Thanks Thais, this is very helpful! I can get very jealous, like I feel my life is being threatened and I go into fight/flight. I'm aware that I am AP and that sometimes things feel worse to me than they are, but that makes it difficult for me to know where I should put my boundaries. It's like I don't trust my own judgement anymore, I don't know if I'm right in being jealous and telling my partner they are crossing the line, or it's just my fear of abandonment and I should accept their behavior even if it bothers me. It's difficult to know where to draw the line.
I can relate to this. Always wondering if my need is 'acceptable' or if I am asking and wanting things that noone in this world would see as reasonable. I know I would never do things to even put my partner in a situation where jealousy could flare up, whereas others seem to draw their lines way differently than I do.
I love having Thais explain these things that fill in the blanks of explaining why I behaved and reacted to situations the way I did, not only with my ex DA, but my whole life as an AP. I am excited for what's in store as I learn more about myself and cultivate a relationship with me as I learn my sense of self.
Thank you Thais for this video 🙏🏼 I recently just discovered your Personal Development School YT channel about a month ago and cannot stop watching them. I took the test and discovered I am an Anxious preoccupied attachment style. I suffer A LOT from jealousy. And part of that I think is from the point you hit on about me equating my safety and attachment/connection to my relationships instead of within my primary source of myself/faith. When someone has a long chat with my partner, or if my partner smiles big or the other person smiles big or has to what I perceive a twinkle in their eye with my partner, my insides start burning and I become so triggered and like I can’t breathe. You don’t know how badly I want this to change. I even feel threatened by really close bestfriend’s of my partner (who by the way is an FA) and feel triggered or sad even when their best friend comes around to family get togethers, is brought up or takes pictures with my partner. Is there anyone else like this? I have had so many conversations about this to my partner and they are trying to be as understanding as possible but do not 100% get it from my point of view, nor is it their job to. I want to figure out what my core wounds are, self-soothe and build inner strength and safety. You don’t know how badly I want to change this and even after my partner mentioned after a while that it’s putting a strain on the relationship, I freaked out, because it’s something that I don’t even like or want to do/be/react as. I just want my partner to value our connection and relationship together and for loyalty & trust because I wasn’t always shown that, had an inconsistent parent who allowed unsafe people in and out of my life and have been taken advantage of as a child. Any other FA’s who have AP partners to provide insight for me or other AP folks who can provide feedback/healthy coping mechanisms or strategies that help? Anything is appreciated! Thank you!
@Julian Lugo Hey I'm going through the same thing, i struggle a lot with insecurites and jealousy and it affects my relationship with my boyfriend. I am anxious preoccupied attached and my boyfriend is secure attached. I also want to change and I don't even know how to start or what to do, I'm scared he will get fed up one day. He has been patient with me but you are right, they dont 100% understand. I get so triggered when female acquaintances (but whom he doesn't talk to) are around in the same setting!! It kills me and it makes me mad that I'm aware how unhealthy that is for me. Also when he's online my mind goes to places and I feel like he is talking to someone else or will find someone more confident.
Thais once said self soothing/relationship with oneself is closely related spirituality. I found it can’t be more true. Having a spiritual practice, religion or not, is extremely helpful in developing a loving secure relationship to ourselves. That is my experience.
Oh my God, Thais!! When you mentioned the traits suppresed and gave the confidence example...that's totally me! When I see a confident girl who catches attention I dislike her but when I see a confident gyy I get attracted to him. How long do we have to make the repetition+ emotion to reprogram the subconscious believes? Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the information you freely give, it's been so useful and has helped me to understand myself a lot. Other psychologusts or coaches can tell you love yourself bla bla bla...yeah we all know that at a conscious level but doesn't help to get to the root and now I know why :) , thanks to you.
There is one thing I disagree with many councilors when they talk about relationships and attachment styles: Most of them emphasise that different attachment types attract specific types of partners. My personal experience is very difference. I have attracted many different types of partners but regardless of partner type I have always been anxious preoccupied and displayed the behaviours you are mentioning whenever I was deeply connected to a person. So , in my opinion, the main issue is the attachment style and the trauma triggers not the type of partner!
Thanks so much for explaining everything so clearly....It makes very easy to understand all the people around you with this attachment style...really helps!
