Bey’s attitude towards Megan says a lot about hollywood’s view of women. Still mysognistic. He was out of line insinuating she was trailer trash and she should “be grateful” working with him and being treated as a sex object for being sexually attractive. Won’t be watching his flicks
@@shruti3946 No, I make the concious choice to look as average as humanly possible. Don't just go around assuming things about other people. I prefer some rando thinking "what an ugly bitch" once in a while over getting followed, harassed and assaulted and chased like an animal. I've experienced constant sexual harassment since I was 14 and it was traumatizing. I still struggle with feeling save when leaving the house.
Does anyone else remember in Swan Princess that Derek says "You're beautifull" , Odette asks "And what else" and Derek answers "What else is there" making her quitty the engagement? Gold scene
@@Angi3_6 well keep in mind, in the movie, the condescending term DUFF doesnt have to apply to a fat person. they just have to at least be the least pretty of the group. her character's male bestie said this.
I have friends with curvy body types that deal with sexual harassment, chastising comments, and creepy guys that get mad when their feelings aren’t reciprocated. It’s gross how a natural body type for many is assumed to mean that the women are more sexual than average when it’s just others being more attracted to them. It’s entitled men that mistreat my friends while also slut-shaming women for having agency over their own bodies that get to me.
This is why I’ve been really insecure about my body. Yes, having an hourglass figure with big boobs is considered beautiful but I don’t like how people treat me for it so I wear baggy clothes. I also have an average looking face and some acne so I used to think that I had the wrong type of beauty, since people don’t sexualize a pretty face that much
@@madelinevlogs5898 I'm sorry you feel like you need to hide your own body just to avoid getting objectified :[ I know my friend always wore a sweater because the one time she wore a t-shirt to school, she said a teacher looked at her in a weird way 🤢 I hope you can overcome it though and dress in clothes you want (although if that's still baggy clothes, it all good! I like to wear baggy, androgynous clothes too)
@@sapphic.flower ew I hate that it’s not rare for teachers to be creepy like that. I’m getting a breast reduction for back pain and I have the added bonus of getting to wear cute clothes
@@chrystianaw8256 I misspoke. Beautiful women who hail from impoverished backgrounds can rise up the socioeconomic ladder by stripping of/and becoming Instagram models. Guys have to not only acquire sharp clothes, but learn what it takes to rise up the company ladder
@@fehzorz I definitely understand where you're coming from, but men are STILL most likely to move upward socially than women. Let's be honest, most rich environments (companies, parties, schools, jobs) are run by men, or at least consists of majority of men. In that case, realistically speaking, a woman isn't gonna be the one having an easier time moving upwards, a man is. (This also depends too of course, since every experience is different and all that)
There is a classic psychological study titled “What is Beautiful is Also Good” that demonstrated empirically that yes, more conventionally attractive people do in fact receive unearned societal advantages, which include others making the assumption that the pretty person is nicer and more talented than he/she may actually be. I think the “disadvantages” experienced by beautiful women are more accurately ascribed to misogyny, not to their appearance. Attractive men typically do NOT have to fight stereotypes of stupidity or cupidity.
Attractive men typically do NOT have to fight stereotypes of stupidity or cupidity. Unless they have very defined body, then they are labelled as gym bunnies = stupid frat boys
@@theunknown5386 The amount, intensity, and effect of male body shaming pales in comparison to what is directed at women. Judgments about women’s bodies are so deeply entrenched in our society that they are often overlooked because such remarks and opinions are considered entirely appropriate and expected. Body shaming of a man is still unusual and notable, as your post indicates.
@@MindiB Body shaming of men is routine and everyday. Women face more systematized and commercialized body shaming, certainly. But that doesn't erase that men *do* face body shaming on the regular if they don't fit preconcieved notions of attractiveness.
Not true at all lmao. Attractive people in general are considered "dumb" because if they are attractive then are generally successful, socially or professionally. They don't need to develop a personality or skill because people only change due to necessity, attractive people are liked because they are attractive so there is no necessity to change. Therefore the assumption that attractive people are "dumb" is often true, unless they went through adversity or their attractiveness wasn't successful (like a beautiful girl living on a farm away from people). True for both men and women
In my experience, a smart beautiful person (of any gender) is taken more seriously by virtue of the combination of attributes. I've worked with some very smart, gorgeous women and it was pretty clear that they had more opportunities within the company than the equally smart more normal looking women they worked with. Equally for men. I don't think there's much of a disadvantage to being seen as pretty because whether you're smart or not, people will naturally want to listen to you...
As someone who is on the thicker side, one thing that sucks is how perfectly normal outfits are seen as inappropriate on me, but when a girl with no curves at all wears the same thing it's no a big deal, and nobody polices them. Heck, because I live in a city with a beach, I've seen girls walk around in bikinis with no cover ups down the street, but me the girl wearing a crop top and jeans is the one who is getting all the glares and judgement, even though I am more covered up than the girl with the bikini.
I understood this reference 🙋🏻♀️ I've been dress-coded at work a few times. They told me I had to go home and change and I pointed out 3 other co-workers wearing the same thing and they dropped it 🙄🤨
This! Don’t even get me started. When i wear a gosh darn TURTLE NECK people look at me like im wearing something highly inappropriate just because I have large boobs and an hour glass figure. the hate stares form women because of this SMH
Skinny/slim woman with (fashionably) messy hair and tracksuit bottoms and shirt; "I love how down to earth she is and just doesn't care" Me, a fat chick in the same attire; "Look at the slob, she has completely given up"
I don't experience that myself but I'm a little more self conscious about it because I have a curvy bodytype. When I was a teen it was much more of an issue for me though.
I totally understand what you are saying! My weight changes to extreme amounts and it is so obvious the different treatment i get when i am heavier vs when i am thinner. When i am heavier my cloths fit different and people stare at me as if i am doing something wrong. Then when i am thinner and wearing the exact same outfit i am somehow more innocent? what the hell?
Stereotypes are not tropes. Tropes are not inherently bad or good (with a few exceptions). They can be played with or played straight. The only thing abut it is TV tropes will ruin your life.
I was 'the pretty one' in my old friendship group and honestly it really messed me up in the end. My male friends constantly used it to put me down. Whenever I said something they disagreed with they would all laugh and say "well at least you've got your looks hey?" Or they'd let me know how insanely lucky I was to be conventionally attractive because it got my places so much easier, totally discrediting the hours and hours I put into studying, working etc. etc. It was so difficult to prove myself or get them to take me seriously. They genuinely made me believe my looks were all I had. I started getting panic attacks whenever I noticed a pimple or that I'd put on period weight because I thought it made me less valuable.
Men act like this when they are insecure. Male insecurity is really aggressive.. even in passive ways. I noticed a lot of men like to feel like they’re smarter then whatever girl they’re attracted to. I used to think “ i act dumb,” even though I’m technically not. I realized I don’t “act dumb” people just like to pretend you’re lacking when they’re insecure about themselves. Also, region matters. It’s kind of sad.. but I feel like city dudes like intelligent women more then most regular guys.
@@be.A.b intellectual people like intellectual people. In general, most individual are attracted to others of similar intellectuality or intelligence. Same as we do for values. A Christian will more likely end up with another christian or someone else that's of a certain religion than an atheist because two religious people at least have in common the fact that they believe in a superior being. With intelligence, I doubt you'd like to date someone you view as stupid, emotional intelligence included. I think that the biggest factor about what makes someone attractive is how emotionally intelligent they are
@@samiam5434 sis embrace your ugliness. We all can be pretty AND ugly at the same time. Nothing some makeup can't fix. Also I feel like people need to stop telling folks who are insecure about their looks "NOOOO UR PRETTY!!!" Society as a whole, imo, should be okay with looking average. Like you aren't pretty but u look okayish. There's so much emphasis on looking pretty that it's heartbreaking
Yet another trope that Elle Woods gloriously stomped on in her high heels. She was my role model as a youngster, and showed me that you can have beauty AND brains, you don't have to pick! 😍
I know they aren’t going to touch on this in this video but we need to talk about how black women often are pressured to look their best 24/7 or you else you are most likely to experience a lot of hate and discrimination even from your own race. God forbid you wear a bonnet and pajamas to the grocery store or airport and you get dragged for it. I noticed as an average looking black woman I get treated much worst when I don’t dress up, do my hair , and wear makeup. I have even experienced racism and colorism. Also even pretty black women are “ humbled “ and are told without makeup and weave they aren’t nearly as pretty and dark skin women are told they are pretty for a dark skin girl and would be prettier if they were lighter. Black women are called gold diggers even though statistically black women settle for less.
Yes, noticed this from personal experience. Even when I’m trying to look my best I still get treated horribly just not as bad if I were to go out in regular clothes and my Afro. It’s very infuriating. I have days where I imagine how nice it would be if I could leave my house and not worry about people treating me differently because I don’t have standard beauty expectations.
Absolutely! A thin white woman w/ messy hair and pajamas ie:" lounge wear" at the grocery store is confident because "she's beautiful and doesn't know it" or it's seen as " she's so pretty she doesn't even have to try." Btw- I'm 45 yo messianic Jew and have had many white people think they can say racist shit to me about other people and I'll be in alliance but they're sorely disappointed! We're not known to quietly hold our tongue...
It's a huge problem. Black women deserve more respect and kindness. People are so cruel and it's wrong! I'm sorry people made you feel you have to be perfect 24/7. You are a human being and deserve to feel safe and comfortable in this world.
What the heck! Comparing the Kardashians to the proverbial “rags to riches” is a joke right? The Kardashians sisters dad was a wealthy lawyer for Pete’s sake’s. That family was wealthy before they got famous for Kim’s sex tape you know?!?!?!
I have always wanted to be pretty, not because of what it might get me but because if I were pretty, I wouldn't have been laughed at or insulted for my looks all those years growing up. While yes, you should ignore other kids being mean, because kids are immature, it's very hard to forget it when you heard it almost every day until you graduated, and also when you know it's true. That's when it hits home and it really fucks with not just your self image but also your self worth.
Thank you for your honesty. I feel you girl. I often wish I were Halle Berry status beautiful because then my mom would shut up about my weight and I would not have been teased and singled out throughout elementary school and high school because of my physical appearance. I was desperate in junior high and high school to be liked by the attractive cool crowd. I guess I am pretty superficial myself. I keep thinking I would be happy if I were more beautiful.
@@IONov990 but we don't want others jealous or envious of us. It's much more difficult for the pretty to be sure they've found a genuine connection with people, too, since people like to associate with the pretty just for their beauty, not who they are. It sucks being objectified.
I hate how “pretty privilege” is discussed! It’s always “do pretty people get benefits or no?”. Then beautiful women push back, talking about the real challenges of having a conventionally attractive body. And, yea. But I think “pretty privilege” isn’t about looking drop dead gorgeous! It’s about looking “average” or above. It’s about NOT looking disabled, old, lower class, darker skinned, fat, etc. The average looking woman in a store will be treated better than an older, overweight woman in a motorized scooter. The woman with decayed teeth will get treated differently in an interview than the girl with a white smile. The teen with cystic facial acne gets perceived different than the girl with 4 pimples. “Pretty privilege” is a way to group together the visible markers of fatphobia, ageism, colorism, acne, classism, etc. Its NOT about “is life easy for the beautiful”!! We need to move away from this side of the debate and start talking about the true challenges faced by people with multiple “unattractive” markers.
It typical for people with privilege to get defensive and cling to that unfair advantage they Have. They know it benefits them, so they try to deflect and call anyone who calls it out "insecure" or "anti women" lmao. So backwards.
@@idk-jy6cc Totally. I can empathize with that response. It comes from a place of “well I didn’t choose to look this way so why attack me?” Like how rich folks didn’t choose to be born into wealth. Or they’ll say, “well I take care of myself and my grooming, it’s not my fault they don’t.” But they’re not responding to the real concern. Most people aren’t sad bc hot people exist. Ppl are upset bc they’ve been taught to hate how they look, and society treats them with disdain.
I think there's both honestly as nowdays 10/10 (conventionally) girls can get money thrown at them from simps online and can make a career as online star. However, I do agree average privilege is also a big thing if not even bigger.
EXACTLY, We live in a world that has told us that beauty is defined by white supremacy standards, whatever is furthest from that gets seen as less beautiful, even if to some they're stunning
I am an engineer and have seen gender discrimination against women. In college, most of the engineering majors are men. In a typical project, most of them are men as well. So, in some cases (not all), I have definitely witnessed such sexism and can vouch for the realism. On the flip side, I have also seen white women who are racist or seem to have doors open that are closed for minority women. An example is Elizabeth Holmes. She was clearly unqualified for her position in hindsight, but for a brief time she had huge venture capital and supporters among wealthy white men. However, it eventually disintegrated. In modern parlance, Holmes would be an extremely negative example of DEI gone wrong. But the best biomedical engineer I knew was a mentor who was both (1) a licensed nurse and (2) an electrical engineer who knew how to code state-of-the-art robotics. She was legitimate and very productive. However, the "good old boy" male management felt threatened by her talent and threw a horrible glass ceiling against her. It was really awful and unjustified. Sexism does indeed happen against talented female engineers at times.
people want girls to be naturally pretty, once she admits to surgery or wears a lot of makeup she's criticized. also, girls are expected to be pretty without acknowledging that they are. if she owns her beauty she's criticized or seen as vain and full of herself. but still, being an ugly girl is harder than being a pretty girl. i've been both and ugly girls just straight up get ignored and disrespected.
It depends....Many Russian girls who are gorgeous went from poor girls who sold vegetables on the street to super top models...Natalia Vodianova is the example, her beauty made her rich
@@bal9944 And even Natalia was preyed on and impregnated by her eventual first husband at 19 (he was 32), who despite his wealthy and aristocratic background, was an immature, abusive alcoholic. Had she remained with him, she would have been deeply unhappy, trapped between his rehabilitation attempts and his whims that his family was not where he needed to be.
@@bal9944 Models are often trafficked out and abused just like actresses are. Many people in the industry are abusers and it’s basically trafficking a lot of the time. Young girls get roles, photoshoots, spreads, record deals, etc in exchange for sexual favors and sexual slavery. So they often target more vulnerable kids and young women.
@@bal9944 this! I feel as though poor pretty people get taken advantage of far more than other poor people. Most people choose prostitution out of financial necessity and wouldn’t resort to it if not for the money
One thing the video kinds of glosses over is the "pretty privilege" is a full blown system and is objective in terms of the societal benefits and resources it provides, it's not just an opinion people have about attractive people. What this video is mainly looking at is the intersection of attractiveness, sexism, and classism.
there is a whole industry based on making people feel insufficient in themselves, remember. A lot of tv shows make money highlighting certain make up and hair looks and products to achieve the 'ideal'
If you can monetize your beauty, more power to you. It's not your fault to have something people wanna pay for. It's kind of like naturally talented singers. Why should they hide their voice or not charge for it?
