Hello Everyone, thank you for your comments. We have a lot of new listeners and I just wanted to link the video where we do address the response to the HR Story and our comments.. Video Title: AITA For Making a White Woman Cry & Suggesting To My Friend That They Should Shave & Man on My Patio Link: th-cam.com/video/k9UfbhfE8Mw/w-d-xo.html
Emotionally coercing someone into sex is rape. That is a crime. Her husband and her superiors at work were planning a sexual assault on her and she's the villian here? How? Her safety is in danger.
Hard disagree with Sam. The trust was already betrayed by the husband, and this is 100% clear-cut workplace sexual harassment. It doesn't matter that it wasn't at work. He was sharing intimate details of their sex life with coworkers--not just his but also hers--INCLUDING A HIGHER UP IN HER DEPARTMENT. He could also potentially be found guilty for creating a hostile work environment for her. Whatever you believe about privacy between a husband and wife, he broke it first, and the laws on workplace discrimination are VERY clear.
I disagree, Sam is one of the most morally sound people I have seen. When he takes the “joking” stance, it’s clearly sarcasm & he disagrees. It’s an entertainment channel, using sarcasm to make a heavy situation “lighter” is not concerning. It’s clearly a joke. On a company phone, I agree - a form of sexual harassment. But, if it’s a personal phone - no, you’re allowed to have personal friendships with coworkers. It’s a hard line to draw, but the wife definitely should have confronted the husband & then HR depending on the outcome
@@gwendolynspendulum I’ve taken workplace harassment training modules and that is absolutely not true. In America (where OP is from) private texts/social media can constitute as grounds for a workplace harassment case if it involves coworkers. Like legally speaking.
@@gwendolynspendulumImagine yo partner telling their friends but not even that their coworkers you mutually see on an almost daily basis about y’all sex lives and thinking that’s normal 💀 that’s a form of sexual harassment.
The wife is NTA. He betrayed her trust by talking about her in a derogatory manner with his friends. He took personal matters into the professional setting first. So when she does it, it’s a problem?
Consist values go a long way. If she didn’t find anything she would’ve been an asshole. He took it to his co-workers and she took it to their boss. If this was a less scummy situation we would’ve called her out for not handling this at the lowest level while functionally. While he is a POS and the biggest A-Hole in the story her behavior was something people should normally admonish. It worked out this time doesn’t excuse her actions.
@@9manny99 "her behavior was something people should normally admonish?" "handle it at the lowest level?" Get out of here with that bull. The whole don't air our dirty laundry disappears when it comes to abuse. It's that mindset that made it so spousal rape didn't become illegal till 1993 in the US. He is talking about abusing and raping her on his phone, with his friends while he is lying next to her. She just had his baby. Maybe you are not aware but statistically once a woman gets pregnant and has a baby is often when abuse for women start. It's like a switch goes off. The man is like Me me me me. Why can't I have sex as much? Why does she give all the attention to the baby? We have less money and less sleep now. Tension builds. I am going to make her have sex with me. I am going to shut that baby up. That's how it happens with abusers. Abuse makes it a public issue because it always escalates. The minute he included his friends, her coworkers about the intimate details of her sex life it was already a matter of work as well. This is no different then if the husband had chosen to share pictures of her and they spread it around. They all could be arrested for revenge porn that is how the law works. Or even common decency. The husband has no right to share her intimate details to anyone. This is true for either sex.
@@9manny99 I mean, sure. If it was something petty and not such a violation, she would be wrong for taking it to the boss and hr. But it is a group text of her coworkers planning with her husband about how to coerce her into sex. That definitely warrants addressing at a higher level. It's very bizarre to be like "well if the situation was different everyone would have a different opinion about her actions." Yeah, of course we would. She's NTA because her actions were reasonable for *_this_* situation
Holy crap, manipulating someone into sex is 100% r*pe - consent should be enthusiastic and freely given and the fact that anyone thinks otherwise made me sick to my stomach. No one is obligated to give sex and if you want it that bad you can go use your hand or f yourself. The wife is NTA and she deserves a partner that cares about her as more than a sex object. That story was so gross 🤢
Yeah, I kinda wish it had a warning on it. It made me even more uncomfortable hearing the mens opinions on it and saying its not criminal and she betrayed his trust etc etc... seems like they were trying to find any excuse for it to be her fault in some way... made me feel queezy.
@cynicallemonade1792 exactly. I currently have the video paused and I'm not gonna finish it. As someone whose been SA'd this is DISGUSTING and that downplaying and acting like it's not serious is the reason people don't speak out about it. Such a shitty take and they need to do some self reflection.
At one point they weren’t even saying to coerce her they were straight up telling him to r-word her. Marriage doesn’t mean that doesn’t happen. People forget that still happens. It’s not always a stranger
I was already feeling triggered by the men's comments saying it was personal and she shouldn't have told anyone (because that's how DV gets hidden. "Keeping it in the family" is literally a thing, and this was so gross.) Seeing that it gets worse, I can't finish the episode, and I don't think the apology was strong enough.
"She just needs to lay there? And accept it?" "My wife already has." That's encouraging marital rape and essentially admitting to marital rape. And even if it wasn't that bad what they were saying was so disgustingly vile and misogynistic they fully deserved to be exposed at work. I really don't think yall are understanding how fowl their language, and theirs and his behavior in particular is. It doesn't have to be criminal behavior it's still encouraging abusive behavior
Also it would be one thing if she looked at his phone and there was nothing there really but the fact that that was what she found completely cancels out the fact that she went through his phone. Bc that is no where near on par with his actions and his words. Which again were all abusive and coercive, and horrifically misogynistic and targeted towards her which is something she needs to know so she can act in a way that is best for her. So like yeah the action of looking into someone's phone is bad ON ITS OWN but how bad it is becomes pointless once you have the context.
Sorry, not sorry Sam, no. “Manipulation” and “coercion” in regards to sex = rape (also wrong is every other circumstance). Marital rape is absolutely real. “Joking” about rape perpetuates rape culture. Rape culture empowers men and silences women into thinking marital rape is normal and okay. It is absolutely not. Those coworkers “joking” and liking each other’s “jokes” are accomplices. Anyone who doesn’t step in or speak up for victims when they have the opportunity, are complicit in the situation. On the wife’s part, she is reporting on workplace sexual harassment. She was honestly very brave to report them. If the HR person happened to be a man, she easily could have been brushed off and the “boys club” could have gotten off with a slap on the wrist. She also could face backlash from her husband and danger at home based on this report. All in all, I agree with the other commenters on this.
Y’all forgot she works there too. These are HER colleagues who are discussing the best method for her husband to SA her, calling her frigid and overall undermining her as a human being. What they were discussing IS criminal. And besides that definitely goes against company policy to be discussing about coworkers. I’d be devastate to find out my partner spoke to his friends that way, it’s made worse by these being people SHE works with. Her literal superiors see her as an object to be used that is annoyingly no longer fulfilling her purpose because she’s been distracted by a job.
Right! And it’s disgusting that someone was trying to say “well it’s not exactly criminal so I guess it’s not even that bad” basically. Like yes it IS that bad and it should 100% be taken seriously and addressed within the company. Absolutely nauseating to hear someone downplay it so badly
Exactly. It’s sexual harassment for her coworkers to be talking about her sex life and how her husband should coerce her into sex. It’s actually against the law and she is allowed to report that disgusting and inappropriate behavior to her supervisor/HR. If she didn’t work there, she should’ve emailed it to herself and taken it straight to a divorce lawyer.
The work story - the wife is NTA. A conversation encouraging, condoning, and joking about sexual assault is absolutely a fireable offense. That would make me feel insanely uncomfortable + unsafe going to work knowing these people are around. And coercion is 100% sexual assault. Holding those idiots accountable is absolutely the right thing to do.
About the wife story, something the guys seem to be missing is that this is not just him the intimate details of his marriage with his “work buddies”. He is discussing the intimate details of HER marriage to HER colleagues as well. That contributes to a Hostile Work Environment. It’s one of the reason so many companies have non-fraternization policies. It is absolutely an indictment on them as individuals but also reflect on how and what they are contributing to a work environment. It’s not just a spiteful wife but an aggrieved employee.
I’m side eyeing the men on this podcast. What was done to her was workplace harassment. HE aired their sexual business to THEIR coworkers on the COMPANY CHAT. She was in her right to go to HR. If it wasn’t her husband then it would be different. Does that mean y’all view women as objects or property once they’re married?
Because of the personal nature, it shouldn’t go to HR, but no recognition of the fact that because of the personal nature he shouldn’t have been discussing it in a work group chat? That is insane! And the VP of their marketing department is showing that he has been turned against her, which could affect her career. Hostile work environment that the husband and his work buddies created. They made that bed. She didn’t.
Yeah 100%. I don’t think these guys understand how severely fucked up the text exchanges are. Them being the woman’s coworkers? Sickening. Literally could changed the entire trajectory of her career. Her livelihood depends on a job where her coworkers are encouraging her husband to essentially sexually assault her. (Ex) husband deserves every single consequence that comes to him.
I personally don't think it mattered that they're a married couple. At work, your coworkers and you're still held to company standard of ethics. He and his coworkers were creating an unsafe work environment for her with this type of behavior so HR is completely the right course of action.
That really made me so angry!how is it a question even? You are discussing me sexually in a work group with my co workers?are you mad!that's straight up harassment and the things they were saying??? Thank God she picked up the phone and saw that's so disgusting!
The hr story... Please explain to the guys that those "work friends" were her COWORKERS!!! THAT'S why hr got involved at all. And wasn't outing some people she had no involvement with, her husband was talking about sexually manipulating her with her coworkers and her higher up. This is what HR is for she was being talked about sexually by her coworkers. Like if she saw someone's emails at work saying this would she still be in the wrong if her husband was in the email thread??? This really feels like all the guys this episode were getting way to comfortable with the whole hella gf looking through phone bs
@@kellharris2491 Yeah, I was getting really uncomfortable with Sam and the guys cause like...They just seemed to completely miss that These were people who should respect and work with her. Someone who has power over her in her job. People who were gonna saying she should lay back and be manipulated into sex. She was married to the guy and so this made it ok? She even admitted she just happened to see the messages on the company phone, she probably never even considered this level of gross ness to be taking place. Because who would? Who would expect you own coworkers and your boss to be joking about your sexual assault with your own husband??? The idea of this situation is terrifying and the idea that she should have calmly either ignored or discussed with her husband who has so grievously betrayed her is scarier. Idk, I usually feel pretty comfortable with the guys, but after this episode Idk.
In the story where the husband had a group chat and the wife turned him in to HR they were 100% talking about r@peing her. Marital r@pe is a thing and he was joking about doing that to her AFTER SHE HAD GIVEN BIRTH TO HIS BABY
Abusers often show themselves after a woman get's pregnant and has a baby. One the women is tied more to the man and he feels he has her "locked down." The man wonders why he can't have as much sex as before. (Even if his wife is recovering from popping out a baby or staying up all night caring for said baby) The baby brings financial hardships and more sleepless nights. The Baby takes up all of Mom's attention. The abuser then feels jealous and entitled to sex and he starts lashing out at either the Mom or the crying baby. This is all so he can gain "control" of the situation through domination. This is because he can't handle his emotions. Instead of crying like a woman it's anger and aggression. He (unlike a mature man) doesn't understand or feel empathy for his wife's experience giving birth so he just feel resentment and contempt for her sudden "weakness" and selfishness(in denying him sex). He is like a little boy throwing a temper tantrum. Abusers whether male or female are emotionally stunted individuals.
