I am so destroyed. I want my ex to miss me but don't know if she does or will. She has given up on our family. I will not contact her then out of the blue she will ask me about our son even though she has spoken with him. I am nice and cordial and do not get the same respect back. We are still married after 18 yrs even though she wants a divorce but still havent seen papers. She is with another man meeting his family and hanging with them and forgetting about our son. I have to pick him up emotionally everyday. But I still love her with every part of my being. I know this is your job and once I have the spare money I will join your course but still just trying to figure it all out and how we can be together again happy for all time.
This is my exact story but it's my husband who left our family after 23 years - married 15. He cheated on me and moved in with the other woman all in one week. He never sees our kids and I'm furious. He a ts like I did something wrong. it's been 2 months since this happened and it has felt like much longer. I hope his new relationship crashes and burns.
Sorry to hear about how hard this is affecting you. No matter what though, I think you and your ex need to come to an understanding that your son is the primary concern in how the two of you will move forward. I imagine that your son is important to her, maybe she doesn't show it, but I imagine that he probably is. And I would also be willing to wager that she does miss you, but that she isn't showing it because she doesn't want to send the wrong message right now. How is the emotional connection?
Clay Andrews, I have a situation does five stages that u mention on this I was mostly half ways after she unblock. Here’s the thing I screw up does stages by getting anxious about it an I brought up the break up an during the does stages I would tell her if I get u annoying why don’t u block me again so the last I told her that which it was Friday the 18 of January 2019 she told me u know what I’m going to take ur advice an she did block me for the second. I know what ur think that I’m stupid for doing that. I have a week with out contacting her an I’m planning to go for another week. What can I do to bring her back plus we see each other 3 times a week do to church! What can I do??? What could be my first step this?? The last she told that she doesn’t feel interested on going back to the relationship which it gets me sad what I had done there I was so close now I’m wondering if she even missed me during this week that I haven’t gone to service what can I do mr. Clay from now on? Is this relationship already dead..
@@hollykunze4901 I just hope you will find a mr perfect and be happy with this new man...so happy that your ex will regret to leave you, will be jealous of your new life, of the way you shine ( he can't do this to you when he was with you,so it will work him deeply) , the way you live...then his loverelationship will break down because he'll obsessed by you, he 'll like to go back but " f##k off" let him in his shit,he had his time, it's yours now. I know I 'm wicked but when you love somebody blindly, with all your innocence then he or she cheats on you, this person deserves nothing from you, he or she didn't realised how precious you were.may they roast in hell,that's all😒 I'm sorry for my english😝
That's very hard for me to do I find my self trying to do so but I still end up falling rite back in my same old ways and I love sex so it makes it harder
To everyone watching his video, the one thing that will make your ex miss you the most which was not mentioned… Is no contact. Give your ex the gift of your absence. Absence makes the heart grow Fond. If you want your ex to miss you and reach out... do not break no contact. Give Them a chance to think about you and miss you on their own terms. Once you have removed yourself from the picture it they will wonder about you and they will eventually have to contact you
Hi Deranged Titan, Though some people would think that the main goal of doing Active No Contact is for their ex to miss them, one of the important factors that we teach in doing ANC is more of learning the life skills, the Advanced Relational Skills. So it's like hitting two birds in one stone; respecting the need of our ex for space and for us to focus our energies towards our own self. All the best. :-)
It's great to hear, Ale that you were able to identify the phase that you are in on your journey. :-) Do continue to watch out as we post new videos every week. All the best.
My kids mother left me 6 years ago , she was in a 5 year relationship after me resulting in an engagement this past December 2020. She woke up a few months later and decided to leave that relationship. Now I see the opening to have my family again after all these years. She is the only woman I ever loved but it’s been many years and I accepted losing her romantically and now like a bolt of lightning everything has changed. There are many more variables in our relationship and life situation. It had been a confusing few months, this is the second video of yours that I have seen and so far it’s some of the best content I have seen on the topic for multiple reasons. Anyway, thank you for sharing your gifts
Ugh. I’m in the middle of riding the dragon right now and I can’t wait to be past that step. Needless to say, your explanation has been incredibly accurate to what I’m experiencing.
Me and my x we broke up recently.. now I am in no contact period. We met in Dubai . Once we broke up .. she said that she doesn’t have feelings towards to me . But she has told to her friend that she wants to focus her career. Now I am going back to my country. Still I don’t want to forget her . Still I believe that I can get her back . Still I love her .
I’ve been back and forth with my ex for 9 months. Just a week ago we spent a couple days in a row hanging out and having fun and enjoying each other, but randomly yesterday he says he does not want to see me or talk to me. No explanation. Won’t text me back no matter what I say. I don’t know what to do. I know I’ve given him the power but I’m trying to do anything for him to see that I want him back and that he’s important to me.
My ex girlfriend will make up an excuse to come over she will end up staying the night then the next day she acts like nothing happened. What should I doo
My ex said that he needs to fix himself and said that I do as well, he said that he wants to see where things go but can't promise anything to me. He said that he doesn't want to be with anyone else that he told me that if it happens that we won't be together then he will be single and for now he wants to work on himself as that's his main goal... Is there still an opportunity for me to win him back?
I'm so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me and our kids for another woman. I was so happy to me how mr ose help many people to bring there lover back
Hi Clay☺️ My ex is with someone else but he doesn’t let me know about it.He still texts me first every 3-4days but sometimes ignores my respond and keeps refusing to meet up with me since the breakup. Which stage is he in? and what else can I do to increase our emotional connection when I can’t interact with him in person?😭 Thanks a lot!❤️❤️
I've been applying some of these techniques. Is it a goo idea to show her this video if she is in the crisis stage to show her some of the things I've been learning?
Hey Dustin, What if you let her experience the things that you have been learning. It may have a better impact that showing your resources. Maybe in the future, you can talk about how you learned and the things that you have used to become a better individual. :-)
Well, he said he never returns to his exes and that I will never hear from him in the present and in the future. So, I will take it as goodbye. He wants that, I will give it to him.
I don't think this is going to work for me because my ex is already in a relationship with a rebound and he hates me he's very angry with me refuses to have any contact with me at all
If that is the case, maintain NO CONTACT You don't have to block her back, but just be silent, don't react to anything she does.(especially when she's blocking and unblocking you). Hope that helped.
@@soundsofnature174 One more thing, if she does unblock you, you don't contact her. Let HER contact you. If you stay silent and do nothing, then she will definitely contact you.
Hi Shelby, Being at the Crisis Point can still be a very vulnerable phase. it depends on how you have approached the dynamics that may have made them step back or put their wall up. Sometimes, we have to give our ex that time to further evaluate what they feel towards us. All the best.
Clay Andrews Thanks for your reply. I’ve done my best to give him the space he needs, but try to create a connection in those moments when we were talking. I’m trying to move forward, but just not sure there is much more I can actively do besides giving it time.
I took my ex all the way to crisis point, and it was as you described: she was afraid of what her friends and family would say, etc. So, she completely shut down and is now completely walled-off to me emotionally and physically. Wtf? I didn't even realize this is what was happening until I saw this. But it.happened with us EXACTLY like how you described, even up to physical/sexual contact. There's just an emotional block that she can't get over, now she says she's dating someone. So, what can I do now? We still love each other and we have a child together, so this is very important to me.
Edit: she left me because I was a sad/angry drunk. I'm sober for 2 months now and have been very persistent with her while also doing everything to prove myself and my resolve to be a good, sober husband and father. She also believes that i have Asperger's or am otherwise on the autism spectrum, which seems very likely.
Hi Baron, It's great to hear that you have been sober for 2 months. That is an amazing progress. Just continue to build that trust and be consistent with your goals. Also, it is best to be evaluated by a professional just to assess if you truly have Aspergers. All the best.
@@ClayAndrews thank you, sir. My therapist said I do not have Asperger's. Lol. R thought I was seeking an excuse for my simply being a drink asshole. So, no vindication coming from that direction. I do AA, behavioral therapy, family counseling with my ex and small group substance abuse therapy. My ex goes to AlAnon. I also work full time and do dad/family stuff 3 or 4 times a week, as well as engaging in hobbies and extracurricular activities... So I have a full plate. I don't have much time to worry about my relationship, but I do. It seeps into many other aspects of life, as these things tend to do. I just want my life and my family back. Please help.
@@ClayAndrews as soon as I sobered up I began with the incessant texting, calling, personal appearances, after I had been removed from my home and was living in transitional housing. I did the begging, pleading bargaining bit for almost 2 months. I'm just now getting emotionally stable enough to listen to voices of reason such as yours. Thank you for your work.
It's not about the # of days you're on ANC but actually where you're at with cultivating the Advanced Relational Skills (that you will need to reconnect with your ex again) and how your healing process is going.
Hi clay I have been separated for 10 years now. Not divorced. I still talk to him. He has said tho we are definitely not getting back together. He doesn't want me and how many more times does he have to tell me. We are still legally married for now 36 years. When i do call him he will talk tyo me but thats about it. He still knows how i feel about him. He doesn't have anyone neithet do i. All i want is my marriage back. But after all this time and new year of 2022 started I'm starting to give up. I don't know what else i can do. He is my life. I'm so unhappy. Regards mel
Is there a particular reason your ex has walled you out? If it is because of something you did that hurt them, then you're going to need to clear that up emotionally first. Otherwise it may have to do with the way that you are contacting them. Maybe your messages are unknowingly off-putting to your ex because of how you are phrasing things...?
Clay Andrews he broke up with me after 10years.. I wanted the relationship and I begged for him back.. now ive taken a step back.. it was his birthday on monday and i didnt even message him to say happy birthday so he can see I have back off and doing no contact.
How can get back my ex he block but bfor he block me he told me he can't see any future for as ..bfor we have planning to get merried ..but the problem her mom dont aloud as cause her mom is traditionall Chinese she wants same Chinese to..than sadly he change to me..than he broke up me and he told me he can't see any future for as ..after that he block me .4 months ago..now why I'm still thinking of him even .I want to forget him even I'm busy he sadly come to mind mind I don't know how I can't not to thinking of him and let him go.hope you answer my question thanks and godbless u
Hi Clay. My ex has a crush but I get along with his crush. His crush is mine and his girl bestie’s younger sister. Though he hates me and said he never wants to talk to me again. I said I was done with him over anger. Which I regret saying cause that is not true. His crush only thinks of him as a cool friend. And his crush knows I still have feelings for him. I know we are both hurt in someway or another. She even said I shouldn’t give up on him. What should I do? He seems to only hate my presence rather than be respectful and rational. He kept saying I never cared which is not true because he is the only boy I ever think about even through my 2 other exes. What should I do?.
Hey I need help what if we’ve been doing sexual stuff and things like that and yet she says she still wants to just be friends we broke up a month ago but have talked everyday since and still have some fights
My ex and I just split and She said she will always love me, but doesn’t want to be in a constant negative cycle. She said she doesn’t want to live life without me in it. What should I do? I know deep down underneath everything she wants me to fighting for her and win her back.
Hey clay, so my ex rebound cheated on her and now they’ve broke up I know it was a rebound Cos 2days after we broke she got with this guy but now there broke up and she seems so so sad that rebound cheated I thought this would be the point where she would think wait I actually missed Callum but it don’t seem like that why’s this?
