Hi Vincent! Great video. I would have to say that Dumpees have somewhat of an advantage over the Dumper if they apply self improvement. I say this because working on yourself after being dumped can boost self esteem and cause you to attract better, also the Dumpee doesn't have to possibly think later about "did I make the right decision by ending the relationship" (regret), instead the Dumpee could be moving forward on hopefully a road to find someone who truly appreciates them.🌹
Hi Lady, thanks for the great comment. It's absolutely true that a dumpee who works on them self can be in a better position than the dumper due to growth. Dumpees often out-grow the dumper and decline their advances if the dumper one day wants to reconcile.
I feel like she will never get that sense of loneliness. Her support group was impeccable during the break up. Meanwhile, I got a few people I confide in that doesn't know what a break up is smh. All I got was the "move on" type advice. It's a lonely place to be in, especially for a guy.
I'm sorry to hear you have had unsympathetic advice. Going through a breakup is very challenging and there is no time limit for recovery. What I can say though, is that you will recover. A breakup is like a tunnel and you will come out the other side into the light. You will either get your ex back or find someone even better. Stay positive and keep moving forward one day at a time. With or without your ex, you will have a positive future.
Yep, I got the “just move on” from my brother and a friend. They don’t know the pain I went through nor all the details of the relationship. Great support system! It was so unsympathetic in so many ways.
@@stephenn77 I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. I know it can be frustrating. There's a difference between family/friends genuinely not wanting you to continue hurting, by giving the best advice they know how (or simply just listening). Then there is family/friends that are tired of hearing about it. They are over it, so you should be too. Sounds like we both got the latter...So hear is my advice to you. It is ok to feel what you feel. Take time to focus on you. Meditate, hit the gym, therapy, study a new skill, find a new (or old) hobby. Get a good cry in if you need to! Feel how you feel now, but the goal is to not stay there. We can't tell how and when an individual will heal from a past relationship. But I can tell you, you will be ok and you will recover. Life inevitably creates these new chapters in our lives. Each chapter in your life represents growth, but you are the author. You are the only person in your life that is not going anywhere. So it's only right to learn to fall in love with yourself before you can love someone else again. I'm living by that now. Self-improvement and Self-Love is my advice to you. I'll never say "move on", but definitely move forward. May not feel like it right now, but you will be ok. Trust!
1st of all thank you. 2 months I'm still struggling. 2nd why is it that the dumper goes through a problem of rebound relationships but the dumppee is to do well in dating after break up. I've talked to a nice girl on a dating site without me saying she knows I've been through something with ex. So it's hard moving on. She on my mind all the time but more if im not busy with someone to talk to
Hi Eugene, thanks for your comment and I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Most dumpees will not want a long-term relationship straight away after a breakup because of the fear of being hurt again. It's an important step though to improve your dating skills and grow as a person. The more you talk to new people, the less obvious it will be to others that you are a recent dumpee.
Hi mate I’ve watched nearly all of your videos, Thankyou, such a great support. Pretty much all videos done by anyone carry a similar theme with similar presumptions. For example ‘cheating’ is mentioned sporadically with regard to certain circumstances etc but it’s only added as a possible additional consideration in individuals own circumstances etc. I’d love you to do a video/videos on cheating specifically. As in, potential processes for D & Dee in the wake of an affair or cheating. My own personal circumstance is We were having significant difficulties during 8 yr relationship, she became increasingly detached and withdrawn and caused a lot of pain, hurt and frustration in me. I strayed and regrettably had an affair for several months. Everything blew up 2 months ago. Surprisingly my ex and I remained amicable as we were both mature enough and loved each other enough to own our part. She’s now 3 weeks into a new relationship which is absolutely devastating. I’m struggling with the reality of whether it’s a rebound or is it not! As in because she apparently checked out of our relationship a very long time ago, it’s more likely a natural and easy progression for her. Absolutely heartbroken. So I would really really appreciate a video along these lines, situations that are quite outside of the ‘normal’ breakups where emotional attachment simply fades etc & a couple breakup. I am putting 100 percent effort into myself now to change, grow and evolve and I desperately want another go with the love of my life. Hope this makes sense and again Thankyou so much for the support. Danny
Hii... Thanks for this podcast ( listening through yt music). My wife tried to leave me 3 times and finally did it on the 4th try. I am currently on no-contact stage. We use to fight a lot. But she loved me and left her house and parents for me. Do you think she'll contact me? We were 2year bf gf + 2 and a half year marriad couple.
