ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ส.ค. 2024
- Have you ever wondered how your upbringing shapes your life? In this insightful video, we delve into the profound impact of childhood experiences or childhood trauma on your mental health, relationships, and lifestyle choices.
Understanding attachment styles, attachment theory and how you were raised can provide valuable insights into why we behave the way we do in adulthood. So this video is for you.
#life #attachment #childhood
Researcher/Writer: Stela Košić
Script Editor: Brie Cerniglia
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: Suu
TH-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
Realising i didn't receive affection growing up was a hard lesson. Id instinctively label those i saw getting affection as spoiled, not realising that was a normal amount. In my adult years the main reason i want a relationship is to have someone to hug and hold forever.
Same here.
I always want a super close friend.
I feel like I have nobody to talk to..
bro wtfff rhis comment just explained me?? especially the spoiled and relationship thing
Same, they're trying now but i just can't get myself to be affectionate, haven't even hugged someone in 12 years
@@marsha4253please try to go to atleast someone u trust, your parents might think you would overreact but going to a really close friend you trust and talk about your problems helps out a lot. I know how hard it is bc I was also touch starved but after talking to someone I trust I became more open and happy, still keeping a lot to myself but sharing this with a friend makes you feel relieved. Trust me it helped me out a lot
I know.my parents love me and tried to do their best to raise me, but some choices made me have anxiety and depression, and it's just- so hard being an adult on your own now.
Изучи труды Арсена Маркаряна, вырулишь из этой ситуации.
My mom cheated on my dad. After she won custody of me and my siblings she lied to us and told us that it was actually my dad who cheated on her and forbid us from having a relationship with her. She then abused her position as the only parent I had in my life to use my desire for love and support against me to bully me. I've been recovering in therapy and my life is much better now that I am free of her but I cannot help but grieve at the years of my life I will never get back because I had a warped perception of life and other people because of the abuse I suffered. Thank you for reading and I hope whoever you are you are healing too.
B*tches like that are the reason why men have lost faith in women as a whole.
Wow, that's hard! I can't really relate but I feel with you!
My mom had all kinds of men in her life and all of them alcoholics and abusive to all of us
@@derlenzer5510 Thank you I appreciate it
@grandmastermario3695 Yep same. Thankfully none of my moms boyfriends were abusive but many of them were addicts and they never stuck around long. I hope you are doing well and maintaining hope for a better future
An angry, anti-social adult is almost always a neglected or somehow abused child. Of course there are exceptions, but they are rare. I think it helps if we view adults this way and try and connect & understand rather than immediately judge or be hateful.
Angry, anti social......Christ...great.
For me, it's not so much the angry part, but anti-social. I just don't give a shit about much. Grew up many years accepting I was just that backup embryo, potentially even an organ donor if my brother who they actually acknowledged as existing were to get into an accident. Then I left home, discovered that I'm actually pretty gifted and that there's nothing wrong with me. Years later, parents don't remember shit and that's fine. Just means I don't owe them a damn thing. Once I wrap up my master's, I'm actually considering just leaving my state and not bothering with family gatherings anymore.
No wonder why I'm angry, anti social and lonely. I shouldn't have been born.
@@jackofthecoke Well, growing up feeling like what you described, it seems you've done a hell of a job pursuing a Master's degree. Some people would just give up. I almost did at one point and am very glad I didn't. I think you should be proud of that.
@@frog6054 woah,you don't have to screw yourself over something you can't control
ik you're pissed about the past,but i'm sure it's possible to grow out of that
I'm sure most people commenting were raised right or fair/strict to disconnected.
But it is hard for those who are neglected and even emotionally neglected by bad parents, caretakers that weren't ready or inappropriately raising children.
Worse if you are the scapegoat.
It's never a good feeling being in this situation. We do have a video on scapegoat. Have you watched it before? Signs Your Family is Using You as the SCAPEGOAT th-cam.com/video/wyjdB-tg9rM/w-d-xo.html
@@Psych2goah yes, promoting another video. I would have done the same 👍
@@Foxpug pfft ikr, talk about using someone's wounds to segway into self-promotion. Sure feels great to be listened to for once, I bet that OP is ecstatic over it
@@DrummerrDuckie damn bro chill
I was neglected and beaten for not being good enough along with parents who treated love like a transaction. Get good grades, get love while ignoring my emotional needs and tell me “I have no right to be upset” or “I’ll give you a reason to cry about”(while pulling out something to beat me with). And when I started having panic attacks multiple times a day as a 10 year old, I got angry reactions from my brother and father cause my breathing was “annoying”. I was diagnosed with panic disorder shortly after a mandatory wellness check sent from my school. I still struggle with anxiety issues to this day and with suspected c-ptsd and possible borderline personality with extreme codependency issues already established by a professional. You are not alone my friend. The best we can do is if we have kids, let’s not be the parents we had.
My father’s voice *is* the monster I hear. Regrettably this video was accurate, hard to get through, and should be taken to heart for people like me.
My family's voices are the worst. Felt that bro 😔
Same thing, and I fear about the thought of cutting links with him some day. I feel like I need it, but I feel guilty about my mother and the rest of the family. Idk. It's a real mental struggle and an anxious one.
