1000x this. The MINUTE I found myself in a support system full of people I respect and vice versa paired with a number of life fulfilling interests and hobbies....I now find that I can want women, but not need them....and know what the difference is between them. It takes time. For me, it took quite a lot. For you, maybe not so much (lucky bastard). But damn....u will be much more efficient in learning how to be with women (and an even better student to coaches since the pressure of criticism and rejection is SO MUCH LESS)
Simple but profound advice, Damien! Could you do a follow-up video of interesting ways to fulfill social needs when we're stuck at home by ourselves during quarantine?
Yes, I can relate totally. Broke up from my first long term relationship 6 months ago, lasted 1.5 years, I wasn't fully invested, did not really love my ex, but on the other hand she was always so kind and loving, so I stayed way too long and for the bad reasons. I was the opposite of needy all this time except a few months before the breakup, I quit my job and kinda went back into a pretty lonely lifestyle, so I requested to my ex more and more that we could see each other (usually it was 3 times a week), slowly but surely I became needy and it was pathetic. She broke up with me during that phase. Looking back, I didn't have friends to go out with (still to this day lmao but I am working on it) and during the relationship I filled some of this void by being with my ex...
I so fucking agree with you!!! I've always thought is counterproductive to "not care at all", because then, where's the passion in it? Flirting with women is like opening a business, the likelihood of failing is high and despite that CARING ABOUT IT is one of the most important components of success. Not being worrisome, nervous or anxious, just CARING enough to invest your time because let's be honest, NO ONE, absolutely NO ONE opens a business and says "I don't care if it is successful, this is just a learning experience". EVERY SINGLE ONE WANTS THEIR BUSINESS TO SUCCEED. Hence, everytime we approach, we should care, not in the sense of wanting her approval, but because we aapire to make the best outcome possible to happen.
Gamer sub here lol. Parents made me work for all consoles and games with the exception of NES and SNES (age 5 and 7 respectively) lol. Video is very on point. Anyways after getting rejected by the last one, it seemed like I followed those steps before watching this. After showing that I didn't need her, but wanting her, the attraction was reestablished.
A lot of these issues are coming from our separation from family and friends. It's hard for overseas workers the most. It's sad that this is a concept that's now pre dominant in our globalized world.
I like my friends and have a lot of different fantastic hobbies (dancing, playing theater, martial arts, gym, urbex, scale modeling, and more and I'm not kidding). Still, I fall into the neediness trap with women again and again. Lately, I often catch myself thinking my whole focus is on women. I'm like a maniac having an urge to get women. I don't think I ever "need" it, but I "want" really badly.
Brilliant video. Just out of curiosity would these same rules apply for someone who is inexperienced with dating? You see I've not had really any success with girls and i do find that if I do get a slight bit of attention I do get a bit obsessed with it. However, I do consider myself to be someone that puts a lot of energy into my career and hobbies and although I'm not the most popular person I do have a fair amount of friends from different groups. My family life is pretty good also. So I was wondering is my neediness more related to scarcity?
It is probably scarcity. You can hang out with or date multiple women at once. They don't all need to be sexual and you don't need to put 100% into every relationship. Just don't lie about not being exclusive
So Lewis, the same basici principal does apply - if you attatch solutions ot emotional needs on a woman - then it feels like a need - if you feel like you NEED women to respond well to you - then you're still in that trap. It's just an easier trap to fall into when you also dont' have any experience. But yes, scarcity can be a battle all on its own - But I'd be very surprised if a big part of that scarcity wasn't related to an emotional need that needs fulfilling. Rather than the wan tof a woman.
Not caring too much is difficult or impossible if the rejection you get from a woman brings you closer to be eliminated from the gene pool. Getting a date with a woman is potentially a life changing situation. As such there is nothing else more important in life. No hobbies and no friends, no tribe will be a replacement for starting a family with a woman you love. Genetically we do need a woman in our life, I don't think we can ignore this strongest of all needs.
If your only goal in life is to get women there's going to way more pressure on each and every encounter you have with a girl. Of course it's important, but it's not the only thing that matters which I think is the point of this video. Even if you do find a woman you love to start a family with, if she is your only focus you're going to end up in a toxic co-dependent relationship.
@@charminions1675 In get your point. The problem is that rationally, all the important things in life (work, hobbies, etc.) only start really to matter once the main need (reproducing, having a partner) is met. That is why many artists need their muse to be able to work. Similarly, it is easier to concentrate on friends, your life mission and other things if your mind is not fully occupied with the task of finding a woman. It's tricky..similar to the chicken and the egg problem.
