though sometimes when you've had such a rollercoaster of a life, you don't know how to get off and stability can feel like a trap or "settling". Phoebe had to go through heartbreak and mature in order to settle down.
I really don‘t understand the negative connotation of settling. I‘m only 21 and I can’t imagine anything more beautiful than finding a person who supports and loves you in normal day-to-day life, forever! Someone who you can share everything with and who shares everything with you.
Honestly, the only reason it felt like Phoebe settled to me is because I was always rooting for Phoebe and Joey to be together. But that's my hang-up, not the show's. I think Mike was perfect for her, and I love the idea that the weird, quirky girl who had a difficult childhood actually discovered that she longed for someone who was stable and safe.
Whenever Phoebe is ever challenged by one of the Friends, she always wins. There are hardly any exceptions. Mike on the other hand, through humor, acceptance, and assertiveness, almost always gets Phoebe to back down instead. He can challenge her like no one else, and that's why he's perfect for her.
Mike's parents are rich. Like Phoebe said, "they're gonna die someday." lol. She ended up with someone with generational wealth who is also kind and also looks like he never ages.
when this show was on, i was an impressionable teenager and i always hoped i would find a mike to complement me. he allowed pheobe to be who she was while giving her the security that he wouldn't abandon her. it was never a thought of settling to me! love your take on it!
Personally I like Mike's character way more than David's. Not that I hate David, but Mike has always been way more devoted to Phoebe than David ever was. Yeah, David might have a personality that suits Phoebe's better according to some fans, but I think Mike and Phoebe are a very good match, and the way they overcome their differences and make sacrifices to save their relationship shows how much they care for each other. They also communicate pretty well with each other. To me that sounds like a really good romantic relationship.
@@kattatatatat6361 He's a fantasy that she created herself. David was perfectly content and had decided to stay with her, but she felt guilty that he chose her over his career and pushed him away. Then when he returns, his career and research ultimately being a failure. She uses him as a rebound. David ended up walking away from the show with neither his job nor the girl.
I never once got the impression Phoebe settled, or that Mike was so square. I felt the whole point of his character was that he *appeared* square, but could totally hang with Phoebe's vibe. He was open to Joey's ridiculous blind date scheme for one thing, and the moment he mimed playing the piano I think sealed the deal for the entire audience that he was her guy.
I don’t view their relationship “settling” as her picking the safe route, but rather someone she probably never thought she’d be attracted to, but just IS, and that makes them so wonderful. Like me and my fiancé!
I never thought she settled for him. I've always liked Mike, he was fun and he had the same joie de vivre that Phoebe had. Phoebe never needed someone to take care of her, she needed someone who would stand by her; be her partner in crime.
As someone who gets told they're like Phoebe and Luna Lovegood A LOT in both positive and negative ways I can confirm how Mike responds to Phoebe and just happily jokes with her is the best. He grounds her in a good way and also allows her to pull him up to the sky.
Huge difference between settling and letting go of the fairy tale that media sells us. Real relationships are boring a lot of the time. Doesn’t mean you love each other any less or that that person makes you any less happy
How exactly is being with Mike settling? Settling would have been going with Hank Azaria’s character and being subjected to a life of a guy who would always be married more to his work than her. Whereas Mike was everything she needed in a lifelong partner. He was really sweet, very charming and treated her well. He also got her sense of humor and loved all of her weirdness. He really loved her and she really loved him too. Settling would imply she only went with him because he was the only guy in New York that wanted to be with her when that wasn’t the case. Dating someone who is different than you doesn’t mean you’re settling. It just means you’re with someone who balances you out.
The Take every time Phoebe and Mike's relationship is brought up: Phoebe settled. The comment section: Here's a strongly worded letter why you're wrong.
The Take, I love what you guys are doing. Could you please do a video on this topic? The Pregnant Woman trope in horror movies, such as: Women getting impregnated by aliens. Women turning into bloated hives for alien reproduction. A woman giving birth to a demonic child. A woman carrying a baby for an evil cult. Even men getting impregnated by an otherworldly seductress. Misogynist, sexist, rape culture or just pushing a fear of aliens and demons? Is it possible to make a story arc where the woman that was impregnated, is recovering from this mental scarring?
The only people who think she settled are people who had stable childhoods. I had enough “excitement” as a child. Now all I want is someone to go to bed at a regular time and have money to pay bills with.
girl YES YES THISSSSS so ive always also been the "quirky", "eccentric" type and ALSO had a shitty crappy awful childhood. Emotional abuse, physcal abuse, abandoment, and i always wennt during my 20s for the "artsy" "quirky" guys never worked! 3 years ago i found my "mike", a person who has a decent job, a fuckin house and pays the bills and lets me be with my "eccenticities" while loving me for me. baby im in! this is all i want and NEED! exactly like you said, like you, ive had enough "excitement" durig childhood, teenage and my 20s. im 33 baby i CRAVE A NORMAL LIFE!
You’re getting it the wrong way. People who had stable childhood would crave for stability even more. Because we had seen how stability looked like and no way in hell we’re going to settle for anything less. Because we know that a happy healthy relationship is possible, not just a fairy tail. I had a few guys coming to me and offer a Roschel type of relationship, and I bid farewell very soon. I found the stable Mondler like relationship and I said yes immediately, and it was the best decision. Worth the wait. If it’s toxic, it’s not worth it.
Joey is definitely not content remaining single. There are signs all the way from season 1 that what he most wants is a spouse and kids (when he helps that lady give birth, when he speaks to Chandler about his concerns he won't be able to remain faithful to his wife like his dad), which culminates in his falling in love with Rachel when she's pregnant. It's actually really sad that he ends up alone.
She is the yin to his yang. They remind me of my aunt and uncle. She is a very weird, flighty, quirky lady and he is solid as a rock. They compliment each other. One brings fun and adventure, the other practicality and responsibility. It's a good mix and they've been married for almost 40 years. Deciding to marry someone who had strengths that compliment your weaknesses and vice versa isn't settling. It's realizing what makes a good partner. Phoebe may become a soccer mum, but she'll play encouraging guitar songs she wrote at their games and create a cup and ice themed celebration party when they win.
With how zany and eccentric Phoebe is, having her paired off with someone who's a lot calmer and less eccentric is very realistic. They balance each other out. Mike's life was pretty dull and meeting Phoebe really excites him. Phoebe's life has been chaotic, so Mike symbolises stability.