True commodifying beauty isn't wrong in itself, but objectifying your body is. Modeling is fine because you're demonstrating the beauty of the human form, but say, modelling in adult entertainment, that's wrong cause then you reduce yourself as a means for someone else's end - you'd be an object rather than human. One shouldn't want that for themselves or for others
@@SistoActivitatemAtm one can never objectify themselves ppl objectify shit they perceive porno folks don’t perceive themselves in one dimension they are leveraging their beauty and ability to turn ppl on for money n thats all they aren’t saying hey im a pornstar n thats all i am i don’t exist outside of this porno thats what the viewer decides (if the viewer lacks empathy n respect for ppl in general or feels ashamed to hv jerked off to it so they simply objectify to move on)
@@vaiapatta8313 well technically maintaining ur beauty aka not deviating from the standard like gaining weight or wrinkles or whatever else is quite some work so dismissing it entirely is prolly biased bt yea it might not be at the same level as maybe singing bt so are other skills
I recently uncovered the shock of discovering the majority of successful "black" actresses who have really made it...are all multiracial. In itself, there is no shame or issue with being multiracial. Just the fact that these women are being touted as the definition of beauty for a race when they maintain Eurocentric approved features. Also definitely going to check out Emily Ratajaowski's book. She sounds so smart, and does not deserve how she is treated.
I agree with you. So many of the most successful "black" stars are biracial or mixed. There's nothing wrong with that obviously but people can't deny that their eurocentric features don't play a role in that. There are so many talented black actresses but they aren't given as much attention or roles as the multiracial ones.
dont get me started on black daughters in sitcoms are almost always mixed..but the boys arent. why is someone even being like a quarter black always conflated with being portrayed as a full black girl? u dont see that with other races. ppl think its no big deal but i promise if it was their own race being portrayed as ambiguous theyd be unhappy too.
When I had platinum hair and no glasses, there was a noticeable difference in how people treated me. They were nicer, friendlier, went out of their way for me more. I didn't experience any more harrassment than before, but I definitely expected privilege. That's one example of pretty privilege; it does exist.
but sadly they're not doing those things because of who they are as people or because of who you are as a person, either, and pretty people can sometimes recognize that and sometimes not, so it is very dehumanizing in that sense.
i dont think they were saying that being pretty sucks just that it has it's cons as well. but trust me most ppl agree with your sentiment. guys didnt find me attractive when i was young and I was bullied so that didnt help. men are much nicer to me now that im considered hot. doesnt matter how many cons there are to being pretty its nothing compared to being unattractive
I used to feel like you but then realized that being an “ugly” girl is better in many ways. We get appreciated more for our more important qualities than our looks. We don’t have as much pressure on us to please others and live up to their desires/expectations of us. The few relationships I’ve been in were healthier and more genuine than several of my pretty friends, and now I’m married to a man that adores me for me. Women do not exist to be beautiful, we exist for ourselves and our own happiness.
Oh, so I'm not the only person who thought this? I may be a 5 at best, but I'm also a black woman, so there's that strike. While pretty women may not be seen for who they really are initially, they are still SEEN. If the person isn't a complete asshole, they will take the time to get to know the pretty chick. Avreage-ugly women never get that chance because we aren't even seen.
Finally, someone talks about the downsides - I once had a boss during law school tell me *to my face* that no one would take me seriously because of how how I looked, so I always needed to watch how I spoke. And this was supposed to be in the professional sphere 🙄
@@briannalee1998 well every human. My snake (who is much bigger now) is not a bright animal. She gets stuck in things and looks at me to save her. But she doesn't need to be smart like a mammal to eat mammals.
I think one I do not like is the idea that conventionally beautiful women must be shallow and they cannot be good people. The plain-dressed girl next door must be the good person.
When I was in college following a technical career I took an extracurricular singing class and after I finished singing the teacher asked me about my major and when I answered she told me with a disappointed face and in front of the whole class that I should reconsider my decision and do something that involved my appearance
YES! Then all the “but it’s subjective” bs goes out the window. Sure, it’s subjective if Kylie Jenner pre-surgery was “attractive” or not. But what’s not subjective: she didn’t have a limb deformity, cystic facial acne, visible disability, hair loss, darker skin, decayed teeth, a lot of body fat, large birthmarks, etc. And those non-subjective features can lead to a lot of discrimination. Sure there’s a subjective “sexy” privilege some women get bc of patriarchy. But the main issue is the “average” privilege many people get.
I do wish that The Take hadn’t so quickly dismissed the idea of pretty privilege as a thing before listing the negatives of having it. It is a thing- we know for a fact that people deemed attractive make more money, are promoted more, are more likely to be hired. It makes a huge difference. There are negatives that go along with it, but they don’t remove the fact that pretty privilege is a thing.
Despite all the disadvantages of being a pretty girl it is still Affords you in my opinion a leg up in life which is a much more desirable position to find yourself in than being on the other end of the spectrum or just being average looking
But Khanyi let’s be honest here. You know very well that we have a femicide problem in SA. Beauty is a liability unless you deliberately use it ruthlessly to goldig and get ahead professionally or marriage wise. Otherwise you will be r***d and/or killed in this environment. May Uyinene and others RIP 🤍
@@diahannrosai6950 of course that is a big issue we have in SA, i am really not trying to say it pretty privileges doesn't come with its downsides but the positives far outweigh the negatives. i can almost guarantee you that when given an option to either be really beautiful or average every conventionally attractive woman will choose option 1 any day because they have an instinctive understanding of the benefit of being beautiful versus being average or "ugly"
I’m so happy that the video mentions how standards of beauty are arbitrary. People have freckle pens because apparently freckles are hot right now. After a point, you don’t care because you should be pretty the way you want to and stop judging. Life’s calmer that way.
which is weird cuz freckles were never really seen as unattractive in recent times. when i thought of freckles as a kid i thought of lindsey lohan. someone who was never considered ugly in her prime
Pitting female characters against each other is totally the opposite of the message of Encanto. Both Luisa and Isabella are valid. Luisa can be complimented without needing to be compared to her sister.
"You're a pretty girl. You just need to fix yourself up." I hear this literally every time I see my mother. Seeing as I'm over 40, this woman just refuses to "read the room". I "fix myself up" when I'm going out somewhere nice or getting my picture taken. Other than that, I refuse to spend more than 20 minutes on my appearance. I do what I can in a reasonable amount of time and say "God bless it" to the rest. 😀
This! I'm 30 and I'm so tired of hearing how I'd look pretty if I just tried a little harder. I'm washing the dishes mom, I'm not going to get all dolled up to clean the house or get the mail. If the neighbors don't like it then don't look.
‘Catwoman’ (2004) had Halle Berry with Frizzy Hair and Oversized Clothes to make her look ‘normal’. I loved the movie but that creative choice was weird, to put it lightly.
I've weighed 135 lbs - 195 lbs as an adult. I got all sorts of compliments for my appearance under 150. I also got a lot of male expectations imposed upon me. So I learned to hear compliments about my appearance as warnings. But up over 155, I got nothing. And it's been one of the very, very few good things about being overweight. Now that I've accepted myself as asexual and somewhat gender queer, not being complimented for my physical appearance as a "woman" is very much a relief.
I was deemed beautiful more often in college than I was in high school. So I think “pretty” is time and context dependent. And I used to scoff at girls who complained about only being viewed as beautiful until my last boss came onto me and wasn’t listening to a damn thing I said or the ideas I had.
same but you probably grew into your looks more in college like most people do. odds are u didnt look significantly different. and while beauty standards do change bit, its not but that much. conventional attractiveness hasnt changed much. its still thin nosed, light skinned people. and sure its more inclusive now regarding race but look at movie stars of the 50s and now. the pretty ones have the same features regardless of clothing and hairstyle
There's a clip about the boys from Clueless, but don't forget in that very movie, she uses a makeover to elevate another girl's status. Cher herself is only viewed as a silly pretty girl, by Paul Rudd's character, until she starts showing more dimensions.
eh those guys were genuinely dressed terribly. thai was dressed like your average teen girl in the 90s. those guys were dressed in a subculture's fashion so people would naturally be more opinionated about that
@@steffikrueger7809 I totally agree the social media these days are trying to get in young girls heads that as if men don't go through the same things as us. Yes women go through 2x harder but that doesn't give them an excuse to treat men poorly.
So when are they going to have a video on the short, chubby, cute girl with the heart of gold that is only a friend and has to watch the love of her life go for one of these girls?
This is gonna be a fun comments section... This was a little hit or miss from me, but generally i appreciate the points made. "If it even exists" bothers me as a line particularly. I think the problem with prettiness does lie really at the root of multiple people trying to own/control/use the person in question and saps a weird amount of autonomy even while it opens a lot of doors. The comments about "you're just asking to be assaulted" ring very clearly to the phrase that was used when i was assaulted, "You're so beautiful i can't help myself".
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I feel like a lot of people, myself included, feel like they have to dress down/not try in order to not get unwanted attention but it shouldn't have to be like that. I sometimes I hate the way I look because I see myself the way men see me, in an overly sexualized kinda way. Anyways, that's all I wanted to say. Hope you have a nice day! :)
@@nairaalida9990 exactly! My whole family only ever acknowledged my looks as if that is all I have ever been good for. The only person who made me feel normal was my youngest half brother, because I knew his opinions were that of a child and genuine.
@@MargauxNeedler It's really frustrating when people value looks over everything else, especially when it's your family, but you are so much more than that! Your little brother can see that and I bet your family will realize that too.
its funny cuz while its conisdered a former beauty standard, the only thing that change is the hair and clothes. those facial features are still considered the ideal. other than being more racially inclusive, beauty standards havent changed much
The pretty privilege when it comes to women specifically can be also a disadvantage. For a pretty woman, it's true that it is easier for her to be accepted in so many circles just because of beauty, and get away with a degree of things for the same reasons. But it's also a disadvantage especially when a "pretty woman" is in an environnement where being pretty AND a woman means you are dumb and less trustworthy. I think that professionnaly speaking, the pretty privilege becomes as much of a priviege as a disadvantage because some people will cut slack and brush of a woman's incompetence because she is pretty. Yet some other people will brush off a pretty woman's efforts, talent and competence because "A pretty woman can't be intelligent or competent"
Also, I feel like *really* attractive women (specifically in the public eye) seem to be the target of other women (alongside men of course). Look at the likes of Madison Beer. Someone who is constantly attacked by a surprising amount of OTHER WOMEN. For example, she was basically chastised and relentlessly harrassed and bullied (mostly on TikTok) after saying that as much as she liked being called pretty, it was very surface level, being called full of herself by again MOSTLY OTHER WOMEN and even queer identities who previously aligned themselves as ‘for the girls’. Misogyny plays a huge role in this and even the most Liberal woke women/people fall victim to this instilled jealousy and insecurity that inclines women to bring other women down. And I feel like this generation of villainizing these feelings instead of working through them has lead to a lot of misplaced frustration that is often projected on to beautiful ‘privileged’ women. Especially as a K-pop Stan… it’s a scary consistent pattern.
one of the hardest things about being attractive is that you don’t know if men really want to get to know you or care about you or if you’re only being used for sex . being beautiful is great but it also has a price
This is so true. Coming from an attractive girl who used to be uglier, people are so much worse to you. I’ve been bullied since high school, girls tried to jump me because they thought I wanted their man. Another girl spray painted “F you sl*t” on my property. And the online bullying and harassment, it’s real bad. I dropped out of school and went cyber. I had to delete social media several times. People have no sympathy because “you have it all”. People treat you like you’re some celebrity and they invade your personal life. Can’t even defend yourself because you’re a “dumb blonde bimbo.” Nobody takes your feelings seriously. They nitpick every part of your appearance. Yes there are upsides, but they’re not benefits at all. Unwanted attention and constant compliments? I can live without that.
The way society wants to use your appearance and is more than willing to punish you if you seek agency or respect never fails to make you want to vomit
What bothers me most, in this modern era, is how much hate Twitch streamers will get for using their looks to earn money, but these same people never criticize the male controlled p0rn industry. Like, Hugh Hefner gets idolized, but women with OnlyFans accounts get fired from their day job.
The amount of narcissistic men in power that I find myself constantly running into is exhausting. Being promised jobs that end up nowhere because you refuse to flirt and sleep with them.
Girl this guy promised me a market position and to fly me out to a convention in NYC he paid for everything only to try and sleep with me and propose that if I can be his mistress. And travel with him to business meeting across the world . He was a 35 year old white msn married with 4 children all under the age of 5 . I was so excited when I arrived to NYC thinking this would be a start to a beautiful career I’ve always wanted but nope . After the trip I blocked and deleted his number .
@@Goddess_Infinity I am so sorry you had to go through that. It really sucks. I guess we have to keep in mind that no one would give so much to a stranger. I mean if you worked hard for what you got would you give someone you hardly know an easy ticket? I now try and stay away from men who promise too much or come on too strong - those are red flags.
As a woman who is not pretty, I often get overlooked for opportunities that seem to come naturally to the pretty girls. While I am sure that pretty has its pitfalls, ugly hurts much worse.
I’ve had so many pretty friends being treated like idiots and objects to control or have… it made me second guess if it’s just a privilege, in a way it’s very much a curse as well cause you don’t really know who too trust until it’s too late ☹️
Can we stop with ageism, please? How many times do I need to see a 50-year-old man paired with a 20-year-old actress? How many times do I need to see a character whos supposed to be 30 (looking at you, Jenniffer Lawrence in Silver Lining Playbook) played by a 20 something? Let women age. Let us feel like we're not "worthless" if we don't. We have more value than our physical appearance. I'm not pretty. What should I do, then? Kill myself? And I'm in my thirties now. Double whammy.
@@chaitanyagupta6668 WHAT BENEFITS. I was never “beautiful” and what exactly do you think I received in my youth? Everything I have I built on my own so hog on with your BS.
The amount of times people assumed I had it easy and would decide to be hard on me just to allow me to experience the true difficulties of life All of them feel like they are the first ones to do it
Someone once said *Beauty is a blessing & a curse* ... hmm, all of those women in the thumbnail were assigned *side piece* roles... except for Elle Woods, who *changed her own narrative*
For this trope, I like to use a quote from The Playboy Club, which sadly was cancelled. A customer says to the bunny "You are a thing of beauty", to which she replies, smiling: "Well, actually I'm not a thing." It is so easy for us to objectify beautiful people and stereotype them, so we should all be aware of the fact that everyone is different and three dimensional.
I also keep thinking how pretty privileges like a pedestal that could be yanked away the minute you step out of line. Like with Monica Lewinsky (symmetrical face, full lips, soft hydrated skin, thick shiny hair, dark and thick lashes, and hourglass curves) who is simultaneously called a bimbo or femme fatale or is shamed for that infamous ID and her weight. Also I noticed that upper class signifiers of desirability seem to demphasize curves in the clothing while lower classed beauties are characterized by skin baring or curve hugging outfits (often more colorful and bright) that show cleavage.
stop equating skinny with not hvaving curves. cuz being think doesnt equal curves. the more hourglass your body looks, the curvier you are. it's not based on how much fat u have. more like how thin you waist in comparison to having wide hips. fran drescher was curvy af in her youth and she was pretty thing. im pretty sure its less to do with not being curvy and more just being skinny as thats always been considered more attractive. because it is compared to being fat
When it comes to both pretty privilege or even this video, the political platform is shifting. We're at the peak of diversity focus - which means that what goes up, must come down. As archaic and supremacist cultural standards make a return at grassroots level in a more combative way, videos like this give them a way in - ultimately through empathising with pretty privilege, rather than looking at ugly disadvantages, as many folk in this comments section have very astutely pointed out. Then, there is the fact that even diversity itself strays away from the abject feminine as much as possible in the first place, because people still gravitate towards image & content over everything else (which is how respectability politics come up). Videos like this allow us to intellectualise, whilst looking continuously looking at something or someone pretty (beauty is a crucial part of commidification or wealth). So whilst it might FEEL like we're challenging ourselves, we're only recieving a message in a way we feel comfortable with...which ultimately misses the point. I think the whole discussion around "pretty privilege" instead of "ugly disadvantage" not only reflects a cultural shift backwards, it also betrays our need for materially pleasant illusions in which to ingest a message, however important it might be. The first and only real step, in my mind, is to actually admit this to ourselves, and face that truth.
