@@mohamadsabah9530 he likely uploaded the video as private or unlisted first to add some finishing touches. I do that sometimes. Unless ur comment was meant to be a joke in which case ignore me lol
@mohamadsabah9530 When youtube videos have sponsorships, they upload the videos as private first, and have the sponsor view and approve the video before it's made public.
I think something a lot of people don’t understand, aromantic is not the same as asexual. You can have a deep and personal relationship with someone just the same and not have sex
@@janabr7598Yes to this! I'm asexual as heck, but eventually I a) found a person I found attractive physically and mentally (took 24 yrs to find em!) and b) I learned about "responsive" desire and that is my forte with them, they often initiate. So cool to see so many different asexual perspectives and experiences!
Agreed. I have a strong suspicion that my husband is asexual. We’ve been together for 10 years and had sex infrequently for the first two years of our relationship. After that, nothing. I would love hearing from Ace men because I’m clueless!
@@drowe1316perhaps try talking to him about it? If he doesn’t know what asexuality is, maybe you could bring it up like “here’s an interesting thing I learned about today”
The best way to communicate with people is by seeing things from their point of view :) Also--just going to shamelessly plug--I'm hoping some of you might like the music I make too :)
As an aroace (aromantic and asexual) guy, there's definitely this immense cultural pressure placed on us to be sexual all the time, which feels like the equivalent of someone trying to shove food down your throat when you're not hungry. I'm super happy to see more ace content on this channel and hope that it can clear up some of the misconceptions people have about us.
I'm a straight guy, presumably living in the same culture you are. I don't feel an immense cultural pressure to be sexual all the time. What are you talking about that makes you feel this way?
@@metashadow3924 it could just be the environment he's in, like university or high school where dating & hooking up is very talked about (depends on the country, of course). i've surrounded myself with fellow lgbtq+ people since i am asexual and was friends with people who constantly talked about their sex life and wanting me to try out one night stands even though i constantly said no
Should've had an asexual man included. There's a stereotype that it's purely a woman thing because men like sex and women like romance so women opting out of sex completely isn't surprising. I don't agree with the stereotype but it would have been important to combat with a male presence. I'm not asexual but I am on the aromantic spectrum (aka sex yes please, friendship is great, romance is cringe) and we're the opposite. Focusing on sex is considered a male trait but I'm a proud arospec woman.
Yeah I agree, I've actually met more asexual men in my life than women which definitely goes against the "stereotypical asexual" from what I've seen in the comments
I am demisexual (I normally just say asexual though for a multitude of reasons, but I'm comfortable putting it here atm), and I hadn't met anybody who was openly asexual until maybe about a year or two ago. She hates me now.... And I've finally made friends with another demisexual (which is a guy), and also have a friend who has made it obvious to me that he is also asexual, though I havent asked him about it or talked to him about it, he's made it clear by messages like "oh you're asexual too). It's definitely seeming to be pretty common in men (just about as much so as women). But uhm... Not sure if I'm the best example. I don't end up having long lasting friendships with females typically. But yeah, its a weird stigmatization that people think men can't be asexual.
5:11 "if you take the sexual part out, that's what a friendship is" was a very hurtful statement to me as an asexual (who isnt aromantic!) i feel like that's a bit of their internalized acephobia, if you take the sexual attraction out of a relationship, that's not just friends, they're still dating. Romantic attraction exists. And relationships don't need to involve sex! At all!
How would you define romantic attraction though? I'm 100% sure I'm asexual, but still wonder about my romantic orientation. What does romantic attraction is? Isn't romance subjective, even?
@@channary2550 demisexuality isn't the same as asexuality though, so it would make sense why your partner and the woman in the video feel differently about romantic attraction and what a relationship consists of... Especially since a lot of demisexuals/gray-asexuals who are in relaltionships DO have sex with they boyfriend/girlfriend. You can't deny that physical intimacy and sex are the main difference between friends and two people who are in a relationship. It's also not a difference of commitment: you could very well commit to living with your best friend, even have kids together by adopting for example, and it still would be a platonic relationship. But that's just my thoughts, and the hours and hours of talking about friendships and relationships with my straight and bisexual friends.
@@wikia3266 yes but demisexuality is still a part of the asexuality spectrum. Of course it isn't the same and I'm aware of that. Let's just say a person is in a non-serious relationship with physical intimacy involved. Is it safe to generalize that they are just friend with benefits? In another context, if a bisexual dates only men, does that make the person straight? A relationship without sex is not always just a friendship. Sure, you may see it that way but to most, it sounds like she's just invalidating these types of relationships. Speaking in a bigger picture, Asexuals already struggle to make their orientations valid and this is why.
After watching this video, I think I might be on the asexual spectrum. I've been married to my husband for almost 11 1/2 years, we've been together almost 20 years and have an 8 year old son. While we do have sex and I enjoy it for the most part (while it's happening), I've never once craved sex nor do I miss it when I'm not engaging in it. I have always found men physically attractive and have had crushes on boys/men growing up, but never in a sexual way. I've never looked into asexuality much before this, because I pretty much never looked into it and had most of the same assumptions as those presented in this video. If anyone has advice on the matter , it'd be greatly appreciated as this is literally the first time that I've even considered this being a thing with me.
I am experiencing nearly the same, but my partner and I decided to end our relationship because (among other reasons) he was distraught by the fact I never initiated sex nor seemed into during the act. It’s affirming seeing videos like this and reading comments like yours :)
@AusyJo Thank you. My family and husband just assume that I was prudish. My husband is accepting to a point, but will occasionally ask me to initiate. Since I do love him, I do try from time to time for him, but ultimately am uncomfortable doing so. It's also hard because as emotional and effectionate I am towards my son and family, it's always been hard to show effection in romantic/sexual way (despite loving and caring about him deeply)
@@Michelle-DiPalo same same same! I still love my partner deeply, but I could not convey that sexually in a way that worked for him, so we just agreed we weren’t sexually compatible. I think you’d learn more about this from the book, “come as you are” by Emily Nagoski. She’s a sex therapist who had a patient in our similar situation: loved her husband, but didn’t love the idea of having sex with him. That book may have given me my first inkling that I may be ace… Still need to look more into it!
Conservatives will tell you openly why they also consider asexuality to be "degenerate," and it's because they believe not reproducing is part of "degeneracy" which includes not having sex and having sex that doesn't result in offspring It was never about modesty or purity, it's about control and moving the world in a direction so that straight cis white men are on top and are able to kill anyone they don't like they consider to be beneath them
Alice Oseman (creator of "Heartstopper") is also asexual and aromantic. One of the characters, Isaac, is aromantic and asexual. In the comics, Tori also comes out as asexual
@jauxro Her show is the most sexless, pure thing on tv. It's famous for that exact thing. It's the main reason people praise it which is very messed up.
Anthony, I realized I was ace because of your "I Spent a Day with Asexuals" video, and it's been an incredible nearly 4 years of personal discovery because of that. Thank you for that video, and thank you for bringing everyone back for this video! ❤
i find it so strange how people don’t think we exist. the thought that asexuality isn’t even real never even occurred to me as something that people believed
@@TryingtoTellYou i dunno how to convince ya but it is very real. personally the feelings come naturally, i felt shocked when i found out that my opinion on sex wasn’t “normal” and i am unable to see the appeal. it never comes to mind as something i want out of people lol
I was jealous of my friend who identified as Asexual because she was stereotypically not into ANYTHING but like, puzzles. That made me feel like if I wasn't like her, I was "faking" asexuality. But then one day I realized, it was as simple as just saying I was asexual. There was no specific way I NEEDED to act. I was interested in having close friendships and watching romantic media, but I only wanted the friendships for myself. And that was enough.
People like to assume I'm 100% pure of mind. I was a band kid in American public school. I have witnessed hentai (unwillingly). I WISH I could be pure of mind but I'm not. I know the rules of BDSM to protect myself from certain people (those who don't follow the rules). Sex jokes can be funny. So there is pressure on me to act innocent and all this shit and I hate that. No one can give me a proper explanation as to why they want me to act that way, so when people are like "I didn't expect you to know that" I just roll my eyes.
No i appreciate you saying this cause I’m recently discovering and gaining a lot of confidence that I’m ace. I’m starting to say it without hesitation, owning it. But then I hear many of the things these ladies are saying and I don’t find myself relating to them as much as I’d expect/hope, making me question if I’m truly ace. But I keep having to remind myself it’s a spectrum, and they’re only 3 points in all the possibilities. That we aren’t all alike, that we can think/process different and still be ace
I've know I was Ace for a long time, but I'm super romance driven, so for the longest time hearing those "you just haven't found the right person" comments really hurt, and I just felt like I was all wrong. I've always been attracted to people, just not sexually. I'm so glad that my bestie discovered asexuality and taught me about it cause I would have been in a very much darker place without the understanding of myself.
that statement "you haven't met the right person" made me think i was demisexual and I would magically change when I loved someone in a relationship for 6 years now, I'm asexual completely lol
I'm like you, and I'm SO lonely. I want a boyfriend, but no one wants to date me because I don't want sex. So what I tend to hear is, "You're offering your heart, mind and soul to me, but that means nothing because you won't give me your body." Like, I understand and appreciate the guys who are like "listen, this just won't work for me and I don't want to hurt you." Bless! Thank you for not wasting my time! But it's the guys who phrase their rejection like "nope I just wanna fuck you" who I absolutely hate, and I find those dudes more than the considerate ones.
@@sentientplant9658Nah, they ain't shnic, like, you should definitely have the relationship you want with your boundaries, the fact that they want sex and that's a deal breaker, means they aren't worth it, I hope you find people who do see your value more than just your body ☺️☺️
@ville__ if it was a choice a lot of us would prefer to just function like what's expected / like what people consider normal. It'd be easier then dealing with people like you.
The ace community is still so overlooked even by other LGBTQ people. I came out to two of my friends a couple years ago, one of whom is bisexual, and they both laughed and said "That's weird". My parents constantly deny my asexuality as well and tell me I'm too young to know even though I'm literally an adult and my peers have sex all the time. They think it's a phase I'm going to grow out of. I say all of this not because I need pity but to emphasize how important accurate representation is to our community. I really appreciate all the work you do to shed light on overlooked and misunderstood communities like ace/aro people, Anthony.
I’m gay and I’m one of those that thinks it’s weird (not in a bad way) that there’s people out there who are asexual. So are you just not aroused ever? Like do you ever get horny? If you do, what gets you horny?
@@dougfoster445idk what there is to be confused about. just like how your brain receives a fix of hormones when looking at men their brain doesn't receive a dopamine fix at the thought of doing something sexual with a particular person. some asexuals want to have sex and have neutral/positive outlooks of it, they just don't get sexually attracted to somebody. others are entirely repulsed by sex and both interpretations of the label are by definition valid.
It's not a phase, despite what others say. You are living authentically and I admire your strength. I just turned 49 and I hid my pan gray ace orientation for decades. I forced myself to provide my partners with what they wanted and lost myself in the process. I waited until I was 46 to come out as being on the Asexual spectrum. I had already come out as pan many years ago. I say this about myself not to diminish what you're experiencing, but to let you know that you should live your life your way. Please continue to live authentically, because the masking and denial takes its toll. You're young, but that doesn't mean you don't know what you don't want in terms of your sexuality. You've got this! 🙂
@@ahkwaheart well it’s confusing to me because I don’t know much about it. Shouldn’t be surprised about people being confused about it. It’s a little different than a sexual preference like gay and straight. It’s like some people like pizza but others hate it but regardless, everyone needs to eat is how I thought about it. But I may be ignorant. The one person I ever knew who was asexual actually found out he’s gay after he came to terms with it. So I have limited experience with asexuals
lmaooo yes! like the blind leading the blind. it always get a chuckle out of me, but it's interesting hearing others explain how they percieve it/how they've been told or informed it's percieved.
