How to have EFFORTLESS RELATIONSHIPS with women: the advice you wish your dad gave you
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ม.ค. 2023
- People say that relationships take work, but this is only if you choose poorly. Select the right partner and sex, love, and affection will flow to you as effortlessly as water moves downhill. The key to this process is understanding the importance of being a woman's perceived best option. Almost all the issues that men are subject to experiencing in their relationships are rooted in their woman's belief that she could do better. I'll discuss more in this episode.
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#relationship #dating #attraction
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
People say that relationships take work, but this is only if you choose poorly. Select the right partner and sex, love, and affection will flow to you as effortlessly as water moves downhill. The key to this process is understanding the importance of being a woman's perceived best option. Almost all the issues that men are subject to experiencing in their relationships are rooted in their woman's belief that she could do better. I'll discuss more in this episode.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#relationship #dating #attraction
Fantastic explanation
Your channel provides great advice, but please, raise up the volume at least a little. It's not healthy to use ear plugs all the time, and with normal laptops speakers, it's kind of difficult to hear you, and there are other people with worse hearing than mine. Hope this helps, best regards.
Yes, let me work on finding that magic lamp. Because only a genie could make me competitive enough in the looks department to rival Bradley Cooper or Ryan Gosling.
You're not wrong but you spent 8min making a point that boils down to "if you want to have a stable relationship be more attractive", which is self evident and not very helpful. What would be helpful would be to offer some insight into that observation, for example what criteria/priorities women have when it comes to assessing the attractiveness of men and how they compare it to themselves. Being attractive takes work, that could mean losing weight and building muscle, or it could mean being more fashion conscious, or it could mean earning more or it could mean being more socially connected & respected, are any of these factors more or less important, is it better to max out one thing or be generally better in all areas?
Great video. Always appreciate the quality content you dispense. I agree completely about being an "employer of choice", however I'm curious if expressing the optionality you have as an employer either directly or indirectly has any positive effects on "employee retention" and performance, haha. Would love to know your thoughts on this.
"Just be her best option." Proving that is the complete opposite of effortless. This is a 24/7 job. You slip up once and you could potentially lose everything you've spent years building. Hypergamy doesn't care about how much effort you put into the relationship.
It all just rests on her feelings which can rest on a whole variety of factors including diet which i recently found out when my girlfriend stopped with her silly vegetarian diet and ate meat again!
What kind of slip up are you talking about though?
Yeah it is, but it’s beneficial to you.. it’s like saying earning a lot of money and investing in your future is hard, why should I do it for her? You shouldn’t do it for her, you do it for yourself and she is attracted to that. Stop chasing the girl, chase excellence
Read "If" by Rudyard Kipling. If anyone comes out of that poem still a sigma, I don't respect them.
If anyone thinks "I don't care about whether other people like me or not", that's exactly why I don't respect them.
Well, becoming attractive is indeed quite some work.
But if a woman genuinely thinks you're her best option, she'll forgive a slipup. If she (nearly) dumps you after one slipup, she probably didn't see you as her clear best option in the first place.
Be yourself. Have interests, never beg for anything, don't hover like a puppy dog. Take hikes, bike rides, read, build things etc. ALONE. Not all the time, just enough to show her you're a self-contained man, and while you cherish your relationship with her, she isn't all you have. Let her miss you, let her pursue you. And if she cheats or leaves you, do a 180 and never look back.
Nice summary.
Let her pursue you lol
Be yourself is valid advice if you are good, but if you are not good - don't be yourself. Be better
That's solid advice! 👊
Agree 💯%. This is the only strategy that worked for me. I gave up on her demanding expectations and started pursuing my interests alone. She isn't going anywhere as she is using my resources (accommodation with utilities) for free, which I think is not a dignified way of living.
This applies for mentally stable women.
A narcissist will not temper themselves, even if they see us as their best option.
And why would someone keep someone like that?
@@ItsNotAXylophone someone who is mentally unstable themselves would have trouble, but you are right.
No healthy person would keep a narcissist
💯
90% of women in Gen Z are narcissistic
Someone would keep Someone like that when they have grown up with a narcissist parent , being conditioned to live like that .
@@ItsNotAXylophoneall women are selfish. BPD isn’t real. Its in their females genes.
"she's difficult because she's, delusional about her own self worth..."
this statement sums up 90% of today's modern women.
sadly they wait and lose their best and most unique traits that men would want from them, youth and beauty
if they have loyalty and character that is also high up there, the media and woke culture have brainwashed many though
Because you've dated a random sample of 90% of modern women? Which means in turn that unlike most men you weren't able to turn any of those relationships into something that worked? Which means the problem lies with you.......
Or maybe you were just exaggerating.....
Absolutely
You don't want a girl like that anyways. She will have trouble in the dating world, that's not your problem
That statement sums up 100% of all people. Other people judge us by traits we don't even know exist. And you cannot know your worth in those areas, if you do not understand them.
"... taking on a second unpayed job..."
OMG, that's exactly how I felt in my last relationship. She's a great women, but after 6 years, I felt more at home in the office and more at work, when home.
Sometimes the job changes, first it is amazing and then you get quietly laid off while still doing in the work.
Yes the house is a place of work for her in how she views it! Many men come in for additional overtime rather than be stuck around her and her mother and other female relatives particularly Indian men of a certain age.
That's pretty much all relationships and all marriages. One of the very few men I know who's not been completely trampled over by his wife has to micromanage his wife when he's at home with her. He has to treat her like a difficult employee to get her to be pleasant. That's pretty much your choice in marriage - either get a wife who tramples all over you, or get one you have to manage as an employee, like it's a 2nd job.
Funny, I am single and I can’t wait to be home from work. 😂
@@ianarn Run don't walk from that one, mate!
How I have effortless relationships with women. I *never* go after women who give me the fuzzy wuzzies. I don't date women that I like so much that I couldn't withstand losing her on any moments notice. I treat women with fairness and kindness. But I also make it clear through my actions that if she ever wants to walk away from the relationships, then I won't try to stop her. Oddly enough, women are much more attracted to men with this mindset than they are men who are madly in love with them.
Yep. And let it be known other women want you.
