Being Blamed For Your Child's Autism | Refrigerator Mothers (Social Documentary) | Real Stories
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 มิ.ย. 2021
- An intimate portrait of an entire generation of mothers, already laden with the challenge of raising profoundly disordered children, who lived for years under the dehumanizing shadow of professionally promoted "mother blame."
From Refrigerator Mothers
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did this genius ever stop to ask himself "if it's the mother's fault, why are their siblings neurotypical?" or was he too busy being convinced of his own theory?
He was hooked on his own psychological problems and was projecting.
That's what my thought was. Especially if they have younger neurotypical children. Like ????
@@honeybunch5765 Exactly
Doctors were seen as gods, still are in many cases today. He wasn’t concerned about treating these kids. He was involving only in his own hubris. The spirits of mothers of autistic children are beautiful. Just beautiful. You can see the pain in their eyes, but also the hurculean sized fight in them.
You answered your own question but I think on top of it he was a see you next tuesday.
It’s interesting to me that these moms were blamed for their child’s behavior and/or disability because they were “refrigerator mothers” (cold and uncaring) Whereas now is the opposite with “Helicopter moms” (over coddling & spoiling) raising the “me first” generation. Seems to me mothers are ridiculed and blamed far too often, when in reality we’re all just doing the best we can.
It reminds me that it’s always been the woman’s fault starting with biblical Eve. They didn’t blame fathers for autism, they didn’t blame men for infertility, and it was mothers who caused autism. It makes my blood boil. I just watched a documentary on Victorian marriage, and men could have mistresses and they were still accepted in society, but the women were social pariahs, and then the Magdalene mother and baby homes in Ireland and elsewhere, where “fallen” girls and women were sent. The men who got them pregnant faced no repercussions.
It’s interesting and I see how they could think that because of reactive attachment disorder. It’s so horrible they blamed the Moms it’s sad.
Absolutely.
Best find a balance, or you can hurt a person' growth. Easier said than done.
Well said
As a mum of 2 Autistic children in this day and age, we as mothers are still blamed and referred to as refrigerator mothers.
I have been called cold, distant, told that I should hug my children more.... then they would be cured. If it was that easy, don't you think I would wrap them in my arms 24/7?
If you have met one person with Autism, you have only met one. No 2 are the same, and if you are lucky enough to be let into their world... don't abuse it. It's a sacred place.
It’s learned behavior and it comes from a lack effort to teach the child
@@bawlz1234 oh you are dead wrong, my dude. Take a walk in our shoes, and do some research. It has to do with genetics. Sometimes it is inherited, and sometimes it is due to a genetic deletion. Until YOU become a parent of an ASD kiddo, or you study it, sit down and stay out of it. The ASD parents are talking. 🤐
You hit the nail on the head. Their world is truly a sacred place. My son ONLY allows me to hug or touch him. He’s 13, and his world is beautiful. I have 3 older Neurotypical daughters. My pregnancy with my son was the best and healthiest pregnancy I have had. I was blown away by his diagnosis (at 5 years old), and his Dad, and that side of the family refuses to believe he’s Autistic. 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️ Ha! Like not believing will make it go away. 🙄😤 I have learned so much through my son, and I continue to learn more about his world, every day. 💜
Wait so we’re connecting cold moms to Autism? I don’t understand
@@mamiconrazon that was Otto Bettleheim's opinion of the cause of autism in the 70's
The son really touched my heart as he spoke about his mother's sacrifices for his brother. Saying how she gave up her freedoms to be his brother's protector. My word. Tears....
That's exactly what I was thinking about right now. It was so touching and heartfelt. We can see in his eyes that he's feeling every word he's saying.
I can relate. My mom did everything she could for me and my brother. He was diagnosed autistic at 3, I'm 31 and seeking a diagnosis because somehow, no one picked it up in me, because I did well in school. My mom is my rock, she is my and my brother's protector and our biggest advocate and fan. I really, honestly would not be here without her.
That is exactly the type of parenting that causes autism. From 9 months old, the mother should be first of all the guide and the controller to steer towards the correct healthy human behaviour, and the protector role should become secondary. Failure to stop being "protector" harms the child's development.
@@svetavinogradova4243 Proof?
@@filipeflower autism is the proof. The safety of refusing to accept that is equivalent to OJ saying he'd look for the real killer at his acquittal --because if he'd managed the public support self-spawned autism has he knew he could continue that ruse indefinitely. It's the Gerry and Kate McCann plan. Crime's been solved so the grift of pretending that's somehow contingent on the appearance of an alternate solution or additional information is so massive PRECISELY BECAUSE they've known she won't be found. This grift is the same.
Did you notice the mother at the very end saying she wanted to leave her son able to live out his own days in a group home after she's gone was actually talking about that being funded publicly? She spoke of that imaginary uncertainty she's foisting on strangers as if it were an inheritance of her own property she'd put into a special needs trust for him. Grifters capable only of taking are overprotective of their property and they stalk us when we escape as well.
My son was diagnosed with autism eight years ago. My ex-partner at the time blamed me for his behaviour even in this day and age, telling me 'I just haven't been teaching him how to talk properly'
Men are just all too ready to shift blame to the easiest and most vulnerable target.
Right
He was right
@@shanelka8304 How?
Women shift blame to. You spent 9 months with that child before your Ex even had a chance. Mothers spend the most time with children regardless of marital status. Why is he an ex anyway? Chased him off? Single motherhood is the most traumatic thing you're putting your kid through right now.
My mother was untouchable, not vulnerable.
That smile from Missy when she saw her family was absolutely beautiful 😭❤️
All the mothers in the interviews exuded so much dignity and strength.
To be fair they used to blame the mothers for any disability their child may suffer. I was wasting away at the age of 1 and when my mom took me to the doctor he blamed her which led to me not getting help for my severe Crohns until I was 19.
In the early 2000's I worked at a preschool with lots of foreign children. We obviously did not understand most of them, we were there to teach them in English. There was a Korean boy who I thought was wonderful and he was on the autism spectrum, his paternal family blamed his mother so badly to the point they wanted the dad to divorce the mother. The boy was one of my favourite students and he was his mother's everything, I was so shocked to hear she had to go through something like that.
