my narcissist ex partner stopped the first day after we got married. He accused me of being a nymphomaniac, but later I found out that he was cheating on me. They are pure evil!
@@dominiquelafleur7420 looking back now, I see the signs. Wish I had known what to look for then. I’m so sorry that he did that to you! There’s no pain like being deceived, is there?
@@dominiquelafleur7420 I commented back earlier but idk where the comment went. I am so sorry this happened to you. There’s no pain like deception and rejection.
She's telling the truth, sex is suffocating to them. They withhold sex, don't like or need sex, or they use it as a weapon for their own benefit or as an entrapment. A narcissist showing love, care or intimacy, that's just they're way of imitating people to make us think that they're normal. Something an alien would do to make humans believe he's one of us. Narcissist are just actors that can't feel anything.
@@olady88 Seriously, --> find a good mentally healthy woman. Where? Mars or Venus? Today the first step is finding a Woman who's not conflicted about everything that defines a Woman or Man...Geez, most don't even know who their real enemies are without someone else telling them.
@d.l4055 That last sentence is so true. I won't bore you with rinse, repeat stories that you already know so well you could finish telling them for me.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
I am so sorry you went through that, because I'm going through the same thing right now. You have described my wife to the letter. It hurts so much, I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I would love to connect with you and learn how you dealt with it.
Sounds like my ex...She stopped intimacy as soon as we moved together...5 years of hell...and she did everything to destroy my reputation while we were living together...My wife since 20 years is completely different joyfull lovely and mine...I guess some of us have to go thru bad things to be able to recognise the good things around us... Hope you all find happiness...God bless...
They often turn to *orn for instant gratification and it becomes so natural for them that they do not want human interaction. Often leaving you feeling like your not good enough. It hurts because you are literally competing with strangers online for the breadcrumbs they give you.
It's interesting because at one point the ex narc wife said "I've been watching porn" and I thought that was weird but now I know why it happening! Makes sense now.
Mine is highly addicted to it and doesn't even try. He has to be drunk to and that makes me feel very unattractive and used. I don't even bother anymore because I'm disgusted by him now.
My narcissist stopped having sex with me and then told me it was my fault because I didn’t romance him enough. He wanted me to put him in the bathtub and bathe him, then serve him dinner, practically on my knees on a tray. The sad part is I actually tried these techniques. I tried to be a subservient as I could possibly be, and in the end he still wouldn’t have sex with me. As a matter of fact, he began to ramp up his emotional devaluation and attacks on me when I would ask for sex he would call me a whore. Y’all, this is the man I married. Can you imagine how much that hurt? Cannot believe how much of myself I gave away trying to please him when the whole time he was just exerting control over me and I didn’t know what was happening. I was just trying to make my marriage work. After 26 years of devaluation I finally got to Divorce and walked away. The last straw was when he started a relationship with another woman and told me I was crazy every time I confronted him about it and asked him to end it
I am so sorry he treat you that way. It’s nothing but devaluation emotional dismissed and control. A narcissist tries to get into your head and beat your self-esteem down so far that you feel like your the problem. Let me tell you, there’s nothing wrong with the healthy sex drive. two loving people should be able to bond through physical and emotional touch. I also understand you can’t always leave. I stayed for 26 years - 18 years of it was without any physical or emotional connection, and even now leaving feels traumatic and hard and I still question if I’m doing the right thing as I’m trauma bonded to him. You don’t deserve to be called names. You’re a normal human being who desires sex. There’s nothing wrong with that. Your not the problem here
It’s definitely not about you!! After initially meeting the narcissist in my life at that time , I spent seven weeks daily with him before we had sex. The “ordeal” was over with in literally one minute, then he just got up went into the kitchen and asked did I want a cup of tea ? There was no affection whatsoever and I remember thinking, is that it!! Wrong of me to think such a way but my brain truly couldn’t decipher any other emotion . It was completely surreal . Another time , we were having sex and his mobile rang , he jumped straight up answered the call and left the apartment. Five minutes later he returned, he didn’t walk back into the bedroom , knowing I was still in there , yet decided to make himself coffee. There was no explanation , no apology , nothing !! I remained lay in bed , bewildered and feeling completely disrespected . The list is endless , I look back now and I still cannot believe I lived in such denial of being with someone who was obviously extremely sick . Label or not .. abuse is abuse. And withholding any form of sexual intimacy is sexual abuse . Thank you for downloading
I've started to believe narcissists 'play act' at intimacy, hoping someday it will come true. Eventually, every partner disappoints somehow, breaking the 'spell', and it begins all over again with them. With understanding, it does not have to repeat for you. Take care of yourself.
This was me for five years, at the beginning he chased me every single day for over a year. when we did get together and involved the sex was a little hit and miss then, but i put it down to him saying he had a really bad up bringing .. not as hard as he made out , i found that out later. i didnt see the signs untill i was way in. Then the excuses came that he just didnt feel like it, hes not sure his size was bigger enough or he just wasnt good enough, for years i would reasure him that it was , but then the devaluing & discarding came , then love bombing!! It was constant. I would scream ,cry & pleed , beg having a break downs put on medication all while trying to make us work and connected, the worse was the zero conversation about it saying i just cant talk, im not very good with conversation!? Yes but hes great when hes chasing you and other girls tho! He walked out 9 weeks ago now, i use to beg him back all the time, but this time im numb to it. Im enjoying the freedom and not looking at his sulking face! . It gave me so much pain and grief with the lack of intermacy and physical connect and begging like i was worthless, that now i have time to heal and break that trauma bond. I have started college courses at the age of 50, pushing myself to do things that makes me feel uncomfortable and a little scared to achieve, cause then i will be able to look back on this and say if i over came that, i can do anything with courage and never look back !
This is Horrible No one should be treated this way. I know cause I have been there I wish I had seen it sooner.. What he didn't realize is once he started holding it back.I started realizing how it wasn't all that great.
Only learned this was a "thing" towards the last couple of years. Sensitive topic deserving more attention. Despite learning this, it can still feel so unnatural to accept.
My narc ex and I use to have sex almost twice a day in the first 4 months, then after the devaluation phase started and she pulled back to having sex with me once a week and in the last almost 3 months of the relationship she didn’t give me any sex at all and claimed she’s just not feeling it and that’s “just her”…. I didn’t get it until after watching these types of videos, the stares, the gas lighting , the comparisons, the hanging up the phone on me multiple times so I can keep calling back like an ass, the guilt tripping for no reason, talking to two of her ex boyfriends and that’s when I know something was off, I was so drained. 2 weeks since the break up and I feel so much at peace now.
I suffered this craziness the entire 8 years of my marriage. It started one week after I married him. It devastated me ! But I’m over it and done now 😡
When I hear all this, I realize why I felt the way I did in the last 10 years of our relationship… you telling that depriving someone of sex and intimacy is abuse, really helped me see for what it is. I’ve never felt so unsexy, unattractive, unwanted, ugly and so much more (or less !) in my whole life ! I hate him for depriving me of something I always loved. And the more I learn about narcissism, the more I start to see what he did to me for more than 20 years … and I can tell you : he was good at it ! 😡😡😡
After 3 years she said no sex. Menopause. No alternative stuff either. Still 'a couple' just no sex. I sucked it up. 3 years later, found out she was cheating and lying all along. Even got engaged to one of them. Then had the audacity to ask me to be friends! What?! You kept me unable to move on or have any sex for 3 years!
I’m in a similar boat. Sex was frequent and good until after the last baby and birth control. Then she weaned me off sex and for the last year almost, not sex at all, while blaming me. I think she is cheating but haven’t found proof yet. It’s very painful to promise yourself and your future to someone who has no regard for your needs. I often feel lost and trapped and I’m shamed for my need for sex and intimacy in general, even non sexual intimacy. She just can’t, and it hurts like nothing else.