Vincent I enjoy hearing your thoughts,,, l was married 17 years when she left me and our young children for a loser and died 2 years later chasing the loser hit a truck head-on and killed,,,and then in a 13 year relationship and even raised and loved 2 of her sons kids in my home and when I wouldn't agree to raise 2 more she left and never let me see the kids again,, she tried to return but I could never take a woman back after she had left me and saw another man, you make alot of sense my friend,, l dated 16 woman in 2 years after my breakup and the truth is there all for themselves and it's never yours just your turn,,l was cursed with a rescuing personality and even though I've been seeing a beautiful Spanish lady for 2years that thinks the world of me I just can't see myself married are even living with any woman again,,, but I'm sure your vedios can help many.
Hi George, thank you for your comment. I'm very sorry to hear of the struggles you have experienced in your life. There has been lots of pain and heartbreak it seems. What I would say, is try to see each woman as their own person. Try not to use previous experiences to condemn a new person. You might never want to live with another woman again, but over time you might get to the stage where you truly love and feel trust for someone new.
Can you please make a video about the dumper and what they go through if YOUR relationship was the rebound relationship? We were together 6 months and I was the rebound right after he got out of an 8 year relationship. I did not know I was a rebound at the time. There are a lot of elements about what you say in this video about rebounds that ring true. At the same time, I know he did have real feelings for me and we were probably a lot more compatible than he and his ex. Also, she was toxic and cheated on him whereas I was a stable and good partner. That said, we had a lot of things working against us but, I won't go into all of t hem here. However, all of those things had to do with timing and circumstances. I know had the timing and the circumstances been different, we probably could have made it work. I also know that when he dumped me he still had feelings for me and doubts about whether or not he was making the right decision. Can you please make a video about that?
Hi Goldie, thank you for your suggestion. That is a very interesting topic. It's quite niche, so I might do a video where I include a few niche questions within one podcast. I'll make a note of it.
Can you do a video on dumper’s process if they’re in a new relationship? From my understanding, he monkey branched. I don’t know when they met and I don’t check his social media.
last time when me and my ex broke up i went on no contact and he contacted me after 4 months cried and his friend begged me to take him back he told me he started to miss me after 1 month of our break and he kept on fantasizing about me i am wondering if the same will happen again too whether he will gonna come back after 4 months this time too ? whether he will gonna start regretting after 1 month btw i am on 68 day of no contact
Hello Laiba, thank you for your question. Each time is different because your ex would have dropped to a different low point of romantic, emotional attraction. Hence each time, he will need to gain a different amount before he makes contact.
Hey Vincent! I’m wondering how long the honeymoon stage lasts/when loneliness kicks in? It’s been 6 months since the breakup and I found out about 4 months later my ex reconnected with an old toxic friend which makes me think the friend has been influencing my ex and convincing him that he is better off without me, ruining any chance of reconciliation. We have not spoken since the breakup and I didn’t even wish him a happy birthday yesterday.
Hi E, thanks for your comment and question. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and understand how hard yesterday must have been for you. The honeymoon period of being single has no set time limit, and will vary from person to person. Whether or not your ex is being influenced by someone isn't worth the time you dedicate thinking about it. This is something uncontrollable and you would be better spending your time considering the controllables, such as focusing on yourself and improving every single day.
@@vincentbos Hi Vincent, so you agree its the correct thing to do to not wish you ex happy birthday? my exs birthday is in 3 weeks and im terrified of that day because that day used to mean to me more than it meant for her, im scared she might be angry if i dont wish her and it would push her away even more, can you tell me your opinion about that please?
