Karateka95 Hello, I am portuguese what-the-fuck-do-portuguese-do man, I intend on trying to force you wealthy capitalists to fund my wtf does portugal do birth control for pastel nata campaign.
What if there were a video where we fail the questionnaire and we are told we can't watch the video, and so the whole rest of the video is just a black screen and silence
This guy usually has a wedding ring on and I can never stop thinking about what his wife thinks about him doing not just asmr, but pretty esoteric, weird asmr. Please do a Q&A with her so she can explain what she tells her friends that you do in your free time.
I have no money in my wallet. Who even has that anymore? Everyone knows the best way to flaunt your wealth is through carrying a sack of gold bars to use in place of dollars.
Nah real capitalists wear a suit made of gold, diamond, silver, platinum, antimatter, californium, and taaffeite. I'd say majority antimatter with the rest being decorations.
"How much is in your wallet or purse right now?" Around $700k. "Wow, that's a lot." Yeah, but that's not all. You need to multiply to get the true amount. "By how much?" 0.
I’m afraid I’m going to have to nationalize this channel for the good of the people, and throw you in the ASMR Gulag (where we subject you to reformation by nails down a chalkboard and plates scraped by forks), Comrade Bourgeois Rift. Seriously though, you never run out of ideas, and it’s great. You should try a Bureaucratic ASMR involving mountains of sweet, sweet legal paperwork!
lots of paperwork you say? well, i guess a german(y) roleplay would be in order then! we really don't joke with our bureaucracy, there's a form for everything, dear heavens. but jokes aside, it's a great idea!
My earbuds died right as he was answering the "what's most important in life" question and I genuinely thought he cut the audio to leave us in suspense
Alexander Tomilov they’re not as good as they where when I was a kid anymore. I used some recently that all had an off center lead. That’s like the worst flaw a pencil can have. Impossible to sharpen without breaking the lead constantly.
I noticed that the dollar sign on your left hand was a little wonky, which made me wonder if you were left-handed. I sat there for a good minute thinking about it; "Is that really his left hand? Maybe the video is reversed, and he flipped all the dollar signs accordingly... No, that's the hand he's wearing his wedding ring on. Ephemeral Rift must be left handed!" I was a little bit proud of that deduction, since the clues were so subtle. Then I realized you were writing with your left hand for the entire first ten minutes of the video.
See, in the beginning our god and saviour Khek made cows and sheep and snuff. Then, the glorious european peoples enslaved the cows in order to obtain the milk. One fateful day, Cheesius Maximus left a brik under the couch for a couple of years, and then his mom walked in and asked "what is that smell college has changed you you used to be such a nice boy". Later that very month, he had to eat the entire thing on a dare, and he thought it tasted "trés bon" (archeoologists still argue on the meaning of this sentence), and he went on to found France. Then filthy americans came and decided to create a disgusting abomination of nature called "Wisconsin".
When someone says SOB I think "Son of Bitch". Not Son of *a* bitch. So in my head you were gramatically correct until the SOB part. Then you sounded a middle eastern oil tycoon who had to learn English for his buisness ventures.
Yes but this video is two years old and Uncle E has been making ASMR videos of all sorts and variety for over 5 years now with a focus on caricature videos such as this. So it's not like he's jumping on the ASMR bandwagon just trying to go viral with this video, like all the shit tier "ASMR" channels crawling out of the woodworks on social media right now.
Well Communism can have my country, but the rest of my address was evenly distributed in tiny pieces of information so that in order to find me, one has to talk to every single citizen of North Korea.
Ja really tell me about it. All these new generation kids want to be filthy frickin rich. I just want to live normally and have At least an average amount anyone would have! I dont need loads of money. I do want a nice car though. That's going to take a while.
After taking in the sum totality of views on Capitalism, Communism, and Socialism, I have deduced that all possible economic systems are fundamentally broken Because the people in them are also fundamentally broken. Can't be trusted to maintain a fair and orderly society where they don't tip the game's scales out of whack for their own short-term benefit.
I think one of the reason capitalism is so successful until now is that it's WAY easier to get rid of a shitty leader than in a communist society, mainly because communist countries have no election. Imagine if China or Vietnam could actually elect their leaders, who knows how it would ultimately play out?