She didn't pick the guy who decided to go to the opposite side of the globe rather than be with her, she picked the guy she was currently in love with. That's not settling.
Arguably, Little Women is also a tale about settling. People think Jo should end up with Laurie, but she rejected him only to choose the less exciting Professor Bhaer. It may look like she settled, but really, she's choosing a future for herself-maturely knowing what kind of person she needs to be with to make that happen. Yes, they too seem very different at first glance, but they care about a lot of the same things that matter to them.
Romance is fluff and wonderful, but it does fade. I remember a quote from House where Foreman talks about "real" love being two people being together for decades, flossing and using the bathroom together and still asking for sacrifices, that's when you know you have the real thing. When those highs go, and your partner is still willing to prioritize your needs, that is when you know you've found a long lasting and worthwhile love.
I related to Phoebe. I have been abandoned by my own father, by people who claimed to be my friends, and by one of my ex’s. I’m in a relationship now but I still have that fear of abandonment. I’m in therapy now but it’s still something I working on.
Phoebe never "settled" in ANY of her relationships, not for any length of time. She was always knew what she needed, and ended things as soon as she realised there was incompatibility. Realising what you truly value in a partner is not settling, it's developing experience and insight. It's MATURITY. The implication that "settling down" and "settling" are somehow the same thing is gross, IMHO. Because Pam wasn't in a "settled stasis", she was codependent, and in an emotionally abusive relationship. The sooner we stop acting like women's preoccupation with romance is for "fun", rather than a necessary test of men's intentions, the better. “Women talk about love. From girlhood on, we learn that conversations about love are a gendered narrative, a female subject... Femaleness in patriarchal culture marks us from the very beginning as unworthy or not as worthy, and it should come as no surprise that we learn to worry most as girls, as women, about whether we are worthy of love.” - bell hooks. Considering the trauma Phoebe has been through, the fact that she never "settled" in a traumatic relationship, when they're so common for women, is a testament to her courage and hard work in healing herself. Male culture might be hedging your bets and constantly being dissatisfied (while blaming women), but the current female culture still perpetuates tolerance of abuse, and leads to life-threatening consequences for women. What's at stake is WILDLY different, and I don't appreciate that movies like "Knocked Up", about an attractive woman settling for a far less attractive man, who doesn't share her life values AT ALL, because she got pregnant, are being presented as somehow aspirational, when there exist men who use pregnancy to "baby-trap" women in abusive relationships.
Though I like Phoebe and Mike, Friends writers tainted it a bit by bringing David the science guy back just to make him the third wheel and butt of the joke. As much as I love Mike, because seriously Paul Rudd is forever adorable, I still would've liked to have seen Phoebe and David have a real shot at a relationship. Mike and Phoebe broke up because he didn't want to get married, then he just wanted to get married because he missed her and she was with David, when Mike should've appreciated what he had at the time with her... Plus, he was dating someone else and didn't bother to break up with her before proposing. **Cringe** David was willing to give up a career opportunity for Pheobe and only went to Minsk after she convinced him. Had David not gone to Minsk, then she would have married David, because he wouldn't have needed persuaded to propose.
@@lisnavora, Yeah, disparaging David's ring was absurd considering Mike didn't even have a ring because he put zero thought into this. Mike only wanted to marry Phoebe after she had someone who loved her and willing to make that commitment. It's the adult version of wanting your toy after another kid has it. That's not love. It's possessiveness. I wish she would've had enough self respect to see that.
"the fans been questioning for decades: did Pheobe settle for choosing Mike?" um... excuse me, I've been a fan for decades and literally that something I've NEVER EVER heard anyone asking lol actually Mike and Pheobe is the BEST couple from Friends, that's like common sense in the fan community at this point.
I liked Mike. He was funny, and he appreciated her. He loved Phoebe for her weirdness. He adapted to her. He's someone who could support and accompany her on her adventures.
I think Phoebe and Mike were more perfect for each others than given credit. Mike initially had a hard time with the idea of marriage as he dealt with the blow of a divorce previously, it was a risk for him to tie the knot and likely he wanted his relationship with Phoebe to last as long as possible without having to worry about it. He does remains committed to Phoebe, and the fear he had of the chance to lose her was greater than the fear of the risks. It was then that he realized that with a partner like Phoebe who did want to make the effort to make it work made him know she was worth the risk and it would pay off to commit the rest of his life to be with her. Since we are talking about Phoebe, we might as well describe Phoebe and Mike’s character in a whimsical way. Phoebe to me has seemed like a free spirit, very quirky, and finding any excuse to point out the joy in life. She lacked though that reliability of a base to return to, as she’s had a history of lost family connections that really the gang are more of a family to her. To me she fits the characteristics of a bird. Then you have Mike that is for once a stable force, but yet Mike is delighted by Phoebe’s presence that brings some personality to his life. For the most part he is established where he is at in his life despite having a divorce and dealing with the pressures of his parents, Mike’s charming aspect is he is self assured but is welcoming to Phoebe’s fun character. Mike to me seems like that one giant tree that can give that bird a place to rest and habitat at. It really is a beautiful example of how sometimes opposites attract, there is a balance to the relationship that each partner is able to provide something the other craved. Specifically trust. Plus, it’s fun seeing how they bounce off of each other, Phoebe has her silly moments but Mike has fun delivering those punch jokes every now and then. There seems to be not just chemistry, but it seems like Mike can be Phoebe’s catalyst and it’s great.
A lot of my friends and coworkers from the past that had whirlwind, super romantic, or dramatic marriages or long term relationships didn't last. Settling is when people find the person they want to grow old with, share dreams with, and maybe have kids with. I think that means the person you settle with is "the one", just maybe not the one our teenager/early adult minds thought we'd end up with.
That study is about people who are dating, not engaged or married. The whole point of dating, for the most part, is that you're still looking for the one. It's not exactly surprising that 80% if that group say they haven't. Ask people ij long term relationships or those engaged/married and I'm sure the stats would be different.
Who said, " She settled.", she found someone who loved her, fulfilled her, and helped her find love and stability. Everyone needs that and it is okay to give up some dreams for the simplicity of family & love at home.
