Great video as usual mr Vaknin, thank you. In my opinion (and in my case) the most important thing is to understand that being anti-co depended is still based on being co depended :) we are just acting opposite to that but that means that the base of our decisions is still being co dependent and not an honest, normal judgement of situation. In other words - its a trap! :) Wish you all all the best guys, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF WITH KINDNESS :) (sorry for my English, I'm not a native)
this is what i think: i am a better me in almost every aspect of my life if im with someone else. there is no doubt. i learn better, i am more productive, i have better insights, and sleep lol. i still do all these things on my own and willingly, and i make myself have solo time in-between partners. currently going on 2 years bc i want my finances more in order before i search. everything is simply amplified if im with someone, i am grateful for every second of it, and im so excited to get back out there and look for love. i do actually want to fuse with them, i am actually numb when they arnt around, but i try my best to hide it from them, which in itself seems wrong. putting up with them, lmfao. no i do all of those things because i genuinely want to and i do deserve reciprocity, i will leave with respectable notice/communication and nothing hanging over your head. i aint the one to get into a relationship with and not take it seriously, i will leave. why dont people want to do everything with their partner? this is where i know i for sure have this, it does not compute for me. will i let them go do things that dont involve partying without me? yes. will put up a stink? no, unless it's partying lol, i dont trust men. will i be numb and sad when they're gone? yes. will i tell them that? no. nah, i will leave if you're horrible to me. at one point maybe not, but now i know better. ew, i would never say anything along the lines of "sometimes i think about leaving you" "i wish i could overcome/erase you" thats so disgusting. i have limits. and it's not that i dont feel alive when im alone, it's that i feel more alive when im with someone. i think you just hit why im a bit more self aware and understanding of myself. i have lost control before, i needed to accept that reality to heal, and i have. holy shit im number 6 lol.
Yes, this is me. Most probably Im an inverted narcisist. Being adictited to narcisists are very painful. I fear so much to be abandoned that I could survive any type of abuse. It is difficult to cope with this, very difficult
Thank you Sam! I was wondering is there any cluster B personality test online that people can take to figure out where they fall on the spectrum?? It’s so hard to figure out where you fall since they are all so closely related. Sometimes I feel like a borderline then sometimes I feel co dependent then other days I wonder if I am the narcissist.
MCMI VI is the gold standard I. Personality testing. It’s Mcmillion and Sam quotes him often. This test is covered under insurance in almost any PPO or insurance that provides MH services. Most Psych D will give u the test for cash payment. Usually less then 300$ for the 2 sessions and the test. It changed my life- it cost me 35$
Herr Vaknin, Had you not been talking about such thing as "Revenge-cheating" a time ago, I would not have asked, BUT why in the world, should someone go that low to degrade another human being, to punish someone, that degraded him??? One would have to go that low AND involve another (more or less) innocent 3rd party. I don't understand. Thank you. I love you. Your work saved my soul.
i think i am two types of codependent..oh my god, im sick of this. Coping with the fear of loosing control / control from the bottom and the worst inverted narc...
Happy New Year to you too Sam Vaknin 🎉 thank you for educating on the real Life lessons I needed, through your work you handed me the knowledge to my freedom…my words here are simply not enough. Blessings to you 😊
Hi Dr. Vaknin. Referring specifically to types 4 & 5 , is there evidence/implication that codependents can experience splitting and enact projection along with a cycle of idealization, devaluation and discard?
Professor V, can you teach how not to be codependent? I keep repeating the pattern in relationships even though I have tried to change. Is there hope or should I be single forever?
Yes we are, it is quite draining but at the same time we feel like soulmates. We fluctuate between fusion and rejection constantly. We desperately need each other.
Unlikely, it will be similar to two borderlines together which doesn't work. The codependant fears being loved and must be the victim (again similar to borderlines), but instinctively wants unconditional love at the same time. It's approach avoidance but instead of push-pull games, the codependant simply tries to find someone else. There's a higher chance thus that they disgust eachother as instinctively the codependant/anxious attached individual wants someone who is emotionally distant. The closer you get, the more they lose respect and their warmth and many times can even get abusive, the more you pull away the more protest behaviors they do, this is the codependant in general, very emotionally draining.