This comments section: 25% Decent people having a laugh at the satire of the video 5% People who are communist and are generally triggered 40% People who are capitalist and are taking this too seriously 10% People who use this a platform to say "Well this proves *XYZ*" 50% Ephemeral Rift Fans 10% ASMRtists who came to see their uncle for a visit 5% People who don't properly understand how percentages work.
thewalrus cat Capitalism - rich get richer, poor have an opportunity to get richer due to enterprise, although some fall through and become poorer Communism - everything is owned by the state, no enterprise, no creativity, no entrepreneurship, populace kept in check by fear, hunger or political pressure
*Mr.Krabs has joined the chat*
lol
*Hotel Moscow has left the chat*
16:04
ARE YOU FEELING IT NOW MR. KRABS?
666th like here
Capitalist ASMR: 1M views
Communist ASMR: 1.1M views.
Cold War II: *Starts*
NOT ON MY WATCH
FOR THE MOTHERLAND SCREW THIS
Capitalism always wins.
TRUMP SUPPORTER not so fast
@@pisinwallax9432 if ephemeral rift was the leader of the ussr maybe capitalism would have lost
Now both got 100k views more
"Money cant buy happiness, But poverty cant buy anything"
Holy
14 year old girls: ThAtS DeEp!
but communism can
I think you mean _Money©️®️™️_
Amen
As a wise crab once said "Money money money money"
lol
I could hear his voice clear as day.
Who is so wise in the way of money
Mister crabs chased a penny for A WHOLE 6 HOURS
ghandi?
"Why are you watching a businessman in a suit whisper to you?"
"Tax evasion."
Taxes? FO’ MEEE?!?!?!?! LEMME GET MR WHISPER TELLING ME TO BUY SHIT IN MY EAR OVER HERE
FUCK YOUR TAXES
"Marine Crops" 🤣🤣
Cuz we can
Idk what’s better, that joke or the fact that I’m number 420 to like it and I’m super high...
YeaBuddibq Untied status Marin crops
When you get your first pay check.
You get no paycheck!!!!
@@kimjongil1069 what are you doing here Get out korean capitalist
Korean communist*
@@abandonedlmao9433 you get out communist.
😂😂😂😂
Mr Krabs goes to sleep to this.
Skyler 777 It is DE WEY to go to sleep, after all.
Sir Noba How can you tell i haven't been, already?
BTW i'm PRETTY sure this guy had a Ugandan Knuckles picture when i made the comment
oh, well it is only slightly more forgivable. we won't sterilize you, but we still sending you to the gulag.
I think u mean mr kreebs
)
0:43 brits explaining themselves to the natives
What natives of UK colonies think:
"i am buisnessman"
What they get:
"listen to relaxing sound of my *ak47* "
Lol as a Brit this is actually funny
As a funny this is actually Brit
@@seatray_real Eh? Are you saying the brits used AK47’s to colonise? 😂
As a brit I approve also
Leaked Footage: EA headquarters meeting
*looking through the comments sees good EA meme 👌🏽😂*
Edit it to : Plotwist...
Yes, Excellent....
16:04 When i find 1$ on the road
m o n e y m o n e y m o n e y
Я ору
whales hail mary mallon
)))))))))))))
Stonks
Not gonna lie he looks like someone from a Mafia City Ad
Underrated.
that's how mafia works
Level 35 ASMR Boss
@@WaterDragonGames4 corecction: how capitalism works.
Italian people are Caucasian
Thank you for the Pink Floyd "Money" Intro. A true man of culture indeed.
ngl i expected the rest of the song to play
@@genericspacemarine6698 same
I think the cash register sound is what tipped me off. Creatively, I don't think there is another ASMR channel on the same level as Uncle E.
@@pimpsonparade no way he’s one of a kind. Top tier upper echelon. Honestly he kinda goes beyond ASMR
Took me 5 replays to realise that he was singing the bass riff . I think I may be a bit tone deaf
I used to have trouble sleeping and having trouble on the job, but now with Capitalist Tingles©®(tm), I can become a benefited member of society and fellow capitalist! Thanks Caucasian Businessman©®(tm)!
