Painful Emotions and Complex Trauma - Part 3/8 - False Guilt
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2024
- GET STARTED With a FREE Preview to our 12 Basic Needs Course: bit.ly/3UQcWeq
Website: bit.ly/3ybk8Jf
Do You Have Complex Trauma? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3QGbzMV
*****
Try a FREE Preview of One of Our Online Courses: bit.ly/3UQcWeq
*****
Become a Member!
Access ALL our Courses, Webinars, 1:1 Coaching, Group Coaching & Online Communities: bit.ly/3QIpDWf
Understand the Development of Complex Trauma in Your Life
Online Course: 12 Basic Needs
bit.ly/3UQcWeq
Discover how Addictions are Formed and Find Healthy Ways to Cope
Online Course: Addictions + Complex Trauma
bit.ly/4bbUYsL
Learn How to Parent Yourself and a Child with Complex Trauma
Online Course: Parent Bootcamp
bit.ly/44RpLJ7
Are You Ready to Begin YOUR Healing Journey? Inquire TODAY: bit.ly/3wE68at
Ready to Dig Deep and Learn Tools to Recover From the Negative Effects of Complex Trauma?
Online Course: LIFT Online Learning
bit.ly/4bwZ26I
These videos are like seeing the light of God after being trapped in a dark closet…
Wonderfully said!
Exactly
Amen. I agree
AGREE!!!!!!!
Amen! i feel the exact way. Thank you Lord
I have carried false guilt all my life; feel like I’ve done everything “wrong”. I can’t even give myself credit for what I’ve accomplished. I’m a successful, smart woman with a graduate degree. The only thing I can think about is “failure,failure,failure”. I stayed way to long in an emotionally abusive marriage. But the guilt started in my childhood. I remember - not good enough.
Same here M.S.
@@mknels1299 using art as a tool can help us express some of the emotions and pain we cannot put to words with, its also a great form of meditation, and therapy, giving the child we were a way to express them selves, and help them to communicate with us the adult self.
Worth a try.
This resonates with me too.
I feel like this guy, just articulated my childhood in a nut shell. Very toxic and the brain washing and lies fed to me as a kid
I'm very new to this concept at 36 years old and I cant even tell you how eye opening this was. I actually cried for 3/4 of this video.
I remember when a teen if i was in someones house and someone was arguing, i would feel like it was my fault even though i had nothing to do with the situation. So glad i grew out of that!
When I first discovered I needed a concrete value system to check my false guilt against, I decided the only system I knew of was the commandments of Christ. If my false guilt starts kicking in trying to get me to people-please, or cower, or if it triggers fear and shame, if I can become conscious of it fast enough I ask myself if I've broken one of the commandments of Christ. If not, then I find the uncomfortable feelings coming from the false guilt subside a little faster and I'm able to fawn and/or cower less, stand up tall, swallow my uncomfortable feeling, and move on.
Thank you this is very helpful
Perfectly put..that's how I think too. God bless u
This is how Christ set me free as well!
One of the few protestant i can listen to. He got it right.
What he is talking about is universal.
I just recently found your channel. This one hit home. I remember My mother screaming that she hated my brothers and I, and wish we'd never been born, would die, and that the house would burn and kill all of us. I was 3 years old when that started. That went on until I turned 14, and told her she was pretty gd stupid for not figuring out how babies were born after the 2nd one was born if she hated children so much. I don't know why I volunteered to stick around and take care of her after Dad died. I'm free of her and my narcissist brothers, but I'm 58 now, and feel like my best years were an absolute waste... Stealing oxygen from a butterfly's lungs. I told her she was Satan's Spawn. I hope Jesus forgives me for judging her so hard. I'll never see my family again.
Perfect u can't stop laughing
Your forgiven
I use the 6th sympathetic defense mechanism_ don't fight, don't flight, don't freeze, don't fauwn, don't cry out for help, do the narcy thing_ reflect back to them their image be" fun" = f u narcy
See their inner wounded child, and. Let the resentments go
@@mknels1299they don't have an inner wounded child because they have no soul.
Did we grow up in the same house together? It sounds exactly like my upbringing. Including my mother screaming she wished we'd never been born. I wasted 60 years on this garbage and finally went No Contact 6 years ago. Wish I would have done it as soon as I was old enough to walk....out the door.
No video has ever hit me as hard. I’m so glad I found this Tim.
