Eliminate Neediness - Getting To The Root Of The Problem
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- Have you ever been caught in a neediness spiral? Where you can see yourself getting more and more needy with a girl, and she's getting more and more turned off by you, but the more turned off she is, the more needy you become?
We've all had it happen to us at least once - And most guides that teach us how to be less needy focus on controlling our behaviours in the moment.
But in today's video, I want to show you how to become less clingy and needy around women by focusing instead on the root causes of these behaviors, because once you do that, then you'll stop needing validation from women forever.
More than that, when you work on these root causes, you'll find your self confidence will sky-rocket as well!
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School Of Attraction
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I think you're right, I've noticed neediness in myself when I really care about something which has normally resulted in my not getting what I really want but easily getting what I don't really want because that's when I'm being 'normal'
I wished that I had found you 10 years ago. When I first got into pick up over a decade ago, all the stuff I was able to find focused on teaching men to be manipulative a-holes to get the girl. And virtually every guy I personally met who was good with women said things like, "You can't be a nice guy and succeed with women." "Women like assholes. It's just the way it is." We need more people to teach guys how to do to pick up the right way (remaining true to themselves (even if it means being the classic nice guy) and still be successful).
...and teach women how to behave feminine. Thank you
Best video I have seen in a while! On point with the exercises needed to change from external validation to internal validation. Hope this exercise will help me to transform my life!
Actually gonna dedicate to try this
im trying this today for a week. 4/21/2022 - 4/28/2022
good luck!
Improve yourself basically, and don't place such a high value on validation from other people. AMS has a similar message!
I agree that you have to be more confident in yourself in order to truly be independent of others and not NEED a women to fill the gap in your lack of self confidence.
Ok. This is the only thing I don't have a problem with. Any time I receive a compliment, on the inside I go "What do you want from me, go away"
Also this is an off day, and I managed to crawl out of the bed before noon(CET , GMT+1). Accomplishment no.1 for the day. Already feeling good about myself.
Having an abundance mindset is extremely empowering. Unfortunately most guys don’t know how to get there.
yes first to see to coment and like yeees by the way love the video
Hahaha Quick off the mark Hussein, nice work!
3:55 Until you realize that free will is an illusion and you have zero control. Then you become the universe, the ego dies, etc.
It's so easy to get the reaction you want from a fairly pretty girl, but really hard to get the reaction you want from a really gorgeous girl.
im a try it
Hey Damien, I have recently followed your series of videos and found it really useful and covered topics I want to know. Anyway, It would be cool if you create another vid focusing on your opinions about "lowering standards". How do we know If we have very high standards, if it actually possible to do such thing and should we? Thank You!
Hey Surat, great question mate, and actually I think I could make a great video on just this topic - Watch this space.
Hope Your Love💚Day went well!
Thank you ! My partner and I don't ceelbrate valentine's day - We think that if you need a particular day of the year to be reminded to appreciate your partner and spend quality time together, then you're doing it wrongly ;)
Who Read Neediness as Medicines 😂
Never ask women what they think of you... Women's words don't matter, it's their actions that matter.
Also a needy man is a feminized man, and that's that... Too many men are feminized nowadays so don't take offence for what i say...
Also i repeat NEVER ask a woman what she thinks about you, but if she wants to compliment you that's fine... The moment you ask women what they think about you it's the moment you put them on pedestals.
Damn dude you actually explained how this works. No one else does that
I : washed the car, cut the grass, went shopping for the week, Changed the shoes at the shoe shop, Gave money to the charity shop, went for a two mile walk. Fixed the bathroom tap. Changed the light bulb on the car. All these little things will boost your confidence and self esteem and validate your self esteem!
After a CODA meeting, I concentrated on the affirmation: "I am whole & complete" ....and I suddenly FELT totally whole, complete and FREE. This "reality" lasted for a very short time and then I fell right back into: depression, sorrow, anger, fear, neediness, etc. I was not able to get back the FEELINGS of whole & complete except in short, unique circumstances but long to be there again - continually. I"m ready do what you suggest .
