Relationship Problems? This Marriage Advice Will Change Your Life - Jordan Peterson
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 พ.ย. 2022
- Speaker: Jordan Peterson Thanks for watching!
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peterson voit juste le plus grand chalenge est dans la cohabitation d1 male et d1 femelle acceptant de partager 1 chemin de vie car si leur demeure est la terre et non l univers c est perdu d avance.
This is such important advice if you want to prevent both resentment and arguments that spiral into nothing in a long term relationship
That dumb?
It’s always the past that is the problem. Was told the relationship was a goner. Your done, it’s over. Thank you not.
If people can’t forgive, then it’s a torment of constant stupidity, not even addressing the problematic everyday small stuff, which is important.
How many times? Forgiven but not forgotten.
At some point is a breakthrough, or a break up. So it’s said, if you don’t forgive, then you’ll not be forgiven? If it’s a fake forgiveness for the consideration for future torment, then you’ve got either a personality disorder, or just bend for revenge for being wrong or maybe right? Either way, it’s not real forgiveness for the trespass against us. Confused? Just be married and not let anything break up what God has joined together? Crucified with Christ! What happens to the unforgiving partner? Don’t let the door hit you on your way out. Moral of story? I don’t believe in Karma.
Shit happens.
@@johnmccay9815 what
@@gamealpaca1596 Bots attention span must have Alzheimer’s disease. Give me something that I don’t need make another pointless mission of.
Can’t believe in narcissistic technology turds.
It doesn’t sound good , the smell is even worse.
Like a pit full of snakes, crapping on themselves . Slithering in their own crap.
Shed the skin of iniquity, regurgitate the vile stank mouse rotting corpse of bot fly larvae.
This is a changing of the guard, no more is evil wolves in charge of the Lambs of God. No longer will they prey on innocent tearing the flesh from the bones of meat offered to idols of golden false gods.
@@johnmccay9815 no I just don't understand the sudden turn from being (surely) an ardent follower of Christ advocating marriage martyrdom into mentioning karma
Unfortunately many of us only learn this lesson in divorce court.
Damn straight, man. My Mom was also a past master at it so I should have known better.
Unfortunately
That hit me hard man... Really fucking hard.
70-90%.
Iykyk.
Yep 😢
My parents spent like 40k on a pool that neither of them wanted for this reason.
Wow…0 communication be like. But fr tell ur parents to get that sorted
😮🤯
Be Grateful for your pool
@@jacobmarczak7337 I enjoyed it when I visited, but they bought it long after I moved away. Great pool, though.
@@alexanderlyon I like it too, (I'm the one who sh*t in it last October)
Honest conversation is what really makes a stable relationship
Yes. It's when everything is built on lies it all collapses. The negation of that would be what you wrote.
Honest conversations + 2 people willing to work on it. As they say 1 hand doesn’t clap
Very sensible comment. Too much conformation can be avoided by two people staying interested in eachother's needs, talking about those needs and never taking the other for granted.
Never get married in the first place. Out
Maybe they should do hobbies that dont even require too many words but make the relationship flourish, in sense of positive energy........like riding a bike together, hiking, or camping with family or friends...... find out if they are compatible emotionally, and enjoy a similar lifestyle, and then get married. Maybe therefore couples that work in music or the classical music industry have happy marriages, they like similar things and similar values, like....being nice to a colleague, show respect to a nice colleagues.....then you see the respect they give to the whole orchestra and friends the same classy non-vulgar and friendly attitude, the same respect they give to the music, they give also to each other.
My ex was like that when we broke up. We had been fine for the 5 years we were together. Had made lots of memories and everything seemed good. Suddenly she says that everything I ever did with her wasn’t something she wanted and just didn’t want to upset me by disagreeing. Like what do you even say at that point. You think everything is going well and suddenly you’re the biggest villain without knowing what you did wrong…
I would just respond, “wtf am I supposed to do with that shit?”
Yeah but sometimes they just say that because they want to hurt you.
@@Ben_Porta I would be like "I already knew you made a lot of mistakes, why did you make that mistake?" Like it's not my fault you are agreeing to do something you didn't want to 🤷🏻♂️
@@beatnik6806 truth
Sometimes people say that because they want out, for whatever reason, usually because they want someone else. Doing that to you disarms you and makes you the bad person. They think they can leave on that note and do what they want without any guilt.
