I only get drinks out when required. Like, I'm going this sunday to see a stand up comedienne's show. The club requires 2 drink minimum(technically 2 ITEM minimum since they serve pub food and that counts too but I get drinks instead. Gives me an excuse to get my favorite drink of all time, the pina colada! And I don't care if anyone thinks it's unmanly to order a fru-fru woman's drink. I also enjoy "men's" drinks like a whiskey sour or whiskey or bourbon on the rocks. But the most delicious drink ever invented is the pina colada. And since I am on the keto diet I don't have vanilla ice cream, coconut milk, and pineapple in my house, so this is the only time I ever get to enjoy them. :-D
I crave solitude because politicans, the govt , corporations and special interest groups have destroyed society. Even the people around you have become toxic. I now cherish my solitude..
YET, amidst all of that, we are all still worth building RICH relationships! You can cherish solitude AND also have great relationships. It’s both and :)
@@AccidentallyIntentional He's right though. You can't have a gathering, without being pressured by someone next to you (who obviously is obsesses to be used as a henchman for some political agenda) to pick a side and side with or personally declare hate towards a given political side (e.g. daemoncrats, republicants), some political view-point on something political, state-of-the-union (abortion, pro-life) or support for or declare disfavour on the newest war (Ukraine, Israel) or any other political issue (immigration, border-control). So ... He got quite a point - Since the overwhelming majority of people try to force their next into either political submission or NGO-discipleship anyway. *Everything is political!* Since if you just want to wash down of the toxic sewage you had to listen to and dare to pop the wrong brand of beer of the minute, all hell breaks loose .. _How dare you?!_
@@AccidentallyIntentional No offense but I don't think you understand what it's liek to be a men let alone a White man. We basically blamed for everything, hated, not cared for, and are systematically persecuted by globalists.
On all this started way before covid. I stopped socializing when I was 30 years old. That's a little bit over 15 years ago. American culture started to shift to the extreme. It felt like everybody was stuck in this Perpetual teenage mentality. We were officially adults. I stopped drinking because it was boring. I'd much rather solder circuit boards or make a radio tower. My friends on the hand did not. Conversations became rather disappointing because they were still talking about topics at teenagers would care about and not adults. Dating was the same thing. I just stopped. The girls were wanting to go out and drink and go shopping at malls. Trying to have a actual conversation with them became impossible. Fast forward a decade. Politics, the Democrats happened again. I lost my business and I lost my home. I lost everything I own and now I'm just working at basic job with the general public. I realize just how dumb the general public is and I have absolutely no interest in interacting with them in any way shape or form. I am now afraid of the future of our country. Then covid happened and the level of stupidity is nauseating. I can't even talk about it because TH-cam will censor me
When was the last time a teenager could afford to go out and buy a meal at a restaurant? When was the last mothers weren't so overburdening that they allowed them unscripted, unsupervised time? Girls? Are you kidding? Why would any boy want to subject themselves that kind of abuse?
Mom passed away in my arms Alzheimer’s. I worked overseas for decades and no longer know anyone really here. I’ve been thinking I’d put a ad in the paper to meet like minded people. The states is unrecognizable to me.
It's unrecognizable to many of us now, especially if you're a little older. We've seen the changes over the past 10-20 years and it's become Clown World.
I have the similar issue. I spent a lot of time in a foreign country. When I finally moved back I spent a lot of time working. It was only the last five years at I started to work with the general public and that made me realize just how alone I am. I don't recognize the faces of American famous people. Put me on the streets of Japan and I could point to every single poster showing the face of a actor or model and be able to tell you half of their life stories. I find myself extremely annoyed at the behavior of Americans
germany doesnt look recognizable either, but i havent even been gone. most people have given in to so many absurd new fads theyve completely lost the plot.
This trend started long before smartphones, I'm old enough to remember when a family would have one TV, and everyone would gather together to watch it. Then the portable TV came along and people would watch TV alone in their room. I remember passing papers as a kid in the mid-seventies and I had three bars on my route, and they were usually full of retired people playing cards, checkers, chess, dominos, darts or pool at 4 to 5 in the afternoon. I loved going in them because people were happy, very colorful and treated me well. They have been dying off for a while but the last nails in their coffin were smartphones and social media. I remember getting off of work and dropping by a full bar around 5 pm for happy hour, people were very social back in the eighties and nineties. Today those same bars are like tombs, if they aren't already gone. I drive through neighborhoods that used to be full of children after school playing together and riding their bikes, now there is nobody outside, unless they have to be there. It all sends a chill down my back knowing how much we have lost and how little I have to look forward to in what I believe will be a very bleak future. I can leave my smartphone at home but there isn't anyone left to go back to because they're also addicted to their phones and laptops, hiding in their box/home. If I could go back to 1990 something, I would have already checked out long ago. Maybe we can reverse this trend, but I honestly have my doubts. A very truthful video, thanks.
I'm 58 years old and I've never had a friend I could confide in during a moment of crises. I've never been close to any of my family members, never been a partyer, and this was before the advent of the cell phones, Computer, or the internet!
I spend time with my husband and our 2 daughters every day. I love our family and I don't really have time to focus on anything else. I'm a stay at home mom and I haven't had any friends in over a decade.
