AITA For Telling GF to Stop Eating Everything and MORE | Comfort Level Podcast
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ส.ค. 2024
- 0:00 Frenemies
4:23 AITA For Wanting a Separate Bill
5:26 Response
6:38 Should Women Expect Men to Pay on Firstdate
14:05 AITA For Yelling At My GF to Stop Eating Everything
16:26 Response
22:55 Top Comments
25:10 AITA For Telling Husband "Your Parents Are Selfish"
27:30 Response
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Are we not gonna acknowledge in the first story how the friend group just let this new BF !@#$ on their friend? This guy shouldn't have that amount of say in the group to be that big an a-hole nor that critical to someone he don't know.
op left before they could I think and they were just stunned at the bf's bs
They definitely got off topic on that one😂
omg the first story--who the hell does New Guy think he is, coming in to an established friend group / dinner tradition and criticizing how they handle things? to the point of yelling & name-calling? if the friend group is cool with it, drop it my dude. what a huge red flag
Dude when someone eats all your food it is MADDENING. She sounds like she has no respect for him at all.
Fr and depression isn't an excuse for this incident. She could have eaten anything else in the fridge except for the things he asked her to leave alone.
I ALWAYS go on a date to coffee or a drink first and try to show up early and buy my drink first before they get there and if they want to buy me a second drink that’s up to them. I love when a man pays for me but I want them to want to spoil me, not feel obligated to.
This is a wonderful tip
Oh that’s a good idea
if u don’t mind me asking, how do you explain that away? like “oh i was thirsty!” or what if they ask why you ordered without them 😭
What is up with people not wanting to pay for what they order. Me and my friends never spilt as a group we pay for what we order. And if we buy an appetizer to share the person who order it just pays for it.
Story 2: I wouldn’t mind paying for myself on a first date if we discussed it before hand.
Yeah I don't understand the point in splitting the check.
Completely reasonable. IMO
We split appetizers but we always pay for our own mean unless it’s someone’s birthday or something
Same tbh. I can understand splitting it sometimes, but I mostly see that if people were sharing the food.
Second story- not the asshole. I don’t think it’s worth saying either one of them are. I can understand bringing up the weight as an example of the other person clearly having an excess of their share while the op is going hungry. I had the exact same dynamic with my sister- I was at least 15-20 pounds underweight and my sister was eating all my food and portions. It was hard not to resent her being overweight because it just was a constant reminder of her being a threat to my food.
We’re both doing a lot better now and her eating habits had a deeper issue to it as did mine. I can get bringing up the weight though without trying to fat shame. It’s envy that the other person is well fed.
My late husband and i agreed since he made more money than i, he'd pay for the meal and id pay for the tip. I had too many men whom i was willing to pay 50/50 with who then treated me like crap. It became a matter of respect. Once i insisted on them paying, i found someone who was worth marrying.
As a frugal bisexual, my stance is that if you ask someone out, you offer to pay. And therefore suggest something in your price range - if they aren’t ok with it, it’s best they see themselves out because it’s not going to work.
Even if I was asked out, I always offered to split or go Dutch - and if I got to the coffee shop first, I paid for my drink anyway lol - because I don’t like the pressure associated with having someone pay for me.
For the second story, mental illness isn't an excuse to be absolutely terrible to your loved ones. It explains your behavior, but it's never okay. And he has no moral obligation to stay in such a terrible situation, unless he actually promised her he would stay with her through this or something.
Yes mental health explanes the behavior, it does not excuse the behavior! I learned this the hard way with my ex of 7 years.
Something that people don’t think of when thinking of who should pay on the first date is that the men are expected to pay because women are expected to look good and that isn’t cheap-hair,makeup,clothes, beauty treatments etc. and women traditionally didn’t have access to capital in the way men do (still this but it’s changing). I personally think that whoever asks for the date should expect to pay especially if they pick the place. If you can’t afford to pay for the date you can’t afford to ask someone out-luckily women are making money now and also starting to ask men on dates so things are changing
Fair point but should that be objectively determined by judging what your date looks like then? There are definitely men that spend on their look and women that don't. The rule of whoever gives the invite is reasonable but I also think how the two of you feel after this first date matters too. If there's clearly no chemistry I think its fair to split the bill and bounce lol Of course, if the invite is to a big "impress you" place there should be no question that the inviter pays.
The other thing too is when you’re a woman going on a date with a man, you are risking your physical safety. Men often feel entitled to our bodies, and complete strangers are capable of literally anything.