I’ve been reading through so many comments, and people won’t stop arguing about what the difference between romantic relationships without sex and close friendships are 😭 like don’t get me wrong, it’s hilarious, but it’s so confusing. I’m definitely ace but aro questioning? (Is that the correct term?) and I still have no idea what the difference is 😂
This is really great! It's weird how this format of a group of people with a common attribute just talking amongst themselves is so refreshing. But when I think about it, usually minorities have to explain themselves to someone who is part of a the mayority.
@heyyitsjude True. I used to love those videos but I haven't watched them in ages because all they do is argue. They try to find the most controversial topics and the people on the most extreme sides of said topic, and it definitely is exhausting to listen to.
like yes it is real, some people just cant comprehend it cause sex is everywhere in the media and they themselves are also obsessed with it 💀 so the idea that some people don’t feel that attraction is incomprehensible to them
I'm 49 and have been out as a panromantic grey ace for about two years. I encourage y'all to live authentically, because masking is exhausting and in my case led to depression. Visibility is important and thanks for giving us a voice. I would love to see another discussion featuring ace men, non-binary, and trans asexuals. Perhaps asexual couples?
I'm 50 and only recently accepted (and luckily my partner is very understanding and with our age and disabilities he's gotten less interested in that aspect) that I'm panroace. I have identified over the years as bicurious, bisexual, pansexual, and finally realized that I really don't like the act itself. I like cuddling and sensuality, but the act to me is a chore to get through. I think that as we grow and learn to listen to ourselves, it's OK to recognize and reevaluate ourselves. 💜🌻 Thank you for sharing!!
Hello fellow ace 👋 I concur, a large portion of the community is nonbinary and men often have an even harder time coming out. I also really appreciate middle age aces who are out. As someone in my 20s, it's so helpful to be able to imagine my own future
This is going to sound weird but I lost my best friend because I revealed I was Asexual. Some people just can't understand us and treat us like freaks. I've never revealed this information to anyone else in my life because I fear further rejection. I appreciate this video so much.
It’s so jarring how sometimes the people you think would be accepting-or the people who would have been perfectly accepting of you if you came out as gay, which is more well-known-will not accept you if you come out as asexual. I experienced this with my parents-they didn’t reject me or kick me out or anything, but my mom reacted very badly, arguing with me about all the usual stuff (you haven’t met the right person yet, just s late bloomer, you’ve been on dates before, etc) and then immediately outed me to my dad the second he came home. Before I had a chance to even get a word in, she immediately said “Nico THINKS she’s asexual.” “Thinks,” she said, as if there was no way I could actually BE asexual! Honestly, when the question “what do you wish you knew before you came out?” was asked, that’s my answer. “I wish I knew that people who would be accepting of you if you came out as gay would NOT accept you being ace.” But here’s the thing: I don’t think it would have changed the timeline of me coming out. I came out pretty much the second I found a good opportunity to work it into a conversation after I figured out that asexuality was a thing, and maybe I would have waited a little longer, but then when I found out I was non-binary too, I remembered the negative reactions I got to coming out as ace, and I waited 7 years. I came out in 2020, and it was less “I’m finally out now, yay!” and more like “ehh, the world is on fire anyway, might as well.” So if I anticipated so much negativity, it would have made it much easier to react to, and I probably would have come out at the same time, but been more able to roll with the punches. Getting negative reactions to coming out is never fun, but if you can anticipate them, it’s easier to make the decision of when and how to face it… or “if,” I guess, but I recommend facing it anyway. If your friends don’t let you be true to yourself, they’re not really good friends anyway. The friends I still have in my life are those who do let me be true to myself, and it was worth it to find out who those friends were.
If you ask me, they were never your friend. That's the kind of reaction one has when your friend tells you they killed an innocent person, not that. People need to get over themselves
"You need to have sexual attraction to feel love." That's ridiculous. So, whenever someone says that, they're sexually attracted to their parents? Their siblings? Their kids? Or do they not love those people? What about their friends and best friends?
I really like this way of describing being ACE "It's like if you're a straight man and someone says to you 'hey you just haven't met the right guy yet', we do not have that feeling"
As an aroace man, I kinda ignored the whole romance and s*x thing entirely until people my age started having children. When I explained this to my family (parents and siblings) they were pretty understanding so I think I was lucky in that regard, my dad even suspected I "didn't like people like that" years before I figured anything out.
I am also aroace, and I relate heavily to ignoring it for years. Like those topics didn't exist to me for years at all until high school where everyone was talking about relationships.
Why don’t you adopt if you want kids? I’m adopted and I’m glad I was. What a horrible life it would have been if I never got adopted. Plus I don’t want sex so I’ll about especially since I want children in the future
@@laravioliiii2832 I've actually thought about this a lot- how hard is it, exactly? I'm aroace and know that if I did want kids someday, I would adopt, but I don't know if that would be easy if I didn't have a partner, or even if it would be a good idea. I mean, it's not super likely I will anyways because I'm already terrible at taking care of my own self lol, I would not trust myself to be responsible for another small human. HOWEVER if I did somehow get better in that regard, what are the chances that I would be able to adopt if I don't have a partner? And would it be a good idea even if I was really good at taking care of kids? It just feels like having more than a single caretaker is probably better for a kid (speaking from experience since I was raised by a single mother, I feel if I had two competent parents, things would have been a bit easier)
The trauma thing hit hard- I was SA’d as a child and my mom (who told me my whole life sex was top 3 if not most important part of a relationship) told me when I told her I didn’t want/like sex that I just feel that way because I feel awkward due to being SA’d. I don’t think I’ll ever tell her I’m asexual because I’m married and have a child and she would never understand (husband knows and understands/we have what works for us, he’s the actual best thing to ever happen to me because my mom made me think I’d never be loved).
same here. I had a lot of sexual harassment as a child and I think that made me ace and as a child I never found interest. I do however have a friend with same trauma expect they are NOT ace, so it goes either way which is valid
hearing shelby talk about being sort of afraid to be with an allo partner because it could be a problem made me feel so seen. i feel very lucky to be with an allo partner that is very understanding and kind about my aceness, but before i told him i was absolutely terrified that it would be a deal breaker. reminder to all with this fear that there are people out there who will accept you and won't let it get in the way of a loving romantic relationship!
@smashyrashy invisible disability is a subsection of the disabled umbrella term it is considered anyones disability which is not readily seen or also can be described as connecting to the mind
As an asexual I love seeing more conversations about our sexuality, but there are male presenting people who are also on the asexual spectrum and I’d like to hear from them as well.
Honestly yeah. I'm an aroace man and I've only met one ace man in my life (never seen an ace man depicted in any media). Ace men don't really get much representation. It's a real shame
I’m 30 years old, and I’ve only recently opened up about my sexuality. I think I have always been asexual- I just never had a name for it. I remember there was a time thought I could be a lesbian? Because when I’d try to have sex with a guy, it took “too long.” Unfortunately I’m not attracted to women in that way either. I am married, and I have two children. Sex is possible for the asexual, (and yes, it can feel good for us too), it just.. I think a key difference for me, is that while orgasms are great, I can literally name a dozen other sensations or activities that I enjoy more.
I've told a lot of people that I'm asexual and aromatic. They just don't get it. They always say "you just haven't found the right person yet." Sex terrifies me, honestly. It doesn't sound fun to me. And, dating is a chore in my eyes. I'd rather be alone.
I'm 20 and on the asexual spectrum so it's definitely annoying hearing people tell me "I used to be that person then I met someone and it changed things" or they would make me feel bad about it but I personally don't see any benefits in sex..just more risks plus so much can happen that I'm not willing to do nor trust people like that so I'm glad rhat I'm not alone.
@@0fficialselena__90 Same, just turned 30 and I still get the ''you just have not found the right person yet'' lol. Yet I do try, heck I'm in a queer relationship with a guy who is in love with me (his sexual attraction is separate from his romantic attraction). I warned him at the very beginning that I was very unlikely to ever feel what he feels, he is fine with it and respects my bounderies. When I try to define what he is to me, my brain goes '' he is not my friend he is my__beeeep__ERROR_FILE_NOT_FOUND'' So I'm pretty sure I'm just unable to have romantic feelings. I'm starting to wonder if I diden't accidentally ''deleted'' my ''romance file'' as a kid. I remember very clearly realising I would be expected to have sex if I ever got with someone and sort of accepted I should never fall in love. So I'm unsure if I was born as aromantic or accidentally became one on top of being ace.
As a Sex-Repulsed/Negative ace, I wish we could see more representation in these conversations, but hell, I'm just glad to be seeing more ace conversations in general at least. Keep it up! :D
honestly, that sounds more like what I would expect an asexual is, someone who feels like a homosexual for the other gender and a heterosexual for their own. so I guess they went for the less obvious ones? but yeah it would have been interesting seeing more perspectives, I knew close to nothing before Anthony's videos.
Hii I'm asexual. My opinion on the matter: I'm sex adverse, but I don't think I'm completely against finding relationship if it happens. Asexuals are not innocent, I'm so dirty minded, I just don't want to have it myself.
Exactly, there's a misconception about asexuals being innocent and not wanting relationships. There's a spectrum so not all asexual have the same experiences for instance some are sex adverse, and there are others that are not but merely don't desire it as much or at all, some may have sex with their partner, and some may not. I'm also a sex adverse asexual but I'm also germophobic mostly of other people's germs. If I don't like drinking from the same straw as someone, why would I like kissing someone? No matter how much I care and love someone, I will never feel the desire or feel comfortable being intimate with anyone. Due to my aversion, I can't tell if I even get romantic feelings or if it all just platonic feelings, I might be aromatic as well and not just asexual. But I'm not innocent, I still have a dirty mind at times as I imagine most adults do to some degree, I've done it solo, but do I ever want to do it with someone? heck no. I'm not this way because of trauma, there's nothing medically wrong with me, and I'm not this way because I'm shy around people, it's merely something that I have no interest or desire for to begin with.
It was over a decade ago in high school that I was really grappling with my orientation. A friend of mine asked me if I had a crush on my closest male friend because to an outsider’s view sometimes it did seem like I liked him. I was experiencing somewhat romantic feelings from being emotionally close with him, but wasn’t sure if they were just affection for my best friend. My friend didn’t understand that answer and flat out asked me if I wanted to have sex with my crush. It was a real shock because I had never considered it and I realized that maybe the people around me did think that way in their teens already. I had thought books, TV, and media were all just exaggerating for young folks and that kind of desire came later. So it sent me into another identity spiral and feeling like something is wrong with me. I ended up going on a deep dive of the internet trying to word what I was feeling. And after hours of looking and reading, I stumbled across AVEN and first got a detailed explanation of asexuality and the spectrum. My whole life was changed just knowing it was a thing that existed and that I wasn’t alone. I was left utterly fascinated by the LGBTQ+ community who I had assumed would never really apply to me and subsequently read up on several other identities. If it wasn’t for that representation from AVEN, I don’t know where that would have left me.
Im aroace, and I totally get what you mean about the media and its depictions of teen relationships. For the longest time I thought it was exaggerated and that teens didnt REALLY think/have sex that much. Imagine my surprise when I found out that my peers did in fact have sex lives lol The same goes for romance too, I often thought that teen romantic relationships/crushes were an act to seem more adult. However I now know that their feelings are very much real, its still hard to wrap my hear around it sometimes tho haha
Shelby coming out as Ace actually led me to Anthony’s original video which taught me about asexuality and introduced me to the concept of being grey asexual and demisexual. I was pretty new to the world of LGBTQ+ and Anthony’s videos helped me learn about so much of the community. Since then I have discovered that I’m demisexual and I probably never would have known without Shelby and Anthony. So thanks!😊
On the intimacy thing. People find it confusing that when they might look at someone pretty and think, “I want to have sex with them.” I might look at them and think, “I want to cuddle up on the sofa with them and snuggle under a blanket whilst watching Doctor Who.”