@benstandard We've moved from Agenda21 to Agenda2030 a bit earlier than planned, but the reaction to the Convid Scare gave them the surety they can do anything they want
I'm over 60. I learned to socialize! We would talk to strangers in lines, hanging out at the bus stop, etc. Met a guy who had been at the evacuation of Dunkirk back in the day while waiting for a bus! I went to a baseball game yesterday and over 90% of the folks there were staring into their phones and not watching the game! My phone was in the glove box of my car! If someone needs me, I'll talk to them after the game. Bad thing is nowadays, tickets are sent via phone which I hate! Until people learn to shut the phone off COMPLETELY and engage (even if it is just saying hello to someone else), it is only going to get worse. Even doing a small volunteer activity in town is a step in the right direction!
People don't want to know people anymore. If I want to maintain connections, I have to do all the work. After years of never getting a call, and always having to call, you realize you aren't important to people. At this point I just talk to myself and I don't care if people think it is weird. When your family is abusive and you aren't super successful, it is hard to make friends. People are so distracted by social media and being entertained that you cannot have real connections. We have a political system that is dividing people based on non-sense and most adults are ok with becoming bigots. Modern people don't want to know people who disagree with them. Narcissism is an epidemic. Facts are peoples feelings now. There is no reality, most people believe in absolute non-sense and have little knowledge of science and how the world works. Corporations want people to be single. Single people consume more than families, per person, and are more easily influenced than people who are part of a family unit. Social media is a scam, tricking people into believing they have a friend group. We are being divided to be conquered and the masses are losing. The elites are buying up everything, and AI will make us all homeless. Welcome to the amazing future.
Well, let me tell you that you certainly aren’t alone in those thoughts, or personal experiences, as you’ll see in the comments here. And I think that is a good thing! Meaning that there ARE people out there who are fighting for the same values you are, looking for rich relationships! Those relationships will absolutely always take work, and to be honest, most often it will feel like you’re going first….until one day, it switches. And I think you’re worth finding and building those RICH relationships!
Sad points, but very true. Society is slowly collapsing, and the Elites have almost succeeded in destroying the family unit. We saw this in communist nations, where the State sabotaged the family unit, and traditions, and culture, only to realize later that it lead to instability. Now those same formerly communist nations encourage strong family units, tradition, and culture. Their use of social engineering is destroying entire generations. It really does not matter if it is communists doing it, or capitalists, the result is the same: lonely, unattached, and volatile people. A person with no social contacts, and nothing to lose is inherently more dangerous than someone who has things (and people) which can be taken away.
There has and will always be a risk, and sure, there are some environments that certainly aren’t as safe as others, though I believe fighting to build rich relationships is a risk worth taking! 💪
LOL been there. Here’s my new technique when that happens - “okay let’s plan it right now. Let me pull up my calendar. What do you have on ___?” 90% success rate scheduling and locking it in right then!
@@AccidentallyIntentional not ~everybody~ sucks … the percentage of people who suck ass is increasing … rapidly.. noticeably… and it is discouraging people from interacting … takes too much time/ effort to find the people who don’t suck.
A lot of what's mentioned in the video are symptoms, not the actual cause. You see, back in the 70s, things were actually affordable and corporations hadn't yet bribed the government to completely ruin everything like they have now. Things are destroyed to the point where it's a huge mental burden just to live. And then everyone is far too burned out to worry about trying to deal with other people as that would require effort they don't have enough of left. And it would also cost money they don't have. And then I have had friends to do stuff with but it always just seems to lead to them all ganging up on me and making sure I lose at whatever I do so it's just depressing. Even when my generation goes out there and tries to do things with people they're just narcissistic and it's depressing to do anything with them. I find it's so hard to find anyone that's even worth having a relationship worth.
I’m so sorry to hear that’s been your experience! For what it’s worth, I still believe you’re worth finding and building rich relationships! It definitely will take a lot of work, and risk, and I think you’re worth it!
5-10 years ago a large bowling alley closed down in my city. It also had pool tables and video games. I just recently learned that the closest bowling alley near me that has been there since I was a kid closed a while ago and there is conflicting stories about whether or not it is going to reopen. There are at least 3 other bowling alleys that I know of in the city, and AFAIK they are all still open. But back when I used to bowl regularly it was normal for the places to be full at all times. I wonder if what was said in the video is the reason why? For me the problem was conflicting work schedules with friends and the ever-increasing lane fees. I have no clue how much it costs to bowl now, but I'm sure the prices are insane.
Yes, you can charge very affordable prices when you have 20 lanes generating revenue. But when only 10 are occupied on average, you need to double your prices to retain revenue, which scares off potential customers. And now you have only 5 lanes occupied, and you need to increase prices again, and it is the end of it: you are priced out of the market.
People becoming less social meant these places got less business. That means they had to raise the prices to stay afloat. That means the others who would be hanging out couldn't because they couldn't afford it. It's a vicious cycle eating itself.
I'm guessing that building rent for bowling alleys skyrocketed over the past couple decades. No choice except to raise bowling fees. Also folks don't seem to have time to meet up for it. And they don't have money for gas.
