Committed Suicide in Front of Family
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.พ. 2025
- Gillian delves into the complex emotions surrounding the loss of her brother to suicide. She bravely shares her personal journey, shedding light on the unique challenges and struggles that accompany this type of loss. By sharing these stories, we hope to break the silence surrounding suicide and encourage open dialogue about mental health. Together, we can work towards destigmatizing the conversation and fostering a more understanding and empathetic society.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out to a mental health professional or a helpline in your country. Remember, you are not alone, and there is help available.
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I'm appalled that the person Justin was divorcing kept his ashes instead of giving them to his family.
Seriously thank you for saying that. I feel like there should be more protection for people who are going through a divorce especially when tragedy happens. Divorces can take so long and life can change in an instant. Hearing that was so upsetting. Side note not sure if you’re into true crime, but the Robin Pope case is a prime example. To show why couples in the process of a divorce should be treated as individuals rather than together.
I’m concerned for his son! I’m still only half way through the video but I hope the family doesn’t just let him fall behind to be raised by him .
I was horrifed by that as well...
@@JjMmGg35 I'm obsessed w/ true crime, but haven't heard of Robin Pope. I'm looking that up now! I definitely agree with you that a pending divorce should be treated as legally final in the event of the death of one party - NO question! That seems obvious, and I can't think of a reason anyone would object to that change in the law.
My only argument for it would be if they only kept them for their son to have.
Imagine being her dad trying to hold on to Justin’s ankle and not being able to save him…. Heart shattering.
Or the son and parents having to go down the escalator and exit the building he ended his life on
My thoughts exactly. Probably made his mindset 1000x worse. I hope he was able to heal as Gillian was
With a 5 year age difference, the fact that she was so close with her brother, and she was the first person he came out to, is really touching.
Gillian. Wow. Just wow. My brother took his life in front of my family on one of our family vacations in Mexico 7 years ago 12/30/16. I can’t believe this podcast just came out when I needed it the most. Thank you for sharing your story thank you thank you. ❤
Sending you so so much love. I lost my brother to overdose a month later after your brother. 7 years and it’s still so hard. ❤️
@@maggiemenking5709 I could not agree more. Yeats and years of therapy and that time of year still has anxieties creep up on us. Thinking of you ❤️🫶🏼
My condolences to both of you. I found my brother deceased from alcohol abuse 8/30/21 it’s rough. We lost my dad 6 months earlier due to the same cause. My brother found him 😢
Do you think it was selfish for your brother to do that?
@@gone.golfingPlease don’t ask that question again to anyone; it’s so disrespectful, especially when that person has already shared it’s been hard. This is the kind of question you can think about, but not ask out loud because the subject is so intimate and painful.
My uncle committed suicide before I was born. I’m 22 now. I can see the void it has left in my family even to this day. My mom will never be the same after she lost him.
I know this is slightly different than your story, but my aunt passed a year before I was worn and it also left a huge void in my family. Unfortunately, they filled the void with me and I was always compared to her. But later, I grew up and learned that she wasn’t as good of a person overall and I was told
Same here
He was only 16 when he died. 😢
Same here. Sometimes I think it’s weird to mourn the death of a person you’ve never even met, but maybe I’m just grieving for the life he never got to live, and the life my mum never got to live by his side
the way she speaks about her brother is so beautiful. she really is telling his story and “spreading” his legacy. also, coming from somebody who has dealt with suicidal thoughts for the last while, hearing her talk about him and her experience make me realize how i would never want to make my siblings or family or loved ones have to talk about me this way. even though shes honouring him it’s (obviously) still sad because of the reason shes doing this
Is it really though? Her on her high horse was SO relieved he was gone... the bad egg problem child always ruining her perfect family image. She's GROSS.
