This is my story to aT. This is my x husband of now almost 25 years. Everyone including our only child turned against me because all they seen was how he was the victim. I ended up with many problems that nearly killed me. I can see now I stayed way too long. I'm still trying to heal and it's been almost 11 years since the divorce. Asking for prayers.
You need to let go off the need to be understood or validated. Just be. Strive to live a life where the only opinions that matter are yours and God's. When you surrender it all to God you give room for the truth to come out. Let not your grown-up child affect your well-being either. Your child's eyes will open when you surrender it all to God.
I was married to a narcissist for 21 years. Honestly I tried to submit, but he became more and more controlling. Even though I had been divorced and stayed single, I still was sick. Until a few years back, I did not understand what a narc was. Then God showed me that control is witchcraft. Witchcraft can keep you from receiving from God. Three weeks ago I went on a fast for healing. Then God told me it was for deliverance from abuse. On the 20th day I heard Dr. Clark. It was all I needed to forgive me and conquer guilt. Condemnation produces guilt. If you can't renew your mind to the fact that Jesus's blood delivered us from guilt, then your life stays on hold. I love how Dr. Clark says that God does not want you in that marriage. I know, my grown kids are influenced by their remarried dad. He has money and I have God. He has money and I have a Covenant of peace. No weapon formed against you will prosper and every tongue that rises up against you, you will condemn. The cards so to speak are stacked in your favor. People can't fake walking with God. Every narc is a fraud. Vengence is mine says God, I will recompense. Put that in your heart.
Hi Tracy, Have you ever heard of Joseph Prince? He is a wonderful grace preacher. We are saved by grace, not of works that any man can boast. Nobody can say to you, "Get over it.", "Give it to God" etc. This walk with God is totally the finished work of Jesus Christ. What I try to do anyway is to meditate the promises of God. God gave me a scripture to believe for. I think it's in Isaiah. I will contend with those who contend with you and I will save your children. God is so good. He promises to return the years the enemy stole. Joel 2. You have a Covenant of Peace. That means nothing missing, nothing stolen. Lately I have been saying, "I'm going to get well and fit and get my beauty back and I'm going to meet a man of God that will treat me right and rich too." My thought process has become, the best revenge for me is to believe God for my best life now! It's not being selfish or vain, but to show yourself how valuable you are. Your husband was and is a rat. Take your time. God will help you to heal, both physically and emotionally and you will be tight with Jesus. As my friend told me many times, "You are going to be fine." There is an expiration date on evil. I will be praying for you. God bless.
SCARY SCARY... THIS IS MY EX. EVERYONE HATES ME....WHEN I WAS LIVING HELL BEHIND CLOSE DOORS. PEOPLE LOVE LOVE HIM.. DEMONIC ON SO MANY LEVELS... HIS SIBLINGS AND MOTHER KNOW WHO he is‼️
Well done! You're truly amazing for doing it. Really you are. Put all your trust in God and then trust yourself, you are guided by God with your intuition. Set the intention to hear it and trust it. I have found in my 6 year recovery that narcissistic abuse has the effect of making you doubt yourself even when you know what the right thing to do is, you still worry, fear and doubt yourself. Be aware of that. That's been my big problem and I've finally realised it recently. Eg. I've discerned that a person is a narc for sure, but when they are nice or I've had a good day and I'm feeling good ill forget all that I know about narcissists and behave as though I was dealing with a normal person sabotaging myself. (Abuse amnesia) Its the effect of the sweet mean cycle and gaslighting. Fore warned is for armed! Know that it won't be easy because of the effects of narcissistic abuse: the sweet mean cycle literally creates chemicals in your body that your body is addicted to. I'd look into this if I were you because when the withdrawals start and he's hoovering, if your not prepared by being aware of what's happening to you, you could succum as many of us have many times. You can do it. Try herbal teas to keep you calm and Eckhart Tolle teaches great meditation. God Bless you and your son. Ill say a prayer for both of you.
@user-li5ti2xf3v thank you so much! I was just starting to doubt myself and saw your comment. God has been so good. I waited for so long and it was hard, but I'm now glad I waited. Me and my son are safe and sound at my new place. Now, more healing to do. Thank you for the tips. 💛
Thank you to everyone who prayed! God is good. I had no idea where to go with no family, but me and my son are safe and sound and are now even at a church that is protecting us. It's been a lonely road. I'm so grateful to God and all of you!
@@stephm5877 Well done well done well done!!! You're amazing. You've done it. One step at a time. Im so grateful you're both safe and away from that darkness. I pray God will help you to heal all the hurt, sadness, confusion, anger and fear inside you and give you both peace love and joy. Because that's what they do to us, fill us with all the heavy, dark, dense, energies that are in them. So even after we've left them we're still plagued by them. You're on a spiritual journey. Its the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life but its the only thing really worth doing in this life. You mentioned it being a lonely time. Please watch TH-cam video from Higher self why you have to be alone. I've noticed that this is an important part of this journey from my own experience and countless others. Im still alone but not lonely. I feel better than I've ever felt. No fear or depression at all im starting to live again. I believe that prayer and meditation is the key to healing...to everything good. Prayer helps you trust God and meditation helps you be aware of all the fearful, negative thoughts that the narcissist has trained our brains to think... And also to heal all the negative emotions in our bodies. It takes time be patient and compassionate with yourself. God bless you both. May God guide, protect and provide you both with all that you need and all thats good for you Amen
@Steph M your comment makes me feel brave. I am afraid of leaving my husband, I mean getting divorce. I have a 2year old baby boy and he is my everything. I am afraid my husband will fight for the complete custody and try to get him away from me. 😢
I've been separated from my covert for 7 months now and the residual impact of his abuse is still presenting itself. Get out as soon as you possibly can. Every minute they have access to you is a minute they have to further destroy the person you are. They hate your goodness and everyone that loves you. It becomes their mission to utterly destroy you. When I was leaving he stated "no one will believe you". Like his mission in life is to fool everyone. The lies from these people are never ending and will drive you insane.
I was with my covert narcissist for 3 years, I finally got rid of him 3 hours before my 40th birthday 🎁 it was the best feeling ever, thank goodness thank god 🙏🏽
I am watching the replay here, and this is my ex husband to a T. Our divorce was final Nov.10th. All of these things happened. He garnered sympathy while I lost friends. But God (the 2 greatest words) is merciful ... He gave me a church to support me, qnd your podcast. Your podcast was so validating and described exactly what I went through with my husband at the time and my old elders. And you emailed me to tell me you were praying for me. You made a huge difference to me, Dr. Clarke.
It’s sad because I actually look forward to the silent treatments now!! I be at peace! He used to go days without talking to me but I noticed recently he can’t go too long without bothering me again because he needs me to cook and fix his food and sex so now it’s like torture if he goes too long so he eventually ends up saying something to me the next day or he will starve.😂 But I be really enjoying the little bit of time to myself.😂
They basically neglect you then call you needy and act like you are wrong for wanting it. They care what others think so they want to stay in a loveless marriage. All about image with them.
I stayed 23 years. I was 52 when I left. I never knew what a narcissist was. In therapy for my cptsd I learned that my mother and sister were also narcissists. My pastors told me that I needed to stay and pray for him. I certainly did pray. But I blamed myself for everything. My mother always sided against me and I killed my self trying to fix everything and everyone. I was disassociated most of the time at the end and when I found a way out I discovered that everyone felt sorry for him and blamed me. I still struggle and it’s been over a decade. Please pray for me. I have so much healing still to do
I heard a quote: "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it, and the Truth is still the Truth even if no one believes it." You and God know the truth. Wishing you all the best on your journey to wellness.
That's great! I've been texting from my bedroom to his rather than talking to him. I'm glad he is not living under the same roof as me because we are finally separated - yippee 😅. I feel like I just woke up from a long ass nightmare or woke out of a coma and too scared to ask what year it is.. 😢
Thank God that somebody is finally highlighting this, especially within the Christain community - serving the whole church and community and emotionally abusing you. And yes, if you open your mouth people will feel that you are ungrateful and crazy and will be only too willing to take your narc partner from you yesterday, because they see them as God's perfect and special gift - THANK YOU DR Clarke for speaking about this so openly and without restraint - thank you for calling it out!