Honestly, in the story about the wife going to HR about the texts, Sam’s response especially is VERY concerning. Why are they going to the husbands defense talking about “betraying trust” as if he didn’t violate her trust to bring up these issues to her COWORKERS! Why are you guys completely skimming over that fact? Also, planning to manipulate and coerce someone is definitely considered rape. They are convincing him to rape his wife so he can get off!!! This story is not it guys. The guys takes on this story is so icky. I might be taking a break from this podcast for a bit.
This is why this is still a rape culture. People understand force and beating up someone to rape them. But the lead up to it and the definition of sexual harassment is hazy for many people. Even women find the line hazy. They are often shamed out of reporting concerning behavior. People don't understand that if you don't stop sexual harassment and call it out it always escalates. Somehow by being *his* wife she is less entitled to respect and safety. As if her husband can't rape her. This is why spousal rape didn't become illegal in the US till 1993.😔
Literally disgusting…. Idek if I can watch anymore I’m VERY uncomfortable with how easy it was to mansplain this entire ordeal to “you took it too far by telling on me” attitude.
@@getreworkdliterally! That text group is “locker room talk” and locker room talk it one of the biggest ways rape culture is normalized and perpetuated. It’s how rapists go under other mens radar. Joking about coercing or forcing sex on someone is rape culture and it signals to rapists that you* [*not you, but a generic man who make rape/SA jokes] are okay with SA and rape and will not do anything to stop him [rapist/sexual assaulter] if he should prey upon anyone while you’re around. It makes you* a safe space for rapists, and that makes you* an unsafe person for women/afab/fem-presenting people to be around, period.
Yeah I agree. And the woman here, is her name Steph? Looked verry uncomfortable while she tried to explain it to them while not putting them offside. And also not seeming to want to get into an argument about it because that would be uncomfortable, but now she knows how they think and that must make her supwr uncomfortable.
Nah, that wife is nta whatsoever. She definitely needa leave him. Him and his friends were joking about coericive r*pe idc what kind of "personal" boundaries are in there with marriage, that is not acceptable whatsoever and that whole group needs to be put on a list and it should've affected their jobs because who knows how they treat the women there.
So much concern for the husband, his feelings, her betrayal, his job, his workplace discomfort and how his coworkers are now avoiding him. This is always the way it goes. Thinking about the wife always come second (if at all). Never mind that they’re instigating for him to SA her, that by talking about her in this group chat they’re creating an uncomfortable workplace environment for her (that she wouldn’t have known the cause of had she not found the chats), no concern for how this has affected her - her mental health and HER feelings, his betrayal (which is no small thing) and he did all that on COMPANY TECHNOLOGY. She wasn’t some nameless spouse they’ve never met. She was their co-worker. She 100% was right for sending that to HR as an employee. Even if she wasn’t married to him and he was just another co-worker, the nature of those chats and the evident workplace culture of sexually violent language and dark misogyny is worrying to say the least.
"Betrayal of trust to me" ok so talking about your sex life with work colleagues is not betrayal of trust? Guys are so ignorant sometimes. Also ,they all work together and while it's not in an office setting 🤷it is colleagues discussing things that can raise issues with POSH
Yeah it doesn't matter that it takes place outside of office hours; in America, it's still considered workplace discrimination and sexual harassment. The company is liable if they don't take prompt and appropriate action. At the end of the day, these men broke the law.
@@belizelover21 A lot of people don't understand the nuance of sexual harassment until they are taught. They understand attack and force. But they don't always understand the inbetween behavior that often leads to more extreme behavior. They don't understand the line and that behavior always escalates if not put in check. It wouldn't have taken long before this husband acted on what they were talking about. And what if he shared details and pictures of that? Especially if it would make the "boys" like him more and get him promoted. I bet they would start snickering, throwing her weird looks, and saying rude comments. Some of these people are her bosses. What if his friends wanted more? If they had pictures they could start threatening her. They are already talking about rape. This is what happens with a group of frat boys egging each other on and offering qui pro quo. We have to be proactive when addressing things so they don't escalate to actual assault.
Disagree with calling that wife and asshole for taking it to HR. They decided to use company messaging sites to talk about topics that are not work friendly or appropriate. If that weren't his wife would you still think that was okay to talk about at work???
Me too! Especially because they said right off the bat the she was the ahole. She’s reporting inappropriate conversations about her that are happening BETWEEN HER COLLEAGUES! Did they miss that???
@@number420dad usually they’re pretty good with this stuff but there reactions have me a lil mad honestly, i’m sure they’ll read the comments and see stuff that they missed but i reckon in the moment they just didn’t catch the red flags most women would catch, still annoying tho lol
I have watched 3 episodes and 2 out of the 3 have had some concerning responses around women. The first even made Steph (?) mad. Does it get better or…….?
Another L take on the HR story. Boys- why would you be okay with someone talking like that about your partner, and then to agree?! Especially on a work phone WITH COLLEAGUES?! Iccckkkyyy.🙅🏾♂️ I’d be single expeditiously. The only reason you’re calling her the a-hole is because they’re married. If he was her colleague the tone would be completely different.
Sam you are way wrong. It's not "personal husband and wife" anymore now that his little frat team, many of who outrank her, and her coworkers are teaming up in a conspiracy to rape her. And yes that's what this is. They are conspiring to commit Spousal Rape and emotional abuse. (People still think they can't rape a wife) But this is coming from her coworkers and boss. She is being sexually harassed by all of those men. It doesn't matter whether it was in her home or not. Not legally. They are all guilty and her husband is the worst offender. She could take this to the police and get a restraining order, and she has a good case for a civil lawsuit. And don't you see how this could escalate? What if he went through with it on their advice? Would he start telling them all the details and sharing pictures? The people that are over him joking around ,"hey show me a picture of that hot wife. Tell me details." He does it to stay in with them and get promoted. Would the guys hold back their snickering like high school boys at work? How long before they all start making comments here and there to her? Again many of these guys out rank her. Maybe some of them get ahold of her pictures or sexual details. Maybe one of them gets too interested in her? She is already in danger. How bold will they get? A very common scenario in the digital age is to start blackmailing a woman for sexual favors or this goes online. Let me ruin your professional career or it's just a BJ. So common. This is why women are afraid of men because they occasionally act like a pack of dogs and egg each other own as they treat women like prey. Many of the worst things happen when a group of men egging each other on start sexually harassing women and get away with it. Did you not read about that other man telling the group about how he bulled his wife into having sex with him? This is what they are talking about. There telling each other how to do it. You have to nip it at the bud. This whole group needs to be publicly shamed for acting like dogs and animals as well as treating women like they are pieces of meat for their own pleaser. This behavior is wrong and this rape culture will not stop until we call it out. Keeping it "in the family" is how spousal rape didn't become illegal until 1993.
This. This is an escalation that is all too common. These men encourage each other and they all slowly descend into people who could potentially add to the insane rape and assault statistics. I fucking hated the way they handled this. It was incredibly discouraging and took what I thought was a nice time hearing a youtube video into a reminder that even the men who seem safe are often blind to the danger we face. I'm glad you actually laid out the possible escalation of events, because you know shit like this happens every day.
The wife is 100% NOT the asshole. Those aren’t just his coworkers, BUT HERS TOO. HER coworkers were suggesting to him that she should just lay there and basically get raped. Manipulating someone into having sex is rape. They were talking to one coworker about how he should treat their other coworker to get sex.
Text story. Emotional coercion is sexual assault. So yes - to be clear - the trust was first broken when the husband came out as pro r word. That is the ultimate betrayal of trust. both of those are examples of love bombing, y’all are both correct. People’s feelings matter! Good story. I think the driver could have maybe notified he bartender to call them a Lyft - but I rly agree that this is the difference between what is tolerable v what is acceptable. When you get to “I will not tolerate this” you have to stop engaging or else you are telling that person their behavior is tolerable. You can express problems with it - but unacceptable isn’t enough
‘You should make your wife feel so bad that she lets you r*pe her, here;s what I did to my wife to make her stop caring about consent in our marriage. Here’s how to pull this off with your wife too.”
Like I’m sorry but if you aren’t anti-SA, you don’t understand SA. And if you don’t understand SA you can’t be useful or competent in PR. Just… done. End of.
Besides the genuine power imbalance and sexual harassment of the wife husband and co-workers story I couldn't get behind Sam's reasoning for one more reason. Literally just the story before that one everyone agreed at some point even if you have some moral or loyal responsibilities there's only but so much disrespect a person can take. Doesn't get brought up as much in the beginning but at some point in the middle of her story she pretty much states that after having a baby and probably ever life together she was pretty much relegated to a sexual object even though she's actually doing things with her life and wants her husband to acknowledge her accomplishments. And on top of being treated like a sexual object she's now also being sexualized by her husband was of a higher position of power in her workplace but other multiple men who are in higher positions of power in her workplace some of which you are teaching him how to manipulate her one of which has literally offered rape as an option. I don't know maybe it's just me but maybe he get more real husband loyalty if he was acting more like a real husband. Why should I have to explain to a grown man why you shouldn't be explaining our marital issues with our misogynistic supervisors
Wow Sam, you missed the entire point! He was talking about manipulating her into having sex which is RAPE! Sounds like you might be taking the red pill, eww.
Ngl im genuinely disappointed how they discussed that woman's husband discussing cohersion with his work friends. What they're wanting him to do is assault. For anyone to say "thats not criminal behavior" and equating it to non-PC things that you wouldnt say at work is beyond upsetting. Trash take. Side eyeing him for saying that.
I can't believe her own mother doesn't believe her. That honestly disgusts me! I know it's common, but when it comes to abuse, you really ought to listen to your children on this one! And in all honesty, I detest parents who can pick their spouse over their children.
In the first story, where the step-dad put up cameras in the OP's room: I worked for Family Protective Services services as an intake worker for 8 years. In my experience there, it's actually extremely common for moms to believe their boyfriends and husbands over their children who make outcries of sexual abuse by the boyfriends or husbands, because the moms are often in a state of denial that they would be so blind to have picked predators as partners. Furthermore, a lot of these moms have been victimized themselves as children, and if they recognize their daughter's abuse, then they would have to address their own childhood trauma, which oftentimes is too much for their psyche. So they just shut down and and believe the abusive men that they've taken in as their partners.
Sexual coercion is rape, and he was talking to her coworkers about it, so her husband and her co-workers were essentially conspiring to help him rape his wife. He should have been more than just fired for that. The fact that the men in this podcast were trying to figure out a way to tyrn this around on her is a red flag for them and the woman looked super uncomfortable about it the whole time, trying to explain what it actually is without putting any of them offside. I've been there with my male friends / ex boyfriends and its not a nice feeling to find out they think like that.
