BIPOLAR DISORDER: 12 Tips For Friends & Family Who Want to Help!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ต.ค. 2017
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Bipolar disorder is a team effort - especially when our friends, family, or spouse become an important part of our support system. Even though these people love us deeply and want to be there for us, that doesn't always mean they have the tools needed to be up to the task. Educating those who we depend on for support can be invaluable to our treatment and prevent certain "relationship-straining" resentment that can develop by them not understanding our behaviors. In this Bipolar support video, we're going to talk about 12 tips to help our friends and loved ones be there for us in more effective ways. There's a difference between caring ABOUT someone with Bipolar Disorder and caring FOR someone with Bipolar Disorder. We hope this video will help others - to help you - in a more efficient way.
Welcome Polar Warriors! This channel is dedicated to helping individuals, families, and friends who struggle with, or know someone living with Bipolar Disorder. My goal is to provide actual tools, tips, and discuss topics that can potentially help individuals grow to live a more balanced, peaceful, and fulfilling life. I truly hope my videos inspire & educate those interested in knowing more about this serious mental illness. PLEASE remember to subscribe so you don't miss a video that could impact your life in a profound way!
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-Rob Whittaker, Polar Warriors: Bipolar Support
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I would love it if you'd post a few videos to help non-bipolar people deal with bipolar relatives and loved ones. It's not just the depression that's a problem, it's when bipolar people go on the attack. Give us some tips on how we can protect ourselves without getting draw into the fight. Give us some tips on how we can heal ourselves from the hurts we've suffered as a result of being related to someone who suffers from this disorder.
Thank you for your feedback! I do have a video in mind that I will be working on soon. Thank you for stopping by my channel!!!🤗🙏
- Rob
For additional content consider joining us on Patreon!
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This is a great point. Also why I’m here
Exactly!!! I've done more for my sister over the last 2 years than I've done for myself and she does nothing but lie, gaslight and try to manipulate me....then tells other people she "enjoys" doing stuff to see if I'll "save" her....then plays the victim card. I've had literally no luck finding any tips for how to save ourselves.
@@kelleystout1535I am a twin brother to someone who’s bipolar. He does the exact same thing to my dad. I just wish it would stop and I’m not sure what to do as it’s effecting not only me but my whole family. Let me know if you find any tips. I am 14 btw
This is what I am going through right now. I have to go get professional help for myself now.
The fifth point, "When we push you away, that's probably when we need you the most" is incredibly helpful and important. Being pushed away can cause pain, which can make it more difficult to be compassionate. But remember that the pushing-away is caused by suffering that often has nothing to do with you.
I wish i knew this before!
All the points are very useful though the 5th point helps me the most. I didn’t know my son suffers from bipolar disorder so when he pushed me away when I was trying so hard to help really broke me to a point I had to seek professional help myself not because of my own feelings but seeing him hurting so much threw me into desperation and needed professional guidance for ways to help my son.
Thank you for creating these videos to help us understand how to help and show support to our loved ones who are suffering.
Trying to understand bipolar disorder for a friend that I care about a lot. She's going through some stuff but I'm determined to listen to her and make her feel better.
Milky Cow thank you so much for doing that. The world needs more people like you. It’s very rare for friends to become educated and watch videos like this. Thank you so much!
I’m going through this right now too. I don’t wanna give up on my friend but I also wanna respect his needs and his space. I’m having such a hard time finding that sweet spot where I’m not smothering him but also not neglecting him. I really really wanna do everything I can. I care about my friend a lot.
(This video has helped a lot. I subbed so I can learn more.)
Milky Cow You are a good friend!!
@@shaunrpmusic You are being a true friend!
Thank you! I remember when I was younger my sister's would scream in my face, "YOU'RE SO BIPOLAR WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?" This was before I knew I had it & I thought it was one of the worst things to have so I always denied having it. I'm 24 now & I'm finally comfortable enough to say I have bipolar. It's hard to try & "fix" ourselves when you feel like a freak.
My sons are Bipolar. When they're well you can't imagine them not remaining well. Until.it happens. And It's difficult to remember it will happen again. And again. It affects the whole family unit when one of them is ill. We all just hunker down best we can until the storm passes thru. As it always has in the past. They're twins and 24-yrs old. Nice lads. It's just endlessly heartbreaking. And hard. But I try only to think of them and how difficult it must be for them at their age. And not knowing how to deal with what the future may have in store. But we safeguard them as best we can. And try to find the best medical options available. Your channel really helps. Thanks for all you do. You're amazing.
You’re not alone. I have loved ones going thru the same at that age. It’s heartbreaking but learning to educate myself to be able to help somehow
I've was diagnosed 25+ years ago and I do take medications that have not cured but have helped keep me on the planet. I have one suggestion to some people with bipolar...don't go looking for validation all the time and never, never, never disclose to your workplace. They will see you as a liability and not an asset. The boss will resent you. Accommodations may need to be made but remember...A Lot of people suffer from various diseases and mental illnesses and show up to work everyday. You are not exempt. You HAVE to meet people halfway.
It is actually beneficial in certain circumstances to disclose that you have disability. You need not disclose the actual nature of the disability, simply that you have a disability. For many, that is exactly what bipolar disorder is, an often debilitating and disabling disease. Many companies are encouraged and incentivised to hire individuals with disabilities by the federal government through tax breaks. Furthermore, there are some circumstances when being upfront and open about your illness with your employer can serve to assist your employer in providing appropriate and reasonable accommodations when necessary. The illness does not make you a liability. As long as you remain an efficient and productive unit whose net output exceeds the company's gross input to cover your cost of operations you remain an asset to the company. That is what companies look at when determining your overall value and whether or not your worth the coin they're putting in your bank account and benefits every week or two...
My ex wife, who had bipolar, crashed and kicked me out of her life and wanted a divorce. She pushed me so far away it was beyond repairing. I had to divorce her but I still want to understand this disorder to this day.
If you realize you're that way, shouldn't you work on yourself?
