The Parents Who Had Their Autistic Son Arrested | My Perfect Family
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 มี.ค. 2024
- Murray and Janine Alexanders' autistic son Steven had never been a violent boy growing up. A gentle boy who grew up with autism. However, 18 months ago a change in his school and his medication triggered a journey into hell for the entire family. He left their house with the police, in handcuffs. Now they're ready for him to come home.
In this inspirational and uplifting series, discover how children living with mental and physical disabilities live life to the full with the help of their families. My Perfect Family celebrates the fantastic parents who raise their children with a creative, pragmatic and positive attitude.
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My cousin's oldest son is severely autistic. He had to go into full-time residential care after he nearly unalived his brother by strangling him. People shouldn't judge what they don't understand.
Thanks for this. From a mom of an autistic teen, I appreciate your comment 💙
I have a son with autism , he is now 26, he is verbal and kind and considerate, he is not abusive and never was. I got lucky. Remember when u meet an autistic person, u have only met one person with autism. Every child with autism is completely different, some are nonverbal and can be highly destructive. There is a huge range on the spectrum.
So true must be so scary for parents 😢I take my hat off to autistic parents they have their hands full
That’s attempted murder. He would probably have to be testified if he was guilty.
This is one of the many problems happening in public schools right now and one of the reasons for the teacher shortage. The school system doesn’t give children with autism adequate support, sometimes it’s downright cruel the situation they are put in because of funding.
Some developmentally delayed or mentally I’ll people are too aggressive to safely live at home. No parent should be shamed if they have to seek external care.
Yup
Yes, but we need services that are safe so that it doesn't have resort to prison
Definitely, but we should still be aware of the dangers of residential care. Just like at nursing homes, abuse is far from uncommon. Also during 2020 the amount of parents that put their children in homes was staggering and heart breaking. I'm not putting my nonverbal child in a home, when one of his teachers was physically abusing him at school. Its not uncommen at all. Hes ten times more likely to experience abuse than his peers. That's why we got the gear and training to handle his violent behaviors ourselves at home. If someone genuinely needs to put their loved one in a home, I really hope they check in regularly, and are very hands on, and don't blindly trust the care givers.
Absolutely 💯
In nyc such a child or adult would be sedated asap. Needed immediate sedation to calm him down and then proceed from there. Also need to have dermatologist to check his skin😮
I worked with a young man who was SEVERELY autistic. Far worse than this. Mom was a biomedical engineer, dad a prominent attorney. They were wealthy, but very wrapped up in their careers. He lived in a glorified jail, no glass, very few items because he could not stand things in his space besides a couple books- everything else had to be secured and his TV was secured behind plexy glass.
Doing basic needs was always a total nightmare- meals required staff to hand him one bite at a time through a small space. If it was brought into his area, all the food and plate/utensils would be flung in the air or at you. Bathing was the worst!! It'd take too long to explain it all, but it required us to splash warm water over him while we'd keep a distance, and endless buckets (SM ones used on infants) would be violently ripped out of your hand and thrown at you as would any item you used.
This young man had all magnetic doors, half the house was converted. This was done after an incident occurred where every window was smashed and everything he could find got destroyed. This led to a 9mo stay. He was a 2-on-1, but rarely did that actually happen bc we couldn't keep staff. He broke my coworkers nose, injury was common. He wore a modesty suit, clothing was next to impossible to stay on him. Dodging handfuls of feces was almost a daily occurance.
I've worked in this field for 20 years, never seen anything like it, not even close. I was brought in for my experience but every time I had a "breakthrough," I had ZERO back up from the parents. They always just gave him what he wanted, when he wanted which is probably a huge reason why he ended up this way. Side note- I also worked for him as a 2-4yr old child - I would have NEVER envisioned this back then!! He was always non verbal, but was a total sweetheart. He was NEVER accountable and when people got hurt or he acted out, we were basically told to look the other way and accept it (staff was typically blamed believe it or not!!).
I realized that as much as this sucks for him, I could no longer care for his quality of life more than his own parents. As good as the money was too (it did pay quite well), no amount was really worth it for the abuse sustained. I had to quit. I was beyond burnt out. My last week with him, he injured my rotator cuff terribly and my shoulder has never been the same since. Last I saw, mom was BEGGING people to come work for him to no avail. His father up and left. Mom was and is terrified of him. He was the size of a grown man when I worked for him (he was 17-19), and has only gotten bigger. It's so sad!!
I'm sooooo happy to see these parents here. You can absolutely tell they are wonderful, loving parents just trying to do what's best for their child!! Having autism should NEVER excuse someone completely from violent behavior. You are doing your child a MASSIVE disservice to just completely look the other way.
Thank you!! I am looking for all the advice I can get. It’s hard to know what is the right thing to do.
I have a teen who’s autistic and I have told her I’m preparing her for when she’s 18 in just a few short years. You can’t just take precautions you have to get them services to teach them how to socialize, handle some sensory overload and other things. I also found out I’m autistic as an adult. You fail your child if you don’t help them get ready for the real world. Will it always work? No but if you don’t try than you failed
You are breaking HIPAA by posting this.
@@lindaroloff34Are they though? They didn't mention any names or locations. Maybe by including the parent's job titles and the child's age, b/c then someone who knows them could put the pieces together. But from what I understand it's only a violation when personally identifying information is shared, like names. Please tell me if I'm wrong, I've worked in medical offices and may do so again in the future and I'd like to be certain I'm not in violation of anything. Although, advice from random folks on the internet is not the best way for me to learn the rules... but still...
@@lindaroloff34LMFAO and? Psychiatry doesn't even emphasize their developmental incapacities to enter into contracts to the autistic young adults they have diagnosed, to say nothing of pretending to legitimize the chromosomal impossibility of transgender delusion (a separation strategy in undiagnosed autistic females) in order to accept the invitation to sterilize them.
