Attachment Trauma and Preoccupied, Anxious, Obsessive Thinking
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ก.ย. 2016
- Hello. Thanks for checking out my TH-cam channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
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Attachment Trauma and Preoccupied, Anxious, Obsessive Thinking
In this video, I talk about the incessant mind chatter associated with preoccupied, anxious, insecure attachment. It is a response to being separated from a loved one, either perceived or real.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
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Attachment Trauma and Preoccupied, Anxious, Obsessive Thinking
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on TH-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on TH-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
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Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
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I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
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Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
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Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
Thanks you for this video I'm currently go through this exact thing and I'm going on stress leave from work cause of it today. I never knew thinking could make you feel so ill.
THIS. It’s so exhausting and disturbing. It’s like being haunted by a ghost non-stop. It makes me feel like I’m losing my mind. Most people can’t understand which is so isolating. I need it to stop.
Geez... its totally like a ghost. I hate it and am constantly haunted. As soon as I get a reprieve, il stop and collect my thoughts and boom...ghost is right back attacking me
Been there. I hope its cooled off now.
Same. It’s awful. It’s been almost six months. I mean it’s getting better. But I still wait for one whole day when this ghost will not make an appearance. When that day comes I will celebrate!
@@KajsaBernhardina I’m going through this now after a break up,just hope I don’t make myself sick 😒
Same here. Honestly I just feel like I'm overanalyzing what is happening and so I try to figure out why I am, and then end up overanalyzing myself. The entire time my mind is going beserk.
A message I sent to my freind during such moment is this: "I feel like a madman, man. Like I'm the crazy one for even trying."
It almost makes me feel like a completely different person when I'm the normal state compared to the anxious state. Like "that's me? That's how I was?". Shits scary to think about. It's almost unbelievable but yet, I still have the memories of it. Clear as day.
Finally someone who is not romanticizing nor dismissing or necessarily pathologizing those symptoms. There is absolutely nothing romantic about feeling like this about someone. It’s not beautiful and it’s not love. It’s trauma reactivation, nothing more nothing less. I’m so grateful somebody is finally dissecting it into what it really is and pointing a path out. I am genuinely grateful for this.
Great insight. Thank you for the comment and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it brings you benefit. So good to talk about this.
If this video is helpful then you may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. It goes into the origins of these behaviors as attachment trauma symptoms. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Preoccupied, anxious, and obsessive thinking is what I deal with all of the time. I impacts my job performance and how I relate to people who don't know me inimately.
I am in tears, because I've never had my nightmare experience described so well.
I cannot express how this feels.
Thank you for this video. I never knew I was anxious until I was with an avoidant, then it REALLY came out.
Exactly!
Same here
Same! It’s maddening
Same!
The most painful thing ever
I never understood why people turned to alcohol or drugs until going through a breakup, with an attachment injury. It's been a year and a half, and I recently found out he has a new serious girlfriend and I'm in so much pain I think I might die. Would do just about anything at this point to calm down and take it easy and stop the obsessing
It's been 16 months since my fiance broke it off and she was with someone 6 months later. I still can't focus or sleep, it's agony. I just learned about attachment injuries this month and this channel along with therapy had started to help. Now if I can just stop the dreams...
It's been 2 years. What's the update?
Of course , it's not easy to understand; like the Rug that's been Yanked out from under you . * Par for the course.
Thank you. I'm not crazy. Thank you. I'm not alone.
I'm 35. I was involved with the guy for 2 months o ly but got very attached to him and put lots of hopes into him. He had smashed and dashed. Now 6 months later I still try to recover from it.
I wish I knew about Alan Robarge a few months ago when i felt like I was dying over my on and of ex. that was before I knew I had attachment truma. I went through hell and was suicidal over my year and a half on and off relationship. I knew he was bad for me but couldn't leave. until I recently relised that I have attachment trauma from being abused, neglected and abandoned as a child.
then I removed the placeholder which was Him. All my pain was my inner child. After I relised this.
I no longer desired or wanted him. my logical mind alway told me to get away from him. He was a lier, manipulater, and he was using me.
Hi Exposing Truths,
Your statement caught my eye. You summed it up for me right on the mark with your last paragraph.