There is another reason to choose more realistic partner. If you were hurt by someone you once considered your “soulmate”. Sometimes someone we truly believe to be the one is actually not the one. And if that’s true then maybe someone who we don’t initially think is the one overtime might become the one? Obviously trust your gut, but it’s always a good idea to wait sometime and really get to know the person before making any major decisions
Although there is a lot of semantic debate on the word "settling". Overall, this has been a very refreshing take on what non-movie romance can be in real life. I always felt that "the one" and how movies portray love has set up this reality that there is always someone better than what you have. Instead of cherishing what you worked hard to have with the person. Essentially, movies and TV shows can build this toxic mindset that you must always be in youre honeymoon phase where everything glitters and shines. But this perspective of a more grounded love is something that I have always felt but never could put into words until now.
Economists often say that there are no good policies or bad policies there are only trade-offs. Would you trade-off your career to hit the road in search of "The One", or would you focus partly on your career and partly on trying to find someone acceptable in the area where you worked? Most of us do not focus on one thing. We make trade-offs to get an acceptable combination of money, career, love and other stuff. So, we probably "settle" for everything in our life to try and get the best combination of things that we can get to make us the happiest that we can be. Someone once said that grateful people are happy and ungrateful people are unhappy. So, perhaps gratitude is something that we should include in our basket of trade-offs.
I never thought about it this way. I liked Mike. He was sweet and funny. I always thought Phoebe and Mike balanced each other out. Don't know if I would say she settled. I think if anyone settled it was Rachel but thats a whole other can of worms.
So, films and society ads like to warp our minds into what the writer/director wants us to feel, sometimes even being to deep for the common mind. A good way to feel about someone is, "If they make you feel good while with them, stick with them". It doesn't even get any more complicated than that. Every Relationship will have that sexy new car smell and you will put new miles into it. Eventually new cars come out, and you will see them on the road zooming by and it is okay, because you have zero payments on them. My analogy can be broken rejected by saying, eventually the car will need maintenance fees and break down before you have to junk it, but you are also a car and are also breaking down lol. It goes both ways is what I mean :).
But as cliché it is opposites attract. David wasn’t super interesting either, the most interesting thing he did was leave. Then he came back and Phoebe was still hung up on Mike. We didn’t hear more about Mikes personality but he walked away from being a lawyer to be a musician so while he is stable, and ready to commit he has an artistic hippie side that meshes well with phoebes values.
When I think of the term "settling" I think of people who marry or get serious with someone they know isn't right but is instead a consolation prize because A) they couldn't get who they really wanted or B) they had some arbitrary date in their head that they felt they must be married by & the partner was just going to be whoever was around at the time. That's not what Phoebe did. She just grew up & recognized what was a better choice for the life she wanted going forward.
We all settle in a sense that nobody anyone chooses is perfect. She simply chose someone she saw as a good fit for her while accepting them as an imperfect human. Also, being weird doesn't mean you have to be completely weird to the point where you are no longer human. Weirdos are people too, and have the same need to be loved and cared for as everyone else.
Phoebe craved stability, Mike provided that plus love, hot sex, friendship, and shared life goals like having children. There wasn't even a hint that she or he was settling. Mike was a catch. What is this video.
I am so grateful for Phebs, my mother always hated me, she ran away from my dad bc he beated her, the rest of my family is selfish and mean. Phoebe gave me hope, that I could be sweet even tho I was abused and hurt, that I can have a family that it doesnt suck, Im not broken...thats why friends means a lot to me.
I feel like when I was younger, I watched the show and liked Monica and Rachel more. The other 4's stories were explored more, in my opinion, Phoebe was always "the wear one", the "odd one out". Maybe that's why the show handled her relationship with Mike in such a way: with not enough layers, treating him like a prop. But now as I'm older, I've lived and suffered, Phoebe is my favorite. Despite everything life threw at her, she stayed positive, strong and independent.
Duncan was definitely going to say "No, you were not going to be the one.", so that wasn't exactly something that would ever have been a viable relationship even if he DID realize it sooner.
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Btw, he is now the sexist man alive. It took 20 years to recognize, but yeaa, she married the sexist man alive
@@Songs-lr4wt Did you mean... Sexiest?
Yes
@@ohwellwhatcanyado I prefer sexist. *The Sexist Man* the leader of incels has been revealed!
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Hey Mech Arena!
I'm sorry 😔
I never considered Phoebe "settling" by choosing Mike. In her own words, he provided a sense of stability and security that she lacked while growing up. He also reined in her craziness at times, such as proposing changing his name to "Crap Bag" to point out how ridiculous she was being about "Princess Conseula." They were a perfect match!
Right?? They are SO good together
that was such a good episode. It really showed how he could balance her, and the best part is that he did it without putting her down or embarrassing her, as a good partner should.
I never thought of them as settling either. If anything, I saw Mike as her real soulmate. Everyone else who was weird or quirky didn't suit her for various reasons, Mike is the soulmate she never expected. A soulmate is not supposed to be your exact copy or everything you ever wanted, but someone who is compatible with you and that you enjoy. I think Mike fills that perfectly. I also never saw him as boring, he was ruthful in his honesty like Phoebe, he was sarcastic and funny and they shared goals, interests and a sense of humor.
Yes! They were a perfect match because they were opposites in many aspects! Phoebe grew up in an unstable and problematic environment, so inaproppriate for a child, and she longed for a normal family. Mike grew up in a wealthy and constipated environment and he longed for freedom, indepedence and some craziness.
Hello 👋
She didn’t settle. She found someone who indulged her. Who loved her in all her awesomeness. Who was just as weird as her in some ways.
GAGAGAGAGA I just disliked my own face because I am unpretty. HOWEVER: I always like my GOOD videos however. No dislikes allowed where I come from. Don't be mean, dear beq
Precisely, Phoebe found someone who loved her craziness, and wasn't afraid to take it in his stride.
exactly. he really loved her and didnt want to change her
You’re so right. They even had rat babies together!! 🐭 🐭 🐭
Yeah, I don't feel like this video ever made it clear why Phoebe settled? Mike isn't as weird as her, I disagree with you on that, but I find it odd so many fans assume she would have to be with someone as weird as her. Most people aren't just attracted to the people who are most similar to themselves. I think a balance of similarities and differences works best.
I don’t think dating someone who's different than you means you're "settling" for something that isn't right for you.. Phoebe and Mike compliment each other perfectly, actually.