Got2bereal Sam's take was kind of disgusting to hear it was honestly very much upsetting as someone who was a victim you never know how it starts you never know how they treated you originally and things like what they were saying in that group chat were major red flags and we're definitely talking about rape and assault and if you can't see that you are definitely part of the problem had to dislike this video the first one I've seen and honestly his take was so disgusting how is it alright for her husband to talk about her in that manner to her co-workers I think that is a work violation I do not give a f*** she didn't talk to him I feel like as a man you cannot understand how scary it is to try and confrontment how scary the phrase no can be to a man as a woman yeah that was some minor stuff over text but it builds up and it filled up and people get Bolder and Bolder and I ultimately do not feel like she was the a****** for her decision I feel like she did everything correct by work standards
I think something that wasn’t mentioned in the work story is that these were her coworkers. Her coworkers were talking about her in that way. Just because it wasn’t at work does not mean that it’s not against company policies. If a coworker sexually harasses you outside of work it should still be reported to HR and that was pretty much sexual harassment telling the husband to how to get her to just lay back and let him do what he needs to do
With the husband texting 'his friends' -those are also her coworkers. He is reaching out to her coworkers to break her. So that he can feel better. That's so inappropriate. And soooo many men get better positions and promoted by being encouraging abuse towards female coworkers. She shouldn't have gone to HR. She should have got a lawyer.
Ooooo yeah the guys really need to apologize for how they reacted to that HR story. As a victim of SA via manipulation and coercion… that made me SUPER uncomfortable
Woahhh the wife is 100% NOT ta that gc was talking abt basically r@ping their own wives and manipulating them into sex thats insane and their bosses should know this 💀💀💀
Ok the one where the wife found the text and sent them to HR. What these creeps were suggesting is r@pe. Full stop, they are saying she needs to just let him r@pe her. Yes that needed to be sent to HR.
"Lay back and do what needs to be done" is r@pe, super shocked and disgusted that the guys arent seeing this i just found this podcast and hope I dont hear anything like this again cause I am halfway out the door rn Super repulsive take, boys
Y'all this makes me so freaking sad cause I genuinely think y'all are good dudes. It just shows how little even the"good dudes" kno about wat is appropriate sexual behavior n wat consent is.😢😢😢 For folks who don't know any form off sexual manipulation or cooersion is a sex crime. Even talking bout n coming up wit ideas around how's too manipulate or straight up r word someone is literally conspiracy to commit a crime. Would it take her literally getting r worded by her own husband for y'all to see it? Then it would be how's come she didn't see the signs or do sum earlier.
Being his wife gives her less protection. The idea that you can't rape a wife is still an idea many subconsciously/ or not so subconsciously still have. And then there is the idea that you shouldn't air out the dirty laundry even when it's covering up abuse. Society still has to keep evolving.
Y’all really have a platform that’s worldwide. This take about the martial rape was just too irresponsible and uneducated for me. Y’all have to address this because it seems that there is confusion about the gravity of this story which needs to be corrected as soon as possible.
Nah the wife is definitely NTA. The things they were saying, the way they were brainstorming ways to convince her to have sex or make her is heading down the road of SA. So I think in the bigger picture it also was a safety issue for her even if she didn't think of it at that time.
42:41 it’s not just about her husband speaking about her badly to his buds, she has to go back and work with those “buds”. Would they take her seriously in a professional manner in the workplace after discussing her in that way? It would create a hostile work environment to be surrounded by men envisioning and discussing her sexually and how to -make her- have sex. I’m sure if the discussions were allowed to go on they’d all start making comments to her or even sexually harassing her.
the wife is NTA. Her husband already gave up the right to communication when he aired out their personal business to his coworkers. She needed to go to HR anyway because it wasn’t just her husband speaking about her, is she just supposed to work alongside those men everyday?
Trying to make a report only after talking to her mom is a bad idea...if the mom sides with the father they will try to hide it.. which might make the situation worsen over time..but if the police are already aware then there is pressure to side with her and not protect the step dad...making a police report first was the better decision
Yeah this video has me out the door. I cannot even describe the visceral ick that multiple grown men not realizing that coersion is not consent, spousal r*pe is a thing and that someone having sexual conversation about and encouraging sexual violence towards a COWORKER with other COWORKERS is sexual harrassment and absolutely vile. It doesnt matter if he is her husband. What he did was vile, unprofessional and at many places absolutely grounds to be fired. Everyone has bad takes every once in a while. This take isnt just bad, it's incredibly harmful with a platform like this. The guys should be ashamed.
I’m baffled how the mother doesn’t believe her when there’s video evidence and the authorities felt that it was valid enough to launch a full investigation. She should have all of her children taken away from her and that pervert
After watching a bunch of your pods, seeing the three guys all agree that the wife is the ahole, im disturbed after thinking these were some real good guys. Its one thing that somebody might have that opinion, but its scary to see how normalized things like marital rape or sexual coersion are. Or even the expectation that a husband has some kind of innate right to sex. Im so disturbed how easily they could brush over it, how clearly they did not specifically seek out the ONE womans opinion at the table, who looked at the very least mildly uncomfortable. Its giving the ick. Its disturbing to think that not only are there some old dudes in office chairs talking about how to manipulate a woman into sex, but that some random otherwise nice and good hearted looking guys could think that way. Its literally giving me trust issues in men. The comment about how the husband could’ve come to her and suggested counseling? Because she didnt want sex post partum?? Like its a relationship issue? The only thing a man can do right after getting a woman pregnant and making her push put his baby is leave her the fuck alone if she isnt expressing interest. At MOST if the lack of a sex drive continues beyond any normal limit, he could come and ask her if she is okay, but not come to tell her to fix whatever issues she might have because HE wants to bang and HE NEEDS it.
The thing that people tend to forget when it comes to workplace relationships is that, depending on the company, ALL interactions with a co-worker fall under company policy. The company I currently work for clearly states in our employee handbook that even if you are not on premises and not doing work, if you have an interaction with a co-worker and it violates company policy that is covered under HR and you can get in trouble for it. It was already one thing to be working with someone whom you're in a relationship with because that's really dangerous territory as far as HR is concerned but saying all that stuff on a company phone with other employees no matter what is almost certainly an HR violation. In fact it's part of the reason why Gen Z has this mindset of do not have coworkers as friends because a scrap between y'all as friends can turn into a scrap with you in HR.
So the husband and co-workers can have a conversation about their _private_ sex life but wife is TA for sharing it with another co-worker? Hmmm. *but also, I read her update and comments and she definitely doesn't seem like someone I would want to befriend.
The story where the wife forwarded the texts, She works there and these are her co-workers. So all of her co-workers were suggesting the husband sexualy violate his wife? Wtf? How could you guys think for a minute that the wife is TA? All those dudes are TA! If they were talking about doing this to another co-worker would it be ok? No it would not! If Im right and she works there, she did nothing wrong and yall are TA!
I am in full disbelief that the guys on this think that the wife is the asshole for reporting that her husband and her colleagues/higher ups were actively discussing how to r*pe her. Wild take. Especially right after saying there's a limit to loyalty if you've received enough disrespect to the dude in the story before that. So men can be "disloyal" if they're being disrepected by their partner talking about their sex life in a disparaging way, but women can't? What the hell guys, seriously.
For the last story, the husband betrayed the wife FIRST by bringing their sex life into a work group chat. He made it public. He exposed her and THEN practically agreed that r*ping her was the best scenario. He let his co-workers talk down about her. And one even admitting to SA'ing his wife. The trust was already gone when he said it to them. NTA!
This is the first episode that gave me the ick over host opinions. Coersion into sex IS sexual assault. The amount of women who are coerced into sex is astonishing and men normalizing it is such a large issue.
Firstly, HARD W from Maddie (sp?) about the HR situation. It's really hard to stand your ground in a loving but firm way when someone is being apologetic for R*PE and /or SA. Calling a spade a spade right off the bat, continuing to disagree with love and clarity, etc. Very good friend and survivor ally. Secondly, with a lot of community love, HARD L from Sam on HR situation. I don't think Sam is a bad person, I often appreciate how ahead of the curve he is regarding safety and respect towards women and non-binary people, but he clearly has a lot of growing to do when it comes to the conversation of consent, R*pe, and apologetics. Yikes. Honestly, my feelings are hurt. I don't know these people, so it's not about Sam personally letting me down, but its exhausting as a survivor of marital SA and R*pe, to constantly hear men (and also all genders, but particularly triggering for me from men) worrying about the boundaries and privacy violation of the PERPETRATORS instead of having all that energy for the victim of the assault or harassment. Oof... If anyone here is feeling triggered, I hope you are doing okay, I believe that you experienced what you say you experienced, and you're not overreacting or being too harsh if you're feeling really angry, sad, hurt, or any other emotion over the never-ending denial of our feelings and safety, even from people who we respect or think would generally care about our wellbeing. As a potential call to action for the fellas on the Pod, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see y'all doing some particular consent training or classes or harassment research/counseling etc to investigate where you likely have bias that denies victims the safety they need and deserve, and how even if YOU are totally consensual in how you interact with YOUR partners, our actions, YOUR actions and opinions, can still contribute to R*pe culture and victim denial.
The first story really hit home bc I had a similar situation happen to me (although in my case, it was a coworker who asked me to dogsit who ended up secretly filming/spying on me for 3 days). I really hope she’s okay & is able to get justice bc this shit REALLY sticks with you- can’t imagine it being a family member
Already from the first story i am so so grateful my step dad has always been a respectful, calm, over all good guy. We've butted heads but hes never mistrested me or my mother even when my mother was recently ill with cancer (Shes out of radiation and all clear now 🎉) But there is NO REASONING not ONE i can think for a parent, step or not to put a camera in theyre child's room. Especially they're adult children. I haven't finished the story but lord I have a bad feeling about that step dad.
It's not lovebombing, it's the trauma cycle and the hoovering follow up. Sometimes there is love bombing associated with that (like when he says she does nice things for a few days) but the apologies and the "it'll never happen again" is hoovering.
43:07 The wife is NTA, those comments were talking about r*pe which is completely unacceptable and the management should know who they have employed. It's completely unacceptable. This is how people stay in abusive relationships that tend to get physical later on
Most people have Herpes 1 and it’s probably because someone in your family kissed you or you shared something with a friend that had a cold sore. Also the test for it is one you have to ask for and isn’t in the usually line up of STD testing. It’s annoying that she waited until right before sexual activity to bring it up, like that’s so on the spot. 😂
I think if you have *any* feelings of sexual attraction towards someone and it looks like there’s even a remote possibility of that happening, you ought to disclose way ahead of time. That being said, a lot more men have HSV2 than they even personally are aware of. They do not always have symptoms or outbreaks and like you said, unless it’s specifically tested for you wouldn’t know you had it. The CDC states that roughly 491 MILLION people worldwide are diagnosed, and over 18 million of those are in the US. Additionally, roughly 48% of the population has HSV1. That being said, while HSV2 is the primary type associated with genital herpes, both HSV1 and HSV2 can cause it. Lastly, consider this information: “One in five women ages 14 to 49 has genital herpes, compared with one in 10 men ages 14 to 49. A woman's anatomy (body) puts her more at risk for genital herpes than men. Small tears in vaginal tissue can make it easier to get genital herpes.” Ultimately he has EVERY right to not be interested in a relationship with a woman who has HSV. The same goes for anyone not wanting a relationship with someone who has HSV. She is in the wrong for not disclosing this earlier on, and putting him in a crappy position. I’ll be honest though, the commentary from the boys is NOT it.