Crohns disease is no joke, sorry to hear you suffer from it.❤
So true, as a baby i was underweight (because I am severely lactose intolerant) and the doctors didn't look into that but were sure that my mum wasn't feeding me enough. She had to figure it out herself.
Mrs 🇬🇧 ...Even today many of the so called professionals haven't a clue... They take some children at face value but they don't live with them...Our disability Social Services have heads that are empty.... They don't have a clue... This is Stockton on tees...Northeast uk..... They fail most families of complex kids...
As a mother of a child with autism it is heartbreaking and so scary to navigate in today’s world. My heart breaks for people back then.
@@hopespringseternal7038 yeah tell that to all the polio survivors.
@@hopespringseternal7038 For your proof, just look at all the people currently suffering from smallpox…
Oh, wait, you can’t. No one suffers from smallpox because vaccines eradicated smallpox. Smallpox was one of history’s biggest killers, killed millions of people each year, was responsible for plagues that decimated populations around the world for thousands of years, killed an estimated 300 million people in the 20th century *alone* before its eradication in 1978.
How do people convince themselves of things that are so obviously absurd? How can a person with access to the internet not know the history of smallpox?
@@Karlalovescandy18 in 2021, you still do not know that what they called polio was ddt exposure? then they banned ddt and polio disappeared only to be called other things.... wow, try getting out from under your rock already.
@@JeantheSecond your only research is state sponsored sources. try listening to the throngs of doctors, scientists and other researchers who have been screaming out about the contagion myth for a hunded years. big pharma does not make money off good health. WAKE UP. if interested i can give you names, studies etc....vaxed vs unvaxed kids studies......the evidence is all there but i'd wager you prefer your truth not the truth. too horrible, i get it.
@@hopespringseternal7038 I'm a medical professional & you're full of it. We have the power to eradicate deadly and preventable diseases, why not use it? Because it doesn't fit your victim mentality or something?
When the one mom said she had realized, that the only reason she even stayed alive, was to make sure her kids stayed alive.... phew... I'm almost positive, that hit a little too damn deep... 🤦♀️😪
Beautifully presented documentary. My heart bleeds for these moms and how they were labeled. A sad time in women's history.
My dad was the father of a child with autism back in the day. He was definitely misdiagnosed with MR. After my dad and his ex wife divorced, the “mother,” refused to give my dad custody. He went bankrupt fighting for custody of him, but unfortunately, the court refused. (Not because he wasn’t an AMAZING father, but because men weren’t given full custody often back then.) His “mother” got full custody and put him right into a group home. All my dad wanted was to have his son grow up in his home. My dad had 4 other children. His mother refused to let us see him. I have waited for the day his mom would pass away, so I could finally be a part of my brothers life. Sadly, he passed away in 2020 from Covid, and I never got my chance to be a part of his life.
It was a sad time in history, but not only for women, but also for men. Even today, many fathers of children with disabilities are not present. (Many, not all. We have some AMAZING DAD’S!) All I’m saying is, it was a difficult time for FAMILIES of children with disabilities back then. Thank God times have changed and we have our own community of people within the larger community. 💖
For the record, the story has a sort of good ending. Both his biological brother and I went into the field of special education. We honor him everyday in our work. 😊
I remember a mother in my neighbourhood who had 2 autistic daughters. I also remember people talking about her, Like she was responsible.
This was around 1972.
My best friends mom would help out this woman from time to time and say how untrue the theory was. The mom adored and lavished much love on her children.
I truly can’t imagine the pain and confusion these women must have felt.
Adoring and loving would be the others side of the coin of the refrigeration. In most autist cases it seems a overbearing controlling or refrigerator causes a bad reaction in the child from anger. I would like to see a cases of autism where the mother loves her father and is submitted to a good husband.
But they were to blame
The head priest at my Anglican church when I was a kid had two sons who where autistic. Their big sister was neurotypical. She looked out for them at church all the time. If somebody made a crack about autism she'd be the first to say shut up. You didn't tease any of them about anything. Most of all about the boys being autistic or least of all about her being the priest's kid. However, we all liked the priest's kids very much, except the youngest boy, who was lower functioning, could be a pest. We had a lot of respect for their dad because he'd been educated at Oxford (a big deal among Anglicans here in the US)
@@hilarylawrence4588dad was to blame, instead of properly taking a willow stick and parenting his two brats, he kept praying. He also abused his eldest, his victim.
"The mom adored and lavished much love on her children." that is the very problem, she suffocated their development by that excessive all-reaching love.
This documentary makes me so sad for all these mother's. My own mother did the same thing, she blamed me for my daughter's autism. It's heartbreaking. For someone to tell you you don't love your child is the worst thing when in reality you're already broken inside from the stress and anxiety of having a child whose struggling. I wish I could hug each and every one of them. And, how does it make any sense to treat something you say was caused by lack of connection with isolation?!? How does that make any sense?!?
Autism mom's are truly warriors. The amount of stress is unmeasurable. ❤️
I think your mother has a point
@@brianmahoney4156 oh someone who is bored and out to hurt people for fun take a run an jump. Nobody cares what you have to say.
@@telsclark we shouldn't waste our time acknowledging stupidity like that. Not worth our time. 😊
@@jadedmind7634 very true all the best to you and your daughter🙂
It isn't your fault.It never was the fault of the mothers.I hope you're doing well now.I have a nephew with Aspergers and schizophrenia.I know it's not my sister's fault.It's a long,hard road.Connor is also legally blind.He's 25 and he still needs a lot of help.God bless you and your family.
Thanks to the mothers (and their children) who took part in this documentary. It's very sad to know that they went through all this.
My favorite was "lack of breastfeeding." I nursed both my kids for a year, well tried anyway with my youngest son who is autistic, but he really hated people holding him so I stopped because he wanted me to. I mean we hold our kids all the time in my family. My oldest son is one of those guys who has to greet you with a hug, this is who we are, and the guy says, "this is why you should have breast fed." My consolation is that all of these guys don't have jobs now and they are struggling. Poor guys should have been breast fed.
