I literally just got off of a phone call with my boyfriend. We were having a situation where he wanted to do something but I wasn't necessarily in that same space and there was a bit of pushback about what I was saying. This video came at the most auspicious time!
I learned expectationless desire when I could touch my wife in places, and for her not to assume it was my attempt to initiate sex. This allowed for an exchange of sexual energy that overall dissipated the negative tension that had built up in our sex life. This took a lot of pressure off of her, and she began to enjoy the sexual side of our relationship.
Same is true for relationships in general. From talking for the first time to going on dates to entering a relationship, you don't want to have too many expectations. There's a good chance they'll get in the way
A term I hear come back often is “making a woman feel safe,” also in this video. I didn’t really understand what it meant and thanks to your videos I’m starting to understand it. Thanks!
Wonderful video My partnership of five years ended a month ago. When my true love decided to part ways with me, it truly is the only thing on my mind. I can't fathom my life with anyone else, and even though I've tried everything to get him back, it's all in vain. Despite my best efforts to put him out of my thoughts, I can't help but miss him and think about him all the time. I could not really tell you why I am saying this.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I really like this idea, even as a single man. I think it will help guys appreciate their own turn-on for women, and just enjoy the arousal she gives you and just saturate yourself and her in your turn-on. Then, it doesn't matter what the end result is, your just sharing a beautiful, sexual experience and energy with her, even if you only kiss, hold each other, etc. I think this may also help in approaching women, doing so in communicating your attraction and interest, rather than trying to get a particular outcome (which i think guys are conditioned to think is necessary for access to sexuality/intimacy with women; it's funny, logically, doing something to "gain access" makes more sense, but emotionally, it makes more sense to play and explore that connection first).
If a man says he doesn’t like to cuddle or touch in non-sexual ways (outside of sex), what does this signal? Could this be personality type? And/or attachment style? And/or autism? And/or?
@Persephone44 as an avoidant attachment style, I can tell you that it could perhaps be his attachment style. Being intimate and being close is not something weird typically interested in doing because we have a fear of trusting people. We feel like if we get close that somebody could let us down or abandon or neglect us. I've been utilizing Chat GPT a lot to understand how different behaviors thoughts or feelings I have could be relevant to my attachment style. I advise you to download it
@Persephone44 if I were you I wouldn't be worried about being physical right now. I would focus more on getting to know him and ask him and acquire about his childhood and upbringing. See if you can figure out where he may be feeling abandonment or neglect or unfulfilled in his own life. As an avoidant attachment Style we don't trust anyone and we are very self-reliant. Somewhere in his upbringing he felt like he had to rely on himself emotionally. Someone let him down big time. Someone who was close to him probably a parent. So if I were you I would try to About his life and see where you can connect the dots And see where you can comfort him and let him know that you support him and that you would never do that to him
Hard to say, It could mean he doesn't want a long term relationship. He doesn't find you that attractive. He could just be on the spectrum like you mentioned or maybe some childhood trauma issues I guess.
It could be low self-esteem/poor self-image. But it's key that you don't project your own ideas (or the ones of online rando's) onto him and rather try to understand him by listening to him
Ah... see, I prefer to cuddle, or to be affectionate... I guess I play all the right cards.... but then the woman expects me to have sex!! Its like.. eww!!! I was only wanting to cuddle or hold hands. We live in such strange times now. Women always expect sex, but they don't really do anything to excite the man or bring him to a point of interest. They just want the man to insert his "love", and go like a jackhammer for 7 minutes. BORING. What happened to kissing? Do women not like to kiss anymore? Seriously.
Superb advice. To those who think this is “simping,” that would only be the case if the woman is continually using &/or rejecting the man. A healthy-minded woman who cares about you becomes much more turned on when you display your consistent desire for her, without making her feel pressured to have sex. As Connor mentions, you’re also demonstrating your ability to discipline your dick, which is highly arousing to us, as well, since we’d like to imagine that you’re saving it exclusively for us (hey, a gal can dream 😆).
Your video is lacking examples. I don't understand any of this. Should I just say like normally: "honey I would like to cuddle with you whole afternoon" - "I am longing to kiss you" etc. It has not worked so far and I don't see any push for sex in that. So what do you actually recommend using? You told real examples on how men get aroused but not what to actually say to a women. How do you actually bring desire without expectations?
