Tell me about your first love in the comments... Patreon: / thoraya Merchandise: www.thoraya.com/ Instagram: / thor.aya Business inquiries: thorayaproject@gmail.com P.O. Box 151285 San Diego, CA 92175
@@vandalsavage6743 when you fall deep with someone, you get a glimpse into a specific type of soul, a specific energy. And there can be so much beauty in that. So when they are gone, you wish to see that same unique energy expressed in the new people you meet. It can come close, but never quite the same.
@@august-bl1jh Yea...i still wish i can be with him bc he feel like home...but i also wish dat i find someone like that one day even tho its hard to admit
It’s so true! I find myself watching these strangers and finding them all uniquely beautiful. I hope for myself that I can be that up close and find my own unique beauty.
I love how all of Thoraya's video just feel so raw and naked. I'm in love with the tiniest details, like how I can see the texture of the skin, the freckles, dry lips, or moles of the person she is interviewing. It feels very human.
1st guy seems like an intelligent gentle genuinely kind person. His comments about what love is supposed to be struck me. I’m sure his heart will heal and won’t have any trouble finding happiness and love in the future. I hope I find a guy like that someday. The one I’m with now feels a lot like the “bearing through it” kind of situation.
My girlfriend struggled a lot.. mental illness got the best of her.. 4 years together.. we reached a point where it was something like bearing through it. And we seperated. After that I thought a lot about love.. what it is about.. I told her that the thought of her still makes me smile.. although it hurts .. it was yesterday.. we agreed that we want to try again.. not really again but to move on and work on us. I have hope .. now it feels like a break of 6 months.. everytime we got together it felt like we crashed into each other. Our heads just shut off and our hearts take over..
Hi Kiddo. One day you will find the courage to break things off with your current person. You deserve someone who brings out the best version of you. Someone who is loyal to you. Someone who works to evolve beside you, to be better, kinder, and wiser than they were yesterday. Never settle for anything less. Never lose hope. Some people are not meant to be in your life forever.
@@jasonmiradoli8900 your so right. It’s the purest thing in a person…. Yet there’s folks that don’t deserve to even see this side in all of us because of there selfish ways.
To the man with the bandana: I hope you find another kaysha (I'm sorry I'm not sure how to spell her name) you deserve to be happy and to make many more amazing memories. While no one can replace the real her, I hope you find love again ❤
If at all possible you should find her. Even if you haven’t been in touch you need to clear things up. Even if it ended badly, you need that clarification and I’m sure she’d appreciate it too. Good luck bro
Life's hard man. I don't know what kind of relationship it was and how it ended, but I do know that life has to keep moving regardless. Take care of yourself ya a5 w 5aleek qawy.
@@revenger211 Thanks a lot bro. I really appreciate your words. Enta sa7 . I need to move on and give myself the chance to meet new people . Have a blessing morning 😊
I've had three girlfriends over the past years. And each and every time, I felt like I had found love. Just the same feeling, you know. But then I met a girl a while ago. We dated and she made me realize that I'd never really felt love, up until that point. I genuinely fell in love for the first time. I can't even describe the feeling. It's so special. Unfortunately though, the timing wasn't right for her at that time. I am very grateful for the memories we've made and I'll never forget those. Running in the pouring rain, shoes soaked, shivering. But we had the best night I've ever experienced. It's been very hard to deal with losing her over the past few weeks. But I hope she gets everything in life she wants. One of the sweetest people I have ever met. I miss her Edit: we've started dating again a few weeks back and we're actually doing great. I'm so happy! Edit 2: ignore the previous edit. Fuck. I'm having a breakdown every day now
I've been waiting for somebody to come along so I can feel what that love is like. Isn't it scary though? It has to be scary. I'd be too afraid to lose them.
@@OOO_BARRACUDAAA ofcourse you're afraid to lose them. To me personally, dealing with the loss of a loved one in general is insanely hard. Same goes for a relationship. Some people only need two weeks to heal, some, like me, need months. It can obviously be hard, but in the end you'll learn a lot from each situation. Enjoy love while it lasts. It might last forever and you'll enjoy it forever. Or it might be gone in a second and then you've enjoyed it while it lasted. Eventually, everything happens for a reason so if it doesn't work out and you lose them, in a few weeks / months time you'll realize it was for the best
It’s fascinating to watch the response to the question. It’s either looks of elation, instant grimaces, nostalgia, pain, joy etc. *Side note. Listen to the woman married 55 years. Mutual adoration and cherished, supported, loved, respected.
My first love was my first wife. We were married for 8 years. She put up with my nonsense for all those years. I did not realize the gem I had. My second wife had no comparison. I learned lessons from the mistakes I made in my first marriage and I vowed to be a better husband to my 2nd wife, but the tables were turned. Call it karma or reaping what I sowed, but the 8 years I was married to my 2nd wife were not so great. I don’t ever see myself giving marriage or love a 3rd try. My heart simply can’t handle it. My love now is dedicated to my children and pets.
Try the truest love of all, somebody who died for you and would do it 100 times again. His name is Jesus! 🥰🥰❤❤His love is unconditional and cannot be compared, He will never fail you. Just trust in Him! He'll be more happy that you become happy than when you will when you become the happiest! What makes Him happy is when He sees you being fulfilled and happy! :)
My first love: I was 16. There was a boy I saw getting dumped by his girlfriend...I saw the way she treated him and how he wanted a hug so bad and she denied him and left him to cry outside of the school doors. I didn't know the boy, but I remembered his hair. Brown curls as his head sank. The next day I noticed someone else in the cafeteria. Usually I was the first person to arrive at school for the day...and I would have to wait about an hour before I saw anyone else. I saw a black hoodie and curls flowing out as his head was down on the table. I found myself staring to see if it was the boy from the other day. I had a coffee drink unopened, so I took it over to his table. I was unnoticed at first as I sat it down. So I rubbed his back and left him a note under his coffee saying, "things will get better" and I went back to my table. He looked up and saw me walking back. He didn't say anything. He didn't smile. The next day going into the cafeteria I was running behind so I came in with the regular bus crew...and as I walked to my usual table, I noticed a smile and wave. He was next to my table. He told me he had thought I wouldn't come in today and he had had a bad day before but wanted to thank me for the drink. Days, weeks...he greeted me with a smile first thing in the mornings. He later moved to my table with my friends. I had fallen for the boy who smiled my way even when he felt broken. I wanted to help him feel less alone, because I knew how it felt. And I ended up falling hard. I started noticing him during class changes. He switched up his hallway routine to see me for just a second in between. I would pass him on the stairs and ruffle his hair. He was first boyfriend, and a year into things he proposed. It felt like a fairy tale, like all of the stories about love you had ever heard about. I felt safe with him. He felt like a sturdy foundation. It was all of the butterflies and happiness a person could dream of...then I began hearing rumors of cheating...he began to get defensive. Arguments happened. Lies were spotted. I watched as he flirted with others and then told me he just had a flirty nature and he didn't mean anything by it. I would just have to be okay with it, because I was trying to change him. He broke up with me off and on, making it all out to be my fault. Slowly my friends of years became not okay in his eyes. My family was causing my life's problems. I ended up leaving everyone except him, because he was all I needed. He convinced me that everyone else was bad and hurting me. He would threaten to leave me and take my ring back if I didn't do what he wanted. He told me no one else would love me. It got so bad I didn't even love myself anymore. I looked at myself like a leech, who could only suck the life and happiness from others. We were together 5 years. He started getting into drugs and forgetting me.. leaving me out in the cold of my car when I had no where else to go. My family had kicked me out.. my friends had left.. The hardest part wasn't the yelling, the abuse, watching him change......the hardest part was leaving when I still loved him whole heartedly. I knew what I needed to do. I knew how to make things better for myself. I understood how toxic and awful he had been to me.....but I still loved him. I loved those moments he put down his guard and acted like he did when I fell in love with him. I skipped all the red flags and looked only at the good moments we had shared. In the beginning it was only good, but with drugs and different friends and changes in his life....he fell more and more away from me. He was my first love. It was young, passionate, raw and honestly on my end. I did everything I possibly could and more for him. Getting the courage to leave took me 2 years. I didn't know if I could handle life without him. I almost didn't let myself live another day.... 9 years later I am thankful to have made it through. I have learned more about myself then I needed lol...but I have met the love of my life and we are 4 years strong and moved in together. We never fight. We love eachother uncondionally. We are the definition of real love. When you know you know. I dated in between my first love and where I am now...and I can without a doubt say he is the one. And he says the same for me. Life gets better. Some days it won't feel like it ever will. Some days you will feel so low....but it will get better. Better than you ever dreamed. Love yourself. Respect yourself. Most of living life is learning how to navigate it. Learning who you are and what you want. Learning how to handle your emotions and how to find real happiness. Never give up and smile. Look for positives and work on yourself. Things will get soooo much better. Soon if not already, your smile will run so deep and be so genuine. You will thrive.