@@77BLAZER77 my thoughts are that if you haven't heard from your ex within the last few weeks (post breakup) then you shouldn't send happy birthday. So if she reached out within a few weeks of her birthday and you had a little chat, then yes consider sending a text. But if you haven't heard anything for longer than a few weeks, then no, I don't think you should send a text. Consider this ... She has decided to end the relationship, that means she doesn't want to be with you anymore ... what would make her more angry? Having someone send her a text (that she doesn't want to talk to) or not receiving a text from that person? In most instances a dumper would be angrier receiving the text, because it suggests the dumpee is not respecting their decision or listening to what they are saying.
@@vincentbos Well not sure if my situation applies or not, she reached out to me on august 5th hoping everyone is safe in my country after that explosion happened in Lebanon, it was a short conversation and it died out the same day. and her birthday is in 25 days, so if she doesn't reach out to me again by the time of her birthday it would have been 2 months since the last message from her.
@@77BLAZER77 I see. Yes it certainly seems like a 'grey area' of whether it would be appropriate or not. In your situation, it probably wouldn't negatively affect your chances either way with what you decide to do. However, I personally wouldn't send a text in your position.
My ex dumped me. But it was not cause of me. She holds past pain from last year and does not let it go. She had a bad 1st time meet with my mom. My mom was jealous and she is old school. My girl took it as in she hates her. But that is not true. It is a misunderstanding. Well 1yr later, I feel like her depression made the memory worse! She told me it hit harder now! So she let me go because she does not want to suffer. She is letting it affect her and affect us. I understand her pain because I was hurt too but guess what, I did my part, as in I will make sure she does feel better if she decides to come back. And also if another girl comes, I will make sure no one ever misunderstands the situation. Some breaks ups are NOT THE DUMPEES fault. Sometimes dumpers have issues and they let it affect the relationship. Anyways, I am in NC. She said she wanted space and recollect herself. And one day learn to let go. She said can reconnect and hopefully things are better. But for now, she wants to be friends. Nothing I can do honestly. Just give her space and I will keep on moving forward. I gave her a good relationship but this issue just ruined it. I wish there was a way to get her back. Wish I could do it now. Wish she does not move on too. We connected great. Not perfect because she did not communicate well. I would tell her to learn. Because I can not guess what is up. She started maturing more with me. So yeah, I am helpless on this type of issue. Anyone can give a good advice? Majority of the advice is based on the dumpee being the problem. But what about when depression is a factor and bad memories? I know with time bad memories fade but she never let it go. 1yr later, we were planning to have kids and get married, then...bam... I am hurt but I am not stopping. My 2021 plans have been expedited to now. My love for her is still strong. And I hope it is the same. I hope she learns and reaches out before it is too late. I have made mistakes where I took too long to realize I messed up with a girl and I forever live with pain and regret. I promised myself I will never do it again.
Thanks for your comment. In my belief, a relationship ends due to a lack of romantic, emotional attraction. This is either caused by an action(s) from a partner or growth in a partner(s) that mean they are no longer aligned. The situation you describe seems to be a little of both. The action of your mother (linked to you) and also growth (a mindset change) from your ex. The best advice I can give you is not to engage in a platonic friendship with someone you have romantic feelings for. Don't be angry / negative about the suggestion, but say in your own words: "I could never see you as just a platonic friend, please get in contact if you would like to chat". Then at this stage I would never contact her again, unless she contacted me first.
@@vincentbos Thanks. Yeah. I made it clear that she misunderstood it. I am the man of the house. I stepped up to take care of my mom and siblings. So to my mom, I am valuable. Now, I want to have a family with her and she wants one with me. But her assumption that I will struggle to leave my family, that is childish, and that she assumes my mom hates her, not true, is eating her up. She can not let go of the past and has to be patient. I plan things in my life and I told her to give me time but each step I take, is to make us live together. I did notice that weeks before the break up, she mentioned to me that she feels she is falling behind with kids and marriage. She is 24 and I am 30. I looked at her and told her how you think I feel? Then I told her if she wants a kid, let me know, if she wants to get married, lets plan it now. And she got depressed because we also got hit with the 2nd lockdown. It was bad that I had to try to clear her mind. But I guess I could not do nothing. It is a simple fixable or changeable issue. He sisters and mom even tried to tell her is is nothing bad. But seems like depression and these thoughts are fogging her.
