One of the tenets of corporate human resources is to hire slow and fire fast. In today's episode, I'll discuss how the same advice holds true when vetting a woman for a relationship. Hiring slow means that you resist the urge to emotionally invest in a woman until you've collected many different data points across a significant time horizon. On the other hand, firing fast means that you terminate the relationship (or silo into a casual affair) at the first signs of trouble. Both steps are facilitated by having a large applicant pool. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: th-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/w-d-xo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: th-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship
As an experienced divorce lawyer, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly some guys cohabitate with their “hot new girlfriend”. Guys, take your time. Keep your emotions in check. Think with your big head. Stay safe out there.
Cohabitation before marriages is linked to higher divorce chances, the truth is some guys have been so deep in either low self love & self respect or loneliness its like they're moths to the flame of women and when it ends badly they don't even know what happened.
I got divorced back in June. It was an ambush. Never saw it coming. Thinking she was a unicorn, it was unthinkable to me that she'd do that because I understood marraige as something for life, where you hold the line and are loyal to the end-never giving up. These videos over the last seven months were instrumental in removing the scales from my eyes, helping me see what happened, rewiring my brain, and accepting the world for what it is and not what I'd like it to be. The videos remind me of a scene in 'The Count of Monte Cristo' where Edmund Dantes is unjustly thrown into prison, and with the help of his mentor (these videos), he has an epiphany, figuring out who betrayed him and how. Of course, the difference is that, unlike Edmund, I've got no plan for revenge. Several months ago, I would've done anything to have her back. Now, I don't even WANT my old life back. I'm on a much better path now. Thank you!
I feel for you, brother. Same situation as me, only we weren't married. 10 years finished in a blink of an eye. Never saw it coming... I'm only a few months in post-breakup. However, I'm seeing things that I never noticed when I was in the thick of the relationship. At this point I'm realizing it's for the best despite wanting her back from time to time. Overall, it gets a little easier every day. Colombia is a wonderful country, by the way. I was there for two months last winter. I'd like to go back to visit and explore some more in the future. Best of luck to you moving forward.
@@randyjb2 Yeah, she was a Colombiana, but highly westernized, with its pros and cons: perfect English, highly punctual, organized and conscientious, but also with a hedonistic career-comes-first mentality.
@@0rnery0verwatch Treat her with the self-interested calculation and caution an HR department would a prospective employee; carefully and without given oneself over to emotional attachment. What does she bring to my life other females don't? What are the risks of taking her on? At what point do I cut my loses and get a replacement?
@@0rnery0verwatch Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Women who want a man’s commitment should be vetted. Similar in fashion as an employer would vet a potential employee.
I remember asking a guy out and he was slow to get to know me. Past anxious, lonely me was frustrated with his apparent lack of interest. When I asked whether his slow replies and apparent unavailability meant lack of interest he told me something important. 'I take my time getting to know a new woman in my life and I am not going to change my plans with important people and goals just because you want to see me ASAP'. Only now do I fully appreciate where he was coming from.
Why did you write "only now"? Did you dump the guy because of his initial distance? I think there has to be a fine balance, especially nowadays, where everyone's attention span has been seriously decreased due to social media. Like almost no one who is say 35 and below will tolerate slow responses that come every few days. So you need to find that fine line.
@@MatiKosa because I have done a tremendous amount of work on myself and I understand know why I was out of alignment with his process of choosing a partner. I didn't dump him. We didn't get past the chatting stage.
@@roses6564 I chose not to continue interacting with him. I knew I had work to do on myself and that interaction was enough to teach me where I needed to work on myself.
You’re giving him too much credit. It can be that he’s done some terrible things, & other’s did terrible things to him. I’ve noticed people like that have the hardest time with commitment. As women, we’re told if a male is unavailable then it must mean he doesn’t like us. Now, the argument is, he’s just being cautious? The other thing is, how long do you think a male should “get to know you”? Are you willing to spend a lot of time with him with no commitment return? Are you willing to be in a state of uncertainty? I’m not saying you should be upset with him, but that if you’re fine being “unimportant”, then be fine with the consequences of that. He could have very well been trying to avoid ending up with a woman just like him. He might also be at a point where he doesn’t know what he wants. There’s absolutely nothing profound about that. Contrary to what males say, there are a lot of them going through that phase. So if anything, the last thing people like that should be doing is getting into another relationship. I’m not saying this applies to your case specifically, but it’s a possibility.
Here's a tip for this one Sir. I am a repeat offender for falling into things too quickly due to personal programming and pressure by the women who often want to go very QUICKLY. Keep up the good work. Thanks for your great work!
It really depends. I think in general you want to consider if she's looking to control the tempo as described by Dr. T. Is she pushing to talk to you every day and immediately after you met her? Also is she pushing and guilting you into a relationship before you're ready? Unless you know it's okay to wait until you've done your vetting and it's okay not to succumb to what she wants, you can get pulled into something too quickly.
I’m in an almost 2 yr relationship. I know that the “we should move in together” is coming. I won’t do it… nor am I going to bring it up before her. But when it comes, and I say no, I have to admit to being a bit anxious about how it will go. But I know in the end, I’ll be fine whatever she decides to do IE stay or leave altogether. Why ruin a good thing?? Moving in together destroys all of the fun. She knows she’s got you… and that isn’t good for her OR you. She starts to resent you and take you for granted… the bedroom dries up. Before you know it, she’s looking to monkey branch to the dude who would never let her move in. She’ll be WAY MORE attracted to him sexually and will give him way more respect. What women that hate the redpill don’t understand: they THINK they want what they want… but they don’t. Therefore, never make decisions based on what she says she wants… make them based on how attracted she is to you sexually. Without genuine desire, your relationship is dead in the water. Men, don’t fully commit, and F her properly (man handle her), and you’ll have a great relationship!
All 100% true. The problem remains that once a man commits, he's "all in". So he relinquishes his options. And that's exactly when modern women do a 180 & become awful.
Never be "all in" even with the wife. She has to constantly have doubts and never be sure you're in her pocket. Any time you could leave her and everything material too.
This is one of Orion’s best episodes, ever. And as a 40yr old and reasonably experienced guy, this means quite a lot. Gentlemen please DO NOT IGNORE THIS!
Its crazy how, point by point, he makes RP positions, and is said through the backing of a psychology and calm and confident presentation, and people will still undervalue the message. Keep up the good work PsycHacks.
To be honest for you, after think about the red pill for A while, I think it will most likely go down under and become once again like it was in the beginning. The reason for that is that 1) with social media the entire concept is being attacked, which will most likely make it taboo 2) women are naturally programmed to act the way they are, while men have to be taught. A women is born with the need and the desire to be as attractive as possible while most men are told by society that they have to “be nice” 3) the entire concept is being mocked 24/7 everywhere, and the pioneers of the entire concept (which let’s be honest are pick up artist) are all getting canceled left and right and finally 4) again society. A women is allowed to be hypergamous and delusional. You as a man are not allowed to be polygamous or manipulate. This entire community will unfortunately die. So will society, cause we all know what to expect from that future with a world like that.
A lot of the “faces” of the RP community give these talking points a bad name A lot ppl who’s only exposure to this subject matter is Tate, FnF, - or rather hearing ppl talk bad about Tate, Samuels, etc causes them to build mental defense mechanisms against these facts… So a lot of ppl unfortunately never get to the root of what it’s all about unless they experience the ugliness of “female nature/psychologi” and the craziness of the dating world for themselves
It's one thing to teach it and another to learn and implement it. You can advise people all day about the negative consequences of getting a DUI, STD, dating/marrying the wrong person, credit card debt, mortgage debt, car debt etc. but the learning usually doesn't come until after the mistake is made (if at all).
@@MillennialTechNickI was going to point this out. Wisdom comes from learning from our mistakes. It can't be taught. Then intelligent people learn from others' mistakes. But if someone claims the only reason they made them was because nobody told them, then they aren't very bright, sorry.
Never act "like you have something better to do". Simply have something to do. Lying, especially to yourself, causes serious consequences later on in life.