Your story touched my heart. I thank you for telling your story and telling your outcome and the advice because it was really what I needed to hear. I’m sorry you went through that though you never deserved it
I met my first love at 16 but later found out she isn't. A girl I met few years later made me realised she is my first love because no girl was able to invoke the extreme emotions I feel when I think of her. We dated for 12 years and now we are happily married for two years. We look forward to conquering the hardships in our lives together.
Maybe she took them down because she didn't want to be pigeonholed or "type cast" into being just the girl everyone knew for the "call your crush" videos and nothing more.
She was like a snowflake. Beautiful and unique. She danced around while a storm would rage in my mind calming me. She gave me goosebumps and chills when I would see her, had me blushing the brightest of reds where Rudolph would glow dim. However like all snowflakes she melted away quickly, and the storm kept raging.
My first love was also a pet. My sweet cat named Mel (translates to honey) lived with me for almost 17 years - I'm 25, so that's most of my life spent by her side. Two days ago was the 2 year anniversary of her passing (she unfortunately had kidney failure and by the time it was diagnosed it was too late for any treatment) and I still miss her every single day. We were inseparable... she'd sleep on top of me, get on my lap on every opportunity she had, lay down on my drawings mid work and make me take a break, she even joined me in the bathroom while I showered. She understood me like no one else, our love for each other was truly unconditional. I'd vent about my troubles with her and she would always purr to comfort me, even lick away my tears if I cried. She was my home. Every time a bee flies into my home I know it's her visiting me to tell me everything is going to be ok. I have two wonderful cats now who I love dearly, but I know for sure I will never have such a connection again. I'm so grateful that I was able to experience such love for so long... I wish she'd live forever. She does, in a way, in my heart. My love for her will never fade away.
I have a cat like that now. He was ran over and someone broke his leg and I was the only one he’d let pick him up and love him while he had to heal💙 he nudges his head up to mine and wants to be kissed. It’s super adorable
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Mel gave you unconditional love her whole life! :) Our pets make our lives so much better and they are really great Masters in teaching us how to love in the most genuine and purest form!
I'm an introvert and have been in love so many times. Most of the time I was just too afraid to act or do anything to express my feelings. It wasn't until I'd say, the 6th person I fell in love with where I actually did something to express how I felt. I won't go into too much detail, but in the end, we didn't end up being together cause she was more interested in someone else and this caused me to go into depression. It was tough cause it really felt like she was "the one." and I had feelings for this person for a few years, but felt like I was too late or took way too long. It took my about a year to move on but looking back at it now, I'm proud of myself for trying.
I’m proud of you too. I’m also an introvert and it kinda sucks. It’s like I want to do so many things and see so many people but I can’t because I’m too nervous or too scared to talk to people. In the last year I’ve learned that it isn’t worth it to be scared. It isn’t worth it to pretend to be somebody else.
I'm introvert too, but I'm that reluctant to meet or know new people that I have never been in love with someone... But I still have hopes that this person will appear in my life soon... also I'm so afraid when it comes to interaction with EVERY boy i met haha
Losing him was blue like i never known, missing him was dark grey all alone, forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met, but loving him was red.
I can’t believe I’m even writing this but here we go Not my first love, but I met my deepest love at 16. We were both big partiers already, trying to drown out our childhood trauma. We both had obvious addictions to pills and alcohol already, as teens. He was shy. He was so kind. He was the most genuine person I’d ever known. He felt deeply. He was the only man I knew who would cry openly. He made me feel like the most incredible person on earth and I thought he put the stars in the sky. I fell in love with him fast. It only took a couple weeks. I loved him fiercely in a way that takes my breath away even now 8 years later. I thought I knew deep love before him. I’d had multi-year long relationships before then and truly believed I knew what love was. He made me question everything. I knew his soul and he knew mine. I knew him better than he knew himself and vice versa. I’ve never, before or after, felt such a sense of shared vulnerability with someone. To me, that’s what love is. To this day, I’ve never shared that with anyone else. I got sober 2 months into our relationship, after a suicide attempt and a month long stay in a psychiatric hospital, once I realized how far I had fallen. I was determined to help him too. He got sober, too and I found out I was pregnant the following summer. Halfway through my pregnancy I found out he had relapsed again and he wasn’t just popping pills, he was using meth. It was then that I found out the night of my suicide attempt was the first night he used meth. Over the next several years, he would relapse dozens of times and come to me and sob in my arms, telling me how out of control he felt and swearing that he was trying. I knew he was. I believed so much that someday he would win that battle. But he just couldn’t beat that demon. I loved him so much that sometimes I wished I could just use meth with him, so it wouldn’t be the thing tearing us apart. I’ve never told that to anyone, but I had the thought multiple times and felt so much self loathing every time I did. How could I want to destroy myself for just the chance to know this man’s love forever? Eventually when he would relapse he would get violent. He would get paranoid. He thought he heard me having sex with his friend in his friends house, when I wasn’t even there. He thought someone stole our daughter from her crib. He became abusive and I would leave and then forgive him over and over because I knew that wasn’t really him. I knew that wasn’t the man I fell in love with. I knew his soul. But eventually I would wonder how much of that first man was even left. At what point should I stop holding out hope. He never could stay sober. I would come back for awhile, and then he’d relapse and start hallucinating and get violent because he was paranoid and in psychosis. He turned into a different person on meth. Of course I’d leave again, until one time I finally didn’t come back. I had to leave him for good, for our daughters sake, 3 years into our relationship. I’d realized I couldn’t help him get sober and I couldn’t let my daughter live that life. He used more in my absence, because of the heartbreak of losing his family and losing his first love to an addiction he just couldn’t quite beat. He was self destructing from the pain of being left so I felt responsible for his destruction. He eventually caused permanent damage to his brain. He’s not the same person now, he’s not “all there”. He has permanent psychosis. He permanently paranoid. I don’t know for sure if he’s sober or not but I know he was for over a year at one point and the psychosis never subsided. He’s been to jail multiple times since then. He’s a shell of who he was. It feels like he died. I’ve grieved him like he’s dead, knowing that he’s not, because I don’t recognize the person who answers to his name anymore. Our daughter is 7 now and he has pretty much no relationship with her. He occasionally sees her at his parents house (where he still stays because he can’t function on his own) but she rarely even acknowledges him and he rarely acknowledges her. I’m still in love with him. Or at least who he used to be. I spent so many years believing that I only had to stay gone to protect our daughter until he could beat the addiction. I only had to hang on until then and I knew we would be together again. I wasn’t expecting him to do irreversible damage. I had too much hope. Nothing will shatter your heart like hope. Now I’m filled with grief. I have a new partner, another child, and yet, I’m still in love with him. I still forget sometimes that we won’t ever get our someday like I always thought. I still dream of him- as the man he used to be- all the time. I wake up with a ball in my throat, just as I have now as I write this, because unlike all the other times when we were young, I can’t break down and run to him and try to make it work again like I so desperately want. It’s crazy because I know if I didn’t have children, I would do it anyway. I would love him in spite of the psychosis and paranoia, I’d try to help him through those episodes, I would take the violence in exchange for those moments of deep love, if it wasn’t for the children I’ve been tasked with protecting. I saw him for the first time in almost 4 years a few weeks ago and the reaction was visceral. I wanted to run to him so bad. I wanted so badly for our story to be different. Anything but this. I’m a law student now and I wish so badly he was here to celebrate with me, cheer me on, I wish I could see how proud of me he would be. We both thought my dreams were over when I got pregnant. I wish I could share in this life with him. I live everyday with the fear, and likely reality, that I will never love or be loved like that again. Sometimes I daydream about feeling that again, with anyone. I think the hardest part is grieving him. If he had died, everyone would understand. I could talk about it openly. But instead, I’m grieving a death that hasn’t happened and nobody understands it outside of the small group of people who happen to be part of this unfortunate club. I doubt anyone actually read this novel of a story but that’s okay. I think I just really needed to say it.