I think it really should just be whoever asks. If you know you can’t afford a lot but still want to ask somebody out, maybe a park/coffee date or literally just the park!
I agree with this. There are always exceptions to the rule. I do agree what whoever asks should pay. I understand why people want to split the bill and I think it’s a societal expectation. It’s expected that people put in effort on dates, which places more pressure on certain genders and sexualities. I also agree that physical safety comes into play. Some people do expect that if they pay they are guaranteed something in return. I wish society as a whole would change. I think it always comes back to whoever asks should pay.
I agree, though I lean a little more towards both paying for their own food, at least for the first date in case it doesn't work out.
30lbs in only 6 months is insane. She has some issues. She needs to start working and get some therapy.
Eating someone else's food is a deal breaker for ME!!!
She isn't trying to help herself!!!
He's STRUGGLING and needs to cut his losses!!!
#ProtectYourEnergy
#ProtectYourPeace
#SelfPreservation
Taking a moment to drop a comment because I just wanted to say, how refreshing and amazing this podcast is. I'm so happy to have found this corner of the internet. Loved the vibes of this episode. Tackled some really difficult questions and navigated them with care and finesse. Madi and Sam, thank you for your deep and honest perspectives.
For the dating discussion I've always had the thought of if you ask me, you pay but if I ask you, I pay, otherwise it's 50/50.
2nd story - At some point you have to control your actions and emotions, even when it's terribly hard. Seeing the stress and pain you are causing your loved one should be enough restraint to not touch food. Especially when it has been explicitly told to you to not to. It's gross, selfish behavior. It could also be a combo of an ED and depression. I don't know, there's just a lack of respect for themselves and their partner.
I agree if you asked them out, be prepared to pay.
If you ask someone out and do not want to pay the entire bill, that should be made clear up front.
I would stop buying food for the house honestly. She should understand that her issues hurt him.
first ones NTA, dietary restrictions are no joke and if youre friends are perfectly fine with the arrangement then the new guy should just go with the flow since its less money he has to help pay, and as for men or women paying for the first date, if you picked the restaurant, you pay the bill
second ones also NTA, sounds like its been a growing problem over the 6 months of her unemployment and op getting upset shes not respecting the boundaries of any standard shared house situation is very reasonable, her trying to deflect him by saying hes fatshaming is just her trying to get out of responsibility, definitely sounds like she needs help but op is literally starving because she doesnt respect his right to the food he buys
Title Story: I think mentioning she gained thirty pounds is completely relevant. It shows that its not just that there's not enough food in the house for two people, she's gaining large amounts of weight while he has to skip meals half the week.
Also, "She's stressed from being unemployed". I'm sure he's more stressed from carrying your lazy ass while he has to starve. She's a bum. OP needs to ditch her.
I don't understand how she didn't instantly start applying for jobs. Personally my mental health requires some sort of productivity to be good, work also creates routine which is great too.
Bro been waiting for a new drop 😭 I’ve dang near binged every video! Love you guys!!
You should take care of yourself first always unless you have a dependent that is unable to take care of themself (like pet, child, etc). That women in 14:13 has had a job before and is perfectly capable of taking care of herself even if she needs a little help. She’s a full grown women with a disorder. I wonder if she was even looking for a job. If he broke up with her I would not blame him. She clearly needs help and if she’s not actively trying to help herself then he need to help himself. Someone should not use their mental health as an excuse to hurt others whether directly or indirectly. As someone with a mental health disorder, people leaving is more eye opening than anything.
my boyfriend pays for us both when he can. if he can’t we split it.
Venmo all the way. Sometimes my friend group fight over who “pays” because we get the ooints in our credit card lol. But everyone pays exactly for what they had and did or did not split with people. Shit we even split the tip. Maybe when im 30+ ill have the money to be generous but not now hell no
the way i used to approach the paying issue on dates was that for the first date i would only go to a place where payment is upfront, like coffee or ice-cream, and then i go and buy it for myself and then wait for the other person to buy theirs.
Those grandparents are literally taking money from your kids. You have to go to your parents to get money for his parents. Those are leaches. Their are always limits. The more you say nothing the more they feel they can take from you.
THIS! Also, if the husband doesn't appreciate veing spoken down to by his dad, he needs to stop turning around & doing the same to his incredibly supportive wife. I would NEVER ask my parents for money to go support other grown able-bodied people, especially when that is how they are acting about it. Younger brother beeds a job, not a career. Better employers want better workers, and long stints of unemployment show lazy & non-motivated workers.
