You have absolutely built that community digitally. The replies to your essays and TH-cam videos help make that community and they offer more perspectives on the topics you introduce. I wonder if the internet / digital spaces are a middle ground. It brings together people across the world based on similar intentions and emotional stages. This isn't exactly something you can do in the physical world, which is based more on locality rather than interests and personality.
I have found this sort of support in ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families), which is a 12 step program. The literature is extraordinarily insightful, and there is a lot of experience, strength and hope in these rooms, especially in the US. I found the process to be deeply cathartic, as it gave me a place to mourn my childhood. I also appreciated the traditions, which keep the meetings safe and functional.
More and more I believe therapists actually hindered me more than they helped me. They were just a substitute for my bad parents, and they sucked. We should create communities where people can start growing again, start to have courage again, start to stand up again (not look up to some sort of guru for answers). And I'm sure, if you go in some villages in what we would call the most "uncivilized parts of the world", they wouldn't understand what the f* we're talking about.
Even in small villages in the rural parts of the Western world, at least the older generation just goes to a cafe to talk about their day and talk through their problems all the time. But somehow the younger generation is taught that we don't have time for this.
Yes, I agree with this. I would even add that the cultural ancestors of the western world, the first people of europe, once had this wisdom. But at some point we lost our way, and we thought extreme individualism would serve us. Now we live in a world that is extremely isolating and anti-healing.
It's a pity that these groups end up being toxic many times. I sometimes think about creating one but I am afraid of what you have explained and I don't do it. Thanks for another video!
They eventually become toxic because the people are toxic. The toxicity is caused by their traumas. I feel like if it's a very small group, it's easier to contain, like a group of three.
a group that has a chance to be successful would not focus on healing from trauma, but rather on building a positive, healthful community that repairs the holes in the world with service projects, collects no money, preaches no version of divinity, and shares meals occasionally. A lot of healing can happen obliquely when people have a third place (not home or work/school) where they are welcome and have a chance to behave in ways that are objectively pro-social and recognized as such by others.
When I was in NYC in the 80's I was able to get well by attending open AA meetings (many times a week) and just listening. I read the literature too. It gave me tools. Therapy didn't even make sense to me until I had that foundation.
I love these support groups and have been a member of many over the years. All of the drama discussed here has happened; I just stand back from it, don’t get involved and wait it for it to blow over, and resume. I have got more benefit from these groups than any form of therapy.
Daniel, watching your videos (and a couple other you tubers as well) is the closest thing I've had to a healing group. If you or anyone else had a healing group, I wouldn't join it (even if it was free) because I am aware of how toxic group environments can be, even if they're meant to be healing groups. I like the word "Curahee" which means, "we stand alone, together."
Totally true. Groups are always constituted of so many diverse aspects & tend towards a lack of contextual self-awareness so they can't work, unless they have a cult leader controlling them. They often fall into distorted patterns and people leave. Sometimes they indulge in scapegoating. There's often a Narcissist that has installed themselves unnoticed until a problem arises, etc.
@@thebeigesheep6132 Jerry Wise, Patrick Teahan & Ken Francis’ The Intimacy Gram Channel help me with understanding childhood trauma, healing it & reparenting.
It’s also odd to tell others deep dark things about your life when you don’t really know them. Id prefer this be a process you can do on your own cause if you need a group , you’re gonna go nuts over the fact you can’t find a group.
For me it’s not. I’ve been to AA so many alcoholics share their story. I’ve heard so many different stories, even sat with two predators at church. It’s weird because they scared me back then but now i don’t care much. When you look back at their family history it makes a whole lot of sense
Bless you, Daniel. It might not possible to moderate deep healing. Starting a group might not be nearly as important as your being with us, helping to give voice to our trauma e a rly as you have been, and are, doing. Thank you. ❤️
I am a moderator of a couple groups, one of which requires some framing when people start getting too comfortable expressing their angry feelings in a distespectful way. It's definately a skill but it feel good because I'm providing a space where people are safe to express authentically and will be told when they go too far (so they can feel the social limits and learn). It's rewarding and makes me want to do it more the more I'm able to hold the healthy balance while the community grows. I've also worked on building an in-person community. This is also not so easy but important work for rebuilding an integrated healthy world again.