I had a relationship with a covert narcissist, and all people were convinced he was a good guy, even my friends. It was a hell on earth for me. Every time I was sick or injured, he was so angry and screamed at me instead of being supportive and bringing me to the doctor or to emergency. This was just one thing. After a while I have had enough, I send him to hell and never came back. He called, he chased, he cried, he begged. I felt so good for kicking his ass off
Whenever I was sick, hurt or needed help (which wasn't often), he always suddenly came up with some other ailment so he didn't have to take care of me.
Lightbulb moment for me when you said to call out the disrespect in front of the children...I immediately thought, I could never do that, he'd flip out.
I got myself a ruthless lawyer who got me out of the mess unscathed. When the narcissist ignored my attorney's request to sign a document, he was threatened with having to pay all of the attorney's fees. The document was sent within days lol.
I love all you are sharing!! I am a retired mental-health therapist and also attended Western Seminary. My first husband was this kind of narcissist. I finally got out after 8 years. Took me a long time to recover! He eventually hung himself because he literally didn't know how to be an adult. I have been with my healthy and loving husband now for 24 years. Even now, I help friends who are leaving their narcissistic spouses. Pastors are not trained to counsel marriages, and I would not refer couples to see their pastors. Right now, "this" narcissist-husband is convincing our pastor how good and "right" he is. And, unfortunately, for as bright and gifted our pastor is, he's buying it. 😪
Same happened to me , I pushed for counseling and we did solo and joint but the pastor (who is extremely smart and a former police officer who was (I assume ) trained in domestic affairs, etc , he bought every 'poor me,Michelle's just being negative, won't let go of the past, im trying etc', to the point where the pastor got mad at me for protesting the lies my ex kept saying. Yet he also told our pastor I was living in a fantasy wanting to have a normal home and family (instead of being abused. ) Later down the line the pastor quit seeing him . Said he needed a higher level of help.
I should clarify, my ex is I've learned a covert narcissist and the "past" was never past as he continually treated me and our kids worse and worse w time and more manipulative
I just broke up with a vulnerable narcissist 3 months ago. There are still his stuff in my house that he hasn’t collected. I broke up with him via text message because I knew it would not have gone well. I don’t want to even text him or email him to organise a day for collection. I fear for his usual passive aggressiveness.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for putting this truth out into the 🌎!!! The church and pastors are SOOOOOOO ignorant, unhelpful, and hurtful when it comes to topics like this, and they should be on the frontlines of this horrible and evil situation.
They are cowards. I slept in a separate room and would sleep with my bedroom door locked because I didn't trust what he'd be capable of once I told him once & for all I was leaving after 33+ years of marriage and numerous attempts to leave. I could write a book about my ex covert narcissist! He mocked me for my faith & relationship with Christ, stating, "you don't really believe in all that, do you?" After I had started going to a new church for a while, he started going with me. He complained when I served in the nursery even though it didn't impact him whatsoever. I was enjoying something without him, and he didn't like that.
Dr Clarke, thank you that you are spot on about the disorder traits that husband has. I had left him after 50 years of marriage. It had been tortured and hell being terrorised by all the lies, betrayal, verbal and emotional abuses inflicted on me and on my children. Rage and anger are happening all the time. Walking on eggshells with fear daily. Now as I am processing divorce, I thank God that I have the strength to walk away a year ago for my mental health, freedom and peace of mind. I want to cut ties from a sick and toxic relationship that I dont see there is any hope of salvaging. I do not owe him my precious life so that he can control, disrespect, devalue and discredit me. I want to claim back my self respect, self esteem and my dignity. This is the best decision I have made. My action will sever the roots of demonic soul ties from my children and future generations. I encourage those who are in toxic relationship to run from it. They will not change and why should they when they have the power to manipulate, control, gaslight and blame you to do what they want. I have to educate myself about npd as I did not know what npd is. Dr Clarke, I heed your wise advice. Enough is enough and no more fear and trauma in a doom marriage.
I'm so thankful I got the strength after 5 years of marriage to get a divorce. That was 12 years ago. My 2 daughters saw through him over the years just by his actions. They are SO thankful they have a peaceful house away from him and they avoid him as much as possible. There is light at the end of the tunnel... but you must be ready for a battle period 💯
I've watched many great narcissist experts on TH-cam, but you, sir, take the cake (in my humble opinion). 😁 This direct, strong approach is what people who have dealt with this abuse need to hear. There is no dealing or working with these abusers and getting away is the only thing to do. So many people stay in these hellish lives because they feel they can help or change the narc. I look back at the horrible advice that I got when I was with my ex, and I can't believe what some people said to me. He was a cheater, alcoholic and got into drugs, and I was told by more than one person that "it takes two." Also, you're not perfect.!! He literally almost killed me through mental abuse. I feel for anyone that unfortunately knows firsthand what it's like. If I didn't have God, I would definitely be dead.
When I left, I did my best to keep my integrity and the kids know, they don't engage with him, he stole from them, when they we r e grown he was moving, told them they could take over his lease. They moved In with me as a result. They know who to trust.
2 Timothy 3 - People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers fo the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than God - HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH SUCH PEOPLE!
I just discovered your channel, Dr. Clarke. Thank you so much for your clear and precise information on covert narcissism. Also, thank you for YOUR clear understanding WHOM these covert narcs TRULY are. Blessings to you and all your work.
He use to call me fat, ugly and accuse me of not keeping the house clean (to his standards). All of this in front of the children. My reply was I could lose weight, clean the house more but he was ugly on the inside and nothing can change that.
25 years now for me. I am 73. Only 2 people believe me. He has made most people believe he is a decent person and loving me. Please pray for me. I need a job so that I can get free. I am praying for you to be healed from abuse. God bless.
41 years for me too. I’m 73. I found a good Christian therapist and will be starting soon. I would encourage you to get help. Check with your health insurance provider. Mine is just a 20.00 co pay. I’m praying for you and all the women out there who are suffering ❤
It's not just criticism he's sensitive to. It's your suggestions on anything, your point of view. Just anything they haven't done or thought of themselves. It's always their way or the highway. I personally can't get past the first sentence before he's down my throat. Yes I agree short statements are best and turning away. I've experienced the silent treatment for 6 months. Not one word. That was the longest. I'm no longer bothered by them. His mother said he was a sulker.
My husband of 24 years just passed away in July. You described to last detail what happened in the marriage and what happened in his death - particularly with the church. It was packed, and they just about canonized him. Being a widow to a man like this is been nothing short of a nightmare. His mother is also a narcissist. The marriage has been living hell, but the last few months brings it to a whole new level. God bless you Dr Clarke. One day I will be healthy again.
38 years in this torment. I stayed because I took my vows seriously. Then I stayed for our only child thinking I could protect her. She’s now 26 and I have failed miserably as she has become her father. Between the two of them I suffer so much. I now stay for much needed medical coverage because I’m not well at all and desperately need financial support. And at 65 I don’t know what else to do. I’m exhausted, weak and failing fast.
Your comment could be mine. My husband had 2 children when I met him I had 3 and we had 2 together. It took me forever to figure out who he was but I’m really thinking there is a genetic link as well his first 2 children always thought they were to good to be with my kids and I see the same thing in the 2 I had with him. I recently came to the realization that our 28 year old son is a narc as well. It broke my heart I tried to get my husband to stop how he has been treating me for the last 19 years no intimacy let alone sex, I lost wt and worked on myself so his exact words he felt I would become attractive to other men so he cut me off. What I think it really means is that he can only be intimate with someone he feels superior to. And when I was overweight I probably didn’t put any pressure on him or have any expectations just settle for the crumbs looking back now I can pinpoint every lie. He had a vasectomy reversal at 38 and never told his mom and I begged him to . I got pregnant and he still wouldn’t tell her, let’s make sure you don’t have a miscarriage then when the baby was born he said let’s make sure he doesn’t die of Sid’s. So everyone talked about me that I was a trollup and he was such a great guy staying with me when I obviously had an affair because he had a vasectomy. The hurt is so deep there’s no forgiveness and he has never in 35 years apologized. He put his hands on me 7 years ago tore my aorta put me in the hospital in cardiac icu for over 3 months and has never apologized for that either
Dear God, my heart breaks for you! I pray 🙏 you get out! I stayed as well! I’m 60 now! Feel like I have lost my life wasted it! My only beautiful daughter was wise to him early but left with her guy later! But it so scared her! Please know you MATTER! God wants you to be happy! Listen & follow Dr Clarke’s counsel he really knows what he’s talking about! He is the light in the darkness on this subject for Christians we have all been waiting for !🙏💎🙌 Please leave this evil man! Save your self even if you don’t want to! God loves you dearly & passionately & wants you to live & restore your life brick by 🧱 brick by brick! You are precious in the Lords sight, Dear One! ❤️🙏💞🌹💎🌈🩷🌹🙏🙏🙏
I can’t thank you enough… I thought I was going crazy. you are definitely chosen by God to shed light and bring insight on narcissistic behavior to this generation and generations to come. We are destroyed by a lack knowledge!! Again thank you for the knowledge. Now that I know better I’m going to do better. Looking forward to reading your books… 👏🏾
Left my ex 9 years ago. A true devil. Everyone thought he was the best thing that ever happened. Pure evil he is. A living hell never seen anything like it. All they do is destroy.