" I never go after women who give me the fuzzy wuzzies." - What's the point, then? They are a burden without a supply of positive emotions.
@@petercain6820 Yeah, it doesn't seem worth it to me to do things that way.
@Peter Cain There's still positive emotions. I date women that I like. Just not women that I like so much that I put myself into a vulnerable position with her. Women are a burden *when* you're with one that you just have to be with. That's when you're vulnerable. I understand what you're saying. But I've been down that road before, and I don't care to return.
@@jaythenihilist4689 so true. I couldn’t have put it better. You have to remove the fantasy that we’ll love each other equally. Someone is always more in love and willing to do more to save the relationship/ not lose out. When they know it’s you they will take advantage. It’s a woman’s natural instinct. It’s called hypergamy. Her desire to have the best man she can possibly get. You have to be that guy to her or it will never last long term. She also has to know that if you’re not happy you will leave.
I know men who were perfect to their wives, never yelled, never cheated, said yes to everything, gave her every gift, and vacation, spent time, and made love great, but their wives still left them, with alimony and child support payday. and the excuse the women gave was "I am bored, life is passing me by."
That is always a very tempting option for a woman.
NEVER EVER SAY YES TO EVERYTHING. Women may want to be pleased, but they certainly do not want a pleaseR. She does not want to feel like she is dating a doormat. This is why "assholes" are attractive. They say 'no' and mean it.
I were that kind of guy too, and my 7years relationship end with her with another man.
Said yes to everything... who told you this was good?
@@xxxxxxxx8903 to say no doesn't necessarily mean one is an axxhole. Just means you mean no. Women should be able to handle that.
My effortless relationship with a woman is with myself LOL. I am my best friend and comrade. I do everything and go everywhere with me. I am in my sixth decade and live a peaceful and fulfilling life with myself for decades.
Cope.
This is assuming she’s logical enough to understand what she has and mature enough to not jeopardize it..thanks for the video we need more content like this 🙌🏾
👏 Exactly, the game never ends.
yea I dated an immature girl who didn't see it. Too bad for her that it will be too late when she realised she has taken a step down :)
LoL! I can be the best option she has ever had. I’ve met women who have told me they would rather be alone than with someone who isn’t perfect. Needless to say, they weren’t perfect, but they were alone. 🤷
And that she is not delusional thanks to social media or her friends...
If you can't figure out if she's mature enough, then you won't know what's coming.
100% true. I’ve experienced this with several women/gf’s as I have been dating this past decade to find the woman I want to make my wife. It is a night and day difference between a woman who sees you as her best option and a woman who is not sure or thinks she wants more. And it is super easy to tell because everything becomes easy and effortless and you can tell she likes you in a very cute and girly way. And it is really a numbers game. The majority of women will not feel like that for most men but the man she does feel that way about will get all of her best behavior. So it’s our job as men to be the best person we want to become and ask out enough women to bump into the ones who so happen to be attracted to exactly who we are. Luck and effort.
@@LSH988 This is the real issue, we've all had amazing women and relationships at some point but it doesn't mean that she will be the same after 5, 10, 15 years.
I was gonna click the like button but it's on 69
@@n721sw lol nice. All men unite!
It's easier to find in younger less body count women. The more experience she has the more difficult it will be
@@simonl4657 sup, incel unicorn virgin chaser
I found a great woman after ending a 20 year marriage, and it has been amazing. She would literally do anything for me, yet I ask almost nothing of her. It seems so strange to be loved and wanted. It is a bit hard at times to always take the lead and make decisions, but I'd rather that than have my ex wife back 😂 Life is wonderful
Godbless you man
Same here.
I didn't think I'd find a woman like that again, late in life, The first girl I ever dated was quite a catch, but I let her go when I went to university - too much bad advice. It gets harder and harder to find good women as you get older as the best ones get taken off the market early, but somehow I managed it at age 49 and we're better than ever 10 years later.
Well for how long has she been behaving like that? It ususally fades 💀
@icommitedwarcrimes4879 it fades for you because you're boring.
@@icommitedwarcrimes4879 it’s been 13 months so far, so good.
The problem is women are always looking for a better option. I'm done with running after women and trying to be their best option. They need us more than we need them.
My motto is " You just keep on walking Sister."
Exactly! Fact's.....
The biggest problem currently is not women looking at other men as better options. It's them interacting with other women on social media that constantly tell them they are so much better than everyone else and deserve unreasonable things, or if anything is wrong in their lives, it's their man's fault. Eventually they start to believe it, even if they have no credible better option in reality.
@@bendirval3612The 6s thing is a must have LOL
actually, i think men need women more than women need men. i've heard that single women are happier on average than single men
I think that the only way a relationship can be "effortless" is if both people involved, believe they are with their "best perceived option". If one of them believes that they can do better, it will show in the way they treat the other.
Problem is, there is always a better option. That’s life.
@@Cornerstone-bk8vl The thing is, the options aren't always better, just different. Sometimes there not even different, they just have a different face.😂 I think the best possible situation is if you treat someone in a way that they honestly believe that no one else will treat them that good. If the other person does the same, it's a beautiful thing. But it's rare. People are selfish & delusional, because of that relationships suffer.
@@dtuitt79 "No one else will treat them as good"... many wives leave their homes thinking they can do better, and regreting after finding their sexual market value is not as good as they thought
@@ricardopaez1034 Yep. That called a hard truth or a reality check. You know something is up when all of a sudden they want a mommy makeover or some how lose all the weight they said was impossible to lose.
Experts say the people with same hobbies or values have long term relationsip….its true…….if both love sport, or hiking, there is a big probability that both have same values about healthy lifestyle.
Rule 1: Be attractive. Rule 2: Don't be unattractive. :)
being attractive is about being confident. Confidence comes from being capable. A capable person knows responsibility which is attractive.
@@remon563 no
@@remon563 Wrong.
@@remon563attractiveness is attractiveness (facial, features, body and height). Confidence is confidence. You can be confident and unattractive, i.e. short stature, unattractive face. You would be rejected most of the times based on that alone, no matter how confident
Sadly, some of us have a face for radio and a voice for print, so we can't win under your rules, LOL.
Not quite right. My wife left me. I gave her everything she wanted, she didn’t have to work.
