Tim Ferriss and Brené Brown on Self-Acceptance and Complacency
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.พ. 2020
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About Tim Ferriss:
Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 400 million downloads and been selected for “Best of iTunes” three years running.
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Wow I love how she kept listening while I am pretty sure she had stuff to add to the subject.
Anyone else feel like Tim just rambles while the expert in the room sits and listens?
yes!!
Yes! Why invite Brene when you are going to keep rambling on Tim? We want to listen to what she has to say.
The irony of Tim in this video critiqueing narcissistic self acceptance whilst narcissistically being unable to shut the hell up and let his expert guest speak 🤦🏼♂️
This is a 7 min video and Brene gets in about 30secs 🤯
This video, yes
You brought up narcissism as an example of unhealthy self-acceptance but true self-acceptance is linked to self-awareness. The narcissist's supposed self-adoration is one which ultimately acts as a blinder to the parts of themselves which they cannot accept and, on some level, refuse to have awareness of. Self-acceptance is the opposite of narcisissm because it allows for an opening to fully percieve ourselves. "We cannot change anything until we accept it." -Carl Jung
Drop the mic
Agree with Brene's view on being able to have self acceptance but yet look to improve upon ourselves. Great clip! 🙌
The complacensy is not self-acceptance, it's a realization that you are unable to change or don't have the desire to change, and so you just accept your 'unchangeable' situation is it is. In a way it's a self-rejection, not believing you have any power to change yourself and you just give up trying.
I agree.
Narcissists hate themselves. The common misconception is that narcissists love themselves too much. That couldn’t be further from the truth. What’s actually the case is that narcissists:
1. Hate themselves
2. Have no awareness of their self-hatred
3. Create a false idea of themselves that is perfect, grandiose, and “unjudgeable”
4. Want everyone to validate that idea of themselves so they don’t have to face who they really are
5. Need that validation constantly because the belief that they are who they’re not is inherently fragile
There is no such thing as loving yourself too much. Love is always a positive thing. Love comes from accepting your true self as a part of a lovable community. Love yourself.
Annakin got subtlety lovingly Jedi slapped... Ferris was describing learned helplessness or resignation. He was trying to recover by saying “self-aware complacency “ is his name for this experience. He was simply showing us that we are always learning and to be humble and willing to say ‘Hmm, I see I was wrong there” - Self-aware humility mastery. Great dialogue, great leadership, great humans raising us all. 🙏🏼👍🏼😊
You can't be complacent and self aware, you can convince yourself you are but it doesn't work.
Tim I love this ! From a fellow cancer ♋️
Complacency exists in competition. You cannot understand true acceptance, if you believe your self worth is tied to your actions, achievements, accomplishments, and recognition - you simply cannot. We have such a difficult time accepting self acceptance, because we aren’t wearing the right glasses. You will not accept yourself because you’re deathly scared of being a loser, because you live in a competitive conditional self worth framework. You do not know self acceptance, because you place the value of life on conditional changeable things. You will not be able to accept yourself, until you let go of deriving self worth from achievement and accomplishment and recognition. That’s it. You cannot accept yourself because you’re scared you’ll be complacent. You’ve never done this in your life, because you don’t know what’s it’s like not to be competitive. If you felt no one cared or valued change or achievement, you’d live peacefully and probably do the things that are simply necessary for life. Maybe be a millionaire, maybe anything else. But you would not judge yourself, because you’re not in a conditional competitive mindset. I think this is all. We take years to understand self acceptance and it’s a matter of letting go and negotiation with this competitive ego. “Ok, I’ll accept you but if you still improve yourself. Ok I’ll accept you...BUT” and you cannot have but, because it’s unconditional, no matter what. And we cannot do this, because we aren’t letting go of conditional, externally derived, self worth. Period. Stop trying to fight yourself for self acceptance. Let go of the rejection and conditional self worth. Self acceptance is caged right now, unlock the cage, not yell at it to come out.
I find myself agreeing with this comment, it's very eye-opening. Would you say that means it's practically impossible to find "true self-acceptance" as long as we live in this competitive society? Or maybe it's possible if we internally relinquish our need to achieve whilst still living within this society. Would love to hear your thoughts.
Nattynatman thanks for replying to my comment. I think you get what I’m saying. And I’d go ahead and say the competitive society is a perspective, not a reality, as much as I’d like to believe that it’s a reality. It’s a perspective, that’s pretty developed, and on a very subliminal level (one you can feel) it constantly feeds itself everyday, by seeking and achieving this feeling of ‘winning self-worth’. Say someone cool, make someone like you, have a productive day, called 10 people about work, etc. Like right now I made this comment because I know it has weight and validity, and that someone would like it, and I’d feel good about myself that I’m capable of showing more real understanding about the situation. And though it might be true if that’s the case, I’m deriving my sense of self worth from feeling like someone appreciates or recognizes my value. It does seem harmless, and it is harmless. But what came first, me being me and knowing I am valuable unconditionally, or me wanting to impress someone else and chasing after this feeling by making a grandiose comment, knowing it can get someone’s attention. There’s an interesting fine line, and I know I’ve crossed it over the years because I started to feel my value because people started recognizing me, but then I fell into the trap of thinking if they’re not recognizing me anymore, then I’m worthless, so I started gunning to be special, rather than just being me, which started it all in the first place, na mean? I get a lot of my understanding from this book called “The Courage to be Disliked”. It’s deep and intertwined with all of its chapters. I’m rereading it again cuz I’m having trouble just living a normal life because my mind is terrified of being average, or subpar, or just not special and excellent (I’m in medical school now, which makes it easier to feel this conditional sense of self worth). But yeah 😎 lmk how you think
@@lawjye4169 I've also read that book this year! The content was very thought-provoking, I probably need to do a second read hahaha.
