Saving Your Marriage From Divorce - David Clarke Part 2
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ค. 2024
- There is hope for bad marriages. Jim Daly & John Fuller talk with Dr. David Clarke over his book, I Don’t Want a Divorce. He shares that if you are struggling in your marriage that you are not alone and there is hope. You can find David's book on our store here: bit.ly/2CVeUCt
He discusses the three main bad marriage types:, the “We’re unhappy but willing to work on it marriage,” the “My marriage is stuck but my spouse won’t work on it marriage” and the “My spouse committed a big sin marriage.”
Need help with your marriage? Learn more about Hope Restored, a marriage intensive experience from Focus on the Family: bit.ly/2ojJNLN
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Praying for my husbands salvation, him to come home and our family restored.
Righteous anger IS my ally. I was forgiving, loving & gently confronting for 24 years & that should have worked. It works in all other areas of my life, but not with my husband. I caved & was a doormat. Righteous anger is working out much better so far & achieving change that looks genuine - only time and my team of supporters will tell.
I'm having a very difficult time finding decent people to form a team
@@sashanoel167 Sasha, I had the same problem and had to venture out on my own. I took that as an opportunity to develop the inner strength I needed to develop. I hope you are well.
Yes we are taught as Christian women and wives to be submissive aka doormats. Forget that. These are abusive narcissists we are dealing with. Righteous anger is a better approach as Jesus modeled for us!
I am not Christian yet my story is similar I am in the last phase its showing he is ready to start new instead of acknowledging the problem
I've experienced this rejection from my spouse. I Praise God for this specific topic thats being talked about. Im in a period of what i called healing......im healing slowly. As i heal, the Lord sends individuals that need to be ministered to, and God is giving that task, and i tell you.....its been one great priviledge to be able to minister to others.....back to my marriage....i am confident about faith that Gods in control and that this present hurt/pain doesnt not compare to what will be revealed!!!!! I study His Word. I love the bond Christ and i have. He is with me and He indeed is faithful to me and for that i Praise Him and talk to Him and get to knw Him better through reading scriptures....i discipline myself to seek Truth, to His Word so that it fully satisfy and edify my soul. Please pray for me and my husband as i go through this season. The Lord rebuke satan whos been trying to tear me. I will stand on firm Rock. Christ is my strength, my marriage is victorious in Jesus name. Amen
No nonsense truth. It's difficult living with someone physically present but emotionally absent/ detached. They're ok as it is, lives more as a roommate, which their past relationships were like. It's lonely and a slow death. Someone can't/ won't change if they don't believe there's anything wrong & feel comfortable as it is.
He is right when dealing with this type of man. Your pain will never be enough to change his heart. He has too much self love to notice. The only thing that affected my spouse to begin with was to leave for even a few days . He needs to feel loss personally and to feel what you have been in your heart for years.
Well this is awesome truth. I know my road will be long and praying for courage and strength as I start on my steps for restoring.
If there was a 2-thumbs up" I'd give that rating! God brought this to me at the perfect moment. Bless you all. Im buying the audio book.
The sin of the "stick" is pride, stubbornness, rebellion
Yes, I know a stick
Totally selfishness
@ Mia Fourie
" pride , stubborness , rebellion"
Perfect portrait of the modern western woman loaden with sins.
Omg! Awesome , sound and biblical! Finally a “how to” that so often the church fails to give the Christians. God bless Focus on the Family for always diving into the Word to help support families. Thank you David Clarke. I will be getting a copy of the 90 day guide. Praying my husband will heal and our marriage will be restored for Gods purpose.
Hi Betty I just stumbled on this video and your comment. It’s a year later - how are you doing? I’m at the point you were at a year ago.
You must not read the Bible. Their nothing Biblical here.
@@KGB94TV except for all the scripture right. 😏
@@anar3602 what scripture?
@@KGB94TV So you're declaring something unbiblical without actually watching the video? 🤦♀️🤷♀️
I wish there was a triple like button.. thank you Lord for this truth.. wow.. these steps is truth
Wow, Thank you. This message is a complete confirmation deep within my belly from the Lord. Painful but much needed.
How much of the marriage crisis in the Church is related to the worldly, idealistic notion of connecting with the perfect partner?