I too no longer desired or wanted him. And although I believe all humans lie @ x's but not to that extent. He brought lying to an astronomical level. I could no longer cope with the deceit.: travels to foreign countries, job promotion, real estate dealings. All situations that were invalid.
Could no longer believe anything that he said. He was a "master" if you could call him that in manipulating and ultimately used me as well.
I wish you the best. I hope that you're doing O.K. coping as I realize this post was 6 mo. ago. Unfortunately, I just tuned into this informative channel.
ExposingTruths ...amazing how everything falls away isn't it? I never thought I would see the end of my pain and misery...only to realize he was just a placeholder - as you aptly put it. Congratulations to us! (Alan gave me the insight to realize attachment trauma created my life long issues)
Same here🥲 Be strong We can do this We mustn’t let them win Big hug
Yes, it's a nightmare, even bad thoughts about the relationship feel like dying
For years I slept horrible. Sometimes it would take me 2-3 hours just laying there before I fall asleep and for years on average would get about 4 hours sleep. Its so hard to turn the thinking off. Thank goodness, I have finally made some improvements and I am sleeping better.
Thank you for this video. The first 3 months after a breakup I had this looping obsessive thinking over an ex. I thought I healed and was ready to move on, attempted to put myself out there again with no success. Then the loneliness took over and all of a sudden my brain went back to obsessing over my ex now 6 months later ruminating and wanting him back especially since he discarded me so coldly and successfully moved on no problem. He occupies my thoughts like 80% of the day. This has never happened with any guy I’ve dated before, I’ve usually been okay with endings but not with him for some reason.
Think that you feel okay after few days or weeks and then all of a sudden you're depressed again and the obsessive thinking comes back with a vengeance
I wish I had come across your videos years ago. The last time I went through it, it lasted for nearly 2.5 years. Exhausting is an understatement. I am once again caught in the grips of this obsessive mind control. No one seems to understand so I actually cried watching your videos as I almost feel you are talking directly to me. Thank you so much for making me finally aware of what this is and that I am not crazy like I have been labelled by my ex partners, family and friends.
Great to hear you deeply resonated with this content. Empathy to you. Glad you tapped into feelings and found some release. It is so important to keep talking about the impact of attachment trauma. Thanks for responding.
Also, I want to share about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community You may have already heard about it. But based on your comment you may be interested in it. Learning with like minded people can offer some support. I welcome you joining us as a member.
Same here i feel you
My problem is I can't trust anything. Starting a new relationship I'm okay when we chat but the 22 hours between chats has me in this obsessed/doubting/the world's ending place and I can't focus on anything else. I alternate between wanting to quit even trying and feeling like I will never be loved because it's my behavior, this crazy making way I think, which chases everyone away. And I don't blame them for going. I just want to be a nice person and normal and feel okay in a love relationship. I don't let myself flip out anymore but I feel like I am flipping out inside and I feel wretched knowing if they knew they'd leave just the same. Living in a constant state of fear is exhausting.
Dear reader I see this was 1 year ago. I hope things have improved for you. I become absolutely obsessed so I understand but yr misery seems to go on. I think just by reading this you may need to talk to someone who could help you. Start by telling yr Dr. Or perhaps yr coping more now..
Yes, yes & yes!! You pinpointed it once again, Alan. Thank you! You are a great psychotherapist & a beautiful human being.
I can’t believe. This is 100% what I experience in my relationship. It’s been some time I’ve been starting to work on myself and on my anxiety but it is mostly related to my attachment style. This video is extremely helpful, thanks for sharing!
Omg no one has described my inner turmoil like you did
I'm glad you liked the video. If the topic resonated with you, you may be interested in checking out my membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. A new recurring round of our 8-week program begins September 7th. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you Alan! It’s seriously amazing! I found that those thoughts stay until there is another event that happens that takes over. I think this happens because it’s trying to create a certain connection between the events of life, trying to attempt to make sense of the patterns of life that would have originally been developed at various stages in life. It is trying to find an identity or status pointing towards a label of ourselves and our relationships. I think for me, the only thing that can stunt these thoughts are consistent meditation. And redirecting my needs and wants into prayer.