She regrets her decision now, but is too proud to admit defeat. Plus I don’t want someone who only hanging around because I can afford nice vacations.
Paradoxically, people don't necessarily truly want to get everything that they *think* they want. If you've ever played with a cat using a ball on a string then you may have noticed that the cat only remains interested if you only occasionally let it catch the ball. There must be some reasonable challenge or it loses interest. People are the same way that if they win by default then they lose interest ...often they're more focused on what they can't have, not what they already have. Thus, it's better to say "no" every once in a while and not just give the partner everything.
Dr Taraban also has a video explaining that giving a woman everything she wants is also detrimental. When she gets everything she "wants" she actually ends up bored. Learn to say "No."
Yeah. You gave her everything she wanted and therefore put yourself in a subordinate position. You ceased to be a man she could look up to. Probably after she left you reverted to being a man and put yourself back in a more dominant position, so then she wanted the recovered you.
@@scuffeddeimos Okay, but then the Job analogy that Orion used doesn't work. The reason why the job was desirable is that it gave the man everything he wanted(thus he decides to stick with it).
As me and a buddy of mine were on our adventure through South America we had many long discussions about dating, approaching women, what women want and are attracted to, etc. I said during one conversation. You have to see yourself as the high value product. I know who I am what I have to offer you. If she can't see that or doesn't want it it's her loss. And I can continue to move forward with my life until I meet that woman who recognizes she has met her best option.
That's gonna be a long life journey if you stay in the "modern" west my brother. You will be scratching the bottom of the barrel just to find the one that can "see" you.
@@eQuariuz I’m currently in Perú but thinking about heading to some untapped spots in the East at some point. I still see that feminist crap here in Latin America. Not so much in Ecuador though.
@@Kenny-Ross if they are attracted to you, they will ignore all the feminist bs. Im latino, i have lived in latin america
As woman,you're right.The sad aspect is, when a woman makes a guy know she likes him, thats the end of the story. It appears in this day and age, you have to not like the other party in order for them to want you.Isn't that crazy?@@midnight_vagabond
Like they said, if they are attracted to you, they leave all the bs to the side. So take it easy brotha
I think this is 90% good advice as long as you have a woman who has perspective. There are many entitled women out there who don't understand a good thing when it's right in their face.
Society is really into telling women they are the best, no matter what they do. In fact, many women choose friends specifically for this quality. Unfortunately, it often goes to their head and throws off their perspective.
Exactly. My buddy is a Marine Major, fit, makes over 100k yr. His ex-wife treated him like shit and left him. She's older now and not as hot but can't see it. He's smashing 9's on Tinder because he has everything women want (Status, looks and money).
That was my problem with this video. Most women can't differentiate between a man wanting sex and a man wanting a relationship. And most women can get sex from a huge number of men. So if you're a good-looking guy making 6 figures while being 6' and athletic, and have great game and status....but there's a guy living 40 minutes away who's GREAT looking, making higher six-figures while being 6'3 and has just a good of a body, game, and status....and he offers a glimmer of hope of giving her sex, you're out of luck!! I know this through being on BOTH sides of this experience multiple times. I've been the guy that dumbass women have literally left their bfs for because we had sex and she therefore thought we would have a relationship. I'm not proud of it, but I'm living proof that this extreme is the NORM for today's women.
maybe you don't need an entitled woman or a woman without perspective
@@borisalarcon7504 amen to that. but godspeed finding one
It’s easy to make a woman happy. It’s impossible to keep her happy!
👏 nailed it ... Game never ends.
Experts say the people with same hobbies or values have long term relationsip….its true…….if both love sport, or hiking, there is a big probability that both have same values about healthy lifestyle.
No as a woman I agree, you can only make yourself happy, and she should be happy for the reason her partner is happy and has passion and sense of humor……… Experts say the people with same hobbies or values have long term relationsip….its true…….if both love sport, or hiking, there is a big probability that both have same values about healthy lifestyle.
Dude, keep them interested with surprise. Broadway show in the city, small resort in the outback, concert at a cool venue, backpack to an alpine lake basin to yourselves...etc.
I don't think it's a job for a husband to make his wife happy. That assumes happiness comes from the external state of the world. Nobody is responsible for another person's emotional state. It's more important that he does the things he needs to do, such as communicate properly, prioritize the relationship, etc. none of which are guaranteed to "make her happy". After he does all the things, it's up to HER to see those things as precious, and feel appreciation for those things. He can't make her feel anything.
If she's unhappy, it's more than likely her problem. Of course, there are times when a guy is an asshole, abusive, or otherwise terrible in a relationship. But if the guy actually WANTS to be in a relationship with her, it's likely he's not those terrible things.
A wife who is being incapable of satisfaction, feeling zero appreciation, nagging about this and that, complaining about everything without acknowledging everything that is good, really just means she needs therapy and probably a ton of it. And as much as you want to fix her, unless you're a licensed psychologist/therapist, it ain't going to happen.
A man should only control what he can control. And trying to control feelings is like herding cats.
Sometimes it's even good to disappoint the wife without apology, if it's a reasonable fact of reality that you're facing and not some mistake. If she can't deal with it (reality) then it's her problem. And it will train you not to respond to her tactics of using her feelings to control you. The job of a husband is not to be a magic genie. And it's important to not let her alligator tears bring out some inner captain save-a-ho. Ignore her feelings. Just be a good man. Let that be enough.
And if you're married, realized you screwed up and married the wrong woman who doesn't understand any of this. Or perhaps, it's just female nature. There's maybe nothing natural about being with one person your entire life, especially if it's this insanely difficult to do. It's human nature to get used to wifi and airplanes and lose the appreciation of the incredible benefits they bring, and even lose the wonder of feeling so lucky to even exist on Earth, in this time period, in a vast empty universe.
We'll all be dust soon enough. Enjoy it while it lasts.
The only effortless relationships I’ve ever had with women are the ones where we were just friends. I had one friend for years after my first divorce and we did things almost every weekend. No hassle, no drama. And what’s weird is that we did many of the same things as I’ve done with women I was dating or married to. One thing my female friends and my wives had in common is no sex with either. But my friends didn’t do the emotional 💩tests, drive me crazy or threaten to ruin my life.