It is important that I tell somebody this before i leave this world----
I have 3 half brothers. Each one has a different father. I knew each
one of my brothers before they were surrendered for adoption.
I actually looked after my first and third brother before they were taken
from me---before my mother gave them up. I was with my mother
when she gave up my last brother.
She told me that she did it "for me"---because I was the legitimate
daughter---but she really wanted her sons---so it was a sacrifice on her part.
I lived with the guilt all my life,
Additionally, I bonded with my first and third brother. I would have
bonded with each of them, but I was in foster care.
I am telling you this because there is no one else to tell.
People tell me to "leave it in the past"---and I wish that I could. But,
I am so broken---and have been all of my life.
I don't understand how people can just wipe away events, feelings, actions, relationships and people with a "let it go" or "move on" or "leave it in the past" or "stop worrying" just forgive, etc. I wish I could. I am sorry for your situation. Rev 21:3,4 for future hope, although it doesn't minimize your pain now.
That was a sad, terrible thing your mother laid on you. It may have been true, she may thought it would make you feel good. I also wouldn't want to make any of those hard decisions. Prayers be with you.
It’s very sad, and ok to still grieve that. Grief is lifelong.
It does not end like they say. It comes & goes.
I wish it worked that way, that we could leave things in the past. But the past has a funny way of sneaking up on us, it won't stay back there. I'm so very sorry you had to deal with that all your life. Our parents messed us up, but I'm beginning to see they were just as messed up as us 😢
You were just a child. You Didn’t do it!
I’m So Sorry you went through that!
Maybe you could Find your Brothers.
Much ❤️to you.❤️🙏❤️
False guilt.... that resonates with what I am going through
In one of your videos you say people who are abused sometimes never knew they were, and I remembered after my mom died suddenly I was in so much pain and started therapy, and I remember feeling there was so much I had to unwrap so this therapist would have an small idea of my mental health, during one session after recanting my childhood I said " I never felt abused and the therapy with a puzzled look said you didn't " and so it began understanding that although l believe my mom loved me the best she could she didn't always love and protect me as she should have and there yearscand years of trauma to go through and its exhausting just to try to think about......
Thank God 4 Tim Fletcher!!! U r the greatest teacher ever!!!
Tim, thank you so much for these videos. I feel like you must have been in my household when I was a child. I needed to hear all of this. I cried through a lot of this video.
The way Tim integrates biblical stories into his discourse is so reassuring, I'm 40, lived in Trauma all my life, trying to learn to live and Tim's resources are massively helpful
This was a very helpful lesson for me, I just went through 4 very difficult years in my spiritual life. I realized that I struggle a lot with false guilt. I also realized how overconfident I was as a young Christian.. this season was one where I experienced having to face up to my shortcomings, and I'm now having to rely on the grace of God, rather than my own devotion. This was stated very succinctly in this video for which I am grateful. I'm grateful to God for him starting to help give some clarity to this season in my life. Thank you for your work, Tim!
Thank you for making this so easy to understand.im grateful I found u.
This was a great message and perspective in how false guilt can become apart of our identity and how we’re never too far from the grace of God even when we feel that false sense of guilt. Peter surrendered and that’s what we’re called to do as well. I’m glad I clicked on this video. Thank you sir for letting God use you. 🙏🏽 #newsubscriber
Wonderful and life affirming .thank u
Great video. You really get the false guilt thing. I literally didn't understand that I didn't have to be responsible for other people.
This was a beautiful sermon/message
Excellent advice. Thank you so much
The thing I'm most guilty over is not being happy, of wasting my life in sadness. Go figure...
Feel the loss,cry,and keep moving
Thanks from Brazil
Thank u , there are judging people everywhere with rules and faults not only in the church
Thanks for sharing this with me and from one of fellow human being to another fellow human being Mr smart fellow
I can relate with this so well , unfortunately!
Yr being self reflective which requires honesty to admit so be kind and proud of urself for being authentic. Some people see it but simply refuse to acknowledge their issues and never manage to get past it.
When I meet people who dare to bare I'm touched by their bravery by being honest. It shows the sincerity in yr character.. I really mean that.
Great growth
False Guilt is a huge 'problem' of mine...
That's the problem w 12 step programs..the Big Book 'language' and shame mentality...They promote false guilt .and judgement .and sponsors that take to this kind of thinking..instead of practicing compassion. For trauma survivors this is not conducive. We can't shame ppl into recovery...🙏
I love the way you explain these things. I keep listening and learning about myself. Thank you.