@@lu-themadpillow2985 What I'm trying to say is, examining pretty privilege as much as we do isn't actually dismantling it. It's just giving us someone pretty to look at while making us think we're challenging it.
@@FabalociousDee Thank you, I get it now. Yes, we are definitely not dismantling pretty privilege at all! But do we even want to? Some people only have their beauty. Of course, people who DON'T have it suffer. We should probably just not treat "ugly people" as less than.
I was a awkward goth teen in school this guy came up to me and said “you’d be the prettiest girl in school if you wasn’t a goth” and I really wasn’t interested in looks and attracting boys attention. Being pretty can be isolating as everyone is either jealous, envious, not taken seriously, mocked, seen as a sexual quest or just see you at surface level from everyone. I find I get more hate from older women sadly😕
This is so interesting. My sis and I were close enough in age and looks that we were often mistaken as twins when little, but as we entered the teen years and she adopted a more traditional feminine look and I struggled with being comfortable in my new body (covering up in baggy clothes) she got labeled by family and friends as the "Pretty one" and I got the "Smart one" Even though, dressed a like strangers could barely tell us apart and we were both very intelligent. The kicker was, at my senior prom, the 2nd time I dolled up in high school, I had to endure my own classmates (not my friends just classmen) double take or mistake me for my sister the next school day and ask where was I and why sis was at my prom. I went rogue after that and just embraced my little "quirky ugly duckling" for a few years while I tried to figure my own shit out and learned to stop comparing myself with my sisters.
in real life, many will tell you being "pretty girls" can sometimes only give you the down sides (esp if you're a poc or queer or disabled on top of it), you dont get doors held for you, or gifts, or jobs, or idk what people think the benefits are, but it gives you stalkers, bullying, and angry men who demand to own you/ feel they have the right to your body (dating or sex), also assumptions and projections that you are well off, unstruggling, etc. (yes most women have these but for some its higher, and yes its a nuanced topic, and not to mention racism and other bigoted issues that are an important part of the convo am unable to convay or touch on so please keep that in mind)
Thank you for this. I'm pretty, often considered high tier pretty, and as a result of intense abuse from birth to around now that has often revolved around my looks in one way or another I developed severe mental illness and am on lifelong disability and unable to work (I'm also queer), and am basically alone. I have a lot of inner conflict and severe ambivalence about my looks. I have experienced the odd privilege from them (yay!), but truthfully my horror stories outweigh that by a mile. I'm also just not very materialistic. If I were out in the open and this discussion were happening in a group I'd just stay quiet or find an excuse to leave...
As a “pretty girl” if you do anything that doesn’t align with that image like say doing anything that’s not “super nice” or putting your foot down in an uncomfortable situation, ppl, meaning friends and colleagues, will constantly remind you in passive aggressive ways that you are “disqualified.” They get real joy out of doing this. I guess it’s like they’re saying “see you’re not better than me!” It’s a classic bring me down to make you feel up type of thing. The problem is society programs people to have inadequacy issues. Lose your temper justifiably? forget it - you’re the antichrist, as you alluded to in the femme fatale segment. It’s very much walking on a tightrope to pull it off long term and stressful. It’s so much easier to just be a flawed human being. I own an apparel business and continue to be profitable even if I don’t feel like looking pretty that day. Accepting that I don’t have to be perfect all the time was so liberating, although I wish I realized it a lot sooner.
I just want to be happy while ugly. I don’t have a problem with it, it’s all I know after all. It’s everyone else discussing appearance. Growing up ugly means growing up invisible to men, so I had to work harder, develop a thicker skin, and not that I wish invisibility on anyone, it can hurt, a lot of these problems can be solved by simply working harder. I think that’s an easier road to happiness instead of trying to make myself into something “beautiful”.
As one who grew up..."plain" and the world then turned and said thats Attractive! It was a surreal twist for me I enjoy things that are feminine wile also loving my gaming and sports. It wasn't a super hard transition for me all woman know who likes them and when we are being watched and our "Hyena adaptability of laugh threw the pain" is (Hyeneas laughs are not laugh but noises they make when they are under stress or panic i compare it to how us females laugh off a lot of uncomfortable situations and scenarios that we get in we are uncomfortable but all people see is the laugh) how we cope. It was for my male friends..all of a sudden they get slammed with "guys and girls can't be friends" "don't make friends with woman you won't bed" ETC and if I dated someone their under scrutiny as well. The man I am with is 6 years older than me and a divorce wherever we go if he introduces me to friends it's"how did you manage that" ,"you can't handle all that" or many other quips of how I am to attractive for him or that he's to plain and old for me (we r both in our 30's him 36 I 31). I got told by other guys I considered friends that I won't stay young forever discrediting what I say vs how I look.
This has got to be one of THE best videos I’ve seen on pretty privilege. So many movie examples *with* scenes, which I love esp bc I’m more of a visual learner. It felt like an hour long, but not a second was boring. And there were so many true things said that I couldn’t have said better myself! I even laughed at some of the wording bc it was worded so well that it really started giving me realizations and everything I couldn’t put in my own words but knew finally made sense. Thanks for this video!
You guys also should make a video about the "Beautiful Heroin." Esmeralda from Hunchback movie and Jasmine from Aladdin is "the beautiful heroin" who fights for her people. She looks at it as a leader while being extremely desirable.
@@telepathicmagicshop nah they are right this is peak white women take on pretty privilege. It addressed any actually issues for like 20 weconds and then was about the suffering of white women for 20 minutes lmao
The hardest thing about being "The Pretty Girl" is when you age and become invisible. If you've only been known as "The Pretty One" you have no clue what your identity is once your looks are gone. Trust me.
Why would they have no clue of their identity? Just because they are good looking they base their whole identity on that? Maybe we think that because oh they're pretty and a bimbo that they have no depth and cannot no clue based on their looks, rather be pretty and age than to be ugly and age
I would call it Surviving when Good-looking people (women especially) "exploit themselves" (i hate how that's phrased) because there's no way to make it easily in our economic, hyper-capitalistic society than well-off men can do. Some of my favorite literary Heroines, such as Moll Flanders and Becky Sharp, were poor class/orphan but cunning, savvy women who relied on their charms and looks to survive in a deeply sexist, classist, male-dominated society.
I think the fact that this is a video on being pretty and the images are almost all beautiful white women because the representation of any other women outside of sexual fetishization is so lacking tells enough.
I’m so glad you guys came out with this take! I’ve been seeing a lot about pretty privilege and the “great” things that it affords women, but haven’t heard much of the negatives about it even though they’re so blatant. And I love how you related it to class, and spoke about how being “sexy” is seen as less wifeable than being “beautiful”, even though they are both highly sought after by men. Being beautiful can be a deadly trap just like many things that come w being a woman and there are many ways that beautiful women are treat horribly bc they are beautiful and so their worth and accomplishments otherwise are diminished or assumed to not even exist.
Pretty isn't always a privilege, it can be unbelievable, with bullies, loneliness, and difficult. When you're pretty you are seen as dumb, as just a sex object, and just a bragging right. Some men see pretty as easy, sexual harassment happens more often even by men old enough to be our fathers and grandfather. Pretty wasn't a privilege for me but a very big problem, in my personal and professional life.
Agreed. There's no corner on suffering and unattractive girls have it better than attractive than attractive in some ways. It's a trade off of benefits and cons.
@@and.i.wonder I'm sure it's horrific. And tbh after thinking a bit I asked myself if I'd rather be unattractive and the answer is a hard no. Though it may just be vanity. All I know is that TW TW I've been assaulted numerous times in my life and used for my body and it doesn't feel good. Many pretty people don't have that experience though so it may just be bad luck and not learning how to protect myself at an early age I dunno. But I'm sure it's dehumanizing and you can't get away with as much as attractive people do. The halo effect probably is very real. I just think life can be terrible no matter how you look or your circumstances and we shouldn't compete with each other.
As somebody who has been made fun of for my appearance, (generally because I’m very pale), I’ve learnt to try and focus on my favourite features instead of trying to change the ones I’m insecure about for others and trust me, it’s hard but once you get used to it, you will feel much more positive about yourself and others comments won’t phase you. Also they are most likely saying rude things about your appearance because they are insecure about their own.
Pretty privilege may open a lot of doors for you in life, which is why I think it's a good idea to invest in your appearance at least a little bit. Invest in your appearance, but also in yourself. Mentally, I know that when I look my best and take my time to do it, I always feel better. Yes, you can gain from having pretty privilege, but you don't have to always look pretty you can also benefit from having high maintenance privilege. People can detect how much effort you put into your appearance. People who exercise, eat well, get enough sleep and have pleasant attitudes are viewed with admiration. It's not only about your appearance; it can also be about the things you do, how you love yourself, and the energy you exude.
True that!! I generally enjoy looking at my best; not because I want to have "that" priviledge it's more on I'm more confident when I felt like I'm at my best and taking care of myself.
I always thought being cute or average is not that baad, it prevents you from too much attention for the wrong reason but you know that if you put in the effort you can get some of it ! ☀️
I just struggle to empathize with people who complain about the things that made them millionaires. Everyone has struggles, but most people's struggles don't also earn them enough money to retire by age 30 and it just feels very spoiled when Emily Ratajkowski/Megan Fox types align themselves with those who are materially held back and who have to live in the real world while dealing with their problems. Bring attention to the issues but have some self-awareness while doing so.
i've always been the "pretty girl" and got bullied a lot when I was younger because my abusive mother wanted me to be perfect in school and forced me to get good grades and be closed off to people then she'd love me. so I'd watch these movies and couldn't absolutely for the life of me relate to them. it was like either you're pretty or you get bullied,there's no in between. i felt out of place in school and even by escaping in movies i found no relief. now i finally understand why
Thank you for this video, especially including Elle Woods. I have been told by my own family members that I look like her. It’s so weird because I never considered myself to be the “pretty girl” (just an average or okay girl) but I can relate to some of these struggles of women trying to be taken seriously. And having people make judgments about you based on your looks. Thank you so much for highlighting how it’s not always fun to be considered pretty because of what people assume about who you are because of the way you look.
I'll never forget in the 2000s how transforming the princess from ugly to pretty in The Princess Diaries hinged on straightening her curls. I was forever self-conscious of my own curls after that.
I'm gonna be honest just to share my experience. I've been the ugly, the average, and the pretty. Because I tried hard to glo up each day and it did pay off well. Maybe some of you guys are interested. I felt more confident sharing this with random strangers on the Internet than with people that know me. I'll try to explain it shortly... Age 5 - 12 the ugly Pros : - Gets to stay at home playing video games. No one is interested to hang out with me anyway. - I could literally do dumb crazy shit and NO ONE CARES. - No need to waste time dressing up to go anywhere. Efficiency. - No need to touch up or worry about appearance. - I don't care if I don't shower for a week lol. No one cares either. Another efficiency. Cons : - No hopes in love. Boys just get brutally honest that they don't like me cuz I'm ugly. - Definitely hate to be in a photo. Always looked ugly :( - Only got one small circle and when conflict happens there are no more friends but to wait for my friends to solve things with me. - Either joke material or ignored 24/7 no in between. - Nobody gives any attention at all lol - Only hung out with the 3 friends I had. Since nobody is interested to be a new friend. - Family members make fun of me and even say that I got uglier each day LMAO. - LONELY AF. Cats are like my only deep deep friend. - No miracles happening lmao. Just sleep is the only go-to. - I'm the last at everything... This list can go on more... Age 13 - 16 the average Pros : - A couple of friends here and there. - Crushing in this stage is fun. I can really feel the challenge and still have fun without worrying of much about his value. Mutual chemistry and comfort are all I need and so do the average guys. - Got a few guys here and there who starts to have a crush on me. It was an amazing experience knowing that back then. - A relationship in this stage is just a comfort zone cuz I can get to be the real who I am and the boy see your true self quicker too. - Can be the funny one in the group. - ISTG this is the best stage to get friends. having a circle here is really fun. - I can posts stuff on social media about anything. Even stupid stuff to my 300 followers. Nothing to be worried about cuz nobody expects high from me either. - I easily get butterflies from the most average guy ever... but it was fun back then LMAO. - Parents don't really expect high from me either :/ - Can hang out with ANYONE. Cons : - I either get really ugly guys or guys with less effort. That's all I always get. - Whenever I try to be more extra in my appearance, people lowkey or BLUNTLY bullies like as if telling me to stop trying and that I'm not pretty/can't. This stage is where people are comfortable with the "nothing extra" of me. Am I even explaining that right? The thing is people still look down on me when I tried to go higher or better than usual. - Always get the regular no-effort guys. Even when boys have a crush on me there's no special effort. I always gotta put some effort too. When I broke up with my non-chalant man of 2 years, having a thing with a higher in financial or appearance value man, I always put at the last and treated like shit. - Well it depends... but for me, I was the "funny" one. As back then I wasn't pretty yet... It's like I need to be funny all the time. One time I got a bit sad and unsocial not like usual, people just don't check on me but my closest friends. Since I don't have a pretty face. To entertain is all I can do to make friends talk to me. (Other than my close friends) - It's weird that at this stage I got bullied more than in the ugly stage. Usually by the popular upperclassmen. The senior girls don't want me to see me glo up. I know that. Cuz in this stage I constantly tried different things to better myself up. (Honestly fake friends too.) - This stage is a kinda crisis to me. I'm stuck in the middle like... Not pretty and not ugly. Am I pretty or am I ugly??? It's confusing LMAO. Maybe that got me bullied too? WEIRD. - Since I can hang out with anyone on this stage without worrying much about their value, I get too humble that people use me. Since I'm not ugly they're friends with me AND since I'm not pretty, they don't really respect me. (But isn't all friends, just happens to some.) - The cons of this stage are just pretty much confusing and crisis. Age 17 - 18 the pretty (I'm currently 18) Pros : - I always notice guys looking at me for too long. - Likes to take photos. I am loving the results. I can even make aesthetic photos. IG game strong. - CV got accepted easily. I worked at the age of 18 with a good income. - SO MANY GUYS CRUSHING. AND THEY PUT EFFORT. I don't really need to do anything. I always win in "love games" - Got men that actually put A LOT of effort into the relationship, care about special days, are protective, and are obsessed over me. AND MORE. - Whenever I post instastory there will be ALWAYS someone replied. Giving me company or compliments. - Be the golden child of the family. My grandma buys me everything and calls me pretty. She usually doesn't. I got spoilt. - Friends are sooo easy to get. But usually guy friends. Still, I can go out anytime and they would accompany me. - Yes, I do weaponize my beauty. Sorry not sorry. Its fun to get what I want. - Whether I'm funny or not, putting effort or not, I have a pretty face and body. People would still want me around anyways. Cons : - I need to constantly keep my appearance pretty. I used to be so skinny and overall bad. Now I eat more, workout, routine showers, makeup before going out, hair must be ironed, and my outfit MUST be on point. - As much as I get attention easily from guys... GREAT power comes GREAT responsibility. I need to keep my walls up all the time and put out the best performance or persona to keep them interested and to see which one is the best of all. I don't want men who only want me purely of my appearance and no other reason. - GIRLS randomly just hates me and talk shit about me when I didn't do shit. So many backhanded compliments. Hard to find good women friends. That's why I only hung out with guys usually. Cuz the girls don't want me around. I put A LOT of effort cuz I want women friends so bad but they just never accept me. I never take anyone's man or bother people's relationships. I SWEAR. - Parents now began to be more STRICT. - I rarely get butterflies anymore. I need them to put more EFFORT and I'm now judging their values if it fits my standard or not. My Mom also suggested I do this to men for my own good. - I also don't want to hang out with anyone anymore... I judge their values too from now on. - I need to keep a good image on social media. My Mom also told me to do that because I've entered some type of fancy high-level competition that got me to have thousands of followers, etc. Keeping my image and not posting stupid random stuff on the internet is crucial. - A man once told me on a date "What can you do anyway?" in a mocking tone. I ghosted him after. Yeah, people didn't really believe either pretty girls can do much. ( I proved them wrong ) - Since I'm pretty people think I'm happy all the time. They think I'm happy since the day I'm born. When I'm sad they'll think its not a big deal. Little did they know I have big problems too. Not to mention my childhood is traumatic cuz I'm living in an abusive family. - I just have the need to be always perfect. When I go out is as equal as I'm on stage. The show must go on. Just want to get it out of my chest. There could've been 100 lists if I want to ahaha. The easiest level is *The Average* . Especially if you are not trying to break out of your comfort zone. Your life would probably just be normal every day, no unexpected drama. But I broke my comfort zone. I do miss the butterflies, the friends, and the freedom I get when I was average. But to have the pretty privilege now, I'm still very grateful and still staying strong to keep going at this stage. To be pretty is the hardest because it needs control at ALL times. GREAT power comes GREAT responsibility. Pretty girls can be used negatively by people if just carelessly being pretty and many more. I'm speaking this objectively and honestly. Thanks for reading, sorry for my bad English grammar.