Had similar experience in a span of 5 weeks I had been kicked out...not sure if it is BP...but it sounds like the culprit...while leaving that city and in playing golf with a psychiatrist, he recommend to run and not look back...a real heart breaker because I cared so much for the person 😢
Look at yourself and don't use labels as excuses.
My favorite tip was just be there and listen. Honestly, just knowing someone is there is all I need sometimes.
How do you do a intervention on so.eone with bipolor
@@susieferrell7082 sadly sometimes the person has to make that decision themselves
@@susieferrell7082 im trying to figure this out too.
I'm sure it is😊 Truly, this new info is helping me understand and better approach my significant other after a recent episode. I've never experienced anything like it before but it brought us closer.
How can you listen ? If the person doesn’t even wanna talk 😢
The 1 tip that stood out to me was that my boyfriend who has bipolar said when he angrily episodes and is lashing out verbally to me calling me names and blaming me for things HE himself did he wants me to love on him. Cuddle and hug him. And I'm thinking that's really hard since his episode puts me in the self defense mode at the time. The last thing I want to do is love on you! But I learned to do it as soon as I recognized it. I didn't always recognize it right away but when I did I would just walk away and let him rant til he got it out of his system. What I did realize is that most of the time it really wasn't something I had to fight back about. He was just using me as his verbal punching bag because he couldn't control it at that moment. Then when I figured it was safe I would hug on him and say I'm sorry whether it was my fault or not. Then he would calm down and apologize and say, "I'm sorry love. You didn't deserve that....." And he would seemingly level out. We were together for 5 yrs. And just recently broke up. But I love watching your videos!! OMG I wish I would've discovered these sooner! You're gonna save so many lives and relationships Robert! Thank you so much for doing these! It's so hard to find good help for this! I know it's a bit challenging for you but what a phenomenal way to help others! You are better than any psychologist or counselor we ever went to!! And we've been thru 4 years of them!
Wow you just described my current situation in reversed roles, mine used to be physical as well but that has passed. I'm 18 months in I have or had a great life you will know what I mean , just curious and its kind of personal but I feel you are more than qualified do you regret hanging in there for so long?
#6 is my favorite. When I'm crashing and someone tries to give me advice, I completely lose it! It makes me feel like they think I don't know how to do things right. I know what's the right thing to do, but I just can't seem to get there....no matter how hard I try!!
Dawn Neas You have no idea how much I can relate! Even with all of the work I have done to manage my bipolar, I still have periods of mania, depression, and even hospitalization. They happen a lot more rarely than in the past, but what you are describing is just part of the illness. I still have a hard time pacing myself when I get manic, even when I say in my head “I should really slow down so I don’t pay for it later.” I also have a hard time seeing things clearly when I get depressed. Loss of clarity is just a symptom of the illness and the more self-aware we become, the easier it will be to intercept symptoms before they turn into an episode. Something I’m still working on…It is definitely a lifelong journey, but at least you are here, learning more about bipolar disorder and actually doing something about it! That puts you far ahead of the game! A very warm welcome to my channel and thank you for joining the conversation :-)
Robert
I feel the same way
This happened just the other week when I went to the doctor suggesting I may have bipolar. She completely disregarded me and then started listing all the things I'm supposed to be doing to get better (which i already know bc counsellors) and i started crying uncontrollably. Still not diagnosed and still struggling.
My usual reaction is "how can I make your day better?"
Exactly!!! Like "Be happy!" " Look at all you have."
My sister is bipolar and is going through a crash right now. Thank you so much for saying she still loves me. I know it's true deep down, she just can't express it right now.
Hi Naomi, so sorry to hear your sister is going through a crash right now. That can be hard to witness, when it's someone you love. I'm sure she does still love you, it can just be so hard to express it when someone is unwell like she is right now. Take good care and I hope she starts doing better soon. -Rachel (Polar Warriors team member)
After years & years of dedicating myself and caring for one woman who was not open to professional help, I have moved on,
left her behind and have come to the realization that some people will never change even if it makes their own life better.
sometimes we feel like we're bothering you or may avoid your call and get scared to call you back because we feel like you'll be upset with us. that is me thoroughly. Holy hell
The Thank You's to those who support and Love...
I like them all but the one that stuck out to me most is just be there to listen and not give advice. I have a tendency to automatically put my two cents in. I'm gonna do better and try to just be there ans listen. Thank you for this channel.
Kay Carroll i’m so glad the video helped and thank you for the wonderful comment :-)
The thing is though that you dont have to say anything just listen! Ask questions when the time feels right
Thank you Kay Carroll. There is enough advice. We probably have gone over all of the good things already a thousand times. It truly doesn't help and hits me hard when people do so. So ! I AM HAPPY that you truly heard this one !!! You listened, with you heart ! THANK YOU !!!
ditto
I agree KK 🥰
#12. My husband of 35 years who suffers from bipolar says that it’s painfully lonely for him when I’m away, but when I come home he will just sit in the same room as me and not talk at all. Thanks for explaining in #4 that all his feelings are super intense and even painful. This makes more sense now.
my favorite tip is the one that says the BP person still loves the family/friend under all the profanity and slamming doors and the "I'm done's" and the "you'll never see from me agains".
It's happening a lot lately. The thing is, after all those I'm done, dont you start thinking this time will be the time they're done for sure? :/
@@daniq25 can't even count the times. It's been 2 months now and hoping this last ordeal was the straw that broke the camel's back.
@@yorkiem0m he hasn't talked to me for 2 months and a half. Last time we talked he blamed be for everything, which I see is pretty common. He isn't diagnosed yet ( or he hasn't told me about it because he went to the dr while he was already not talking to me) but I've watched most of these videos...and wow , mostly everything fits. I hope he's getting help and will come back to me soon.
I’m learning about BP because my niece suffers from this illness.
I particularly gravitate to the friend sand family members who say “where are the resources to help US???” .