I understand the message, but it's pretty hard to fill your schedule with things to do 7 days per week. Ideally you're only giving a girl 2 days a week of your time. Then you can have committments after work, seeing friends, extracurricular activities as in hobbies after work. But even then, there is a lot of time you have to 'act like you have something to do'
@@sloan_9026 Not for me. When I've met my wife, I was working 10h shifts, working out every day and trying to fit as many BJJ classes as possible. On top of that my work required studying at home. Some men have goals, hobbies, what ever words you want to use to describe it, to fill all of their time.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:14 🤔 *"Hire slow, fire fast" is a corporate HR principle applicable to both job hiring and vetting potential partners for relationships.* 01:33 ⚠️ *In relationships, avoid emotional involvement before thorough vetting to prevent undesirable outcomes, as not all women may be a good fit.* 03:21 🔄 *Gradually escalate contact in dating; starting with less frequent communication allows for future escalation, avoiding potential problems.* 06:09 🚩 *"Fire fast" in relationships involves disengaging emotionally at the first sign of red flags, preventing emotional investment in untrustworthy or toxic women.* 07:58 🔄 *Maintain optionality in relationships; a large applicant pool (options) allows for dignified decision-making, emphasizing the importance of creating options for men.*
My company has always done a slow hiring process. It's worked out quite well. I am EXTREMELY fortunate that I married quickly, 6.5 months after our first blind date set up by a mutual friend. I wasnt going to let her get away. I saw that the young woman who became my wife was on a much higher level of decency and competency than the others in my experience. It also helped that she was young and beautiful. 20 years later and I am still benefitting due to the fortunate encounter with her. It can happen.
@@miketalley5476It is possible he created a unicorn more than he found one. Depending on timing and dynamics, most women are teachable to a point. Some women are not.
“I wasn’t gonna let her get away” sound beta and tells me that In 20 years if she wanted to divorce or end it you would still have that “wasn’t gonna let her get away” mindset
1:13: In general, if it works for business, it works for women. 2:07: To foreclose prematurely. Damn. 2:34: Slow down the hiring process, as much as possible.
Just went through this. Jumped the gun and got into a relationship within 2 months of dating. Only took a couple months after to start seeing all the horrible qualities that were masked during the early stages. Anyways after 8 months I couldn’t take it anymore and ended things. Hire slow and fire fast boys, it will save you time in the long run.
"Slow" and "fast" are relative terms here. If you're wise and have some experience, you should be able to fully understand the core of who she is within 3 months to the point that you know you could marry this woman. If it takes you longer than a month to determine if you should date this woman, the problem is your lack of perception and knowledge.
@@selohcinI agree. If you haven't sussed that out within 3 months, you're asking the wrong kinds of questions and you haven't put her in situations that allow her to show her true self. That's not to say that there aren't deceivers out there, people who lie in wait for long periods of time to reveal their true nature. However, you should have a strong sense of their character if you've been seeing someone weekly or so for the last three months.
Being a fast learner, I stumbled across many of these ideas in my youth mainly by trial and error. The RP wasn't around in those days and had not given them fancy names yet. I noticed that the women I liked - didn't like me back. The women I didn't like - wouldn't leave me alone. I figured it must be something I am doing wrong. I simply inverted the way I treated those two groups. It worked! Made no sense to me and if I had to describe it to someone - I would lump it under the "treat em mean, keep em keen" label. I really enjoy watching your videos because you not only validate our experinces, but explain the thinking behind it.
Dr T, It's only a matter of time until you have millions of followers, and well deserved too. You consistently provide the best content on relationships for us guys I've ever heard.
Best content for relationships but most of the herd has short attention span and little analytical processing capability. They just want to be entertained on their way to the weekend.
I have seen how the PsyHacks subscribers has grown relatively quickly to 300,000 ... I agree that he will be at 1 million within a year or so as long as he keeps the frequency and quality of his content 💯❗
I wouldn't be so sure @@marktapley7571 , check out the gottman's work, they've been at it a lot longer, working as a couple with both points of view (instead of just one), and do their own research spanning decades. Besides, any professional in such a position that doesn't correct or interject in comments that marital rape is not okay, is questionable.
And, being open about it, so you could avoid any problems with the women that are entering your life. Lots of men mess when they lead the women on by saying "You're the only one for me", which she'll end finding, leading her to destroy your stuff, or putting you on social media for F***ing her over.
I agree with you. One thing I’d like to point out is the ultimate evil shows no red flags so also remember the covert narcissist will show zero red flags. The only advice I can give is if she appears to be perfect it is often a ‘narcissistic mask’.
Someone who has no red flags is the biggest red flag of them all. It's hilarious how many people look for tiny little things that bother them in order to break something off, but in reality those tiny little things are often exactly the proof you need that the person is a normal human being, and might not be hiding huge things.
My good friend, who's not a simp nor a beta, was in two relationships in a row, where the girls (mid 20s) showed signs of personality disorders after a year of great relationship. One of them was actually diagnosed with BDP. He cut it off immediately, but wasted two years.
Regarding people who are making your life better: Don't kid yourself that they *might* be an asset in your life after you wade through all of the crap they bring into your life. Do not give resources (emotional or material) to people who are not reciprocating. This applies to both sexes, but society is more permissive with women who behave badly in a relationship - there's always some excuse.
That applies to both ways. Same for women, don’t invest too much too quickly. And when you see red flags get rid of that man as quickly as you can! Don’t even think about giving him a second chance.
@@mediocreman2 Women learned long time ago how men operate and now they are applying the wisdom. :) You guys are behind because the artificialities of enforced tradition and monogamy have kept you in the dark for too long and too comfortable. With liberalization, you flounder. Learning time!
According to this analogy, many companies lose out on labor talent to competitors because they were too slow to give job offers. Likewise, an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality works for many women when you seemingly ghost or are unresponsive for extended periods of time.
So true. I'm a woman and I agree that too much communication (e.g constant texting early in getting to know someone) seems forced and inauthentic and I don't like it, but I would be extremely unlikely to go out with someone again who waited a week to contact me after our last interaction as Dr. T mentioned is his style. I would assume the guy is emotionally unavailable or disinterested for one reason or other that he doesn't have the bandwidth or interest to contact me, in which case I lose interest. I love this channel and think that this wisdom applies equally to women. Don't get emotionally invested too soon and back out as soon as you see red flags!
110% hit the nail on the head. Your best talk yet. In regards to having a large applicant pool, it doesn't help when 70% of women are obese. Slim pickins' man.
Thank god I live in Colorado, the "slimmest" state in the Union. The obesity rate is on par with most Western European nations, albeit slightly higher than some. For me, a healthy and active lifestyle is a non-negotiable. Thankfully that's a common trait for women in my neck of the woods. Also, for clarity, 70% of women are either obese or overweight, not just obese. Not that it makes things much better...
This is good advice, going both ways. Eyes wide open when you're new to each other. Slightly close them over time if all goes well for the purpose of tolerating small annoyances. Be realistic about everyone and see people for who they truly are, not what you imagine them to be.
My vetting process may be a bit extreme but I usually do the 3 months to 6 months to a year process before I think of fully committing to a women and they typically only last around for the 6 month mark on average. Throughout that time I can get a good assessment about the woman if it would be a good and healthy relationship and if it’s worth it. Overtime women do tell on themselves and a lot is unsolicited, also you get to get a feel of them in all every emotion and behaviors. They can fake and front only for so long, you get to see what their true character is like and what they truly seek and want.
There is a book called How to Not Die Alone that basically has the opposite advice. Most people (especially today) do hire slow, to the point where they never hire anyone. The advice that is actually needed is “Okay, you need to give someone a chance”.
i was just dumped by a woman who looking back wasn’t really treating me with respect. I put up with it because she was the most attractive woman I have ever been with. She dumped my ass after date 4. The old me would have begged and pleaded for more. I had a few other dates lined up and it made walking away much easier. I find that as I get older and better with women the less disrespect I’m willing to tolerate (with the exception of the earlier mentioned woman cause she was so fine)
Yeah been there. When there are so many simps in the world, women think they can say and do whatever they want. My advice is to calmly, respectfully, rationally, and maturely explain that you don't tolerate disrespect, and follow up with consequences. Also remember that women will also forget about every rule they create when there's a very attractive guy. So if you start seeing a woman break her rules for you, that's a good sign.
