It all comes back to Self. I’m single and spend most of my time alone and I love it! and am never lonely. However I’ve felt in the past experience severe isolation and depression when I felt separated from Spirit. To me it’s finding the God/Spirit in Self which IS bigger than anything! And more true and aligned to you than any group or pose. It’s God. And nothing can replace that, no relationship, family, job or hobbie... 💜
Why aren’t the ones “demanding”held accountable instead of forcing life changes? Isn’t it the mind control? Everyone keeps a silent obedience toward me. There wasn’t so much death in the beginning -
" I belong everywhere I go, no matter where it is or who I'm with, as long as I never betray myself. And the minute I become who you want me to be, in order to fit in and make people like me, is the moment I no longer belong anywhere." So very powerful, words of wisdom 🌟 Thank you Brené Brown 💛
I lost myself for so long trying to be someone else for my, then, Partner of 5 years. Who I thought HE wanted me to be. I've been using the last 18 months since I walked away, learning to love and accept I really am, and it has been a hard path, but the right one xxx
*"Everything in life is easier when you don't concern yourself with what other people are doing."* The chances of you seeing this comment is pretty low, but if you did, *I hope you have an amazing day.* 🖤
I hope you have a wonderful day too because I care about people and what they do! I use my ability to care for others: I use my life to help everyone I meet and greet to feel better about themselves and our future here in our community, 🧎♀️our nation 🇺🇸 and our world. 🌎.
I love this❤ It's 100% true. I wish others would believe this but many are so caught up in the spiral of comparison that is never attainable nor sustainable, they can't see past it. It seems to be an addiction. I can only pray that I am raising my kids to know they are worthy and enough and that when they are exposed to social media they choose to pass on it instead of endlessly perusing only to be feeling worse about themselves and their life. Each of us has unique qualities and gifts we need to embrace. If we did this maybe we could appreciate what others' qualities and gifts are as well instead of being envious and wanting more.
Doesn't personal development require other's People input/ connections? We only grow when we are faced with the story,the tragedy,the disappointments, the experience!!
I think it has to do tribal beginnings...I have finally taken myself out of hiding ,shook it off and claimed my power. 74 yrs old. Better late than never ❤️
The blueprint for me is knowing who I am in Christ. It’s not about me standing alone or me fitting in, it’s me standing in Christ- and from there I am i am in peace. I am truly free from the sting of the opinions of others as a result of being a child of God! It is for freedom that Christ set us free and I’m forever grateful! Wish I would have understood this early on! 💕😇
I had an old Aunty and Uncle who needed me and truly cherished my company. They were lonely, they had no family who cared about them, and no one visited them…I was there for them though….The look on their faces of love and happiness when I came to visit them ( which wasn’t that often) was moving and touched my soul like nothing else. They looked like people who were forgotten and finally someone remembered them…it was sheer joy to see me.. I needed more of that, and I regret more than anything it going more often, for me and for them…their joy and luv to see me gave me purpose and meaning to my life and it filled me to the brim with joy and a sense of total belonging. I belonged to them like I belonged to no one else…we needed each other…NO other humans made me feel so fulfilled and accepted and loved…I felt they were my tribe, I truly BELONGED when together with them….it was a deep, true, authentic belonging….they are fine now, and I feel empty. I’m only in my 50s , but I already feel like life isn’t worth it anymore….I feel no purpose and I don’t believe I will belong to anyone anymore…life just is meaningless… I think of them everyday…everyday…
Don't know who I am more in love with. What a wonderful conversation. They're letting us know it is ok to be impecfect, to be damaged and not care whether we are accepted or not. Just to continue to learn.
Omg I never thought about the distinction between “fitting in” and “belonging”. But it makes so much sense! To “fit in” implies that there is a container.
It gives me a sliver of peace and acceptance hearing someone I respect so highly hear that she often doesn’t feel like she fits in, how she compares herself to others and tries to compete silently to be a better person.
Absolutely spot on! The earlier you become aware of it, the better. Not to be selfish, but to take care of yourself and to enjoy every breath you take. At the end of the day, you will discover that everyone loves themselves more than anyone else. That's it.
Love this - standing for the life you want, instead of standing against the stuff you fear/dislike/whatever. Empowerment is more powerful than rebellion.
“I am very adaptable I can make anyone feel very much at home but if I adapt too much to the point of my main goal is that I want you to like me that’s when I start to betray myself” loved that quote - going to use that as a my yardstick in how much I adapt and embrace others - I’m also a chameleon like her and highly introverted so after a point the socializing can become draining
I might over mother my boys to some peoples views, but it has always been more important to me that my children feel like they are loved and cared for. Sure it comes from a place of lack in my life, but they are such beautiful people and I take my responsibility seriously and feel like they have been a reason for me to start my healing and find the best of myself. Hey, we all bring our stuff to parenting and mine was just to love and accept my people. ❤️🙏
I can tell from my personal journey feeling loved by your mother is the one most important thing you can be ,being present,and having interest in your child's life will shape them for the future I'm 57 and started therapy to heal my childhood trauma ,not feeling loved ,abandonment issues ,and so on
I just watched Brown's first TED about vulnerability, then her second one about shame where she talks about having a vulnerability hangover from the first talk, and had a vulnerability hangover from just listening to her talk about vulnerability and shame. The struggle for how to human is real LOL.
"I belong everywhere I go no matter where it is or who I'm with, as long as I never betray myself. The minute I become who you want me to be in order to fit in and make sure people like me, is the moment I no longer belong anywhere." Authenticity at its finest!
I am 52 and feel like this woman is telling my story! We don't really start learning til we realize we know nothing! I am finally learning who I am and it's incredibly freeing to just be me rather than what others think I should be to make THEM happy! Love this interview.
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my TH-cam channel 8 months ago about self development. Now I have 778 subs and > 300 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
I am so grateful that Brene is brave enough to be a pioneer. She is shining a light on a painful issue I was avoiding and giving me inspiration to not only address my past, but also find purpose by helping others from here on out.