I think I have the late onset codependent... My bf killed himself to and I felt abandoned without any say so... Worse thing in life ever .. I also feel like the blame so yea can't shake it.
What kind of object constancy does the codependent have? If I got it right: Psychopath has only external Narcissist has only internal Borderline has internal only when external is around Codependent _______?
Omg!! I wish he would watch Love Island for a season!! I'd pay to hear him tear apart and break down the dynamics going on, it's like a whole generation that's been groomed for "narcissistic abuse" and they are learning that empathy is just acknowledgement and that alone should be enough to keep yourself a revolving door for someone. 🙃 pretty interesting social experiment, but I'm not privy to any type of reality TV, so this is my first experience with viewing, I'm sure it's nothing new.
Types of Codependents
1. Fend off anxieties - 6:37
2. Coping with the fear of loosing control / control from the bottom - 7:30
3. Vicarious/living through others /the housewife - 8:31
subtype: Inverted Narc - 9:09
4. Borderline Codependent / Borderline Narc - 10:19
5. Counter Codependent / Clashing Defiant Codependent - 12:10
6. Situational Codependent / Late onset Codependent - 14:33
"I wish I could fit into your pocket." That is gold! 😆
Indeed:)
I’m in this video and I don’t like it
Yeah, I'm also there 😁
Same here …
Me too.
We all are
Courage to face the difficult! That's how we grow
I have a man on my hand like this and it's so draining. I ain't about to lose myself because of an insecure man. He's got to go.
Great video as usual mr Vaknin, thank you. In my opinion (and in my case) the most important thing is to understand that being anti-co depended is still based on being co depended :) we are just acting opposite to that but that means that the base of our decisions is still being co dependent and not an honest, normal judgement of situation. In other words - its a trap! :)
Wish you all all the best guys, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF WITH KINDNESS :)
(sorry for my English, I'm not a native)
Your English is, I assure you, flawless.. and I have been speaking English for 74 years. 👍
this is what i think: i am a better me in almost every aspect of my life if im with someone else. there is no doubt. i learn better, i am more productive, i have better insights, and sleep lol. i still do all these things on my own and willingly, and i make myself have solo time in-between partners. currently going on 2 years bc i want my finances more in order before i search. everything is simply amplified if im with someone, i am grateful for every second of it, and im so excited to get back out there and look for love.
i do actually want to fuse with them, i am actually numb when they arnt around, but i try my best to hide it from them, which in itself seems wrong. putting up with them, lmfao. no i do all of those things because i genuinely want to and i do deserve reciprocity, i will leave with respectable notice/communication and nothing hanging over your head. i aint the one to get into a relationship with and not take it seriously, i will leave.
why dont people want to do everything with their partner? this is where i know i for sure have this, it does not compute for me. will i let them go do things that dont involve partying without me? yes. will put up a stink? no, unless it's partying lol, i dont trust men. will i be numb and sad when they're gone? yes. will i tell them that? no.
nah, i will leave if you're horrible to me. at one point maybe not, but now i know better.
ew, i would never say anything along the lines of "sometimes i think about leaving you" "i wish i could overcome/erase you" thats so disgusting.
i have limits. and it's not that i dont feel alive when im alone, it's that i feel more alive when im with someone.
i think you just hit why im a bit more self aware and understanding of myself. i have lost control before, i needed to accept that reality to heal, and i have.
holy shit im number 6 lol.
Yes, this is me. Most probably Im an inverted narcisist. Being adictited to narcisists are very painful. I fear so much to be abandoned that I could survive any type of abuse. It is difficult to cope with this, very difficult
Professor Vaknin, thank you.
I wish I can fit into your pocket lol - Codependent No More !!
I swear it's been many times that I need information on a certain topic and you always upload it the very same day.. Scary
Thank you Sam! I was wondering is there any cluster B personality test online that people can take to figure out where they fall on the spectrum?? It’s so hard to figure out where you fall since they are all so closely related. Sometimes I feel like a borderline then sometimes I feel co dependent then other days I wonder if I am the narcissist.
😂😂😂😂 my story … Lord have mercy
i think these online tests arent very useful since they require you to answer all questions truthfully and our mind often tricks us
If you wonder if you are the narcissist you are definitely not one
MCMI VI is the gold standard I. Personality testing. It’s Mcmillion and Sam quotes him often.