I understand your pain
Just wanna say you’re a blessing to this world and I’m so glad you’re here ❤️
@@LivBlanksthere is no right way to respond to grief
That poor father. I know a man whose son was a meth addicted that was physically abusive to him and his wife. One night the son was attacking the mother trying to get her purse and the dad pulled a gun telling the boy to leave that he called cops. The boy attacked the dad and the gun went off shooting the boy in main artery in leg. He bleed out within 2 minutes. His last words were Dad you killed me. It has completely destroyed the family.
Ooof. My family lives across the street from a retired police officer who ended up shooting his son in front of the house. They had an argument and the son went aggressively towards the dad and he shot him. His last words were “please don’t hurt my dad” and his dad while being tackled and held down by officers just kept saying to please save his son. SO sad.
These two stories are so sad 😢
@@Lua658 I had to stop reading because my heart hurt so bad
Sadly it was the son's choice 😢
Gee I wonder why this son grew up to be someone who tries to rob his own parents, maybe it has something to do with having parents who are so psychopathic they'd shoot their own son dead over a purse. The dad is not the victim here.
Her little tidbit about her girlfriends helping her through is major imo. My girls and I GOT each other. We’ve all been through so much, but having close friends by our side is that glimmer of hope.
Wish I had any friends...
As Gillian’s once a week coffee friend, I have watched her grow by leaps and bounds throughout the years I’ve known her.
Justin’s death could have broken her, Allen’s almost death could have put her over the edge, other life stressors could have crushed her. But she has used these experiences as a catapult to grow as a person. She really does live for him now too. So her life is fuller, richer, MORE important I guess because she sees the world for Justin now too.
Gilly, he’s so proud of you and this was a beautiful way to memorialize how you LIVED when he could not. I’m so proud of you.
I really like that you both talked about how the loss of a person is just one small part of their whole life. I remember when my aunt and uncle committed suicide it was the main thing I remembered. For so long. This has reminded me to remember the other times, dinners with them and my cousins, my aunt creating beautiful beaded jewelry and my uncle and his long hair and mustache and van blasting Grateful Dead. They were loved and they are gone but not forgotten. Same with Justin.
My mom committed suicide in front of us 3 years ago, as my Dad was reaching to stop her... Doing CPR "for show" bc you know it won't help... It's horrible. And no, you don't sleep after. It changes the way you see everything... I wish it on no one.
May God bless you with healing.
I'm so sorry
I completely understand. Trauma never really goes away. Being traumatized by the hands of other people have changed me and the way I view the world. My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I am so sorry you had to witness that. My mom committed suicide 7 years ago and the trauma from it is bad enough as it is but I can’t imagine it happening right in front of me. If you haven’t already I hope you’re able to start healing however you can very soon. I know it took me years to even care to try.
i am only 5 min in but wow this woman is such a strong soul, i can just tell from the way she spoke about losing her baby... i wish her nothing but the best
Her baby?
I loved her enthusiasm when you’d analyze her words and feelings. She really felt heard and connected and it seems like she’s taken a lot of time on this subject. So beautiful that you guys can bring Justin to life through this podcast. This is genuinely the most uplifting episode so far, Gillian is such a great soul and a wonderful speaker.
My husband took his life 3 years ago. It really helps to hear other people’s stories, struggles and perseverance through it. Thank you for sharing and thank you for platforming topics that don’t get enough coverage. I’m grateful to have come across this podcast. Wishing everyone healing and peace in the new year ❤️
I’m 18 gonna turn 19 on June 28th. For me my life has been miserable from the start.My situation is hectic, my life is a mess. Things are bad at home. I have no future. So it’s better to end it.
God bless you ❤️
Gillian, thank you for sharing your story. I lost my step father who helped raise me for about 15 years took his life on my birthday in August 2023. My ex fiancé also took his life in January 2023. Dealing and Grieving and trying to not feel like either were my fault has been very difficult. Hearing stories like yours makes me feel like I’m not alone. Thank you
Wow I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. This video made me tear up and your comment broke my heart. I wish you all the healing and luck in the world❤️
I'm so sorry
This is such a heartbreaking story, I wish I could just hug her. I couldn’t imagine being her father having to live with that feeling of not being able to hang onto his son’s ankles to save his life. 💔💔
That must have been the worst way to remember your son.
