I’m actually glad I was the scapegoat - because in the end, I broke free and am now living out my best life without them. I have also learned to give myself all the love and respect which I never received from my narcissistic family. I actually want to send them all a message to say, “Sanctuary much.”🏖🗽🏡🙏😉
I agree in a sick way to say I'm glad I can't think that thought, but it allowed me to break free and as you say, living my best..moved away..peace in my life...I had to
@@rosannadana2922 It took me a long time to get to the point where I can actually say I'm glad I was the scapegoat. Because the other choice was to be the golden child -- who is being manipulated and made to feel they're "special;" when they're not. They are truly the ones I feel sorry for -- because they will probably remain in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) for the rest of their lives, since they cannot admit the truth to themselves. So they're actually in the narc's prison and don't even know it. How sad is that?
I have said these very same words recently. Meaning I’m thankful I was the scapegoat. I love your “Sanctuary much” comment! It does feel like a sanctuary to be able to get away from the chaos of the dysfunctional family system!
it took me years to figure out (and even longer to admit) that children of narcissists grow up without true familial bonds. they're together, but because they're so focused on finding a seat when the narcissist stops the music (survival), that they don't have the 'luxury' of getting to know each other. what results are plastic relationships that the narcissistic parent stays at the center of. if one person decides not to play the game anymore as an adult, they have to walk away from everyone who is still playing the game. no halfway measures, unfortunately...
Wow 📌 this is literally it!! There are no real bonds at all we never learned to bond or really get to know each other we all just doing what we need to do to survive! Wow thank you for sharing this
My brother was the golden child and we have never been close. I have always desired a closer relationship with him but realized he also triggers me since he has become a narcissist himself . At this point it’s a lost cause. I have to preserve me peace. Excellent video !
I have the same issue with my golden child sister. I was the scapegoat and my brothers were the lost children. Our sister is a narcissist and none of us are close. It’s painful and confusing. Wishing you healing.
My sister and I struggle so much. When we get in survival mode due to life events we tend to get in old dynamics. I was the golden child and then became the scapegoat and peacekeeper, because I had extreme emotional capacity and empathy (thank God). My sister was more of the invisible child and is still in survival mode. It is devastating. I love my sister dearly but it is soooo hard. The wounds are deep. Around my father, we're unified because he is emotionally chaotic. Around my mother, we are divided, because she is a void. It took me years to see who the problem really was.
Trust me, the only way to fully heal is to completely go no contact. Definitely understand what you are saying. Anyone who knows the narc has to go too
@@eristotle2380 I made excuses for about a year after learning about this disorder. But it got to a point where I couldn’t take anymore so I went no contact with the entire family. I’m 3 years out and it was the best decision I made .
@@reboundingfromnarcissistic5386 only one year? good for you! it took me much longer though, being blinded by the spiritual aspect of 'forgiveness', and not truly seeing that not everyone who claims God belongs to Him...
@@eristotle2380 3years, trust me I get it my narc father was a minister and the narc family went to church every Sunday. I think that’s what kept me in the dark as well
@eristotle .. SO on point and my struggle too. Everything was "spiritualized" and I was just too selfish and displeasing God if I didn't obey (or now "forgive") .. They now demand MY repentance for having "disrespected the parents" .. apparently that's the only unforgivable sin in their eyes. :(
I find this "game" play insane. When my narcissistic older sister comes in the room, she has to be the middle of attention. Or at least, you need to bring her in like kuddling her too. If I only cuddle my mother, but not her too, she gets extremly jelous. She chills with my mum, goes shopping, etc. But I have to secretly meet with my mum, so that my sister doesn't see us. Its so sick!! My mum is no narcissist. My dad is. My sister is more like my dad. I'm more like my mum. My mum was hardcore abused by my father. I saw it all my life. And to make it even better, my dad was and is still an ultra alcoholic and physicly strong. That is hell. The worst for me was this psycho terror from him towards my mother, and towards us. My sister is like him! She does the same! She said things to my mother... There's nothing worse than that. But she blames her! She blames me! My mother is the reason my dad is alive, my grandparents arent on the streets, my sister is doing well and that I didn't become a total (secondary) psychopath. It would have happen if I would have grow up with my dad. So sad! All this terror. And the worst is, the moment me and my mum are totally relax and happy, they come in and destroy it!!! Everytime!!!! My sister is such a psycho. She doesn't know how to be with people. She's obsessed with her looks. She always wants that everybody is around he like "woooowww you are sooo prettyyyy!". But I'm not like that. And if I don't play this game, her ego gets attacked and she starts to do this psycho terror on me. Everything I say, she used against me and turns it around. She's like a kid. Worse. I work with kids and they are way more mature than she is. When she needs money, she comes like a little puppy to my mum. But when you need something, she will not give. She will even attack you and embarras you. And if she did something for me ones, she will allllwwayyyyyssss take this out as an joker when we come in a ueated discussion how good she was to me and I am the a.hole who is mean, etc. Guys, it's so insane. I never really had a sister and still don't have. I love my family and live for them. I'm the chillest guy with everybody. But with my sister it was always like that. The thing was always that when she behaved like that, I immediately pointed in it and said it's not ok. She doesn't like that. But, she never has arguments and than starts to use curse words against me. The worst is what she does with my mother. My mother does everything for us. She uses her. My dad is an alcoholic and not taking responsibility, BUT, "he is the smartest. All others are dumb. He knows. I don't know." !!!!!!!!!!! It's insane!!!! But both of them could not survive without my mother and now that I'm older, also without me. Damn it's so sad. These psycho games creep me out I hate it!!!
