5 Things To Remember Leaving The Narcissist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 มิ.ย. 2024
- 5 Things To Remember Leaving The Narcissist
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00:01 - Introduction: Finding Humor in Narcissistic Abuse
03:05 - Recognising the Narcissist: The Singular Persona
07:45 - Danger of Contact: Venomous Spider Eggs in Communication
11:07 - Existential Realization: Your Non-Existence in Their World
15:34 - Seeking Closure: Temptation and Folly
20:04 - Mental Health Considerations: The Pitfalls of Pleading
22:35 - The Nature of Psychopathy
23:40 - Confronting Chaos: Dealing with Psychopathic Behavior
24:57 - The Complexity of Empathy in Psychopaths
26:28 - Breaking Free: Strategies for Toxic Relationship Recovery
34:46 - Navigating Challenges: Insights and Solutions
38:06 - Exploring Emotional Promiscuity and its Implications
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Maya Angelou said that, 'when a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time'.
YUP YUP! Dr. Angelou originated this saying and Oprah repeats it frequently. This saying really helped me some years ago when I was starting to heal from childhood. And I tell clients this frequently.
Correct! Well- known Maya Angelou quote!
Yes, Maya said it and she was so right!
@@charzemc yep I have been going through this - its like a psychological thriller that you can't get out of. They are so manipulative that everyone believes them.
Quote it all the time.
Narcissism is a bootcamp type of spiritual warfare 🥵 if you survive it and escape it, you level up to a spiritual gangster 😂💪
Amen
More like promotion from foot soldier to cavalry… you are out of the mud and can see the lay of the land so much more clearly from up there.
Love this.
A chevalier right
Yes!
Hello fellow survivors. If no one told you today: you are loved. You are enough. ❤
Today all I wanted was a kind word .
Understanding. I need humans.❤❤
Thank you for thoughtfulness. A mom
Thank you… you are loved too, and needed ❤️
Thank you for sharing and for your kindness....much much needed.
You are loved...you are enough too. 😊🙏🪷
As are you😊
They are never sorry, and they never quite remember anything..
After the “love bombing”/grooming phase was completed, in which I did feel seen and heard, I felt completely unheard and unseen!!! OMGosh, I even confronted him once and asked him if I was merely a prop in his life!! THANK YOU THANK YOU so much for validating my experience.
PLEASE direct me to your course to break the trauma bond. Please 🙏 🙏🙏🙏 I’m 6 months out but I’m still struggling with the bond.
PLEASE direct me to your course to break the trauma bond. Please 🙏🙏
Right when you catch them in a lie they don’t remember anything and they have the best memory so it must have never happened. What a joke these children are.
Drives me CRAZY . It really really does. Took me forever to start trusting myself again
Oh they remember, only act like they don’t. I have tested one. She kept deliberately “forgetting” so I asked her with compassion, “do you have memory issues? I’m asking because I worry about you very much!”
Suddenly, she remembered everything! She hated the compassion I showed her - it probably made her feel pitiful, so she needed to get back from that.
I can see why leaving a narcissist is so hard. We naturally want closure, a feeling of completion, of resolving things in a fair & equitable manner, but this will never happen with a real narcissist, as they simply can't give us what we want or need. It's like a puzzle that can never be solved because many of the key pieces are broken or missing!
it took me 12 years, just now, to accept this.
Great, comment. This is so true, and the realisation I'm having to accept now.
@@cppray1 yep they are simply evil turds not masterminds or geniuses 😅
@@cppray1 You may be right but from my experience I would say no because what I want is not something they even have. You can't give to others what you don't have. Just my take on this, but you may be right with some of these individuals.
Stop asking others for resolution. It’s like walking on the street and asking for family
This is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I am mentally hostage, by trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
Same. It's exhausting
Right. I literally took care of her when she got the flu at Christmas. Bought her and all the children gifts , then Christmas was over and she went back to work - it was as though she was wanting to be with someone else , but ashamed because it would of made her look like a cheater / betrayer. So she tried to turn me into the monster.
Yes 7:52
I feel completely violated. It's going to definitely take a while to shake this experience. Their degree of mental illness is beyond comprehension. You cannot have a normal relationship or conversation with a lunatic.
@@Greydog184standard play
The day I pissed of the narcissist enough and it was finally over, I felt so totally drained washed up, spit out, and kicked to the curb. The next day he had a date with someone else. Two months later they were engaged. Hellacious experience. It was really hard learning these types of people exits. I was forever changed after that 5 year experience. He wanted to destroy me.. Nearly did. Was very rattled and on a deep level, and extra sensitive for a good while. Took nearly a year to feel less broken. Harmful, dangerous people
Yep I feel u
Only 1 year ? It took me 20.
Yes
I am so glad you survived. I have similar experience and I felt like he was trying to destroy me too.. I am proud of you!