True. As an adult I feel empty.
Grow up. Go watch that video then
Shut up@@walmart-vz3lz
@@walmart-vz3lz no need to be so harsh man
@@walmart-vz3lz Are these videos not supposed to positive and helpful?
@@CertifiedMenaceEnjoyer True. A bit of a melodramatic reaction.
Im so lucky to have my mom. She is perfect and she is the reason i don't have any childhood trauma or even bad memories even though there was physical abuse going on openly in my joint household. She protected me, from everything, she's my mom and my dad, she's like my guardian angel, she is my hero. I love you mom.
you are so lucky. mine is always shamed and abused me. i feel empty there is nothing inside me
@@user-ul5no4ck1e And you still didn't give up, that's really hard to do. You can be proud of that. I think I know how you feel, it's the lowest point. It's when anyone and anything that's supposed to cheer you up feels disgusting and even the thought of getting better feels pointless.
But brother, believe me, that's only your brain being drained of the feel good chemicals. That's all. It's a part of your body not working right, it just happens to be your brain which makes it hard to distinguish. You're not insane, not crazy, not wrong about how you feel. You suffer something you didn't choose and ending your life is permanent, depression isn't. So it's never the right choice. I've been where you are, the lowest of the low. You will for sure have more dopamine and serotonin again one day, and don't trust medication, they make you worse. You will get better and my words right here will feel right. Right now your brain is like "yeah whatever" and then infinite sadness again, right? You'll make it, it's just a short ride, this life. God was bored and had everything, that's why he made us, to feel what we feel. Surprise, fear, pain, all the things. We exist for all of it. God bless you.
I pray that God set people free of childhood trauma
@@Dan-pk5hm me too
You don't how lucky you really are
I can't tell how much I want to leave my family and just settle with someone whom I actually love 😞
0:30 The Anger Tutorial
1:59 Stone Cold
3:24 Go Away!
4:39 Nothing's Off-Limits
I've learned to do the opposite of what my family does. I stopped asking them for advice, I learned more by myself
Me too
You all must be such good people, i wish everyone was like that
I guess that mean you couldn't lean on them for help...
This is huge. You're raised by at least 5 main parties, ideally. Your caregiver/s, your peers, society and teachers, your mentors who can relate to you perhaps better than your parents can, and very importantly, yourself. I love the topic of this video because no one is an island. Behind most success stories is often an army of people playing a role at different times. And what makes every ongoing relationship impactful is the space that was held.
Growing up... my parents were loud; slammed and shoved doors and drawers; belittling; and one had standards that I always feel like I can never reach. Now I still suffer from occasional episodes of where I'd kick or slam a door shut. When I was younger, I was more prone to outbursts of anger when it came to my parents that I did what they did when they got angry.
My parents were definitely the “nothing’s off-limits” ones. But, by a miracle, my mom was really into psychology, which got me into psychology, which saved me from growing up to be a spoiled brat.
Sometimes coddling too much can lead to low self esteem. I find myself constantly looking for guidance from others because I do not trust my own independent thoughts.
Yes. I remember crying one ti me in the living room because of how miserable I was even at that age (I was around 12) My entire family left the room without saying a word. Unfortunately I still live with them.
i'm so sorry u had to go through that...i hope u r doing okay now...just know u r not alone ♥
@@indukrishnar5244 I could be better, but I appreciate the support
I feel you. I'm still living with my father who gets angry rapidly for s**t, slams doors, cheats and told me many times that crying is useless. I hate him. I hate him because when I get angry, I'm like him. And it feels like a curse. Let's hope we can get out of here as soon as possible.
@@opheliebell22 once I get through this next year of college, I can move out. Wbu?
I grew up with an addict mother and here’s how my situation affected me.
Her drug of choice was meth, she became a very aggressive and narcissistic woman. Her come downs always made her so incredibly angry. She would insult, threaten, abuse, neglect and embarrass her kids. Her rage was unmatched and out’ve control. If she wasn’t mad, she just wasn’t home or would be in bed depressed rotting for days on end.
As an adult this caused me to be terrified of working jobs, My nervous system is on constant overdrive from domestic violence. I genuinely am fearful of making mistakes in places where “it matters.” Being yelled at has super negative effects on my mental. I usually go blank and don’t say anything, I’m triggered and can’t clam down hours after it’s happened. (This is only in work environments)
Another thing I struggle with is anger. I can sit with my anger for hours and not get over things easily. I also developed a very sharp tongue that causes me to say hurtful things or be super opinionated at times. Shamefully, I use to get into a lot of physical fights with people as well. This part of myself was the worse thing I picked up.
I find romantic intimacy SUPER overwhelming. I crave it just like anyone else but can’t let myself be vulnerable for it which causes me to feel terrible about myself on a whole new level.
While someone might have a less than ideal home life - it is vital to understand that it is possible to grow and change into a person you want to be regardless of your origins
True, I am now married and fighting myself to not be like my parents. It sucks how the traumas appear everyday.😢
My mom would frequently yell at me and it made me scared to talk to her up till we knew she was gonna die. I tried to come talk to her and hug her but she told me to go away, that was the last time we really talked. I think it affected me more than i let myself think it did
It’s okay to let go of your mom. At the end of the day she and you are your own persons. Human beings able to exist separately. I’m sorry she left you with a wound. I hope you heal friend, you deserve to feel worthy.