When I dress up and look pretty and feminine, I am treated better. Hands down, period, however I would say that I also seem to be treated as helpless on many occasions. It’s interesting…
@@emmamusic4600 ooof yep, definitely with weight loss. I used to be overweight and not very attractive until about 19 and people that never talked to me or had actually made fun of me now were nice to me. It’s ridiculous.
That's so funny that a video about being pretty is sponsored by "Mubi" which means ugly in Zulu. Amazing video though, I am hooked, so glad I found you guys
I work in a middle school. I get sexually harassed by middle school boys several times a day. The school tells me that they're "learning" so I just have to deal with this everyday. It's frustrating that they treat me so differently from they're male or older female teachers. A complete lack of respect. They don't take me seriously just because of how I look. It's infuriating. And this is my second job. I left the first because my boss was always harassing me and no one would take the situation seriously
When I was a kid my mom told me I needed to watch Erin Brockovich so I could see how looks don't matter blah blah blah. But Erin literally took her power back by using her looks to work for her. While people continued to bash her and treat her like crap based on her looks. Kinda didn't prove what she thought it was proving, it was just another jab at her and at me. I heard a joke on a sitcom once, "she's so pretty her own mom hates her" and it made me sad because... it's a thing.
Good video. I liked the section on the fear of losing the beauty, pls make a video about it! I grew up a plain teen and turned into an attractive woman at around 18. I felt a massive change in how I was treated. Now, that I turned 30, I am afraid to lose my pretty priviledge and special treatment. The wrinkles are starting to appear and holding my weight is harder...it is freaking scary to imagine where I will be at 40
Same here. I'm 35. Start getting into skincare now and look your friends who are in their 40s and still beautiful. If you don't have any look at older celebrities...though of course many of them have had work done 🤣 I get told I look younger all the time, my face has thinned out more cheekbones which is a benefit to getting older. It really isn't that bad just take care of yourself you'll always be attractive to your age group and those near your age group if you just take care of yourself. 😘
I have had a similar experience, as a teen most people considered me "unattractive". As I got older, it seems that I was reconsidered as "attractive". But I am a light skinned Latina with Indigenous and African features (full lips, big nose, "almond shaped" eyes) So it's complicated...some people (racists) would still call me "ugly". Anyway I am almost 40 and many people assume I am 25-28 years old. Joke's on you. That non European DNA helps with not getting wrinkles too early, plus a good diet, skincare, etc. But there have been some big disadvantages to being considered "pretty" like the sexual harassment and assaults. And the fact is BOTH men and women have felt they had the right to say vulgar, vile shit to my face and/or online. A lot of women are petty and jealous creatures who will not ally themselves with someone they consider "competition" so you have to suffer the abuse alone and mostly in silence. All this to say, I feel for Joan Holloway...even though she is a white, redheaded woman. I can relate to so many of the experiences she went through.
The "price of pretty" is still way cheaper than the cost of being an ugly woman. Being an ugly woman is an expensive life cost that charges you all through your youth. You don't equalize until about 45 when most women "hit the wall"
Yes and the toll on your confidence and what you feel your value is like if you feel confident to ask for a raise. Pretty people don't realize the confidence boost they have gotten from day one. That ties into their actions and behaviors.
Now I know you're a man, no woman would say "hit the wall" that's classic Red pill terminology. Women generally recognise the beauty in each other at all ages.
This reminded me of how I used to think of myself as pretty. Something I haven't thought of for a long time. In fact, nowadays I think I'm passable, and only let a picture be taken of me if I have make-up on. The weird thing is that I grew up as a child who was constantly praised as being a beautiful little girl.
I will say that one thing that does bother is when some people get defensive about pretty privilege, they cite being sexually assaulted/harassed as a reason for their lack of privilege. As if “ugly” people don’t get assaulted all the time, or that studies show that looks aren’t the greatest factor when comes to SA.
I think its true though. Yeah rape and assault isn't entirely about looks, but there is a very real thing where guys harass women who stand out, or if you are particularly attractive, they feel entitled to have the prettiest girl, or they feel insecure in comparison so they turn around and act extra toxic. I know for a fact that I have been catcalled and harrassed less than some of my more conventionally attractive friends from a young age. It depends on where you live, the rape culture or lack therof that exists there. Also there are different kinds of harrassment, abuse, and assault. Abusive men tend to seek out insecure people they can control and manipulate. Catcallers want to bring you down from afar. Gropers get a thrill out of ruining your day and asserting control over you, violating you, and some men find it more exciting the more attractive or valuable they perciev the woman to be. I personally have no problem admitting that. I don't think you need to pretend like its not real. Priviliege is not equal in all aspects of life.
I’m a pretty, curvy kind of goofy black woman. Ppl assume I’m dumb and sexual. They associate me with black female rappers. Like I’m nothing like them. I’m actually a stem major
Whenever I work in a team, some women refuse to talk to me and purposely leave me out. I got bullied in every workplace n they were all women. I am quite humble but like to dress smart, am a graduate,exercise etc and work hard. This behaviour always puzzled me. I'm not going to presume it's because of the "pretty girl" syndrome but sometimes I wonder. I'm friendly, down to earth, can stand up for myself and have friends. It's not like I'm a weirdo. Maybe this explains it? I'm not vain, but I do like yo look smart and have my act together.
I wish I could meet you! I'm not really a feminine woman, but definitely a girl's girl, and no matter how pretty you are, I wouldn't get jealous, I would just want us to be friends and have fun together!
major red flag. if even other females despise you there must be something seriously wrong with you, and judging by the high content of narcissism in your post I'm guessing your insufferable irl. I feel sorry for anyone who has to work with you.
I'd like to say that it's part of Monica Lewinsky's struggle because while she was body shamed for her weight she also dealt with not with these nasty reactions from women, often suspicious and jealous of her looks, or from men who treat her like a conquest or possession. We can even say that that scene in an impeachment in the comedy writer's room can also express how men try to punish women that are not accessible.
@@idk-jy6cc If you don't like what I have to say, why talk so slut shamingly? I believe she repented and that it was a clear abuse of power. Also newflash: all of us are sidechicks in some ways.
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 to be fair, I thought it was a smart move that in the show Monica Lewinsky is portrayed by an actress who is obviously heavier than Lewinsky was at that point in her life, going against the notion that only skinny women are desirable and can have "excitement" in their lives. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing aspirational about this whole story in itself, quite the opposite, but at the same time it was great to see a "plus-size" woman on screen, who was living a life that is usually only reserved for "pretty women". Would be even better if wasn't a Monica Lewinsky story and ended differently(
One aspect of being pretty that the video did not go into is the effect it has on other women. Other women deemed ‘not as pretty’ often are very jealous and imagine you interfering with their ability to get a man. They often will start nasty rumours besmirching your sexuality. Therefore friendships are difficult to make among women and men only want to bed you. Also, many men believe that this power you have over them is something you do on purpose and hate you because of it. And if you are a thinking person, you see all these dynamics at play and realize that beauty is fleeting, it goes with age. It’s of little worth, and can be a curse.
Mannnn, the part about “something you do on purpose”… that right there!!! How crazy is it to be perpetually blamed for something that’s happening to THEM just by your existence?!? You’ve just explained my life! And what even is this lack of accountability on their part? It’s like they think we’re performing witchcra-I now understand how witch accusations was a real thing 😳
@@PortiaDDoesStyle yes. I've often said the same thing. If I had lived during the time of witch burnings, I would have definitely been burned. Like you said, it's like they think you have witchcraft.
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Can you do the princess syndrome
please please please do the bougie black girl trope. think hilary banks, whitley from a different world, regine from living single etc.
PLEEEAAASE, can you do an ugly girl trope?
Bey’s attitude towards Megan says a lot about hollywood’s view of women. Still mysognistic. He was out of line insinuating she was trailer trash and she should “be grateful” working with him and being treated as a sex object for being sexually attractive. Won’t be watching his flicks
What about ugly privilege?
You’re not gonna make a statement for that???
When I was ugly, I got bullied and harassed. When I became pretty, I got bullied and harassed, but this time "it was a compliment".
this
Big mood!!!
The way I get harassed in my DMs and comments on social media is crazy. I almost deleted it all☹️
Yet you would take being beautiful everytime over ugly
@@shruti3946 No, I make the concious choice to look as average as humanly possible. Don't just go around assuming things about other people. I prefer some rando thinking "what an ugly bitch" once in a while over getting followed, harassed and assaulted and chased like an animal. I've experienced constant sexual harassment since I was 14 and it was traumatizing. I still struggle with feeling save when leaving the house.
Does anyone else remember in Swan Princess that Derek says "You're beautifull" , Odette asks "And what else" and Derek answers "What else is there" making her quitty the engagement?
Gold scene
“You should write a book ‘How to Offend a Woman in Five Syllables or Less’” that whole movie was gold tbh.
I love the end when Derek finally says good qualities about Odette like her kindness instead of just seeing her beauty.
Odette did more as a bird than most people do in their lifetimes
Love that movie 😅
We must also remember that it was written by a man. Ultimately everything you attribute to Odette and Derek came from a man's mind.
"Pretty girl"on-screen - indistinguishable from other girls on-screen, because they're all played by comparably gorgeous actresses.
THISS, when they tried to pass off Mae Withman as "ugly" in The DUFF I was like 🤨🤨
@@carlygorgal4514 She didn’t even look fat. Her body weight looked average. It is scary how the movie tried to pass HER as fat.
lmaooo true
Precisely, they've shot themselves in the foot by repeatedly casting gorgeous actresses to play dumpy characters!
@@Angi3_6 well keep in mind, in the movie, the condescending term DUFF doesnt have to apply to a fat person. they just have to at least be the least pretty of the group. her character's male bestie said this.
I have friends with curvy body types that deal with sexual harassment, chastising comments, and creepy guys that get mad when their feelings aren’t reciprocated. It’s gross how a natural body type for many is assumed to mean that the women are more sexual than average when it’s just others being more attracted to them. It’s entitled men that mistreat my friends while also slut-shaming women for having agency over their own bodies that get to me.
completely agree!
This is why I’ve been really insecure about my body. Yes, having an hourglass figure with big boobs is considered beautiful but I don’t like how people treat me for it so I wear baggy clothes. I also have an average looking face and some acne so I used to think that I had the wrong type of beauty, since people don’t sexualize a pretty face that much
@@madelinevlogs5898 I'm sorry you feel like you need to hide your own body just to avoid getting objectified :[ I know my friend always wore a sweater because the one time she wore a t-shirt to school, she said a teacher looked at her in a weird way 🤢
I hope you can overcome it though and dress in clothes you want (although if that's still baggy clothes, it all good! I like to wear baggy, androgynous clothes too)
@@sapphic.flower ew I hate that it’s not rare for teachers to be creepy like that. I’m getting a breast reduction for back pain and I have the added bonus of getting to wear cute clothes
@@madelinevlogs5898 Would you rather be ugly overnight ?
Doesn't matter if you're conventionally pretty or not- being a girl is hard work.
fr😭
Yes! Being a girl/woman/female is TOUGH
@@alextroy9202 being a man is also tough.
YES
@@likeminds4055 shut up
The part about lower class women need to use their beauty for upward social mobility is very enlightening. Thank you for talking about this!
Yep. And men have to do their best to look more Harvey Specter than Carl Benjamin, if they want to move up in the world. This is life for both sexes
@@MechaJutaro stop lying
@@chrystianaw8256 I misspoke. Beautiful women who hail from impoverished backgrounds can rise up the socioeconomic ladder by stripping of/and becoming Instagram models. Guys have to not only acquire sharp clothes, but learn what it takes to rise up the company ladder
At least women have the chance to move upward socially. Men are much more stuck in their strata
@@fehzorz
I definitely understand where you're coming from, but men are STILL most likely to move upward socially than women. Let's be honest, most rich environments (companies, parties, schools, jobs) are run by men, or at least consists of majority of men. In that case, realistically speaking, a woman isn't gonna be the one having an easier time moving upwards, a man is. (This also depends too of course, since every experience is different and all that)
There is a classic psychological study titled “What is Beautiful is Also Good” that demonstrated empirically that yes, more conventionally attractive people do in fact receive unearned societal advantages, which include others making the assumption that the pretty person is nicer and more talented than he/she may actually be. I think the “disadvantages” experienced by beautiful women are more accurately ascribed to misogyny, not to their appearance. Attractive men typically do NOT have to fight stereotypes of stupidity or cupidity.
Attractive men typically do NOT have to fight stereotypes of stupidity or cupidity.
