Yes! "You don't marry hot, you marry strong." C'mon Tom Papa! Sound, sage, & practical marriage advice! 😂 As the handy one in our house, I'm sure my husband would agree 😆 It helped that I was hot when we got married; he found out I was handy/strong later.😏
It's just a good source. And not at the expense of anyone else other than the partner who would have given permission. Doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Comedians won't talk about the fuzzy wholesome things about marriage. That stuff isn't funny.
Same. There is so much truth in comedy, whether told by a professional or by some random person at the grocery store who calls their partner "the ol' ball and chain".............
I sleep with my window open most of the winter until it gets too cold to do that (-15°c) because I don't want to catch a cold. My flat is only 27 square metres big, and the breeze from an open window hits my throat because otherwise, I'd have it up much longer.
The phone tracked you to the attic. As the flashlight is blinding you in the face. With the doughnuts that you paid for in cash. That you wish you could have ate when they were fresh.
The last joke was genius!!! We have just 6% of getting married with someone we're dating. It's really lucky that two people love each other + stay commited + happy together. We should cherish every moment of it, if we got that lucky in life.
Hey, can someone explain marriage joke to me. At my brother's wedding reception, I saw the banquet manager scolding a caterer in the hall. I think he has a learning disabiIity; I have one myself, and she made the guy sounds slow, cIueIess, and unskiIIed. That's why I don't blame him for insuIting the woman when she deserved it. See, she was all "I don't think you can do this service by yourself. I told you _not_ to sign up for one-person shifts. You need someone to guide you. I don't know how much clearer I can be for you to listen." And then the guy said, "You know, I'm beginning to see why you work and manage wedding receptions." What does that mean? Like I said, I'm kind of a slow learner.
Great video, thanks for sharing. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my wife of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, even had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back.
This is so weird. My relationship of 5 years also ended just few days ago, my partner started her master's degree, and she told me that when her teacher looked at her in the eyes and told her " if you need anything let me know" she started imagining him doing things to her, she threw everything, all the sacrifices, all the love and fun we had, just from a look. I will never trust women again in my life.
In reality, marriage has declined rapidly in this century than the last!!!!! People are getting better educated and ambitious especially the women who have become more career minded, earning more money and looking forward for a more independent and stress-free lifestyle
my middle school history teacher and three of the high school history teachers at my old schools, were also football coaches. swear they all have the calling to coach 😂
@@jasonruggles4622 DEPORTATION STATISTICS UNDER THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION VS. THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION ARE ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME. SEE CATO AT LIBERTY BLOG: BIDEN REDUCED DEPORTATIONS, BUT NOT BY MUCH. SEE ALSO THE INTERCEPT'S ONLINE ARTICLE: ICE DISOBEYED BIDEN'S ORDER TO DROP TRUMP'S BLANKET DEPORTATION POLICY MORE THAN A THIRD OF ICE'S ENFORCEMENT ACTIONS DURING BIDEN'S FIRST YEAR IN OFFICE TARGETED PEOPLE WHO POSED NO THREAT TO PUBLIC SAFETY. SEE ALSO THE INTERCEPT'S ONLINE ARTICLE BY JAMES RISEN; AS IMMIGRATION PLUMMETED, CONSERVATIVES FALSELY ACCUSED BIDEN OF FUELING A CRISIS NEVER BEFORE HAS A POPULAR POLITICAL AND MEDIA NARRATIVE BEEN SO AT ODDS WITH REALITY. DEMOCRATS AND DEMOCRATS ON CAPITOL HILL WERE RECENTLY TALKING ABOUT GOING TO WAR AGAINST MEXICO. THE U.S. TOOK 55% OF MEXICO'S LAND AT THE END OF THE MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR ! ALL OF THE SOUTHWESTERN UNITED STATES WAS MEXICO'S LAND ! SEE WIKIPEDIA RE: THE MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR. THANKS FOR "LISTENING." -- An American attorney -- An English as a Second Language instructor -- A Roman Catholic theologian -- An Adult educator
Companies like Netflix shouldn't be public & publicly traded (same for weapon manufacturers and well... most firms). It makes companies become whores for their stock price, which often doesn't reflect the actual quality (and especially mortality) of a firm. CEO's main goal becomes making the stock price higher at all cost - because their bonuses are tied to that shit. So they will do all kind of madness to increase their bonuses, then later just leave the company a sinking ship. ...aaaand become CEO at another firm and do the same shit again. Rot economy.