They would if you married them
I'm nearly 21 but never had a girlfriend before. I also find it effortless to make friends with women regardless of whether they're average or beautiful. Plenty guys I know in their 20s actually find it so difficult to find a girlfriend or even keep a woman interested in them.
@@thestruggler7926 are you good looking? Because women are totally superficial about that.
@@ninelaivz4334 I'd say I'm average looking and my face isn't really symmetrical. A few girls in the past thought I was good looking though (I only know from hearing about it from other people). I'm skinny though but if I bulk up more I'll definitely appear more attractive.
Biologically for a woman, sex means = offspring and everything that goes with that 😂
Home, protection, provision, leadership ECT. That's the way we were made 💁🏼♀️ No matter our age. 😅
So, Tom Brady got divorced.
Cuz he consistently ignored his wife.
@@joshtuk no
He wasn't her best option. Do better Tom.
Only problem is that there's always a higher level for her to desire as that perception inevitably wears off. Which means you'd constantly be working to level up that perception. At some point it starts to seem like that 2nd full time job you mentioned - no longer effortless.
Yes, this comment should have more likes!
Agree. I don’t think he thought this one through at all. Seems like a way to ensure you’re forever trying to be worthy of someone who will monkey branch on the toss of coin.
Sounds like a second paying job that's tricked you honestly. Even when the grass looks greener, you don't leave cause you know the grass isn't greener on the other side. Stick with the one in hand and not the two in the bush. There really is no green-eyed monster in her if she isn't a second paying job.
Exactly my thinking. For her the relationship/you are like a new job that pays big bucks, at least in the beginning. And, like with any high salary, the initial effect wears off after a while because she gets used to it, and then the nagging begins. Be it with the job or the relationship. Then it gets “boring”. You’re basically training a spoiled child that way, if you keep upping your game. And then there are very very few women who don’t get spoiled and who remain satisfied. But hard to find…
@@daisybi "the initial effect wears off after a while because she gets used to it, and then the nagging begins" - yep, the constant cycle of 'more'. No matter what you do, how good you are, you're expected to give 'more' to keep the nagging at bay. Because she thinks she deserves it, 'more' and 'better' for less outlay on her behalf.
Novelty can impact what someone sees as the best available option. It is also true that a new person can jump on the marathon track in the middle and sprint right past you long enough to appear as the best option over a short period of time. They can't maintain that pace and will fall behind the better man eventually but he only needs to hold the pace long enough, combined with novelty to win short term.
The best you can do is make sure to find someone who already sees you as valuable to them and have them invest in the relationship with you so there is a sunk cost to leaving. Make sure you value the same future goals and invest in building that vision together. Investors call this building a moat around your business to make it hard on competitors.
Too true but there is also the 'sunken cost fallacy', were you invest so much into a relationship you're frightened to leave it, yet doing so would actually cost you less in terms of effort, loss of pride etc..
@@tvathome562 Right on. Absolutely, behavioral economics has many instances where these decisions actually turn out bad and yet people still make them. We are not totally rational actors.
Several excellent add'l analogies drawn from behavioral econ and ev psych here in this thread. Dr. Taraban would be proud ...
@@tvathome562 That's why she will establish the new relationship first before leaving you. Monkeybranching is a thing.
You’re assuming women are rational and logical thinkers. They don’t know what they want and regret most of what they do.
My wife and I married each other 23 years ago. We turned that ceremony into a great marriage. We play together, work together and find our talents to be complementary. We each have our own pursuits, I build things. She likes gardening and bridge. You are correct, for us being with each other is as natural as breathing.
I think trying to be anyone's best other than your own self is a waste of energy. It can create insecurity within ourselves trying to be someone's ideal partner. Remember, world has enough for everyone's needs but not any body's wants. There is always someone better than me and worse than me. So I strive to take care of me, emotionally, physically, financially, and see what gets drawn to "this".
Not much. Gotta provide & protect for more than another person. Social Programming 101. Any responsible, independent person can take care of themselves with the basic necessities.
@@lijh what do you mean?
Just be your best self and she will come around
On other channels I've heard it referred to as strong burning desire. If you're her best option she will have that strong burning desire, and she will go to the moon and back for you. If she doesn't have that burning desire then she's settling, and as a man you'll always be chasing her. Eventually she'll monkey branch to someone she feels is her best option, and it wasn't you. Like you said, that's where vetting properly comes into play.
Judging by a lot of the comments, men need to be essentially perfect and remain perfect for the rest of his life in every possible way for a woman to even consider not only dating him but also marrying him...
Just remember that women are only human and they have varying levels of perceptiveness and sense of self worth, just like men.
So being perfect in the mind of a woman (or any human) can vary wildly from person to person.
Yup. You need to endlessly train so you're fast enough to get on the blazingly fast treadmill, and once you're on it, you need to keep it up for the rest of your life and will always be a single slip up away from falling off it and, at best, only injuring yourself and, at worst, dying from it. It's not worth shaping your entire life around and risking everything over, as a man.
Not so much for a woman to date or marry him, but to stay with him and be loyal. A decent chunk of men (maybe 25-30%) can land a woman for a short while. But KEEPING her, especially her loyalty, requires you to be PER-FECT!!! And then some. Or at the very least, she had to believe you're the absolute best guy she'll ever encounter within an hour drive of her. And that's if she's average. Imagine the CUTE girls....
Yes, you must be perfect - FOR HER.
So perfect in the way you inspire her, that she couldn't care less about all the imperfections you DO have, because you fit her like a glove. Some women fall in love with a smart but poor man. Others fall in love with a man ugly like the night. Others with criminals. You name it.
You have no idea what a woman in love is willing to overlook, how many bodies she's willing to bury with him, how many others she is willing to leave behind for his sake, you name it.
There's no man on this Earth willing to sacrifice everything for his object of affection as a woman in love would do for her true love. Men care about their obligations and "honor" in the eyes of society. They try their best but would not sacrifice their image for her. She would drop everything for him.
.
She just needs to be in love with him for whatever crazy reason that speaks to HER. The man could easily be what society would consider a loser.