So much damage done by these stupid claims 😩 The doctors and scientists just can't say "we don't know".
INFURIATING 😡
Out of my three children my daughter breast fed the easiest and longest and she's the only one of them that has autism. .... She didn't really like being held unless she was being fed , after that sooo independent.
Just saying this: I''m not austistic but my mother said I didn't like breast milk AT ALL, I was a tea baby. That is definitely nonsense.
@@krislatoya7556 IKR? The kicker was I DID nurse him for four months with him screaming the whole time and it was my son Jay noticed the poor kid was fine as long as no one touched him. So I bought bottles and formula and all propped up a bottle by his face - like they show the poor orphan babies in China and it looks so heartless - and he was a happy camper.
My son is 13, and autistic. I’m also a Psychiatric Technician, and I work in a mental hospital. This video mortified me. I know they weren’t experts back then (they aren’t even experts now!), but I can’t imagine being told to stay away from my child for 2 years! Especially knowing he would be in solitary confinement. I can’t imagine the damage that must have done!
Isolation theory is DISGUSTING.
Solitary confinement and no contact with parents for years sounds like the treatment facility was no place for the child .I grew up between 10 and 17 in what was one of the best treatment facility’s in the world I was in school and there were plenty of people giving me attention but i had little contact with family at first but I did see then about 6 times a year .Had they known I needed my family early on I think they would have had weekly phone calls and more visits .Later on I had home visits that lasted entire school breaks and a whole month in august
I was in a treatment program on a research unit when I was 40 and they encouraged family to visit as much as possible Family members could come every afternoon and/or evening on any day and they had multi family therapy on wednesday nights
They were doing drug study treating depression autism and OCD I as thrilled they they believed family was part of the answer
I was able to finish high school and have a full time job 22 years after my treatment in a place that didnt know how to help but they gave me a humane environment That made me a success story considering that most autistic people who want to work have trouble getting jobs .
To blame a parent is incredible stupidity !!
* incredibly stupid
Not both parents, keep in mind it was seen as the Mother’s fault.
@@rockstar.crystal you'll never under 🤔 🤣
Correction they blame the mother not the father
i remember reading about this years ago in a couple of magazine articles, ( i read anything medical or scientific as i had interest in those fields since elm. school age )
bu i was in middle school when i read about this and even then i thought, god how stupid the baby is not even born yet and they are trying to say the mother is rejecting the love for the baby and it caused them to be disabled LOL, and even after the baby was born you saw / read about how loving and interactive moms were with them, but yet you also had people then who used to tell parents to not hold their baby too much or cuddle them ( hence one of the purposes of those stupid plastic 'infa-seat' things where theyd put the baby in a little seat to carry them around the house vs directly holding them, or leaving them for long stretches of time in the playpens; and yet the ''professionals'' would turn around and blame the mother for subconscious / unconscious neglect or lack of a bond if the kid happened to be autistic or similar.
My mom never said she loved me. At 4, after my dad died, she told me she never wanted me, opened the yard gate and told me to go. My son is autistic, now 33. He knows he is loved. Greater love has no man than this that he lay down his life for his friend. I have a great gift in my son ❤
Your mother brought up her child to be a full healthy human. and you cannot manage the same. Who is the better mother? Your mum.
This is a mixture of heartbreaking and outrageous. I am filled with sorrow for these parents and their children. How dare these doctors do this?
Because people are never honest about situations. Especially regarding child abuse. If the mother used drugs or alcohol while they were carrying and the child ends up autistic do you think they'd admit to that?
Its easier to pass the buck and blame something else. This is why a doctor was attempting to get to the bottom of it.
@@postplaysExcept the "refrigerator mother" hypothesis does not blame drug consumption during pregnancy for a child's autism. It blames the wildly speculative concept of a cold, unfeeling, uncaring mother.
Why are you conflating two different hypotheses?
i know ! it was so sickening, i remember reading about this years ago in a couple of magazine articles, ( i read anything medical or scientific as i had interest in those fields since elm. school age )
bu i was in middle school when i read about this and even then i thought, god how stupid the baby is not even born yet and they are trying to say the mother is rejecting the love for the baby and it caused them to be disabled LOL, and even after the baby was born you saw / read about how loving and interactive moms were with them, but yet you also had people then who used to tell parents to not hold their baby too much or cuddle them ( hence one of the purposes of those stupid plastic 'infa-seat' things where theyd put the baby in a little seat to carry them around the house vs directly holding them, or leaving them for long stretches of time in the playpens; and yet the ''professionals'' would turn around and blame the mother for subconscious / unconscious neglect or lack of a bond if the kid happened to be autistic or similar.
Psychiatrists cannot always be trusted
I mean there isn’t a group of people as a whole, that can always be trusted.
@@chronic_payne5669 bullseye 🎯
😂 psychology is a pseudoscience. No psychiatrists should be trusted
Usually they can’t.
@@lkb4781 Actually, it's not true. The issue is that we know so little about the brain, gut, neurochemicals, etc. Great strides have been made in the last 30 years, thankfully. I thank Godfor my psychiatrist because I was suffering greatly from Trigeminal neuralgia that over 22 doctors could not help me with. Read it. It's called the suicide disease for a reason. My husband & I did some research & decided we needed to sed a psychiatrist for my pain. My psychiatrist wrote me a prescription for an MAOI . After the 1st dose, no pain. I jave been pain free now for 6 years. If I didn't have the evaluation & treatment from a psychiatrist, I would have killed myself by now because the pain was so acute & unbearable. It is no psuedo science. Medicine has had it's grand mistakes also. Nobody says it's pseudo science. Be careful of comments when you are not educated in such a subject. BTW: my husband is a Dr. So is my brother & I am a nurse.
My son is on the spectrum.
Fortunately he is able to talk. I asked him what he was thinking when he was younger and would sit on the floor and spin in circles. He said his imagination was growing.
I love him SO much!