Just started this episode, but I just wanted to say thank you. As a fellow suicide loss survivor (my younger brother in 2020), this means so much in terms of feeling connected.
Wow. December 10th is also the anniversary of my best friend’s suicide. I don’t know why I felt compelled to share that, but god bless justin.
“Everyone is always going to have problems, there will always be something” 🙏🏼
thank you for sharing, as a severely depressed doctor myself I fully understand what he was going through. It is very common especially in residency.
Is depression a mental illness?
I hope you never forget there's always a tomorrow to look forward to ❤
@@AStarozzy89Yes.
@@AStarozzy89 Clinical depression is actually a chemical imbalance. But other things can bring it on. It runs in my family. And I have struggled with it all my life.
If I may - One really good reason to hang on is remembering all who’ll be in extreme pain with your loss. I’ve learned to access a daily flow of various practices, including diaphragmatic breathing including gratitude, cbt, DBT, animals, nature, remembering to eat nutritious foods, yoga, meditation - no pharmaceuticals, just me learning to survive the traumas & pain, it’s a solo journey, but make room for others who can listen and care . And, let go of those who don’t serve your recovery. I know you’ve got big ways to serve the world. 🙏🏻🌈🦋💕😊
This episode seems very real so far, especially in the way she describes her reaction to his suicide, pretty refreshing. Hope everyone is having a safe holiday
Have to agree. We're so quick to judge people's first reactions as all they are rather than an accumulation of the person they are. I haven't experienced this - I haven't lived her life. She deserves her own life and life is hard, even if it's not as hard as the person you're mourning for.
Yeah the way she described her first thought and reaction was kind of shocking to me as I would be the type to totally break down and be in disbelief... but I think she's just a very logical and stern person by nature. Common trait among academically intelligent people quite honestly.
When you’re dealing with a really stressful relationship, this is a typical response… I had a similar response to my dad passing away… relief (that the stress would stop) , anger, sadness, pain… then the realization that they’re never coming back :/
@@bapbirb This is really true, plus there are things like delayed grief. Or, in situations with dealing with those with mental health issues you can suedo grieve before the person you're mourning for is 'lost'. This isn't just applicable to SS either. It can be all types of ailments with any type of advanced warning. Grief is a very complex thing. Shock, also. It's a lot.
Gillian you did an amazing job talking about this very sensitive subject. I’m sure so many viewers could relate. When you said your brother called you didn’t talk that brought such a memory to me. I had a friend call me and I didn’t get it saying I’ll calm her later and she got killed that night it took me quite awhile to get over that . Devorah you are doing such a wonderful podcast letting all these people share their stories. Keep up the great work you’re doing .❤️👌👍
I’m in disbelief by how much Gillian’s story aligned with mine and I mean nearly to a tea. Her story is so raw and I didn’t know I needed this as much as I did. Thank you for sharing and giving me an opportunity to cope. I wish the very best for you Gillian, never stop inspiring others and fulfilling Justin’s legacy!!
I lost my dad in 2021 in a similar way. Thank you for this video, and thank you to Gillian for sharing her story and feelings that I can relate to so well. Sending light and peace.
She’s so positive and wonderful. What a strong woman 💕 thank you for allowing her to share her story.
I've also had thoughts of ending it all but what keeps me going is my mom and sisters, I would never put them through that pain. I can't imagine losing a sibling this way, it must be so painful for everyone who loved him.
I did for most of life up until I was about 40. I'm 44 now, and I cannot imagine doing that. There is relief in therapy, Jesus, fitness, and helping others. He doesn't always have to be this way. I'm glad you hung in there. The world doesn't need any more heartbreak❤
Dealing with grief. Life after death is strange. In the past few years I’ve had loved ones pass from cancer, health issues,an accident, two suicides. I don’t feel like life is real sometimes.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope youre doing well ❤️
Did they take the c jabs?