Mine told me that he didn't want to try again when I outright asked him (I was the dumper) and that I should see other people. So I took him at his word and did just that. I didn't know about the crisis point situation, I truly thought he didn't want me. But looking back at that conversation I see it for what it was at the time, especially since he ended our talk with a big warm hug and left with a big smile on his face Now a year later he's way colder towards me than he was when he told me that (we pretty much didn't talk for a year because he ignored all but 1 of my text messages). I think he's mad that I moved on even though that's what he told me to do. I still see a tiny spark and would like to reignite it so I'm going to start following Clay's advice and see if I can rekindle
Whilst I appreciate this video so much, how can I focus on the quality of emotional connectedness when my ex won't open up? It's been 7 weeks. We have had extremely limited communication. Of which she told me that maybe we can try again down the track, that we need to focus on ourselves for now. That she thought we were meant to be, but after alot of arguments this year, she's no longer so sure. And that its too hard to talk to me right now. But has expressed that she does still love me. There have been some hot and cold behaviours and changes to these above thoughts she vocalised to me through messages,that have left me feeling completely confused. Atm I've just pulled back entirely as I am not sure what to do or where to turn. Any help would be appreciated so much.
i broke up with my ex then 6 months ago ,then she came and said i miss you that's it. then when i said do you want us to get back she said no and she hates me ,but she still talk and help me with no intention of coming back .
I'm so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me and our kids for another woman. I was so happy to me how mr ose help many people to bring there lover back
I seen my ex the other day for the first time in 4 months we’ve been full no contact for 2 months as he went Facebook official with his new partner so blocked me we’ve been split 10 months .when I seen him I hugged him twice and text the next day and said good to see you you looked well and I was shocked when he replied with thanks you looked well to👌🏻. I did send another message to which he didn’t reply to and he’s still with this women I don’t no what to do anymore I’m losing all hope please help
I’m riding the dragon with many mixed messages from my ex gf. Last week we talked for a half an hour in person. I see her every day at work. We connected like we were together. I had to go to a doc appointment n she said text me later after telling me that we should go out on a date. Texted her that night, said she has a lot going on “I prefer to be friends for the time being. Just the wording is frustrating. WTH For the time being is temporary. Am I now the plan b
Hi MC, You will only be the plan B if you allowed yourself to be. Remember that getting back together has different phases. You will face resistance or even doubts from your ex. But how you would apply the Advanced Relational Skills will make a huge difference in the end.
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. We didn’t talk much since the break up, he jumped in a relationship with a girl he knows about 10 days and unfollowed me on instagram?? I don’t know what to do... he acts so childish
Be mindful of how you would respond to the situation. We can't control our ex's actions and decisions but we can manage how we would react towards it. If he acts like that, you can always re-assess the quality of the person that you are trying to get back with.
Hey josh spend no contact been 22 days my ex girlfriend ignoring me on Facebook she blocked me six times I think she's in a rebound relationship cuz I made a new account to message her on it and she still ignoring me
My ex is having bursts of love and then retracts. He was in love with me the first month of the break up, and was cold on the phone calls. Now less cold on the phone calls, but cut short to not say I love you at the end of it, when he would say it by himself before. He told me he will be working sometimes in the weekend and sounded apologetic about it (he would suggest activities with me in the weekend usually). But I feel he is getting used to talk to me every hour, and telling me what he is doing, but he seems to not want to say I love you anymore... but.. sometimes shows things that remember me he is loving. Ugh !!! He has been like this for 2 months now !! what's next ? (Sorry, I sound in a urge, but I do appreciate my moments with him, but missing him and our closeness is very difficult) Thank you !
Though he avoids saying that he loves you, how would you assess your interactions with him lately? Are you guys getting closer or do you feel him drifting apart emotionally?
@@ClayAndrews Hi Clay, thank you for your answer ! Hm, hard to say... It always has been on and off, even in relationship from his side (I know it isn't personal to us, because the same happened in all his relationships except he told me that he had never been as close emotionally with someone than with me). Since the break up (3 months ago) same thing: he gives, he opens up, he retracts he closes up. Our dynamic is very positive tho, very loving and caring, since the break up. In the first months, he would suggest to do lots of activities, now he doesn't as much.. he would send pictures, now he doesn't much. Very confusing. I feel he is starting to be comfortable with me being always here for him, but he doesn't come back and he becomes lazy (Same that happened in relationship).If I look up the big picture, knowing he is someone who does hot and cold... I'd say, we are more close than not. He is less cold on the phone tho. But as I said, I don't know if it progresses, or it's just him being stucked in a loop of getting close, retracting.. etc. He would do an effort when he would feel I would distance, but if the relationship's safe, he does less. I am confused. Thank you
So my ex is kinda bouncing between stage two and riding the dragon when I initiate contact she doesn’t ignore me I get short text but she hasn’t refused seeing me we did live together at some point but now we’re apart how do I build a better emotional connection with her if I’m the one who initiates contact first
Mine is a situation, not unlike many, my ex is in a rebound, and I keep in contact every day or two, I can tell there are still feelings there but she doesn't want to confront them, doesn't want to disrespect her new relation by talking to me, I sent her a text (after trying to meet up to tell her in person) saying that most people have a fairy tale idea of how relationship work, but most lifelong relations come from those who's love is patient, and that I think her forgiving me could go a long way for her (i.e. trying to lower her guard to when I interact with her and that it is okay to laugh and have a good time when we talk) Anyway, I'm going to give it at least a week of silence, as I have my birthday next week, as well as what would have been our 1 year anniversary (as we were talking about marrage) I imgine she will reach out at least one of those two days, what would u suggest I do? Any tips? If it helps she is 20, I'll be 26 and is pretty to relationships
And we are in stage 2 with a sprinkle of 3, her family all really likes me, and she has expressed that she misses my family (just hasn't said she misses me yet)
By "stage 2" and "stage 3" are you referring to Test Drive and Riding the Dragon? Okay... I wouldn't text her things like that anymore. It comes across like a guilt trip. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. The truth is that I did this way back many years ago when I was trying to get my ex back. I texted her something similar and it really didn't go over well. Maybe it was what I believed, but it didn't contribute to a positive interaction that helped us come together. Next, be emotionally okay with the possibility that she won't contact you on your birthday / your anniversary. It doesn't mean that she forgot or doesn't care. She may just be trying to honor her new relationship or not give you "false hope."
Hey Clay, so true. He says he's afraid that we'll fight the way we did again and he cannot forget about the fights. Eventhough he still thinks about me, he just don't think it would work out. He's already talking to other girls and he's so ok with us just talking as friends. Any advice?
Hi lilacshades07, We may not be able to control your ex's hesitation as your past may have an impact over him. Just continue focusing on creating a positive dynamics because who you are right now will define your chances of getting back together. ;-)
Just act indifferent! My ex blocked me on social media and I heard he’s following girls etc and just proving to himself and everyone “I’m single” You have to do the opposite of what he thinks you will do! Don’t beg or plead don’t even contact him! If he wants to be friends just say no I need to grieve and move on! Tell him he can speak to whomever he wants if that’s his wish! And walk away! If he really does regret it then won’t take him long to realise depending on how he deals with losses and his grieving style! Depending on how long the relationship was, how involved you both were and not just in a social setting! Like if you try to talk to other people then you will see the value of the previous relationship it’s hard to find that instant attraction! But just be witty and get on with your life and focus on making yourself happy as hard as it may seem at first
I broke up with my boyfriend and we dont have even argument between us we had plan to buy a house to gether and not we dont even stay long dating.and I ask my family they want me to buy my self so I brought the house so he gets upset and stop talking to me and I ask apologize he is very boring about situation. So since that when I text or call don't want answer or he responde me late pls advice me how I will rebuild my relationship. I really like him. but I want know him more
Hi Clay, we broke up about 4 months ago. We still chat coz he lives in different city, but I'm always the one who start the chat and now I try to be the one who end the chat. How to make him trust that being together with me is the best thing that could ever happen?
Hi Monica, Trust is something that has to be built overtime and through consistent action. It is something that we can't demand from our ex. If you wanted to make him trust that being with you is the best thing, you have to be patient and focused on building a positive dynamics together. We talk more about this in our course so we hope that you check it out as well. :-) All the best.
Need some help. My ex and I live together right now and we still call each other babe. He still calls me on the way home and on his break at work. He said he wants to be single right now but has before told me that he wants to be friends and see where things go. We broke up almost a month ago We're friends right now but I clearly want to get back with him right now and he doesn't want the same thing. We have a good friendship right now but I want to get closer to him and eventually get back together with him. He still has resentment to what I did to him while we were together and I understand because I hurt him a lot and I regret that a lot. I just wanna know if there's a chance for us to get back together some day 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thanks for watching our video. We always believe that chance and hope to make the relationship work will always be there. It depends on the actions that we take and refuse to do. We only lose our chance if we give up. There is always a chance to work things out if you are committed and willing to put in the work. If you're just going to give up at the first road bump you hit, then all bets are off.
I and x dated for 4 years and were planning to get married.. We broke up last year bcz of third party.. Bt we were back within a month... Nw again we broke up 1 month back n i got to know he is back wid her... He keeps telling his friends that he wants to marry that girl.. His parents are not accepting that girl so he is telling his friends that he will run n get married.. I dnt understand what to do... I miss him and want him back... He keeps saying that i dnt want to b wid u.. I dnt feel happy.. That gal also works wid him so they spend the whole time together.. So do i still hold any chance
Hey coach My ex gf broken up 3 months go ... and I between no contact I realised that I lacked confidence how I talked to her, my body language was weak, unsecure nervous stressed needy or feminine l. I was not having emotional masculinity to be leader of the our relationship. And I understood I was turning her off during the relationship and turning her off since the breakup too... so please guide me. How could I now fix my relationship and how could I show that I have change... please help me out Coach she don’t wanna to talk me ever I think she is stubborn on me... please help me please
My ex boyfriend have TRUST issue. Ever since the 2nd month of our relationship. As goes by fast. He tried to handle the situation between us. Cuz i feel that he loves me. After 1 year and 7 months in a relationship. It becomes worse . I got bored over him. He always think i have somebody else. Then december 16 I decided to broke up with him out of anger. After that day I tried to text him but he was so mad at me. He said "lets get move on.". Im so hurt because he also said he doesnt care of me anymore. I tried to win him back. I go to his house. Act like nothing happened. He got so mad at me. He said thats not easy. And I have this feeling of clingy and needy. I followed him. Thats the time he got so over mad at me. He said were not getting back together. He also said that he doesnt love me anymore.that I made that him so miserble in the relationship. He left me on that park. The day after that I become desperately again to text him. Asking him to call me. He called me once we talked that were going to meet after that day. He haas a fever so he told me to come to thier house. I cried infront of him. Telling him I really love him. He only said that he doesnt love me anymore. Hes so mad at me. Then I said that I want to take a rest to thier house. He got mad again. But he had nothing to do since I made him yes to stay that night. Hes so hot and cold. He even dont want to talk about our relationship. He said I can moved on. Along that way. He said he will not sleep until Im still in their house. But them hes only a human. He began to sleep and I was pretending that time that Im sleep. He hold my hand through his body. As he started to hugged me. After I left on thier house I started the no contact but break it during christmass. I tried to ask his mother about him and chatting with her about the situation. Her sister also called me and hear my side. They understand me. But my ex boyfriend said to them that he has no feeling for me anymore. His sister told me that he is so mad at me. That time I started the no contact again. Till now. He blocked me on social media. During new year her younger cousin greet me. But I sensed that he is the one whos chatting. I nver chat with cousin before. Never talked also. I miss him so much. I dont know if he will still back at me
If you want to be with him, you have to accept him as the man that he is. You say that he has trust issues, so you have to accept that he is going to be a little insecure. Of course, if you were doing something to agitate those issues, then obviously you need to stop that. But how you found him is how he is likely to stay.
I left him bc he was non committal n started getting close to another girl. I left him n he rebounded with the girl n that ended within a month. 4 months down the road he still won't answer my call. Phase 1? Or just hate? Well I blocked him so I can focus on me.
Hi Kat, it is not about the quantity that would matter, but the quality of your interactions. You can learn more about this inside our Ex Solution Program course. :-)
Hi Mim, If our goal is to make someone miss us, it will go back to our intent in doing Active No Contact and working in our Advanced Relational Skills. Remember that if our goal is for the person to miss us but we failed to make personal improvements to work on our awareness and acceptance, it will just be a passive way of doing No Contact. All the best.