When you feel alone or lonely, means somewhere you think or feel something is missing. The true optimal connection with yourself is missing. When you are connected with yourself and in the present moment, the only moment that exist you are fulfilled in that moment because your attention is on you in the present moment. In the present moment you are feeling your body, senses and the world outside of you reflects the inside of you. When you can fill yourself up with so much love for yourself, you attract all the love in the world. Why? Because you are giving it to yourself.. feeling lonely or alone isn’t bad, you may feel this so you can heal from it. Just feel the feeling without hanging a new thought on the feeling. How you do this is put your awareness on the feeling, focus on the feeling. Feel what the feeling does, how it feels, does it mime or does it stay on one spot in your body. Stay present with that feeling till it moves away and flow trough your body. You don’t hold the feeling than and you heal from the feeling because you don’t hang another thought on the feeling. The suffering people do is the suffering of the thoughts in their mind.. ones you know how to control your thoughts, by being truly present and fill your mind up attentional with positive thoughts you get a master mind and you controle your own life, mind, feelings and emotions.. doesn’t mean that you don’t feel, because you are ment to feel and experience everything! Means you let your feelings go trough your body and you don’t hold them in your body anymore. You let them flow! Energy flows and you are here on earth to experience and feel that is what life means. Only human don’t know how to do that anymore because of the connection with their selves is lost. That’s what the world doesn’t want you to know. When you are connected with yourself you don’t need anything external anymore because you create.
I think it's key to point out that your parents went along with your changes and your discovery of self-love .... many do not and it can really hinder growth as an adult when the shame script comes out coupled with shunning and disgard.
I love Brene!!!! She is down to earth and will tell you how it is. At 59, I am still learning to navigate this life and to do it with grace. Thank you BOTH. Annoth
" Show up as who you are" I love how she acknowledges that, some parents can change but others don't. Great interview Lewis, you ask very good questions!
I have come to believe that true belonging comes from the realization that the bottom line is that we are all alone. No one is going to save us from this life. In our very hardest moments, we will find ourselves alone. No one is going to save us. We go into death alone. We belong only to ourselves and to the Spirit of this world.
I do not enjoy small talk and therefore do not feel connected to people when small talk is going on. But I am lucky enough to belong to a recovery group and find after a meeting, I very much enjoy discussing some important issue they discussed. I will be 80 very soon, Brene and feel that I do fit your criteria and have found a very comfortable connection to God, myself and others and ALWAYS one of us is interesting and connective! So keep on!
I see myself as adaptable...and, finally, in midlife, I am true to myself. I spent all of my 30's healing enough to get here, but I am so thankful for the healing. I am raising my kids to love themselves. I pray that they don't start life the way that I did. ❤️
We are all, even the wisest of us, still human! It's not about not feeling things, not struggling, true resiliency is being able to feel and flow through all your different states. I always love everything you say, Brene!
Right at the end, she addresses parents that won't change and have a "take it or leave it" attitude. That's what I have. I have left it--and them. behind. Sometimes the only thing worse than being excluded is being included in something unhealthy and unaccepting. As Brene would say, "I belong to me." She nails it.
I really needed to hear this TODAY. I’m in the thick of it rn. It’s the greatest learning season of my life as I care for my elderly mother. The more I learn the more intense the emotional disconnection to her is. It’s very confusing as I want her to be comfortable in her home. I run ragged caring for her, my son and the house-inside and out. I’m exhausted and completely uncertain of our future. She won’t write a will. I’m in a loop rn. It’s hard to get perspective and stay positive. Her energy is very strong, she believes that she will be rewarded for her struggles and has created just that her whole life. It’s like a spiritual Tug-of-War
Thank you for the inspiration. ❤'I belong to me.' Yes, this is the path I am following at 60. All my life I have sold myself short and compromised who I am to fit in and be accepted by people who never had any intention of loving me for me. I have walked away from them in order to grow as myself, to become the woman I have always longed to be.
Truly you are an introvert after every fellow introvert's longing heart, Brene' Brown! "Owning ME"... being safe/comfortable in my own skin has been essential for my healing and growth as a human being. I believe your difficulty in finding a blueprint is because you Dear One, are one of the few brave souls courageous enough to lead this pack of passionate creatives down the road of authenticity! I for one, am glad you have the courage to lead this motley crew of misfits, who need a strong leader to show us how to leave nuggets of wisdom that lead others to the path of meaningful connection. Therein, is the shade tree of grace, waiting to embrace every sojourner's longing heart who is looking to belong. THANK YOU for your example of servant leadership. I appreciate you SO much, Brene'!
This is one of my favorite interviews that you’ve done. This message resonated so much with me. It was like hearing someone speak my language. My gawd! I belong to me! Full stop. 💚
To be loved, is to be accepted for all that you bring even the bad, even the difficulty that life brings. To be loved is to celebrated despite the lows. For me, after being discarded from a narcissistic marriage, I got a great, great gift; I learned no matter whether I fit in or feel outcast, I Love Myself! I think that is the most important gift one can get. I may not fit in, and now I find myself celebrating my differences! I’m now a realist, I do not wish to be like the “in group,” nor liked only for things I used to be liked for. I am just fine, and I Love myself in my goodness or in the difficulties. Being accommodating is a gift until it defines you and undoes who you are, because you sacrificed yourself, sacrificed your authenticity. What you Value is key! I learned to Value my weaknesses. Go figure that, and what a Gift that pain (discard) brought me. I am now defiant, where I used to try so very hard to fit into other’s expectations. Love Ms. Brown. We are NOT puzzle pieces, we are forever changing. Accepting that is the first chapter to a beautiful new story.
Brilliant Brene, brilliant piece of interview and sharing. Oh, Brene, you are not only one, who honor being yourself, being authentic, being connected to one (yourself) again. Like breaking that spell of being lost with others. Compromising yourself.
"That's the life's work, finding out who we are". And as Joseph Campbell said, being who we really are is the privilege of a lifetime. Accessing our whole range of input - heart, mind and senses - with awareness of the eternity of the present. Takes practice, but your life is worth it!
You make so much sense to me Bene! Growing up, I didn't want to fit into groups that excluded others. I still, at 52, have that resolve when I see adult clicks.
“Fitting in is the opposite of truly belonging.” Truly belonging excepts us as who we are, in all our complexity, uniqueness, weirdness. All the parts of ourselves that have helped us cope and deal in this life.