Focus on the family was not ready for this at all 😂😂😂😂😂 thank you Dr Clarke
If you truly want the marriage saved, remember you can't control what he thinks or does. I mean do you want that burden to carry his issues? I know it hurts. This is why you need to dive in to self care. Make a choice to be pleasant for him to be around. If he talks, just let him talk. Saying things like "okay. Uh huh. I hear you." If he's speaking about his feelings, that's your opportunity to make him know that you're listening, genuinely. He probably assumes you'll react and get upset. It's a good thing that he's sharing his thoughts. Not the time for a blame game or the classic tit- for- tat. Yes he may say things that you disagree with. Just let him know you hear him, you respect his thoughts. If he gets upset or angry, it's his internal reaction to his own feelings which can be veto uncomfortable. Just because he's talking divorce right now, he's feeling that way right now and feelings do change. He was crazy for you in the past, and he can feel that again. If it's getting to be too much, just tell him that you're glad he was able to open up to you and that you know it's a hard thing to do. Just tell him you need to do something, and that you'll be happy to continue the conversation when you have the time. Go run that errand, get busy and just do something for you. Stay strong. If you feel like it's too much at the time or that you're getting upset, go take a breather. This may be a surprise for him that he was able to come to you and that you're safe to talk to. Don't give him another reason to be like "yep. I shouldn't have spoken to her."
"Thank you for coming to me to get things off your chest. I'm sure it's a hard thing to do but i hear you." If you feel it's right for you, tell him "look I still do love you, plain and simple. You know I don't want a divorce but use this time to take care of you. I do care. And if you truly think divorce is the only option, I'll give it to you."
Every interaction can be an opportunity to perhaps see this as the breakdown before the breakthrough.
This was my experience. Sometimes you have to pretend you have duct tape on your mouth and do less time more listening. That itself can be a game change.
Praise the lord ❤
God brought this to me back in July. It was exactly what I needed! I have been shunning since then. I am slowly getting out of my marriage. I have made myself financially independent, have a job I love. I am grateful we don't have young children. And, everyday, I pray that God restores my marriage. God has been by my side the entire time. I could not have done what I've done so far without Him. And whatever happens, I know He is with me still.
dsma06 praise God
dsma06, it’s a year later. How are you doing? I’m praying if I should move to shunning
I think David is brilliant
I would love to have his help and book
I am praying continually but he gets angry so often. I need help. I love him but we need help.
Wonderful message and biblical too, it reminded me by 1peter3:7
The saddest part of this process is that every time I/we have gone to our pastors ….nothing.
My husband separated from me in July moved out in November filed for divorce in January and February 20th we have a divorce meeting. I have been wanting to reconcile and he refuses. His heart is very hard and hates me. I have been praying and God is silent
I am so sorry to hear that ma’am.
This is GREAT stuff. I'm buying this book!!!!!
I had this conversation multiple times. No follow thru on husband's part. Finally left. Now he believes everything my fault alone. I acknowledged my faults, I apologized for my Parr. I offered suggestions, solutions...no participation from him. Not his idea..then not open. Finally lack of love, kindness, no intimacy for five years...unwilling to get help.i tried to leave several times. I didn't follow thru. Finally I did. He cleans out bank accounts, changed locks...refused to reach out to me. Got lawyer...seeking financial support. We were married 43 years! Blames me for affairs...I didn't have...accused me of stealing..and more. He calls me ungodly, unchristian, non submissive...
All of this is great advice because it is biblical. I appreciate David spelling it out like this. We coddle one another so much in American society that this type of discipline rarely happens. We need to all be willing to do this and help others if they are in this situation.
Happens all over the world. We have all been blind sided by narcissists, especially covert narcissists
THIS HELPED ME SO SO MUCH !!
Can a marriage still be restored if your spouse leave his faith? Thanks.
Thank you sooo much for this .
I am so torn. I read Gary Chapman's book "When to Walk Away" and yet here Dr Clark preaches there IS a way save a marriage...even if it may be toxic??
This guy is awesome!
An awesome leader!🙏🙏🙏🙏
I need help. He’s had Multiple affairs, moved out for a year and he says he wants to work it out. I would love to work it out but he is still just not a nice person. He promised counseling but he hasn’t don’t it.
Thanks!
My husband was having an emotional affair. When the church started opening back up after Covid. The other woman went back to ex boyfriend and married him. But than as he started up and running again in the church. He was like see you later. I don’t have time for you.
my husband is not talking to anyone not family or friends about the divorce, is this normal? why?
This was amazing
The best I’ve ever heard
I have run into an issue with the book "I Don't Want A Divorce" with my wife. She wants me to skip to Part 4 - The "My Spouse Has Sinned Big Time" Marriage when I know for sure that I'm clearly not the only one who has contributed to our issues. Particularly disturbing is her wanting me to skip Chapter 1 which includes having an accountability partner, who can address her mental issues (bipolar, narcissism).
Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated - thank you!
Don't skip. You'll get to pt 4 soon enough
For now,insist that you Don't skip. If she will not go forward, bring someone else into this journey, but do not back down. You must go forward
@@TheEllaTB She won’t let anyone else into our journey
Church will only adress guys and not woman.. that is all i can help.
It is encouraging and helpful, really appreciate this teaching that applies Bible principles
I am married 36 years I Seperated in 2007 because of addiction ..I am a Christian 30 years ,I was Seperated for 11 years ..and back in the marriage because of homelessness
how do you respond to someone who says that the shunning is a form of unhealthy control
Your first need is safety, if you don't have safety in your relationship, starting with total honesty you cannot be in relationship with anyone.
It is unhealthy
@@laurieannJake if I remember this video correctly I believe they said there were cases in which shunning was justified.
@@laurieannJake it works.
I didn't know that this steps existed, I m on the last step of shining know ,
How are you doing now? I’m praying about whether or not to start shunning
What if one spouse tries to talk but the other (say the husband) hates talking about feelings hates when you are honest (even in move) about things that hurt you that they do? What if they are disengaged and don’t want to work? They ignore pastors and other Christian men trying to reach out?
Yes, forgiveness vs. separation?
Listen to the whole broadcast
Praise the lord ❤
Is this applicable for couples who are already separated and living in separate spaces?
I hope so. My wife moved out 18 weeks ago tomorrow.
Can this work if my spouse is smoking marijuana consistently Around the Clock? We met in the church got married in the church but he left 4 years ago once he started smoking and no longer wants to be part of that church life . I'm in the last stage, separation but he still doesn't want to stop smoking.
Is this medical? or is this him just getting high?
@@lacyp3771 ITS just him getting high around the clock everyday.
@@lildebbie86328 Take the first bus and get a one way ticket.
I understand you in my own way . I have a hard working husband. He goes along with church because of me . But when he’s home he’s in his own world and uses his vices . I can’t get through to him , it’s very frustrating, people don’t understand. The thing is that people have different types of addictions whether legal or not . My question is how much does God put up with our sin ? Enough to send his son to die . Too many people give up on their marriage now a days . God wants both of your hearts .
@@rebeccaoprea9917 watch both videos they are very good.
Just for background: I am not Christian and I have just watched this now.
I am exactly in the relationship he is describing. The second one I mean.
Two weeks ago, I had the exact idea that he is talking about here. I wanted to discuss ideas how we could change our relationship (which is between okay to horrible). I took a day off work at the end of the week and said, we should discuss our future and our relationship. I hope you take the day off too. He did not. Is it worth doing that again? Or bad stick stays bad stick?
Ok, his idea is to then ask a friend or church leader to talk to your partner. That seems unrealistic because that seems dangerous, the partner might stay upset for a long time and make your life even more miserable. I hope Mr. Clarke has an other idea for all those who are not confident enough to do that step.
Read his book - 20 lies that keep you with your abuser
This is so wonderful to no,ad a blessing,ad we need this to apply in are relationship as husband,wifey,ad the Lord Jesus is with us to guide us togather as one,ad being on the right page ,as God wants us to be,we do make misstakes who don't,I do want this to work between the both.of us,amen.MsTAubrey with love always 👍👀🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💖💞💕💖💖💕💖💖💖💕💖💞
It takes two people to make a marriage work sign Cynthia Smith
‼ I don't have a stick aka roommate, as a husband, I have a pen pal in this relationship ‼
How can a man the literal personification of sin according to most religions try and define sin or judge a person on sin or claim that person is a sinner? Honestly I feel every single human on this planet my self included has sinned or will sin at some point or another. I mean if you live your life in a box maybe you might be okay but lets get real because that will never happen. This is why I have problems with all organized religious texts. They are all written by men and nothing in them can be taken at face value. I'm sorry... but it's true. If a truly omnipotent being came to earth and gave us the book with proof of that event on record in a non religious context then I could believe it.
😊
What happens when reconciliation is taking place and spouse accepted Christ, but refuses to admit to affairs and ungodly behaviors? Living with secrets, lies, and denials.
Than he's choosing not to follow Jesus. Faith without action is dead. He's chosen the path of sin. You follow the steps dealing in this video and he must choose.
@@anar3602, thank you.
If they just gave their life to Christ, it takes time. The Holy Spirit will convict their heart if they legit repented but it takes time.