Axel - I tihnk there's a problem with your heirarchy of needs that's really hurting you - My work and my hobbies have 100% meaning without women - you're requireing women to add meaning to everything else you do - I know that FEELS like the only rational way to think for you right now - but that's simply not true.
@@SchoolOfAttraction You are certainly right to a degree. I just have a strong sex drive, as such I think about women nonstop. My work and other passions in life also have 100% meaning; it's just difficult to concentrate on them. Also, there is not enough time as I spend so much time finding a partner. Women were the biggest time waster of my life. Sad, but I could not find a way to distract me from them.
@@ProfWho-ut5he there is a solution for this and I am not talking about theory here. This is what I found out through moments of sweat,tears and blood and I know very very well what you are talking about, when your mind goes all haywire and bombards you with women having sex with other men, couples kissing each other and that hole in your heart that gets deeper and deeper the more you see it/think about it. I accidentally found out that men like us, have a form of sex addiction without ever even having sex. It's called porn. Today's society has free access of porn, I started to watch it when I was 11 years old Now, here comes nofap into play. To keep it short. The pain of needing women was the strongest during the first 1-3 weeks. I had massive massive panic attacks because I felt like I was going to die. In other words, I was afraid to die a virgin or at least not making a woman pregnant. I know this sounds fucked for most people reading this but I am sure you can relate 100% After 3 weeks however that pain was gone. And I mean GONE. I could finally really focus on things that actually mattered in life like getting my finances in order or having friends. Before hand I was so dreaded with pain that the only thing that I was referencing was my 2000 approaches that ended up in rejections and how this is proof that every women on this planet earth doesn't want my genes because I am at the bottom of the barrel and shit like this. Stop watching porn, don't matrubate and dont peek for at least 30 days to see a difference. And never fall back to porn because that wound is still there and it will open back up.
There's needy .... And NEEDY. Needy is getting upset when she says she's going to do something and she doesn't do it. Or otherwise you needing her to be a dependable and reliable person. NEEDY is constantly calling and texting her, saying that your whole world revolves around her when you don't know her that well. There's some gray area here, as there is gray area with virtually all dating advice.
Yeah absolutely... i mean we always have emotional needs from people we are close to - things that help us feel safe and secure... But it's how we manage and share those needs that's making the difference.
sex addition problem yup.....don't recommend....is fun....short lived...you feel like shit afterwards....I mean...shit...sometimes I'd be dating someone, and STILL be focused on hitting on girls, literally just for that extra validation.....
Sorry, but no. Your way just reinforces the idea that you are not romantically lovable as you are, and you need to be better to have love. It is just like an idea "I need a better job" or "I need plastic surgery". I totally believe that my friends and social groups will accept me, and it does not help even a bit with feeling like women will accept me romantically.
Some men do need to improve themselves to find love though. A woman isn't going to see your worth if you don't present yourself as having any. Whether it's confidence, looks (hygiene/dressing better/haircuts) or hobbies/a job.
@@Ash_Wen-li Yes, but if you are not doing both in parallel - improving and seeking a woman - then you are forcing your brain to think that current you are unlovable.
@@Straga_Severa The way I see it, learning the skills to get women is part of self improvement because those social skills can also be transferred over into other aspects of your life (career, friends, networking, etc.) So if your goal is self improvement, wouldn't it make sense that you work on the areas of your life that need the most improvement?
There are a lot of men who MAKE themselves unloveable by being needy - you are aware of this? This doesn't make them not deserving of love - but no woman can get close enough to them bcause they keep repelling them with neediness. These men are lonely for years and years - Wouldn't they benefit from taking a few months to deal with the neediness, then return to women?
@@SchoolOfAttraction I am acutely aware of this, but my point is - taking a few months off can harm the neediness, not help it, because the need of friends and the need of romantic partner are not interchangable.
1000x this.
The MINUTE I found myself in a support system full of people I respect and vice versa paired with a number of life fulfilling interests and hobbies....I now find that I can want women, but not need them....and know what the difference is between them.
It takes time. For me, it took quite a lot. For you, maybe not so much (lucky bastard).
But damn....u will be much more efficient in learning how to be with women (and an even better student to coaches since the pressure of criticism and rejection is SO MUCH LESS)
100%
How to fix all your life problems:
1. Stop flirting with women
2. Fix all your life problems
3. You can continue flirting with women
Either that OR try to be the best version of yourself around women.
Thank you. The only person to ever say this.