This is honestly the most important thing I have ever watched in my entire life. This is freaking gold. Omg. This is legit life changing stuff that is just causally on the internet. Thank you so much ❤
Thank you, always, Brene Brown! I belong to G♡d, My Creator, My Source, Spirit, and to myself! Trying to fit in and belong is challenging. Because we fear loss of connection, we will sacrifice our authenticity to be a part of the people, the family, or in relationship. Belonging to my G♡d and myself is a regular realignment process and then needs constant reminders. 💜
Feeling lonely is such a universal and existential feeling, no matter who anyone is. "Belong to yourself above all else." "Show up as you are, true belonging is not fitting in and betraying yourself." "I belong everywhere i go as long as i never betray myself and the moment I become who you want me to be, I dont belong anywhere." - so many gems in one video.
An incredible women, who at times when asked a question, pauses in silence to reflect…yet her moment of silence speaks volumes of who she is…. Simply amazing!!! I myself, am looking to offer to share my experiences to help others with their challenges ( my educational background coincidentally is psychology). It must have been my calling in advance so they say. It truly does prove to us how such little things we take for granted such as our environment, our interactions with others, ourselves, as well as, day to day unexpected challenges thrown our way can shape our mindset and impact our health at some extent. We can’t change our past; however, we certainly can learn from it, listen to valuable resources such as Brene’, stay strong and trust in you! Thank you for the inspiration to remind us we need to love ourselves first! 💕
I experience a sense of scramble to find themselves, I don't hear clarity in this interview, but I appreciate Brenes honesty of her feelings. Who we are is innate, it isnt about getting more information but revelation about ourselves, others and our world. Peeling back the history of our lives, to listen to our hearts, we were born complete. The doing bit comes later. Making space and taking time and the courage to actually stop and listen to what is going on inside, no noise, avoiding distractions. Complexity causes confusion, chaos, lack of clarity, the opposite of order and simplicity, which comes easier when we trust ourselves. Life maybe challenging but we have free will to remove complexity, create space and focus on what we value most. Eg I value peace, I cut out as much self made stressful thinking, doing etc, when I'm aware I pay attention to my thoughts, emotions, body. I cut back until I have peace, I challenge any unhelpful thinking, what I call going down the rabbit hole....when I notice this I stop ✋, having mental awareness is important to gently move away from the rabbit hole. Space creates silence to actually hear above the noise of life. If we are too busy for this perhaps that is a signal to make a change in that direction. Simple changes in a direction that feels good, I have found is key, this gives a chance for our wisdom to guide us.
" I don't hear clarity in this interview" this is the first comment I've seen that says they didn't hear clarity. your comment seems to list all the elements of BB's path but seems to show that you aren't hearing it from her when she speaks. like you have a mental block about hearing it from someone who says it plainly, or have to restate what they said and claim you didn't hear it..
I am so glad that she mentioned that she still feels lonely at times- I am a hybrid of being an extrovert and an introvert. And its certain hard at times - but Facts are facts :-) - We are all trying to figure it out.
I so relate to her, also inverted, a INFJ.. I noticed I love my alone time, you have to feel comfortable in your own skin. I don't need anyones approval it's a beautiful thing.
Lewis there's an absolute openness about your conversations. In actuation you have profound humane discourse. I realised when you were part of my batch in the one world University off Madras Chennai. I didn't know that you were a giant discovering human elements. There is so much earthy in understanding the human element in you it is really very good.
#Loveyourself When we spend time alone with ourselves, we go inside to listen to our Soul…(our true essence) when we listen, we see more clearly. And when we see more clearly, we learn to love ourselves, & when we love ourselves, we see our value, & when we see our value, we find the courage to see how deserving we are! ❤
She describes herself as super introverted and private, by being on the public stage she is being super brave. I admire her research, her message and who she is. She is Brene .
I’m adaptable, I don’t care if others like me, I think I can make others comfortable, I feel I can fit in anywhere and I love making others fit in. -- I know my identity yet feel incredibly alone. It’s hard to be me….. your story sounds a lot like mine. Uniquely different but I feel you, I love being alone, apparently on my own terms. I’m in the tub crying, all alone, I hope this makes sense. I love your work!
Never block or deny anger. It is the great stepping stone to hope And the discipline of hope is our gift to share with those dear ones in our daily encounters who are frightened, angry and hopeless. If we don't have hope as individuals or a nation we might as well not even exist. Hope however does not replace appropriate passionate action.
Haha Brene! You’re a pioneer and true, there’s no blueprint. I’m so thankful for the courage that you DO have to show up and do the work! I greatly applaud you! I hope you get this message! I would love to hear from you!
I love this!! In a world that constantly tries to have you "conform and submit" your mind & soul to being controlled to fit society's standards... BE unapologetically and AUTHENTICALLY YOU even if it means standing alone!!❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼
Wow, just wow! I have never before heard myself described so completely. Always trying to fit in, never feeling that I do and never really wanting to. I love people, interesting open people yet I know I try to adjust me to who I think I need to be in order to be accepted by others. I have to listen again and process this. Thank you
Ahh, Brene… there is no blueprint because you’re the only YOU and yes it can be hard to be truly you, but it’s the best version of life I believe anyone can lead. I can understand feeling alone, which I think comes from a lack of having people you can truly relate to on a regular basis, but there’s no better way to live than loving yourself and giving from that to others. Keep strong. I hope I get to meet you on one of those flights in business class one day. 😊✈️❤️
Hi. Something you said here has put into words what I feel “ feeling alone ,comes from a lack of having people you can truly relate to on a regular basis “ . I have found this to be so true since my husband died. I have adult children but they’re a different generation and while our relationship is close , is not like that of of your peers.
Leaders and introverts feel that way... keep finding heroress to emilulate.... ❤❤❤ living or dead... today, I'd rather stand alone than have to compromise myself to belong.... you were a huge part of this belief for me
I have never needed to feel like I fit in because I'm very aware that I could never be accepted by everyone because we are all so very different. I just be me and those who appreciate my perspective and personality will be my people.