Jealousy doesn't seem to bother me, as an anxious leaning guy, unless I feel that there is a disconnect or conflict between me and the person I am trying to connect with. But if we can communicate our emotions to each other well jealousy doesn't have the same sting because I feel secure within our connection.
Dear Thais, would you do a separate course within PDS on this topic? It’s a huge topic for me personally and I feel like I need more tools to get better at this 💕
I am anxious and hubby is Dismissive . 40 years married. : ( I am super jealous . I was never like this with past relationships. I think he made me anxious.
Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin, I have read it too. The thing I sort of feel about my DA ex is she was always one step ahead of me with a deactivating maneuver. Looking back now with all of my knowledge on attachment, it makes so much sense. But at the time closeness felt like chasing a carrot on a stick.
Yes, I can relate. I've been struggling with this. I am of course the anxious partner. Not surprising, as I'm the one looking for this video. I struggle with jealous thoughts, but more about my wife and her past, and especially her sexual past, rather than the present. When thoulse thoughts come, my coping mechanism is to luck for her, to cling at her, some times even to want to have sex, to get proof she is into me. Problem is that my wife, as avoidant suffers from feeling pressured with sex. Feeling she has to do it as a chore, and forcing her to do it to not dissapoint. It crashes directly with my wounds. As Thais says, it is difficult for me to soothe on my own. I tend to protest andcause pitty to get that attention and soothe, and the more I do that, the more she gets desperate and overwhelmed feeling I should soothe on my own. It feels that some times we are program to fail, that our wounds are feeding each other perfectly. We feel stuck, helpless. We tried therapy and although it has provided more awareness, it has also cause her to become more anxious about sex, so now sex has been a bigger issue. I'm trying to give her more space and soothe on my own to let her breath, not demanding sex, to allow her to say no, and I becoming more understanding of her becoming distant. I'm not sure it will work. Anyways, the whole thing started because of me being jeoluos of her sexual past.
Totally understand the jealousy around a partners sexual past. I was this exact way with my ex, I found it really difficult to share it with her because I didn’t want her to feel bad about her past. I was kind of aware it wasn’t really about her and more to my feelings of not feeling good enough. She being fearful avoidant would fear me rejecting her for her past and not being right for me. It was so hard to understand my fears and explain them too her in a way that didn’t trigger her wounds, because I knew it wasn’t about her but she couldn’t detach herself from her worries to understand that. Sorry for rambling 😅 hope that made sense! I think you have to look at the is video and realise those worries are not unique to you, so many other have it too and communication and awareness is key. Don’t be hard on yourself for being human!
Thank you so much... Please talk about DAs so that they can see all the ways they hurt Others, so they can understand it is a general thing not just us.
Valles Elena I believe there is already a video on this, something like "dear dismissive avoidant...", that talks about things that others want the DA to know. However, I would also suggest that working on one's self will make the hurt more manageable. It's important not to forget that the hurt is actually created within us, and we have responsibility as well to question our stories and also express our needs directly ... as well as to potentially leave a situation where our needs are not being met. Feel empowered!
Have you ever considered that perhaps your DA suffers from borderline personality disorder? It’s basically when they crave love and validation but when they reach a certain level of intimacy they’ll feel engulfed and ghost or lash out.
@@SK-no2pp Thais says in another video (forget which one) that FAs can seem like they have BPD. I actually thought my ex is BPD, he's an FA so who knows
skylar yeah, it’s very confusing. I am tired now lol. He himself told me he thinks something is wrong wit him. I thought j was loving him unconditionally but that is really hair abandonment of self.
How is it? I definitely was thinking about doing this...I’m so confused I don’t think I was an AP until this relationship...he’s outgoing and charismatic but a FA/DA in relationships. I feel like we are definitely in an anxious/avoidant trap but we’re both trying to do the work to stay together.
@@sofiasanches2149 It's great that you both want to work on it! How is it going now? My FA ex didn't want to do the self work anymore and just broke up with me... :/
Appreciate the content of this video, great job Thais!...my question as an Anxious attachment is: can you help guide us in knowing if we are making progress when reprogramming our subconscious?...like what thought pattern we would now have, how our behavior might change...I’m trying to make changes but I feel as if the progress is very minimal, so it leaves me a feeling somewhat unsure n stuck.