You've not been dumped if you've been on four dates. That's just discontinuation. And if you're putting up with her treating you with disrespect them I'm not surprised
I wish I had thought like this with dating men. I got extremely attached to them early on and the tables turned on me. They always lost their jobs once we lived together and I had to pay all the bills plus I helped out to pay their child support.... I gave up way too much to the wrong people trying to be a "good woman" Everyone needs to be careful nowdays, men and women. People in general are getting more selfish by the day. I wish all decent people the best in this dating game.
Now that you know better, it's time to do better. Take your time and keep doing the self work to be the woman you need to be that can attract the type of man you want.
It’s not a red flag that he’s describing, but a common dating mistake men make by becoming too emotionally involved with women too early. 😂 as men and women become more equal the men need to be more thorough than simple in finding a partner. Only meet her at an energy where it’s warranted and thus mutually beneficial. As he said, relationships with women are about eventual escalation, not deescalation In simpler terms: men, stop being desperate and behave like someone who has something going for them-It’s not attractive. The key for men is to be respected by women before you’re loved.
Honestly, if you can’t “deescalate” with a woman via rational conversation, then you aren’t with a good woman. It’s easy enough to tell a woman “yeah that was the honeymoon phase, I won’t be as available to talk as a default.”
probably depends how it plays out. you how a lot of men out there are diving right in, and if the woman is into it, she's probably needy so there's probably a lot of problems that occur before you can even have that conversation
That's essentially communicating with a woman as if she were a man, which almost never works from my experience. Pulling back emotionally and centering the conversation around "feelings" (e.g. Feeling exhausted from work, lack of energy, no longer feeling the spark, etc) is more effective for things going more smoothly in my opinion.
I have listened to you over and over again, and I must say this...what you are doing is a calling. You are helping a generation of Men and women to find themselves and be truly fulfilling. No words I type can express it as I feel. Anyways, God bless you Richly👏👏👏 Hats off!
In general I strongly agree. Not sure what to think about the frequency of communication. Definatelly good to wait with physical and emotional intimacy if someone is looking for a long term relationship.
I was talking to an attractive woman recently, we were going back and forth pretty effortlessly, and talking about what we had in mind for our futures. I normally ask these kind of questions to see what they have visualized for their future (if anything), or if they just expected to fall into a successful situation because of their looks. She said all the right things which was Red Flag #1. Never trust someone who always has the right answers. Later she made a snide remark and when I asked her to explain it, she refused to. That was Red Flag #2. If you can't speak or communicate like an adult, you're out. I explained myself and said that basic communication and at least some level of transparency is required by me, and wished her luck in her future, and then ceased all communication with her.
I find it intriguing when people express themselves impulsively in the heat of the moment. Upon questioning them for clarification, they attempt to convey that their intentions or what they meant to say were contrary to the actual words spoken. We're adults, aspiring to be taken seriously and have our opinions valued. It's unrealistic to utter certain things and then expect not to be taken seriously. Consistency is crucial; one cannot have it both ways. Communication involves responsibility. Women fight with words. Men fight with fists. I would be abusive if I hit you and then claimed I didn't mean to afterwards. Adults are expected to regulate thier emotions.
@@roses6564 I would say it applies to children who say things carelessly and can be mean to each other. It is a silly saying in an attempt to remove accountability from one party. Boys beat the crap out of each other and then are mates because wounds heal and are forgotten. Words spoken can never be unspoken. They last a lifetime. I'll take you a bet that Johnny Depp would have preferred Amber Heard to punch him in the face privately rather than lie about him publicly. Do you feel it is too much to ask to expect adults to think before they speak?
I thought this one was going to be about when to take things to the next stage or break up conversation but I think it can apply in most cases. Set the pace of the conversation and and frankly the general rule of when it's okay to reach out early. However be respectful and communicate why you want a specific pace or space. You deserve someone who respects that and you should also do the same.
@@stevekinyanjui9504Wow, you guys are dealing with many of the same problems that we do here in the west? I thought dating was easier in more traditional societies... Best of luck to you, brother.
As usual, you share excellent information and relationship management skills , but it takes time, patience and practice to let these skills become a part of who we are. Thank you for sharing your knowledge
7:00 - 7:36 BRIFFAULT'S LAW - even if you choose a woman exclusively from many options, she'll be elated for a minute, then your commitment will mean nothing. And she'll do a 180 & become awful.
True you cannot afford to be desperate when it comes to dealing with women but leaving them as soon as they show “a” red flag is a bit rush for me, if you bring up what’s bothering you and she does it again n again then it’s justified! What I’ve seen most of these women are lost n don’t really know what they’re doing when dealing with men
Yup, I get that you don't want to write another human off over one flag. That's fine. What he's talking about is 'committing,' and when that subject is broached, you're going to want to consider the flags you've seen or those she's tattled on herself.
@@yarnarrutor9418 true but these red flags can be counterbalanced by some significant green flags as long as it’s not her beauty/sex imo. Also i find that a lot of women are coachable if one has the patience! You almost have to be as patient as you would with a child but then again it comes down to that person you choose being worth your time
You can write them off after one red flag if you've communicated your expectations. There is no need to give them a second chance if you have done your part to ensure they know where the line is and what happens if they cross it. If you're a weak man and haven't explained the boundaries and consequences, then you're going to give them a second chance because you have to at that point.
@@mediocreman2 yes n just like children they will try to test you to see how much they can get away with or how much you really care! Because just like you’ve got expectations for her, she got expectations for you too.
You channel is one of the best most import for men. Ever. I wish I had money to give. You really hit the nail on the head for me with the “already invested in a women emotionally you knew wasn’t good for you because she f_cked really good, but mayyybeeeee it could work” that was 100% me right out of college. I entered into that relationship knowing it would end up not great but still because I let myself be emotionally invested and got effed really good I went “I can’t make this work” and after a few years I HAD to call it quits. I knew it for a long time but I had to bite the bullet and fucking man up and do the hard thing and I couldn’t be happier I did many years down the road. I ended up finding a wonderful traditional gal and trust him when he says “it is worth it” when you’re interviewing but not looking to hire until the exact RIGHT candidate comes along
I think that you must balance between avoidance tendencies and the selection process. What Ryan is describing is an avoidant mindset. Which typically....typically attracts anxious women. Which will not work. Secure behaviour will attract a secure women.
Not true at all. All the literature explains otherwise. Wom3ns nature in general is literally hardwired to secure the dude asap. Find the best as quickly as possible and get his genes. Almost all animals do this
The attention aspect should natural whether is frequent or not. I would agree, taking things very slow and allowing things flourish over time is the best thing to do. They have to prove they’re worthy of me not the other way around.
That’s interesting as I always prefer to message 1 or 2x a week in the early stages of meeting and dating. I find it’s the men that get upset with me or unsure if I like them if I’m not messaging daily (morning& night) I think it’s healthy to let a few days pass, but all men I’ve met more so online expect and want daily communication or otherwise they ghost u as it’s seen as not being interested enough 😅
They try to do this "men/women" thing but in many ways, we are simply talking about humans driven by the same good ol' ego and selfish gene, which makes men and women spectacularly similar. Expect similar behaviors in many ways. As sentient creatures with consciousness, women too need slow hiring, except they often cannot afford it due to their pressing bio-timelines. Humanity really needs to accept that it needs fewer but better humans, meaning that a woman beginning reproduction in her thirties is not exactly a tragedy.
I don't see this as a gender specific issue. I see this as a sign of the times. When I was growing up, people used answering machines and left messages. You did not expect a call back the same day unless it was an emergency. Once email and text messages became prevalent, people started expecting everyone to be constantly available.
I’ve been watching your videos recently and it’s helping me grow as person so thank you for uploading these videos as it helps those that don’t have anyone to receive guidance from
I think we should determine what type of red flags we're talking about, human beings are extremely complex. I interviewed some couples who have successful marriages, but they did not deny that they've spotted one or two red flags. However, they worked together and established great marriages, despite their flaws.