Her husband was condoning and agreeing with marital rape. She is in NO WAY the asshole. She and he were both employees of the company along with his "friends" and that 100% should have affected his job and his relationship.
Y’all are 1000% WRONG and dude in the glasses is right. It shows how maybe immature y’all move and how yall minds work. YES she hurt sleeve guy feelings but you should never leave DRUNK WOMEN when you know you’re their DD. He will rebuild and get his feelings back in order, he SHOULD NOT have left them alone drunk! Take them to safety then plan your move. I’ve gotten into it with friends and I’ll make sure they are safe getting home regardless because death is an option compared to me just leaving them in an unsafe situation because my “feelings” are hurt. Dude was right with his point and y’all didn’t understand him.
I was thinking the exact same thing. I can be mad and upset and still do what I said I was gonna do. ESPECIALLY if me not doing it jeopardizes their safety.
I was 🍇 twice when i was 14 & 15, The second time i got pregnant, and i confided in my family and they kicked me out, i had to live with my grandma, Im 21 now and they still don't believe me, thankfully at the time i had the support of my bf through it all, and i'm still with him today😢😢
22:20 No, you would not be the asshole. That is emotional and verbal abuse fueled by alcohol. You shouldn't put up with that. Later for her. And even if she apologized to you, her friends are still going to make fun of you for it. Get away from them all. And I know she lied during her apology, because out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, and alcohol is the real truth serum
22:20 NOT the asshole. She’s disrespecting him and he does not have to take it and tolerate it. BUT I do agree he shouldn’t have just left them there, especially since they were drunk, he took the car, and put his phone on silent. I get it, he was being disrespected and totally in the right to leave her and be mad, but leaving them there alone could’ve gone SO wrong. She’s obviously being extremely disrespectful, there is more wrong things than her than just the drunk disrespect. Love can blind people but he really needs to step away from that relationship.
The concern of the men's lives being ruined and not the wife who is having colleagues plot her marital rap3 is crazy. Like true crime crazy. They need to go to jail honestly.
Girl, I wouldn't blame you if you decided not to do a podcast with some these guys after this. Can you imagine what work environment this woman would have been going back to if she hadn't contacted HR? She'd be looking around at all the men who are trying to convince her husband to believe in things related to rape culture. She would feel traumatized and unsafe. Plus, the husband did "like" the comment about laying down.
Had to dislike this one. The men’s takes on the HR story, especially Sam’s, was like actually appalling lmao. When Maddie made the point of emotional manipulation being rape, and Sam just barely acknowledging it, just goofy. Because not only is that very much rape, but these are also HER COWORKERS including a higher up from her department. It’s not just “his work friends” but her colleagues. Hostile work environment much? Glad to see Maddie at least attempt to get them to see the other side. Hoping to see better takes from the men in the future.
What happened to protecting women??? The HR story is absolutely wild. I can’t believe you guys came to the conclusion that the wife is the asshole?? It’s always Sam bringing up the not so great hot takes. I’m about done with this podcast. I love all of y’all… but Sam’s nasty hot tales are about to push me over the edge
to be honest, the guys take on the hr story was extremely disturbing and disappointing. i'm a new listener so i don't know how often they have opinions like that, and i've been kinda binging the episodes but that turned me off immediately, i don't think i can even finish the episode now, lol. will probably not be watching anymore from now on.
As a mom of boys, I'd really rather they NOT be exposed to STDs in the future. If they had the choice, I hope they choose to avoid it, like they'd avoid a car accident with defensive driving. Poor girl tho, sucks for her. If my boys DO contract something, I hope they will as responsible as she was by being honest.
Man i enjoyed the narration of the stories on tiktok so i wanted to actually see the covnersation afterwards and some of the takes this episode are wild it seems. In that text story where they were all cowrkers. For her husband to talk about her like that with them. "Lay down and take it" sounds like sexual assault and/or coercion at BEST. That shits fucked up. Imagine having to go to work knowing how your coworkers are talking about you like you're nothing but a sex doll.
Yeh guys you are absolutely right he should be able to talk about how best to sa his wife. Grow up the a**holes are the full grown men sitting here with microphones and the other people involved are either victims or criminals. I am an infectious diseases trainee. Also hsv 2 is not a massive issue. You are being quite ignorant about it. Most people who have it don’t know they have it. There is a chance he already has it. HSV1 and 2 are very common and aren’t protected well by condoms. Odds on he doesn’t like her tbh. If he’s really worried he should ask her to take valaciclovir and that reduces the chance of transmission by a lot. Plenty of the population have hsv1 and people aren’t as worried because it’s oral and people don’t tend to split from someone because it’s not acceptable. Statistically you will have slept with someone with hsv 1 or 2 but may or may not get ulcers or not. We don’t test for antibodies often because the test is unreliable. Would you really split with someone because they get cold sores? That seems silly to me if you really like someone.
Statistically speaking, chances are most of us have slept with someone with HPV or Herpes. It's _very_ prevalent. In fact, _he_ could already have it* and not know. 🙃
And what about it? If you only mean to say that he should have gotten tested himself, sure. But the high prevalence of something does not equal to the goodness of that thing. I’m sure you’d rather people not have a higher potential risk of developing cancer or passing on their diseases to their offspring, no?
Most people have HSV 1 not HSV2 there is a difference from having mouth herpes and genital herpes. The girl in the story has genital herpes which affects people differently, some people flare up once and others can have constant flare ups ( which is when it is transmissable) it's also very painful
Love bombing is when someone goes in loving you, gift giving, doing it all and then backing away so you crave them and want them to do it again because you feel like you did something wrong. And then they bomb you again but not as much as they did before and it repeats until them being nice to you puts you over the moon because it's *something*.
Although I’m 5 months late, I really feel the need to comment on this one. This is not the first time that Sam has had incredible misogynistic and concerning perspectives. Her co-workers (including her husband) are discussing her private life and ways to rap* her and she’s the AH for going to HR??? Do these men even know what HR exists for? That’s is so utterly disgusting and disrespectful. And of course they all came from the men in the panel.
Sam’s response to the text work story is literally disgusting. Breaking of the trust by going thru the phone is absolutely eclipsed by the entire story. Awful take & you’re getting the ultimate side eye. Fuckin YIKES
The first story don’t be surprised he could actually do that. My moms husband essentially my “stepdad” never saw him as such cause he’s f***ing gross and weird. He knew me since I was 12-13 years old and when I moved in with my mom and him at 23 he literally put a camera in the bathroom I found hiding while my mom had to go visit her home country on emergency. I told my sister. Didn’t want to tell my mom cause I thought she’d think I was lying cause I never liked him due to other issues when my mom first got with him. My sister told our mom my mom kicked him out after I gave her the memory card. But later she got back with him…. And she’s still with him 9 years later… I still personally don’t like him but trying to fight my mom over her being with him I just can’t ima let her be with him I saw only hi to him when I see him now but have no relationship with him, but do with my mom. Sucks she’s always put him over me and my sister but hey now what can I do? I have my own family theyre getting older I can only continue to forget about it and want a relationship with my mom since I don’t really have much of one with my dad anymore 🤷🏻♀️
you guys should have a lil chat in ur next video about the HR story cuz it felt like maddie wanted to say a few things but held it in, and i wanna hear the guys talk about what they missed in the moment cuz i know they didnt mean to give off that vibe
We (men) are already insecure about our package. You just told his biggest insecurity at a bar, LOUD! I feel sorry for bro, it’ll be hard to get back in the dating pool after that.
Hard disagree - Wife is NTA - the husband is talking about ways that he can coerce his wife into sex. This shows no respect to her, the other men have no respect for their wife’s either from what they have said. She would have to work around people that don’t see her as a human being and should be open to be used for entertainment at the whim of her husband despite damage this inflicts onto her. I feel sorry that he is the father to her child
The husband betrayed her! He started complaining about her not having sex with him to his work friends! It’s concerning that the men are kind of defending him. Furthermore the other men in the group can not talk about the sex life of a female coworker. What the dudes were saying in that group chat were dangerous. Coercion is not okay!
People who have dementia can be dangerous. They can harm others if they are in a “flash back” and you try to stop them or tell the differently. The old lady should have better handlers!
Hello Everyone, thank you for your comments. We have a lot of new listeners and I just wanted to link the video where we do address the response to the HR Story and our comments..
Video Title: AITA For Making a White Woman Cry & Suggesting To My Friend That They Should Shave & Man on My Patio
Link: th-cam.com/video/k9UfbhfE8Mw/w-d-xo.html
Emotionally coercing someone into sex is rape. That is a crime. Her husband and her superiors at work were planning a sexual assault on her and she's the villian here? How? Her safety is in danger.
Hard disagree with Sam. The trust was already betrayed by the husband, and this is 100% clear-cut workplace sexual harassment. It doesn't matter that it wasn't at work. He was sharing intimate details of their sex life with coworkers--not just his but also hers--INCLUDING A HIGHER UP IN HER DEPARTMENT. He could also potentially be found guilty for creating a hostile work environment for her. Whatever you believe about privacy between a husband and wife, he broke it first, and the laws on workplace discrimination are VERY clear.
A lot of his takes really disturb me… joke or not..
I disagree, Sam is one of the most morally sound people I have seen. When he takes the “joking” stance, it’s clearly sarcasm & he disagrees. It’s an entertainment channel, using sarcasm to make a heavy situation “lighter” is not concerning. It’s clearly a joke. On a company phone, I agree - a form of sexual harassment. But, if it’s a personal phone - no, you’re allowed to have personal friendships with coworkers. It’s a hard line to draw, but the wife definitely should have confronted the husband & then HR depending on the outcome
@@gwendolynspendulum I’ve taken workplace harassment training modules and that is absolutely not true. In America (where OP is from) private texts/social media can constitute as grounds for a workplace harassment case if it involves coworkers. Like legally speaking.
@@gwendolynspendulumImagine yo partner telling their friends but not even that their coworkers you mutually see on an almost daily basis about y’all sex lives and thinking that’s normal 💀 that’s a form of sexual harassment.
@@randomransoms5889 From your partner it is straight up abuse.
The wife is NTA. He betrayed her trust by talking about her in a derogatory manner with his friends. He took personal matters into the professional setting first. So when she does it, it’s a problem?
Consist values go a long way. If she didn’t find anything she would’ve been an asshole. He took it to his co-workers and she took it to their boss. If this was a less scummy situation we would’ve called her out for not handling this at the lowest level while functionally. While he is a POS and the biggest A-Hole in the story her behavior was something people should normally admonish. It worked out this time doesn’t excuse her actions.