Thank you for discussing this sensitive topic, as for so many of us, it is too uncomfortable to address. Your explanations are very helpful to make sense of the narcissist’s psychological games and need for power.
Been there. Once they "have" you or you've passed a commitment milestone (Move in, marriage, etc...) sex has played out its purpose (recruitment) and their goal moves to deepen control. That's why you're blamed, shamed, and sex is dangled as a reward they offer for compliance.
Thank you for discussing this topic. I have experienced this behavior for 45 years. I always felt that I was not good enough. Now I can feel better about myself, and live my life the way I want without trying to please my wife.
He said our relationship wouldn't be just sex....I was impressed....most men want sex most of the time....but he became cold and distant....after 2 years of NO sex ..no intimacy....I'm out.....
The narx.told me there are more important things in life ..meanwhile they were running around having it with married women...prob looking for money...with sex...
I stopped having sex with my narcissist. I broke up with him too and standing on business. He’s a jerk and hope he moves out soon. I ignored the red flags and now I’m dealing with the consequences 😩
You hit it right on the head when you talked about the Madonna whore complex that’s what I’m married to and I always knew something was wrong and I figured it was the mother. He had an unnatural hatred for the mother you put the missing piece of the puzzle together for me and helped me tremendously and I live a happy fulfilled life now thank you for everything you do for us!❤
I was sick for a while and I thought that was the reason we couldn’t get on track together. As I recovered I suggested we go to counselling. I gave him the task of making the 0:55 appointment. After a few weeks. I asked him was he going to schedule us and he said “No”. There’s no point, we have nothing to go back to. Implying we never had a sexlife. At that moment I knew I was leaving. Finally well and interested in sex again, and sex with him had never been that good. I left within a week. I read somewhere that narcs masturbate with your body and as horrible as it sounded, it was true. Had absolutely nothing to do with me.
My husband used my getting breast cancer to with draw all emotional actions from me. Everything from any sign of emotional attention to sex. I have traced his actions to realize he then became much more interested in outside interests with numberious woman to kisssing his 3-4 year love interst infront of me. Punished due to serious illness has to be the highest form of demeaning. You help so much in making us realize the true personality of these sick people. Thank you for your help. Yes the big "D" is in his future.
I just want to hug you because dealing with an illness CANCER in itself is enough but having a narc husband making the journey even harder is just too much. You’re in my prayers
@@teeeeeee1708 Thank heaven the cancer has not returned so only dealing with him. Thank you for your prayers. Very much like you videos. Bless you, Jeanette
Same here When I had a 12 hours operation for brain tumor, instead of standing by my side to help me overcome all this , on the sixth day when I had just got out of bed to sit for a while he sent me a message that he would leave,!!!! After four years I didn't heal neither emotionally nor physically!!😢
@giannulapanayiotou1774 Bless you and I do hope you can find a way to be well. Thank God your relationship was only a few years. Mine has been doing ugly stupid crap for 48 years and only am I able to find out what he really is in the last few thanks to the internet. At 85 I will be filing for divorce. God bless you and prayers to make you well very soon.
I lived this on and off for years. It was punishment for not making as much money as she wanted me to. After she came out and told me that in plain terms I never looked at her the same way again. So glad it’s over now.
I fell for a narcissistic woman almost 5 years ago. At the beginning everything was great and we had the best sex you could imagine. After 3 months she suddenly didn't want sex anymore and behaved completely cold towards me. At the same time, she began consciously trying to trigger jealousy in me on social media. As soon as I asked her about these things, she tried to convince me that I was just imagining it all and told me that I should go to a psychiatrist. THAT was finally the red flag and I ended the relationship immediately and broke off contact completely. She then tried to manipulate those around me and turn them against me, but luckily she didn't succeed.
I lived with this most of my married life until I felt so unattractive ..while he openly flirted with other woman..and had affairs ..it’s over at last but I will never never have the confidence or trust to try another relationship ..
I'm sad that you went through that. I've experienced similar things in relationships that I've been in. But I encouraged you to not let that person destroy your ability to rise up again. They were the problem, not you. It will definitely take time to heal. But I'm believing and hoping that you'll get back to yourself and become confident again.
"I have no feelings for you" Oh god I heard that so often, forget sex that was an absolute no go zone, I got those words when I just tried to hug her, I honestly believed everything was my fault because I became lazy didn't want to do anything, found things to do by myself to keep busy, didn't want to go near her for fear of an argument, I just didn't want to hear her criticize everybody and everything, I became the absolute person that no woman wants as a husband, I don't know how it lasted 20 years maybe because we had 3 children early, of course she cheated and and we divorced, then I learned about narcissim,7 years later I still believe I could have done better but I understand its not my fault. I don't even hate her, but the lying, manipulating, cheating and betrayal ,never really goes away
My narc blamed religion and celibacy after 20 years. Ultimatum to marriage or no sex. She said she gave herself up to her church, literally. 😂. Oh. We have kids btw.
Same thing.... had to live by God's will, after being intimate for over a year. Marriage or no sex. I agreed.😂🤣😂 Narc injury. Then says I rejected HIM. Such a manipulative, projective, blame shifting bunch of bs. Along with thousands of others. I hope it's gone better with your kiddos....
I went through an ordeal recently with someone that did this…. We dated for a couple of months, it wasn’t an issue, AS SOON as the relationship started she started playing games. She started telling me to do certain things to “initiate” then would turn me down when I did, always harshly and nasty about it. Then it became a problem because I didn’t want to anymore because of it. Attraction left, relationship eventually ended. These people are evil, twisted, and not fun to be around once the mask falls off.
I really hate my Narcissistic wife. What she has done & continues doing it to me until now😡. Shes always abusing me & keeps using our daughter as a weapon against me. So unfair. I need your advice or help. I can't go on living like this. I can't endure it!
I'm dealing with the exact same thing. My advice, leave and get your head and finances tight, get a lawyer and ask for both of you to have a court ordered phycological evaluation. This will possibly get you custody of your daughter and prove you're suffering from narcissistic abuse
My female narcassist withheld sex, she lied and told me she had colon cancerand couldnt have sex,this wasn't true Sex wasn't particularly great after 3 months it was like being with a bag of potatoes, robotic and very mechanical, Not any emotions.
That old chestnut with the bum injury Then the hip injury The abstinence of sex for lent Just a cuddle only Tiredness Not in the mood It goes on in too long Emotionless Yuck!
Then am I the one that’s messed up, because for the last three years I could not be intimate. Before I stopped it, it became a job. I just couldn’t stop feeling like I was the only one doing the work ( not the right word but I hope you understand what I mean) and I felt all alone. It was as if I didn’t need to be there.
Stop and ask if it felt like a job with a mean boss for a reason. My narcissist demanded the whole thing be about her, complained no matter what I did, put me in painful, uncomfortable and humiliating positions the belittled my sex drive or lack thereof. If I wanted sex I was using her. If I didn't it was supposedly abuse. There was no right answer. After a while I just killed my own sex drive for an easier life and found her cheating on me 3 years later.
@@sleepydoppy8516 I think they set us up to fail. We were either supposed to cheat so they could be angry and dump us. Or they could cheat until caught and use us for other types of validation. They really are demons.
What makes me so shocked, is the actions of a narcissistic partner seems to be taken straight out of a playbook. Every person abused by them go through such similar abuses. But the irony is there is no playbook. Its something inside them! My loyality is so twisted with staying married because God hates divorce and Im scared to leave to start over at 53. I know its a stategy to wear me down to gain all that has been worked for like a nice home and safety.
@kirjjoy , 53 is not old. It’s a beautiful time in your life. Do not be afraid to start over again. There are still good people that age looking for company.