Nor does anybody get real about postpartum psychosis (wish for the child to become "unborn") being the pathogenic etiology of autism (and SIDS). Stomach-sleeping being common to both tells all anyone needs to know as an obviously defensive sleeping posture against scowling or menacing mothers.
If somebody just abused our HIPAA rights I rather doubt many of us would notice or mind enough to melt down over it. Quaint notion somebody might actually have our backs for once though. Kumbaya thanks for the kind gesture.
“It just seemed so wrong. But, there was nothing else we could do”.
This must’ve been awful for the entire family, so I thank you for sharing your story.
I have 2 children on the spectrum - 1 severe and 1 highly functioning.
In 2020, my son became extremely violent - he broke my nose, smashed windows…ripped our front door of of its hinges…we had no choice.
In Maryland (US) we are able to get an emergency placement order and my son was moved to a group home that could address his needs…it was the hardest day of my entire life…I cried until there was no more tears left-
Since then, my son is happy, healthy, and thriving. We see him whenever we want (usually 2-3 times a week), he plays on a special needs hockey team, goes on weekly outings to the zoo, the gym, etc. and has a job cleaning a pharmacy every other day through his program.
As hard as it was, I knew it had to be about HIM, not me… no matter my feelings, I needed to do what was best for him, and I think he was trying to tell me that.
Now when we see each other, it is full of laughter and snuggles…I look back on those times and although it was the hardest decision of my life - it was the best.
It was so brave and smart of you to place him in the group home. That is what real parenting is all about!! You chose his needs over your own. So glad it was the start of great things for both of you!😊
You were so brave and altruist to do so, it is amazing. I am sure your son, in his own way, will someday know what you did (in the best way said possible, don't get me wrong).
....or just maybe the laughter and snuggles says it all. I know, as a disabled person myself, how important those little things are and mean.
Autism isn’t linear and functioning labels are harmfuk
It is so hard. I've just placed my son in a group home. ASD and schizoaffective disorder. 😪 Sending love from South Africa 🇿🇦 ❤
@@melanytodd2929 brave choice. I am glad you did that and hope it is a wonderful blessing to you and your son!
I am a mom of a 13-year-old autistic boy. I am also a special education teacher with 14 Autistic students. This video has moved me to tears with compassion and watching a unique way of life that others do not often understand. Prayers for him, mama and the whole family.
Studies show that it's long term usage of certain medication that alters the mind & behavior. Endevr has a documentary on this
Fellow mother of a child with autism, and what I want to know is WHY we are seeing this emerge in every “western society”, and especially at such a rapid pace?? When will our politicians and international organizations stop worshipping the Big Industries that are seemingly keeping a lid on this topic, and force a real conversation about WHY this is occurring, and most importantly to me, what we can do to help the lovely souls who are being tormented by their very own brains?
❤
@@nouvel0001which medications?
@@chilltartsbecause of the chemicals I'm sorry it's simple it's every single thing we eat every single thing we smoked every single thing you drink every pipe every building everything is toxic to humans and this is a result of it places that don't have as heavy exposure or have much higher laws regarding what they can consume and what kind of chemicals medications you can put into your body, all of that makes a huge difference
My son is 4 and autistic. I don’t know what our life will be like. I will never judge another mother of an autistic child.
Mine as well we all have to stick together, people don't understand what we go through...
I’ve worked with many people with autism, and most aren’t like Steven. That being said, early intervention is the key. If you’re doing that, you’re doing what is best for your child. I also recommend reading the writings of Temple Grandin to get a perspective of what it feel like to be autistic.
@@jeanieolahful I worked at a school for people with autism, and yes, many are like Steven! Even with early intervention! Hormones, dysregulation, illness that’s been undiagnosed, blood sugar issues, new sensory issues, vision issues, stomach issues, food allergies, even skin conditions can cause people with autism to become irate! I actually own an empathy and play based therapy clinic for people with autistic now, as well. We don’t typically use ABA.
With that being said, a lot of autistics have spoken about how temple grandin is ableist, and I tend to agree. Masking and conforming to neurotypical standards weigh heavily on most autistics. ABA has also been shown to be more harmful than good on many autistics, and causes heavy burn out and depression, anxiety, OCD, and many more. An approach of love, understanding, and molding your environment to fit the autistic child is best! They need to feel love and support, and like they belong. My son doesn’t have to change anything about himself, and I am helping him reach his goals without him sitting in a clinic!
A rule of thumb for my generation of autistic providers is to denounce anything supported by Autism Speaks, as this is an ableist company. We listen to autistic people now! And don’t believe in the puzzle piece. 🖤 my son is in good hands !
@@jeanieolahful I also want to add that Steven needs more access to communication. He would do really well with a keyboard! Or a letter board! When we cannot communicate our needs it’s extremely frustrating. He seems to have reached that level, and is not able to tell his parents why he is hurting inside.
Never feel guilty, you did it because you love him and to get him the help he needs.
I needed to see this, I needed to be reminded that I'm not the only Mother that has been through this.
You do what you have to do to care for your child.
Sometimes that means letting them go to others with the training & ability to give them what they need. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Sometimes the group homes/hospitals are just better at giving them what they need. They're able to give them the attention they need 24/7.
That can then allow them to relax more & become the people they can be.
Anyone who would judge you for taking care of your kid in whatever way you need to do is just a dick.
There's a reason why these places exist & if needed they should be utilized.
They're able to do things that parents at home just can't do.
My friend actually used to work with folks like this in order to help them get out & have a job. He loved working with them.
Didn't hurt that before retirement he was a special educator.
It's healthy to ask for help when needed. It's not healthy to have "guilt trips" and not get help when needed.
I am autistic so I think I can maybe shed some light on how we function, feel and think. Emotions are very difficult for us to express and they are heightened. Our brains are constantly racing and when you’re non verbal and you can’t say what you want then it’s going to be very frustrating. I do have compassion for the families going through this, just know that what we go through in our minds is very difficult and stressful as well.
My heart breaks for you 🤗
Thank you
This! So many people don’t understand that we deserve compassion as autistic individuals but that doesn’t make what happened to these families any easier or better
Thank you sooooooo much for sharing.
