วีดีโอ

❤

How do you respond to a patient who is insisting on asking for tools for regulating emotions or learning to assert himself or whatever else? Thanks

COVID was AWESOME

I got named! So accurate. So precise.

As a person that others think that I don’t have any “shame” emotion. I finally understand that I DO feel shame but in the second child’s way (also the same behavior in that way) And others around me all experienced third or second+third example. Thanks for your video!

When I try to push through the ick I get very irritated and angry when people try to connect with me. It’s not something I can control and it becomes about being a good person when I leave so I don’t hurt them…

Thank you for these videos. They are very well explained 👏

I almost think, at times, I’m unorganized or messy to purposely punish myself. I really don’t know why, perhaps it’s linked to my chaotic, abusive childhood. When I feel there’s a lot to be done, I’m overwhelmed, disappointed I just won’t eat even if I’m hungry. I feel I deserve nothing. Growing up everything had to be an exact way. I’m sure something is wrong mentally, I just don’t know what besides anxiety and depression.

This is wrong when you describe "good or bad" it's safe or unsafe, available or unavailable, capable of showing compassion and consistency or rejection. The good bad split may be the origin of their attachment confusion from black and white messaging in caregivers. The answer is to resolve the black and white all or nothing messaging and showing consistency in acceptance, assertion towards connection, availability, openess, honesty and boundaries. Trust takes time and replacing stored body memories of enmeshment, ambivalence, abandonment, rejection, neglect. Hypocrisy, bonding that they trusted and lost leading to embodied hopelessness

I have started to say to my wife. We are not your enemy or we are not enemies. we are here to listen and support

The avoidant needs to make the changes more importantly... but they cant😮

Obsessing over collecting more information is often a noble form of procrastination. Plus, while it’s important to understand the essence of it, identifying and self labeling with a behavior is inherently limiting

Very good video Dr. Sia 💌 tjank you .my FA is ghosting me 3rd time within 1 3/4 yrs . Last 1 ¹½ yrs he was kind and made me feel loved and safe. All difficult yes but we got along suprisingly well. Ibam secure. He was consistent .I asked why he is ghosting me , he read it / listened to my voice mail but he did not reply though he might think it is my fault .....and angry at me like a covert /think he is that too. Or similar. Behaved like one a year ago. I am no contact. He did not block me.

Thank you Dr. Sia

I get constantly criticised by my DA for asking questions 😢

I just self-sabotaged from progressing with a girl recently because of that shit

My Question is I’m trying to go to college for psychology to eventually become a psychologist, since I already Study Astrology, I guess my question have you ever considered ever scientifically study this thing that you’ve test the theory behind the relationship between the 2

In my opinion avoidants should only date other avoidants. I am teaching anxious people to abandon the first time the avoidant pulls away.

i will be forever grateful for finfing your channel and this video

Lol no, they can be so avoident that any sort of normal person feel unwanted, my experience they always stonewall and act like compromising is an issue and don't stick to compromises long depending on what it is. I remember I always had to ask reassurance from week 1 becaude they'd never tell me they loved me on their own unless it was maybe once a week when we are on a date (non casual environment like work or school) or when they say hi or goodbye, other than that they never said I love you or I miss you, and even only told me I was pretty. Twice in three months. Because they never reassured me not even a simple I love you once a day without it being a hi or goodbye I always had to ask reassurance and I feel I wouldn't have asked for reassurance if they were vulnerable, but because they weren't and also don't say those things I felt alone and almost acted like an anxious attached even though I'm secure, they also never have an answer to questions and take 2 minutes to respond to emotional questions.They also only planned things last minute and never said I miss you. And the more you ask reassurance the more upset they would get overtime like angry or frustrated so then you don't feel them reassuring you is genuine because its only when you ask for it since they never reassure you or say those things on their own, and I feel when they tried to compliment that more it's almost like I didn't trust that they ment it like it was forced I think if someone is extremely aviodant any person even secure, will feel unloved and unwanted, in my relationship there was no compansation for not reassurance, the only vulnerable thing they had was physical affection and of they're not that excited to plan things in advance with you how do you know they really enjoy being physical with you. The only way to have a good relationship with an aviodant is if they actually recognize and acklodages they need to change and seek therapy litterally no one can help them

They should keep to themselves until they heal and don’t pretend to mask healthy for a short period of time for attention. It’s cruel to another. You and your ick have all the alone time by yourselves.