He is 28 and everyone loves him. He lives on his own and has a job that he has never missed a day of in over 8 years. He does need help with reading and paperwork, but all in all, he's just a great guy.
Peace to you all.
Man these parents are amazing to have people u went to for help & understanding look u in your face & tell u "U are a horrible mother your child is the way they are bc u didn't love them correctly!" Which is ignorant bc how can I not love them but I'm seeking help for them...wouldn't they not care to get help tho? U ladies are amazing & I honor & thank u for choosing love!!! 🙏💯👏😉 u guys rock! ✊
As a mother of a son with autism who got blamed for everything except except Christ's death, this is the nicest thing I've ever read. So glad you're picture is on here. If Ii enlarge it, it fills the screen, and I'm just going to look at your picture and think of you standing here telling me I did a good job. Which no one has ever said. Thank you, that was nice.
Your comment Sir is inspiring and beautiful, if only everyone else felt the same. Thankyou!.
Thank you for the awesome compliment! Honestly, with all that O have learned from my son (13), I wouldn’t change him for the world! Yes, some days are hard and I’m hiding in the closet crying my eyes out from sheer frustration, but when we have good days, they’re awesome! My son also has ADD, and “Not otherwise specified sensory motor processing disorder”, which makes school a HUGE challenge. But we work through it as much as we possibly can.
"The first time I felt woman were heroic, were the mothers of Autistic children".
Of course, every mom is special; but this statement speaks volume. Amazingly said. These mothers really go out of their way, and give their children what they need to have in life. Thank you for your voice.
Mothers of children with "invisible" disabilities have such a hard time. People judge so harshly.
Some are good, some aren’t. People range.
@@jendubay3782 that's true, but it becomes even more difficult when your child has obstacles
As a mother my heart breaks for these parents. To blame the mothers is horrific. It shows that Dr’s don’t know everything. I like how the mother describes these children being from another planet, another culture, in another world because they are a whole human. We need to learn their language, their, world. These children have feelings, intelligence, love.
The mothers are to blame.
@@shanelka8304 and you know nothing.
@@jadebelle5574 I know the truth.
You need to form your child, to raise it, not to let it grow like grass then wonder why it grew to be like grass.
@@shanelka8304 you don’t have children, do you? And no you don’t know the truth. You know nothing about autism, genetics or much of anything of what it means to raise a child, quite obviously. You don’t know the truth. You know your own delusions and they’re your own “truth”.
Still happens. I didn’t walk till 2 and have always had muscle weakness. The professionals told my parents they must be spoiling me the fact my mom was a paraplegic and I would be in her lap a lot (she was in a wheelchair) must be the cause of the delay.
Found out recently thru genetic testing that I have a muscle disease called Nemaline myopathy (caused by the NEB variant)
This was back in the late 70’s!
Without a diagnosis during my school years I faced a lot of discrimination from teachers, especially gym coaches. Even other family members who all thought of something was “really” wrong with me I would have been diagnosed with something.
It’s sad because back then if they had did a simple muscle biopsy it would have shown exactly what I had.
Wonder how much this still goes on in a kinds of different conditions kids may be born with or develop.
It's hard enough to be a parent, they certainly don't come with handbooks! My heart breaks for what these families went through. My mom always said, you raise your children the best that you can & when they grow up, hope & pray that they take it with them♡
Imagine having to raise a child with autism that you love dearly and desperately want to help, in an environment of "experts" who blame you and refuse to even try to be helpful. Having a child with autism is extremely challenging even now that there is some help and knowledge available. Not enough help by any means, but at least some basic understanding of what autism is, and what it is not.
It makes me so mad to hear some people think it's the mother's fault, I'm on the spectrum myself and my mom's never shown me anything but love and kindness, same as my non-autistic brother, I suppose I can't speak for every autistic person but we love and appreciate those who care for us and help us live happy lives, even if some of us struggle to express that in a way other people find easier to pick up on ❤
She was your servant, making no need for you to interact with the world, this is called "kind" suffocation of the personality of the child.
@@shanelka8304 What are you on about? With my family's support I was able to grab myself a degree and enter the workforce. Sure, some people do need more support than I do, but your way of viewing it is disgusting. You're one of those people who think disabled people are a parasite to "normal" people and society, aren't you? Like just say you support eugenics cuz you want us all gone, it's more to the point.
@@Sluggii you are NOT disabled, but an infantile badly parented entitled brat.
@@shanelka8304 Bruh there's literally a genetic link to ADHD, look it up and stop spouting bullshit
@@Sluggii Nope, kid. You state this, you provide the link to a scientific paper? There is none that would prove any genetic links. Stupid people bring up stupidly, so the young brought up by them are stupid, too.
So sad that the parents are blamed for the autism. I am a special needs educator and they are so precious person. Their brain works differently than the majority but they are precious and needs adapted care. They have sense that are over stimulated so they are making repetitive gestures to ground themselves. To focus on it instead everything else,
Check out tyrant finder uk channel for a vid on how children with autism r treated today.i cant post a link as it just says error or network probs.id love ur opinion as u have experience in this field.
So what have you said here that Brono has already not mentioned...about the kids..
Thank you so much to all the angel mothers who pioneered the fight for autistic children. The pain that doctor put on you is inexcusable, makes my heart heavy.
I have a four year old boy with autism and it’s just so hard and challenging at times but I refuse to give up on him he will be high functioning if I have to train myself to be his own speech therapist!!!!! I am his advocate I’m his voice and I will do whatever I can to make sure he has the fullest life!!!
My friend said the same her son is now 19 working with computers, music and is such a lovely person hes a credit to both her and himself. It's not always possible for a child to be high functioning but I applaud your determination. Wish you both all the best.
Sarah, The challenge is hard but by your comment I can tell you WILL be successful in your quest to be the best advocate, teacher and loving mother for your son. I rarely make comments on TH-cam but wonderful strong mother’s like you need to be recognized and supported. ❤️
My child’s physicians gave me the best advice; do not use ASD as an excuse for not trying. Keep on trying!
It is terrible, and u have to endure a lot as parents…. And it is not your fault!!!!