Unless they have very defined body, then they are labelled as gym bunnies = stupid frat boys
@@theunknown5386 The amount, intensity, and effect of male body shaming pales in comparison to what is directed at women. Judgments about women’s bodies are so deeply entrenched in our society that they are often overlooked because such remarks and opinions are considered entirely appropriate and expected. Body shaming of a man is still unusual and notable, as your post indicates.
@@MindiB Body shaming of men is routine and everyday. Women face more systematized and commercialized body shaming, certainly. But that doesn't erase that men *do* face body shaming on the regular if they don't fit preconcieved notions of attractiveness.
Not true at all lmao. Attractive people in general are considered "dumb" because if they are attractive then are generally successful, socially or professionally. They don't need to develop a personality or skill because people only change due to necessity, attractive people are liked because they are attractive so there is no necessity to change. Therefore the assumption that attractive people are "dumb" is often true, unless they went through adversity or their attractiveness wasn't successful (like a beautiful girl living on a farm away from people). True for both men and women
In my experience, a smart beautiful person (of any gender) is taken more seriously by virtue of the combination of attributes. I've worked with some very smart, gorgeous women and it was pretty clear that they had more opportunities within the company than the equally smart more normal looking women they worked with. Equally for men.
I don't think there's much of a disadvantage to being seen as pretty because whether you're smart or not, people will naturally want to listen to you...
As someone who is on the thicker side, one thing that sucks is how perfectly normal outfits are seen as inappropriate on me, but when a girl with no curves at all wears the same thing it's no a big deal, and nobody polices them. Heck, because I live in a city with a beach, I've seen girls walk around in bikinis with no cover ups down the street, but me the girl wearing a crop top and jeans is the one who is getting all the glares and judgement, even though I am more covered up than the girl with the bikini.
I understood this reference 🙋🏻♀️
I've been dress-coded at work a few times. They told me I had to go home and change and I pointed out 3 other co-workers wearing the same thing and they dropped it 🙄🤨
This! Don’t even get me started. When i wear a gosh darn TURTLE NECK people look at me like im wearing something highly inappropriate just because I have large boobs and an hour glass figure. the hate stares form women because of this SMH
Skinny/slim woman with (fashionably) messy hair and tracksuit bottoms and shirt; "I love how down to earth she is and just doesn't care"
Me, a fat chick in the same attire; "Look at the slob, she has completely given up"
I don't experience that myself but I'm a little more self conscious about it because I have a curvy bodytype. When I was a teen it was much more of an issue for me though.
I totally understand what you are saying!
My weight changes to extreme amounts and it is so obvious the different treatment i get when i am heavier vs when i am thinner. When i am heavier my cloths fit different and people stare at me as if i am doing something wrong. Then when i am thinner and wearing the exact same outfit i am somehow more innocent? what the hell?
Tropes and stereotypes rob people of their humanity and complexity.
True dat
Stereotypes are not tropes.
Tropes are not inherently bad or good (with a few exceptions). They can be played with or played straight.
The only thing abut it is TV tropes will ruin your life.
@@chickadeestevenson5440 Yea, some can be fun, which is why I didn’t say all. For example, I’m a fan of the enemies to lovers trope.
because it's media and not IRL...
Bingo.
I was 'the pretty one' in my old friendship group and honestly it really messed me up in the end. My male friends constantly used it to put me down. Whenever I said something they disagreed with they would all laugh and say "well at least you've got your looks hey?" Or they'd let me know how insanely lucky I was to be conventionally attractive because it got my places so much easier, totally discrediting the hours and hours I put into studying, working etc. etc. It was so difficult to prove myself or get them to take me seriously. They genuinely made me believe my looks were all I had. I started getting panic attacks whenever I noticed a pimple or that I'd put on period weight because I thought it made me less valuable.
Men act like this when they are insecure. Male insecurity is really aggressive.. even in passive ways. I noticed a lot of men like to feel like they’re smarter then whatever girl they’re attracted to. I used to think “ i act dumb,” even though I’m technically not. I realized I don’t “act dumb” people just like to pretend you’re lacking when they’re insecure about themselves. Also, region matters. It’s kind of sad.. but I feel like city dudes like intelligent women more then most regular guys.
I’m in that struggle right now! I’m 26 and I’m scared of aging!
Beats being considered the ugly one your whole life... Trust me, I should know!
@@be.A.b intellectual people like intellectual people. In general, most individual are attracted to others of similar intellectuality or intelligence. Same as we do for values. A Christian will more likely end up with another christian or someone else that's of a certain religion than an atheist because two religious people at least have in common the fact that they believe in a superior being. With intelligence, I doubt you'd like to date someone you view as stupid, emotional intelligence included. I think that the biggest factor about what makes someone attractive is how emotionally intelligent they are
@@samiam5434 sis embrace your ugliness. We all can be pretty AND ugly at the same time. Nothing some makeup can't fix. Also I feel like people need to stop telling folks who are insecure about their looks "NOOOO UR PRETTY!!!" Society as a whole, imo, should be okay with looking average. Like you aren't pretty but u look okayish. There's so much emphasis on looking pretty that it's heartbreaking
Yet another trope that Elle Woods gloriously stomped on in her high heels. She was my role model as a youngster, and showed me that you can have beauty AND brains, you don't have to pick! 😍
You watch the same things I do 🙀🙀
Elle Woods and Reese Witherspoon are legends
@@faerieliana arent the same person?
Yes I love this movie!
honestly my hero growing up
I know they aren’t going to touch on this in this video but we need to talk about how black women often are pressured to look their best 24/7 or you else you are most likely to experience a lot of hate and discrimination even from your own race. God forbid you wear a bonnet and pajamas to the grocery store or airport and you get dragged for it. I noticed as an average looking black woman I get treated much worst when I don’t dress up, do my hair , and wear makeup. I have even experienced racism and colorism. Also even pretty black women are “ humbled “ and are told without makeup and weave they aren’t nearly as pretty and dark skin women are told they are pretty for a dark skin girl and would be prettier if they were lighter. Black women are called gold diggers even though statistically black women settle for less.
Yes, noticed this from personal experience. Even when I’m trying to look my best I still get treated horribly just not as bad if I were to go out in regular clothes and my Afro. It’s very infuriating. I have days where I imagine how nice it would be if I could leave my house and not worry about people treating me differently because I don’t have standard beauty expectations.
Thank you for saying this, it was so missing from their conversation.
@Black Girl Lavish You should make the video. Although I like The Take, they don’t have the range to dive into that discussion.
Absolutely! A thin white woman w/ messy hair and pajamas ie:" lounge wear" at the grocery store is confident because "she's beautiful and doesn't know it" or it's seen as " she's so pretty she doesn't even have to try."
Btw- I'm 45 yo messianic Jew and have had many white people think they can say racist shit to me about other people and I'll be in alliance but they're sorely disappointed! We're not known to quietly hold our tongue...
It's a huge problem. Black women deserve more respect and kindness. People are so cruel and it's wrong! I'm sorry people made you feel you have to be perfect 24/7. You are a human being and deserve to feel safe and comfortable in this world.
What the heck! Comparing the Kardashians to the proverbial “rags to riches” is a joke right? The Kardashians sisters dad was a wealthy lawyer for Pete’s sake’s. That family was wealthy before they got famous for Kim’s sex tape you know?!?!?!
Also their dad was the lawyer of O.J Simpson and the trial is one of the most famous ones in America
I love the Take, but they keep putting them in a positive light for whatever reason.
As in they had to use plastic surgery to obtain the beauty they are known for, rather than being born into that pinnacle of beauty.
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 I throw up when I hear the Kardashians and “beauty”/“beautiful” 🤢 Kourtney is the only pretty one tbh
@@TributesAndUnique and they all, even Kourtney, has had work done
I have always wanted to be pretty, not because of what it might get me but because if I were pretty, I wouldn't have been laughed at or insulted for my looks all those years growing up. While yes, you should ignore other kids being mean, because kids are immature, it's very hard to forget it when you heard it almost every day until you graduated, and also when you know it's true. That's when it hits home and it really fucks with not just your self image but also your self worth.
Thank you for your honesty. I feel you girl. I often wish I were Halle Berry status beautiful because then my mom would shut up about my weight and I would not have been teased and singled out throughout elementary school and high school because of my physical appearance. I was desperate in junior high and high school to be liked by the attractive cool crowd. I guess I am pretty superficial myself. I keep thinking I would be happy if I were more beautiful.
You can still be beautiful and bullied. I know a lot of people bullied for their looks, even though they were always beautiful.
@@exypetexy8693 Women can be cruel to each other but at least you know you are prettier than those girls and they are just jealous of you
@@IONov990 but we don't want others jealous or envious of us. It's much more difficult for the pretty to be sure they've found a genuine connection with people, too, since people like to associate with the pretty just for their beauty, not who they are. It sucks being objectified.
@@MargauxNeedler I guess I haven't had that life experience. I know pretty girls can be put on pedestals
I hate how “pretty privilege” is discussed!
It’s always “do pretty people get benefits or no?”. Then beautiful women push back, talking about the real challenges of having a conventionally attractive body. And, yea.
But I think “pretty privilege” isn’t about looking drop dead gorgeous! It’s about looking “average” or above. It’s about NOT looking disabled, old, lower class, darker skinned, fat, etc.
The average looking woman in a store will be treated better than an older, overweight woman in a motorized scooter. The woman with decayed teeth will get treated differently in an interview than the girl with a white smile. The teen with cystic facial acne gets perceived different than the girl with 4 pimples.
“Pretty privilege” is a way to group together the visible markers of fatphobia, ageism, colorism, acne, classism, etc. Its NOT about “is life easy for the beautiful”!!
We need to move away from this side of the debate and start talking about the true challenges faced by people with multiple “unattractive” markers.
It typical for people with privilege to get defensive and cling to that unfair advantage they Have. They know it benefits them, so they try to deflect and call anyone who calls it out "insecure" or "anti women" lmao. So backwards.
@@idk-jy6cc Totally. I can empathize with that response. It comes from a place of “well I didn’t choose to look this way so why attack me?” Like how rich folks didn’t choose to be born into wealth. Or they’ll say, “well I take care of myself and my grooming, it’s not my fault they don’t.”
But they’re not responding to the real concern. Most people aren’t sad bc hot people exist. Ppl are upset bc they’ve been taught to hate how they look, and society treats them with disdain.
Well, damn. 😮👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 💯
I think there's both honestly as nowdays 10/10 (conventionally) girls can get money thrown at them from simps online and can make a career as online star. However, I do agree average privilege is also a big thing if not even bigger.
EXACTLY, We live in a world that has told us that beauty is defined by white supremacy standards, whatever is furthest from that gets seen as less beautiful, even if to some they're stunning
All women are disrespected on some level just for being women. I've had two past boyfriends ask me if sexism is really still a thing
I think sexism goes both ways and that the media is brainwashing us all with the values they want us to have.
I’m glad you said PAST boyfriends cause that’s ridiculous.
I am an engineer and have seen gender discrimination against women. In college, most of the engineering majors are men. In a typical project, most of them are men as well. So, in some cases (not all), I have definitely witnessed such sexism and can vouch for the realism. On the flip side, I have also seen white women who are racist or seem to have doors open that are closed for minority women. An example is Elizabeth Holmes. She was clearly unqualified for her position in hindsight, but for a brief time she had huge venture capital and supporters among wealthy white men. However, it eventually disintegrated. In modern parlance, Holmes would be an extremely negative example of DEI gone wrong.
But the best biomedical engineer I knew was a mentor who was both (1) a licensed nurse and (2) an electrical engineer who knew how to code state-of-the-art robotics. She was legitimate and very productive. However, the "good old boy" male management felt threatened by her talent and threw a horrible glass ceiling against her. It was really awful and unjustified. Sexism does indeed happen against talented female engineers at times.
people want girls to be naturally pretty, once she admits to surgery or wears a lot of makeup she's criticized.
also, girls are expected to be pretty without acknowledging that they are. if she owns her beauty she's criticized or seen as vain and full of herself.
but still, being an ugly girl is harder than being a pretty girl. i've been both and ugly girls just straight up get ignored and disrespected.
Without money and a family, a beautiful girl doesn’t have as much privilege as people think. Some get thrown to the wolves 😔
For SURE. Too many of my beautiful friends who grew up in poverty got trafficked after staring stripping 😭
It depends....Many Russian girls who are gorgeous went from poor girls who sold vegetables on the street to super top models...Natalia Vodianova is the example, her beauty made her rich
@@bal9944 And even Natalia was preyed on and impregnated by her eventual first husband at 19 (he was 32), who despite his wealthy and aristocratic background, was an immature, abusive alcoholic. Had she remained with him, she would have been deeply unhappy, trapped between his rehabilitation attempts and his whims that his family was not where he needed to be.
@@bal9944 Models are often trafficked out and abused just like actresses are. Many people in the industry are abusers and it’s basically trafficking a lot of the time. Young girls get roles, photoshoots, spreads, record deals, etc in exchange for sexual favors and sexual slavery. So they often target more vulnerable kids and young women.
@@bal9944 this! I feel as though poor pretty people get taken advantage of far more than other poor people. Most people choose prostitution out of financial necessity and wouldn’t resort to it if not for the money
One thing the video kinds of glosses over is the "pretty privilege" is a full blown system and is objective in terms of the societal benefits and resources it provides, it's not just an opinion people have about attractive people. What this video is mainly looking at is the intersection of attractiveness, sexism, and classism.
there is a whole industry based on making people feel insufficient in themselves, remember. A lot of tv shows make money highlighting certain make up and hair looks and products to achieve the 'ideal'
@@kahkah1986 I don’t know why they forgot the racism part.
If you can monetize your beauty, more power to you. It's not your fault to have something people wanna pay for. It's kind of like naturally talented singers. Why should they hide their voice or not charge for it?
True commodifying beauty isn't wrong in itself, but objectifying your body is. Modeling is fine because you're demonstrating the beauty of the human form, but say, modelling in adult entertainment, that's wrong cause then you reduce yourself as a means for someone else's end - you'd be an object rather than human. One shouldn't want that for themselves or for others
@@SistoActivitatemAtm purity culture alert lol
@@SistoActivitatemAtm one can never objectify themselves
ppl objectify shit they perceive
porno folks don’t perceive themselves in one dimension
they are leveraging their beauty and ability to turn ppl on for money
n thats all
they aren’t saying hey im a pornstar n thats all i am i don’t exist outside of this porno
thats what the viewer decides (if the viewer lacks empathy n respect for ppl in general or feels ashamed to hv jerked off to it so they simply objectify to move on)
It's not really a fair comparison. Singing is an art and a skill, being beautiful is neither.
@@vaiapatta8313 well technically maintaining ur beauty aka not deviating from the standard like gaining weight or wrinkles or whatever else is quite some work so dismissing it entirely is prolly biased
bt yea it might not be at the same level as maybe singing
bt so are other skills
I recently uncovered the shock of discovering the majority of successful "black" actresses who have really made it...are all multiracial. In itself, there is no shame or issue with being multiracial. Just the fact that these women are being touted as the definition of beauty for a race when they maintain Eurocentric approved features. Also definitely going to check out Emily Ratajaowski's book. She sounds so smart, and does not deserve how she is treated.