My Covert Narcissist spouse has blown up at me in his narcissistic rage, but only in private, NO ONE believes me as to how get gets, because he keeps it private. To the world he is a “great guy” and when people say that, it makes me sick. His toxic amnesia when I’ve tried to get help from (my now ex) pastor was astounding, as was his manipulation and Acting, an academy award winner. I had to leave that church, and him. I gave him the list in your book enough is enough, and he is seeing a counselor, and providing support, but it’s been 7 months and he has not given me the list of what he’s done wrong and how he has abused me. His counselor actually called me, with his permission, to get specifics on the abuse. I gave him the list of non-specific abusive behavior, I told the counselor I would not give him a specific list, as my h will lie and manipulate, and make it my fault; I’ve seen that for 12+ years and I won’t engage anymore. If he “can’t” remember any abusive behavior, and won’t confess, repent, and change, we can’t even consider reconciliation. I won’t go back to that wickedness. He was destroying me, psychologically, and physically. It was so stressful, especially when I knew he would get physically intimidating when he experienced narcissistic injury, I would get the rage. That was so frightening. He is a covert narcissist. But he wasn’t always passive aggressive, although he did do that really well. I won’t fall for his loving bombing again.
You can only feel sorry for someone for so long. In the movie "Seize the Day", with Robin Williams, the main character is the son of a narcissist. This movie is ahead of its time. What I love about it is the insight it gives into the psychological effects on a child of a parent like this. I love this movie because it has So many messages. One being how the child of these types really gets damaged and goes through life feeling pity for themselves. Like they'll never be good at anything they do. It also shows how your self confidence is destroyed by these damaging people. As a child of a covert female narc, I can relate to so much of this movie. Every line is packed with so much information. One that stood out to me was " Don't disappoint your father Wilkie". I know how it feels to not be able to make mistakes and try to live up to unrealistic expectations. The jist of the movie. It's a hard movie to watch. But anyone confused by this puzzling behavior can see the why's in the story. One thing though, never feel pity for them because that's why they never get better. They live off of the pity of the people who never saw it coming and put their problems on somebody else. Divorced to one who's father was a master devaluer 22 years. It feels like a lifetime. You have to make up your mind because you really are dealing with a child who won't feel punished. They'd rather die. You don't have to teach them a lesson. Just get that hell out of your life. There's something better waiting on the other side of life. This movie can be found on Tubi for free and was made in 1986. I highly recommend it. All in all, they're just clever whiny babies. 😁
"Seize the Day" is Greek in scope, but I like your take on the father, though I see him as the protagonist from one or more ancient Greek myths or plays which doesn't mean he can't be viewed as simply a narcissist. No shortage of narcissists in Greek myths! haha I've watched the film numerous times and recommend it. Thanks and GB
I agree with everything you say except one thing. They're not like whinny babies. They are evil. They do everything they do deliberately. It premeditated, cold calculated. The psychopaths who run the world and control every system we have, financial, judicial, educational etc are the ones pushing this theory that they are like toddlers and that its abuse that made them this way when its not. The human species is made of two races and one is preys on the other. Best camouflage ever to evolve to look like your prey. A wolf in sheep's clothing. You need to set the intention to discover the truth and start doing your own research. Don't buy the narrative they're selling us about why they're like this, its only to stop us discovering what they really are so they can keep preying on us. Their only real power is our ignorance.
Also, not sure if you caught a very quick line Stiller says "Nothing but nerves, caused by Failure if the Will. I looked failure of the will up. Basically, I see it as having false hope that someone who hopefully change or the failure of one to see the Truth about a person and just accept it. Sometimes, you just gotta move on.
Forgot to memorize that I’m new to this channel’ ! I’m glad that I found this!! I wished there’d have been this awareness when I was younger. I’m 71 and started watching videos 3 yrs ago. Finally watched enough of them to break through my denial . I’ve been in therapy all Of this time . Not really therapist addressed this because he wouldn’t go With me !’ He didn’t have problem. I did see the therapist whom I believe, spotted it,my husband. sabotaged my progress by setting me up by creating a catastrophe. Our family , by his control, moved to a town that I never wanted to live in . I had been sexually abusive there ( he knew this) I came down with a severed case of fibromyalgia. Bed ridden for 2 yrs . I had a new born. My mom had to move in with me to take care her f him. I wasn’t well for 5 yrs . My husband got what he needed!
I put money aside because I knew things were getting intense and I knew he was up to know good!!! Sure enough he served me divorce papers and locked me out of the house!! He laughed so I stayed at a motel for 23 days looking for a job and finding a attorney!! I was so so scarred and insecure crying in that motel. My friend told me of legal help from a old high school friend and he was the best. How sweet he was a judge and a district attorney and tore into my husband in that courtroom making mincemeat out of him with his 2;000 designer suit! He adjusted my narcs attitude. Lol
I confronted my ex gf who I believe is a covert narcissist. I told her about all the things she does and how I’d like us to work through it together so we can have a healthy relationship. Well the dr is 100% correct. Never confront them it leads to pain. when I confronted her after finally figuring her out the mask slipped fully and she coldly discarded me. Just like that I meant nothing to her. She then went on a smear campaign and tried her best to ruin my reputation. These people are incredibly damaging to your mental health and well being. they will never change, you fall in love with a fraud, remember this clearly if they tricked you into believing they’re something they’re not.., then they will trick everyone else with their smear campaign, they are experts in playing victim. quietly leave and never ever look back.
Thank you Dr Clarke ,this is the first anyone has understood what my life is like I never knew how many other people are dealing with acovert Narc, its so hard to explain to people who know him as they think hes great, you feel so alone
Please continue your work...you have and continue to help me. I listen to your podcasts everyday! Bought your enough is enough book! You are so on point with everything you teach!! Never stop!!
I love your videos, and I’m learning a lot. When my husband began acting like a narcissist a few months into our marriage, I knew it was him and not me and quickly lost interest. I’ve just divorced him and I am thrilled to be free. I am a devout Christian and I hope don’t you don’t mind me saying that I don’t think the Lord would have any of us call anyone a “skank“. These women are very sick and perhaps they have been abused and probably are not altogether aware of what they’re doing. I truly believe that when we really deeply, on a heart level understand what we’re doing that’s when we will change. Many people are in denial. It doesn’t mean that we should condone their behaviour or have anything to do with those types of women. However, I think we can find a kinder word for these adulterous woman who hurt families. The Lord loves all his children and not everybody has been raised with the Gospel, so I think it reflects on us if we use negative language to talk about any human being or child of God. Thank you for your awesome videos and books!
I am a Christian and I understand the point that your trying to make . These people must know what they are doing . Calling them a skank I think is being easy on them, they could be called much worse whore or whoremonger could come across bad too.
Absolutely brilliant. Thank you Dr David. So refreshing and straight to the point. So nice that you understand woman that are abused. May God really bless you you. Keep up the great work.
I appreciate that you don’t soften your words but are clear that you support those who are being victimized. And great points about why you should not get counseling with a narcissist. If the counselor is deceived by the narcissist’s act, they unknowingly join in with the abuse. When your family (or his) turns on you, be silent and don’t defend yourself. They will see the truth after a while, and if they don’t, they don’t get a front row seat to your life.
Yes, the narcissist will always triangulate an unaware counselor or one not trained in personality disorders. Save the therapist for after you’re out of the relationship and need to heal from the narcissistic abuse.