Exactly, I've never even considered that I should be looking to date people who are just like me, that isn't really what I'm into. Seems a little narcissistic, even.
Yeah, I'm a quiet introvert who is mostly drawn to loud extroverts.
I don't think she settled. Settling means lowering your standards in order to not end up alone, even if you're not happy. If anything, Phoebe changed her standards due to growing and maturing. They are happy, share similar values and sense of humor and more important, they support each other. I don't see it as settling.
Good point. There is a difference between changing your standards and lowering them. That's what people don't get sometimes.
When someone have unrealistic standards, they have to change it or accepting their loneliness and don't blame nobody but themselves
She didnt settle she settled down, funny how they mean something so different
I would also like to add that, while Phoebe was craving stability, Mike was craving wildness. He came from a wealthy background, was married and working as a lawyer, living a pretty conservative life. However, some time before meeting Phoebe, he got divorced, he quit his job in the law and started working as a pianist -- less stable and prestigious, but more creatively fulfilling. I see it as a guy who got fed up with his perfect conventional life and tried out for something new.
I think Phoebe is part of that, even if he didn't want to marry her in the beginning -- I think he was still trying to hold on to his pursuit of wildness. He does change his mind and goes on to marry her and, probably, have 2.5 kids, but she's still Phoebe. She'll never be your typical soccer mom. They complement each other well.
2.5 kids?
@@virginiaisnotavirgin it's the average of kids that "standard, traditional" families have
@@nbac26 but whats the .5??
@@DreamstudioXD It's the average. Means what traditional families have 2 or 3 kids, not literally 2 and a half kids...
@@nbac26 thank you. That had me confused lol
I don't think she did settle. Mike just fit her lifestyle and personality better than David would have.
Indeed, while I felt sorry for David, Mike is ultimately the better choice for Phoebe, since she needed someone who balanced out her eccentric nature. While David was nice, he was just as quirky as Phoebe, and they might not have worked out long term.
There's a major distinction between settling down and settling. When you settle, you stay in a relationship where you don't feel understood, supported, or valued. When you settle down, you make a conscious choice to support and understand someone else because it's reciprocated and because you value each other.
This. I was thinking precisely this. The missing word is ‘down’.
Thanks a lot for this - I wasn't familiar with either notion as those don't exist in my mother tongue (French) so I really needed this clarification!
Well said
She didn’t “settle,” she “settled down” with someone great who she loves. Big difference. Despite the highs and lows of Ross and Rachel’s grand love story being at the center, I think the show actually lines up with Monica and Chandler’s discussion about how soulmates don’t exist but instead solid relationships come from a combination of love, choice, and work. Mike and Phoebe love each other and chose to be together like Monica and Chandler because they love each other and balance each other out nicely.
Ross and Rachel were more of a grand clusterfuck than a grand romance.
She settled With her friend group. You can imagine someone as interesting and out of the box as her could’ve found more exciting interesting friends with more to talk about but you know she was happy and content because she found a family kind of. That transferred onto her character which makes the ending more realistic
great point
yep
Why didn’t she leave the group if she really settled with the Friends group then? She lived farther away, she wasn’t connected to any of them, none of them forced her to stay. If anything, she just took advantage of the kindness of the Friends group if she really ‘settled’ with them.
This is the weirdest take I’ve ever heard. Phoebe didn’t “settle” in any sense of the word, nor redefine it. She grew and changed and realised that what she needed in her life was stability and normality. Mike offered that and David didn’t (never had). Mike was completely right for her.
I suspect that The Take does these weird takes sometimes to create engagement. I usually enjoy the analyses and interpretations but some of them are... kind of off?
they did mention though, that this take is supposed to be a response to some assumptions, and complaints some fans did on social midia and all that, maybe they never thought it was settling down until than, so they made this video as response, like... "What's the problem with settling anyways"?!
Just a guess 😅😅
Well, settling down and settling are different things.
As a fellow "weird girl" I find myself drawn to the "normal" guys, and vice-versa (If I don't scare them off) I find it's a nice balance.
Me too, the quirky girl helps the savvy guy to let loose once in a while, while he keeps her grounded. It's an ideal combination!
@@trinaq Exactly! I once dated a guy who was arguably more eccentric than me and even though it was fun while it lasted, it was also a whirlwind of chaos.
I need a man to remind me to take my vitamins with breakfast, not one who encourages me to mix Red Bull with vodka (oh boy was that a crazy night).
I’m with someone that matches my energy makes for a fun time ^_^
The weird guy is best paired up with the hot girl. It is the best balance 👌
I completely agree
My favourite story was when the show wrapped, a bunch of the actors and producers were hugging and crying and Paul Rudd supposedly walked over and joineed the hug saying "We did it guys, it was 10 long seasons, but we did it"
Also, when i heard the ad start and it was for Mech Arena i was like "Meccarina? That some sort of pasta?"
@@DarrenNoFun I thought it was about the Macarena, as in the craze dance/song.
I hope he was joking…
I mean if she loves Mike and picks him over the "one", how is she settling? Just because you're with someone you didn't think you'd end up with doesn't mean you settled. That's like saying Elizabeth Bennett settled for Darcy.
I usually agree with your friends takes but not this one. I never thought Phoebe settled for Mike in any way. He gives her everything she ever wanted - a stable home, a future, the reassurance that any kids they have won't have a childhood like her's, complete acceptance for her eccentricities, and unconditional love.
I relate to Phoebe's need for stability. I grew up in an emotionally abusive home and I'm only recently realising the psychological damage it's done to me. I desperately want a stable, loving, supportive, calm home. If someone comes along who can offer me that I would never consider that settling. It would be a dream come true.
Sending some love your way!
PERFECTLY said!♥️ I agree. I am 50, and I still deal with the damage of an abusive, toxic upbringing. I thankfully, met my Mike and married him 25 years ago. We have 3 grown kids and every single day we make the choice to be the parents ours were not. What makes you "settled" over time is different from "settling".
Preach. Also go you for the vulnerability on the internet, that’s bold. Hope you find exactly that :)
Sending love 💞 respect to you, keep going, you got this! Good luck on your journey. And agreed, wasn't settling in my POV.
PREACH!