Well, for 1 it's expensive. The "cheap" groceries that we take home to cook and turn into healthy meals are expensive 🤷🏿 Hanging out?! Way more expensive... Gotta buy gas to get there and back then get to work... As a contractor/sole proprietor sometimes my work is 40 minutes away, other times it can be 3 or 4 hours away not including some work that I fly to. I say this as an American who has lived outside of the country for a total of about 6 years in Japan a little over a decade ago, we had 11 third places in our neighborhood and the connecting small city alone not even including in all the third spaces all over Tokyo 20 minutes away. While I worked in Japan I traveled to Bali Indonesia, Bangkok Thailand, Madrid and Egypt to study music and experience that part of the world firsthand. I've traveled to Colombia 11 or 12 times from 2014 to late 2019 to teach and study music and catch-up with friends. I worked on cruise ships that sailed through/to the Caribbean and central America a few weeks at a time some years before that as a musician, I taught a few summers in Canada, I toured the U.S. and Canada in my teenage years/early 20's for 8 summers with 127 other performers (think marching band) with others of the same age from around the world. I say all this to show some outside perspective on us and as a person who has adapted to other cultures; Most Americans (in general) are too individualistic in our thinking or mindset and overly territorial with our politics and everybody wants to be "seen" and elevated without proof of skill or any reasonable reason. Americans don't know that they have more than most in the world but Americans don't appreciate what they have and they have to have more to out do the Jones's.. Jealousy.... Too much of that mess. Some have no respect for others or themselves with how we present ourselves in public, with the manner in which we talk to or interact with each other (or a stranger) or not interact in passing at all as if the other person does not exist. Too many grade school students do not respect their teachers, older teenagers/20 year olds don't respect their elders wether they are family, associates from work or strangers on the street. Why would anyone want to go spend their hard earned $$$ to experience that?! 🤷🏿 My first three jobs before I left the country for the first time for 7 months was in the service industry. I can't believe the low level of basic courtesy by some employees at stores, restaurants, etc. Take a trip to Japan, Thailand, Bali, Latin America, West and north Africa and notice the difference in how you are treated and the change in your stress levels. I am currently working my way back out of the U.S. so I can start a family and have a more stress free life in a place with with real whole food, nationalized healthcare (like I had in Japan), with people who have more of a community mindset (we not I) and good public transportation. I only plan to visit to see family, close friends and take care of business
It's not easy, that's for sure... But bringing order out of chaos makes one more competent. We wear our passions out in the open. And in dealing with them, we learn so much about ourselves.
@@AccidentallyIntentional I think @KimTrails999 is making a general point that people spend a lot of their time chasing/making money to where they feel there is no real time left over to make a meaningful relationship (without the free floating cash to do it)
Eric, this broke my heart to read. I am SO sorry this has been your experience. Especially if the intention was clear that it wasn’t even a date as much as just getting to make a new friend. My immediate (but certainly not comprehensive) suggestion would be: keep trying! I know how hard rejection can be, and what’s also true is you’re worth finding and building incredible relationships! Even being transparent and saying “I want to get to know more people on campus and make new friends” can go a LONG way!
So nothing has changed. You need lots of money. The chicks dating when I was in school (98-02) got weekend trips to Miami, etc. You buy that commodity. It's nothing new. Also, lie about your major. That'll help a little.
I was born in the 50's, grew up in the 60's and came of age in the 70's. We weren't inundated with entertainment, we went out and created, we played. Creation was off the charts, we were poor so we made our own to toys. Video games took off in the 80's, video games became the new babysitter.
I've noticed this. Seems like 5 years ago my community was partying, cooking out, and going dancing. Bars were busy. There was a lot of live music. I don't know where that went. I figured it was the result of social distancing during covid. Yet several years later I still don't feel the 2019 vibe. I'm OK with it in the sense that I do just as well alone as with friends. Always have, even 50 years ago. What really jolted me me was sitting in a cafe in Florence on a beautiful day while the two young people next to me were buried in their phones. FFS, just stay home and look at Florence on your phone.
Have you ever heard what women want in men today? No, thank you, I'd rather stay home and spend my money on my vacations, toys, and home. 1. >6' Tall - Number one reason 2. >6 figures, >$200,000 3. 6 pack 4. >6" way down there To name a few.
Too dangerous out there ,too expensive staying in the cellar watching dvd collection drinking tea,coffee sharping knives,sharping hawthorn stakes,stringing garlic necklaces filling squirt guns with holy water
At dinner I generally cut off my phone. Unless I want to listen to music. Well, I'm taking a walk on my days off 9 times out of 10, I don't take my phone with me. I leave it on The charger and even cut it off.
It's telling that she stopped reading/reacting to the article when it touched on Covid as a factor. But as I remember that's what really kicked the antisocial aspects of phone use into overdrive. The senses of aloneness and fear were overwhelming. And it never went away, we just stopped talking or doing anything about it. The average American has now had Covid two or three times and many venues - schools, theaters, gyms, family gatherings - are still greatly underattended. And *no one* dates. All by itself, there could be your reason for loss of hangout time.
That’s why I didn’t feel as though I needed to go into any further detail because there seems to be a communal self-awareness around the fact that covid really jolted this dilemma - not the only factor, as there are many, but one nonetheless
@@AccidentallyIntentional Fair enough. It was only a minor niggle anyway. Thank you for an insightful and thoughtful piece - you did a great job there.
I can tell you another reason why its hard for men to hang out with other men, WIVES. Wives try to isolate husbands from their friends. Happened to me a lot, male friends wives stop them , now I dont even try to make new male friends, I just accept that I am retired at home with my wife and son, and miss those army days of my youth being in a mans world.
@AccidentallyIntentional its actually the majority experience among men. Ive had several gf's who totally tried to keep me from seeing my friends, i ignored them. Still friends with those guys and the gf's are long gone. EVERY male friend I've had who was single rhen got married, never heard from him again.
@@AccidentallyIntentionalI think it's a bit more complex, but it's certainly a reality for overwhelmingly large swaths of men. Narcissism is groomed into girls from a young age, conversely boys hear a constant message of how they're toxic, abusive, should take a backseat to girls. Male ego is destroyed, and with little belief in their intrinsic worth and potential come into the world with few boundaries and no belief they deserve to fight for those they have. Whereas before men wouldn't accept comments, demands for exclusivity from their girlfriends/wives, to sacrifice their resources, both material and personal, to spend more on them, now these soft, emasculated men allow themselves to be stepped on. Having boundaries, having a spine, being willing to say "no" is now toxic masculinity. To express these means certain ruin. What once was rare, and nearly the sole product of toxic, abusive parents has become common thanks to a toxic educational system, and increasingly, more expansively, toxic society.