People speak of sexual, romantic, and aesthetic attraction, but there's also sensual attraction! (Among others) Hence spouses who feel deprived when there's not enough to any cuddling after a sex session, or vice versa. Most people do both, but some only feel the need to do one or the other. The line between sensual and sexual can be blurry, but it seems it's more so intention that matters most.
@@jullianneavery4587 Another piece of imagery that is commonly used when trying to explain the difference between sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction is the analogy of saying, “You can think a sunset is beautiful without wanting to fuck the Sun.” It’s a little more vulgar than my blanket snuggling imagery. But I think it gets the point across pretty well.
Bingo, here!!! YES! That's exactly what I wish more people would understand; Intimacy doesn't always have to refer to sexual acts. It can be as simple as cuddling with your partner, maybe some kissing, hugging, hand-holding, tickling, snuggling together, little affectionate gestures like that.
Definitely not just women. As a 29 year old male, I can't tell you how many people just assume something is wrong or there's some hidden reason that I'm not interested in sex or a partnership. I don't feel lonely or like there is any kind of deficiency in my life, I'm just doing my own thing and I'm pretty content with that.
I really love seeing content around asexuality. The I spent a day video was how I figured out I was ace, for years I thought I was broken, a prude and I had my friends at the time think I was really weird. Its really comforting to know people feel the same way as me.
A lot of these topics hit home for me as an ace person. So thanks for getting this out there. Hopefully people will start to see us and our experience as just another variation of humanity rather than something that makes us broken.
I'd love to see this same concept done again but with a group of asexual men. Or even nonbinary asexuals. It'd be interesting to see the spectrum of aces between the different gender identities.
I’m a straight cis man, and I have been interested in ace people before, I haven’t actually dated someone who identifies with it, but that’s just because I haven’t really been in many romantic relationships as a whole. I’ve had concerns about how the dynamic would be and i feel like I’d be really scared of making them uncomfortable or make them feel pressured if we do ever have sex. The way that I started thinking about it though is that if you guys get to the point where they’re willing to have sex with you, it’s because they do love and they trust you, and you can still make it at least relatively enjoyable for them (depending on the person). This video has definitely helped me kind of understand more of what people who are ace kind of think about the whole thing, I’ve asked about my friends who are ace, but hearing more peoples perspectives really helps show the spectrum aspect of it. Anyways that’s my Ted talk, thanks for the amazing video!
They’re many ace people that have sex and they like it. But there are others that do it for their partner but don’t like it. However they’re others that are sex repulsed. It really depends on the person. Finding someone not hot and not having sex are two different things
@@Annikidiary yeah and sorry if my comment was worded weird, but that’s what I was kind of talking about as to why I liked this video so much because it showed me the broad spectrum of ace people
I would love to see a video for aromanticism! There's not much aro content that's separate from asexuality, pretty much the only creator for that is Nik who was one of the guests on the aromantic episode, and still that episode was focused on romance repulsed aromantics, so a more general vid would be amazing :]]]
I learned last year that people actually had a desire to have sex. I thought people did it because it was something you do when you are in a relationship. I did not that people actually enjoyed it. I still don’t understand it.
'You're just a straight person trying to feel special'. Fuck that hit me in the soul. I'm pansexual and in (currently) a straight fronting relationship. I can't begin to describe how many times such hate has been pushed at me despite the fact that I have dated every fucking gender under the sun. That invalidation is an isolating struggle.
Somehow people always expect you to engage in relationships. When I tell people I'm ace, their initial reaction is usually something like "But you do fall in love, right? You're not against relationships, RIGHT???" like I'm dead inside. I don't really experience crushes, and I'm not interested in dating or having an intimate relationship, but that sounds like magic to some people...
i get you man i feel the same way some people just cant comprehend it at this point in my life ive just learned to accept that some people arent going to understand it as long as i know thats all that matters to me
I found out about As3xuality in 2021 before the Pride walk in August. It was my first one I attended. I joined the volunteers for LGBTQ+ community and I was at the beggining of the pride march with others with flags. I was holding Ace flag, a girl next to me had Ace and Aro (aromantic) flag. IIt was also my coming out that way and pretty much public cuz pictures were taken. There were also people from Asfera-Polish Asexuals assosiation. I learned more this year about us Aces. Last year I was there as well with flag. Still feeling like that. Never had a BF/GF or any relationship outside frienship. Fellow Aces! Be loud and proud! BTW Any Polish Aces in the comments? Greetings!
By using combinations we can mathematically prove it exists: OS = opposite sex; SS = same sex; "+" = attracted to; "-" = not attracted to. Now let's see all the possible combinations of the "+" and the "-" : OS SS + - Heterosexuality - + Homosexuality + + Bisexuality - - Asexuality
Makes me stupidly emotional to hear these conversations that describe my experience so completely on such a widely viewed platform. Thank you Anthony & huge thanks to your team for this ❤❤
My sister is married to an allo partner in a non-sexual, romantic relationship. If you don't want to compromise on ever having sex, don't give up looking for the person who will do that for you. ❤
I really appreciate this. Directly asking asexuals about controversial questions is super enlightening. As someone who is demisexual (sex positive), I feel heard and that other people understand and feel the same too.
Being a ace male I really relate and identify with the reflections that are happening here, so yeah it seems all of it is something everyone out of "norm" has to hear from others. I'm also heteroromantic and I have to agree/mention it became far more harsh to find partners that really commit to a serious relationship, not only that but seems that hearing the word "asexual" is like a instant discard for many even when they don't ask/want to know more about it or the person you're talking to, idk if this is something that happens to many aces but it's never pleasant to be thrown aside effortlessly 😞
It does happen. Before I formally came out as a Panromantic grey ace, I was married to someone who had issues when my disability prevented me from being as active as he was. He cheated several times. In the last couple of months, he would refuse to help me get to the ER. He ghosted me. He took a few things in a laundry basket and disappeared. I was just thrown away for being me. In the long run, it ended up being a blessing and helped me come to terms with who I am. I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope you find a wonderful person who cares for you and respects your asexuality.
@@bellememorie Thank you for the words, also for sharing your experience and I'm sorry you had to let go of someone you really cared for, hope your life nowadays is going in a great way! ✌
Dont be discourage by this. People who pull off from you are not meant for you anyway. They saved you time so you don't need to kick them out later on!
I've always considered myself bi-romantic demisexual. I have equally as much sexual thoughts as romantic thoughts, but the idea of ACTUALLY doing it completely different. Like, why do I have to get naked to love you or be loved? I'm perfectly content with just watching a movie and sitting close to them. I'm also completely set on never having children and I hate the idea of sharing a bed with someone. People, especially on dating apps, don't understand this, so I just tell them I'm bisexual but not looking for sex, only a serious relationship. It's all so annoying and I literally can't find anyone who feels the same as me - has physical attraction to others but doesn't feel the need to have sex.
Not only do I love the ''spent a day with'' series, because it gives you the insight on a certain group of people who you're curious about, but nervous to ask questions toward. But this new set-up REALLY helps, because it feels like you're including in an actual conversation with people you may or may not be like minded with. It makes you feel less alone and more included, so whoever came up with this idea, great job! Keep this going! and also, thank you :)
I’m a biromantic asexual and I’m honestly scared of watching this. I’m so incredibly tired of people dismissing my identity. And they also constantly mix up asexuality and aromanticism, it’s so annoying and invalidating.
@@sentientplant9658I'm straight and my significant other is asexual. We've been together for more than two years and we love each other more than anything. I do have sexual needs but I don't mind staying celibate since the feelings for my partner clearly overweigh them. So I'm pretty sure it's possible you might find someone :)
To the girl who mentioned Koisenu Futari, I want to say THANK YOU. It is a great show and many more people should watch it. The aroace representation in it is amazing.
i think this is a nice in depth take at womens approach to asexuality in general. its reassuring as an asexual man, but we do deserve our own episode in the future to discuss this from our own side, as i think theres a stark difference in the shaming of asexual women vs men. with women its their expectancy to be a mother, many asexual women are mothers or go on to be mothers, its a spectrum and is a very vague term that has different meanings to many, more people are on it than you think. with men its not having drive, being lazy/shy (isnt always the case, i have no problem talking to women, ill admit i used to when i was a teenager cause i felt the pressure from peers. ive since then learned how to have great friendships with women like i did when i was a kid. the vast majority of women ive gotten close to have been very accepting and reassuring of my asexuality.) i hate personally the box most young men are fit into, which is if you arent constantly trying to find a girl youre a loser. super toxic expectations, which are ironic when you then hear the expectations these same guys have for women, which is to be inexperienced. i do feel romantic feelings, theyre very similar to platonic feelings though and never sexual. its more just about caring deeply about the person and finding comfort in being around them as selfish as that sounds.
I came out as ace before your first asexuality video. But I became open to having a partner after it. Almost 3 years into a wonderful partnership with my ace partner. It was wonderful seeing so many different representations and that there’s so much happiness in being single or partnered ace.
As an ace person with a high sex drive, it is so annoying. It’s like being hungry, but hating the taste of food. Sometimes you fill the need just to get it to stop, but you don’t love it. Your friends try to introduce you to good restaurants, saying you just need to have good food, but the problem doesn’t change. The restaurant may be nice, but you still hate food. Most of the time, I either ignore it or wait until I can block it into my schedule.
Asexual here! Asexuality doesn’t mean just hating sex. There are sex positive and sex indifferent asexuals. Being asexual means you have little to no sexual attraction or little to no sexual desire. This is why demisexual people are on the ace spectrum! Sex repulsion is a facet of aceness but it’s a spectrum like every other sexuality there is.
Ive been asexual for more than 3-4 years now, and i gotta say, im always wondering if others feel the same way i do. While i have been on a forum for asexuals this really helps actually hearing what others have to say.
Them describing it as having a hunger that’s natural but not being hungry for a particular thing is SO helpful. It really helped put my feelings into perspective.
I'm an Aromantic Aegosexual, meaning I’m aroused by erotic content, but I have no interest in having sex with another person. I also don’t really care about romance.
I love romance and enjoy audio or erotica content. I need to be mentally stimulated and emotionally connected to a person but enjoy my solitude and space. I don't desire relationships but if it happens then cool and I can think, watch, talk, read, please myself but don't have any interest in sex nor do I want to engage in it. I'm not sure if there's a term for it but I'm am also on the aegosexual spectrum too!
I didn’t know that I was aroace until adulthood mainly because I didn’t know these identities existed. For so long I thought something was wrong with me, which caused a lot of mental and emotional turmoil during my life, but I just didn’t know what I was yet. So glad ace experiences are being discussed so that nobody has to feel like they’re wrong. I’m so happy and confident now with who I am because I know who I am 💜💚
I'm someone who married someone with a very different sexuality. We are both straight but I was very sexual and her sex drive was much smaller and more particular. It took years of me being insecure and unsatisfied for me to realize my sex drive was tied to a lot of negative emotions and expectations. Her not wanting me in any given moment didn't mean she didn't love or want me. We have an amazing healthy relationship now. But I had a long history of failed relationships leading into this one so I was ready to grow and let go of the part of me that was addicted to sex.