This video was so on point , my goodness, i am so happy i found your channel. Our lives mirror 🪞 each other very closely. It still blows my mind to know not only was i never truly loved , but that i was abused as well as my sister who i barely know now sadly 😞..it is horrible that so many of us are experiencing this .. Edit : and yes i absolutely understand what youre saying ..im in the exact same position with my sister were 7 yrs apart , down to the detail. I feel so understood 🥺 thank you 🙏🏽
you nailed it perfectly, thank you!! only the lucky ones who didn't go through it won't understand such a clear explanation of what just is... the only way to heal is go no contact **for ever** with your WHOLE family (including extended family, friends in common with family members, etc...).
Thank you for what you wrote I have been battling myself over if the no contact should be forever in my heart I knew the answer is yes but your comment is a confirmation for me. Thank you so much and God Bless You.
My narc dad has done this my whole life. He buys things for one of us or our children (specifically one grandchild) and then brags to the others about how much he spends/or spent.
i’m the black sheep, my sister is the scapegoat, my brother is the golden child. my sister got the worst of the abuse :( my mom has said things to her that i don’t think she will ever recover from. i feel so bad for not standing up for her sooner as a kid out of fear... now my sister is my best friend and we are closer than ever before. now we bond over our mutual trauma and she plans on breaking contact with our mom when she moves out
What you said is true about the possibility that my siblings and I not ever having a true relationship like we had wanted. I was triggered on Fathers Day and I don’t want my hard earned energy stolen nor do I want to trigger my siblings inadvertently. Maybe this is the true healing we need to understand. I’m on my healing journey as The Black Sheep. Thank you Sis!
Great video very sad. I noticed none of us kids.. were close at all. ruined. ruined. just why. it's evil. it's horribly sad. I known almost nothing about my parents either. learning now. why we're doomed.
I thought that when my narc abusive alcoholic mother died that it would die with her but it’s as though she trained my younger brother “the golden child” to continue the abuse. Two of my own children turned against me and are abusive to me and adore my brother. I consider them to be like a gang. They trigger me and my mental health has taken several declines due to the things they have said and done. I have been no contact for over a year and I just realized I can never go back or the abuse will start all over again. I am grateful that I have one child that actually loves and is supportive of me. She is the one that made me realize they were treating me badly. She said to me a couple of years ago “ Mommy they treat you like a slave” hurt me to my heart that she could see it and call it out. Now I am subscribed to your channel to learn and gain understanding that I am not crazy and I am a good person. Peace of mind is priceless and I am finding it by no contact.
I meant to tell you in your video yesterday, when found your channel couple yrs ago, I found you were my favorite..Excellent..Everything in detail is my story...my narcissistic dad was angry..my narcissistic mom passive..my mom had her favorite, the golden middle child..Im oldest or 3. My mom separated me from the other 2...It was only about 10 yrs ago I learned the word narcissistic mother...my dad showed no love, but was authoritarian...outside was the painted picture..inside home was a living hell of constant emotional turmoil. Your right.. no relationships..I tried hard for relationships with my sisters, but my mom relayed on that golden child for her tattle tail and you nailed it..as my Aunt told me one time, your mom pitted you against your sisters..I was the scapegoat with any and everything...you nailed it about why not doing good in school...I had to go no contact in 04...I did establish contact again with my mom 2 yrs ago but its distant..only because I felt the push Holy Spirit...oh my gosh..everything your videos say is my story..
Exactly my story. I cut that side of my family off 14 years ago and I’m still in no contact. I have no interest in a relationship as they all became narcissists.
