Why gay dating is hard? Dating advice for gay men
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ก.ค. 2024
- Welcome to this video where I share some personal stories going on dates, and some advice to take with you along the way. Gay dating is hard, but there are some ways to make that a little bit better. Hope you enjoy!
Timestamps:
0:15 Gay vs. Straight relationships
0:59 What to do on a first date?
2:18 What if it doesn't go well?
2:41 How to protect your energy
2:50 How to escape a bad date
3:40 What I look for in someone
4:15 How to not settle for less
5:45 Online dating
7:00 How to be yourself
8:42 Stop obsessing over someone you just met
Gay relationships often fail because the part where a guy is always "on the look/hunt" for someone better even though they already have a partner. Their current partner never seems to be enough for them. I know this exists in hetero relationships but it seems much more prevalent in gay relationships.
And that is why you should always test people before taking it seriously. My couple deleted all his dating apps after knowing me and maybe by luck, I can see he is the type of people doesnt go around sleeping with just any person, he needs to have an emotional connection, so I will always make an effort so he has a strong one with me so he doesnt feel he needs to look around.
I think one of the difficulties with first time meet ups is that gay men immediately ask themselves whether or not they would sleep with the guy. They don't really give time for sexual attraction to develop when it isn't there immediately. Maybe that's a problem. Maybe it isn't.
That’s true, but I now make a conscious effort to appreciate personality, conversations, and how I generally feel around a person. If sexual attraction isn’t there, then being friends is always a good option.
U are so 💯
@jm7804 Absolutely. In my experience, many “dates” gravitate around sex and sexual pleasures (or lack thereof). That doesn’t leave much room for the “date” to evolve into anything more serious.
Ive been with my partner 13 years. we started as friends and got to know each other really well.
Hi 👋 I'm in my sixties now. I'm over dating. I have been single , and I prefer being on my own now. It's good to meet someone like you have at a cafe. It's better than a bar , because drinking alcohol can spoil things , especially if a person starts getting intoxicated. Also getting to know a person without any sexual contact is better. I found it hard liking a guy , but he wasn't into me. But I had to accept that he has made a choice. Good luck with dating. As you say be yourself. From Carl.
Totally agree with you on your first date idea. I much prefer a casual first date, like coffee, walk or a hike. Think that gives you an opportunity to see each other in a more natural, genuine way.
Definitely. 👍🏽 less stress, more casual
Honestly I think friendship is a solid foundation.
A lot of gays are against traditional dating but i think it's good way to guage each others energy. If someone has good energy you'll pick up on it right away. Personally for me like you energy is very important because you want to feel good and confortable around people you choose to spend time with.
@@fantasyiess life is too short to be with people that drain your energy. Taking the time to surround yourself with people that make you feel good and comfortable is worth it
Hi Joe, The algorithm suggested your channel to me a couple of days ago and I'm glad it did. I've watched a few of your videos and have enjoyed the stories you are telling. (The fact that you are cute doesn't hurt either) Thanks for sharing.
still trying to get used to the camera and improve my story telling , but thank you! welcome to the channel
I have a great relationship and we both truly think it will be a long one. But the first thing I saw was that I liked the way he looked, I can't be with someone just becaue of their personality because in the end I will feel tempted by any other good looking guy, but if I have something good at home, I dont have to be looking at other people. We spoke and saw each other almost every day and I saw his personality, his green and red flags and then I was able to know if I was able to bear it or not, also how we handle disagreements and he has never been unrespectful, he always attack the problem, he says we are fighting the problem, not each other. He has many good things and also works in anything I consider could affect us, I stayed single for a long time, but knew this guy is worth it and of course, I'm also extremelly good as a couple.
Thank you for sharing you cool dating scene. And thanks for the continued learning about dating. I continue to still learn about seeing new people and dating also from here in Chicago, Illinois USA!😊
My new favourite channel. Your so authentic and mellow and refreshing ❤
@@georgeoduor8940 I’m glad you liked it. Welcome 🙏🏼
You are nice, smiling guy, it makes dating easier and more effective
going to need an update on you and second coffee shop guy :0
Hi Joe loving the relaxed vibe of your content. As a fellow Sydneysider and someone who’s been in a relationship for 6 years I can say that we’re lucky to live in a city that is so diverse in people, having that is something I’ve appreciated for sure when it came to dating. Also used to live next to that cafe they have the loveliest owners 😊
Waiiit idk why this random video was recommended to me but … i might have to stan ! Subscribed !! ❤
Humor is so so important... I say this as someone into the fourth year of a current gay relationship and a previous relationship of 16 years. There will always be struggles in every relationship and being able to laugh at some of them together is very helpful. Love the vlog and you are easy to listen to and easy on the eyes 😊
I agree! Often we focus on the seriousness of dating, we forget to just have fun!