The problem with evaluating red flags is that their weight can drastically change over time. What may look like a small thing in youth or something that can be easily "worked out" over time, can turn into unbearable incompatibility over the decades as the two people grow in different directions. By that time quality of life is severely affected. One can never predict the future accurately and people must make place a bet, can't hedge them forever.
First of all what is a " successful marriage " ?? I've seen so many people married for 15, 20 years who claim to have a successful marriage but that's just surface level sh!t. I need the details of the dynamic between the man and the woman. As soon I step the foot in their home , I already can tell the Woman is leading and running the whole show and the husband is completely CLUELESS of what's going on.
@@lestwins8114 Great points. The social desirability bias is very real, which is why studies on marital happiness based on self-reports are very close to utterly useless.
Next to impossible? - No, it is difficult for many guys (I’ve been there myself in the past) but it is hardly impossible. Difficulty sometimes is an illusion we inflict on ourselves.
@@WildMidwest1 Oh I do have options, but all of them are either fat or slutty or both Which means that I have no valid options, so it's the same as having no optionallity because if you have 10 or 100 rotten tomatoes makes no difference since you still can't make a salad
In my line of work, I get 5 headhunter emails a week and I'm not even looking. An employer with an abundance mindset that doesn't hire fast is out of business fast as the competition steals their revenue-generating and value-creating employees
Yeah his principles sound good in theory but don’t always work in the real world. It’s the same with women. If you wait 1 week to follow up with a woman then she’s moving on to another guy. We live in a fast paced society with smart phones and the internet. It’s the same with employers. If they don’t follow up with me the next day after an interview then it shows they aren’t interested and I move on. I have an abundance mindset and I’m highly skilled. I don’t waste time on waiting around for an employer who is half interested in me. I assume it’s the same with women. Why would a hot woman want to be dating a half interested guy when she can get someone who gives her proper attention and give her sex regularly?
Exactly. Only the companies with the absolute best reputations are able to play this game. I've turned down several offers over my career after I had interviewed already because I had found something just as good or better, but the company acted fast to hire me.
Agreed. The ability to "fire fast" is the only part that really matters. The faster you can cleanly exist a bad deal, the more risk you can afford to take.
True. The less “value” you have as a man the quicker you’d need to “hire”. Therefore you must continually attain value so you can properly commit to this vetting practice
It was commonly and generally accepted by society back then when men used to keep HR Department open, and but not for women. Now it seems that it has become the opposite. If we do it, it's wrong (apparently). Now women feel empowered to do it, and they encourage each other to do it, and whoever is dating them gets discarded the moment they are seen "interviewing" other women. Please correct me if you have noticed or experienced otherwise?
As a female if a man doesn't interact much its a bad idea to have sex with him because he's more then likely to keep that space wide afterward and that is hurtful. If men want to get laid make her feel safe by interacting with her daily.
@@Tushar_Talwar_09 You have a point. May the Lord have mercy on the woman who ends up settling for dude below her league...because fertility, family, fear of cats and such.
Absolutly nicely said, women have the options always ready by DEFAULT. As a man I have always struggled with options (thus scarcity syndrome) because of my introversion and technical job (IT developer). It take real effort to maintain the options, it means going socializing or attending events which I'll normally not attend, thus when I am in relationship I stop doing these activities only to realize the fear of no options, and scarcity - which is also not very helpful in healthy relationship.
Should be required viewing for all men. I should have seen this 17 years ago before I got involved in a bad marriage then a string of bad relationships after. Using the correct head in dealing with women is the message here.
This is honesty excellent! Rarely does one find good actionable opportune advice. Implementing this and it’s working excellently well. Critical life skill, this one.
Exactly what happend with my last one. She fucked me reaaaaally good but was a minefield of red flags. I invested way too much too early and in the end I was the one who got hurt. And it took some months to recover of that. So the price is indeed high. However, could you do more on how to build optionality and dating ? I do struggle with that.
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 78 | คู่เอก "ปกรณ์ vs ฟาบิโอ"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LSOmgl0Th2c/mqdefault.jpg)
One of the tenets of corporate human resources is to hire slow and fire fast. In today's episode, I'll discuss how the same advice holds true when vetting a woman for a relationship. Hiring slow means that you resist the urge to emotionally invest in a woman until you've collected many different data points across a significant time horizon. On the other hand, firing fast means that you terminate the relationship (or silo into a casual affair) at the first signs of trouble. Both steps are facilitated by having a large applicant pool.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
A large dating pool gives you comparable options for reference when choosing a mate that is compatible
As an experienced divorce lawyer, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly some guys cohabitate with their “hot new girlfriend”. Guys, take your time. Keep your emotions in check. Think with your big head. Stay safe out there.
if there’s no ring, don’t move in.
You're always here to advertise on every of his videos, your shtick is getting old... if I need a lawyer I'll call you.... oust 🙋
how quick is amazing to you in this case?
Agree, but the main thing is many guys lack the optionality of women....
Cohabitation before marriages is linked to higher divorce chances, the truth is some guys have been so deep in either low self love & self respect or loneliness its like they're moths to the flame of women and when it ends badly they don't even know what happened.
I got divorced back in June. It was an ambush. Never saw it coming. Thinking she was a unicorn, it was unthinkable to me that she'd do that because I understood marraige as something for life, where you hold the line and are loyal to the end-never giving up. These videos over the last seven months were instrumental in removing the scales from my eyes, helping me see what happened, rewiring my brain, and accepting the world for what it is and not what I'd like it to be.
The videos remind me of a scene in 'The Count of Monte Cristo' where Edmund Dantes is unjustly thrown into prison, and with the help of his mentor (these videos), he has an epiphany, figuring out who betrayed him and how. Of course, the difference is that, unlike Edmund, I've got no plan for revenge. Several months ago, I would've done anything to have her back. Now, I don't even WANT my old life back.
I'm on a much better path now. Thank you!
I feel for you, brother. Same situation as me, only we weren't married. 10 years finished in a blink of an eye. Never saw it coming...
I'm only a few months in post-breakup. However, I'm seeing things that I never noticed when I was in the thick of the relationship. At this point I'm realizing it's for the best despite wanting her back from time to time. Overall, it gets a little easier every day.
Colombia is a wonderful country, by the way. I was there for two months last winter. I'd like to go back to visit and explore some more in the future.
Best of luck to you moving forward.
Was she Colombian?
@@TheHamburgler123 Sorry for the late reply. I just got this. Yeah, Colombia is amazing if you live in the right areas.
@@randyjb2 Yeah, she was a Colombiana, but highly westernized, with its pros and cons: perfect English, highly punctual, organized and conscientious, but also with a hedonistic career-comes-first mentality.
Never go shopping for groceries when you're hungry.
Now that’s spot on !!! 😂
😅
Very well said
Lol so how do you get food? Fast food?
Every Man should take a course in Human Resources and apply it to their relationships with Women.
Patrice Oneal said “Always keep your HR Dept open.”
I miss the big guy 😔
I like the quote but, God do I hate Human Resources. It's been women's Trojan Horse into male workplaces and emasculates companies.
This has me intrigued... apply an HR course to your relationship with women. What, in essence, does that mean?
@@0rnery0verwatch
Treat her with the self-interested calculation and caution an HR department would a prospective employee; carefully and without given oneself over to emotional attachment. What does she bring to my life other females don't? What are the risks of taking her on? At what point do I cut my loses and get a replacement?
@@0rnery0verwatch Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Women who want a man’s commitment should be vetted. Similar in fashion as an employer would vet a potential employee.
I remember asking a guy out and he was slow to get to know me. Past anxious, lonely me was frustrated with his apparent lack of interest. When I asked whether his slow replies and apparent unavailability meant lack of interest he told me something important. 'I take my time getting to know a new woman in my life and I am not going to change my plans with important people and goals just because you want to see me ASAP'. Only now do I fully appreciate where he was coming from.
Why did you write "only now"? Did you dump the guy because of his initial distance? I think there has to be a fine balance, especially nowadays, where everyone's attention span has been seriously decreased due to social media. Like almost no one who is say 35 and below will tolerate slow responses that come every few days. So you need to find that fine line.
So what did he do? He passed you, right?