I've heard a therapist say something like that.
If you're going to participate you can never again say, "whatever you want to do, honey." You have to give your input & agree on a course of action.
I'm thinking you all want men, not women. Y'all love to talk about relationships knowing damn well you are the leader.
Yeah I let it be known I'm doing it because I love them not because I want to so if we go to a place I'd rather not be at again, they know to maybe leave me out next tim
I don't think this necessarily implies saying that is wrong. Because on some matters that might be your genuine position, that you're cool with whatever your partner wants on the given matter.
@@burdinefox shit take
It might seem like it's the same thing, but the nuances make a difference.
Saying "whatever you want" is leaving the decision to the other person, you are *not* participating in the decision making at all.
Saying you are fine with both is clearly stating your opinion on the matter and taking part in the decision making.
It might seem like it's splitting hairs, the difference is miniscule... But that's the thing about language: the subtle nuances make a big difference of whether you are *actually* saying what you mean or not.
My Mama used to say , don't use always or never during arguments with your spouse. You always do this or you never do that.....
Actually, Dr. Joe Dispenza says "I never ask what is wrong with the other person, but How I can contribute, or change myself for the better," He says I don't ask what is wrong with other people but what is wrong with me. It's of quantum physics, that also Albert Einstein was talking about. He was talking about frequencies and energy. It means that the problem can not be solved from the outside in but from the inside out.....He says "I never use the term "I have to work on my relationship because it makes no sense, There is no relationship if you have to work on it."
He teaches people to practice empathy, gratitude, and meditation, unlearn old habits and learn new habits to gain love and happiness, and abundance, in relationships, health, and in careers.
@@alaalfa8839 ✨❤️
@@alaalfa8839 Sorry.. umm.. this makes no sense. Most if not all relationships take work at some point. To say something does not exist because it needs improvement to work more efficiently makes zero sense. Also, asking what's wrong with yourself and how you can fix it whenever someone else is upset about something is a horrible idea. That leads you down a people pleasing and consistently insecure path full of phantom guilt. Speaking from experience. This is just really bad advice.
It’s a matter of presenting your own ideas as if you actually care about them and support them, instead of being timid, as if you’re only a witness to the relationship instead of a partner in it.
Niiice man. pretty big brain comment
5D comment
Too relatable, after 5 years my ex bailed, no communication about issues, or how she was feeling about my behaviour, then she tried to dump literally years worth of problems and issues on me during the break up out of nowhere...
Needless say, I had none of it, i value communication, and I left, building up resentment and not speaking up when something hurts you, irritates you, upsets you etc, is just not acceptable, no one should be a "yes man/woman"
was I perfect? Hell no, was she, no.... But I deserve someone who can speak up and push me to be better, question me, and push to do my best and make better decisions even when I can't at times.
That's what a partnership is, working together after all, you hit the nail in the head.
Been about a year and a half now, still have ups and downs, but I've accomplished a lot and am growing a tonne, year and a half sober and worth every second.
@@everilliem3292
I’m glad things are going better for you in your life. I’m not here to bash you, but I think that those things should’ve been handled out in the open and together prior to your wedding. Of course, with alcohol or substance abuse issues, or just not being equipped yet to know what needed to come before the marriage, you are not quite as culpable. She could have been a master deceiver and hider of her feelings and intentions, but I think it’s important for you to also take accountability for the things that you brought to it. Maybe you were inexperienced and maybe even lacked understanding of what an intimacy like marriage is supposed to be. Either way, like I said, I’m glad that things are much better for you now. 👍
@@timopper5488 luckily no marriage, was just 5 years of heavy investment, 100% agree with you, I reflected and have done a lot of self work to improve myself and fix the issues I was bringing to the relationship, she was a bit young and I definately was not in a great mindset, but we both did what we could.
I just know my worth now is all :)
Thanks for the reply.
In my last relationship he would always become very angry if I didn't agree with everything he wanted. So I started to "go along" with things but it built up resentment for not being able to disagree. Obviously there's no way a relationship can last if the other person goes into a rage anytime you disagree with anything they say.