I could have had milk and sugar if I wanted at no extra cost. Expect to pay between £2.50 to £3.00 at most places. Places like McDonald's, Greggs (try their steak bake, they also do vegan stuff), local cafes and Subway are cheaper.
My sister had a best friend she knew since grade school (30 years ) who hurt and betrayed her by having sex with her husband. My sister loved her friend as if she was family. I also had " friends" who hurt and betrayed me also. People can hurt you and I found myself withdrawing from engaging with people because I was afraid of getting emotionally and mentally hurt by them. People do desire to have friends but sometimes a friend can be your worst enemy. Some people choose but not desire to be alone to protect themselves from the negativity of people who might hurt them.
Gosh I am so sorry to hear that. I agree - building relationships is absolutely one of the biggest risks a human spirit can take. I’ve been hurt by many so I can certainly relate to the pain there. At the same time, each risk also brings a potential opportunity for a life giving friendship, so I’ve been resolute about looking at it through the lens of “what’s the BEST thing that can happen?”
Gen X here from Germany. I was social in my childhood until through university, but broke with every friendship i had. Most people are boring, self-centered, talking only about themself or discussions are rat-race topics. There is nothing where i can take a value from. I do not see any sense to build up connections. But i confirm to your explanation. We do not live in stone age era anymore. In our society every service can be purchased with money. For e.g., if i need somebody for help because of moving, i just can order somebody to help me.
It's not all about the phones. 1200 shopping malls were closing every year for a few years. And shopping malls are where people, especially women, got their walking exercise and also their socializing. Another contributor has been the overwhelming political divide. I remember watching a TH-cam video where they asked liberals if they would have a friend who was conservative. And they all said no. Also, it became too expensive for young guys to have their own car and own insurance and pay for the gasoline. A lot of them were delaying getting their driver's license and just hanging out with friends online. Another contributor has been what the schools have been telling young people. They say that white males are bad, and now we've got all these militant feminists and depressed young white men. Also, boys/men aren't playing baseball and football and basketball in the streets and parks anymore. That used to be how a lot of guys met each other. And women would hang out on the sidelines and sometimes participate. And, so many people quit church. (Side note: TV shows have always been about people who are doing other things than watching tv. We've always had a tendency to stare at a screen and watch other people live life.)
Tons of contributors for sure. There’s definitely no sweeping generalization that can explain any of it. There’s a ton pulling us apart from each other and causing division AND we are still worth fighting to find and build RICH relationships! It’s both and :)
I'm 50. I'm no longer sociable myself but that's an age thing in myself or an age thing around me I can't tell. I was the last of people I knew to get a phone at all and was never into video games, I couldn't afford that stuff. Lots of bmx and skating for me. Now I'm addicted to looking at a screen. Watching the news, you tube, useless TV but it's my addiction. I've had other addictions and screens do something to my brain that sopififucs used to. I think three is something worth looking into there. I call it electric valium. That's my personal problem. As for the breakdown of society, especially bad recently. I noticed it change drastically after covid. I know I never re socialised, I guess a lot of people didn't. Personally I feel like I'm looking at life throgh my own square, depersonakized view. I'd say I'm not alone. I remember seeing the covid screens in shops going yo and saying "they will never come down". I was right. People are not used to actually contacting. We are always acting to a degree. But now we are really, literally acting our way through lives. But try saying that. People just stay stop moaning.. Fake happiness is the enemy. Calling out this uncongruity is the answer and I'm happy to see you discussing it. We need to he having this conversation all the time and inky this conversation because as you say it is now life or death. We need each other now more than ever. Maybe people's assemblies, or pointless meetings. Social brainstorming sessions bringing this out into the light of day. And I don't just mean getting together at festivals for example. I really don't know what the answer is but loneliness is the world's biggest existential threat right now unhappy people do dangerous things
I was a street entertainer for a living for a decade. Look at town designing. There are no places to gather let alone sit. Cities are for going door to door spending money and then go home. That can get addressed. Better public space encouraging people to just sit in a plaza together even if just quietly. Watching out for each other's kids or dogs etc. Relationships happen by accident
Damn normies are just now starting to get lonely? Hell I've been lonely my entire f****** life. Never had more than two friends. And I haven't seen them for over 5 years.
Dont have time or patience to fix the damaged people so i stay at home read old books watch old movies feed the squirrels read old westerns learned to be a hermit years ago happy lost in my memories and books
The line at 2:38 is incorrectly read by you. It reads ..."then whining about 'parties of one' would feel silly. You read it as ..."then whining about parties...one would feel silly". I am really enjoying your video and subject matter, and this observation is not a negative criticism, but to point out that to read it incorrectly changes the point of the sentence and the what the writer actually said. Anyway, thanks for the video!
Good catch! I’m mostly glad to hear that I read the remainder correctly as I was zipping thru that article 😂 Thanks for looking out! I’ve linked the full article in the description!
I’m sorry that’s been your experience! I can tell you that is not the case for everyone though, so be encouraged! There is a WHOLE bunch of us that desire connection and will seek it and do so without phone distractions :) and I believe you’re worth that too!