Hi, I just wanted to say I actually did read all of your comment and I was so moved. It’s a brave and I’m sure very difficult story to tell but thank you for sharing it, it’s incredible to know what kind of love and strength people are capable of. I wish you all the best
That's so heartbreaking to read. I can feel the meaning behind your words and I am thinking of you right now, sending you love, even though I'm just a stranger to you. I wish with all my heart you could have gotten your happy end. ❤
Oh my God, you just told the story of my life. Word for word. You told our story. It's a story still unfolding, it's the most profound aching despair, beautiful, terrible, irreplaceable. So much grief. Such deep deep loss, and regret, and questions unanswered, and second guessing, and guilt, and you're right so right about the hope, the endless hoping, the what ifs, the deep down belief in happily ever after and the age old promises of long beyond forever. I'll never get over it. Ever. My entire existence is forever altered. This is not how the story was supposed to end. My heart will never heal. I've known him for 27 years. I haven't talked to him in a year, haven't seen him in four years, he hasn't been off meth since 2011. I spent three years convinced that the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012 that had everyone freaking out, was just talking about the ending of my own personal world. I wish love for you, endless and timeless and limitless. And peace. And for the weight to be lifted. Thank u so much for telling our story. No one has ever understood. Till now.
I’m marrying my first and only love next year. We were just kids when we got together and somehow we grew up into adults who are still in love. It’s been 12 years and next year he’ll be my husband. Every day I’m thankful we got together so young because it’s like I got bonus years with him that I’ll be so thankful for when we’re old and grey. Love is beautiful.
He is a mormon and was getting ready to go on a mission to another country for two years. He had been getting ready for this his whole life. He finally left after two years and stayed in this other country for two more. I'd email him cause thats was the only thing he was allowed to use and it was just once a month. Then, he finally came home, and he had changed. He was a totally different person. I dont know what happened in that trip but he changed. All of the things that made me fall in love, dissapeared. I will always love him, but theres something i was able to understand because of this: your first love does not have to be the love of your life.
Oh my god, I had the exact same story. I also had a mormon as boyfriend, except that I broke up with him already before he went for 2 years. We still mailed each other though. and before he went away, we said we will meet again when he is back. but after those 2 years he forgot that, I remembered him in a mail but never got an answer anymore. He is back now but I never saw him again yet ^^ I am just so interested how much he changed, but as you described it, maybe it's better that I don't know o.o
Honestly I really praise the very last girl talking about her first love being an addict. I'm going through the exact same thing right now. And she's exactly right, as far as, seeing the person you love the most fall into a completely different mindset/person. It's the most heart breaking thing. Especially if you got the opportunity to see who they were before the addiction. Nothing wrenches the heart more than seeing the love of your life go from being the person you convince yourself you'll spend the rest of your life with, to completely misunderstanding everything they are and questioning everything about them as a person as you watch them slowly distance themselves away. You can know they still love you dearly, but the addiction takes over so badly that that is the only focus, and then the next focus is money to score. And that cycle continues over and over again until they decide for themselves enough is enough. By that time unfortunately . It may be too late.
I fell in love with my first boyfriend (post college), and we’re still together after two years. He’s dated several girls before me and insists he never knew what real love was until he met me 🥺. He’s never felt this way before and wasn’t even sure he was capable of it, and I believe him based on the way he treats me and gushes over our relationship ❤️ I’m hoping we can make it last, and we’ve both talked about marriage and getting a house, but it seems impossible that my first boyfriend could be my last 😭 what a risk it is, to give your heart to someone!!
It's not impossible. My mom's first boyfriend was my dad. They've been married for 36 years now and been together for 40 years if we included the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Wish you the best!
She broke up with me today, I dont know if I'll ever love anyone the same... she said "just because you love me doesn't mean I feel it" and that's when I knew things were over
This was a difficult one for me to watch. Each person had a way of making me feel something unique and relatable. I just laid in my bed; listening as I delicately cried and violently felt all these emotions. - It’s hard to imagine myself loving again; even if I want it. The past has a vicious way of cementing your feet to the floor. Fear is often a perpetrator that’s hides in the shadow of the path that makes up ones’s life. I know it’s not fair (to myself) to not take the risk that is love/relationship. It’s just hard. Man this was a great video. A painful one, but a great one nonetheless.
I've never had first love. Tbh I really only know what platonic love feels like. Anyone I've dated either says "I love you" far too early (I'm talking like a week in) so it feels superficial and clingy to me, or they show their true colors early on and I don't get a chance to get to know them enough to love them! It's a blessing and a curse to be really good at reading people and their motives.
Yeah I find it weird when people say they LOVE you, like 1 or 2 weeks in.. is just too early, I never have the feeling to say to someone "I love you" in that same span of time.
@@nosip9950 i am confused this days, cause I wonder if I am even able to love, if I am loveable, if it’s just that I haven’t met the right person yet, or if I have too high expectations, and overthinking that, makes me feel like if it happens that I like someone, it won’t be natural but just an overthinking, result of pressure or fill a lack… Sorry if it’s too much, but at least it feels nice to write my thoughts 😅 Do some people feel the same ?
@@lokatla8261 don’t worry! It’s not too much, totally relatable. It’s so hard to open up and let people in but also just meeting people in general has become so difficult especially now during the pandemic Yoh I don’t know hey . I’m still hopeful though and I hope that you also find your person one day and experience love ❤️
@@anilragade4297 damn it 😂 poor of us I wish I could stop overthinking this, I don’t know, but I think it’s because of the pandemic, that I have started questioning all this (as well as my sexual orientation, or just having real friends, which isn’t the case unfortunately) because of solitude and boredom
this is such a great question to ask. and even if they weren’t with the person anymore i could completely tell it was a nice memory. it’s so nice to remember the good times.
There were so many times I'd thought I was in love until I met a man named Andrew. We met through mutual friends, all of us hung out at a local club where we loved to dance and just talk all night. I was immediately drawn to him because he was so funny and always had a smile on his face. Prior to Andrew coming into my life, I'm just going to say I'd had a very difficult background, being homeless at age 14 and on the street for almost 4yrs as a teenager by myself. Id been abused by so many people, friends, family and strangers alike but Andy made everything shine. I don't know how else to explain it. We began hanging out constantly, coffee, movies, dancing, and became inseparable. One night, we were over at his apartment, he had this "L" shaped couch and he was laying on one side and I was on the other with a bowl of popcorn between us. We were watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame. We started talking about what was happening between us and I turned to him and said "Look, I have to be honest with you. You know some of my past but...Well, I have so much baggage I could fill an airplane myself." In truth I was trying to warn him off of how messed up I was. He sat up, looked at me, took my hands into his and said "That's OK. I have none so I'll help you carry yours." In that very moment I realized THIS was love. This right here. So pure and honest. So bright and it just filled me up with a happiness I had Never in my life felt. 4mths later we were engaged. 4mths after that we were wed and then my world ended when 5mths later, he passed away. I've never fully recovered and its been 23yrs yet it still seems like yesterday.
The first girl is so cute. Also, I love the upclose camera view that shows all the details and expressions. I know other people have said the same and I totally agree. You are doing a great thing, Thoraya! I have never seen a channel like yours and I think it is healing and helping a lot of people out there, including me
My first love it still gives me butterflies even tho we are not together from the very first sight I knew I loved him he took my hand on our first date and held it and it felt like I was floating on air. The hardest part is thinking about him every day and struggling to get through the days
My first love was when I was 19. We met in college and it was an instant attraction. I knew during our first date that I found my soulmate. We were truly in love, it so real and pure. He was everything I wanted and needed in a partner and he loved every part of me and I loved (love) all of him. We were together for 4 years and all of those 4 years were magical, he was my best friend, my soulmate and my true love (this sounds so cliché and something out of a movie but this is the only way I know how to describe it). He passed away in a car accident and a part of me died with him. It’s been 15 years since his death and I’m married now to a great man who I love very much and have a child with but I’ve never forgotten him and miss him to this day.
I met my first love when I was thirteen. I was so in love with him but he only liked me. He was my first kiss, dated for a few months then he gave me my first heartbreak. 7 years later he came back and told me he missed me and wants us to get back together. I said no and he was disappointed, he knew how much I loved him back then and he thought I'd run back to him. Now that I'm older I realized that he never loved me and the only reason he came back is not because he loves me but only misses how I loved him, how I treated him, how he was my world. He never found someone that valued him as I did and he hoped he'll find it again once we get back together.
I had a very intense first love and this video really moved me. I love to see how love can be seen so differently from one person to an other, and yet we all feel it at one point or another in our life, from someone, from a pet, from a stranger, from family, from ourselves. Love is everywhere, and love is beautiful. Thank you for sharing Thoraya.