It has helped me so much to learn about asexuality and finding out that there are people who feel the same way as me. I used to feel like I was somehow broken, like there was something wrong with me. But now I know I'm not the only one and it's absolutely okay to view sex differently than other people around me.
the original i spent a day with asexuals video got me to realize i was part of that community later! i'm glad you keep making these fantastic series (i spent a day with and now assumptions), genuinely, this is fantastic! thank you so much for all you do
There was only one time i actually told people i was asexual, friends at the time but fell out of friendship due to unrelated reasons, and one of them said "youre not asexual, you just havnt found the right person." I was so upset with this person...because they just couldnt understand that i had 0 intetest in sex but i still want to be in a relationship. A lot of people think relationship = sex..its frustrating.
i love videos like this because somehow, in the everyday life, it can be really forgetful how valid this sexuality is and how it’s not something bad and harmful. Being a teenager in highschool surrounded by horny teens can be tough if im not sometimes reminded that it’s okay i dont feel this way too.
i miss hearing from real ppl on this channel. the recent collabs w influencers and public figures are cool, but i miss hearing ppl talk about their experiences and identities. it was really nice to see this video
As an aro ace person, I loved this! Koisenu Futari was sooooooo good 100 ％ recommend. Other recommendations: I want to be a wall (manga 2 volumes out, 3 volumes total), Is love the answer (manga - one volume). In the Case Files of Jeweler Richard there is an aroace character AND the main two characters end up in a QPR (light novel and manga).
What I just would want people to realize about asexuality is that everyone is still individual and you don't really know much about the specific Ace you are talking to just because you know what asexuality is, or know a lot of ace people. Just like you might know about women but that doesn't tell you much about a specific woman. There is such a range of what an ace person is comfortable talking about or doing, and it is so important to communicate and ask appropriate questions if you have someone who is ace in your life. I am asexual and married to a demisexual person. Part of our relationship has been growing together and strong communication.
Ive been yelled at twice already because of being different, one of those times the girl told me “it’s not normal for you to not feel it, it’s a human thing”, so does that make me less than you?? Am I not human enough? I really don’t understand why these reactions happen, as a matter of fact, I don’t understand why me not feeling sexually attracted to anyone so a bothersome to people, it’s my body, as simple as that, she also stated “do you think you’re better than others?”, wtf does that have to do with anything? I just hate the idea of it (and I have been in situations where I could just try it out, however, I always stopped myself because I can’t go on, I feel uncomfortable)… There was also the situation where a childhood friend offered to do it with me anytime I wanted to “test the waters”, this conversation happened after having a very long conversation that lead to me finally understanding I was ace, I told him I wasn’t interested at all, and he answered with “you never know. It would be an honour to do it with an ace girl”, one, I do know, and two, it wouldn’t be an honour, you’d just see it as pride. I cried a lot that night, I’ve never felt triggered before, but that for some reason that made me feel so misunderstood, like I wasted my time trying to explain a very important part of me, It’s not even a complicated concept, you like tomatoes, I despise them and I cannot deal with the idea of ever putting them in my mouth… simple. Im in my mid 20s… I think I’m well aware of what I want. I’m also super hopeless romantic… I want love I love loving, but gosh this is difficult
I think I'm ace. I'm a guy and I really want a girlfriend but my friends say that it would just be a friend if there's no coitus and I disagree. There are many things you do with a partner that you don't do with friends. A relationship is way more intimate than a friendship, not just physically but also emotionally. My friends think I'm weird for getting grossed out and uncomfortable around the subject of coitus, like dirty jokes or movies with nakedness.
i found it frustrating that lauren kept making generalisations about all ace people, but i'm pleased that there were three people with different experiences, which means viewers won't feel invalidated if they feel they are or they might be ace but don't feel the same way as lauren.
You're overthinking it. People in person speak more generally, they don't hedge every statement they make like they are expecting internet debate lords to pick apart every word and look for points of contention. But I do agree that it's nice to see multiple opinions and see people actually talk about being ace in a more "normal" setting - outside of internet forums, specifically.
holy shit, i did not realize i needed to hear 9:48 because that has always been something I'm **super** anxious about when thinking about a relationship. the thought of disappointing another person because you don't (or can't) contribute to a relationship's give and take cycle makes me **terrified** of dating and trying to explain all my messy feelings when I don't have any of them sorted out yet. its probably silly but it never really occurred to me that someone else would feel the same way that i do about this topic, i think i understand what its like to "be seen"
When you announced this episode with the Assumptions announcement I got so excited! I myself am asexual and was so excited when the "I Spent a Day With" episode came out. I'd be so happy to see you do an episode of assumptions with Aromatics next!
Honestly when I came out to my mom as asexual about 5 years ago (and I'm 28 now!) , she was like "It's actually good to know, cause that means there's no chance of pregnancy or diseases!" 😂 I've not had sex or done anything sexual with anyone in 5 years, and I could care less 🤷♀️. I still enjoy all romantic aspects of a relationship, but I don't care about the sexual part.
When I was in high school I thought there was something wrong with me, because I had no crushes nor interest in dating. Someone even asked me at some point if I was asexual and made me question myself. A few guys asked me out through my life and I always rejected them, except one, because I thought with time I would feel something towards him. It was a mistake. I even thought once that maybe I was in love and I just didn't know how it felt or how to identify it. Because you know what they say: if you think of certain person constantly, you're in love. Wrong again. I identify with Shelby's way of thinking. I find men more attractive, but I'm not closed off to the possibility of being attracted to a woman. And I long for a romantic relationship if there is a chance.
as an asexual (who is sex repulsed) I have found it weird at times that some of us have sex but this was helpful and I'm glad to see ace representation :)
LOVEDTHIS SO MUCH! Hosting a video with Asexual people just talking about their experiences and thoughts is so helpful and encouraging! I hope this clears up a lot of confusion for people that don’t understand this sexuality. Would love a part 2 with asexual men or new people to keep the conversation going!
I'm late to the party and there are so many comments but Izzy mentioned the japanese drama Koisenu Futari and I immediately looked it up and binge watched it, it is SO worth the watch. Thank you so much for the suggestion!
About representation, the best representation I've seen so far in media is the book Loveless by Alice Oseman. It goes into detail about the feelings surrounding coming to terms with being ace and it's so so good. Thank you for this episode Anthony! As an asexual person (aro-ace to be precise) this makes me feel really seen
I think in the beginning of every episode you should define some important words, for example I don’t think allosexual is a very commonly used word. you might not get anything they’re saying if you’re not already familiar with the subject
Thank you for this episode and for your other videos on asexuality and aromanticism. They've been fantastic resources with being able to hear about other people's experiences and comparing them with my own. Thank you for your dedication to talking about something that's often forgotten 💜
As a sex repulsed hetero-romantic ace, I am very very romantically driven, I would LOVE an emotionally intimate relationship. Every time I've tried, sex has definitely been a problem, and I've tried so hard to force myself to do it, I tried so HARD, but I can't force myself to be okay with any of it. I'm sex neutral, but physically very averse, I used to actually wish I eas Aroace instead of just Ace. I thought my life would have been easier. But honestly, after 7 years, I've given up on being able to be in a romantic relationship.
Ace representation that I really enjoyed and related to was 'Loveless' by Alice Osman ( creator of Heartstopper) great read and really does good on showing how it feels to be Asexual and Aromantic
this group of people just seemed so sweet and it was a pleasure to see them discussing asexuality from someone who is questioning her own sexuality and trying to understand if i fall under the ace umbrella, lots of love from me!
I've had so many issues in the beginning before accepting I'm ace. All my sexual activities were due to people pleasing and was so bad mentally and physically. Eventually I also find I've become aromantic over time. I still love people but literally as friends/family, I don't have romantic nor sexually attractions I've been so much better since I've learned this about myself, instead of trying to force myself to be what society claims in the norm.
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come back next week for *I spent a day with COURTREEZY*
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@@mohamadsabah9530Memberships.. he just said it.
@@mohamadsabah9530because he is a time traveler
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
@@mohamadsabah9530 he likely uploaded the video as private or unlisted first to add some finishing touches. I do that sometimes. Unless ur comment was meant to be a joke in which case ignore me lol
@mohamadsabah9530 When youtube videos have sponsorships, they upload the videos as private first, and have the sponsor view and approve the video before it's made public.
I think something a lot of people don’t understand, aromantic is not the same as asexual. You can have a deep and personal relationship with someone just the same and not have sex
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
Yea, good luck with that stupid shit. Romance exists for the goal of having sex
Asexual doesnt mean not having sex!!
@@janabr7598it has multiple meanings…..
@@janabr7598Yes to this! I'm asexual as heck, but eventually I a) found a person I found attractive physically and mentally (took 24 yrs to find em!) and b) I learned about "responsive" desire and that is my forte with them, they often initiate. So cool to see so many different asexual perspectives and experiences!
This is good and interesting would love a part 2 focused on asexual men
Yess I want ace men like myself represented🙏🏻
Agreed. I have a strong suspicion that my husband is asexual. We’ve been together for 10 years and had sex infrequently for the first two years of our relationship. After that, nothing. I would love hearing from Ace men because I’m clueless!
Same
@@drowe1316perhaps try talking to him about it? If he doesn’t know what asexuality is, maybe you could bring it up like “here’s an interesting thing I learned about today”
I was thinking the same thing
It's sad that a lot of people will just ignore other people's feelings because they can't comprehend them.
The best way to communicate with people is by seeing things from their point of view :)
Also--just going to shamelessly plug--I'm hoping some of you might like the music I make too :)
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
@@p-__ nuh uh mine are
@@p-__bold accusation right here
@@TableSalt_very 😂
As an aroace (aromantic and asexual) guy, there's definitely this immense cultural pressure placed on us to be sexual all the time, which feels like the equivalent of someone trying to shove food down your throat when you're not hungry.
I'm super happy to see more ace content on this channel and hope that it can clear up some of the misconceptions people have about us.
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
I'm a straight guy, presumably living in the same culture you are. I don't feel an immense cultural pressure to be sexual all the time. What are you talking about that makes you feel this way?
@@metashadow3924 it could just be the environment he's in, like university or high school where dating & hooking up is very talked about (depends on the country, of course). i've surrounded myself with fellow lgbtq+ people since i am asexual and was friends with people who constantly talked about their sex life and wanting me to try out one night stands even though i constantly said no
@@p-__you wish
Hello fellow AroAce
Should've had an asexual man included. There's a stereotype that it's purely a woman thing because men like sex and women like romance so women opting out of sex completely isn't surprising.
I don't agree with the stereotype but it would have been important to combat with a male presence. I'm not asexual but I am on the aromantic spectrum (aka sex yes please, friendship is great, romance is cringe) and we're the opposite. Focusing on sex is considered a male trait but I'm a proud arospec woman.
Yeah I agree, I've actually met more asexual men in my life than women which definitely goes against the "stereotypical asexual" from what I've seen in the comments
Asexual guy here! I’m trans AFAB so probably not the same experience as a cis guy but I completely agree.
I am a Cis man and I am asexual. I have zero desire to be in a relationship.
He may not have had asexual men volunteer for this video
I am demisexual (I normally just say asexual though for a multitude of reasons, but I'm comfortable putting it here atm), and I hadn't met anybody who was openly asexual until maybe about a year or two ago. She hates me now.... And I've finally made friends with another demisexual (which is a guy), and also have a friend who has made it obvious to me that he is also asexual, though I havent asked him about it or talked to him about it, he's made it clear by messages like "oh you're asexual too). It's definitely seeming to be pretty common in men (just about as much so as women).
But uhm... Not sure if I'm the best example. I don't end up having long lasting friendships with females typically. But yeah, its a weird stigmatization that people think men can't be asexual.
5:11 "if you take the sexual part out, that's what a friendship is" was a very hurtful statement to me as an asexual (who isnt aromantic!) i feel like that's a bit of their internalized acephobia, if you take the sexual attraction out of a relationship, that's not just friends, they're still dating. Romantic attraction exists. And relationships don't need to involve sex! At all!