Thank you 🙏🏼
algo hit me at great timing, as I was especially thinking about how being with someone would be nice haha. ty for the genuine advice n I wish the best for you and your date :)
@@jello8654 appreciate your comment :) good luck in your journey!
yes on protecting energy!! I had a date recently where the energy was off the minute we met, but was scared about being rude / leaving. i wish i had done the toilet method :') also, you at 6:33 i swooned
Now you know for next time! Your energy is the most important thing. Trust it 💯
@@joeyroey thanks king, cheers to more energizing dates !!
Hi…just came across your channel. Really loving your videos for you keeping your vlogs simple and straightforward with nice shots. M now officially your new fan from Malaysia ❤️
Welcome to my journey! Thank you ❤
Totally! it is harder to meet people.
Let´s keep our hope that someone valuable and with mutual chemistry will come into our lifes 👏
Hope things go well with this new guy you´re meeting ☀
This is a like an awesome Gay-Sydney version of the London Diaries - love it xx
That was my inspiration actually. Thanks for your comment :)
I found this calming and useful. Cheers! New subscribers here
Thanks and welcome 🙏🏼
Sir, this is the THIRD Quiet Place movie lol
@@maliikm I realised that when I watched it 😂
Great video - good advice
As with any form of dating, finding a genuine, meaningful connection can be difficult. This can be exacerbated by societal pressures and expectations.
Not sure why this was recommended to me either. But fascinating, nonetheless - in terms of observing the kind of narcissism that's required to make these kinds of videos, let alone the journeys some follow to develop the 'influencer' complex so to speak.
Giving dating advice based on my personal experience is not narcissism but do you king 👏🏼
This was spot on. Liked and Subscribed. See you again
Thanks for the sub!
You can do it just always follow your intuition and how people make you feel after a meeting them and never apologise or explain yourself when you get uncomfortable
Exactly this. Your own happiness comes first. :)
Enjoying your vlogs Pinsan! Totally agree with you, don't let others consume your energy! It would be worse if you don't get the vibe from the guy, but he does, that would be uncomfortable lol. You seem like a positive guy, and I believe in fate, meaning you'll find Mr. right when you're ready (As I did with my now Husband, who's also Filipino) Salamat Po!
Cool, he’s Filipino? That’s nice to know. Subscribed lol
Ayy, kamusta! Haha happy for you and your hubby. All the best 😊
@@Sabirreboiiiyes 😊
Great video and practical dating tips! Another option that I discovered years ago that works for me is being single by choice, not default, and opting to not actively date. That freed up quite a bit of my mental and emotional energy and gave me a sense of balance that I didn't know was possible. Being single by choice and opting to remain that way is another great option, along with choosing to remain child-free. Lots of great choices and options in 2024 compared with 10 or 20 years ago.
❤
I went on numerous dates before meeting my now partner of nearly 7 years, so damn hard in the gay world but we pretty much knew we were right for each other on the first date
That’s great 😍
Sounds good! And we didn't move in together til a year had passed. My partner said "I'm homosexual" which was a surprise but we had 40 years together til life moved us on.
Just subscribed ❤
Love your content!.😎
Glad you enjoy it!
Real words Joe, gay dating is a minefield at times👌
Needle in a haystack, I tell ya 😂
@@joeyroey 😂😂
Going by heterosexual standards in a homosexual relationship can be a problem.
Hahaha I kind of know most off the place in your videos. City boys are pretty picky and seem always frantic from my experience. Hehehe Too much chasing and forget time are passing by 😂😂😂
You have such sweet, kind energy. And are beautiful as well. I'm putting a man like you on my vision board :)
Congratulations on meeting the new guy.