I’m a Phoebe and I married a Mike and Phoebe and I didn’t settle. My hubby has balanced me out and enthusiastically encourages my art and my wonderful weirdness. He has said that he fell in love with me because I keep him on his toes and doesn’t want me any other way. I feel that is the same reason why Mike fell for Phoebe. I often forget normal things like to fill my tank and wear my purse is. My hubby helped me grow up a bit, he is the best for me and Mike is the best for Phoebe.
I’m a fan and I never thought she settled. David was the one she needed to meet to know what she wanted in a partner.
I’m in the same situation as hers. I dated a male version of myself and he became the one who got away. What I learned from that relationship is that 1) I was being extremely narcissistic, 2) loving means that if they want to go, you have to set them free (even if it hurts), 3) if it hurts more than it makes you happy, it’s a no-go.
Now I’m with someone who I never thought I’d be but he gave me stability, happiness, unconditional love. I’ll kill whoever dares to threaten him. I’m madly in love with the things that make him unique and have nothing to do with myself. I think this is the first Time I’ve been in love for real. Not the romanticised version of “true love” (pride and prejudice).
I think that’s one thing Bridget Jones (the first one) got right.
💯
Good for you for finding someone you love that much! All the best to you! 💜
I'm so happy you found your person and I wish you both so much happiness in the future too!! And it's so cool to hear how much you've grown and learned. Peace man 💜
I felt bad for Phoebe when people booed her as she proposed to Mike. I found it cute.
Was the booing in the show? Tried to rewatch but a lot of the early jokes (especially the homophobic lite remarks) sound very weird in the 2020s. Old as it makes me, the 90s were 30 years ago and sometimes it shows.
@@ladyeowyn42 it was the crowd at the stadium that was booing. Which was so stupid. 🥺 it was too cute.
@@ladyeowyn42 Friends was not "homophobic".... not even close. I am so sick of the humorless woke.
I honestly think that either them or Monica and Chandler should have been the "it" couple of Friends. And I know I am not alone in that.
Oh I know right? I'm still baffled people think Ross & Rachel are relationship goals. They are so incredibly toxic, that ending was just another massive fight waiting to happen.
You're absolutely not alone in that. Chandler and Monica were perfect together, as were Phoebe and Mike.
I STILL wish Rachel had stayed on the plane. She and Ross were toxic together.
They were both "it" couples. Ross and Rachel were the "ew" couple
I never understood the people who said Mike was "boring". I mean, yeah, he's no Chandler, but calling him "boring" always felt like a pretty damn big stretch to me. He still had some funny lines, and damn if Paul Rudd didn't give his all.
I mean even Paul Rudd calling his character a ‘prop’ is him essentially admitting he understood he was an absolute bore.
Paul Rudd's air piano was one of the best moments of the show.
@@Garcelle1987 I think him calling his character a "prop" comes from the fact that Mike as a character was only put in the show to give Phoebe a happy ending, he didn't have any other purpose than that and was shown in the show only to lay the ground and solidify Phoebe's decision of marrying him. Hardly counting as a "bore". He has a lot of qualities, they just never got to properly include him into the group (as they did Richard for example), so they didn't focus on him much outside of his relationship with Phoebe. But if you think about it, we don't really see much of other people's lives outside their relationships with the main group, which makes perfect sense considering none of them were main characters.
@@bLaCkRoSs3 Didn't he clarify that the "prop" thing was more about the fact that he never managed to feel part of the "Friends group" when the cameras weren't rolling? It's a complain that other recurring actors had, like Tom Selleck, that the core six were so close in real life that most actors outside that group had a hard time joining in and feel part of the crew.
Phoebe DOESN'T settle. She knows exactly what she wants and she gets it. The flaws with Mike's character (a bit bland) have nothing to do with PHOEBE's character.
you must have sky high standards if you consider PAUL RUDD settling tbh
@Hubert Humphrey women dont have high standards you just sound pity thats why they stay away from you lol
But we’re not talking about Paul Rudd. We’re talking about Mike Hannigan. People be having problem separating actors with their characters and that’s just wrong
@@kitsunehikaru-4268 i haven't watched the show sgdhjfkg i'm the type of person that clicks on the title/thumbnail before even watching the video so that's what i was basing my comment off rip.
@Hubert Humphrey If you think women have high standards, then why do so many women put up with sexism/ gaslighting / DV/ etc? The bar is literally underground. If you think our standards are too high, I think that says a lot about you and how you have absolutely nothing to offer with some lovely misogyny sprinkled on top.
BRUH
Actually this is the first time I ever hear Phoebe settled 😬
Same.
She would’ve settled if she had chosen the science guy. Mike just lost his faith in marriage after his failed and Phoebe gave him a reason to have hope for it again.
I think people forget the difference between settling and settling down.
Settling means you're making a choice that you don't really want to make. It's a mistake that you have to avoid so you don't spend your life regretting.
Settling down means you're making the choice to take an opportunity for the nice calm life you want.
Settling down doesn't mean you're settling. It doesn't mean it's a mistake. It means it's an opportunity for a life that you can be content in.
After the turbulent, exciting, and honestly traumatizing life PHEOBE ( since everybody's up my ass about it 😑)had, it makes sense that she would want to settle down and create a home, family and life where she could just be happy.
Beautifully said
I love the way you spell Fibi. It’s so cute!
This is the answer
*Phoebe not Fibi
Yes, you're completely right. Though sometimes when you've had such a rollercoaster of a life, you don't know how to get off and stability can feel like a trap or "settling". Phoebe had to go through heartbreak and mature in order to settle down.
OH COME ON!
The dude stood up in the middle of the cafe and played 'Air Piano'. How can you not see that he was perfect for Phoebe at that point?
I really don‘t understand the negative connotation of settling. I‘m only 21 and I can’t imagine anything more beautiful than finding a person who supports and loves you in normal day-to-day life, forever! Someone who you can share everything with and who shares everything with you.
I understand settling as marrying someone you don't love/care about for fear of being alone...
Honestly, the only reason it felt like Phoebe settled to me is because I was always rooting for Phoebe and Joey to be together. But that's my hang-up, not the show's. I think Mike was perfect for her, and I love the idea that the weird, quirky girl who had a difficult childhood actually discovered that she longed for someone who was stable and safe.
Whenever Phoebe is ever challenged by one of the Friends, she always wins. There are hardly any exceptions. Mike on the other hand, through humor, acceptance, and assertiveness, almost always gets Phoebe to back down instead. He can challenge her like no one else, and that's why he's perfect for her.