When you are in the mood do you always say ”hey i want to have sex right now” or do you also use physical language like kissing her neck and touching her in certain ways? If you do these physical language acts without it needing to go somewhere then it removes the pressure and just shows her the desire you have for her
Your examples seem a bit obnoxious and one-sided and very self serving, i.m.o, try saying, "lets plan a time to cuddle, maybe watch a movie or listen to the rain" or "can we kiss?" Or "can we greet each other with a kiss" or "can we kiss goodbye", Can you see your statements all say "i want..." , and my statements say "can we?", you seem not a team player, not a group advocate, instead your a self-advocate, only advocating selfish stuff, saying i want...this, i want...that, think about it, who wants to be your emotional ATM machine?
That was my first thought. It kind of sounds like he's saying to mask your expectations. Put off expressing them as expectations. Basically suck it up because you're turning her off, by looking needy!
I can tell you that from my 49 years of experience, this is how I've always rolled and always gets me sex - but IM NEVER INTO it by that point. I still don't understand how the fuck babies are born how even how the fuck I got here on the planet? If Im rewarded with sex for not wanting sex , as I always say to women, "WHY the fuck have sex?!" to which then often leads to a heated argument, and always, without fail, I always get dumped- because I rarely put out. If Im horny and want sex, I never get it. But if I jerk off a couple of times, and become disinterested, then the gf or woman becomes interested. It's like you are first hungry, but they won't feed you, so then you go to the Mandarin, fill up on food, THEN they want to give you a slice of pizza. It's always too little, too late. I always end up telling girls to just go fuck themselves. Sex is just NOT worth it for the effort and trouble you have to put into pretending. You mean all this time, I was supposed to be enjoying sex? HOW!?! I can seduce any woman - in fact, it's more fun to reject women than to have sex with them. What a crazy world. 8 billion people fucked ? HOW!?!?!
Understood. What would you have titled this video knowing what it's about? I always want to improve the channel and content. That said, bland titles don't get men to click so it's a bit of "tell them what they think want to hear and give them what they need." Appreciate you tuning in.
@@ManTalks Expectationless desire and how it can improve sexual connection, or To desire without expecting an outcome can improve your sexual connection. It was a good video, thanks!
Great video Connor! I've recently been getting into the work of Jaiya ( www.youtube.com/@Missjaiya ) and her distinction of 5 styles of sexuality that people can have, and it's been really hitting home. What you're describing with a fixation on outcome for men and their sexuality strongly relates to one of the types, which is the sexual type. Thought I'd mention her work if you're not familiar.
Yeah, sure... my wife says the same. I shall push for sex w/o expecting it happen. This is pure simping! When she has no desire for you, you can do what ever you want - nothing will happen. To be honest - if you try and get rejected in 99.9% of the time, you lose interest in even trying. How to get out of this? I don't desire her anymore...
It’s simping to desire your partner??? Sir, this works on really weak broken women. Women do not naturally beg for this… healthy women want to be desired. (Not that men don’t either and they deserve that as well) but naturally a needy woman who does the begging isn’t a healthy woman. That’s insecurity. A man who does exactly what Connor is describing, will make any healthy woman PERSUE her MATE more because she’s naturally responding to HIS mating Q’s which is desire and love and passion and intimacy. I know because this is typically the behavior from men in the beginning of the relationship. That’s why women are always more geared for sex in the beginning as well. Women naturally want a provider. Think of it as a category of providing. Remove the financial aspect of it. But provide desire and it will be reciprocated!!! If you have pulled away for sometime tho, like you have made her work and earn her intimacy (if she hasn’t left yet cuz this will be the first step to a woman walking out on you) then it’s going to take some time for her to believe you actually desire her. Also, men, porn will ALWAYS make it harder for you to desire her. And women will ALWAYS sense this. Even if a woman is ok with her partners porn use, if u are leaking your desires to others not including her, on an intuitive level she’s gonna sense this. And then not want you as often. Another word of advice from a woman. If a woman doesn’t care that you watch porn and you two aren’t that intimate anymore, she’s ok with that because she doesn’t want you. Your partner being bothered by this is a sign of how much she does want you. She does want to be desired. And she does want sex. If she doesn’t care, well that’s because she doesn’t care if she has sex with you or not? If men continue to choose women behind a screen the least you can do is let her go because she deserves real sex. This theory on women being delusional is so interesting to me, I feel like men are EXTREMELY delusional. Especially when it comes to sex. Sometimes the man advice I don’t agree with. Because I don’t think women are to blame when it comes to this category. Men really need to work on keeping the focus on their mate tho. I think this is the number one reason to disconnect! Truly. Women love sex. We do! We love sex so so so much. We love sex even more if our partners looked at us the way they leak and look at other women on the internet too. This will be the demise to modern marriages and relationships. The free sex access on the internet is always going to be there. It’s the secret war on families. I wish men figured this out sooner before losing their entire lives over it. I mean this is the war in our home. And it’s rampant. And it’s in our son’s pockets just grooming men from a young age to not be loyal and to never be satisfied. And then these young boys have fathers demonstrating the same behavior. I don’t see an end to it either. Very sad for women looking for meaningful relationships with lots of sex. I hear more women complaining that they don’t have sex enough now. Well duh it’s because your partner gets it alone with some random lady on the internet. And if women knew what they were watching….. oh boy. No wonder men don’t even know how to pursue anymore.