Think whatever you want, a first meet is an interview. Like it or not, you are both looking for something. That is an interview.
Loving your content so far man!
Glad you enjoy it!
I think one needs to considered that there should be a balance in sex & love in a relationship, have the ability to compromise and to not run away when things are hard. I jist think men in general regardless of sexual orientation often fail at the previous things. I also think gay men in general for the most part have this idealistic idea of what their relationship should be even if its " outside of the binary.
Man, I wish I'd had the opportunity to date someone as cute as you when I was your age 👀
Awesome advice, just being friends at first and learning about each other before getting into something serious
Why gay to gay relationship is so hard because some of the most gays are super judgemental especially the looks and height... If it will come... It will come
You look amazing 😍
You sadly can know pple for 40 years and not really know them at all , I thought it delightful in younger years love , dreams , picket fences , all disappointing , best I had was a married turkish guy and sent him home for all the ironing etc twice a week and goes 3 times a sitting , heaven ❤
I could write a book or even books about gay relationships. There are many complications and a lot are the fault of the Gay lifestyles. I got very lucky, going on 49 years with my partner (husband). I'm a Man who loves a Man and that statement and belief, alone, whips out almost half of the Gay population. I love women, but never ever sexually and my partner feels exactly the same. So there you have about one-third of my book. If you have no idea what I am talking about, I am sorry. We never ever became obsessed with sex. We fooled around with other even during our first ten years or so, but the trust was there and the obsession for others was not. There's another third book. And the last third deals with how you treat others and how you think you appear to others. And, of-course, how you Love your partner every day, every month, every year.....NOT until you find someone else. And there you have it. We don't have sex anymore, but we have everything else and those were the most important attributes from the very beginning.
I really love sex, but the last 2 weeks I didnt have any with my couple because we dont live together and couldnt find the place and time. Still, I would never look elsewhere. While it is still important, sharing my time with him is more important. When you truly love someone sex is a plus, but you dont really need it everyday.
@@raymondcampusano2991 If you are in a relationship and don't live together, might be a non-relationship. Sounds like you are young and sex is important to you right now in your life.
@@jeffrey8783 You dont move right away with someone, we are in a relationship but each thing takes time. It is a process.
@@raymondcampusano2991 Your first reply was a little vague so I really did mot know what you were trying to say. Good luck to you.
👍👍👍👍 yep the energy has to be right….instinct
Absolutely agree with you about just being yourself and downplaying the first date as much as possible. Same goes for going up to someone you like but who you don’t know yet and downplaying the fact that you are interested in them. Just be nice, curious, and sociable; eager to get to know them more as a possible new friend or acquaintance, instead of divulging your secret attraction to them or overthinking and worrying about everything transpiring, hoping you’re making a great impression on them.
I’m naturally an over-thinker, so I personally know what I’m talking about. 😂 It took me a long time to learn to downplay everything, and I do mean everything, despite overthinking it all. There’s no reason to be in a hurry about anything unless you’re just looking for a quickie, which may indeed be the case at times. But if you’re looking for a serious relationship, reducing your introductory speed and keeping your emotional distance 😂 is a great starting place, realizing that if something romantic is meant to be, it will be. And if it’s not, well you’ll be glad you didn’t overreact or divulge too many things. 😅
Myers Briggs is a great tool for figuring out one’s own personal likes and dislikes, as well as for figuring out other people. I have a rare personality type, so I don’t mesh well with people who don’t mesh well with people who are different. That’s a really important thing to know about myself, which I certainly knew before from my life experiences, but before taking the Myers Briggs test, hadn’t realized it was due to my rare personality type. Now that I know what’s up, as well as what things about me are important and will never change, I’m better equipped to date and choose a more compatible partner.
I am also very independent and all about enjoying my life as is, as a single guy, and protecting my happiness. Many years ago, when I was too eager to get into a relationship, I repeatedly experienced a lot of heartbreak. So I know how important it is to just enjoy my life as a single guy and whenever dating, to take things really slow to avoid becoming entrenched in a relationship that can turn into a f’n nightmare. 😂
We should go on a date 🙂
What if the guy is not used to engaging- a bit shy? Don't know what to do? Because even though it's a more of a chilled out zone, like a daytime coffee, it's still a bit staged and he may not work it well. Do a common interest. May be you should have just gone a bit extra and gone for that walk regardless. A doing activity will bring another out. You never know.