3 churches ( over 30 yrs) told me love him more
So sad. My heart breaks for you. This is one of the things that has driven this generation away from the church, sadly. Only looking to the wife to be submissive and not holding the husband accountable.
@@debbierice7476
Husband accountable for what , ? For not meeting all the whims of the modern day woman ?
You never see such thing in the Bible . All the modern wolves in sheep clothing do not hold WIVES accountable for the evil and harm done to countless marriages as the Bible does .
@@framboise595 if you listen to him he would never say that, he is talking only about living with a man who says he is a believer and is living in unrepentant and blatant sin ..
@@clarissadearth295 23:19 😅
To accuse men, church always be here.
The Catholic Church absolutely falls flat here.
I wish my husband, who is currently incarcerated, could hear this message. :( He was arrested 10 months into our marriage due to a crime he was involved in a decade prior to our meeting. My world was flipped upside down. To add insult to injury I uncovered he was in the beginning stages of infidelity due to his sexual addiction. It will be 2 years since his arrest in February and I am physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually drained. I don’t know what else to do (or say) to save our marriage or even if it’s worth it.
Elizabeth Pigg, I am praying for you. I know what it is like to have your world turned upside down. The Lord stays close to those who are crushed in spirit. He will stay close to you.
Grandma Lorna Thank you! I really appreciate that.
Is he a believer ?
Rebecca Oprea Yes he is.
hugs gal...i feel ur deep hurt n betrayal.
❤🙏❤🙏❤
"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear." (1 Peter 3:1-2, KJV)
Haha, abusers LOVE to quote this PART of the scripture. Read ALL of 1Peter3 & ALL of Ephesians 5 & put them into context. Wives are under husbands submission when HE is obeying & following Christ & loving her like his own body!
@@jasemeal7849 you LIE! You are an abuser of the Word. You hold truth in unrighteous.
"And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife." (1Co 7:10-11, KJV)
"The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." (1Co 7:39, KJV)
"For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man." (Rom 7:2-3, KJV)
? Where's the lie?
Doesn't say you have to live with your abuser, i didnt say anything about divorce.
@@jasemeal7849 who determines if the husband is obeying Jesus?
Nigerian Christians are not ready for this approach 😂 👀
I'm married to a bad stick who refuses to talk to me.
I think the male stick. Is the narcissist personality who will not respond because he cannot understand. You cannot confront. A narc because he will hurt or kill you God is the only one. To help this sin
Ignore him is terrible advice. It's one of the things that ruins marriage. I wouldn't advise being like this if you want to save the marriage. "Stone walling" is wrong.
Read his books first, he’s not talking about dealing with normal people but with narcissistic spouses
David Clark who is the second witness? You are saying that the wife testimony alone is enough to shun the husband from his family and church community?
“One witness shall not rise up against a man for any iniquity, or for any sin, in any sin that he sinneth: at the mouth of two witnesses, or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established. If a false witness rise up against any man to testify against him that which is wrong; Then both the men, between whom the controversy is, shall stand before the LORD, before the priests and the judges, which shall be in those days; And the judges shall make diligent inquisition: and, behold, if the witness be a false witness, and hath testified falsely against his brother; Then shall ye do unto him, as he had thought to have done unto his brother: so shalt thou put the evil away from among you. And those which remain shall hear, and fear, and shall henceforth commit no more any such evil among you." Deu 19:15-20 (KJV)
I believe that comes after the elders of the church confront him and he does not respond. She goes to him one on one as the Biblical standard in Matt. initially.
Your reference was for specific laws being broken in the Old Testament and had very specific applications at that time.
He said do Matthew 18
@@clarissadearth295
Satan is behind all those awful teachings because they put the wife in control. You NEVER see that in the Bible whether the OT or NT .
How can someone in subjection have such power ? Because SATAN and all the poisoned evangelical circles have empowered wives so that they control their husbands from day one to divorce .
A wife's testimony is nothing in God's eyes. It is the husband who is in power . Not her.
@@framboise595 , actually the New Testament teaches mutual submission, it's never a one over the other teaching. When a husband is sinning against his wife habitually and remains in grievous sin with no repentance he is in danger spiritually. Confronting his sin in a loving way is what will help him towards repentance. My hubby is thankful for being held accountable so he could begin to restore his relationship with Christ, and now with me. We do not apply Old Testament law to the marriage relationship. Satan would be behind any teaching that would keep a woman or man stuck in their sins without calling them to repentance where healing begins. It would be most unloving to let a spouse continue in their sin. My husband says the day I confronted his sin in love was the best thing that ever happened to him.