Ocarina Gaming
What about Communist tingles
Tingles for everyone regardless of job or class
Cause there is no class
@@theroyalcourt8225 Nah communism sucks
Villagers when they see you with a pack of emeralds:
Hmmm
I'm 69th like nice
But you say no, Golem:Omae wa mou shindeiru
Underrated
It's free real estate
"How much is in your wallet?"
Me: I can't afford a wallet
The Man With Cereal Top Kek 👍
The Man With Cereal yet you can afford cereal
I agree
Elvira Jan Black how do u not afford cereal? Or a wallet lol wut
The Man With Cereal The breakfast is strong here.
I feel like I'm getting relaxed and scammed at the same time.
Call it a Relaxing scam
That's how your supposed to feel
They help you sleep then put a million ads in your dreams.
Ryan G.V. *you’re
Your getting scammed energy and gaven relaxation
"Hello. I am Caucasian Businessman." Nice to meet you, I'm French Baguetteman. I look forward to capitalising on many baguettes.
Underrated comment
Well hello French Baguetteman, I am Italian Pastaman. I'm sure you can guess what I plan on doing.
Karateka95 Hello, I am portuguese what-the-fuck-do-portuguese-do man, I intend on trying to force you wealthy capitalists to fund my wtf does portugal do birth control for pastel nata campaign.
Hello, I am Colombian Drugman (not actually). I'm excited for you guys to start foaming from the mouths at my 300$+ drugs.
Hello, I am Canadian Syrupman. I shall help you recognize the best Maple syrup for only 199.99$
“How much is in your bank account right now?”
*Silence*
Yeah gotta conseal my supresors somehow for my school presabtation
Pimples zero blackheads zero money in my bank account ZERO
Sad kaching noises
:(
*scribles “dirt poor”*
What if there were a video where we fail the questionnaire and we are told we can't watch the video, and so the whole rest of the video is just a black screen and silence
PLEASE INSERT CREDIT CARD TO WATCH VIDEO
Pianoman1234321 I was thinking the same thing omg
Doctors hate him
Surveys look for him
Women want to be with him
Caucasian rich man
*caucasian business man
@@oliverbluebug what's the difference
Simple idk nothing,, it’s just not what he said
Why Caucasian?
@@MB-qf2gq because surveys are racist
Hello.
I am caucasian business man.
Revan The Dragon that’s how it feels watching any cliché movie a la the 80’s
I snorted when he said that.
Oh look
A dragon
hello. I am racially mixed gay communist Demigirl.
X to doubt
This guy usually has a wedding ring on and I can never stop thinking about what his wife thinks about him doing not just asmr, but pretty esoteric, weird asmr. Please do a Q&A with her so she can explain what she tells her friends that you do in your free time.
she probably helps edit or something
or she could be into it hey i don't judge
Yeah😂
Commenter McCommentFace well if she lets him put their son in occasionally, im sure she's fine with all of the ASMR stuff
Commenter McCommentFace it’s not that weird compared to others, also with the amount of money he makes off TH-cam I’m sure his wife is fine with it
Why do you care Bob sagat
are you feeling it now, mr krabs?
Sponge boi me bob I have herpes
@@cedarpointfanboy7317 wtf. Why am I laughing at this?
@@BelligerentKnight2481 hey SCP Foundation
Yesnt
I have no money in my wallet. Who even has that anymore? Everyone knows the best way to flaunt your wealth is through carrying a sack of gold bars to use in place of dollars.
The real capitali$t life
Nah real capitalists wear a suit made of gold, diamond, silver, platinum, antimatter, californium, and taaffeite. I'd say majority antimatter with the rest being decorations.
Ancapistan
guys, the gold bars, go get them.
@@NerdStuffing obamium suit
The irony if this video was demonitized
Major Callofguy heyoo
Communist youtube does not approve
They should put an add every 5 minutes for the full capitalist experience
youtube doesnt like people talkin shit
Capitalism will fall...
Fascism
Communism
F
O
R
L
I
F
E
36:33 Didn't know Reaper is into ASMR
Well he needs some way to relax after a long day of terrorism.
Too edgy for you?
@@DerrickRoseCanFly1 that's been my favorite voiceline since it came out.