I feel continually abused and manipulated !! It’s been years now even thought she’s on medication ! Her mood swings are profound and I have to say …..VERY HURTFUL to me over the years !! Her actions and words are completely opposite and I get very confused ! I recently expressed this to her and am about to have an “intervention “ with her and her mom . I cannot deal with this emotional abuse anymore ! I feel I need to put up some boundaries finally. She’s always “sorry” and feeling bad but then she will say or do something yet again to hurt me. I’m exhausted . It’s very wearing.
I am searching for some assistance for US….the friends and family members who are “the real “ victims here !
Hi Anna! I'm so sorry that this has been going on with you and your niece! Please consider joining a local support group, they are always a good place to find resources. A lot of organisations don't have the budget to advertise. In case you are interested Rob offers one on one support on Patreon and he has a support group for patrons only on discord where we have a lot of loved ones who attend. He also has a specific group for partners and family as well. Would love to have you there!
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
I’m so greatful for my people
And that’s why I wonder “I have the best life. Why can’t I get better?”
Hi Rob. My favorite is trying to get ppl to understand why we isolate. I know I definitely pull my self away from everyone when I am too overwhelmed. Ppl don’t always understand that sometimes everything is just too much ❤️
kimmie dirette alone time can be very healthy and very unhealthy too... sometimes I just need peace and to get away from the overstimulation that can be a huge trigger for anxiety. I just try not to do it too much when I’m depressed or I can make it worse. All about balance, and I’m still working on that! There is no problem with telling people that you are starting to feel sick and you just need to lay down. They don’t need to know why. Especially if they won’t understand. Almost everyone can relate to sickness, so it’s an easy way to get some space and have people respect the decision. I hope that helps :-)
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
-Robert
kimmie dirette I understand what your going through. My family say they forgive me for my past transgressions (which was my Bi Polar but I didn’t know) . My eldest daughter just doesn’t want to understand me even though . she graduated with psychology , sociology all social sciences . Not one of my 2 daughters have even watched an 8 minute video on Bi Polar. No one really understands us but I feel we are saner than so called “ the normal “. I hope things work out for you!!!
Love n peace ☮️
pandorasbox 2 2 💕
I absolutely agree!! I need time to recharge. I need to be alone.
I have that problem too. Family functions and such are the worst....then you have those that will make you feel bad for not attending when they just dont get it....you already feel bad ! 😢
When we are wiped out and unable to do much of anything please listen when we tell you this. It is not an excuse to get out of things for we would gladly do them if we could. Instead of making a face or getting mad if we can’t cook a meal please be kind and go the extra mile and cook the meal with a good attitude. Please be kind to us, but mostly please still love us.
I feel deeply, too, and am tired of being attacked. I have depression and am suffering too. She pushes me away and she won't go on medication. Never ever is there for me but I have to be perfect in my support of her.
Hi, I'm so sorry you're in this sad situation! In case you are interested Rob offers one on one support on Patreon and he has a support group for patrons only on discord where we have a lot of loved ones who attend. He also has a specific group for partners and family as well. Would love to have you there!
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
I listen , i cry . I happy , down . Smile thank you . Me alone , i try all by myself , its complicated but u understand me . My smile ?? My cry ?? Emotion start .
My favorite is we don't want pity. If we talk about having bipolar and what we might be going through, it is not because we want you to feel sorry for us. We may just need to talk about it to someone who is close and cares. One thing I would add to this is don't be afraid to ask questions. If you want to know about me and this disorder I have, don't be afraid to ask. I will do my best to help you understand. But, keep in mind, I may have a difficult time understanding things myself.
What an awesome comment Lisa. Right on!!
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
Rob:
I really need your help to keep a good thing going here... PLEASE consider supporting Polar Warriors work on Patreon. Even just $1 a month makes a huge difference. Thank you so much
12 tips sumed it up well for how my BP is. My favorite tip: Dont abandon me after a meltdown. Me: I'd endup bringing flowers trying to understand why so many people are mad at me when I'm one who is SICK.
Thank you so very much! I was just diagnosed 4 days ago with bipolar 1 disorder I also have bad anxiety. I’m 48 and it all makes sense now. Your videos have brought me some peace to know I’m not alone... I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!! I don’t like feeling this way!! I have started taking meds and hope they start to help soon.
I shared this video with a few friends and by doing so I have found out I’m not alone!!!
Thank you again!! You explain it all so perfectly!
~Juanita~
Same here. I don't want to be mean, cruel, and hateful to people, most importantly my friends and family members. I have been working on this for a couple of years and I have come along way. Before, I was diagnosed and began to show signs of Bi Polar disorder, my family member who I believe was Bi Polar had severe rage and anger episodes. This is something I definately do not want in my life. God has helped me so much that now I don't have them much anymore. The only time when I experience an episode is when I am around someone that I believe is a narcissist. I am an empath. So when someone is mean, cruel, rude, and hateful to me for no reason at all I last out, which when someone reacts this way, I truly believe they are narcissist or Bi Polar, or both. I have also found that I can not be around other people who have Bi Polar disorder. If they start to lash out at me for no reason, I flip out.
Long road but at least we have a navigator now. Suerte!!!
The 3 best things someone can talk to me about: drink water, eat a sandwich, and take a shower.
Simple but really helpful because I forget about these little things when I'm depressive or manic.
great comment! Thanks for subscribing!
Wow, I have a bipolar partner. I desperately want to help. I feel so sad listening to this video. It must be hell for anyone going through this disorder, let alone their loved ones. Thank you
It is hell. Weird thing though is that we don't realize how bad it is. Our brains are telling us we are fine sometimes and you are the crazy one. It's our defense. If you follow these 12 things and remember it's not personal that will help. Good luck!!
I learned that it’s okay to reach out to him, even though he broke off the relationship, by blindsiding me, in a very cold and mean way.
I can sure relate to this one this weekend. So painful.