I'm an empath and I can't handle groups especially because of other emotions. It gets confusing to separate what I feel and what I'm absorbing of others feelings. I'm also an introvert so it takes a lot of energy for me to be in a group setting.
I tend to believe that your viewers ( long time viewers at least) have developed a stronger capacity of reflection and are able to debate in a more constructive and civilized manner. I think that opening up a community and experimenting that can do more good than harm. You can always go back and delete it if it doesn’t work out. I would love to have debates on self healing and human behavior with thoughtful people. Problem is I have no one around.
I was contemplating about starting such a grp in future, but hearing your experience has really helped me put things more in perspective. Thank you! :)
I encountered this some with the group CCI - Co-counseling International. The focus of the group of course was peer counseling, but peer counseling in a way where clients took the lead in their own sessions. Classes were taught with less of a focus on being a good counselor, but with more of a focus on being a good client in a session. There were also different workshops where people would share their self-therapy techniques. CCI is of course not perfect. I think with any group there can be disagreements and leadership issues. As you mentioned here, I admit on my own part to just showing up to be heard and to some degree just feeling like I was a part of a community - some of the other goals of the community I did not always follow through on. Sometimes I even just enjoyed the gratification of being useful and helping to organize things for other people - maybe not the most functional behavior.
You express how I feel. In my country, there are two kinds of people that I am most afraid of, the counselor (people can get a certificate after 3 months training and the certificate will never be revoked)or the client. Most of them don't reflect on themselves,they will only throw their emotions on others. Getting along with them will only be traumatized 2,3,4,5……times.
Years ago i was in a self help group, in hindsight someways really good but looking back unfortunately did some behavior that i am not proud of at all, thanks for another great video.
Appreciate these insights/thoughts, it’s not hard to imagine this would be the case. I think a group of people with a stronger commitment to healing and putting in the work to heal (preferably who have already started down the path of doing so), as well as to being supportive of and respectful to each other, could possibly work. People who see each other as supportive peers, and don’t necessarily need a “leader.” I don’t know how people’s authenticity of commitment to those values and goals or shared chemistry could be assessed, but I imagine this would require getting to know each other to some degree beforehand organically (maybe through a forum like this) and deciding somewhat collectively that it would be great to have certain known people who are on similar paths be a part of that self therapy support group.
Daniel I was always worried I would upset my community friends and leaders. You making this video helped realize unhealthy behaviors of my own. I now understand others more and what kind of people they dislike!!
I’d love to hear your thoughts about just regular friend groups, or groups in general. I find I usually end up leaving groups because they contain characters I just don’t want to be around, but that everyone tolerates. Also in general I feel people are more likely to be inauthentic and artificial in groups..
This is a very interesting video. Thank you for sharing so eloquently. I would be interested to hear your thoughts and experience related to residential therapeutic communities and places such as Lothlorien, Soteria, Windhorse or R.D. Laing's communities.
There are lots of amazing people from the US that gathered and put their lifes and gave up many parts of themselves to start building a community. They devote their energy into the healing process. And they put new comers through 6 months of volunteering. I want to become part of it. It is situated in the tropical forest of southeast Ecuador. They even plant fruit trees. And build their own houses. With electricity and water system. And they make trips together. They even visit native communities and go to waterfalls. Or shopping tropical fruit in nearby town markets. Maaaaaan I am so wanting to have contact with them!!
Watch Wild Wild Country on Netflix and then you tell me if these groups aren't toxic. This type of thing is dangerous. It's building a damned cult! That type of group is rife with all the fixings of a cult. I say Wild Wild Country because even though you'll hear about it you'll still believe it's fiction.
@@NobodysGh0sT Yeah I see parallels and that cult probably had a good time. Just don't do it in the US if you don't want a Netflix documentary made out of you 😄😧
Everyone told Daniel to not go to Russia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan. Just watch his videos 😆🧡 If Daniel wouldn't have gone to KENYA he probably would have not noticed how BULLSHIT our medical System is. BUT COMMUNITIES ARE DANGEROUS EFEHAN!!!!!11!1!