I'm a Christian and this is great. So glad I found this video. My friend is a covert narcissist and I've known him 8 yrs. One yr we got closer but not physically. I want him out of my life. He claims I'm his property.
My ex messed me up so much. He is not in my life now, but he broke every part of my being. He took my daughter from me he promised it would happen. Turned my daughter against me. I did not see my daughter for 3 years. Lies he was good.Now it’s been 18 years she still can’t
I came across your platform. And you're on point. I greatly appreciate you and for helping everyone going through this to see the light . Including me, right now, married for 34 years. Just realize who he really is. And that it's not me. I love you already. 😊 God bless you!
Thank you Dr. Clarke… I have been so afraid and for my kids too. My heart is broken, and almost my soul. Your words and wisdom, strength and truth are lifelines to us. God bless you & protect you and your dynamic ministry ❤️🙏🏻🕊️
Thank you so very very much. My beautiful amazing sister put me onto you. This vid has enabled me to take my self in hand and given me the strength and answers to cope with my brother who is doing exactly what you've described. Yet, I'm the only family member he treats this way. Bless you with never ending love. Sending you love and joy. Thank you, you've liberated me, this vid has.
I'm hoping to catch the next live!! Gotta be ready to lose it all to gain yourself and life back. If you can't afford an attorney, be ready to lose it all just to get out and stay out! If you have children with him/her get a mediator, don't deal with them at all. They will have major withdraw for not being able to have access to you and your emotions... it can drive them literally insane. Protect yourself!!!
Thank you Dr. Clarke for your expertise and years of experience in a subject that so few pastors and counselors know nothing about. We appreciate you so much. ❤️🔥☄️💕
You are amazing! I’m so happy I found your videos- I just realized that my husband of 25 years is a narc - he’s an alcoholic to boot. I’m trying to plan my escape!
DR David my husband is also an alcoholic. In fact, it’s his secret and a great point of contention-because early on I outed him to a few significant family members. Talk about continual repercussions. Please Pray for me!
Mine was too, but quit only to substitute that addiction with pot. I thought much of his behavior would stop when he quit drinking. Sadly, it did not and it didn't change with pot either. They use a substance to help them check out and it's worse for those around them. He goes to AA three times a week to keep up his lie of sobriety.
Doctor, I love you a lot! I love your honesty and your directness. That's the way this subject must be treated! I have been through this and the only way is to gather all your power to cope with the schemes of the narcissist! May God bless you! He was my power during that terrible time when I had to divorce the narcissist! She is a demonized female...
I'm so grateful I came across your video..25yr I finally got the strength to leave..now I am healing.I believe that.your book is going to help assist me in this next chapter of my life. Thank you Dr.❤
I thank you for bringing light on this topic. I went through a twenty- four year old marriage and it’s true the divorce was brutal. All true, prayers for you and family.
Thank you, Dr. David! You've been a blessing to my soul! After 3 years of therapy reporting the abuse, the therapist said I had PMS. Only after a Codependent Anonymous meeting did I discover that I was in an abusive relationship and only after you did I know for sure that my husband is a covert narc. This video describes him exactly as he is.
You described my life to a T. I finally left after 30 years. Your book on 20 lies has been life changing. I had so much guilt for leaving! Your books saved my life! You are simply the best!! Thank you!!!!
Dear Dr. Clarke. I am so grateful to God for having shown me your short clip of Why Narcissists Sta Close to Their Ex. I have been married to who I thought was the love of my life for 6 years now and been with him for a total of 8 years. I met him at a time when I was 38 and I was approaching my later years, and for Asians to reach that age and not be married is a big deal. His marriage was annulled because he told me that his ex-wife cheated on him multiple times. My heart went out for him, and I thought everybody deserves a second chance. At first our courtship was great, and he made efforts to get me close to his kids and family. But later, fights ensued because he said he was not good at remembering important occassions so he kept on forgetting to call me on important holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays. We have a long-distance relationship and marriage due to financial obligations both from his side and mine. I still married him despite the tumultuous courtship because he was prayerful and is very kind to everyone, but me. I thought it was my fauly because I was too needy. After we got married, the situation got worse. He keeps a very close relationship with is ex because of the children, he told me. He told me to just be patient because when all of his children get married, then he will be focusing on our marriage. Two of his 4 children are married now, and the situation just became worse. They all travel frequently as a family without even telling me or checking on me when my vacation will be so we can meet each other. Their kids, although adults and have spoken with me before I married their father keep on teasing their parents about getting back together without thinking of how hurtful it will be to me. My husband doesn't share his finances with me or makes any plans with me for the future. I accepted this because I want to show him that I love him, and not the money he will give, that I can save for both of our future. But all to no avail. He keeps on telling me that he is just doing God's will and to trust him. He even professes that he wants to be a saint. He helps people and is very kind, but treats me like a spare rag. His schedule with his first family comes first and will only think of spending time with me once his obligation with them is done. I feel guilty because he says he is doing it for God, but he is killing me slowly but surely. Does God want me to sacrifice my life so that he can prove to be a good father? Until when should I wait? The situation is becoming worse and most of what you mentioned about someone who is a covert narcissists sound familiar to me now...I feel most of the time like I am going crazy. Please help me to understand my situation more.
Leave him. You don't need to understand more. You don't need to justify leaving him. Watch Dr ramani and Sam vaknin. He will not get better. He will get worse. You are codependent. Find the strength to leave
Thank you Dr. Clark for this live feed. I thank God first for enabeling people like you to help. Im married for 12 year and he used his family especially his daugther against me. I live in South Africa and will go to your webdite to order your books. Thanks again for your strait forward approach towards this narssistic problem.
"It's your husband that's kicking the lamb off the cliff! "(quote) Haha! Thanks for the laugh. .. this is such a dark subject.- especially, when the clergy sides with the abuser. A little levity goes a long way. Blessings
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This is my story to aT. This is my x husband of now almost 25 years. Everyone including our only child turned against me because all they seen was how he was the victim. I ended up with many problems that nearly killed me. I can see now I stayed way too long. I'm still trying to heal and it's been almost 11 years since the divorce. Asking for prayers.
You need to let go off the need to be understood or validated. Just be. Strive to live a life where the only opinions that matter are yours and God's.
When you surrender it all to God you give room for the truth to come out.
Let not your grown-up child affect your well-being either.
Your child's eyes will open when you surrender it all to God.
I was married to a narcissist for 21 years. Honestly I tried to submit, but he became more and more controlling. Even though I had been divorced and stayed single, I still was sick. Until a few years back, I did not understand what a narc was. Then God showed me that control is witchcraft. Witchcraft can keep you from receiving from God. Three weeks ago I went on a fast for healing. Then God told me it was for deliverance from abuse. On the 20th day I heard Dr. Clark. It was all I needed to forgive me and conquer guilt. Condemnation produces guilt. If you can't renew your mind to the fact that Jesus's blood delivered us from guilt, then your life stays on hold. I love how Dr. Clark says that God does not want you in that marriage. I know, my grown kids are influenced by their remarried dad. He has money and I have God. He has money and I have a Covenant of peace. No weapon formed against you will prosper and every tongue that rises up against you, you will condemn. The cards so to speak are stacked in your favor. People can't fake walking with God. Every narc is a fraud. Vengence is mine says God, I will recompense. Put that in your heart.
I don't know how to get your plan of action. How to contact you
Hi Tracy, Have you ever heard of Joseph Prince? He is a wonderful grace preacher. We are saved by grace, not of works that any man can boast. Nobody can say to you, "Get over it.", "Give it to God" etc. This walk with God is totally the finished work of Jesus Christ. What I try to do anyway is to meditate the promises of God. God gave me a scripture to believe for. I think it's in Isaiah. I will contend with those who contend with you and I will save your children. God is so good. He promises to return the years the enemy stole. Joel 2. You have a Covenant of Peace. That means nothing missing, nothing stolen. Lately I have been saying, "I'm going to get well and fit and get my beauty back and I'm going to meet a man of God that will treat me right and rich too." My thought process has become, the best revenge for me is to believe God for my best life now! It's not being selfish or vain, but to show yourself how valuable you are. Your husband was and is a rat. Take your time. God will help you to heal, both physically and emotionally and you will be tight with Jesus. As my friend told me many times, "You are going to be fine." There is an expiration date on evil. I will be praying for you. God bless.