My wife is suffering from postpartum depression and psychosis. Turns out it stems from bipolar, I always thought maybe she had depression that would come and go. I didn’t take her seriously, now I’m doing everything I can to get educated. I didn’t know how to help before and what I needed to do. I know I made things worse. Thank you for all the videos, everything you say are things we have experienced, everything. Your videos help and everything out there does make me a better person for her. Thank you.
Hi, Rob offers one on one support on Patreon if you are interested. He also posts more personal information about his day to day struggles like his recent hospital stay. For the month of July he is offering free phone calls to patrons. Another Patreon exclusive is Rob hosting and moderating weekly support groups on discord! Take gentle care! 🙏
Sometimes we all need someone to talk to:
www.crisistextline.org/
teenlineonline.org/talk-now/
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
(H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
What a great talk! Here's a summary of the main points. For people with bipolar disorder:
1. It doesn’t define who we are - we’re NOT bipolar, we HAVE bipolar
2. We are not using bipolar as an excuse - It’s a serious life-threatening illness
3. When we're crashing, it’s really important to know specifically how to help them, when we are feeling well, ask us the top 5 things that can help us; it’s as important to know what NOT to say as what to say
4. We feel everything deeply, sometimes to the point of physical pain
5. When we push you away, it’s probably when we need you the most, gentle loving-kindness
6. When we're falling to pieces, pleasant company rather than advice
7. Bipolar is a 24-hr fight to stay well
8. Sometimes we might not reach out because we think we’re bothering you or isolating from depression. Still, leave a message or send a text.
9. Don’t judge or feel ill-will towards us if we're isolating because things too overstimulating. We will get back to you when we feel better. Just be patient with us.
10. Please don’t pity us - sometimes the best thing to do is listen to us rant and ask us if we need anything
11. Please learn about bipolar disorder, get educated about it, check out videos, read a book on bipolar disorder
12. It can be achingly lonely without our friends and family, not just the big stuff but the little stuff too.
That's so great, thank you Quantumshepard!!!
Rob offers one on one support on Patreon if you are interested. He also posts more personal information about his day to day struggles like his recent hospital stay. Until September 15th, he is offering free phone calls to patrons. Another Patreon exclusive is Rob hosting and moderating weekly support groups on discord! Take gentle care! 🙏
Sometimes we all need someone to talk to:
www.crisistextline.org/
teenlineonline.org/talk-now/
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
(H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
@@PolarWarriors Thank you Dianna. I am learning about bipolar disorder to help loved ones struggling with it.
I like the listen and to stay even when the person is pushing you away... know one gets how important it is to be with our loved one during this time... it is de officially but sticking it out is worth it....
I have bipolar and #12 made me cry. You rock.
Damn you're strong, they all made me cry 😋
My tip is for people to stop being passive aggressive understanding and forgiving. Either forgive me and understand or not. You can't say you are then emotionally sucker punch me at will because of a past which you forgave/understood me for. But i am starting to heal more once i realized that some people need to hold on to that hurt that i caused them. That i can't be so ego and demand they forgive NOW! That like me they need time to process their feelings. That they should communicate their negative feeling with me instead of staying silent for fear i might break. That they cannot punish me for things they don't say to me. I need for them to understand that i understand. That they don't have to punish themselves in order for me to feel better. Because when i see how they suffer how can i feel better? That as i am making them responsible for me, They should make me responsible for them. We need to not be afraid to teach one another.
Candy Waters agreed!
Wow! I needed to read that. Illness doesn't remove someone from responsibility. Thank You Candy.
Candy Waters great !
Sometimes I think it's about trust. Not so much trust of the person with mental but illness but rather trust of the mental illness itself which is something that really can't be trusted. How many bipolar people have said, "trust me, I don't need medication anymore". I think it's okay to distrust the mental illness, maybe even hold a grudge against it, without holding any anger or distrust against the person themselves. I also think it's important for people to own up to what they can improve on, if you always blame your mistakes on something else and never apologize for anything it won't gain you any friends.
Forgot the #...but when we isolate..dont answer the phone....or texts...or emails...or dont visit....we just can't handle that at that particular time..don't take it personal.
Also..we do need you family and friends..just to be there and know we love you.
By the way all of this that was just said is true , sometimes all they need is friends and family and love , don't let them kill themselves pls 😢
My partner is bipolar 2 and I can relate to all of these.Just yesterday he felt good after 7 days of being ditached..learning how to get along,be in his support and not to misunderstand him for hurting me.
Loved all and best is the listening and not judging after the verbal / texting dumping ... still be there to love and support ❤️
Your post made me smile especially the texting and dumping, it has made me question my sanity at times but I intend to hang in there!!!❤
Doing my best to remember that the hate being given directed at me isn't her real thoughts...I hope anyway.
It's not, she's just confused and angry. You can do this
@ericfazekas1057 thank you for your uplifting response. Whatever made you watch this video...just know you're not alone, and you got this too.
@@AncientEnergyEyesOpen
Thanks Ancient. Same for you. This thing sucks!!!!! But at least I know now and can get a move on fixing some things.
All my best going your way!
People won't believe us and they won't even try to understand us. Thank you this was a great video. I hope you people can find a person who can undestand and willing to help you.
Thank you so much for your sweet words! In case you are interested Rob offers one on one support on Patreon and he has a weekly support group for patrons only on discord. Would love to have you there. Take gentle care.
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
If it hadn’t been for your videos, I’d given up on my bipolar friend long time ago. Thank you for your education. You make things more clear than some doctor with a PhD degree. You’re so valuable. Don’t ever stop making videos.