None of it was your fault. Don't blame yourself for your families behavior if you do.
try being born as the favourite child next time. It usually makes life way eaiser.
@@anderstermansen130 Often times being the "favorite child" is not worth being it, if it requires setting yourself back constantly or bending yourself for them. Can have various reasons why they act like it ofc but your family not loving you as they should is on them. Not you.
I couldn't stop crying during this entire video!! when did things get so real here?? 😫💔✊🏼💢☠️
No idea😭
I’m the exact opposite of my parents. I have a loyal polite nice kind generous energetic personality where I smile be happy by making others feel satisfied. I certainly have witness aggression throughout my life mostly from my father. I’ll never forget the sad childhood that I experienced. Since I’m a mature young adult now that does not affect me currently as it did back then. Im hoping to really try becoming more social again by hanging out with only the cool people that I know very well.
i think i'm the only one, but I CAN'T STAND EVEN 1 MINUTE WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS, not because it's bad, but YOUR VOICEEE!! SOO ADORABLEEE
No. I am too
"In the real world there is no nature vs. nurture argument, only an infinitely complex and moment-by-moment interaction between genetic and environmental effects" - Gabor Mate
Yesss, I learned this way too late on my twenties. When my parents fought, they just screamed, slammed the door shut, ignored each other for a full day and came back the next acting like nothing happened. Naturally, when having an argument with my bf, I thought that’s how you solve fights: running away and never talking about it again. Well, turns out that’s not how you solve problems.. took me way too long to question my own behaviors and realizing that my parents were not great role models when it come to having a functional relationship.
I know this is kind of off-topic, but i just wanted to thank you for these videos. They really helped me to recognize many of my different situations, especially when I needed to understand and help out a friend the most. Thank you. 💜✨️
Man i just love this. Every video is masterpiece and i can relate to lots of problems. These videos show that there are still people who care which is a relief. Thanks.
From the time I was 6 or 7, my so called father Herb Superb expected me to work around the house and was always hollering sarcastic things like, "I hope you never have to do something, you don't want to do it" Or, "You can't do what you want, you have to do what you DON'T want, whether you like it or not." So for all of my life, I have been doing things I don't want to do, even when I'm aware of what it is, that makes me do them
"The Ax forgets but, the Tree remembers." That is quite interesting. Never heard that and learned something new from this video. These videos seem to make me sad...perhaps because my parents divorced when I was young. They weren't emotionally there, neither one. As I'm older now, I am healing childhood wounds and becoming the best version of myself possible. I try to take one day at a time 😌 Also Love myself.❤❤❤❤❤
I grew up in a very unstable, volatile home...explains alot
I do suggest Ayahuasca
@@redllarbxen3237 dmt and i are well aquanted
Aquainted
I'm glad you put in the "Nothing's Off Limits" one, that one isn't spoken about often and is of course something I struggle with at my age of 19.
I would love to see a video on how being a victim of bullying in childhood can affect you as an adult.
Me too.
I was told in counselling, my upbringing with my parents made me a prime target at school for bullying. I was hounded and persued in school for 2y. Being constantly frightened, was the start of the anxiety and looking into the future to escape/hide/runaway.
I'm now in my fifties and still scared of other people in certain situations.
My mother beat me relentlessly, while my father was not one to be crossed. He only walloped me a few times. But I knew not to cross the line with him. He always got his own way on everything. It was a very cold and unloving household.
My only love came from my grandmother, but she died when I was 14 😢
Me too.
I was told in counselling, my upbringing with my parents made me a prime target at school for bullying. I was hounded and persued in school for 2y. Being constantly frightened, was the start of the anxiety and looking into the future to escape/hide/runaway.
I'm now in my fifties and still scared of other people in certain situations.
My mother beat me relentlessly, while my father was not one to be crossed. He only walloped me a few times. But I knew not to cross the line with him. He always got his own way on everything. It was a very cold and unloving household.
My only love came from my grandmother, but she died when I was 14 😢
Not my parents but at school in the 4th Grade I would be punished for making a mistake or if I did something wrong. So I made sure to not make any mistakes or do anything wrong so that no one would hate me.
Me too
Im 18 now, but i feel that my parent's punishment lead to this same behavior which effectively wasted 10 years of my life, by being unsocial, ect
@@javant6993 I'm 31, this happened 21 years ago. So because half of the class essentially told me to "leave them alone" while the other half did nothing about it, it felt like I deserved it. So I decided to leave everyone alone forever by not talking to people unless they talk to me. My parents don't like that I've been doing this the entire time and I didn't tell them because I didn't want to be called a tattletale.
If you aren't already, please make sure to go to therapy! I'm in a similar situation, and I've only just started to even comprehend my trauma, but therapy is helping quite a lot!
@@derlenzer5510 That's what I'm going to do on Wednesday, thanks.