OMG!!! Not enough words to describe how much this is needed and appreciated. Bless you
Yes, it is perceived as a life or death situation. The body is on fire. The brain is on overload. The mind is freaking out, going haywire. Exhaustion. Urgency. No break from the intensity. You really put words to the experience.
Yes!!!
No matter where I am I try to snap myself out by saying to myself where are you, where are you now? Then like if I'm at work I pace around and I have a stress ball and a fidget cube that I mess with. If I am sleeping or trying.. I listen to asmr it's like the only thing that works
Oh this has gone on my entire life
(exhales)...Thank you for understanding and empathy. I thought I was the only one with these deep, obsessions of rumination. Yes! Due to childhood attachment issues.
How do you distinguish between this experience and normal grief, 'normal' obsessing, normal preoccupation?
I find that I not only do this in romantic relationships but in friendships or with family too when I worry; did I say something wrong, did I do something wrong, why haven't they replied to my text, why didn't they call me back etc etc.
Thanks for the work you do on attachment and trauma. I am watching your videos for the first time and thinking wow, someone gets it.
Alan,
God Bless you for relating to this profound attachment trauma response phenomenon. Your solution to this mental obsession tsunami is spot on. Bring the focus out of the head space and into the body by physical motion practices such as yoga or massage! Thank you for bringing this seemingly isolative challenging crippling syndrome to the light. You are helping so many realize that they are not continuously crazy only just when we are triggered. Also thank you for reminding us that it's not our fault. In the past I added so much more pain to the experience because I shamed myself for not being "normal" . You are such a healer and your empathy is heartfelt and healing! Wishing you so much love
thank you Alen:)) wouldn't it be nice if we all could make a camping trip or something similar, so we could meet in person, tell stories and heal better?? U R Awesome!! :)))
Lmao that would be a hot mess
This is happening to me right now... I really need help... I've been dumped two weeks ago. I can't even sleep.
How are you now?
I am very anxious and fearful to be alone until I came across on this video and enlightened my mind. I have learned that I was engaged to this process of preoccupied and obsessive thinking over matter. I should think the present and allowing myself to cherish the moment instead of working my senses to find linking of pattern and relating. That is more relieving. I am very grateful to your sharing.
Wow. dead on. experienced that many many times and thought I was the only one. Thanks so much for sharing. really needed that
I used to get obsessions with various people - sometimes celebrities or people I knew personally, and be unable to concentrate on much else.
Great video Alan. Thank you for your kind empathy. Very good therapy. There's no quick fix for the obsessive thinking but through dedicated practice of breathing and watching your body's responses, you see results, but gotta practice, practice. Yes, I agree that getting the body active is a tremendous healer. Your body is either going to get that elevated heart rate from anxious thinking or being on the move. Much easier to take large breaths when in motion, too.
Also, yes, the connection with supportive friends and family is a must for healing. Creating positive connections makes us feel great and restores our faith in people. Having that presence when we go into obsessive mode helps create stability, boundaries, an alternative view point and not being alone in a scary place. Therapists, trusted friends and family can provide that so it's best not to hermit entirely, even when we feel like it.
Looping is exhausting, constant chatter is annoying. Thanks for the insights. Very helpful 😊
I figured my compulsive obsessing was abnormal. Recently I’ve been thinking how I never played sports as a kid, and how that has affected me. In my teenage years, I didn’t engage in much somatic activity, and was constantly left alone, so I was constantly in my head. I find that those who played sports, had siblings to hang with, parents to talk to, and etc cope a lot better in this situation. Sometimes I really want to just stop thinking about it, but it’s hard. This year I really hope to take up some activity that could help with this. Thanks a bunch for sharing.
carry on with these videos.you are amazing,so intelligent and you are helping so many people out there.you are a good soul alan xx
Thank you for the encouraging message.
Very relevant info for someone with attachment trauma. Thank you for providing such empathy and great information
Thhhank you so much lately and often ive been obsessing about people trying to manipulate me and hurt me even though the people reassure me they are not your video helped me create a bit of space to not obsess ..i am intuitive and the obsessing is getting in the way along with hightened fear
Just learning now about my my anxious-avoidance attachment style and you so vividly described all the feelings I experienced during the separation time from my husband. WOW! Thank you. I am indeed focusing on mindfulness, shadow work, healing the trauma bonds and utilizing therapy to discover the moments these experiences were imprinted within my psyche.