The way they work from a script is bizarre.
Idealization (check!)
Love bombs away, grappling hooks engaged, haul in the prey. (Check!)
Degradation (check!)
Turn on Narcissistic Fog Machine (check!)
Establish secret harem (check!)
Discard (check!) then
Start Smear Campaign (check!). Prepare Flying Monkeys for take-off (check!).
There is something so weird about the similarities of everyone’s experiences. There is a ridiculous or absurd clockwork element to it (like they are naughty little wind-up dolls) such that their predictable machinations elicit an involuntary chuckle here and there in between the heart-wrenching sobbing of the victims.
I am moving 500 miles away tomorrow. Up north to a tiny town. I can't get rid of him any other way. This relationship has been the worst experience of my life. I started setting this up months ago and lied (pretended I was him lol). Anyway, sometimes desperate measures need to be taken. I am sure I have been replaced already. Thank god I never had kids with this guy. You only live once - change it up. Move on.
Hi I hope you’ve settled in up north , Im Near Manchester , it will feel odd on your own for a while but you deserve better , xxxxx
I want to move away
I moved 871 miles away. One of the things I did that was right.
Yes, moving 10 hours away was the best thing. Also, no Facebook.
They are a wretched curse!
When you are healing… contact even gray rock text communication sends you into a trauma hold. Get away! Run! Escape!
After you heal… you laugh.
😊
I cannot imagine that. But okay.
@@brusselsprout5851 having recovered from physical injuries that made laughing excruciating, i felt like i never would again. My doctor told me i had to do it. Good for your lungs. The same applies here.
Emotional healing is the same. What i struggled with, during the emotional healing process was how foolish i felt. It was like believing a hoax or prank. "How could i fall for that??"
Gotta do it anyway. Laughter is the best medicine.
Also, narcs HATE IT when you laugh.
@@brusselsprout5851 same
Looking forward to the day my ex gets kalmar after 38years of an abused marriage and woken in the last 6months to being under the spell and I'm scared to death of meeting anyone else as I have only ever been in 1 relationship 😢😢😢😢😢
@@user-yq5kt5qi3c same…
Thx for sharing.)
I don’t have to feel like I’m the only one that’s been faithful to a fault… aka only one relationship.
16:00 - spot on - no morals , cheat and lie and expect you to be perfection
I’ve found you at the right time. 😢 I was married to a controlling man who I was with for 32 years to finally escape straight into the arms of a narcissist! He has destroyed any faith I have in men but everything you have said here is spot on 😢 I’m in complete limbo feeling hurt rejected confused angry and worst of all violated. They are true wolves in sheep’s clothing! True demons !
My heart goes out to you!!! Are you safe? Praying for you, it's hard and people who don't understand just make it harder when trying to understand what just happened to us
I relate with you. Remember it is NOT you. Sadly they used us. But it is not YOU. You are amazing, that is why you were chosen. Right now we have to stay on the path of recovery. You CAN do it, and you WILL do it, even if you don't believe it right now. Hug yourself and love be yourself. YOU ARE AMAZING!!
This world is full of evil, manipulative, self-serving people. Take your time, share less, learn as much as you can about personality disorders, set boundaries with people. Mostly trust what you feel and not what you see.
Satan on Earth, the devil itself.
Exactly same happened to me.😢 I am going through the discard phase now. There was a real monster behind the mask, pretending to be the best and most wonderful man in the world.
I would argue that narcissists view all others as LESS than objects, considering the ones I've experienced are extremely materialistic.
Selfish and greedy too
Absolutely true!
I realized that I was just as at fault as my abuser, because knowing deep inside that he was crazy I still stayed. Always waiting for the person who I fell for to come back, leaving was literally (literaaaaally) like mourning several people in one. It's amazing how you knew each one of their personalities. Thanks for traumatizing me further with the freaking eggs in brain thing... ugh
You were groomed....
It’s a scare tactic , like look what the power I have. Trust me it is dumb, always is always has.
I would qualify first that you are not at fault.
That said, we are responsible for remaining within reach. It was when I chose that perspective, I was able to get out. But before I left it wasnt for hope, but utter fear that I had stayed. My life is still being dragged backward by him and his parents after 4 years out, second time leaving after being forced back using a false accusation of Grand Theft Auto of our family vehicle to force me out of the DV shelter with our children.
So I will not take blame for the systematic abuse and crazy making, smear campaign, but I take responsibility for my mistakes and for not having been willing to get out at ALL COSTS. The price gets steeper the longer you stay, and the longer it's drawn out in separating. I suggest swiftly and do not try to be honorable and fair, staying near. Flee far away. They only use your fairness as a wedge in the door to break you. more.