It's often times hard n lonely being a visionary n feeling misunderstood n misplaced with others but I too am learning how to embrace n accept all that makes me who I am n who I'm becoming
Lewis, you had Brene on your show! Bless you, for bringing her to us. The only way you were able to achieve this is by you being vulnerable and authentic. This was so beautiful to watch! Bless you, for what you are doing!
I rarely feel lonely, I'm too blessed there's so much to offer,share,learn @ feel joyful for. I have experienced a sense of acute isolation but that's different to loneliness they're not always synonymous...Pharlap bless👋💖🐎🐎🐎🇭🇲🇭🇲🇺🇸🇺🇸🇮🇱🇮🇱
I am single but never alone, I am WITH myself and truly enjoy who I am. All answers reside within. GOD is everything my best friend my source of peace happiness and love. Until we feel a real connection and understanding to the higher power you will feel as if you don't belong/lonely and continue the search.
I love her hesitation on the “who are you” question. I just struggled with that question in a job interview and have been beating myself up over it. It’s complicated and hard when you are a private and reserved person.
Thank you so much for confirming how I feel. The difference between fitting in and belonging hit the nail on the head. I am not comfortable fitting in, yet I am comfortable in my own skin and true to myself.
Usually you want to skip the ads and just get to the meet, but Marie for Leo’s ad for B-school don’t miss this opportunity! I did the school I’m a lifelong student of it and if you want to live a life and a business you love you cannot miss Bschool
I wanted to belong to a family......to a Country......to friends....to a Partner......to a " spiritual family"......to religion......etc. It all did not work! And I die ask finally " what means that?" And I realized.....it us all about ME......the relationship wirh me. Loving me......accepting me......coming home within me. That was a big Relief and freedom. All the best for all of you! From Austria.
It’s all so complex yet so simple. Not always easy. Be you! Understand that while you might derive so much joy from being with another person if you lock into that, as opposed to yourself and just being in the present at that time and afterwards, while longing in hopes of doing it again, Renee said it best… I am the wilderness. Allow the path forward in its presence. Have feelings but move forward because in effect you are seeking destiny that is already waiting for you. You wish it could be different even with a tear but more joy lies ahead if you let it. It’s up to you, but not up to you. Your path is written.
@@reddog6256 there's no contradiction; I think you didn't understand. @tammy taylor means we don't figure life out once and for all, find an answer and then stop examining life as if we can have it 'figured out', past tense, done questioning. we continue learning and figuring things out as a never ending process. people who think "I have it figured out" seomtimes have a closed mind. Premature closure. Not saying that's you, but it might be, if your reaction was to see tammy as wrong without seeing HOW she could be right.
Ms. Brown I believe you are an INFJ on the Myers Briggs. I have felt like an outsider and "different" all my life. Once I understood this was my personality style, it all made sense. That feeling didn't go way, but I reframed it and now consider it a giftedness.
Ugh. I have PTSD and an ED from 20 years of abuse from men. 10 years ago I got into therapies because I was pregnant with my daughter. It is REALLY hard being a human being. It's so hard to teach coping skills when I haven't even mastered them myself.
It all comes back to Self. I’m single and spend most of my time alone and I love it! and am never lonely. However I’ve felt in the past experience severe isolation and depression when I felt separated from Spirit. To me it’s finding the God/Spirit in Self which IS bigger than anything! And more true and aligned to you than any group or pose. It’s God. And nothing can replace that, no relationship, family, job or hobbie... 💜
Thank you Maya.❤️
So true maya 💛💚💙
Thank you ❤
Amen! Hoorah! Preach it! Right on!
That’s it!
"True belonging never asks us to change who we are. It demands us that we BE who we are." Hit me like a truck.
Thank you & Amen…..
Please pray for me, I’m in a wildernesses that will end, with & for Gods Glory !
Unless your true self is a murderer or rapist.
This is all so true!
Why aren’t the ones “demanding”held accountable instead of forcing life changes? Isn’t it the mind control? Everyone keeps a silent obedience toward me. There wasn’t so much death in the beginning -
Nobody has a copy. Undue stress is stretching to be someone else but our unique self
" I belong everywhere I go, no matter where it is or who I'm with, as long as I never betray myself.
And the minute I become who you want me to be, in order to fit in and make people like me, is the moment I no longer belong anywhere."
So very powerful, words of wisdom 🌟
Thank you Brené Brown 💛
You are all you have
It is beautiful and Thank you for sharing it
Yes 🦋☯️☮️💃🏻
I wish I could frame this! 🖼 Screenshot for sure
BINGO!
*Greatness is built when nobody else is watching.*
*I don't know which stage of life you are in but I hope you never give up...* 💥
Thank you! Back at you!
Infinite Love and Gratitude ❤
Thank you! I needed to read that today!
I lost myself for so long trying to be someone else for my, then, Partner of 5 years. Who I thought HE wanted me to be. I've been using the last 18 months since I walked away, learning to love and accept I really am, and it has been a hard path, but the right one xxx
I'm happy for you! Keep up the good work!
/@1a
Keep going girl. Not easy but brings "Freedom"
It is good you found the right path for yourself after 5 years. Most people spend their life time trying to fit in.
God Bless you! Keep going you can do it and the best part is you recognized the hidden jewel which is you☺
I grew up in a home without emotional safety & it's still affecting me. How amazing to have a home like Brene has created
*"Everything in life is easier when you don't concern yourself with what other people are doing."*
The chances of you seeing this comment is pretty low, but if you did, *I hope you have an amazing day.* 🖤
🥰🤗
I hope you have a wonderful day too because I care about people and what they do! I use my ability to care for others: I use my life to help everyone I meet and greet to feel better about themselves and our future here in our community, 🧎♀️our nation 🇺🇸 and our world. 🌎.
@@leighburville2717 bless you Leigh ! Such a lovely message to find here.
I love this❤ It's 100% true. I wish others would believe this but many are so caught up in the spiral of comparison that is never attainable nor sustainable, they can't see past it. It seems to be an addiction. I can only pray that I am raising my kids to know they are worthy and enough and that when they are exposed to social media they choose to pass on it instead of endlessly perusing only to be feeling worse about themselves and their life. Each of us has unique qualities and gifts we need to embrace. If we did this maybe we could appreciate what others' qualities and gifts are as well instead of being envious and wanting more.