So sad to hear, but only cuz that's what has happened in my family too. I didn't get to be "proactive" about "no contact" .. they shunned me. They resent me for getting married and I think it probably wouldn't matter WHO I married, but all the more cuz my husband called out some of the family "bs" and hypocrisy .. and that was it. They "delivered me over to Satan" biblically speaking, and the meager attempts at reconciliation have all been predicated on me (us) yielding to THEIR terms .. in other words, go back to the way it was. They think my husband "changed" me, but he was the first place I found "unconditional love" and he helped "restore" me to my REAL self. Which of course would seem to my family as a change, cuz I was so deep in people pleasing mode and striving to "selflessly serve" others .. I lost myself along the way. :/
@@Grace2Grow sounds like what happened to me. My father was livid I got married. I believe I was being groomed to be a life long servant to my parents. I too married a man who saved me and was instrumental in opening my eyes to what was going on. I hope someday you may find reconciliation with at least some family members and that’s not always possible, I know. I wish you love and healing
@@violetskye6863 Thanks for the kind comments. I wish the same for you also. It's been a challenging several years. I would love for reconciliation to be possible this side of heaven; but I also know I don't like the version of me that I am or revert back to when I'm around my family. At least for now, I clearly need to stay away longer for my OWN heart to be retrained, so to speak. :)
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I agonize about trying to fix things with my sisters and dad because otherwise it feels like my N mom gets the outcome she wanted, she wins, like you were saying. But you're also so right that even when your siblings are not Ns, trying to rebuild relationships with them from nothing, takes too much energy that I need because I'm still in survival mode in many ways and can't afford to be regressing whenever I make progress. Maybe someday. I feel so guilty because I especially miss my nieces and nephews. Maybe we just all need our own healing spaces, I like the way you put that.
I'm resonating with your story. All my progress is minimised when I have contact with my sister. We have our own families now and with me being estranged from in-laws and moist of my family (only dad left who I am trying to form a genuine relationship with) I want me kids to have family and there's the Ew baby my sis has had. She's the golden child, I'm the scapegoat, narc mum moved in with sis, divorce war waging b/w the mum n dad (instigated my the mum). Whenever I get in touch to try to forge genuine Comms, it back fires and is faced by screaming and tears .
I was/am the "golden child", and my 7 year older brother was/is the "scapegoat". I became the lifeless codependent and my brother went on with his life (married and had a daughter). Although my narcissistic father fosters this rivalry and disunity among the siblings, the truth is that what has truly put us apart was the divergence of values and worldviews. My brother, even though he was the "scapegoat", always behaved like a second father to me, in the worst sense of the term. If it's true that when I was younger he always protected me, it's also true that he never respected my boundaries and my space. Like my father, he got used to seeing me as an extension of himself and his interests. And I allowed this for years and years! My brother has always been extremely self-centered (unlike me, who as a codependent always thought of the interests of others first, and always ignored my own interests and needs...) and manipulative - something that proves that "scapegoats" can be quite narcissistic too. While he lived at our parents' house, I was a "shadow" of him. The situation began to change when he left home, at the same time I went to study in college. From then on, our paths began to diverge, as I stopped seeing him as my only reference in life - something he never forgave me! Presently, we hardly speak anymore.
I never got any affection from my mother growing up,I can't remember a time that I got a hug or any positive advice from her I always looked for her praise but never got anything,my Dad was the protector of the household,he was quiet and never argued Infront of us even though my mom would belittle him, we survived as a family because of him but as soon as he passed away things changed and everyone went their separate ways,my siblings and I hardly ever talk anymore.
I learn so much from your channel; thank you for all your wisdom! I’ve left behind all the narcissists I know and am living my best, peaceful, joyous life! 🙌🏽 Sidebar: I love the sound of your voice. It’s giving homegirl vibes. 💕
Gosh..your so right on the golden child being narcissistic..her children I've always felt just like her and my mom.. Your blowing my mind..Yes, had that relationship with older guy. I'm a girl btw..my relationships were abusive. Failed marriages. Single now 24 yrs..never dreamed that in my life..I fight still alot of labels...I envy the mom, sisters relationships..and none of them are close...