@Jen Stevens I'm 2yrs out, iam so sorry for what you have and will continue to deal with , the emotions and psychological effects is long lingering , much longer then the physical abuse. You feel alone even when your around lots of people . If you ever need someone to talk too please don't hesitate to reach out. Prayers for you and yours
Stop devaluating yourself. Every human being needs companionship, approval and love. The natural needs for that made you stay. Think about the fact that babies need human touch to literally survive. ❤
It’s the story of the turtle 🐢helping the snake 🐍to cross the stream, by riding on the turtle’s shell. When they get across safely, the snake bites the turtle. The turtle is shocked and the snake replies “I’m a snake “
Unknowingly I was friends with a snake for 67 years. I am her godmother to her daughter. Now we do not talk. I am finally glad.
Not nitpicking- but i believe the fable is the scorpion 🦂 and the frog. Snakes 🐍 can swim - but more importantly, this allegorical / didactic fable that i keep salient ❤ it’s a story / message that i can vividly recall that reminds me - why narcs do what they do…it is their “nature” - they aren’t people, they are like Escher’s works - except he was an amazing artist - but the narc is one dimensional, yet appears (to the outsider) to have depth and dimensions which are simply simulacrum of dimension/ 3d whole people…truth is that they are - not people, people have humanity and compassion and empathy - the narc shows their public simulations and for the high level ones, are so often beguiling and totally 💯 believable - but they aren’t actually people. Treating them as such has been my biggest mistake.
@@hiloknowsall7462yes, thank you. It is the fable of frog and the scorpion.
@@hiloknowsall7462 I totally get where you're coming from and I suffered needlessly for 25 years in an on/off relationship (longest 'off' period was 12 years) with a covert narcissist. Our last relationship went on and off for 7 years and led to me having a nervous breakdown. That became the catalyst for becoming self aware and rapidly extended to the realisation that I'd grown up with a narcissistic mother, and then realising that I had been drawn to narcissists and both my best friend and ex girlfriend had the disease. I like your reference to Escher and can definitely apply it to the female narcissists I've had in my life. For my best friend who is male I am thinking more of the artwork used in Pink Floyd's 'The Wall'. I think it's unfair to think of these people as not human, but I can understand the pain and distress that is behind such hyperbole. I prefer to think of these people as emotionally diseased and unfortunate, because they had to suffer abuse and indignities during their formative years to become narcissists, and despite their masked appearance and dishonesty I found that their sadness and weakness was very noticeable at various times. Hatred is a very strong emotion that actually takes a great deal of effort to hold on to and can cause you further emotional and even physical health problems later in life. Hatred is strong, but sympathy will always trump hatred and it has an neutralising effect on your soul. It's impossible to feel hatred for someone you sympathise. Sympathy for someone also prevents them from being attractive to you. So it's a perfect way to approach the narcissistic ex.
Its the Scorpio asking the turtle to get him across the river. The turtle then sais: as long as you wont sting me…. Ofcourse I won’t, the scorpio sais, cos if I do, I will drown as well. The turtle being being convinced by this logic, takes the scorpio across. Halfway down the river, the turtle feels a sting and knows the scorpio has stung him. While they are both drowning, the turtle with his last breath asks the scorpio: but WHY? And the Scorpio replies: I cant help it, its what I am…
At last, I was able to leave and discard my narcissistic husband after 28 years of bondage and abusive relationship after I got out from this bad relationship, it is like waking up from a worst nightmare and you wake up into reality, realizing everything.😅
my therapist is on maternity leave so every time i "miss" him i just sigh and pull up one of your videos to talk some sense into me haha. two weeks no contact wohoo! this is the third time i broke up with him so looks like third time is the charm🤡
One someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time-Poet Maya Angelou
I've been following Richard for years. And ever since I started following Richard's work, I've been able to untangle my life from all the abusive lies that have been binding me. Nowadays I have much less abusive situations and abusive people in my life, let's say the amount of abuse in my life has reduced into 5% of what it was 5 years ago.
This is insane. Married for 8 years, Confused for 8 years, and this last year I’m seeing things I never thought I’d see. Blatant. Brazen. Inexcusable. Twilight zone, the sky is red-things. You are saying EXACT word for word situations that have happened. It’s crazy. It’s crazy making. Your videos are tremendously helpful and also, what insanity this can be. Thank you 🖤
Hi Richard.
I left a 30 year relationship 9 years ago, and it has taken me this long to finally feel like I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. The final thing I've realised is that you're never, ever, going to get closure or justice from the narcissist, so there's no point trying. This, in itself, I have found very liberating, as it has allowed me to finally silence his voice in my head. Thank you
I left just two weaks ago after 15 years and I feel more teriible than ever…
@@Sweetbong_It will get better...it's something we've all gone through. ❤
What you said about the spider eggs flying in and hatching is spot on. Today I accidentally got baited into a convo with a group of narcs, they baited me in by complimenting my hair and asking questions. I went home regretting letting them bait me in bc they were so nasty and horrid. Lesson learned. Say thank you and walk away.