Be gentle and patient with yourself. Commit to (emotional) self care daily and give yourself praise for small accomplishments. Do not beat yourself up if you feel like you’re regressing in any way. Put yourself first with no regrets. Be self observant when you are having an emotional challenge. I have been working on myself for 1.5 year and have seen a significant difference yet my journey has been step by step. I advise daily affirmations even if you don’t initially believe them; subconscious operates off of repetition. You will eventually become reprogrammed. Check out “Unlock Your Life” channel on TH-cam...it’s awesome! When you are able to accept every aspect of yourself, successfully coach yourself or self soothe during an emotionally challenging time, and feel a general sense of security, calm and wholeness no matter any adversity you have come a long way. Make a daily ritual for yourself...consistency/repetition is everything!
Nadeeru Love thanx for the advice, my other concern is that I am out of a relationship right now, so I’m not getting triggered as much as I used to, but I just want to build myself up strong enough to better handle any future relationships..I would hate to think I can control myself when single and then get triggered while in a relationship.
suset gotcha! Yes, it’s absolutely concerning when you haven’t really been put to the test. I feel the same way in other areas of my life as well, yet it’s less about strength vs weakness and more about self awareness and self acceptance. Continue doing what you’re doing and learn how to trust yourself. The more self aware you are the easier it becomes to accept yourself and manage your relationships with people in general. You will be self guided just as you’ve been guided to this video. Continue learning how to trust and let go you will be fine. When you are ready, start dating and learn how to always keep your relationship with yourself a priority. Check out the book “Attached” by Amir Levine it has some great relationship advice in there. What stuck to me is feeling comfortable expressing your needs up front with your prospective mate(s) because it will quickly get rid of the ones who can be potentially toxic for you.
This really doesn’t tell me much. All therapists say “you just need to change the narrative in your head”. Ok well, HOW? It’s not as simple as just changing the way you think. I know how I should be thinking but no amount of wanting it to be different has helped. Journaling, meditation and all of that helps the nervous system but doesn’t change these feelings.
Do you have any suggestions for being in the dating phase of a relationship with an FA who leans more towards dismissive strategies during covid-19? Long distance?
Not sure if its the same thing or similar but where does FOMO fit into this? I have a friend who seems to get anxious or upset if I do something on my own or go somewhere and I haven't told her about it. She is married and her husband is a little like this too but not as bad. They are the kind of people that have to keep up with the Jones's so they are quite competitive with me. I really don't care tbh and I don't get what they are trying to compete with. I live a very simple life. I make a modest living and I don't go on many vacations or have fancy things. However if I go and visit other friends or my family and I haven't told them (or invited them) my friend says she's gutted and disappointed she wasn't able to go with me or missed out. If I have something or achieve something she will try and do the same. It's really very weird! I've been trying to understand it. I think its a shadow thing too but I know there are some people are quite competitive and want to out do you on stuff or want to be in on anything you do. It comes across to me as quite immature and what I'd expect from a child but my friends are in their 40's. Aside from this they are lovely, kind people. The friends I went to see without them are also friends of theirs but they went to see them two weeks ago on their own. I was working. They told me they were there when they arrived and I said it I was glad for them. I wasn't bothered they were there but happy they were having fun and spending quality time with our friends. Now she tells me she is gutted I went last weekend without her even though our friends only invited me on this occasion. I wouldn't have minded if they had joined us but it didn't seem like it was my place to ask them. Anyway, I don't want this to get in the way of our friendship but it does bother me a little. For me it feels a bit like a personal boundary. Sometimes I want to spend time with my friends, other times I don't. Sometimes I want to spend time with them altogether and sometimes its nice to have smaller quieter time with just a few of them. I should need to explain anything or why.
Everytime I watched one of this woman's videos, I automatically feel soothed. She makes me feel safe. Thank you.
Thanks Thais, this is very helpful! I can get very jealous, like I feel my life is being threatened and I go into fight/flight. I'm aware that I am AP and that sometimes things feel worse to me than they are, but that makes it difficult for me to know where I should put my boundaries. It's like I don't trust my own judgement anymore, I don't know if I'm right in being jealous and telling my partner they are crossing the line, or it's just my fear of abandonment and I should accept their behavior even if it bothers me. It's difficult to know where to draw the line.
I can relate to this. Always wondering if my need is 'acceptable' or if I am asking and wanting things that noone in this world would see as reasonable. I know I would never do things to even put my partner in a situation where jealousy could flare up, whereas others seem to draw their lines way differently than I do.