Mike's parents are rich. Like Phoebe said, "they're gonna die someday." lol. She ended up with someone with generational wealth who is also kind and also looks like he never ages.
when this show was on, i was an impressionable teenager and i always hoped i would find a mike to complement me. he allowed pheobe to be who she was while giving her the security that he wouldn't abandon her. it was never a thought of settling to me! love your take on it!
Personally I like Mike's character way more than David's. Not that I hate David, but Mike has always been way more devoted to Phoebe than David ever was. Yeah, David might have a personality that suits Phoebe's better according to some fans, but I think Mike and Phoebe are a very good match, and the way they overcome their differences and make sacrifices to save their relationship shows how much they care for each other. They also communicate pretty well with each other. To me that sounds like a really good romantic relationship.
David wasn't around much to getting to know him better also.
He was mostly a fantasy to her rooted in the lack of closure she received from their short relationship, they had good chemistry but they grew apart
@@kattatatatat6361 He's a fantasy that she created herself. David was perfectly content and had decided to stay with her, but she felt guilty that he chose her over his career and pushed him away.
Then when he returns, his career and research ultimately being a failure. She uses him as a rebound.
David ended up walking away from the show with neither his job nor the girl.
Mike was not bland, he was adorable.
I never once got the impression Phoebe settled, or that Mike was so square. I felt the whole point of his character was that he *appeared* square, but could totally hang with Phoebe's vibe. He was open to Joey's ridiculous blind date scheme for one thing, and the moment he mimed playing the piano I think sealed the deal for the entire audience that he was her guy.
The way he respects all of her eccentricities, like her rat babies
Sorry- THEIR rat babies
I don’t view their relationship “settling” as her picking the safe route, but rather someone she probably never thought she’d be attracted to, but just IS, and that makes them so wonderful.
Like me and my fiancé!
I never thought she settled for him. I've always liked Mike, he was fun and he had the same joie de vivre that Phoebe had. Phoebe never needed someone to take care of her, she needed someone who would stand by her; be her partner in crime.
They balanced each other so well. It was sweet when he called her “wonderfully weird” in his wedding vows.
The moment I knew Mike was perfect for Phoebe was when he air-played the piano for her. It's like he knew what she wanted and delivered right away.
As someone who gets told they're like Phoebe and Luna Lovegood A LOT in both positive and negative ways I can confirm how Mike responds to Phoebe and just happily jokes with her is the best.
He grounds her in a good way and also allows her to pull him up to the sky.
She didn't settle. This is not what settling looks like.
There's something about getting a Friends notification from The Take while you're watching Friends that just feels meant to be.
Huge difference between settling and letting go of the fairy tale that media sells us. Real relationships are boring a lot of the time. Doesn’t mean you love each other any less or that that person makes you any less happy
How exactly is being with Mike settling? Settling would have been going with Hank Azaria’s character and being subjected to a life of a guy who would always be married more to his work than her. Whereas Mike was everything she needed in a lifelong partner. He was really sweet, very charming and treated her well. He also got her sense of humor and loved all of her weirdness.
He really loved her and she really loved him too. Settling would imply she only went with him because he was the only guy in New York that wanted to be with her when that wasn’t the case.
Dating someone who is different than you doesn’t mean you’re settling. It just means you’re with someone who balances you out.
The Take every time Phoebe and Mike's relationship is brought up: Phoebe settled.
The comment section: Here's a strongly worded letter why you're wrong.
The Take, I love what you guys are doing. Could you please do a video on this topic?
The Pregnant Woman trope in horror movies, such as:
Women getting impregnated by aliens.
Women turning into bloated hives for alien reproduction.
A woman giving birth to a demonic child.
A woman carrying a baby for an evil cult.
Even men getting impregnated by an otherworldly seductress.
Misogynist, sexist, rape culture or just pushing a fear of aliens and demons?
Is it possible to make a story arc where the woman that was impregnated, is recovering from this mental scarring?
I love Phoebe and Mike, they are my favourite Friends couple. I also loved loved the video, it elaborated pefectly what I like about their dynamic.
Idk why but I loved Lisa Kudrow as Ursula. Very campy and deliciously evil 😂
The only people who think she settled are people who had stable childhoods. I had enough “excitement” as a child. Now all I want is someone to go to bed at a regular time and have money to pay bills with.
girl YES YES THISSSSS so ive always also been the "quirky", "eccentric" type and ALSO had a shitty crappy awful childhood. Emotional abuse, physcal abuse, abandoment, and i always wennt during my 20s for the "artsy" "quirky" guys never worked! 3 years ago i found my "mike", a person who has a decent job, a fuckin house and pays the bills and lets me be with my "eccenticities" while loving me for me. baby im in! this is all i want and NEED! exactly like you said, like you, ive had enough "excitement" durig childhood, teenage and my 20s. im 33 baby i CRAVE A NORMAL LIFE!
You’re getting it the wrong way. People who had stable childhood would crave for stability even more. Because we had seen how stability looked like and no way in hell we’re going to settle for anything less. Because we know that a happy healthy relationship is possible, not just a fairy tail. I had a few guys coming to me and offer a Roschel type of relationship, and I bid farewell very soon. I found the stable Mondler like relationship and I said yes immediately, and it was the best decision. Worth the wait. If it’s toxic, it’s not worth it.
AMEN TO THIS!!!
Joey is definitely not content remaining single. There are signs all the way from season 1 that what he most wants is a spouse and kids (when he helps that lady give birth, when he speaks to Chandler about his concerns he won't be able to remain faithful to his wife like his dad), which culminates in his falling in love with Rachel when she's pregnant. It's actually really sad that he ends up alone.
I literally never heard anybody saying that Phoebe settled for Mike.
She is the yin to his yang. They remind me of my aunt and uncle. She is a very weird, flighty, quirky lady and he is solid as a rock. They compliment each other. One brings fun and adventure, the other practicality and responsibility. It's a good mix and they've been married for almost 40 years. Deciding to marry someone who had strengths that compliment your weaknesses and vice versa isn't settling. It's realizing what makes a good partner.
Phoebe may become a soccer mum, but she'll play encouraging guitar songs she wrote at their games and create a cup and ice themed celebration party when they win.