I have a 38 year old son who is austic. He has kicked in doors, punched walls, and tried to put his head through my lounge wall. He is very intelligent, and has a BSC in science. The older he has got, the harder he is to live with. He too is a very kind person.
Kind people dont destroy your house, Tell me another lie.
@@davidgray1515nobody is perfect it's not a lie, just because he did that doesn't mean he isnkind your not in heir shoes so don't judge people when you have no experience in it.. .
You don't have to allow him to live with you. He's an adult, capable of getting a degree. You deserve peace in your home.
Sounds like you have a warped sense of what kindness actually means
@@Rebecca-hc5ju she brought him into the world so it is her responsibility to take care of him and not burden Society
Wild. I wonder if anyone mentioned PANDAS/PANS to this family when he initially got sick? I feel for them all. That outburst around 23 minutes had my blood pressure up, but it certainly seemed OCD-like to me as well.
My daughter with ds/asd does this kind of outburst after lots of triggers and or frustrations have built up. Rarely though. It’s the same as us not dealing with stressors as they arise but just bottling things up.
@@daisysummer514 oh I understand outbursts, but his seemed particularly focused on using certain words. In an earlier clip, he was repeating a short sentence before they cut out, but it didn't seem echolaic. Take what I say with a grain of salt as I've only worked with children on the spectrum, and I don't mean to challenge his diagnosis, but I wonder if the addition of pandas could explain anything further or offer additional treatment options.
@@LeftOfTodaythat sounds highly plausible, rarely do our diagnosed or even dual diagnosed kids have many of their other problems addressed or even diagnosed, when one thing masks the other and etc. I think A LOT gets missed when everything is put down to “that’s asd”. Most definitely.
@@daisysummer514 for sure.. And even treatment options (like meds) sometimes make things worse and can go missed. That's really hard!
Really unlikely they did, sadly-- if he was born in the early 1990s, the condition had pretty much just started to be recognized a few years earlier. It looks like maybe the diagnostic standard was set in 1998? That would have been probably two or so years after he was sick if I heard his age correctly? So close 😢
Honestly, it sounded like the kid got PANDAS
And then when he was medicated, the meds changed his brain and made him worse for where. That is so sad.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking, autism regression is not that fast.
I feel so sad for this family. How heartbreaking.
Sounds like a terribly hard situation. I feel sorry for the whole family including Steven. May God bless these people.
This is my worst nightmare, but at age 7 he is already unintentionally hurting me on a regular basis. He also has an abusive father showing him that is how you deal with emotions, who unfortunately has partial custody due to Colorado laws praising abusive fathers because they want their kids. So unless there is a miracle coming our way, this is our future as well. I hate that our sweet and innocent children have to go through this, and cannot even breathe when I think about our future. So it helps to see how happy they are, especially Steven. Thank you for sharing your story ❤
Yiu need to give the father full rights to that child and walk away
Doesn’t sound like she’s “allowing” anything. What the court says goes. Otherwise, she’ll find herself in legal trouble which means she’d be risking the chance of her son’s abusive father being granted full custody.
So, you want a child with autism to be abused by his father?
Please file for a modification to the custody agreement. Did he have a GAL? The courts should give him one and his Dr. should be able to provide testimony. At a minimum, he should be evaluated by a specialist who will recommend his father has supervised visits (because of his abusive ways).
You can imagine how difficult it is to express urself when you just don’t have the words. It’s heartbreaking for everyone
My grandson is autistic. I have compassion for all these families dealing with this
I'm autistic and I have the same mannerisms, but am higher functioning and grew up in a very different situation.
I'm female and never weighed over 115 lbs, and I was raised by a mother with borderline personality disorder. Our life was chaos. When I melted down because something bizarre was happening again (vacuum running at 3 am, my mother doing roofwork in the snow, being forced to weed the garden in a thunderstorm, the family dogs being hit, etc), she would overpower me until I was too afraid or injured and would submit. I would self-injure with knives and razors rather than head-banging.
I wasn't diagnosed until I moved out. My parents assumed I was imitating the dogs I bonded with when I wouldn't speak, would growl and bite, and avoided eye contact. They never sought help for me until I failed to end myself. I had brain damage from concussions from my mother and the horses I trained, but I maintained a high IQ according to testing that came with my diagnosis, and I have three university degrees in my field and have published unique research.
Thank you for showing him kindness. I need to watch videos like this to understand why parents and caretakers want to eradicate autism, because I can't understand otherwise.
My autism kept me alive, and made me into a very reputable animal behaviorist professionally. I could interact with my mother again once I trained up my personal protection K9s and carried a firearm for my safety, because I'm still small and she was always the aggressor in our relationship, and I don't feel safe around many people anymore without some way to defend myself. My dogs give me the confidence to go anywhere I want now.
It's an odd situation. It gives and it takes.
I’m so sorry you’ve already been through so much. It’s very difficult when our parents are not good examples.
My grandson is severely autistic. He looks a whole lot like this boy when he was younger….i mean in mannerisms.
You are obviously well educated and able to communicate. Do you have any advice?? Is there anything that helped you that we could learn about??
@@PuaOlena-fj9oc Other than following the advice of an experienced and positivity-based developmental childhood behaviorist, I don't have much advice. I do suggest to raise him as if he was any other child. I never knew my diagnosis until I was much older, so my parents had high expectations of me, which included advanced classes and a 4.0+ in school, and no special treatment. Don't treat him like he's disabled as much as possible.
My mother spoke to me like an adult from an early age, which is one excellent thing she did for me. We would constantly talk and she would encourage me to talk to strangers, which helped my socialization and my vocabulary.
I went to cotillion and etiquette classes to learn manners. I took martial arts courses to learn self control and discipline. These helped me build base skills that helped me cope with overstimilulation and have a foundation for what is expected of me in polite company. I definitely encourage anything like this you can engage him in.