This test is covered under insurance in almost any PPO or insurance that provides MH services.
Most Psych D will give u the test for cash payment. Usually less then 300$ for the 2 sessions and the test.
It changed my life- it cost me 35$
Omg the monologue in the beginning was 100% me, thoughts in head 🙈😁
All people mad here😢
Wow amazing 😮 ❤❤❤
This is exactly me :( 😞
I knew being a Codependent was fvcked up.
Herr Vaknin,
Had you not been talking about such thing as "Revenge-cheating" a time ago, I would not have asked, BUT why in the world, should someone go that low to degrade another human being, to punish someone, that degraded him???
One would have to go that low AND involve another (more or less) innocent 3rd party. I don't understand.
Thank you.
I love you. Your work saved my soul.
Happy new year to you too.
Eye opening. Thank you 🙏🏻
Happy Holiday’s Sam
i think i am two types of codependent..oh my god, im sick of this. Coping with the fear of loosing control / control from the bottom and the worst inverted narc...
Will we have how the psychopath sees you to complete this delightful series?
And the histrionic!! 🎉
Happy New Year to you too Sam Vaknin 🎉 thank you for educating on the real
Life lessons I needed, through your work you handed me the knowledge to my freedom…my words here are simply not enough. Blessings to you 😊
I think you're a lovely and gifted Man, my professor. Thank you for keeping me educated. Hope you have a wonderful New Year, God bless.
Always so eye opening! Thank you!
I have learned so much from your books and channel. Looking forward to tomorrows video!
Happy New Year King 🌴
Can we get a “how does the histrionic see you?!” 🎉❤
Hi Dr. Vaknin.
Referring specifically to types 4 & 5 , is there evidence/implication that codependents can experience splitting and enact projection along with a cycle of idealization, devaluation and discard?
No.
Professor V, can you teach how not to be codependent? I keep repeating the pattern in relationships even though I have tried to change. Is there hope or should I be single forever?
There is hope: Codependents Anonymous, and/or Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families
And therapy!
Can you get two co dependants in a romantic relationship ? I’ve often been puzzled by this and can’t quite work it out as you never hear about it.
Yes we are, it is quite draining but at the same time we feel like soulmates. We fluctuate between fusion and rejection constantly. We desperately need each other.
Unlikely, it will be similar to two borderlines together which doesn't work. The codependant fears being loved and must be the victim (again similar to borderlines), but instinctively wants unconditional love at the same time. It's approach avoidance but instead of push-pull games, the codependant simply tries to find someone else. There's a higher chance thus that they disgust eachother as instinctively the codependant/anxious attached individual wants someone who is emotionally distant.
The closer you get, the more they lose respect and their warmth and many times can even get abusive, the more you pull away the more protest behaviors they do, this is the codependant in general, very emotionally draining.
Oh no this is me.... 2 and 3
Is it possible to be more than one type of codependent?
Happy New Year Sam. Are you well now again? I hope you are. Thanks for all the videos.
I think I have the late onset codependent... My bf killed himself to and I felt abandoned without any say so... Worse thing in life ever .. I also feel like the blame so yea can't shake it.
Does codependent pathology have fixation in symbiotic attachment phase? What is the defense in codependency?
What kind of object constancy does the codependent have?
If I got it right:
Psychopath has only external
Narcissist has only internal
Borderline has internal only when external is around
Codependent _______?
I think they have Bad Object Introjection from childhood possibly...
Omg!! I wish he would watch Love Island for a season!! I'd pay to hear him tear apart and break down the dynamics going on, it's like a whole generation that's been groomed for "narcissistic abuse" and they are learning that empathy is just acknowledgement and that alone should be enough to keep yourself a revolving door for someone. 🙃 pretty interesting social experiment, but I'm not privy to any type of reality TV, so this is my first experience with viewing, I'm sure it's nothing new.
@@JA-bj9tz ooof, I may have to check it out. 😆 I was pulled in and binge watched Love Island 😬
isb there a problem with me if I am codependent?
Needy, clingy…..
Not attractive.
@@4everu984 well, not that much actually, only fawning and need a bit of validation.........
God help me 🤔