There shouldn't be any writers the comedians are independently produced, if you're giving your services for free that's on you, and these people are overpaid to begin with. Nothing funny here just bad business people wasting money listening to wacko consultant firms.
Joke Time - Marriage Jokes ++++ “Marriage is an institution. Who the heck wants to live in an institution????” - Groucho Marx ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Three Rings of Marriage 1) The Engagement Ring 2) The Wedding Ring 3) The Suffer - Ring ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Doctor: I have some horrible news, you only have six months to live. Patient: That’s terrible, six months? Only six months? What should I do, Doc? Doctor: You should get married. Patient: Get married? What are you talking about? With only six months to live? Doctor: You see? If you get married, those six months….they will feel like a lifetime…. ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Why do the female spiders murder their husbands after the wedding night? - because they are trying to stop the snoring, before it starts… ++++++++++++++++++++++++ A newlywed goes to her aunt: “Oh, Aunt Sally, my Bob is not nice to me. All he does is yell. The stress is so bad, I am actually losing weight.” Aunt: “Oh, Honey, you should just leave him.” Newlywed: “Oh, I am going to. I am just waiting until I get down to 120 lbs.” ++++++++++++++++++++++++ "Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee. As I'd hoped, I got a reaction from my husband. When he saw me, he shouted, "Are those potato chips?"" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Some of the joke collections contain some decent marriage jokes, but they do tend to be a bit tame: 200 Marriage Jokes from Parade: parade.com/1043061/marynliles/marriage-jokes/ ++++ Marriage Jokes from Reader’s Digest: www.rd.com/jokes/married-life/ ++++ Marriage Jokes from Yahoo www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/marriage-jokes-laugh-hard-youll-164543633.html ++++
Getting Married. ???? Oh hell no it's like giving up your balls. Honey can I go bowling with the guys ? NO ! I am retired at 57 , single, do what I want, when I want, go to the workout each day hit the gun range twice a week.
Used to think socks in sandals were a "white" thing til I saw non-american black men doing it. Let's face it, pebbles and rough materials can be uncomfortable but I do feel toe socks look better in sandals.
I don't agree with Chris Rock. I do ALL of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, vacuuming, laundry, dishes, lawn work, etc. Also, are people STILL surprised to see interracial relationships in 2024?
Wacky that Nick Kroll, Amy schumer, random unknown black women, and other unfunny people are being paid to appear here clearly whoever was in charge of booking these programs has no idea what is funny or who would still be relevant right now. Giving small comedians a chance is cool but alot of these people aren't funny at all @4:50 like this guy? What wacky producer/casting hire chose this? Like who tf wants to see Leslie Jones in 2024? Amy schumer? There are jokes everywhere about how she isn't funny and steals jokes so did the bookers just not care or did they not know? Both are a problem 🙄
Yes! "You don't marry hot, you marry strong." C'mon Tom Papa! Sound, sage, & practical marriage advice! 😂 As the handy one in our house, I'm sure my husband would agree 😆 It helped that I was hot when we got married; he found out I was handy/strong later.😏
I get married tomorrow and this is suggested to me on the night before.... Nice 😂
Mazel tov! I hope it was beautiful 😍
Let me know if you need a good divorce attorney. Best wishes though
LOL
Congratulations
« Someone who can pick up the other end of the couch » love this!
Chris Rock said it best;
women do so much, in general, and men don’t even notice until it’s gone.
I have loved Iliza since she was on Last Comic Standing. She's the best.
Based on all the jokes made about marriage I’m always amazed that anyone ever gets married.
it is simple.. people are drawn to pain. it gives them a reason to feel alive. Subconsciously.
in other words: people are as dumb as a feldspar rock.
It's just a good source. And not at the expense of anyone else other than the partner who would have given permission. Doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Comedians won't talk about the fuzzy wholesome things about marriage. That stuff isn't funny.
Humor can be a trauma response. They really think they’re happy
Same. There is so much truth in comedy, whether told by a professional or by some random person at the grocery store who calls their partner "the ol' ball and chain".............
@@kissit012marriage is a trauma response
Tracey's delivery is perfect.
Tracey Ashley's husband is absolutely 100-percent, spot-on correct!