Martial arts can also teach self defense skills, and for lower functioning autistic persons it helps them understand their strength and the "rules of engagement" so they know to not get rough or accidentally hurt others. This helped me work through my biting/physical aggression stage, personally.
But, yeah. Everything depends on his temperament and functionality, and how early your family started to really work with him. I went through most of my initial formal "socialization" by the time I was 8. Since I masked well (girls hide it better), my only signs were anxiety, aggression, and body language issues that included mimicking dogs.
@@Nylak-Otter Thank you! I appreciate your response! 💙🙏🏼
Not everyone with BPD are horrible. But, no treatment and drug abuse makes things much worse. I am caring and kind. I just have extreme emotions. 10% of people with BPD commit suicide.
@@jenniferacrey2940AAMOF BPD (Princess Diana) and ASPD (Prince Andrew) are possible adult sequelae of ASD. Psychiatry insists there's no such thing as an adult-onset PD but refuses to diagnose them until adulthood. This is mostly about protection from negligent malpractice liability for failing to correctly diagnose pediatric or adolescent patients, but it fails to acknowledge developmental delay leads to insufficient maturity to enter into contracts in early adulthood. Marriage, parenthood, betrayal are typical stressors psychogenic to personality disorders in autism (and is in fact the mechanism of behavioral heritability from autistic mothers).
People need to walk in your shoes before criticising, it very traumatic, frightening and In Stephen it’s become difficult and dangerous for this family. I feel so sad and sorry for you all for the situation you are in. You are good parents and it’s time for help.
Sounds like PANDAS to me after his illness
My heart just breaks for these folks. They love him so much, and want the best for everyone ❤
You two are INCREDIBLE parents. I have 5 beautiful children who are my whole world. And I can't even imagine what you've gone through. But as parents we just keep on going and do what we need to do. You guys are amazing and inspiring. Also, the sister is incredible too. Steven is very, very blessed 🖤
Seeing how chill his carer's were. Even just the modulated tone of voice, eases a little of the distress I feel for all the trauma they have endured. Most especially Janine. She already knew well that life is not often fair, but I cant imagine how hard it was to stand back up from those big body blows, one after the other. I hope the universe is kind to her and her loved ones here on out. xo
I’m a retired behavioural consultant & unfortunately this situation occurs in some families & it is devastating to see the trauma & anxiety that the person & their families go through. I’ve supported families to relinquish their adult child & it is one of the worst experiences that families can go through. I sincerely hope that this beautiful family are able to heal, love each other & most importantly, find peace♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I use to work in a couple group homes for young adults with aggressive autism. I loved it. But when a family has a member of it with an aggressive form of autism, its hard. I had a client go after me with a metal softball bat. But as long as the group home is run by a company that actually cares, the family can become a family again. I wish all the best for families that have this difficulty
I worked in a prison and it’s surprising how many inmates had significant developmental and intellectual disabilities were in custody. There is no other options for people with disability who engage in very violent or significantly illegal activities. I still think they need a separate facility to avoid being vulnerable to other inmates.
First of all I want to say you are both absolutely wonderful parents and a fantastic sister. We have a 24 year old daughter whom is on the spectrum and whom has cognitive delays. At times you think you are the only one going thru this, so thank you ever so much for sharing your story. It has taken many years for me as Loren’s Mum to finally reach out and share what we have experienced with our daughter and have just started meeting with a support group for parents who have young adult children on the spectrum. It was a great experience and support and I plan on going again. I am so so happy that you have found the support that you and your son needed. Hugs from 🇨🇦
So broken hearted for you ! Having 2 sons myself, I can’t fathom your pain and suffering. God bless you, and take care of you and Steven.
I had to place my son into a special housing since I developed a chronic pain condition (fibromyalgia) and my mom has cancer. We still are heart broken I love my son but it was getting out of hand he's getting bigger and stronger. Thanks for sharing your story ❤
You did the right thing. You're providing him the help he needs to live a full life to the best of his ability.
They'll be able to provide the care he needs 24/7 to deal with life's stresses.
Fibro is no joke so never feel guilty for your choice. You've done what is best.
This breaks my heart. I'm a mother of a son who is on the spectrum. I 10000% believe in early intervention if it is available and people are willing. However, time and time again, there will never be enough resources in this world because no one chooses to fully understand what a parent with a child on the spectrum goes through.
this sounds very much like a PANDA situation , why wasnt he tested ? on the bright side that carer is lovely. i feel so sad for his parents
Like as if the medical profession is intelligent enough or competent enough to reach this obvious conclusion ? Yeh nah
And you know he hasn't been tested how?
PANDAS is associated with streptococcal infections which are bacterial... this video said his change followed a virus... that woud be why it wasn't meantioned, PANDAS can also be caused by scarlet fever which is a group A strep, also bacterial, not viral.
It's a condition not readily looked into. Medical professionals are not perfect, they are not all-knowing that's why it's a good idea to get second opinions and to advocate for yourself.
Yes, that is what I thought. I couldn’t remember the name of it.
At some point, I think it doesn't matter what it is. If the person is harmful to her/himself and others and there's no way to get through to them due to disabilities, diseases (for my sweet grandpa turned agressive, it was dementia that made us put him in a home. It's a different scenario, but so so similar in many ways) or behavioral issues that are tough to fix, then as hard as it might be, that might be the way of avoiding further damage to themselves and others, especially those who live with them. I know they're scared, they don't know any better, but if they're un harms way, protecting them and us/the caregivers at home, becomes the priority. It's heartwrenching
I have 2 severely autistic boys. I hope i will always be able to keep them at home. This is so heartbreaking for this family.
I grew up with a severely developmentally delayed cousin, and because he was big and sometimes violent, I was terrified. As a teacher, I have had various autistic/neurodivergent students. Knowing that they are facing challenges I can't fully grasp has helped me be patient and understanding. My hat is off to these mums who are so loving while being such tireless advocates for their children.
Best wishes to this family... And others in similar situations.... For safe happy futures. My grandson is autistic
We have an autistic son like Stephen and an Aspie son.