I always found socialising to be boring unless it was about talking about something that interested me. And reality doesn't interest me, because it's really boring. And most people want to talk about reality, and not about whatever niche escapism I happen to be interested in at the moment. Internet is much more entertaining compared to people in reality. I never miss them. Call someone during an emergency? I don't even have a phone.
Four words: Join a bowling league! The book "Bowling Alone" was written nearly 30 years ago mentioning that people no longer joined fraternal organizations, recreational sports leagues, volunteer organizations such as PTA and the like. Amazing that this is being "rediscovered" here in 2024.
@@AccidentallyIntentionalfew seem to be talking about the number of people who are doing their "hanging out" online now. A lot of people socialize on live streaming apps and such too.
I wish this was the case. Good relationships gives a rich life and existence, but I don't know anyone that wants to hang out. It's too expensive. Everything is too expensive. Outside of work time is time to work on my business. Everyone is stuck. Everyone is offended. Everyone is trying to sell a course or do coaching because our economy is circular and going nowhere.
Actually, this would be an awesome sociology study! There are groups on college campuses now (such as the Re:connect Movement) where it is organized time where a bunch of college students meet up, put their phone in a lock box, and build relationships without distraction - and Gen Z LOVES it!
Who wanted to hang out nowadays when everything we talk about has to be politically correct. What you discussed could be posted on the X, Facebook, and Telegram within a minute.
I think people today no longer have the innocents of making friendships as it was over 30 years ago. Could it be that humanity has become so morally and spiritually degraded in their relationships with each other ? Could it be just a part of the natural evolution of humanity going in a different direction ? I don't believe it's just due to advances in technology and cell phone usage .
It’s definitely much different than it was, and there’s tons of contributing factors. I think the good news is that we each individually get to decide what to do now, and become extremely intentional in our investments of time with others! 💪
When I spend time with my family, they are glued to their phones or the television. They are in their 50s and 80s. Most of my friends don’t make time to hang out. Even though we are in our 40s and very few of us have children, they don’t hang out much - preferring to stay in for “self-care“. Which seems to include posting memes on social media about how much they hate people and binge watching streaming series. When I do see my friends, they are glued to their phones. I prefer in person interaction. I’m an atheist, so I got back into the club scene and found the Middle-Aged People Why Go Out. I don’t feel close to anyone. I’m lonely and I miss the people I care about most. I can absolutely see how the advent of the smartphone adversely affected my marriage. I loved my husband in every cell of my being, but we became glued to the screens in our home. I miss him terribly. I prefer spending a night each week with the man I’ve been having sex with. We use our phones so little around each other that we often forget to take pictures when we’re dressed up to go dancing. It’s kind of awesome. I feel that some blame must be laid at the feet of mental health professionals and self care, influencers for their constant advice to cut people out of your life “who don’t bring you constant joy.” They will never take responsibility for their influence on the loneliness epidemic.
Thanks for sharing this Erin! One thing that has helped me address smartphone usage with my family is truly just sharing my heart. “Hey family, this may sound weird and uncomfortable, but I really love you guys and love spending time with you, because time is so precious. When *WE* (keyword- include yourself) are on our phones, it feels as though what’s more important is the phone, than who’s right in front of us. It would mean a lot to me if we could spend some phone free time together!”
I feel this so deeply. Thank you for your encouraging words, I really needed that ray of hope. I've been slowly getting better at taking those risks and have made a couple of new friends, and for that I am grateful beyond words. I love the parallel to physical exercise though, because while sitting around can make those stretches feel really uncomfortable, awkward, and intimidating, with enough practice it does eventually become easy again ❤️
I am decades ahead of the curve it turns out... I was a committed curmudgeon and isolationist all my life... But THAT was my childhood traumas being too difficult to deal with... Born out of wedlock from possible date rape, my mother abandoned me emotionally the minute I arrived. She never connected. I never learned how. I am now 71 years old, and have been slowly repairing my own life. It's a good thing that I have a small group of very good friends that love me and tolerate my sadness and anger issues... I would also like to say that early on I had a near death experience where my guardian angel told me that I was 'being given a chance to make amends'... So this is not someone else's fault... Not my mother's (she had her own traumas), not the world's... I brought this karma into this life myself... And as such am responsible for reversing it. Every lesson is accompanied by a challenge... The challenge IS the lesson. School challenges you with homework and problem solving. Sports with discipline and the never give up spirit. Humanity's lesson is Spiritual growth. And Connection/Disconnection right now is our task to understand and master.
That last sentence hits the nail on the head. I am so sorry about all of the traumatic experiences you’ve been forced to go through (and now grow through) throughout you life, that were not by your hand but in your lap. AND I am so proud of you for making a decision to believe you’re worth the work, and worth finding and building those RICH relationships!
Do you truly believe people *want* to be offended? Or more so we’ve come to learn that choosing offense is easiest in order to blame others? I do another full episode on how choosing offense is holding us back :)
Great video - I love your passionate expressiveness, your very authentic feelings about your subject that you're communicating very well, and of course the subject matter itself is absolutely fascinating and very topical - but.... I just get the feeling it's.. going over my head. I mean literally, physically, kind of being directed at someone standing behind me with their eyes in a position just above my head. That's because you've positioned your camera lens just below the screen showing your face being recorded, and you're looking at your face rather than the camera lens. It would be sooo much better if you were able to do everything the same except look right at the lens, because then we viewers would think that you're looking right at us, not at a point above us. It's also kind of relevant and important too to the subject matter, because it's about human connection, and nothing says 'human connection' more than looking at someone in the eye when you're talking to them. Incidentally, my rambling, conversational style in making this comment is also relevant to the topic, because it's an example of how posting something becomes such an easy way to get a sense of connecting with others. I look forward to seeing more of your great work which is so relevant in this post-covid world.