I agree with you. So many of the most successful "black" stars are biracial or mixed. There's nothing wrong with that obviously but people can't deny that their eurocentric features don't play a role in that. There are so many talented black actresses but they aren't given as much attention or roles as the multiracial ones.
Tell her to hold her baby right
Yup. Dark skinned Black women are being white-washed and erased in media despite lighter women being a minority. It’s colorism.
dont get me started on black daughters in sitcoms are almost always mixed..but the boys arent. why is someone even being like a quarter black always conflated with being portrayed as a full black girl? u dont see that with other races. ppl think its no big deal but i promise if it was their own race being portrayed as ambiguous theyd be unhappy too.
@@MsDudette21 Or the black girls acting disrespectful as a joke. I mean it's all races but it's sad how it's portrayed very early
When I had platinum hair and no glasses, there was a noticeable difference in how people treated me. They were nicer, friendlier, went out of their way for me more. I didn't experience any more harrassment than before, but I definitely expected privilege. That's one example of pretty privilege; it does exist.
but sadly they're not doing those things because of who they are as people or because of who you are as a person, either, and pretty people can sometimes recognize that and sometimes not, so it is very dehumanizing in that sense.
This seems obvious no ?
It 100% exists. Same as white privilege exists.
As an ugly girl, I would love to even be "conventionally attractive" girl. This 2 doesn't need to be a 10, but it would be nice to be at least a 7.
i dont think they were saying that being pretty sucks just that it has it's cons as well. but trust me most ppl agree with your sentiment. guys didnt find me attractive when i was young and I was bullied so that didnt help. men are much nicer to me now that im considered hot. doesnt matter how many cons there are to being pretty its nothing compared to being unattractive
I used to feel like you but then realized that being an “ugly” girl is better in many ways. We get appreciated more for our more important qualities than our looks. We don’t have as much pressure on us to please others and live up to their desires/expectations of us. The few relationships I’ve been in were healthier and more genuine than several of my pretty friends, and now I’m married to a man that adores me for me. Women do not exist to be beautiful, we exist for ourselves and our own happiness.
Oh, so I'm not the only person who thought this? I may be a 5 at best, but I'm also a black woman, so there's that strike. While pretty women may not be seen for who they really are initially, they are still SEEN. If the person isn't a complete asshole, they will take the time to get to know the pretty chick. Avreage-ugly women never get that chance because we aren't even seen.
@@UnboxingAlyss well put
@@witchplease9695 Amen. I hate the idea that women exist to be pretty and entertain men. I am guilty of thinking this too.
Finally, someone talks about the downsides - I once had a boss during law school tell me *to my face* that no one would take me seriously because of how how I looked, so I always needed to watch how I spoke. And this was supposed to be in the professional sphere 🙄
The “gold digger” deserves its own video analysis. There’s sooo much to analyze
There is a video for that
I remember being guilty of buying into the beauty OR brains thing. Very glad I realized that’s all bs
Yeah everyone has both
@@briannalee1998 well every human.
My snake (who is much bigger now) is not a bright animal. She gets stuck in things and looks at me to save her.
But she doesn't need to be smart like a mammal to eat mammals.
I think one I do not like is the idea that conventionally beautiful women must be shallow and they cannot be good people. The plain-dressed girl next door must be the good person.
@@chickadeestevenson5440 Maybe she just likes being saved
When I was in college following a technical career I took an extracurricular singing class and after I finished singing the teacher asked me about my major and when I answered she told me with a disappointed face and in front of the whole class that I should reconsider my decision and do something that involved my appearance
in today’s society we should call out “ugly disadvantage“ instead of “pretty privilege”…
exactly likeee
YES! Then all the “but it’s subjective” bs goes out the window.
Sure, it’s subjective if Kylie Jenner pre-surgery was “attractive” or not.
But what’s not subjective: she didn’t have a limb deformity, cystic facial acne, visible disability, hair loss, darker skin, decayed teeth, a lot of body fat, large birthmarks, etc.
And those non-subjective features can lead to a lot of discrimination.
Sure there’s a subjective “sexy” privilege some women get bc of patriarchy. But the main issue is the “average” privilege many people get.
ugly disadvantage is true though
This.
This 🔥🔥🔥
I do wish that The Take hadn’t so quickly dismissed the idea of pretty privilege as a thing before listing the negatives of having it. It is a thing- we know for a fact that people deemed attractive make more money, are promoted more, are more likely to be hired. It makes a huge difference. There are negatives that go along with it, but they don’t remove the fact that pretty privilege is a thing.
The whole video is build upon pretty privilege as an acknowledged concept, adding nuance isn't dismissing the concept's existence.
Despite all the disadvantages of being a pretty girl it is still Affords you in my opinion a leg up in life which is a much more desirable position to find yourself in than being on the other end of the spectrum or just being average looking
But Khanyi let’s be honest here. You know very well that we have a femicide problem in SA. Beauty is a liability unless you deliberately use it ruthlessly to goldig and get ahead professionally or marriage wise. Otherwise you will be r***d and/or killed in this environment.
May Uyinene and others RIP 🤍
@@diahannrosai6950 of course that is a big issue we have in SA, i am really not trying to say it pretty privileges doesn't come with its downsides but the positives far outweigh the negatives. i can almost guarantee you that when given an option to either be really beautiful or average every conventionally attractive woman will choose option 1 any day because they have an instinctive understanding of the benefit of being beautiful versus being average or "ugly"
Agree
Yes and humans like to be liked and that comes more with beauty too, I'd rather be pretty and have a leg up
In terms of practical benefits, of course. There's entire industries based on showing off women being attractive
I’m so happy that the video mentions how standards of beauty are arbitrary. People have freckle pens because apparently freckles are hot right now. After a point, you don’t care because you should be pretty the way you want to and stop judging. Life’s calmer that way.
which is weird cuz freckles were never really seen as unattractive in recent times. when i thought of freckles as a kid i thought of lindsey lohan. someone who was never considered ugly in her prime
You know what Encanto merchandise is selling the most: Luisa! Not traditionally pretty Isabela, but awkward Mirabel and buff Luisa!
Luisa kicked ass!
I also think that they sold Isabella in her dress and hair that she adopts at the end of the movie it would sell more than the Lavender dress version
Pitting female characters against each other is totally the opposite of the message of Encanto. Both Luisa and Isabella are valid. Luisa can be complimented without needing to be compared to her sister.
Dolores was the prettiest girl in my opinion. She’s too cute 🥺
@@всемпривет-и1щ She was a very cute character. She just didn't get a lot of scree time.
"You're a pretty girl. You just need to fix yourself up." I hear this literally every time I see my mother. Seeing as I'm over 40, this woman just refuses to "read the room". I "fix myself up" when I'm going out somewhere nice or getting my picture taken. Other than that, I refuse to spend more than 20 minutes on my appearance. I do what I can in a reasonable amount of time and say "God bless it" to the rest. 😀
This! I'm 30 and I'm so tired of hearing how I'd look pretty if I just tried a little harder. I'm washing the dishes mom, I'm not going to get all dolled up to clean the house or get the mail. If the neighbors don't like it then don't look.
My mom's like this too. Always says stuff like "Oh you're so pretty when you wear makeup and dress up."
‘Catwoman’ (2004) had Halle Berry with Frizzy Hair and Oversized Clothes to make her look ‘normal’. I loved the movie but that creative choice was weird, to put it lightly.
They were aiming for "attractive girl that doesn't know she's attractive"
M
@@fehzorz It didn’t work lol
@@fehzorz that, or she doesn't want people to only focus on her looks! Or that is simply what she is comfortable in.
I was told as a teacher that my students only listened to me because I was "young and pretty". That was fun.
"Women dont have the privilege of not looking pretty" perfectly put 🙏
I've weighed 135 lbs - 195 lbs as an adult. I got all sorts of compliments for my appearance under 150. I also got a lot of male expectations imposed upon me. So I learned to hear compliments about my appearance as warnings. But up over 155, I got nothing. And it's been one of the very, very few good things about being overweight.
Now that I've accepted myself as asexual and somewhat gender queer, not being complimented for my physical appearance as a "woman" is very much a relief.
I was deemed beautiful more often in college than I was in high school. So I think “pretty” is time and context dependent. And I used to scoff at girls who complained about only being viewed as beautiful until my last boss came onto me and wasn’t listening to a damn thing I said or the ideas I had.
same but you probably grew into your looks more in college like most people do. odds are u didnt look significantly different. and while beauty standards do change bit, its not but that much. conventional attractiveness hasnt changed much. its still thin nosed, light skinned people. and sure its more inclusive now regarding race but look at movie stars of the 50s and now. the pretty ones have the same features regardless of clothing and hairstyle
@@MsDudette21 That’s fair
There's a clip about the boys from Clueless, but don't forget in that very movie, she uses a makeover to elevate another girl's status. Cher herself is only viewed as a silly pretty girl, by Paul Rudd's character, until she starts showing more dimensions.
eh those guys were genuinely dressed terribly. thai was dressed like your average teen girl in the 90s. those guys were dressed in a subculture's fashion so people would naturally be more opinionated about that
I was a "pretty boy" till I was about 30 or so, now I'm just a bald middle aged weirdo. Pretty privilege is real
I’m sorry you had that experience Shaun, but this particular video is not about pretty boys.
He just wanted to say, even if he is a man he understands us!
Gosh, why can't you appreciate a supportive man?
@@steffikrueger7809 I totally agree the social media these days are trying to get in young girls heads that as if men don't go through the same things as us. Yes women go through 2x harder but that doesn't give them an excuse to treat men poorly.
So when are they going to have a video on the short, chubby, cute girl with the heart of gold that is only a friend and has to watch the love of her life go for one of these girls?
This is gonna be a fun comments section...
This was a little hit or miss from me, but generally i appreciate the points made. "If it even exists" bothers me as a line particularly.
I think the problem with prettiness does lie really at the root of multiple people trying to own/control/use the person in question and saps a weird amount of autonomy even while it opens a lot of doors. The comments about "you're just asking to be assaulted" ring very clearly to the phrase that was used when i was assaulted, "You're so beautiful i can't help myself".
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I feel like a lot of people, myself included, feel like they have to dress down/not try in order to not get unwanted attention but it shouldn't have to be like that. I sometimes I hate the way I look because I see myself the way men see me, in an overly sexualized kinda way. Anyways, that's all I wanted to say. Hope you have a nice day! :)
@@nairaalida9990 ❤
@@nairaalida9990 exactly! My whole family only ever acknowledged my looks as if that is all I have ever been good for. The only person who made me feel normal was my youngest half brother, because I knew his opinions were that of a child and genuine.
@@MargauxNeedler It's really frustrating when people value looks over everything else, especially when it's your family, but you are so much more than that! Your little brother can see that and I bet your family will realize that too.
The Gibson girls were also modeled after his wife, he took his type and made it the standard
that is actually kind of sweet not gonna lie hahaha
its funny cuz while its conisdered a former beauty standard, the only thing that change is the hair and clothes. those facial features are still considered the ideal. other than being more racially inclusive, beauty standards havent changed much
The pretty privilege when it comes to women specifically can be also a disadvantage. For a pretty woman, it's true that it is easier for her to be accepted in so many circles just because of beauty, and get away with a degree of things for the same reasons. But it's also a disadvantage especially when a "pretty woman" is in an environnement where being pretty AND a woman means you are dumb and less trustworthy. I think that professionnaly speaking, the pretty privilege becomes as much of a priviege as a disadvantage because some people will cut slack and brush of a woman's incompetence because she is pretty. Yet some other people will brush off a pretty woman's efforts, talent and competence because "A pretty woman can't be intelligent or competent"
Also, I feel like *really* attractive women (specifically in the public eye) seem to be the target of other women (alongside men of course). Look at the likes of Madison Beer. Someone who is constantly attacked by a surprising amount of OTHER WOMEN. For example, she was basically chastised and relentlessly harrassed and bullied (mostly on TikTok) after saying that as much as she liked being called pretty, it was very surface level, being called full of herself by again MOSTLY OTHER WOMEN and even queer identities who previously aligned themselves as ‘for the girls’. Misogyny plays a huge role in this and even the most Liberal woke women/people fall victim to this instilled jealousy and insecurity that inclines women to bring other women down. And I feel like this generation of villainizing these feelings instead of working through them has lead to a lot of misplaced frustration that is often projected on to beautiful ‘privileged’ women. Especially as a K-pop Stan… it’s a scary consistent pattern.
one of the hardest things about being attractive is that you don’t know if men really want to get to know you or care about you or if you’re only being used for sex . being beautiful is great but it also has a price
This is so true. Coming from an attractive girl who used to be uglier, people are so much worse to you. I’ve been bullied since high school, girls tried to jump me because they thought I wanted their man. Another girl spray painted “F you sl*t” on my property. And the online bullying and harassment, it’s real bad. I dropped out of school and went cyber. I had to delete social media several times. People have no sympathy because “you have it all”. People treat you like you’re some celebrity and they invade your personal life. Can’t even defend yourself because you’re a “dumb blonde bimbo.” Nobody takes your feelings seriously. They nitpick every part of your appearance. Yes there are upsides, but they’re not benefits at all. Unwanted attention and constant compliments? I can live without that.
So true!
The way society wants to use your appearance and is more than willing to punish you if you seek agency or respect never fails to make you want to vomit
What bothers me most, in this modern era, is how much hate Twitch streamers will get for using their looks to earn money, but these same people never criticize the male controlled p0rn industry. Like, Hugh Hefner gets idolized, but women with OnlyFans accounts get fired from their day job.
The best part in ‘Erin Brockovich’ was Erin’s response to Mr. Masry asking her how she got the information was: “They’re called boobs, Ed.” 😂
The amount of narcissistic men in power that I find myself constantly running into is exhausting. Being promised jobs that end up nowhere because you refuse to flirt and sleep with them.
Girl this guy promised me a market position and to fly me out to a convention in NYC he paid for everything only to try and sleep with me and propose that if I can be his mistress. And travel with him to business meeting across the world . He was a 35 year old white msn married with 4 children all under the age of 5 . I was so excited when I arrived to NYC thinking this would be a start to a beautiful career I’ve always wanted but nope . After the trip I blocked and deleted his number .
@@Goddess_Infinity I am so sorry you had to go through that. It really sucks. I guess we have to keep in mind that no one would give so much to a stranger. I mean if you worked hard for what you got would you give someone you hardly know an easy ticket? I now try and stay away from men who promise too much or come on too strong - those are red flags.
So true now a days l have become so use to it that l can identify them right away.
It sounds like you need a lawyer. Get that bread without the bed.
"Pretty isn't beautiful [...] Pretty is what changes." - Stephen Sondheim
As a woman who is not pretty, I often get overlooked for opportunities that seem to come naturally to the pretty girls. While I am sure that pretty has its pitfalls, ugly hurts much worse.
I’ve had so many pretty friends being treated like idiots and objects to control or have… it made me second guess if it’s just a privilege, in a way it’s very much a curse as well cause you don’t really know who too trust until it’s too late ☹️
Can we stop with ageism, please? How many times do I need to see a 50-year-old man paired with a 20-year-old actress? How many times do I need to see a character whos supposed to be 30 (looking at you, Jenniffer Lawrence in Silver Lining Playbook) played by a 20 something? Let women age. Let us feel like we're not "worthless" if we don't. We have more value than our physical appearance. I'm not pretty. What should I do, then? Kill myself? And I'm in my thirties now. Double whammy.