Ngl i agree she was NOT the asshole and people defending the guy is SCUMMT
@@9manny99 "her behavior was something people should normally admonish?" "handle it at the lowest level?" Get out of here with that bull.
The whole don't air our dirty laundry disappears when it comes to abuse.
It's that mindset that made it so spousal rape didn't become illegal till 1993 in the US. He is talking about abusing and raping her on his phone, with his friends while he is lying next to her. She just had his baby.
Maybe you are not aware but statistically once a woman gets pregnant and has a baby is often when abuse for women start. It's like a switch goes off.
The man is like Me me me me. Why can't I have sex as much? Why does she give all the attention to the baby? We have less money and less sleep now. Tension builds. I am going to make her have sex with me. I am going to shut that baby up. That's how it happens with abusers.
Abuse makes it a public issue because it always escalates.
The minute he included his friends, her coworkers about the intimate details of her sex life it was already a matter of work as well.
This is no different then if the husband had chosen to share pictures of her and they spread it around.
They all could be arrested for revenge porn that is how the law works. Or even common decency. The husband has no right to share her intimate details to anyone. This is true for either sex.
THIS^^
@@9manny99 I mean, sure. If it was something petty and not such a violation, she would be wrong for taking it to the boss and hr. But it is a group text of her coworkers planning with her husband about how to coerce her into sex. That definitely warrants addressing at a higher level. It's very bizarre to be like "well if the situation was different everyone would have a different opinion about her actions." Yeah, of course we would. She's NTA because her actions were reasonable for *_this_* situation
Holy crap, manipulating someone into sex is 100% r*pe - consent should be enthusiastic and freely given and the fact that anyone thinks otherwise made me sick to my stomach. No one is obligated to give sex and if you want it that bad you can go use your hand or f yourself. The wife is NTA and she deserves a partner that cares about her as more than a sex object. That story was so gross 🤢
Yeah, I kinda wish it had a warning on it. It made me even more uncomfortable hearing the mens opinions on it and saying its not criminal and she betrayed his trust etc etc... seems like they were trying to find any excuse for it to be her fault in some way... made me feel queezy.
That happened to me!!! I had an ex who would sexually coerce me all the time. This story was so triggering but at the same time so validating.
@cynicallemonade1792 exactly. I currently have the video paused and I'm not gonna finish it. As someone whose been SA'd this is DISGUSTING and that downplaying and acting like it's not serious is the reason people don't speak out about it. Such a shitty take and they need to do some self reflection.
At one point they weren’t even saying to coerce her they were straight up telling him to r-word her. Marriage doesn’t mean that doesn’t happen. People forget that still happens. It’s not always a stranger
I was already feeling triggered by the men's comments saying it was personal and she shouldn't have told anyone (because that's how DV gets hidden. "Keeping it in the family" is literally a thing, and this was so gross.) Seeing that it gets worse, I can't finish the episode, and I don't think the apology was strong enough.
"She just needs to lay there? And accept it?" "My wife already has." That's encouraging marital rape and essentially admitting to marital rape.
And even if it wasn't that bad what they were saying was so disgustingly vile and misogynistic they fully deserved to be exposed at work.
I really don't think yall are understanding how fowl their language, and theirs and his behavior in particular is.
It doesn't have to be criminal behavior it's still encouraging abusive behavior
Also it would be one thing if she looked at his phone and there was nothing there really but the fact that that was what she found completely cancels out the fact that she went through his phone. Bc that is no where near on par with his actions and his words. Which again were all abusive and coercive, and horrifically misogynistic and targeted towards her which is something she needs to know so she can act in a way that is best for her.
So like yeah the action of looking into someone's phone is bad ON ITS OWN but how bad it is becomes pointless once you have the context.
Sorry, not sorry Sam, no. “Manipulation” and “coercion” in regards to sex = rape (also wrong is every other circumstance). Marital rape is absolutely real. “Joking” about rape perpetuates rape culture. Rape culture empowers men and silences women into thinking marital rape is normal and okay. It is absolutely not. Those coworkers “joking” and liking each other’s “jokes” are accomplices. Anyone who doesn’t step in or speak up for victims when they have the opportunity, are complicit in the situation. On the wife’s part, she is reporting on workplace sexual harassment. She was honestly very brave to report them. If the HR person happened to be a man, she easily could have been brushed off and the “boys club” could have gotten off with a slap on the wrist. She also could face backlash from her husband and danger at home based on this report. All in all, I agree with the other commenters on this.
Y’all forgot she works there too. These are HER colleagues who are discussing the best method for her husband to SA her, calling her frigid and overall undermining her as a human being. What they were discussing IS criminal. And besides that definitely goes against company policy to be discussing about coworkers. I’d be devastate to find out my partner spoke to his friends that way, it’s made worse by these being people SHE works with. Her literal superiors see her as an object to be used that is annoyingly no longer fulfilling her purpose because she’s been distracted by a job.
Right! And it’s disgusting that someone was trying to say “well it’s not exactly criminal so I guess it’s not even that bad” basically. Like yes it IS that bad and it should 100% be taken seriously and addressed within the company. Absolutely nauseating to hear someone downplay it so badly
I feel the exact same way.
@@sarak2132exactly.
thank you!!!
Exactly. It’s sexual harassment for her coworkers to be talking about her sex life and how her husband should coerce her into sex. It’s actually against the law and she is allowed to report that disgusting and inappropriate behavior to her supervisor/HR.
If she didn’t work there, she should’ve emailed it to herself and taken it straight to a divorce lawyer.
blows my mind that sam will say “no matter how old you can’t touch my kid” seconds after disregarding people talking about rape/ coercion
EXACTLY
no like fr. i’m so disappointed in the men in this episode. absolutely disgusting.
The work story - the wife is NTA. A conversation encouraging, condoning, and joking about sexual assault is absolutely a fireable offense. That would make me feel insanely uncomfortable + unsafe going to work knowing these people are around. And coercion is 100% sexual assault. Holding those idiots accountable is absolutely the right thing to do.
44:18 "lay back and take it" extremely equivalent to rape
About the wife story, something the guys seem to be missing is that this is not just him the intimate details of his marriage with his “work buddies”. He is discussing the intimate details of HER marriage to HER colleagues as well. That contributes to a Hostile Work Environment. It’s one of the reason so many companies have non-fraternization policies. It is absolutely an indictment on them as individuals but also reflect on how and what they are contributing to a work environment. It’s not just a spiteful wife but an aggrieved employee.
Imagine her going into the office & those colleagues making faces & inuendos. The husband's betrayal is sooo deep!
It’s so sad to watch a woman realize, in real time, who the men around her are.
I’m side eyeing the men on this podcast. What was done to her was workplace harassment. HE aired their sexual business to THEIR coworkers on the COMPANY CHAT. She was in her right to go to HR. If it wasn’t her husband then it would be different. Does that mean y’all view women as objects or property once they’re married?
Because of the personal nature, it shouldn’t go to HR, but no recognition of the fact that because of the personal nature he shouldn’t have been discussing it in a work group chat? That is insane! And the VP of their marketing department is showing that he has been turned against her, which could affect her career. Hostile work environment that the husband and his work buddies created. They made that bed. She didn’t.
@@paulatobler8354it should go to hr? it’s an issue of brining personal life into work and should be reported lmao
Yeah 100%. I don’t think these guys understand how severely fucked up the text exchanges are. Them being the woman’s coworkers? Sickening. Literally could changed the entire trajectory of her career. Her livelihood depends on a job where her coworkers are encouraging her husband to essentially sexually assault her. (Ex) husband deserves every single consequence that comes to him.
I personally don't think it mattered that they're a married couple. At work, your coworkers and you're still held to company standard of ethics. He and his coworkers were creating an unsafe work environment for her with this type of behavior so HR is completely the right course of action.
That really made me so angry!how is it a question even? You are discussing me sexually in a work group with my co workers?are you mad!that's straight up harassment and the things they were saying??? Thank God she picked up the phone and saw that's so disgusting!
The hr story... Please explain to the guys that those "work friends" were her COWORKERS!!! THAT'S why hr got involved at all. And wasn't outing some people she had no involvement with, her husband was talking about sexually manipulating her with her coworkers and her higher up. This is what HR is for she was being talked about sexually by her coworkers. Like if she saw someone's emails at work saying this would she still be in the wrong if her husband was in the email thread??? This really feels like all the guys this episode were getting way to comfortable with the whole hella gf looking through phone bs
Somehow being his wife gave her less protection.....
@@kellharris2491 Yeah, I was getting really uncomfortable with Sam and the guys cause like...They just seemed to completely miss that These were people who should respect and work with her. Someone who has power over her in her job. People who were gonna saying she should lay back and be manipulated into sex. She was married to the guy and so this made it ok? She even admitted she just happened to see the messages on the company phone, she probably never even considered this level of gross ness to be taking place.
Because who would? Who would expect you own coworkers and your boss to be joking about your sexual assault with your own husband???
The idea of this situation is terrifying and the idea that she should have calmly either ignored or discussed with her husband who has so grievously betrayed her is scarier. Idk, I usually feel pretty comfortable with the guys, but after this episode Idk.
In the story where the husband had a group chat and the wife turned him in to HR they were 100% talking about r@peing her. Marital r@pe is a thing and he was joking about doing that to her AFTER SHE HAD GIVEN BIRTH TO HIS BABY
Abusers often show themselves after a woman get's pregnant and has a baby.
One the women is tied more to the man and he feels he has her "locked down."
The man wonders why he can't have as much sex as before. (Even if his wife is recovering from popping out a baby or staying up all night caring for said baby)
The baby brings financial hardships and more sleepless nights. The Baby takes up all of Mom's attention. The abuser then feels jealous and entitled to sex and he starts lashing out at either the Mom or the crying baby.
This is all so he can gain "control" of the situation through domination. This is because he can't handle his emotions. Instead of crying like a woman it's anger and aggression. He (unlike a mature man) doesn't understand or feel empathy for his wife's experience giving birth so he just feel resentment and contempt for her sudden "weakness" and selfishness(in denying him sex).
He is like a little boy throwing a temper tantrum. Abusers whether male or female are emotionally stunted individuals.
Sounds like a lot of people haven’t worked in corporate environment or may need to retake Sexual Harassment courses smh
A lot of people sadly don't understand it.
Honestly, in the story about the wife going to HR about the texts, Sam’s response especially is VERY concerning. Why are they going to the husbands defense talking about “betraying trust” as if he didn’t violate her trust to bring up these issues to her COWORKERS! Why are you guys completely skimming over that fact? Also, planning to manipulate and coerce someone is definitely considered rape. They are convincing him to rape his wife so he can get off!!!
This story is not it guys. The guys takes on this story is so icky. I might be taking a break from this podcast for a bit.
This is why this is still a rape culture. People understand force and beating up someone to rape them. But the lead up to it and the definition of sexual harassment is hazy for many people. Even women find the line hazy.
They are often shamed out of reporting concerning behavior. People don't understand that if you don't stop sexual harassment and call it out it always escalates.