For me, the narc husband I've come to learn he is highly addicted to porn. He makes me feel so insecure with my body and my self as i do not look anything like the women in his porn. Plus, it makes me like he can only get excited by watching it and not by me, if that makes sense. He has withheld intimacy with me when he's attempting to punish me for whatever reason. What I always notice is that he can only be intimate with me is when he's drunk so it makes me feel like I'm not good enough and he has to be wasted to be with me. He's more like a slam bam thank mam type or he's rough and it makes me feel horrible, like I'm just a piece of meat. I no longer crave that type of intimacy because its not being intimate its just serving a purpose, I'm a convenience. But now, I am actually severally disgusted by him and I don't want him near me. So sad.
When I faltered trying to give her more so she could 'save' her aging parents and be the heroine, she withdrew- I.believed I'd failed to the point a breakdown. Left me trying to prove my value for years, until eventually it turned out she was shopping around, having affairs in her mid-life narc crisis. To throw away a lifetime together like that, narcissists must be deeply sick- her life is one of emptiness and fear, which I am no longer a part of-
This was me for over 3 decades in an abusive marriage feeling so worthless unloved and dehumanised didn’t realise this was another form of abuse Then the blame shifting that I was the problem the smear campaign while he was the one committing adultery throughout the marriage I’m now left with feelings of such bitterness and resentment hoping these feelings will go as I am not that person or do I ever want to stay stuck in these feelings I have heard the term post embitterment does this go ? Thankyou for your work and support it helps so many people enduring this ❤
Its about control, confusing at times for someone who was abused and uses it as a control mechanism for safety which leads to greater problems.. Sometimes the narcissist isn't a calculating evil person, just reacting, doing things that harm and its confusing.. Its a long time of out of control situations(traumatic events forced upon us) where control is all thats needed to deal with those events and in that, the out of control happens., And it all falls apart.. And the only safety for some of us, is keeping them out of our lives, no contact or minimal contact and I don't mean sex, I mean being near them..
I've bee dealing with a sexless marriage for the last three years. I'm only recently seeing it for what it really is. For so long I have given her the benefit of the doubt, trying to be a understanding husband. I'm realizing that her reasons why change with the seasons. It's always something different and lately she blames me. I've tried over and over to explain to her what this is doing to me and our relationship. But each time she finds a way to over look what I'm saying and down plays the situation or just completely turns it around on me. I wanted nothing more then to save my marriage but I'm starting to think this will never change. At this point I no longer know what to do or how to handle the situation I'm in.
Had it done to me in the midst of her makeing new male friends it’s been 4 months no contact I’m healing and I’m free narcissistic people are no future
Yea she cut me off too for the last bit. Looking back though, it always seemed like she was having sex with herself; not me. I was a glorified sex toy they most certainly take away basic human needs. Sleep, food, connection
Experiencing the lack of intimacy and sex now, you try but get rejected by all excuses possible and then they turn it around saying that you need to work harder (i.e. take out for romantic dinner, ticked the box then they start an argument to kill off the opportunity). Sick of it! Tried to leave today but so far i haven't. Said she wants to go away on her own for a week, then said I need to take her 15 yr son away on a beach holiday for a week and she'll only come if I promise to not be triggered by her abuse. Now said she's going out for dinner with a colleague tonight, i just know there must be a new supply being worked on.
He contacted me one day out of the blue two days after telling me how good in bed I was and how other women aren’t very good at sex to tell me he wanted to stop having sex?? I said ok. I’m not about kissing up or forcing someone to stay in a situation when they no longer want to, so I accepted his wishes right away without a fight! Apparently that was confusing to him that I didn’t get upset and I could almost hear his brain ticking over wondering why I wasn’t more upset, and he started insulting me…telling me that he’s had better, there are better women, he can do better and he deserves better (he actually said all these things word for word AFTER I agreed without an argument to no longer sleeping together!) it was completely unnecessary and I said that. He told me it takes a lot to get him to insult someone and said Kudos to me basically blaming me for him insulting me?? It was just bizarre. I didn’t react or become dysregulated and upset like I think he expected me to, though I did feel hurt and I said honestly that I felt hurt. He didn’t apologise or anything just blamed me for insulting me?? I did feel ugly later. The crazy thing is he was SO unattractive and obese with NO personality and I’ve been told I’m a 9-10 but other men. He thought he deserved better even though there was NOTHING that good about him and he was the kind of guy most women ignore! I felt completely defiled. It was the worst experience of my life. I’m still healing five years later and have actually started hearing voices due to the cptsd from the trauma bond and the SA
Is what we call a narcissist a complete incarnation? I don't think that they are from my perspective. I pray that their aborted soul is intact somewhere. But that also means that we are among very deceptive partial beings that causes very painful illusion. We need this in a way. Pain is a very meaningful reason for change.
Why The Narcissist Stops Having Sex With You... Because he or she is poking or getting poked by someone else.. I have an ex that did that to me. She tried getting back together with me.. I pretended I was like a ghost and disappeared. I even had my co workers tell her I didn't show up for work, he just quit knowing she was going to ask someone. I made it look like I just vanished like a fart in the wind.. I hid my car. I stayed with people she didn't know. It was very fun.. I did this for weeks..
This is exactly what happened to me. There was some withholding of affection before, but the day it really changed was when one morning she turned to me and said 'I have forced myself to have sex with you twice on this Honeymoon, that is enough' After that withholding just got more and more until in the end I just got to the stage that the infrequent, controlled, non-empathetic 'sex' no longer worked for me and I just gave up trying.There was also all the comments to try and put me down and trying to reduce my sexual interest. I started going to bed after she was asleep to avoid the situation, and now I sleep in a different room.
Thanks for this video. All this time my ex was telling me its my fault that she didnt want sex and I believed it. I didnt know any better at the time, and i was highly anxious because of it.
I think the girl i was dating would only be intimate once every month or 2 and im really sure I was backup plan D in case the randoms having passed out drunk group events with her led to consequences then she could pin it on me for 20 + years support. So glad she found another plan D guy. 🙏
In my relationship with a narcissist he left me without sex for 7 months and kept telling me that he was punishing me and also he prefered hard core pornography so he said over real sex 😮😢it was bizarre !In the end i did not even want sex with him anymore but it still hurt😮to not be wanted by your partner!
When my ex told me she wasn’t having sex with me I really didn’t give a F because I realise you have to play the game they play I programmed myself to if you don’t care I don’t care either..we can end everything here I don’t care…
Going through this right now. At first it was very hurtful and I still have scars but now I don't care. I glad I don't have to anymore because it was another chore I had to do. Besides he ain't as good as he thinks he is. For me, it was the worst I had. I'm not trying to be insulting or saying it because of our situation and relationship. It's just how it is. I kept telling him that he needs to stop using sex as a weapon and of course it's all my fault. He told me a story about how some women used to beg him for it. I told him I would never do that and that's when he started that withholding mess. Too tiring. I also told him that I know he effing other people and of he said it was me. But the fact that I'm unbothered really gets to him. Oh well, you can't teach a person a lesson and try to control how they learn it
You are right there Anouska , I can’t remember when was the last time we had one . He is cold and no emotion. The first few years we were together it’s great one but it was me who always willing . He don’t do it to me , instead he play himself secretly everyday night and day whenever he has the chance . So it answers all the questions in my head . He looks at the porn and pictures in his phones . I said why are doing he won’t admit it . Then we start arguing .its falling apart this relationship .
No more s*x = thrown out of the marriage bed , meant the marriage was dissolved. I didn't care weather i stayed or not. I was done , meaning there was now no going back. I wasn't being played anymore. It was a joke, now on him. I had discovered boundaries, right there , right then.