I am 37 and have never been in love, and I think that it's probably not going to ever happen for me. There have been crushes and friendships over the years, but I'm old and fat and have nothing going for me and don't really feel like it will ever happen for me. Sometimes I enjoy solitude, but the moment I try to be around other married friends, it's a constant reminder of what I've never experienced. I feel dull to it now, but I wish I could open up more and try again. I live in shame and guilt, never meeting the expectations of my family and friends, always coming up short. I've shed too many tears over it I have none left. I often wonder what it would be like to be truly happy, but I cannot accept myself for who I am, so why even bother trying to put that burden on another person? That wouldn't be fair to them. I know deep down inside that I am a good man, who values honesty and integrity, but this world is cold and heartless, and I feel broken, stuck in this endless pit I've dug for myself.
i understand you too well and i feel like youve just drawn words out of mind. im a 23 years girl but so far my life hasnt ever been happy growing up in a emotionally abusive family and everything that came out of it. but im still hopeful that ill be able to open myself up and finally stop shutting the world out
this is a beautiful video, so many feelings are put together in one video. yet, these words will never be enough to describe the love these people had.
I want to understand why someone would “dislike” this video. Like why? Thoraya ❤️ is just asking questions for people to willingly answer. What’s wrong?
To be honest, I've never really been in love. I had a few small crushes, but my heart always knew, that this isn't a feeling of real love... so I'm still waiting for the right person to come into my life. I'm 16 years old and I'm really exited for what is about to come :)
I love your content Thoraya, thank u for these beautiful videos. I’m really crying my eyes out. Every single person is such a beautiful individual with their own stories. Thank you for sharing❤️
Such wonderful, thoughtful and deep questions and follow-ups. Your videos make me cry and I HATE that they're not HOURS LONG. You're a Blessing to so many and to be able to touch hearts..........UNREAL! Thank you for the heartfelt tears, You Amazing Lady. ~Dan-0
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR WORK. IT HAS INSPIRED MANY OF US TO BELIVE NOT ONLY IN OURSELVES BUT TO TRUST IN LOVE AGAIN. YOU'VE TOUCHED SO MANY PEOPLE'S HEARTS. IN THESE HARD TIMES. THIS IS WHAT WE HUMANS NEED !
It’s both amazing and moving to see how people become emotional when their mind goes back to their first love. I think we miss the innocence of that time of our life.
We had literally met a few days ago, and we sparked. Instantly. At first, he was almost protective over me. That's what got me head over heels. No one's ever felt like that for me. It was crazy to think about it.
Sat here in tears watching this video. Listening to each person talk about their 1st love. I dont think I've ever had a 1st love cos all of my relationships came from a place of pain and trauma. Having suffered from abandonment issues in childhood I've never maintained a healthy relationship. Theres always been drink and drugs involved but now in sober for almost 2 years ive still not met anyone since I got clean an sober but I'd like to think that one day I will. So i guess i dont think i have and idea of what real love feels like apart from maybe one time i met a girl who was super into me and would do anything for me an I took advantage of her kindness. In fact she was part of what made me get clean and stay clean. I owe her a lot.
Love can start like it does in the movies, like "it'll be a spark and you'll know", or it can be completely different. It's different for everyone, and it can be different with each of your "loves" that you have throughout your life too.
Instantly took me back to the someone that I feel was my 1st love.. This is so beautiful, especially to see the expressions on their faces.. Keep up the great work Thoraya 🌷
Pls keep doing these videos. It's just beautiful and tremendously important. For all those involved - interviewed, viewer and also you yourself as the interviewer I'm sure.. Thanks!
This one made me sad. I agree with the young lady who said she doesn't know what love truly is. I'm 51 and have been in several relationships. All failed. There comes a point in every relationship, after the anger subsides about the other person, you have to look deep in yourself and find out the wrongful part you played. Any relationship is a two-way street and usually it's combination of faults on both sides. I'll be 52 in 6 months and have resided to spend the rest of my life alone. Love is wonderful...it just doesn't work for everyone. Thank you Thoraya for these videos. Introspection is healing and it helps to hear others that show that vulnerable part of themselves. :)
My first love was when I was 2 years old, he was the same age as me and we’d hold hands and wanted to do everything together. I vividly remember him, and our parents asking if he/ I were bf and gf ☺️ Didn’t see him for years, and by then he was a very different person. It was heartbreaking.
These interviews are really something. And so are these people, so authentic and raw at times. It just goes to show how meeting acual love can touch and transform us forever. Deeply.
I love this channel. Every time I watch a video of Thoraya, I saw so familiar things in fully strangers. I feel with them. I think about my life. It is like a therapy.
![เก่งแต่ลับหลัง (FINSTA) - ส้ม มารี (Zom Marie) Ft. Punch 4EVE [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/OOolBU2aC70/mqdefault.jpg)
“I looked for him in every one I met/knew” 😭 I never found the words to explain the impact he left on me
😭
What?
@@vandalsavage6743 when you fall deep with someone, you get a glimpse into a specific type of soul, a specific energy. And there can be so much beauty in that. So when they are gone, you wish to see that same unique energy expressed in the new people you meet. It can come close, but never quite the same.
@@hannahwillis9838 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 WOMEN
@@hannahwillis9838 That depends. Am i making references from children cartoons? 🧐
"A real love will last forever, even if you don't stay [together]".
-No truer words.
yes.
i finally found my first love but he left me...Ive got exes but hes my first ever love..
@@rinlikestostopprocastinating aw man that sucks i hope u find someone great, even tho it might seem noone's better than him
@@august-bl1jh Yea...i still wish i can be with him bc he feel like home...but i also wish dat i find someone like that one day even tho its hard to admit
@@rinlikestostopprocastinating yeah, that's tru too :/
The man with the bandana covering mouth just.. his words and how he verbalized it.. it hits me to the core
right :(
Yes, I literally started crying with how he explained his first love😭
Same.
That mans emotions really showed
@@DiamondBabbyyy yuppp!
It seems that up close... everyone has this insane unique beauty that most people will never see.
Remember that.
It’s so true! I find myself watching these strangers and finding them all uniquely beautiful. I hope for myself that I can be that up close and find my own unique beauty.
What a beautiful comment. Thank you
True.
Agree
Thank you for saying this.
I love how all of Thoraya's video just feel so raw and naked. I'm in love with the tiniest details, like how I can see the texture of the skin, the freckles, dry lips, or moles of the person she is interviewing. It feels very human.
☝️
Yup, me too.
Yes I agree with you
Yep. I feel ya.
You hit the nail on the head! That's what makes her work so engaging, It's like that phrase "warts and all".
1st guy seems like an intelligent gentle genuinely kind person. His comments about what love is supposed to be struck me. I’m sure his heart will heal and won’t have any trouble finding happiness and love in the future. I hope I find a guy like that someday. The one I’m with now feels a lot like the “bearing through it” kind of situation.
My girlfriend struggled a lot.. mental illness got the best of her.. 4 years together.. we reached a point where it was something like bearing through it. And we seperated. After that I thought a lot about love.. what it is about.. I told her that the thought of her still makes me smile.. although it hurts .. it was yesterday.. we agreed that we want to try again.. not really again but to move on and work on us. I have hope .. now it feels like a break of 6 months.. everytime we got together it felt like we crashed into each other. Our heads just shut off and our hearts take over..
You deserve more than bearing through it.
Hi Kiddo. One day you will find the courage to break things off with your current person. You deserve someone who brings out the best version of you. Someone who is loyal to you. Someone who works to evolve beside you, to be better, kinder, and wiser than they were yesterday. Never settle for anything less. Never lose hope. Some people are not meant to be in your life forever.
Its better to be alone than settle for something that's not right, wasting each others lives when the right person for you both could be the next one.
I genuinely wish from bottom of my heart that you will find your Right guy 💕🍀
Stay happy and healthy!!
It’s incredible how you can see people travel back in time through their eyes as they talk to you.
Are you a psychic?
Yes
Vulnerability is the most beautiful thing ever.
This is the bumper sticker we all need.
@@jasonmiradoli8900 your so right. It’s the purest thing in a person…. Yet there’s folks that don’t deserve to even see this side in all of us because of there selfish ways.
Yes!
Do you have to know someone to Love them?
Not quite
"his love made me feel like i was not 6 years old but, in fact, eternal"
the way she laughs cuz she KNOWS that's pure poetry!
I need to be friends with her. She is just so pure and cute
I'm with my 1st love now. I'm 36 years old. Sometimes it takes a minute.
Good on you for waiting.
This message made my day
Congrats
That’s encouraging
Needed to hear this
You can tell the guy in the bandana really cared about that girl.