With how zany and eccentric Phoebe is, having her paired off with someone who's a lot calmer and less eccentric is very realistic. They balance each other out. Mike's life was pretty dull and meeting Phoebe really excites him. Phoebe's life has been chaotic, so Mike symbolises stability.
There's two meanings of 'settling' - making do and being grounded. Phoebe found the latter, something she'd never had before in her life.
She didn't pick the guy who decided to go to the opposite side of the globe rather than be with her, she picked the guy she was currently in love with. That's not settling.
Arguably, Little Women is also a tale about settling. People think Jo should end up with Laurie, but she rejected him only to choose the less exciting Professor Bhaer. It may look like she settled, but really, she's choosing a future for herself-maturely knowing what kind of person she needs to be with to make that happen. Yes, they too seem very different at first glance, but they care about a lot of the same things that matter to them.
Romance is fluff and wonderful, but it does fade. I remember a quote from House where Foreman talks about "real" love being two people being together for decades, flossing and using the bathroom together and still asking for sacrifices, that's when you know you have the real thing. When those highs go, and your partner is still willing to prioritize your needs, that is when you know you've found a long lasting and worthwhile love.
She did the opposite of settling. All the other guys were weird and unstable. She got very lucky with Mike
I mean... at night he's fighting with the avengers.... he deserves to be the boring guy during the day. lmao
10:50 clearly she did not settle. This part feels like a dream
She and Mike had a real connection.they really loved each other
Paul Rudd is just too cute. ♥️
I related to Phoebe. I have been abandoned by my own father, by people who claimed to be my friends, and by one of my ex’s. I’m in a relationship now but I still have that fear of abandonment. I’m in therapy now but it’s still something I working on.
Her settling for Mike is news to me, they were made for each other way more than David was for her
Phoebe never "settled" in ANY of her relationships, not for any length of time. She was always knew what she needed, and ended things as soon as she realised there was incompatibility. Realising what you truly value in a partner is not settling, it's developing experience and insight. It's MATURITY. The implication that "settling down" and "settling" are somehow the same thing is gross, IMHO. Because Pam wasn't in a "settled stasis", she was codependent, and in an emotionally abusive relationship. The sooner we stop acting like women's preoccupation with romance is for "fun", rather than a necessary test of men's intentions, the better. “Women talk about love. From girlhood on, we learn that conversations about love are a gendered narrative, a female subject... Femaleness in patriarchal culture marks us from the very beginning as unworthy or not as worthy, and it should come as no surprise that we learn to worry most as girls, as women, about whether we are worthy of love.” - bell hooks. Considering the trauma Phoebe has been through, the fact that she never "settled" in a traumatic relationship, when they're so common for women, is a testament to her courage and hard work in healing herself. Male culture might be hedging your bets and constantly being dissatisfied (while blaming women), but the current female culture still perpetuates tolerance of abuse, and leads to life-threatening consequences for women. What's at stake is WILDLY different, and I don't appreciate that movies like "Knocked Up", about an attractive woman settling for a far less attractive man, who doesn't share her life values AT ALL, because she got pregnant, are being presented as somehow aspirational, when there exist men who use pregnancy to "baby-trap" women in abusive relationships.
What an amazing comment! Pure unadulterated truth and flames!!!! XXXXXXX
@@Afropumpkin haha, I'm glad it resonated 💜 Someone's got to speak it!
Though I like Phoebe and Mike, Friends writers tainted it a bit by bringing David the science guy back just to make him the third wheel and butt of the joke. As much as I love Mike, because seriously Paul Rudd is forever adorable, I still would've liked to have seen Phoebe and David have a real shot at a relationship. Mike and Phoebe broke up because he didn't want to get married, then he just wanted to get married because he missed her and she was with David, when Mike should've appreciated what he had at the time with her... Plus, he was dating someone else and didn't bother to break up with her before proposing. **Cringe** David was willing to give up a career opportunity for Pheobe and only went to Minsk after she convinced him. Had David not gone to Minsk, then she would have married David, because he wouldn't have needed persuaded to propose.
The show was unfair to David. And joking about his proposal ring not being good enough was not cool.
@@lisnavora, Yeah, disparaging David's ring was absurd considering Mike didn't even have a ring because he put zero thought into this. Mike only wanted to marry Phoebe after she had someone who loved her and willing to make that commitment. It's the adult version of wanting your toy after another kid has it. That's not love. It's possessiveness. I wish she would've had enough self respect to see that.
"the fans been questioning for decades: did Pheobe settle for choosing Mike?"
um... excuse me, I've been a fan for decades and literally that something I've NEVER EVER heard anyone asking lol actually Mike and Pheobe is the BEST couple from Friends, that's like common sense in the fan community at this point.
In what universe is Paul Rudd considered "settling"?
Such a universe doesn’t exist!
I liked Mike. He was funny, and he appreciated her. He loved Phoebe for her weirdness. He adapted to her. He's someone who could support and accompany her on her adventures.
I think Phoebe and Mike were more perfect for each others than given credit. Mike initially had a hard time with the idea of marriage as he dealt with the blow of a divorce previously, it was a risk for him to tie the knot and likely he wanted his relationship with Phoebe to last as long as possible without having to worry about it. He does remains committed to Phoebe, and the fear he had of the chance to lose her was greater than the fear of the risks. It was then that he realized that with a partner like Phoebe who did want to make the effort to make it work made him know she was worth the risk and it would pay off to commit the rest of his life to be with her.
Since we are talking about Phoebe, we might as well describe Phoebe and Mike’s character in a whimsical way. Phoebe to me has seemed like a free spirit, very quirky, and finding any excuse to point out the joy in life. She lacked though that reliability of a base to return to, as she’s had a history of lost family connections that really the gang are more of a family to her. To me she fits the characteristics of a bird. Then you have Mike that is for once a stable force, but yet Mike is delighted by Phoebe’s presence that brings some personality to his life. For the most part he is established where he is at in his life despite having a divorce and dealing with the pressures of his parents, Mike’s charming aspect is he is self assured but is welcoming to Phoebe’s fun character. Mike to me seems like that one giant tree that can give that bird a place to rest and habitat at. It really is a beautiful example of how sometimes opposites attract, there is a balance to the relationship that each partner is able to provide something the other craved. Specifically trust.