Same. I wanted to downsize and clean our apartment. He got it in his head that I wanted to move. I drug my feet to every house showing, even said he could just go by himself. He would be like "but I want us to look together...I want to know what you think". But then I wasn't liking any of the places for one reason or another. Then it turned into eye rolls and you just don't like anything blah blah blah you just want to live in a mansion or something. So we ended up in a house only because it had a dishwasher and he liked it. Then he goes "well if you haven't been able to be happy at all with this house in 7 years that is a "you" problem. Loves to use the "happiness/love is a choice" argument.
Exactly.
I have encountered this same.problem. He finds something to be upset about, and if I try to explain, he holds his hand up, shuts me down, goes on a long rant about not being interested in the past, and accusing me of not loving the truth. The only way to appease him is to agree that I know nothing, can't do things right, etc .....even if he's basing his argument on HIS actions which he is now attributing to me.
I went through this. Stand your ground. They will either wisen up or leave. Win win lol
@@TheRindy84Did you clearly explain in big bold letters that you wanted your apartment? Sometimes "hints" are not good enough. Sometimes people need big bold letters, plain English "me want apartment." Lol
So wise!
Remember, though, that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with going along with a loved one's idea even if you don't agree. The PROBLEM arises when you try to claim victimhood, like you weren't right there alongside them AGREEING on a decision! It's not MY fault that YOU regret YOUR decision.
But it might be your fault for creating an environment that pressured them into making that decision in the first place. Emphasis on might. I'm not saying anything specific at all. I'm just speaking from experience, it's nice to let people know they can be open minded around you and feel comfortable to speak against a decision
@@LamplightGhost Absolutely! Great point. If people just go along with your ideas because you are known to be "more trouble than it's worth," you should probably look into what you are doing to make them feel that way.
@@CrabbyO 100%. I agree with what I originally said but I worded it wrong. I meant to say on the lines, "But it might be your fault for *never informing them that their opinion and input is valued and will be considered. Especially with people who do not have a lot of decision-making experience, or are not familiar with the freedoms that come with being a free thinking individual. Maybe they didn't grow up having a lot of say in the household, or were overruled or ignored most of the time. I love seeing those people grow by making new decisions.
@@LamplightGhost I do not 100% agree with you, and I will explain. I n my opinion, I partially agree with your point. However, I look at the underlying problem : a person feels that they cannot express themselves, and-or feels that their input is not really wanted, or that they are being run over. From that perspective, I go into FULL STOP. WHY on God's great green earth are you in a relationship where you feel like this? Where you cannot trust your supposed partner to value your input? This is where I disagree. Sure, some blame goes to the person that is running over their partner. But also, some blame goes to the one letting it happen. When someone does not value my input, then they don't get it, they don't get my support or approval or trust or friendship or anything else. In any of my personal relationships with a significant other, or a close friend, I give and earn respect, and I expect it. When someone does not respect me, and it is an ongoing, active action on their part, I leave. You cannot make me stay in a bad relationship. And, if two people cannot communicate, then both share the blame unless one is just plainly and fully ignoring the other. But again, if you ignore me like that in a conversation, I have to ask myself, why am I even here???
basically, screw me once, shame on you; screw me twice, shame on me.
@@claytonwhitman2611 I love the input! I believe your mindset is very healthy as long as it is not prideful or selfish. You are definitely the type of person I strive to become, in my case I have not developed a lot of personal relationships in my life, I am more introverted. I choose friends carefully and surround myself with high quality personalities, meaning the rejection list of disrespectful friends is very low (cause I haven't had to do it a lot).
I guess my original comments were geared more toward helping others become comfortable with speaking their own thoughts and mind, and to not fear rejection. Maybe you've encountered people who were mistreated or hurt in their childhood or development or previous friendships/relationships and no longer know what it is to be free to think and speak, and would very much benefit from an environment that encourages it instead.
And I couldn't stop staring at his tie...
…and socks
And socks!
That was before what you want silence
me toooo 😁 nice tie n socks
Well, it matches the plants in the background 😂
This is true for every relationship in your life, the closer you are, the more damage it does.
No one is selfless enough to only give benefit to the other. Stop being so agreeable in the short-term; you'll find out the hard way it doesn't work in the long-term.
He is the only person giving the most no bs actionable advice from every popular speaker I’ve seen. He really is a great man.
i have been in such a situation and i love my woman and unfortunately we separated about two years ago, but i could not let her go, so i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back, now we are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment of it, i could not let the love of my life go
amazing, i am kinda in a similar situation, how did you handle it? please how can i get in touch with the spiritual adviser?