To the man with the bandana:
I hope you find another kaysha (I'm sorry I'm not sure how to spell her name) you deserve to be happy and to make many more amazing memories. While no one can replace the real her, I hope you find love again ❤
The way he said that everyone needs a kaysha (don't know how to spell it either) 🥺🥺🥺
7 years and I still cry when I remember her.
If at all possible you should find her. Even if you haven’t been in touch you need to clear things up. Even if it ended badly, you need that clarification and I’m sure she’d appreciate it too.
Good luck bro
Life's hard man. I don't know what kind of relationship it was and how it ended, but I do know that life has to keep moving regardless. Take care of yourself ya a5 w 5aleek qawy.
@@cristianofelicio1141 Thanks a lot. I wish I could do so. It is really complicated. I just wish her happiness and success.
@@revenger211 Thanks a lot bro. I really appreciate your words. Enta sa7 . I need to move on and give myself the chance to meet new people . Have a blessing morning 😊
@@AhmedTarek-qp4tm yeah no problem. I know you’ll figure it out. Have a good day and I love you 😘
Fisrt guy a pure heart, third guy so emotional ❤😭
Keisha! Please take note of this 😣
I needed an hour long episode of this! It's so real to see people talk about their first love!
I needed it too!😌😔
I agree! This was so sweet and wonderful!
We were in love for 6 years, the hardest thing ever is to love someone a lot and u know u can never be together .
u said it right.
Just a question, are you romanian?
@@alexandrucalitescu5822 no why ?
The idea of love seems to be so difficult to exist in this world, but somehow I am keeping faith in it.
Isn't it...I Dont know if I should just give up on it
Keep searching I found it, such a wonderful love I've never imagined it to be! And you'll too :)
Yeah it seems to be difficult
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have no faith.... but it's nice seeing other people have it.
I've had three girlfriends over the past years. And each and every time, I felt like I had found love. Just the same feeling, you know. But then I met a girl a while ago. We dated and she made me realize that I'd never really felt love, up until that point. I genuinely fell in love for the first time. I can't even describe the feeling. It's so special. Unfortunately though, the timing wasn't right for her at that time. I am very grateful for the memories we've made and I'll never forget those. Running in the pouring rain, shoes soaked, shivering. But we had the best night I've ever experienced. It's been very hard to deal with losing her over the past few weeks. But I hope she gets everything in life she wants. One of the sweetest people I have ever met. I miss her
Edit: we've started dating again a few weeks back and we're actually doing great. I'm so happy!
Edit 2: ignore the previous edit. Fuck. I'm having a breakdown every day now
I'm so sorry you had to go through that but if she's meant to be yours she'll be back
@@pricelliouskapingailunga.5426 i do believe in that!
I've been waiting for somebody to come along so I can feel what that love is like. Isn't it scary though? It has to be scary. I'd be too afraid to lose them.
@@OOO_BARRACUDAAA ofcourse you're afraid to lose them. To me personally, dealing with the loss of a loved one in general is insanely hard. Same goes for a relationship. Some people only need two weeks to heal, some, like me, need months. It can obviously be hard, but in the end you'll learn a lot from each situation. Enjoy love while it lasts. It might last forever and you'll enjoy it forever. Or it might be gone in a second and then you've enjoyed it while it lasted. Eventually, everything happens for a reason so if it doesn't work out and you lose them, in a few weeks / months time you'll realize it was for the best
@@Djuztin I just saw this reply and I'm very grateful for it. Thank you!
"His love made me feel like I was not 6 years old, but in fact, eternal" ❤🙏💎
Almost beyond Joy! I love that.
Soo beautiful
It’s fascinating to watch the response to the question. It’s either looks of elation, instant grimaces, nostalgia, pain, joy etc.
*Side note. Listen to the woman married 55 years. Mutual adoration and cherished, supported, loved, respected.
"Love shouldn't have an upper limit"....Bro. That kicked me in the nuts for real. Thank you for this Thoraya.
the younger girl with the freckles and the earrings is so beautiful
9:45 “you have to be realistic”, I think that once you find true love it’s beyond the movies
My first love was my first wife. We were married for 8 years. She put up with my nonsense for all those years. I did not realize the gem I had. My second wife had no comparison. I learned lessons from the mistakes I made in my first marriage and I vowed to be a better husband to my 2nd wife, but the tables were turned. Call it karma or reaping what I sowed, but the 8 years I was married to my 2nd wife were not so great.
I don’t ever see myself giving marriage or love a 3rd try. My heart simply can’t handle it.
My love now is dedicated to my children and pets.
Don't loose hope on love💔
@@SALIMESTA_ Thank you. If the right person comes around, then who knows, maybe I may give it another shot.
@@bagoluis yeah sure God will come through and bring someone worth 🦋
Your wife deserved much better, apparently, so it's good you realize that.
Try the truest love of all, somebody who died for you and would do it 100 times again. His name is Jesus! 🥰🥰❤❤His love is unconditional and cannot be compared, He will never fail you. Just trust in Him! He'll be more happy that you become happy than when you will when you become the happiest! What makes Him happy is when He sees you being fulfilled and happy! :)
My first love:
I was 16.
There was a boy I saw getting dumped by his girlfriend...I saw the way she treated him and how he wanted a hug so bad and she denied him and left him to cry outside of the school doors. I didn't know the boy, but I remembered his hair. Brown curls as his head sank. The next day I noticed someone else in the cafeteria. Usually I was the first person to arrive at school for the day...and I would have to wait about an hour before I saw anyone else. I saw a black hoodie and curls flowing out as his head was down on the table. I found myself staring to see if it was the boy from the other day. I had a coffee drink unopened, so I took it over to his table. I was unnoticed at first as I sat it down. So I rubbed his back and left him a note under his coffee saying, "things will get better" and I went back to my table. He looked up and saw me walking back. He didn't say anything. He didn't smile. The next day going into the cafeteria I was running behind so I came in with the regular bus crew...and as I walked to my usual table, I noticed a smile and wave. He was next to my table. He told me he had thought I wouldn't come in today and he had had a bad day before but wanted to thank me for the drink. Days, weeks...he greeted me with a smile first thing in the mornings. He later moved to my table with my friends. I had fallen for the boy who smiled my way even when he felt broken. I wanted to help him feel less alone, because I knew how it felt. And I ended up falling hard. I started noticing him during class changes. He switched up his hallway routine to see me for just a second in between. I would pass him on the stairs and ruffle his hair. He was first boyfriend, and a year into things he proposed. It felt like a fairy tale, like all of the stories about love you had ever heard about. I felt safe with him. He felt like a sturdy foundation. It was all of the butterflies and happiness a person could dream of...then I began hearing rumors of cheating...he began to get defensive. Arguments happened. Lies were spotted. I watched as he flirted with others and then told me he just had a flirty nature and he didn't mean anything by it. I would just have to be okay with it, because I was trying to change him. He broke up with me off and on, making it all out to be my fault. Slowly my friends of years became not okay in his eyes. My family was causing my life's problems. I ended up leaving everyone except him, because he was all I needed. He convinced me that everyone else was bad and hurting me. He would threaten to leave me and take my ring back if I didn't do what he wanted. He told me no one else would love me. It got so bad I didn't even love myself anymore. I looked at myself like a leech, who could only suck the life and happiness from others. We were together 5 years. He started getting into drugs and forgetting me.. leaving me out in the cold of my car when I had no where else to go. My family had kicked me out.. my friends had left.. The hardest part wasn't the yelling, the abuse, watching him change......the hardest part was leaving when I still loved him whole heartedly. I knew what I needed to do. I knew how to make things better for myself. I understood how toxic and awful he had been to me.....but I still loved him. I loved those moments he put down his guard and acted like he did when I fell in love with him. I skipped all the red flags and looked only at the good moments we had shared. In the beginning it was only good, but with drugs and different friends and changes in his life....he fell more and more away from me. He was my first love. It was young, passionate, raw and honestly on my end. I did everything I possibly could and more for him. Getting the courage to leave took me 2 years. I didn't know if I could handle life without him. I almost didn't let myself live another day.... 9 years later I am thankful to have made it through. I have learned more about myself then I needed lol...but I have met the love of my life and we are 4 years strong and moved in together. We never fight. We love eachother uncondionally. We are the definition of real love. When you know you know. I dated in between my first love and where I am now...and I can without a doubt say he is the one. And he says the same for me. Life gets better. Some days it won't feel like it ever will. Some days you will feel so low....but it will get better. Better than you ever dreamed. Love yourself. Respect yourself. Most of living life is learning how to navigate it. Learning who you are and what you want. Learning how to handle your emotions and how to find real happiness. Never give up and smile. Look for positives and work on yourself. Things will get soooo much better. Soon if not already, your smile will run so deep and be so genuine. You will thrive.