Our oldest like Stephen was happy until he wasn’t. At 10 years of age he just switched. Full blown OCD and craziness. It was a nightmare. He had Pandas. 3 days of 10 ml Zythromycin and our boy was ok again.
We have treated him very successfully with Prozac and Zythromycin antibiotics. Today he is on a maintenance dose. You can see when it’s autism and when it’s Pandas. He is obviously still autistic. His Pandas is very treatable.
He is great today. He is 19.
I think your sons brain is on fire. It’s autoimmune based. His immune system is attacking his brain. This happens when our son gets son gets flu or strep. We give him a 500mg tablet of Zythromycin and he is on 40 mg Prozac. Then we wait and see if it gets better. If not the next day another tablet… it usually gets sorted quite quickly. He is 6ft4 and weighs 85 kg’s.
Also on the carnivore scale diet as he can’t process sugar (fruit) and veggies inflame him.
We have him on probiotics and a colon cleanser if he gets constipated. Including Magnesium, Vit D and K2. No processed food at all.
Pandas and Autism are two very different conditions. You don’t have to be autistic to get Pandas.
Do you think a doctor has considered this already? If not, I hope the family reads this so they can look into it. This is my first time learning about pandas while reading through these comments. I'm so glad that some children suffering from it have found a solution, hopefully others will, too. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with these types of situations.
@@pandap4ntz unfortunately it's highly unlikely it's been brought up. PANDAS is a very new condition in terms of medical recognition so many doctors don't know about it.
@@waffles3629 Thinking about how when I was young doctors easily would decide with no testing whether I was sick with a virus or a bacterial infection, and then Rx antibiotics, or not... so yeah, it is likely he was not properly tested for his illness.
@@pandap4ntz yep. I once had a doctor run a whole four tests and say there was nothing wrong with me, I just needed to stop being dramatic. Three doctors later it turned out I was right, my "drama" needed surgery. When recovering from surgery was easier than the problem it was treating someone messed up.
Honestly I'm glad that guy is so big. That's what you need in a case like this to protect ppl around him, while giving the boy the best care.
Omg 😳 Love his Mom and So happy he has a new home. I think he needed that to be able to get out and live his own life. Nice to see him so happy in his pool and at home again. My heart melted when his mom said he has 2 homes now ❤️
So beautiful to see his good care and the positive change in him. God bless you all and especially Steve.❤❤❤
I’m so glad that you are having a positive experience after putting all of your vulnerabilities on the line and making what must’ve been the hardest video to show what you were up against with your son’s inability to regulate his emotions. So glad that you found help.
My heart was moved watching this family navigate this thing called life. May God bless you!
Autism and aggression is a scary subject for me...
I had been injured by a classmate with autism and anger issues on several occasions when I was younger around 11 to 13 years old and one time even slapped me in the face when I wasn't even doing anything.. she shouted at me to sit and I did and when I sobbed in fear I got the slap in the face and yet I considered her my best friend when she was in a good mood.. maybe I was too scared to try and avoid her.. I tried at one point to stay away and she caught on and got mad.. I'm just lucky she did not hurt me that time.. there were several occasions when she said she wanted to end her life.. and then there was a time she tried to strangle herself with a seatbelt.. I may have saved her life by calling to the teacher
I have never forgotten those moments.. it sticks with you.
I still do not know what it was that made her lash out like that all those times.. she once told me she had problems with bullies when she was younger and one time I suspected Tourette's, though.. it was likely explosive anger disorder, these moments stopped for a few years after she began taking medication.. though I was still quite nervous at first.. but then one day she lost control again and stabbed her mother with a knife.. now she is in jail or some kind of facility.
One's life completely stopped when your child is diagnosed. Years later, that feeling still remains. You adapt, you survived...That all I can say
My heart goes out to all of you. Brave souls.
The parents made the correct decision, by sharing they are helping others
What a sad story- but what a LOVELY family!! Tks for sharing your life with us!!❤️❤️❤️
I love your story I have a younger brother with autism and he is more of a verbal talker he’s always since his childhood been dismissed by peers and teachers and daycare workers for having autism but our adopted mum made her own daycare at home and home schooled Colin for a bit until he was ready to school now he’s succeeding in his course certificate and on his way to being some what a tradie if that’s something he chooses with his certificates I’m happy for this family.❤❤❤
They need to rehome that poor doggy 💔 its not safe to have any pets around volatile, violent people.
I remember watching this when it came out in England and thought you all amazing and you still are a lovely family and so much love. Jo. Lots of love uk.
What a beautiful family you all are, and the derp love and respect you all hold for each other is very precious ❤. Being parents of spectrum kids is not an easy journey, often frought with misunderstandings and judgement from thers who just think these kids are being naughty, when theyre not at all....often the lack of empathy and understanding leads to social isolation for all family members....im thankful for early intervention in the early milenium which was so helpful for myself and kids....
Thank you the video. I can totally relate to the parents struggles. God bless
What a rough journey. Bless their hearts.
You are such brave people.
I happened to watch a program on TV a few days ago about anti-anxiety and depression drugs. The message was that when a person's condition gets worse, doctor may put the blame on the condition itself....when it has been discovered that so often after about 2 months the drug that initially helped, causes the person to actually deteriorate.
I wish you all the. best with your son.
When I was in elementary decades ago, we had a classmate who was severely autistic. She was non verbal. She should not have been placed in a public school. Problem was is her mom was the head of the autism society, so they had to allow her. She got placed in my class. She pulled hair, threw tantrums and sometimes the severely autistic can have superhuman strength. She became so violent that she tackled her aid to the ground in the hallway. I was one of the students who got her hair pulled. To try and counteract, they had to keep treats in the classroom, if your hair was pulled or you got hit. We would get a treat because it was the only way to help us feel better. Her mother tried to teach us young kids about autism but she was just a case where you couldn't really get through to young kids. We were too young to comprehend. We were faced everyday with getting out hair pulled or hit by our classmate at any time. Yet I dont recall any of us being unkind to her, we truly did the best to our little abilities to be kind to her. Each day for gym, two students were assigned to play with her on the stage for gym, in an effort to help us interact with her in a more controlled area but also for her to interact with other kids. My school honestly tried to their very best to accommodate, but even then my teacher had to go out of her way to provide toddler like toys and place her in a specific side of the classroom because she had very different educational needs and the school refused to pay for it.