My sister told me recently that we're all a version of our child-like self. It's the truest thing I've heard her say, and makes me feel better that I'm not the only one dealing with my past traumas.
As a grew up and complained about stupid useless things my parents would say to not complain because someone is going through worse witch at first sounds like a good thing but now that I have grown up a bit and I have mental issues my brain instinctively goes to well someone is suffering more than you so you don’t deserve to complain.
“In some other life I would be rich. I’d travel in style, I’d cover the bill. But couldn’t complain, bout anything small, nobody feel bad for me at all.”-AJR
Except it’s not just small and it’s not another life it’s my current one.
If you aren't already, make sure to go to therapy. You deserve to be happy!
@@derlenzer5510 I want to but that means I have to talk to my parents about it and if I do one of two things will happen. Either my parents will shrug it off and say I don’t have it or they will use it as an opportunity to control my life limiting the time I get to things and fourcing me to go do stuff that I absolutely hate. And it’s a lose lose situation for me.
pessimist nature already kicking on 🔥🔥
I hope someday people can start behaving all across the board! I mean all people, the entire world population! I know and realize this is a very tall order, but I also believe in miracles, and you never know what's possible and achieveablle! The future may have an amazing surprise for all of us! Be safe, be kind and take care!
Why am I actually here early?
Thanks for being here early! :D
Same here, got here real early as well 😅
u r not alone
SAME
😮same
Out of all the videos I've watched from this channel, this one made me tear up. My parents were and still the go away. I'm 43 now.
THANK YOU❤
You're very welcome! We hope this video can help you out!
I was always raised to ignore my problems and only focus on what matters, I was raised to be super independent and learn on my own, except now I can't focus on what matters or my problems often leaving me null and empty, being raised to be independent made me have super amounts of social anxiety and not know how to function with other people
I love watching your videos because they help me understand what people around me might be going through. But this one was made me feel very appreciative of my parents and how I was raised. I think I need to give my parents a nice call😊
My mom and my stepdad always fight, and ever time they fought my step dad would go to his mom's house and be gone for a week or two, and ever time he did that my mom would drink. She would never hit me or anything, it's just the words she said hurt me more than geting slapped or hit. What hurt me the most was when she said "i wish i never had you", that's what led me to depression, i started getting mad at the smallest things and started throwing things even.
Im 11 now and im trying to be a better person, to anyone else that has to hide their depression, tell someone that can help you go through whatever you're going through, and i hope you get better❤️
Really great! As an adult I recognize my key family members behavior as NPD tries or was my sibling calls it "egocentric" this was great training for the real world !
We appreciate your insights. Keep making an impact on the community.
Omg this’s why i’m like this.. bc my mother never wanted me and my father never accepted me everything make sense now
*JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS WANT YOU TO FAIL DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU DON'T HAVE THE FREE WILL CHOICE TO SUCCEED. YOU CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING! YOU CAN TURN IT ALL AROUND! YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF WIN! YOUUUUUUU CAN BECOME AND BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE! THEY WANT YOU TO BE A LOSER BUT YOU WANT TO BE A WINNER! THEY WANT YOU TO BE WEAK BUT YOU WANT TO BE STRONGER! YOUUUUUUU CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE HOWEVER YOUUUUUUU WANT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE! WINNERS FOCUS ON WINNING!!!🏆😚👧🏻😚👧🏻WHILE LOSERS FOCUS ON WINNERS!*
My dad beat me and my mom growing up. The throwing, yelling, breaking is very accurate. He'd call himself "the hulk". Im a 30yo man now and the rage in me scares me sometimes. Its so...unhinged. Like fire from hell is eating me from the inside. Like my spirit is vomiting fire. I see his face in the damn mirror, and get angry. Every time he crosses my mind, I am enraged.
I am now dealing with parents that need quite a bit of help from in their advanced age. My father had little patients when dealing with me as a small child but now fully expects MAX patients when I interact with him. Often I struggle with not tearing into him like he did me when I was little and made a mistake. Constantly called a Retard when I made a mistake or just did something dumb. He complains who young people treat older people, I shake my head and try to be better than what was afforded to me.
Ok so, novel warning:
My mom was an alcoholic. When she was sober she was the best mom ever, but when she was drinking, well…
She would constantly complain and make me do stuff. She would fall asleep from like, 12:00-5:00, when dinner was. I would come out of my room and tell her that it was time for dinner (I just recently learned how to cook). She would yell at me and tell me for half an hour more rest. When I would ask why, she would tell me that she only got 2 hours of sleep (she had severe insomnia and anorexia) and to leave her alone for half an hour. When 5:30 came, I would tell her to make dinner. Her response was “Go find some snacks. I can’t make dinner right now”. When I asked why she yelled at me. Usually then I would call my dad. I’m an only child and they got divorced when I was 4. He lives across the street from my mom’s house. I can just remember so many nights where I would get the phone and she would scream at me to put it down. I can still picture her lunging (not really more like running but it felt like lunging to me) towards me. I would hold the phone high over my head and she would scream as a pushed her out of my room and closed the door. My room also had no locks. I can remember me rushing to punch the numbers in to call my dad. So many nights were like that. I developed a fear of sleeping in my mom’s bed because she would yell at me when I was trying to sleep. I also have a fear of change, because so much of my life is uncertainty. I can’t even change the layout of my room, it’s that bad. Although when my mom was sober she would take me shopping and cook some of the best meals, she had a talent for cooking. My mom really did shape me. I feel like I got some discipline from her drinking. In most ways, it ruined my life, but in others, it made me stronger and not as afraid (or more afraid, when you think about it) Yes I have a really bad temper, but I’m working on it, and it’s improved a lot. And I have the best friend ever, shes like a therapist to me. She really understands. Sometimes I’ll explain that I will constantly do something and say I don’t know why I do and she is always right there with an explanation. Sadly, 1 month ago my mom passed due to her anorexia and alcoholism.
