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Carolynn Ponzoha
เข้าร่วมเมื่อ 4 ก.พ. 2023
🧠Advocate and Artist🎨
Spreading education and awareness about psychosis.
I’m Carolynn, and I am a person living with schizoaffective disorder, as well as CPTSD, borderline personality disorder, narcolepsy, and Ehlers Danlos syndrome. I am also a recovering addict and my clean date is 10/5/2019 which is a large contributor to why I am psychosis free today.
Psychosis is a life altering event, and after several episodes my life has changed many, many times. I have gone through an unnecessary amount of suffering - suffering that could have been prevented if I’d had more education about psychosis and wasn’t alone in my struggles. I don’t want anyone to have to go through the amount of pain I went through, so I try to bring awareness to this often stigmatized illness so that people can prevent the worst, or at the very least feel comforted that they’re not alone.
Spreading education and awareness about psychosis.
I’m Carolynn, and I am a person living with schizoaffective disorder, as well as CPTSD, borderline personality disorder, narcolepsy, and Ehlers Danlos syndrome. I am also a recovering addict and my clean date is 10/5/2019 which is a large contributor to why I am psychosis free today.
Psychosis is a life altering event, and after several episodes my life has changed many, many times. I have gone through an unnecessary amount of suffering - suffering that could have been prevented if I’d had more education about psychosis and wasn’t alone in my struggles. I don’t want anyone to have to go through the amount of pain I went through, so I try to bring awareness to this often stigmatized illness so that people can prevent the worst, or at the very least feel comforted that they’re not alone.
Self Expression & Mental Illness
Healing from serious mental illness has come in many forms, one of which has been creative self-expression. I love changing up my looks and it has helped me a lot in reclaiming myself after psychosis and coping with the trauma through lighthearted changes to my appearance. Let's explore the relationship between self-expression and mental health recovery!
••••••••••
🎙️ “Lost Patients” NPR Podcast 🎙️
open.spotify.com/show/1avleoc5U4DA7U37GFPzIH?si=WIZ8-FO_Qjyu5pYbNfOzBg
❤️ PATREON ❤️
www.patreon.com/psychoticinseattle
🩷 MERCH 🩷
CarolynnPonzoha.redbubble.com
🧡 TIKTOK 🧡
www.TikTok.com/@psychotic.in.seattle
💛 INSTAGRAM 💛
psychotic.in.seattle
💚 FACEBOOK 💚
profile.php?id=100093566641554&mibextid=kFxxJD
💙 BUSINESS EMAIL 💙
Psychotic.in.Seattle@gmail.com
••••••••••
🎙️ “Lost Patients” NPR Podcast 🎙️
open.spotify.com/show/1avleoc5U4DA7U37GFPzIH?si=WIZ8-FO_Qjyu5pYbNfOzBg
❤️ PATREON ❤️
www.patreon.com/psychoticinseattle
🩷 MERCH 🩷
CarolynnPonzoha.redbubble.com
🧡 TIKTOK 🧡
www.TikTok.com/@psychotic.in.seattle
💛 INSTAGRAM 💛
psychotic.in.seattle
💚 FACEBOOK 💚
profile.php?id=100093566641554&mibextid=kFxxJD
💙 BUSINESS EMAIL 💙
Psychotic.in.Seattle@gmail.com
มุมมอง: 197
วีดีโอ
✈️ Chicago Travel Vlog ✈️
มุมมอง 93วันที่ผ่านมา
I recently took a trip to Chicago where I saw my family and friends whom I hadn’t seen in years. It was a great time to catch up with loved ones, play with dogs, eat amazing food, and enjoy the beautiful city. Come along with me on my trip to Chicago in this fun lil vlog! •••••••••• 🎙️ “Lost Patients” NPR Podcast 🎙️ open.spotify.com/show/1avleoc5U4DA7U37GFPzIH?si=WIZ8-FO_Qjyu5pYbNfOzBg ❤️ PATRE...
All in the Family: My Mom's Mental Health Journey
มุมมอง 25914 วันที่ผ่านมา
Strength and courage are two words that describe my mom well. She has overcome a lot in her life, including mental illness. Mom's story of living with bipolar disorder resonates with me, and maybe it will resonate with you, too. Allow her to share her story of living with, discovering, and conquering mental illness. Here is Mom's first interview: th-cam.com/video/-7Zb76rNxW8/w-d-xo.htmlsi=-CrYl...