My experience was opposite. I couldn’t get in the mood. So he (the narc) felt like I was doing this to him. I was becoming so disgusted in him and who he was, he had to get me drunk to get sex from me. Then he would shove blow in my face, encourage me do to anything to lower inhibition. I thank God daily I got out of that alive. Mix a drug addict & Narcissist and it’s a literal fatal combination. So I personally cannot relate to this perspective of sex with a Narcissist.
My narcissist husband just sent this to me!!😡 I'm not withholding sex as a punishment to him. I have less than zero interest! He has caused me so much stress & hurt from daily abuse. Our teen/adult children see the abuse. My family sees the abuse. This video is fueling his fire, and it infuriates me having this woman support his attempt to force sex on me.
The very reasoning that ultimately leads anyone to the systemic belief there's only "One" definite Answer for anything is because everyone today is either already convinced Or everyone around them is trying to convince them anything and everything they choose to do or think is Right. The pursuit of somehow being in "Vogue" can be all consuming.
I get sex once a year sometime around my bday but never on it! My bday is my favorite day so my spouse always manages to ruin it! We’re together 8 years 6 out of them 8 years I spent it alone!
F...k them Anoushka. Nice to watch your video again.thats me almost heald after very, very long narcissistic abuse,your videos helped me during my healing process.many thanks Wojciech
Experienced the same thing two years ago after a heart attack. I quit smoking, got healthy and within three months my wife denied sex. This went on for 18 months until i left. Then she was willing to have sex every day if i would take her back. It really is all about control and the mind games
I've been with a female covert narcissist for about 2.5 years.During the last 6 months of our relationship,we ONLY had sex once in 3 months!!!And OF COURSE,she broke up with me....!!!
My ex started off saying that he promised God he would wait until he was married to have sex and there was no way I was going to mess around with a vow like that. He painted the image of a funny but God fearing man who helped people out regardless of age, race or means. He fixed cars for food. He had children help him fix things and took them fun places like Apple Hill or the beach. I thought I met the most amazing person. When we were at our wedding reception, he leaned in and whispered in my ear, while the audience awed and wiped tears from their eyes but my blood ran cold at his words “You look nasty”. He chuckled at the tears that stung my eyes. By the time the reception was over, I wanted to tear up the marriage certificate but, like a fool, I bought his excuses even though they didn’t take the hurt away and I took the blame because I obviously had chosen the wrong dress. So, I was not too disappointed when he said we didn’t have time for sex, we needed to get on the road so we could get to Oregon before it was expected to start snowing. We started off at his aunt’s house and he said it would be disrespectful to have sex in her house. I didn’t care because he was such a jerk the entire drive up there. After we spent a few days there, we had reservations at a cabin and I thought now we would finally be alone and his sexual tension would finally be resolved and he would return to the jovial guy I had fallen in love with. I started to undress for a shower and he said “Just because we’re married doesn’t mean you have to act like a wh___.” I looked at him, trying to look for any little sign he was joking. “I’m not, I am just going to take a shower” “Well, shut the door, you’re strip tease turns me off”. I was happy to shut the door so he wouldn’t see me crying. This was our honeymoon! We never had sex. Never! By the time we divorced, I was terrified of the possibility of being in a relationship with anyone and facing being told how cold I left them feeling. So many people have questioned me because they find it difficult to believe that we lived together before marriage and then got married and never had sex. If he never had sex before marriage and it bothered you, why did you marry him? I hate that question!!! Because he hid behind God. I wouldn’t have had sex with him if he changed his mind once he told me that so it wasn’t an issue but, once we were married and he still didn’t want me, I will never understand why he would bother to get married at all.
Now the penny has dropped. I broke up with my ex 3 months ago for this very reason. He withheld intimacy and sex from me and all the time I thought it was me. No, it was him as he needed to control me and he did this from a distance. We started off as best friends. For 6 years we chatted on telegram and sent emails. Finally, he agreed to meet me but failed to turn up or even let me know he could not make it. I was so shocked and heartbroken. When I asked him why he did not turn up for the coffee meet he shrugged it off and said he was busy. That just floored me. I saw how emotionally immature he was for a 52-year-old. Why had I not seen this in him before, I asked myself? I thought I was going crazy and began seeing myself as a weak silly woman. I still miss him very much but after I broke it off his personality changed and his email to me was aggressive and very hurtful. Saw me as a gangrene body part that wanted nothing to do with me, yet it was I who broke it off. Thank you for this video.
my narcissist ex partner stopped the first day after we got married. He accused me of being a nymphomaniac, but later I found out that he was cheating on me. They are pure evil!
My narcissist did this almost immediately also. Turns out he was really homosexual.
@@feminineheartI’m sorry to hear that! I feel that my ex-husband married me to camouflage his ´closet’
@@dominiquelafleur7420 looking back now, I see the signs. Wish I had known what to look for then. I’m so sorry that he did that to you! There’s no pain like being deceived, is there?
@@dominiquelafleur7420 I commented back earlier but idk where the comment went. I am so sorry this happened to you. There’s no pain like deception and rejection.
Bruh...
It's all about control. Once you accept that fact, you'll understand.
100 % True.
control and punishment
Sadly, I believe it is also about boredom. They get bored very quickly! Also some prefer pornography over actual sex.
I lived this nightmare.
@@olegal I am living through it now! not spoken in weeks.. it feels like drug withdrawal.
To make you feel not worthy
I was told she didn’t like sex & was having it with others. What a joke. I finally woke up.
She's telling the truth, sex is suffocating to them. They withhold sex, don't like or need sex, or they use it as a weapon for their own benefit or as an entrapment. A narcissist showing love, care or intimacy, that's just they're way of imitating people to make us think that they're normal. Something an alien would do to make humans believe he's one of us. Narcissist are just actors that can't feel anything.
I feel you.
I wish you healing, and to find a good mentally healthy woman ❤
@@olady88 Seriously, --> find a good mentally healthy woman. Where? Mars or Venus? Today the first step is finding a Woman who's not conflicted about everything that defines a Woman or Man...Geez, most don't even know who their real enemies are without someone else telling them.
Go to Asia. Western women are by far broken. They're built differently in South East Asia. @d.l4055
@d.l4055 That last sentence is so true. I won't bore you with rinse, repeat stories that you already know so well you could finish telling them for me.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
I am so sorry you went through that, because I'm going through the same thing right now. You have described my wife to the letter. It hurts so much, I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I would love to connect with you and learn how you dealt with it.
I'm a man with high libido and my partner doesn't care she didn't support me in bed.
Sounds like my ex...She stopped intimacy as soon as we moved together...5 years of hell...and she did everything to destroy my reputation while we were living together...My wife since 20 years is completely different joyfull lovely and mine...I guess some of us have to go thru bad things to be able to recognise the good things around us... Hope you all find happiness...God bless...
I had almost the same exact marriage, so confusing and painful
that's impossible... a dude not wanting sex?
They often turn to *orn for instant gratification and it becomes so natural for them that they do not want human interaction. Often leaving you feeling like your not good enough. It hurts because you are literally competing with strangers online for the breadcrumbs they give you.
It's interesting because at one point the ex narc wife said "I've been watching porn" and I thought that was weird but now I know why it happening! Makes sense now.
@@paulwisdom1090 mine would never admit it. 😂
Mine is highly addicted to it and doesn't even try. He has to be drunk to and that makes me feel very unattractive and used. I don't even bother anymore because I'm disgusted by him now.
@@adel2457 wow that's crazy!!! I would get away from him asap!
@@paulwisdom1090 that is the plan
My narcissist stopped having sex with me and then told me it was my fault because I didn’t romance him enough. He wanted me to put him in the bathtub and bathe him, then serve him dinner, practically on my knees on a tray. The sad part is I actually tried these techniques. I tried to be a subservient as I could possibly be, and in the end he still wouldn’t have sex with me. As a matter of fact, he began to ramp up his emotional devaluation and attacks on me when I would ask for sex he would call me a whore. Y’all, this is the man I married. Can you imagine how much that hurt?