Thats all! Just explaining how it shaped me! (Who’s not even an adult yet)
too long, didnt read.
@@anderstermansen130 Ummm, ok. You didn’t have to say that. I was venting. Really makes me feel better!!! Thanks!
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“Go away” hits bullseye.
I love her soft voice 😊
Growing up my parents were definitely “nothings off limits” one but they had expectations for me and disciplined me enough to not make me a spoiled brat. Because of them I have really good grades and I’m grateful for that. Thanks and love you mom dad and grandma ❤
i love your voice by the way
its just so soothing 🖤🖤
This reminds me of this video I saw in MSA where this one girl Kelsey was unloved and neglected by her mom. Her mom wouldn’t even hold her as a baby and her mom was always cold and aloof to her and never gave her love and attention. A lot of times Kelsey would act before she thinks and was desperate for her moms love. I also remember Heinz Doofensmirtz childhood and his parents were also cold and unloving to him, and he was never good enough for him. As an adult this led to Heinz Doofensmirtz being a constant people pleaser he would always try to impress people but was never good enough no matter how hard he tried
From 0:35 to 0:48 really did hit different also how they can just reject you like hits my core honesty my parents arnt really that bad but they fight so much and i hate it when I feel like its my fult witch is most of the time this video honostly explains some stuff thanks for making it
As a person who has always felt like their life is different from others, it definitely hurts to see other people have close relationships with their families. I was raised terribly, but thankfully my grandparents made my childhood a tiny bit better. Weird for me to see other people have freedom to choose even if we're the same ages. Absolutely heartbreaking, now they keep wondering where or what they did wrong.. I wonder where. I thought the things they were doing were normal. I must say, great video!
I was 6 years old in 1994 when I saw bruises on my mum's face from my Late Father after he came home from the pub. Tried to defend my Mum cause I knew it was wrong. Born 3 months premature too. I have AuDHD. I've never in my whole life had a friend. In my Late 30s now and I'm always there for anyone who needs me. I'd move mountains for them. But I've never had someone do that for me before. I see others with friends and wonder how it feels to have someone ring up and say "hey let's go do something".. I'm keen as for the outdoors, anything outdoors.. calms the brain, but don't have anyone to go with. But hey.. it's all goods..
I used have severe anger issues and would always resort to physically hitting people when i am angry. I always wondered why. Now, I realize growing up i was in an unhappy household where yelling, angry parents, physical abuse was common.
I Can relate whit Anger tutorial, learned behaviour, stone cold go away and rejection.
I love your videos they make me realize a lot about why I act how I do 😁
Make my life together
This actually happened to me. Unconsciously, I copied my parents' aggressive behavior and perfectionism. As a teen, I thought it was normal, but as I grew older and became more conscious, I realized that something was wrong with me. That's why I avoided looking in the mirror as much as possible for a long time. Whenever I saw myself in the mirror, I didn't see myself, I only saw the reflection of my parents' angry expressions. It was like a nightmare, but I was awake.
As someone who has been lonely for like 2-3 years, I feel like all this time was some sort of beneficial for me. I learned so much about myself this past year and realized that my mental problems were from my childhood and how my parents raised me. Months ago, I was absolutely depressed and down bad, in misery and complete pessimism in everything, and after I took on a new mindset, I feel like I’ve healed the wounds some bit. I can still see that most scars are dried and will most likely stay with me forever, but now I can at least be comfortable in my own skin.
I never got any professional help because I always thought I didn’t deserve it, and had a very bad look on it. It was a long journey and I don’t want to change it.
People speaking of strict and abusive parents but worst are the parents who just don"t acknowledge their children's existence
The older I get, the more blessed I feel at the parents I was adopted by as a baby. I can not imagine the man I might have become growing up in any other place.
I just broke down in tears as i realized my parents stopped hugging me altogether at some point in my youth and now I don't have anybody to hug anymore and a huge craving for physical closeness and intimacy.
My father follows the anger tutorial. When I was a child I came to the conclusion that when we were angry, we were allowed to lose control and hurt people feelings. So, I definitely learn to copy his behaviour. Today I try to be careful but that's still difficult even though I've made some progress. Badfully, my parents also didn't love me as much than needed. I burst into tears when you talked about rejection because that's what I'm living everyday. However, they don't reject me the way you talked about. It's more than my dad is narcissist and my mom depends of him (so she doesn't defend herself and her children).