You know, recently I found another extremely important thing about neediness and all other stuff from inner game.
There is an established wisdom about learning outer game - that it is very gradual, that you need to set up small steps, don't expect yourself to get a phone number if you never approached women, etc., etc.
But for some reason I never see this approach applied to the inner game!
Subconciously, I pressured myself to go from a needy NiceGuyTM to a confident and independent man in one step. I watched a ton of videos like this and, when I still felt neediness, I thought of myself as a failure.
But really, it is as strange to expect myself to just stop being needy as it is strange to expect myself to get a number on a first approach in my life. If my hopes will come true, then in ten years I will be a founder of successful indie video game company but I don't force myself to learn management, advertisement and all of that stuff now - now I'm just learning game programming bit by bit.
And, if my hopes will come true, then in ten years I will be confident, not needy, have a hot and loving girlfriend or have the ability to find new chicks to bang and emotionally connect to. But why the hell I'm expecting current me to feel and behave like me-in-ten-years?
It is OK for me to feel needy now. It is OK to do things that dating coaches are telling not to do. I can improve gradually, bit by bit. And if I feel the urge to doubletext, then if I send a second text not the moment I feel it, but 20 minutes later - it is a victory, not a failure.
Absolutely dude! Nice insight!
@@SchoolOfAttraction Thank you very much! You really are driving me to change myself)
A lot of good advice and experience here Damien, and I can confirm my experience is similar, the needyness trap is painful. Thanks for bringing this to the masses.
Day 2 today Damian- thanks mate!
Keep it up
Day 5 - I feel more empowered than a week back - not 100% more but 20% more for sure. After all it’s all small steps that count.
Amazing video
The well thought pts
Observatiions u made....
Best video for me
It is interesting that neediness in men is very unattractive, while in women it's not. When my ex-girlfriend and I got to know each other she had put me onto a high pedestal and seemed to be grateful for everything I did, even if I didn't do anything special. This behavior wasn't unattractive for me because it gave me the safety that she really liked me and that she wouldn't run away if I didn't do fancy things.
Interestingly - I don't like needy women at all, it makes me want to escape and get away. I'd definitely agree that more men are tolerant of needy women than vice versa though for sure.
@@SchoolOfAttraction maybe the causality is reversed here and the women are not unattractive to you because they are needy, but they are needy because they lack certain things that are considered as attractive, so they have problems attracting men and therefore become needy.
I get what you're suggesting, but I really don't think so - I mean if I think about it logically - human beings appear to be wired NOT to like needienss in others - doesn't matter if it's men in the workplace, or men and women dating - We generally recoil from needy behaviours from people. I suspect the reason men are much more tolerant of women is that many men have a scarcity mentality aroiund women, so it's something they'll put up with in exchange for the attention of a woman - The men who enjoy it, I can understand as well - if you've gone a lot of your life feeling like no women like you - then suddenly this woman appears needy around you - it can feel empowering.
But to go to another deeper level - there's what we call attachment styles - Some men and women are just 'raised' to become needy when love is involved - while others ar raised to become avoidant when love is involved. So with the chicken and egg reference from above you mention - Yes this may account for some instances, I can't say it's impossible - But statistically, we know that a large part of the female and male population struggle wiht maladaptive attachment styles that are persistent regardless of who they're dating.
@@SchoolOfAttraction I think that being needy is unattractive for many people because the subconsciousness assumes that with someone who is needy and therefore easy to get, but still single, must be something wrong, because otherwise another man would already be together with that woman. For me it's not important if a woman is needy or not. There was a girl who was needily attracted to me but I didn't want her, but not because of her neediness. My ex girlfriend was needy as well and I wanted her but my desire for her had nothing to do with her neediness. But I have to admit that her neediness gave me safety that she would not run away from me so easily.
I am loving the video you been putting out lately
Thanks Zareef
Simple yet brilliant. I’m definitely going to give this a go.