I sat down with my former teacher as an adult at starbucks and we talked about what I remembered and what she remembered. I then heard the whole story. It got so bad that outside school hours, she would fight for us students. She explained to me that us kids have a say but not a voice and she needed to protect her students and be our voice. They had a VERY long meeting with the school board downtown with this girls mother. She ultimately got pulled from the public school system because her mother lost the case. It was not in her daughters best interest and us kids put up with a lot that we shouldn't have needed too. My teacher told me that us kids really did our best to our understanding. She understood that it wasn't in our control, wasn't our choice. You can educate kids but sometimes kids can still be to young to really understand. All we really knew is this girl was very autistic but hey she's pulling our hair and hitting us, why is she doing this. We knew as kids that it wasn't the fault of this classmate either. I vividly remember her mother coming into our classroom trying to teach us kids about autism but I think she explained it in a way an adult would understand, not a child. But it was also so severe that we just wouldn't absorb all the information. We were just kids, trying to be kids. I still think of her often and never had hard feelings, I went to her birthday party once and she was fine that day.
The problem with the No child left behind laws is that sometimes the 'healthy" children are left behind. My oldest had a child in the class that would bang kids heads into cement walls walking down the school hallways. Thankfully she was removed the next year. I tried to volunteer as much as I could in the classroom. It wasn't a good situation, to say the least. Worst part about all of it, they placed this special needs child with a first year teacher, fresh out of college. They should have never done this.
It was 1st grade, the kids were 6 !!
Wow. There was a similar situation in my high school, a boy who was already 18 placed in freshman classes. As a now retired teacher and my memories as a honors student, I’m going to guess his academic level in reading as about first grade and his math about third grade. He was over six feet tall and weighed 350-400 lbs. He refused to bath at home, so he stank. Further, he wore the same jogging suit every day. You never knew when he’d go berserk. He attacked students, teachers, without apparent provocation. While sitting in class, he’d masturbate. He’d yell curse words, throw objects, and thought it was hilarious to expose himself to girls. He was finally removed when a group of parents filed a lawsuit against the school district, demanding they pay the bill for their kids to attend school in an adjacent district or at a Catholic school.
It just seems unfair on your entire class to be disrupted and attacked because ONE person has issues.
Why does everyone else have to suffer?
I think we need to be honest about the threat these severely autistic people are to themselves and others. Same with Schizophrenics - I have seen hundreds of cases of murder committed by these people and they are seen as the victim rather than the dangerous people they are. Look at the guy who beheaded a gentle young man who was an asset to society, who had family and friends who loved him. But because this Schizophrenic refused to take medications, a good young man was HORRIFICALLY MURDERED by an absolute monster. Everyone there are traumatised by what they saw.and then to top it all off, he was out in the public with zero restrictions and not even checked to make sure he's taking his medications after just a year. Can you imagine being the.victims family and friends?!
My school tried to integrate a few autistic kids into our mainstream Catholic primary school in the 90s - I remember the wasted time and energy catering to these disruptive students. As a gifted student, I was sunable to flourish genuinley resented these kids. My education suffered greatly.
Parents of Special Needs Kids; it's not fair that other children have to suffer because YOU want your child in a mainstream school!
these kids grow up to be huge, hulking men not in control of themselves - i will never judge families for protecting themselvss.
I wonder about whether or not this diagnosis is entirely umbrella... The virus suddenly unlocking something does not sit well...
However, saying this, I do not wish to discount the reality of anything going on in his life and in their family. I hope they understand that they did what was needed in the moment for safety. Safety in the moment is paramount. Dealing with the fall-out of that moment is something else.
Some kids who get strep-throat also develop symptoms like this. It is a fascinating and terrifying medical fact
Truly amazing what would be classed as a simple virus and being unwell can lead to such a debilitating life long condition.This lovely family went to the extremes to keep their lovely son Steven home whatever the cost.I'm so glad Stephen is now in the right home receiving the care he deserves.The staff of the home obviously really like Steven. I've heard of a few cases very similar to Stevens and happening at the same age of two and becoming unwell and then their behaviour totally changes once they have recovered from the illness.
My daughter has two autistic boys. Their father, who lives at home with them, has nothing to do with the boys. He hides away in the bedroom or goes and stays away leaving her to handle the utter CHAOS and destruction of their home and lives. My heart breaks for her. I think she has just about given up and just lets the chaos happen. The oldest and most severe gets all kinds of therapy and medication - nothing helps.
I have an autistic neighbor & cocid was a stressful time for him. He didn't handle it well at all. His mom was at her wits end. My daughter's brother (daughter is adopted. The brother & her have the same mother) has asbergers. I'm so thankful theirs is manageable. My heart goes out to this mom & her family. 💔 She's such a great mom!
My son is moderate-severe. Disgnosed with Level 2 ASD (with PDA characteristics) GAD, BED (Binge Eating Disorder), Severe Food Addiction, Hyperhomocysteinmia (inability to translate folate into active folate due to genetic abnormalities), Periodontitis & Type II Diabetes.
Life is difficult. I've had to be made his Financial Administrator & Guardian, which hasn't sat well with him, and led to a lot of argumentation. I was responsible for managing his supports, but can no longer do so. My long term goal is keeping him out of government management of his affairs. I have been diagnosed with c-PTSD.
Today at the nail salon there was a lady who had very low comprehension who refused to leave after her nails were done. Here in Australia we have the same issues when it comes to funding and access to services for people like my son & Steven.