Somehow by being *his* wife she is less entitled to respect and safety. As if her husband can't rape her. This is why spousal rape didn't become illegal in the US till 1993.😔
Literally disgusting…. Idek if I can watch anymore I’m VERY uncomfortable with how easy it was to mansplain this entire ordeal to “you took it too far by telling on me” attitude.
@@getreworkdliterally! That text group is “locker room talk” and locker room talk it one of the biggest ways rape culture is normalized and perpetuated. It’s how rapists go under other mens radar. Joking about coercing or forcing sex on someone is rape culture and it signals to rapists that you* [*not you, but a generic man who make rape/SA jokes] are okay with SA and rape and will not do anything to stop him [rapist/sexual assaulter] if he should prey upon anyone while you’re around. It makes you* a safe space for rapists, and that makes you* an unsafe person for women/afab/fem-presenting people to be around, period.
Yeah I agree. And the woman here, is her name Steph? Looked verry uncomfortable while she tried to explain it to them while not putting them offside. And also not seeming to want to get into an argument about it because that would be uncomfortable, but now she knows how they think and that must make her supwr uncomfortable.
honestly, I was thinking the same thing... I was like yikes! it's time to turn this one off and not return lmfao.
Nah, that wife is nta whatsoever. She definitely needa leave him. Him and his friends were joking about coericive r*pe idc what kind of "personal" boundaries are in there with marriage, that is not acceptable whatsoever and that whole group needs to be put on a list and it should've affected their jobs because who knows how they treat the women there.
So much concern for the husband, his feelings, her betrayal, his job, his workplace discomfort and how his coworkers are now avoiding him. This is always the way it goes. Thinking about the wife always come second (if at all). Never mind that they’re instigating for him to SA her, that by talking about her in this group chat they’re creating an uncomfortable workplace environment for her (that she wouldn’t have known the cause of had she not found the chats), no concern for how this has affected her - her mental health and HER feelings, his betrayal (which is no small thing) and he did all that on COMPANY TECHNOLOGY. She wasn’t some nameless spouse they’ve never met. She was their co-worker. She 100% was right for sending that to HR as an employee. Even if she wasn’t married to him and he was just another co-worker, the nature of those chats and the evident workplace culture of sexually violent language and dark misogyny is worrying to say the least.
"Betrayal of trust to me" ok so talking about your sex life with work colleagues is not betrayal of trust? Guys are so ignorant sometimes.
Also ,they all work together and while it's not in an office setting 🤷it is colleagues discussing things that can raise issues with POSH
That’s what I was thinking. It’s very disturbing and the company should know that’s how they think because they are a liability.
Yeah it doesn't matter that it takes place outside of office hours; in America, it's still considered workplace discrimination and sexual harassment. The company is liable if they don't take prompt and appropriate action. At the end of the day, these men broke the law.
It was surprising they didn't agree with calling HR
@@belizelover21 A lot of people don't understand the nuance of sexual harassment until they are taught. They understand attack and force. But they don't always understand the inbetween behavior that often leads to more extreme behavior. They don't understand the line and that behavior always escalates if not put in check.
It wouldn't have taken long before this husband acted on what they were talking about. And what if he shared details and pictures of that? Especially if it would make the "boys" like him more and get him promoted.
I bet they would start snickering, throwing her weird looks, and saying rude comments. Some of these people are her bosses.
What if his friends wanted more? If they had pictures they could start threatening her. They are already talking about rape.
This is what happens with a group of frat boys egging each other on and offering qui pro quo. We have to be proactive when addressing things so they don't escalate to actual assault.
And we see this happen all the time. Look at blizzard the gaming companies "rape room" issue from a few months ago.
Disagree with calling that wife and asshole for taking it to HR. They decided to use company messaging sites to talk about topics that are not work friendly or appropriate. If that weren't his wife would you still think that was okay to talk about at work???
Was it a company messaging site? I thought it was private text group? Still gross either way.
The HR story made me worried and concerned because of all the dudes responses-
Literally.... do they have opinions like this often?? Im a new listener
Me too! Especially because they said right off the bat the she was the ahole. She’s reporting inappropriate conversations about her that are happening BETWEEN HER COLLEAGUES! Did they miss that???
@@number420dad usually they’re pretty good with this stuff but there reactions have me a lil mad honestly, i’m sure they’ll read the comments and see stuff that they missed but i reckon in the moment they just didn’t catch the red flags most women would catch, still annoying tho lol
I have watched 3 episodes and 2 out of the 3 have had some concerning responses around women. The first even made Steph (?) mad. Does it get better or…….?
@@Amanda-ev1xz yes it gets better thankfully
Another L take on the HR story. Boys- why would you be okay with someone talking like that about your partner, and then to agree?! Especially on a work phone WITH COLLEAGUES?! Iccckkkyyy.🙅🏾♂️ I’d be single expeditiously.
The only reason you’re calling her the a-hole is because they’re married. If he was her colleague the tone would be completely different.
And they are colleagues, them being married doesn’t remove laws around workplace harassment or potential hostile work environment
@@gladis2646right? It’s like harassing your coworkers is bad but harassing your wife and talking with other colleges about r@ping her is fine?? 💀
Sam you are way wrong. It's not "personal husband and wife" anymore now that his little frat team, many of who outrank her, and her coworkers are teaming up in a conspiracy to rape her.
And yes that's what this is. They are conspiring to commit Spousal Rape and emotional abuse. (People still think they can't rape a wife)
But this is coming from her coworkers and boss. She is being sexually harassed by all of those men. It doesn't matter whether it was in her home or not. Not legally.
They are all guilty and her husband is the worst offender.
She could take this to the police and get a restraining order, and she has a good case for a civil lawsuit.
And don't you see how this could escalate?
What if he went through with it on their advice? Would he start telling them all the details and sharing pictures? The people that are over him joking around ,"hey show me a picture of that hot wife. Tell me details." He does it to stay in with them and get promoted.
Would the guys hold back their snickering like high school boys at work? How long before they all start making comments here and there to her? Again many of these guys out rank her.
Maybe some of them get ahold of her pictures or sexual details. Maybe one of them gets too interested in her? She is already in danger. How bold will they get?
A very common scenario in the digital age is to start blackmailing a woman for sexual favors or this goes online. Let me ruin your professional career or it's just a BJ. So common.
This is why women are afraid of men because they occasionally act like a pack of dogs and egg each other own as they treat women like prey.
Many of the worst things happen when a group of men egging each other on start sexually harassing women and get away with it.
Did you not read about that other man telling the group about how he bulled his wife into having sex with him? This is what they are talking about. There telling each other how to do it. You have to nip it at the bud.
This whole group needs to be publicly shamed for acting like dogs and animals as well as treating women like they are pieces of meat for their own pleaser. This behavior is wrong and this rape culture will not stop until we call it out. Keeping it "in the family" is how spousal rape didn't become illegal until 1993.
This. This is an escalation that is all too common. These men encourage each other and they all slowly descend into people who could potentially add to the insane rape and assault statistics. I fucking hated the way they handled this. It was incredibly discouraging and took what I thought was a nice time hearing a youtube video into a reminder that even the men who seem safe are often blind to the danger we face. I'm glad you actually laid out the possible escalation of events, because you know shit like this happens every day.
The wife is 100% NOT the asshole. Those aren’t just his coworkers, BUT HERS TOO. HER coworkers were suggesting to him that she should just lay there and basically get raped. Manipulating someone into having sex is rape. They were talking to one coworker about how he should treat their other coworker to get sex.
Absolutely
Text story. Emotional coercion is sexual assault. So yes - to be clear - the trust was first broken when the husband came out as pro r word. That is the ultimate betrayal of trust. both of those are examples of love bombing, y’all are both correct. People’s feelings matter! Good story. I think the driver could have maybe notified he bartender to call them a Lyft - but I rly agree that this is the difference between what is tolerable v what is acceptable. When you get to “I will not tolerate this” you have to stop engaging or else you are telling that person their behavior is tolerable. You can express problems with it - but unacceptable isn’t enough
‘You should make your wife feel so bad that she lets you r*pe her, here;s what I did to my wife to make her stop caring about consent in our marriage. Here’s how to pull this off with your wife too.”
Like I’m sorry but if you aren’t anti-SA, you don’t understand SA. And if you don’t understand SA you can’t be useful or competent in PR. Just… done. End of.
Besides the genuine power imbalance and sexual harassment of the wife husband and co-workers story I couldn't get behind Sam's reasoning for one more reason. Literally just the story before that one everyone agreed at some point even if you have some moral or loyal responsibilities there's only but so much disrespect a person can take. Doesn't get brought up as much in the beginning but at some point in the middle of her story she pretty much states that after having a baby and probably ever life together she was pretty much relegated to a sexual object even though she's actually doing things with her life and wants her husband to acknowledge her accomplishments. And on top of being treated like a sexual object she's now also being sexualized by her husband was of a higher position of power in her workplace but other multiple men who are in higher positions of power in her workplace some of which you are teaching him how to manipulate her one of which has literally offered rape as an option. I don't know maybe it's just me but maybe he get more real husband loyalty if he was acting more like a real husband. Why should I have to explain to a grown man why you shouldn't be explaining our marital issues with our misogynistic supervisors
🎯
Wow Sam, you missed the entire point! He was talking about manipulating her into having sex which is RAPE! Sounds like you might be taking the red pill, eww.
Ngl im genuinely disappointed how they discussed that woman's husband discussing cohersion with his work friends. What they're wanting him to do is assault. For anyone to say "thats not criminal behavior" and equating it to non-PC things that you wouldnt say at work is beyond upsetting. Trash take. Side eyeing him for saying that.
I can't believe her own mother doesn't believe her. That honestly disgusts me! I know it's common, but when it comes to abuse, you really ought to listen to your children on this one! And in all honesty, I detest parents who can pick their spouse over their children.
I would never ever forgive my mom if I was in that position
@@gavin9956 neither would I. Fortunately, my mom was never that stupid
Happens all the time.
In the first story, where the step-dad put up cameras in the OP's room: I worked for Family Protective Services services as an intake worker for 8 years. In my experience there, it's actually extremely common for moms to believe their boyfriends and husbands over their children who make outcries of sexual abuse by the boyfriends or husbands, because the moms are often in a state of denial that they would be so blind to have picked predators as partners.
Furthermore, a lot of these moms have been victimized themselves as children, and if they recognize their daughter's abuse, then they would have to address their own childhood trauma, which oftentimes is too much for their psyche. So they just shut down and and believe the abusive men that they've taken in as their partners.
Yeah and many men target single mothers with children just to go for the kids.
Sexual coercion is rape, and he was talking to her coworkers about it, so her husband and her co-workers were essentially conspiring to help him rape his wife. He should have been more than just fired for that.
The fact that the men in this podcast were trying to figure out a way to tyrn this around on her is a red flag for them and the woman looked super uncomfortable about it the whole time, trying to explain what it actually is without putting any of them offside. I've been there with my male friends / ex boyfriends and its not a nice feeling to find out they think like that.