Your videos have helped me so much dealing and healing with my own narcissistic family. Thank you for helping me see that I'm not alone in my own experiences with this type of abuse. ❤️
This was so on the nose. I’m the scapegoat of a narcissistic family and it’s crazy cause me and my sister had a great relationship and we bonded over my mom crazy drama and we would hang out and do stuff, then 15 years ago she just became cold a distant and now she takes up for my mom and they are buddy buddy.. I moved in with my sister 3 years ago cause he boyfriend was abusive sap I can to stay for her safety and the entire year I lived there we barely spoke a word to each other and never hung out or even we don’t laugh togther at all.. I keep trying to reach out but she says it’s no problem she just hates how I treat my mom which I don’t treat bad I just don’t let her control me anymore. And when my mom came over when she was dealing with the abusive bf she went of on my sister telling her she is weak and I even stepped in and defended her and now she act like that wasn’t a big deal.. Idk what happen
Very powerful and helpful insights here. Absolutely identify with almost everything u said. Especially "they don't want to be you!" And also both considering how *I* am equally triggering to them by virtue of my "role" as well as how NO relationship might be healthiest for ALL of us (at least for now) .. I'm with u re cost to self to try to reinvent the relationship as adults, especially if it isn't a mutually desired and invested-in effort! I need to save and re-listen to this one again and take notes .. cuz I can "feel" this one cuts deep in my own heart, and I know there's more on this topic I must unpack .. for my OWN healing and "re-parenting" .. I feel a lot of "self-loathing" and grief because I didn't figure some of these things out sooner (I'm now 45) .. How much better a life I could have lived if I'd have had the self-awareness to grasp "narcissism" in a family dynamic when I was younger. I lived under the veil of the deception that I had to keep trying harder to have a good relationship with my folks, and even when I knew they were grooming me to stay single so I could care for them in their old age, I spiritualized that knowledge as though it was my "purpose" before God, or some such, and really I was being used and manipulated. :( :( .. Anywhooo .. yeah, digs deep. :). THANK YOU again for sharing!
Grace, I am 51 and figured this all out one year ago. Yes, I also thought I had to remain single (I couldnt find a partner and I thought I had a spell...It is hard for me) So now I see everything, its crazy making. I just need to get out of here (difficult for me) and run away and scape. I am still single but hope I can trust in myself again. When you talk to people about these family things they think you are crazy or paranoic. I feel hopeless. Nowhere to go and I have to build self trust again because my mom and family and ex narc partners took it away from me. Dont know who I am....and how to win me back. But I am still searching. Hope I find it someday♥️
I was once the golden child, who acknowledged the control my narc parents had over my mind. Then, started doing my own thing, which triggered them to give my narc brother the golden ticket. I know 100% he acknowledged and enjoyed seeing me get the shit end of the stick. It's terrible seeing my brothers children become rivalries, already and making one the scapegoat and the other the golden child. It's been a long heavy road for me but I'm finally making my escape very very very soon. Leaving a comment is always theoretic. So, thank you for making these vids.
My Covert golden child older sis turned narc tried to trauma bond with me over my narc father when she noticed me pulling away from her and monitoring what info I told her once I discovered she had been manipulating me my entire life. Only so she could have supply to run back to my narc father for his approval. She is the talebearer taking info from everyone else to feed our narc Father so she can remain golden. Sad part.....I'm the youngest of 6 and I'm 39😥. We are all 1 year apart in age, there are 2 golden, 2 scapegoats, and 2 invisible. I personally just took my invisible but out of the country and stop answering the phone.....just decided to begin narc therapy so that I can go into the world without being in survival mode.
All I can do is be still, listen, and let healing take it's place. Lord have mercy❤⚘ p.s There is never a question of whether you make sense or not. Everything you say makes perfect sense to me. There is a blessing in cutting off toxic family and I'm sure Abraham in the book of Genesis can testify to that.
I totally relate to this. There’s nothing healthy with any of my immediate family members. I tried and it just wasn’t workable. I have one cousin who gets it and is trying to heal. I’ve had to let the rest of my relatives go for my own mental health.
Who’s role was it to change the smoke detector batteries?? Id like to have a few words with…(BEEP!!!) I said I’d like have a word with that particular individual. BEEP!!!
There's no love in a narcissistic family system. I have no idea what unconditional love is.
I’m actually glad I was the scapegoat - because in the end, I broke free and am now living out my best life without them. I have also learned to give myself all the love and respect which I never received from my narcissistic family. I actually want to send them all a message to say, “Sanctuary much.”🏖🗽🏡🙏😉
I agree in a sick way to say I'm glad I can't think that thought, but it allowed me to break free and as you say, living my best..moved away..peace in my life...I had to
@@rosannadana2922 It took me a long time to get to the point where I can actually say I'm glad I was the scapegoat. Because the other choice was to be the golden child -- who is being manipulated and made to feel they're "special;" when they're not. They are truly the ones I feel sorry for -- because they will probably remain in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) for the rest of their lives, since they cannot admit the truth to themselves. So they're actually in the narc's prison and don't even know it. How sad is that?