SCARY SCARY... THIS IS MY EX. EVERYONE HATES ME....WHEN I WAS LIVING HELL BEHIND CLOSE DOORS. PEOPLE LOVE LOVE HIM.. DEMONIC ON SO MANY LEVELS... HIS SIBLINGS AND MOTHER KNOW WHO he is‼️
Please pray for me. I'm taking a chance and leaving on Jan. 1 with my son and trusting God will secure our future.
Well done! You're truly amazing for doing it. Really you are.
Put all your trust in God and then trust yourself, you are guided by God with your intuition. Set the intention to hear it and trust it.
I have found in my 6 year recovery that narcissistic abuse has the effect of making you doubt yourself even when you know what the right thing to do is, you still worry, fear and doubt yourself. Be aware of that.
That's been my big problem and I've finally realised it recently.
Eg. I've discerned that a person is a narc for sure, but when they are nice or I've had a good day and I'm feeling good ill forget all that I know about narcissists and behave as though I was dealing with a normal person sabotaging myself. (Abuse amnesia)
Its the effect of the sweet mean cycle and gaslighting.
Fore warned is for armed! Know that it won't be easy because of the effects of narcissistic abuse: the sweet mean cycle literally creates chemicals in your body that your body is addicted to.
I'd look into this if I were you because when the withdrawals start and he's hoovering, if your not prepared by being aware of what's happening to you, you could succum as many of us have many times.
You can do it.
Try herbal teas to keep you calm and Eckhart Tolle teaches great meditation.
God Bless you and your son. Ill say a prayer for both of you.
@user-li5ti2xf3v thank you so much! I was just starting to doubt myself and saw your comment. God has been so good. I waited for so long and it was hard, but I'm now glad I waited. Me and my son are safe and sound at my new place. Now, more healing to do. Thank you for the tips. 💛
Thank you to everyone who prayed! God is good. I had no idea where to go with no family, but me and my son are safe and sound and are now even at a church that is protecting us. It's been a lonely road. I'm so grateful to God and all of you!
@@stephm5877
Well done well done well done!!! You're amazing.
You've done it.
One step at a time.
Im so grateful you're both safe and away from that darkness.
I pray God will help you to heal all the hurt, sadness, confusion, anger and fear inside you and give you both peace love and joy.
Because that's what they do to us, fill us with all the heavy, dark, dense, energies that are in them. So even after we've left them we're still plagued by them.
You're on a spiritual journey. Its the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life but its the only thing really worth doing in this life.
You mentioned it being a lonely time.
Please watch TH-cam video from Higher self why you have to be alone.
I've noticed that this is an important part of this journey from my own experience and countless others.
Im still alone but not lonely. I feel better than I've ever felt. No fear or depression at all im starting to live again.
I believe that prayer and meditation is the key to healing...to everything good.
Prayer helps you trust God and meditation helps you be aware of all the fearful, negative thoughts that the narcissist has trained our brains to think...
And also to heal all the negative emotions in our bodies.
It takes time be patient and compassionate with yourself.
God bless you both.
May God guide, protect and provide you both with all that you need and all thats good for you Amen
@Steph M
your comment makes me feel brave. I am afraid of leaving my husband, I mean getting divorce. I have a 2year old baby boy and he is my everything. I am afraid my husband will fight for the complete custody and try to get him away from me. 😢
I've been separated from my covert for 7 months now and the residual impact of his abuse is still presenting itself. Get out as soon as you possibly can. Every minute they have access to you is a minute they have to further destroy the person you are. They hate your goodness and everyone that loves you. It becomes their mission to utterly destroy you. When I was leaving he stated "no one will believe you". Like his mission in life is to fool everyone. The lies from these people are never ending and will drive you insane.
You described them to a “T” These people are very hard to spot, very good actors and extremely destructive.
Yes. He will manipulate the counselor, so true …
I was with my covert narcissist for 3 years, I finally got rid of him 3 hours before my 40th birthday 🎁 it was the best feeling ever, thank goodness thank god 🙏🏽
I am watching the replay here, and this is my ex husband to a T. Our divorce was final Nov.10th. All of these things happened. He garnered sympathy while I lost friends. But God (the 2 greatest words) is merciful ... He gave me a church to support me, qnd your podcast. Your podcast was so validating and described exactly what I went through with my husband at the time and my old elders. And you emailed me to tell me you were praying for me. You made a huge difference to me, Dr. Clarke.
so glad the podcast helped. You have been through the war and survived. I love those 2 words, too: But God. God has you in His care.
@@DrDavidClarke amen so happy to find your Chanel very helpful
@Dr.DavidClarke you spoke on almost everything I'm currently going THROUGH. Thank you for your channel
You are a BREATH OF FRESH AIR with your directness and honesty. God bless you and your work!
I agree!!
I grew to love the silent treatment. Thank God for silence (except for the anger demon that wanted to stomp and slam stuff).
It’s sad because I actually look forward to the silent treatments now!! I be at peace! He used to go days without talking to me but I noticed recently he can’t go too long without bothering me again because he needs me to cook and fix his food and sex so now it’s like torture if he goes too long so he eventually ends up saying something to me the next day or he will starve.😂 But I be really enjoying the little bit of time to myself.😂
I am currently at this stage 🥺
They basically neglect you then call you needy and act like you are wrong for wanting it. They care what others think so they want to stay in a loveless marriage. All about image with them.
I stayed 23 years. I was 52 when I left. I never knew what a narcissist was. In therapy for my cptsd I learned that my mother and sister were also narcissists. My pastors told me that I needed to stay and pray for him. I certainly did pray. But I blamed myself for everything. My mother always sided against me and I killed my self trying to fix everything and everyone. I was disassociated most of the time at the end and when I found a way out I discovered that everyone felt sorry for him and blamed me. I still struggle and it’s been over a decade. Please pray for me. I have so much healing still to do
Same here , people think that he is a great guy..
I heard a quote: "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it, and the Truth is still the Truth even if no one believes it." You and God know the truth. Wishing you all the best on your journey to wellness.
Blunt and to the point. Finally somebody who doesn't dance around with nice proper psycho babble crap.❤❤❤
About the church, I had to completely get away from any church we were associated with. I lost most friends and family over my ex. Very devastating.
I did the same thing. All religions are man-made. No think you! I will find my own spirituality.
That's great! I've been texting from my bedroom to his rather than talking to him. I'm glad he is not living under the same roof as me because we are finally separated - yippee 😅.
I feel like I just
woke up from a long ass nightmare or woke out of a coma and too scared to ask what year it is..
😢
This is the best description of covert narcissist.
💯
Thank God that somebody is finally highlighting this, especially within the Christain community - serving the whole church and community and emotionally abusing you. And yes, if you open your mouth people will feel that you are ungrateful and crazy and will be only too willing to take your narc partner from you yesterday, because they see them as God's perfect and special gift - THANK YOU DR Clarke for speaking about this so openly
and without restraint - thank you for calling it out!
Truth
I did Doctor Clark's 45 minutes phone consultation. Worth every bit of the money.
In my experience, most women do not have a dime to get an attorney.
I had a relationship with a covert narcissist, and all people were convinced he was a good guy, even my friends. It was a hell on earth for me. Every time I was sick or injured, he was so angry and screamed at me instead of being supportive and bringing me to the doctor or to emergency. This was just one thing. After a while I have had enough, I send him to hell and never came back. He called, he chased, he cried, he begged. I felt so good for kicking his ass off
This is my husband, how did you marry him? 😂
Whenever I was sick, hurt or needed help (which wasn't often), he always suddenly came up with some other ailment so he didn't have to take care of me.
Lightbulb moment for me when you said to call out the disrespect in front of the children...I immediately thought, I could never do that, he'd flip out.
I got myself a ruthless lawyer who got me out of the mess unscathed. When the narcissist ignored my attorney's request to sign a document, he was threatened with having to pay all of the attorney's fees. The document was sent within days lol.
I stayed for the kids and now I'm seeing that maybe I shouldn't have.