Absolutely. As someone who’s dating a bi-demisexual, I completely disagreed with her statement.
Hearing that immediately flipped a switch in my head
she probably isn't aware of the word platonic.
How would you define romantic attraction though? I'm 100% sure I'm asexual, but still wonder about my romantic orientation. What does romantic attraction is? Isn't romance subjective, even?
@@channary2550 demisexuality isn't the same as asexuality though, so it would make sense why your partner and the woman in the video feel differently about romantic attraction and what a relationship consists of... Especially since a lot of demisexuals/gray-asexuals who are in relaltionships DO have sex with they boyfriend/girlfriend. You can't deny that physical intimacy and sex are the main difference between friends and two people who are in a relationship. It's also not a difference of commitment: you could very well commit to living with your best friend, even have kids together by adopting for example, and it still would be a platonic relationship. But that's just my thoughts, and the hours and hours of talking about friendships and relationships with my straight and bisexual friends.
@@wikia3266 yes but demisexuality is still a part of the asexuality spectrum. Of course it isn't the same and I'm aware of that.
Let's just say a person is in a non-serious relationship with physical intimacy involved. Is it safe to generalize that they are just friend with benefits?
In another context, if a bisexual dates only men, does that make the person straight?
A relationship without sex is not always just a friendship. Sure, you may see it that way but to most, it sounds like she's just invalidating these types of relationships.
Speaking in a bigger picture, Asexuals already struggle to make their orientations valid and this is why.
After watching this video, I think I might be on the asexual spectrum. I've been married to my husband for almost 11 1/2 years, we've been together almost 20 years and have an 8 year old son. While we do have sex and I enjoy it for the most part (while it's happening), I've never once craved sex nor do I miss it when I'm not engaging in it. I have always found men physically attractive and have had crushes on boys/men growing up, but never in a sexual way. I've never looked into asexuality much before this, because I pretty much never looked into it and had most of the same assumptions as those presented in this video. If anyone has advice on the matter , it'd be greatly appreciated as this is literally the first time that I've even considered this being a thing with me.
I relate to almost all of that ❤
ace lesbian here and i 100% relate
I am experiencing nearly the same, but my partner and I decided to end our relationship because (among other reasons) he was distraught by the fact I never initiated sex nor seemed into during the act. It’s affirming seeing videos like this and reading comments like yours :)
@AusyJo Thank you. My family and husband just assume that I was prudish. My husband is accepting to a point, but will occasionally ask me to initiate. Since I do love him, I do try from time to time for him, but ultimately am uncomfortable doing so. It's also hard because as emotional and effectionate I am towards my son and family, it's always been hard to show effection in romantic/sexual way (despite loving and caring about him deeply)
@@Michelle-DiPalo same same same! I still love my partner deeply, but I could not convey that sexually in a way that worked for him, so we just agreed we weren’t sexually compatible. I think you’d learn more about this from the book, “come as you are” by Emily Nagoski. She’s a sex therapist who had a patient in our similar situation: loved her husband, but didn’t love the idea of having sex with him. That book may have given me my first inkling that I may be ace… Still need to look more into it!
Conservatives: " People have become way too open about their sex Lives"
Asexuals: Don't have a Sex Life
Conservatives: 😡😡😡😡😡😡
@heyyitsjude you're confusing people who don't want kids and people who do, those are two different types of people
Conservatives will tell you openly why they also consider asexuality to be "degenerate," and it's because they believe not reproducing is part of "degeneracy" which includes not having sex and having sex that doesn't result in offspring
It was never about modesty or purity, it's about control and moving the world in a direction so that straight cis white men are on top and are able to kill anyone they don't like they consider to be beneath them
As a conservative no one is mad at asexuals lmao
@@Uhlegra you're not very aware of the people on your side of the aisle then
@@Uhlegra Matt Walsh literally did a whole video about how much he dislikes them
Alice Oseman (creator of "Heartstopper") is also asexual and aromantic. One of the characters, Isaac, is aromantic and asexual. In the comics, Tori also comes out as asexual
She has also written the book "loveless" that really explores asexuality and aromanticism through its main character. It's a really great read!
Tbh, most of her characters come across as completely asexual. I think since she is ace, that's all she understands how to write.
@@katrineknudsen1380 YESS LOVELESS IS MY FAVORITE BOOK
@@jijittersI thought she wrote attraction quite well
@jauxro Her show is the most sexless, pure thing on tv. It's famous for that exact thing. It's the main reason people praise it which is very messed up.
Anthony, I realized I was ace because of your "I Spent a Day with Asexuals" video, and it's been an incredible nearly 4 years of personal discovery because of that. Thank you for that video, and thank you for bringing everyone back for this video! ❤
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
i find it so strange how people don’t think we exist. the thought that asexuality isn’t even real never even occurred to me as something that people believed
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
They are so obsessed with sex they find it incomprehensible.
It's because sex is so overrated (media, movies, music, society in general)
I'll grant you asexuality is more feasible than bisexuality. Still not really convinced of either though lol.
@@TryingtoTellYou i dunno how to convince ya but it is very real. personally the feelings come naturally, i felt shocked when i found out that my opinion on sex wasn’t “normal” and i am unable to see the appeal. it never comes to mind as something i want out of people lol
I was jealous of my friend who identified as Asexual because she was stereotypically not into ANYTHING but like, puzzles. That made me feel like if I wasn't like her, I was "faking" asexuality. But then one day I realized, it was as simple as just saying I was asexual. There was no specific way I NEEDED to act. I was interested in having close friendships and watching romantic media, but I only wanted the friendships for myself. And that was enough.
Mama, I identify as ace but I love me a steamy fanfic 😂 a good number actually hahah
People like to assume I'm 100% pure of mind. I was a band kid in American public school. I have witnessed hentai (unwillingly). I WISH I could be pure of mind but I'm not. I know the rules of BDSM to protect myself from certain people (those who don't follow the rules). Sex jokes can be funny. So there is pressure on me to act innocent and all this shit and I hate that. No one can give me a proper explanation as to why they want me to act that way, so when people are like "I didn't expect you to know that" I just roll my eyes.
🙏🙏🙏
No i appreciate you saying this cause I’m recently discovering and gaining a lot of confidence that I’m ace. I’m starting to say it without hesitation, owning it. But then I hear many of the things these ladies are saying and I don’t find myself relating to them as much as I’d expect/hope, making me question if I’m truly ace. But I keep having to remind myself it’s a spectrum, and they’re only 3 points in all the possibilities. That we aren’t all alike, that we can think/process different and still be ace
@@HalwenGreenleaf*hugs* honestly, quite the same
I've know I was Ace for a long time, but I'm super romance driven, so for the longest time hearing those "you just haven't found the right person" comments really hurt, and I just felt like I was all wrong. I've always been attracted to people, just not sexually. I'm so glad that my bestie discovered asexuality and taught me about it cause I would have been in a very much darker place without the understanding of myself.
that statement "you haven't met the right person" made me think i was demisexual and I would magically change when I loved someone
in a relationship for 6 years now, I'm asexual completely lol
I'm like you, and I'm SO lonely. I want a boyfriend, but no one wants to date me because I don't want sex. So what I tend to hear is, "You're offering your heart, mind and soul to me, but that means nothing because you won't give me your body." Like, I understand and appreciate the guys who are like "listen, this just won't work for me and I don't want to hurt you." Bless! Thank you for not wasting my time! But it's the guys who phrase their rejection like "nope I just wanna fuck you" who I absolutely hate, and I find those dudes more than the considerate ones.
@@sentientplant9658Nah, they ain't shnic, like, you should definitely have the relationship you want with your boundaries, the fact that they want sex and that's a deal breaker, means they aren't worth it, I hope you find people who do see your value more than just your body ☺️☺️
@ville__ It's not. One does not choose to not be sexually attracted. That doesn't make any sense lmao.
@ville__ if it was a choice a lot of us would prefer to just function like what's expected / like what people consider normal. It'd be easier then dealing with people like you.
The ace community is still so overlooked even by other LGBTQ people. I came out to two of my friends a couple years ago, one of whom is bisexual, and they both laughed and said "That's weird". My parents constantly deny my asexuality as well and tell me I'm too young to know even though I'm literally an adult and my peers have sex all the time. They think it's a phase I'm going to grow out of. I say all of this not because I need pity but to emphasize how important accurate representation is to our community. I really appreciate all the work you do to shed light on overlooked and misunderstood communities like ace/aro people, Anthony.
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
I’m gay and I’m one of those that thinks it’s weird (not in a bad way) that there’s people out there who are asexual. So are you just not aroused ever? Like do you ever get horny? If you do, what gets you horny?
@@dougfoster445idk what there is to be confused about. just like how your brain receives a fix of hormones when looking at men their brain doesn't receive a dopamine fix at the thought of doing something sexual with a particular person. some asexuals want to have sex and have neutral/positive outlooks of it, they just don't get sexually attracted to somebody. others are entirely repulsed by sex and both interpretations of the label are by definition valid.
It's not a phase, despite what others say. You are living authentically and I admire your strength. I just turned 49 and I hid my pan gray ace orientation for decades. I forced myself to provide my partners with what they wanted and lost myself in the process. I waited until I was 46 to come out as being on the Asexual spectrum. I had already come out as pan many years ago. I say this about myself not to diminish what you're experiencing, but to let you know that you should live your life your way. Please continue to live authentically, because the masking and denial takes its toll. You're young, but that doesn't mean you don't know what you don't want in terms of your sexuality. You've got this! 🙂
@@ahkwaheart well it’s confusing to me because I don’t know much about it. Shouldn’t be surprised about people being confused about it. It’s a little different than a sexual preference like gay and straight. It’s like some people like pizza but others hate it but regardless, everyone needs to eat is how I thought about it. But I may be ignorant. The one person I ever knew who was asexual actually found out he’s gay after he came to terms with it. So I have limited experience with asexuals
I am aroace and I think it is always so funny to hear other aroaces explain allo attraction to eachother, because we all dont know how it feels
I was thinking the same thing!!
Yes, we explain it through science and psychology, I've seen threads of people doing that
lmaooo yes! like the blind leading the blind. it always get a chuckle out of me, but it's interesting hearing others explain how they percieve it/how they've been told or informed it's percieved.
I’ve been reading through so many comments, and people won’t stop arguing about what the difference between romantic relationships without sex and close friendships are 😭 like don’t get me wrong, it’s hilarious, but it’s so confusing. I’m definitely ace but aro questioning? (Is that the correct term?) and I still have no idea what the difference is 😂
IKR LOL
the sexual spectrum is huuuuge, as well as the asexuality spectrum within that! ❤
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
😭😂😂😂 dude just stop. Nobody cares
@@randomshit65you clicked on the asexual video clearly you care about it to some degree even if it isn't in a good direction
Pankos!!
The human sexuality is indeed massive with tons of nuances.
This is really great! It's weird how this format of a group of people with a common attribute just talking amongst themselves is so refreshing. But when I think about it, usually minorities have to explain themselves to someone who is part of a the mayority.
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
@heyyitsjude True. I used to love those videos but I haven't watched them in ages because all they do is argue. They try to find the most controversial topics and the people on the most extreme sides of said topic, and it definitely is exhausting to listen to.
like yes it is real, some people just cant comprehend it cause sex is everywhere in the media and they themselves are also obsessed with it 💀 so the idea that some people don’t feel that attraction is incomprehensible to them
It's just sad to imagine that some people experience a world without intimacy
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
@@tomekk.1889 asexuality doesn't mean no intimacy
@@tomekk.1889 what makes you care enough mate? Just let people live their life.
we have intimacy, sex isnt the only form or the best form of intimacy :) @@tomekk.1889
I'm 49 and have been out as a panromantic grey ace for about two years. I encourage y'all to live authentically, because masking is exhausting and in my case led to depression. Visibility is important and thanks for giving us a voice. I would love to see another discussion featuring ace men, non-binary, and trans asexuals. Perhaps asexual couples?