Doesn't personal development require other's People input/ connections? We only grow when we are faced with the story,the tragedy,the disappointments, the experience!!
The courage to stand alone and belong to yourself above all else.
I think it has to do tribal beginnings...I have finally taken myself out of hiding ,shook it off and claimed my power. 74 yrs old. Better late than never ❤️
🧡
🦋❤️🦋
Well done....... I'm 73, I need some of what you have. LOL
“In the absence of love and belonging there is always suffering.” - Breñe Brown
Spot on!
You will begin to enjoy solitude and the loss it costs does eventually leaves you grievously empty. Try 💜👍🏽
😢
I love hearing the difference between fitting in and belonging!
The blueprint for me is knowing who I am in Christ. It’s not about me standing alone or me fitting in, it’s me standing in Christ- and from there I am i am in peace.
I am truly free from the sting of the opinions of others as a result of being a child of God! It is for freedom that Christ set us free and I’m forever grateful! Wish I would have understood this early on! 💕😇
Absolutely true! And from that place of inner knowing and most importantly FAITH flourishes joy and peace that encompas all understanding! Amen 🙏
I had an old Aunty and Uncle who needed me and truly cherished my company. They were lonely, they had no family who cared about them, and no one visited them…I was there for them though….The look on their faces of love and happiness when I came to visit them ( which wasn’t that often) was moving and touched my soul like nothing else.
They looked like people who were forgotten and finally someone remembered them…it was sheer joy to see me..
I needed more of that, and I regret more than anything it going more often, for me and for them…their joy and luv to see me gave me purpose and meaning to my life and it filled me to the brim with joy and a sense of total belonging.
I belonged to them like I belonged to no one else…we needed each other…NO other humans made me feel so fulfilled and accepted and loved…I felt they were my tribe, I truly BELONGED when together with them….it was a deep, true, authentic belonging….they are fine now, and I feel empty. I’m only in my 50s , but I already feel like life isn’t worth it anymore….I feel no purpose and I don’t believe I will belong to anyone anymore…life just is meaningless…
I think of them everyday…everyday…
Don't know who I am more in love with. What a wonderful conversation. They're letting us know it is ok to be impecfect, to be damaged and not care whether we are accepted or not. Just to continue to learn.
Omg I never thought about the distinction between “fitting in” and “belonging”. But it makes so much sense! To “fit in” implies that there is a container.
It gives me a sliver of peace and acceptance hearing someone I respect so highly hear that she often doesn’t feel like she fits in, how she compares herself to others and tries to compete silently to be a better person.
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‘I belong to me.’ So powerful. 🙏🏼❤️
You belong to God.
I agree with the original comment.. I belong to me... Very strong statement ❤
Absolutely spot on! The earlier you become aware of it, the better. Not to be selfish, but to take care of yourself and to enjoy every breath you take. At the end of the day, you will discover that everyone loves themselves more than anyone else. That's it.
Love this - standing for the life you want, instead of standing against the stuff you fear/dislike/whatever. Empowerment is more powerful than rebellion.
The fact that she’s trying to figure things out just blows my mind and it puts me at ease that I don’t need to feel like I’m in control.
Oh man - I feel that. Being a mother doesn’t end when they’re 18 if anything it’s just a new chapter!! You have so much to learn at that point.
“I am very adaptable I can make anyone feel very much at home but if I adapt too much to the point of my main goal is that I want you to like me that’s when I start to betray myself” loved that quote - going to use that as a my yardstick in how much I adapt and embrace others - I’m also a chameleon like her and highly introverted so after a point the socializing can become draining
I might over mother my boys to some peoples views, but it has always been more important to me that my children feel like they are loved and cared for. Sure it comes from a place of lack in my life, but they are such beautiful people and I take my responsibility seriously and feel like they have been a reason for me to start my healing and find the best of myself. Hey, we all bring our stuff to parenting and mine was just to love and accept my people. ❤️🙏
You are a really good person💜
I do exactly the same and could have written every word of your comment.
Yesssss!!! Same here with my daughter!🙌🏾🧡
listen to Simple Man by lynyrd skynyrd (with lyrics) amazing
I can tell from my personal journey feeling loved by your mother is the one most important thing you can be ,being present,and having interest in your child's life will shape them for the future I'm 57 and started therapy to heal my childhood trauma ,not feeling loved ,abandonment issues ,and so on
I just watched Brown's first TED about vulnerability, then her second one about shame where she talks about having a vulnerability hangover from the first talk, and had a vulnerability hangover from just listening to her talk about vulnerability and shame. The struggle for how to human is real LOL.
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"I belong everywhere I go no matter where it is or who I'm with, as long as I never betray myself. The minute I become who you want me to be in order to fit in and make sure people like me, is the moment I no longer belong anywhere."
Authenticity at its finest!
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Superb lines
I am 52 and feel like this woman is telling my story! We don't really start learning til we realize we know nothing! I am finally learning who I am and it's incredibly freeing to just be me rather than what others think I should be to make THEM happy! Love this interview.
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here:
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This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my TH-cam channel 8 months ago about self development. Now I have 778 subs and > 300 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
I am so grateful that Brene is brave enough to be a pioneer. She is shining a light on a painful issue I was avoiding and giving me inspiration to not only address my past, but also find purpose by helping others from here on out.
When you feel alone or lonely, means somewhere you think or feel something is missing. The true optimal connection with yourself is missing. When you are connected with yourself and in the present moment, the only moment that exist you are fulfilled in that moment because your attention is on you in the present moment. In the present moment you are feeling your body, senses and the world outside of you reflects the inside of you. When you can fill yourself up with so much love for yourself, you attract all the love in the world. Why? Because you are giving it to yourself.. feeling lonely or alone isn’t bad, you may feel this so you can heal from it. Just feel the feeling without hanging a new thought on the feeling. How you do this is put your awareness on the feeling, focus on the feeling. Feel what the feeling does, how it feels, does it mime or does it stay on one spot in your body. Stay present with that feeling till it moves away and flow trough your body. You don’t hold the feeling than and you heal from the feeling because you don’t hang another thought on the feeling. The suffering people do is the suffering of the thoughts in their mind.. ones you know how to control your thoughts, by being truly present and fill your mind up attentional with positive thoughts you get a master mind and you controle your own life, mind, feelings and emotions.. doesn’t mean that you don’t feel, because you are ment to feel and experience everything! Means you let your feelings go trough your body and you don’t hold them in your body anymore. You let them flow! Energy flows and you are here on earth to experience and feel that is what life means. Only human don’t know how to do that anymore because of the connection with their selves is lost. That’s what the world doesn’t want you to know. When you are connected with yourself you don’t need anything external anymore because you create.