@@MrGeekster007 you are going through a very challenging situation and keeping a stable mindset is key and something you should be very proud of if you can keep that strong. Focus on your own journey now and move forward day by day. Only your ex can change her mindset and you can't wait and clock watch for her to do this, because sadly there is no guarantee she ever will.
@@vincentbos Yeah. You are right. Sometimes they have to learn the hard way. Lol being mature is not easy. And many do take longer to mature. I left mostly good memories and experiences for her. I was the 1st to ever give her flowers and care about her. She was the 1st in her family to ever get flowers and the only one that had a good relationship. So I good knowing I did well. Sucks that she can not see that. Maybe later it will hit her that she had a better relationship than a lot of people. We had our up and downs but that is normal. We never argued or fought. We did have serious talks like mature adults, addressed the issue and worked together to fix it. This is the only one we could not do that. Oh well. Live and learn right? She needs space and time to realize what she is letting go. I know she wants me but the negative thoughts are keeping her from moving forward. Trying to get help dealing with this is tough. Majority of the break up advices deal with the dumpee being the problem. Not much on the dumper.
@@MrGeekster007 you can only control the controlables and that means yourself. No one else needs to be concentrated on, other than ourselves and our own journey.
If your ex doesn't have a rebound, they will likely be enjoying the 'freedoms' of being single initially after a breakup has taken place. Such as being able to do their own thing without speaking to someone about their plans first etc.
![ประสบการณ์ จ้าง Developer ที่ผมจะไม่มีวันลืม [ภาค1]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/bzivN4KDg-k/mqdefault.jpg)
Hi Vincent! Great video. I would have to say that Dumpees have somewhat of an advantage over the Dumper if they apply self improvement. I say this because working on yourself after being dumped can boost self esteem and cause you to attract better, also the Dumpee doesn't have to possibly think later about "did I make the right decision by ending the relationship" (regret), instead the Dumpee could be moving forward on hopefully a road to find someone who truly appreciates them.🌹
Hi Lady, thanks for the great comment. It's absolutely true that a dumpee who works on them self can be in a better position than the dumper due to growth. Dumpees often out-grow the dumper and decline their advances if the dumper one day wants to reconcile.
Yes the dumper will be the same old dumpster. The dumpee grows from this. Peace
I feel like she will never get that sense of loneliness. Her support group was impeccable during the break up. Meanwhile, I got a few people I confide in that doesn't know what a break up is smh. All I got was the "move on" type advice. It's a lonely place to be in, especially for a guy.
I'm sorry to hear you have had unsympathetic advice. Going through a breakup is very challenging and there is no time limit for recovery. What I can say though, is that you will recover. A breakup is like a tunnel and you will come out the other side into the light. You will either get your ex back or find someone even better. Stay positive and keep moving forward one day at a time. With or without your ex, you will have a positive future.
@@vincentbos Thank you 💯
Yep, I got the “just move on” from my brother and a friend. They don’t know the pain I went through nor all the details of the relationship. Great support system! It was so unsympathetic in so many ways.
@@stephenn77 I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. I know it can be frustrating. There's a difference between family/friends genuinely not wanting you to continue hurting, by giving the best advice they know how (or simply just listening). Then there is family/friends that are tired of hearing about it. They are over it, so you should be too. Sounds like we both got the latter...So hear is my advice to you. It is ok to feel what you feel. Take time to focus on you. Meditate, hit the gym, therapy, study a new skill, find a new (or old) hobby. Get a good cry in if you need to! Feel how you feel now, but the goal is to not stay there. We can't tell how and when an individual will heal from a past relationship. But I can tell you, you will be ok and you will recover. Life inevitably creates these new chapters in our lives. Each chapter in your life represents growth, but you are the author. You are the only person in your life that is not going anywhere. So it's only right to learn to fall in love with yourself before you can love someone else again. I'm living by that now. Self-improvement and Self-Love is my advice to you. I'll never say "move on", but definitely move forward. May not feel like it right now, but you will be ok. Trust!
How long were you together? Did she contact you after she left you?