Reacting to Schizophrenia Memes (Part 2)
มุมมอง 15621 วันที่ผ่านมา
Here's a fun lil video revisiting a topic I've done before - meme reactions! I'm on a trip so I thought this would be a fun filler outside of my usual content to provide some entertainment and humor. More fun stuff will be coming soon after my trip. Enjoy! •••••••••• Kody Green’s Channel: youtube.com@SchizophrenicHippie •••••••••• 🎙️ “Lost Patients” NPR Podcast 🎙️ open.spotify.com/show/1avleoc5...
What Psychosis Taught Me About Reality
มุมมอง 451หลายเดือนก่อน
After having had my mind thoroughly blown, I stopped seeing reality so plainly and started seeing it as a perception I had of the world around me - as more than concrete evidence of what was true and what was not. I realized that reality can be individual to a person but can also be shared. Here are some musings about how I think of reality today. They may not seem all that wild or out there to...
Being a Teenager with Psychosis
มุมมอง 456หลายเดือนก่อน
High school is hard enough without having to go through psychosis. There are added challenges when it comes to facing psychosis as a teen, like handling school, getting help from the adults in your life, and...you know...losing touch with reality! Here's my tale of my first psychotic episode that I had as a teenager in high school. •••••••••• 🎙️ “Lost Patients” NPR Podcast 🎙️ open.spotify.com/s...
What it Took for Me to Recover
มุมมอง 584หลายเดือนก่อน
I believe that the recovery from psychosis doesn't just stop at the recovery phase. It's a lifelong journey of improving upon yourself to get your life back and stay in remission. Whenever I've stopped working on myself, a psychotic episode was not far behind, so I have to make continuing working on my mental health a priority to prevent psychosis in the long run. 🎙️ “Lost Patients” NPR Podcast...
Psychiatric Hospitalizations 101
มุมมอง 537หลายเดือนก่อน
Hospitalizations are no fun, and when they're of the psychiatric variety they can entail different parameters and precautions than conventional hospital stays. I've gotten a lot of help in hospitals, and they've saved my life, but they've also caused a lot of harm. At the end of the day, hospitalizations are meant to stabilize a patient, and if they can do that then they are a success. 🎙️ “Lost...
The Truth About Violence and Psychosis
มุมมอง 425หลายเดือนก่อน
Violence is not a common occurrence in psychosis, in fact a mentally well person is just as likely to perform violent acts as someone in psychosis. And for people who do act out in violence, it's not the same kind of violence that you'd see outside of psychosis. Let's look at the relationship between violence and psychosis and how it plays out. 🎙️ “Lost Patients” NPR Podcast 🎙️ open.spotify.com...
The Difference Support from Loved Ones Can Make
มุมมอง 3202 หลายเดือนก่อน
Psychosis left me vulnerable and unsafe, and having supportive loved ones in my life was the difference between being in danger and being cared for. I am forever grateful for those who took care of me and helped me get back on my feet. Without them, I may still be in psychosis. 🎙️ “Lost Patients” NPR Podcast 🎙️ open.spotify.com/show/1avleoc5U4DA7U37GFPzIH?si=WIZ8-FO_Qjyu5pYbNfOzBg ❤️ PATREON ❤️...
What Remains the Same After Psychosis
มุมมอง 8804 หลายเดือนก่อน
What Remains the Same After Psychosis
Psychosis from a Caregiver’s Perspective
มุมมอง 2.1K5 หลายเดือนก่อน
Psychosis from a Caregiver’s Perspective
Psychotic Storytime: Getting Tattooed While Psychotic
มุมมอง 3525 หลายเดือนก่อน
Psychotic Storytime: Getting Tattooed While Psychotic
What was my Worst Experience with Psychosis?
มุมมอง 1.3K5 หลายเดือนก่อน
What was my Worst Experience with Psychosis?
Getting Back on Track || Life After Psychosis
มุมมอง 1.5K6 หลายเดือนก่อน
Getting Back on Track || Life After Psychosis
Please give timestamps/chapters! Makes it so much easier to navigate content ❤
@@naomi6056 sorry, I have no idea how to do that! Can you walk me through it?
Thanks for your video. I have delusional thinking too. From grandiosity to paranoid. But some how I keep a full time job. Actually it’s not some mysterious thing why I keep a job. It’s by a lot of prayer; especially the rosary.