Goddamn that hit close..
It was a great story. Its good you chose to leave hum even though you loved her because that was the right thing to do.
Damn. Completely random but you have a great sense of storytelling. Also, I'm happy for you
@@revenger211 I agree
Your story touched my heart. I thank you for telling your story and telling your outcome and the advice because it was really what I needed to hear. I’m sorry you went through that though you never deserved it
I think you know it's real because you don't look back in anger or resentment, but with love. You're thoroughly glad it happened, even if it ended.
The worst thing is going back trying to recapture the love you lost, it usually doesn't work...
This needs more recognition it’s so beautiful
I met my first love at 16 but later found out she isn't. A girl I met few years later made me realised she is my first love because no girl was able to invoke the extreme emotions I feel when I think of her. We dated for 12 years and now we are happily married for two years. We look forward to conquering the hardships in our lives together.
Activate the darn playlist of Strangers Call their Crush. I want to remember the good ol' times.
Maybe she took them down because she didn't want to be pigeonholed or "type cast" into being just the girl everyone knew for the "call your crush" videos and nothing more.
@@the_light_writer or she probably made the relationships of the failed attempts worse
She was like a snowflake. Beautiful and unique. She danced around while a storm would rage in my mind calming me. She gave me goosebumps and chills when I would see her, had me blushing the brightest of reds where Rudolph would glow dim. However like all snowflakes she melted away quickly, and the storm kept raging.
My first love was also a pet. My sweet cat named Mel (translates to honey) lived with me for almost 17 years - I'm 25, so that's most of my life spent by her side. Two days ago was the 2 year anniversary of her passing (she unfortunately had kidney failure and by the time it was diagnosed it was too late for any treatment) and I still miss her every single day. We were inseparable... she'd sleep on top of me, get on my lap on every opportunity she had, lay down on my drawings mid work and make me take a break, she even joined me in the bathroom while I showered. She understood me like no one else, our love for each other was truly unconditional. I'd vent about my troubles with her and she would always purr to comfort me, even lick away my tears if I cried. She was my home. Every time a bee flies into my home I know it's her visiting me to tell me everything is going to be ok.
I have two wonderful cats now who I love dearly, but I know for sure I will never have such a connection again. I'm so grateful that I was able to experience such love for so long... I wish she'd live forever. She does, in a way, in my heart. My love for her will never fade away.
This is beautiful ❤️..
I have a cat like that now. He was ran over and someone broke his leg and I was the only one he’d let pick him up and love him while he had to heal💙 he nudges his head up to mine and wants to be kissed. It’s super adorable
You made me cry this is so precious
I know what you mean. I had a cat like this too. Till this day, I say she was and is the best friend I’ve ever had.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Mel gave you unconditional love her whole life! :)
Our pets make our lives so much better and they are really great Masters in teaching us how to love in the most genuine and purest form!
I'm an introvert and have been in love so many times. Most of the time I was just too afraid to act or do anything to express my feelings. It wasn't until I'd say, the 6th person I fell in love with where I actually did something to express how I felt. I won't go into too much detail, but in the end, we didn't end up being together cause she was more interested in someone else and this caused me to go into depression. It was tough cause it really felt like she was "the one." and I had feelings for this person for a few years, but felt like I was too late or took way too long. It took my about a year to move on but looking back at it now, I'm proud of myself for trying.
I’m proud of you too.
I’m also an introvert and it kinda sucks. It’s like I want to do so many things and see so many people but I can’t because I’m too nervous or too scared to talk to people. In the last year I’ve learned that it isn’t worth it to be scared. It isn’t worth it to pretend to be somebody else.
I'm introvert too, but I'm that reluctant to meet or know new people that I have never been in love with someone... But I still have hopes that this person will appear in my life soon... also I'm so afraid when it comes to interaction with EVERY boy i met haha
I'm glad you pulled through. It can be soul crushing, but in the end we learn a lot through these types of experiences
I met my first true love when i was 20. We were bf/gf for almost 6 years. And now we've been married for 11 years.
#roadtoforever 😁
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Truly, truly happy for you both!
I'm trying out a new upload schedule - New episode every Saturday morning!!! ❤️ I love you all!
Why haven’t you posted calling your crush videos? 🥺
And we love you!!
Thank you ❤❤
Keep up the good work
We love you too
I love your channel; I've been following you for a while. Can you please share your voicemail for the secret episodes?
Losing him was blue like i never known, missing him was dark grey all alone, forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met, but loving him was red.
i hate you lol
@@my-little-pony2148 lol
Hey swiftie
bestie yes
I can’t believe I’m even writing this but here we go
Not my first love, but I met my deepest love at 16. We were both big partiers already, trying to drown out our childhood trauma. We both had obvious addictions to pills and alcohol already, as teens. He was shy. He was so kind. He was the most genuine person I’d ever known. He felt deeply. He was the only man I knew who would cry openly. He made me feel like the most incredible person on earth and I thought he put the stars in the sky. I fell in love with him fast. It only took a couple weeks. I loved him fiercely in a way that takes my breath away even now 8 years later. I thought I knew deep love before him. I’d had multi-year long relationships before then and truly believed I knew what love was. He made me question everything. I knew his soul and he knew mine. I knew him better than he knew himself and vice versa. I’ve never, before or after, felt such a sense of shared vulnerability with someone. To me, that’s what love is. To this day, I’ve never shared that with anyone else.
I got sober 2 months into our relationship, after a suicide attempt and a month long stay in a psychiatric hospital, once I realized how far I had fallen. I was determined to help him too. He got sober, too and I found out I was pregnant the following summer. Halfway through my pregnancy I found out he had relapsed again and he wasn’t just popping pills, he was using meth. It was then that I found out the night of my suicide attempt was the first night he used meth.
Over the next several years, he would relapse dozens of times and come to me and sob in my arms, telling me how out of control he felt and swearing that he was trying. I knew he was. I believed so much that someday he would win that battle. But he just couldn’t beat that demon. I loved him so much that sometimes I wished I could just use meth with him, so it wouldn’t be the thing tearing us apart. I’ve never told that to anyone, but I had the thought multiple times and felt so much self loathing every time I did. How could I want to destroy myself for just the chance to know this man’s love forever? Eventually when he would relapse he would get violent. He would get paranoid. He thought he heard me having sex with his friend in his friends house, when I wasn’t even there. He thought someone stole our daughter from her crib. He became abusive and I would leave and then forgive him over and over because I knew that wasn’t really him. I knew that wasn’t the man I fell in love with. I knew his soul. But eventually I would wonder how much of that first man was even left. At what point should I stop holding out hope.
He never could stay sober. I would come back for awhile, and then he’d relapse and start hallucinating and get violent because he was paranoid and in psychosis. He turned into a different person on meth. Of course I’d leave again, until one time I finally didn’t come back. I had to leave him for good, for our daughters sake, 3 years into our relationship. I’d realized I couldn’t help him get sober and I couldn’t let my daughter live that life.
He used more in my absence, because of the heartbreak of losing his family and losing his first love to an addiction he just couldn’t quite beat. He was self destructing from the pain of being left so I felt responsible for his destruction.
He eventually caused permanent damage to his brain. He’s not the same person now, he’s not “all there”. He has permanent psychosis. He permanently paranoid. I don’t know for sure if he’s sober or not but I know he was for over a year at one point and the psychosis never subsided. He’s been to jail multiple times since then. He’s a shell of who he was. It feels like he died. I’ve grieved him like he’s dead, knowing that he’s not, because I don’t recognize the person who answers to his name anymore. Our daughter is 7 now and he has pretty much no relationship with her. He occasionally sees her at his parents house (where he still stays because he can’t function on his own) but she rarely even acknowledges him and he rarely acknowledges her. I’m still in love with him. Or at least who he used to be. I spent so many years believing that I only had to stay gone to protect our daughter until he could beat the addiction. I only had to hang on until then and I knew we would be together again. I wasn’t expecting him to do irreversible damage. I had too much hope. Nothing will shatter your heart like hope. Now I’m filled with grief.