How MUCH I agree with this sentiment!
I have said these very same words recently. Meaning I’m thankful I was the scapegoat. I love your “Sanctuary much” comment! It does feel like a sanctuary to be able to get away from the chaos of the dysfunctional family system!
it took me years to figure out (and even longer to admit) that children of narcissists grow up without true familial bonds. they're together, but because they're so focused on finding a seat when the narcissist stops the music (survival), that they don't have the 'luxury' of getting to know each other.
what results are plastic relationships that the narcissistic parent stays at the center of.
if one person decides not to play the game anymore as an adult, they have to walk away from everyone who is still playing the game. no halfway measures, unfortunately...
Wow 📌 this is literally it!! There are no real bonds at all we never learned to bond or really get to know each other we all just doing what we need to do to survive! Wow thank you for sharing this
Again, SPOT ON!!!
Amen! 💯 Describes my toxic parents and siblings perfectly!
Literally my reality!
My brother was the golden child and we have never been close. I have always desired a closer relationship with him but realized he also triggers me since he has become a narcissist himself . At this point it’s a lost cause. I have to preserve me peace. Excellent video !
I have the same issue with my golden child sister. I was the scapegoat and my brothers were the lost children. Our sister is a narcissist and none of us are close. It’s painful and confusing. Wishing you healing.
My sister and I struggle so much. When we get in survival mode due to life events we tend to get in old dynamics. I was the golden child and then became the scapegoat and peacekeeper, because I had extreme emotional capacity and empathy (thank God). My sister was more of the invisible child and is still in survival mode. It is devastating. I love my sister dearly but it is soooo hard. The wounds are deep. Around my father, we're unified because he is emotionally chaotic. Around my mother, we are divided, because she is a void. It took me years to see who the problem really was.
Trust me, the only way to fully heal is to completely go no contact.
Definitely understand what you are saying. Anyone who knows the narc has to go too
so very true, but many people are not ready to receive this.
@@eristotle2380 I made excuses for about a year after learning about this disorder. But it got to a point where I couldn’t take anymore so I went no contact with the entire family. I’m 3 years out and it was the best decision I made .
@@reboundingfromnarcissistic5386 only one year? good for you! it took me much longer though, being blinded by the spiritual aspect of 'forgiveness', and not truly seeing that not everyone who claims God belongs to Him...
@@eristotle2380 3years, trust me I get it my narc father was a minister and the narc family went to church every Sunday. I think that’s what kept me in the dark as well
@eristotle .. SO on point and my struggle too. Everything was "spiritualized" and I was just too selfish and displeasing God if I didn't obey (or now "forgive") .. They now demand MY repentance for having "disrespected the parents" .. apparently that's the only unforgivable sin in their eyes. :(
I find this "game" play insane. When my narcissistic older sister comes in the room, she has to be the middle of attention. Or at least, you need to bring her in like kuddling her too. If I only cuddle my mother, but not her too, she gets extremly jelous. She chills with my mum, goes shopping, etc.
But I have to secretly meet with my mum, so that my sister doesn't see us. Its so sick!!
My mum is no narcissist. My dad is. My sister is more like my dad. I'm more like my mum.
My mum was hardcore abused by my father. I saw it all my life. And to make it even better, my dad was and is still an ultra alcoholic and physicly strong. That is hell. The worst for me was this psycho terror from him towards my mother, and towards us. My sister is like him! She does the same!
She said things to my mother... There's nothing worse than that. But she blames her! She blames me! My mother is the reason my dad is alive, my grandparents arent on the streets, my sister is doing well and that I didn't become a total (secondary) psychopath. It would have happen if I would have grow up with my dad. So sad!
All this terror. And the worst is, the moment me and my mum are totally relax and happy, they come in and destroy it!!! Everytime!!!!
My sister is such a psycho. She doesn't know how to be with people. She's obsessed with her looks. She always wants that everybody is around he like "woooowww you are sooo prettyyyy!". But I'm not like that. And if I don't play this game, her ego gets attacked and she starts to do this psycho terror on me. Everything I say, she used against me and turns it around. She's like a kid. Worse. I work with kids and they are way more mature than she is. When she needs money, she comes like a little puppy to my mum. But when you need something, she will not give. She will even attack you and embarras you. And if she did something for me ones, she will allllwwayyyyyssss take this out as an joker when we come in a ueated discussion how good she was to me and I am the a.hole who is mean, etc.