I love listening to your podcast :)!
About the living together before marriage thing: my mom was engaged twice before she married my dad, and both of the engagements she called off after they lived together and she realized the men couldn’t take care of themselves properly.
I know I’m late to the conversation but as a woman in a modern world, we are not the same. We pay the pink tax, our products are usually marked up, we risk our safety going out with someone we don’t know. I don’t expect it but I do see it as a sign of acknowledgment to how men see me as a femm presenting person.
Generally men think that were in the new age and women are “equal” to them. When I haven’t once been in a situation with a man where I’ve known my full safety can be guaranteed. We’re not equal. And that should be acknowledged even in the dating world.
I really feel like first dates should be Dutch, especially if meeting off an app. Second date can be guys treat
As a woman in the dating scene I will say that it’s tricky for us too. I have come to expect men to pay for the first date because of the area I live in and because of the kind of guys I’m generally looking for… I had somewhat of a feminist era where I was going on a lot of dates and it never went over well with the guys I was seeing when I tried to pay for the meal or asked to split the bill. Most of the time the guys seemed offended that I was asking to pay for my share as though it meant I wasn’t interested in them like that anymore and would sometimes even say something like “geez, okay” if I said “it’ll be separate” before they got the chance to pay at a restaurant. These days I opt to just say thank you. That seems to go over better than trying to assert myself and pay my share. 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, it’s hard because it’s burned into most men that it’s the expectation. I always offered to split or go Dutch, but I don’t think I ever had anyone take me up on it.
I’m currently in a long distance relationship with someone who wants to pay each time, but I’ve had to sit him down and say “sometimes I’m going to want to treat you out, and I want you to try to be ok with that.”
First date: I expect the man to pay (gentleman and provider quality);I take the time for me to look amazing for the date, I invest in my outfit, hair, makeup, etc --/ however, ladies always have your $ just in case
1st why does that new person want to leach off of you? Tell him to pay for himself. I don't understand the point of splitting the the check. Why? Just pay for what you eat.
If I'm eating something like a slice of cake, I cut it into a smaller slice to eat one day and save the bigger piece of it for another day, and it pisses me off to find out that someone else ate it. But it only happens from time to time. I think I would lose my mind if I lived with someone who did it constantly.
She could have at least eaten anything else EXCEPT for the thing he told her not to eat. As someone with depression myself, I don't think the depression would cause that, but I guess people deal with it differently so I can't dismiss it entirely. Either way, it doesn't take a ton of energy mentally to just not eat what someone asks you to leave alone.
for me, i dont expect the man to pay but i do like it under certain circumstances. if i end up not liking him i even prefer splitting. if i do like him i would be dissapointed if he doesnt pay
I ask how they wanna handle paying for a date over text while making the plan to begin with. When we are deciding time and place, I say, "Do you plan to pay? Do you want me to pay, or do you want to split?" And that seems to work well.
Dang this girl is giving her man the famine/great depression treatment? But if this is a mental thing from getting fired or something else entirely, then maybe they should have a discussion and encourage her to work? Idk...
My fiancé and I always split when we began dating. And even now that we are engaged, we swap off on who pays based on who made the decision to go out where and when. And if we go to the movies, he might buy the tickets and ill pay for snacks to make it fair.
The ending lmaooooo 💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
in my experience when i would be setting up the date id let the other person know weather or not i was broke so in the case neither of us wanted to spend money we could meet up and go for a walk or something else free to do because a lot of the time i couldnt afford to split but im never gonna assume the other person wants to pay for my share too
Please bring up your volumes... i watch this with speakers and i need to put the speaker next to my ear tou hear you guys talk 😢
Well frankly for the first story in my opinion and what felt most comfortable in the relationship I was in would be like if he asked me on the date and knew what was happening he can pay if I make the plans and ask him on the date I wanna be the one to pay because I asked him. B8t like there would be times we went to the movies let me buy the tickets and him buy the snacks or vice versa. But that's me and what I felt most comfortable doing he tried to pay for everything at first but I felt bad.
I was raised that the guy pays, but you’re not supposed to order something more expensive than him, he should be asking you out etc etc. but honestly it’s tough-after first date I think it’s easier to broach or talk about. It’s easier to bring up if you’ve already decided to pay, I feel like. It’s still more expensive to be a woman, but at the same time I can see why it would make a men uneasy (these days) to be always paying for everything and wondering if it’s a genuine situation.