Narcissistic abuse disorder is no joke! The narcissist brakes you down at the worst manner.
Thank you. This is difficult to hear, but after 38 years, it helps. It's all switched up here, though. I need him to leave my house.
_"I've had a recent experience and I only in the last couple of days woke up to exactly what this person was doing..."_ ... Wow. Mad respect for being so open with us.
Same! 22 yrs, got a clue the last 6 months! I'm over it! He can kiss it! I've got this,and he's out, just doesn't know it yet lol but he will!
Ive had a confession then gas lighted saying it never happened 😂 omg please god give me strength to forgive myself for allowing a lunatic stay in my life for sooò long😮🙏🙈❤
Me 22yrs!!!
This came at the right time. You're completely spot on. Finally realized I was dealing with a black belt narcissist. Beginning stages of removing them from my life. Luckily they are very transparent so no one that matters believes anything they say.
Wishing you the best!
Sounds like the narc was too stupid to even be narc. Sorry you had the horrific experience of encounter such demon. They are sheer evil 😢
Lying mouth noises 😂 so very accurate 💯👏🏾
I don’t know you but you make me laugh out loud …. Literally!!! I am so blessed to have found you. You not only bring a smile you remove the Vice off my head!! All glory to God for you Richard!! 🙌🏻🕊🤍
Timely.
Fell for a covert narc during the plandemic. After months of text and conversations. Intimacy is just fodder with these a holes. I ran the other way so fast. Tried to maintain the friendship. Impossible. Quite possibly the most disappointing test of my metal. I don’t feel bruised , I just felt like I took a pop quiz and passed in spite of my anxiety about it. I threw myself into productive projects to break the trance of late night talks that were sucking me into lack of sleep and fruitless mornings. The only closure is getting ones goals and projects accomplished without the escalating needy demands of the Narc. My ADHD brain was simultaneously attracted and ultimately repulsed . It was so draining until I engaged and refocused on my own necessities.
Spell breaking
So impossible!! Great passing the test!! Proud of you
The trauma in my body from narcissistic family abuse gave me a hypertensive crisis (life threatening high blood pressure) and now stage 4 metastatic cancer... among many many other physical health & mental health problems. The body truly *does* keep the score. These toxic family members ostracized & shunned me for over a decade. Basically left me for dead. When I was diagnosed they all flew back in! Pretending to want to “help” me. 😈😈😈
Oh my goodness 😢 I am so sorry to hear that. I am 45 & just finally went No Contact with my family last summer. It is hard enough in this world, without not having a family for emotional support. I feel so alone, especially on holidays. Just letting you know you are not alone in your struggles & pain…. 🙏🙏
No contact with either of my parents for over 10 years. Hit em where it hurts
I got cancer from the relationship. All the years of suffering heartbreak, and stress took its toll.
I’m the same way. Diagnosed with high blood pressure at 17. Doctors ran every test they could to try to figure out why and nothing would explain it. Fast forward a couple of years and I’m just now learning that my mother is a terrible vulnerable narcissist and I was living with my nervous system constantly engaged drowning in cortisol. Also suffer with addiction to cope with the abuse. These people will kill you from the inside out
"The Body Keeps The Score" was written by Bessel Van der Kolk, not Peter E. Levine. 😉
Peter E. Levine wrote "Awakening The Tiger" and developped Somatic Experiencing (SE)
I have a deeply narcissistic sister 18 months younger. I'm 64 now. In November 2013, at age 55, I was at her house. Long story short, her behavior was so awful, something inside me snapped. I'd had this behavior for decades. I abruptly left the occasion and made up my mind I was done. I started researching the net and figured it out: she's a narcissist. I was like Saul on the road to Damascus. The light of understanding finally turned on. Now I listen to Grannons videos. He has said things which I've said to a friend verbatim. I just nce told a friend, my sister has no horizontal relationships, only vertical. You can't believe how fun it was for me to hear Richard Grannon say the exact same thing.
I literally had just gotten out of my worst experience with a true energy vampire narcissist. Then another man came along a started to court me heavy. like Heavy heavy, we are exclusive on the first date heavy..... He filled me up with everything he felt he studies about me and for a good two months it worked. But I believe in the saying. When people show you who they are believe them , right! So the moment I realized that he was only seeing me as a gate way towards his success while telling me that it's all about me. I RANNNNN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. and it only took me one wake up call. I listened and learned Fast. and the more I listen to videos like this and study them...I am picking up on all their tactics... I swear I go back to some videos astonished at the accuracy.
4:15 “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.”
― Maya Angelou
If anything, everything YOU've gone through really helps those who have been there!!
Don't be so hard on yourself Richard for being such an kind person!!!