I love having Thais explain these things that fill in the blanks of explaining why I behaved and reacted to situations the way I did, not only with my ex DA, but my whole life as an AP. I am excited for what's in store as I learn more about myself and cultivate a relationship with me as I learn my sense of self.
Thank you Thais for this video 🙏🏼 I recently just discovered your Personal Development School YT channel about a month ago and cannot stop watching them. I took the test and discovered I am an Anxious preoccupied attachment style. I suffer A LOT from jealousy. And part of that I think is from the point you hit on about me equating my safety and attachment/connection to my relationships instead of within my primary source of myself/faith. When someone has a long chat with my partner, or if my partner smiles big or the other person smiles big or has to what I perceive a twinkle in their eye with my partner, my insides start burning and I become so triggered and like I can’t breathe. You don’t know how badly I want this to change. I even feel threatened by really close bestfriend’s of my partner (who by the way is an FA) and feel triggered or sad even when their best friend comes around to family get togethers, is brought up or takes pictures with my partner. Is there anyone else like this? I have had so many conversations about this to my partner and they are trying to be as understanding as possible but do not 100% get it from my point of view, nor is it their job to. I want to figure out what my core wounds are, self-soothe and build inner strength and safety. You don’t know how badly I want to change this and even after my partner mentioned after a while that it’s putting a strain on the relationship, I freaked out, because it’s something that I don’t even like or want to do/be/react as. I just want my partner to value our connection and relationship together and for loyalty & trust because I wasn’t always shown that, had an inconsistent parent who allowed unsafe people in and out of my life and have been taken advantage of as a child. Any other FA’s who have AP partners to provide insight for me or other AP folks who can provide feedback/healthy coping mechanisms or strategies that help? Anything is appreciated! Thank you!
Wow, what a well written, thoughtful response. I relate 100%!!!
It’s the worse feeling
@Julian Lugo Hey I'm going through the same thing, i struggle a lot with insecurites and jealousy and it affects my relationship with my boyfriend. I am anxious preoccupied attached and my boyfriend is secure attached. I also want to change and I don't even know how to start or what to do, I'm scared he will get fed up one day. He has been patient with me but you are right, they dont 100% understand. I get so triggered when female acquaintances (but whom he doesn't talk to) are around in the same setting!! It kills me and it makes me mad that I'm aware how unhealthy that is for me. Also when he's online my mind goes to places and I feel like he is talking to someone else or will find someone more confident.
Thais once said self soothing/relationship with oneself is closely related spirituality. I found it can’t be more true. Having a spiritual practice, religion or not, is extremely helpful in developing a loving secure relationship to ourselves. That is my experience.
15 to 20 minutes of meditation every day will help 🙏🏻
Oh my God, Thais!! When you mentioned the traits suppresed and gave the confidence example...that's totally me! When I see a confident girl who catches attention I dislike her but when I see a confident gyy I get attracted to him. How long do we have to make the repetition+ emotion to reprogram the subconscious believes? Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the information you freely give, it's been so useful and has helped me to understand myself a lot. Other psychologusts or coaches can tell you love yourself bla bla bla...yeah we all know that at a conscious level but doesn't help to get to the root and now I know why :) , thanks to you.
I love jealousy topics! Can't wait to see the other attachment styles videos about jealousy
There is one thing I disagree with many councilors when they talk about relationships and attachment styles: Most of them emphasise that different attachment types attract specific types of partners. My personal experience is very difference. I have attracted many different types of partners but regardless of partner type I have always been anxious preoccupied and displayed the behaviours you are mentioning whenever I was deeply connected to a person. So , in my opinion, the main issue is the attachment style and the trauma triggers not the type of partner!
Thanks so much for explaining everything so clearly....It makes very easy to understand all the people around you with this attachment style...really helps!
The best and most enlightening video on the topic. 👌👍
2:06 start
Thank you so much for making this. I'm finally starting to unpack my baggage and learn about myself. You have helped me a lot .
Scorpio here...makes sense that I have freakin anxious attachment..I used to feel like I was just going crazy..
Jealousy doesn't seem to bother me, as an anxious leaning guy, unless I feel that there is a disconnect or conflict between me and the person I am trying to connect with. But if we can communicate our emotions to each other well jealousy doesn't have the same sting because I feel secure within our connection.
It’s easy to avoid jealousy when you have a partner that doesn’t give you any reasons to be….