It needs to be remembered that access to services is NOT linked to funding levels. It doesn’t matter how awash with funding the system is if you can't get the right people. We need to ensure families like ours are better supported.
You have mutations in your mthfr genes? I have mutations from both parents and have systemic lupus, graves, endometriosis, ms, and others. My neurologist tested me since my health was awful. I got double mutations from both parents. My child has adhd and possibly autistic. My older brother has adhd and possibly autistic. My nephew has adhd and possibly autistic. My mom had lupus. My younger brother was born with spina bifida since mom didn't know she couldn't digest folic acid. I've read lots where mthfr mutations cause many health problems including ADHD and possibly autism. Do you think there is a link to mthfr gene mutations and autism, adhd, and others? I know its common with autoimmune diseases like lupus and MS but not sure about autism. I often wonder if I'm autistic. I've always assumed its because I'm an introvert and my personality type is an INTJ.
I don't know much about the mutations except we can't digest folic acid and we build up toxins unable to get rid of them as easy making health problems more common especially with double mutations
@aspensugar13 my son is the one with ASD. His dad was also on the spectrum, as was possibly my dad, his brother and my sister's 3rd child. We also have a strong history of diabetes on BOTH sides - hubby, youngest SIL & MIL + me, both my parents & maternal grandfather. Both sons are also diabetic.
He was genetically tested following the discovery of a high level of homocysteine in his blood - should be below 9, his was 13. He was put onto a B group nutritional supplement called Methyl Fortify - we're in Australia. If you contact a firm called Research Nutrition Labs (they make it here) they could put you in touch with overseas suppliers. Apparently with this mutation you are unable to effectively translate folate into active folate, essential for cell repair. My son's major symptom was "brain fog", post the Methyl Fortify - big difference, AND it was pretty immediate.
I was told the person to read re ASD & MTHFR mutations is named Ben Lynch.
The sad thing is if you don’t assert your dominance with a physical they will continue to be aggressive with you. I’ve seen it often where they only get aggressive with those who don’t do anything back but just allow themselves to be beat on. When you assert your dominance one good time they often don’t try that with you again.
Also sometimes the crisis homes people are sent to are temporary and medical professionals can get them to base line and can transition them back home. If the parents keep the routine and the therapies and mirror the therapies at home they can return home.
You've done everything you could and I hope you can let go of any guilt. You have to keep himself and yourselves safe.
I have two sons who have Autism. My oldest son is non verbal and my younger son is verbal. My oldest son is in a group home, but he was verbal abused by a staff member the incident is under investigation. Its hard cause i am an hour away from him.I pray for this family to have their son home
This has to be such a difficult situation for the family! Hope everything gets better!
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭this is heartbreaking to watch to all you parents with autistic children I have so much respect for you guys it must be such a nightmare 😭😭😭😭May God bless you all and make it easy on you ❤
Oh my gosh I just wanna get this mama. Big hug.
9:44 She wrote him a social story about what was going to happen, even after all that. And it seemed to help. ❤
March ' 24
There is one and only one thing harder than parenting a child with autism- and that is being the parent of an adult with autism
What type of crack is that?! 😡 I still live with my parents & I'm an adult with autism... Not all of us are low functioning & hense forth why autism is a spectrum because each person with autism is on different levels of the spectrum... Not all of us on the spectrum are destructive just because some autistic people are the rest of us are not... Don't make assumptions of people you have zero clue about. Until you have walked a mile in my shoes then talk to me... 🤚
@@Sunny10tvthe person must have meant aggressive ones, not high-functioning people.
@millename Regardless it's how she said it which by her saying "parent of adult with autism" it lumps all of us with autism in the same category... Put it this way I've come to the point whether irl or internet. I try not to mention my autism to much anymore to people because they either assume I'm a dunce or a genius without really getting to know me which is annoying. The young man in the video maybe destructive & act like that but I've been told since I was little in the early 90's my parents are glad that I'm around to help & do things they can't really anymore because of getting older. I've been told on numerous occasions what a big help I am. Really wish when people post stuff about autism why not high light the positives instead of only showing the negatives of autism... 🤷♀️✌️
@@Sunny10tv true, I agree with you
ok ok, but have you considered… BEING an autistic adult?
My nephew has high-functioning Autism but his meltdowns can be very frightening, self-injurious behavior, violent outbursts and also very destructive. On a few occasions we have also had to call the police and paramedics to take him to the Psychiatric Hospital. We live in Buffalo NY and he went to a special school for kids and adults with developmental and behavioral disabilities. We are lucky in New York cuz there are resources, but he went to Florida with his dad for vacation and he had an outburst at the hotel and someone heard and called the police and they arrested him and his father had to explain and beg to not take him to jail and they took him to the hospital. He lives with my sister, his mom and works part-time at the local school cafeteria. They know he is autistic and it's been really good for him. He stays with me and my dad a couple days a week. We know his triggers and usually can avoid major meltdowns. My father is elderly and we are careful cuz he could hurt him if he has a bad outburst. In the past he broke my dad's nose twice and knocked my sister's tooth out. The medication they gave him never seemed to work. We are looking into medical marijuana and are hopeful. I worry, my worst fear is he has a meltdown and the police take him to jail. But he doesn't have as many meltdowns as he did years ago, but the potential is always. I completely understand parents/families needing help. We need to understand more about autism and need better medication options, alternatives, family support and resources.
Praying for this family. Those are tough shoes to walk in. Hugs from the USA.
I’m happy they have the resources that they desperately need
I feel for any parent with autistic children. It is not easy
These parents are heroes, as are the professionals who work with the severely autistic. Please, please, more research on severe mental illnesses and their causes, so that everyone and their family can have a much better quality of life.
These are wonderful parents who clearly love their son very much. I don't know what the future holds for my two autistic kids and it scares me.
The only part I don’t understand is that they say he had normal development until he got sick and it’s after that he changed. But I’ve always heard that autism is not acquired so wouldn’t it be something else?
Anyways, hoping the family is doing great.
PANDS or PANDA. Definitely.