@@DavidVelasquez9 Here, Sylvia Regina White, she is a great spiritual adviser who can bring back your ex. lookher up, youll find her website
@@daviemanuel688 Impressive, thank you, i just looked her up
I admire your courage only if I could have had my narcissistic husband changed from cheating and abuse I wouldn’t have to feel it’s right to let him go for my mental well being and part of still crave his love but I know it was the mask I fell in love with and his sex addictions his behaviour will not change and it’s hard to accept that . 😭🫂 he has broke me down and ripped our family apart for his selfish reasons
Amazing!
Consensus is so hard thing to achieve nowadays, almost impossible.
Nowadays? Lmao
that only happens when you have a lot of disrespect on at least one side, many times on both sides. Respect is the basis of any relationship. Without it, you should leave immediately and not look back because everything else there is just not worth it.
Yep, I'm like this in life because of my parents. I had to take on a lot of responsibility at home and basically raised my siblings. My parents will never admit how much I had to sacrifice of myself for the family and it made me really resentful because I did it to make it easier on everyone instead of doing it because it was something I wanted to do. Now I'm quick with the no's and I refuse to feel guilty for not doing something I don't want to do. My parents now say that I'm not a "good kid" anymore because they can't take advantage of my goodwill but I'm well and done with that shit.
You did the right thing. May you find peace in life ahead, if you haven't already.
Good for you.
7
o7
Life is way too short to subject ourselves to that role we played out of survival or fear of losing. ❤
So important to have a voice in a relationship.
This man has taught me more about relationships with loved ones and strangers more then my parents did. I know Jordan Peterson would cry if he knew how much good he put out into young individuals minds.
Sending Love ❤…Jennifer..Are you single?
I’d assume this is something that people who are more agreeable would get trapped in. I’d imagine more disagreeable people are much more likely to share a dissenting opinion
I'm still learning how to be appropriately agreeable and disagreeable. It's saved me from a lot of headache and heartache (usually as a result of going through a lot of both and knowing what to look for).
Yes, I am very high on the agreeable scale, and my husband is not. (Something I admired about him while dating, he seemed brave and strong)
When he even has a mild opinion, the way it comes out is very passionate and forceful. Even about things like "this is how to stack the dishwasher" And then I think, well obviously you care deeply about this, and I hardly care at all, so I'll try to do it your way.
However, it very easily becomes a problem, because then I had all these unimportant (to me) rules to follow, and I got resentful and stressed out!
After a while, I had to ask, "hey, how important is this to you? I can do a few things your way, but not all of them."
It helped.
I was dating a man from another country. He asked me to marry him. I realised I could never be happy marrying him, moving to his country, leaving family, friends, my country. I called him to break it off. I was very clear, family meant everything to me. He said , “come try it here, if you don’t like it we don’t have to stay, I’ll move to your country “. “You’d do that for me? “, I asked. Yes, because I love you so much. We got married, I moved. Just a month later I brought it up. He said, “ I never said that, you’ll have to prove to me I said that. Maybe in ten years we’ll talk about it.”What do you do with that? Our marriage both began and died that day. What he says is true. Happy marriages are never built on a foundation of lies. Both people in a relationship, in a marriage, are equally important and deserve to be listened to and heard.
Omg, so what happened did you end up divorcing him?
I hate to say it, but it’s actually a very common situation-just usually not as extreme. One spouse wants a child, to educate the children in a certain way, etc, and those things are either going to happen or not happen, there’s no compromise. So I don’t think it applies to situations like yours.
All you can do is the next right thing. Who knows for sure what the right thing is next year or even next week? Focus on the next five minutes until things become clear. No matter what, you will have maintained your integrity even if your spouse compromised their own...
@@apond04 excellent advice. Thank-you do much.
I dated and married people from overseas. never worked out. although I did have my three children with the first gal. she just wasn't faithful. had a cheaters heart right from the beginning. I love my kids and I'll be alone the rest of my life now mostly due to my age and my own decisions for it. my kids and grandchildren are my life happiness now.
@@70stunes71 There's a ton of men going overseas now in hopes of finding a mate. Lots of guys are gonna find out the hard way that hypergamy is universal.