I completely agree, because emotional repression is bad regardless of your orientation.
I'm 50 and only recently accepted (and luckily my partner is very understanding and with our age and disabilities he's gotten less interested in that aspect) that I'm panroace. I have identified over the years as bicurious, bisexual, pansexual, and finally realized that I really don't like the act itself. I like cuddling and sensuality, but the act to me is a chore to get through.
I think that as we grow and learn to listen to ourselves, it's OK to recognize and reevaluate ourselves.
💜🌻
Thank you for sharing!!
Hello fellow ace 👋 I concur, a large portion of the community is nonbinary and men often have an even harder time coming out. I also really appreciate middle age aces who are out. As someone in my 20s, it's so helpful to be able to imagine my own future
Yes I’d love to see more ace and allo/ace couples!
This is going to sound weird but I lost my best friend because I revealed I was Asexual. Some people just can't understand us and treat us like freaks. I've never revealed this information to anyone else in my life because I fear further rejection. I appreciate this video so much.
whatttt you dont feel sexually attracted to everyone??? lemme guess, next your gonna tell me you like garlic bread and cake.
It’s so jarring how sometimes the people you think would be accepting-or the people who would have been perfectly accepting of you if you came out as gay, which is more well-known-will not accept you if you come out as asexual. I experienced this with my parents-they didn’t reject me or kick me out or anything, but my mom reacted very badly, arguing with me about all the usual stuff (you haven’t met the right person yet, just s late bloomer, you’ve been on dates before, etc) and then immediately outed me to my dad the second he came home. Before I had a chance to even get a word in, she immediately said “Nico THINKS she’s asexual.” “Thinks,” she said, as if there was no way I could actually BE asexual!
Honestly, when the question “what do you wish you knew before you came out?” was asked, that’s my answer. “I wish I knew that people who would be accepting of you if you came out as gay would NOT accept you being ace.” But here’s the thing: I don’t think it would have changed the timeline of me coming out. I came out pretty much the second I found a good opportunity to work it into a conversation after I figured out that asexuality was a thing, and maybe I would have waited a little longer, but then when I found out I was non-binary too, I remembered the negative reactions I got to coming out as ace, and I waited 7 years. I came out in 2020, and it was less “I’m finally out now, yay!” and more like “ehh, the world is on fire anyway, might as well.” So if I anticipated so much negativity, it would have made it much easier to react to, and I probably would have come out at the same time, but been more able to roll with the punches.
Getting negative reactions to coming out is never fun, but if you can anticipate them, it’s easier to make the decision of when and how to face it… or “if,” I guess, but I recommend facing it anyway. If your friends don’t let you be true to yourself, they’re not really good friends anyway. The friends I still have in my life are those who do let me be true to myself, and it was worth it to find out who those friends were.
Sexual attraction is a motivater for people's actions fairly frequently. They people felt like you couldn't relate to them.
If you ask me, they were never your friend. That's the kind of reaction one has when your friend
tells you they killed an innocent person, not that. People need to get over themselves
I'm sorry you were treated that way 😔
"You need to have sexual attraction to feel love." That's ridiculous. So, whenever someone says that, they're sexually attracted to their parents? Their siblings? Their kids? Or do they not love those people? What about their friends and best friends?
Thats so insane 😭 and makes 0 sense
Its great hearing other Asexuals talking about their experiences and how they see the world, and how much I can relate
I really like this way of describing being ACE "It's like if you're a straight man and someone says to you 'hey you just haven't met the right guy yet', we do not have that feeling"
@ville__ then why r u on this video? Like choose something that is for you, like some shitty football practice or smth abt cars?
I LOVE your profile picture
@ville__is being straight a choice?
@@AnotherAzh Thank youu
As an aroace man, I kinda ignored the whole romance and s*x thing entirely until people my age started having children. When I explained this to my family (parents and siblings) they were pretty understanding so I think I was lucky in that regard, my dad even suspected I "didn't like people like that" years before I figured anything out.
I am also aroace, and I relate heavily to ignoring it for years. Like those topics didn't exist to me for years at all until high school where everyone was talking about relationships.
Why don’t you adopt if you want kids? I’m adopted and I’m glad I was. What a horrible life it would have been if I never got adopted. Plus I don’t want sex so I’ll about especially since I want children in the future
@@RadiantRiv Because Aroace means he doesn't have a romantic partner, and it is hard to adopt with only one person.
@@laravioliiii2832 I've actually thought about this a lot- how hard is it, exactly? I'm aroace and know that if I did want kids someday, I would adopt, but I don't know if that would be easy if I didn't have a partner, or even if it would be a good idea. I mean, it's not super likely I will anyways because I'm already terrible at taking care of my own self lol, I would not trust myself to be responsible for another small human. HOWEVER if I did somehow get better in that regard, what are the chances that I would be able to adopt if I don't have a partner? And would it be a good idea even if I was really good at taking care of kids? It just feels like having more than a single caretaker is probably better for a kid (speaking from experience since I was raised by a single mother, I feel if I had two competent parents, things would have been a bit easier)
The trauma thing hit hard- I was SA’d as a child and my mom (who told me my whole life sex was top 3 if not most important part of a relationship) told me when I told her I didn’t want/like sex that I just feel that way because I feel awkward due to being SA’d. I don’t think I’ll ever tell her I’m asexual because I’m married and have a child and she would never understand (husband knows and understands/we have what works for us, he’s the actual best thing to ever happen to me because my mom made me think I’d never be loved).
Sorry for what happened to you as a kid; I'm glad you have a partner now who's good for you and treats you right and respectfully!
I’m so happy you’re living a fulfilling life now. Gives me hope ❤
same here. I had a lot of sexual harassment as a child and I think that made me ace and as a child I never found interest. I do however have a friend with same trauma expect they are NOT ace, so it goes either way which is valid
hearing shelby talk about being sort of afraid to be with an allo partner because it could be a problem made me feel so seen. i feel very lucky to be with an allo partner that is very understanding and kind about my aceness, but before i told him i was absolutely terrified that it would be a deal breaker. reminder to all with this fear that there are people out there who will accept you and won't let it get in the way of a loving romantic relationship!
Would love to see one about invisible disabilities 😮
Such as?
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
@@smashyrashyChronic pain comes to mind
@smashyrashy invisible disability is a subsection of the disabled umbrella term it is considered anyones disability which is not readily seen or also can be described as connecting to the mind
@@smashyrashy i dunno, neurological disorders, chronic pain, other physical problems that aren't noticeable, stuff like that.
As an asexual I love seeing more conversations about our sexuality, but there are male presenting people who are also on the asexual spectrum and I’d like to hear from them as well.
@ville__ I'm gonna assume you're a man, so when did you decide to become attracted to women?
Honestly yeah. I'm an aroace man and I've only met one ace man in my life (never seen an ace man depicted in any media). Ace men don't really get much representation. It's a real shame
I’m 30 years old, and I’ve only recently opened up about my sexuality. I think I have always been asexual- I just never had a name for it. I remember there was a time thought I could be a lesbian? Because when I’d try to have sex with a guy, it took “too long.” Unfortunately I’m not attracted to women in that way either. I am married, and I have two children. Sex is possible for the asexual, (and yes, it can feel good for us too), it just.. I think a key difference for me, is that while orgasms are great, I can literally name a dozen other sensations or activities that I enjoy more.
like eating cake or garlic bread 😉
@@HenyaStudentor playing video games, or watching a movie, or watching this new an*thony upload 😂❤️
@ville__ so being straight is a choice too? Stop this bullshit, you dont choose your sexuality, you just discover it.
Thankyou for sharing to help other people in such a specific way!
I've told a lot of people that I'm asexual and aromatic. They just don't get it. They always say "you just haven't found the right person yet." Sex terrifies me, honestly. It doesn't sound fun to me. And, dating is a chore in my eyes. I'd rather be alone.
A friend of mine is asexual, they're super chill honestly.
I'm 20 and on the asexual spectrum so it's definitely annoying hearing people tell me "I used to be that person then I met someone and it changed things" or they would make me feel bad about it but I personally don't see any benefits in sex..just more risks plus so much can happen that I'm not willing to do nor trust people like that so I'm glad rhat I'm not alone.
@@0fficialselena__90 Same, just turned 30 and I still get the ''you just have not found the right person yet'' lol. Yet I do try, heck I'm in a queer relationship with a guy who is in love with me (his sexual attraction is separate from his romantic attraction). I warned him at the very beginning that I was very unlikely to ever feel what he feels, he is fine with it and respects my bounderies.
When I try to define what he is to me, my brain goes '' he is not my friend he is my__beeeep__ERROR_FILE_NOT_FOUND'' So I'm pretty sure I'm just unable to have romantic feelings.
I'm starting to wonder if I diden't accidentally ''deleted'' my ''romance file'' as a kid. I remember very clearly realising I would be expected to have sex if I ever got with someone and sort of accepted I should never fall in love. So I'm unsure if I was born as aromantic or accidentally became one on top of being ace.
As a Sex-Repulsed/Negative ace, I wish we could see more representation in these conversations, but hell, I'm just glad to be seeing more ace conversations in general at least. Keep it up! :D
honestly, that sounds more like what I would expect an asexual is, someone who feels like a homosexual for the other gender and a heterosexual for their own.
so I guess they went for the less obvious ones?
but yeah it would have been interesting seeing more perspectives, I knew close to nothing before Anthony's videos.
AGREED 100% (i'm also a sex-repulsed ace!! aroace specifically, but I'm not repulsed by romance)
We need more people like jyaden animation who comes out and shows their world
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
yes I was so happy when she made that video
fr, her video was the first time i heard those terms and im now comfortably aroace :D
illymation also came out as ace if i remember correctly
@@Ejpon OH YEAH i forgot about her, love her :)
Hii I'm asexual.
My opinion on the matter:
I'm sex adverse, but I don't think I'm completely against finding relationship if it happens.
Asexuals are not innocent, I'm so dirty minded, I just don't want to have it myself.
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
Speak for yourself… we are not all the same
Exactly, there's a misconception about asexuals being innocent and not wanting relationships. There's a spectrum so not all asexual have the same experiences for instance some are sex adverse, and there are others that are not but merely don't desire it as much or at all, some may have sex with their partner, and some may not.
I'm also a sex adverse asexual but I'm also germophobic mostly of other people's germs. If I don't like drinking from the same straw as someone, why would I like kissing someone? No matter how much I care and love someone, I will never feel the desire or feel comfortable being intimate with anyone. Due to my aversion, I can't tell if I even get romantic feelings or if it all just platonic feelings, I might be aromatic as well and not just asexual. But I'm not innocent, I still have a dirty mind at times as I imagine most adults do to some degree, I've done it solo, but do I ever want to do it with someone? heck no. I'm not this way because of trauma, there's nothing medically wrong with me, and I'm not this way because I'm shy around people, it's merely something that I have no interest or desire for to begin with.
@@azarahwagner2749I think they were.
@@azarahwagner2749they literally were speaking for themselves 😂
It was over a decade ago in high school that I was really grappling with my orientation.
A friend of mine asked me if I had a crush on my closest male friend because to an outsider’s view sometimes it did seem like I liked him. I was experiencing somewhat romantic feelings from being emotionally close with him, but wasn’t sure if they were just affection for my best friend.