Thanks so much for that feedback! I actually look directly at the lens the entire time my head is up, and keep the camera screen facing the opposite direction so that I don’t even get tempted to look away from the lens, because I agree, its the worst when it feels like someone is looking elsewhere! 😂 Maybe it was my laptop I was reading the article from being placed too low, causing too much distance as I look back and forth down from laptop and back up?? I’ll work to close that gap in the future so that we maintain a conversational style! Keep fighting for RICH relationships! ❤️ And thanks for watching!
@@AccidentallyIntentional Yes I should have known from your clear awareness of the ins and outs of relationship-building etc that you'd be fully au fait with the need for eye-contact. I see quite a few you tubers - prominent ones even - who clearly look at their image and I mistook what appears to me to be an apparent slight above-eye-level focus to be that as well. But it's too slight to be that anyway, it's like you're looking at my eyebrows. There must be something about your camera angle or some other factor that is creating the effect, it's very slight but I can't help being aware of it. Maybe it's just me! Anyway I really like your stuff so I look forward to seeing lots more of it.
__ I'm a large friendly male. Every word thst us large friendlies say, every move us large friendlies make, every gaze that us large friendlies focus out into the world, well, all of it is filmed, monitored, and subject to misinterpretation. I'm friendly anyway. But I've always been a risk taker. I worry about my tall sons.
As someone who goes out quite often, the smartphone actually is significantly important. Sometimes we just wanna rest after talking for a while, and take a look at our phones, if not, there will be awkward pauses in conversations staring at each other, as no one can always keep yapping all the time. And news in phones provide excellent conversation starters.
Sorry your caught in this mess sounds like you read the bible so you know what is going on my tribe no longer exists all gone dont know these zombies walking the earth not adopting any one right now
![How We Became the Loneliest Generation [Documentary]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/I19btmIBhx0/mqdefault.jpg)
![ILLSLICK - KILLSHOT REMIX [FULL VERSION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RIK8RrqIAzE/mqdefault.jpg)
12 dollars for a beer. Yup staying home
Alcohol not required 😂😂💀
Jesus I thought 6 bucks a beer was up there
@@AccidentallyIntentionalmost people I know can't hang out without booze. So I don't really hang out other than a few times a year.
Ok. $8 for a latte. $25 for a meal. Same thing.
I only get drinks out when required. Like, I'm going this sunday to see a stand up comedienne's show. The club requires 2 drink minimum(technically 2 ITEM minimum since they serve pub food and that counts too but I get drinks instead. Gives me an excuse to get my favorite drink of all time, the pina colada! And I don't care if anyone thinks it's unmanly to order a fru-fru woman's drink. I also enjoy "men's" drinks like a whiskey sour or whiskey or bourbon on the rocks. But the most delicious drink ever invented is the pina colada. And since I am on the keto diet I don't have vanilla ice cream, coconut milk, and pineapple in my house, so this is the only time I ever get to enjoy them. :-D
I crave solitude because politicans, the govt , corporations and special interest groups have destroyed society. Even the people around you have become toxic. I now cherish my solitude..
YET, amidst all of that, we are all still worth building RICH relationships! You can cherish solitude AND also have great relationships. It’s both and :)
@@AccidentallyIntentional I have rich relationship with my dogs and that's enough for me
@@AccidentallyIntentional He's right though. You can't have a gathering, without being pressured by someone next to you (who obviously is obsesses to be used as a henchman for some political agenda) to pick a side and side with or personally declare hate towards a given political side (e.g. daemoncrats, republicants), some political view-point on something political, state-of-the-union (abortion, pro-life) or support for or declare disfavour on the newest war (Ukraine, Israel) or any other political issue (immigration, border-control).
So ... He got quite a point - Since the overwhelming majority of people try to force their next into either political submission or NGO-discipleship anyway. *Everything is political!*
Since if you just want to wash down of the toxic sewage you had to listen to and dare to pop the wrong brand of beer of the minute, all hell breaks loose .. _How dare you?!_
It's especially worsened in the past five years or so.
@@AccidentallyIntentional No offense but I don't think you understand what it's liek to be a men let alone a White man. We basically blamed for everything, hated, not cared for, and are systematically persecuted by globalists.
On all this started way before covid. I stopped socializing when I was 30 years old. That's a little bit over 15 years ago. American culture started to shift to the extreme.
It felt like everybody was stuck in this Perpetual teenage mentality. We were officially adults. I stopped drinking because it was boring. I'd much rather solder circuit boards or make a radio tower. My friends on the hand did not. Conversations became rather disappointing because they were still talking about topics at teenagers would care about and not adults.
Dating was the same thing. I just stopped. The girls were wanting to go out and drink and go shopping at malls. Trying to have a actual conversation with them became impossible.
Fast forward a decade. Politics, the Democrats happened again. I lost my business and I lost my home. I lost everything I own and now I'm just working at basic job with the general public. I realize just how dumb the general public is and I have absolutely no interest in interacting with them in any way shape or form. I am now afraid of the future of our country. Then covid happened and the level of stupidity is nauseating. I can't even talk about it because TH-cam will censor me
Ohh then add in social media. We are now doomed
Oh then add in the victim culture...
Well, for what it’s worth, I still believe you’re worth having and building rich relationships :)
So sad.