Sock and sandals white!!! Lol!!! I do that too!!
@@carolinehobson7365I was referring to her punchline that was her husband's response when they're walking around Gary, IN, together.
“Start with the relationship with your mother and go forward form there” - Neil. Gotta him. That’s facts.
One year down, forever to go 😂😂😂
As someone from a interracial family. The "oOOOo" is 100% real.
Lol 😆 yes soooooo real!!!
These married stories are hilarious!!!!
The dude with the second marriage is adorable 😂❤ he looks like a good guy who loves his wife seriously 👩❤️👨❤💖
Lliza is so truthful and funny
"I got a ring and lost half of my powers" 😂😅
(Actually it feels like more than half...)
I sleep with a fan on me all winter long. 😂😂😂
I sleep with my window open most of the winter until it gets too cold to do that (-15°c) because I don't want to catch a cold. My flat is only 27 square metres big, and the breeze from an open window hits my throat because otherwise, I'd have it up much longer.
Me too. I bet she will in a few years too😂😂😂
Me too. Tom is still a psycho though.
Ron Funches is so funny. It's his voice 😆
The phone tracked you to the attic. As the flashlight is blinding you in the face. With the doughnuts that you paid for in cash. That you wish you could have ate when they were fresh.
The last joke was genius!!!
We have just 6% of getting married with someone we're dating.
It's really lucky that two people love each other + stay commited + happy together.
We should cherish every moment of it, if we got that lucky in life.
Agreed 👍🏻
"oooooooiííhhhhhhhh" 😂😂😂❤
ded
Who’s the third person?? The lady?? She’s GREAT 😂😂
That's my Netflix suggestions and I am no Psychopath! 🤣
That's exactly what a psychopath would say. Also typing it with a capital first letter is a hint. hahaha
Oreo CoOkieSs In The AttiC 😅
The donuts joke was hilarious!
Tom Papa 😂😂😂
Neal should be more famous. I mean he's pretty famous but ya. He's good =)
Is that 2 DBZ references in there? Hyperbolic chamber and not even your final form yet at 9:30
I live in Alaska and in the winter I still sleep with the fan on!!!!
"What's Their Fookin' Deal‽ …Did They not even want Insurance‽?" #NeverGetMarried! lmao @NickKroll #LittleBigBoy
NETFLIX! Can you please do a special with CHRIS TUCKER, MIKE EPPS, EDDIE GRIFFIN and another special with JERRY SEINFELD.
Hey, can someone explain marriage joke to me. At my brother's wedding reception, I saw the banquet manager scolding a caterer in the hall. I think he has a learning disabiIity; I have one myself, and she made the guy sounds slow, cIueIess, and unskiIIed. That's why I don't blame him for insuIting the woman when she deserved it. See, she was all "I don't think you can do this service by yourself. I told you _not_ to sign up for one-person shifts. You need someone to guide you. I don't know how much clearer I can be for you to listen." And then the guy said, "You know, I'm beginning to see why you work and manage wedding receptions." What does that mean? Like I said, I'm kind of a slow learner.
Great video, thanks for sharing. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my wife of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, even had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back.
@@Margart526 Wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach him/her?
@@haynesatteh4463 her name is MONICA ERLENE MORA, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as a caster and healer, just search her up on Google.
@@Margart526 Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.
This is so weird. My relationship of 5 years also ended just few days ago, my partner started her master's degree, and she told me that when her teacher looked at her in the eyes and told her " if you need anything let me know" she started imagining him doing things to her, she threw everything, all the sacrifices, all the love and fun we had, just from a look.
I will never trust women again in my life.
Pay your writers netflix
Agreed !!!!!!!
Last joke priceless and true and kind.
Too funny 😂 I love it ❤👏👏🎉✌️❤️🌼
In reality, marriage has declined rapidly in this century than the last!!!!! People are getting better educated and ambitious especially the women who have become more career minded, earning more money and looking forward for a more independent and stress-free lifestyle
Pretty depressing if you ask me.