Do you think it's possible to heal and change from those learned bad habits and to reform a new, better personality?
I had been shown love from my mother as a child, but my step-father physically abused me and essentially "brainwashed" me into being the child he never could be. I found that incredibly conflicting and non-sensical, but I was also a bullyism victim, so the "I don't matter, it's normal to be closed" erased that shred of knowing my human rights. I genuinely felt like I liver in a different reality, so kid me forced himself to detach from the world around himself to avoid any kind of confrontation with the present and to numb the pain down. After my step-father left, my behavior was still that of someone who felt unsafe near everyone, so I never forced myself to socialize and did all the things I was never allowed to, like accessing the internet. I know all this numbing down has stunted my critical thinking skills and my intuition. I feel so stupid. I had the tools to develop a bright personality and threw it all away.
Not all hope is lost. Mindfulness is helping me at clearing away those thoughts and at using logic. I think there's some mental "locked door" that is locked and is not letting me change.
Honestly..after watching this video I can definitely say my only mom has caused me so much grief, pain, sadness, and loneliness that I genuinely don’t think I can ever be fixed. I never had a childhood to live, just was survival mode, and the one thing I wanted as a kid that truly mattered to me out of everything else, was never even considered. I’m so 19 and yet I feel so alone no matter how many times I talk about my situation with people. No matter how many times I hear: your not alone, or: it will get better, I don’t believe in it, because of how much I suffered and still do suffer. I sadly don’t have help. I can’t afford therapy and friends and family can only do so much. Sometimes..I don’t see a point moving forward.
I experienced literally all of these. It really does suck because people will just judge you for it without ever bothering to care about how you feel.
I have pretty difficult self-image issues and I had asked my parents a while back to set me up with a therapist. I remember that the first thing she asked about was my parents. For all my life I've known that other people have horrible home lives and that I was lucky for having parents that not only adored me but also set reasonable boundaries. I've gone through a lot of research by my self because psychology is somewhat interesting to me but sometimes I forget just how impactful our childhood really is. Unfortunately that therapist was horrible and would belittle me for getting mad or upset about anything. Like I was only ever supposed to be happy. Since then I've used some of my general psychology knowledge to try and be a good friend as well as realize what caused most of my life stress. I hope every person out there who didn't get the childhood everyone deserves find peace at the very least. Everyone deserves to function happily, thank you for reading.
Got 3 out of 4 and still on healing journey. Hope all of us can truly heal ✨
To be honest i have no idea where to start in life, i turned 18 recently a few days ago and my mom kept me inside the house long as i can possibly remember, we poor-ish yet still celebrate birthdays and holidays. my father left when i was young as i was the last born (got 4 older brothers in total 1 moved out) one thing kinda odd and kinda scary is i actually barely never went anywhere at all outside as if i been trapped inside somewhere for years like a novel or something..only to the park, a few stores, a drive around town and back home. Never went on vacation, amusement parks, public school, never had irl friends, etc. Been home schooled literally my whole life to now due to my moms super over-protectiveness, i always asked her for years if i can try either public school or taking a walk alone but she just makes excuses of no schools being near or the peoples dangerous down town which they probably are tbh. yet it dont help that her and my 2nd oldest brother infinitely brain washes me of the dangers outside so badly making me fear the world alone..im more determined then ever for escape and dont wanna pass away in my room from old age, and i still want to make a family and get a job before i get to old. sorry for the rant but im just thinking where to go about everything, i got bad social anxiety and depression holding me back plus trauma, trust issues, slight ptsd if triggered and been mentally //partly sexually abused for many years by two people from the own house im at.
Now I finally understand why I think of these sometimes.... (you were putting different fandoms in one video😮)
Never being told 'I love you', calling my mother by her first name, being drugged for 18 years that caused me to have very painful polyneuropathy now, always being alone in my room, all the coldness and despite having adhd and autistic trades... I became a loving dad of three lovely kids that I mostly took care of alone until they were four, seven and eight. They received all the love, attention, affection, protection and they're popular, empathetic, sweet, calm, giving and smart. I worked as a pre school teacher until my injury, will probably return to it. I throw my love around, give and feel good doing it no matter the return.
And no validation or attention made me become obsessed with my guitar skills, you can totally become what you never had and just be a good person. I'm also fragile and s**cidal at times, but that's the person I want to be..
Can't wait for my therapy to start soon though, talking is the best thing to do and having a good psychologist listen to it is a big win in anyone's life.
Much love from Hamburg in Germany :)
you are amazing
@@user-ul5no4ck1e oh, thank you :')
I've been trying to be 'that son' for my mother, but whenever I tell her about what I've achieved, she just replies with 'Is that it?' - even with achievements that not many can attain.
Realizing I was never given proper support. Knowing how hard parenting can be, but as soon as I heard "Good choices are the best choice for the sake of your children." I immediately knew how neglected I was.