Yes, Tim,,,even as a parent with adult children!
Such a useful video!! I don't have enough words to describe what light the information in this video has brought. Light and clarity. Thank you!!
"Your mom never wanted you...so she left" ...it was true...but not necessary to say.
Mom never wanted responsibility, and you happened to represent it.
I’m listening intently Mr Fletcher. Such helpful & succinct information. I’m taking it in/ absorbing from our gifted Orrator. Thank You so much for your wisdom 😊 feeling better now You get my issues!
Yes I've felt guilty for just being born. My mom left me in a bar 18 months . And I just shut down in life. Hard to explain to others.
Iam so sorry 😞
When did she come back? She must have been in a terrible situation and out of her mind! I am so sorry! You didn’t deserve that! I have tremendous guilt!
I hope you get therapy to work this out!!
Good to find a term for this ‘false guilt’. I’ve had this so extreme that my brain will find a way to blame me for a train derailing in a country I’ve never been to and injuring people I’ve never met! It’s ridiculous! I know logically that I’m not to blame, but I still feel the emotion of guilt and shame as if I was personally involved.
So sad that so many people are so broken😢 much ❤ and strength from Germany 😘
Thanks Tim! I owe you so much ❤
Once I was tripping on mushrooms alone, trying to heal this stuff.. the abuse from mom. A voice said to me: what you endured is a spiritual betrayal, a spiritual abuse.
It’s exactly what you said.
When I heard those words, it was felt not in my soul only, it was beyond my soul, I felt my spirit, something even deeper than the soul.. the essence of my being, the most sacred part ( curiosity my sacro bone is deformed by the abuse and neglect, I’m healing with carnivore my bones ) .
The spirit and soul is something very real.. and complex trauma is a spiritual wound.. a betrayal to your most sacred nature.. thankyou again and again for this unique information.. I’m wondering why not a therapist in 10 ys ever told me any of this… thankyou for your existence and work
That Spirit is the power of God 🎉
Love this whole presentation. Just one correction on the Biblical story, when Peter saw Jesus on the beach, he actually put his robe ON, then jumped in the water. Makes the story a little more humerous.
Hot Damn, a while back, I was grinding on my Hello, how are you? Shame lovingly, and I knew that Guilt might be a little less hardcore until I came onto this one. Oh, Boy... buckle up for a ride of my life. It hurts so good, and I am glad I can sit with them all. Thank you!.
Thank you... this is awesome information...
Thanks!
Guilty for crying, yes!!
you get a heavy ache in your chest,
when you hold your tears in..
I wanna born again as Tim Fletcher's dauther lol
Guilt-tripping and faking sympathy are common in settings such as home, school, friends, work, and religious and cultural communities.
Am powerless and lean on God since the devil , demon wants me dead
Thank u
Wow!!
He explains our insanity of others 😆
Stop gaslighting yourself
My mum passed away last month I'm 46 years old. Dad was an abusive, violent alcoholic. I moved half way around the world when I was 20 and moved home when I was 30 to care for my mum. Going through old photos I feel guilt about moving away. I feel guilt for shutting mum and dad out. I feel guild for not being able to remove mums trauma. Mum and dad divorced when I was 16, mum and I were on the run from dad because he was threatening to kill us. I now care for my ageing father. Caring for an ageing abusive parent is really hard. I wish dad died before mum. I feel guilt for wishing dad died first. These videos are really helpful. Thank you.
My x husband l met at 17 and was Married to for 20 years...is a Psychopath...hes also unfortunately the father of my Children! 😞
I married one...and had a beautiful 8 year old. His biological dad up and abandoned him and I found out later he had mental problems too. Geeze... I am free from my covert malignant narcissist that used reactionary abuse on me and my son... He is lucky he is not in prison. Moved us to another country to abuse us severely on a pschopathic emotional level.. I didnt realize it for a while. Till I connected the dots will all his many tresspasses, boundary line crosses, over t he top annoyances, his so called many accidental blunders that just kept out lives chaotic!!!