Bwauty and youth provides women with benefits too. Don't see you complaining about it. The cost you will have to pay. Deal with it.
@@chaitanyagupta6668 WHAT BENEFITS. I was never “beautiful” and what exactly do you think I received in my youth? Everything I have I built on my own so hog on with your BS.
The amount of times people assumed I had it easy and would decide to be hard on me just to allow me to experience the true difficulties of life
All of them feel like they are the first ones to do it
They feel like they need to humble you.
Exactly!
Someone once said *Beauty is a blessing & a curse* ... hmm, all of those women in the thumbnail were assigned *side piece* roles... except for Elle Woods, who *changed her own narrative*
First time I heard something like that was in Ten Commandments (movie about Moses) when a beautiful slave is targeted and separated from her family
@@EstherHulst-Artist Are you talking about Lilia? I watched the Ten Commandments too. I am talking about the old 1960s one.
Yes I am 😁
For this trope, I like to use a quote from The Playboy Club, which sadly was cancelled. A customer says to the bunny "You are a thing of beauty", to which she replies, smiling: "Well, actually I'm not a thing." It is so easy for us to objectify beautiful people and stereotype them, so we should all be aware of the fact that everyone is different and three dimensional.
I also keep thinking how pretty privileges like a pedestal that could be yanked away the minute you step out of line. Like with Monica Lewinsky (symmetrical face, full lips, soft hydrated skin, thick shiny hair, dark and thick lashes, and hourglass curves) who is simultaneously called a bimbo or femme fatale or is shamed for that infamous ID and her weight.
Also I noticed that upper class signifiers of desirability seem to demphasize curves in the clothing while lower classed beauties are characterized by skin baring or curve hugging outfits (often more colorful and bright) that show cleavage.
Monica was literally fat I don't understand what Bill liked about her 🤣
@@mewesquirrel6720 She's super curvy, hater
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 now she is but before no🤣🤣
stop equating skinny with not hvaving curves. cuz being think doesnt equal curves. the more hourglass your body looks, the curvier you are. it's not based on how much fat u have. more like how thin you waist in comparison to having wide hips. fran drescher was curvy af in her youth and she was pretty thing. im pretty sure its less to do with not being curvy and more just being skinny as thats always been considered more attractive. because it is compared to being fat
@@MsDudette21 I think its about big hips can be sexual but never classic beauty or even hi class
When it comes to both pretty privilege or even this video, the political platform is shifting. We're at the peak of diversity focus - which means that what goes up, must come down. As archaic and supremacist cultural standards make a return at grassroots level in a more combative way, videos like this give them a way in - ultimately through empathising with pretty privilege, rather than looking at ugly disadvantages, as many folk in this comments section have very astutely pointed out.
Then, there is the fact that even diversity itself strays away from the abject feminine as much as possible in the first place, because people still gravitate towards image & content over everything else (which is how respectability politics come up).
Videos like this allow us to intellectualise, whilst looking continuously looking at something or someone pretty (beauty is a crucial part of commidification or wealth). So whilst it might FEEL like we're challenging ourselves, we're only recieving a message in a way we feel comfortable with...which ultimately misses the point. I think the whole discussion around "pretty privilege" instead of "ugly disadvantage" not only reflects a cultural shift backwards, it also betrays our need for materially pleasant illusions in which to ingest a message, however important it might be. The first and only real step, in my mind, is to actually admit this to ourselves, and face that truth.
Please explain to me this comment as if I were a 5 year old. I think it says some amazing things but I'm failing to grasp it.
Lu yeah I have no idea what OP is trying to say 😵💫 lol
@@lu-themadpillow2985 What I'm trying to say is, examining pretty privilege as much as we do isn't actually dismantling it. It's just giving us someone pretty to look at while making us think we're challenging it.
perfectly said!
@@FabalociousDee Thank you, I get it now. Yes, we are definitely not dismantling pretty privilege at all! But do we even want to? Some people only have their beauty. Of course, people who DON'T have it suffer. We should probably just not treat "ugly people" as less than.
I was a awkward goth teen in school this guy came up to me and said “you’d be the prettiest girl in school if you wasn’t a goth” and I really wasn’t interested in looks and attracting boys attention.
Being pretty can be isolating as everyone is either jealous, envious, not taken seriously, mocked, seen as a sexual quest or just see you at surface level from everyone. I find I get more hate from older women sadly😕
This is so interesting. My sis and I were close enough in age and looks that we were often mistaken as twins when little, but as we entered the teen years and she adopted a more traditional feminine look and I struggled with being comfortable in my new body (covering up in baggy clothes) she got labeled by family and friends as the "Pretty one" and I got the "Smart one" Even though, dressed a like strangers could barely tell us apart and we were both very intelligent. The kicker was, at my senior prom, the 2nd time I dolled up in high school, I had to endure my own classmates (not my friends just classmen) double take or mistake me for my sister the next school day and ask where was I and why sis was at my prom. I went rogue after that and just embraced my little "quirky ugly duckling" for a few years while I tried to figure my own shit out and learned to stop comparing myself with my sisters.
in real life, many will tell you being "pretty girls" can sometimes only give you the down sides (esp if you're a poc or queer or disabled on top of it), you dont get doors held for you, or gifts, or jobs, or idk what people think the benefits are, but it gives you stalkers, bullying, and angry men who demand to own you/ feel they have the right to your body (dating or sex), also assumptions and projections that you are well off, unstruggling, etc. (yes most women have these but for some its higher, and yes its a nuanced topic, and not to mention racism and other bigoted issues that are an important part of the convo am unable to convay or touch on so please keep that in mind)
Thank you for this. I'm pretty, often considered high tier pretty, and as a result of intense abuse from birth to around now that has often revolved around my looks in one way or another I developed severe mental illness and am on lifelong disability and unable to work (I'm also queer), and am basically alone. I have a lot of inner conflict and severe ambivalence about my looks. I have experienced the odd privilege from them (yay!), but truthfully my horror stories outweigh that by a mile. I'm also just not very materialistic. If I were out in the open and this discussion were happening in a group I'd just stay quiet or find an excuse to leave...
Do the "Female Assassin/Spy trope" next!
As a “pretty girl” if you do anything that doesn’t align with that image like say doing anything that’s not “super nice” or putting your foot down in an uncomfortable situation, ppl, meaning friends and colleagues, will constantly remind you in passive aggressive ways that you are “disqualified.” They get real joy out of doing this. I guess it’s like they’re saying “see you’re not better than me!” It’s a classic bring me down to make you feel up type of thing.
The problem is society programs people to have inadequacy issues. Lose your temper justifiably? forget it - you’re the antichrist, as you alluded to in the femme fatale segment. It’s very much walking on a tightrope to pull it off long term and stressful. It’s so much easier to just be a flawed human being. I own an apparel business and continue to be profitable even if I don’t feel like looking pretty that day. Accepting that I don’t have to be perfect all the time was so liberating, although I wish I realized it a lot sooner.
🙇♀️
I just want to be happy while ugly. I don’t have a problem with it, it’s all I know after all. It’s everyone else discussing appearance. Growing up ugly means growing up invisible to men, so I had to work harder, develop a thicker skin, and not that I wish invisibility on anyone, it can hurt, a lot of these problems can be solved by simply working harder. I think that’s an easier road to happiness instead of trying to make myself into something “beautiful”.
As one who grew up..."plain" and the world then turned and said thats Attractive! It was a surreal twist for me I enjoy things that are feminine wile also loving my gaming and sports. It wasn't a super hard transition for me all woman know who likes them and when we are being watched and our "Hyena adaptability of laugh threw the pain" is (Hyeneas laughs are not laugh but noises they make when they are under stress or panic i compare it to how us females laugh off a lot of uncomfortable situations and scenarios that we get in we are uncomfortable but all people see is the laugh) how we cope. It was for my male friends..all of a sudden they get slammed with "guys and girls can't be friends" "don't make friends with woman you won't bed" ETC and if I dated someone their under scrutiny as well. The man I am with is 6 years older than me and a divorce wherever we go if he introduces me to friends it's"how did you manage that" ,"you can't handle all that" or many other quips of how I am to attractive for him or that he's to plain and old for me (we r both in our 30's him 36 I 31). I got told by other guys I considered friends that I won't stay young forever discrediting what I say vs how I look.
This has got to be one of THE best videos I’ve seen on pretty privilege. So many movie examples *with* scenes, which I love esp bc I’m more of a visual learner. It felt like an hour long, but not a second was boring. And there were so many true things said that I couldn’t have said better myself! I even laughed at some of the wording bc it was worded so well that it really started giving me realizations and everything I couldn’t put in my own words but knew finally made sense. Thanks for this video!
You guys also should make a video about the "Beautiful Heroin." Esmeralda from Hunchback movie and Jasmine from Aladdin is "the beautiful heroin" who fights for her people. She looks at it as a leader while being extremely desirable.
The take has done like 50 variations of this same trope.
The take is run by vary attractive blonde white women I’m not saying anything but I’m just saying
@@telepathicmagicshop nah they are right this is peak white women take on pretty privilege. It addressed any actually issues for like 20 weconds and then was about the suffering of white women for 20 minutes lmao
That's because white blonde woman is Hollywood beauty standard. And I'm black so...
A pretty girl’s crime is knowing she’s pretty.
The hardest thing about being "The Pretty Girl" is when you age and become invisible. If you've only been known as "The Pretty One" you have no clue what your identity is once your looks are gone.
Trust me.
The hardest thing... is what the rest of us experience all our lives?
Why would they have no clue of their identity? Just because they are good looking they base their whole identity on that? Maybe we think that because oh they're pretty and a bimbo that they have no depth and cannot no clue based on their looks, rather be pretty and age than to be ugly and age
I would call it Surviving when Good-looking people (women especially) "exploit themselves" (i hate how that's phrased) because there's no way to make it easily in our economic, hyper-capitalistic society than well-off men can do. Some of my favorite literary Heroines, such as Moll Flanders and Becky Sharp, were poor class/orphan but cunning, savvy women who relied on their charms and looks to survive in a deeply sexist, classist, male-dominated society.
I think the fact that this is a video on being pretty and the images are almost all beautiful white women because the representation of any other women outside of sexual fetishization is so lacking tells enough.
I’m so glad you guys came out with this take! I’ve been seeing a lot about pretty privilege and the “great” things that it affords women, but haven’t heard much of the negatives about it even though they’re so blatant. And I love how you related it to class, and spoke about how being “sexy” is seen as less wifeable than being “beautiful”, even though they are both highly sought after by men. Being beautiful can be a deadly trap just like many things that come w being a woman and there are many ways that beautiful women are treat horribly bc they are beautiful and so their worth and accomplishments otherwise are diminished or assumed to not even exist.
Pretty isn't always a privilege, it can be unbelievable, with bullies, loneliness, and difficult. When you're pretty you are seen as dumb, as just a sex object, and just a bragging right. Some men see pretty as easy, sexual harassment happens more often even by men old enough to be our fathers and grandfather. Pretty wasn't a privilege for me but a very big problem, in my personal and professional life.
Agreed. There's no corner on suffering and unattractive girls have it better than attractive than attractive in some ways. It's a trade off of benefits and cons.
@@and.i.wonder I'm sure it's horrific. And tbh after thinking a bit I asked myself if I'd rather be unattractive and the answer is a hard no. Though it may just be vanity. All I know is that TW TW I've been assaulted numerous times in my life and used for my body and it doesn't feel good. Many pretty people don't have that experience though so it may just be bad luck and not learning how to protect myself at an early age I dunno. But I'm sure it's dehumanizing and you can't get away with as much as attractive people do. The halo effect probably is very real. I just think life can be terrible no matter how you look or your circumstances and we shouldn't compete with each other.
As somebody who has been made fun of for my appearance, (generally because I’m very pale), I’ve learnt to try and focus on my favourite features instead of trying to change the ones I’m insecure about for others and trust me, it’s hard but once you get used to it, you will feel much more positive about yourself and others comments won’t phase you. Also they are most likely saying rude things about your appearance because they are insecure about their own.
Pretty privilege may open a lot of doors for you in life, which is why I think it's a good idea to invest in your appearance at least a little bit. Invest in your appearance, but also in yourself. Mentally, I know that when I look my best and take my time to do it, I always feel better. Yes, you can gain from having pretty privilege, but you don't have to always look pretty you can also benefit from having high maintenance privilege. People can detect how much effort you put into your appearance. People who exercise, eat well, get enough sleep and have pleasant attitudes are viewed with admiration. It's not only about your appearance; it can also be about the things you do, how you love yourself, and the energy you exude.
True that!! I generally enjoy looking at my best; not because I want to have "that" priviledge it's more on I'm more confident when I felt like I'm at my best and taking care of myself.
I always thought being cute or average is not that baad, it prevents you from too much attention for the wrong reason but you know that if you put in the effort you can get some of it ! ☀️
I just struggle to empathize with people who complain about the things that made them millionaires. Everyone has struggles, but most people's struggles don't also earn them enough money to retire by age 30 and it just feels very spoiled when Emily Ratajkowski/Megan Fox types align themselves with those who are materially held back and who have to live in the real world while dealing with their problems. Bring attention to the issues but have some self-awareness while doing so.
I wouldnt describe Anya as 'classically beautiful". She is a rare, out of this world beauty
so true
She's beautiful, she's white, tall, delicate features, she's young. Come on, for that reason she was a model.
@@marte1376 There is something different in her eyes, though. How she stares
She is completely conventional especially in European countries. She is white and blonde lmao
@@SlayerNinaFriki the space between her eyes is just slightly wider than the rest of the women in Hollywood, that's it.
i've always been the "pretty girl" and got bullied a lot when I was younger because my abusive mother wanted me to be perfect in school and forced me to get good grades and be closed off to people then she'd love me. so I'd watch these movies and couldn't absolutely for the life of me relate to them. it was like either you're pretty or you get bullied,there's no in between. i felt out of place in school and even by escaping in movies i found no relief. now i finally understand why
I often feel like I can't win with people no matter what. Avoidance and/or jealousy.
Thank you for this video, especially including Elle Woods. I have been told by my own family members that I look like her. It’s so weird because I never considered myself to be the “pretty girl” (just an average or okay girl) but I can relate to some of these struggles of women trying to be taken seriously. And having people make judgments about you based on your looks. Thank you so much for highlighting how it’s not always fun to be considered pretty because of what people assume about who you are because of the way you look.
I'll never forget in the 2000s how transforming the princess from ugly to pretty in The Princess Diaries hinged on straightening her curls. I was forever self-conscious of my own curls after that.
I'm gonna be honest just to share my experience. I've been the ugly, the average, and the pretty. Because I tried hard to glo up each day and it did pay off well. Maybe some of you guys are interested. I felt more confident sharing this with random strangers on the Internet than with people that know me. I'll try to explain it shortly...
Age 5 - 12 the ugly
Pros :
- Gets to stay at home playing video games. No one is interested to hang out with me anyway.
- I could literally do dumb crazy shit and NO ONE CARES.