Cannot believe how much of myself I gave away trying to please him when the whole time he was just exerting control over me and I didn’t know what was happening. I was just trying to make my marriage work. After 26 years of devaluation I finally got to Divorce and walked away.
The last straw was when he started a relationship with another woman and told me I was crazy every time I confronted him about it and asked him to end it
Same.mine was calling me a whore last week when I was asking
I am so sorry he treat you that way. It’s nothing but devaluation emotional dismissed and control. A narcissist tries to get into your head and beat your self-esteem down so far that you feel like your the problem. Let me tell you, there’s nothing wrong with the healthy sex drive. two loving people should be able to bond through physical and emotional touch. I also understand you can’t always leave. I stayed for 26 years - 18 years of it was without any physical or emotional connection, and even now leaving feels traumatic and hard and I still question if I’m doing the right thing as I’m trauma bonded to him. You don’t deserve to be called names. You’re a normal human being who desires sex. There’s nothing wrong with that. Your not the problem here
😢
Woman did this to me. She wanted more and more and more.
I’m praying for you queen! May God heal you in all the places you’ve been hurt. 🕊️🫀☀️
It’s definitely not about you!!
After initially meeting the narcissist in my life at that time , I spent seven weeks daily with him before we had sex. The “ordeal” was over with in literally one minute, then he just got up went into the kitchen and asked did I want a cup of tea ?
There was no affection whatsoever and I remember thinking, is that it!!
Wrong of me to think such a way but my brain truly couldn’t decipher any other emotion . It was completely surreal .
Another time , we were having sex and his mobile rang , he jumped straight up answered the call and left the apartment.
Five minutes later he returned, he didn’t walk back into the bedroom , knowing I was still in there , yet decided to make himself coffee. There was no explanation , no apology , nothing !! I remained lay in bed , bewildered and feeling completely disrespected .
The list is endless , I look back now and I still cannot believe I lived in such denial of being with someone who was obviously extremely sick .
Label or not .. abuse is abuse.
And withholding any form of sexual intimacy is sexual abuse .
Thank you for downloading
I've started to believe narcissists 'play act' at intimacy, hoping someday it will come true. Eventually, every partner disappoints somehow, breaking the 'spell', and it begins all over again with them. With understanding, it does not have to repeat for you. Take care of yourself.
This happened to me and it feels horrible.
Bless up
Ditto 😕
Sure does 😢
But it's a blessing in disguise because you will detach more easily if not s3xually connected since no more hormones and chemicals from it.
Yup 😢
This was me for five years, at the beginning he chased me every single day for over a year. when we did get together and involved the sex was a little hit and miss then, but i put it down to him saying he had a really bad up bringing .. not as hard as he made out , i found that out later. i didnt see the signs untill i was way in. Then the excuses came that he just didnt feel like it, hes not sure his size was bigger enough or he just wasnt good enough, for years i would reasure him that it was , but then the devaluing & discarding came , then love bombing!! It was constant. I would scream ,cry & pleed , beg having a break downs put on medication all while trying to make us work and connected, the worse was the zero conversation about it saying i just cant talk, im not very good with conversation!? Yes but hes great when hes chasing you and other girls tho!
He walked out 9 weeks ago now, i use to beg him back all the time, but this time im numb to it. Im enjoying the freedom and not looking at his sulking face! .
It gave me so much pain and grief with the lack of intermacy and physical connect and begging like i was worthless, that now i have time to heal and break that trauma bond. I have started college courses at the age of 50, pushing myself to do things that makes me feel uncomfortable and a little scared to achieve, cause then i will be able to look back on this and say if i over came that, i can do anything with courage and never look back !
I'm so sorry you had to go through this 😢 you got this 💪🏼
❤
Stay strong…💪🏽🥰💃🏽
This is Horrible No one should be treated this way.
I know cause I have been there I wish I had seen it sooner.. What he didn't realize is once he started holding it back.I started realizing how it wasn't all that great.
My wife is exactly this. Intimacy is totally lost on her.
Only learned this was a "thing" towards the last couple of years. Sensitive topic deserving more attention. Despite learning this, it can still feel so unnatural to accept.
My narc ex and I use to have sex almost twice a day in the first 4 months, then after the devaluation phase started and she pulled back to having sex with me once a week and in the last almost 3 months of the relationship she didn’t give me any sex at all and claimed she’s just not feeling it and that’s “just her”…. I didn’t get it until after watching these types of videos, the stares, the gas lighting , the comparisons, the hanging up the phone on me multiple times so I can keep calling back like an ass, the guilt tripping for no reason, talking to two of her ex boyfriends and that’s when I know something was off, I was so drained. 2 weeks since the break up and I feel so much at peace now.
I UNDERSTAND YOU 1000%
Wish u over heal from her
The peace !!
I've moved on after 25 years. I feel free and excited for the future
I suffered this craziness the entire 8 years of my marriage. It started one week after I married him. It devastated me ! But I’m over it and done now 😡
When I hear all this, I realize why I felt the way I did in the last 10 years of our relationship… you telling that depriving someone of sex and intimacy is abuse, really helped me see for what it is. I’ve never felt so unsexy, unattractive, unwanted, ugly and so much more (or less !) in my whole life ! I hate him for depriving me of something I always loved. And the more I learn about narcissism, the more I start to see what he did to me for more than 20 years … and I can tell you : he was good at it ! 😡😡😡
HE IS A PIECE OF CRAP,
BE STRONG YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL. IN MY CASE IT WAS A SHE
After 3 years she said no sex. Menopause. No alternative stuff either. Still 'a couple' just no sex. I sucked it up. 3 years later, found out she was cheating and lying all along. Even got engaged to one of them. Then had the audacity to ask me to be friends! What?! You kept me unable to move on or have any sex for 3 years!
That’s crazy so cruel
Damn
I’m in a similar boat. Sex was frequent and good until after the last baby and birth control. Then she weaned me off sex and for the last year almost, not sex at all, while blaming me. I think she is cheating but haven’t found proof yet. It’s very painful to promise yourself and your future to someone who has no regard for your needs. I often feel lost and trapped and I’m shamed for my need for sex and intimacy in general, even non sexual intimacy. She just can’t, and it hurts like nothing else.
@bryanpedgessr.1872 I had that too. She belittled sex in general after that. Making fun of male needs in particular.
@@almor2445 same. She says I treat her like a sex object for wanting it and I’ve stopped all advances on threat of being called a rapist again. 💔
Thank you for discussing this sensitive topic, as for so many of us, it is too uncomfortable to address. Your explanations are very helpful to make sense of the narcissist’s psychological games and need for power.
Been there. Once they "have" you or you've passed a commitment milestone (Move in, marriage, etc...) sex has played out its purpose (recruitment) and their goal moves to deepen control. That's why you're blamed, shamed, and sex is dangled as a reward they offer for compliance.
Thank you for discussing this topic. I have experienced this behavior for 45 years. I always felt that I was not good enough.
Now I can feel better about myself, and live my life the way I want without trying to please my wife.
He said our relationship wouldn't be just sex....I was impressed....most men want sex most of the time....but he became cold and distant....after 2 years of NO sex ..no intimacy....I'm out.....
Ditto....
This channel is so misdirected lmao.... OCD, Autism, life stressor, moral stresses, and life goals/ focus influence someone's labido
@@Indi_DevJamesyou are clueless....if you ever dealt with a Narsasist you'd see all the dots connect here.
A narcissist told me, "I don't need sex."
Were you dating them?