When was the last time a teenager could afford to go out and buy a meal at a restaurant? When was the last mothers weren't so overburdening that they allowed them unscripted, unsupervised time? Girls? Are you kidding? Why would any boy want to subject themselves that kind of abuse?
Mom passed away in my arms Alzheimer’s. I worked overseas for decades and no longer know anyone really here. I’ve been thinking I’d put a ad in the paper to meet like minded people. The states is unrecognizable to me.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing that Kevin! You’re worth finding and building those rich relationships! I believe in you!
It's unrecognizable to many of us now, especially if you're a little older. We've seen the changes over the past 10-20 years and it's become Clown World.
I have the similar issue. I spent a lot of time in a foreign country. When I finally moved back I spent a lot of time working. It was only the last five years at I started to work with the general public and that made me realize just how alone I am. I don't recognize the faces of American famous people. Put me on the streets of Japan and I could point to every single poster showing the face of a actor or model and be able to tell you half of their life stories. I find myself extremely annoyed at the behavior of Americans
germany doesnt look recognizable either, but i havent even been gone. most people have given in to so many absurd new fads theyve completely lost the plot.
Don't do it, being a Stoic Man is freedom, and success for a modern Man.
This trend started long before smartphones, I'm old enough to remember when a family would have one TV, and everyone would gather together to watch it. Then the portable TV came along and people would watch TV alone in their room. I remember passing papers as a kid in the mid-seventies and I had three bars on my route, and they were usually full of retired people playing cards, checkers, chess, dominos, darts or pool at 4 to 5 in the afternoon. I loved going in them because people were happy, very colorful and treated me well. They have been dying off for a while but the last nails in their coffin were smartphones and social media. I remember getting off of work and dropping by a full bar around 5 pm for happy hour, people were very social back in the eighties and nineties. Today those same bars are like tombs, if they aren't already gone. I drive through neighborhoods that used to be full of children after school playing together and riding their bikes, now there is nobody outside, unless they have to be there. It all sends a chill down my back knowing how much we have lost and how little I have to look forward to in what I believe will be a very bleak future. I can leave my smartphone at home but there isn't anyone left to go back to because they're also addicted to their phones and laptops, hiding in their box/home. If I could go back to 1990 something, I would have already checked out long ago. Maybe we can reverse this trend, but I honestly have my doubts. A very truthful video, thanks.
For that kind of old school lifestyle, you'll have to go overseas. The US isn't going back to that ... ever.
@@ericpowell4350While you're correct it's likely changing there little by little as well.
Well said !!
--
People in small boats no longer wave to each other like they did when I was a kid. Physicists might call this "the collapse of the wave function."
😂 .... 😢
Nice!
I noticed that last summer when riding in my brothers boat. We waved at a passing boat and they stared at us like we all had two heads!
I'm 58 years old and I've never had a friend I could confide in during a moment of crises. I've never been close to any of my family members, never been a partyer, and this was before the advent of the cell phones, Computer, or the internet!
I spend time with my husband and our 2 daughters every day. I love our family and I don't really have time to focus on anything else. I'm a stay at home mom and I haven't had any friends in over a decade.
👏👏👏👏👏👍👍
Rich relationships are impossible. The country is polarized. There is no common ground with people destroying your way of life.
I can promise you, they are not impossible to find. Are they harder to find and build than before, definitely - but we’re worth it!
The Uniparty has won! 😢
@@richardscathouse yep. Replacement is now in the works.
@benstandard We've moved from Agenda21 to Agenda2030 a bit earlier than planned, but the reaction to the Convid Scare gave them the surety they can do anything they want
I'm over 60. I learned to socialize! We would talk to strangers in lines, hanging out at the bus stop, etc. Met a guy who had been at the evacuation of Dunkirk back in the day while waiting for a bus! I went to a baseball game yesterday and over 90% of the folks there were staring into their phones and not watching the game! My phone was in the glove box of my car! If someone needs me, I'll talk to them after the game. Bad thing is nowadays, tickets are sent via phone which I hate! Until people learn to shut the phone off COMPLETELY and engage (even if it is just saying hello to someone else), it is only going to get worse. Even doing a small volunteer activity in town is a step in the right direction!
Totally agree!
It's these smartphones what's done it, isn't it?
People don't want to know people anymore. If I want to maintain connections, I have to do all the work. After years of never getting a call, and always having to call, you realize you aren't important to people. At this point I just talk to myself and I don't care if people think it is weird. When your family is abusive and you aren't super successful, it is hard to make friends. People are so distracted by social media and being entertained that you cannot have real connections.
We have a political system that is dividing people based on non-sense and most adults are ok with becoming bigots. Modern people don't want to know people who disagree with them. Narcissism is an epidemic. Facts are peoples feelings now. There is no reality, most people believe in absolute non-sense and have little knowledge of science and how the world works.
Corporations want people to be single. Single people consume more than families, per person, and are more easily influenced than people who are part of a family unit. Social media is a scam, tricking people into believing they have a friend group. We are being divided to be conquered and the masses are losing. The elites are buying up everything, and AI will make us all homeless. Welcome to the amazing future.
Well, let me tell you that you certainly aren’t alone in those thoughts, or personal experiences, as you’ll see in the comments here. And I think that is a good thing! Meaning that there ARE people out there who are fighting for the same values you are, looking for rich relationships! Those relationships will absolutely always take work, and to be honest, most often it will feel like you’re going first….until one day, it switches. And I think you’re worth finding and building those RICH relationships!
Sad points, but very true. Society is slowly collapsing, and the Elites have almost succeeded in destroying the family unit. We saw this in communist nations, where the State sabotaged the family unit, and traditions, and culture, only to realize later that it lead to instability. Now those same formerly communist nations encourage strong family units, tradition, and culture.