My ex only did reactance and crisis point because I did no contact for 3 weeks but then our mutual friends told him I kept bothering them about him so he texted me telling me to move on and that he doesn’t regret his decision. However we dated for a year and the relationship was very good, we had a very strong connection so I don’t understand how he could just give up on us so easily.
I'm sorry to hear about what happened, Cindi. It sounds like there's too much negative tension between the two of you that needs to settle down. Have you tried doing Active No Contact for the time being to give each other the needed space?
Clay Andrews, I have a situation does five stages that u mention on this I was mostly half ways after she unblock. Here’s the thing I screw up does stages by getting anxious about it an I brought up the break up an during the does stages I would tell her if I get u annoying why don’t u block me again so the last I told her that which it was Friday the 18 of January 2019 she told me u know what I’m going to take ur advice an she did block me for the second. I know what ur think that I’m stupid for doing that. I have a week with out contacting her an I’m planning to go for another week. What can I do to bring her back plus we see each other 3 times a week do to church! What can I do??? What could be my first step this?? The last she told that she doesn’t feel interested on going back to the relationship which it gets me sad what I had done there I was so close now I’m wondering if she even missed me during this week that I haven’t gone to service what can I do mr. Clay from now on? Is this relationship already dead.
Stop playing "no contact" as a mind game with her. Show her that there's a damn good reason to get back together with you. Snapping at her, telling her to block you, then not contacting her because you don't know what else to do... That's not going to give her a damn good reason to get back together with you.
Hi Clay. My boyfriend and I were together for 2 and a half years and he broke it off. He did it out of the blue and then started a rebound relationship a week later. He got his own place but keeps coming and going for his things...not taking them all alot once.. asking me about my progress and goals, hugs me and insists i reach out to him cause he cares, and then texts me later the same day... I keep rearranging our old place and applying alot of positive changes in my life. Do you think no contact would be appropriate in this situation? Or would that hinder a second chance? And do you think he's moving on even though he won't take me back and pursued a relationship with someone else already?
No Contact should ONLY be used if interacting with him is actually driving the two of you apart. If it's bringing you closer, then there is no harm in staying in contact.
When i reached out to him after 1 month and half he was more positive than the last time right away after break up . He seems to still care for me. He asked me how is my new job and told me to not drink anymore because i will feel sick the NexT day. What stage should be this? I miss him so much. I regret some parts of my behaviour in relationship with him. I want him back😔i love him.
Clay Andrews one week later i asked him when i can see him again..and he Said that he doesn’t know when...that he doesn t promise anything ...and Why i would want to see him..he Said that he doesn t know where this will go . Do you think he will contact me for a meeting or he just gave me false hope and wants to wait for nothing?
Summer Girl I think you should fall back just a little. You want to rebuild something new; so work on consistent contact right now and see how that goes is my suggestion. Meeting up may be too much for him right now if he hasn’t responded. I am just a lay person.
Hey clay my wife and i have been together for 5 years she left 4 months ago said she was done!!! First interaction we had after she said she was done ended up with us connecting having fun and enjoy our time together and we ended up sleeping together. After a few weeks of texts and few hour conversations about what we would do to fix our marriage we saw each other again at our house she hugged me and didn't want to let go. There was even a time where she was all over me and said shes not sleeping with me and asked me if i found her attractive :S . We see eachother at most 3 times a month and everytime we do there's a deep connection we have fun the attractions there but she keeps making up excuses why we're not right for eachother even saying i should see another woman and i find out later shes been talking to another guy who she says they talk only here and there as friends but she would consider seeing him romantically once and if our marriage doesn't work out :S. I finally convinced her to see a marriage counsellor with me and even got her to book time off work to do so. Like I said though everything is there as in the emotional connection attraction and just us enjoying eachothers company. She still doesn't trust that these changes i've made to mitigate my complacency and acts as if i cheated on her which i didn't she even gets mad that ive been making these changes. Where am I at in terms in the 5 stages? Whats holding her back ? Thanks for taking your time and reading this you've been very helpful :)
Burton 87 hey I have a question do you think it count when someone says I’m done with you and you been in a relationship with them for 5 month and you haven’t cheated or do anything to harm the relationship do you think it can be fix with the issue there was in the relationship
Hey clay I feel like my ex is in crisis mode because we like spending time together but then every time we are having a good time she discourage me by picking a fight like you are the reason why we are in this situation and then she tells me we shouldn’t spend as much time together because we spend mostly everyday with each other and she also tells me I’m not going to get back together but out of anger or sometimes just by saying it calmly what does this mean I need help on this ?
@THE PRADO FAMILY , you may be right, your ex may be in Crisis Point and is getting confused with what she feels especially if she's having a positive emotional connection with you.
I wish I could afford your program but I simply can not. I’ve had a very hard time lately trying to work things out with her but it seems as everything I do makes things worse.
Hi Alpha, That's truly fine if you won't be able to purchase ur program. No pressure. You can always watch our TH-cam videos as it may answer most of your common questions. We understand that our initial instinct is about fixing the relationship after the breakup. This may sound counter-intuitive but we have to work with our inner self first and work on the Advanced Relational Skills. Getting back together is a process. If you are having a hard time, reflect on how you approach things. Maybe there's something that has needed to be changed. All the best.
Hello, my x/hubby is in 49/51. Sometimes positive and suddenly the next day negative. Plz help me coz that means he still loves me and i want him back. What strategies can i follow?
You should stay focused on the emotional connection. Don't get caught up in the content of what he says or does, but understand that all of that is coming from an emotional context. Stay focused on that context, and build up that emotional connection.
Hi Pablo, what is important when it comes to sending an apology letter i the content and the sincerity of the message. But you have to detach yourself from any form of an outcome as apology letters might take some time to process depending on the depth of the emotional content of the message. If our have started to build better interactions and she is open to vulnerability, you can consider sending that kind of letter.
@@ClayAndrews thanks, another question. She block me on whats app i think because i didnt answer the last message she send me, and she wait like 4 days and black me. In instagram she delete or hide all our photos but in facebook she still having some im confused. And back to the letter what should i do next if she contact me? Continue with no contact or try to comunicate with her but trying not to talk about the relationship? i know she doesnt want to come back yet.
Hey clay, my ex and I broakup 2 weeks ago, she is in a relationship with someone who was her friend and she said he gave her a shoulder to cry on in the few days we didn't speek, She was something really special and I don't want her to go, we agreed to meet and talk about our break up (to clear things out) and we are still going to do it, we were texting almost everyday for the past week and yesterday and today we even started to joke and she started to use smilies again, I really need help at understanding how should I act in that talk and what to do next, I really love her and the break up was over a stupid fight, we had a really passionate relationship and when her family heard about that they all rushed to say she will get over it, and that she is just mad and I shouldn't just let go. Thanks for any help!
She used that person as a rebound to hide the pain she feels from missing you don’t take it to heart everyone is different tbh some want to be alone and others are anxious and need to be dependent so some may jump into a rebound but the more you show jealousy or pain the more it justifies the rebound but the more you let it be the more they’ll realize they aren’t you and won’t compare to you and after a couple weeks to months it’ll fizzle out just focus on you and bettering yourself and hangout with friends and family or go out and have fun and they’ll make the move
I know the pain of wanting an ex back. I'm there now. BUT. If she got into a relationship 2 weeks later with a guy "friend", that means he was your replacement the whole time. She was just waiting for you to mess up in some way. For future reference, don't get into a relationship with a woman who says he's just a "friend". That's a surefire way to a disappointment of the heart. She uses that dude as validation and emotional support. You know, the things she should be going to you for? And he stuck around waiting for the opportunity, or a chink in her armor, or yours. LET HER GO FOR GOOD. It hurts a man's pride, but pride can lead us into some really crappy places. I know it feels like she's the one, but there is someone out there much better suited for you, I promise, bro.
Hi Clay, I am kind of confused about something in my own situation. My wife and I separated (not legally) because she cheated on me with her ex bestfriend back in July. She asks me to leave because she couldn't handle the pain regret and guilt she caused me and herself, so I left ( November 6th ) lately her and I have been FaceTiming( talking each other right after her Rebound boyfriend leaves for work in the morning ( who she moved in 1 and a half weeks after I left). We talk about everything including her relationship with her rebound boyfriend and how they've been fighting nearly ever since he moved in. She tells me she loves me as her friend and not like a wife should her husband plus she's said that she misses us . Keep in mind we talk nearly all the time . We talk about our kids, our dog, her house cleaning business, her family,, everything except for us and our relationship/marriage. Could you please help me understand were we are at in our relationship & what I can do to keep things going in the right direction?? BTW, I've currently started watching your video series of A.R.S. ( Advanced Relational Skills) and I've made it to the 5th video. Anyway thank you for talking the time to read this and help me. Willis
Hi Willis, It seems like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon phase. This is the phase where you get mixed messages. The best approach is to focus on positive interactions and building positive/quality interpersonal connections with her. You can learn more about this in depth inside our Ex Solution Program.
@@ClayAndrews I would love to be able to sign up for the program, unfortunately I live on a fixed income (under $900.00 a month) because I'm disabled due to a connective tissue disorder known as Marfan syndrome and I have to watch every dollar I get. I am watching the A.R.S. (Advanced Relational Skills) videos on TH-cam, because like I said, money is tight. And I truly do want to get my ex back with all my heart and if I could, I definitely would sign up for the program . Thank you Clay for responding take care and Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Yeah, I know. I've spent a few sleepless nights tossing and turning, trying my best to think of anything but that. It's hard a hell. Meditation will help. Bringing your focus to the present moment will help.
@@ClayAndrews Thank you, this is great advice! I will do that and I am also going to mental health therapy as soon as possible for many different reasons. I really need professional help. I feel exhausted and not well, post breakup. I literally feel sick. Not because of how my ex broke up with me and acted but also because of my toxic behavior. I just don't know who I am any more. I am questioning every detail of the relationship and although my ex exhibits narcissistic behavior, I'm starting to see that I also made so many mistakes and that I am possibly a narcissist as well. I have a lot of work to do.
Joe River then it means you are still in love and you don’t want to lose them. Reconcile the relationship. If you can’t imagine them having intimate relations with anyone else without it hurting then you aren’t ready to let them go!!
Hey! I broke up with my ex before 2 months. But between that I begged her so much. And I shouted at her and I hurt her so much. I went to her and asked are you in relationship with someone else like that. So she got so angry. And I didn't relaized that. She told you won't change your character . But ri8 now I realized everything without her. I felt so bad what I did to her. So I went to her I told her that I am so sorry for everything. I don't have trust on you. I believe In others words. Not yours. I am so sorry. She told me I can understand your situation. And she told me don't wait for me I don't care you changed your character or not. I don't want any relation now I want to be happy with myself. I told her u r angry on me and my negative thoughts are making you to speak like this. But she told whatever, I am speaking normally with you . Don't wait and waste your time. I won't come back to you anymore. Is she will come back to me or not? We have to study till 4 more years in same class. What to do? She told I am not even Caring abt you. And she cried because of you I lost my Friends . But I can't understand her mind now is she is crying for them or for me. What to do now ?
Hi Vignesh, I'm sorry about that. Your ex is still at the Wall of Reactance Stage that is why she is a bit resistant on your attempt to have a good conversation with her. You may check this video --- th-cam.com/video/06s_5J65w7c/w-d-xo.html . All the best.
Did you end the relationship? Could explain why she’s hurt! Women tend to grieve and feel the loss almost instantly and they try to cope! Guys most cases deal with it later on or put it to the back burner! So why did you dump her and ask for her to get back with you after 2 months?