This sounds way too familiar. I have distanced myself from these kind of group settings. My experience is that people don't tend to want to do the feeling work. It is just too painful for them. Traumatized people have terrible boundaries and they join these groups hoping that they would get their unmet needs met. So they pull for affirmation under the radar, which is where a lot of the conflict happens IMO. I actually came to the conclusion that only a few people will get to some kind of recovery or healing. Getting humble and honest with yourself about ones behavior is a very rare practice. Only very few people actually change.
Thanks for sharing. Indeed it seems very tricky when you get a group of people with significant trauma together in a healing setting without trained therapists. Anyone familiar with emotions anonymous? From what I can tell it’s a 12-step program for folks with trauma and emotional regulation issues. I have an abusive family member who chose this as his main healing tool over conventional therapy and it seems like it’s only fueled his dysfunction and victim mentality.
Aren't we already part of a self-therapy community by being here? Also, could you comment on some of Patrick Teahan's work, such as the role playing videos, and family diagrams?
Sorry for the double comment but when you said in the future there will be communities like this, it made me wonder if one of the reasons these groups don’t work is that the ratio of unhealed to healed people is so unbalanced. It’s like a therapist who is seeing 12 clients a day and has then all taking to each other over email. Could be more effective to have one unhealed person talking to 12 healed people.
Our system also makes it incredibly difficult to connect with others. Alienation is pervasive.
You have absolutely built that community digitally. The replies to your essays and TH-cam videos help make that community and they offer more perspectives on the topics you introduce. I wonder if the internet / digital spaces are a middle ground. It brings together people across the world based on similar intentions and emotional stages. This isn't exactly something you can do in the physical world, which is based more on locality rather than interests and personality.
I have found this sort of support in ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families), which is a 12 step program. The literature is extraordinarily insightful, and there is a lot of experience, strength and hope in these rooms, especially in the US. I found the process to be deeply cathartic, as it gave me a place to mourn my childhood. I also appreciated the traditions, which keep the meetings safe and functional.
More and more I believe therapists actually hindered me more than they helped me. They were just a substitute for my bad parents, and they sucked. We should create communities where people can start growing again, start to have courage again, start to stand up again (not look up to some sort of guru for answers). And I'm sure, if you go in some villages in what we would call the most "uncivilized parts of the world", they wouldn't understand what the f* we're talking about.
Even in small villages in the rural parts of the Western world, at least the older generation just goes to a cafe to talk about their day and talk through their problems all the time. But somehow the younger generation is taught that we don't have time for this.
Yes, I agree with this. I would even add that the cultural ancestors of the western world, the first people of europe, once had this wisdom. But at some point we lost our way, and we thought extreme individualism would serve us. Now we live in a world that is extremely isolating and anti-healing.
It's a pity that these groups end up being toxic many times. I sometimes think about creating one but I am afraid of what you have explained and I don't do it. Thanks for another video!
They eventually become toxic because the people are toxic. The toxicity is caused by their traumas. I feel like if it's a very small group, it's easier to contain, like a group of three.
a group that has a chance to be successful would not focus on healing from trauma, but rather on building a positive, healthful community that repairs the holes in the world with service projects, collects no money, preaches no version of divinity, and shares meals occasionally. A lot of healing can happen obliquely when people have a third place (not home or work/school) where they are welcome and have a chance to behave in ways that are objectively pro-social and recognized as such by others.
Just found a vid called 'Nigel the loaf' and I'm feeling obliquely healed. :)
A 21st-century monastic order.
When I was in NYC in the 80's I was able to get well by attending open AA meetings (many times a week) and just listening. I read the literature too. It gave me tools. Therapy didn't even make sense to me until I had that foundation.
I love these support groups and have been a member of many over the years. All of the drama discussed here has happened; I just stand back from it, don’t get involved and wait it for it to blow over, and resume. I have got more benefit from these groups than any form of therapy.