What you do is noble and virtuous, Alan.
Alan, for some reason many of your videos make me laugh hysterically. The way you describe how this plays out in our brains is so accurate that it's strikes me so funny. Experiencing the humor gives me great relief from the affliction. Thank you so much.
Strange
Thank you for the emotional support. Last 3 months has been the hardest time of my life after the brake up. I never had anxiety attack before in my life but i had few of them in last 3 months. I tried to TH-cam and see what the hell is wrong with me and i found you, finally everything makes sense. So i just wanted to say thank you for the videos and thank you for putting perspective to my experience.
this is well timed
I experienced these feelings of longing and obsessing for YEARS...very painful. I finally came to realize that I was reliving my childhood years in a new adult version. Once I connected to my past. ..I lost my longing and obsessing, I now am able to use all that angst on fulfilling new intellectual interests.
I do hope my fantasy boyfriend can overcome his obsessive thoughts or begin obsessing over some other person...I do wish the best for him, regardless.
How did you get over it? I need help.. I'm in pain.
Thank you! This was very helpful!
Much appreciate the empathy & good advice. I must do something about my triggers, cuz I'm so drained after one of those "body on fire" episodes. So weird.
This video was so helpful. It definitely gives me hope to know I'm not the only one.
Thank you so much for allowing us to see these videos again. I watch them at night when I can not sleep 🙏🏼
If you benefit from the videos, show your support by joining the membership community. Learn more at www.alanrobarge.com/community
i really felt like i was going crazy during my breakup and watching this video helped me realize so much stuff!
Finally i feel like im not crazy for thinking obsessively. I swear i thought i was. It was super hard, i just feel thankful that i found your channel and this community.
I'm glad you liked the video. If the topic resonated with you, you may be interested in checking out my membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. A new recurring round of our 8-week program begins this week. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you.
Wow, It felt like if you were talking about me in every single word you mentioned in this video. Still don’t know what or how to work with my situation, very painfull to this point, and worst of all, I do everything you talk about, and still feels and hurts like hell.
Alan Robarge is an angel sent from heaven doing so much healing on earth. I don’t know where I’d be without his incisive, enlightening, straight to the point videos. I’m never good without other therapy videos, they’re too abstract and fluffy, but he has such a way of identifying the problem and going right to the core cause of it. He understands so well, thank you.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so happy to hear that you value my work. Healing and growing is so important for all of us, so it's great to hear you are learning from my videos.
Since you found this video valuable, I strongly encourage you check out my online Community, Improve Your Relationships. This is an 8-week program of self-directed healing work to put healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look big picture at how attachment injuries and attachment trauma got set up on our lives we are able to begin to see longing from a new perspective. We also gain access to inner resources that shift our relationship to the longing. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. If this is something that interests you, you are welcome to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Also, due to the nature of your comment and the video you watched, you might also be interested in my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Man you really saved my life
I was thinking i am not normal and going crazy and was about to kill myself
You have no idea you have become my hero because i just needed to hear that i am not crazy
You are not crazy, we experienced the same too. Hope you are doing better now
Damn I really needed this in the past and now tbh thank you for understanding
Thank you. Wow this REALLLLY helped me seriously. Like my chest was tight watching thinking about my anxiety then I tried looking at my room around me and tried using the 5 senses to help me focus on something else and IT WORKED! I’m going to try and work on this
Laura Elzey This helped me. I know have been playing with my finger tips all day everytime I think 💭 of her it really works :) plus cups of f coffee ☕️ holding the warm mug :)
I'm glad I found you.
Thank you :)
Wow. Thank you for this.
Rosie, you're welcome. Glad you liked this one. You might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress quiz to find out your response to relationship stress: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
This video was very helpful, as is any voice helping to discern between normal behavior and anxiety. When I can tell "oh this behavior is coming from my anxiety" it actually causes the anxiety to dissipate. Thank you!