You’re right that sometimes you need to give someone more time to be more comfortable. This case wasn’t like that. But I’m not judging , as I said each to their own
If its gonna happen it will happen without the two of you knowing. I met my long term guy and out first date lasted 3 days before i went home. then 2 weeks later I moved in his home...that was 26 years ago. :)
I think is simply: it is because hipersexual behavior on the community is what have drove us to not have meaningful love relationships. I certainly believe that if sex is maintained as secondary while moral and values go first, we can have a good lasting love relationship for sure; It is important also to point that this is more about self decision than chemistry, compatibility who is bottom/top or whatever; However if all that comes up then great is a plus but not a must.
Another problem is also the incapacity of maintain the relationship due to let desires, temptations or weaknesses win (open relationships, sex with other people out of whatever and self issues) and again this comes with decision: "I decided to be with this person and not let my body or other persons destroy it" this does not mean that you have to accept toxic a relationship but to be a better person and fight with your own weakness for the sake of the relationship and your partner must have the same goal.
I spoke about infidelity with my couple. I explained to him how he is enough for me and I would never cheat, but I know that is just not enough for other people, but I will not tolerate not being the one and only. So the agreement I told him was that if he ever felt like cheating, he could speak with me and maybe we could have threesomes, no string attached, not an open relationship at all, but a threesome, but anyways, I think it will be a long time since he asks for that since he only thinks about me but it is an option in the long run.
@@raymondcampusano2991 well in my opinión it will be the same, you are letting sexual desires win and eventually it will become an issue. For your body NOTHING will ever be enough, so the trick Is to learn control your body and seek pleasure among other things un life, I'm not saying is easy, it is just what it is.
@@raphaelmartinez18 I dont have any issues with being with the same person all my life. Also I dont truly think he will need that since knowing him, it seems he really needs a deep connection before doing something with someone. Even with me, I first have to hug him, cuddle and show him love before he gets hard so I truly think the threesome option will remain as an option that probably will not be used.
They turn the lights on.
😌👉OK SO I'M GAY AND MY FIANCEE AND I BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER 8 YEARS..WE COURTED/TRUELY GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER FOR 3 MONTHS BEFORE WE DID ANYTHING INTIMATE WE DIDN'T RUSH INTO ANYTHING WE REALLY TOOK OUR TIME..OUR RELATIONSHIP WORK BECAUSE WE DIDN'T SLEEP TOGETHER THE FIRST NIGHT OR WE DIDN'T SHOW SIGNS OF PICKINESS WE ARE LOYAL TO EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE ARE TRUELY IN LOVE..AND WE RESPECT ONE ANOTHER AT ALL TIMES..NOW THIS YOUNG GENERATION OF GAY MEN YALL DON'T DO WELL TOGETHER BECAUSE YALL SLEEP TOGETHER AND HOOK UP ON THE FIRST DATE OR SECOND OR THIRD DATE.. INSTEAD OF TAKING REAL TIME TO LEARN THE OTHER PERSON ENOUGH..PLUS YALL ARE ALL ABOUT IMAGE AND BODY! IMAGE YALL ARE UNREAL WHEN IT COMES TO FINDING A PARTNER AND EXTREMELY PICKY!/UNFAITHFUL NO WONDER MOST OF YALL FAIL..YALL LACK THE EXPERIENCE AND PATIENCE OF BEING ABLE TO TRUELY BOND WITH ANOTHER GENUINELY AND THAT'S WHY MOST OF YALL RELATIONSHIPS FAIL..NOW THAT'S A FACT💯
Each to their own, i gave up years ago grindr hook ups are ok if you want to empty your load but the amount of times the guy messaging wanting a hook up has a partner but * i love him... but the sex is boring !! for most gay men relationships are over rather quickly, we have all levels to put up with bears twinks muscle mary,s chubs . we are a very picky group as aguy whose into fitness want a chub no . i want some one who is also proud of their appearance. yet you knock back a chub and all hell breaks lose .
ps saw some of your older vlogs i will send you a razor a smooth face suits you.