My friend didn’t understand that answer and flat out asked me if I wanted to have sex with my crush. It was a real shock because I had never considered it and I realized that maybe the people around me did think that way in their teens already. I had thought books, TV, and media were all just exaggerating for young folks and that kind of desire came later.
So it sent me into another identity spiral and feeling like something is wrong with me. I ended up going on a deep dive of the internet trying to word what I was feeling. And after hours of looking and reading, I stumbled across AVEN and first got a detailed explanation of asexuality and the spectrum. My whole life was changed just knowing it was a thing that existed and that I wasn’t alone. I was left utterly fascinated by the LGBTQ+ community who I had assumed would never really apply to me and subsequently read up on several other identities. If it wasn’t for that representation from AVEN, I don’t know where that would have left me.
Im aroace, and I totally get what you mean about the media and its depictions of teen relationships. For the longest time I thought it was exaggerated and that teens didnt REALLY think/have sex that much. Imagine my surprise when I found out that my peers did in fact have sex lives lol
The same goes for romance too, I often thought that teen romantic relationships/crushes were an act to seem more adult. However I now know that their feelings are very much real, its still hard to wrap my hear around it sometimes tho haha
Shelby coming out as Ace actually led me to Anthony’s original video which taught me about asexuality and introduced me to the concept of being grey asexual and demisexual. I was pretty new to the world of LGBTQ+ and Anthony’s videos helped me learn about so much of the community. Since then I have discovered that I’m demisexual and I probably never would have known without Shelby and Anthony. So thanks!😊
On the intimacy thing. People find it confusing that when they might look at someone pretty and think, “I want to have sex with them.” I might look at them and think, “I want to cuddle up on the sofa with them and snuggle under a blanket whilst watching Doctor Who.”
Yes! I always found the idea so foreign that other people could just look at someone and think, “I want to have sex with them” like whaaaa
People speak of sexual, romantic, and aesthetic attraction, but there's also sensual attraction! (Among others)
Hence spouses who feel deprived when there's not enough to any cuddling after a sex session, or vice versa. Most people do both, but some only feel the need to do one or the other. The line between sensual and sexual can be blurry, but it seems it's more so intention that matters most.
Thanks for this imagery it helps understanding a whole heap
@@jullianneavery4587 Another piece of imagery that is commonly used when trying to explain the difference between sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction is the analogy of saying, “You can think a sunset is beautiful without wanting to fuck the Sun.”
It’s a little more vulgar than my blanket snuggling imagery. But I think it gets the point across pretty well.
Bingo, here!!! YES! That's exactly what I wish more people would understand; Intimacy doesn't always have to refer to sexual acts. It can be as simple as cuddling with your partner, maybe some kissing, hugging, hand-holding, tickling, snuggling together, little affectionate gestures like that.
Definitely not just women. As a 29 year old male, I can't tell you how many people just assume something is wrong or there's some hidden reason that I'm not interested in sex or a partnership. I don't feel lonely or like there is any kind of deficiency in my life, I'm just doing my own thing and I'm pretty content with that.
I really love seeing content around asexuality. The I spent a day video was how I figured out I was ace, for years I thought I was broken, a prude and I had my friends at the time think I was really weird. Its really comforting to know people feel the same way as me.
A lot of these topics hit home for me as an ace person. So thanks for getting this out there. Hopefully people will start to see us and our experience as just another variation of humanity rather than something that makes us broken.
I'd love to see this same concept done again but with a group of asexual men. Or even nonbinary asexuals. It'd be interesting to see the spectrum of aces between the different gender identities.
as a genderfluid aroace, AGREED!!
I’m a straight cis man, and I have been interested in ace people before, I haven’t actually dated someone who identifies with it, but that’s just because I haven’t really been in many romantic relationships as a whole. I’ve had concerns about how the dynamic would be and i feel like I’d be really scared of making them uncomfortable or make them feel pressured if we do ever have sex. The way that I started thinking about it though is that if you guys get to the point where they’re willing to have sex with you, it’s because they do love and they trust you, and you can still make it at least relatively enjoyable for them (depending on the person). This video has definitely helped me kind of understand more of what people who are ace kind of think about the whole thing, I’ve asked about my friends who are ace, but hearing more peoples perspectives really helps show the spectrum aspect of it. Anyways that’s my Ted talk, thanks for the amazing video!
They’re many ace people that have sex and they like it. But there are others that do it for their partner but don’t like it. However they’re others that are sex repulsed. It really depends on the person. Finding someone not hot and not having sex are two different things
@ville__ A choice almost nobody would have made if it was a choice.
@ville__ How is that a choice?😂 straight people falling in love with someone isn’t a choice either
@ville__ ah very nice, way to add to the discussion
@@Annikidiary yeah and sorry if my comment was worded weird, but that’s what I was kind of talking about as to why I liked this video so much because it showed me the broad spectrum of ace people
I would love to see a video for aromanticism! There's not much aro content that's separate from asexuality, pretty much the only creator for that is Nik who was one of the guests on the aromantic episode, and still that episode was focused on romance repulsed aromantics, so a more general vid would be amazing :]]]
I learned last year that people actually had a desire to have sex. I thought people did it because it was something you do when you are in a relationship. I did not that people actually enjoyed it. I still don’t understand it.
'You're just a straight person trying to feel special'. Fuck that hit me in the soul. I'm pansexual and in (currently) a straight fronting relationship. I can't begin to describe how many times such hate has been pushed at me despite the fact that I have dated every fucking gender under the sun. That invalidation is an isolating struggle.
Somehow people always expect you to engage in relationships. When I tell people I'm ace, their initial reaction is usually something like "But you do fall in love, right? You're not against relationships, RIGHT???" like I'm dead inside. I don't really experience crushes, and I'm not interested in dating or having an intimate relationship, but that sounds like magic to some people...
i get you man i feel the same way some people just cant comprehend it at this point in my life ive just learned to accept that some people arent going to understand it as long as i know thats all that matters to me
This video is really important. I have been struggling to understand my partner's asexuality and this opened my mind up to a lot
I found out about As3xuality in 2021 before the Pride walk in August. It was my first one I attended. I joined the volunteers for LGBTQ+ community and I was at the beggining of the pride march with others with flags. I was holding Ace flag, a girl next to me had Ace and Aro (aromantic) flag. IIt was also my coming out that way and pretty much public cuz pictures were taken. There were also people from Asfera-Polish Asexuals assosiation. I learned more this year about us Aces. Last year I was there as well with flag. Still feeling like that. Never had a BF/GF or any relationship outside frienship. Fellow Aces! Be loud and proud! BTW Any Polish Aces in the comments? Greetings!
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts.
The Polish ace arrives. Hi :)
I’m half Polish ace if that counts lol
I'm polish and ace as well, Pozdrowienia z Chicago!
By using combinations we can mathematically prove it exists: OS = opposite sex; SS = same sex; "+" = attracted to; "-" = not attracted to. Now let's see all the possible combinations of the "+" and the "-" :
OS SS
+ - Heterosexuality
- + Homosexuality
+ + Bisexuality
- - Asexuality
that's such an easy way to explain it, tysm for educating this comment section haha
@ville__ then being straight is a choice too
OMG FIRST I GET A VIDEO ON BEING TRANS AND NOW ASEXUALS!!! Literally made for me
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
Anthony farts are better than yours@@p-__
I KNOW!!! ME TOO AHHH!!!
Makes me stupidly emotional to hear these conversations that describe my experience so completely on such a widely viewed platform. Thank you Anthony & huge thanks to your team for this ❤❤
My sister is married to an allo partner in a non-sexual, romantic relationship. If you don't want to compromise on ever having sex, don't give up looking for the person who will do that for you. ❤
I really appreciate this.
Directly asking asexuals about controversial questions is super enlightening.
As someone who is demisexual (sex positive), I feel heard and that other people understand and feel the same too.
Being a ace male I really relate and identify with the reflections that are happening here, so yeah it seems all of it is something everyone out of "norm" has to hear from others. I'm also heteroromantic and I have to agree/mention it became far more harsh to find partners that really commit to a serious relationship, not only that but seems that hearing the word "asexual" is like a instant discard for many even when they don't ask/want to know more about it or the person you're talking to, idk if this is something that happens to many aces but it's never pleasant to be thrown aside effortlessly 😞
It does happen. Before I formally came out as a Panromantic grey ace, I was married to someone who had issues when my disability prevented me from being as active as he was. He cheated several times. In the last couple of months, he would refuse to help me get to the ER. He ghosted me. He took a few things in a laundry basket and disappeared. I was just thrown away for being me. In the long run, it ended up being a blessing and helped me come to terms with who I am. I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope you find a wonderful person who cares for you and respects your asexuality.
@@bellememorie Thank you for the words, also for sharing your experience and I'm sorry you had to let go of someone you really cared for, hope your life nowadays is going in a great way! ✌
Nah it’s a thing. I’m homoromantic and it’s definitely been like an “automatic disqualification” card in my personal experience.
@@bellememorieI’m so sorry that happened to you. What an awful person
Dont be discourage by this. People who pull off from you are not meant for you anyway. They saved you time so you don't need to kick them out later on!
I've always considered myself bi-romantic demisexual. I have equally as much sexual thoughts as romantic thoughts, but the idea of ACTUALLY doing it completely different. Like, why do I have to get naked to love you or be loved? I'm perfectly content with just watching a movie and sitting close to them. I'm also completely set on never having children and I hate the idea of sharing a bed with someone. People, especially on dating apps, don't understand this, so I just tell them I'm bisexual but not looking for sex, only a serious relationship. It's all so annoying and I literally can't find anyone who feels the same as me - has physical attraction to others but doesn't feel the need to have sex.
That’s really interesting. If you don’t mind me asking, why do you like sitting close to someone but dislike sharing a bed with someone?
Not only do I love the ''spent a day with'' series, because it gives you the insight on a certain group of people who you're curious about, but nervous to ask questions toward. But this new set-up REALLY helps, because it feels like you're including in an actual conversation with people you may or may not be like minded with. It makes you feel less alone and more included, so whoever came up with this idea, great job! Keep this going! and also, thank you :)
I’m a biromantic asexual and I’m honestly scared of watching this. I’m so incredibly tired of people dismissing my identity. And they also constantly mix up asexuality and aromanticism, it’s so annoying and invalidating.
For real. I still want to be in a romantic relationship. I just don't wanna fuck the person. Apparently that doesn't register
@@sentientplant9658I'm straight and my significant other is asexual. We've been together for more than two years and we love each other more than anything. I do have sexual needs but I don't mind staying celibate since the feelings for my partner clearly overweigh them. So I'm pretty sure it's possible you might find someone :)
To the girl who mentioned Koisenu Futari, I want to say THANK YOU. It is a great show and many more people should watch it. The aroace representation in it is amazing.
i think this is a nice in depth take at womens approach to asexuality in general. its reassuring as an asexual man, but we do deserve our own episode in the future to discuss this from our own side, as i think theres a stark difference in the shaming of asexual women vs men. with women its their expectancy to be a mother, many asexual women are mothers or go on to be mothers, its a spectrum and is a very vague term that has different meanings to many, more people are on it than you think.
with men its not having drive, being lazy/shy (isnt always the case, i have no problem talking to women, ill admit i used to when i was a teenager cause i felt the pressure from peers. ive since then learned how to have great friendships with women like i did when i was a kid. the vast majority of women ive gotten close to have been very accepting and reassuring of my asexuality.) i hate personally the box most young men are fit into, which is if you arent constantly trying to find a girl youre a loser. super toxic expectations, which are ironic when you then hear the expectations these same guys have for women, which is to be inexperienced.
i do feel romantic feelings, theyre very similar to platonic feelings though and never sexual. its more just about caring deeply about the person and finding comfort in being around them as selfish as that sounds.