Thank you for commenting and letting me know that this video was helpful to you. I'm glad that you have found an effective way to self-soothe anxieties, that's great. You may be interested in taking the quiz I created, The Four Attachment Distress Responses, to learn more about our attachment styles and how they shape our reactions to stress. Check it out here: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Thank you so much
Ty so much!!!! You’re helping me more than you will ever know.
You're welcome. Glad my work brings you benefit. Thanks for the comment.
This topic comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alarobarge.com/community
This is an awesome video
Thank you
This was very informative, but what about thinking like this when everything is seemingly OK??
Thanks! Another resonant cocktail of practical tips! 🎉
Glad it was helpful! Thanks for the kind donation.
Thank you, Alan. I knew I had some anxiousness with attachment but had always been able to deal with it up until my long-term relationship with a dismissive avoidant. This relationship has been volatile for almost 5 years now & my anxious-obsessive attachment has me feeling trapped within myself.
Empathy to you. The reason I created the membership community is because many of us have stories like yours. We see the pattern over time. We keep doing the same thing. We see the suffering. We have to choose to change the pattern. We need a plan of self-directed healing. This is what we talk about in the membership community. You are invited to join us. Here is the info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
you are a blessing thank u 🙏🏻
Thank you for the supportive comment. I'm glad to hear you are finding value in my work. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Make a direct donation
www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
Oh my God. Thank you...
Clair glad you like this one. Please let your friends know about this video and if you are not subscribed to the channel, please do. Thanks.
Quarantine and self isolation is really hard right now, I'm afraid I might go to relapse and text him again after all this healing work. I hope you can give an advice during this difficult times. Thank you always for your work.
Riri, So glad you asked. The reason I created the membership community is because many of us have stories like yours. We see the pattern over time. We keep doing the same thing. We see the suffering. We have to choose to change the pattern. We need a plan of self-directed healing. This is what we talk about in the membership community. You are invited to join us. Here is the info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you for validating my feelings.
Glad to hear this video was validating for you. If you find this content helpful then consider joining the Improve Your Relationships Community. Members are encouraged to create their own Self-Directed Healing plans. You get to pick and choose what you want to focus on. There is also 24/7 access to a full video library. Come check it out: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I’ve been going through this for 2 years and it’s awful
Daniel, empathy to you. Many of us can relate to this . We explore this idea and learn more about it in depth in the community of Improve Your Relationships. Answering the "how to" is complex and rooted in many things we do on a daily basis. With the Self-Directed Healing approach I developed, you are in charge of how you engage the material of "how to". Consider joining in the conversation: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Wow, at first I thought I was the only one. I thought I was crazy, obsessed, can't handle little bit of pain, but watching someone be able to express what I have been going through since a very long time gives me a little, (very faint) amount of peace that THIS CHAOTIC MONSTER lives in many people and its just not me.
I hear you, yes, this is such a relatable experience. Many of us can relate with this. Glad this video is helpful. Thanks for commenting.
These behaviors go deeper than thought alone. They can happen automatically. And why this is the focus of the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Since you like this video you may also like the course. Take the quiz to learn more. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I really wish you were in this country so I could see you as a therapist! Your videos really help
This was really a light in my desert thanks..
Thanks for the feedback. Glad to hear this video was illuminating. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Make a direct donation
www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
I really needed to hear this message. Thank you..
Glad this was helpful. You're welcome.
Thank you for understanding me Nobody around me does With them everything is a matter of fact which we know its way more complicated 😰😰😰 God bless for all your help!!
Thank you very much.
Moonchild, you are most welcome
pretty good
You truly are a godsend Alan
I appreciate the kind words.
You're invited to join us in our conversations on this topic. www.alanrobarge.com/community
I’m in this situation , i hope to meet people who have progress in there situation ,
I’m going through this with a separation (husband just got out of rehab and is focusing on his recovery). It’s so painful. We plan to work it out, but he says divorce is a possibility. That possibility is making me feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t want to lose that intimate connection forever. I am willing to wait, but it’s so damn hard to turn my brain off.
The light is shining thru Ya
Thank you, you are very kind.
It's good to know how impactful this one is for you. I am glad to hear you receive benefit from my work. Please consider checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality content. Click on the links to learn more:
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Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
I like the remark “compasión”… i think we should start we having compassion with ourself and understand that we are not crazy but learn to love ourself and heal our traumas.