I think it's key to point out that your parents went along with your changes and your discovery of self-love .... many do not and it can really hinder growth as an adult when the shame script comes out coupled with shunning and disgard.
I love Brene!!!! She is down to earth and will tell you how it is. At 59, I am still learning to navigate this life and to do it with grace. Thank you BOTH. Annoth
You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡
" Show up as who you are"
I love how she acknowledges that, some parents can change but others don't.
Great interview Lewis, you ask very good questions!
"you can't be an important and life-changing presence for some people without also being a joke and an embarassment to others." - Mark Manson
Interesting comment. I would say it's not a rule, but maybe it happens a lot.
Totally nailed it man.
The more I listen and learn from Brene, the more I feel like I’m doing ok with my journey. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge.
Yes same here
I have come to believe that true belonging comes from the realization that the bottom line is that we are all alone. No one is going to save us from this life. In our very hardest moments, we will find ourselves alone. No one is going to save us. We go into death alone. We belong only to ourselves and to the Spirit of this world.
Hello 👋how are you doing?
I do not enjoy small talk and therefore do not feel connected to people when small talk is going on. But I am lucky enough to belong to a recovery group and find after a meeting, I very much enjoy discussing some important issue they discussed. I will be 80 very soon, Brene and feel that I do fit your criteria and have found a very comfortable connection to God, myself and others and ALWAYS one of us is interesting and connective! So keep on!
I see myself as adaptable...and, finally, in midlife, I am true to myself. I spent all of my 30's healing enough to get here, but I am so thankful for the healing. I am raising my kids to love themselves. I pray that they don't start life the way that I did. ❤️
You've become true 20 yrs ahead of me--celebrate🎉
We are all, even the wisest of us, still human! It's not about not feeling things, not struggling, true resiliency is being able to feel and flow through all your different states.
I always love everything you say, Brene!
I love the way she acknowledges her parents. Something I am still working on.
Right at the end, she addresses parents that won't change and have a "take it or leave it" attitude. That's what I have. I have left it--and them. behind. Sometimes the only thing worse than being excluded is being included in something unhealthy and unaccepting. As Brene would say, "I belong to me." She nails it.
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I really needed to hear this TODAY. I’m in the thick of it rn. It’s the greatest learning season of my life as I care for my elderly mother. The more I learn the more intense the emotional disconnection to her is. It’s very confusing as I want her to be comfortable in her home. I run ragged caring for her, my son and the house-inside and out. I’m exhausted and completely uncertain of our future. She won’t write a will. I’m in a loop rn. It’s hard to get perspective and stay positive. Her energy is very strong, she believes that she will be rewarded for her struggles and has created just that her whole life. It’s like a spiritual Tug-of-War
I love how honest this was! You could see it plain as day. I could listen to her forever.
Thank you for the inspiration. ❤'I belong to me.' Yes, this is the path I am following at 60. All my life I have sold myself short and compromised who I am to fit in and be accepted by people who never had any intention of loving me for me. I have walked away from them in order to grow as myself, to become the woman I have always longed to be.
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This is me also. Good to all love all. ❤️
Me also! 62 and still evolving.
Absolutely the lesson to learn in this life. Hard. Standing up for who you are is dangerous!!
Here’s to living dangerously!!
Truly you are an introvert after every fellow introvert's longing heart, Brene' Brown! "Owning ME"... being safe/comfortable in my own skin has been essential for my healing and growth as a human being. I believe your difficulty in finding a blueprint is because you Dear One, are one of the few brave souls courageous enough to lead this pack of passionate creatives down the road of authenticity!
I for one, am glad you have the courage to lead this motley crew of misfits, who need a strong leader to show us how to leave nuggets of wisdom that lead others to the path of meaningful connection. Therein, is the shade tree of grace, waiting to embrace every sojourner's longing heart who is looking to belong.
THANK YOU for your example of servant leadership. I appreciate you SO much, Brene'!
This is one of my favorite interviews that you’ve done. This message resonated so much with me. It was like hearing someone speak my language. My gawd! I belong to me! Full stop. 💚
To be loved, is to be accepted for all that you bring even the bad, even the difficulty that life brings. To be loved is to celebrated despite the lows. For me, after being discarded from a narcissistic marriage, I got a great, great gift; I learned no matter whether I fit in or feel outcast, I Love Myself! I think that is the most important gift one can get. I may not fit in, and now I find myself celebrating my differences! I’m now a realist, I do not wish to be like the “in group,” nor liked only for things I used to be liked for. I am just fine, and I Love myself in my goodness or in the difficulties.
Being accommodating is a gift until it defines you and undoes who you are, because you sacrificed yourself, sacrificed your authenticity.
What you Value is key! I learned to Value my weaknesses. Go figure that, and what a Gift that pain (discard) brought me. I am now defiant, where I used to try so very hard to fit into other’s expectations.
Love Ms. Brown. We are NOT puzzle pieces, we are forever changing. Accepting that is the first chapter to a beautiful new story.
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Brilliant Brene, brilliant piece of interview and sharing. Oh, Brene, you are not only one, who honor being yourself, being authentic, being connected to one (yourself) again. Like breaking that spell of being lost with others. Compromising yourself.
"That's the life's work, finding out who we are". And as Joseph Campbell said, being who we really are is the privilege of a lifetime. Accessing our whole range of input - heart, mind and senses - with awareness of the eternity of the present. Takes practice, but your life is worth it!
Hello 👋 how are you doing?
Yes yes!! I needed to hear this🙏 I want to heal from past trauma and I want to make an impact. I don’t want to be victim anymore!