Me and my gf broke up 2months ago, but lately i chased her i did everything to win her back, but its not working after seing so many videos now am on no contact rule, for one week but her birthday is coming in two weeks, what can i do? Please assist
Hey Clay can u give me a good advice about my situation, so me and my ex broke up because she thinks I don’t have time for her anymore, because I work and focus in school so me and her can have a better future and she picked another guy that doesn’t even have a job, she like him because he has time for her. Her parents found out about the situation and did not like it bc the guy that she’s with is lazy and her parents understand that I’m busy and she got mad bc her parents don’t like the guy and she said they were just friends and she lied, then when her and her parents talk she got mad and ran away, she ran to the guys house bc she didn’t see my car and her parents got her back but her parents already notified my parents and I ran out the house sprinting all over the place and I couldn’t find her, then her parents went to the guys house and took her then my mom picked me up so we can look around, then we drive by her house and she was in the car with her mom and she ran out and told me take me out of here and I was broken inside bc she was crying so me and my mom took her home, her parents knows my parents and there good friends, so she stayed in my house for 2 days and I talk to her that Saturday and I told her to pick the right choice bc I already know what’s gonna happen if she didn’t and she told me there gonna agree on my terms I was like do U hear urself right now and she was like Ya and I was like there’s no point on talking and she said we can talk about something else. And we talk for a bit and she got sleepy, I picked her up put her on my bed bc she’s sleeping there and I’m sleeping in the leaving room, and I put her blankets and she started crying... she said plz don’t leave me, I was like in my head what do u mean ur with someone else, but I told her ok I’ll be here no matter what, and she went to sleep, then the next morning I woke up and just close my eyes then she went to the leaving room and layed next to me and she was like I think about what u said and I’m going home but they still have to agree on my terms, I turned my head the other way bc things are not going the way I wanted it to, then my parents are already talking to her about the situation and so the afternoon came and she went home but before that I told her plz pick the right path and I told her I will always love you no matter what happens 😢 so she went and she pick the wrong path, ran away with that guy and never came home for 2 weeks now, it hurts me everyday bc we planned to get married and we been through hell together and I thought I found the one, till now I’m hurting and she’s out there with the guy having (fun) I guess. But I still stay touch with her parents, they have struggles with money but I help them by giving them food for the family and my family too there both my family lol 😂 but I work in a fast food, I’m a cook so extra is mine and I’m here for them bc I couldn’t imagine losing a daughter, her mom picks me up from work then her dad gives me a hug whenever he sees me bc this guy is buff and I’m always scared of him I never expect him to give me a big hug, but ya I waited for her till her parents would finally found out that me and her were dating, me and her have been cheated by our past ex too and I work hard in school to get a better job bc I promise her dad that I would complete college and get a good job then I could marry her and now it feels wasted but now I pray everyday that she will realize everything and go home and idk if I should just move on? But what do u think about the situation?
This is a really long post, and hard to read since it is one mono-paragraph... But it sounds like having a boyfriend who makes time for her is important to her. Is there any way that you can demonstrate to her that you are willing to make time for her?
I would but she’s with a rebound right now and plus she ran away from home bc she thinks that her family doesn’t love her and she thinks that I’m not gonna be here for her, but I’ve been even know we’re not dating anymore, but I’m trying all my best to get her home and to be back with her too.
Ive been in relationship for my partner for almost 5 yrs! Then last moNth he went back home from abroad without telling me that his already home.I dont know his reason why he do that to me, so I ask him WHY....Then he told me he need space,he dont want to talk and he keep me pushing away.. 😭.And now its been a month also since I last see and talked to him.... Its really hurt because all comes In my mind are big ???? and WHY!.. I KNow his family dont want me...😭😭😭coz I'm just a simple person and had a simple job!..I heard a story from his family that they want a professional woman like nurse,doctor ect ..for their son because His a seaman!....😢I didnt do anything or caused a problem to them.... Its realy hurt and causing me so much pain!...I cant smile anymore and when Im at work i cant help myself to keep crying!...
Hi Rain, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. I understand that you have to go through such pain after the breakup. Always remember that each of us is unique and we have something special to bring in a lasting relationship. Don't let other's expectations and standards bring you down. You have a quality that may be attractive but yet they failed to see that because of the standards that they imposed for themselves. I understand that breakups are tough, but you are stronger than the pain that you are going through and you can definitely get through this. Sending more positive energies on your end.
Thanks Sir Clay for the wonderful advise and wisdom!...Maybe as of now I feel like gonna tore in to pieces,but I'll try my best to be more stronger and positive...😢😔😔😔
Hello sir clay,welcome back to me here at my comment section,,,Just wanted to tell you after a months since my ex broke up with me ,I'll find out today that he got married. And its ok maybe its still hurt but not really coz i know God has a good purposed why this happen to me. That time when he dumped and broke up with me.I told my self i really need to be mOre stronger and life must go on. And now its turning 1month in my new job here in abroad. .. Someday I'll be back again here in comment section if im totaly and finaly move on and happy.Thank you so much for your videos Sir Clay,I learned a lot.
Just be consistent with your actions. Your authentic change will reflect over time. It is not just by showing her that you have changed. but it is even how you respond to her reactions behind her back will reflect the true change within your self.
Clay Andrews well I have no choice but to move on . He is very manipulative . I blocked him on all social media and my phone. He called several times on unknown. Can you do a video on narcissistic exes?
I think my ex plays stupid or something. He lies to himself and knows I'm telling the truth about some personal things about us or him and denies so many things.
@@ClayAndrews You have a great point. No I don't. I guess I'm just very confused about why he hid behind a mask for 2 years. My plan is to move on from him even if I want answers that probably won't come up anytime soon. Thank you :)
Sounds like she is open to interacting with you. In either case, think about what you want. Only engage with her if it's something that you really want to do.
My situation is different. My ex and I were together over 2 years. Very happy. Very in love. Nothing specific went wrong so there were no negative feelings that he had toward me as far as I know. The problem is that I’m older. And he has a fantasy that involves the proverbial white picket fence and a baby. I’ve already had a baby and I’m not starting over. He could be a step father to my teen child but that’s all. So he always felt that we would have to eventually end so that he could find a younger baby mama. He met one that he thought he could go out with to see if it would work, so he broke up with me. That rebound lasted about 2 months and is now over. While dating her he texted and sexted me. He has sent many mixed messages. Especially if he’s gone out drinking with friends. I told him alcohol was a truth serum. I keep trying no contact.....during the times between when he suddenly texts me. I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much and want him back but if he sticks to wanting that fantasy I’m afraid I have no hope.
Hello, I broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago. He travelled to another city then wrote me a message on whatsapp that we can't be together. I feel pain and betrayal. Worse his office is near mine and we go to the same gym but different time. I noticed he felt bad our gym instructor holding my hand. What should I do. Please help..
my ex's problem I'm pretty sure if I hear from her after no contact im on day 8 after 2.5 weeks of begging and another 1.5 weeks of messages with no replies is that she's not going to want to have to tell her whole family we are back together.... I've bee working out and I've lost 15 pounds and building lots of muscle she's always found me really attractive days before the breakup im just one upping it all and getting in shape for real so she has no real reason to turn me down. we are long distance of 5.5 years and I was going to be moving there this year which sucks because i have ended my life here and now im kind of in limbo wondering because she said we are never getting back together. all our pictures are still all over her profiles which if we were that over i would think they would be gone. she said she doesn't think about me anymore but her instagram likes don't show that at all
HI Marshall, its great to hear that you have worked on your physical appearance and took good care of yourself. That is important as well. But aside from that, it is worthy to work on the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach inside our ESP course. Aside from that you get to have an indepth knowledge of the different stages in the process of getting back together. :-)
If by "casing" you mean "chasing," then it really depends on where you are at emotionally. If you're coming from a place of desperation, then, yes, it is chasing him.
Cutting contact alone isn't enough to make someone miss you if your last impression of them was negative. Doing something like that can actually make them relieved to not be in contact with you. That is my main contention with the conventional "TH-cam wisdom" on No Contact.
OMG I didn’t realize what Pansies some men are! I’m deeply offended, I raised three of his children and he wants me to call him to ask about how his life is going? Again, I had three children, and not four. Grow some balls and call about your children, I didn’t even get one red-cent to raise them. And they turned out just like him, they want me to call them to see how their life is going they don’t call me to see if their mother needs anything not even to check in. And I want to get this man back? I am totally rethinking these messy thots of mine.
0:48 - Your ex will miss you when being together with you feels better than being apart from you. Do you need me to spell it out for you so you can just turn your brain off (if it was ever on in the first place) and follow a paint-by-numbers, fill-in-the-blank, no-work blueprint?
I am so destroyed. I want my ex to miss me but don't know if she does or will. She has given up on our family. I will not contact her then out of the blue she will ask me about our son even though she has spoken with him. I am nice and cordial and do not get the same respect back. We are still married after 18 yrs even though she wants a divorce but still havent seen papers. She is with another man meeting his family and hanging with them and forgetting about our son. I have to pick him up emotionally everyday. But I still love her with every part of my being. I know this is your job and once I have the spare money I will join your course but still just trying to figure it all out and how we can be together again happy for all time.
This is my exact story but it's my husband who left our family after 23 years - married 15. He cheated on me and moved in with the other woman all in one week. He never sees our kids and I'm furious. He a ts like I did something wrong. it's been 2 months since this happened and it has felt like much longer. I hope his new relationship crashes and burns.
Sorry to hear about how hard this is affecting you. No matter what though, I think you and your ex need to come to an understanding that your son is the primary concern in how the two of you will move forward. I imagine that your son is important to her, maybe she doesn't show it, but I imagine that he probably is. And I would also be willing to wager that she does miss you, but that she isn't showing it because she doesn't want to send the wrong message right now. How is the emotional connection?
Clay Andrews, I have a situation does five stages that u mention on this I was mostly half ways after she unblock. Here’s the thing I screw up does stages by getting anxious about it an I brought up the break up an during the does stages I would tell her if I get u annoying why don’t u block me again so the last I told her that which it was Friday the 18 of January 2019 she told me u know what I’m going to take ur advice an she did block me for the second. I know what ur think that I’m stupid for doing that. I have a week with out contacting her an I’m planning to go for another week. What can I do to bring her back plus we see each other 3 times a week do to church! What can I do??? What could be my first step this?? The last she told that she doesn’t feel interested on going back to the relationship which it gets me sad what I had done there I was so close now I’m wondering if she even missed me during this week that I haven’t gone to service what can I do mr. Clay from now on? Is this relationship already dead..
@@hollykunze4901 I just hope you will find a mr perfect and be happy with this new man...so happy that your ex will regret to leave you, will be jealous of your new life, of the way you shine ( he can't do this to you when he was with you,so it will work him deeply) , the way you live...then his loverelationship will break down because he'll obsessed by you, he 'll like to go back but " f##k off" let him in his shit,he had his time, it's yours now. I know I 'm wicked but when you love somebody blindly, with all your innocence then he or she cheats on you, this person deserves nothing from you, he or she didn't realised how precious you were.may they roast in hell,that's all😒
I'm sorry for my english😝
Stop being so needy and love dovey 18 years ? You need more options more women, ghost her live your life raise your son, be less beta and more Alpha.