@@MatiKosa because I have done a tremendous amount of work on myself and I understand know why I was out of alignment with his process of choosing a partner. I didn't dump him. We didn't get past the chatting stage.
@@roses6564 I chose not to continue interacting with him. I knew I had work to do on myself and that interaction was enough to teach me where I needed to work on myself.
You’re giving him too much credit. It can be that he’s done some terrible things, & other’s did terrible things to him. I’ve noticed people like that have the hardest time with commitment. As women, we’re told if a male is unavailable then it must mean he doesn’t like us. Now, the argument is, he’s just being cautious? The other thing is, how long do you think a male should “get to know you”? Are you willing to spend a lot of time with him with no commitment return? Are you willing to be in a state of uncertainty? I’m not saying you should be upset with him, but that if you’re fine being “unimportant”, then be fine with the consequences of that.
He could have very well been trying to avoid ending up with a woman just like him. He might also be at a point where he doesn’t know what he wants. There’s absolutely nothing profound about that. Contrary to what males say, there are a lot of them going through that phase. So if anything, the last thing people like that should be doing is getting into another relationship. I’m not saying this applies to your case specifically, but it’s a possibility.
Here's a tip for this one Sir. I am a repeat offender for falling into things too quickly due to personal programming and pressure by the women who often want to go very QUICKLY. Keep up the good work. Thanks for your great work!
This is not programming. It comes from underlying neediness and desperation. Possibly your sexual drive making the decision for you.
Define "quickly", could you?
It really depends. I think in general you want to consider if she's looking to control the tempo as described by Dr. T. Is she pushing to talk to you every day and immediately after you met her? Also is she pushing and guilting you into a relationship before you're ready? Unless you know it's okay to wait until you've done your vetting and it's okay not to succumb to what she wants, you can get pulled into something too quickly.
That's what you get for being a high value man 🙂!!!
I’m in an almost 2 yr relationship. I know that the “we should move in together” is coming.
I won’t do it… nor am I going to bring it up before her. But when it comes, and I say no, I have to admit to being a bit anxious about how it will go. But I know in the end, I’ll be fine whatever she decides to do IE stay or leave altogether.
Why ruin a good thing?? Moving in together destroys all of the fun. She knows she’s got you… and that isn’t good for her OR you. She starts to resent you and take you for granted… the bedroom dries up. Before you know it, she’s looking to monkey branch to the dude who would never let her move in. She’ll be WAY MORE attracted to him sexually and will give him way more respect.
What women that hate the redpill don’t understand: they THINK they want what they want… but they don’t. Therefore, never make decisions based on what she says she wants… make them based on how attracted she is to you sexually. Without genuine desire, your relationship is dead in the water.
Men, don’t fully commit, and F her properly (man handle her), and you’ll have a great relationship!
All 100% true. The problem remains that once a man commits, he's "all in". So he relinquishes his options. And that's exactly when modern women do a 180 & become awful.
I’ve experienced this so many times myself
Never be "all in" even with the wife. She has to constantly have doubts and never be sure you're in her pocket. Any time you could leave her and everything material too.
@@sIMODINHO I don't disagree that'll help prevent divorce / cheating. But that means marriage vows are faithless lies.
@@sIMODINHOwhen they have the luxury of leaving with half your stuff, it's not as big of a deal to them
@@zergslayer69and many Punish the 2nd husband for sins of the 1st
This is one of Orion’s best episodes, ever. And as a 40yr old and reasonably experienced guy, this means quite a lot. Gentlemen please DO NOT IGNORE THIS!
Dr Orion RP content never misses.
Why are you here if you already know this?
He never said that@@TV-oc4ml
@@TV-oc4mlwhat, now you get to decide what youtube shorts other people watch? Ok, God.
I agree!
Its crazy how, point by point, he makes RP positions, and is said through the backing of a psychology and calm and confident presentation, and people will still undervalue the message. Keep up the good work PsycHacks.
To be honest for you, after think about the red pill for A while, I think it will most likely go down under and become once again like it was in the beginning. The reason for that is that 1) with social media the entire concept is being attacked, which will most likely make it taboo 2) women are naturally programmed to act the way they are, while men have to be taught. A women is born with the need and the desire to be as attractive as possible while most men are told by society that they have to “be nice” 3) the entire concept is being mocked 24/7 everywhere, and the pioneers of the entire concept (which let’s be honest are pick up artist) are all getting canceled left and right and finally 4) again society. A women is allowed to be hypergamous and delusional. You as a man are not allowed to be polygamous or manipulate.
This entire community will unfortunately die. So will society, cause we all know what to expect from that future with a world like that.
A lot of the “faces” of the RP community give these talking points a bad name
A lot ppl who’s only exposure to this subject matter is Tate, FnF, - or rather hearing ppl talk bad about Tate, Samuels, etc causes them to build mental defense mechanisms against these facts…
So a lot of ppl unfortunately never get to the root of what it’s all about unless they experience the ugliness of “female nature/psychologi” and the craziness of the dating world for themselves
This pill is more palatable while expecting the same results as RPA.
Tipped as well. Excellent video.
I wish I’d been taught this when I was young. This is especially important for anxious attachment types.
As one of those I can say yes you are correct
As another one of those. I too agree 👍
Yes indeed, damn it; I must have been skiving off school the day they did that lesson!
It's one thing to teach it and another to learn and implement it. You can advise people all day about the negative consequences of getting a DUI, STD, dating/marrying the wrong person, credit card debt, mortgage debt, car debt etc. but the learning usually doesn't come until after the mistake is made (if at all).
@@MillennialTechNickI was going to point this out.
Wisdom comes from learning from our mistakes. It can't be taught.
Then intelligent people learn from others' mistakes. But if someone claims the only reason they made them was because nobody told them, then they aren't very bright, sorry.
Never act "like you have something better to do". Simply have something to do.
Lying, especially to yourself, causes serious consequences later on in life.
I understand the message, but it's pretty hard to fill your schedule with things to do 7 days per week.
Ideally you're only giving a girl 2 days a week of your time.
Then you can have committments after work, seeing friends, extracurricular activities as in hobbies after work. But even then, there is a lot of time you have to 'act like you have something to do'
@@sloan_9026
Not for me.
When I've met my wife, I was working 10h shifts, working out every day and trying to fit as many BJJ classes as possible.
On top of that my work required studying at home.
Some men have goals, hobbies, what ever words you want to use to describe it, to fill all of their time.
Spot on and very well put. Remember that being single is always a much better option than allowing yourself to be treated with disrespect.
Underrated comment
Thank you for your comment
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:14 🤔 *"Hire slow, fire fast" is a corporate HR principle applicable to both job hiring and vetting potential partners for relationships.*
01:33 ⚠️ *In relationships, avoid emotional involvement before thorough vetting to prevent undesirable outcomes, as not all women may be a good fit.*
03:21 🔄 *Gradually escalate contact in dating; starting with less frequent communication allows for future escalation, avoiding potential problems.*
06:09 🚩 *"Fire fast" in relationships involves disengaging emotionally at the first sign of red flags, preventing emotional investment in untrustworthy or toxic women.*
07:58 🔄 *Maintain optionality in relationships; a large applicant pool (options) allows for dignified decision-making, emphasizing the importance of creating options for men.*
What tool do you used for this?
Very helpful,thanks!
Thanks for the abstract.
Thank you
Bruh but ur pfp
My company has always done a slow hiring process. It's worked out quite well.
I am EXTREMELY fortunate that I married quickly, 6.5 months after our first blind date set up by a mutual friend. I wasnt going to let her get away. I saw that the young woman who became my wife was on a much higher level of decency and competency than the others in my experience. It also helped that she was young and beautiful. 20 years later and I am still benefitting due to the fortunate encounter with her. It can happen.
it doesn't work in restaurant industry... You will run out of people real fast. People quit left and right.
Glad that you found a unicorn. 99.9999 of all other men will not.
@@miketalley5476It is possible he created a unicorn more than he found one.
Depending on timing and dynamics, most women are teachable to a point. Some women are not.
“I wasn’t gonna let her get away” sound beta and tells me that In 20 years if she wanted to divorce or end it you would still have that “wasn’t gonna let her get away” mindset
@@user-pp9bl5gr1nOh come on.