@@Jynx-iu9rg Yer makin' a chicken out of a feather!
@@zachdurocher1166 da gummit
Me: *falls over*
My friend: are you ok?
Me: yeah i just scraped 16:04
Charlie Farquharson 💀💀
Underrated
this is an awful joke
i love it
Me at first: this dude dumb
Me after realizing the joke: He pulled a uno reverse on me. *shit*
Lol
"one of the most challenging parts of meditation, is having our ad loudly interrupt your ASMR video" -Headspace, 2018
Headspace ads still kickin in late 2019
Hugh Chungus yuuupp
All too fucking real
@@BelligerentKnight2481 headspace ads are still around
The rainday antiques one wasn't so bad
The battle between comrade yuri and Caucasian businessman has begun
Just stop it hurts
mickbutts21 The Third No one asked for your opinion.Shut the fuck up.Let the dude comment whatever he wants...
mickbutts21 The Third I live in the motherland and is no free country here comrade
I don't understand the hate for this comment
:/
I think that comment has been really funny
👁️
He startin humming “Money” by Pink Floyd I lost my shit 😂😂
Captyon when ?
Eric von Hof It's in the beginning if the video with the cash register noises.
FJP 124 OK. Thanks.
Sounded kinda like Black Dog to me tho?
Grab your cash with both hands and make a stash.
"How much is in your wallet or purse right now?"
Around $700k.
"Wow, that's a lot."
Yeah, but that's not all. You need to multiply to get the true amount.
"By how much?"
0.
@@Kuriositykilledthecat you are not the brigthest are you
@@prumset6059 yeah sorry im retarded
@@Kuriositykilledthecat No worries
We all learn from our mistakes
Uhhhh 3?
*_You need to pay $5.00 to watch this video._*
I shall not
Microtransactions confirmed!
Boooiwonder why’d you put a dot in and leave out 4 zeroes
Friendly Fred because i’m an idiot
Fair
"I am caucasian business man"
I love it
@OX XY cool it with the anti semetic remarks
OX XY hows that anti semetic?
@@jp3452 you arent redpilled.
Jizzless ?
Jizzless Redpilled? Okay sweetie.
Batman, Superman, Caucasian Businessman
Highly Underrated comment
Tony Quist Yeah this comment needs more likes lol.
Falon Finch bahhahaha
Rap god
MetaGhoste hello fucktard
Am I the only one that realized that rift was humming the song “money” by Pink Floyd in the beginning???🤙🤙🤙 such a good song
Yes it’s a good song
I realized it too.
John Doe Ohhh shit, good call
THANK YOU, I thought I was the only one that noty
I think anyone who knows pink floyd knew it was money he was humming
That pink floyd intro was 10/10
GRAB THAT CASH WITH BOTH HANDS AND MAKE A STASH
Moneh..............
Best comments ever
I thought for a minute I hit the wrong video and was gonna jam for the next like 7 mins
BatboyGamingz For real though
“How much is in your bank account”
Me-“not a lot after this”
Hallo, ich bin Marcell Davis
I can give you something
0:00 - "Capitalism has joined the server"
0:24 - "EA has joined the server"
Yup
1:05:08 - “Capitalism has left the server”
Joseph Stalin left the game
Left the chat-
:-(
*Cold war enter the chat*
Joseph stalin left the game a LONG time ago
*NUCLEAR BOMB FROM USSR ENTER THE CHAT*
34:05 *chillin watching the video*
*mom opens the door* :
-MOM IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!
-pack your stuff and leave.
Hahahahahaha your comment made me laugh so hard
Um
This is true performance art. Possibly the greatest creation to come out of ASMR ever. Congrats
"How much is in your wallet right now"
Me "about 37 dollars, why"?
*Pulls out gun* "hand it over"
WhoIsMaxi OHHH!!!! That would make for a pretty cool/interesting plot twist.
that would be socialist ASMR
*WHATS IN YOUR WALLET*
TH-cam Service Channel only a couple pennies and a subscription to Spencer’s.
WhoIsMaxi I would watch that video if it existed.
45:58
that short guy from the Lorax: write that down, WRITE THAT DOWN.
Him: I am Caucasian business man
Me: shut up and take my money
lol
Alabama
He didn’t even say “a Caucasian businessman.” Is his name Caucasian Businessman?