My son has autism and he’s considered high functioning. He will tell you that high functioning just means he’s learned to cope enough for society to be comfortable with him not that he’s overcome the autism but that he masks his behavior and mirrors other’s behavior well enough to pass for him to be accepted in neurotypical company. He is doing well in the eyes of school and the public to the point they took his IEP and 504 plans away from him in school. So don’t let that happen no matter how well your child does bc those resources being available to protect them is key. We did intensive therapy and work. I homeschooled him for some time and kept up with all the therapy and methods that helped him so he can be successful on his own especially when I am no longer here to do so. He’s 17 1/2 now and he’s an amazing young man with a very high moral compass and he works so hard to be that vision of normal he views others to have. But we are blessed he can communicate with us very well at least with me. I’ve always been grateful for the fact that he confides in me and comes to me and explains his experience to me. It has helped me a great deal to be able to help him bc of that. We also did sign language as toddlers with our kids and used many different tools to help him communicate and learn and teach him how to soothe and cope with stimulation and concerns.
If my psychiatrist didn’t brush his hair I couldn’t take him serious.
I was just thinking how much I loved his wild hair 😆
🤣😂🤣
@@AnneLien1987 😂
Who cares?
@@sylwia7060 hey do you . I’m just speaking for myself
I'm blown away by what these mothers had to go through. They are hero's for sharing their story. Bless you and thankyou!💜🌈
Wow, these moms paved the way, and we have so much more to learn to this day.
my heart and respect goes out to all the mothers (having been blamed, suffered so much and still do 😢) and the parents who finally ignored the doctors...
I am so sorry for what you had to go through 🙁!!!
Gosh this is so sad! I'm a mother to a beautiful little 4 year old girl with autism. She has the best sense of humor and gives the best "face hugs". Even with all the understanding now it's hard to get help and acceptance it must of been so hard back then ❤
The most ridiculous part about "refrigerator mom" label is that autistic children in most cases can not stand being hugged, picked up or touched in general. And from very young age! It literally hurts their brain! So saying they got autistic because they weren't held/hugged and etc enough - makes no sense...
I could only make it to 7 min and Im in tears. As a mother of 2 autistic sons I so feel for other mothers. I was lucky I was a pediatric nurse who had studied brain disorders so I worked with autistic kids before. I see autistic kids as someone who's brain works different the others and we other have to change the way we think.
❤❤❤
My beautiful daughter has Autism. I knew from the time she was 15 months old. I didn't stop holding, kissing and talking to her. Lily is an individual just because she doesn't speak doesn't mean there's no personality, no understanding and no sense there. There's a different way of communicating without words. It's ashame that before proper diagnosis mother's were blamed. Times have changed but the truth is ppl are still ashamed. My ex husband played the blame game instead of working with me to give our child opportunity. Once we were genetically tested and found the carrier to be him the sense of guilty weighed on him. The only reason for testing was to get Lily into proper programming. It didn't make either of us feel comforted to know the reason why. The reason wasn't as important as getting support and services.
What do you mean by we have to change the way we think ?
@@helioszxc A child with autism can not be made to think the way we think, their brain is like wired differently. It is on us to learn to think the way they do. Like an over sensitive child might freak out hearing loud noises. We can't take it somewhere and say 'oh yeah he doesn't like loud noises, but pull yourself together.' We have to remember not to go places with loud noises because he can't change this.
@@mrsmendy3845 oh ye that of course!
These parents ended up feeling guilty for something that wasn't their fault.
This was a slowly disappearing argument in my youth. I heard of men simply leaving their wives and children when one of the children was diagnosed autistic. Poor women, left with the kids, and an autistic child on top of that. No support either financial or emotional and being blamed. I am sure that entire families abandoned these women. The other children, the siblings, also paid a tremendous price.
The sad part of this is, 2009 trying to get diagnosis for my son, we experienced the exact same response from one professional, he said its lack of parenting. Gross, especially from so called professional people .
it is lack of parenting, indeed. The doctor saw your interactions
@shanelka8304 I've never in my years as a qualified nursery nurse sewn a case of bad parenting cause a child to stim, have extreme sensory issues to the pont wear he hated wearing clothes and be extremely distressed around strangers. Sorry but you're wrong. And I'd love to know how you know how I am as a parent when you have never met me. But trolls gonna troll.
@@geminigeminicottoneyejo5905 I am sure as a nurse you have never watched continuous footage 24h-7 of mothers interacting with their kids at home. A LOT goes on behind closed doors.
Did you teach your child by age 12 to EAT WHAT IS GIVEN WITHOUT PROTEST:????? NOPE.
@@geminigeminicottoneyejo5905 Extremely distresses about strangers? Dog trainers deal with this easily by exposing their dog to strangers at least 4 hours a day - did you do the same? NOPE! You enjoyed his fear and his dependency on you! Did you IGNORE his tantrums about clothing - to desensitize him? Of course not! you accomodated his craze - a dog trainer would have frown upon such behaviour even in a dog owner.
You are a "mother suffocator".
As a special educator… parents are THE CHAMPIONS!! I can’t imagine how she managed this in her time … no resources, very lil information!!?? Smh. Bless them 😇
I too work in the field. You are 100% correct. They are dealing with these issues 24/7. They are heroes!
I completely agree with both of u amazing ladies & I appreciate u guys for choosing to do the work that u do with love care & sensitivity 🙏 my nephew has autism & schizophrenia but he is 1 of the smartest guys I've ever met his brain isn't afraid to work outside of the "normal" box for whatever we as society deems normal as!
My son is autistic & we still have to fight to get everything that neurotypical children get..but it’s so much better than these times on the documentary
@@804smiles I've found that alot of children with autism are brilliant! In my never humble opinion, children with autism communicate differently. If people only realized that every child is perfect the way they are, maybe people could be kinder to everyone on the planet! Sending love to your family from The Midwest!