Me too it’s exhausting
Such a hard call
I love all you are sharing!! I am a retired mental-health therapist and also attended Western Seminary. My first husband was this kind of narcissist. I finally got out after 8 years. Took me a long time to recover! He eventually hung himself because he literally didn't know how to be an adult. I have been with my healthy and loving husband now for 24 years. Even now, I help friends who are leaving their narcissistic spouses. Pastors are not trained to counsel marriages, and I would not refer couples to see their pastors. Right now, "this" narcissist-husband is convincing our pastor how good and "right" he is. And, unfortunately, for as bright and gifted our pastor is, he's buying it. 😪
Same happened to me , I pushed for counseling and we did solo and joint but the pastor (who is extremely smart and a former police officer who was (I assume ) trained in domestic affairs, etc , he bought every 'poor me,Michelle's just being negative, won't let go of the past, im trying etc', to the point where the pastor got mad at me for protesting the lies my ex kept saying. Yet he also told our pastor I was living in a fantasy wanting to have a normal home and family (instead of being abused. )
Later down the line the pastor quit seeing him . Said he needed a higher level of help.
I should clarify, my ex is I've learned a covert narcissist and the "past" was never past as he continually treated me and our kids worse and worse w time and more manipulative
My wife is a covert narc. She uses such spiritual pious talk to gaslight me. It’s so mentally destructive and depressing
35 years here. You’ve described my entire time with him in detail!!! Thank you 😊
I just broke up with a vulnerable narcissist 3 months ago. There are still his stuff in my house that he hasn’t collected. I broke up with him via text message because I knew it would not have gone well. I don’t want to even text him or email him to organise a day for collection. I fear for his usual passive aggressiveness.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for putting this truth out into the 🌎!!! The church and pastors are SOOOOOOO ignorant, unhelpful, and hurtful when it comes to topics like this, and they should be on the frontlines of this horrible and evil situation.
Yes, that’s the truth!
I often ask myself & God how can they not know or have some insight?!
They are cowards. I slept in a separate room and would sleep with my bedroom door locked because I didn't trust what he'd be capable of once I told him once & for all I was leaving after 33+ years of marriage and numerous attempts to leave.
I could write a book about my ex covert narcissist! He mocked me for my faith & relationship with Christ, stating, "you don't really believe in all that, do you?" After I had started going to a new church for a while, he started going with me. He complained when I served in the nursery even though it didn't impact him whatsoever. I was enjoying something without him, and he didn't like that.
My ex narc husband told me I needed counseling. I said yes I do and I’m getting it, thank you. He didn’t like that at all. Lol.
Dr Clarke, thank you that you are spot on about the disorder traits that husband has. I had left him after 50 years of marriage. It had been tortured and hell being terrorised by all the lies, betrayal, verbal and emotional abuses inflicted on me and on my children. Rage and anger are happening all the time. Walking on eggshells with fear daily. Now as I am processing divorce, I thank God that I have the strength to walk away a year ago for my mental health, freedom and peace of mind. I want to cut ties from a sick and toxic relationship that I dont see there is any hope of salvaging. I do not owe him my precious life so that he can control, disrespect, devalue and discredit me. I want to claim back my self respect, self esteem and my dignity. This is the best decision I have made. My action will sever the roots of demonic soul ties from my children and future generations. I encourage those who are in toxic relationship to run from it. They will not change and why should they when they have the power to manipulate, control, gaslight and blame you to do what they want. I have to educate myself about npd as I did not know what npd is. Dr Clarke, I heed your wise advice. Enough is enough and no more fear and trauma in a doom marriage.
I'm so thankful I got the strength after 5 years of marriage to get a divorce. That was 12 years ago. My 2 daughters saw through him over the years just by his actions. They are SO thankful they have a peaceful house away from him and they avoid him as much as possible. There is light at the end of the tunnel... but you must be ready for a battle period 💯
What these narcissists do is prossecutable.... a crime has been done against the wife,children, Other people as well.
I've watched many great narcissist experts on TH-cam, but you, sir, take the cake (in my humble opinion). 😁 This direct, strong approach is what people who have dealt with this abuse need to hear. There is no dealing or working with these abusers and getting away is the only thing to do. So many people stay in these hellish lives because they feel they can help or change the narc. I look back at the horrible advice that I got when I was with my ex, and I can't believe what some people said to me. He was a cheater, alcoholic and got into drugs, and I was told by more than one person that "it takes two." Also, you're not perfect.!! He literally almost killed me through mental abuse. I feel for anyone that unfortunately knows firsthand what it's like. If I didn't have God, I would definitely be dead.
When I left, I did my best to keep my integrity and the kids know, they don't engage with him, he stole from them, when they we r e grown he was moving, told them they could take over his lease. They moved In with me as a result. They know who to trust.
2 Timothy 3 - People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers fo the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than God - HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH SUCH PEOPLE!
Thank you for putting this in here. Makes my heart sing.
I just discovered your channel, Dr. Clarke. Thank you so much for your clear and precise information on covert narcissism. Also, thank you for YOUR clear understanding WHOM these covert narcs TRULY are.
Blessings to you and all your work.
He use to call me fat, ugly and accuse me of not keeping the house clean (to his standards). All of this in front of the children. My reply was I could lose weight, clean the house more but he was ugly on the inside and nothing can change that.
Oh my gracious thank you! I have been in this for 41 years. I need to get myself well.
25 years now for me. I am 73. Only 2 people believe me. He has made most people believe he is a decent person and loving me. Please pray for me. I need a job so that I can get
free. I am praying for you to be healed from abuse. God bless.
41 years for me too. I’m 73. I found a good Christian therapist and will be starting soon. I would encourage you to get help. Check with your health insurance provider. Mine is just a 20.00 co pay. I’m praying for you and all the women out there who are suffering ❤
You are just literally speaking to my heart and soul. Its as if you are in my home and see me
Then there's their narcissistic amnesia...
Marriage Counseling resulted in him taking up with Counselor for next partner. Go figure.
It's not just criticism he's sensitive to. It's your suggestions on anything, your point of view. Just anything they haven't done or thought of themselves. It's always their way or the highway. I personally can't get past the first sentence before he's down my throat. Yes I agree short statements are best and turning away. I've experienced the silent treatment for 6 months. Not one word. That was the longest. I'm no longer bothered by them. His mother said he was a sulker.
So sorry
I do laugh at the comic relief. Keeps us from beaking down… kicking a sheep off a cliff. 😂
After having several years of sanity out of the toxic relationship and on my own, I can say that this man gets it. Listen and follow his instructions.
My husband of 24 years just passed away in July. You described to last detail what happened in the marriage and what happened in his death - particularly with the church. It was packed, and they just about canonized him.
Being a widow to a man like this is been nothing short of a nightmare. His mother is also a narcissist. The marriage has been living hell, but the last few months brings it to a whole new level.
God bless you Dr Clarke. One day I will be healthy again.
38 years in this torment. I stayed because I took my vows seriously. Then I stayed for our only child thinking I could protect her. She’s now 26 and I have failed miserably as she has become her father. Between the two of them I suffer so much. I now stay for much needed medical coverage because I’m not well at all and desperately need financial support. And at 65 I don’t know what else to do. I’m exhausted, weak and failing fast.
😢😢 I’ll keep you in prayer. I do hope that God gives you peace during this time.
@@homegardeningforkids1440
Thank you so much.
Your comment could be mine. My husband had 2 children when I met him I had 3 and we had 2 together. It took me forever to figure out who he was but I’m really thinking there is a genetic link as well his first 2 children always thought they were to good to be with my kids and I see the same thing in the 2 I had with him. I recently came to the realization that our 28 year old son is a narc as well. It broke my heart I tried to get my husband to stop how he has been treating me for the last 19 years no intimacy let alone sex, I lost wt and worked on myself so his exact words he felt I would become attractive to other men so he cut me off. What I think it really means is that he can only be intimate with someone he feels superior to. And when I was overweight I probably didn’t put any pressure on him or have any expectations just settle for the crumbs looking back now I can pinpoint every lie. He had a vasectomy reversal at 38 and never told his mom and I begged him to . I got pregnant and he still wouldn’t tell her, let’s make sure you don’t have a miscarriage then when the baby was born he said let’s make sure he doesn’t die of Sid’s. So everyone talked about me that I was a trollup and he was such a great guy staying with me when I obviously had an affair because he had a vasectomy. The hurt is so deep there’s no forgiveness and he has never in 35 years apologized. He put his hands on me 7 years ago tore my aorta put me in the hospital in cardiac icu for over 3 months and has never apologized for that either
Dear God, my heart breaks for you! I pray 🙏 you get out! I stayed as well! I’m 60 now! Feel like I have lost my life wasted it! My only beautiful daughter was wise to him early but left with her guy later! But it so scared her! Please know you MATTER! God wants you to be happy! Listen & follow Dr Clarke’s counsel he really knows what he’s talking about!