Mine made out like any sex drive was dirty, weird and childish. I later found her cheating with multiple partners.
@@magvs_mæstro216 No, but I really wanted to and I was trying to get to that point.
The narx.told me there are more important things in life ..meanwhile they were running around having it with married women...prob looking for money...with sex...
Yeah, my partner said the same thing!That he could be without sex for years 😮😢Weird!
I stopped having sex with my narcissist. I broke up with him too and standing on business. He’s a jerk and hope he moves out soon. I ignored the red flags and now I’m dealing with the consequences 😩
You hit it right on the head when you talked about the Madonna whore complex that’s what I’m married to and I always knew something was wrong and I figured it was the mother. He had an unnatural hatred for the mother you put the missing piece of the puzzle together for me and helped me tremendously and I live a happy fulfilled life now thank you for everything you do for us!❤
I was sick for a while and I thought that was the reason we couldn’t get on track together. As I recovered I suggested we go to counselling. I gave him the task of making the 0:55 appointment. After a few weeks. I asked him was he going to schedule us and he said “No”. There’s no point, we have nothing to go back to. Implying we never had a sexlife. At that moment I knew I was leaving. Finally well and interested in sex again, and sex with him had never been that good. I left within a week. I read somewhere that narcs masturbate with your body and as horrible as it sounded, it was true. Had absolutely nothing to do with me.
My husband used my getting breast cancer to with draw all emotional actions from me. Everything from any sign of emotional attention to sex. I have traced his actions to realize he then became much more interested in outside interests with numberious woman to kisssing his 3-4 year love interst infront of me. Punished due to serious illness has to be the highest form of demeaning. You help so much in making us realize the true personality of these sick people. Thank you for your help. Yes the big "D" is in his future.
I just want to hug you because dealing with an illness CANCER in itself is enough but having a narc husband making the journey even harder is just too much. You’re in my prayers
@@teeeeeee1708 Thank heaven the cancer has not returned so only dealing with him. Thank you for your prayers. Very much like you videos. Bless you, Jeanette
Same here When I had a 12 hours operation for brain tumor, instead of standing by my side to help me overcome all this , on the sixth day when I had just got out of bed to sit for a while he sent me a message that he would leave,!!!! After four years I didn't heal neither emotionally nor physically!!😢
@giannulapanayiotou1774 Bless you and I do hope you can find a way to be well. Thank God your relationship was only a few years. Mine has been doing ugly stupid crap for 48 years and only am I able to find out what he really is in the last few thanks to the internet. At 85 I will be filing for divorce. God bless you and prayers to make you well very soon.
Yesss I broke my ankle and I wasn't good enough smh !
I lived this on and off for years. It was punishment for not making as much money as she wanted me to. After she came out and told me that in plain terms I never looked at her the same way again. So glad it’s over now.
I fell for a narcissistic woman almost 5 years ago. At the beginning everything was great and we had the best sex you could imagine. After 3 months she suddenly didn't want sex anymore and behaved completely cold towards me. At the same time, she began consciously trying to trigger jealousy in me on social media. As soon as I asked her about these things, she tried to convince me that I was just imagining it all and told me that I should go to a psychiatrist. THAT was finally the red flag and I ended the relationship immediately and broke off contact completely. She then tried to manipulate those around me and turn them against me, but luckily she didn't succeed.
I lived with this most of my married life until I felt so unattractive ..while he openly flirted with other woman..and had affairs ..it’s over at last but I will never never have the confidence or trust to try another relationship ..
I'm sad that you went through that. I've experienced similar things in relationships that I've been in. But I encouraged you to not let that person destroy your ability to rise up again. They were the problem, not you. It will definitely take time to heal. But I'm believing and hoping that you'll get back to yourself and become confident again.
Don't let 1 person stop your life😮
"I have no feelings for you" Oh god I heard that so often, forget sex that was an absolute no go zone, I got those words when I just tried to hug her, I honestly believed everything was my fault because I became lazy didn't want to do anything, found things to do by myself to keep busy, didn't want to go near her for fear of an argument, I just didn't want to hear her criticize everybody and everything, I became the absolute person that no woman wants as a husband, I don't know how it lasted 20 years maybe because we had 3 children early, of course she cheated and and we divorced, then I learned about narcissim,7 years later I still believe I could have done better but I understand its not my fault. I don't even hate her, but the lying, manipulating, cheating and betrayal ,never really goes away
Very true.
This is exactly how my marriage was.
Ditto 😕
Same here
Same !!
Same thing happened to me. They are evil
Same with me, just wondering what to do
I jumped through hoops while feeling inadequate but not understanding what was wrong. Still fighting the battle.
Mine was on the down low, thought she was sneaky with it but what happens in the dark will eventually come to light😂
A good majority of narcissists are on the downlow.
Mine couldn’t get it up for me but ordered the blue pills for the new supply…smmfh.
same
Oh gosh😂😂😂😂 He can't get it up but cutting style on you
I was asked by the Narc to initiate more often. When I did, my partner would refuse. Every single time. Abusive, you say? Downright cruel!
@@joseannedube5489 Same here. Ripped my heart out being rejected by my husband repeatedly 😢
I never thought of withholding as a form of abuse until now...this video is quite the eye-opener!
Sex with a narcissist is passionless and robotic. Boring!!
My narc blamed religion and celibacy after 20 years. Ultimatum to marriage or no sex. She said she gave herself up to her church, literally. 😂. Oh. We have kids btw.
Same thing.... had to live by God's will, after being intimate for over a year. Marriage or no sex. I agreed.😂🤣😂 Narc injury. Then says I rejected HIM. Such a manipulative, projective, blame shifting bunch of bs. Along with thousands of others.
I hope it's gone better with your kiddos....
I went through an ordeal recently with someone that did this…. We dated for a couple of months, it wasn’t an issue, AS SOON as the relationship started she started playing games. She started telling me to do certain things to “initiate” then would turn me down when I did, always harshly and nasty about it. Then it became a problem because I didn’t want to anymore because of it. Attraction left, relationship eventually ended. These people are evil, twisted, and not fun to be around once the mask falls off.
I really hate my Narcissistic wife. What she has done & continues doing it to me until now😡. Shes always abusing me & keeps using our daughter as a weapon against me. So unfair. I need your advice or help. I can't go on living like this. I can't endure it!
I'm dealing with the exact same thing. My advice, leave and get your head and finances tight, get a lawyer and ask for both of you to have a court ordered phycological evaluation. This will possibly get you custody of your daughter and prove you're suffering from narcissistic abuse
My female narcassist withheld sex, she lied and told me she had colon cancerand couldnt have sex,this wasn't true
Sex wasn't particularly great after 3 months it was like being with a bag of potatoes, robotic and very mechanical,
Not any emotions.
That old chestnut with the bum injury
Then the hip injury
The abstinence of sex for lent
Just a cuddle only
Tiredness
Not in the mood
It goes on in too long
Emotionless
Yuck!
I'm just glad I never caught anything,
I took a test and was lucky!
Then am I the one that’s messed up, because for the last three years I could not be intimate. Before I stopped it, it became a job. I just couldn’t stop feeling like I was the only one doing the work ( not the right word but I hope you understand what I mean) and I felt all alone. It was as if I didn’t need to be there.
Stop and ask if it felt like a job with a mean boss for a reason. My narcissist demanded the whole thing be about her, complained no matter what I did, put me in painful, uncomfortable and humiliating positions the belittled my sex drive or lack thereof. If I wanted sex I was using her. If I didn't it was supposedly abuse. There was no right answer. After a while I just killed my own sex drive for an easier life and found her cheating on me 3 years later.
@almor2445 yep. I was cheated on 3 time also. Thank you for sharing.