1:13: In general, if it works for business, it works for women.
2:07: To foreclose prematurely. Damn.
2:34: Slow down the hiring process, as much as possible.
Just went through this. Jumped the gun and got into a relationship within 2 months of dating. Only took a couple months after to start seeing all the horrible qualities that were masked during the early stages. Anyways after 8 months I couldn’t take it anymore and ended things.
Hire slow and fire fast boys, it will save you time in the long run.
Well, live and learn many of us have been there, believe me.
Hey, can you share 1 or 2 red flags you didn't notice til later? Thanks.
"Slow" and "fast" are relative terms here. If you're wise and have some experience, you should be able to fully understand the core of who she is within 3 months to the point that you know you could marry this woman. If it takes you longer than a month to determine if you should date this woman, the problem is your lack of perception and knowledge.
@selohcin Masking by the would-be applicant can take longer to discern. In my case, 3 years wasn't long enough.
@@selohcinI agree. If you haven't sussed that out within 3 months, you're asking the wrong kinds of questions and you haven't put her in situations that allow her to show her true self.
That's not to say that there aren't deceivers out there, people who lie in wait for long periods of time to reveal their true nature. However, you should have a strong sense of their character if you've been seeing someone weekly or so for the last three months.
Being a fast learner, I stumbled across many of these ideas in my youth mainly by trial and error. The RP wasn't around in those days and had not given them fancy names yet. I noticed that the women I liked - didn't like me back. The women I didn't like - wouldn't leave me alone. I figured it must be something I am doing wrong. I simply inverted the way I treated those two groups. It worked! Made no sense to me and if I had to describe it to someone - I would lump it under the "treat em mean, keep em keen" label. I really enjoy watching your videos because you not only validate our experinces, but explain the thinking behind it.
Most guys dont learn this even after being repeatedly shafted by the gynocentric system. They just give up or refuse to accept reality
Most guys never learn this even after repeatedly getting bamboozled
All in all as a man you have to learn to be alone or even better love to be alone
Dr T, It's only a matter of time until you have millions of followers, and well deserved too. You consistently provide the best content on relationships for us guys I've ever heard.
Best content for relationships but most of the herd has short attention span and little analytical processing capability. They just want to be entertained on their way to the weekend.
I have seen how the PsyHacks subscribers has grown relatively quickly to 300,000 ... I agree that he will be at 1 million within a year or so as long as he keeps the frequency and quality of his content 💯❗
I wouldn't be so sure @@marktapley7571 , check out the gottman's work, they've been at it a lot longer, working as a couple with both points of view (instead of just one), and do their own research spanning decades. Besides, any professional in such a position that doesn't correct or interject in comments that marital rape is not okay, is questionable.
MY MAN IS GETTING THROUGH THE TIP PORTION WITH NO STUTTERS OR PAUSES LETS GOOOO
An absolute OG.. wish I learned this when I was younger. Don't stop the good content. This new generation of men desperately need to learn this.
Rule number 1 - have multiple options, and never apologize for it
And, being open about it, so you could avoid any problems with the women that are entering your life. Lots of men mess when they lead the women on by saying "You're the only one for me", which she'll end finding, leading her to destroy your stuff, or putting you on social media for F***ing her over.
I agree with you. One thing I’d like to point out is the ultimate evil shows no red flags so also remember the covert narcissist will show zero red flags. The only advice I can give is if she appears to be perfect it is often a ‘narcissistic mask’.
Someone who has no red flags is the biggest red flag of them all. It's hilarious how many people look for tiny little things that bother them in order to break something off, but in reality those tiny little things are often exactly the proof you need that the person is a normal human being, and might not be hiding huge things.
This is one of the most insightful comments in all YT. Bravo!
My good friend, who's not a simp nor a beta, was in two relationships in a row, where the girls (mid 20s) showed signs of personality disorders after a year of great relationship. One of them was actually diagnosed with BDP. He cut it off immediately, but wasted two years.
Regarding people who are making your life better: Don't kid yourself that they *might* be an asset in your life after you wade through all of the crap they bring into your life. Do not give resources (emotional or material) to people who are not reciprocating. This applies to both sexes, but society is more permissive with women who behave badly in a relationship - there's always some excuse.
Gynocentric society.
Thought it’s about time I thanked you financially for all you do for us men, and for some women. 👏🏾
"If it works in business, it works with a woman." - Dr OT
That applies to both ways. Same for women, don’t invest too much too quickly. And when you see red flags get rid of that man as quickly as you can! Don’t even think about giving him a second chance.
My man OT where were you 15 years ago? Facts!
He was learning the hard way how women operate. haha
@@mediocreman2 Women learned long time ago how men operate and now they are applying the wisdom. :) You guys are behind because the artificialities of enforced tradition and monogamy have kept you in the dark for too long and too comfortable. With liberalization, you flounder.
Learning time!
According to this analogy, many companies lose out on labor talent to competitors because they were too slow to give job offers. Likewise, an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality works for many women when you seemingly ghost or are unresponsive for extended periods of time.
So true. I'm a woman and I agree that too much communication (e.g constant texting early in getting to know someone) seems forced and inauthentic and I don't like it, but I would be extremely unlikely to go out with someone again who waited a week to contact me after our last interaction as Dr. T mentioned is his style. I would assume the guy is emotionally unavailable or disinterested for one reason or other that he doesn't have the bandwidth or interest to contact me, in which case I lose interest. I love this channel and think that this wisdom applies equally to women. Don't get emotionally invested too soon and back out as soon as you see red flags!
@@charcoalandlight1990 well maybe you should have the interest and contact him
Nah, coz theres plenty more fish in the sea. Optionality is powerful
As a woman, how many times a guy would follow up with me down the road… And I just have to say in so many words, “you snooze you lose” 🤷🏻♀️
"Men should fire more often & faster." ― Dr OT. Thanks!
110% hit the nail on the head.
Your best talk yet.
In regards to having a large applicant pool, it doesn't help when 70% of women are obese. Slim pickins' man.
In one sense, having a 'large applicant pool' becomes easier when there's that much obesity...
Thank god I live in Colorado, the "slimmest" state in the Union. The obesity rate is on par with most Western European nations, albeit slightly higher than some. For me, a healthy and active lifestyle is a non-negotiable. Thankfully that's a common trait for women in my neck of the woods.
Also, for clarity, 70% of women are either obese or overweight, not just obese. Not that it makes things much better...
This is good advice, going both ways. Eyes wide open when you're new to each other. Slightly close them over time if all goes well for the purpose of tolerating small annoyances. Be realistic about everyone and see people for who they truly are, not what you imagine them to be.
My vetting process may be a bit extreme but I usually do the 3 months to 6 months to a year process before I think of fully committing to a women and they typically only last around for the 6 month mark on average. Throughout that time I can get a good assessment about the woman if it would be a good and healthy relationship and if it’s worth it. Overtime women do tell on themselves and a lot is unsolicited, also you get to get a feel of them in all every emotion and behaviors. They can fake and front only for so long, you get to see what their true character is like and what they truly seek and want.
What are the most common red flags?
Agreed 10000% Women are very stealth 🥷 Watch the show Deadly women and Snapped its very Diabolical 🤬
How are you only managing to keep them around for 6 months bro, what's going on there..
@@cv6176 You have it backwards, he leaves them after 6 months.
You call under a year extreme? A year should be the minimum before committing. You can't properly vet anyone quicker than that.
There is a book called How to Not Die Alone that basically has the opposite advice. Most people (especially today) do hire slow, to the point where they never hire anyone. The advice that is actually needed is “Okay, you need to give someone a chance”.
This channel is a gem
i was just dumped by a woman who looking back wasn’t really treating me with respect. I put up with it because she was the most attractive woman I have ever been with. She dumped my ass after date 4. The old me would have begged and pleaded for more. I had a few other dates lined up and it made walking away much easier. I find that as I get older and better with women the less disrespect I’m willing to tolerate (with the exception of the earlier mentioned woman cause she was so fine)
Yeah been there. When there are so many simps in the world, women think they can say and do whatever they want. My advice is to calmly, respectfully, rationally, and maturely explain that you don't tolerate disrespect, and follow up with consequences. Also remember that women will also forget about every rule they create when there's a very attractive guy. So if you start seeing a woman break her rules for you, that's a good sign.