He is the light in the darkness on this subject for Christians we have all been waiting for !🙏💎🙌
Please leave this evil man!
Save your self even if you don’t want to! God loves you dearly & passionately & wants you to live & restore your life brick by 🧱 brick by brick! You are precious in the Lords sight, Dear One! ❤️🙏💞🌹💎🌈🩷🌹🙏🙏🙏
This is EXACTLY ON POINT! I left my narcissist husband and it’s the best decision I ever made! Praise God for this video and for you, Dr. Clarke!
I just discovered you. I love what you are doing. Thank you.
I can’t thank you enough… I thought I was going crazy. you are definitely chosen by God to shed light and bring insight on narcissistic behavior to this generation and generations to come. We are destroyed by a lack knowledge!! Again thank you for the knowledge. Now that I know better I’m going to do better. Looking forward to reading your books… 👏🏾
Left my ex 9 years ago. A true devil. Everyone thought he was the best thing that ever happened. Pure evil he is. A living hell never seen anything like it. All they do is destroy.
My Covert Narcissist spouse has blown up at me in his narcissistic rage, but only in private, NO ONE believes me as to how get gets, because he keeps it private. To the world he is a “great guy” and when people say that, it makes me sick. His toxic amnesia when I’ve tried to get help from (my now ex) pastor was astounding, as was his manipulation and Acting, an academy award winner. I had to leave that church, and him. I gave him the list in your book enough is enough, and he is seeing a counselor, and providing support, but it’s been 7 months and he has not given me the list of what he’s done wrong and how he has abused me. His counselor actually called me, with his permission, to get specifics on the abuse. I gave him the list of non-specific abusive behavior, I told the counselor I would not give him a specific list, as my h will lie and manipulate, and make it my fault; I’ve seen that for 12+ years and I won’t engage anymore. If he “can’t” remember any abusive behavior, and won’t confess, repent, and change, we can’t even consider reconciliation. I won’t go back to that wickedness. He was destroying me, psychologically, and physically. It was so stressful, especially when I knew he would get physically intimidating when he experienced narcissistic injury, I would get the rage. That was so frightening. He is a covert narcissist. But he wasn’t always passive aggressive, although he did do that really well. I won’t fall for his loving bombing again.
Always in private as they have to look good.
Skank-a-Paloosa 😂 I’m cracking up! I love that.
😂
Hope you just left it on the curb. Don’t talk to him
You can only feel sorry for someone for so long. In the movie "Seize the Day", with Robin Williams, the main character is the son of a narcissist. This movie is ahead of its time. What I love about it is the insight it gives into the psychological effects on a child of a parent like this. I love this movie because it has So many messages. One being how the child of these types really gets damaged and goes through life feeling pity for themselves. Like they'll never be good at anything they do. It also shows how your self confidence is destroyed by these damaging people. As a child of a covert female narc, I can relate to so much of this movie. Every line is packed with so much information. One that stood out to me was " Don't disappoint your father Wilkie". I know how it feels to not be able to make mistakes and try to live up to unrealistic expectations. The jist of the movie. It's a hard movie to watch. But anyone confused by this puzzling behavior can see the why's in the story. One thing though, never feel pity for them because that's why they never get better. They live off of the pity of the people who never saw it coming and put their problems on somebody else. Divorced to one who's father was a master devaluer 22 years. It feels like a lifetime. You have to make up your mind because you really are dealing with a child who won't feel punished. They'd rather die. You don't have to teach them a lesson. Just get that hell out of your life. There's something better waiting on the other side of life. This movie can be found on Tubi for free and was made in 1986. I highly recommend it. All in all, they're just clever whiny babies. 😁
"Seize the Day" is Greek in scope, but I like your take on the father, though I see him as the protagonist from one or more ancient Greek myths or plays which doesn't mean he can't be viewed as simply a narcissist. No shortage of narcissists in Greek myths! haha I've watched the film numerous times and recommend it. Thanks and GB
I agree with everything you say except one thing. They're not like whinny babies. They are evil. They do everything they do deliberately. It premeditated, cold calculated.
The psychopaths who run the world and control every system we have, financial, judicial, educational etc are the ones pushing this theory that they are like toddlers and that its abuse that made them this way when its not.
The human species is made of two races and one is preys on the other. Best camouflage ever to evolve to look like your prey.
A wolf in sheep's clothing.
You need to set the intention to discover the truth and start doing your own research. Don't buy the narrative they're selling us about why they're like this, its only to stop us discovering what they really are so they can keep preying on us.
Their only real power is our ignorance.
Very interesting. Thank you for the reply.
Also, not sure if you caught a very quick line Stiller says "Nothing but nerves, caused by Failure if the Will. I looked failure of the will up. Basically, I see it as having false hope that someone who hopefully change or the failure of one to see the Truth about a person and just accept it. Sometimes, you just gotta move on.
Forgot to memorize that I’m new to this channel’ !
I’m glad that I found this!! I wished there’d have been this awareness when I was younger. I’m 71 and started watching videos 3 yrs ago. Finally watched enough of them to break through my denial . I’ve been in therapy all
Of this time . Not really therapist addressed this because he wouldn’t go
With me !’ He didn’t have problem. I did see the therapist whom I
believe, spotted it,my husband. sabotaged my progress by setting me up by creating a catastrophe. Our family , by his control, moved to a town that I never wanted to live in . I had
been sexually abusive there ( he knew this) I came down with a severed case of fibromyalgia. Bed ridden for 2 yrs . I had a new born. My mom had to move in with me to take care her f him. I wasn’t well for 5 yrs . My husband got what he needed!
I put money aside because I knew things were getting intense and I knew he was up to know good!!! Sure enough he served me divorce papers and locked me out of the house!! He laughed so I stayed at a motel for 23 days looking for a job and finding a attorney!! I was so so scarred and insecure crying in that motel. My friend told me of legal help from a old high school friend and he was the best. How sweet he was a judge and a district attorney and tore into my husband in that courtroom making mincemeat out of him with his 2;000 designer suit! He adjusted my narcs attitude. Lol
😂❤😮😊
I started crying watching this video I appreciate you so much!!!
A really nice listener.
I confronted my ex gf who I believe is a covert narcissist. I told her about all the things she does and how I’d like us to work through it together so we can have a healthy relationship. Well the dr is 100% correct. Never confront them it leads to pain. when I confronted her after finally figuring her out the mask slipped fully and she coldly discarded me. Just like that I meant nothing to her. She then went on a smear campaign and tried her best to ruin my reputation. These people are incredibly damaging to your mental health and well being. they will never change, you fall in love with a fraud, remember this clearly if they tricked you into believing they’re something they’re not.., then they will trick everyone else with their smear campaign, they are experts in playing victim. quietly leave and never ever look back.
75...you got me beat...I thought 22 affairs was bad...it's just absolutely HELL!! And I'm tired of burning 🔥
😮
Im having flashbacks of this. Your presentation is completely on point.
Love this guy! Greatest information and support ever.
So thankful for your insights and encouragement. Keep up the good work! We need you!
This describes my children's father and what I experienced almost exactly. It has been a nightmare.
Thank you for all these videos.
I love you. You have been the most helpful person I have found! You are more helpful than my actual counselor!
Your priceless !
God sent.
Gratitude.
Thank you Dr Clarke ,this is the first anyone has understood what my life is like I never knew how many other people are dealing with acovert Narc, its so hard to explain to people who know him as they think hes great, you feel so alone
Love Love your channel!,, you are an inspiration ❤
Please continue your work...you have and continue to help me. I listen to your podcasts everyday! Bought your enough is enough book! You are so on point with everything you teach!! Never stop!!
God Bless you Dr. Clarke!!
I love your videos, and I’m learning a lot. When my husband began acting like a narcissist a few months into our marriage, I knew it was him and not me and quickly lost interest. I’ve just divorced him and I am thrilled to be free.