I’m so sorry. Grief is so hard! My 26 year old daughter passed in 2016. We don’t know how, why, or exactly when she died and it eats me alive. I have to let it go!
Dude, read the room @@timmywitty1432
@@timmywitty1432 You have GOT to be kidding me. What a horrible and insensitive thing to inject. What is WRONG with you? You are defininely not 'witty' Timmy. . Why not just keep your mouth shut and go away.
I never knew you lost your father at 12. I was 15 when my father passed away from cancer and I never really coped - it has such an impact on me to this day but it’s almost like a second layer that I have become used to
Just the thought of losing my twin brother is heartbreaking. This woman is so strong and very inspirational
I'm not even 10 minutes in but I'm gutted for her... I'm extremely close with my own brother - it's like I understand what they had and I would be shattered to lose it. My heart goes out.
i cried a lot during this. she is so well spoken, resilient & strong. my heart goes out to her and her family ❤
My heart goes out to you and your brother. Bigotry like homophobia reflects the hypocrisy of society. How straight people can support love and celebrate their relationships through holidays, ceremonies, music, movies and literature, just for some to demonize another groups love for trivialities.
10 minutes in as you’re describing your brother i began tearing up. such a beautiful soul gone too soon he will never be forgotten 🕊️
*Gillian,* WOW you are a powerhouse girlie. 🖤
Justin's story felt very reminiscent of my own in many ways, so this hit me quite a bit extra. Just know that the love for your brother really shined through in this episode, thank you so so SO much for the raw emotion and transparency.. Speaking out like this is so important for so many reasons, he would've been proud to know that you are doing this for him, yourself and many others.
And CONGRATS ON THE SHOW! So glad you are able to express yourself across many mediums, let your voice be heard!
I love this podcast so much. There are so many times listening to people share their stories that I can relate but this one by far has brought on so many emotions that I really understood every part. She is so brave for publicly sharing her and her family’s story in such a poetic way that really brought on a sense of closure in my own healing journey. Thank you!!! 💜💜
Feel so bad for her brother who lost his life due to mental health problems.. 💔
This podcast is amazing! Thanks for providing this for the guests and viewers 🥹🫶🏼 happy new year!
I’m 18 gonna turn 19 on June 28th. For me my life has been miserable from the start.My situation is hectic, my life is a mess. Things are bad at home. I have no future. So it’s better to end it.
Gillian is so strong. I am six minutes in and already crying, their relationship describes the exact relationship between me and my sister. Knowing that I almost left her alone, this video helps a lot
Wow… I just want to reach through and hug Gillian over and over again…
You amaze me, sis❤
My son took his life 4 months ago I was 5 feet away he was 24
I am DEVASTATED 😭😭
The part where she talks about not getting back to people who reached out despite feeling super grateful for their words resonated with me so much. When the grief is fresh, you just don't have bandwidth to do anything but just exist. I think anyone who's lost someone understands this, and would never feel bad for not getting a response (or getting a very belated response). Everything she describes is extremely normal for grief IMHO. It's totally okay to prioritize yourself in this situation. It's okay to take things at your own pace.
It took me days to get through this podcast because it broke my heart.. I’ve never been through something like this but this story truly got to me. I hope she and her family are healing and doing better. I hope the parents are doing better as well, I could not imagine my child committing suicide in front of me.. god bless this whole family, and his precious son who watches as well.
Thank you so much Gillian for sharing your story. You are a strong, amazing woman. Although I haven't lost anyone to suicide, I can relate strongly to the feeling of being scared of early morning/late night phone calls. I recently lost my grandparents who I was extremely close to within 2 months of each other, and getting those phone calls were insanely hard. My stomach drops every time someone calls early/late now. I hope you and your family have found peace and continue to heal.
I lost my sister in 2021 and shortly after lost my grandpa and almost my dad twice. it’s unfortunate that people can relate but it helps. ❤ thank you
When she said "I live for the both of us now" I completely felt that. My brother also died in a tragic way. That's what kept me going after he passed. That I absolutely have to live life for the both of us since he's not here anymore.