Love without attachment and let go without expectations. Everything will work out 👐
That's very hard for me to do I find my self trying to do so but I still end up falling rite back in my same old ways and I love sex so it makes it harder
To everyone watching his video, the one thing that will make your ex miss you the most which was not mentioned… Is no contact. Give your ex the gift of your absence. Absence makes the heart grow Fond. If you want your ex to miss you and reach out... do not break no contact. Give Them a chance to think about you and miss you on their own terms. Once you have removed yourself from the picture it they will wonder about you and they will eventually have to contact you
Hi Deranged Titan, Though some people would think that the main goal of doing Active No Contact is for their ex to miss them, one of the important factors that we teach in doing ANC is more of learning the life skills, the Advanced Relational Skills. So it's like hitting two birds in one stone; respecting the need of our ex for space and for us to focus our energies towards our own self. All the best. :-)
He doesn’t want an emotional connecting he’s fight it and I’m all in
This is so on point!! I went through all stages Im currently on stage 4 hopefully i get to stage 5 thanks so much
It's great to hear, Ale that you were able to identify the phase that you are in on your journey. :-) Do continue to watch out as we post new videos every week. All the best.
My kids mother left me 6 years ago , she was in a 5 year relationship after me resulting in an engagement this past December 2020. She woke up a few months later and decided to leave that relationship. Now I see the opening to have my family again after all these years. She is the only woman I ever loved but it’s been many years and I accepted losing her romantically and now like a bolt of lightning everything has changed. There are many more variables in our relationship and life situation. It had been a confusing few months, this is the second video of yours that I have seen and so far it’s some of the best content I have seen on the topic for multiple reasons. Anyway, thank you for sharing your gifts
What’s his name
Spam?
Ugh. I’m in the middle of riding the dragon right now and I can’t wait to be past that step. Needless to say, your explanation has been incredibly accurate to what I’m experiencing.
T H hey, any updates?
Me and my x we broke up recently.. now I am in no contact period. We met in Dubai . Once we broke up .. she said that she doesn’t have feelings towards to me . But she has told to her friend that she wants to focus her career. Now I am going back to my country. Still I don’t want to forget her .
Still I believe that I can get her back . Still I love her .
@Jamilu Musa gandi now I don’t need her back . Now I am happy 😃
But this get my ex back is a bullshit . When the time come everything will be ok
Where would she be if she doesn't want to discuss the relationship ? Tells me it stresses her out
On point! 🎯 thanks again clay!
I’ve been back and forth with my ex for 9 months. Just a week ago we spent a couple days in a row hanging out and having fun and enjoying each other, but randomly yesterday he says he does not want to see me or talk to me. No explanation. Won’t text me back no matter what I say. I don’t know what to do. I know I’ve given him the power but I’m trying to do anything for him to see that I want him back and that he’s important to me.
My ex girlfriend will make up an excuse to come over she will end up staying the night then the next day she acts like nothing happened. What should I doo
My ex-girlfriend Tracci Ludwick says she misses me Clay, but I just don’t believe her.
My ex said that he needs to fix himself and said that I do as well, he said that he wants to see where things go but can't promise anything to me. He said that he doesn't want to be with anyone else that he told me that if it happens that we won't be together then he will be single and for now he wants to work on himself as that's his main goal...
Is there still an opportunity for me to win him back?
I'm so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me and our kids for another woman. I was so happy to me how mr ose help many people to bring there lover back
Wh'atsap him...
Hi Clay☺️
My ex is with someone else but he doesn’t let me know about it.He still texts me first every 3-4days but sometimes ignores my respond and keeps refusing to meet up with me since the breakup.
Which stage is he in? and what else can I do to increase our emotional connection when I can’t interact with him in person?😭
Thanks a lot!❤️❤️
I've been applying some of these techniques. Is it a goo idea to show her this video if she is in the crisis stage to show her some of the things I've been learning?
Hey Dustin, What if you let her experience the things that you have been learning. It may have a better impact that showing your resources. Maybe in the future, you can talk about how you learned and the things that you have used to become a better individual. :-)
So what stage is my ex if he recently unblocked me and was testing me to see if I blocked him?
Well, he said he never returns to his exes and that I will never hear from him in the present and in the future. So, I will take it as goodbye. He wants that, I will give it to him.
I don't think this is going to work for me because my ex is already in a relationship with a rebound and he hates me he's very angry with me refuses to have any contact with me at all
My case is same as yours, idk what will happen in the next.
I can't even talk to my ex, she blocked me from all her social media.
If that is the case, maintain NO CONTACT
You don't have to block her back, but just be silent, don't react to anything she does.(especially when she's blocking and unblocking you).
Hope that helped.
@@HarshitaEzil lol she unblocked me and i did try to contact her but she just blocked me again with no response
@@HarshitaEzil so just stay silent? Just don't ever talk to her again? I mean we do work at the same place so this is gonna be hard thanks tho
@@soundsofnature174 Yes, just stay silent, do absolutely NOTHING. 'Cause the best response is no response AT ALL!!!
@@soundsofnature174 One more thing, if she does unblock you, you don't contact her. Let HER contact you. If you stay silent and do nothing, then she will definitely contact you.
I don’t see how you are supposed to do this if you’re at the crisis point and they’ e said they don’t want to continue talking.
Hi Shelby, Being at the Crisis Point can still be a very vulnerable phase. it depends on how you have approached the dynamics that may have made them step back or put their wall up. Sometimes, we have to give our ex that time to further evaluate what they feel towards us. All the best.
Clay Andrews Thanks for your reply. I’ve done my best to give him the space he needs, but try to create a connection in those moments when we were talking. I’m trying to move forward, but just not sure there is much more I can actively do besides giving it time.
I took my ex all the way to crisis point, and it was as you described: she was afraid of what her friends and family would say, etc. So, she completely shut down and is now completely walled-off to me emotionally and physically.
Wtf? I didn't even realize this is what was happening until I saw this. But it.happened with us EXACTLY like how you described, even up to physical/sexual contact.
There's just an emotional block that she can't get over, now she says she's dating someone.
So, what can I do now? We still love each other and we have a child together, so this is very important to me.
Edit: she left me because I was a sad/angry drunk.
I'm sober for 2 months now and have been very persistent with her while also doing everything to prove myself and my resolve to be a good, sober husband and father.
She also believes that i have Asperger's or am otherwise on the autism spectrum, which seems very likely.
Hi Baron, It's great to hear that you have been sober for 2 months. That is an amazing progress. Just continue to build that trust and be consistent with your goals. Also, it is best to be evaluated by a professional just to assess if you truly have Aspergers. All the best.
@@ClayAndrews thank you, sir.
My therapist said I do not have Asperger's. Lol. R thought I was seeking an excuse for my simply being a drink asshole. So, no vindication coming from that direction.
I do AA, behavioral therapy, family counseling with my ex and small group substance abuse therapy. My ex goes to AlAnon.
I also work full time and do dad/family stuff 3 or 4 times a week, as well as engaging in hobbies and extracurricular activities... So I have a full plate. I don't have much time to worry about my relationship, but I do. It seeps into many other aspects of life, as these things tend to do.
I just want my life and my family back.
Please help.
@@ClayAndrews as soon as I sobered up I began with the incessant texting, calling, personal appearances, after I had been removed from my home and was living in transitional housing.
I did the begging, pleading bargaining bit for almost 2 months.
I'm just now getting emotionally stable enough to listen to voices of reason such as yours.
Thank you for your work.
Hey Clay, My ex's reactance is very high right now how long would you suggest active no contact? I'm already 22 days into anc.
Kathy Jepsen you dont need your x. Find some1 new
I agree.
It's not about the # of days you're on ANC but actually where you're at with cultivating the Advanced Relational Skills (that you will need to reconnect with your ex again) and how your healing process is going.
Kathy Jepsen this is sad
Erica prince, Not anymore. I actually made it over 90 days of No contact and my ex and I are back together now.
Hi clay
I have been separated for 10 years now. Not divorced. I still talk to him. He has said tho we are definitely not getting back together. He doesn't want me and how many more times does he have to tell me. We are still legally married for now 36 years. When i do call him he will talk tyo me but thats about it. He still knows how i feel about him. He doesn't have anyone neithet do i. All i want is my marriage back. But after all this time and new year of 2022 started I'm starting to give up. I don't know what else i can do. He is my life. I'm so unhappy. Regards mel
How do you get out of stAge 1? My ex as blocked me and doesn’t respond to any messages? Now on no contact for a month
Is there a particular reason your ex has walled you out? If it is because of something you did that hurt them, then you're going to need to clear that up emotionally first. Otherwise it may have to do with the way that you are contacting them. Maybe your messages are unknowingly off-putting to your ex because of how you are phrasing things...?
Clay Andrews he broke up with me after 10years.. I wanted the relationship and I begged for him back.. now ive taken a step back.. it was his birthday on monday and i didnt even message him to say happy birthday so he can see I have back off and doing no contact.
How can get back my ex he block but bfor he block me he told me he can't see any future for as ..bfor we have planning to get merried ..but the problem her mom dont aloud as cause her mom is traditionall Chinese she wants same Chinese to..than sadly he change to me..than he broke up me and he told me he can't see any future for as ..after that he block me .4 months ago..now why I'm still thinking of him even .I want to forget him even I'm busy he sadly come to mind mind I don't know how I can't not to thinking of him and let him go.hope you answer my question thanks and godbless u
Hi Clay. My ex has a crush but I get along with his crush. His crush is mine and his girl bestie’s younger sister. Though he hates me and said he never wants to talk to me again. I said I was done with him over anger. Which I regret saying cause that is not true. His crush only thinks of him as a cool friend. And his crush knows I still have feelings for him. I know we are both hurt in someway or another. She even said I shouldn’t give up on him. What should I do? He seems to only hate my presence rather than be respectful and rational. He kept saying I never cared which is not true because he is the only boy I ever think about even through my 2 other exes. What should I do?.
Hey I need help what if we’ve been doing sexual stuff and things like that and yet she says she still wants to just be friends we broke up a month ago but have talked everyday since and still have some fights
My ex and I just split and She said she will always love me, but doesn’t want to be in a constant negative cycle. She said she doesn’t want to live life without me in it. What should I do? I know deep down underneath everything she wants me to fighting for her and win her back.
Hey clay, so my ex rebound cheated on her and now they’ve broke up I know it was a rebound Cos 2days after we broke she got with this guy but now there broke up and she seems so so sad that rebound cheated I thought this would be the point where she would think wait I actually missed Callum but it don’t seem like that why’s this?
Mine told me that he didn't want to try again when I outright asked him (I was the dumper) and that I should see other people. So I took him at his word and did just that. I didn't know about the crisis point situation, I truly thought he didn't want me. But looking back at that conversation I see it for what it was at the time, especially since he ended our talk with a big warm hug and left with a big smile on his face
Now a year later he's way colder towards me than he was when he told me that (we pretty much didn't talk for a year because he ignored all but 1 of my text messages). I think he's mad that I moved on even though that's what he told me to do. I still see a tiny spark and would like to reignite it so I'm going to start following Clay's advice and see if I can rekindle
Whilst I appreciate this video so much, how can I focus on the quality of emotional connectedness when my ex won't open up? It's been 7 weeks. We have had extremely limited communication. Of which she told me that maybe we can try again down the track, that we need to focus on ourselves for now. That she thought we were meant to be, but after alot of arguments this year, she's no longer so sure. And that its too hard to talk to me right now. But has expressed that she does still love me. There have been some hot and cold behaviours and changes to these above thoughts she vocalised to me through messages,that have left me feeling completely confused. Atm I've just pulled back entirely as I am not sure what to do or where to turn. Any help would be appreciated so much.
i broke up with my ex then 6 months ago ,then she came and said i miss you that's it. then when i said do you want us to get back she said no and she hates me ,but she still talk and help me with no intention of coming back .
I'm so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me and our kids for another woman. I was so happy to me how mr ose help many people to bring there lover back
Wh'atsap him...
@@moonbulk6354 shut up
I seen my ex the other day for the first time in 4 months we’ve been full no contact for 2 months as he went Facebook official with his new partner so blocked me we’ve been split 10 months .when I seen him I hugged him twice and text the next day and said good to see you you looked well and I was shocked when he replied with thanks you looked well to👌🏻. I did send another message to which he didn’t reply to and he’s still with this women I don’t no what to do anymore I’m losing all hope please help
Nikki Wells I feel you. My ex is also happy with someone right now.