Dude, thank you for this!

Therapist gets political? That's the sound of me filing a malpractice suit.

Disgusting.

Now what?

Negative attribution bias.

Very true

Me siento muy identificada. Quisiera saber las mejores estrategias para sanar. Siento que solo me atraen narcisistas y a la gente buena la repudio. Ayuda. También hay un tema que escuché: que las personas con apego desorganizado tienen fijación con el sexo oral. Es cierto?

Translation: All of his clients that use the word “ick” are women.

I've been working on healing this for my en tire life,,I feel mostly sound BUT that is related to the fact that I am a solo person, no partner,,Now that I have love interest, things that I thought were ok, are rearing up and the fear and avoidance feelings are a lot..

I absolutely lovee this! Love when you drew a connection and similarity between this and the co-abusive relationship. Thank you for this.

You look like Jake Gyllenhaal's handsome older brother!!!😂❤

If calm is actually obtained, then they are BORED 😑

Wow. Just wow. You explain this like nobody else. Thank you

can you talk about splitting defense mechanism and sublimation?

Very helpful, simple, explanation. Thanks

If I “ask questions” I’m always deeply afraid I’ll come across as “unsure of myself” or “not confident/insecure” and that my (forever changing) person will basically think I’m a loser and they can be with someone more confident and more “sure” of themselves. Also I often don’t like to ask, because, if my assumption is correct well I’ve just put the ball in their court and now they’ll reply with something that will hurt me alot and the rejection will feel even more painful than if I had just ended things while I’m on top and walked away. For example: I feel they are being distant because they don’t like me, or I’m no longer their type after I’ve opened up to them - then I ask - then they confirm my belief and now I’m gutted! This is exactly why I never ask. I always assume. I have no idea how many relationships I’ve broken off unnecessarily because maybe the other person never wanted to end the relationship… I don’t know. There have been many. I’m 28. No bf. No fiance. No husband. No kids. I’m only just learning about this in the past 3 days after my ex told me I have serious trust issues before he actually broke up with me. I wish I was more self aware and knew about these strategies 8 years ago. 😢

They want what they refuse to provide. Want their cake and eat it too. So funny😂

there's a lot of people with childhood traumas due to older generations being pushed into marriages and having children while not being suitable for those. there's a lot of people with mental health issues that aren't doing anything about it. and dating is a lottery, not everyone you meet is going to be your person. it takes time and trials to find the right person. we date to test and vet people not to start relationships and get married straight away. most people will not be a good match to you or in general. men particularly are notoriously dating for sex and fwb. not all of us are relationship, marriage or children material and we should be honest to ourselves and others about it.

Violence is not OK either physical nor psychological

Yes, I have that when people move too fast on me. Love bombers and doesn’t give you space.

I'm so glad you are naming this style. it is rare to be named and It really does feel like a different thing than anxious.

I say this as someone who grew up with a mother like this, if you see dismissive/avoidant attachment style in yourself … work on building closer relationships with people *before* you have children. I was so fortunate to have had a grandmother who provided me some sense of secure attachment over my childhood, without my grandmother, I don’t know what kind of wife and mother I would be today. As for my mother, I am learning she will never change (she is 70) and it’s about time I let go of hoping she will, by finding other figures in my life to provide the emotional closeness my mother cannot. I am so grateful I did not turn out like her where I would have passed her kind of mothering down to my own children.

Do you share your political views on soial media? I'm so interested to hear your views.

I am definitely the shadow. Gotta work on that🫤

Listen to people’s language: the fact that it is called “attachment” rather than “connection” tells a lot about mindset and status of emotions or heart. Attached means a soul is still external whereas connection is internal. 💔❤️‍🩹