I don't think he is Caucasian
He seriously suits any character
exotic butter
SUITS
AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Pun intended?👔👔👔👔
One Off ASMR totally not intended 😂
Jason Carr I see what you did there
*wakes up*
"Oh crap he took my wallet."
Lieutenant striker Prick took my money too. Never sleep in front of a capitalist.
Maybe he's an *jew*
yeah welcome to college loan
24:10 Did... did he just break the 4th wall? He always acts like we are actually there in person in his roleplays.
"I wish you where here and you could smell this"
Don't seem out of line for Mr Caucasian Businessman
@@distant1334 Maybe he said "I wish your ear could smell this" but that wouldnt make sense lol
46:00
*_O’HARE PURIFIED AIR, FRESHNESS TO GO_*
*Ted Why?*
*AIR*
OkxyFaith LET IT SHRIVEL UP INSIDE!
The hell is your profile pic. XD
Daubeny Because a coward like you must show himself on the internet
Timestamps for mobile user plebs (like me)
00:02:30 Capitalist A$MR Eligibility Questionnaire ©®™
00:10:44 Calming Capitalist Hand Motions ©®™
00:15:25 Capitalist Trigger Words (Now with Flash Cards!) ©®™
00:23:40 Capitalist Money ©®™
00:29:38 Capitalist Wallet ©®™
00:31:58 Barry, EVP of Capitalist Operations ©®™
00:36:00 Capitalist Tie ©®™
00:38:28 Capitalist Suit ©®™
00:41:08 Capitalist Cheese in a Can ©®™
00:44:40 Capitalist Bottled Water ©®™
00:50:23 Capitalist Smart Phone
00:54:12 The Chains of Capitalism
00:58:45 Capitalist Bubble Wrap
01:03:37 Capitalist Dollar Sign Balloon
You like jojo (and maybe berserk) so you are totally cool
@@keiko3520 Indeed I do! Thanks Keiko!
Thanks brother
@@josephgironda7892 No problem my brother
Thanks
It's free real estate
jadan shank hook me up with that free capitalist Estate
i don't think "free" and "capitalism" go together
@BlueSkyBox what did i say wrong
@BlueSkyBox "food" and "successful communism" don't go together
*order 66 executed*
Palpatine looks at the jedi temple and thinks :
It's free real estate
When mom lets you keep the change
3:26 doesnt take that much time to write $0.00 tho does it?
he is actually playing tic tac toe with himself like patrick star from that one episode
Bnrjas1 lmao
that's what im saying, sketchy ass questionnaire taking 30 seconds to write down a yes or no answer
He's probably adding side notes like "Lowly consumer"
NSM oh yeah yeah dont worry i have that avatar on main channel oh yeah yeah
I’m afraid I’m going to have to nationalize this channel for the good of the people, and throw you in the ASMR Gulag (where we subject you to reformation by nails down a chalkboard and plates scraped by forks), Comrade Bourgeois Rift.
Seriously though, you never run out of ideas, and it’s great. You should try a Bureaucratic ASMR involving mountains of sweet, sweet legal paperwork!
why gulag? isn't Andrew Ryan suppose to hate communists as well?
Don't forget about comrade Yuri
lots of paperwork you say? well, i guess a german(y) roleplay would be in order then! we really don't joke with our bureaucracy, there's a form for everything, dear heavens.
but jokes aside, it's a great idea!
Nice BioShock name my dude.
Yes, hence the satirical highlight of communism's brutality
are you feeling it now mr.krabs!?
The Septillion Brotherhood OHH YEAH MR KRABS!!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
king of memes 😂
Hey Patrick what am I now?
king of memes aaahh I love him ❤
My earbuds died right as he was answering the "what's most important in life" question and I genuinely thought he cut the audio to leave us in suspense
Lol
'Without money you can't buy happiness'
I mean, joy and happiness are two different things.
I think there's a lot of truth to that if you take a step back.
Sike
And without happiness, you will die alone...forever
True, if I didn't have money, I couldn't buy my chicken nuggies
🤔🅱️
When those ad revenue cheques come in
You know he's high quality capitalist when his pencil is ticonderoga
Alexander Tomilov they’re not as good as they where when I was a kid anymore. I used some recently that all had an off center lead. That’s like the worst flaw a pencil can have. Impossible to sharpen without breaking the lead constantly.