Dear Thais, would you do a separate course within PDS on this topic? It’s a huge topic for me personally and I feel like I need more tools to get better at this 💕
I am anxious and hubby is Dismissive . 40 years married. : ( I am super jealous . I was never like this with past relationships. I think he made me anxious.
🤔
Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin, I have read it too. The thing I sort of feel about my DA ex is she was always one step ahead of me with a deactivating maneuver. Looking back now with all of my knowledge on attachment, it makes so much sense. But at the time closeness felt like chasing a carrot on a stick.
@@DoReMeaCulpa u are 100% correct. Ultimately we are left with no option either to change ourselves or leave .
Yes, I can relate. I've been struggling with this. I am of course the anxious partner. Not surprising, as I'm the one looking for this video. I struggle with jealous thoughts, but more about my wife and her past, and especially her sexual past, rather than the present. When thoulse thoughts come, my coping mechanism is to luck for her, to cling at her, some times even to want to have sex, to get proof she is into me. Problem is that my wife, as avoidant suffers from feeling pressured with sex. Feeling she has to do it as a chore, and forcing her to do it to not dissapoint. It crashes directly with my wounds. As Thais says, it is difficult for me to soothe on my own. I tend to protest andcause pitty to get that attention and soothe, and the more I do that, the more she gets desperate and overwhelmed feeling I should soothe on my own.
It feels that some times we are program to fail, that our wounds are feeding each other perfectly. We feel stuck, helpless. We tried therapy and although it has provided more awareness, it has also cause her to become more anxious about sex, so now sex has been a bigger issue. I'm trying to give her more space and soothe on my own to let her breath, not demanding sex, to allow her to say no, and I becoming more understanding of her becoming distant. I'm not sure it will work.
Anyways, the whole thing started because of me being jeoluos of her sexual past.
Totally understand the jealousy around a partners sexual past. I was this exact way with my ex, I found it really difficult to share it with her because I didn’t want her to feel bad about her past. I was kind of aware it wasn’t really about her and more to my feelings of not feeling good enough. She being fearful avoidant would fear me rejecting her for her past and not being right for me. It was so hard to understand my fears and explain them too her in a way that didn’t trigger her wounds, because I knew it wasn’t about her but she couldn’t detach herself from her worries to understand that.
Sorry for rambling 😅 hope that made sense!
I think you have to look at the is video and realise those worries are not unique to you, so many other have it too and communication and awareness is key. Don’t be hard on yourself for being human!
Thank you so much... Please talk about DAs so that they can see all the ways they hurt Others, so they can understand it is a general thing not just us.
Valles Elena I believe there is already a video on this, something like "dear dismissive avoidant...", that talks about things that others want the DA to know. However, I would also suggest that working on one's self will make the hurt more manageable. It's important not to forget that the hurt is actually created within us, and we have responsibility as well to question our stories and also express our needs directly ... as well as to potentially leave a situation where our needs are not being met. Feel empowered!
Have you ever considered that perhaps your DA suffers from borderline personality disorder? It’s basically when they crave love and validation but when they reach a certain level of intimacy they’ll feel engulfed and ghost or lash out.
@@SK-no2pp Thais says in another video (forget which one) that FAs can seem like they have BPD. I actually thought my ex is BPD, he's an FA so who knows
skylar yeah, it’s very confusing. I am tired now lol. He himself told me he thinks something is wrong wit him. I thought j was loving him unconditionally but that is really hair abandonment of self.
@@SK-no2pp God, I hear you. I was so tired too which is why I gave up.
Do any other anxious leaning FAs suffer with this, just out of a relationship with a DA and I struggled quite a lot with this
Take care
I’ve suffered through this for the past 8 years of my relationships...so difficult. Really exhausting
@@vanessaalvarado5118 Take care Vanessa
I think you have a lot of love and are a loyal person...
Love yourself, do Yoga 😊
Rohit Chopra thank you! Very sweet of you
Thank you!
Thank you! Can you please do a video about how to practice repition + emotion?
I took the “Advanved AA” already 😊
How is it? I definitely was thinking about doing this...I’m so confused I don’t think I was an AP until this relationship...he’s outgoing and charismatic but a FA/DA in relationships. I feel like we are definitely in an anxious/avoidant trap but we’re both trying to do the work to stay together.