Daniel, watching your videos (and a couple other you tubers as well) is the closest thing I've had to a healing group. If you or anyone else had a healing group, I wouldn't join it (even if it was free) because I am aware of how toxic group environments can be, even if they're meant to be healing groups. I like the word "Curahee" which means, "we stand alone, together."
What other sorts of youtubers do you watch if u don't mind me asking?
Totally true. Groups are always constituted of so many diverse aspects & tend towards a lack of contextual self-awareness so they can't work, unless they have a cult leader controlling them. They often fall into distorted patterns and people leave. Sometimes they indulge in scapegoating. There's often a Narcissist that has installed themselves unnoticed until a problem arises, etc.
What other youtubers have helped you?
@@thebeigesheep6132 Jerry Wise, Patrick Teahan & Ken Francis’ The Intimacy Gram Channel help me with understanding childhood trauma, healing it & reparenting.
It’s also odd to tell others deep dark things about your life when you don’t really know them. Id prefer this be a process you can do on your own cause if you need a group , you’re gonna go nuts over the fact you can’t find a group.
Teal Swan has a Facebook group where people do share their traumas. It's a private group.
For me it’s not. I’ve been to AA so many alcoholics share their story. I’ve heard so many different stories, even sat with two predators at church. It’s weird because they scared me back then but now i don’t care much. When you look back at their family history it makes a whole lot of sense
@@craz4jaymzTeal Swan? 😒
Bless you, Daniel. It might not possible to moderate deep healing. Starting a group might not be nearly as important as your being with us, helping to give voice to our trauma e a rly as you have been, and are, doing. Thank you. ❤️
I am a moderator of a couple groups, one of which requires some framing when people start getting too comfortable expressing their angry feelings in a distespectful way. It's definately a skill but it feel good because I'm providing a space where people are safe to express authentically and will be told when they go too far (so they can feel the social limits and learn). It's rewarding and makes me want to do it more the more I'm able to hold the healthy balance while the community grows.
I've also worked on building an in-person community. This is also not so easy but important work for rebuilding an integrated healthy world again.
I'm an empath and I can't handle groups especially because of other emotions. It gets confusing to separate what I feel and what I'm absorbing of others feelings. I'm also an introvert so it takes a lot of energy for me to be in a group setting.
I tend to believe that your viewers ( long time viewers at least) have developed a stronger capacity of reflection and are able to debate in a more constructive and civilized manner. I think that opening up a community and experimenting that can do more good than harm. You can always go back and delete it if it doesn’t work out. I would love to have debates on self healing and human behavior with thoughtful people. Problem is I have no one around.
I was contemplating about starting such a grp in future, but hearing your experience has really helped me put things more in perspective. Thank you! :)
I encountered this some with the group CCI - Co-counseling International. The focus of the group of course was peer counseling, but peer counseling in a way where clients took the lead in their own sessions. Classes were taught with less of a focus on being a good counselor, but with more of a focus on being a good client in a session. There were also different workshops where people would share their self-therapy techniques. CCI is of course not perfect. I think with any group there can be disagreements and leadership issues. As you mentioned here, I admit on my own part to just showing up to be heard and to some degree just feeling like I was a part of a community - some of the other goals of the community I did not always follow through on. Sometimes I even just enjoyed the gratification of being useful and helping to organize things for other people - maybe not the most functional behavior.
You express how I feel. In my country, there are two kinds of people that I am most afraid of, the counselor (people can get a certificate after 3 months training and the certificate will never be revoked)or the client. Most of them don't reflect on themselves,they will only throw their emotions on others. Getting along with them will only be traumatized 2,3,4,5……times.
I so wish you would do this.
Years ago i was in a self help group, in hindsight someways really good but looking back unfortunately did some behavior that i am not proud of at all, thanks for another great video.
Love your channel
Appreciate these insights/thoughts, it’s not hard to imagine this would be the case.
I think a group of people with a stronger commitment to healing and putting in the work to heal (preferably who have already started down the path of doing so), as well as to being supportive of and respectful to each other, could possibly work. People who see each other as supportive peers, and don’t necessarily need a “leader.”