I don't relate to the end of what he said so much but the beginning of this is extremely good advice. I went along with something 6 years ago in my relationship just to go along and ended up deeply regretting it about 3 years ago. It not only hurt my partner to hear that I had not been forthright, it hurt me a lot to sell myself short like that. Our relationship is still strong and we are on A New Path but I could see how this could deeply wound or even break up other couples.
my lady does that a lot... imma share this with her. youre videos are slowly helping our communication and saving our relationship
Don't share this video with her. Hopefully you didn't.
Just ask her questions and listen to her very intently without responding. Let her have the stage. Give this a try. Take it in. Consider it.
When my husband does this for me, I feel like I can trust him more. He doesn't have to agree but it helps greatly to simply be heard.
@@blahblahblah4544
I don't get it. Are you suggesting that he plays detective with indecisivness and non-transparency rather than you simply respecting him enough to be honest with him and save you both the any future troubles?
Wow i needed to write this . This rule excludes any silent suffering that can be used against both sides in the future
This was the downfall of my marriage. He hid all of these feelings until it was irreparably damaged
Sending Love ❤…Kate…Are you single?
This happens so often, and it's so hard to get people to stop. Even if you explain over and over that what you want is their actual honest opinion, it takes so much energy to get it out of the majority of people. It's exhausting
His tie: "There's no such thing as dragons"
This is something I tried with my ex. Absolutely honesty, but it seemed that only I lived up to that promise. But then people would call me difficult. Or they would call me insulting to my partner. While when she did it to me, I would smile. No matter how hard the matter was. Unfortunately, it is a logical way of handling emotion which are looked at as opposite factors. When really, they're not. Emotion and Logical sit perfectly side by side. It's just difficult to understand at first. It hurts only because you understand that it hurts. You can tell yourself that pain is good. It is progressive. Or you can tell yourself that pain is something that you feel when you're suffering and not progressing. It's up to you which one it is.
Women don't want pure honesty, they want fantasy sprinkled with just enough honesty to pay the bills and feel safe and think they're a princess and never fat.
You good homie??
I just want to add that if you make believe it isn't your choice, then it feels forced. But if you yourself decided "I'm going to stay" it feels way better for it being your choice.
The perspective shift is it being a choice or not.
I have children. I felt without choice for a while. It was depressing. Then I decided "Ya know what? If I had money and the means to leave, I would still stay." Then from there, heartaches we're easier to handle. ALL couples go through heartache.
Everyone covers it up. I see it clear as day though.
It's funny how people act in general.
We all go through this stuff but act like we don't in order to be polite. Lol
"One should never start a sentence without knowing the end of it."
Idk here. You should be able to hear a differing opinion and adapt sometimes.
This reads more like “don’t ask a question in cross examination that you don’t know the answer to”
Married 42 years he has passed now, and we sat down before we ever Married and discussed everything we expected from one another and what we're our beliefs and how many children, and every aspect of life, he is the love of my life, hopefully we will meet again.
You should look into Islam
@@yonisnasser2667 Why would she want to be part of a false religion that oppresses her?
Sending Love ❤…Rita…Are you single?
This is by far the best advice I've ever heard to maintain any and all relationships . I really am grateful I cane across this
I have this problem with my mum. Most of the time I have to go with whatever she says or she'll get upset or defensive. I don't know how to solve it because whenever I do stand up for myself or be honest, she threatens me in some way, like kick me out of the house or she would ignore me for the rest of the day. I don't know what to do, it feels like she's holding me back from improving myself just for her own benefit.
If you are living with your parents, then it's their house, their rules. If you are a minor, you have very little you can do except to move out when you are an adult. If you're an adult then it's time to move on and make your own life choices.
One thing I've learned is that sometimes just changing our voice (from loud to calm) makes a huge difference. Next time you have an argument with your mum, be honest and tell her you don't understand her view. Maybe she can explain it to you.
@@flucka That's good advice, I might try that!
@Anna Rodriguez I wish it were that easy Anna. She's sabotaged my life whenever I tried to move out.
@@exphurtfan They don't understand the narcissistic and/or borderline mother dynamic. Whenever it was time for me to grow and leave the nest I felt like I was being stifled by her. It felt like she was desperately trying to hold on to me. I've never been able to have a relationship with a woman that was not interfered with in some way. She always wants me to tell her things and describe it to her as if she was experiencing it herself. Just a really strange lack of boundaries and fear of abandonment that really affected my independence as an adult. I feel like I'm going to be stuck this way until my parents are dead.