PANDS or PANDAS' onset is before middle school, like at 10 years old, not at 3. We are talking of different diseases, and autism has more issues than OCD, PANDS or PANDAS. Avoiding eye contact, having meltdowns, being uncomfortable and upset in sensory overload... and stereotypies aren't just like tics. It's more complex to explain. But I've been working also with people with severe and medium autism for 16/17 years as a professional educator, at home and at school, and I have a bit of experience in this disorder/condition.
Autism regression is a thing, but over a much longer time scale. There's a high chance this is PANDAS.
I'm happy he's with people who care about him ❤❤❤❤
I’m autistic and this has rlly moved me icl
I have two autism grandchildren they are very loving they are grown up now and there doing very well i really feel for your family sorry to know that you have breast cancer hope everything goes ok with your operation God bless you and your family 💜💙🤍🌹🌹🌹
Such a sad case. Bless this family. Nobody has really talked about what triggered his behaviour. What triggered him when he punched holes in the walls and what triggered him when he was reading. Unless you get to the source of his behaviours then this could quite easily happen again . I hope I’m wrong x
Disabled persons need therapy, love, understanding, and very strict boundaries when it comes to violent outbursts. I live with an autistic husband and son, and I have found that this and the right communication like drawing pictures making them understand what emotions they cause in others when they get violent helps best, next to texting. Please parents educate yourself. This way you can help your autistic loved one the best. Praying for your boy to survive your lack of love
Wow I Only Found Out 2 Years ago that I had Autism when I was in Hospital with a Congested heart Failure on Wednesday 30TH March 2022 and this is a Amazing Documentary For Sure and Every Year in April is Autism Awareness Month and I Thank All of you For taking full Consideration for this Amazing Video and it is very much Appreciated.Cheers Guys.🥇⭐️😃☀️😎🙏🏵🤩👍🌈
He’s grown and he’s also grown terribly strong. You can’t blame them for protecting themselves as they become elderly. He’s also a grown man being treated like a baby and this might be causing these outbursts. They deserve peace in their old age. My brother is mentally disabled but he is the sweetest funniest 60 year old guy you’d ever want to meet. Everybody loves him! We were blessed by his presence in our family. I feel for these people because special needs children hold a special place in a family’s heart.
Beautiful portrait of love 😊
I worked with a 4th grade boy at school and ive never had experience with children like this so i met him with kindness and the kid called me "Baby" then he would get pissed and it was scary. I feel for his parents..
Their eyes are so sad.😢❤
Cant put them in handcuffs you make it worse...
Beautiful story
I think of the animals in homes like this, they must have PTSD as well
Yes 💔🐶🐕🐈🐱
wow ty for posting ,this was very interesting.
God bless them all.
My sister has twin autistic sons and i worry about her because they both have aggressive tendencies. They are big now and i think she may have to eventually put the most aggressive one into care. It makes me so sad
I had a friend who used to work as an aid for adults with autism. She ended up choosing to only care for women after one of the young men she was watching physically attacked her in public. They'd never had any issues the whole time he was in her care, but one day something went wrong and she's been traumatized since then. I feel for these families; it's such a tough decision
I wonder if puberty has something to do with why he got aggressive. Since it happened as a young adult it really seems like that’s a possibility.
Oh my goodness this is so true.
Our country is so under resourced.
We have a 26 yr old diagnosed last year as asd . Took 12 yrs to get the diagnosis.
We are more than beside ourselves and its got really bad with violence etc
3 times we have been declined supported living. We are in our 60s and at our wits end😢
You tried to fit the square peg into a round hole, instead of enlarging the hole to fit him as he was. I am also the mother of an autistic child. I know you were only doing what you thought was best at the time, but in retrospect, have you realized anything at all? I’m glad you finally asked for help, but what makes me sad is the lengths you had to go to, and what your son has to go through, in order to get it.
And for everyone else, why aren’t we asking the real questions- why are so many of our babies being affected like this today? And when will the “powers that be” stop worshiping the corporations and the big industries and look into this very pertinent topic?
I don't think there are more people with autism, there is more awareness and proper diagnosis. We got rid of the mental institutions and now parents have to keep kids at home because there is no more funding for protective housing. Most parents are not trained for this level of care, or are physically capable of dealing with adults who are so deeply affected.
AMEN!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE PREACH THAT TRUTHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Does Nobody want to take the wool from over their eyes & come to grips with realityyyyy?????
My nephew has AuDHD and the first few years were rough and honestly traumatizing to everyone involved. Not enough people talk about this experience and instead choose to suffer in silence in fear it will look like they don't love their child.
I'm only 10 years older than my nephew and it took years of trial and error for everyone in the family to figure out how to help him and vy extent help us. He's 21 now and working and has his own apartment and we had many talks about all of this. I'm so proud of him even though because of raising him and his neurotypical younger sister i absolutely never want my own kids ever. I like children but ive already spent enough years on raising them. Dont need to repeat that. My partner also has AuDHD so honestly we have enough to keep in mind every day to manage our every day life.
Just as a heads up because I don't think people in this comment section are aware of this -the term severe and high functioning autism, has fallen out of favor. You are now diagnosed with different levels of autism,(on a 1-3 scale) and the other correct term to use is higher or lower support needs.
As someone who is being currently tested for lower support needs autism - these terms are more accurate. I would be considered high functioning,by most people but that is an inaccurate description for all I deal with.
I can't wait until they have prenatal testing for this. These poor parents look so beaten down. Is anyone else worried about the dog?
Behavioral disorders can not be detected before birth. Are you slow?
The sad thing is that he got this disease after he was born. It sounds like he was a pretty typical or slightly autistic child. After he got a virus, it probably caused brain damage, his personality and behaviors totally changed. In these cases, there's nothing you can do to stop it...
Just heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. One doesn’t understand this disease until you can see it on a documentary like this. Thank you 🤗
Autism isn't a disease, c'mon now. You're really going to go around calling a sort of learning disability a DISEASE?