Don't let this thing beat you. We find more beautiful things in this world than most. Unfortunately we find the most awful as well. We need to focus on the good. I started journaling and photographing anything I find that brings me joy. Sometimes it is the same thing every day but it helps. You got this
Im here cause idk what to do anymore. Im 19 & my older bro is 23. I want to be able to reach my brother & get him the help he desperately needs but I don’t know how. He was taking medication, that was the only solution we had for him. Looking back it was for our own selfish reasons so he wouldn’t act erratic or angry against us while it simultaneously just made him even more depressed, but with Corona going on the doctors have us waiting & at this point I know we’re just waiting for the next meltdown. He’s bipolar-schizoaffective. I’m too nervous when I talk to him, I get very anxious myself, I live in a household of 12 people total & this has been troubling everyone for over 3 years now. I love him to death but he hasn’t been the same bro I knew growing up for years now. What pains me the most is I know he’s suffering in silence, and he’ll either suffer in silence some more or just explode & have a serious meltdown. Im scared for the ptsd it might cause my younger siblings who didn’t get to grow up with him the way I did. We’ve tried just about every suggestion over the years, at this point Im wondering if we’re just too ignorant as a family to be able to deal with something as complex as this. We don’t know what to do.
Suffering from type 1 BPD. Been a brutal run. Thank you for this video. It's incredible!
Big brotherly hug to ya!!!
I sent this one to my sister who has NO clue what it's like to live with this brain
This is so scary and so enlightening all at the same time. All 12 are dead on. I'm 54 and 4 months in to knowing this thing. Thank God that there are so many people trying to work through this. I hate that each and every one of us carry this, but it's better than sitting by myself angry and confused why I just snapped on another person I care about for what should be minor. I write these down now and tear up as I read what I reacted to and how poorly I handled it. This helps so much and like all of you, I am not a quitter. I never have been and never will be.
My heart and positive thoughts go out to all of you!!
Hi Eric! I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to comment and share some of your experience with the Community =)
If you'd like to connect with me outside of TH-cam, I have an amazing private community on Patreon. Would love for you to be part of our group. It's where you can message me directly, call me on the phone, and participate in live video support groups. I also post a lot of private videos that aren't on TH-cam. I'll include a link below so you can check it out:
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
Take extra good care of yourself @ericfazekas1057 and I hope you will continue to stop by the channel.
I appreciate you =)
-Rob Whittaker, Polar Warriors
@@PolarWarriors Thanks for reaching out to me. One thing about this thing is I now understand why I have been so empathetic all of my life. It takes the edge off to help other people and I now know why so many struggle in this life.
Keep up the great work and I will be joining you on Patreon and sharing with people. We all have to help with this thing if we can, with what we can. Even if it's just a little bit of time and a couple bucks. It's great not to feel so alone with this, even though we are always "alone" with this.
My favorite tip is when you said that we those who are the loveone
are important in your lives that y'all love us and y'all are sorry for what y'all do I don't hear that as much because he is more on the depressive side than the Mania side. He's not abusive at all he's just agitated quickly and depressed. I have learned through your Channel to be patient gentle and more loving towards him. Thank you so much for what you do is really helping our relationship.
I have recently lost a 53-year-old brother. He was screaming for help but due to ignorance of everyone of us, and the professional who was treating him, he killed himself. Two months later while talking to a student, she called my attention to bipolar disorder. I myself was absolutely ignorant on the subject, and as I started researching I realized the terrifying truth that, what for everybody who knew and loved my brother was "normal" is exactly what killed him. He was always unstoppable, from making many plans and dreaming high to doing lots of things at the same time. He started using marijuana and drinking heavily, and his life took a big turn from cheating on his wife to becoming irritated and nervous and nice and explosive and nice and so on. And as everybody in my family is somehow like that, we all considered that "it's in the blood", "it runs in the family". And now that I'm searching and reading and learning, I want to shout aloud because the pain is too terrible to bear, and because I want other people to know about that. Oh, how resistant are people to talk about it!! Thank you for your video.
Your spot on getting education. I wish I found your channel sooner. Several years ago I researched online what bipolar is. I found blanket terminology, not indepth answers and info that you put out here. I pray my wife comes back as I'm much more educated thanks to your videos. Your mild tone and modest explanations are absolutely wonderful for helping me to understand her better. I couldn't thank you enough for what youve taught me. God bless you sir with what you have struggled with and your ability to explain something that is very hard to understand! I couldn't thank you enough!
Thanks Rob! Your videos are great. You have a very genuine caring energy about you that comes through the screen. My son has bipolar and I'm always studying the best ways to help him. Even though we may not understand why some of you wonderful souls get afflicted with this illness I know God Loves you and has a very special purpose on earth for all of you and your sufferings. Remember this life is a split second of eternity and when we are with God at the end of our human journey you souls that have suffered will have an incredibly special place and honor in heaven. You guys are so incredibly tough (you keep getting back up when down), brilliant minds, and survivors. These videos will help many many people. Keep up the good work!
guitarhack42 Thank you so much for that comment! It means a lot to me. I don’t know how old your son is, but I definitely put my mom through some difficult times over the years. Now, we are closer than ever and she is literally my absolute best friend. The symptoms of bipolar disorder can cause us to lose clarity so easily, and our family or partners usually take the brunt of the illness. I respect you so very much for trying to learn more about bipolar disorder to help your son. That is truly incredible and actually rare. There is a book that really changed my life when it comes to my relationships with other people. Friends and family included. It is called “loving someone with bipolar disorder” by Julie Fast. You can pick up a cheap copy used on eBay if you’d like. Even though I am the bipolar one, the information has been invaluable for me and has helped me to notice symptoms and communicate better with the people I love on what’s going on. I hope you’ll keep coming back to my channel to learn more with me and thank you so much again for such an amazing comment!
Robert
You are very welcome!
Wow. Thank you ! I know how hard it must be to see your child suffer. I am a mom and I have BiPolar. My daughter had to take distance from me to stay in her own balance. I am so glad she takes better care of herself then I am capable of. It hurts to know her hurts because of my illness. I understand it, my mom has BiPolar and I see what it did/does with me. I am so glad you can see your son in the way you do. Thats healing in itself. THANK YOU beautiful heart !
My grandma has bipolar disorder it's so hard to keep her happy for a day. Most days she just yells at me. And I have no idea on what to do.
Praying for you.
When my wife told me that she wakes up angry and wants to fight I was totally lost. It wasn't until her sister was diognost a paranoid schizophrenic that I now knew where it was coming from. The mood swings can happen at any time. That's why in my previous post to your other video I said I limited our lives to what I can manage and control.