1st of all thank you. 2 months I'm still struggling. 2nd why is it that the dumper goes through a problem of rebound relationships but the dumppee is to do well in dating after break up. I've talked to a nice girl on a dating site without me saying she knows I've been through something with ex. So it's hard moving on. She on my mind all the time but more if im not busy with someone to talk to
Hi Eugene, thanks for your comment and I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Most dumpees will not want a long-term relationship straight away after a breakup because of the fear of being hurt again. It's an important step though to improve your dating skills and grow as a person. The more you talk to new people, the less obvious it will be to others that you are a recent dumpee.
Hi mate
I’ve watched nearly all of your videos, Thankyou, such a great support.
Pretty much all videos done by anyone carry a similar theme with similar presumptions. For example ‘cheating’ is mentioned sporadically with regard to certain circumstances etc but it’s only added as a possible additional consideration in individuals own circumstances etc.
I’d love you to do a video/videos on cheating specifically. As in, potential processes for D & Dee in the wake of an affair or cheating.
My own personal circumstance is We were having significant difficulties during 8 yr relationship, she became increasingly detached and withdrawn and caused a lot of pain, hurt and frustration in me. I strayed and regrettably had an affair for several months. Everything blew up 2 months ago. Surprisingly my ex and I remained amicable as we were both mature enough and loved each other enough to own our part.
She’s now 3 weeks into a new relationship which is absolutely devastating. I’m struggling with the reality of whether it’s a rebound or is it not! As in because she apparently checked out of our relationship a very long time ago, it’s more likely a natural and easy progression for her. Absolutely heartbroken.
So I would really really appreciate a video along these lines, situations that are quite outside of the ‘normal’ breakups where emotional attachment simply fades etc & a couple breakup.
I am putting 100 percent effort into myself now to change, grow and evolve and I desperately want another go with the love of my life.
Hope this makes sense and again Thankyou so much for the support.
Danny
Hii... Thanks for this podcast ( listening through yt music).
My wife tried to leave me 3 times and finally did it on the 4th try. I am currently on no-contact stage. We use to fight a lot. But she loved me and left her house and parents for me. Do you think she'll contact me? We were 2year bf gf + 2 and a half year marriad couple.
Vincent I enjoy hearing your thoughts,,, l was married 17 years when she left me and our young children for a loser and died 2 years later chasing the loser hit a truck head-on and killed,,,and then in a 13 year relationship and even raised and loved 2 of her sons kids in my home and when I wouldn't agree to raise 2 more she left and never let me see the kids again,, she tried to return but I could never take a woman back after she had left me and saw another man, you make alot of sense my friend,, l dated 16 woman in 2 years after my breakup and the truth is there all for themselves and it's never yours just your turn,,l was cursed with a rescuing personality and even though I've been seeing a beautiful Spanish lady for 2years that thinks the world of me I just can't see myself married are even living with any woman again,,, but I'm sure your vedios can help many.
Hi George, thank you for your comment. I'm very sorry to hear of the struggles you have experienced in your life. There has been lots of pain and heartbreak it seems. What I would say, is try to see each woman as their own person. Try not to use previous experiences to condemn a new person. You might never want to live with another woman again, but over time you might get to the stage where you truly love and feel trust for someone new.
Can you please make a video about the dumper and what they go through if YOUR relationship was the rebound relationship? We were together 6 months and I was the rebound right after he got out of an 8 year relationship. I did not know I was a rebound at the time. There are a lot of elements about what you say in this video about rebounds that ring true. At the same time, I know he did have real feelings for me and we were probably a lot more compatible than he and his ex. Also, she was toxic and cheated on him whereas I was a stable and good partner. That said, we had a lot of things working against us but, I won't go into all of t hem here. However, all of those things had to do with timing and circumstances. I know had the timing and the circumstances been different, we probably could have made it work. I also know that when he dumped me he still had feelings for me and doubts about whether or not he was making the right decision. Can you please make a video about that?
Hi Goldie, thank you for your suggestion. That is a very interesting topic. It's quite niche, so I might do a video where I include a few niche questions within one podcast. I'll make a note of it.
Can you do a video on dumper’s process if they’re in a new relationship? From my understanding, he monkey branched. I don’t know when they met and I don’t check his social media.
Thanks for the great idea FM, I will add it to my list. I hope you are feeling OK
Yes my dumper came back 3 times. There won't be a fourth. She needs to get a fkn life.