Thank you for sharing this extremely personal and painful part of your life. Prayers for peace and comfort to you and your family. 🙏
There is something about this woman that i cant put a finger on that makes her so easily relatable. I think the fact that she’s so authentically authentic,and I especially loved her ability to intently listen any time she and the host were having a discussion,and she wasn’t the one speaking at the moment, her ability to do that was admirable and rare to be honest.
this woman is sooooo strong, honestly this makes me realize that speaking to someone could be my last time speaking to them, and on the flip side it makes me notice the big impact suicide can have on the person who died
Gillian has such a genuine soul, her view on things is refreshing to me, I'm very happy for her that she knew how to get her life going despite a terrible event.
she is such a strong and positive woman. these stories are so important. you are always enough
I can’t really watch this due to my own trauma, however I know it will be great for people to hear. Thank you Gillian for sharing your story
Gillian, you are not alone in thinking the way you did after your brother's death. My cousin's husband ended his life after a battle of heroin addiction and a long-time mental illness. She said it was a relief in a way that the prolonged days of his suffering and her worrying about him were over.
I have clinical depression, ocd and panic disorder. I will spare the details of what led me to this reality though. I have been hospitalized twice in a facility due to my attempts. I say all that to say that for those who don’t understand suicidal tendencies, it’s not at all how you think. First and foremost, I have never WANTED to die. I just in those moments couldn’t bear living. It’s a strange feeling at least to myself. More than anything my ocd is the worst of my diagnosis. I in my darkest moments, felt that taking myself out was the only solution to the fear, pain and eventual numbness. Even now I struggle from time to time but I promise to anyone who is at that point, tomorrow will come. Each day brings something new. Please stay to see it. I look back and think about all the amazing things I could have missed had I succeeded in my plans to leave. Depression is a painful illness. If I could make it to this point that I am now, I know others can. Prioritize your needs. Take steps slowly. I promise it will be okay.
i also experienced something similar but it was with my aunts gf at our house, the lack of sleep is so real everytime i closed my eyes it was just flashbacks it was so scary and i was so mad why she'd do that our house bc we had to stay at hotels after that bc of the aftermath and move houses. Homophobia really is horrible, words are strong be careful what you say to people you never know what else they're going through :(
So very true. We try to keep up a persona when inside might be a different story altogether. I am so sorry you and your family have had to go through this.
Best video you’ve put out lately, I think being more selective with your guests will help this pod thrive. :)
Wishing her and her family peace ♥️
Tbh this video helped. I lost my brother recently and seeing this helps and validates my feelings. And her having that love for him, I also have that for him. Thank you for this story
This is such a good reminder of what I cannot put my family through :),
what an obviously beautiful soul she is
I had no idea other people have PTSD around phone calls
Yup. Kevin Von Erich refuses to take calls after the sun sets. He’s traumatized from the phone call he got one night from Kerry, his brother and how he wanted to kill himself.
It’s probably not as uncommon as you would think
Yessss, and also my partner has a flair for the dramatic so sometimes he'll call and begin with 'I've got bad news' (it's usually something that's a minor inconvenience but he thinks I'll be disappointed) - like you don't understand, in my experience that sentence means the absolute worst has happened!
@@ericab1302 all calls that aren't about something horrific should start with "it's nothing serious". The worst is when people need a few seconds to figure out their words and the whole time you're just trying to resist the urge to shout out "just tell me who died already"
@@qwertyhimym I know that now. Always thought it was a weird, me thing
Thank you for sharing your story, Gillian. I also lost my older brother to suicide over a year ago. You are definitely not alone
What a strong family. I wish them the best and hope they heal and have a great life after the terrible traumas that they have been through.
Thank you for sharing Justin with all of us! After hearing your story I text all my kids (4) and told them how’s much I loved them and am proud of them. I don’t want another day to go by without just telling them.