His pushy expectation- this has to culminate in sex-makes her feel like tool, not a person.
This advice is brilliant.
I literally just got off of a phone call with my boyfriend. We were having a situation where he wanted to do something but I wasn't necessarily in that same space and there was a bit of pushback about what I was saying. This video came at the most auspicious time!
He wanted to do something but you were not in the same space. So, was he with someone else?
Being on the phone is definitely not in the same space. But result kinda goes against host's thesis.
I learned expectationless desire when I could touch my wife in places, and for her not to assume it was my attempt to initiate sex. This allowed for an exchange of sexual energy that overall dissipated the negative tension that had built up in our sex life. This took a lot of pressure off of her, and she began to enjoy the sexual side of our relationship.
Great advice mate😮
Same is true for relationships in general. From talking for the first time to going on dates to entering a relationship, you don't want to have too many expectations. There's a good chance they'll get in the way
A term I hear come back often is “making a woman feel safe,” also in this video. I didn’t really understand what it meant and thanks to your videos I’m starting to understand it. Thanks!
Great insights
I have a saying…
“Every expectation is a disappointment waiting to happen’
bro the goat honestly
This advice was actually goated. Rare to find on TH-cam
Great video. I think the last minute of the video sums it up well, "notice how she is responding." Exactly!
Thanks, best advice I've ever heard on the subject. It's very obvious that unlike a lot of youtubers, you actually know what you're talking about
Great video. Man have I put off some women with my expectations.
Lmao I feel you brother
Wonderful video My partnership of five years ended a month ago. When my true love decided to part ways with me, it truly is the only thing on my mind. I can't fathom my life with anyone else, and even though I've tried everything to get him back, it's all in vain. Despite my best efforts to put him out of my thoughts, I can't help but miss him and think about him all the time. I could not really tell you why I am saying this.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
You know this stuff is so obvious but can often go overlooked. We just need to program ourselves to make it more routine.
Thank you, thank you, thank you❤
I really like this idea, even as a single man. I think it will help guys appreciate their own turn-on for women, and just enjoy the arousal she gives you and just saturate yourself and her in your turn-on. Then, it doesn't matter what the end result is, your just sharing a beautiful, sexual experience and energy with her, even if you only kiss, hold each other, etc.
I think this may also help in approaching women, doing so in communicating your attraction and interest, rather than trying to get a particular outcome (which i think guys are conditioned to think is necessary for access to sexuality/intimacy with women; it's funny, logically, doing something to "gain access" makes more sense, but emotionally, it makes more sense to play and explore that connection first).
Very good points!
I couldn't agree more!!!🎉🎉🎉
He is spot on!
Great video, I will give it a try, thank you!
You give and she gives back.
A story as old as time.
Saved you 10 minutes.
Nice ! Thanks
If a man says he doesn’t like to cuddle or touch in non-sexual ways (outside of sex), what does this signal? Could this be personality type? And/or attachment style? And/or autism? And/or?