I guess i fall into the persecutory group. Yup, im paranoid bad, and feel even those close to me want to get me. Of course ive had multiple people in my life threaten my life and thresten me... recurring nightmares, swrious mdd, chronic ptsd, high anxiety..i cant even watch the show ER because it will remind me too much of when i was on my death bed. I had nt spleen pop about midnight in 2004, i woke up with a nun crying over me saying i had ten minutes to live. The hospital felt it was my ex because i finally told them how he hit me with a broom. But i dont know what happened sick i was serious sick for quite a while. Then my godmother who would choke me with a smile on her face, that was great. Having been threatened with hns multiple times ...Seeing a family friend blees all over in front if the house dying...i could go on ..yeah i think thats me 😅
My mom has schizophrenia and learning about these things I salute to you for being able to endure so much symptoms. Love the cool wallpaper btw ❤
@@idostuff5766 I hope your mom is doing well! & thanks!
So thankful that I’ve only had them after 4 nights of no sleep. I cannot imagine having those blackened eyed people. Freaking terrifying. You’re doing matter-of-fact talking about them it amazes me! Live the Beetlejuice pants! 😊
@@gerberdaisies wow I can’t imagine going that long without sleep! No wonder you were hallucinating. I hope you’re sleeping much better these days!
@@Psychotic.in.Seattlethanks! Still working on it but also now really recognizing that if my sleep gets messed up, I need to immediately nip it in the bud for my mood’s sake. Usually involves seroquel even though I’d love to be off it
If ya have koolaid hair... I'm betting you know a LOT about mental illness!!
Lose some weight first before smack talking
I'll say, sorta like how if you have a video in your playlist titeld ''HOW TO USE THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AND HAVE THE UNIVERSE WORK WITH YOU NOT AGAINST YOU!'' is mabey a little of a red flag... hypothetically speaking of course.
Thank you, stay strong, stay true 🤜🏼🤛🏼
I’m sorry. All this being clearly defined was not an option for me. And now that it’s clearly defined for my child I fail to see how it’s helpful. The definition is nice but what is the practical effort needed to heal and move forward in day to day life?
@@kellydickson-em7td I have lots of videos about recovery from psychosis, maybe one of those would be more helpful?
I LOVE THE MUSIC BEAT SISTER IT HITS ME EVERY TIME...
Haha thanks! I like the music too. I'm getting a good microphone to block out the background noise, but I think I'll keep the music anyway. I like other creators' videos that use music so why not?
Full metal is one of my faves and a PERFECT reference to how I felt and how you feel
Aw thanks it really does explain it well!!
I’m schizoaffective bipolar. I find a ball cap and jean jacket, as simple as they are, help me. Your videos are really good. You should have a mentor subscription/masterclass. I’m not trying to sell you anything but an idea I had was to do that. Recording a class and selling it, ya know? Brendan Bouchard teaches people how to do this and my mom has one. I decided not to but you would do really well! Ok bye
Oh that's so cool I will check him out! Thanks for letting me know.
As an actor is has been completed traumatized by life..I really don't know if I still have that ability.. but you are giving me hope that that part of me is still in there
I'm sure that part is still there and you'll be able to get it back <3
Thanks for another great video 😊
ALways be who you truly want to be. It makes life more meaningful, more enjoyable, and more authentic. Never be ashamed of the amazing beautiful woman that you are. You know who you are and thats a gift not many people get to have in life because they are too worried about what other people think. You are definitely an inspiration. I was very much an alt, goth growing up and I miss that part of myself. Hopefully I'll make my way back to the awesome person I was...even though I'm just as awesome now. Thank you for being you. Keep being amazing. Cheers
Cheers to you too, friend, and I agree you're pretty awesome now. I'm glad to have you as a part of my life.
@@Psychotic.in.Seattle likewise
I ❤ your self expression! I’m 52, PTSD & PNES, who lives with a psychotic. I use the most metallic looking giant eye makeup. I went from not wearing any to joking that I now wear bicycle reflectors on my face. It made me a different person in self expression & I’ve been blessed with support, not derision, from most people. ❤your videos & your expression of you!!!
@@mariagraffelner5216 that sounds really pretty!! I’m so glad we both found ways of putting ourselves out there.
I thought your hair was naturally those colors!? I don't have tattoos and I'm told they prevent sweating? I have been severely psychotic, like you. I got better by pretending or acting so I could get out of the hospital. I also learned to read recovering psychosis. Madmen can read, lol. I'm glad you like yourself. I too sometimes ask who am i? It's freaky, isn't it? I know people who are mindless and I wonder how I got to be different? I guess it's the gifts of intellect. I'm so not over the cruelty of the imagination! Stay clean one day at a time.