- No need to waste time dressing up to go anywhere. Efficiency.
- No need to touch up or worry about appearance.
- I don't care if I don't shower for a week lol. No one cares either. Another efficiency.
Cons :
- No hopes in love. Boys just get brutally honest that they don't like me cuz I'm ugly.
- Definitely hate to be in a photo. Always looked ugly :(
- Only got one small circle and when conflict happens there are no more friends but to wait for my friends to solve things with me.
- Either joke material or ignored 24/7 no in between.
- Nobody gives any attention at all lol
- Only hung out with the 3 friends I had. Since nobody is interested to be a new friend.
- Family members make fun of me and even say that I got uglier each day LMAO.
- LONELY AF. Cats are like my only deep deep friend.
- No miracles happening lmao. Just sleep is the only go-to.
- I'm the last at everything... This list can go on more...
Age 13 - 16 the average
Pros :
- A couple of friends here and there.
- Crushing in this stage is fun. I can really feel the challenge and still have fun without worrying of much about his value. Mutual chemistry and comfort are all I need and so do the average guys.
- Got a few guys here and there who starts to have a crush on me. It was an amazing experience knowing that back then.
- A relationship in this stage is just a comfort zone cuz I can get to be the real who I am and the boy see your true self quicker too.
- Can be the funny one in the group.
- ISTG this is the best stage to get friends. having a circle here is really fun.
- I can posts stuff on social media about anything. Even stupid stuff to my 300 followers. Nothing to be worried about cuz nobody expects high from me either.
- I easily get butterflies from the most average guy ever... but it was fun back then LMAO.
- Parents don't really expect high from me either :/
- Can hang out with ANYONE.
Cons :
- I either get really ugly guys or guys with less effort. That's all I always get.
- Whenever I try to be more extra in my appearance, people lowkey or BLUNTLY bullies like as if telling me to stop trying and that I'm not pretty/can't. This stage is where people are comfortable with the "nothing extra" of me. Am I even explaining that right? The thing is people still look down on me when I tried to go higher or better than usual.
- Always get the regular no-effort guys. Even when boys have a crush on me there's no special effort. I always gotta put some effort too. When I broke up with my non-chalant man of 2 years, having a thing with a higher in financial or appearance value man, I always put at the last and treated like shit.
- Well it depends... but for me, I was the "funny" one. As back then I wasn't pretty yet... It's like I need to be funny all the time. One time I got a bit sad and unsocial not like usual, people just don't check on me but my closest friends. Since I don't have a pretty face. To entertain is all I can do to make friends talk to me. (Other than my close friends)
- It's weird that at this stage I got bullied more than in the ugly stage. Usually by the popular upperclassmen. The senior girls don't want me to see me glo up. I know that. Cuz in this stage I constantly tried different things to better myself up. (Honestly fake friends too.)
- This stage is a kinda crisis to me. I'm stuck in the middle like... Not pretty and not ugly. Am I pretty or am I ugly??? It's confusing LMAO. Maybe that got me bullied too? WEIRD.
- Since I can hang out with anyone on this stage without worrying much about their value, I get too humble that people use me. Since I'm not ugly they're friends with me AND since I'm not pretty, they don't really respect me. (But isn't all friends, just happens to some.)
- The cons of this stage are just pretty much confusing and crisis.
Age 17 - 18 the pretty (I'm currently 18)
Pros :
- I always notice guys looking at me for too long.
- Likes to take photos. I am loving the results. I can even make aesthetic photos. IG game strong.
- CV got accepted easily. I worked at the age of 18 with a good income.
- SO MANY GUYS CRUSHING. AND THEY PUT EFFORT. I don't really need to do anything. I always win in "love games"
- Got men that actually put A LOT of effort into the relationship, care about special days, are protective, and are obsessed over me. AND MORE.
- Whenever I post instastory there will be ALWAYS someone replied. Giving me company or compliments.
- Be the golden child of the family. My grandma buys me everything and calls me pretty. She usually doesn't. I got spoilt.
- Friends are sooo easy to get. But usually guy friends. Still, I can go out anytime and they would accompany me.
- Yes, I do weaponize my beauty. Sorry not sorry. Its fun to get what I want.
- Whether I'm funny or not, putting effort or not, I have a pretty face and body. People would still want me around anyways.
Cons :
- I need to constantly keep my appearance pretty. I used to be so skinny and overall bad. Now I eat more, workout, routine showers, makeup before going out, hair must be ironed, and my outfit MUST be on point.
- As much as I get attention easily from guys... GREAT power comes GREAT responsibility. I need to keep my walls up all the time and put out the best performance or persona to keep them interested and to see which one is the best of all. I don't want men who only want me purely of my appearance and no other reason.
- GIRLS randomly just hates me and talk shit about me when I didn't do shit. So many backhanded compliments. Hard to find good women friends. That's why I only hung out with guys usually. Cuz the girls don't want me around. I put A LOT of effort cuz I want women friends so bad but they just never accept me. I never take anyone's man or bother people's relationships. I SWEAR.
- Parents now began to be more STRICT.
- I rarely get butterflies anymore. I need them to put more EFFORT and I'm now judging their values if it fits my standard or not. My Mom also suggested I do this to men for my own good.
- I also don't want to hang out with anyone anymore... I judge their values too from now on.
- I need to keep a good image on social media. My Mom also told me to do that because I've entered some type of fancy high-level competition that got me to have thousands of followers, etc. Keeping my image and not posting stupid random stuff on the internet is crucial.
- A man once told me on a date "What can you do anyway?" in a mocking tone. I ghosted him after. Yeah, people didn't really believe either pretty girls can do much. ( I proved them wrong )
- Since I'm pretty people think I'm happy all the time. They think I'm happy since the day I'm born. When I'm sad they'll think its not a big deal. Little did they know I have big problems too. Not to mention my childhood is traumatic cuz I'm living in an abusive family.
- I just have the need to be always perfect. When I go out is as equal as I'm on stage. The show must go on.
Just want to get it out of my chest. There could've been 100 lists if I want to ahaha. The easiest level is *The Average* . Especially if you are not trying to break out of your comfort zone. Your life would probably just be normal every day, no unexpected drama. But I broke my comfort zone. I do miss the butterflies, the friends, and the freedom I get when I was average. But to have the pretty privilege now, I'm still very grateful and still staying strong to keep going at this stage. To be pretty is the hardest because it needs control at ALL times. GREAT power comes GREAT responsibility. Pretty girls can be used negatively by people if just carelessly being pretty and many more. I'm speaking this objectively and honestly. Thanks for reading, sorry for my bad English grammar.
When I dress up and look pretty and feminine, I am treated better. Hands down, period, however I would say that I also seem to be treated as helpless on many occasions. It’s interesting…
@@emmamusic4600 ooof yep, definitely with weight loss. I used to be overweight and not very attractive until about 19 and people that never talked to me or had actually made fun of me now were nice to me. It’s ridiculous.
That's so funny that a video about being pretty is sponsored by "Mubi" which means ugly in Zulu. Amazing video though, I am hooked, so glad I found you guys
My thoughts exactly mntase 🤣🤣🤣😂😩
I work in a middle school. I get sexually harassed by middle school boys several times a day. The school tells me that they're "learning" so I just have to deal with this everyday. It's frustrating that they treat me so differently from they're male or older female teachers. A complete lack of respect. They don't take me seriously just because of how I look. It's infuriating. And this is my second job. I left the first because my boss was always harassing me and no one would take the situation seriously
It would be great to have an essay about the importance of University name over the actual knowledge.
When I was a kid my mom told me I needed to watch Erin Brockovich so I could see how looks don't matter blah blah blah. But Erin literally took her power back by using her looks to work for her. While people continued to bash her and treat her like crap based on her looks. Kinda didn't prove what she thought it was proving, it was just another jab at her and at me. I heard a joke on a sitcom once, "she's so pretty her own mom hates her" and it made me sad because... it's a thing.
Just to be clear, a person has the right to be naked without the fear or expectation of non-consensual groping.
Just like a person has the right to wave handfuls of cash without the fear or expectation of being robbed. 🙄
Good video. I liked the section on the fear of losing the beauty, pls make a video about it!
I grew up a plain teen and turned into an attractive woman at around 18. I felt a massive change in how I was treated. Now, that I turned 30, I am afraid to lose my pretty priviledge and special treatment. The wrinkles are starting to appear and holding my weight is harder...it is freaking scary to imagine where I will be at 40
yes this would be a great video!
Same here. I'm 35. Start getting into skincare now and look your friends who are in their 40s and still beautiful. If you don't have any look at older celebrities...though of course many of them have had work done 🤣 I get told I look younger all the time, my face has thinned out more cheekbones which is a benefit to getting older. It really isn't that bad just take care of yourself you'll always be attractive to your age group and those near your age group if you just take care of yourself. 😘
I have had a similar experience, as a teen most people considered me "unattractive". As I got older, it seems that I was reconsidered as "attractive". But I am a light skinned Latina with Indigenous and African features (full lips, big nose, "almond shaped" eyes) So it's complicated...some people (racists) would still call me "ugly". Anyway I am almost 40 and many people assume I am 25-28 years old. Joke's on you. That non European DNA helps with not getting wrinkles too early, plus a good diet, skincare, etc. But there have been some big disadvantages to being considered "pretty" like the sexual harassment and assaults. And the fact is BOTH men and women have felt they had the right to say vulgar, vile shit to my face and/or online. A lot of women are petty and jealous creatures who will not ally themselves with someone they consider "competition" so you have to suffer the abuse alone and mostly in silence. All this to say, I feel for Joan Holloway...even though she is a white, redheaded woman. I can relate to so many of the experiences she went through.
@@AnitaFixx77 Christina Hendricks is so beautiful to me.
@@IONov990 YES, I love Joan/Christina too! And not just for her looks...I love her attitude, smarts, and resourcefulness! The whole package! 💜
The "price of pretty" is still way cheaper than the cost of being an ugly woman.
Being an ugly woman is an expensive life cost that charges you all through your youth.
You don't equalize until about 45 when most women "hit the wall"
Yes and the toll on your confidence and what you feel your value is like if you feel confident to ask for a raise. Pretty people don't realize the confidence boost they have gotten from day one. That ties into their actions and behaviors.
Now I know you're a man, no woman would say "hit the wall" that's classic Red pill terminology. Women generally recognise the beauty in each other at all ages.
@@nina-ls4wc - plenty of women participate in the manosphere on TH-cam. Including you since you know the jargon.
@@nina-ls4wc That's not even red pill 😂 that's a common enough saying, women are allowed to say things that men say too ya know
You don’t know that🙂
This reminded me of how I used to think of myself as pretty. Something I haven't thought of for a long time. In fact, nowadays I think I'm passable, and only let a picture be taken of me if I have make-up on.
The weird thing is that I grew up as a child who was constantly praised as being a beautiful little girl.
I will say that one thing that does bother is when some people get defensive about pretty privilege, they cite being sexually assaulted/harassed as a reason for their lack of privilege. As if “ugly” people don’t get assaulted all the time, or that studies show that looks aren’t the greatest factor when comes to SA.
someone in the comment section above actually said it (that ugly women have it better because they don't get any unwanted attention etc.)
I think its true though. Yeah rape and assault isn't entirely about looks, but there is a very real thing where guys harass women who stand out, or if you are particularly attractive, they feel entitled to have the prettiest girl, or they feel insecure in comparison so they turn around and act extra toxic.
I know for a fact that I have been catcalled and harrassed less than some of my more conventionally attractive friends from a young age. It depends on where you live, the rape culture or lack therof that exists there. Also there are different kinds of harrassment, abuse, and assault. Abusive men tend to seek out insecure people they can control and manipulate. Catcallers want to bring you down from afar. Gropers get a thrill out of ruining your day and asserting control over you, violating you, and some men find it more exciting the more attractive or valuable they perciev the woman to be.
I personally have no problem admitting that. I don't think you need to pretend like its not real. Priviliege is not equal in all aspects of life.
I’m a pretty, curvy kind of goofy black woman. Ppl assume I’m dumb and sexual. They associate me with black female rappers. Like I’m nothing like them. I’m actually a stem major
Whenever I work in a team, some women refuse to talk to me and purposely leave me out. I got bullied in every workplace n they were all women. I am quite humble but like to dress smart, am a graduate,exercise etc and work hard. This behaviour always puzzled me. I'm not going to presume it's because of the "pretty girl" syndrome but sometimes I wonder. I'm friendly, down to earth, can stand up for myself and have friends. It's not like I'm a weirdo. Maybe this explains it? I'm not vain, but I do like yo look smart and have my act together.
I wish I could meet you! I'm not really a feminine woman, but definitely a girl's girl, and no matter how pretty you are, I wouldn't get jealous, I would just want us to be friends and have fun together!
@@alexlee9180 thank you Alex. 😊
major red flag. if even other females despise you there must be something seriously wrong with you, and judging by the high content of narcissism in your post I'm guessing your insufferable irl. I feel sorry for anyone who has to work with you.
Please cover the "Beauty is Bad" trope, where a character's attractive looks don't make them a good, high moral person.
I'd like to say that it's part of Monica Lewinsky's struggle because while she was body shamed for her weight she also dealt with not with these nasty reactions from women, often suspicious and jealous of her looks, or from men who treat her like a conquest or possession. We can even say that that scene in an impeachment in the comedy writer's room can also express how men try to punish women that are not accessible.
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 stop making side chick's feminist icons. It's so misguided lmao
@@idk-jy6cc If you don't like what I have to say, why talk so slut shamingly? I believe she repented and that it was a clear abuse of power. Also newflash: all of us are sidechicks in some ways.
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 to be fair, I thought it was a smart move that in the show Monica Lewinsky is portrayed by an actress who is obviously heavier than Lewinsky was at that point in her life, going against the notion that only skinny women are desirable and can have "excitement" in their lives. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing aspirational about this whole story in itself, quite the opposite, but at the same time it was great to see a "plus-size" woman on screen, who was living a life that is usually only reserved for "pretty women". Would be even better if wasn't a Monica Lewinsky story and ended differently(
they already did in the video
One aspect of being pretty that the video did not go into is the effect it has on other women. Other women deemed ‘not as pretty’ often are very jealous and imagine you interfering with their ability to get a man. They often will start nasty rumours besmirching your sexuality. Therefore friendships are difficult to make among women and men only want to bed you. Also, many men believe that this power you have over them is something you do on purpose and hate you because of it. And if you are a thinking person, you see all these dynamics at play and realize that beauty is fleeting, it goes with age. It’s of little worth, and can be a curse.
Mannnn, the part about “something you do on purpose”… that right there!!! How crazy is it to be perpetually blamed for something that’s happening to THEM just by your existence?!? You’ve just explained my life! And what even is this lack of accountability on their part? It’s like they think we’re performing witchcra-I now understand how witch accusations was a real thing 😳
@@PortiaDDoesStyle yes. I've often said the same thing. If I had lived during the time of witch burnings, I would have definitely been burned. Like you said, it's like they think you have witchcraft.
"He doesn't make me feel like a pretty girl. He makes me feel like... like me." GOLD
The White characters in Get Out weren't pretending to be liberal, they WERE liberal. That's a huge part of what made it so effective.