@@Calisigoat I agree! I'm glad it's not as bad as it once was, but our society is far from helpful to families who have members with autism. EVERY child needs and deserves the same things in life! I wish you and your family the best! Just because a child isn't "neurotypical" (I hate that term... none of us are typical. Lol) doesn't mean they aren't deserving of the same exact care and understanding! Stay strong! There are some great professionals out there!
THE ARTIST AND HER SCULPTURES WERE AMAZING..... ALL MOTHERS IN THIS VIDEO WAS SO ATTENTIVE AND LOVING....... I FEEL FOR THEM..... THE BLACK MOTHER HAD ONE POWERFUL MESSAGE AT THE END OF HER STORY... I WAS IMPRESSED....
Amazing how the older son realizes how his mother has sacrificed raising her sons. Because it’s more than one son here it’s raising one with special needs & one gifted son who needs to be a child but sometimes can’t be because he is moms helper. It’s very hard for a mom sometimes,kids….
the actual sacrifice in fact is suffocation of the new person.
I think Bruno Bettelheim was insane!!
You think?
@Daehny 7 I totally agree!
Oh I don't think insane, I think PSYCHOTIC. I think he had some kind of sociopathy.
I agree 💯
Did Anyone watch his interview before judging...
My son has severe Autism and he's completely non verbal. He means the world to me. He works so hard I'm grateful that I will hear his beautiful voice in Heave. Thank you my Lord Jesus Christ.❤️🙏
Amen!
l loved what the Puerto Rican lady said about Autistic people living on another plane of existence. I worked in the field for years and I thot that myself - I do not have a PhD. When l learned to live their world I was amore effective staff support. To blame the mothers is ridiculous, I'm glad that's been resolved. What a horror for the parents. ☮
Autism is not caused by any one thing and I think we are beginning to explore the idea that the causation of Autism could be part genetic and part environmental but there is no known etiology at this time. There are some known sensitivity factors and perhaps this is due to a mutation of a gene that we haven’t pinpointed. I hope that we will soon discover the cause and be able to avoid severe autistic conditions.
100%. We are truly just grazing the surface of understanding. Blaming any parent for being ignorant of something we are just barely coming to understand is ridiculous.
Well actually it's been proven that ASD is caused by certain sets of genes. There are 4 types, if I remember correctly, and the severity depends on which type a child inherits. Last I read on the subject, the Autism Clinic of OHSU in Oregon/Washington were trying to get sponsorship to make genetic testing of newborns for those gene sets mandatory.
I want all types of autistic people to be born. You can’t “prevent” it because it’s deeply ingrained in their neurology. To deny them the right to exist naturally as they are is to deny civil rights
Always blaming mothers when it’s not their fault whatsoever pertaining to autism. How sad for these moms that had to deal with all that stigma.
Society has been seeing Family/ Moms for Generations.....So when they tell u something...listen up...They got nothing against you...Mostly they want the kid to do well...
When it was obvious I had issues, my dad denied I was his child and accused my Mom of cheating, because he couldn't accept the fact that his child was autistic. They divorced. Mom found an wonderful man who adopted me as his own. They both did such a wonderful job, teaching me how to function as best as possible. I was blessed to have a high IQ, so I was able to learn to 'act right', and appear to be mostly like other people. I even had a successful work life. Unfortunately I didn't know I was autistic, so when working 80 -90 hours a week in a stressful job, I had a severe autistic burnout. I eventually retired at 59. I didn't figure out until 60, that I was autistic. My folks finally admitted it. What a hard thing it must have been for them. What great parents raised me, that an autistic person could do what I have done. They could have institutionalized me. Now I live isolated, but joyous with my dog.
What nonsense!
@@shanelka8304 What are you talking about?
Unfortunately, it’s not “just” Autism that Mothers were/are blamed for. I was born in 1966, with ‘hip dysplasia’, and my Mom was told it was her fault. My sister was born 1972 with a port wine birthmark, and parents who would see her told my Mom-NOT Dad-“how could you burn your beautiful daughter?” We Moms can’t win!!!! Sometimes, these things “just happen” and there is no reason, it really “just happens”. My Grandson is Autistic. I’m so proud his Mom rejected soundly that it’s “Moms fault” and she was doing something wrong!!! But my Grandson is smart-you can see it in his eyes-and didn’t speak until he was 5 (he’s 7 now). He taught himself at 2 how to sign, and when we didn’t pick it up quick enough he found another way to sign where he spelled everything-off videos on TH-cam!!! He’s a smart cookie, and shows it daily!!! He has a 3month old sister he “sings to sleep” every time she starts to fuss, and she is a totally a different experience! We wouldn’t change him for anything!!! But blaming the Mom for everything under the sun needs to stop!!! Sometimes, things just happen!!!! *hugs* to all Moms!!!
yep, parents, usually mom, was blamed for mental retardation, no matter the actual cause, blamed for physical disabilities as well. i remember reading about this years ago in a couple of magazine articles, ( i read anything medical or scientific as i had interest in those fields since elm. school age )
bu i was in middle school when i read about this and even then i thought, god how stupid the baby is not even born yet and they are trying to say the mother is rejecting the love for the baby and it caused them to be disabled LOL, and even after the baby was born you saw / read about how loving and interactive moms were with them, but yet you also had people then who used to tell parents to not hold their baby too much or cuddle them ( hence one of the purposes of those stupid plastic 'infa-seat' things where theyd put the baby in a little seat to carry them around the house vs directly holding them, or leaving them for long stretches of time in the playpens; and yet the ''professionals'' would turn around and blame the mother for subconscious / unconscious neglect or lack of a bond if the kid happened to be autistic or similar. so dumb and a complete lack of logic all around.
@Shannonbarnesdr1 and yet, even though we women are smart enough to figure out how to cause all of humanities issues, we are not smart enough to govern our own bodies and need a man to be in charge and tell us how to take care of ourselves Now THAT is asinine 😉
The lady talking about how her son was initially diagnosed with an emotional disturbance. That's what I was diagnosed as a kid. I'm 31 now and seeking an autism diagnosis. It's crazy how seemingly random people's lives have parallels and similarities.
I hope ur doing good Rhys brando!!
you do have emotional disturbance, not autism. Accept it.