I am a devout Christian and I hope don’t you don’t mind me saying that I don’t think the Lord would have any of us call anyone a “skank“. These women are very sick and perhaps they have been abused and probably are not altogether aware of what they’re doing. I truly believe that when we really deeply, on a heart level understand what we’re doing that’s when we will change. Many people are in denial. It doesn’t mean that we should condone their behaviour or have anything to do with those types of women. However, I think we can find a kinder word for these adulterous woman who hurt families. The Lord loves all his children and not everybody has been raised with the Gospel, so I think it reflects on us if we use negative language to talk about any human being or child of God.
Thank you for your awesome videos and books!
They are skanks
I am a Christian and I understand the point that your trying to make . These people must know what they are doing . Calling them a skank I think is being easy on them, they could be called much worse whore or whoremonger could come across bad too.
Thanks for sharing this video!❤⚘
Learning with your teachings!😊
You are awesome. A blessing.
Absolutely brilliant. Thank you Dr David.
So refreshing and straight to the point. So nice that you understand woman that are abused. May God really bless you you. Keep up the great work.
I appreciate that you don’t soften your words but are clear that you support those who are being victimized. And great points about why you should not get counseling with a narcissist. If the counselor is deceived by the narcissist’s act, they unknowingly join in with the abuse. When your family (or his) turns on you, be silent and don’t defend yourself. They will see the truth after a while, and if they don’t, they don’t get a front row seat to your life.
Yes, the narcissist will always triangulate an unaware counselor or one not trained in personality disorders. Save the therapist for after you’re out of the relationship and need to heal from the narcissistic abuse.
I'm a Christian and this is great. So glad I found this video. My friend is a covert narcissist and I've known him 8 yrs. One yr we got closer but not physically. I want him out of my life. He claims I'm his property.
Please escape before he can hurt you !
@premajagannath4952 what do you mean by hurt you?
Thank you! You are describing the problem to a T! I just bought four of your books.
this is amazing....i had just about given up hope. thank God i found you!
Your on the money !!! Glad I found you!!!
Love the abuse spouse video
My ex messed me up so much. He is not in my life now, but he broke every part of my being. He took my daughter from me he promised it would happen. Turned my daughter against me. I did not see my daughter for 3 years. Lies he was good.Now it’s been 18 years she still can’t
I came across your platform.
And you're on point. I greatly appreciate you and for helping everyone going through this to see the light . Including me, right now, married for 34 years. Just realize who he really is. And that it's not me.
I love you already. 😊 God bless you!
Thank you Dr. Clarke… I have been so afraid and for my kids too. My heart is broken, and almost my soul. Your words and wisdom, strength and truth are lifelines to us. God bless you & protect you and your dynamic ministry ❤️🙏🏻🕊️
God bless you and your ministry. To me. 🙏🙏🙏I love your candor. So refreshing, ps. I’m buying your books ☺️
Thank you so very very much. My beautiful amazing sister put me onto you. This vid has enabled me to take my self in hand and given me the strength and answers to cope with my brother who is doing exactly what you've described. Yet, I'm the only family member he treats this way. Bless you with never ending love. Sending you love and joy. Thank you, you've liberated me, this vid has.
Love you 💕 God bless you. You tell it like it is. More PhD. needs to be like you.
Dr. David, I love that you don't beat around the bush but are clear in your meaning and can see through the abuser.
I'm hoping to catch the next live!! Gotta be ready to lose it all to gain yourself and life back. If you can't afford an attorney, be ready to lose it all just to get out and stay out! If you have children with him/her get a mediator, don't deal with them at all. They will have major withdraw for not being able to have access to you and your emotions... it can drive them literally insane. Protect yourself!!!
Thank you Dr. Clarke for your expertise and years of experience in a subject that so few pastors and counselors know nothing about. We appreciate you so much. ❤️🔥☄️💕
You are amazing! I’m so happy I found your videos- I just realized that my husband of 25 years is a narc - he’s an alcoholic to boot. I’m trying to plan my escape!
DR David my husband is also an alcoholic. In fact, it’s his secret and a great point of contention-because early on I outed him to a few significant family members. Talk about continual repercussions. Please Pray for me!
Mine was too, but quit only to substitute that addiction with pot. I thought much of his behavior would stop when he quit drinking. Sadly, it did not and it didn't change with pot either. They use a substance to help them check out and it's worse for those around them. He goes to AA three times a week to keep up his lie of sobriety.
I love you Dr Clarke, thanking God for your life 🙏
Doctor, I love you a lot! I love your honesty and your directness. That's the way this subject must be treated! I have been through this and the only way is to gather all your power to cope with the schemes of the narcissist! May God bless you! He was my power during that terrible time when I had to divorce the narcissist! She is a demonized female...
This is so accurate it’s shocking! Thank you Dr.
I'm so grateful I came across your video..25yr I finally got the strength to leave..now I am healing.I believe that.your book is going to help assist me in this next chapter of my life. Thank you Dr.❤
I thank you for bringing light on this topic. I went through a twenty- four year old marriage and it’s true the divorce was brutal. All true, prayers for you and family.
Thank you, Dr. David! You've been a blessing to my soul! After 3 years of therapy reporting the abuse, the therapist said I had PMS. Only after a Codependent Anonymous meeting did I discover that I was in an abusive relationship and only after you did I know for sure that my husband is a covert narc. This video describes him exactly as he is.
You described my life to a T. I finally left after 30 years. Your book on 20 lies has been life changing. I had so much guilt for leaving! Your books saved my life! You are simply the best!! Thank you!!!!
Dear Dr. Clarke. I am so grateful to God for having shown me your short clip of Why Narcissists Sta Close to Their Ex. I have been married to who I thought was the love of my life for 6 years now and been with him for a total of 8 years. I met him at a time when I was 38 and I was approaching my later years, and for Asians to reach that age and not be married is a big deal. His marriage was annulled because he told me that his ex-wife cheated on him multiple times. My heart went out for him, and I thought everybody deserves a second chance. At first our courtship was great, and he made efforts to get me close to his kids and family. But later, fights ensued because he said he was not good at remembering important occassions so he kept on forgetting to call me on important holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays. We have a long-distance relationship and marriage due to financial obligations both from his side and mine. I still married him despite the tumultuous courtship because he was prayerful and is very kind to everyone, but me. I thought it was my fauly because I was too needy. After we got married, the situation got worse. He keeps a very close relationship with is ex because of the children, he told me. He told me to just be patient because when all of his children get married, then he will be focusing on our marriage. Two of his 4 children are married now, and the situation just became worse. They all travel frequently as a family without even telling me or checking on me when my vacation will be so we can meet each other. Their kids, although adults and have spoken with me before I married their father keep on teasing their parents about getting back together without thinking of how hurtful it will be to me. My husband doesn't share his finances with me or makes any plans with me for the future. I accepted this because I want to show him that I love him, and not the money he will give, that I can save for both of our future. But all to no avail. He keeps on telling me that he is just doing God's will and to trust him. He even professes that he wants to be a saint. He helps people and is very kind, but treats me like a spare rag. His schedule with his first family comes first and will only think of spending time with me once his obligation with them is done. I feel guilty because he says he is doing it for God, but he is killing me slowly but surely. Does God want me to sacrifice my life so that he can prove to be a good father? Until when should I wait? The situation is becoming worse and most of what you mentioned about someone who is a covert narcissists sound familiar to me now...I feel most of the time like I am going crazy. Please help me to understand my situation more.
Leave him. You don't need to understand more. You don't need to justify leaving him. Watch Dr ramani and Sam vaknin. He will not get better. He will get worse. You are codependent. Find the strength to leave
My life. Leave.
Excelente 🫶👏 de Plant City Fl. Soy puertorriqueña. Primera vez en su canal GRACIAS 🙏
Please do more Lives. I missed this one. This was great. Thank you Dr. Clarke.
Stay tuned… I’ll be doing another live this Wednesday at 7:30pm EST
Thank you Dr. Clark for this live feed. I thank God first for enabeling people like you to help. Im married for 12 year and he used his family especially his daugther against me. I live in South Africa and will go to your webdite to order your books. Thanks again for your strait forward approach towards this narssistic problem.
Thank you for this content!
"It's your husband that's kicking the lamb off the cliff! "(quote) Haha!
Thanks for the laugh.
.. this is such a dark subject.- especially, when the clergy sides with the abuser.
A little levity goes a long way. Blessings