Got2bereal Sam's take was kind of disgusting to hear it was honestly very much upsetting as someone who was a victim you never know how it starts you never know how they treated you originally and things like what they were saying in that group chat were major red flags and we're definitely talking about rape and assault and if you can't see that you are definitely part of the problem had to dislike this video the first one I've seen and honestly his take was so disgusting how is it alright for her husband to talk about her in that manner to her co-workers I think that is a work violation I do not give a f*** she didn't talk to him I feel like as a man you cannot understand how scary it is to try and confrontment how scary the phrase no can be to a man as a woman yeah that was some minor stuff over text but it builds up and it filled up and people get Bolder and Bolder and I ultimately do not feel like she was the a****** for her decision I feel like she did everything correct by work standards
I think something that wasn’t mentioned in the work story is that these were her coworkers. Her coworkers were talking about her in that way. Just because it wasn’t at work does not mean that it’s not against company policies. If a coworker sexually harasses you outside of work it should still be reported to HR and that was pretty much sexual harassment telling the husband to how to get her to just lay back and let him do what he needs to do
I thought they were using their company phones too…
With the husband texting 'his friends' -those are also her coworkers. He is reaching out to her coworkers to break her. So that he can feel better. That's so inappropriate. And soooo many men get better positions and promoted by being encouraging abuse towards female coworkers. She shouldn't have gone to HR. She should have got a lawyer.
Ooooo yeah the guys really need to apologize for how they reacted to that HR story. As a victim of SA via manipulation and coercion… that made me SUPER uncomfortable
Physically sick level uncomfortable
Woahhh the wife is 100% NOT ta that gc was talking abt basically r@ping their own wives and manipulating them into sex thats insane and their bosses should know this 💀💀💀
Ok the one where the wife found the text and sent them to HR. What these creeps were suggesting is r@pe. Full stop, they are saying she needs to just let him r@pe her. Yes that needed to be sent to HR.
"Lay back and do what needs to be done" is r@pe, super shocked and disgusted that the guys arent seeing this i just found this podcast and hope I dont hear anything like this again cause I am halfway out the door rn
Super repulsive take, boys
Im out the door already
Y'all this makes me so freaking sad cause I genuinely think y'all are good dudes. It just shows how little even the"good dudes" kno about wat is appropriate sexual behavior n wat consent is.😢😢😢
For folks who don't know any form off sexual manipulation or cooersion is a sex crime. Even talking bout n coming up wit ideas around how's too manipulate or straight up r word someone is literally conspiracy to commit a crime.
Would it take her literally getting r worded by her own husband for y'all to see it? Then it would be how's come she didn't see the signs or do sum earlier.
Being his wife gives her less protection. The idea that you can't rape a wife is still an idea many subconsciously/ or not so subconsciously still have. And then there is the idea that you shouldn't air out the dirty laundry even when it's covering up abuse. Society still has to keep evolving.
Y’all really have a platform that’s worldwide. This take about the martial rape was just too irresponsible and uneducated for me. Y’all have to address this because it seems that there is confusion about the gravity of this story which needs to be corrected as soon as possible.
Nah the wife is definitely NTA. The things they were saying, the way they were brainstorming ways to convince her to have sex or make her is heading down the road of SA. So I think in the bigger picture it also was a safety issue for her even if she didn't think of it at that time.
42:41 it’s not just about her husband speaking about her badly to his buds, she has to go back and work with those “buds”. Would they take her seriously in a professional manner in the workplace after discussing her in that way? It would create a hostile work environment to be surrounded by men envisioning and discussing her sexually and how to -make her- have sex. I’m sure if the discussions were allowed to go on they’d all start making comments to her or even sexually harassing her.
Yep it always escalates.
the wife is NTA. Her husband already gave up the right to communication when he aired out their personal business to his coworkers. She needed to go to HR anyway because it wasn’t just her husband speaking about her, is she just supposed to work alongside those men everyday?
Trying to make a report only after talking to her mom is a bad idea...if the mom sides with the father they will try to hide it.. which might make the situation worsen over time..but if the police are already aware then there is pressure to side with her and not protect the step dad...making a police report first was the better decision
Yeah this video has me out the door.
I cannot even describe the visceral ick that multiple grown men not realizing that coersion is not consent, spousal r*pe is a thing and that someone having sexual conversation about and encouraging sexual violence towards a COWORKER with other COWORKERS is sexual harrassment and absolutely vile. It doesnt matter if he is her husband. What he did was vile, unprofessional and at many places absolutely grounds to be fired.
Everyone has bad takes every once in a while. This take isnt just bad, it's incredibly harmful with a platform like this. The guys should be ashamed.
I’m baffled how the mother doesn’t believe her when there’s video evidence and the authorities felt that it was valid enough to launch a full investigation. She should have all of her children taken away from her and that pervert
Excusing both rape culture and sexual harassment in 2023 is just wild.
After watching a bunch of your pods, seeing the three guys all agree that the wife is the ahole, im disturbed after thinking these were some real good guys. Its one thing that somebody might have that opinion, but its scary to see how normalized things like marital rape or sexual coersion are. Or even the expectation that a husband has some kind of innate right to sex. Im so disturbed how easily they could brush over it, how clearly they did not specifically seek out the ONE womans opinion at the table, who looked at the very least mildly uncomfortable. Its giving the ick. Its disturbing to think that not only are there some old dudes in office chairs talking about how to manipulate a woman into sex, but that some random otherwise nice and good hearted looking guys could think that way. Its literally giving me trust issues in men. The comment about how the husband could’ve come to her and suggested counseling? Because she didnt want sex post partum?? Like its a relationship issue? The only thing a man can do right after getting a woman pregnant and making her push put his baby is leave her the fuck alone if she isnt expressing interest. At MOST if the lack of a sex drive continues beyond any normal limit, he could come and ask her if she is okay, but not come to tell her to fix whatever issues she might have because HE wants to bang and HE NEEDS it.
The thing that people tend to forget when it comes to workplace relationships is that, depending on the company, ALL interactions with a co-worker fall under company policy. The company I currently work for clearly states in our employee handbook that even if you are not on premises and not doing work, if you have an interaction with a co-worker and it violates company policy that is covered under HR and you can get in trouble for it. It was already one thing to be working with someone whom you're in a relationship with because that's really dangerous territory as far as HR is concerned but saying all that stuff on a company phone with other employees no matter what is almost certainly an HR violation. In fact it's part of the reason why Gen Z has this mindset of do not have coworkers as friends because a scrap between y'all as friends can turn into a scrap with you in HR.
Ladies notice how her husband's cruelty came out after she had his Baby? Like a switch this is when a lot of men show their abusive sides.
Rly happy to see 99% of the comments calling yall gross for yr view on the wife going to hr
Those were HER colleagues too! So disgusting and embarrassing that they would be talking about her like that
So the husband and co-workers can have a conversation about their _private_ sex life but wife is TA for sharing it with another co-worker? Hmmm.
*but also, I read her update and comments and she definitely doesn't seem like someone I would want to befriend.
You don't get to abuse me in private. If you talk about taking sexual advantage of me, I'm telling. You don't have a right to silence me.
I consume too much true crime to leave drunk people at a bar. Especially when other men have clearly been paying attention.
The story where the wife forwarded the texts, She works there and these are her co-workers. So all of her co-workers were suggesting the husband sexualy violate his wife? Wtf? How could you guys think for a minute that the wife is TA? All those dudes are TA! If they were talking about doing this to another co-worker would it be ok? No it would not! If Im right and she works there, she did nothing wrong and yall are TA!
I am in full disbelief that the guys on this think that the wife is the asshole for reporting that her husband and her colleagues/higher ups were actively discussing how to r*pe her. Wild take. Especially right after saying there's a limit to loyalty if you've received enough disrespect to the dude in the story before that. So men can be "disloyal" if they're being disrepected by their partner talking about their sex life in a disparaging way, but women can't? What the hell guys, seriously.
For the last story, the husband betrayed the wife FIRST by bringing their sex life into a work group chat. He made it public. He exposed her and THEN practically agreed that r*ping her was the best scenario. He let his co-workers talk down about her. And one even admitting to SA'ing his wife. The trust was already gone when he said it to them. NTA!
This is the first episode that gave me the ick over host opinions.
Coersion into sex IS sexual assault. The amount of women who are coerced into sex is astonishing and men normalizing it is such a large issue.
Firstly, HARD W from Maddie (sp?) about the HR situation.
It's really hard to stand your ground in a loving but firm way when someone is being apologetic for R*PE and /or SA.
Calling a spade a spade right off the bat, continuing to disagree with love and clarity, etc. Very good friend and survivor ally.
Secondly, with a lot of community love, HARD L from Sam on HR situation.
I don't think Sam is a bad person, I often appreciate how ahead of the curve he is regarding safety and respect towards women and non-binary people, but he clearly has a lot of growing to do when it comes to the conversation of consent, R*pe, and apologetics.
Yikes. Honestly, my feelings are hurt.
I don't know these people, so it's not about Sam personally letting me down, but its exhausting as a survivor of marital SA and R*pe, to constantly hear men (and also all genders, but particularly triggering for me from men) worrying about the boundaries and privacy violation of the PERPETRATORS instead of having all that energy for the victim of the assault or harassment.
Oof...
If anyone here is feeling triggered, I hope you are doing okay, I believe that you experienced what you say you experienced, and you're not overreacting or being too harsh if you're feeling really angry, sad, hurt, or any other emotion over the never-ending denial of our feelings and safety, even from people who we respect or think would generally care about our wellbeing.
As a potential call to action for the fellas on the Pod, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see y'all doing some particular consent training or classes or harassment research/counseling etc to investigate where you likely have bias that denies victims the safety they need and deserve, and how even if YOU are totally consensual in how you interact with YOUR partners, our actions, YOUR actions and opinions, can still contribute to R*pe culture and victim denial.
The first story really hit home bc I had a similar situation happen to me (although in my case, it was a coworker who asked me to dogsit who ended up secretly filming/spying on me for 3 days). I really hope she’s okay & is able to get justice bc this shit REALLY sticks with you- can’t imagine it being a family member
Already from the first story i am so so grateful my step dad has always been a respectful, calm, over all good guy. We've butted heads but hes never mistrested me or my mother even when my mother was recently ill with cancer (Shes out of radiation and all clear now 🎉)
But there is NO REASONING not ONE i can think for a parent, step or not to put a camera in theyre child's room. Especially they're adult children. I haven't finished the story but lord I have a bad feeling about that step dad.
To be fair, lots of people have cameras in their children's rooms, but usually only if they are around 5 years old or younger
Nah, I don't know of anyone who's putting cameras in their kids rooms. Other people have access to that footage.
@@belizelover21 It's a pretty good idea if you are leaving the kid with a babysitter. Nanny cams have saved lives.
It's not lovebombing, it's the trauma cycle and the hoovering follow up. Sometimes there is love bombing associated with that (like when he says she does nice things for a few days) but the apologies and the "it'll never happen again" is hoovering.