You've not been dumped if you've been on four dates. That's just discontinuation. And if you're putting up with her treating you with disrespect them I'm not surprised
@@Ashtonishing1812Exactly. Four dates is nothing. That's maybe a months worth of knowing someone at best.
I wish I had thought like this with dating men. I got extremely attached to them early on and the tables turned on me. They always lost their jobs once we lived together and I had to pay all the bills plus I helped out to pay their child support.... I gave up way too much to the wrong people trying to be a "good woman" Everyone needs to be careful nowdays, men and women. People in general are getting more selfish by the day. I wish all decent people the best in this dating game.
Now that you know better, it's time to do better. Take your time and keep doing the self work to be the woman you need to be that can attract the type of man you want.
@@DubG9 That's the only way😊
@@chahailus best of wishes on your language journey, from an American in the Netherlands!
@@DubG9 Wow! So cool😁 Are you loving it over there?
@@chahailus certainly enjoying it out here! You should visit the country when you have a chance.
Amazing! Optionality is always key in life, if you know your worth and have option, you won't accept any disrespect!
What if you don't have options
Boy I needed to hear this 25 years ago!
We ignore the red flags when we are desperate or have low self esteem.
oraion, all of your videos affirm what i have thought for many years, and when i used to tell those thoughts to someone, they would ridicule me
"Look guy he has a different opinion than us"
Yeah what a loser"
You were the one with the brains and insights
I only wish that this channel existed 40 years ago! Sage advice, Mr. Hand.
Thank you for stating this. I've fired men ruthlessly for showing early red flags by not adhering to this principle.
It’s not a red flag that he’s describing, but a common dating mistake men make by becoming too emotionally involved with women too early. 😂 as men and women become more equal the men need to be more thorough than simple in finding a partner. Only meet her at an energy where it’s warranted and thus mutually beneficial.
As he said, relationships with women are about eventual escalation, not deescalation
In simpler terms: men, stop being desperate and behave like someone who has something going for them-It’s not attractive. The key for men is to be respected by women before you’re loved.
You mean you dumped them as soon it became clear they really wanted you? I hope you’ll find some happiness one day.
@@VivatVeritas1 likewise.
Boxed wine and cats
Honestly, if you can’t “deescalate” with a woman via rational conversation, then you aren’t with a good woman. It’s easy enough to tell a woman “yeah that was the honeymoon phase, I won’t be as available to talk as a default.”
probably depends how it plays out. you how a lot of men out there are diving right in, and if the woman is into it, she's probably needy
so there's probably a lot of problems that occur before you can even have that conversation
Takes 2 to tango dude.
That's essentially communicating with a woman as if she were a man, which almost never works from my experience. Pulling back emotionally and centering the conversation around "feelings" (e.g. Feeling exhausted from work, lack of energy, no longer feeling the spark, etc) is more effective for things going more smoothly in my opinion.
Only problem with your solution is that women are irrational by nature.
@@TheParadiseParadox I guess. I mean, that's how I was with my wife at first. Seems to have worked out just fine for me.
I have listened to you over and over again, and I must say this...what you are doing is a calling.
You are helping a generation of Men and women to find themselves and be truly fulfilling. No words I type can express it as I feel.
Anyways, God bless you Richly👏👏👏
Hats off!
In general I strongly agree.
Not sure what to think about the frequency of communication. Definatelly good to wait with physical and emotional intimacy if someone is looking for a long term relationship.
Recently got out of a dysfunctional relationship, saw tons on flags & believed she "changed".
I was talking to an attractive woman recently, we were going back and forth pretty effortlessly, and talking about what we had in mind for our futures. I normally ask these kind of questions to see what they have visualized for their future (if anything), or if they just expected to fall into a successful situation because of their looks. She said all the right things which was Red Flag #1. Never trust someone who always has the right answers.
Later she made a snide remark and when I asked her to explain it, she refused to. That was Red Flag #2. If you can't speak or communicate like an adult, you're out. I explained myself and said that basic communication and at least some level of transparency is required by me, and wished her luck in her future, and then ceased all communication with her.
I find it intriguing when people express themselves impulsively in the heat of the moment. Upon questioning them for clarification, they attempt to convey that their intentions or what they meant to say were contrary to the actual words spoken. We're adults, aspiring to be taken seriously and have our opinions valued. It's unrealistic to utter certain things and then expect not to be taken seriously. Consistency is crucial; one cannot have it both ways. Communication involves responsibility. Women fight with words. Men fight with fists. I would be abusive if I hit you and then claimed I didn't mean to afterwards. Adults are expected to regulate thier emotions.
@@whocarescrapsa Whatever happened to sticks and stones...?
@@roses6564 I would say it applies to children who say things carelessly and can be mean to each other. It is a silly saying in an attempt to remove accountability from one party. Boys beat the crap out of each other and then are mates because wounds heal and are forgotten. Words spoken can never be unspoken. They last a lifetime. I'll take you a bet that Johnny Depp would have preferred Amber Heard to punch him in the face privately rather than lie about him publicly. Do you feel it is too much to ask to expect adults to think before they speak?
I thought this one was going to be about when to take things to the next stage or break up conversation but I think it can apply in most cases. Set the pace of the conversation and and frankly the general rule of when it's okay to reach out early. However be respectful and communicate why you want a specific pace or space. You deserve someone who respects that and you should also do the same.
Great content. Love from Kenya.
Tuko wengi
Soko ni chafu, we need all the help we can get down here.
@@stevekinyanjui9504Wow, you guys are dealing with many of the same problems that we do here in the west? I thought dating was easier in more traditional societies...
Best of luck to you, brother.
Well, there's everything I've done wrong with all my relationships 😅 damn. All laid out in one video. Love your work Orion, extremely helpful stuff.
Dudes this dude is pure gold.
As usual, you share excellent information and relationship management skills , but it takes time, patience and practice to let these skills become a part of who we are.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge
It’s called old fashioned courtship!
7:00 - 7:36 BRIFFAULT'S LAW - even if you choose a woman exclusively from many options, she'll be elated for a minute, then your commitment will mean nothing. And she'll do a 180 & become awful.
You are absolutely correct! I saw and ignored and rationalized away the red flags for 27 yrs of a marriage in the hopes of... might be.
Thanks man, between u, Fresh and Fit, Rollo, CGA, M, you guys have saved my life
Options are always a Plus⭐⭐⭐
True you cannot afford to be desperate when it comes to dealing with women but leaving them as soon as they show “a” red flag is a bit rush for me, if you bring up what’s bothering you and she does it again n again then it’s justified! What I’ve seen most of these women are lost n don’t really know what they’re doing when dealing with men
Yup, I get that you don't want to write another human off over one flag. That's fine. What he's talking about is 'committing,' and when that subject is broached, you're going to want to consider the flags you've seen or those she's tattled on herself.
@@yarnarrutor9418 true but these red flags can be counterbalanced by some significant green flags as long as it’s not her beauty/sex imo. Also i find that a lot of women are coachable if one has the patience! You almost have to be as patient as you would with a child but then again it comes down to that person you choose being worth your time
You can write them off after one red flag if you've communicated your expectations. There is no need to give them a second chance if you have done your part to ensure they know where the line is and what happens if they cross it. If you're a weak man and haven't explained the boundaries and consequences, then you're going to give them a second chance because you have to at that point.
@@mediocreman2 yes n just like children they will try to test you to see how much they can get away with or how much you really care! Because just like you’ve got expectations for her, she got expectations for you too.
This 1 was right on time
You channel is one of the best most import for men. Ever. I wish I had money to give.
You really hit the nail on the head for me with the “already invested in a women emotionally you knew wasn’t good for you because she f_cked really good, but mayyybeeeee it could work” that was 100% me right out of college. I entered into that relationship knowing it would end up not great but still because I let myself be emotionally invested and got effed really good I went “I can’t make this work” and after a few years I HAD to call it quits. I knew it for a long time but I had to bite the bullet and fucking man up and do the hard thing and I couldn’t be happier I did many years down the road.