Your post makes so much sence, very difficult to plan anything with my girlfriend now I'm beginning to realise the situation I'm in. She is absolutely amazing or a nightmare doesn't seem like there is any middle ground, so many times I have wanted to give up on her for my own sanity but I would consider it weakness on my part. She said when we first met I would hand her back I thought that was really strange at the time now I'm beginning to find the missing piece of the puzzle .she hasn't fessed up and told me she has bipolar just blames everything on the menopause, I wish she had or would especially now as I feel better equipped to help her deal with it. Tank you for sharing kind regards Peter.
Thank you for this video. It gives me something to pass onto family to help them understand what my beautiful son, who was just diagnosed, is going through. I know it is hard on the people who get lashed out at but we do need to remember that the person with this disorder is hurting more intensely than we can really fathom and is so in need of love and understanding.
I don't remember what number but our difficulty with phones was good to hear. I never thought that was part of bipolar. Thank you for your videos.
Thank you so much for this. My father does not believe he has a problem. It's been a struggle trying to get him help as he stops taking his meds and refuses mood stabalizers. Realise I have to take a step back as he is not his illness. Educated myself on bipolar and I have learnt to enjoy his company whether he's on a high or low. Love him so much.
Oh my God that scenery!! 😍😍😍 This was so informative. My friends and family are still learning about bipolar so these videos are fantastic!!
The couple that I correspond closest with are when I'm isolating myself, I want people to understand I don't dislike them, sometimes I just need a day to calm down and relax.
A difficult thing for me too however is say I tell people i want a mental health day, but then I feel so alone and reach out to my friends, and in the end go out with them but when I get home get frustrated that I didn't have "me time " Does anyone else feel that way??
Lauren Savary Absolutely! I am such a people pleaser and empathetic person, so I have a really hard time telling people no when it comes to social obligations. I have had many days where I lay down in bed at night and start thinking about how my entire day was about everyone else and I didn’t focus on my own health or things that I needed to get done. It all comes down to finding balance and even after all these years I’m still working on that. If someone asks me to go do something and I say no, I also share the same feelings of regret or like maybe I’m missing something. I think having the right people in your support group and cultivating friendships with people who truly understand what we go through will help minimize the feelings of obligation or regret with social responsibilities. I hope you have a peaceful weekend and thank you so much for the kind words and for joining in the conversation :-)
-Robert
Yes Lauren and Rob, I feel the same way. It seems that most days I try to fit in a lot of productive things in my day/week including spending time with friends or family. At the end of every day I need time to myself and there often are times when I say "where did the day go?" I've had to tell myself that it's ok to have time for myself to process things in my head and recharge my batteries and choose not to feel guilty about it.
Lori Batchelder YES!!!! Very well said! Very wise.
I don’t have many people in my life who understand Bipolar disorder and I’ve been diagnosed 13 years. My mom is somewhat supportive but others just don’t get it. I’ve never had a partner who ever understood or was supportive. If anything, every partner I’ve ever had only brought me more stress and made the illness worse and harder to manage. I know the person I marry has to be more understanding of it or it just wouldn’t work. I’m in a better place now mentally and a lot more stable than I was years ago when first diagnosed. I’m so glad your channel advocates for this illness. I hope I can build my channel in the future to help others with the illness as well as trauma. I want to share from a Biblical perspective when I go forward with my channel in the future. I love what you do and your channel motivates me to also advocate!
My mom developed this disorder after a stroke ten years ago, and really, she's the most unpleasant person to be around, and most of the family has gotten to the point that we're ready to put her in a home, and forget that she exists. I'm sorry that she's suffering, but we don't all have to suffer along with her. Help me to not give up on her.
Thanksgiving is coming up...kind of want to invite everyone BUT her, so that we can have one event without a crazy lady threatening to fight people, and saying cruel, hateful things about those who love her.
Not wanting advice, which when I'm manic or depressed comes off as being told to do something I'm unable to do, is a good one. And hoping people understand that I still love them but need a break from talking for a while, maybe a rather long while. When I'm overwhelmed and panicky I can't handle the pressure to try to "act" well so that they aren't weirded out or worried.
Thanks for your videos. I have met quite a number of people who have bipolar and want to understand more and to know how best to be there for friends with bipolar. 1. Bipolar doesn't define a person - people are not bipolar, they have bipolar,; 2. Bipolar is a serious life threatening incurable illness, not an excuse; 3. Know specifically how to help someone with bipolar - what not to say & what to say; 4. People with bipolar feel everything intensely - please be understanding; 5. When push people away, need help the most - instead of reacting give gentle, loving kindness; 6. Give companionship: listen; 7. Bipolar is a 24/7 fight; 8. Isolation from depression, feel like a burden - reach out; 9. Don't judge or feel ill will when we isolate when we need to - be patient; 10. Don't pity us - listen to us rant & ask if we need anything; 11. Learn more about bipolar; 12. Loneliness - being there and remaining there despite some of the behaviour - we love you and need you.
LOVE this. What you are doing is amazing Rob.
Ryan Choi Thank you so much my friend! Hope you had a good weekend Ryan😊
Thank goodness someone knows about this disorder!!!!God bless
This help me so much because my husband has bipolar and now I know what to do and how to talk. Thanks
The hardest part is being judged by others. The knowing that when I begin to have feelings for someone, or them me, I have to push them away. I love them too much to hurt them and I cannot be in a relationship. I've resigned myself to being alone because it hurts less to have hurt someone. I can only be friends, for a little while... never anymore than that. It is less painful for everyone, to have only very few, people in my life.
I try to be kind in all things, knowing I'll end up alone and probably be just the neighborhood cat lady. 2 cats and me, is all I can handle! Anymore than that, I get too stressed out which throws me into the cycling. Stress is my enemy, and sleeping for hours alone, is my only cure. I sometimes get horribly lonely and I cry alot, but when I can't stop the pain or tears, it's a couple aspirin and a sleep med. That's when I'll sleep all day and night. When I wake up, I'm ok in just a few hours. Loving at a arms length is kinder... Life, goes on.