@@sleepydoppy8516 I think they set us up to fail. We were either supposed to cheat so they could be angry and dump us. Or they could cheat until caught and use us for other types of validation. They really are demons.
What makes me so shocked, is the actions of a narcissistic partner seems to be taken straight out of a playbook. Every person abused by them go through such similar abuses. But the irony is there is no playbook. Its something inside them!
My loyality is so twisted with staying married because God hates divorce and Im scared to leave to start over at 53. I know its a stategy to wear me down to gain all that has been worked for like a nice home and safety.
I’m in the same boat.
Don’t be scared. GOD doesn’t intend for anyone to be spiritually abused.
and the cort system has been engineered so that u lose..ie no foltdiv
@kirjjoy , 53 is not old. It’s a beautiful time in your life. Do not be afraid to start over again. There are still good people that age looking for company.
For me, the narc husband I've come to learn he is highly addicted to porn. He makes me feel so insecure with my body and my self as i do not look anything like the women in his porn. Plus, it makes me like he can only get excited by watching it and not by me, if that makes sense. He has withheld intimacy with me when he's attempting to punish me for whatever reason. What I always notice is that he can only be intimate with me is when he's drunk so it makes me feel like I'm not good enough and he has to be wasted to be with me. He's more like a slam bam thank mam type or he's rough and it makes me feel horrible, like I'm just a piece of meat. I no longer crave that type of intimacy because its not being intimate its just serving a purpose, I'm a convenience. But now, I am actually severally disgusted by him and I don't want him near me. So sad.
I thought that i was the only one that experienced this. Its just evil how narcissists act. Just want to destroy everything for their enjoyment. Smh.
when they offer it say no I dont want you anymore
..and then what?
@@Breezy8a leave
I was dealing w chronic illness, so the Nex always made me feel like it was somehow my fault- so sad and odd! 😢
Same. ❤
You are telling the TRUTH. You are spot on!
When I faltered trying to give her more so she could 'save' her aging parents and be the heroine, she withdrew- I.believed I'd failed to the point a breakdown. Left me trying to prove my value for years, until eventually it turned out she was shopping around, having affairs in her mid-life narc crisis.
To throw away a lifetime together like that, narcissists must be deeply sick- her life is one of emptiness and fear, which I am no longer a part of-
This was me for over 3 decades in an abusive marriage feeling so worthless unloved and dehumanised didn’t realise this was another form of abuse
Then the blame shifting that I was the problem the smear campaign while he was the one committing adultery throughout the marriage I’m now left with feelings of such bitterness and resentment hoping these feelings will go as I am not that person or do I ever want to stay stuck in these feelings I have heard the term post embitterment does this go ? Thankyou for your work and support it helps so many people enduring this ❤
Its about control, confusing at times for someone who was abused and uses it as a control mechanism for safety which leads to greater problems.. Sometimes the narcissist isn't a calculating evil person, just reacting, doing things that harm and its confusing.. Its a long time of out of control situations(traumatic events forced upon us) where control is all thats needed to deal with those events and in that, the out of control happens., And it all falls apart.. And the only safety for some of us, is keeping them out of our lives, no contact or minimal contact and I don't mean sex, I mean being near them..
I've bee dealing with a sexless marriage for the last three years. I'm only recently seeing it for what it really is. For so long I have given her the benefit of the doubt, trying to be a understanding husband. I'm realizing that her reasons why change with the seasons. It's always something different and lately she blames me. I've tried over and over to explain to her what this is doing to me and our relationship. But each time she finds a way to over look what I'm saying and down plays the situation or just completely turns it around on me. I wanted nothing more then to save my marriage but I'm starting to think this will never change. At this point I no longer know what to do or how to handle the situation I'm in.
if only everyone knew what these people are like as you do
Had it done to me in the midst of her makeing new male friends it’s been 4 months no contact I’m healing and I’m free narcissistic people are no future
Yea she cut me off too for the last bit. Looking back though, it always seemed like she was having sex with herself; not me. I was a glorified sex toy they most certainly take away basic human needs. Sleep, food, connection
I saw that once. Selfish and ugly
they are selfo-sexuals
This is a really intimate discussion.😊 People never get this intimate?😮
Very sad to read this, only because i have been through it all, my advice get out no matter what it takes.
Thank You Anoushka!💛💛
Infinite and Eternal Love and kindness Gratitude. 🙏✌️❤️🌞🐶
Experiencing the lack of intimacy and sex now, you try but get rejected by all excuses possible and then they turn it around saying that you need to work harder (i.e. take out for romantic dinner, ticked the box then they start an argument to kill off the opportunity). Sick of it! Tried to leave today but so far i haven't. Said she wants to go away on her own for a week, then said I need to take her 15 yr son away on a beach holiday for a week and she'll only come if I promise to not be triggered by her abuse. Now said she's going out for dinner with a colleague tonight, i just know there must be a new supply being worked on.
Control. It's all about control and making you feel worthless.
This is great content…thank you so much!
He contacted me one day out of the blue two days after telling me how good in bed I was and how other women aren’t very good at sex to tell me he wanted to stop having sex??
I said ok. I’m not about kissing up or forcing someone to stay in a situation when they no longer want to, so I accepted his wishes right away without a fight!
Apparently that was confusing to him that I didn’t get upset and I could almost hear his brain ticking over wondering why I wasn’t more upset, and he started insulting me…telling me that he’s had better, there are better women, he can do better and he deserves better (he actually said all these things word for word AFTER I agreed without an argument to no longer sleeping together!) it was completely unnecessary and I said that. He told me it takes a lot to get him to insult someone and said Kudos to me basically blaming me for him insulting me??
It was just bizarre. I didn’t react or become dysregulated and upset like I think he expected me to, though I did feel hurt and I said honestly that I felt hurt. He didn’t apologise or anything just blamed me for insulting me??
I did feel ugly later. The crazy thing is he was SO unattractive and obese with NO personality and I’ve been told I’m a 9-10 but other men. He thought he deserved better even though there was NOTHING that good about him and he was the kind of guy most women ignore!
I felt completely defiled. It was the worst experience of my life. I’m still healing five years later and have actually started hearing voices due to the cptsd from the trauma bond and the SA
Is what we call a narcissist a complete incarnation? I don't think that they are from my perspective. I pray that their aborted soul is intact somewhere. But that also means that we are among very deceptive partial beings that causes very painful illusion. We need this in a way. Pain is a very meaningful reason for change.
Thanks for tips 🙏
Very Helpful info .
Tarik ☺️
That was exactly my experience with my ex, a female covert narcissist.
They are very boring in bed anyways
Uhm, *WELL, THAT'S A FIRST!!* 🤔
We're quite tha opposite; *IDK what narcissist YOU BEEN WITH?*
Very true no intimacy
Thank you much for the video, it feels so familiar.
Why The Narcissist Stops Having Sex With You... Because he or she is poking or getting poked by someone else.. I have an ex that did that to me. She tried getting back together with me.. I pretended I was like a ghost and disappeared. I even had my co workers tell her I didn't show up for work, he just quit knowing she was going to ask someone. I made it look like I just vanished like a fart in the wind.. I hid my car. I stayed with people she didn't know. It was very fun.. I did this for weeks..
I learned when they start to get comfortable that's when they get the upper hand
This is exactly what happened to me. There was some withholding of affection before, but the day it really changed was when one morning she turned to me and said 'I have forced myself to have sex with you twice on this Honeymoon, that is enough'
After that withholding just got more and more until in the end I just got to the stage that the infrequent, controlled, non-empathetic 'sex' no longer worked for me and I just gave up trying.There was also all the comments to try and put me down and trying to reduce my sexual interest. I started going to bed after she was asleep to avoid the situation, and now I sleep in a different room.
You have a dead bedroom. Just find yourself a normal woman.