"Repentance" don't wash anything away. That's real life. Too much of "Christian" counselling is not realistic. It don't make your spouse "clean". They were having an affair. Sleeping with other people. "Repentance" just don't cut it.
I don't like that you attack the husband. My wife is cantankerous and always sparky yet shewi blame me for everything and tell everyone its my fault. Because she thinks she knows intent like the Holy Spirit
Snarky
So she betrays your trust at every turn with no remorse. She's justifying her sin by trying to cloak it in righteousness when in reality it's actually an attack on the fragile fabric of trust.
So how many wounds are enough? I guess only you know your line.
There is a bias in this conversation from Dr Clarke that the husband is the problem. I guess it is not how he thinks but just how he communicates.
Did you watch part 1? He explains this EXACT thing. He doesn't want to keep repeating him/her. He means both when he says him.
Nope, this is his specialty. He absolutely knows what he’s talking about. If it sounds too harsh then you probably haven’t witnessed the type of person he is speaking about
This is horrible advice. I can't fathom how Focus on the Family can call this biblical marriage counseling.
unless you experienced it first hand you won't understand. it was true 100 for me and my marriage and this was all before I stumbled across this video...!!
How can you be surprised since FOFshelters a den of feminist wolves in sheep clothing who never ever teach women subjection to their husbands in everything as the Bible teaches .
Such wolves were predicted 2000 years ago in the NT .
Run away from them o my people .
@@framboise595, why are you even on here, if this is your belief?
Agreed!
The enemy is infiltrating the church, if you dont know the word you will believe this evil and deception he is teaching
"But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence." (1 Timothy 2:12, KJV)
This is heinous calling people sinners because they are not connected emotionally
Stop calling people sinners
It’s disgusting and judgemental
This kind of person? You people need to stop using Christianity to control people and call them sinners
What is it you missed? He's talking about neglect. Infant humans die from neglect for a reason. Anyway you cut it, neglect can destroy a human heart. If you don't think the lover of our soul takes that seriously, you should question if you know Him.
Preach it girl
This man's approach is harsh, judgmental, manipulating the scriptures, & dangerous in my opinion. He does not represent the heart of God.
Patrick Doyle has much more "speak the truth in love" guidance to offer.
@@amyeaton9581 this website looks to be for specific situations of abuse for women. Not at all like Focus on the Family's speaker is talking about.
Sometimes, we need a kick in the pants to get our attention. My husband and I are already applying techniques he has mentioned.
@@amyeaton9581
"But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence." (1 Timothy 2:12, KJV)
@@KGB94TV not sure if you're referring to me, but Patrick Doyle is a man.
This is literally teaching women to be wicked. Please show me where in the Bible where it is ok for the wife to usurp her husband’s authority.
"But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety." 1 Timothy 2:10-15 (KJVA)
KGB94 TV “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,”
Ephesians 5:25-29 ESV
www.bible.com/59/eph.5.25-29.esv
The key is “i suffer not” meaning it was paul’s opinion for the matter.
“I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling;”
1 Timothy 2:8 ESV
www.bible.com/59/1ti.2.8.esv
Where is it wicked to say to your husband something like honey, I really need to talk...
@@andrealmoseley6575
It is just pure feminist manipulation . Just the way Delilha trapped Samson saying How can you say you LOVE ( notice how those feminist wolves are crazy about love ...) me IF you don't tell me your secret.
Today it goes like this :
How can you say you love men IF you do this , you don't do that you bla bla bla and no male control to silence the wife's craziness anymore.
Guess who takes over ? The WIFE .
This quack is the reason 80 percent of marriage counseling ends in divorce. Shame on Focus on the Family.
Seriously
I don't really like this guys style. He focuses on men mostly in a very blaming tone. Not my cup of tea. Because he is talking with two other people I feel like this particular conversation is a little bit more balanced but his own content currently is all about getting a divorce and talking about the man and 90% of the time.
Who is this nut job??? This is the worst advice I’ve ever heard. Follow it if you WANT your marriage to end in divorce 🤦♂️
This guy is crazy.
It is not true that God hates divorce. He Himself is a divorcee according to Jeremiah 3:8. What God hates is the putting away, not divorce. The law of God have laws on divorce according to Deuteronomy 24:1-4.
"For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously." Malachi 2:16 (KJV)
keep reading the rest of it:
Go, and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, "'Return, faithless Israel, declares the Lord. I will not look on you in anger, for I am merciful, declares the Lord; I will not be angry forever.”
Jeremiah 3:12 ESV
www.bible.com/59/jer.3.12.esv