3 times? Care to share your story?
@@troyesivan7069 it's a long one. In less than a year.
Great as usual Vincent!
Thank you Risi. How are you?
Vincent Bos I am fine thanks Vincent! I enjoyed your videos very much and they are very very helpful ;)
@@risiboricua3985 you are very kind and thank you for all of your support :)
last time when me and my ex broke up i went on no contact and he contacted me after 4 months cried and his friend begged me to take him back he told me he started to miss me after 1 month of our break and he kept on fantasizing about me i am wondering if the same will happen again too whether he will gonna come back after 4 months this time too ? whether he will gonna start regretting after 1 month btw i am on 68 day of no contact
Hello Laiba, thank you for your question. Each time is different because your ex would have dropped to a different low point of romantic, emotional attraction. Hence each time, he will need to gain a different amount before he makes contact.
Do you have any videos for people who have begged and pleaded, since most people end up doing this
I had an ex that i dumped text me before thanksgiving saying how much fun she had with me this was in Nov 1997...she still remembered our great times
Hi Brendon, thanks for your comment. This is a great example of how people will always remember the great times.
Hey Vincent! I’m wondering how long the honeymoon stage lasts/when loneliness kicks in? It’s been 6 months since the breakup and I found out about 4 months later my ex reconnected with an old toxic friend which makes me think the friend has been influencing my ex and convincing him that he is better off without me, ruining any chance of reconciliation. We have not spoken since the breakup and I didn’t even wish him a happy birthday yesterday.
Hi E, thanks for your comment and question. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and understand how hard yesterday must have been for you. The honeymoon period of being single has no set time limit, and will vary from person to person. Whether or not your ex is being influenced by someone isn't worth the time you dedicate thinking about it. This is something uncontrollable and you would be better spending your time considering the controllables, such as focusing on yourself and improving every single day.
@@vincentbos Hi Vincent, so you agree its the correct thing to do to not wish you ex happy birthday? my exs birthday is in 3 weeks and im terrified of that day because that day used to mean to me more than it meant for her, im scared she might be angry if i dont wish her and it would push her away even more, can you tell me your opinion about that please?
@@77BLAZER77 my thoughts are that if you haven't heard from your ex within the last few weeks (post breakup) then you shouldn't send happy birthday. So if she reached out within a few weeks of her birthday and you had a little chat, then yes consider sending a text. But if you haven't heard anything for longer than a few weeks, then no, I don't think you should send a text.
Consider this ...
She has decided to end the relationship, that means she doesn't want to be with you anymore ... what would make her more angry? Having someone send her a text (that she doesn't want to talk to) or not receiving a text from that person?
In most instances a dumper would be angrier receiving the text, because it suggests the dumpee is not respecting their decision or listening to what they are saying.
@@vincentbos Well not sure if my situation applies or not, she reached out to me on august 5th hoping everyone is safe in my country after that explosion happened in Lebanon, it was a short conversation and it died out the same day. and her birthday is in 25 days, so if she doesn't reach out to me again by the time of her birthday it would have been 2 months since the last message from her.
@@77BLAZER77 I see. Yes it certainly seems like a 'grey area' of whether it would be appropriate or not. In your situation, it probably wouldn't negatively affect your chances either way with what you decide to do. However, I personally wouldn't send a text in your position.
My ex dumped me. But it was not cause of me. She holds past pain from last year and does not let it go. She had a bad 1st time meet with my mom. My mom was jealous and she is old school. My girl took it as in she hates her. But that is not true. It is a misunderstanding. Well 1yr later, I feel like her depression made the memory worse! She told me it hit harder now! So she let me go because she does not want to suffer. She is letting it affect her and affect us. I understand her pain because I was hurt too but guess what, I did my part, as in I will make sure she does feel better if she decides to come back. And also if another girl comes, I will make sure no one ever misunderstands the situation.
Some breaks ups are NOT THE DUMPEES fault. Sometimes dumpers have issues and they let it affect the relationship.
Anyways, I am in NC. She said she wanted space and recollect herself. And one day learn to let go. She said can reconnect and hopefully things are better. But for now, she wants to be friends.