Plus, it’s fun seeing how they bounce off of each other, Phoebe has her silly moments but Mike has fun delivering those punch jokes every now and then. There seems to be not just chemistry, but it seems like Mike can be Phoebe’s catalyst and it’s great.
Mike and Phobe are my favorite couple; yes Chandler and Monica are great but the normalness of Mike and the quirkiness of Phobe always entertained me.
A lot of my friends and coworkers from the past that had whirlwind, super romantic, or dramatic marriages or long term relationships didn't last. Settling is when people find the person they want to grow old with, share dreams with, and maybe have kids with. I think that means the person you settle with is "the one", just maybe not the one our teenager/early adult minds thought we'd end up with.
That study is about people who are dating, not engaged or married. The whole point of dating, for the most part, is that you're still looking for the one. It's not exactly surprising that 80% if that group say they haven't. Ask people ij long term relationships or those engaged/married and I'm sure the stats would be different.
Who said, " She settled.", she found someone who loved her, fulfilled her, and helped her find love and stability. Everyone needs that and it is okay to give up some dreams for the simplicity of family & love at home.
There is another reason to choose more realistic partner. If you were hurt by someone you once considered your “soulmate”. Sometimes someone we truly believe to be the one is actually not the one. And if that’s true then maybe someone who we don’t initially think is the one overtime might become the one? Obviously trust your gut, but it’s always a good idea to wait sometime and really get to know the person before making any major decisions
I've never heard anyone say that Pheobe settled until this video... I love Mike, he is so funny, and perfect for Pheobe.
Although there is a lot of semantic debate on the word "settling". Overall, this has been a very refreshing take on what non-movie romance can be in real life. I always felt that "the one" and how movies portray love has set up this reality that there is always someone better than what you have. Instead of cherishing what you worked hard to have with the person. Essentially, movies and TV shows can build this toxic mindset that you must always be in youre honeymoon phase where everything glitters and shines. But this perspective of a more grounded love is something that I have always felt but never could put into words until now.
There could be a whole show about Phoebe's life before Friends, maybe like Sheldon. I would definitely watch it 💥
A normal life, huh? Wait until Phoebe finds out he's Ant Man
I don't see this as settling, I see this as basing a relationship off growing together and not an idealized fantasy
I liked mikes and phoebes banter, I thought they had a lot of chemistry and similar sense of humor
The person you end up with is not the person you love passionately the most. It's the person who comes at the right time.
Rachel settled. She gave up a dream job with Louis Vuitton in Paris for …. Ross. Her ex who has a history of treating her poorly.
Oh wow, I'm Phoebe.
Economists often say that there are no good policies or bad policies there are only trade-offs. Would you trade-off your career to hit the road in search of "The One", or would you focus partly on your career and partly on trying to find someone acceptable in the area where you worked? Most of us do not focus on one thing. We make trade-offs to get an acceptable combination of money, career, love and other stuff. So, we probably "settle" for everything in our life to try and get the best combination of things that we can get to make us the happiest that we can be. Someone once said that grateful people are happy and ungrateful people are unhappy. So, perhaps gratitude is something that we should include in our basket of trade-offs.
I never thought about it this way. I liked Mike. He was sweet and funny. I always thought Phoebe and Mike balanced each other out. Don't know if I would say she settled. I think if anyone settled it was Rachel but thats a whole other can of worms.
So, films and society ads like to warp our minds into what the writer/director wants us to feel, sometimes even being to deep for the common mind.
A good way to feel about someone is, "If they make you feel good while with them, stick with them". It doesn't even get any more complicated than that. Every Relationship will have that sexy new car smell and you will put new miles into it. Eventually new cars come out, and you will see them on the road zooming by and it is okay, because you have zero payments on them.
My analogy can be broken rejected by saying, eventually the car will need maintenance fees and break down before you have to junk it, but you are also a car and are also breaking down lol.
It goes both ways is what I mean :).
But as cliché it is opposites attract. David wasn’t super interesting either, the most interesting thing he did was leave. Then he came back and Phoebe was still hung up on Mike. We didn’t hear more about Mikes personality but he walked away from being a lawyer to be a musician so while he is stable, and ready to commit he has an artistic hippie side that meshes well with phoebes values.
If this is settling then I'll definitely settle too
Timing is HUGE. If I had met my husband when we were in our mid-20s, it wouldn't have worked out. Meeting in our 30s was perfect timing for us
When I think of the term "settling" I think of people who marry or get serious with someone they know isn't right but is instead a consolation prize because A) they couldn't get who they really wanted or B) they had some arbitrary date in their head that they felt they must be married by & the partner was just going to be whoever was around at the time. That's not what Phoebe did. She just grew up & recognized what was a better choice for the life she wanted going forward.
We all settle in a sense that nobody anyone chooses is perfect. She simply chose someone she saw as a good fit for her while accepting them as an imperfect human.
Also, being weird doesn't mean you have to be completely weird to the point where you are no longer human. Weirdos are people too, and have the same need to be loved and cared for as everyone else.
Sometimes settling can actually mean adjusting your unrealistic expectations about romance
love that you still do videos about friends
Phoebe craved stability, Mike provided that plus love, hot sex, friendship, and shared life goals like having children. There wasn't even a hint that she or he was settling. Mike was a catch. What is this video.
Finally! I've missed this kind of non-political, but basic human character studies on the channel..... thats why I originally subscribed
Could anyone tell my what is the music at for example 16:00? It's so beautiful
I am so grateful for Phebs, my mother always hated me, she ran away from my dad bc he beated her, the rest of my family is selfish and mean. Phoebe gave me hope, that I could be sweet even tho I was abused and hurt, that I can have a family that it doesnt suck, Im not broken...thats why friends means a lot to me.
I feel like when I was younger, I watched the show and liked Monica and Rachel more. The other 4's stories were explored more, in my opinion, Phoebe was always "the wear one", the "odd one out". Maybe that's why the show handled her relationship with Mike in such a way: with not enough layers, treating him like a prop.
But now as I'm older, I've lived and suffered, Phoebe is my favorite. Despite everything life threw at her, she stayed positive, strong and independent.
Yes, Phoebe has always been my fav!
Duncan was definitely going to say "No, you were not going to be the one.", so that wasn't exactly something that would ever have been a viable relationship even if he DID realize it sooner.
Settling?! what are you talking about, he is a prince!