“Why don’t you pay your share??”
Op: literally what they I’m doing. What you’re trying not to do.
As for Sam’s question: whoever asks the other out is implying a treat. If you’re gonna split, you should be in agreement ahead of time.
7:21 my feelings on that is like if you ask someone out you should pay for them at least that’s what I think
Suggestion for Sam, split tge check on the first date. Paying on the first date creates an expectation, start as you mean to go on.
6:11 why is the guest of the group coming in changing rules and getting angry and honestly hostile about it
I agree the girl eating everything needs help but she's responsible for herself and doing what she needs to do to get better. Much in the same way that I'm sometimes late or forgetful because of my ADHD but it's *my* responsibility to combat that. Or if I get really annoyed and snappy at someone, I can't just blame my mental health, but I should apologize for hurting them and find ways to make sure it doesn't happen again. The first time the BF said something to the GF the GF should've taken responsibility, not blamed it on stress or depression. Her not taking her partners words into account, despite him repeating them daily, and decreasing her food intake at all sounds like a serious lack of respect and self awareness.
If she doesn't have income she would qualify for Medicaid.
The eating story. She is literally eating them out of house and home. She doesnt have a job and the one going to work cant even eat for 3 days. Nah you gotta go. I wouldve only had this talk once with you about me starving myself for you(honestly i wouldnt have even let it get to that point)... if you want to make it work she need to be ubering or something and start managing that eating.
The tradition that men should pay for dates is so outdated... it's not the 1940's anymore where women are expected not to work. Have you ever gone out with someone, then when the bill comes they silently allow you to pay the whole bill? Especially in this economy, doing that is so rude and entitled. I guess exception is if you're a sugar baby or unemployed lol.
I think the first few dates should be split, once things are more established, how the bill should paid should be discussed and agreed upon between the two.
😭😭😭😭” don’t ask me to rank them”
The man 90% of the time asked the woman out
And if you don’t have money, you can do other things!
For the story where she eats so damn much, i understand that therapy is expensive. But. The internet is free. journaling is free. Finding different coping mechanisms is free. Unfortunately it is trial and error, it took me a while to realize that I don’t like routine, my depression / anxiety lurks back when I haven’t written down my feelings for a while. To even realize writing stuff down helps took a while. Don’t just wait until you can afford therapy, you may be able to figure something out without having to spend money. But ofc, this is only if you’re self aware that you need help, it doesnt help that she’s accusing him of fat shaming bc she doesnt feel like she has an issue.
Women still make less, more women get sidelined into lower income jobs AND our cost of goods is higher. Just compare deodorant, shampoo or razors! (Which is why i buy male, but husband doesn't care, some friends do tho)
Also, many managers were anonymously interviewed said that they didnt promote women & paid them less intentionally bc they said 1. Their husbands should earn more 2. They want women (in general) to be More dependent on hisbands "for society".
Late to game. The gf who eats everything. Get a job idk if it's fastfood grocery store gas station ANYTHING
I feel like in my experiences I’d prefer the guy to pay (never expect it though), unless I asked first, especially on the first date, due to the fact I could end up as a murder victim. HOWEVER, I will never put myself in a position where I could not pay for myself so I could leave whenever.
Edit: Sam I will take you on a date, leave your wallet at home.
Aselu and Kalani that dudes sister tried to beat her up for money, I felt bad for her but his sister look like super fly snuka the wrestler
I don’t think her and Aselu are together anymore
I'm a 50/50 woman or a take turns if we like each other .
The second story is ridiculous. Girl get a damn job or get out
17:38 sounds like she has binge eating disorder and unfortunately therapy doesn't sound like an option if money is that tight but she maybe a non-profit?
Although, as someone with BED, I would never eat someone else's food like cupcakes. Buttt, I'm such a people pleaser. If she doesn't have that mindset... In the worst of my eating disorder I couldn't keep any bingeable foods like chips or sweets in my house because I didn't have any self control. Unfortunately she has to want to change, and it doesn't sound like, from the information we have, that she does. Op might have to leave, as sad as it is for her
We get embarrassed asking for shit smh wtf is this
A guy asking to go 50/50 is a turn off for me personally. It just feel like he doesn't like you then. If you really dislike the dude then I would go 50/50 because you don't want to owe them. But in general a guy paying is more attractive.