Right, I would agree it's a perspective thing, because if your perspective on society was to strive to be better than others, then you'll label any of your complacency as 'bad' - the opposite of self-acceptance - and this perspective will also shape your intention of responding to someone as a means to validate your intellectual value (just to use your example). On the other hand, if your perspective on life was the opposite of competition, say like, a sense of peace/non-resistance/stillness, you will come from a place of giving and abundance and unconditional self-acceptance as you don't need to rely on external validation to influence your motivation to act on anything. It just comes from within - it becomes an internal driving factor that's calm and unrushed as opposed to an external driving factor that induces a sense of anxiety, inadequacy and a need to prove something.
My struggle is just how does one realise this internal abundance, are there practical steps? Should we be thinking there are practical steps, or would it come to fruition from a sudden epiphany? (I think my answer would be small, daily, actionable practices that centre on unconditionally accepting and recognising your value and basing your actions off that, which takes consistent, conscious effort/reminders and of course time)
Nattynatman wow. I like how you responded, it seems like you think/feel these things. The anxiety bit is right on point with me - it’s like a rush to try and prove something or prove myself, either to others or myself lol. I think, right at the get go, the need to have this internal realization might in itself be of the same competitive mindset. “I need to become more conscious and less competitive, so I can be better and achieve more” or maybe just be happier. 🤔 I think if I frame it with the mindset of I just want to be happier, then I think I have a shot, instead of making it another race in my life. Internally, it feels like more of a letting go, than a taking on, but also a balance actually. Whats your horoscope?
@@lawjye4169 Yesss, it's such an inception - to strive for unconditional self-acceptance is in itself a reflection of a lack of it. So maybe, self-acceptance is something that comes when you aren't intentionally striving for it, as Tim Ferris mentions in the video, when you resist (essentially rejecting) your "complacency" (because you're intentionally wanting to be more), your self-rejection persists. You could even say, people who don't actively seek these types of self-developmental videos reflect their greater sense of self-acceptance simply because they're not desiring a specific state of mind (it could also be the other way - that people that don't consume this self-developmental content are ignoring their problems). Though, the act of watching these videos and wanting to be better may well be an interim phase to 'self-acceptance' - and only when you stop focusing on and resisting your perceived sense of complacency, will you have let go and escaped the paradox.
I'm a Pisces btw :") wbu?
Self love is the greatest medicine.
Self love is acceptance of self.
Brené is right. Addiction is not self-acceptance. When you accept yourself, wanting to grow and evolve and realize your potential emerges naturally from within you. In contrast, self-hatred fosters an externally motivated, ego-driven desire to perfect yourself before you can accept yourself. This is a false premise - you will never improve yourself to the point of loving yourself. In contrast to what was said, narcissism is not self-love--any love driven by ego by definition can't be love.
She’s awesome. She gave him therapy low key
I think saying that other people have a problem like ‘drinking’ and they are not accepting it is judgement. I believe that judgement comes from our culture of right and wrong. What I see is that everyone is just trying to deal with life in their own way. And drinking is no better or worse than any other way. And we are all doing things to deal with life and all the things we do should be looked at equally. Maybe I was able to say this clearly or not. Cake, shopping, drinking, sleeping, playing video games, sex, anger, etc. are all the same. All ways to deal with life. Of course we have to stop behaviors when hurting others is involved. Yet we are all using tools to manage life. We are all addicts in a way.
The question is how do we manage our addictions? In what way do you want to manage yourself. Maybe for someone they call it self love and look at it that way. Maybe for someone else they call it religion and that works. And for someone else it is drinking.
Maybe we can accept that.
It’s hard because we want to put our values on others.
I agree with Brené… none of those people actually, truly, accept themselves. You must have self awareness to have true self acceptance.
Meaningful change has to come with self acceptance!
I'm not sure you can have self acceptence without being self aware.
Pretty scary stuff!
Tim, isn't the ego what are you're talking about? I mean the self acceptance of the things you can't change is the ego succumbing to the truth of reality which are things you can't change, or a lot of times since is esthetic you don't need to.
The other part would be the ego not recognizing the truth (which is also true) that there's always room for improvement
Isn't it true?
How do you disagree with someone playing “devil’s advocate” but then unintentionally argue their point? The conversation could have gotten richer if you listened and asked more intentional questions.
💯 Thank you #SelfLove + #SelfAcceptance = #InnerPeace
Look about, the devastation to the natural world is a reflection of the lack of both in humanity.
I think Tim was just mixing up the definition of self-acceptance, complacency and narcissism. What he starts describing at 4:44 is an example of a complacent person. Someone who's to delusional or unaware of their problems or issues and is satisfied with them self can be regarded as complacent. They can't accept those deficient parts of themselves because they don't know they are actual problems. However, If a person is aware of those problems or issues and consciously chooses to not see them as problems, then by definition they are narcissists.
Why are you interviewing her if you do all the talking and know everything?
Yikes story of my life.
She's not all that good of a listener...
People should limit the amount of time they allow someone to inject rambling, stream of consciousness, stumbling, and unorganized dialogue in a conversation.