All dating is tough no matter who you are
Joebro❤❤❤
Yeah it is hard af 🥲
When you are home, alone, talking to the camera, why do you need to talk directly into a device? Why can't you just talk to the camera? Also, did you go on a 2nd date with this guy and what happened?
@@Kraftymark the device is a mic :)
R u a Filipino born in Britain ? Just curious 🎉
Filipino, spent most of my life in Australia.
@@joeyroey guess I confused the Australian accent w/ a British accent . Luv your vlog & style
Can "vibe-ing" really happen in one short encounter? Can you really get to know the nuances of another human being in 15 minutes over a cup coffee? I seriously doubt it.
Probably not as it takes time to really get to know someone. But if your energy feels depleted after being with someone, is it really something you want to pursue? Personally for me, no.
Damn he's hot
Are you Vietnamese?
@@sheesh161 I’m Filipino
Hi, I’m in love with you
After seeing this video. I'm certain, the problem is you.
The way you started says it all. The whole thing was very contradictory while I'm sure you think you're verbiage is wise.
Maturity will change that.
Hope you find it when the time is right.
@@JulioGomezNYC thanks for your comment ! you’re entitled to your opinion, as am I. Let’s leave it at that. Have a great day :)
@@joeyroey anytime 👍
If you're a single gay man over 25, it's over
I think their is no comparison between gay and heterosexual relationships because they are not the same....
@@MarioLopez-ob5rv well it’s the same in a way that it’s still a relationship between two people?
@@joeyroey I mean a man and a woman and a gay and gay sex wise...
Dating is like Hook up more this generation.. your handsome.. visit California some cool people lol 😅
Why gay relationships don’t last specifically in Sydney or don’t happen to begin with? That’s what you get when you have heaps of gay hookup apps that you can easily download on your phone and your computer. If you treat human relationships in a transactional way, that’s what happens. Not to mention ‘straight’ married people and partnered gay people that are looking for hookups and no commitment at all. Remove all that from your life and you will find the person you are looking for.
you're such a cutie-pie. I wish I could be your boyfriend.
Sydney and gay dating don't mix 😂. Stay single, work on yourself and be happy. Forget about dating in Auatralia. Waste of time mate.
Is hard because most of the gay guys looking for guy with big one ! And must be handsome so all other gays are jealous !
You seem a little judegy and impatient. There are people who get nervous on first dates. Someone asking about what you do is normal. You should have gone for the walk. Young people today are soooooo impatient. It's a byproduct of the digital age and social media immediacy.
I specifically didn’t go into details as to why I decided to leave the situation out of respect for the other person. Leaving a situation you’re not comfortable being in is 100% valid. Try it next time.
I just think your the problem 😂
Love your videos...do u live in Australia..... YOUR VERY HANDSOME...
😌👉OK SO I'M GAY AND MY FIANCEE AND I BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER 8 YEARS..WE COURTED/TRUELY GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER FOR 3 MONTHS BEFORE WE DID ANYTHING INTIMATE WE DIDN'T RUSH INTO ANYTHING WE REALLY TOOK OUR TIME..OUR RELATIONSHIP WORK BECAUSE WE DIDN'T SLEEP TOGETHER THE FIRST NIGHT OR WE DIDN'T SHOW SIGNS OF PICKINESS WE ARE LOYAL TO EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE ARE TRUELY IN LOVE..AND WE RESPECT ONE ANOTHER AT ALL TIMES..NOW THIS YOUNG GENERATION OF GAY MEN YALL DON'T DO WELL TOGETHER BECAUSE YALL SLEEP TOGETHER AND HOOK UP ON THE FIRST DATE OR SECOND OR THIRD DATE.. INSTEAD OF TAKING REAL TIME TO LEARN THE OTHER PERSON ENOUGH..PLUS YALL ARE ALL ABOUT IMAGE AND BODY! IMAGE YALL ARE UNREAL WHEN IT COMES TO FINDING A PARTNER AND EXTREMELY PICKY!/UNFAITHFUL NO WONDER MOST OF YALL FAIL..YALL LACK THE EXPERIENCE AND PATIENCE OF BEING ABLE TO TRUELY BOND WITH ANOTHER GENUINELY AND THAT'S WHY MOST OF YALL RELATIONSHIPS FAIL..NOW THAT'S A FACT💯