Thank you again ❤
it's so incredibly heartbreaking that her nephew's living parent is harming him further by cutting off contact with one side of his family. He deserves all of the love and support he can get. How shameful. I hope the grandparents at least, if not the siblings too, will appeal to the courts for visitation. it's been known to happen in the best interest of the children.
i really love the episodes when we can feel the guest and devorah connecting, it always makes my heart warm :)
You seem like such a sweet, open and evolved person, Gillian! I see you going far and you deserve all the love and support
A close relative of mine committed suicide yesterday in the early hours of the morning. I wish my parents had never told me how he died. I can’t get the image out of my head
I'm so sorry :(
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am shocked at the sheer number of suicides. There's something seriously wrong with our society.
My best friend did this too. It takes time but you will feel better soon 😢
Thank you for sharing. Every word is choking me up. Such an impactful story.
When my boyfriend took his life last year, I was like your dad. I took “notes” but it was cause I didn’t know what to do with my self. I felt
So unworthy of doing anything and it felt wrong. But also felt wrong if I didn’t help. So I just wrote things his mom said needed to be done and I would try to help. He was 16 turning 17 a month after he died I was 15 turning 16 in December.
❤️
i had a suicide attempt in front of me twice but never successful. that man. fucked me up. i saved him both times.
God bless you
oh, thank you so much. May He bless you as well :)♥️
@@jgfffffffhjiufdddjI hate myself
I am crying watching you talk about your brother, because he has such a dope and wonderful soul!!! He’s so cool❤ just listening to you describe him. I love your brother now. Yeah you have a really cool brother.
Gillian you are a beautiful Soul.
Thank you for sharing. ❤
The aneurysm hit deep. He’s extremely lucky. My grandma passed from a brain aneurysm. I try to recount how she could have possibly called 911 and an ambulance for herself mid thunderclap headache. Unfortunately she had another massive stroke and we lost her. That’s for letting me trauma dump TH-cam
I really enjoy seeing her happy truly happy speaking about her brother that’s awesome she has a good vibe and intent very good spirited human you can tell by the way she talks about her brother 🩵 love that! 😊
Oh my god, I love _The Good Place!_ I never thought anyone would watch it to prepare for death. 😢
I cannot believe the parallels between your story and my life.. it makes my heart ache
It’s nice to see so,done just sit and tell her story without a bunch of notes
Man. I swear the more I watch your show with all of your podcast with all of your survivors of all these different things. I could relate so much to mostly everyone of them so far I think I really need therapy 🫶🏼I can relate
the christmas part of this really got me because my mum died 2 days before christmas in 2013, it’s the weirdest thing to have a normal christmas all set up ready to go and then it’s just me and my dad - it’s so hard x
This episode really deeply affected me and helped me through a hard time.... Thank you for sharing.
So that’s good, when I’m gone my loved ones will feel freedom. That’s what I was hoping for so I’m glad to know they will feel a sense of relief.
What, exactly, are you saying? Are you ok? This board is open and honest - let your feelings out and vent, if you have to. We all understand emotional pain. There's a lot of compassion and understanding to be had here.
That’s very rarely true it usually ruins the ones left behind
@@TLA123y6f Thank you for taking time out of your day to ask me if I’m okay. To be honest the only reason I live is for my family, but at times I get to a very dark place where I am convinced everyone will be better off without me, so when she said that it made me feel better. It’s the reason I looked up these types of videos, I was contemplating, but worried about my loved ones. I’m doing my best but life is hard, I’ve had these thoughts since I was 8 😔 it’s okay though 🙏🏽
@@jiyu9277 My mind really tries to convince me otherwise at times, I go back and forth but I don’t want to hurt my family I really don’t so I keep pushing through 🙏🏽
I’m a survivor of child suicide.. my 25 year old took her own life 4 years ago… I don’t feel relief, or freedom… I feel pain and loss every single day.. suicide has destroyed me.. and my other kids. This lady only felt relief from the mental health that her brother now won’t suffer… but the rest of her family will.
My brother took his life a year ago - it was first thought to be a homicide. My family is broken. He was the unintended hub of the family. I still cry, and I fight harder to recover from my own mental health issues because I never want to cause others the pain his death caused all of us.
