Borderline-Narcissist Dance: How They See Each Other
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- Borderlines and Narcissists engage in a danse macabre with highly idiosyncratic dynamics. This is how they see each other.
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I am dating BPD, and I am not NPD, but she is turning me into NPD, just to deal with her cheating and self-destruction.
If you weren’t NPD, you would’ve lost interest already.
@@Nova1- No, I am an avoidant, so is she, so that is why the attraction. But, it is life threatening destructive.
@@Nova1-dude shut up. With your pop psychology. Seriously. Shut up
People who are in the field of psychiatry or psychology get enlightenment listening to his beautiful videos. The videos are very good and he explains everything with beautiful clarity.
I've been trying desperately to escape for 23 years but always made excuses - wait til the kids turn 18, etc. - now the kids are 24, 23, and 21, but still at home and as I try to leave they blame ME for "being selfish" and "tearing the family apart" so I'm still here but working on a definite escape plan with a therapist because it seems I'll have to end my relationship with my kids too but I have no other choice. If I stay in this nightmare, I'll end up taking my own life. The sh*tty part is now, with everything going on in the world, I think about whether I should just stay so I don't have to face the apocalypse alone. This is terrible timing to try and start a new life but what if the world doesn't end by 2030? 😊 God bless all the other people suffering through life so your kids don't have a broken home... my kids still say they're fucked up from all the years of fighting so you can't win either way. Find peace for yourself before it's too late - that's my advice.
Don’t worry about any apocalypse
I get it's not easy to leave. Make sure your financially set prior
I couldn't handle it for 23 days, much less years. Going full on no contact with my own siblings
Unfortunately I already hear the excuses to not leave in your very explanation of how you're planning on leaving.
Just know... you'll lament a life wasted if you don't find a way.
Borderline relationship with a Narcissist Sociopath was an electrifying start with an atomic bomb finish. The worst 4 years of my life!
Count yourself lucky - I'm at 23 years and he constantly reminds me that "divorce is not an option"....
I hope you two ladies are living ur best lives
Same. I was actually pretty good at navigating my borderline traits (therapy, meditation, sports, skills etc.) when I met him and confused love bombing with receiving unconditional love for the first time in my life. So good, that I only got diagnosed with BPD and C-PTSD after the relationship and the aftermath of it almost cost me my life. Now I'm kinda thankful toward him, because this shit show forced me to confront the traits I used to hide from myself and shattered my false sense(s) of self. Now I'm starting to slowly integrate everything I learned in the process of surviving so far and building resources to create a sober, healthy and regulated lifestyle. Main take aways from this particular traumatic experience are: 1. Never ignore your intuition (eg. sensing that something is off and red flags) 2. most short term relives cause long term harm 3. If you suffer from childhood trauma and somebody smells like home, run! 😂
I'm a bpd male and I was with a covert npd female.. our styles were completely different she dressed like idk a Gothic, emo girl (black dresses with fish net stocking, piercings, hair dyed red) and I'm white guy but dress like Im black. We were drawn together like magnets and she was absolutely drop dead gorgeous.. the first 3 months were the happiest days of my entire life. I thought I found my soul mate, my future wife, the person I was looking for my whole life.. it was all an act and she was actually sadistic, sexually depraved, revenge seeking and loved to sabotage and destroy our relationship. I fell madly madly in love and became obsessed with her. She cheated on me with my brother while I would take her son to school in the mornings and slept with my friends simply to humiliate and embarrass me behind my back. She systematically broke me down day to day and I became someone different and not in a good way. I had a lot of emotional out bursts and I would say some really nasty hurtful things to try to coax her out of the silent treatment. I would leave her and come back over and over until one day she discarded me. That was 9 months ago and I'm still so heart broken. She since found new supply and moved on as if she never knew me.
Truly an. incurable state .
Dr, I'm sorry you lost your friend.
Mr Vaknin thank you for this. This is my ex wife to a T. Unbelievable that you've literally described everything and me not having the skills to recognize this behavior for years. Unbelievable and amazing.
I got hated for not punishing from an bpd and i asked questions to why and it returned to defending her idealism and then also continue to sabotage and then worse idealism from different personalities and i asked each different one questions which then created a system to also having the anorexic side that also supports the dopamine from weightloss which then also triggered other personalities that sees it as an attack on herself and the character that loves food is tormenting eachother. It was a roller coaster but i learned everything and she fears that with me and also fears everything because of her life which makes it impossible to anything with unless having this idea of her own words: not living only wash, clean, watch out for kid's, making food and never work outside of home and being used and not truely love herself and also suffer more
Happy New Year Professor Sam ❤
Thank you profesor 🍷
Do you think Kanye West and Kim K had a relationship like this ? Asking for a friend.