Please keep on going helping us to NOT go back for closure!
Sending you Wisdom and Love!
That's true 💯 Dear Richard, thank you! With this video, I finally got My closure.
You're killing me! You ARE "the expert"! "Yes, i was there when you told this person what would hurt you the most".
"Looking for clues...trying to fight for reality..." that slapped me in the face.
Richard- I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way you communicate this very difficult material. Your humor makes a painful subject easier to digest. You are always spot on. Thanks for all you do. I feel validated after listening to you
Ditto!
Love you Richard! 😂❤
You described a narcissist no other than a Demon in disguise. My ex narc had a car rego that ended with 666!
OMG❤
I wish I’d known this before . When someone shows you who there are then believe them. I have learnt the the hard way. I was in a horrible narcissistic relationship where eventually I was physically hurt, although the emotional abuse , gaslighting and smear campaign was so much worse. I’ve gone no contact but I still feel stupid and completely done in but I wasn’t aware of this disorder at the time . This relationship has totally destroyed me and I’m struggling and I don’t know where to go for help. I feel like no one understands this sort of abuse.
I am letting you know majority of the Global stage has no idea. Certain laws passed down are literally Made to protect the narcissistic. We breathe it, consume it, see it, bad taste in one’s mouth just str8 rag doll
You are right Richard. When I learned I had the right to say no, and when I implemented it I healed up a great deal. Growing up I was never taught that I could say anything remotely like NO.
I was going to check myself into the psych hospital because he made me believe, and even made it look like everyone else even all thought I was crazy, and demon possessed .. knowing in the back of my mind that he was the crazy person.. but God the brainwashing and the fear we have from being trained to cowar was so hard
I thought I had ADHD or early dementia. Turns out, he just needed to be gone. 😂
@cc 1k 100% omg yessss!!!! Unfortunately I'm still 2nd guessing everything, but atleast the stuttering is not as bad as it was when I first left
I remember one particular line he said not long after I met him. He said‘I’m damaged’
Naturally I wanted to know why he felt that way and therefore continued to ‘try’ to make things better, and easier for him! Not me..him!
I should have believed him.
The damage is deflected onto you. Yes my soul is badly bruised.
You make so much sense in this matter. Thank you
Yep! I was told from him directly that he was an "absolute nightmare". I felt at the time that it was on me to prove to him that he was a better person, a more worthy person than he deemed himself to be.
Unsurprisingly, I got metaphorically hammered for my trouble.
The worst part is remembering that you are not dealing with a normal and healthy person. They have a way of making us feel sorry for them and the way they use our empathy is disgusting. Once you can realize how disgusting and evil their manipulation is, it's much easier to walk away.
Took me 6 months and 2 operations to get fixed after 18 months with one of those. Lunacy is a very good word for him. Just seen his profile on an online dating site and want to scream to warn other women but for him I feel nothing. I’m so glad I’m out of this fantasy.
My Brother, you Sir .. are SO BANG ON. I can not even begin to tell you how Grateful I am for this wisdom you share with us today. Much RESPECT from the backcountry mountains in British Columbia Canada. Thank you Brother.
One: if it's your mother, you will have to make sure that if you want freedom to make sacrifices. I have not talked to siblings in 6-7 years after leaving my mom. Also helps that my eldest sister is a sociopath.
Same - entirely NC 6 years from fam. Mom moved goal posts, never was going to release me and say "I am proud of you" I set myself free, who is anyone to hold my life hostage? Grrrrr! 😂😠
Leaving them I discovered me. I chose me. Relationships are like mirrors that allow you to see what's broken in you. Therapy wasn't for them but for me to heal the trauma from my childhood. My life is 💯 percent better now. I have time to live my best life now that it's not being consumed by their trauma.
I had severe anxiety, especially with my curent gf. Then I started listening to stoicism and other philosophy quotes regarding life and regulating your mind in troubled times. Stoicism quotes from Marcus Aurelius and the other man i forget his name have really helped live in the present and stop the ruminating going on.
That's tomporary , i remember being in your place no stoicism will rescue you when she becomes one perse in the end only running away will help you
@@meriemmimi104 i totally agree you need to run away, im just saying in the moment for those going through severe anxiety and rumination, thats what has helped me
@@notayoutuber09 big hug from Holland. You are good and save now. karin. 👍✌💜🌼🎈 Love your comment.
I recently discovered Stoicism and find it very valuable. Yes it can help you as part of a coping mechanism. But unfortunately narcissistic relationships have nowhere to go but down, and you cannot alter the trajectory. I applied stoic philosophy and newly found knowledge of attachment styles to a narcissistic relationship before I knew it was narcissistic, but if I found a way of reducing anxiety and copdependence she would work to find new ways to counteract them. For example I was getting so anxious about how she would read my messages but not respond for many hours at a time. She would try to make excuses for this and I was always torn between wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt, and calling her out on her lies. I decided to turn off read receipts on my phone, and she even noticed and questioned why I did this and I told her it was to save me from my anxious mind. She reduced communication a lot after this and stopped answering her phone and pretending that she was always too busy.