Wow, so glad to see she is doing so well for herself, she should be proud!
always look forward to your uploads Dev. have a happy new year ♡
parents need to be very careful not to put the children in pressure cookers , although each suicide is unique and an incomprehensible tragedy and sorrow , it can be useful for parents to teach children that life is about winning and losing , and to normalize that truth
I feel very connected to your story through things I'm not comfortable sharing (they're a little too specific)
If Justin’s ex sees this, give the ashes back to his family. That’s just evil to keep them.
Am I the only one who thinks it’s strange to have a huge sexy headshot in a space where people are sharing really traumatic experiences….
Not at all it’s her podcast logo. It looks terrific
Agreed
it's not that lewd, it has some cleavage but it's not crazy lol. nothing else sexual about it so i assume that's what you're taking about
You are the only one
Gillian, your heart and your message came through so purely, thank you for sharing your heart ❤️
It's so crazy how she can remember every detail big and small from the day she found out her brother died. Im guessing it has to do with the brain going thru a tramatic experience. I also can remember every detail from the day my older brother passed away also because it was the day before my birthday and 1 week before my older sisters quinceniera.
“I just wanted one more day to say goodbye to my old life” 😭
Omg so sad for the family of course but the father not being able to hold on 😢. Thank you so much much for sharing your story
i once was at a point where i was so close to killing myself and it was scary. I never want to experience that again, i was just so exhausted and i remember how the idea of dying got less scary all the time. luckily i was able to see that and not do anything. now i like to hear these kinds of stories to remind myself to fight for my own wellbeing
I’ve been there once. Sobbing and had the thought, holding the gun, and in the middle of those thoughts and the contemplation, I have literally never been more scared in my life. Life is beautiful, and I feel lucky to experience it, all the good and all the bad. But unfortunately some can’t and that kills me to think about, that it was too much for them and they felt that was the way. Heartbreaking.
i DID go through with killing myself. i had a fight with my boyfriend after five or six months of dating. he broke up with me, it was just another disappointment in a decade full of disappointments involving romantic relationships. where id fall out of love with the people who loved me, and with the ones I really liked, the relationships never went anywhere. this was just the last straw for me... I loved this man and he hurt me. not to mention so many awful childhood experiences leading up to it. i didn't want to try again, i was so tired of putting energy into finding the perfect loving relationship when that was all that I wanted. I injected an intentionally lethal dose of fentanyl, i had never injected drugs, and had tried to do it two days prior and missed my vein. thankfully i missed that day bc I was alone in my room. on this day, I hit. I saw the blood so I knew it worked. I capped the rig, put it on my nightstand and laid down in the bed next to where my boyfriend was sleeping. well it just so happened when I slumped over, I slumped over on top of him waking him up. If I slumped over in any other direction, I wouldn't be here. But he was able to start administering CPR and called 911, i woke up to ems and police in my room. it took multiple doses of narcan to bring me back. i had completely stopped breathing and had turned blue before that. its been almost 3 years, we are still together and have a daughter and I have the life I always wanted. I'm so grateful to have lived.
The ex keeping the ashes is SICK AF!!!!
My heart goes out to her and her family 💝
I just wanted to say that I really appreciate her sharing her story I related since I have had a few back to back losses this makes me less alone
Keep up with the videos and please stay safe out there ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Imagine adopting a child that has no parents only to leave the kid with an abusive father. Selfish selfish.
I know that people say suicide is a selfless act. But I struggle to understand how it is completely selfless when it is detriment to the people that love the victim. Especially if they do it in front of the loved ones or in a place where loved ones have to find them. They know it will hurt them and traumatize them. So I think there is a small amount of selfishness in that aspect. I understand they feel as though others may be better off with out them and that life isn’t worth the pain.
This is such a great podcast, thank you so much for this episode 💕
Gillian wising you the best in your future adventures ❤ such a beautiful spirit, everything will work out for you I know it!