@@tdaye6978 facts
This was true for me. My wife treated me like an employee. She was never concerned about my happiness. I quit my corporate job for entrepreneurship and then covid made business tough. Her friends husband's had more secure pensions. I understood why she acted that way, but who wants to work for a thankless boss or wife.
Some women will always eventually want more. No matter what they have, eventually they want more.
Ok, so just be amazing and you're good to go? What a revelation.
Or find a woman who thinks you are amazing as you are and go for her.
@@Alex.Kalashnik Wholesome.
it iritates me this kind of video still in 2023!
I was about to write that you are wrong, that even being the best option had failed for me... but then you've covered my case at the end. She had met a divorced female friend who started devaluating me through perspective of her ex-husband telling my wife that I'm the same. So that's reason number 1. Reason no. 2 I guess she stared flirting with other guys, and started to have delusional possible relationship plans with them. So yeah, you've nailed it. The sad thing is no matter how good you are, there might be fictional alternative that women see as an option.
I also wanted to write that this sounds good but doesn't always work. My aunt introduced me to an ugly girl from her church who was complaining that nobody wants her, yet it took me so much effort to get her on a date and she treated me poorly, ran lots of tests, almost never spoke, never put in any effort, rarely picked up the phone, rarely replied to messages, gave me annoying chose...etc. It did feel like a shitty second job :))
@@klauseba why would you date someone you thought was ugly?
@@paulclay4293 🎶 If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife… it was known 60 years ago.
@@paulclay4293 The idea was that her personality would make up for it. But all women nowadays think they're 10s and act like one...
1. Being the best option for any girl around is natural but requires 24/7 effort as well
2. There are girls which still give up on the best option due to their psychological issues
It doesn’t matter what you provide, what high value you show, and what trips you take care on. If her social media is advertising her as single in all her pics. You are NOT her main choice
Well said sir.
Been on both sides and wholeheartedly agree with you.
Was with a 6 who treated me like ish, the grass was always greener. Now am with a 9 who appreciates me and we treat each other with so much love and respect.
Exactly alot of Inexperienced men think they can date down and be appreciated. All women think they’re 10s now so might as well look for an actual 10. What really matters is class and sophistication. Trashy ugly women are the meanest alive
This is not always true. Even with great selection a woman doesn't always recognize that you're their best option until it's too late. I've had quite a few women that admitted that they had wished that they had treated me better. Most of them recognized me as the best man that they had ever dated. The problem was that they had bad habits that they had a hard time breaking. I was so consistent in my treatment towards them that they got comfortable and didn't heed my warnings. Trying to sus out the woman that not only recognizes and understands that but, also knows how to govern her behavior accordingly, is much harder than it sounds. They usually start off great but cannot sustain the needed behavior. The all understood that i could take all that i am and easily give it to the next woman. This holds them in check for a little while. However, sooner or later their true colors will show.
They lie for fun🤣
The fact that is not always true, actually proves his point. lol.
The mask comes off
I lived the opposite of this. I had a short relationship with a girl where I was doing 95% of the work. I justified it by saying "Well you're the man so that's normal". In reality she liked having me around but didn't want anything serious :-/
I've learned a lot about self respect since then praise God!
Thou shall not simp - the commandment of all self-respecting men.
It doesn't take a girl long to decide if she's into you too. I'd say she'd give him 3 months to see if he's into her or not.
I see. So choose a woman that is lower quality than you, to align her feelings. The lower quality she is, the more lucky she feels, and the more content she will be with you. Brilliant.
Not necessarily.
You can also have an 8 or 9 who understands that she’s lucky to have you based on her past experiences or based on how good she identifies and cherishes you.
@@LSH988
True…
Does any of them come without baggage? Lol
@@j.k5654 you are right about that my friend.
@j.k5654 less baggage is always better tho my nigg
Could not agree more. If both parties strive to make themselves the best possible option for the other the relationship is bound to flourish and become that rare and cherished union we all wish for. Beautifully said.
Good luck with that
This dude is like a slightly older Alexander Grace who feels a bit more confident in giving advice, still understanding just how deep a woman’s narcissism can go.
It’s true that some women can reach a breaking point where they understand their value and role in this world.
But some are beyond reach, beyond hope.
For some, the signals they received in youth and in their young&hot phase doomed them, and they cannot be redeemed.
Most are beyond reach and in a system that caters to their bad decisions.
I had a 47 yo woman tell me - I know my worth. Discount bin, was my first thought 😂😂😂
@@Candlelight787 wine, book clubs, cat of the month club.
@@Candlelight787 she sounds like a prostahoe
same is true for men
I agree with this. I would just add “and don’t need anything from her or care if she leaves.” Women are not designed to care about a man’s struggles, and if you are her best option it means she sees you as the best vehicle available to meet her needs. Don’t expect more of women than they are capable of giving.
So given the vast majority of women are overweight and unattractive, how does that play into this idea?
No reason to put effort for someone who is only loyal to their feelings
This is why you need someone that has strong moral values so that when feelings come and go and eb and flow she remains faithful to you and your marriage. And you be the same.
There's a reason why marriage and religion have always coexisted and that's because the values that are required and a person and in their character don't just come naturally. Religion helps you build those values. Religion helps build better marriages and it's true that people who are religious tend to have more successful marriages. If your skeptical please by all means Google the statistics. They're easy to find. Pew Forum and Gallup.
This is brilliant.
My man and I have an effortless relationship. Our life together is an adventure. We have balance in our relationship and I as an Alpha female chose to be the 2nd in command and recognize my man as the Captain of our ship. There is not enough money in the world that comes close to the value my relationship gives me. I consider myself lucky and blessed to be with my partner.
What is an aplha female?
Your short talks are phenomenal.
A big part of this is that we have to know what we have to offer and value ourselves accordingly. One aspect of this is if the woman starts wanting more from you or requires you to compramise then you quite simply say no, this puts the decision back onto her so if your value is otherwise good for her she will back down. Some women will push their limits with you just like someone with a great job will ask for more.
Perfect analogy! Thanks for providing clarity!
An enlightening perspective, thank you.
This video sums up why I’ve been turning down low quality women for the last few years , I’ve been working hard.
So much good is going on in my life currently- cheers to the upward growth.
In between now and then I met the most amazing woman out there and we are killing our milestones left, right and center.