People just aren’t educated about how to deal with situations with those who are mentally challenged. I had a sister who went through psychosis at times where she was also drug addicted. At one point a therapist thought my sister suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder which was a diagnosis the therapist eventually abandoned.
Yeah, when it started getting bad for my ex, I didnt know it was psychosis. But i knew it was something. When I talked to them and tried to get them to seek assessment and treatment, I became the antagonist in their persecutory delusions, where they truly believed I was out to get them or out to control them and ruin their life. They never sought help and never gained any insight, and I left after years of trying to stick with them. It's been years since I left and their life has gotten bad, but I dont know what I can do. I know they wont accept it from me, but they're so paranoid they dont trust their family either. And they have no friends left. How can we help people see they need help, when theyre convinced we're all trying to hurt them in some way?
I've been watching your videos all morning. Thank you for sharing so we can learn and understand!
Because of that stereotypical example, I never identified my ex was psychotic. I have so much regret over it, because they're homeless and their life has devolved so much. We broke up because they were so paranoid and always angry and seemingly punishing me for things I didnt do (I now understand persecutory delusions and it's so obvious in hindsight). They still accuse me of doing things to them when we've been broken up for years and live hours away from each other. Now that I know what I know (their family contacted me when their sibling was diagnosed with schizophrenia), and I've been learning about psychosis, it's so clear. I wish I'd known so we could have gotten them help earlier. Now, they’re so far gone into the delusions... I still hope someone can reach them, though. Their sibling got treatment and is doing much better, so hopefully one day they will, too. Thank you for this video, and for educating people. You're probably helping so many more people than you even realize.
I guess I have a question... I understand delusions are fixed, but can they go away on their own? Or how can people in their lives help them realize they're in psychosis? My ex has been in psychosis for several years now but won't accept the idea they need help (their delusions led them to believe I was out to get them, but so are doctors and their own family). I used to hope they'd come out of it eventually, and the severity tends to ebb and flow, but it's been years, and the delusions are more fixed than ever. I now accept that they may never come back. Not unless someone is able to convince them they need help, or until it's forced on them in some way. They've become homeless in the past year but so far it's not enough to convince them treatment is the best option. Is there anything people in your life are able to do to help you gain awareness?
@@ser2952 unfortunately delusions don’t really go away on their own, but people can still recover. I hope your ex comes around to accepting help.
Just curious, did you notice any cognitive decline during the psychosis after the onset?
@@veronicahester2473 hmm, I think that would be really hard to tell! I think some symptoms can look like cognitive decline, so I could see that.
This was great! Glad you enjoyed your trip.
@@NavigatingthePeriphery thanks friendo!
Really wanted to watch but the music...
@@amya4639 sorry friend, that’s to cover the background noise from my neighbors. Believe me, I’d love to ditch the music. Hopefully when I’m in a better living situation that will change. For now, I have to deal with noise upstairs, outside, and on each side of my walls. I do the best I can with what I’ve got.
Yes, you’re so right about the self-preservation. I’m in such awe of your awareness and confidence in your choices and I’m so happy I found this channel. You just exude this warmth that makes people feel good while you’re educating simultaneously
This was a very entertaining film!
@@WWS322 thanks!
Omg why does all this sound like what I went through my last years of school 😭😭😭
Can someone be in a psychotic epsoide and not have strong hallucinations? Like maybe something like feeling tingling under the skin but not seeing people?
@@Chizu-art-and-kny yeah, definitely! There are absolutely varying degrees of hallucinations, and some people may not even have hallucinations. Mine don’t tend to be that prominent compared to the delusions.
This very helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time.
😊
Loved this, glad you had such a nice time. Chicago will always hold a place in my heart. I went to Purdue and road-tripped up there often ❤️
@@gerberdaisies oh cool! Yeah it has a special place in my heart too. 🥰
Great video Carolynn!
@@SomeOne-mp6ym thanks!