"Well, remember our rule to not agree when we dont agree? I only agreed to follow it because I thought you wanted to."
Erm... think that's not the point
PLS duplicate this man. We need him.
We need legions of jdp
I'm not a cow replica cell scientist. But yee
No lie. I think this piece of advice just saved my relationship. It just solved the 1 problem that we always argue about.
“We don’t get to drag up the past” 🔥🔥 Every relationship should follow this rule 💯
You have to have 2 parties who are willing to listen to the needs of the other and make real changes if you’re to say you can’t bring up the past when things don’t change.
Greetings from kilven how are you
This is so true. I've done just that many times.
This is why I'm happily single. And no, I am not lonely without children Dr. Peterson. I appreciate how wonderful children are without all the responsibilities. Thank you
These are common sense ideas if you're not tangled up in meaningless relationships. That's the core of the issue.
YES! IF you're not being who you really are then you shouldn't be with them, if can't give them the chance or trust to know who are & to love or not.
It also makes you really insecure when you believe your partner is equally invested then you find out otherwise.
Protect this man at all costs.
My husband and I have a similar rule. It has done wonders for our relationship.
I totally agree.. that's so Me right here don't agreed to what u don't agree too .
In relationships there needs to have a leader, just like how the rest of the world runs.
I bet when him and his wife fight it is the most thought out and honest conversation you can ever have with a person, they probably do it with such clear headed thinking. No purposely trying to hurt the other person but really getting to the underlying issues and what they can do to solve the problem.
I love his tie! Such a great man. Perfect role model for our society.
That opened my eyes
I’m happy we are here right now we’ve done a lot of work to make it this far. I remember the effort it took to get from where we started to where we are now. Is this enough for you too or is there more we can achieve together. Are we where we want to be forever or do we have more dreams to realize? As long as we continue on a path together I am with you all the way.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
The minister who married us said don't use the words "never" and "always".
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
I fear confrontation and disappointing people too much 😬 but I'm working on it.
Thank you thank you thank you Such appreciation for your beautiful soul and your the important advice.
Staying present
Change was the gift of Soberity
I have gained so much from listening to you.
🙌 to have found you.
Life changing ⭐️❤️🫒💯
I always say what i think, if my hubby really wants to do something i say " i dont like ***blank** but if you want to do this i will support you if *blank* is something you want"
Yes. I also make it clear to myself that I am agreeing to do this and will NOT play the blame game later.
It’s harder to not bring the past up after you’ve been hurt so badly.
This is why my wife and I split. She began to bring up things that happened 25 yrs earlier as if it just happened. All I got was old junk throwed at me daily, from some things I had completely forgot about. Got tired of it and ask her to leave. This happened a year of hearing it. I still love her, but got tired of it. Amazingly it started 5 yrs after I thought it had been worked out. It was like suddenly the spicket was turned on, and the handle broke off, she wouldnt stop.....????
That is absolutely great advice. Honesty is an important component in life in general and specifically in a relationship you must be honest with each other. I know even with me when I'm over generous and do more than what I was comfortably willing to do I resent it later. I've learned to identify that weakness and prevent it. Mr. Peterson you are absolutely a wonderful humanitarian.
It’s not even a matter of honesty; it’s a matter of presenting your own ideas as if you actually support them, instead of being timid, as if you’re only a witness to the relationship instead of a partner in it.
Leave the past where it was. Don't drag it with you into the future, to use it as a weapon against the person you love.
One of the worst conversations ever.
Her: "I only did it because I though you wanted to."
Him: "Well, I only did it because I thought you wanted to"
Both in unison: "Well...fuck."
This is probably how my parents ended up with me
Riiiiiight?????
Then they giggidiiid everywhere "we'll fuck" 😂 EEEEH ...
@@deborahsanderson697Sending Love ❤…Are you single?
This is a brilliant approach to problems in most relationships.
I love the simplicity yet complicity of this statement/argument!
It’s almost tantamount to EVERY argument!
❤❤❤❤❤
This is so important. It’s the sad life of a relative with severe narcissistic traits who’s dwelled in the past in EVERY decision making that HE made with his wife and the moment a problem arise, even those that happened in the past that cannot be changed, he will harshly bring it ALL up in 1 argument as he explodes and blames everyone else apart from himself when in fact, he became part of the initial decision-making. But because he never said NO or he couldn’t. Now he blames them ALL to his wife. 😅
I suffered under a narcissist and didnt date for years after we split. Now i have an awesome woman and I'm good.