I’m riding the dragon with many mixed messages from my ex gf. Last week we talked for a half an hour in person. I see her every day at work. We connected like we were together. I had to go to a doc appointment n she said text me later after telling me that we should go out on a date.
Texted her that night, said she has a lot going on “I prefer to be friends for the time being. Just the wording is frustrating. WTH
For the time being is temporary. Am I now the plan b
Hi MC, You will only be the plan B if you allowed yourself to be. Remember that getting back together has different phases. You will face resistance or even doubts from your ex. But how you would apply the Advanced Relational Skills will make a huge difference in the end.
Just found out she is having lunch with another guy. Also a contractor. I don’t want to give up but now she’s ignoring me
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. We didn’t talk much since the break up, he jumped in a relationship with a girl he knows about 10 days and unfollowed me on instagram?? I don’t know what to do... he acts so childish
Be mindful of how you would respond to the situation. We can't control our ex's actions and decisions but we can manage how we would react towards it. If he acts like that, you can always re-assess the quality of the person that you are trying to get back with.
Hey josh spend no contact been 22 days my ex girlfriend ignoring me on Facebook she blocked me six times I think she's in a rebound relationship cuz I made a new account to message her on it and she still ignoring me
I messed up at stage 4 I just felt like I was an emotional crutch is there any hope??
My ex is having bursts of love and then retracts. He was in love with me the first month of the break up, and was cold on the phone calls. Now less cold on the phone calls, but cut short to not say I love you at the end of it, when he would say it by himself before. He told me he will be working sometimes in the weekend and sounded apologetic about it (he would suggest activities with me in the weekend usually). But I feel he is getting used to talk to me every hour, and telling me what he is doing, but he seems to not want to say I love you anymore... but.. sometimes shows things that remember me he is loving. Ugh !!! He has been like this for 2 months now !! what's next ? (Sorry, I sound in a urge, but I do appreciate my moments with him, but missing him and our closeness is very difficult) Thank you !
Though he avoids saying that he loves you, how would you assess your interactions with him lately? Are you guys getting closer or do you feel him drifting apart emotionally?
@@ClayAndrews Hi Clay, thank you for your answer ! Hm, hard to say... It always has been on and off, even in relationship from his side (I know it isn't personal to us, because the same happened in all his relationships except he told me that he had never been as close emotionally with someone than with me). Since the break up (3 months ago) same thing: he gives, he opens up, he retracts he closes up. Our dynamic is very positive tho, very loving and caring, since the break up. In the first months, he would suggest to do lots of activities, now he doesn't as much.. he would send pictures, now he doesn't much. Very confusing. I feel he is starting to be comfortable with me being always here for him, but he doesn't come back and he becomes lazy (Same that happened in relationship).If I look up the big picture, knowing he is someone who does hot and cold... I'd say, we are more close than not. He is less cold on the phone tho. But as I said, I don't know if it progresses, or it's just him being stucked in a loop of getting close, retracting.. etc. He would do an effort when he would feel I would distance, but if the relationship's safe, he does less. I am confused. Thank you
So my ex is kinda bouncing between stage two and riding the dragon when I initiate contact she doesn’t ignore me I get short text but she hasn’t refused seeing me we did live together at some point but now we’re apart how do I build a better emotional connection with her if I’m the one who initiates contact first
Mine is a situation, not unlike many, my ex is in a rebound, and I keep in contact every day or two, I can tell there are still feelings there but she doesn't want to confront them, doesn't want to disrespect her new relation by talking to me, I sent her a text (after trying to meet up to tell her in person) saying that most people have a fairy tale idea of how relationship work, but most lifelong relations come from those who's love is patient, and that I think her forgiving me could go a long way for her (i.e. trying to lower her guard to when I interact with her and that it is okay to laugh and have a good time when we talk)
Anyway, I'm going to give it at least a week of silence, as I have my birthday next week, as well as what would have been our 1 year anniversary (as we were talking about marrage) I imgine she will reach out at least one of those two days, what would u suggest I do? Any tips? If it helps she is 20, I'll be 26 and is pretty to relationships
And we are in stage 2 with a sprinkle of 3, her family all really likes me, and she has expressed that she misses my family (just hasn't said she misses me yet)
By "stage 2" and "stage 3" are you referring to Test Drive and Riding the Dragon?
Okay... I wouldn't text her things like that anymore. It comes across like a guilt trip. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. The truth is that I did this way back many years ago when I was trying to get my ex back. I texted her something similar and it really didn't go over well. Maybe it was what I believed, but it didn't contribute to a positive interaction that helped us come together.
Next, be emotionally okay with the possibility that she won't contact you on your birthday / your anniversary. It doesn't mean that she forgot or doesn't care. She may just be trying to honor her new relationship or not give you "false hope."
Hey Clay, so true. He says he's afraid that we'll fight the way we did again and he cannot forget about the fights. Eventhough he still thinks about me, he just don't think it would work out. He's already talking to other girls and he's so ok with us just talking as friends. Any advice?
Hi lilacshades07, We may not be able to control your ex's hesitation as your past may have an impact over him. Just continue focusing on creating a positive dynamics because who you are right now will define your chances of getting back together. ;-)
Just act indifferent!
My ex blocked me on social media and I heard he’s following girls etc and just proving to himself and everyone “I’m single”
You have to do the opposite of what he thinks you will do!
Don’t beg or plead don’t even contact him!
If he wants to be friends just say no I need to grieve and move on!
Tell him he can speak to whomever he wants if that’s his wish!
And walk away!
If he really does regret it then won’t take him long to realise depending on how he deals with losses and his grieving style!
Depending on how long the relationship was, how involved you both were and not just in a social setting!
Like if you try to talk to other people then you will see the value of the previous relationship it’s hard to find that instant attraction!
But just be witty and get on with your life and focus on making yourself happy as hard as it may seem at first
lilacshades07 hey help me
I broke up with my boyfriend and we dont have even argument between us we had plan to buy a house to gether and not we dont even stay long dating.and I ask my family they want me to buy my self so I brought the house so he gets upset and stop talking to me and I ask apologize he is very boring about situation. So since that when I text or call don't want answer or he responde me late pls advice me how I will rebuild my relationship. I really like him. but I want know him more
Hi Clay, we broke up about 4 months ago. We still chat coz he lives in different city, but I'm always the one who start the chat and now I try to be the one who end the chat. How to make him trust that being together with me is the best thing that could ever happen?
Hi Monica, Trust is something that has to be built overtime and through consistent action. It is something that we can't demand from our ex. If you wanted to make him trust that being with you is the best thing, you have to be patient and focused on building a positive dynamics together. We talk more about this in our course so we hope that you check it out as well. :-) All the best.
Need some help.
My ex and I live together right now and we still call each other babe. He still calls me on the way home and on his break at work.
He said he wants to be single right now but has before told me that he wants to be friends and see where things go. We broke up almost a month ago
We're friends right now but I clearly want to get back with him right now and he doesn't want the same thing.
We have a good friendship right now but I want to get closer to him and eventually get back together with him.
He still has resentment to what I did to him while we were together and I understand because I hurt him a lot and I regret that a lot.
I just wanna know if there's a chance for us to get back together some day 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thanks for watching our video. We always believe that chance and hope to make the relationship work will always be there. It depends on the actions that we take and refuse to do. We only lose our chance if we give up. There is always a chance to work things out if you are committed and willing to put in the work. If you're just going to give up at the first road bump you hit, then all bets are off.
@@ClayAndrews thanks for the reply
I and x dated for 4 years and were planning to get married.. We broke up last year bcz of third party.. Bt we were back within a month... Nw again we broke up 1 month back n i got to know he is back wid her... He keeps telling his friends that he wants to marry that girl.. His parents are not accepting that girl so he is telling his friends that he will run n get married.. I dnt understand what to do... I miss him and want him back... He keeps saying that i dnt want to b wid u.. I dnt feel happy.. That gal also works wid him so they spend the whole time together.. So do i still hold any chance
We are going through the hot/cold faze right now, its getting better with time
Hey coach
My ex gf broken up 3 months go ... and I between no contact I realised that I lacked confidence how I talked to her, my body language was weak, unsecure nervous stressed needy or feminine l. I was not having emotional masculinity to be leader of the our relationship. And I understood I was turning her off during the relationship and turning her off since the breakup too... so please guide me. How could I now fix my relationship and how could I show that I have change... please help me out Coach she don’t wanna to talk me ever I think she is stubborn on me... please help me please
My ex boyfriend have TRUST issue. Ever since the 2nd month of our relationship. As goes by fast. He tried to handle the situation between us. Cuz i feel that he loves me. After 1 year and 7 months in a relationship. It becomes worse . I got bored over him. He always think i have somebody else. Then december 16 I decided to broke up with him out of anger. After that day I tried to text him but he was so mad at me. He said "lets get move on.". Im so hurt because he also said he doesnt care of me anymore. I tried to win him back. I go to his house. Act like nothing happened. He got so mad at me. He said thats not easy. And I have this feeling of clingy and needy. I followed him. Thats the time he got so over mad at me. He said were not getting back together. He also said that he doesnt love me anymore.that I made that him so miserble in the relationship. He left me on that park. The day after that I become desperately again to text him. Asking him to call me. He called me once we talked that were going to meet after that day. He haas a fever so he told me to come to thier house. I cried infront of him. Telling him I really love him. He only said that he doesnt love me anymore. Hes so mad at me. Then I said that I want to take a rest to thier house. He got mad again. But he had nothing to do since I made him yes to stay that night. Hes so hot and cold. He even dont want to talk about our relationship. He said I can moved on. Along that way. He said he will not sleep until Im still in their house. But them hes only a human. He began to sleep and I was pretending that time that Im sleep. He hold my hand through his body. As he started to hugged me. After I left on thier house I started the no contact but break it during christmass. I tried to ask his mother about him and chatting with her about the situation. Her sister also called me and hear my side. They understand me. But my ex boyfriend said to them that he has no feeling for me anymore. His sister told me that he is so mad at me. That time I started the no contact again. Till now. He blocked me on social media. During new year her younger cousin greet me. But I sensed that he is the one whos chatting. I nver chat with cousin before. Never talked also.
I miss him so much. I dont know if he will still back at me
If you want to be with him, you have to accept him as the man that he is. You say that he has trust issues, so you have to accept that he is going to be a little insecure. Of course, if you were doing something to agitate those issues, then obviously you need to stop that. But how you found him is how he is likely to stay.
@@ClayAndrews is there any chance that he will come back?
I left him bc he was non committal n started getting close to another girl. I left him n he rebounded with the girl n that ended within a month. 4 months down the road he still won't answer my call. Phase 1? Or just hate? Well I blocked him so I can focus on me.
@@vickantonia5713 😂😂😂😂😂
How often should I contact my ex? And how long should I try to keep the conversation going when he seems uninterested?
Hi Kat, it is not about the quantity that would matter, but the quality of your interactions. You can learn more about this inside our Ex Solution Program course. :-)
How do I makes him missing he's too busy with his friends....and his mom don't like me
Please help me
Hi Mim, If our goal is to make someone miss us, it will go back to our intent in doing Active No Contact and working in our Advanced Relational Skills. Remember that if our goal is for the person to miss us but we failed to make personal improvements to work on our awareness and acceptance, it will just be a passive way of doing No Contact. All the best.
My ex only did reactance and crisis point because I did no contact for 3 weeks but then our mutual friends told him I kept bothering them about him so he texted me telling me to move on and that he doesn’t regret his decision. However we dated for a year and the relationship was very good, we had a very strong connection so I don’t understand how he could just give up on us so easily.