I love your videos. Do you sign your books? Id love your autograph sir.
Sounds like you are describing a narcissist. Blam shifting, projecting.pitty play narcissist.
My boyfriend’s dad is a covert narcissist and he HATES me. He told my boyfriend I was THE biggest threat to “his” family.
What did I do? 🤷🏻♀️ Probably simply saw past his bullshit. I think if he could hurt or even kill me, he absolutely would. He makes up all sorts of stories about me and even helped provoke a 9-month separation between me and his meal tick… I mean son. But eventually my boyfriend started seeing the REAL him and we are now happily back together with his dad pretty much out of our hair.
But this sounds JUST LIKE his dad. If I could bury the hatchet, I absolutely would. But I know this man isn’t normal and he will likely die hating me with a fiery rage.
Is the borderline the same as a codependent?
No.
Thank you, your video answered that question. I asked that question too early
Professor Sam is a great man, mostly he gives all this great education for free and Great respect to Sir Sam.
This is so incredibly painful to listen to you deconstruct and explain everything about me. Im not sure if it's therapeutic or damaging... but I love listening to you.
Sam is on a roll reminding us why he is the gold standard.
As someone who has DID and BPD, i think DID has massive potential to be used as a weapon against narcissists in the longer term. Or at least this played out in one of my relationships, and the NPD completely underestimated me and my ability to split while continuously manipulating them, acting infatuated. Such patterns have been curated since a young age to combat abuse and alters can be very unforgiving. Would be interesting to hear your perspective on this.
I totally know what u mean
Me too.
I would love to talk to you to make sense of my ex who also has DID and BPD
PLEASE DO THE CODEPENDENT WITH THE BORDERLINE
Makes total sense that narcissists are attracted to borderline and vice versa...thatshow familial triangulation gets birthed
The man has to do or say something that sends me into the avoidant I hate you stage… I must be a semi Borderline.
Always educational and informative! Many thanks! I have been firing fake friends (just two) this past year! I have a firm 3 strike rule. Sometimes it turns into just 1-2 strikes for real transgressions. Good long term friends are rare and I appreciate them greatly.
Great opening Sam! Happy New Year to all who sees this!🎉
Condolences for your Friend. Thank You Professor for doing this end of year video. Happy New Year 2023 and this video was a reminder that I need to go and spend dedicated time going through your videos, as the Holidays proved to challenge me with different experiences of people that I Only felt 3/4 ready to deal with properly. It’s that 1/4 that I need to Master as I do not want to dance the dance any longer. 🎉
I am so glad I discovered your videos! I bought your book in 2010 and never imagined I would be watching your videos 13 years later!
So are BPD's emotional exhibitionists?
In the self trashing/acting out phase of the BPD, would self destructive behaviours also include behaviours such as binge eating?
I believe so, just from what I've heard other psychiatrists say and personal account. My father caused me to have an eating disorder as a teenager and I still have issues with occasional binge eating over 12 years later.
i’m halfway through this video. I have no words really. i cry all the time but i am crying because everything you said is like you are specifically talking about me for the most part. i would not admit this openly but im actually tired of my shitty life that i have created over and over and over…. I need help and I hope people forgive me. Thank you for sharing this. At least I know now. i knew there was something seriously wrong with me. fuck.
Did you say “You have been warned, Miranda” or am I tripping right now 🤣🤣🤣
Nice Video Sir. I loved it. The only question I have in my mind is whether a narcissist can ever become an adult individual after gone through several separation and individuation phases with mother figure. Can he become what he is trying to be an adult by individuating himself from intimate partners or this is just a repetition compulsion pattern which is never ending? Please can I have a video on this from you. It will be very helpful 🙏
Sorry for your loss. I love how you keep her memory.
My ex has BPD. And she wasn't quite dependent of me being around. She is a psychologist too, so I guess she knew pretty much her moods/emotions etc... She used to triangulate quite often and one day I've seen her flirting just at the bar just a few minutes after crying because she found out that and acquaintance was granted euthanasia. That happened after a show, while we were waiting for her friend (who couldn't be with her because she was saying goodbye to the woman who had her death wish attended by the Dutch gov). She had one glass of white wine and straight after learning the sad news, she decided to get another one. I followed her and she was absolutely radiant and smiling while speaking with this older man who was clearly hitting on her while his three mates were looking at her like a pice of meat. That image was absolutely terrible to see and as I approached her, she changed quickly and left. When I asked her what happened at the bar, it was like I did put a nail on my own coffin.
Unfortunately I got have a really good idea of how such a scene builds and unfolds. Mind-screwing. Literally.
Although the 'nail in the coffin' side escapes me. But I can imagine...