Definitely keep up with the stoic philosophy, especially if you have always been, or have developed 'rejection sensitivity'. I think it was Marcus Aurelius who talked about how it's not the insult that hurts us but our interpretation that hurts, which is so true. I would get really affected by close friends and family when they criticised me for "always' doing this or that. But now when I hear an 'always' statement I impersonate Michael Parkinson and politely ask them to list the times when I "always did...........". Maybe they'd get 1 time, but I'd ask for another and another and watch their petit argument crumble before asking them in a slightly condescending tone if they thought 1 or 2 was the same as 'always'.
Amen: The consistent GasLighting is brain damaging, Literally. I am in trauma counselling and it is daibolacal who I had to become to stay in it. Reason would say if you leave and you will be OK, that is not always the case. But on the Topic of what is funny.... I got to get away, those who are have NPD have to live in their skin FOREVER. So, the best revenge is Leave, you get better, with age (hopefully), sadly, they get worse.
That is enough for me. Thank God for the beautiful Strength that self empathy gives, and the courage it takes to leave. I found I am smarter than I had been told, Stronger, than I ever knew, and am becoming better daily.
I went through everything you described . There was nothing you said I didn’t experienced with my boyfriend . 7 years of my life . While we were together I travelled for work a lot . Everytime I went away for few weeks my reality was coming back to me. With him I was Alice in wonderland . All these terrible incidents that happened to him, non stop begging for help , putting me down , telling me I was crazy. Everyday in his presence was a struggle . And lies , lies and more lies . As you said I didn’t exist to him.
I literally was going mad . I developed digestive issues, terrible heartburn . One day I woke up and saw half of my hair was left on my pillow . But even then I kept staying with him . I stopped physical fitness and gained 35lb always being thin and I fitness lover .
I am still in recovering process . Back in gym with personal trainer . Slowly but surely getting my life back . Thank you again so much !
34 years married to a covert narc, and I've just woken up to who he is. The last straw happened a week ago and finally the penny dropped. He fits almost every description I've heard of narcs, except he was never aggressive, he didn't need to be because his weapon of choice was always the Bible. Would love to hear your thoughts on religious narcissists and how to seperate when you're in older age group and you don't have the financial ability to walk away immediately.
These nasty critters are all up in the churches, at every level! It is the perfect hideout, perfect way to twist everything around even when they are abusing people, they will say that you’re misinterpreting it, or you need to forgive, and forget to be a good Christian, etc. Really disgusting
Shannon Thomas talks about religious abuse, her books are great! 🎉❤
My mum , sister and partner all covert narcs. Omg
I am 34 years married also 😢
Yes. My narc used to ridicule me for all of the spiritual books I read. Then he started reading them and more and claimed he was now spiritual. Also read The Bible and would throw all of it in my face. Disgusting!
I’m going to listen to this video at least two more times. Only those who have felt “it” know it’s depth. If I can envision the “badass” it will take to emerge from “it”…I’m gaining ground, slowly…so very slowly.
Great job! Very moving.
Definitely. Everyone could listen to it, but without the direct experience it's like a color blind person listening about colors. It takes suffering to actually believe that it is exactly as described.
@@luciderr EXACTLY. For those who have not experienced this, they cannot relate AT ALL.
Great analogy with the spider eggs, so true.
"Literrrralalally" Best Grannon ❤😂
Man. Have watched many of your videos. And this one really did it for me. Not as if the others did not...
You are honestly saving my mind and well being. It's been several years. And I, as a kind, empathic person...have been so taken advantage of. And abused verbally mentally. Subtle as it sometimes was.
You give us all enlightenment...and the tools to get out. And move on.
Thank you.
I am the Captain now...
Hope this reaches you, and others.
Richard, so grateful for your wisdom. Thank you for using your experience to help others extract themselves from the matrix. I am almost 11 months NO CONTACT. He still sends me letters. I see every manipulation clearly now and actually it is quite fascinating. I have grieved, destroyed my childish fantasy of relationships, and grow stronger every day. Becoming an emotionally literate badass!
Richard, you are an absolute lifesaver and I will be forever grateful for you sharing your wisdom and helping me pick myself up from rock bottom. This is my favorite video on the internet right now. Thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you for your videos!! I am going through a divorce now and this man is able to use the system to continue to abuse… I am realizing that our court systems don’t address mental health at all… and the lawyers just keep leeching and making money.