I'm sorry to hear about what happened. what do you think you could have done differently in the process?
What if they tell you they don’t love you anymore? We aren’t compatible? It bothers him to talk to me? And he wants divorce?
I'm sorry to hear about what happened, Cindi. It sounds like there's too much negative tension between the two of you that needs to settle down. Have you tried doing Active No Contact for the time being to give each other the needed space?
@@ClayAndrews yes, but his determine for the divorce. What should I do??
Clay Andrews, I have a situation does five stages that u mention on this I was mostly half ways after she unblock. Here’s the thing I screw up does stages by getting anxious about it an I brought up the break up an during the does stages I would tell her if I get u annoying why don’t u block me again so the last I told her that which it was Friday the 18 of January 2019 she told me u know what I’m going to take ur advice an she did block me for the second. I know what ur think that I’m stupid for doing that. I have a week with out contacting her an I’m planning to go for another week. What can I do to bring her back plus we see each other 3 times a week do to church! What can I do??? What could be my first step this?? The last she told that she doesn’t feel interested on going back to the relationship which it gets me sad what I had done there I was so close now I’m wondering if she even missed me during this week that I haven’t gone to service what can I do mr. Clay from now on? Is this relationship already dead.
Stop playing "no contact" as a mind game with her. Show her that there's a damn good reason to get back together with you. Snapping at her, telling her to block you, then not contacting her because you don't know what else to do... That's not going to give her a damn good reason to get back together with you.
Hi Clay. My boyfriend and I were together for 2 and a half years and he broke it off. He did it out of the blue and then started a rebound relationship a week later. He got his own place but keeps coming and going for his things...not taking them all alot once.. asking me about my progress and goals, hugs me and insists i reach out to him cause he cares, and then texts me later the same day... I keep rearranging our old place and applying alot of positive changes in my life. Do you think no contact would be appropriate in this situation? Or would that hinder a second chance? And do you think he's moving on even though he won't take me back and pursued a relationship with someone else already?
No Contact should ONLY be used if interacting with him is actually driving the two of you apart. If it's bringing you closer, then there is no harm in staying in contact.
When i reached out to him after 1 month and half he was more positive than the last time right away after break up . He seems to still care for me. He asked me how is my new job and told me to not drink anymore because i will feel sick the NexT day. What stage should be this? I miss him so much. I regret some parts of my behaviour in relationship with him. I want him back😔i love him.
It's really hard to say just going off of what you've shared. But it does still sound like he cares for your wellbeing.
Clay Andrews one week later i asked him when i can see him again..and he Said that he doesn’t know when...that he doesn t promise anything ...and Why i would want to see him..he Said that he doesn t know where this will go . Do you think he will contact me for a meeting or he just gave me false hope and wants to wait for nothing?
Summer Girl I think you should fall back just a little. You want to rebuild something new; so work on consistent contact right now and see how that goes is my suggestion. Meeting up may be too much for him right now if he hasn’t responded. I am just a lay person.
Hey clay my wife and i have been together for 5 years she left 4 months ago said she was done!!! First interaction we had after she said she was done ended up with us connecting having fun and enjoy our time together and we ended up sleeping together. After a few weeks of texts and few hour conversations about what we would do to fix our marriage we saw each other again at our house she hugged me and didn't want to let go. There was even a time where she was all over me and said shes not sleeping with me and asked me if i found her attractive :S . We see eachother at most 3 times a month and everytime we do there's a deep connection we have fun the attractions there but she keeps making up excuses why we're not right for eachother even saying i should see another woman and i find out later shes been talking to another guy who she says they talk only here and there as friends but she would consider seeing him romantically once and if our marriage doesn't work out :S.
I finally convinced her to see a marriage counsellor with me and even got her to book time off work to do so. Like I said though everything is there as in the emotional connection attraction and just us enjoying eachothers company.
She still doesn't trust that these changes i've made to mitigate my complacency and acts as if i cheated on her which i didn't she even gets mad that ive been making these changes.
Where am I at in terms in the 5 stages?
Whats holding her back ?
Thanks for taking your time and reading this you've been very helpful :)
Burton 87 hey I have a question do you think it count when someone says I’m done with you and you been in a relationship with them for 5 month and you haven’t cheated or do anything to harm the relationship do you think it can be fix with the issue there was in the relationship
Hey clay I feel like my ex is in crisis mode because we like spending time together but then every time we are having a good time she discourage me by picking a fight like you are the reason why we are in this situation and then she tells me we shouldn’t spend as much time together because we spend mostly everyday with each other and she also tells me I’m not going to get back together but out of anger or sometimes just by saying it calmly what does this mean I need help on this ?
@THE PRADO FAMILY , you may be right, your ex may be in Crisis Point and is getting confused with what she feels especially if she's having a positive emotional connection with you.
Clay Andrews so what should I do? Do I give her space?
Hello! My ex messaged me asking If I’m okay now for the reason that his mother said so. I feel super confused :((
I wish I could afford your program but I simply can not. I’ve had a very hard time lately trying to work things out with her but it seems as everything I do makes things worse.
Hi Alpha, That's truly fine if you won't be able to purchase ur program. No pressure. You can always watch our TH-cam videos as it may answer most of your common questions. We understand that our initial instinct is about fixing the relationship after the breakup. This may sound counter-intuitive but we have to work with our inner self first and work on the Advanced Relational Skills. Getting back together is a process. If you are having a hard time, reflect on how you approach things. Maybe there's something that has needed to be changed. All the best.
Hello, my x/hubby is in 49/51. Sometimes positive and suddenly the next day negative. Plz help me coz that means he still loves me and i want him back. What strategies can i follow?
You should stay focused on the emotional connection. Don't get caught up in the content of what he says or does, but understand that all of that is coming from an emotional context. Stay focused on that context, and build up that emotional connection.
It is a good idea to give my ex an apologize letter when she is in crisis point?? Please help!
Hi Pablo, what is important when it comes to sending an apology letter i the content and the sincerity of the message. But you have to detach yourself from any form of an outcome as apology letters might take some time to process depending on the depth of the emotional content of the message. If our have started to build better interactions and she is open to vulnerability, you can consider sending that kind of letter.
@@ClayAndrews thanks, another question. She block me on whats app i think because i didnt answer the last message she send me, and she wait like 4 days and black me. In instagram she delete or hide all our photos but in facebook she still having some im confused. And back to the letter what should i do next if she contact me? Continue with no contact or try to comunicate with her but trying not to talk about the relationship? i know she doesnt want to come back yet.
so i'm in the third stage hmmmm btw nice video
Hey clay, my ex and I broakup 2 weeks ago, she is in a relationship with someone who was her friend and she said he gave her a shoulder to cry on in the few days we didn't speek,
She was something really special and I don't want her to go, we agreed to meet and talk about our break up (to clear things out) and we are still going to do it, we were texting almost everyday for the past week and yesterday and today we even started to joke and she started to use smilies again, I really need help at understanding how should I act in that talk and what to do next, I really love her and the break up was over a stupid fight, we had a really passionate relationship and when her family heard about that they all rushed to say she will get over it, and that she is just mad and I shouldn't just let go.
Thanks for any help!
Also we were together for 2.5 years
She used that person as a rebound to hide the pain she feels from missing you don’t take it to heart everyone is different tbh some want to be alone and others are anxious and need to be dependent so some may jump into a rebound but the more you show jealousy or pain the more it justifies the rebound but the more you let it be the more they’ll realize they aren’t you and won’t compare to you and after a couple weeks to months it’ll fizzle out just focus on you and bettering yourself and hangout with friends and family or go out and have fun and they’ll make the move
I know the pain of wanting an ex back. I'm there now. BUT. If she got into a relationship 2 weeks later with a guy "friend", that means he was your replacement the whole time. She was just waiting for you to mess up in some way. For future reference, don't get into a relationship with a woman who says he's just a "friend". That's a surefire way to a disappointment of the heart. She uses that dude as validation and emotional support. You know, the things she should be going to you for? And he stuck around waiting for the opportunity, or a chink in her armor, or yours. LET HER GO FOR GOOD. It hurts a man's pride, but pride can lead us into some really crappy places. I know it feels like she's the one, but there is someone out there much better suited for you, I promise, bro.
Hi Clay, I am kind of confused about something in my own situation. My wife and I separated (not legally) because she cheated on me with her ex bestfriend back in July. She asks me to leave because she couldn't handle the pain regret and guilt she caused me and herself, so I left ( November 6th ) lately her and I have been FaceTiming( talking each other right after her Rebound boyfriend leaves for work in the morning ( who she moved in 1 and a half weeks after I left). We talk about everything including her relationship with her rebound boyfriend and how they've been fighting nearly ever since he moved in. She tells me she loves me as her friend and not like a wife should her husband plus she's said that she misses us . Keep in mind we talk nearly all the time . We talk about our kids, our dog, her house cleaning business, her family,, everything except for us and our relationship/marriage. Could you please help me understand were we are at in our relationship & what I can do to keep things going in the right direction?? BTW, I've currently started watching your video series of A.R.S. ( Advanced Relational Skills) and I've made it to the 5th video. Anyway thank you for talking the time to read this and help me. Willis
Hi Willis, It seems like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon phase. This is the phase where you get mixed messages. The best approach is to focus on positive interactions and building positive/quality interpersonal connections with her. You can learn more about this in depth inside our Ex Solution Program.
@@ClayAndrews I would love to be able to sign up for the program, unfortunately I live on a fixed income (under $900.00 a month) because I'm disabled due to a connective tissue disorder known as Marfan syndrome and I have to watch every dollar I get. I am watching the A.R.S. (Advanced Relational Skills) videos on TH-cam, because like I said, money is tight. And I truly do want to get my ex back with all my heart and if I could, I definitely would sign up for the program . Thank you Clay for responding take care and Merry Christmas to you and yours.
That's totally fine, Willis, our videos are always free for you to access and learn from. :-) Have a great holiday to you.
I'm having a difficult time thinking of my ex with a rebound or anyone else. It's really f*cking with me.
Yeah, I know. I've spent a few sleepless nights tossing and turning, trying my best to think of anything but that. It's hard a hell. Meditation will help. Bringing your focus to the present moment will help.
@@ClayAndrews Thank you, this is great advice! I will do that and I am also going to mental health therapy as soon as possible for many different reasons. I really need professional help. I feel exhausted and not well, post breakup. I literally feel sick. Not because of how my ex broke up with me and acted but also because of my toxic behavior. I just don't know who I am any more. I am questioning every detail of the relationship and although my ex exhibits narcissistic behavior, I'm starting to see that I also made so many mistakes and that I am possibly a narcissist as well. I have a lot of work to do.
Joe River then it means you are still in love and you don’t want to lose them. Reconcile the relationship. If you can’t imagine them having intimate relations with anyone else without it hurting then you aren’t ready to let them go!!
So are you open to hearing my problems clay. I can email you
Hi Sharez, You can email our team at hello@modernlove.life .:-)
My ex seems to be riding the dragon
Hey! I broke up with my ex before 2 months. But between that I begged her so much. And I shouted at her and I hurt her so much. I went to her and asked are you in relationship with someone else like that. So she got so angry. And I didn't relaized that. She told you won't change your character . But ri8 now I realized everything without her. I felt so bad what I did to her. So I went to her I told her that I am so sorry for everything. I don't have trust on you. I believe In others words. Not yours. I am so sorry. She told me I can understand your situation. And she told me don't wait for me I don't care you changed your character or not. I don't want any relation now I want to be happy with myself. I told her u r angry on me and my negative thoughts are making you to speak like this. But she told whatever, I am speaking normally with you . Don't wait and waste your time. I won't come back to you anymore. Is she will come back to me or not? We have to study till 4 more years in same class. What to do? She told I am not even Caring abt you. And she cried because of you I lost my Friends . But I can't understand her mind now is she is crying for them or for me. What to do now ?