@@mirceaar7988 she used that expression a couple of times when pointing out that I was killing the relationship and making she hate me. Those were moments where I possibly made the wrong question (not that there was a right one because she would most likely distort what I meant anyways) or comment/suggestion or such. She used to say as well that she was constantly walking on eggshells with me, like not being herself.
Yes validation is sought from men and sometimes even from other women. It will happen wherever they go from the coffee shop to the workplace and the taxi ride back home. They can be magnetic and very approachable.
@@aalves9453 sounds like unsafe territory isn’t it?
@@GlaucoAlves Definitely! Not to mention the orbiting exes and "friends". She would say yes; but I come home to you. In the end I made sure she showered.
Is it possible to have a narcissistic injury and not be a full fledged narcissist? The only relationship of mine that ended that really hurt me was the one that abandoned me. Blocked me on everything and completely ignored me. Every other relationship that I've been through I would almost feel relieved when it was over. That one four month relationship ending the way it did hurt me in ways I've never experienced. I've been married..I was with my son's mother for 8 years and they didn't come close to that. My four month relationship was and still is the only one that has gone "no contact" with me. I assumed that it was just "heartbreak" but after speaking to an old friend who is a family consular and listening to her I think it was a "narcissistic injury"
All humans have healthy narcissism and are, therefore, capable of narcissistic injury.
Borderline sounds like an emotionally dis regulated narcissist to me. My ex was highly emotional, mood swings with classic narcissism. What's the difference? I think Bordeline is just another 'flavour' of narcissist who use the emotional out bursts as a controlling mechanism. She had serious abandonment issues. She also behaved like she was perfect and I was not allowed an opinion, a life so coercive control was huge.
Because BPD has a self-state when acts like a narcissist 🙂 (there are other videos on this here)
Cluster b club
I hate my narcissist girl but I want her to be around me.. I don’t think its a healthy relationship for both… and I think narc the one who need to be submissive in the relationship to make it work.
Professor Sam Vaknin, I have been diagnosed by doctors with borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, is this POSSIBLE?
I feel like I'm borderline with a high spectrum.
Such comorbidity is possible.
I, too, have been diagnosed with both but I also feel that I'm more Borderline with treatment resistant depression. I can rarely get out of bed without Adderall, let alone have "manic highs". In fact, I have a ton of stuff to get done and could use several of those manic phases they say I have.
I have changed he's worn me out I've turned myself inside out but discovered nothing will satisfy the narc. I could be a go getting Miss World but he still wouldn't be satisfied, I've tried but now I'm old and tired . In a recent discussion I finally saw he is unreasonable and miserable. I give up I can't change him I can only change me which is why I've fled to our beach house. I've asked for an assurance from him that he will stop the cruel behaviour that made me run away, but he doesn't understand what he did was wrong. I've realised even his apology has this built in, he attacks and introduces new subjects to deter me it's like hitting a brick wall, he's even complained I'm controlling him. Which is ludicrous when the threat of violence is always there and very real, I just wanted the cruel comments to stop.
I'm guilty of seeing the good in him, and it spins me out when when we can be so good together particularly in business we always find a way through, but he aways is to picking me to pieces. Yes I have stood my ground and fought back but see we go in circles so I now know I'm crazy to go back, I have to take off my rose tinted glasses because I who was once strong is now being dragged down mentally and physically.
I'm sad and angry at his mother but even as a toddler he was strong willed and threw massive tantrums. His mother like mine had a alcoholic father I see the brokeness in his family and mine, I'vde tried but it was never enough. I took the crumbs and kept working away at our marriage, but there is no to it. For my own sake I have to cut him off, I now know I enable his behaviour so I have to an end to the drama's and say no more.
Me wondering how many NPD watching this as means to justify their own behavior, regardless of whether it reflects the reality of their own situation
Anybody who doubts Sam's knowledge on the subject of cluster B disorders can go f themselves. Sam's description of the Narcissist in this video is EXACTLY the same as my narc ex gf. She told me word for word what he said. She told me "you are bringing me down to your level" "You are gaslighting me" "By telling me how much you love me you are trying to manipulate me".
At the time I didn't know she was a narc and I told her "Anything I say to you will be used against me. So you might as well read me my Miranda rights".
It's so eerie listening to Sam tell it like it is. I've broken up with my ex for 6 months now. I went through my grieving period. I'm doing much better now but I do have withdrawals every now and then. These days I was having a relapse. This video again reminded me who I'm craving and it was of great help.
Thank you Sam! You have literally saved me from losing my mind!!
@@chrissemenko628 what?
@@chrissemenko628 Because it's extremely offensive for us who have been through Narcissistic abuse including physical violence to read random people who have zero understanding of the phenomenon or mental illness spread nonsense about Sam's work which helps hundreds of thousands of people understand their toxic and mentally ill partners and heal from the abuse they endured.