7:03 I see you fellow nerd 👀
My husband had chicken fried steak from Cracker Barrel the day of our wedding😊
That one girl "walking" around Gary. Now that's funny
5:22 💯 so true😂😂😂
Through thick and thin. Together forever. Till death do is part.
my middle school history teacher and three of the high school history teachers at my old schools, were also football coaches. swear they all have the calling to coach 😂
Good stuff! Tom Papa es best! 😂🤣🤣🤣
Yall made my day
Should add Gabrial Iglesias' joke about Green Lantern's ring
Nate’s was SO good! Ugh I think I married a cat you’re always on me 😅
I ONLY TUNED IN FOR RON FUNCHES!!!
Pay your writers, Netflix
I deleted my Netflix subscription about 3 weeks ago until they start paying their writers.
@@jasonruggles4622 DEPORTATION STATISTICS UNDER THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION VS. THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION ARE ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME. SEE CATO AT LIBERTY BLOG: BIDEN REDUCED DEPORTATIONS, BUT NOT BY MUCH.
SEE ALSO THE INTERCEPT'S ONLINE ARTICLE:
ICE DISOBEYED BIDEN'S ORDER TO DROP TRUMP'S BLANKET DEPORTATION POLICY
MORE THAN A THIRD OF ICE'S ENFORCEMENT ACTIONS DURING BIDEN'S FIRST YEAR IN OFFICE TARGETED PEOPLE WHO POSED NO THREAT TO PUBLIC SAFETY.
SEE ALSO THE INTERCEPT'S ONLINE ARTICLE BY JAMES RISEN;
AS IMMIGRATION PLUMMETED, CONSERVATIVES FALSELY ACCUSED BIDEN OF FUELING A CRISIS
NEVER BEFORE HAS A POPULAR POLITICAL AND MEDIA NARRATIVE BEEN SO AT ODDS WITH REALITY.
DEMOCRATS AND DEMOCRATS ON CAPITOL HILL WERE RECENTLY TALKING ABOUT GOING TO WAR AGAINST MEXICO.
THE U.S. TOOK 55% OF MEXICO'S LAND AT THE END OF THE MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR !
ALL OF THE SOUTHWESTERN UNITED STATES WAS MEXICO'S LAND !
SEE WIKIPEDIA RE: THE MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR.
THANKS FOR "LISTENING."
-- An American attorney
-- An English as a Second Language instructor
-- A Roman Catholic theologian
-- An Adult educator
Companies like Netflix shouldn't be public & publicly traded (same for weapon manufacturers and well... most firms). It makes companies become whores for their stock price, which often doesn't reflect the actual quality (and especially mortality) of a firm. CEO's main goal becomes making the stock price higher at all cost - because their bonuses are tied to that shit. So they will do all kind of madness to increase their bonuses, then later just leave the company a sinking ship. ...aaaand become CEO at another firm and do the same shit again. Rot economy.
There shouldn't be any writers the comedians are independently produced, if you're giving your services for free that's on you, and these people are overpaid to begin with. Nothing funny here just bad business people wasting money listening to wacko consultant firms.
Sandler's song. oh i love it.
My 12th anniversary is next week. This is good timing. 🤣
Congratulations on your anniversary
Yo, weddings should not take a year to plan. Get that shit out the way so you can get on with life.
Its not a 1st marriage......its a Starter marriage.
i love nate
Nate and Iliza are my 2 favorites!!!!
@@shanecampbell5100weird opposites?
@@AirWindFire yes it is!! However now I watch a lot of Matt Rife and also Josh Johnson!!!
Me too!!! They are my to go too’s right now!!!!
Chris Rock. Niel Brennan. Adam Sandler (because my boyfriend always does that!). ❤😂
I sleep with a fan in the winter... I live in Cali so it's not like it's Michigan and snowing... and Criminal Minds is good lol
Joke Time - Marriage Jokes
++++
“Marriage is an institution. Who the heck wants to live in an institution????”
- Groucho Marx
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Three Rings of Marriage
1) The Engagement Ring
2) The Wedding Ring
3) The Suffer - Ring
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Doctor: I have some horrible news, you only have six months to live.
Patient: That’s terrible, six months? Only six months? What should I do, Doc?
Doctor: You should get married.
Patient: Get married? What are you talking about? With only six months to live?
Doctor: You see? If you get married, those six months….they will feel like a lifetime….
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why do the female spiders murder their husbands after the wedding night?
- because they are trying to stop the snoring, before it starts…
++++++++++++++++++++++++
A newlywed goes to her aunt:
“Oh, Aunt Sally, my Bob is not nice to me. All he does is yell. The stress is so bad, I am actually losing weight.”