Second story: Everyone’s the Asshole. I (26f) was in a similar situation with my ex (27m) before I left him. The main difference was that _I_ was paying for all our food even after losing my job (the company went bankrupt) and he was still gainfully employed. He simply refused to buy groceries. He’d eat at work and then expect me to make us dinner with the food I bought using my rapidly shrinking savings, and throw a massive fit if I only cooked food for myself.
I became very depressed and began overeating to cope with the lack of anything meaningful to do during the day, which is how I coped as a child in a loveless household. And again, despite me being the only one buying groceries (which he automatically considered shared food), he would chew me out if he came home and I’d eaten the last of the tortilla chips or cheese sticks. He would very passively aggressively insinuate that I was fat (which I believe this OP was doing if his gf felt like he was shaming her), because yes, I’d gained weight. Mostly because I had nothing active to do throughout the day, and could no longer afford my gym membership on top of feeding us both with no income. On the rare occasion my ex bought groceries, he’d buy nothing but beef jerky or candy or burger meat without buns and other junk food he knew I didn’t like, and play dumb about it. But still blame me for eating “too much” of my own food.
I loved him. We’d been together for 6 years, and moved across the country together. But I left him after he told me he didn’t want to be intimate until I lost “at least 20 lbs”. He genuinely thought I’d just accept that and idk, materialize a free treadmill out of nowhere or something. I called his bluff, and regret nothing. He never forgave me for leaving and taking my food and rent money with me.
TL;DR: Yes, the gf in the second story is out of line and needs to respect boundaries when it comes to not eating the only food her bf has to eat for himself. That goes way beyond depression eating, and well into asshole territory. _BUT,_ I know from experience how many guys try to force their partners to just not be depressed anymore without actually doing anything to help them. Just hurtful criticism and constant passive aggressive treatment, because they’re too immature to do anything constructive, like helping their partner find a therapist or a job, or figuring out some kind of solution where his food is kept secure (I know there are locking boxes for communal refrigerators you can buy) if his gf really won’t listen to reason. But he’s the asshole for making it all about her weight (he wouldn’t have mentioned it if he didn’t care), and he likely did fat shame her and conveniently left that part out in his post. His use of the word “disgusting” says so much. He wants to be the victim in the situation when it’s his gf who is obviously struggling and needs his help, not his shallow insults. They’re both the asshole.
She ate the fucking BIRTHDAY cupcakes. She’s leaving him to starve with lettuce and crackers.
TLDR; 2nd story GF needs to get a job in food and have a discounted meal there 🛁 he’s simply not a meal ticket or soup kitchen at a certain point, the fucking BIRTHDAY cupcakes weren’t even safe??? 5️⃣1️⃣5️⃣0️⃣
So him being bothered by her eating all the food and saying something to her about it isn’t fat shaming but I have a strong feeling he has fat shamed her considering his need to point out that she gained weight and him saying it was disgusting that she would eat everything.
30lbs in 6 months is insane. She is acting like a pig. Even went he sets aside food for himself she is eating it. That's beyond rude.
It didn’t come across as fat shaming to me at all, it seemed like it was just to provide more context as to how much more food she was eating compared to him. Like she is overeating enough to rapidly gain weight while he is undereating to the point he regularly goes without meals.
She gained 30 pounds while he is starving. That means that she is in major calorie excess. Mean while he is skipping eating.
Respectfully STRONGLY disagree that all women want to be treated like princesses
Lol didn’t know Sam was married and all knowing
Sam I’ll take you out on a date
I know I’m late but I just found you guys pier this morning on instagram. I’m about to be married. When I was in the casual dating scene every date I went on was either free or low cost (picnics, pay what you wish museum dates, etc) I wanted to gauge the quality of the person I was with without having to spend a ludicrous amount of money. My soon to be wife loved all the dates we went on where we didn’t have to spend much because it took away expectations of anything for both of us and we could just be our realest selves. The more money people threw in her face the more she felt like their attention was contractual. The fact that I didn’t and just wanted to experience things with a person is what made her fall for me and me for her. Start by doing super cheap or free dates. You’ll tell quickly who’s in it for what they can get out of you and who’s in it for you
I’d like to add that despite the wage gap being smaller, women have to pay much more to get ready for dates. Women are investing time into makeup, outfits, perfume, hair, nails. Not to mention being in a relationship with a man is overall a net negative on a woman’s life and health. There are so many studies that show women have worse health, so more housework/family care, when they get into relationships. Conversely men are found to be happier and healthier when in relationships with women. So yeah it sucks to always pay for dates, but you gotta remember what women lose when they date men.