Thank you for all these mothers for carving a path by believing their instincts and giving us hope
This is horrible. I'm the younger sibling to an autistic brother, born in the mid 80s. My Mother was never blamed (thank God) but when my brother was diagnosed my mother was pregnant with me. Quite far along as it would happen. Unprompted he asked my Mother is she wanted an abortion. My mother was not good to me growing up, but I will never forgive that doctor for having the gall to ask someone that unprompted. My Mom let him have it, and I only wish I had a time machine to wedge a boot up his butt.
The awful thing is my brother is happiest if you don't touch him or stare at him, even though that's the instinct. And it wasn't because my Mom wasn't loving. It was because she respected his boundaries and didn't make him miserable. And from the outside it looks cold but its not. Sitting a space away from him on the couch is his hug.
I just feel awful for all of these Mothers being blamed and being left without help or information for their children. That's a nightmare.
"My mother was not good to me growing up" -that IS the answer. Refrigerator, indeed.
Now I understand this fear of labels that many people have. I was late diagnosed autistuc and have been shocked ny the stigma and atitude within the autustuc community as well as outside of it!
It is horrible how they tortured both parents(especially the mothers) and children during this era.
What an amazing documentary. This has brought me a sense of comfort with my own family’s journey with autism. I had to stop multiple times to send multiple people the link. I am so moved and impressed. 💖😍
This is so crazy , even now parents are still fighting for awareness .
I have a 21 year old non verbal non communicative autistic son. Now 1 in 80 children are diagnosed with autism so it's getting worse. My son is stuck in his own world but I know he understands more than anyone gives him credit for.
My 9 yr old son is also non-verbal with a neurodevelopmental disorder called Xia-Gibbs Syndrome. I hear you fully. Jaxon is quite capable even though he'll never really grow up. Hugs from Colorado.
@@monicascott2354 hugs and prayer to you too..it gets easier. Hang in there
It never gets easier
@@robertmarley8852 Some things don't but most do, caring for a disabled child gets easier because it becomes automatic after a while, you can do it. Don't ever give up.
he may be non verbal but hes not non communicative, they communicate through sounds, movements, behaviors, all behavior is communication. they understand everything going on around them, they just cant express it in a way that is easy for us to translate and understand, see what you can do to get him in programs that teach sign language, as well as using a AAC device like a dynavox, DO NOT look at ''rapid prompt typing or FC'' that has been proven to be the helper typing, and not the client, plus its not autonomous. you want independent communication, and ''talking'' so get him in a program that will work with him on using a dynavox, and american sign language, it will be a lon road, but trut me, it does work, and in the end he will be able to talk to you in a way you can easier understand w what hes thinking, feeling etc.
My heart breaks for these mum’s, it’s hard and overwhelming today in 2022 to raise a child with autism, even harder when you are a single parent. I can’t begin to imagine how hard it was back then in 1960!
the theory was right.
I hope for the very best lives for each and every one of these amazing human beings in this documentary. ❤ This brought me to tears more than once. I love what one of the mothers said "They're whole people. They just have a different culture."
This is heartbreaking.
I relate to these moms so much! May God bless and keep them and their families safe always! ❤️
The cruelty to these parents - particularly the mothers - is horrendous. Where is the help, love, support…? Just heart-breaking.
Great documentary, thank you so much and peace to all. Each one is unique, special, and loving/ loveable just as they are ❤🕊🙏
Wow! All I can say is thank you for sharing ❤️
Yet another tear jerker for me as a single mom with an autistic child. The ending with puff the magic dragon got me because there is hope. My son is bright in one thing...reading and writing huge words I cannot pronounce but he's bad in others. I'm always wondering what he'll be when he grows up. My son has high functioning autism. He has a congenital heart condition ontop of everything else. They don't blame me thankfully. I will keep all families that deal with this daily cause some people don't understand. But I do. Keep you heads up moms and dads!
Well, don't deny reality. Your parenting. Go him. Autistic. End of.
All you parents of these children, KUDOS!! Bless you!! The hardest job is being a parent and an even harder job is being a parent of an autistic child! Much respect!!
17:47 Wow, Marie's elder son is so beautiful inside and out.
He made me bawl my eyes out. Gosh, what a darling.
You could see how careful he was in how he chose his words. I imagine that is from a lifetime of practice.
Regressing into autism is a MYTH. You are born with autism, or you do not have autism at all. Maybe some people need to do their research (been doing it for over 30 years myself, being on the spectrum, I know it inside out.). The current believe, and science supports this, is that it is genetically inhereted. (homogene recessive)
The parent blaming, I recognise as it happend to my own parents. It is not so much the autism as such, but the behavioural differences between people who are the spectrum, vs those who are not. People think that these differences come from rearing your child, thus blaming the parents. As autism not always a visible handicap, people not knowing autism fall back on such idiotic stereotypes.
The forgotten in all of this, are usually the siblings. As society, we need to not overlook their worries, pains etc growing up with a person who has autism.
This is one of the best documentaries I’ve ever seen.
This film really touched my heart. I work in special education I'm a special education para professional. I have been working with the disabled population for 28 years. I love my work though challenging I wouldn't have it any other way.
Mom’s are the best! Thank you all.
❤❤ yes indeed
👼💕💛💜💙❤
What was done to these mothers was absolutely horrible. How they were able to survive that and still remain loving parents to those children is a testament to their strength and their love for those children.
Autism actually occurs in about 1/30 children. Most autistic people are undiagnosed, because they don't fit the stereotypical image of what autism looks like. Most females who are autistic are undiagnosed, even until their adult lives. Some die without a diagnosis. Also, autism is considered a developmental disorder, sure, okay, but actually, it's a different neurotype. Autism isn't the issue, it makes me so angry! Society's perception and understanding of autism is the issue. Behaviours only exist for a reason! The key to being a good parent to an autistic individual is to find out why behaviours occur and how to help them.
Also, at 8 minutes in, all Chris is doing is stimming. This documentary makes it seem as though he's doing something outrageous, but he's not. He's just calming himself with self stimulating behaviour.