I grew up with a more giving and loving mother, but everything has a dark side, with that love came overprotection, guilt tripping, me being her bandaid for her insecurities and traumas, codependency, eggshell parenting style....my mom is the best but she has alot of issues that im always getting dragged into because we are so close...we have the most toxic and most healthy relationship which leaves no room for conversation cause we are all confused
for me, my parents always say i’m ungrateful for what i have.. but every time, i try SO hard to show my gratitude.. and how grateful i really am. i have to try so hard. and they make me feel like i’m not trying enough, at a point that i don’t want them to do stuff for me anymore.. also, when im trying to be calm, my mother always says “stop being gloomy, and look how silly you look” she has no idea what she puts me through, and the insecurities she’s gave me, especially when speaking to people. parents or future parents, never do this.
Honestly, I wasn't expecting to relate, but what you described from how the “nothing’s off-limits" child turns out described me to a tee.
Lots of good points here...
My parents were too busy to bring me up. I always had nannies or nurses, school from 4 years old, kindergarten much earlier . 😊
This describes my childhood.
I was always made to feel 'a disappointment' and was often compared unfavourably to my older sister. I don't think my parents realised it wasn't encouraging me to be better, but destroying my self esteem.
I despise the fact that I can see how much I'm changing from these things, despite still being far from adulthood
Yeah mine definitely did.
I was adopted to my biological cousins on my birth moms side of the family because my mom was sick and I don’t know my birth father. I grew up calling my cousins “mom” “dad” “brother” and “sister” based on the way I was raised. Even though they’re my cousins.
I grew up neglected with emotionally unavailable “parents” who abused me verbally, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. They also manipulated me and belittled me even when I was right. My parents are still emotionally unavailable stiffs who remind me of how people were back in the 12000s with their own children. However they lack the extremist religious factor. They’re still religious but not as extreme and they don’t believe in warmth and soft-discipline. They believe in physically harming their own children as a way to discipline them. My siblings never got that treatment they’d been yelled at but nothing like me.
When I was a very small child practically a toddler I was three years old my biological grandmother burned my hand on her stove as punishment for me playing with the buttons on the stove. It left a small scar on my hand that’s long faded but I sometimes catch glimpses of it when rubbing lotion on my arms. It didn’t ever fully fade so yeah. And when I was four, one of my other earliest memories was of my grandmother sexualizing me and sexually abusing my private parts even though I could put the lotion on myself and didn’t want her touching my body. My grandmother continued to sexualize me as I got older and at times it bordered on sexual abuse.
She called me sexy when I was four and said I’d show off my hoochie to all the boys while grabbing at my not-even-fully-developed-vagina. My grandmother physically abused me verbally abused me manipulated me and psychologically abused me.
When I was seven my parents stopped hugging me, I was attention starved. I was raped by an older boy who tried putting himself inside me. Around that time I was bullied and completely alone with no friends.
When I was eight years old I befriended an older man who sexually abused me and when I was nine I was willing giving this same man naked pictures of me. I meet other groomers throughout the years but after I gave my first groomer who pretended to be my friend those naked photos he ghosted me.
Ten/Eleven/Twelve I was also groomed but the summer before jr high I started dating a girl who was a year older than me. We were serious when I was 13. I was sexually assaulted by a boy on a bus who was supposed to be my very first best friend that whole year we hung out and were friends but he assaults me in late October on a bus ride back to the school. He ruined our friendship after that and put a strain on my relationship with my girlfriend.
Later on my girlfriend committed suicide when I was barely 14 and she was 15. She had homophobic and transphobic parents who were against her dating a trans nonbinary person. I was in the closet though but they suspected I wasn’t “normal” as they put it. They pushed her to end her life and my horrid mental health only depleted further.
When I was fifteen I dated two people; Josh and Alan. Alan and I dated for a few weeks before I met Josh which lasted six months. Alan cheated on me with some girl his cousin knew and tried to say I cheated but with who?! Nobody, because I had no friends and only befriended my partners friends which would end when that relationship ended. Basically I never cheated, he just tried to make up an excuse to justify his own cheating because he was a complete pig who was a coward when it came to communication.
Then I met Josh who was the opposite of Alan and I liked that. He was a dare devil and brave and why it lasted longer was because he was against cheating. However he was possessive and an angry person who beat the crap out of people. He believed in communication but often times used his fists to get his way. He was violent and sometimes violent with me. Around this time I was being stalked by my old groomers and my bullies.
When Josh found out about my groomers he began treating me like his little trophy boyfriend. Only showing me off to his friends and then he’d emotionally abuse me roping me back into his life multiple times before breaking my heart and hurting me with his anger issues. He was violent and left bruises or grabbed at my arm too hard. I’d lie to my parents and say “I fell” because I didn’t want them finding out about Josh. I kept him a secret knowing my parents would disapprove and threaten to send me away. Josh came from a family that grew weed and brewed beer, so he basically developed a substance abuse problem that I didn’t want to be responsible for. Even though he often blamed me and made me responsible for his behavior and actions.
I broke up with him and took the rest of the year off from dating until days after my 16th birthday where I dated Aaron who was 19. He was an adult and I was a minor but I loved him and he soon cheated on me four months into our relationship with a 14 year old girl. I fell hard for him but he turned out to be pedophilic because he liked them young. I broke up with him and was immediately swept up by my only normal lover-Damon who was fifteen and I was sixteen. We were friends at first but joked about being something more for over a year, he was seeing other people but it wasn’t serious. When I was seventeen we dated for real and he stopped playing around with other guys. Our relationship lasted eight months but I knew him for nearly over two years.