You make so much sense to me Bene! Growing up, I didn't want to fit into groups that excluded others. I still, at 52, have that resolve when I see adult clicks.
Same here!!♥️♥️♥️
Same❤
Yes. Me too.
Cults prey on people who want belonging. It is hard to belong to ourselves but this is the only way
Very true
“Fitting in is the opposite of truly belonging.” Truly belonging excepts us as who we are, in all our complexity, uniqueness, weirdness. All the parts of ourselves that have helped us cope and deal in this life.
This is honestly the most important thing I have ever watched in my entire life. This is freaking gold. Omg. This is legit life changing stuff that is just causally on the internet. Thank you so much ❤
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
Thank you, always, Brene Brown! I belong to G♡d, My Creator, My Source, Spirit, and to myself! Trying to fit in and belong is challenging. Because we fear loss of connection, we will sacrifice our authenticity to be a part of the people, the family, or in relationship. Belonging to my G♡d and myself is a regular realignment process and then needs constant reminders. 💜
I agreed
Definitely agree.
TRUE belonging is the opposite of “fitting in”. Powerful. 🙏
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What a profound conversation full of wisdom and healing.. Each of us know our parents did the best they could with us with the tools they had.
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Feeling lonely is such a universal and existential feeling, no matter who anyone is. "Belong to yourself above all else." "Show up as you are, true belonging is not fitting in and betraying yourself." "I belong everywhere i go as long as i never betray myself and the moment I become who you want me to be, I dont belong anywhere." - so many gems in one video.
Glad you enjoyed it!
I think belonging is knowing you are OK alone and yet, knowing you have someone, who’s in your corner, no matter what, and it’s reciprocal.
An incredible women, who at times when asked a question, pauses in silence to reflect…yet her moment of silence speaks volumes of who she is…. Simply amazing!!!
I myself, am looking to offer to share my experiences to help others with their challenges ( my educational background coincidentally is psychology). It must have been my calling in advance so they say. It truly does prove to us how such little things we take for granted such as our environment, our interactions with others, ourselves, as well as, day to day unexpected challenges thrown our way can shape our mindset and impact our health at some extent. We can’t change our past; however, we certainly can learn from it, listen to valuable resources such as Brene’, stay strong and trust in you!
Thank you for the inspiration to remind us we need to love ourselves first! 💕
Thank you for being here 🧡
I think we all should learn about using a pause to enable a better response to a question.
I experience a sense of scramble to find themselves, I don't hear clarity in this interview, but I appreciate Brenes honesty of her feelings. Who we are is innate, it isnt about getting more information but revelation about ourselves, others and our world. Peeling back the history of our lives, to listen to our hearts, we were born complete. The doing bit comes later. Making space and taking time and the courage to actually stop and listen to what is going on inside, no noise, avoiding distractions. Complexity causes confusion, chaos, lack of clarity, the opposite of order and simplicity, which comes easier when we trust ourselves. Life maybe challenging but we have free will to remove complexity, create space and focus on what we value most. Eg I value peace, I cut out as much self made stressful thinking, doing etc, when I'm aware I pay attention to my thoughts, emotions, body. I cut back until I have peace, I challenge any unhelpful thinking, what I call going down the rabbit hole....when I notice this I stop ✋, having mental awareness is important to gently move away from the rabbit hole. Space creates silence to actually hear above the noise of life. If we are too busy for this perhaps that is a signal to make a change in that direction. Simple changes in a direction that feels good, I have found is key, this gives a chance for our wisdom to guide us.
Beautifully said
" I don't hear clarity in this interview" this is the first comment I've seen that says they didn't hear clarity. your comment seems to list all the elements of BB's path but seems to show that you aren't hearing it from her when she speaks. like you have a mental block about hearing it from someone who says it plainly, or have to restate what they said and claim you didn't hear it..
@@myotherusername9224 thanks for sharing your perspective.
What great advice” cut back till peace comes”.
Brene Brown is the best teacher When it comes to being vulnerable and open with your heart
Yes and Marshall Rosenberg and Byron Katie developed practices which millions are using to be openhearted and real within relationships.
I am so glad that she mentioned that she still feels lonely at times- I am a hybrid of being an extrovert and an introvert. And its certain hard at times - but Facts are facts :-) - We are all trying to figure it out.
The answer is getting in alignment with yourself and who you have become. And continue to get into alignment as you grow.
I so relate to her, also inverted, a INFJ.. I noticed I love my alone time, you have to feel comfortable in your own skin. I don't need anyones approval it's a beautiful thing.
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Love Lewis, so genuine and always asks great questions which his guests have to think about
Hello how’ you doing?
She's so complex she reminds me of me. But there's so much beauty and meaning to the complexity it's incredible and inspiring too!
Lewis there's an absolute openness about your conversations. In actuation you have profound humane discourse.
I realised when you were part of my batch in the one world University off Madras Chennai.
I didn't know that you were a giant discovering human elements.
There is so much earthy in understanding the human element in you it is really very good.
#Loveyourself
When we spend time alone with ourselves, we go inside to listen to our Soul…(our true essence) when we listen, we see more clearly. And when we see more clearly, we learn to love ourselves, & when we love ourselves, we see our value, & when we see our value, we find the courage to see how deserving we are!
❤
Boy did I need to hear this today! Thank you for your honesty and wisdom. Infinite Love and Gratitude ❤
She describes herself as super introverted and private, by being on the public stage she is being super brave. I admire her research, her message and who she is. She is Brene .
I was surprised at her description because I don't see her that way.
I’m adaptable, I don’t care if others like me, I think I can make others comfortable, I feel I can fit in anywhere and I love making others fit in. -- I know my identity yet feel incredibly alone. It’s hard to be me….. your story sounds a lot like mine. Uniquely different but I feel you, I love being alone, apparently on my own terms.
I’m in the tub crying, all alone, I hope this makes sense.
I love your work!
“I belong to me” what a beautiful truth, thanks
You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡
Never block or deny anger. It is the great stepping stone to hope
And the discipline of hope is our gift to share with those dear ones in our daily encounters who are frightened, angry and hopeless. If we don't have hope as individuals or a nation we might as well not even exist. Hope however does not replace appropriate passionate action.