Disagreeing and saying "no" is really a great way to effectively communicate. I’m happy that you’re okay and happy now.
Yeah theyre blamers and shamers but self righteous
This is a common normality. It's happened with me recently. My wife and I have/are working through it. I'm a blacksmith. I still consider myself a novice, but I'm pretty good, and have studied the craft near religiously. I know alot and can take the knowledge and forge it out. Well I wanted to push towards making it a career, and had the talks, and we agreed to rebuget everything in our life. We are pretty frugal, and I don't mind it. I'm moved down to a part time day job to help supplement bills until more comes from the demonstrations and craft shows, the farm market and online shop I'm making. Well, she did just what Jordan said, the easy decision. I kind of think she had the notion I wasn't serious, or it was a passing thing, but it's not. I now work 6-10 hours a day in my hut depending on family/life stuff and have been making headway. She has some resentment about it cause now half of my days time is spent away from the family and all that comes with it. As said, we are working past it cause we are truly partners in this, and yeah... it's a rough feeling
My great-grandfather was an accomplished blacksmith. I just want to tell you, as a stranger on the internet, I appreciate you keeping that craft alive.
@@MissRegionRat thank you... as a fellow stranger on the internet I really appreciate it. Ever since I first saw a Smith back during the trip to colonial Williamsburg I was mesmerized. Now I'm in it for the long haul. Take care🍻
@@JacksonDunnoKnows ha. Williamsburg as a child started my love for early American history. Cheers!
Hammer on handy candy. If you go to Hell you already know how hot it is
I learned that whenever my husband did something that annoyed me, i need to point it out there and then in a lighthearted way. Example. I'm pouring my heart about something and suddenly he starts talking about his computer game and completely changing the subject. I could just say nothing, but instead i say playfully "excuse me! I'm pouring my heart out here and you suddenly change the subject!" And he goes "oh, im sorry!" And that's that. No bitterness, etc. Vs saying nothing and then a week later I'm all uoset and serious and i say "you never listen to me!" And he says "i do" and i say "no you dont... a week ago..." and it gets dredged up. Dont do that. Bring it up immediately and solve it there and then.
love keeps no record of wrongs❤️
“New rule: we don’t agree to anything we don’t actually agree to, okay?”
“…I guess.”
“Perfect, it’s been decided.”
This is exactly what my mom heard from my dad after 30 years of marriage. She filed for divorce. Now internet trolls are shouting that women filing for divorce are evil bitches.
because they are!!
It’s not that. The court system privileges females, this fact is independent of the case that some husbands are indeed bad.
This female privilege is also occurring in education, more female-exclusive scholarships (even though there’s a female majority), acceptance into PhD programs etc.
But I agree that some internet trolls will just speak nonsense. The female-bias of how the law in implemented is real though.
Amen. Only this happened 20 years into a marriage - my ex suddenly decided all the things we talked about she never cared about. And of course she blamed me for not being a mindreader.
I'm so glad I have the wisdom of this man to help guide my relationships instead of the broken ones I come from. He is making the world a better place for generations to come.
The second part is so important as well! It’s like if you truly feel like this problematic pattern of behavior defines my past, present, and future self, then what the hell are we even doing here
Right! But what I say....is
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE. Only one one person doesn't want to be in the relationship if they are never doing anything for the relationship. Do your partner the favor and leave. They love you too much to do it and you're loved too much to want to bother and they get torment instead of love......
Then love that person enough to stop your toxic behaviors..... plain and simple. And if you don't love them enough to do that, you shouldn't be in that relationship. What you have is a dictatorship, not a relationship.
@@FierceFamily you hit the nail ON THE HEAD!
In other words don't lie to each other or even tell a white lie once in a while. Absolute truth between each other is best way 👍
My dad always said "compromise means everyone is unhappy"
My wife is too agreeable. I've had situations that I found out later that she just agreed to make me happy. Now each decision we take, I need to confirm with her like 10 times 🤣
Most married men don’t talk ! At least mine doesn’t. 🤦♀️
Nah, mine too. Or i have to find the exact right time when he’s is a good headspace to be able to speak to him. So it’s like a window of 10 minutes every 3 days.