Guys, it's so insane. I never really had a sister and still don't have. I love my family and live for them. I'm the chillest guy with everybody. But with my sister it was always like that. The thing was always that when she behaved like that, I immediately pointed in it and said it's not ok. She doesn't like that. But, she never has arguments and than starts to use curse words against me. The worst is what she does with my mother. My mother does everything for us. She uses her. My dad is an alcoholic and not taking responsibility, BUT, "he is the smartest. All others are dumb. He knows. I don't know." !!!!!!!!!!!
It's insane!!!! But both of them could not survive without my mother and now that I'm older, also without me. Damn it's so sad. These psycho games creep me out I hate it!!!
This video was so on point , my goodness, i am so happy i found your channel. Our lives mirror 🪞 each other very closely. It still blows my mind to know not only was i never truly loved , but that i was abused as well as my sister who i barely know now sadly 😞..it is horrible that so many of us are experiencing this ..
Edit : and yes i absolutely understand what youre saying ..im in the exact same position with my sister were 7 yrs apart , down to the detail. I feel so understood 🥺 thank you 🙏🏽
you nailed it perfectly, thank you!! only the lucky ones who didn't go through it won't understand such a clear explanation of what just is... the only way to heal is go no contact **for ever** with your WHOLE family (including extended family, friends in common with family members, etc...).
Thank you for what you wrote I have been battling myself over if the no contact should be forever in my heart I knew the answer is yes but your comment is a confirmation for me. Thank you so much and God Bless You.
My narc dad has done this my whole life. He buys things for one of us or our children (specifically one grandchild) and then brags to the others about how much he spends/or spent.
i’m the black sheep, my sister is the scapegoat, my brother is the golden child. my sister got the worst of the abuse :( my mom has said things to her that i don’t think she will ever recover from. i feel so bad for not standing up for her sooner as a kid out of fear... now my sister is my best friend and we are closer than ever before. now we bond over our mutual trauma and she plans on breaking contact with our mom when she moves out
What you said is true about the possibility that my siblings and I not ever having a true relationship like we had wanted. I was triggered on Fathers Day and I don’t want my hard earned energy stolen nor do I want to trigger my siblings inadvertently. Maybe this is the true healing we need to understand. I’m on my healing journey as The Black Sheep. Thank you Sis!
Love em from a distance!!
Thank you so much! Right back at cha!
Great video
very sad. I noticed none of us kids.. were close at all.
ruined. ruined. just why. it's evil. it's horribly sad.
I known almost nothing about my parents either.
learning now. why we're doomed.
I thought that when my narc abusive alcoholic mother died that it would die with her but it’s as though she trained my younger brother “the golden child” to continue the abuse. Two of my own children turned against me and are abusive to me and adore my brother. I consider them to be like a gang. They trigger me and my mental health has taken several declines due to the things they have said and done. I have been no contact for over a year and I just realized I can never go back or the abuse will start all over again. I am grateful that I have one child that actually loves and is supportive of me. She is the one that made me realize they were treating me badly. She said to me a couple of years ago “ Mommy they treat you like a slave” hurt me to my heart that she could see it and call it out. Now I am subscribed to your channel to learn and gain understanding that I am not crazy and I am a good person. Peace of mind is priceless and I am finding it by no contact.
I meant to tell you in your video yesterday, when found your channel couple yrs ago, I found you were my favorite..Excellent..Everything in detail is my story...my narcissistic dad was angry..my narcissistic mom passive..my mom had her favorite, the golden middle child..Im oldest or 3. My mom separated me from the other 2...It was only about 10 yrs ago I learned the word narcissistic mother...my dad showed no love, but was authoritarian...outside was the painted picture..inside home was a living hell of constant emotional turmoil. Your right.. no relationships..I tried hard for relationships with my sisters, but my mom relayed on that golden child for her tattle tail and you nailed it..as my Aunt told me one time, your mom pitted you against your sisters..I was the scapegoat with any and everything...you nailed it about why not doing good in school...I had to go no contact in 04...I did establish contact again with my mom 2 yrs ago but its distant..only because I felt the push Holy Spirit...oh my gosh..everything your videos say is my story..
Exactly my story. I cut that side of my family off 14 years ago and I’m still in no contact. I have no interest in a relationship as they all became narcissists.