In my deepest depression, I no longer want to live, but I know it's only the disease talking. In that knowing, I can cope until I am emotionally exhausted. Then I can sleep, heal and start all over again, until the next time I cycle. Funny, it gets worse as one ages.
Being a bp2 with cronic, manic depression (but medicated), it's the only thing I know that works for me.
I am thankful, I know how to fix me, that I will survive. Riding that dark horse of depression, is hard. I have survived! (Have been doing it for 70 yrs, only diagnosed 8 yrs ago.)
Get educated for sure is the most important tip & listening with no judgment. I have a friend who has bipolar and she's such a sweetheart. I'm trying my best to help her through it and these videos are really helping. Thank you!
Another thought for friends and family...try to know when it's time to call for help for the person with bipolar. I may not be able to do that myself.
Just found this channel. Mother of an adult son who is exhibiting all the signs of bipolar disorder, just very recently everything went one way. I can't even get him to a doctor as he doesn't even know he is ill but showing all signs. I'm not in a first world country so have to struggle with limited resources to help me. He seems to be manic at the moment and I have no idea what to do. He's not at home at the moment, I try and keep in touch without having him feel I'm checking all the time. I fear for his safety and am a wreck myself. Everything you have said makes absolute sense and I will follow what you say until somehow I can get medical help. Thank you for these videos.
Good video when you find yourself trying to explain what it is you go through or what to do, but go on for hours without actually explaining anything. This can just be sent to a friend or family member with a note of "This explains 95% of it"
The destructive behavior of someone who is bipolar cannot be tolerated. My wife was diagnosed as bipolar. She constantly did horrendous things, like going into our bank account and spending every penny we had. She also stole $12,000 dollars from my father who kept it in his house. She spent it all somewhere. She would never tell us where. She would impulsively shop lift. She would think that people in public were talking badly about her. She wanted to viciously confront them. I had to physically restrain her on several occasions. That was just a few of the things she did. That kind of behavior cannot be tolerated. It was as if she had a complete lack of conscience at times. Yet she had a high IQ. She had worked her way through school to become a nurse practitioner. And after all that struggle to become one, on her third week on the job she used someone else's DEA number to order herself drugs, and got arrested at the pharmacy. I had no idea how destructive someone with bipolar disorder was until I married her. It was 20 years of hell.
Now I have to deal with my daughters who inherited bipolar disorder from their mother.
Hey there! Rob is available on patreon. You can message him, text or even have a call with him there. He's doing free support calls for patreons this holiday season. I think you may benefit from that. Take gentle care.
Sometimes we all need someone to talk to:
www.crisistextline.org/
teenlineonline.org/talk-now/
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
(H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds
On Patreon, you can message Rob directly, get a phone/video call, watch videos that are more personal in nature, and access a great community.
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
I can hear your pain and anger and raising the girls through this, so awesome they have you. She didn't do it on purpose so hopefully your anger goes away some day. My daughter is in college and I'm so close to her and the best we can do is be there for them. My ex is fantastic and level headed so that helps a ton. My guilt and years of apologies to come won't take the hurt completely away but we have to try. You got this!
Thank you for this video. I really needed it. My BF has crashed, he doesnt want me around. No call, no texts. I go by his home once a week to check on him. Sit, watch dumb shows, and hang out. This week was worse. He asked me to go home. I did. No questions asked. This end is tough, i worry about him. But i am studying everthing i can find, i am a RN, study and knowing makes it better for me. Knowing what and what not to say is my way of showing him i am trying. Thank younfor helping me handle things better for him.
Hi, Rob offers one on one support on Patreon if you are interested. He also posts more personal information about his day to day struggles like his recent hospital stay. For the month of July he is offering free phone calls to patrons. Another Patreon exclusive is Rob hosting and moderating weekly support groups on discord! Take gentle care! 🙏
Sometimes we all need someone to talk to:
www.crisistextline.org/
teenlineonline.org/talk-now/
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
(H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
You are a good person. But my experience in a 2 year bi polar relationship has been hell. The worse treatment a person could ever get. So I advise anyone who is dating someone bipolar do not date anyone who is self medicating that rapid cycles. The disease makes them heartless. No empathy and divisional. They cheat allot unfortunately then blame you or accuse you because of the delusions. I am grateful and thankful I found this page but my partner unfortunately treated me awful like the absolute worse. I am seeing a psychiatrist now because of this relationship, I began to question my own sanity and couldn’t understand How someone could be so loving then treat me like a complete enemy. I don’t have anything left definitely broken but polar warriors has been a real help I watch this page even when I’m not dealing with her. You are a great person
Your videos are really giving me hope right now when things are so ugly. You’re definitely right at those extreme moments when I lash out or push away I really do need someone the most. And these feelings are painfully lonely for sure. Keep up the good work brother. I appreciate what your doing.
That u said you loved and needed us because sometimes we as family feel so far away and dont know how to help..thank you for clearing that up and helping me understand that as much as I get pushed away ..I am still reaching you
Thank you for the the education you’re providing, it’s invaluable. I sadly lost someone so very dear to me from suicide 22 years ago. I’d never been exposed to someone who suffered from depression or bipolar disorder. I was at a loss as to how to help, I wish I had more knowledge at that time. The point about being pushed away really hit me hard because that’s what was happening to me. Although it’s too late for my loved one I do have more knowledge now to help anyone else I may meet in my life suffering from this terrible disease. God bless you ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story Mipps*, it's all about living and learning!
And please don't patronize us, especially those of us who are full grown. We know better. We're trying. Be patient and compassionate. Our episodes do not get "cured" overnight.
Care Bear YES!!! 😊😊👍👍
Let me be by myself. Don't push me into something Iconsider a mental trap. Let me make my own decisions.I am your mother. I am 80 years old . Don't patronize me. I can be polite only so long, then I lash out.