@Persephone44 as an avoidant attachment style, I can tell you that it could perhaps be his attachment style. Being intimate and being close is not something weird typically interested in doing because we have a fear of trusting people. We feel like if we get close that somebody could let us down or abandon or neglect us. I've been utilizing Chat GPT a lot to understand how different behaviors thoughts or feelings I have could be relevant to my attachment style. I advise you to download it
@Persephone44 if I were you I wouldn't be worried about being physical right now. I would focus more on getting to know him and ask him and acquire about his childhood and upbringing. See if you can figure out where he may be feeling abandonment or neglect or unfulfilled in his own life. As an avoidant attachment Style we don't trust anyone and we are very self-reliant. Somewhere in his upbringing he felt like he had to rely on himself emotionally. Someone let him down big time. Someone who was close to him probably a parent. So if I were you I would try to About his life and see where you can connect the dots And see where you can comfort him and let him know that you support him and that you would never do that to him
Hard to say, It could mean he doesn't want a long term relationship. He doesn't find you that attractive. He could just be on the spectrum like you mentioned or maybe some childhood trauma issues I guess.
It could be low self-esteem/poor self-image. But it's key that you don't project your own ideas (or the ones of online rando's) onto him and rather try to understand him by listening to him
Ah... see, I prefer to cuddle, or to be affectionate... I guess I play all the right cards.... but then the woman expects me to have sex!! Its like.. eww!!! I was only wanting to cuddle or hold hands. We live in such strange times now. Women always expect sex, but they don't really do anything to excite the man or bring him to a point of interest. They just want the man to insert his "love", and go like a jackhammer for 7 minutes. BORING. What happened to kissing? Do women not like to kiss anymore? Seriously.
Superb advice. To those who think this is “simping,” that would only be the case if the woman is continually using &/or rejecting the man. A healthy-minded woman who cares about you becomes much more turned on when you display your consistent desire for her, without making her feel pressured to have sex. As Connor mentions, you’re also demonstrating your ability to discipline your dick, which is highly arousing to us, as well, since we’d like to imagine that you’re saving it exclusively for us (hey, a gal can dream 😆).
Dat username, tho...
(rofl)
Your video is lacking examples. I don't understand any of this. Should I just say like normally: "honey I would like to cuddle with you whole afternoon" - "I am longing to kiss you" etc. It has not worked so far and I don't see any push for sex in that. So what do you actually recommend using? You told real examples on how men get aroused but not what to actually say to a women. How do you actually bring desire without expectations?
When you are in the mood do you always say ”hey i want to have sex right now” or do you also use physical language like kissing her neck and touching her in certain ways? If you do these physical language acts without it needing to go somewhere then it removes the pressure and just shows her the desire you have for her
Your examples seem a bit obnoxious and one-sided and very self serving, i.m.o, try saying, "lets plan a time to cuddle, maybe watch a movie or listen to the rain" or "can we kiss?" Or "can we greet each other with a kiss" or "can we kiss goodbye",
Can you see your statements all say "i want..." , and my statements say "can we?", you seem not a team player, not a group advocate, instead your a self-advocate, only advocating selfish stuff, saying i want...this, i want...that, think about it, who wants to be your emotional ATM machine?
Yes!
Im 37 and still learning.
If there is no expectation, there is no drive. I do not go to work hoping to be paid.
That was my first thought.
It kind of sounds like he's saying to mask your expectations. Put off expressing them as expectations. Basically suck it up because you're turning her off, by looking needy!
I can tell you that from my 49 years of experience, this is how I've always rolled and always gets me sex - but IM NEVER INTO it by that point. I still don't understand how the fuck babies are born how even how the fuck I got here on the planet? If Im rewarded with sex for not wanting sex , as I always say to women, "WHY the fuck have sex?!" to which then often leads to a heated argument, and always, without fail, I always get dumped- because I rarely put out. If Im horny and want sex, I never get it. But if I jerk off a couple of times, and become disinterested, then the gf or woman becomes interested. It's like you are first hungry, but they won't feed you, so then you go to the Mandarin, fill up on food, THEN they want to give you a slice of pizza. It's always too little, too late. I always end up telling girls to just go fuck themselves. Sex is just NOT worth it for the effort and trouble you have to put into pretending. You mean all this time, I was supposed to be enjoying sex? HOW!?! I can seduce any woman - in fact, it's more fun to reject women than to have sex with them. What a crazy world. 8 billion people fucked ? HOW!?!?!