Man I've been incredibly depressed during lockdown and this info really is reasuring and helps see things in a better way.
I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling mate! I'm glad I've helped somewhat
Simple but profound advice, Damien! Could you do a follow-up video of interesting ways to fulfill social needs when we're stuck at home by ourselves during quarantine?
Not a bad idea Souptik!
Yes, I can relate totally. Broke up from my first long term relationship 6 months ago, lasted 1.5 years, I wasn't fully invested, did not really love my ex, but on the other hand she was always so kind and loving, so I stayed way too long and for the bad reasons. I was the opposite of needy all this time except a few months before the breakup, I quit my job and kinda went back into a pretty lonely lifestyle, so I requested to my ex more and more that we could see each other (usually it was 3 times a week), slowly but surely I became needy and it was pathetic. She broke up with me during that phase. Looking back, I didn't have friends to go out with (still to this day lmao but I am working on it) and during the relationship I filled some of this void by being with my ex...
I so fucking agree with you!!! I've always thought is counterproductive to "not care at all", because then, where's the passion in it? Flirting with women is like opening a business, the likelihood of failing is high and despite that CARING ABOUT IT is one of the most important components of success. Not being worrisome, nervous or anxious, just CARING enough to invest your time because let's be honest, NO ONE, absolutely NO ONE opens a business and says "I don't care if it is successful, this is just a learning experience". EVERY SINGLE ONE WANTS THEIR BUSINESS TO SUCCEED. Hence, everytime we approach, we should care, not in the sense of wanting her approval, but because we aapire to make the best outcome possible to happen.
Absolutely! And there are all these poor guys wondering around feeling 'broken' because they can't stop caring at all.
Awesome message man. I always say, how do you expect a woman to love you when you don't love yourself?
So much wisdom! Thanks for the video!
Cheesr bud!
Gamer sub here lol. Parents made me work for all consoles and games with the exception of NES and SNES (age 5 and 7 respectively) lol.
Video is very on point.
Anyways after getting rejected by the last one, it seemed like I followed those steps before watching this. After showing that I didn't need her, but wanting her, the attraction was reestablished.
A lot of these issues are coming from our separation from family and friends. It's hard for overseas workers the most. It's sad that this is a concept that's now pre dominant in our globalized world.
Yeah it deifnitely is harder for those travelling far from their good connections
I like my friends and have a lot of different fantastic hobbies (dancing, playing theater, martial arts, gym, urbex, scale modeling, and more and I'm not kidding).
Still, I fall into the neediness trap with women again and again.
Lately, I often catch myself thinking my whole focus is on women. I'm like a maniac having an urge to get women. I don't think I ever "need" it, but I "want" really badly.
nice!
Brilliant video. Just out of curiosity would these same rules apply for someone who is inexperienced with dating? You see I've not had really any success with girls and i do find that if I do get a slight bit of attention I do get a bit obsessed with it. However, I do consider myself to be someone that puts a lot of energy into my career and hobbies and although I'm not the most popular person I do have a fair amount of friends from different groups. My family life is pretty good also. So I was wondering is my neediness more related to scarcity?
It is probably scarcity. You can hang out with or date multiple women at once. They don't all need to be sexual and you don't need to put 100% into every relationship. Just don't lie about not being exclusive
@@Ash_Wen-li thank you 👍
So Lewis, the same basici principal does apply - if you attatch solutions ot emotional needs on a woman - then it feels like a need - if you feel like you NEED women to respond well to you - then you're still in that trap. It's just an easier trap to fall into when you also dont' have any experience. But yes, scarcity can be a battle all on its own - But I'd be very surprised if a big part of that scarcity wasn't related to an emotional need that needs fulfilling. Rather than the wan tof a woman.
@@SchoolOfAttraction thank you 👍
My family life has always been shit and I've never had friends. No surprise I've always sucked with women.
Six calls? When I was nineteen I called at least 12 times.
🍺 man’s only need 🍺
Not caring too much is difficult or impossible if the rejection you get from a woman brings you closer to be eliminated from the gene pool. Getting a date with a woman is potentially a life changing situation. As such there is nothing else more important in life. No hobbies and no friends, no tribe will be a replacement for starting a family with a woman you love. Genetically we do need a woman in our life, I don't think we can ignore this strongest of all needs.
If your only goal in life is to get women there's going to way more pressure on each and every encounter you have with a girl. Of course it's important, but it's not the only thing that matters which I think is the point of this video. Even if you do find a woman you love to start a family with, if she is your only focus you're going to end up in a toxic co-dependent relationship.