Maximum authenticity.
I have no difficulty turning down low quality women. Problem is, I find it hard to meet high quality women. The mechanisms through which I used to meet new people have all collapsed during Covid and now it's winter and most people are huddled at home. Would love to meet someone new but going to the bar/cafe just doesn't cut it, almost no one is there when I get off work.
@@immortaljanus I agree- in my case I got extremely lucky.
One day I posted a picture with a song. (My music taste is pretty obscure) Of course I don’t expect people to like my music taste but here she came- so fascinated by the way I carried myself.
I noticed she was extremely unique as well. So much so I believed her to be a model (turns out she was actually lol)
And ever since for almost a year now we have never had a conflict. My life has completely changed around the time I met her. Currently about to hop in my now attainable dream car and zip around this giant city I just moved to; all of which was helped by the motivation I get from being with such a person.
@@immortaljanus don't give up on yourself
@@PossiblyAzrael congratulations
@@PossiblyAzrael Good luck, brother...but realize that being only a year in, you’re still in the honeymoon phase. If you’re still this high on life 3-4 years from now with her still in the picture, you may have something truly rare and valuable. In any case, enjoy it while you can.
We have an effortless relationship. There is great communication, respect, affection and love. Sex is a multifaceted experience which doesn't always include intercourse. I have it all with this man. He could buy me anything I want, but we don't exchange gifts, we apply that money to creating memories by going camping or exploring nature and whatever we want to do. To this day he can hug me and I literally go weak in the knees. It doesn't seem like work when you enhance each other. We can sit on the patio and he is watching a game and I may be reading or checking out UTube, we consider this spending time together because it's just one type of spending time with one another.
Eyes opening video ! Thank you !
I just got out of what I would call an effortless relationship. It didn't flow uphill or downhill, it was a puddle. We didn't challenge each other, it got boring.
Your water analogy is wonderful!
That was amazing, direct, and understandable. Finally, I realized how this "relationship" works.
Very well put Orion.
You've got that right brother. Really appreciate you.
One of the most common sense, straightforward, intelligent analyses l've seen on this subject. Thanks Orion.
Okay, there were some really good points here about the dynamics of value inside a relationship. However, for most men, these tendencies and traits are shifting sands with a woman. Women, in my experience, use their leverage much better than we men do. I think, sometimes, women perceive this as a weakness. In fact, having leverage, in a relationship is true for both men and women. In real-world relationships, both men and women have a list of reasons to stay and reasons to leave. Over time, the list grows in one of two directions. In great relationships, over time and shared experiences, both lists disappear. At that point, there is only one list. On that list are placed each other's needs and desires. This is how you end up in a successful relationship.
That was excellent! Short, sweet and straight to the point. Every man needs to hear this!
The sad truth is that many women deep down know they can't do better, but it doesn't prevent them from treating their husband/man/boyfriend well. These women KNOW it, but they will not let their behavior SHOW it.
Huge, huge props to you for to making the effort to say this in one take. You show the clarity and conviction of what you have to say by going the extra mile rather than spewing out verbal diarrhea and relying on sentence-by-sentence editing to make some sort of sense out of it.
This is absolutely spot on. Cannot fault it for the way normal people operate, on a social exchange, utilitarian basis. However, I personally do not want a relationship based on how useful I am. I know that's how the vast majority of people approach it. I just want more of a personal, individual connection.
I feel used in transactional based relationships.
@@daker1941 Because you are....
My sentiments exactly, great stuff Dr!
Great Advice and very well presented! Thanks
You are absolutely correct. I'm having this experience with my current girlfriend. I met her being my best version posible, offering her a pretty good value man. And it's been incredible. It's almost suspicious that everything is just flowing and being perfect, the communication, the men and women roles, her behavior, everything. And she have told me several times, that she feels really blessed and fortunate to have me and that she has to take care o me being in her life. What you said have all the sense in the world. Grate job man
I think this is brilliant idea. Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️❤️
I can't get enough of this channel. Love your content, how you break it down and how you're on the side of men and women understanding each other better and unifiying.
Be good looking and rich.
Great advice, Orion, thanks a lot for your work!
It's not about the advice your dad gave you, it's about the genes your dad and mom gave you😂
sad but true
BROOTAL.
True, but it's also true that every man can go to the gym and every man can do what it takes to get a decent job
Just be her best option and the rest will fall in place. Yes, it does sound simple and it might be once you get to that stage. So all you have to do is be very successful, make > $150,000 per year, be above average in height, looks, and intelligence, have emotional mastery, a socially dynamic network of friends, have ample free time while making a significant salary, also have a job that is low stress. For this guy, relationships are probably much easier. Take just one or a couple of these elements out, and women will always be thinking there is a better guy out there. Being this guy is certainly worth striving for, but achieving that is extremely difficult and the chances of success are highly unlikely.
That ending is bang on mate!
Spot on 100%. Brilliant 👏
This true, but never forget that everything depends on her feelings. In one video you said that she is loyal to you through her feelings so I think it still applies here as well. This is why she would leave a good man to find a fboy and complain she was used by the fboy while she initiated divorce because she did not feel happy.
The only way a relationship will work effortless is it both people are invested in it. So you need to find a high quality women, who can assess things maturely, appreciate what you have together, look forward to a long term future together with you and who is able to put aside her hypergamy. And even then it's not a 100% guaranty. But even so good luck finding such a women nowadays. The most will actually try to find a steady partner early on since they still have fairly traditional values, so not only they're a dying breed, they're usually already taken.
This is so true, that confidences in oneself will radiate outward and attract all the women in your caliber
Brilliantly put, your analogy explains women’s behavior!!! Thank you!
What a brilliant explanation. Great frame that all men can relate to
I don't want or need a relationship that I "purchase".
Seen a lot of your videos. Every word is a gem 💎
Dude your videos are just pure gold !!!
Being her best option, in some cases at least, is a bit of a mirage. That can change at a moment's notice. You may be her best option today, considering you've maximized yourself but if some other dude comes in and even if it is only a perception that he is the better option, it would be easy for her to dispose of you and monkey branch. I understand the general concept of the points here but I think that is an identity built on shifting sands.