I enjoy the the humor in your personality Richard as we we deal with such a sick disorder. Thank you!!😂
Me too it’s the best he makes me laugh so bad sometimes” I have to go but but I won’t be to far 😂”
@@juliaaap922absolutely delighted I found Richard’s videos today!
His humor are a joy to help us navigate the otherwise chaotic process. 🙏❤️
45 year ...of abuse....u r spot on....
Go on Richard!!! Calling out the BS of 'shaming' language. The world has gone mad with this bo**ocks - refreshing to hear the truth delivered in a just cant argue with it way! 👊x
Indeed and I swear if I hear 'Cosmo' psychology on
Co dependenctly, trauma bonding, love language and such ....I will explode!!! It's all quite the "in thing" and it's utterly hideous to see such fashion. It's also demeaning, gentryfying and normalising the very real darkness nPD brings to the world... urgh.
Some things need to be spoken about in blunt, honest language!
@@Thingsgottogetbetter NPD is as bad as Psychopathy in my opinion. These people destroy people and society. Not a joke
Your guidance has accelerated my inner growth and richly enhanced my new life outside the world of the narcissist’s psychosis. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Your whole channel means the world to me right now, thank you so much for sharing your experiences and advices, it's incredibly helpful.
So real 👆🏻
But.. when you get to the point when you can truly say what you feel, without anger or resentment, you have won. You won the battle with yourself. When you survive all the craziness and despite all the craziness you're involved in, maintain or regain awareness of your moral values, you've won. Again with yourself. When you are really able to speak from the bottom of your heart without fear of someone judging you or attacking you, it is incredibly liberating.
Years ago, I would have struggled with ‘the lunatic’ about how to solve HIS problems not the problems he caused me with his behavior 🤦🏼♀️😆
Good luck to all of you who are on this journey, let it be as short and painless as possible. Mr. Richard G. thanks for all the insights into this world of craziness 🍀🦾
Hi Richard. Just found you a few days ago and I am honestly hooked on your videos! I am in the process of leaving a very toxic narcissistic marriage and when I feel the sadness and self doubt, your videos have been bringing me back to reality and common sense. He never cared for me, i was ALWAYS a tool for him. I am a genuinely, caring and giving person in my nature and this has been a difficult process for me but I watched your video about the dual mothership and it really all makes sense. Plus, your sense of humor while speaking on this very serious topic is refreshing to my soul and I am so grateful for that. I'm understanding that I am not crazy (although, isn't that what the Narcs swear). Thank you for all that you do. Bless you.
My husband was married to a NPD who used him up and left him a shell of his former self. Turned his children against him and continues to play her vile games all these years later. We have set firm boundaries with her and it has made her crazy. Or crazier than she already was. These are very destructive chameleons. These videos have help me so much begin to understand the sick idealism my husband showed for years towards her despite her vicious ways. Thank you for this enlightenment.
I'm so sorry 😢 the are the most evil people walking on this planet 😢😢😢
Richard, I know you mentioned that you were going to step back from the narcissistic abuse, realm and focus more on philosophy and its usefulness in recovery this year. However, I’m glad to see you’re still creating a lot of content around the abuse, it’s coming up more and more in our culture and so many people waking up to it after having experienced it sometimes for their whole life, and their families of origin, etc.! So much love for your brother, You have been a real lifesaver for so many of us in our times of darkness. And I absolutely love philosophy and healing as well… We can’t stay in the mess and muck of it forever. Luckily, you can do both, especially if you are making videos, there’s no reason to be constrained to one arena
I love that you have said it's not a merit badge!!!!! We are expected to tolerate so much bad behaviour nowadays.
I recently ended the nightmare just 3 months ago. I wish I would have found your videos sooner....there are lots of videos on the subject...but the way you explain everything is so clear and like you are a fly in the wall of daily routine of life with a narcissist. But I have escaped hell and I'm grateful and relieved and learning each day not to judge myself too harshly for not ending it sooner. I love your videos! Thank you. 😊
ALL my Pennie’s literally dropped! I’m virtually broke!! My mental lights are switched on! THANK YOU @richardgrannon I cracked a laugh after months of crying, mourning, grieving after years of NPD abuse! First subject expert that I’ve listened to where I don’t feel clinically spoken to! Keep being yourself 🙏
I appreciate this lecture very much. There is nothing as poetic as carrying around a broken heart and trying to still seem o.k. to the outside world. Cognitive dissonance, to be sure! It is touching to see myself become "the fool", after all is said and done. If you don't laugh you will surely cry, so laugh, we must.🤡
I’m loving your book ! I’m short lived in the narcissist world so I’ll move on soon. But I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your compassion wisdom and dedication that has helped me heal ❤️
Thank you! I love this line as I unravel my life story ..
“ .. and as I’ve said there is no greater source of comedy than having your sanity slowly unravel in front of you.”
~ Richard Grannon
She never said sorry, the only truth that was never spoken.