We broke up because we wanted different things in life and school was getting in the way of our relationship.
By the time I was eighteen I swore off dating. Twenty to now twenty one years of age I am in therapy and love starved but I am coping with it. The next partner I have will be the one I marry and settle down with because I’m done with the dating scene. I want a family of my own and I swore to never be like my parents or any of my shitty family.
I’m learning to love myself and I am working on becoming an author. I have two dogs-chihuahuas, and my story isn’t a happy one because I’m always surrounded by bad luck. I had to make new accounts altogether because of my stalker situation and I mostly keep to myself.
My parents made me feel like I wasn’t good enough like I was the worst person in the world they made me feel unloved and not worthy of being adopted to them. I sought out other people for love because I couldn’t find it in my own family. Even then, I couldn’t find normal love until I met Damon. And he made me realize what I want. Which upsets me because living in that house with my parents, I isolated a lot in my room I thought about dying more often than not. I would try to end it all, and I inflicted self harm upon myself as a way of punishing myself for not being good enough I felt like I was watching a movie that I wasn’t actually part of but instead, I’m just a bystander this family that’s supposed to be mine but isn’t mine. I felt like the world around me, continued to spin while I stood still trapped in a situation that caused real nightmarish stuff. I have real trust issues and I don’t really trust anybody and I think that’s why dating a bunch of people was so easy because I didn’t fully trust them. I was attracted to them, but not enough to give them my full heart even with Aaron who I loved, but not enough to fully trust. I grew up before I could be a child. I never got a childhood. I didn’t grow up normal and I’ve grown to accept that. I think why I want a family so bad of my own is because I never got to have a family that loved me.
I felt bullied, that's why a tried to bully kids my age, that didn't turn out well. A Dysfunctional family of 9 kids. Lucky i survived. Know wonder i developed bi-polar from so much abuse, either from my father a service man from the Army, or by my older siblings, from so much suppressed anger.
Only took me three minutes but I'm ready
Almost all of these hits home
I've been told I have very narcissistic traits that I've been getting over but I've experienced 3 out of 4 of those and it was the first three but all equal amounts of it, sometimes my parents were too busy, they're really strict, I didn't get many compliments as a child so I seek for attention alot and I've been controlling it, I've seen a lot of aggression as a child and I was bullied in school so I've gotten used to yelling at people when I slightly get angry and I've had therapy but I've actually been getting better.
What you describe does not sound like 'narcissistic traits'. Narcissistic Individuals don't get better and you said that therapy has been helping you. A Narcissistic individual never even acknowledges that they have issues with their behaviour as they think too highly of themselves. A lot of people 'seek attention' or react angrily to certain situations but that does not necessarily make them narcissistic. I am glad therapy is helping you. Childhood neglect (or abuse) is traumatic. I have been through it too.
Psych2go, this is a lovely video which helps children of abuse recognize and address these behaviors and their reasons. Could you possibly make a video addressing how these behaviors can be prevented and ridden of over time?
Me and my brother and my sister spent our entire childhood hearing my mom tell us that as soon as we're 18 we got to get out of the house and if we had children they're not going to help take care of it and that we're on our own after we're 18 and she loves us but we are leaving it's always an I love you but with them and everything we do is never satisfactory it's always constant judgment but I'm a 36 year old failure
I feel I dealt with the 'trauma' of how I was raised before I left school (having my dad be supportive helped) but I fear that it wormed it's way into my head and I could use that as a pattern for how I treat my kid in the future
I mitigate the fear by realizing that my wife will also have input and at least counter anything negative I carry through. I'm also raising a kitten and nothing of my past has surfaced,so I might just be over fearful
I have Narcissist parents. I learning about the effect of my evil parent. Even I feel good mostly. I'm awear a lot of dark effect still need to change. Like the way I'm talking to myself. How I'm still too hard on myself. it affects my life now make it extremely hard to take the next step
Thanks you for this.❤
I think I was emotionally neglected. I didn't watch TV all day because I wanted to, I watched TV all day because there was nothing to real life. There were whole months between birthdays and holidays where it seemed like life was just an infinite abyss.
I know my parents love me but never really brought up me in peaceful place, they always kept fighting fighting demaned my peace for life.
So i'm screwed and so are my children no matter what i do.
Thanks for the info.
In the real world there is no nature vs. nurture argument, only an infinitely complex and moment-by-moment interaction between genetic and environmental effects
Gabor Mate
As someone with ADHD, I can’t control my anger. I hate it when some talks about me, positive nor negative because I always hear my parents and relatives saying how terrible I am at this or that, but when I ask them about it, they say that they’re talking about someone else, or that it about something positive, just an excuse to keep talking trash abt me. too bad I caught up with it. I still can’t find any coping mechanisms and I still lead to physical attacking to anyone I hear talking about me, yet I can’t handle my own parents saying my real name. “But at the end of the day, all humans are still humans, as they can still think and remember.” So thanks, and if you find any coping mechanisms I can use, I would be glad to hear.