Agreed
100%
@@philippangst Phil, I struggle with these concepts. I think modern "romance" has been destroyed by the media, courts, government and social media. What was once considered something very pious has been turned into something much deprecating and almost self-loathing in nature, aimed at mostly men.
This is a very sinister development for society and mostly pits men and women against each other. You could even argue the wisdom of the pious thing, but at least that hopefully came from something at least semi-pure in nature. In any event, romance has been a good sell job on the part of society to men, changing their very nature and making them ensnared by modern women, the court systems and putting them into what amounts to indentured servitude. The men pay while someone else plays.
The most ironic part of it all is that women end up getting none of what they actually want and would be best for both them and society. Most women who have even semi-good looks end up being the play toys of the top 10-20% of men, leaving the other 80-90% of men out in the cold. These women chase after some "ideal" man who most of them cannot obtain/lock down anyway. They give away their most important resource and end up middle aged, alone and either single mommy status or childless and disappointed that "real" men haven't stepped up. If they could actually step back from themselves for a moment and see the insanity of their behavior, they would possibly be able to change up that behavior but as with most people, they are unable to self-correct.
Those 10-20% of men are living it up, having the most sex that they can possibly have without committing at all. In the end, most of those guys will end up having kids that are some sort of family arrangement, having their actual family with someone that is a good friend of the family. They might even keep some on the side but those women, unless it is an accident, are not getting kids or commitment out of those men, they're just a receptacle for their sexual needs.
What we have now is kind of like the modern economic system in the west, which was supposed to reward hard work, innovative and smart people and turned into something rewards mostly family and friends. So the top 10-20% of men, who have looks, status and/or money, end up having the most fun and the other 80-90% are locked out and/or end up being slaves of the state and single mommyhood, at least for those men "fortunate' enough to have a short "relationship", one night stand and who are so thirsty, end up doing some horribly dumb things, all in the name of "love". The women who can arrange this, are in the throws of baby rabies, lock down a "nice" guy (read stupid idiot) for the purposes of extracting resources, whereupon they continue their journey to find the elusive "good" guy who is in the top 10-20%. Again, ironically enough, now that they've marked themselves as single mommies, the top 10-20% would never, ever, under any circumstances, lock them down into a family/marriage, as they're not going to take on some other guy's seed.
My main concern is, where do we go from here? I suspect nowhere good but I'd love to be wrong in this instance.
Sorry for the long response, extremely frustrated point in my life right now.
@@dANbRnL Hey Dan,
thanks for the reply and I can only echo your thoughts. I'm very frustrated myself at the moment, two weeks ago I had to cut my wife out of my life for good.
It's just the way you write it, and that's why I disagree with O'Ryan. At the moment when you can no longer meet their requirements from their point of view, women are extremely quickly dissatisfied. My wife got to know me as a successful man, and I still am, just with more expenses (child, two cars, bigger house). So in the end there is less left than before when we met as two independent well-earning people.
I took a huge risk and moved to Serbia for my wife (I'm Swiss). I have supported her career as a judge at all times. And we live in this country on a level that can only be described as a swiss standard because of my origin. At the beginning of the relationship, I made it clear that if we live in Serbia, only a certain higher standard of living is possible for me. Nevertheless, she could make fun of me when things got difficult (I'm self-employed and that's just not comparable to a job with the state). In the end I was simply fed up with hearing that I was the cause of her so-called dissatisfaction.
You have to imagine.
She drives around in the car what I payed her and what she wished for. She has exactly the career she wanted and I never once questioned it. Our son goes to a private kindergarten. I bring him there in the morning and pick him up again. My wife doesn't cook? Ok, no problem I like to cook. My wife doesn't like to iron, not even the children's clothes? Ok no problem I like to iron. My wife is not so into cleaning? No worries i take care of that. My wife needs new clothes again? No problem, she has the credit card, which I never check or account for. My wife wants to go to the Maldives or Dubai? No problem, we're going, I'm happy for us too. My wife doesn't want to have sex? Don't worry, I can wait, even if it's supposed to be half a year or more.
I've been the simp long enough, now I have to end this and get back to my old self. And I will go back to Switzerland. The last thing my wife said to me was: what do YOU want in Switzerland? Yes exactly, she will never understand that.
So you see, I can understand your frustration.
BTW: last week I went to the cardiologist because I felt pressure on my heart. During the examination, the doctor asked me if I had ever played sports professionally, and I answered yes. He told me that I have a bigger heart for my height (i am 6'4). I felt better right away.
Yes, I have a big heart.
I wish you all the best, and we need to stay focused at all time.
@@philippangst It's tough Phil, your options as a man are extremely limited anywhere in the west. I have all the responsibility for providing in my house and none of the authority. I've literally said to my "wife" that I feel like a step-parent and a roommate. I think she could honestly care less and she's pretty much said as much. I feel like I was tricked into marriage by someone who pretended to like me, pretended to be attracted to me and as soon as the ring was on and the kids were had, the only use I had at that point was providing income.
Problem is, what do you do as a guy when you need out? Sure, you can walk away from your kids I guess, if you are truly heartless and leave them to their own devices but I don't know, I just can't do that. Reality of it is, those are her kids, not yours. That is her car, not the car you bought. It is her house, not the house you pay for. Any concessions that you would get in a divorce are essentially what she allows because if she contests anything you want, chances are she's going to mostly get her way. She may not get her way 100% but she's definitely coming out on top. So you get booted, she keeps the kids, the house, the car(s) and you get to be an every other weekend dad (if you're lucky and she hasn't totally turned them against you). Truly doubt there's anything other than some extreme outlier guys who would sign up for this.
Where do you go from here? Where do I go from here? I'm honestly not sure man, I'm frustrated, broken, tired and unsure of how to get out of the situation I'm in. If it was a a job I truly hated and even if I made a shit ton of money at it? I'd walk, I've had good jobs, I've lost good jobs, I can find another one. If I was even just married with no kids, I'd run out the door so fucking fast, I'd make the fastest man on earth look like a fucking snail. No, I have kids that I love, care for and provide for and am stuck with a petty, entitled, selfish, overbearing narcissist who literally won't ever, under any circumstances, give an inch. I have no fucking idea what to do next.
This is GOLD .