So sad to hear, but only cuz that's what has happened in my family too. I didn't get to be "proactive" about "no contact" .. they shunned me. They resent me for getting married and I think it probably wouldn't matter WHO I married, but all the more cuz my husband called out some of the family "bs" and hypocrisy .. and that was it. They "delivered me over to Satan" biblically speaking, and the meager attempts at reconciliation have all been predicated on me (us) yielding to THEIR terms .. in other words, go back to the way it was. They think my husband "changed" me, but he was the first place I found "unconditional love" and he helped "restore" me to my REAL self. Which of course would seem to my family as a change, cuz I was so deep in people pleasing mode and striving to "selflessly serve" others .. I lost myself along the way. :/
@@Grace2Grow It takes so much courage to do that. Keep doing what's best for you. God bless you.
@@Grace2Grow sounds like what happened to me. My father was livid I got married. I believe I was being groomed to be a life long servant to my parents. I too married a man who saved me and was instrumental in opening my eyes to what was going on. I hope someday you may find reconciliation with at least some family members and that’s not always possible, I know. I wish you love and healing
@@violetskye6863 Thanks for the kind comments. I wish the same for you also. It's been a challenging several years. I would love for reconciliation to be possible this side of heaven; but I also know I don't like the version of me that I am or revert back to when I'm around my family. At least for now, I clearly need to stay away longer for my OWN heart to be retrained, so to speak. :)
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I agonize about trying to fix things with my sisters and dad because otherwise it feels like my N mom gets the outcome she wanted, she wins, like you were saying. But you're also so right that even when your siblings are not Ns, trying to rebuild relationships with them from nothing, takes too much energy that I need because I'm still in survival mode in many ways and can't afford to be regressing whenever I make progress. Maybe someday. I feel so guilty because I especially miss my nieces and nephews. Maybe we just all need our own healing spaces, I like the way you put that.
I'm resonating with your story. All my progress is minimised when I have contact with my sister. We have our own families now and with me being estranged from in-laws and moist of my family (only dad left who I am trying to form a genuine relationship with) I want me kids to have family and there's the Ew baby my sis has had. She's the golden child, I'm the scapegoat, narc mum moved in with sis, divorce war waging b/w the mum n dad (instigated my the mum). Whenever I get in touch to try to forge genuine Comms, it back fires and is faced by screaming and tears .
I think that the beautiful souls of Black Sheep should form our own family. 🖤
I was/am the "golden child", and my 7 year older brother was/is the "scapegoat".
I became the lifeless codependent and my brother went on with his life (married and had a daughter).
Although my narcissistic father fosters this rivalry and disunity among the siblings, the truth is that what has truly put us apart was the divergence of values and worldviews.
My brother, even though he was the "scapegoat", always behaved like a second father to me, in the worst sense of the term. If it's true that when I was younger he always protected me, it's also true that he never respected my boundaries and my space. Like my father, he got used to seeing me as an extension of himself and his interests. And I allowed this for years and years! My brother has always been extremely self-centered (unlike me, who as a codependent always thought of the interests of others first, and always ignored my own interests and needs...) and manipulative - something that proves that "scapegoats" can be quite narcissistic too.
While he lived at our parents' house, I was a "shadow" of him. The situation began to change when he left home, at the same time I went to study in college. From then on, our paths began to diverge, as I stopped seeing him as my only reference in life - something he never forgave me!
Presently, we hardly speak anymore.
This is so true and The Golden Child most likely will become the scapegoat when the narcissist have other supply...they hold all the secrets..
I never got any affection from my mother growing up,I can't remember a time that I got a hug or any positive advice from her I always looked for her praise but never got anything,my Dad was the protector of the household,he was quiet and never argued Infront of us even though my mom would belittle him, we survived as a family because of him but as soon as he passed away things changed and everyone went their separate ways,my siblings and I hardly ever talk anymore.
You essentially described me. Thank you for describing it so well. I could never have
I learn so much from your channel; thank you for all your wisdom! I’ve left behind all the narcissists I know and am living my best, peaceful, joyous life! 🙌🏽
Sidebar: I love the sound of your voice. It’s giving homegirl vibes. 💕
Gosh..your so right on the golden child being narcissistic..her children I've always felt just like her and my mom..
Your blowing my mind..Yes, had that relationship with older guy. I'm a girl btw..my relationships were abusive. Failed marriages. Single now 24 yrs..never dreamed that in my life..I fight still alot of labels...I envy the mom, sisters relationships..and none of them are close...