@@sofiasanches2149 It's great that you both want to work on it! How is it going now? My FA ex didn't want to do the self work anymore and just broke up with me... :/
Appreciate the content of this video, great job Thais!...my question as an Anxious attachment is: can you help guide us in knowing if we are making progress when reprogramming our subconscious?...like what thought pattern we would now have, how our behavior might change...I’m trying to make changes but I feel as if the progress is very minimal, so it leaves me a feeling somewhat unsure n stuck.
Be gentle and patient with yourself. Commit to (emotional) self care daily and give yourself praise for small accomplishments. Do not beat yourself up if you feel like you’re regressing in any way. Put yourself first with no regrets. Be self observant when you are having an emotional challenge. I have been working on myself for 1.5 year and have seen a significant difference yet my journey has been step by step. I advise daily affirmations even if you don’t initially believe them; subconscious operates off of repetition. You will eventually become reprogrammed. Check out “Unlock Your Life” channel on TH-cam...it’s awesome! When you are able to accept every aspect of yourself, successfully coach yourself or self soothe during an emotionally challenging time, and feel a general sense of security, calm and wholeness no matter any adversity you have come a long way. Make a daily ritual for yourself...consistency/repetition is everything!
Nadeeru Love thanx for the advice, my other concern is that I am out of a relationship right now, so I’m not getting triggered as much as I used to, but I just want to build myself up strong enough to better handle any future relationships..I would hate to think I can control myself when single and then get triggered while in a relationship.
@@suset813 same for me!
suset gotcha! Yes, it’s absolutely concerning when you haven’t really been put to the test. I feel the same way in other areas of my life as well, yet it’s less about strength vs weakness and more about self awareness and self acceptance. Continue doing what you’re doing and learn how to trust yourself. The more self aware you are the easier it becomes to accept yourself and manage your relationships with people in general. You will be self guided just as you’ve been guided to this video. Continue learning how to trust and let go you will be fine. When you are ready, start dating and learn how to always keep your relationship with yourself a priority. Check out the book “Attached” by Amir Levine it has some great relationship advice in there. What stuck to me is feeling comfortable expressing your needs up front with your prospective mate(s) because it will quickly get rid of the ones who can be potentially toxic for you.
Nadeeru Love appreciate the great advice...thanks alot
This really doesn’t tell me much. All therapists say “you just need to change the narrative in your head”. Ok well, HOW? It’s not as simple as just changing the way you think. I know how I should be thinking but no amount of wanting it to be different has helped. Journaling, meditation and all of that helps the nervous system but doesn’t change these feelings.
You are so freakin awesome💚
You look very nice in the video.
Do you have any suggestions for being in the dating phase of a relationship with an FA who leans more towards dismissive strategies during covid-19? Long distance?
Not sure if its the same thing or similar but where does FOMO fit into this? I have a friend who seems to get anxious or upset if I do something on my own or go somewhere and I haven't told her about it. She is married and her husband is a little like this too but not as bad. They are the kind of people that have to keep up with the Jones's so they are quite competitive with me. I really don't care tbh and I don't get what they are trying to compete with. I live a very simple life. I make a modest living and I don't go on many vacations or have fancy things. However if I go and visit other friends or my family and I haven't told them (or invited them) my friend says she's gutted and disappointed she wasn't able to go with me or missed out. If I have something or achieve something she will try and do the same. It's really very weird! I've been trying to understand it. I think its a shadow thing too but I know there are some people are quite competitive and want to out do you on stuff or want to be in on anything you do. It comes across to me as quite immature and what I'd expect from a child but my friends are in their 40's. Aside from this they are lovely, kind people. The friends I went to see without them are also friends of theirs but they went to see them two weeks ago on their own. I was working. They told me they were there when they arrived and I said it I was glad for them. I wasn't bothered they were there but happy they were having fun and spending quality time with our friends. Now she tells me she is gutted I went last weekend without her even though our friends only invited me on this occasion. I wouldn't have minded if they had joined us but it didn't seem like it was my place to ask them. Anyway, I don't want this to get in the way of our friendship but it does bother me a little. For me it feels a bit like a personal boundary. Sometimes I want to spend time with my friends, other times I don't. Sometimes I want to spend time with them altogether and sometimes its nice to have smaller quieter time with just a few of them. I should need to explain anything or why.
*shouldn't need to explain (I meant)
Omgggg 😩😩