Nothing I can do honestly. Just give her space and I will keep on moving forward. I gave her a good relationship but this issue just ruined it.
I wish there was a way to get her back. Wish I could do it now. Wish she does not move on too. We connected great. Not perfect because she did not communicate well. I would tell her to learn. Because I can not guess what is up. She started maturing more with me.
So yeah, I am helpless on this type of issue. Anyone can give a good advice? Majority of the advice is based on the dumpee being the problem. But what about when depression is a factor and bad memories? I know with time bad memories fade but she never let it go. 1yr later, we were planning to have kids and get married, then...bam... I am hurt but I am not stopping.
My 2021 plans have been expedited to now.
My love for her is still strong. And I hope it is the same. I hope she learns and reaches out before it is too late. I have made mistakes where I took too long to realize I messed up with a girl and I forever live with pain and regret. I promised myself I will never do it again.
Thanks for your comment. In my belief, a relationship ends due to a lack of romantic, emotional attraction. This is either caused by an action(s) from a partner or growth in a partner(s) that mean they are no longer aligned. The situation you describe seems to be a little of both. The action of your mother (linked to you) and also growth (a mindset change) from your ex. The best advice I can give you is not to engage in a platonic friendship with someone you have romantic feelings for. Don't be angry / negative about the suggestion, but say in your own words:
"I could never see you as just a platonic friend, please get in contact if you would like to chat". Then at this stage I would never contact her again, unless she contacted me first.
@@vincentbos Thanks. Yeah. I made it clear that she misunderstood it. I am the man of the house. I stepped up to take care of my mom and siblings. So to my mom, I am valuable. Now, I want to have a family with her and she wants one with me. But her assumption that I will struggle to leave my family, that is childish, and that she assumes my mom hates her, not true, is eating her up. She can not let go of the past and has to be patient. I plan things in my life and I told her to give me time but each step I take, is to make us live together.
I did notice that weeks before the break up, she mentioned to me that she feels she is falling behind with kids and marriage. She is 24 and I am 30. I looked at her and told her how you think I feel? Then I told her if she wants a kid, let me know, if she wants to get married, lets plan it now. And she got depressed because we also got hit with the 2nd lockdown. It was bad that I had to try to clear her mind. But I guess I could not do nothing.
It is a simple fixable or changeable issue. He sisters and mom even tried to tell her is is nothing bad. But seems like depression and these thoughts are fogging her.
@@MrGeekster007 you are going through a very challenging situation and keeping a stable mindset is key and something you should be very proud of if you can keep that strong. Focus on your own journey now and move forward day by day. Only your ex can change her mindset and you can't wait and clock watch for her to do this, because sadly there is no guarantee she ever will.
@@vincentbos Yeah. You are right. Sometimes they have to learn the hard way. Lol being mature is not easy. And many do take longer to mature. I left mostly good memories and experiences for her. I was the 1st to ever give her flowers and care about her. She was the 1st in her family to ever get flowers and the only one that had a good relationship. So I good knowing I did well. Sucks that she can not see that. Maybe later it will hit her that she had a better relationship than a lot of people. We had our up and downs but that is normal. We never argued or fought. We did have serious talks like mature adults, addressed the issue and worked together to fix it. This is the only one we could not do that. Oh well. Live and learn right? She needs space and time to realize what she is letting go. I know she wants me but the negative thoughts are keeping her from moving forward.
Trying to get help dealing with this is tough. Majority of the break up advices deal with the dumpee being the problem. Not much on the dumper.
@@MrGeekster007 you can only control the controlables and that means yourself. No one else needs to be concentrated on, other than ourselves and our own journey.
Vincent, what if my ex does not have a rebound? How will they feel out of the honeymoon period?
If your ex doesn't have a rebound, they will likely be enjoying the 'freedoms' of being single initially after a breakup has taken place. Such as being able to do their own thing without speaking to someone about their plans first etc.
Is there a point where it’s too late to feel that loss
We never know what the future holds
Can you please make a video like this but the dumper is in a rebound relationship :(
Hi Venz, thank you for your suggestion. Yes I will add it to my list.
I just want to say no......
Thank you for your comment Southern, how are you?