I learned when my ex stopped having sex with me that’s because he was cheating
Thank God/s for the comment section!!!! Now I know I’m not crazy, and HE is really sick😢.
OMG it's scary how spot on ALL of this is with my man.
Same here. I thought I was going crazy, but he was just manipulating me.
Thanks for this video. All this time my ex was telling me its my fault that she didnt want sex and I believed it. I didnt know any better at the time, and i was highly anxious because of it.
Everything In This Video Is True!!! Unfortunately, I Had This Experience With My lLast Boyfriend. Never Again!!!
Perfectly said, I have experienced the very same thing u are talking about, its so hurtful. Thanks for the video😊
I think the girl i was dating would only be intimate once every month or 2 and im really sure I was backup plan D in case the randoms having passed out drunk group events with her led to consequences then she could pin it on me for 20 + years support. So glad she found another plan D guy. 🙏
In my relationship with a narcissist he left me without sex for 7 months and kept telling me that he was punishing me and also he prefered hard core pornography so he said over real sex 😮😢it was bizarre !In the end i did not even want sex with him anymore but it still hurt😮to not be wanted by your partner!
When my ex told me she wasn’t having sex with me I really didn’t give a F because I realise you have to play the game they play I programmed myself to if you don’t care I don’t care either..we can end everything here I don’t care…
Truth
Going through this right now. At first it was very hurtful and I still have scars but now I don't care. I glad I don't have to anymore because it was another chore I had to do. Besides he ain't as good as he thinks he is. For me, it was the worst I had. I'm not trying to be insulting or saying it because of our situation and relationship. It's just how it is. I kept telling him that he needs to stop using sex as a weapon and of course it's all my fault. He told me a story about how some women used to beg him for it. I told him I would never do that and that's when he started that withholding mess. Too tiring. I also told him that I know he effing other people and of he said it was me. But the fact that I'm unbothered really gets to him. Oh well, you can't teach a person a lesson and try to control how they learn it
So what your sayin is right so when they want to come back that's part of the illness?
This happened to me many times! It hurts really bad!! My husband didn’t have any problems with that
Also, a good majority of narcissists are on the downlow.
Great content 😊
Punish and they can't fake like you anymore...it's all a movie tn their mind..they just re cast..turn you into the body for or stunt person....
It is an 'act'- I do think they have a fantasy that someday, somehow, if they fake love at the right time with the right person, it will become real.
You are right there Anouska , I can’t remember when was the last time we had one . He is cold and no emotion. The first few years we were together it’s great one but it was me who always willing . He don’t do it to me , instead he play himself secretly everyday night and day whenever he has the chance . So it answers all the questions in my head . He looks at the porn and pictures in his phones . I said why are doing he won’t admit it . Then we start arguing .its falling apart this relationship .
You hit it right on the point
Thanks for this Video.
No more s*x = thrown out of the marriage bed , meant the marriage was dissolved. I didn't care weather i stayed or not. I was done , meaning there was now no going back. I wasn't being played anymore. It was a joke, now on him. I had discovered boundaries, right there , right then.
My experience was opposite. I couldn’t get in the mood. So he (the narc) felt like I was doing this to him. I was becoming so disgusted in him and who he was, he had to get me drunk to get sex from me. Then he would shove blow in my face, encourage me do to anything to lower inhibition. I thank God daily I got out of that alive. Mix a drug addict & Narcissist and it’s a literal fatal combination. So I personally cannot relate to this perspective of sex with a Narcissist.
My narcissist husband just sent this to me!!😡 I'm not withholding sex as a punishment to him. I have less than zero interest! He has caused me so much stress & hurt from daily abuse. Our teen/adult children see the abuse. My family sees the abuse. This video is fueling his fire, and it infuriates me having this woman support his attempt to force sex on me.
Everything you said was right on point.
The very reasoning that ultimately leads anyone to the systemic belief there's only "One" definite Answer for anything is because everyone today is either already convinced Or everyone around them is trying to convince them anything and everything they choose to do or think is Right. The pursuit of somehow being in "Vogue" can be all consuming.
These painful experience
I get sex once a year sometime around my bday but never on it!
My bday is my favorite day so my spouse always manages to ruin it!
We’re together 8 years
6 out of them 8 years
I spent it alone!
F...k them Anoushka. Nice to watch your video again.thats me almost heald after very, very long narcissistic abuse,your videos helped me during my healing process.many thanks Wojciech
SPOT ON ! THANKS.
Experienced the same thing two years ago after a heart attack. I quit smoking, got healthy and within three months my wife denied sex. This went on for 18 months until i left. Then she was willing to have sex every day if i would take her back. It really is all about control and the mind games
I've been with a female covert narcissist for about 2.5 years.During the last 6 months of our relationship,we ONLY had sex once in 3 months!!!And OF COURSE,she broke up with me....!!!
My ex started off saying that he promised God he would wait until he was married to have sex and there was no way I was going to mess around with a vow like that. He painted the image of a funny but God fearing man who helped people out regardless of age, race or means. He fixed cars for food. He had children help him fix things and took them fun places like Apple Hill or the beach. I thought I met the most amazing person. When we were at our wedding reception, he leaned in and whispered in my ear, while the audience awed and wiped tears from their eyes but my blood ran cold at his words “You look nasty”. He chuckled at the tears that stung my eyes. By the time the reception was over, I wanted to tear up the marriage certificate but, like a fool, I bought his excuses even though they didn’t take the hurt away and I took the blame because I obviously had chosen the wrong dress. So, I was not too disappointed when he said we didn’t have time for sex, we needed to get on the road so we could get to Oregon before it was expected to start snowing. We started off at his aunt’s house and he said it would be disrespectful to have sex in her house. I didn’t care because he was such a jerk the entire drive up there. After we spent a few days there, we had reservations at a cabin and I thought now we would finally be alone and his sexual tension would finally be resolved and he would return to the jovial guy I had fallen in love with. I started to undress for a shower and he said “Just because we’re married doesn’t mean you have to act like a wh___.” I looked at him, trying to look for any little sign he was joking. “I’m not, I am just going to take a shower” “Well, shut the door, you’re strip tease turns me off”. I was happy to shut the door so he wouldn’t see me crying. This was our honeymoon! We never had sex. Never! By the time we divorced, I was terrified of the possibility of being in a relationship with anyone and facing being told how cold I left them feeling. So many people have questioned me because they find it difficult to believe that we lived together before marriage and then got married and never had sex. If he never had sex before marriage and it bothered you, why did you marry him? I hate that question!!! Because he hid behind God. I wouldn’t have had sex with him if he changed his mind once he told me that so it wasn’t an issue but, once we were married and he still didn’t want me, I will never understand why he would bother to get married at all.
Experienced a lack of intimacy for years and always got one excuse or another or the fact that I was the problem.
“…whole nother…”
“narcist”
“narcism”
YOU’RE an authority on something?
Now the penny has dropped. I broke up with my ex 3 months ago for this very reason. He withheld intimacy and sex from me and all the time I thought it was me. No, it was him as he needed to control me and he did this from a distance. We started off as best friends. For 6 years we chatted on telegram and sent emails. Finally, he agreed to meet me but failed to turn up or even let me know he could not make it. I was so shocked and heartbroken. When I asked him why he did not turn up for the coffee meet he shrugged it off and said he was busy. That just floored me. I saw how emotionally immature he was for a 52-year-old. Why had I not seen this in him before, I asked myself? I thought I was going crazy and began seeing myself as a weak silly woman. I still miss him very much but after I broke it off his personality changed and his email to me was aggressive and very hurtful. Saw me as a gangrene body part that wanted nothing to do with me, yet it was I who broke it off. Thank you for this video.
My wife told me that sex is just a perk, in marriage. After 22 years of marriage I’m broken.