Really like that quote about when they show you who they are, believe them the first time. It has meaning to me these days.
The more you work on yourself, the less and less you require validation from others, and the smaller a target you become. It takes time but it happens and something tells me that this is all training for something else behind the curtain.
Thanks you very much God bless you ❤
100% hard-core truth! You have helped me heal more than you will ever know... Thank you for your videos and much love!❤
Omg! You are so right! So glad I found this. It is absolutely craziness. Over two years on a rollercoaster.
Thank You!! From the bottom of my heart! By far, the BEST Narcissist TH-cam Channel out there! Best to you!
I relate to almost everything you say and it kind of makes me sad until your humor takes over, Love it 😂❤️
Wow this struck sooo many chords, I am LITERALLY going through all of these! Thank you for helping me and others struggling with a narcissist.
Thank you so much for how you closely have studied this, and then translate to those of us for whom this information is lifesaving. It's not for naught, how you have suffered and learned and teach us!!!
Your humor and your humble honesty is amazing- Thank you!
😊 14:04 my dear friend of over 20 years said today that what has happened to you is very disturbing and very bad and I don’t think people understand how dangerous and damaging it has been I’m glad you are safe now and your resilience through life has kept you alive spiritually and physically
That is so true!! After the narcissistic other's last act of destruction, devastation, I was finished. You can't undo the truth, facts and/or actions. I believed what I saw, felt and their true nature. What was left wasn't appealing, sought after, desired or needed. I'm done!!!
This is probably one of the best description in a short amount of time of who they are, love the spider egg apology. I enjoyed it, funny too! Yes people, they do not Love anyone, only for a moment and if it's 2 years you got a great manipulation going on, yah, you will go through alot of cobwebs.
Omg the truth, you’re so amazing…
… the story i have is soooo long, like many others over a year long affair the lies the gaslighting to me and our toddler , the fake trips , the fake work itineraries the gas lighting constantly. He even lives with the 3rd party but text me 2 weeks ago saying “please take the dog I’m done, i would have a been a great dad, blah blah”,, the next day i said “are you ok?” and he said “
I”’m fine i was in a mood” … !!!
the pain and hovering and breadcrumbing is insane. He was my best friend for 10 years. He surprised me with a “house” would send 100 red roses to my work and then ripped the carpet and my life from under me and now looks at me like I’m a piece of shit on the ground… he and the other woman laugh at me .. he will do it to her too
Yes, I’m a piece of shit too to ex narc husband… who the hell do they think they are???
I got a Tibetan singing bowl and it is so powerful in a peaceful way. TH-cam has lots of free videos. I hold the bowl on my palm and the vibrations are so theraputic.
This is precisely what I needed today. Appreciate you so much Richard.
Wow you know your stuff! I tell myself he's not a human. You've described every detail. He gets so annoyed by my existence. he no longer hides any of it. Or when he thinks he's hiding it I can see it so clearly for the mirage it is. I do catch myself slipping and trying to communicate but it's like you say literally a joke. I am just trying to get out safely. I've never met one person like him and to think their are many of them out there walking around yikes. Thanks for taking the time to educate
Excellent, Richard! Thank you!
I just found you and you’re my new favorite. I’m so glad we can laugh a little bit at this soul crushing experience. We’re all in this together. It’s like a secret club no one wants to belong to but it’s a blessing and essential for healing.
Thanks you for your raw honesty about having learning the lesson again and again and again, I often feel very angry with myself for this so it's reassuring to know it can happen to anyone even someone as aware as yourself...nice one 👍
Richard you are an absolute legend. Just finished your book and it was final act to help me heal from abuse and codependency.
I absolutely LOVE your videos! Thank you! You keep it real, yet you go super deep - but it's not overwhelming despite the complexity of it all.
Thank u for keeping it real!! I have endured EVERYTHING that u mentioned! Lunacy is RIGHT!!!!
Thank you for your time and thoughts Richard. Excellent info, insight, and tickling of my triggers, not just my “funny bone”…..as always 🔥☯️😂😂🤪❤️🖖🦋
Thanks brother. Even after years of info I still got rekt by a narc recently. And what happened and now is happening is exacly what you explain. Damnit. Cognitive dissonance is going on because fkkin confused still. Got lied to so hard. Its hard to believe they can be so evil. But life goes on.
You’re brilliant and explain the things I’ve already known but extremely uniquely and a whole other way in order to understand. Thank you for being you. You and Ramani hit it on the head 100 percent.
“Expect lunacy”!!! This whole video has been refreshingly honest and is bringing much needed clarity! Thank you for not sugar coating this personality disorder!
It feels so good to listen to you! ❤
About the higher moral values: I always felt as I was expected to have reached Nirvana already.
That was probably the only good thing about my encounters with such personalities.