I don’t know how people’s authenticity of commitment to those values and goals or shared chemistry could be assessed, but I imagine this would require getting to know each other to some degree beforehand organically (maybe through a forum like this) and deciding somewhat collectively that it would be great to have certain known people who are on similar paths be a part of that self therapy support group.
Thanks Daniel ✌
Daniel I was always worried I would upset my community friends and leaders.
You making this video helped realize unhealthy behaviors of my own.
I now understand others more and what kind of people they dislike!!
I’d love to hear your thoughts about just regular friend groups, or groups in general. I find I usually end up leaving groups because they contain characters I just don’t want to be around, but that everyone tolerates. Also in general I feel people are more likely to be inauthentic and artificial in groups..
This is a very interesting video. Thank you for sharing so eloquently. I would be interested to hear your thoughts and experience related to residential therapeutic communities and places such as Lothlorien, Soteria, Windhorse or R.D. Laing's communities.
Maybe a forum or Facebook group
Come live here in New Zealand my big dream since I was little I'm ready
If you made a discord server I’d absolutely join!
I would though I find most discord servers to be either absolute chaos or totally empty and silent lol
There are lots of amazing people from the US that gathered and put their lifes and gave up many parts of themselves to start building a community.
They devote their energy into the healing process.
And they put new comers through 6 months of volunteering.
I want to become part of it.
It is situated in the tropical forest of southeast Ecuador. They even plant fruit trees.
And build their own houses. With electricity and water system.
And they make trips together. They even visit native communities and go to waterfalls.
Or shopping tropical fruit in nearby town markets.
Maaaaaan I am so wanting to have contact with them!!
Watch Wild Wild Country on Netflix and then you tell me if these groups aren't toxic. This type of thing is dangerous. It's building a damned cult! That type of group is rife with all the fixings of a cult. I say Wild Wild Country because even though you'll hear about it you'll still believe it's fiction.
@@NobodysGh0sT watch our Society and tell me it is not dangerous!😆😆🙃🙃🤣
@@NobodysGh0sT Yeah I see parallels and that cult probably had a good time. Just don't do it in the US if you don't want a Netflix documentary made out of you 😄😧
Everyone told Daniel to not go to Russia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan.
Just watch his videos 😆🧡
If Daniel wouldn't have gone to KENYA he probably would have not noticed how BULLSHIT our medical System is.
BUT COMMUNITIES ARE DANGEROUS EFEHAN!!!!!11!1!
@@NobodysGh0sT Keep watching fuckin Netflix. I am not even judging you. Just laughing at you 😆
It becomes a rage workshop were people all calibrate with the problems rather than the solution.
I'm afraid something terrible must happen for humanity to begin the grieving process.
This sounds way too familiar. I have distanced myself from these kind of group settings.
My experience is that people don't tend to want to do the feeling work. It is just too painful for them. Traumatized people have terrible boundaries and they join these groups hoping that they would get their unmet needs met. So they pull for affirmation under the radar, which is where a lot of the conflict happens IMO.
I actually came to the conclusion that only a few people will get to some kind of recovery or healing. Getting humble and honest with yourself about ones behavior is a very rare practice. Only very few people actually change.
It would be smart for you to do so you’d be able to help a lot of people out.
Thanks for sharing. Indeed it seems very tricky when you get a group of people with significant trauma together in a healing setting without trained therapists. Anyone familiar with emotions anonymous? From what I can tell it’s a 12-step program for folks with trauma and emotional regulation issues. I have an abusive family member who chose this as his main healing tool over conventional therapy and it seems like it’s only fueled his dysfunction and victim mentality.
It's a Cult.
Aren't we already part of a self-therapy community by being here? Also, could you comment on some of Patrick Teahan's work, such as the role playing videos, and family diagrams?
Pretty much summed up the problems in our culture lol
Sorry for the double comment but when you said in the future there will be communities like this, it made me wonder if one of the reasons these groups don’t work is that the ratio of unhealed to healed people is so unbalanced. It’s like a therapist who is seeing 12 clients a day and has then all taking to each other over email. Could be more effective to have one unhealed person talking to 12 healed people.
The blind leading the blind
This is how cults form....
@@NobodysGh0sT yeah maybe a transition stage.
You need therapy