I don’t have bipolar disorder, but I do have depression and anxiety. I find that most of your advice and words can apply just the same. I just found your channel recently on one of my really down days, after binging your videos I found the next couple days that mood was a little lifted. My depression gets me very irritable most days and I dump a lot of my negativity on my boyfriend. It’s been straining our relationship but I’ve been taking your advice on how to handle it more properly and since then we’ve been getting better. Don’t know what I’d do without your videos to open my eyes, thank you
SierraLovesBeauty Your comment really made my day! My ultimate goal is to help as many people as I possibly can and that makes me so happy to hear that you have found the videos helpful. I experience a lot of agitation also when I get overstimulated especially. It’s a tough one for sure. Just the fact that you are aware of your feelings and trying to do something about it by educating yourself is huge! Give yourself some serious credit for that. Bipolar disorder is just a label… We all breathe the same air and many people experience symptoms that are very close to bipolar disorder. Even though you might not be diagnosed as bipolar, there is a book that might help your boyfriend understand what you are going through a lot better… it’s called “loving someone with bipolar disorder” by Julie Fast. The information in there is just brilliant for couples and I highly recommend checking it out if you can. Hope you have a great start to the week and welcome to the channel!
-Robert
I will certainly look into finding that book! Thank you!
SierraLovesBeauty Yay! Let me know what you think. It really is profound and a huge part of what has helped me. Hope you have a great weekend :-)
Number 5 is good to know to not accept being pushed away.
My daughter is 30 years old. It has difficulty to keep a relationship as a mom. I sent you video to my other children and her. Thanks for sharing ❤
Hey there ! Rob is available on patreon. You can message him, text or even have a call with him there. He is offering free support phone calls for all patrons right now. I think you may benefit from that. Take gentle care.
Sometimes we all need someone to talk to:
www.crisistextline.org/
teenlineonline.org/talk-now/
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
(H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds
On Patreon, you can message Rob directly, get a phone/video call, watch videos that are more personal in nature, and access a great community.
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
Thank you Rob....
Number 6 is one of my favourit tips, that I have told my friends and family alot. Just listen and be there is so important & a few have a hard time with it, because they really want to help even though they cant..
I really love this video ❤👏👏
Thank you for this
Well said. As usual ;) I'm gonna send this to a few people right now.
I have bipolar and this site was referred to me, I appreciate it. It feels like everyone has left my life, i get sad so thanks for cheering me up!
Really nice back drop there dude! Keep up the good work
Thank you Rob. These all are important.
Oh my goodness this hit home, he did so well. I’m so glad someone shined the light on this!!!
As you & I share the same BP type 1 - I have said this to you before: you are so "on-point". It's as if I could conjure up exactly the right feeling to say to my loved ones...you say it here. And so well. In fact, I'm sharing this video with my friends and family! I really think they will enjoy and benefit from it. Thank you for your dedication.
All this is great... but it’s no vacation for the person dwelling with the person with bi-polar as well ... it’s extremely draining and sometimes seems not worth the fight
I agree Jennifer. This sucks but what's worse is how we feel so guilty for how we effect people. I know it's hard and it is a hard ask to deal with this from a friend or relationship perspective. I sure hope for both of you, you figure this out. Just remember, it is not personal. I was divorced 14 years ago and just found out I have this. I was so certain I was a great dad and an amazing husband, and for the most part I was. House, cars, children, worked 80 hours a week. We just don't realize, sometimes until it's too late.
Stay strong!
Thanks for these valuable tips. I've been bipolar for over forty years. What has helped me manage are meds, structure, discipline, exercise and, most of all, being in a loving relationship. All of these are hard work, and at times I haven't been able to cope. We need to ask for forgiveness snd keep trying.
What you do is changing lives. Thank you! You have been saying all the things I have been trying to explain to my friends and family.
Thank you so much. As a friend to someone who is bipolar, this means so much to us. I was searching for help because it is confusing sometimes. ♥️
Thank you for all you do with this channel. You are helping alot of people. I have bipolar and as i listen to you , i feel not so alone.Thank you for shedding light on this topic.
I LOVE all of these tips . They really help with understanding a person with Bipolar disorder more and helps to take away the pain in misunderstanding from when they can lash out. Thank you so much.
Thank you, i have so many people in my life with this disorder, and im so glad that you are here to help people like myself, who want to be compassionate and understanding.........Great Job!!!
Thank you!!!
Thank you this is very helpful
I would show this to my friends if I had any. Bipolar is so isolating.
LemonZeppelin hey pal my names niamh I'm from Dublin in Ireland I get wht ur saying it's lonely but if need a ear just bell me don't b shy
LemonZeppelin. Niamhdaisy763@gmail.com
Yes, my daughter at 19 has lost her childhood best friends and most of her other acquaintances. She only has “new” friends all of which who have some type of mental Illness. I know this affected her more than she says, but we are understanding the disorder and her behaviors more since her dx 6 months ago. God bless you all.
Thank you so much for this video. I'm glad to know that there are videos like these for people like us. I don't feel alone anymore :)
Amazing advice, thank you for taking the time
Thank you have been watching but also learned alot just by watching what my fiance goes through.Positive support is key and also patience at times!
Yes, I do thank you for having the courage to share 👍
Thank you very much for shedding dome light on a subject. 35 years being on this earth im struggling just few days ago at the bottom of a bottom after manic episode i went online to last time start looking for help before i end my misery. Came accros video about bipolar and hypersexual disorder after watching many videos where all subjects perfectly fitted into my lifetime of hell i can say there's a hope and light at the end of this tunnel. I'M NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD it's such a overwhelming feeling of relief!!!! This week I'm going to see a doctor and hopefully he can point me in the right direction. Biggest fear i have how to tell my spouse about it but I'm definitely will let her watch as many videos where all subjects are explained. There will be shame guilt resentment hate and i can't even imagine what else she will face but i have hope that we can survive and work towards better future. Thank you again and stay strong people x