So grateful for this conversation. Makes me feel more seen. I hope more of us can come out as ace and form a solid community 💜
I came out as ace before your first asexuality video. But I became open to having a partner after it. Almost 3 years into a wonderful partnership with my ace partner. It was wonderful seeing so many different representations and that there’s so much happiness in being single or partnered ace.
As an ace person with a high sex drive, it is so annoying. It’s like being hungry, but hating the taste of food. Sometimes you fill the need just to get it to stop, but you don’t love it. Your friends try to introduce you to good restaurants, saying you just need to have good food, but the problem doesn’t change. The restaurant may be nice, but you still hate food. Most of the time, I either ignore it or wait until I can block it into my schedule.
Asexual here! Asexuality doesn’t mean just hating sex. There are sex positive and sex indifferent asexuals. Being asexual means you have little to no sexual attraction or little to no sexual desire. This is why demisexual people are on the ace spectrum! Sex repulsion is a facet of aceness but it’s a spectrum like every other sexuality there is.
You know, ive been considering coming out for a while, so its very encouraging for you to unashamedly come out as a dumbass
@ville__
Ive been asexual for more than 3-4 years now, and i gotta say, im always wondering if others feel the same way i do. While i have been on a forum for asexuals this really helps actually hearing what others have to say.
Them describing it as having a hunger that’s natural but not being hungry for a particular thing is SO helpful. It really helped put my feelings into perspective.
Hearing shelby say it made things harder is even more heartbreaking given recent context 💔 sending all the love to shub
I'm an Aromantic Aegosexual, meaning I’m aroused by erotic content, but I have no interest in having sex with another person. I also don’t really care about romance.
I love romance and enjoy audio or erotica content. I need to be mentally stimulated and emotionally connected to a person but enjoy my solitude and space. I don't desire relationships but if it happens then cool and I can think, watch, talk, read, please myself but don't have any interest in sex nor do I want to engage in it. I'm not sure if there's a term for it but I'm am also on the aegosexual spectrum too!
I didn’t know that I was aroace until adulthood mainly because I didn’t know these identities existed. For so long I thought something was wrong with me, which caused a lot of mental and emotional turmoil during my life, but I just didn’t know what I was yet. So glad ace experiences are being discussed so that nobody has to feel like they’re wrong. I’m so happy and confident now with who I am because I know who I am 💜💚
I'm someone who married someone with a very different sexuality. We are both straight but I was very sexual and her sex drive was much smaller and more particular. It took years of me being insecure and unsatisfied for me to realize my sex drive was tied to a lot of negative emotions and expectations. Her not wanting me in any given moment didn't mean she didn't love or want me. We have an amazing healthy relationship now. But I had a long history of failed relationships leading into this one so I was ready to grow and let go of the part of me that was addicted to sex.
It has helped me so much to learn about asexuality and finding out that there are people who feel the same way as me. I used to feel like I was somehow broken, like there was something wrong with me. But now I know I'm not the only one and it's absolutely okay to view sex differently than other people around me.
the original i spent a day with asexuals video got me to realize i was part of that community later! i'm glad you keep making these fantastic series (i spent a day with and now assumptions), genuinely, this is fantastic! thank you so much for all you do
There was only one time i actually told people i was asexual, friends at the time but fell out of friendship due to unrelated reasons, and one of them said "youre not asexual, you just havnt found the right person." I was so upset with this person...because they just couldnt understand that i had 0 intetest in sex but i still want to be in a relationship. A lot of people think relationship = sex..its frustrating.
@ville__No it isn’t. You can’t control your sexuality
@ville__why tf r u under every comment under this video yapping this bs 💀
i love videos like this because somehow, in the everyday life, it can be really forgetful how valid this sexuality is and how it’s not something bad and harmful. Being a teenager in highschool surrounded by horny teens can be tough if im not sometimes reminded that it’s okay i dont feel this way too.
i miss hearing from real ppl on this channel. the recent collabs w influencers and public figures are cool, but i miss hearing ppl talk about their experiences and identities. it was really nice to see this video
As an aro ace person, I loved this! Koisenu Futari was sooooooo good 100 ％ recommend. Other recommendations: I want to be a wall (manga 2 volumes out, 3 volumes total), Is love the answer (manga - one volume). In the Case Files of Jeweler Richard there is an aroace character AND the main two characters end up in a QPR (light novel and manga).
As an Ace person. This makes me super happy! Thank you Anthony!!!
My farts are better than Anthony’s farts 💨
Lmfaooo you don’t need validation, just be you. Simple as that.
@@randomshit65blud what? You're absolutely insane
Same here. Ace rights!
@@randomshit65in a world where people get hate for being themselves, it's nice to get a little validation sometimes
What I just would want people to realize about asexuality is that everyone is still individual and you don't really know much about the specific Ace you are talking to just because you know what asexuality is, or know a lot of ace people.
Just like you might know about women but that doesn't tell you much about a specific woman. There is such a range of what an ace person is comfortable talking about or doing, and it is so important to communicate and ask appropriate questions if you have someone who is ace in your life.
I am asexual and married to a demisexual person. Part of our relationship has been growing together and strong communication.
I have been struggling with feelings like this (in my first real relationship atm) and this makes me feel much better about what's going on with me
Me too!
So many of the comments made by these women are so validating for me. I feel very seen and understood and less alone.
“Heartbreak High” has really great male asexual representation for anyone interested.
Ive been yelled at twice already because of being different, one of those times the girl told me “it’s not normal for you to not feel it, it’s a human thing”, so does that make me less than you?? Am I not human enough? I really don’t understand why these reactions happen, as a matter of fact, I don’t understand why me not feeling sexually attracted to anyone so a bothersome to people, it’s my body, as simple as that, she also stated “do you think you’re better than others?”, wtf does that have to do with anything? I just hate the idea of it (and I have been in situations where I could just try it out, however, I always stopped myself because I can’t go on, I feel uncomfortable)…
There was also the situation where a childhood friend offered to do it with me anytime I wanted to “test the waters”, this conversation happened after having a very long conversation that lead to me finally understanding I was ace, I told him I wasn’t interested at all, and he answered with “you never know. It would be an honour to do it with an ace girl”, one, I do know, and two, it wouldn’t be an honour, you’d just see it as pride.
I cried a lot that night, I’ve never felt triggered before, but that for some reason that made me feel so misunderstood, like I wasted my time trying to explain a very important part of me, It’s not even a complicated concept, you like tomatoes, I despise them and I cannot deal with the idea of ever putting them in my mouth… simple. Im in my mid 20s… I think I’m well aware of what I want.
I’m also super hopeless romantic… I want love I love loving, but gosh this is difficult
I think I'm ace. I'm a guy and I really want a girlfriend but my friends say that it would just be a friend if there's no coitus and I disagree. There are many things you do with a partner that you don't do with friends. A relationship is way more intimate than a friendship, not just physically but also emotionally. My friends think I'm weird for getting grossed out and uncomfortable around the subject of coitus, like dirty jokes or movies with nakedness.
i found it frustrating that lauren kept making generalisations about all ace people, but i'm pleased that there were three people with different experiences, which means viewers won't feel invalidated if they feel they are or they might be ace but don't feel the same way as lauren.
What generalisations did she make??
You're overthinking it. People in person speak more generally, they don't hedge every statement they make like they are expecting internet debate lords to pick apart every word and look for points of contention.
But I do agree that it's nice to see multiple opinions and see people actually talk about being ace in a more "normal" setting - outside of internet forums, specifically.
holy shit, i did not realize i needed to hear 9:48 because that has always been something I'm **super** anxious about when thinking about a relationship. the thought of disappointing another person because you don't (or can't) contribute to a relationship's give and take cycle makes me **terrified** of dating and trying to explain all my messy feelings when I don't have any of them sorted out yet.
its probably silly but it never really occurred to me that someone else would feel the same way that i do about this topic, i think i understand what its like to "be seen"
When you announced this episode with the Assumptions announcement I got so excited! I myself am asexual and was so excited when the "I Spent a Day With" episode came out. I'd be so happy to see you do an episode of assumptions with Aromatics next!
Honestly when I came out to my mom as asexual about 5 years ago (and I'm 28 now!) , she was like "It's actually good to know, cause that means there's no chance of pregnancy or diseases!" 😂
I've not had sex or done anything sexual with anyone in 5 years, and I could care less 🤷♀️. I still enjoy all romantic aspects of a relationship, but I don't care about the sexual part.
@ville__ Whoever rejected you didn't do it because they chose to be ace. They did it because you refuse to listen to people when they speak.
@ville__It's not
When I was in high school I thought there was something wrong with me, because I had no crushes nor interest in dating. Someone even asked me at some point if I was asexual and made me question myself.
A few guys asked me out through my life and I always rejected them, except one, because I thought with time I would feel something towards him. It was a mistake. I even thought once that maybe I was in love and I just didn't know how it felt or how to identify it. Because you know what they say: if you think of certain person constantly, you're in love.
Wrong again.
I identify with Shelby's way of thinking. I find men more attractive, but I'm not closed off to the possibility of being attracted to a woman. And I long for a romantic relationship if there is a chance.
@ville__It's not.
@@Chiller-pc1dvthey're trolling
as an asexual (who is sex repulsed) I have found it weird at times that some of us have sex but this was helpful and I'm glad to see ace representation :)
LOVEDTHIS SO MUCH! Hosting a video with Asexual people just talking about their experiences and thoughts is so helpful and encouraging! I hope this clears up a lot of confusion for people that don’t understand this sexuality. Would love a part 2 with asexual men or new people to keep the conversation going!
I'm late to the party and there are so many comments but Izzy mentioned the japanese drama Koisenu Futari and I immediately looked it up and binge watched it, it is SO worth the watch. Thank you so much for the suggestion!
I came out as asexual in 2020 and dude it was harder to come out as ace than it was to come out as a lesbian
About representation, the best representation I've seen so far in media is the book Loveless by Alice Oseman. It goes into detail about the feelings surrounding coming to terms with being ace and it's so so good.
Thank you for this episode Anthony! As an asexual person (aro-ace to be precise) this makes me feel really seen
I think in the beginning of every episode you should define some important words, for example I don’t think allosexual is a very commonly used word. you might not get anything they’re saying if you’re not already familiar with the subject
Thank you for this episode and for your other videos on asexuality and aromanticism. They've been fantastic resources with being able to hear about other people's experiences and comparing them with my own. Thank you for your dedication to talking about something that's often forgotten 💜
This is so informative! I love this! Thank you all for sharing!
As a sex repulsed hetero-romantic ace, I am very very romantically driven, I would LOVE an emotionally intimate relationship. Every time I've tried, sex has definitely been a problem, and I've tried so hard to force myself to do it, I tried so HARD, but I can't force myself to be okay with any of it. I'm sex neutral, but physically very averse, I used to actually wish I eas Aroace instead of just Ace. I thought my life would have been easier. But honestly, after 7 years, I've given up on being able to be in a romantic relationship.
Ace representation that I really enjoyed and related to was 'Loveless' by Alice Osman ( creator of Heartstopper) great read and really does good on showing how it feels to be Asexual and Aromantic
Thank you Anthony for making another video about our community. Much appreciated 🖤🤍💜
this group of people just seemed so sweet and it was a pleasure to see them discussing asexuality from someone who is questioning her own sexuality and trying to understand if i fall under the ace umbrella, lots of love from me!
We need a video for assumptions about Aromanticism!
I've had so many issues in the beginning before accepting I'm ace. All my sexual activities were due to people pleasing and was so bad mentally and physically. Eventually I also find I've become aromantic over time. I still love people but literally as friends/family, I don't have romantic nor sexually attractions I've been so much better since I've learned this about myself, instead of trying to force myself to be what society claims in the norm.