@@WrexShepard its not lead its graphite
God yeah no shit dude. People still call it the “pencil lead” colloquially.
Is this some American joke that I'm too English to understand
Sealy tho wtf Latin was that
*This video has an official stamp of approval from the government of the United States of America*
I noticed that the dollar sign on your left hand was a little wonky, which made me wonder if you were left-handed. I sat there for a good minute thinking about it; "Is that really his left hand? Maybe the video is reversed, and he flipped all the dollar signs accordingly... No, that's the hand he's wearing his wedding ring on. Ephemeral Rift must be left handed!" I was a little bit proud of that deduction, since the clues were so subtle.
Then I realized you were writing with your left hand for the entire first ten minutes of the video.
He's an alien
Vegas Cuervo he is left handed.
f
Vegas Cuervo great story
乇乂丅尺卂丅卄工匚匚 f
685 dislikes from Yuri and his comrades
Nothing wrong with that
Ngl thought u were talking abt the tag so I was a bit confused
1K dislikes lol
T R I ☭ ☭ E R E D
j. b. How u get the Soviet symbol
FranceBall 35428 look up Soviet Union symbol and then copy and paste what comes up.
j. b. Cyka blyat gulag for you
FranceBall 35428 if you’re on a Mac I think you can get it on the special keys command
Trashy Potato ...wtf?
Nobody:
Native Americans: ...
Europeans: 0:44
Also Europeans: 25:55
Im european but frome balkan
@@st3fan735 European*
@@dimebag_jack105 thanks my bad.
@@dimebag_jack105 don't be a grammar nazi
When he asked how much i have in my bank account I swear he started writing out the number in words
For me the first letter
I saw this and I thought maybe he'd just write out "zero" xD
*Zero pounds*
Cheese in a can.... There is nobody else on this planet that can say this over and over and somehow still make it sound relaxing af!!
Articulate Design ASMR I couldn' say it once without hulking out.
Articulate Design ASMR I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS!!!!
The fucking cheese in a fucking can...
What does "a cheese in a can" mean ?
See, in the beginning our god and saviour Khek made cows and sheep and snuff. Then, the glorious european peoples enslaved the cows in order to obtain the milk. One fateful day, Cheesius Maximus left a brik under the couch for a couple of years, and then his mom walked in and asked "what is that smell college has changed you you used to be such a nice boy". Later that very month, he had to eat the entire thing on a dare, and he thought it tasted "trés bon" (archeoologists still argue on the meaning of this sentence), and he went on to found France.
Then filthy americans came and decided to create a disgusting abomination of nature called "Wisconsin".
I can’t relax when I’m laughing so hard. You are one witty SOB. Love your work.
ASMR TRENT z
When someone says SOB I think "Son of Bitch". Not Son of *a* bitch. So in my head you were gramatically correct until the SOB part. Then you sounded a middle eastern oil tycoon who had to learn English for his buisness ventures.
Harold I know it's just how I read it. Good information though, thanks.
Sir Derp The Pug Lord haha you got owned.
DEADPOOL CARNAGE ohh how humorous.
41:10
Me to my mom at the supermarket
You can find ASMR of anything these days.
Yes but this video is two years old and Uncle E has been making ASMR videos of all sorts and variety for over 5 years now with a focus on caricature videos such as this. So it's not like he's jumping on the ASMR bandwagon just trying to go viral with this video, like all the shit tier "ASMR" channels crawling out of the woodworks on social media right now.