I have a new partner, another child, and yet, I’m still in love with him. I still forget sometimes that we won’t ever get our someday like I always thought. I still dream of him- as the man he used to be- all the time. I wake up with a ball in my throat, just as I have now as I write this, because unlike all the other times when we were young, I can’t break down and run to him and try to make it work again like I so desperately want. It’s crazy because I know if I didn’t have children, I would do it anyway. I would love him in spite of the psychosis and paranoia, I’d try to help him through those episodes, I would take the violence in exchange for those moments of deep love, if it wasn’t for the children I’ve been tasked with protecting. I saw him for the first time in almost 4 years a few weeks ago and the reaction was visceral. I wanted to run to him so bad. I wanted so badly for our story to be different. Anything but this. I’m a law student now and I wish so badly he was here to celebrate with me, cheer me on, I wish I could see how proud of me he would be. We both thought my dreams were over when I got pregnant. I wish I could share in this life with him. I live everyday with the fear, and likely reality, that I will never love or be loved like that again. Sometimes I daydream about feeling that again, with anyone.
I think the hardest part is grieving him. If he had died, everyone would understand. I could talk about it openly. But instead, I’m grieving a death that hasn’t happened and nobody understands it outside of the small group of people who happen to be part of this unfortunate club.
I doubt anyone actually read this novel of a story but that’s okay. I think I just really needed to say it.
Hi, I just wanted to say I actually did read all of your comment and I was so moved. It’s a brave and I’m sure very difficult story to tell but thank you for sharing it, it’s incredible to know what kind of love and strength people are capable of. I wish you all the best
That's so heartbreaking to read. I can feel the meaning behind your words and I am thinking of you right now, sending you love, even though I'm just a stranger to you. I wish with all my heart you could have gotten your happy end. ❤
Oh my God, you just told the story of my life. Word for word. You told our story. It's a story still unfolding, it's the most profound aching despair, beautiful, terrible, irreplaceable. So much grief. Such deep deep loss, and regret, and questions unanswered, and second guessing, and guilt, and you're right so right about the hope, the endless hoping, the what ifs, the deep down belief in happily ever after and the age old promises of long beyond forever. I'll never get over it. Ever. My entire existence is forever altered. This is not how the story was supposed to end. My heart will never heal. I've known him for 27 years. I haven't talked to him in a year, haven't seen him in four years, he hasn't been off meth since 2011. I spent three years convinced that the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012 that had everyone freaking out, was just talking about the ending of my own personal world. I wish love for you, endless and timeless and limitless. And peace. And for the weight to be lifted. Thank u so much for telling our story. No one has ever understood. Till now.
I’m marrying my first and only love next year. We were just kids when we got together and somehow we grew up into adults who are still in love. It’s been 12 years and next year he’ll be my husband. Every day I’m thankful we got together so young because it’s like I got bonus years with him that I’ll be so thankful for when we’re old and grey. Love is beautiful.
Congrats !!!
“Love doesn’t have an upper limit”
Thanks, I needed that.
Oh Thoraya! I know you hear it all the time but you are such a beautiful soul. I hope you are taking care of yourself in this crazy world!
She’s the best!! 🌈🌺🌻✌️🌷🌟
I agree❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
He is a mormon and was getting ready to go on a mission to another country for two years. He had been getting ready for this his whole life. He finally left after two years and stayed in this other country for two more. I'd email him cause thats was the only thing he was allowed to use and it was just once a month. Then, he finally came home, and he had changed. He was a totally different person. I dont know what happened in that trip but he changed. All of the things that made me fall in love, dissapeared. I will always love him, but theres something i was able to understand because of this: your first love does not have to be the love of your life.
I need this... The first love doesn't have to be the love of your life ❤️
Oh my god, I had the exact same story. I also had a mormon as boyfriend, except that I broke up with him already before he went for 2 years. We still mailed each other though. and before he went away, we said we will meet again when he is back. but after those 2 years he forgot that, I remembered him in a mail but never got an answer anymore. He is back now but I never saw him again yet ^^ I am just so interested how much he changed, but as you described it, maybe it's better that I don't know o.o
@@lisagudehogr well, maybe your guy is still the same person that left
@@lisev415 maybe yeah, but probably not xD
Honestly I really praise the very last girl talking about her first love being an addict. I'm going through the exact same thing right now. And she's exactly right, as far as, seeing the person you love the most fall into a completely different mindset/person. It's the most heart breaking thing. Especially if you got the opportunity to see who they were before the addiction. Nothing wrenches the heart more than seeing the love of your life go from being the person you convince yourself you'll spend the rest of your life with, to completely misunderstanding everything they are and questioning everything about them as a person as you watch them slowly distance themselves away. You can know they still love you dearly, but the addiction takes over so badly that that is the only focus, and then the next focus is money to score. And that cycle continues over and over again until they decide for themselves enough is enough. By that time unfortunately . It may be too late.
"I always looked for him in everybody that I knew"
I fell in love with my first boyfriend (post college), and we’re still together after two years. He’s dated several girls before me and insists he never knew what real love was until he met me 🥺. He’s never felt this way before and wasn’t even sure he was capable of it, and I believe him based on the way he treats me and gushes over our relationship ❤️ I’m hoping we can make it last, and we’ve both talked about marriage and getting a house, but it seems impossible that my first boyfriend could be my last 😭 what a risk it is, to give your heart to someone!!
It's not impossible. My mom's first boyfriend was my dad. They've been married for 36 years now and been together for 40 years if we included the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Wish you the best!
She broke up with me today, I dont know if I'll ever love anyone the same... she said "just because you love me doesn't mean I feel it" and that's when I knew things were over
I got dumped by my first love about 4 months ago and man does it suck. Just checking in to make sure you’re okay :)
True love never dies, even when you are separated. That person always occupies a piece in your heart.
This was a difficult one for me to watch. Each person had a way of making me feel something unique and relatable. I just laid in my bed; listening as I delicately cried and violently felt all these emotions. - It’s hard to imagine myself loving again; even if I want it. The past has a vicious way of cementing your feet to the floor. Fear is often a perpetrator that’s hides in the shadow of the path that makes up ones’s life. I know it’s not fair (to myself) to not take the risk that is love/relationship. It’s just hard. Man this was a great video. A painful one, but a great one nonetheless.
Ikr💔it's soo emotional
I've never had first love. Tbh I really only know what platonic love feels like. Anyone I've dated either says "I love you" far too early (I'm talking like a week in) so it feels superficial and clingy to me, or they show their true colors early on and I don't get a chance to get to know them enough to love them! It's a blessing and a curse to be really good at reading people and their motives.
same!
First love doesn’t have to be romantic!
same!!
Yeah I find it weird when people say they LOVE you, like 1 or 2 weeks in.. is just too early, I never have the feeling to say to someone "I love you" in that same span of time.
“my first love was the love of a dog”
I agree 100%
I have never been in love 😅
😅😅I know right
@@nosip9950 i am confused this days, cause I wonder if I am even able to love, if I am loveable, if it’s just that I haven’t met the right person yet, or if I have too high expectations, and overthinking that, makes me feel like if it happens that I like someone, it won’t be natural but just an overthinking, result of pressure or fill a lack…
Sorry if it’s too much, but at least it feels nice to write my thoughts 😅
Do some people feel the same ?
@@lokatla8261 let's be friends I have same thinking 😂?
@@lokatla8261 don’t worry! It’s not too much, totally relatable. It’s so hard to open up and let people in but also just meeting people in general has become so difficult especially now during the pandemic Yoh I don’t know hey . I’m still hopeful though and I hope that you also find your person one day and experience love ❤️
@@anilragade4297 damn it 😂 poor of us
I wish I could stop overthinking this, I don’t know, but I think it’s because of the pandemic, that I have started questioning all this (as well as my sexual orientation, or just having real friends, which isn’t the case unfortunately) because of solitude and boredom
this is such a great question to ask. and even if they weren’t with the person anymore i could completely tell it was a nice memory. it’s so nice to remember the good times.
There were so many times I'd thought I was in love until I met a man named Andrew. We met through mutual friends, all of us hung out at a local club where we loved to dance and just talk all night. I was immediately drawn to him because he was so funny and always had a smile on his face. Prior to Andrew coming into my life, I'm just going to say I'd had a very difficult background, being homeless at age 14 and on the street for almost 4yrs as a teenager by myself. Id been abused by so many people, friends, family and strangers alike but Andy made everything shine. I don't know how else to explain it. We began hanging out constantly, coffee, movies, dancing, and became inseparable. One night, we were over at his apartment, he had this "L" shaped couch and he was laying on one side and I was on the other with a bowl of popcorn between us. We were watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame. We started talking about what was happening between us and I turned to him and said "Look, I have to be honest with you. You know some of my past but...Well, I have so much baggage I could fill an airplane myself." In truth I was trying to warn him off of how messed up I was. He sat up, looked at me, took my hands into his and said "That's OK. I have none so I'll help you carry yours." In that very moment I realized THIS was love. This right here. So pure and honest. So bright and it just filled me up with a happiness I had Never in my life felt. 4mths later we were engaged. 4mths after that we were wed and then my world ended when 5mths later, he passed away. I've never fully recovered and its been 23yrs yet it still seems like yesterday.