Hi Vignesh, I'm sorry about that. Your ex is still at the Wall of Reactance Stage that is why she is a bit resistant on your attempt to have a good conversation with her. You may check this video --- th-cam.com/video/06s_5J65w7c/w-d-xo.html . All the best.
Did you end the relationship?
Could explain why she’s hurt!
Women tend to grieve and feel the loss almost instantly and they try to cope!
Guys most cases deal with it later on or put it to the back burner!
So why did you dump her and ask for her to get back with you after 2 months?
Me and my gf broke up 2months ago, but lately i chased her i did everything to win her back, but its not working after seing so many videos now am on no contact rule, for one week but her birthday is coming in two weeks, what can i do?
Please assist
I would give you pretty much the same advice as over here... Just replace "Christmas" with "birthday": th-cam.com/video/ldBC-uzphyI/w-d-xo.html
Do nothing don’t wish her birthday greeting get on with your life improve yourself love yourself more and things will work out better for you
Hey Clay can u give me a good advice about my situation, so me and my ex broke up because she thinks I don’t have time for her anymore, because I work and focus in school so me and her can have a better future and she picked another guy that doesn’t even have a job, she like him because he has time for her. Her parents found out about the situation and did not like it bc the guy that she’s with is lazy and her parents understand that I’m busy and she got mad bc her parents don’t like the guy and she said they were just friends and she lied, then when her and her parents talk she got mad and ran away, she ran to the guys house bc she didn’t see my car and her parents got her back but her parents already notified my parents and I ran out the house sprinting all over the place and I couldn’t find her, then her parents went to the guys house and took her then my mom picked me up so we can look around, then we drive by her house and she was in the car with her mom and she ran out and told me take me out of here and I was broken inside bc she was crying so me and my mom took her home, her parents knows my parents and there good friends, so she stayed in my house for 2 days and I talk to her that Saturday and I told her to pick the right choice bc I already know what’s gonna happen if she didn’t and she told me there gonna agree on my terms I was like do U hear urself right now and she was like Ya and I was like there’s no point on talking and she said we can talk about something else. And we talk for a bit and she got sleepy, I picked her up put her on my bed bc she’s sleeping there and I’m sleeping in the leaving room, and I put her blankets and she started crying... she said plz don’t leave me, I was like in my head what do u mean ur with someone else, but I told her ok I’ll be here no matter what, and she went to sleep, then the next morning I woke up and just close my eyes then she went to the leaving room and layed next to me and she was like I think about what u said and I’m going home but they still have to agree on my terms, I turned my head the other way bc things are not going the way I wanted it to, then my parents are already talking to her about the situation and so the afternoon came and she went home but before that I told her plz pick the right path and I told her I will always love you no matter what happens 😢 so she went and she pick the wrong path, ran away with that guy and never came home for 2 weeks now, it hurts me everyday bc we planned to get married and we been through hell together and I thought I found the one, till now I’m hurting and she’s out there with the guy having (fun) I guess. But I still stay touch with her parents, they have struggles with money but I help them by giving them food for the family and my family too there both my family lol 😂 but I work in a fast food, I’m a cook so extra is mine and I’m here for them bc I couldn’t imagine losing a daughter, her mom picks me up from work then her dad gives me a hug whenever he sees me bc this guy is buff and I’m always scared of him I never expect him to give me a big hug, but ya I waited for her till her parents would finally found out that me and her were dating, me and her have been cheated by our past ex too and I work hard in school to get a better job bc I promise her dad that I would complete college and get a good job then I could marry her and now it feels wasted but now I pray everyday that she will realize everything and go home and idk if I should just move on? But what do u think about the situation?
This is a really long post, and hard to read since it is one mono-paragraph... But it sounds like having a boyfriend who makes time for her is important to her. Is there any way that you can demonstrate to her that you are willing to make time for her?
I would but she’s with a rebound right now and plus she ran away from home bc she thinks that her family doesn’t love her and she thinks that I’m not gonna be here for her, but I’ve been even know we’re not dating anymore, but I’m trying all my best to get her home and to be back with her too.
Ive been in relationship for my partner for almost 5 yrs!
Then last moNth he went back home from abroad without telling me that his already home.I dont know his reason why he do that to me, so I ask him WHY....Then he told me he need space,he dont want to talk and he keep me pushing away.. 😭.And now its been a month also since I last see and talked to him....
Its really hurt because all comes In my mind are big ???? and WHY!..
I KNow his family dont want me...😭😭😭coz I'm just a simple person and had a simple job!..I heard a story from his family that they want a professional woman like nurse,doctor ect ..for their son because His a seaman!....😢I didnt do anything or caused a problem to them....
Its realy hurt and causing me so much pain!...I cant smile anymore and when Im at work i cant help myself to keep crying!...
Hi Rain, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. I understand that you have to go through such pain after the breakup. Always remember that each of us is unique and we have something special to bring in a lasting relationship. Don't let other's expectations and standards bring you down. You have a quality that may be attractive but yet they failed to see that because of the standards that they imposed for themselves. I understand that breakups are tough, but you are stronger than the pain that you are going through and you can definitely get through this. Sending more positive energies on your end.
Thanks Sir Clay for the wonderful advise and wisdom!...Maybe as of now I feel like gonna tore in to pieces,but I'll try my best to be more stronger and positive...😢😔😔😔
Hello sir clay,welcome back to me here at my comment section,,,Just wanted to tell you after a months since my ex broke up with me ,I'll find out today that he got married.
And its ok maybe its still hurt but not really coz i know God has a good purposed why this happen to me.
That time when he dumped and broke up with me.I told my self i really need to be mOre stronger and life must go on. And now its turning 1month in my new job here in abroad. ..
Someday I'll be back again here in comment section if im totaly and finaly move on and happy.Thank you so much for your videos Sir Clay,I learned a lot.
I'm in stage 4 but she still does not believe I have changed how can I show her and make her understand I can give her exactly what she wants
Just be consistent with your actions. Your authentic change will reflect over time. It is not just by showing her that you have changed. but it is even how you respond to her reactions behind her back will reflect the true change within your self.
My ex is a narcissist. He has two rebounds at the same time
I'm sorry to hear about that, Tia. How would you like to move forward given the situation?
Clay Andrews well I have no choice but to move on . He is very manipulative . I blocked him on all social media and my phone. He called several times on unknown. Can you do a video on narcissistic exes?
On this video you didn’t mention the No Contact Rule. I’m sure that would be a factor to making hem miss us.
Only if your absence creates a lack of positivity in their life.
I think my ex plays stupid or something. He lies to himself and knows I'm telling the truth about some personal things about us or him and denies so many things.
Okay, so now the question becomes: Are you interested in being in a relationship with a man, like your ex, who lies about things that happened?
@@ClayAndrews You have a great point. No I don't. I guess I'm just very confused about why he hid behind a mask for 2 years. My plan is to move on from him even if I want answers that probably won't come up anytime soon. Thank you :)
My ex has been calling me and just listening to my voice,I knew who it was from the beginning.Can't say that I want her back though.
Sounds like she is open to interacting with you. In either case, think about what you want. Only engage with her if it's something that you really want to do.
He was at stage four then went silent
My situation is different. My ex and I were together over 2 years. Very happy. Very in love. Nothing specific went wrong so there were no negative feelings that he had toward me as far as I know. The problem is that I’m older. And he has a fantasy that involves the proverbial white picket fence and a baby. I’ve already had a baby and I’m not starting over. He could be a step father to my teen child but that’s all. So he always felt that we would have to eventually end so that he could find a younger baby mama. He met one that he thought he could go out with to see if it would work, so he broke up with me. That rebound lasted about 2 months and is now over. While dating her he texted and sexted me. He has sent many mixed messages. Especially if he’s gone out drinking with friends. I told him alcohol was a truth serum. I keep trying no contact.....during the times between when he suddenly texts me. I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much and want him back but if he sticks to wanting that fantasy I’m afraid I have no hope.
Sam Hill if you dig you’ll find something I did and a lot more than I wanted too
Clay I really think that my ex won't do what your saying in this video. I wish that she would but I no she won't. She's too stubborn.
Then aside from the emotional resistance, you can address friction keeping the two of you apart or any hurt feelings that she may be holding on to.
Mine is in gods hands she ran samesex but our hearts know all I will say you can’t keep lying
I am not sur if I am stage 3 or 4
Hello, I broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago. He travelled to another city then wrote me a message on whatsapp that we can't be together. I feel pain and betrayal. Worse his office is near mine and we go to the same gym but different time. I noticed he felt bad our gym instructor holding my hand. What should I do. Please help..
Any idea why the two of you broke up?
@@ClayAndrews no..he just said he is not ready for commitments. What should I do
Sounds like he wants to take things slow for now. Are you okay with this?
@@ClayAndrews he doesn't communicate but I understand he met someone at the club in another city
my ex's problem I'm pretty sure if I hear from her after no contact im on day 8 after 2.5 weeks of begging and another 1.5 weeks of messages with no replies is that she's not going to want to have to tell her whole family we are back together.... I've bee working out and I've lost 15 pounds and building lots of muscle she's always found me really attractive days before the breakup im just one upping it all and getting in shape for real so she has no real reason to turn me down. we are long distance of 5.5 years and I was going to be moving there this year which sucks because i have ended my life here and now im kind of in limbo wondering because she said we are never getting back together. all our pictures are still all over her profiles which if we were that over i would think they would be gone. she said she doesn't think about me anymore but her instagram likes don't show that at all
HI Marshall, its great to hear that you have worked on your physical appearance and took good care of yourself. That is important as well. But aside from that, it is worthy to work on the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach inside our ESP course. Aside from that you get to have an indepth knowledge of the different stages in the process of getting back together. :-)
so if you help him that would be casing him right .
If by "casing" you mean "chasing," then it really depends on where you are at emotionally. If you're coming from a place of desperation, then, yes, it is chasing him.
Stage 1-2
How do u move then from that stage riding the Dragon. Without getting frustrated with them.
You can feel frustrated if you feel frustrated. However, you can always choose if or how to act when you feel frustrated.
Fuck it she doesn’t miss me. 2months and 3 weeks in NC so..... fuckkkk
Cutting contact alone isn't enough to make someone miss you if your last impression of them was negative. Doing something like that can actually make them relieved to not be in contact with you. That is my main contention with the conventional "TH-cam wisdom" on No Contact.
Great
what about narcs?
OMG
I didn’t realize what Pansies some men are!
I’m deeply offended, I raised three of his children and he wants me to call him
to ask about how his life is going?
Again, I had three children, and not four. Grow some balls and call about your children,
I didn’t even get one red-cent to raise them.
And they turned out just like him, they want me to call them to see how their life is going
they don’t call me to see if their mother needs anything not even to check in.
And I want to get this man back? I am totally rethinking these messy thots of mine.
I need to be online 8k so im playing a gme an then I broke up cuz she was killing my people
Can I please pay you a lot of money for no help?!?!!
My Ex was stage 3...
That can be the most difficult one to deal with emotionally for most people.
👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
Lmao 13 year old middle school kid
I'm a 12 year old high school kid😂😂😂
They let 12-year-olds into high school now? Did you skip a grade or something?
@@ClayAndrews no that's just how it is where I live,we start school at 4 then go to primary school until were like 10 then we go to highschool😂
:)
This guy is one of the worst relationships coach ever. Didn’t even explain how to make your ex miss you. What a waste of time
0:48 - Your ex will miss you when being together with you feels better than being apart from you.
Do you need me to spell it out for you so you can just turn your brain off (if it was ever on in the first place) and follow a paint-by-numbers, fill-in-the-blank, no-work blueprint?
Clay Andrews how rude! Can’t tell if being together with you feels better than being apart of there is never a being together part