This channel seems to not be very supportive of SA victims and has weird standards for consent
Is this a frequent view they share? Im new here and super grossed out
Yeah I’ve picked up on that too. If it’s not a violent SA they don’t always seem to consider it r*pe.
43:07 The wife is NTA, those comments were talking about r*pe which is completely unacceptable and the management should know who they have employed. It's completely unacceptable. This is how people stay in abusive relationships that tend to get physical later on
Most people have Herpes 1 and it’s probably because someone in your family kissed you or you shared something with a friend that had a cold sore. Also the test for it is one you have to ask for and isn’t in the usually line up of STD testing. It’s annoying that she waited until right before sexual activity to bring it up, like that’s so on the spot. 😂
I think if you have *any* feelings of sexual attraction towards someone and it looks like there’s even a remote possibility of that happening, you ought to disclose way ahead of time.
That being said, a lot more men have HSV2 than they even personally are aware of. They do not always have symptoms or outbreaks and like you said, unless it’s specifically tested for you wouldn’t know you had it. The CDC states that roughly 491 MILLION people worldwide are diagnosed, and over 18 million of those are in the US. Additionally, roughly 48% of the population has HSV1. That being said, while HSV2 is the primary type associated with genital herpes, both HSV1 and HSV2 can cause it.
Lastly, consider this information: “One in five women ages 14 to 49 has genital herpes, compared with one in 10 men ages 14 to 49. A woman's anatomy (body) puts her more at risk for genital herpes than men. Small tears in vaginal tissue can make it easier to get genital herpes.”
Ultimately he has EVERY right to not be interested in a relationship with a woman who has HSV. The same goes for anyone not wanting a relationship with someone who has HSV. She is in the wrong for not disclosing this earlier on, and putting him in a crappy position. I’ll be honest though, the commentary from the boys is NOT it.
Her husband was condoning and agreeing with marital rape. She is in NO WAY the asshole.
She and he were both employees of the company along with his "friends" and that 100% should have affected his job and his relationship.
Y’all are 1000% WRONG and dude in the glasses is right. It shows how maybe immature y’all move and how yall minds work. YES she hurt sleeve guy feelings but you should never leave DRUNK WOMEN when you know you’re their DD. He will rebuild and get his feelings back in order, he SHOULD NOT have left them alone drunk! Take them to safety then plan your move. I’ve gotten into it with friends and I’ll make sure they are safe getting home regardless because death is an option compared to me just leaving them in an unsafe situation because my “feelings” are hurt. Dude was right with his point and y’all didn’t understand him.
I was thinking the exact same thing. I can be mad and upset and still do what I said I was gonna do. ESPECIALLY if me not doing it jeopardizes their safety.
Not sure if all US states have this, but many consider coercion to be classified as a type of r*pe.
I was 🍇 twice when i was 14 & 15, The second time i got pregnant, and i confided in my family and they kicked me out, i had to live with my grandma, Im 21 now and they still don't believe me, thankfully at the time i had the support of my bf through it all, and i'm still with him today😢😢
The wife was being sexually harassed by coworkers. How is it not appropriate to involve HR at that point?
22:20 No, you would not be the asshole. That is emotional and verbal abuse fueled by alcohol. You shouldn't put up with that. Later for her.
And even if she apologized to you, her friends are still going to make fun of you for it. Get away from them all. And I know she lied during her apology, because out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, and alcohol is the real truth serum
In the words of Jill from the whole nine yards, "leave the bitch!"
That story really made me upset people are so cruel 😕 and why are you humiliating your partner ? She's definitely abusive.
22:20 NOT the asshole. She’s disrespecting him and he does not have to take it and tolerate it. BUT I do agree he shouldn’t have just left them there, especially since they were drunk, he took the car, and put his phone on silent. I get it, he was being disrespected and totally in the right to leave her and be mad, but leaving them there alone could’ve gone SO wrong. She’s obviously being extremely disrespectful, there is more wrong things than her than just the drunk disrespect. Love can blind people but he really needs to step away from that relationship.
The concern of the men's lives being ruined and not the wife who is having colleagues plot her marital rap3 is crazy. Like true crime crazy. They need to go to jail honestly.
You will be contacted by hr if you are sexually harrasing a coworker. It does not absolve you if your coworker is your wife
Girl, I wouldn't blame you if you decided not to do a podcast with some these guys after this.
Can you imagine what work environment this woman would have been going back to if she hadn't contacted HR? She'd be looking around at all the men who are trying to convince her husband to believe in things related to rape culture. She would feel traumatized and unsafe. Plus, the husband did "like" the comment about laying down.
Had to dislike this one. The men’s takes on the HR story, especially Sam’s, was like actually appalling lmao. When Maddie made the point of emotional manipulation being rape, and Sam just barely acknowledging it, just goofy. Because not only is that very much rape, but these are also HER COWORKERS including a higher up from her department. It’s not just “his work friends” but her colleagues. Hostile work environment much? Glad to see Maddie at least attempt to get them to see the other side. Hoping to see better takes from the men in the future.
What happened to protecting women??? The HR story is absolutely wild. I can’t believe you guys came to the conclusion that the wife is the asshole??
It’s always Sam bringing up the not so great hot takes.
I’m about done with this podcast.
I love all of y’all… but Sam’s nasty hot tales are about to push me over the edge
The mens response to the wife’s story is honestly foul.
to be honest, the guys take on the hr story was extremely disturbing and disappointing. i'm a new listener so i don't know how often they have opinions like that, and i've been kinda binging the episodes but that turned me off immediately, i don't think i can even finish the episode now, lol. will probably not be watching anymore from now on.
As a mom of boys, I'd really rather they NOT be exposed to STDs in the future. If they had the choice, I hope they choose to avoid it, like they'd avoid a car accident with defensive driving.
Poor girl tho, sucks for her. If my boys DO contract something, I hope they will as responsible as she was by being honest.
Man i enjoyed the narration of the stories on tiktok so i wanted to actually see the covnersation afterwards and some of the takes this episode are wild it seems. In that text story where they were all cowrkers. For her husband to talk about her like that with them. "Lay down and take it" sounds like sexual assault and/or coercion at BEST. That shits fucked up. Imagine having to go to work knowing how your coworkers are talking about you like you're nothing but a sex doll.
Yeh guys you are absolutely right he should be able to talk about how best to sa his wife. Grow up the a**holes are the full grown men sitting here with microphones and the other people involved are either victims or criminals.
I am an infectious diseases trainee. Also hsv 2 is not a massive issue. You are being quite ignorant about it. Most people who have it don’t know they have it. There is a chance he already has it. HSV1 and 2 are very common and aren’t protected well by condoms. Odds on he doesn’t like her tbh. If he’s really worried he should ask her to take valaciclovir and that reduces the chance of transmission by a lot. Plenty of the population have hsv1 and people aren’t as worried because it’s oral and people don’t tend to split from someone because it’s not acceptable. Statistically you will have slept with someone with hsv 1 or 2 but may or may not get ulcers or not. We don’t test for antibodies often because the test is unreliable. Would you really split with someone because they get cold sores? That seems silly to me if you really like someone.
Statistically speaking, chances are most of us have slept with someone with HPV or Herpes. It's _very_ prevalent. In fact, _he_ could already have it* and not know. 🙃
And what about it? If you only mean to say that he should have gotten tested himself, sure. But the high prevalence of something does not equal to the goodness of that thing. I’m sure you’d rather people not have a higher potential risk of developing cancer or passing on their diseases to their offspring, no?
@@kikialeaki1850well yes obviously! but i think they just said that to try and show how common it actually is since it has such a huge stigma.
@@oliviahoughton8712 it’s common and the stigma is still warranted lol
Most people have HSV 1 not HSV2 there is a difference from having mouth herpes and genital herpes. The girl in the story has genital herpes which affects people differently, some people flare up once and others can have constant flare ups ( which is when it is transmissable) it's also very painful
The re-enactment of the 911 call had me in stitches 😂😂😂😂
Love bombing is when someone goes in loving you, gift giving, doing it all and then backing away so you crave them and want them to do it again because you feel like you did something wrong. And then they bomb you again but not as much as they did before and it repeats until them being nice to you puts you over the moon because it's *something*.
Although I’m 5 months late, I really feel the need to comment on this one. This is not the first time that Sam has had incredible misogynistic and concerning perspectives. Her co-workers (including her husband) are discussing her private life and ways to rap* her and she’s the AH for going to HR??? Do these men even know what HR exists for? That’s is so utterly disgusting and disrespectful. And of course they all came from the men in the panel.
Glad you guys readdressed this… I listened to the other video first and I appreciate y’all listening and learning!
Which video is it
Sam’s response to the text work story is literally disgusting. Breaking of the trust by going thru the phone is absolutely eclipsed by the entire story. Awful take & you’re getting the ultimate side eye. Fuckin YIKES
The first story don’t be surprised he could actually do that. My moms husband essentially my “stepdad” never saw him as such cause he’s f***ing gross and weird. He knew me since I was 12-13 years old and when I moved in with my mom and him at 23 he literally put a camera in the bathroom I found hiding while my mom had to go visit her home country on emergency. I told my sister. Didn’t want to tell my mom cause I thought she’d think I was lying cause I never liked him due to other issues when my mom first got with him. My sister told our mom my mom kicked him out after I gave her the memory card. But later she got back with him…. And she’s still with him 9 years later… I still personally don’t like him but trying to fight my mom over her being with him I just can’t ima let her be with him I saw only hi to him when I see him now but have no relationship with him, but do with my mom. Sucks she’s always put him over me and my sister but hey now what can I do? I have my own family theyre getting older I can only continue to forget about it and want a relationship with my mom since I don’t really have much of one with my dad anymore 🤷🏻♀️
you guys should have a lil chat in ur next video about the HR story cuz it felt like maddie wanted to say a few things but held it in, and i wanna hear the guys talk about what they missed in the moment cuz i know they didnt mean to give off that vibe
We (men) are already insecure about our package. You just told his biggest insecurity at a bar, LOUD! I feel sorry for bro, it’ll be hard to get back in the dating pool after that.
Glad the comments said it all bc wow Sam and other guy
betrayal of trust????? like he wasnt discussing rape with their coworkers???? sam genuinely freaks me out sometimes whats wrong w him.
Hard disagree - Wife is NTA - the husband is talking about ways that he can coerce his wife into sex. This shows no respect to her, the other men have no respect for their wife’s either from what they have said. She would have to work around people that don’t see her as a human being and should be open to be used for entertainment at the whim of her husband despite damage this inflicts onto her. I feel sorry that he is the father to her child
The husband betrayed her! He started complaining about her not having sex with him to his work friends! It’s concerning that the men are kind of defending him. Furthermore the other men in the group can not talk about the sex life of a female coworker. What the dudes were saying in that group chat were dangerous. Coercion is not okay!
I enjoy this channel being a place that people can disagree and discuss - that’s so valuable
THe men on this podcast are showing their true colors. This is why I prefer two hot takes.
People who have dementia can be dangerous. They can harm others if they are in a “flash back” and you try to stop them or tell the differently. The old lady should have better handlers!
They were joking about him sexually assaulting her. I feel like that is a bigger betrayal of trust