Here is my answer. I do love Narcissists, being a diagnosed Borderline.. I mean if you know what to expect....can it be done?
How do you get into their head so well?
Dear Sam, is it possible for someone with BPD/ NPD to change/ soften as a result of a spiritual experience/ awakening? Like, an encounter with God? (Even if God is not real, the experience one imagines could potentially cause changes in the brain?)
Thank you!
Only temporarily. It is a transient mitigation.
Thanks Sam. Great Video. Hope your are well.
Richard Grannon has been filing dozens of bogus copyright claims on all my channels in an attempt to terminate them. This is why I haven't been uploading new content: my account is disabled by Grannon's false claims.
The best of the best🤍
Not so subtle dig at Grannon 😂❤️
Can’t help be wonder about the earlier video mentioned no more RG
What of boredaline n narc who are married n cannot do without each other totally in love with each other.Now see why childen are spoiled.Would love to hear you speak on this line.Thank you Sir.
Amazing work very educational and informative 🙏🏼
Its so painful
Thank you so much Dear Professor.
What a revelation. I had an affair with a borderline who is married to a narc. Judge me if you will but it was Covid and I thought the world was ending…..I thought I had an amazing connection with this man who I worked with. Of course I’m only now realising he’s borderline. Your description is so accurate. I actually think he was very torn between us at one point, but I don’t think I’m narcissistic enough. They are trauma bonded. Sad but I’m relieved. I dodged a bullet. So much drama. In the end I didn’t like how I was triggered, as much as I tried to be his constant. His stability. I lost myself. In the end he chose to stay. I’ve ceased all contact but I still think about him every day. I will move on. First I must heal some old childhood wounds, that made me fit myself into his world. I think I nearly turned myself inside out and it was never enough.
I did nearly the exact thing. Had an affair with my college gf who was also my first love, and a VERY intense/passionate one at that. Hadn't been in contact in 22 years. I only figured it out after this 2nd discard about 3 weeks ago after a whilrwind 3-month affair. She left me absolutely wrecked. I was ready to divorce my wife and start a new life with her (to finish what we had tried to start so long ago). I recognized early that her husband is a classic narcissist. Didn't realize that she was a pwBPD...just thought she was always "passionate" and emotional, as I'd remembered her. But she did discard/ghost/block me 22 years ago and never gave closure. I wrote it off back then as just immaturity (she was only 18 then). I just buried her in my heart, never forgot about her but thought I had moved on....until she looked me up 22 yrs later. The relationship moved BLAZINGLY fast and felt so good and so right. Alas, like everyone else here, it didn't last and I was eviscerated. This time was the worst pain I'd ever had in my life (from a combat vet, trust me...that's a lot). First time I had ever even had real thoughts about ending myself. Only the discovery of BPD and learning all I can about it (and maybe even codependency, as she certainly seemed to bring that out in me) has turned things around. Yes, I suppose I've dodged a bullet, maybe two ;) Like many here, I'm still heartbroken. How can someone so beautiful and uniquely special be afflicted with such a terrible illness?! It is really a tragedy. I don't feel I can cut her out of my life completely. I'm fully aware now of her as the threat...and so far I'm just ghosted and blocked (split black certainly). But if she were to contact me, I wouldn't ignore her. I still think about her every day. In fact, I had never stopped thinking about her over those 22 years, despite marrying someone else and having a family. Isn't that crazy how deep a pwBPD can burrow into your psyche?
Does the description of the borderline include the Quiet Borderline type? I ask because I have been triggered by perceived abandonment all my life with impulsivity and always ended up with Narcissistic girlfriends, but engulfment and the devaluation cycle are not present
"Quiet borderline" is online nonsense, exactly like "empath" or "emotional flashbacks".
You*
Sam! Can you please do a BPD & ASPD and maybe an NPD & ASPD relationship/ couple, as well? Thanks! You're the best!
Now understand my borderline son the middle one n his narc wife.I know they belong together..It is as though they were meant to be together for real.Thank you Sir.
Can you make a video how children of borderline- narcisist parents should dance wth these mood changes and their triggering each other. Thank you🙏🏿💚
Can you explain what would happen in a relationship with 2 borederlines? I havent been able to find any good information on it...
Your intro was quite touching a tribute. I was hoping for something as such ever since hearing word of Mrs. Lachkar's passing.
What an amazing and precious woman! She had a major impact on my life for which I will be forever grateful.
R.I.P. Joan Lachkar
Is there any specificity in the case of the relationship between a narcissistic mother and daughter? That is, the child is seen from the very outset as just an appendage of herself who must not escape or develop. She is not an adult who enters the relationship with a personality and past history. Does this make a difference? Is there a video dealing with this?
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