@@charminions1675 In get your point. The problem is that rationally, all the important things in life (work, hobbies, etc.) only start really to matter once the main need (reproducing, having a partner) is met. That is why many artists need their muse to be able to work. Similarly, it is easier to concentrate on friends, your life mission and other things if your mind is not fully occupied with the task of finding a woman. It's tricky..similar to the chicken and the egg problem.
Axel - I tihnk there's a problem with your heirarchy of needs that's really hurting you - My work and my hobbies have 100% meaning without women - you're requireing women to add meaning to everything else you do - I know that FEELS like the only rational way to think for you right now - but that's simply not true.
@@SchoolOfAttraction You are certainly right to a degree. I just have a strong sex drive, as such I think about women nonstop. My work and other passions in life also have 100% meaning; it's just difficult to concentrate on them. Also, there is not enough time as I spend so much time finding a partner. Women were the biggest time waster of my life. Sad, but I could not find a way to distract me from them.
@@ProfWho-ut5he there is a solution for this and I am not talking about theory here. This is what I found out through moments of sweat,tears and blood and I know very very well what you are talking about, when your mind goes all haywire and bombards you with women having sex with other men, couples kissing each other and that hole in your heart that gets deeper and deeper the more you see it/think about it.
I accidentally found out that men like us, have a form of sex addiction without ever even having sex. It's called porn.
Today's society has free access of porn, I started to watch it when I was 11 years old
Now, here comes nofap into play. To keep it short. The pain of needing women was the strongest during the first 1-3 weeks. I had massive massive panic attacks because I felt like I was going to die. In other words, I was afraid to die a virgin or at least not making a woman pregnant. I know this sounds fucked for most people reading this but I am sure you can relate 100%
After 3 weeks however that pain was gone. And I mean GONE.
I could finally really focus on things that actually mattered in life like getting my finances in order or having friends. Before hand I was so dreaded with pain that the only thing that I was referencing was my 2000 approaches that ended up in rejections and how this is proof that every women on this planet earth doesn't want my genes because I am at the bottom of the barrel and shit like this.
Stop watching porn, don't matrubate and dont peek for at least 30 days to see a difference. And never fall back to porn because that wound is still there and it will open back up.
There's needy .... And NEEDY.
Needy is getting upset when she says she's going to do something and she doesn't do it. Or otherwise you needing her to be a dependable and reliable person.
NEEDY is constantly calling and texting her, saying that your whole world revolves around her when you don't know her that well.
There's some gray area here, as there is gray area with virtually all dating advice.
Yeah absolutely... i mean we always have emotional needs from people we are close to - things that help us feel safe and secure... But it's how we manage and share those needs that's making the difference.
sex addition problem yup.....don't recommend....is fun....short lived...you feel like shit afterwards....I mean...shit...sometimes I'd be dating someone, and STILL be focused on hitting on girls, literally just for that extra validation.....
the trick is his supple smooth lips and caring on your outcum
If you're needy it means you are a loser. If you're a winner you wouldn't be needy.
Love God or Nirvana or Oneness more than anything. A woman looks up to a man. A man looks toward the Ultimate.
this is a satire right?
1st
Sorry, but no. Your way just reinforces the idea that you are not romantically lovable as you are, and you need to be better to have love. It is just like an idea "I need a better job" or "I need plastic surgery".
I totally believe that my friends and social groups will accept me, and it does not help even a bit with feeling like women will accept me romantically.
Some men do need to improve themselves to find love though. A woman isn't going to see your worth if you don't present yourself as having any. Whether it's confidence, looks (hygiene/dressing better/haircuts) or hobbies/a job.
@@Ash_Wen-li Yes, but if you are not doing both in parallel - improving and seeking a woman - then you are forcing your brain to think that current you are unlovable.
@@Straga_Severa The way I see it, learning the skills to get women is part of self improvement because those social skills can also be transferred over into other aspects of your life (career, friends, networking, etc.) So if your goal is self improvement, wouldn't it make sense that you work on the areas of your life that need the most improvement?
There are a lot of men who MAKE themselves unloveable by being needy - you are aware of this? This doesn't make them not deserving of love - but no woman can get close enough to them bcause they keep repelling them with neediness. These men are lonely for years and years - Wouldn't they benefit from taking a few months to deal with the neediness, then return to women?
@@SchoolOfAttraction I am acutely aware of this, but my point is - taking a few months off can harm the neediness, not help it, because the need of friends and the need of romantic partner are not interchangable.