Your videos have helped me so much dealing and healing with my own narcissistic family. Thank you for helping me see that I'm not alone in my own experiences with this type of abuse. ❤️
This was so on the nose. I’m the scapegoat of a narcissistic family and it’s crazy cause me and my sister had a great relationship and we bonded over my mom crazy drama and we would hang out and do stuff, then 15 years ago she just became cold a distant and now she takes up for my mom and they are buddy buddy.. I moved in with my sister 3 years ago cause he boyfriend was abusive sap I can to stay for her safety and the entire year I lived there we barely spoke a word to each other and never hung out or even we don’t laugh togther at all.. I keep trying to reach out but she says it’s no problem she just hates how I treat my mom which I don’t treat bad I just don’t let her control me anymore. And when my mom came over when she was dealing with the abusive bf she went of on my sister telling her she is weak and I even stepped in and defended her and now she act like that wasn’t a big deal.. Idk what happen
Very powerful and helpful insights here. Absolutely identify with almost everything u said. Especially "they don't want to be you!" And also both considering how *I* am equally triggering to them by virtue of my "role" as well as how NO relationship might be healthiest for ALL of us (at least for now) .. I'm with u re cost to self to try to reinvent the relationship as adults, especially if it isn't a mutually desired and invested-in effort! I need to save and re-listen to this one again and take notes .. cuz I can "feel" this one cuts deep in my own heart, and I know there's more on this topic I must unpack .. for my OWN healing and "re-parenting" .. I feel a lot of "self-loathing" and grief because I didn't figure some of these things out sooner (I'm now 45) .. How much better a life I could have lived if I'd have had the self-awareness to grasp "narcissism" in a family dynamic when I was younger. I lived under the veil of the deception that I had to keep trying harder to have a good relationship with my folks, and even when I knew they were grooming me to stay single so I could care for them in their old age, I spiritualized that knowledge as though it was my "purpose" before God, or some such, and really I was being used and manipulated. :( :( .. Anywhooo .. yeah, digs deep. :). THANK YOU again for sharing!
Grace, I am 51 and figured this all out one year ago. Yes, I also thought I had to remain single (I couldnt find a partner and I thought I had a spell...It is hard for me) So now I see everything, its crazy making. I just need to get out of here (difficult for me) and run away and scape. I am still single but hope I can trust in myself again. When you talk to people about these family things they think you are crazy or paranoic. I feel hopeless. Nowhere to go and I have to build self trust again because my mom and family and ex narc partners took it away from me. Dont know who I am....and how to win me back. But I am still searching. Hope I find it someday♥️
@@mariacliment2767 You will find you!😊
I was once the golden child, who acknowledged the control my narc parents had over my mind. Then, started doing my own thing, which triggered them to give my narc brother the golden ticket. I know 100% he acknowledged and enjoyed seeing me get the shit end of the stick. It's terrible seeing my brothers children become rivalries, already and making one the scapegoat and the other the golden child. It's been a long heavy road for me but I'm finally making my escape very very very soon. Leaving a comment is always theoretic. So, thank you for making these vids.
My Covert golden child older sis turned narc tried to trauma bond with me over my narc father when she noticed me pulling away from her and monitoring what info I told her once I discovered she had been manipulating me my entire life. Only so she could have supply to run back to my narc father for his approval. She is the talebearer taking info from everyone else to feed our narc Father so she can remain golden. Sad part.....I'm the youngest of 6 and I'm 39😥. We are all 1 year apart in age, there are 2 golden, 2 scapegoats, and 2 invisible. I personally just took my invisible but out of the country and stop answering the phone.....just decided to begin narc therapy so that I can go into the world without being in survival mode.
Yes yes yes..the truth.. happened to me and my narc golden child brother
I’m crying because I feel understood. I have 10 sibling and no one speaks to each other.
I never understood until today. Im 34 years old.
Woooow thank you for sharing 💔
All I can do is be still, listen, and let healing take it's place. Lord have mercy❤⚘ p.s There is never a question of whether you make sense or not. Everything you say makes perfect sense to me. There is a blessing in cutting off toxic family and I'm sure Abraham in the book of Genesis can testify to that.
AMEN!
I totally relate to this. There’s nothing healthy with any of my immediate family members. I tried and it just wasn’t workable. I have one cousin who gets it and is trying to heal. I’ve had to let the rest of my relatives go for my own mental health.
Thank you so much for this video!
Ps..change batteries in smoke detector
This is so true!
This resonates big time!
I can relate to this so much my mom is continued to do this till this day its sad
This is helpful. Thank you.
No adult is innocent!
Who’s role was it to change the smoke detector batteries?? Id like to have a few words with…(BEEP!!!)
I said I’d like have a word with that particular individual. BEEP!!!
Going thru this rn
This’s my sister too
I know exactly what you are talking about.
Proverbs 14:12 There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.
Other family members compare my brother and i all the time
This is a good topic and v accurate but the smoke alarm chirping in the background is sooooo annoying
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤♥️
replace the batteries in your smoke alarm
😂😂😂😂😂😂