Hearing people's love stories is truly beautiful. I have never been in love with anyone but I hope that I will be special to them.
The first girl is so cute. Also, I love the upclose camera view that shows all the details and expressions. I know other people have said the same and I totally agree. You are doing a great thing, Thoraya! I have never seen a channel like yours and I think it is healing and helping a lot of people out there, including me
My first love it still gives me butterflies even tho we are not together from the very first sight I knew I loved him he took my hand on our first date and held it and it felt like I was floating on air. The hardest part is thinking about him every day and struggling to get through the days
Hi
I feel exactly the same way
I've become so hooked on your videos. Keep up the amazing work Thoraya!
The woman who loved her dog was amazing. Also, the man wearing the bandana was so kind.
My first love was when I was 19. We met in college and it was an instant attraction. I knew during our first date that I found my soulmate. We were truly in love, it so real and pure. He was everything I wanted and needed in a partner and he loved every part of me and I loved (love) all of him. We were together for 4 years and all of those 4 years were magical, he was my best friend, my soulmate and my true love (this sounds so cliché and something out of a movie but this is the only way I know how to describe it). He passed away in a car accident and a part of me died with him. It’s been 15 years since his death and I’m married now to a great man who I love very much and have a child with but I’ve never forgotten him and miss him to this day.
I met my first love when I was thirteen. I was so in love with him but he only liked me. He was my first kiss, dated for a few months then he gave me my first heartbreak. 7 years later he came back and told me he missed me and wants us to get back together. I said no and he was disappointed, he knew how much I loved him back then and he thought I'd run back to him.
Now that I'm older I realized that he never loved me and the only reason he came back is not because he loves me but only misses how I loved him, how I treated him, how he was my world. He never found someone that valued him as I did and he hoped he'll find it again once we get back together.
I had a very intense first love and this video really moved me. I love to see how love can be seen so differently from one person to an other, and yet we all feel it at one point or another in our life, from someone, from a pet, from a stranger, from family, from ourselves. Love is everywhere, and love is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing Thoraya.
I am 37 and have never been in love, and I think that it's probably not going to ever happen for me. There have been crushes and friendships over the years, but I'm old and fat and have nothing going for me and don't really feel like it will ever happen for me. Sometimes I enjoy solitude, but the moment I try to be around other married friends, it's a constant reminder of what I've never experienced. I feel dull to it now, but I wish I could open up more and try again. I live in shame and guilt, never meeting the expectations of my family and friends, always coming up short. I've shed too many tears over it I have none left. I often wonder what it would be like to be truly happy, but I cannot accept myself for who I am, so why even bother trying to put that burden on another person? That wouldn't be fair to them. I know deep down inside that I am a good man, who values honesty and integrity, but this world is cold and heartless, and I feel broken, stuck in this endless pit I've dug for myself.
i understand you too well and i feel like youve just drawn words out of mind. im a 23 years girl but so far my life hasnt ever been happy growing up in a emotionally abusive family and everything that came out of it. but im still hopeful that ill be able to open myself up and finally stop shutting the world out
I loved this episode and i feel like I really needed to hear all these stories in my current situation, thank you.
this is a beautiful video, so many feelings are put together in one video. yet, these words will never be enough to describe the love these people had.
My first love we realized we were better off friends and now he has been my best friend for almost 15 years.
I want to understand why someone would “dislike” this video. Like why? Thoraya ❤️ is just asking questions for people to willingly answer. What’s wrong?
13 really sad people I would imagine. Some people are just born to be contrarians. An annoying lot to say the least.
Such a pure thing to say "...we put God number one that's how we made it..."💜💜💜
Thank you Thoraya for all the things you do... what a beautiful channel you have.
Yessssss! I’m so glad you uploaded ❤️
The first guy was so genuine when he spoke of love. Truly heartening ❤️😊.
I hope I’m able to find love one day
I'm thankful to hear these stories. I'm thankful to the people willing to share their stories and I'm thankful to you, Thoraya, for asking.
Just Thank You Thoraya, for making this community
You're absolutely incredible! Love these videos more and more with each upload
Sameee
To be honest, I've never really been in love. I had a few small crushes, but my heart always knew, that this isn't a feeling of real love... so I'm still waiting for the right person to come into my life. I'm 16 years old and I'm really exited for what is about to come :)
I am so happy for that first young lady... great story!
Guy with the bandana is incredibly empathetic. You can tell because through his pain he thinks about joy that his brother did not have
I love your content Thoraya, thank u for these beautiful videos. I’m really crying my eyes out. Every single person is such a beautiful individual with their own stories. Thank you for sharing❤️
Such wonderful, thoughtful and deep questions and follow-ups.
Your videos make me cry and I HATE that they're not HOURS LONG.
You're a Blessing to so many and to be able to touch hearts..........UNREAL!
Thank you for the heartfelt tears, You Amazing Lady.
~Dan-0
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR WORK. IT HAS INSPIRED MANY OF US TO BELIVE NOT ONLY IN OURSELVES BUT TO TRUST IN LOVE AGAIN. YOU'VE TOUCHED SO MANY PEOPLE'S HEARTS. IN THESE HARD TIMES. THIS IS WHAT WE HUMANS NEED !
It’s both amazing and moving to see how people become emotional when their mind goes back to their first love. I think we miss the innocence of that time of our life.
We had literally met a few days ago, and we sparked. Instantly. At first, he was almost protective over me. That's what got me head over heels. No one's ever felt like that for me. It was crazy to think about it.
Sat here in tears watching this video. Listening to each person talk about their 1st love. I dont think I've ever had a 1st love cos all of my relationships came from a place of pain and trauma. Having suffered from abandonment issues in childhood I've never maintained a healthy relationship. Theres always been drink and drugs involved but now in sober for almost 2 years ive still not met anyone since I got clean an sober but I'd like to think that one day I will. So i guess i dont think i have and idea of what real love feels like apart from maybe one time i met a girl who was super into me and would do anything for me an I took advantage of her kindness. In fact she was part of what made me get clean and stay clean. I owe her a lot.
Your videos helped me alot during my self improvement journey . Thank you alot thoraya
I needed to hear that from the last girl……. Thank you whoever you are
I have never experienced love.. I hope to experience true love someday!! thank you Thoraya.
Im so romantic i cant help it :/
Thank you for these videos, as someone that is in their 30s and has not found a first love this gives me hope.
The first guy just looks like one of the deepest and
most inteligent dude I ever hear.
Hugs from Argentina.
Love can start like it does in the movies, like "it'll be a spark and you'll know", or it can be completely different. It's different for everyone, and it can be different with each of your "loves" that you have throughout your life too.
Instantly took me back to the someone that I feel was my 1st love.. This is so beautiful, especially to see the expressions on their faces.. Keep up the great work Thoraya 🌷
Pls keep doing these videos. It's just beautiful and tremendously important. For all those involved - interviewed, viewer and also you yourself as the interviewer I'm sure.. Thanks!
"His love made me feel...in fact eternal" OMG LOVE THIS
4:00 Morro bay is full of beautiful views, perfect setting for the story 👍🏽
This one made me sad. I agree with the young lady who said she doesn't know what love truly is. I'm 51 and have been in several relationships. All failed. There comes a point in every relationship, after the anger subsides about the other person, you have to look deep in yourself and find out the wrongful part you played. Any relationship is a two-way street and usually it's combination of faults on both sides. I'll be 52 in 6 months and have resided to spend the rest of my life alone. Love is wonderful...it just doesn't work for everyone. Thank you Thoraya for these videos. Introspection is healing and it helps to hear others that show that vulnerable part of themselves. :)
My first love was when I was 2 years old, he was the same age as me and we’d hold hands and wanted to do everything together.
I vividly remember him, and our parents asking if he/ I were bf and gf ☺️
Didn’t see him for years, and by then he was a very different person. It was heartbreaking.
These interviews are really something. And so are these people, so authentic and raw at times. It just goes to show how meeting acual love can touch and transform us forever. Deeply.
Keep up the good work thoraya!
I love this channel. Every time I watch a video of Thoraya, I saw so familiar things in fully strangers. I feel with them. I think about my life. It is like a therapy.
Your videos just make me So So happy to SEE that there are people with such beautiful souls.
I love you, Thoraya!!!❤️❤️❤️