Amazing. Thank you.
By the way i am your fist subscriber a few years ago.
Awesome. Fantastic analogy. 👍
I really love how you put things into perspective. makes everything so much easier to digest and understand and actually go about applying what was said confidently.
Just 1 kind of heartbreaking rule
NEVER EVER FALL in love with women
- the more time you are dedicated to her - therefore uplifting her with your costs
-> the more likely she will abandon you
Cause
1) when you care about her things you don't care about yours, therefore
2) you are loosing your atractiveness in her eyes, so
3) she will start looking for better optioms.
4) You will become someone alien to yourself, cause you changed yourself for her, and she rejected you anyway.
You lost both: 1. Your true self 2. Her.
She will never love you for your past offering for her. She is not a man. Your transformation for her is not her problem but only yours.
You can treat her like sh*t and if you are her best option anyway, she will stick to you like mud to boot - sad but true 😢
But the moment when you lovingly chop out a piece of yourself in order to satisfy her (changing for her), is the moment when you betray yourself and foreshadow her betreyal of you later.
So don't act nice it won't take you anywere. Acknowledge your aims (whatever they are) and defend them as independence or be ready for the downfall (sometimes its not so bad).
Cheers!
You really want an effortless relationship with women?
KNOW you're better than she is.
KNOW she's replaceable.
And NEVER make the mistake of developing feelings.
Follow those simple rules and you've got the W and the women.
...If you want the fairytale of "love" though, prepare to work hard every hour of every day, and sacrifice every dream you ever had and everything you ever wanted for yourself, trying unsuccessfully to make her happy.
Choice is yours, fellas.
AMEN !
what's the point of being in a relationship but not having feelings for that person?
@@cunjoz Your question is similar to "What's the point of eating anything else but MacDonald's?". The answer to which is "Because it's bad for you and it won't serve you".
@@augustfelix2951 Actually I'm not even sure having feelings was ever a good idea
@@cunjoz If you have to ask, you'll have to learn the hard way like most of us.
But if you're intelligent and analytical you'll probably get it after living through making the wrong decision between the two types of relationship you can have with a woman.
Unfortunately no amount of me trying to explain will likely give you enlightenment though= women are born mercenaries, men are born romantics.
And romantics have to learn the hard way.
I absolutely love the business analogy! Many blessings to you, and yours
I can't believe I just found your channel, is just... pure gold knowledge!!! Thank you so much!
An interesting take on relationships.
And, yes, I’ve had different women tell me, apparently in all honesty, the kind of things you mention.
About my emotional make-up (‘You’re warm, kind, thoughtful, generous…’ etc.) And the equivalent on physical attributes. But still in a short time the emotional rollercoaster starts up.
Perhaps I’ve just been unlucky, but I do think there are an awful of unbalanced/damaged females out there (women doubtless think the same about men) and if you find an attractive woman who not only bucks that trend, but is stable emotionally too, you’re very lucky indeed…
One would be very lucky to find a stable woman…I haven’t met many…lol
I measure a woman’s value to ME..Sure, I’ve played the fool and I may still..I expect instability from most women and many men as well..If I truly care for a lady, I’ll accept her natural ways with a degree of detachment..It must be worth the price of admission I say….The more fit I am, the better..
Remember, there is no pot so crooked that there isn’t a lid to fit it..
Vetting women is for the top 20 percent of men with plenty of options. The rest of us just have to settle with what we get. And I do see a lot of settling out there
is that ok though
Always excellent info from Orion
Absolutely phenomenal so much insight
Man I am having a hard time with my wife and your videos have kept me going, I have realized that I am going through all this just because she thinks she can do better, I really thank you for your content. Let me focus on my shit.
dump her and then you will enjoy the peace and stability of the single life. its amazing. no wasted money on matching towels, no boring conversations about her boring friends, no having to listening to garbage music like mariah carey. women are not smarter, and not funny, what do they have to offer a man, besides her sex? very little.
If this was 1955 this would be great advice. But Now, I can show a woman my cards. Be In shape, good job, make her laugh blah blah, and as soon as i leave after our date in Texas lets say she is on the phone on an app talking to a man from from Florida who makes more money, has abs, also makes her laugh etc. This advice doesn't work anymore.
how would you approach dating now a days? Whats your method
I love this video. As a woman, I am oftentimes suspicious when a man, even a medical professional, claims to know what women want. However, this is genius. Speaking only for myself, this is 100% true. After years of abuse, I am lucky to be with a fantastic human, and he is definitely my "best option", so this all rings true. Because I respect him, I find myself devoted to him. Hard stop. The err I think men often make is thinking they are great, just as they are, thereby being the best option. Or, they know they are not, so they try to make you feel less valuable, so they "appear" to be said "best option". This then creates a lack of respect, and the game is on, thus the struggle.
Unfortunately, because the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, actually being the best option is not nearly enough. Of course, that depends on the disposition of the woman. People vary in how much they deceive themselves about their own market value and that of their partner.
Your name is the same backwards.
I bet if he decided to take a job at Maccy D's for the rest of his working days....you'd leave him like a shot. "Who he is" simply wouldnt be enough anymore
@@luker1hutcher315A man is the sum of his actions and achievements. A mans wealth,status, body and future is who he is. No one is a special smart boy like our mothers told us. We are all scum of the Earth until proven otherwise.
Clear, concise delivery.
God bless you, Orion!
Thank you!
I moved from Russia to the UK and I can absolutely confirm that the greater quality of men here makes finding a woman a whole different ball game while men from poorer countries struggle to find a girl it's totally different for my female friends who bask in the glory here. Absolutely true that if you meet a woman who comes from a higher socioeconomic status it will be a futile yet hard-work experience.
Thank you, Dr Onion Taliban.
You are very insightful and do an incredible job dissecting every point very elaborately, accompanied by scientific reasoning and facts. Keep up the good work.
His name is Orion, not Onion. But I didn't know he was part of the Taliban, I'm quite shocked to find this out.
Auto spell can be funny😊
All credit goes to you for this analogy. I absolutely love it. Used it on the whatever dating pod. You are truly intelligent when breaking down the dating landscapes' mindset as men and women navigate it relatively blindly. Thank you for all you do 🙏🏼