Haha Brene! You’re a pioneer and true, there’s no blueprint. I’m so thankful for the courage that you DO have to show up and do the work! I greatly applaud you! I hope you get this message! I would love to hear from you!
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I love this!! In a world that constantly tries to have you "conform and submit" your mind & soul to being controlled to fit society's standards... BE unapologetically and AUTHENTICALLY YOU even if it means standing alone!!❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼
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@@GreatnessClips 🥰🙏🏼🙏🏼
This woman's a gem
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Wow, just wow! I have never before heard myself described so completely. Always trying to fit in, never feeling that I do and never really wanting to. I love people, interesting open people yet I know I try to adjust me to who I think I need to be in order to be accepted by others. I have to listen again and process this. Thank you
Ahh, Brene… there is no blueprint because you’re the only YOU and yes it can be hard to be truly you, but it’s the best version of life I believe anyone can lead. I can understand feeling alone, which I think comes from a lack of having people you can truly relate to on a regular basis, but there’s no better way to live than loving yourself and giving from that to others. Keep strong. I hope I get to meet you on one of those flights in business class one day. 😊✈️❤️
Hi. Something you said here has put into words what I feel “ feeling alone ,comes from a lack of having people you can truly relate to on a regular basis “ . I have found this to be so true since my husband died. I have adult children but they’re a different generation and while our relationship is close , is not like that of of your peers.
This speech is pure gold to me..
I appreciate her honesty and openness.
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Leaders and introverts feel that way... keep finding heroress to emilulate.... ❤❤❤ living or dead... today, I'd rather stand alone than have to compromise myself to belong.... you were a huge part of this belief for me
I have never needed to feel like I fit in because I'm very aware that I could never be accepted by everyone because we are all so very different. I just be me and those who appreciate my perspective and personality will be my people.
So true
It's often times hard n lonely being a visionary n feeling misunderstood n misplaced with others but I too am learning how to embrace n accept all that makes me who I am n who I'm becoming
When she described her dad in the drive way, integrating the choice-based parenting...oh my man that got me.
Lewis, you had Brene on your show! Bless you, for bringing her to us. The only way you were able to achieve this is by you being vulnerable and authentic. This was so beautiful to watch! Bless you, for what you are doing!
I rarely feel lonely, I'm too blessed there's so much to offer,share,learn @ feel joyful for. I have experienced a sense of acute isolation but that's different to loneliness they're not always synonymous...Pharlap bless👋💖🐎🐎🐎🇭🇲🇭🇲🇺🇸🇺🇸🇮🇱🇮🇱
This was a really beautiful interview. I've seen a lot of Brene Brown's work, but none better. Great questions by Lewis! Powerful answers by Brene!
Thank you for tuning in 🧡
I am single but never alone, I am WITH myself and truly enjoy who I am. All answers reside within. GOD is everything my best friend my source of peace happiness and love. Until we feel a real connection and understanding to the higher power you will feel as if you don't belong/lonely and continue the search.
I love her hesitation on the “who are you” question. I just struggled with that question in a job interview and have been beating myself up over it. It’s complicated and hard when you are a private and reserved person.
Thanks for sharing that. I haven't interviewed in 30 years so if I change jobs I'll need to prepare a response. 🙂
Lewis, you asked some really spot-on questions there. You really knew what to ask and when. Well done!
Thank you so much for confirming how I feel. The difference between fitting in and belonging hit the nail on the head. I am not comfortable fitting in, yet I am comfortable in my own skin and true to myself.
You're welcome🧡
Right on point, well said !!!
thank you for (mostly) not interrupting and just letting Brene talk. SHE has the wisdom so just hearing her speak issue helpful!
Usually you want to skip the ads and just get to the meet, but Marie for Leo’s ad for B-school don’t miss this opportunity! I did the school I’m a lifelong student of it and if you want to live a life and a business you love you cannot miss Bschool
I wanted to belong to a family......to a Country......to friends....to a Partner......to a " spiritual family"......to religion......etc.
It all did not work! And I die ask finally " what means that?" And I realized.....it us all about ME......the relationship wirh me. Loving me......accepting me......coming home within me. That was a big Relief and freedom. All the best for all of you!
From Austria.
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Dr Brown has solved the human conduction. She has honestly saved my life in so many ways. She’s so incredibly brave and intelligent.
It’s all so complex yet so simple. Not always easy. Be you! Understand that while you might derive so much joy from being with another person if you lock into that, as opposed to yourself and just being in the present at that time and afterwards, while longing in hopes of doing it again, Renee said it best… I am the wilderness. Allow the path forward in its presence. Have feelings but move forward because in effect you are seeking destiny that is already waiting for you. You wish it could be different even with a tear but more joy lies ahead if you let it. It’s up to you, but not up to you. Your path is written.
WE ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO " FIGURE LIFE OUT" !!...LIFE IS A CONTINUOUS LEARNING JOURNEY!!
You contradict yourself here. What is the purpose of continuous learning? To figure things out, isn't?
@@reddog6256 To figure “things” out. You’ll never figure life out. Until the afterlife.
@@reddog6256 there's no contradiction; I think you didn't understand. @tammy taylor means we don't figure life out once and for all, find an answer and then stop examining life as if we can have it 'figured out', past tense, done questioning. we continue learning and figuring things out as a never ending process. people who think "I have it figured out" seomtimes have a closed mind. Premature closure. Not saying that's you, but it might be, if your reaction was to see tammy as wrong without seeing HOW she could be right.
Ms. Brown I believe you are an INFJ on the Myers Briggs. I have felt like an outsider and "different" all my life. Once I understood this was my personality style, it all made sense. That feeling didn't go way, but I reframed it and now consider it a giftedness.
As an INFJ, I get that impression from her too c: we're definitely not alone!
An hsp
Ugh. I have PTSD and an ED from 20 years of abuse from men. 10 years ago I got into therapies because I was pregnant with my daughter. It is REALLY hard being a human being. It's so hard to teach coping skills when I haven't even mastered them myself.
You guys are learning them together
You can tell she’s SUPER AUTHENTIC! ⭐️❤️💯
Fitting in vs. belonging... awesome!
Who am I... not in a box to be checked. Get to know each other... love one another...