Well said. Thank you for the reflection. Glad this video spoke to you.
If you like this video and you'd like to learn more about how this shows up in relationships, you may be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
this video comforted me so much thank u
You're welcome. Glad this was of benefit for you.
Thank you so much for your content - you put experiences in words that I never knew how to describe...I feel so understood and not as lonely when I listen to you. This makes so much sense - I'm glad I found your channel. Thank you!
Thank you so much for making these videos. I greatly appreciate it. May the Lord reward you.
I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my effort. Glad it brings value.
If you haven't already heard about it, you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. This topic comes up in conversations. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
How did you know me so well...thank God I'm not the only one who does this and thankyou for your guidance to learn how to live in the present
I've never felt so understood.
Thanks for the feedback. Please share this video with a friend who may also find it helpful.
If the anxiety and obsessive thinking doesn't end after a few months is this an indicator that your body is just telling you that the relationship is wrong? I have had this experience and I eventually ended the relationship recently. I find it hard to know what is my intuition communicating my truth and what is my attachment trauma giving me false messages. Would love to hear your thoughts on this
Same for me...it's crazy
I am in the same boat. But look with logic.
Absolutely
A great reminder of "what is going on underneath what I am feeling?" When I look beneath the surface, it helps the world around me feel lighter. Adding weight to the people, places, and things around me in my present due to unhealed trauma of my past doesn't bring me peace. Understanding that I am human and this experience is very human is meaningful.
I can see this content percolated insights and reflection for you. These seem like helpful insights. Thanks for valuing my work and efforts to offer quality content. Glad it is of benefit.
If you'd like to take a deeper look into what drives our attachment dynamics then you may like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Exactly doctor...devastating mood,hopeless,no motivation, no zeal,no interest ,no worth for live anymore
Been there. I hope you have pulled through more now. It takes time.
@@carolineward5153 ...I went for 3 year clinical depression, but after taking clonafit tablet of SSRI got relief
resonate
Yes! Alan lover your Virgo’s and your knowledge on this. I just figure how to stop this I’m thinking all the time about my ex it’s horrible I can’t sleep I awake in the middle of the night panicking. I need to contact . Crazy making
You are explaining me to the dot!!!🥺
glad this resonates
I have this and I'm 17. I've had it EVERY.SINGLE.RELATIONSHIP. I go crazy. I get so confused. I am in pain. I hate this.
I always over think.. always
In MBTI Ti-Fe (introverted thinking/extroverted feeling) users tend to be anxious and Te-Fi (extroverted thinking/introverted feeling) users avoidants. Ti-Fe users are INFJ, ENFJ, ISFJ, ESFJ, INTP, ENTP, ESTP, ISTP. Fi-Te users are INFP, ENFP, ESFP, ISFP, INTJ, ENTJ, ISTJ, ESTJ. Se tends to be anxious. Si avoidant.
So the most anxious types are STPs and NFJs. And the most avoidants NFPs and NTJs.
Just re-found this video. I sent it to my sister in-law bc she was struggling with addiction to alcohol.
She's gone now, died in this past November fron her issues.
I've got to get better. I've got to heal. I miss her more than I can express. This shit is real
Empathy to you. I'm sorry your sister passed away. That is so hard. Many of us can relate with having a family member pass away. Glad this video resonates for you. Thanks for commenting.
Imagine if they lied a ton due to addiction and now they are in rehab. I am so over sensitive to EVERYTHING he says. We have 9 min calls and I can’t talk to him until he says something to make me feel better about something I didn’t like. I am being tortured. The anxiety and thoughts are literally so hard. There is so much here that made me feel calmer. I’m not crazy and this is fixable.
could it be from broken relationships from age 14 and he was 21 and my parents intervened ..I became depressed and rebellious and harming myself and every relationship since I've been like this 😭 ..I am going through it again now age 40
I dated a guy like this and it was exhausting. I kept trying to get him into therapy but I think he felt like he had managed this all of his life so he was like a functioning anxiety ridden person. I am not therapist but from everything Ive learned, I would think finding a QHHT therapist who could give you an hypnosis would be of huge value.