I experience this like a mother fucker. I appreciate this insight
Interesting.... not sure how i feel about this one tho...but interesting
So this is basically intimacy
It's frustrating when you interpret text as flirting, then you meet her and expect that same energy, at your own peril
I really like your content Connor, but I'm struggling with these click bait titles. It's a bit degrading to click them, like I've been had.
Understood. What would you have titled this video knowing what it's about? I always want to improve the channel and content.
That said, bland titles don't get men to click so it's a bit of "tell them what they think want to hear and give them what they need."
Appreciate you tuning in.
@@ManTalks Expectationless desire and how it can improve sexual connection, or To desire without expecting an outcome can improve your sexual connection. It was a good video, thanks!
@@ManTalks Imo this will get more clicks, as long as you have enough info on the thumbnail like you did I think it works
Great video Connor! I've recently been getting into the work of Jaiya ( www.youtube.com/@Missjaiya ) and her distinction of 5 styles of sexuality that people can have, and it's been really hitting home. What you're describing with a fixation on outcome for men and their sexuality strongly relates to one of the types, which is the sexual type. Thought I'd mention her work if you're not familiar.
My single ass watching this 👁️👄👁️
Yeah, sure... my wife says the same. I shall push for sex w/o expecting it happen. This is pure simping! When she has no desire for you, you can do what ever you want - nothing will happen. To be honest - if you try and get rejected in 99.9% of the time, you lose interest in even trying. How to get out of this? I don't desire her anymore...
Stop pitying yourself
Isn't seeing your girlfriend in a summer dress and getting around a response? All your examples are responses to visual stimulation.
It's simping, desire is expectation genuine desire from a woman need not put her in the mood she just do it
It’s simping to desire your partner??? Sir, this works on really weak broken women. Women do not naturally beg for this… healthy women want to be desired. (Not that men don’t either and they deserve that as well) but naturally a needy woman who does the begging isn’t a healthy woman. That’s insecurity. A man who does exactly what Connor is describing, will make any healthy woman PERSUE her MATE more because she’s naturally responding to HIS mating Q’s which is desire and love and passion and intimacy. I know because this is typically the behavior from men in the beginning of the relationship. That’s why women are always more geared for sex in the beginning as well. Women naturally want a provider. Think of it as a category of providing. Remove the financial aspect of it. But provide desire and it will be reciprocated!!! If you have pulled away for sometime tho, like you have made her work and earn her intimacy (if she hasn’t left yet cuz this will be the first step to a woman walking out on you) then it’s going to take some time for her to believe you actually desire her. Also, men, porn will ALWAYS make it harder for you to desire her. And women will ALWAYS sense this. Even if a woman is ok with her partners porn use, if u are leaking your desires to others not including her, on an intuitive level she’s gonna sense this. And then not want you as often. Another word of advice from a woman. If a woman doesn’t care that you watch porn and you two aren’t that intimate anymore, she’s ok with that because she doesn’t want you. Your partner being bothered by this is a sign of how much she does want you. She does want to be desired. And she does want sex. If she doesn’t care, well that’s because she doesn’t care if she has sex with you or not? If men continue to choose women behind a screen the least you can do is let her go because she deserves real sex. This theory on women being delusional is so interesting to me, I feel like men are EXTREMELY delusional. Especially when it comes to sex. Sometimes the man advice I don’t agree with. Because I don’t think women are to blame when it comes to this category. Men really need to work on keeping the focus on their mate tho. I think this is the number one reason to disconnect! Truly. Women love sex. We do! We love sex so so so much. We love sex even more if our partners looked at us the way they leak and look at other women on the internet too. This will be the demise to modern marriages and relationships. The free sex access on the internet is always going to be there. It’s the secret war on families. I wish men figured this out sooner before losing their entire lives over it. I mean this is the war in our home. And it’s rampant. And it’s in our son’s pockets just grooming men from a young age to not be loyal and to never be satisfied. And then these young boys have fathers demonstrating the same behavior. I don’t see an end to it either. Very sad for women looking for meaningful relationships with lots of sex. I hear more women complaining that they don’t have sex enough now. Well duh it’s because your partner gets it alone with some random lady on the internet. And if women knew what they were watching….. oh boy. No wonder men don’t even know how to pursue anymore.
Genuine desire, true. However, it's a rare experience for most men. How long will you wait for genuine desire to appear? Let's be real.