This video is really helpfull ...i am trying to learn on these issues for a loved one , now we have just been to the hospital .drs are saying "psychotic disorder" in the schizophrenia spectrum but not fully schizo ....we re at the beginning so we ll see ....can someone propose a fb page??a group?a channel here on this peticular syndrome???❤❤❤thanks in advance and i wish a glorious healing .....✨️✨️✨️✨️you are one dynamite of strength that s for shure i feel great compassion towards every person that may struggle with this ....💔💝💖
My ex of 5 years ago recently contacted me out of the blue and accused me of some really far out murder plot. LSS - I reached out to her fam and found out she is in psychosis and going ham on facebook, posting really gnarly delusional accusations about her friends and fam, while professing herself as god, or Jesus. I want to share this content with her, but I'm worried it would only splinter her theories to include you. What's the path for someone like this?
A person 'talking to themselves'? Sounds like multiple personality disorder. A person is a single individual, hence that person can't be themselves. It's either he, or she. 10 seconds into video and we are already confronted with hard case scenario.
@@hadeseye2297 you’re going to judge an entire 20 minute video on the first 10 seconds? Wow.
My girlfriend is currently in the recovery process, feeling like a zombie, we had a few issues bc of her psychosis (trust issues, past traumas resurfacing etc) But now we're healing, both her and our relationship. What kind of things can i do to help her through this process?
@@joaomarcelopinheiromagalha3355 it sounds like you’re already doing a great job of supporting her. Emotional support tends to be the biggest thing a person can do at that stage. Picking up the slack where they struggle to perform like they used to, being gentle with them, giving them the patience to put the pieces back together. I’m so glad she’s recovering, and I’m glad you’re both healing
at the age of 13 my parents divorced they had fought each other and my father threw the tv on my mother i had called the cops i remember the whole time i was sweating and my face was so red.. fastfoward thru middle school and highschool i was scared to associate literally out of no where i would go and hide in the bathroom to not do a presentation i was constantly sweatinf everyday and feeling paranoid over anything it wasnt till i took acid at 18 i started sobbing and saw what ive become so dissociated. im now out of my episodes eating healthy and fasting idk what i lived during those yeaes i lost so many opportunities and im a nerd i self sabotage till inlost everything. life has been weird for me. i always wondered wat life would b or wat path wat i wouldve been idk but ik im healed and finally achieving my goals
@@dumbsocceradventures2621 I’m so glad you’re getting past that, it sounds really rough and I’m sorry you struggled for so long.
I had no idea that psychosis actually causes damage to the brain on a physical/physiological level
Was amazing to hear her story, my mom is schizophrenic too and unfortunately she isnt so selfaware of ber illness so i will never know. ❤
I recently found your channel after my psychosis episode im so humbled by your energy and positive outlook on your illness despite the struggles
I hope you won’t mind me asking, was it your first episode?
@@nicola1573 yes it was! Why do you ask?
You're really glowing in this video! Thank you for what you do.
Thank you!
I've been manic lately and I don't take a mood stabilizer. I don't want to have the flat affect. I don't go too high or do things I regret. But I don't sleep. I am excited by exercising and how wonderful I feel after walking(walking is my form of exercise). So is there a downside to exercise? I'm only walking 30 minutes a day! I see my pdoc next week. Very convenient timing. I'll share with her. This was a good video. Keep posting!
This was really awesome and hits home for me. My mom has OCD, and I have OCD and schizoaffective. Very powerful. Your content always inspires me, and it's great to see the dynamic with your mom, because I can totally relate.
"Yeah, who's even talking to you?" 😂 Love that
it is marijuana the bad devil .. we all have to accept that weed is not for us guys!
Thank you for this. It strikes close to home in such a way as to have myself backing away from this video knowing I'll be back when my capacity allows. I'm 73 and facing life as it's become with my living as I have and still able to choose how I'll be within the limit of my ability and capacity.
Hers was 12/12 and mine was January 6th lol... A friend drove me home and I watched the riots live on multiple screens. That always makes it easy to remember. I looooove the church story!!!! It disappoints me that people seeking sanctuary could even be considered to be turned away. I'm so glad your mom did what she did. Having been homeless twice, I've been part of that network, and we always remember the churches that are kind to us. And word travels easily. PS OH MY GOD YOU HAVE MERCH?!?!? Umm can I sign up twice
❤ powerful
nice to hear! may god bless u ..
🎉 Don't have the bandwidth to listen to this content right now, knowing I'll want to return. Subscribed and liked.
@@lindadunn8787 thank you!
As a sud/mental health therapist, I value much your personal lived experience reports. Both helps deepen the understanding about psychosis symptons, as well as, destigmatizes/normalizes the experience for those having had the experience of these symptoms. Keep doing what you do!
@@Muddysnoww thank you for your work! I appreciate what you do.