This 2 years old it thought it was like a month old.
and this is creepy
even lewd asmr (yes they exist)
*hentai asmr*
I hope that was money by pink floyd that you were humming at the start
It was indeed, sir! :D
When will it NOT be lmao
Oh i thought it was money by Justin Bieber lol.
acdc ! Shut up and let the moneytalk
Being sarcastic buddy calm you tits
For tho$e on mobile:
00:02:30 Capitalist A$MR Eligibility Questionnaire ©®™
00:10:44 Calming Capitalist Hand Motions ©®™
00:15:25 Capitalist Trigger Words (Now with Flash Cards!) ©®™
00:23:40 Capitalist Money ©®™
00:29:38 Capitalist Wallet ©®™
00:31:58 Barry, EVP of Capitalist Operations ©®™
00:36:00 Capitalist Tie ©®™
00:38:28 Capitalist Suit ©®™
00:41:08 Capitalist Cheese in a Can ©®™
00:44:40 Capitalist Bottled Water ©®™
00:50:23 Capitalist Smart Phone ©®™
00:54:12 The Chains of Capitalism ©®™
00:58:45 Capitalist Bubble Wrap ©®™
01:03:37 Capitalist Dollar Sign Balloon ©®™
Tingle On!!
Nathan Hill yes I love you bro keep being great
You provide a free service. I would normally thank you but you are a disgrace to capitalism
Each like gives you 10 cents, courtesy of Like n' Pay 💰
F🅾r tho$e on mo🅱ile
Thanks man. I appreciate it.
Since I started watching this every evening, my sales increased x3 times. Thank you!
Now do facist asmr. If anyone can do it it's you rift. (I didn't mean that in a bad way)
Portsouth facist asmr? Like, "Like my tingles or die!" xD
PlayVision No like " The Jews are the problem" kinda fascist
lmfao why
lol agreed. "Tingles for the nation"
Facism is not nazism lmao
*Communism wants to know your location*
EA head quarters
NOT today.
Kailer Gibes XDDDDDD
Well Communism can have my country, but the rest of my address was evenly distributed in tiny pieces of information so that in order to find me, one has to talk to every single citizen of North Korea.
Holy shit man the likes are 666 that’s some illegal communist shit
00:02:30 Capitalist A$MR Eligibility Questionnaire ©®™
00:10:44 Calming Capitalist Hand Motions ©®™
00:15:25 Capitalist Trigger Words (Now with Flash Cards!) ©®™
00:23:40 Capitalist Money ©®™
00:29:38 Capitalist Wallet ©®™
00:31:58 Barry, EVP of Capitalist Operations ©®™
00:36:00 Capitalist Tie ©®™
00:38:28 Capitalist Suit ©®™
00:41:08 Capitalist Cheese in a Can ©®™
00:44:40 Capitalist Bottled Water ©®™
00:50:23 Capitalist Smart Phone ©®™
00:54:12 The Chains of Capitalism ©®™
00:58:45 Capitalist Bubble Wrap ©®™
01:03:37 Capitalist Dollar Sign Balloon ©®™
Please pin this
$$$
“ I am Caucasian business man “
What a... *very* nice name sir
Somehow ASMR and capitalism just makes cents
I'll show myself out
B. Jr. While going out watch out for the table. I already hit money on that thing.
B. Jr. Nice pun
loooooool
Dime a dozen these comments
Quality comment👍🏾
You are literally a genius and I can't handle it
I have 64 diamonds in my minecraft chest, Yeah i belong here!!
I have 7 gold ingots so you better back off lol
Art Dragon I still remember how disappointed I was back in 2012 when I found out how utterly useless gold armor is.
Kabelbinder it’s only for rich bois
I have 128 dirt blocks, so I’m richer than you
I have a chest full of stacks of diamonds, hippity hoppity you are my property
"What is your net worth?"
Me "Laughable"
Now we're fucking cooking
Um, hello, wake up, man! He's been cooking this type of shit for years! He's a fucking legend!
Star Gamer gravy in the kitchen now everybody lookin
Nic Damore just pass the boy a spatula
*puts on yellow hazmat suit and closes all the curtains*
"Wait what? What do you mean it's not that type of cooking?"
Cooking books
that intro seems so familiar.
*Has flashbacks from pink floyd's absurdly long intros*
M O N E Y
ITS A DRAG
This is what ancaps and libertarians dream about
Yeah...
Ja really tell me about it. All these new generation kids want to be filthy frickin rich. I just want to live normally and have At least an average amount anyone would have! I dont need loads of money. I do want a nice car though. That's going to take a while.
kurt Knispel well that escalated quickly
Jaj Javier Milei be like
I can confirm this
when your mom forgets to ask for the change when she sends you into the store to buy something
That wallet tapping is legit some of the best tingles I've had in a while
K
KK
KKK
LEgit VIPer oof too far
Kkkk
You consistently make some of the most original and highest quality ASMR around, and have been doing it for years! Amazing :D
Listening to this while standing in a line for McDonald's.