Aunt: “Oh, Honey, you should just leave him.”
Newlywed: “Oh, I am going to. I am just waiting until I get down to 120 lbs.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.
As I'd hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.
When he saw me, he shouted, "Are those potato chips?""
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Some of the joke collections contain some decent marriage jokes, but they do tend to be a bit tame:
200 Marriage Jokes from Parade:
parade.com/1043061/marynliles/marriage-jokes/
++++
Marriage Jokes from Reader’s Digest:
www.rd.com/jokes/married-life/
++++
Marriage Jokes from Yahoo
www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/marriage-jokes-laugh-hard-youll-164543633.html
++++
Hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Adam Sandler is funny
Yes Chris Rock!!!!! 😁😁😁😁
Chris Rock...😂😂😂
😂🤣 why DO people get married ???
Second marriage 😂😂😂😂
lol he called Kumon Cumin
7:55 oh Nate I hope that's just a bit, that was scary :/
Tom Poppa love his humor.
Tom Papa
I really like comedian James Haley the one hundred 💯 PERCENT brother the world shaker and he's a great Dramatic Actor..
.
Getting Married. ????
Oh hell no it's like giving up your balls.
Honey can I go bowling with the guys ?
NO !
I am retired at 57 , single, do what I want, when I want, go to the workout each day hit the gun range twice a week.
That's sad
Asking permission to do stuff like she’s your mother. That’s wild.
I had to turn it off as soon as that guy who made up being a victim came on.
Someone check on Nate Bargatze
No joke he is in an abusive relationship if his wife is legit tracking his location
Have u tried 7th grade? is so real. The marrieds can't relate lol
06:50 it’s NOT about weight loss ! It’s about staying calm. And so glad you got cut off before you did it a 3rd time.
Fuchsia seemed a little less effeminate than what he usually sounds like but he's funny
3:38 he just dead ass pronounced “kumon” as “cumin”
The socks and Sandles white is like saying some is an athletic shoe and athletic pant black
At an 10:00- dude, be good to wife #2, she’s a keeper!
This is hilarious, my husband and I met in 8th grade 😂. Have you tried 8th grade?
Opa Locka Fl…USCG has an airbase there. Scary hood all around.😊
14:30 ~ 15:40
Tracey 😂🤣
Used to think socks in sandals were a "white" thing til I saw non-american black men doing it. Let's face it, pebbles and rough materials can be uncomfortable but I do feel toe socks look better in sandals.
Funny.
Kristina P., those are the interests of most men, 😆.
Hey, pay your writers, im running out of reasons to keep my subscription
*OPA LOCKA!* 😮
jared freid's idea of comedy is just yelling. hasan minhaj's idea of comedy is nothing at all.
I don't agree with Chris Rock. I do ALL of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, vacuuming, laundry, dishes, lawn work, etc. Also, are people STILL surprised to see interracial relationships in 2024?
Who ever the editor is, they are cutting all of the punchlines…
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
7th grade!
Christina P spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on how her special looked, and 30 seconds writing her jokes.
“Hundreds of thousands “
“30 second of writing jokes” Definition of dramatic 😂
She fuckin killed it 🥳
OK Cassandra, tell me what the funniest joke on her special was, and not the ones in this video
You know why the guys don't do all that extra shit for a wedding? It isn't their day and we don't care. We want it over with... .
Is Hasan actually married, or is that an emotional truth?
🤷🏿♀️
😅😅😅😅😅😅
Where’s the funny?
🤣❤️🔥🤣
All lame idling comics. Patrice O’Neil hands down would laugh them off the stage into another career.
Wacky that Nick Kroll, Amy schumer, random unknown black women, and other unfunny people are being paid to appear here clearly whoever was in charge of booking these programs has no idea what is funny or who would still be relevant right now. Giving small comedians a chance is cool but alot of these people aren't funny at all @4:50 like this guy? What wacky producer/casting hire chose this? Like who tf wants to see Leslie Jones in 2024? Amy schumer? There are jokes everywhere about how she isn't funny and steals jokes so did the bookers just not care or did they not know? Both are a problem 🙄
Tired, not funny.
Thats a man.....the big joke....
I can't listen to comedians like hasan. they are exhausting comedians that say message above comedy. so annoying