I ended up finding a wonderful traditional gal and trust him when he says “it is worth it” when you’re interviewing but not looking to hire until the exact RIGHT candidate comes along
I think that you must balance between avoidance tendencies and the selection process. What Ryan is describing is an avoidant mindset. Which typically....typically attracts anxious women. Which will not work. Secure behaviour will attract a secure women.
Good luck …. Opposites attract
@@lovewhitey4462no. We attract who we are or pathological narcissist if we are weak as the only exception
Not true at all. All the literature explains otherwise.
Wom3ns nature in general is literally hardwired to secure the dude asap.
Find the best as quickly as possible and get his genes. Almost all animals do this
Wrong.
@@gadohimself link something
I can see why parents and matchmakers setting up dates for young adults was common. It is like a screening interview.
"Slow to hire, quick to fire" is how I know this line
The attention aspect should natural whether is frequent or not. I would agree, taking things very slow and allowing things flourish over time is the best thing to do. They have to prove they’re worthy of me not the other way around.
That’s interesting as I always prefer to message 1 or 2x a week in the early stages of meeting and dating. I find it’s the men that get upset with me or unsure if I like them if I’m not messaging daily (morning& night)
I think it’s healthy to let a few days pass, but all men I’ve met more so online expect and want daily communication or otherwise they ghost u as it’s seen as not being interested enough 😅
They try to do this "men/women" thing but in many ways, we are simply talking about humans driven by the same good ol' ego and selfish gene, which makes men and women spectacularly similar.
Expect similar behaviors in many ways.
As sentient creatures with consciousness, women too need slow hiring, except they often cannot afford it due to their pressing bio-timelines.
Humanity really needs to accept that it needs fewer but better humans, meaning that a woman beginning reproduction in her thirties is not exactly a tragedy.
Yeah, this is info for men.
You are single right. Because you really aren't interested.
I don't see this as a gender specific issue. I see this as a sign of the times. When I was growing up, people used answering machines and left messages. You did not expect a call back the same day unless it was an emergency. Once email and text messages became prevalent, people started expecting everyone to be constantly available.
@@HaHaThatIsFunny True.
This video would've been a game changer in my 20s
I’ve been watching your videos recently and it’s helping me grow as person so thank you for uploading these videos as it helps those that don’t have anyone to receive guidance from
This is the most emotionless video I've ever watched, you said the very hard truth
Hi man. If one day you have some courses or premium content. I’ll definitely pay for them!
Having an avoidant attachment style makes this easy.
I think we should determine what type of red flags we're talking about, human beings are extremely complex. I interviewed some couples who have successful marriages, but they did not deny that they've spotted one or two red flags. However, they worked together and established great marriages, despite their flaws.
The problem with evaluating red flags is that their weight can drastically change over time. What may look like a small thing in youth or something that can be easily "worked out" over time, can turn into unbearable incompatibility over the decades as the two people grow in different directions. By that time quality of life is severely affected.
One can never predict the future accurately and people must make place a bet, can't hedge them forever.
@@roses6564 true, but the same concept can also be applied the other way round, hence what I said in my original comment.
First of all what is a " successful marriage " ?? I've seen so many people married for 15, 20 years who claim to have a successful marriage but that's just surface level sh!t. I need the details of the dynamic between the man and the woman. As soon I step the foot in their home , I already can tell the Woman is leading and running the whole show and the husband is completely CLUELESS of what's going on.
@@lestwins8114 Great points.
The social desirability bias is very real, which is why studies on marital happiness based on self-reports are very close to utterly useless.
Incredible video as always
Only issue is, creating optionallity as a man is next to impossible, and its only getting harder as time goes on
Next to impossible? - No, it is difficult for many guys (I’ve been there myself in the past) but it is hardly impossible. Difficulty sometimes is an illusion we inflict on ourselves.
@@WildMidwest1 Oh I do have options, but all of them are either fat or slutty or both
Which means that I have no valid options, so it's the same as having no optionallity because if you have 10 or 100 rotten tomatoes makes no difference since you still can't make a salad
@@XristosArgyropoulosIf you don't mind me asking, where do you live?
@@TheHamburgler123 Greece 🇬🇷
This is one lesson I didn't learn until later 😢 in life honestly too the class a few times
It works for women vetting for a relationship with a man too. I wish I'd known this 20 plus years ago. It'd have saved me a lot of heart ache.
In my line of work, I get 5 headhunter emails a week and I'm not even looking. An employer with an abundance mindset that doesn't hire fast is out of business fast as the competition steals their revenue-generating and value-creating employees
Yeah his principles sound good in theory but don’t always work in the real world.
It’s the same with women. If you wait 1 week to follow up with a woman then she’s moving on to another guy. We live in a fast paced society with smart phones and the internet.
It’s the same with employers. If they don’t follow up with me the next day after an interview then it shows they aren’t interested and I move on. I have an abundance mindset and I’m highly skilled. I don’t waste time on waiting around for an employer who is half interested in me. I assume it’s the same with women. Why would a hot woman want to be dating a half interested guy when she can get someone who gives her proper attention and give her sex regularly?
Exactly. Only the companies with the absolute best reputations are able to play this game. I've turned down several offers over my career after I had interviewed already because I had found something just as good or better, but the company acted fast to hire me.
Agreed. The ability to "fire fast" is the only part that really matters. The faster you can cleanly exist a bad deal, the more risk you can afford to take.
True. The less “value” you have as a man the quicker you’d need to “hire”. Therefore you must continually attain value so you can properly commit to this vetting practice
Sorry, but right now there's a hiring freeze.
Similarly, my Modus Operandi is "measure 3 times and cut once." This disposition has served me well!
Wow, never knew. I watch these videos to learn about men and what they think or want.
Most women know this by the time they leave high school
It was commonly and generally accepted by society back then when men used to keep HR Department open, and but not for women. Now it seems that it has become the opposite. If we do it, it's wrong (apparently). Now women feel empowered to do it, and they encourage each other to do it, and whoever is dating them gets discarded the moment they are seen "interviewing" other women. Please correct me if you have noticed or experienced otherwise?
What was accepted?
Not even half way in watching this video, I was already nodding my head so hard I got a concussion. Solid points sir, salute!
True, we are accountable.
Brilliant as always
This is actually my strategy too with men! I think it applies to both sexes… hire slow, fire fast.
Every young lad should watch this one and take this is in, very deeply.
The same applies to companies.
Interesting, I’ve used this exact tactic with men who want to push things too fast. The result is they usually get really pissed off.
As a female if a man doesn't interact much its a bad idea to have sex with him because he's more then likely to keep that space wide afterward and that is hurtful. If men want to get laid make her feel safe by interacting with her daily.
This is the treatment you get when you sleep with guys out of your league.
They do interact daily with someone on their level.
@@Tushar_Talwar_09 You have a point. May the Lord have mercy on the woman who ends up settling for dude below her league...because fertility, family, fear of cats and such.
Absolutly nicely said, women have the options always ready by DEFAULT.
As a man I have always struggled with options (thus scarcity syndrome) because of my introversion and technical job (IT developer).
It take real effort to maintain the options, it means going socializing or attending events which I'll normally not attend, thus when I am in relationship I stop doing these activities only to realize the fear of no options, and scarcity - which is also not very helpful in healthy relationship.
They can falsely accuse you if you fire them.
Should be required viewing for all men. I should have seen this 17 years ago before I got involved in a bad marriage then a string of bad relationships after. Using the correct head in dealing with women is the message here.
This was a super profound video!
This is honesty excellent!
Rarely does one find good actionable opportune advice. Implementing this and it’s working excellently well. Critical life skill, this one.
You inadvertently explained why I don't hear back from all those jobs I interviewed for right away
I swear, this man talks FACTS 👌
Exactly what happend with my last one. She fucked me reaaaaally good but was a minefield of red flags. I invested way too much too early and in the end I was the one who got hurt. And it took some months to recover of that. So the price is indeed high.
However, could you do more on how to build optionality and dating ? I do struggle with that.
At 48yrs and single, Im happy to stay that way
I love your content coach!! Great insight!
100% choose and filter wisely. Time is limited so don't waste your effort.