I have often been indifferent to people .I couldn’t understand people and that made it hard to relate .I think that indifference is part of being in the spectrum I was diagnosed autistic in 1991 when I was 40 .As a child I was diagnosed schizophrenia and exposed to Freudian culture .My parents were shamed by the culture because they didnt know better . Something went wrong no one knew why and didnt know what to do.When Sigmund Freud came on the scene people were desperate for answers to big problems Desparate enough they’d even accept made up ones simply to get hope where ever they could find it .
when life knocks us down our hearts cry for hope I’m thankful that we have learned some of the real whys and there are things we can do .
I have heard that sensory integration can help .Kids love it because they think it is play
My son has Autism. I was blamed by my ex husband and ex mother in law. She would feel the need to constantly point out no one in their family has any "issues" so it must all be my fault. My ex husband left and his entire family disowned us, pretended we never existed. He has had a daughter with his new partner who has been diagnosed with Autism. The only 2 grandchildren his mother has and she has nothing to do with either of them. People who grew up in that generation but didn't have a child with Autism still believe this is the mothers fault.
I am so saddened for these families and how they have been treated. Bettelheim routinely lied about his credentials and experience and it’s absolutely sickening to me that this person was the only voice many people heard when it comes to Autism. I shuddered when I realised there are still people out there like him to this day who will use their status and pseudoscience to explain away a complicated problem and pretend that their opinion on the matter is all that counts.
We have come so far and yet still have so far to go. Being the parent of an Autistic child is incredibly challenging but they are your baby and you love them no matter what.
This quack was clearly doing harm. He should have lost his medical license. Sadly the Ford Foundation was the monetary driver that kept Bettelheim in business.
My heart is breaking ..so much luv to these parents ..they love their children . they where trying to fight back
Heartbreaking and beautiful these moms are amazing
my baby is going to be 21. Hugs to each of you! Its so hard and so lonely sometimes
My son was (still is) nonverbal and many many professionals repeatedly told me I wasn't talking to him enough and if I would talk more or read more then he would talk.
Send him to your brothers/ Cousins / Aunts house...Let him be there for a while...Do not check on him...Only after an year...Just give it a try...
That’s not how it works. Sorry they were so ignorant. Does your son have an AAC device or iPad? Those work wonders helping people communicate. I have autistic friends who can’t talk, and the iPad saved their life and prevented a lot of difficult times because it opened a door for them to communicate
God bless all those dear mothers who were accused of causing autism in their child, and blamed for not loving their children enough. May God forgive those doctors.
How awful. Interesting how they blamed the mothers not the fathers too. Some doctors are brilliant but some are just idiots.
It breaks my heart seeing what these families went through. Can't imagine being blamed by professionals for your child being Autistic. I have an autistic child and I went through a stage of blaming myself and not knowing what to do. When you reach out to find answers its a really hard and crucial time for your child and for you as a parent . I can't imagine them seeking professional help and them blaming you.
But you ARE to blame
@@shanelka8304 NO??
@@budgie463 YE!
What an amazing human beings....this mothers!!. Every single one of them.
It's so sad as a mother part of u blames yourself or wonders what you could of done differently... so to have the doctors telling you that too i can't imagine how awful them mothers felt about themselves 😔
My little one was born with a cleft eye lid and type 1 Dibetes... all I did was wonder what I ate in my pregnancy or what I did wrong or wasn't giving her enough of.
There is nothing in reality I could of done to cause these things .. but it's just a guilt of a mother. If something is wrong we won't blame the child we think what did I do diffrent, can't imagine the docs telling them they are the problem, not just the heart break but the frustration.
If they are going go use refrigerator mother for anyone it should be for them who's kids got taken rightfully on neglect etc.
Bless all you mum's out there with a child with special needs. It really is not easy and most people have no idea your everyday struggle. Hold your head up high mum's you are strong.
How dare they make someone feel guilty for something they didn't do, this is so toxic
It is absurd to argue that parents cannot cause autism imo. If a child is ignored what else can it do but retreat into itself? Beware dogmatism always.
Thats not what causes autism. At all
@@shadowsinmymind9Yes it is. Poor diet of the mother and father increases likelihood for autism.
@@petermueller7298 hahaha, what? Thats not how it works either. I've eaten healthy home cooked meals that my mother cooked for my whole childhood. My son has autism because its genetic on his fathers side of the family. You people are ridiculous
@@shadowsinmymind9 Define home cooked, home cooked doesn’t always mean healthy
@@petermueller7298 home cooked European food. Since I came from Europe. So a lot of vegetables and soup
Wooooooow, this is fascinating.
It’s so sad for doctors to blame rhe mothers from a lack of research. Neuroscience specifically, is just now reaching substantial levels of research and facts. I can’t even imagine how minimal the data was back then. Sucks to see this type of stuff perpetrated onto a family already struggling.
N
obody ever disproved moehters' blame. It stands.
I'm obsessed with true crime and documentaries
Same here.
Amen my friend 🤗
Same 😄
Yep. Me too.
Same 🙈
Beautiful moms...beautiful kids. Prayers for the formerly believed "Refridgerator Mothers."
As a mother with a son with autism this was very heartbreaking and beautiful to see
This psychologist psychiatrist is I’m gobsmacked these poor mothers It must’ve been so hard for them God bless you all you’re not doing nothing wrong it’s not your fault my heart is absolutely breaking
exactly - these are poor mothers, cannot parent
Was Bettelheim evil or influenced by his own trauma? It's debatable.
An interesting point.
You can be influenced by trauma and not evil, but his actions WERE indeed, evil.
Nah the scale of his manipulation means he’s evil
Bettelheim was influenced by psychoanalysis, Freud and company. Psychoanalysis influences too many psychiatrists because they are too lazy to change and realise Freud, Bettelheim and their kinds were wrong.
Very interesting. Thank you
I bonded with my children. Normal early childhood and at age 6, was pushed from behind, while at school, and received a left temporal side acquired TBI. From then on, we treated behaviors and symptoms of the TBI. At age 14, he was dx as a high functioning autistic teenager