Mine didn't talk and problems never got solved. His attitude was that having sex makes everything alright which led to me leaving and then the divorce.
Seek counsel from wise, pro marriage couples who love Jesus and their spouse💖 and PRAY for your man. God can do miracles and work in your heart so you can treat him with the respect and love he needs to be safe to open up
So relatable.
Mine slams doors and refuses to have a discussion. Won't pitch ideas for a talk does what he wants financially then when it's not working out slams doors and won't discuss also refuses to discipline . His son is a hot mess
Who agreed to the tie???!!!
and the socks
Literally the same thing with my dad.
Could never deal with him because all he wanted was to hear yes anyway however.
I have this issue with a lot of guys I have met. most of them tend to act and tell me what they think I want to hear and see. and then a year down the line or so, they're real self comes out and then they want to put me at fault when really they were the ones who weren't genuine from the beginning
I told my wife that when we first got together. That was my answer when she told me when i got back from my trip i could do whatever I wanted to her. Thats exactly what a Dominant loves to hear from a submissive. After i asked why to one of the things she said, her answer was "cause thats how he wanted it" . Well, took me 5+ years to get her to speak her mind and now at 10 yrs i cant shut her up LMAO. She still has an occasional debilitating flashback but im not worried about her if i die in the line of duty or however. I would love to find out how to help her with the flashbacks if you can help. She refuses to talk to a professional.
I hate to tell you this soldier... but most likely she's banging behind your back. You might feel good about "helping her heal" but she will burn you. Most likely already has
Flashbacks? What are you talking about? What would she have flashbacks about?
so speak Honestly!
it saves alot of grief!!
You’re so right, I very guilty of bringing up things from the past, but we’ve been together for three years married 41 so I think we’ll be OK. Thank you Dr. Peterson.
"I'm gonna be completely in this relationship.. no compromises" -> single within a month
This is the most important advise! Wish I had heard it sooner and been strong enough to really hear it 👍
I absolutely love this man. The sound of integrity, accountability, transparency, and the result is authenticity.
I'm guilty of this because I don't like conflict. Thanks for the advice
honestly, i took this to heart as a mom of a daughter. sometimes i do say things like “you’re always like this, you never listen”. so that inspires me to be more kind to my daughter.
Unfortunately this ends all my relationships. When I stand my ground on life decisions that greatly affect the both of us, it’s been his way or the Highway but at least I get to choose which Highway
Huge!!! This is so true.. not just in marriage but any long term relationship. Learnt this the hard way
I love Jordan Peterson! I hope young people (especially men)will listen to his advice over people like Andrew Tate. Just look at the fruit of their lives and decide if you would rather grow beyond your wildest dreams and face challenges with one person in life or be some “alpha g” bs and end up in your 40s and 50s chasing women that could be your daughter. Relationships are hard and full of challenges but being monogamous and having a family is the best decision you will ever make.
Love listening to this man!
Foundational, pure, simple wisdom.
This is the real kind of compromising! The win win situation. In a relationship you must both be winners all the time. Otherwise it's a toxic relationship.
Dr P handing out the best relationship advice ever, and most are too egotistical and arrogant to actually appreciate it and incorporate it.
Excellent topic! Thank you for sharing.
He always drops wisdom
What he saying is such a great understanding of how a true relationship should run. But is no one gonna say anything about his tie and socks? Loved them!
My man hit me every time.
He says things that are happening to me right now.
I would love to meet him.
This is HUGE! My husband came home from work at age 23 and said his job was dangerous. Chills and pregnant, I wanted to tell him don't go back. I believe he wanted me to say that as well. I thought he liked the job so I just said, "I don't want you to stay too long at that job." Days later he was killed on the job. My son never got to know his dad .He was such a loving young person.
Our online father speaks sense, he's so adoptable yes Jordan Peterson your a figure to those who were left with a shadow.
Oh wow, this sums up most of the arguments that ended relationships for me. Once the whole past, present, and future thing starts I just end it. Cause what it does- for me at least- is call the entire relationship into question. How long have you been just "going along" with it? Seems more like they loved an idealized version of me then the actual me. This is a great ground rule for a relationship that I will definitely use going forward.
Very powerful words, Dr. Peterson
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
“Either let that shit go, or let me go”
- Tech N9ne