@@yellowdayz1800 my X Belongs in Prison too...but his White Color Crimes and Covert Cruelty...hes just too Cleaver to ever get Caught! And I'm all out of Fight! My Adult Sons will just have to do their Best...like I did! God Help Us...❤
@@bonnieyuse5876 so very sorry. I know how they drain the life out of us. Their whole goal is to do just that with a clean MO.. No cuffs. We'll, things are changing and they are catching on to this type of crimes. Stay strong. Get a good support group of people like me... Seriously. Do what it takes don't let them walk all over you the way I let mine did me. Soon as he saw I was going to expose him.... He backed off a lot. Make sure to tell him you have informed the local medical examiner as well of your case if need be etc that way if you dir your name shoukd be on a flag to make sure.... Well, the medical examiner will want to see.
Be careful. Most won't go to far as again, the covert abuser doesn't want prison. Tell him now a days they will never pass an interrogation... Which is true... Stuff like that. It works..
Hugs.
Wow 👏
AMEN!!!
I guilt parented. God forgive me
I'm still do it in recovery related to god,I kow god is forgiving but not me.Am i a martyr?I also struggle with false guilt.
What can one do if their response is number freeze/numb ?
26:33 did I really do something wrong?
What about false incompetence? My narcissist created a maze in my mind and everytime Im close to being mentally free essentially, he move the walls. Is this Learned helplessness in a way?
Yes. Are you better?
my mum told me she wished i was never born and all she had me was for centerlink money
This is how so called pastor is ruin my life, 23 years of struggling. Ive been in that "church" 27 years ago in age of 19, and I meet there a man with whom I wanna married. We start relationship and pastor is kicking him out telling that he is rebelious and under influence of demons. In that time I was 4 years totally surended to that pastor as my surogat, spiritual father figure. He slander me publicly that I was stop coming in church coz of fornication which was a lie!! It destroys me from inside out. I am 46 now, no husband, no kids, no job, having mental and emotional issues, living with parents. I felt like a orphan child who was adopted and kicked because I dont matter....heart breaking...wondering, is there a light and recovery from that...I am tired of being sick and tired and how something like that can even happen ...
Yes, you did the best you could from what you knew at the time.
@@LynnRank❤
Hey girl, we both did. Isnt Tim just great. I discovered David Kessler who wrote the book with Elizabeth Kubler Ross 4:11
❤
24:15
I don't believe in humility. I think we should be aware of our greatness. But we must recognize other's greatness too. Humility teach people to have low self-esteem in order to ''not have a big head''. But the only time we don't like big head is 1. when we're jealous 2. When they don't seem to see that other people have head too. This guy in the story, he did grew and become more responsible because he was given the opportuity, but also because of his own talent. But they make it sounds like he's a no one with no talent because Jesus gave him confidence, and that he is in fact, a no one. I'm not christian btw
Kaepora Gaebora Get thee behind me Satan! If you don't believe in humility, you can't humble yourself. If you can't humble yourself, you can't receive forgiveness. Even Jesus humbled Himself, to the point of death on a Cross. You are not better than Jesus! l rebuke your blasphemous words. You do not have the Spirit of the Heavenly Father!
@@myoldfarmhouse4316 I have the ability to question thigns around me because I don't just follow blindly what a book says
Kaepora Gaebora it's good to question things. That's not the "debate." Nice try.
@@myoldfarmhouse4316 Your argument is basically you have to be humble because if you're not it means you cannot recieve forgiveness, in other words, if you're not humble, you're bad. Tell me why.
If you do things because you are scared of not being forgiven if you don't, I don't call this questioning things, I call this, conforming to some ideas out of fear (of not recieving forgiveness).
Also forgiveness is another topic I'd have a lot to say about.
And I also don't have knowledge related to christianity
yeah...if your not a Bible believing Christian, that's your choice. Just try not to take others down with you.
Smith John Davis Kenneth Davis Lisa
Aren't we all guilty before God?
Not if we’ve excepted Jesus. We are righteous bc of His righteousness. Jesus made a way for us!
There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus… Romans 8:1
Gods a hard act to follow. Think he has a sense of...Humor....
Hehe
If the goal is to be like Jesus then we are set up to fail for sure. I think the church likes it that way.
i really dont like the bible stories you lost me there
Your videos would be way better if you stopped yelling, i've watched a few and the yelling is just really painful.
I think it's passion he s displaying 🤔
I thought his voice sounded strained or he is speaking to a large audience. Perception is everything.
Brother he has to preach in front of a large crowd, he wants to be heard , if you want a soft spoken voice, youll have to be on a one to one session. He Is talking to a crowd