What did you get?
69th like
You: sudenly Falls on the flor sleeping
I need to just say this is the only video that gives me tingles I’ve watched this almost every night for about two years now .best asmr video 😴🛏
always sunny in the rich man world 💲💲😎 love this
7:36 CB: "where do u see yourself in 10 years?"
Me: i don't know, i don't even know where i see myself this weekend
FinntheMexican ain't that the truth lmao
I don't know where I am now
“I am Caucasian Businessman.”
Is that your name or something?
I’m Businessman, Caucasian Buisnessman...
@Games With Nicwtf is /s
The names businessman, Caucasian businessman
@@secretpotato9495 it means sarcasm.
The people, as it were, "Caucasian" - this is the option of "white" ... just the Caucasian race occurs pre-Caucasian plain.
Was that a pink Floyd song in the beginning? Money?
Yus
@@Romazador Thx captain obvious, just as the beginning of the song money by pink Floyd
Slank gay
After taking in the sum totality of views on Capitalism, Communism, and Socialism, I have deduced that all possible economic systems are fundamentally broken
Because the people in them are also fundamentally broken. Can't be trusted to maintain a fair and orderly society where they don't tip the game's scales out of whack for their own short-term benefit.
One man, one problem. No man, no problem. - Josef Wissarionowitsch Stalin
What about a resource based economy??
I think one of the reason capitalism is so successful until now is that it's WAY easier to get rid of a shitty leader than in a communist society, mainly because communist countries have no election. Imagine if China or Vietnam could actually elect their leaders, who knows how it would ultimately play out?
Well mabey your right that all three fail but from what I know sozialism is the best system
Edit:I am wrong just ignore what I said
drAgONi 187 apparently you aren’t from China, Hong Kong, Russia, any of the former USSR countries, Germany, or Venezuela.
ER:what kind of car do you drive
Me:hotwheels
Nah i'm driving on lego car and i fallen in a river from lego city
Also i drive minecraft minecart
69 likes noice
My Fam: So what do you want for Christmas?
Me: 15:50
Underrated comment
Overrated
happens all the time
Gay
The person above is an idiot, the person below is triple idiot
3:39 how much is in your wallet right now?
Me: about €500,-
*then this is a robbery*
Luucvinky put em up
BlueCreeper 🤷♂️
Now give me all your euros
Ethan Rodrigue AH SHIT, ITS THE EUROPEAN FEDS
YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME, FUCKER (no insult intended)
As a financial advisor myself, some of these questions are spot on. Good on ya!
Nice Floyd reference
nothing relaxes me quite like thinking about my credit score
there's no excuse to have bad credit other than pure irresponsibility
Mr. sting ray Truth
getting divorced can ruin your credit score
Robot That's cause you're white.
This comments section:
25% Decent people having a laugh at the satire of the video
5% People who are communist and are generally triggered
40% People who are capitalist and are taking this too seriously
10% People who use this a platform to say "Well this proves *XYZ*"
50% Ephemeral Rift Fans
10% ASMRtists who came to see their uncle for a visit
5% People who don't properly understand how percentages work.
The Lone Cookie i get the feeling that last percent is a bit higher mate
I love satire of capitalism XD. Its so much worse than communism. Watch badmouseproduction's video on capitalism's death toll.
thewalrus cat
4 topics:
Mao
Kim Jong Un
Stalin
Starvation in Communist states
Capitalism makes them look like fucking Anarchists. I assume you have not watched the video.
thewalrus cat
Capitalism - rich get richer, poor have an opportunity to get richer due to enterprise, although some fall through and become poorer
Communism - everything is owned by the state, no enterprise, no creativity, no entrepreneurship, populace kept in check by fear, hunger or political pressure
I flippin loved the "Money" - Pink Floyd reference at the start of the video. Thank you Papa E, very cool.
You're the only comment that addresses the fact he hummed the guitar riff from the song
That's a bass riff, my favourite bassline