Their use of social engineering is destroying entire generations. It really does not matter if it is communists doing it, or capitalists, the result is the same: lonely, unattached, and volatile people. A person with no social contacts, and nothing to lose is inherently more dangerous than someone who has things (and people) which can be taken away.
That's why I have a cat... :)
So let’s change it!
@@furdterguson9909 Sadly, this kind of experience seems pretty common. Hopefully someday things will improve in society.
It's a liability to interact with people in today's realm.
There has and will always be a risk, and sure, there are some environments that certainly aren’t as safe as others, though I believe fighting to build rich relationships is a risk worth taking! 💪
@@AccidentallyIntentionalUnfortunately, it's becoming less worth taking each passing year.
@@benstandard I'm sorry to hear that's become your experience and perspective!
For real, it is....
I was always an outcast all thru school. I survived. And made it all the way to 60 without friends 😺🐈⬛
That's sad. Even introverts need a few friends here and there .... even if it's just meeting up with them a few times a week or so.
“We should totally hang out some time!”
“Definitely we should!”
😂
LOL been there. Here’s my new technique when that happens - “okay let’s plan it right now. Let me pull up my calendar. What do you have on ___?” 90% success rate scheduling and locking it in right then!
People are spending less time with other people because other people suck ass.
So you’re saying everyone on the planet sucks and there couldn’t possibly be any people that you can build great friendships with?
@@AccidentallyIntentional not ~everybody~ sucks … the percentage of people who suck ass is increasing … rapidly.. noticeably… and it is discouraging people from interacting … takes too much time/ effort to find the people who don’t suck.
@@AccidentallyIntentionalyes!!
A lot of what's mentioned in the video are symptoms, not the actual cause. You see, back in the 70s, things were actually affordable and corporations hadn't yet bribed the government to completely ruin everything like they have now. Things are destroyed to the point where it's a huge mental burden just to live. And then everyone is far too burned out to worry about trying to deal with other people as that would require effort they don't have enough of left. And it would also cost money they don't have.
And then I have had friends to do stuff with but it always just seems to lead to them all ganging up on me and making sure I lose at whatever I do so it's just depressing. Even when my generation goes out there and tries to do things with people they're just narcissistic and it's depressing to do anything with them. I find it's so hard to find anyone that's even worth having a relationship worth.
I’m so sorry to hear that’s been your experience! For what it’s worth, I still believe you’re worth finding and building rich relationships! It definitely will take a lot of work, and risk, and I think you’re worth it!
5-10 years ago a large bowling alley closed down in my city. It also had pool tables and video games. I just recently learned that the closest bowling alley near me that has been there since I was a kid closed a while ago and there is conflicting stories about whether or not it is going to reopen. There are at least 3 other bowling alleys that I know of in the city, and AFAIK they are all still open. But back when I used to bowl regularly it was normal for the places to be full at all times. I wonder if what was said in the video is the reason why? For me the problem was conflicting work schedules with friends and the ever-increasing lane fees. I have no clue how much it costs to bowl now, but I'm sure the prices are insane.
Yes, you can charge very affordable prices when you have 20 lanes generating revenue.
But when only 10 are occupied on average, you need to double your prices to retain revenue, which scares off potential customers.
And now you have only 5 lanes occupied, and you need to increase prices again, and it is the end of it: you are priced out of the market.
People becoming less social meant these places got less business. That means they had to raise the prices to stay afloat. That means the others who would be hanging out couldn't because they couldn't afford it. It's a vicious cycle eating itself.
I'm guessing that building rent for bowling alleys skyrocketed over the past couple decades. No choice except to raise bowling fees. Also folks don't seem to have time to meet up for it. And they don't have money for gas.
Better to be alone then chase people who dont care about you. Im very comfortable being alone, but not lonely. Loneliness kills the spirit
Well, for 1 it's expensive. The "cheap" groceries that we take home to cook and turn into healthy meals are expensive 🤷🏿 Hanging out?! Way more expensive... Gotta buy gas to get there and back then get to work... As a contractor/sole proprietor sometimes my work is 40 minutes away, other times it can be 3 or 4 hours away not including some work that I fly to.
I say this as an American who has lived outside of the country for a total of about 6 years in Japan a little over a decade ago, we had 11 third places in our neighborhood and the connecting small city alone not even including in all the third spaces all over Tokyo 20 minutes away. While I worked in Japan I traveled to Bali Indonesia, Bangkok Thailand, Madrid and Egypt to study music and experience that part of the world firsthand. I've traveled to Colombia 11 or 12 times from 2014 to late 2019 to teach and study music and catch-up with friends. I worked on cruise ships that sailed through/to the Caribbean and central America a few weeks at a time some years before that as a musician, I taught a few summers in Canada, I toured the U.S. and Canada in my teenage years/early 20's for 8 summers with 127 other performers (think marching band) with others of the same age from around the world.
I say all this to show some outside perspective on us and as a person who has adapted to other cultures; Most Americans (in general) are too individualistic in our thinking or mindset and overly territorial with our politics and everybody wants to be "seen" and elevated without proof of skill or any reasonable reason. Americans don't know that they have more than most in the world but Americans don't appreciate what they have and they have to have more to out do the Jones's.. Jealousy.... Too much of that mess.
Some have no respect for others or themselves with how we present ourselves in public, with the manner in which we talk to or interact with each other (or a stranger) or not interact in passing at all as if the other person does not exist. Too many grade school students do not respect their teachers, older teenagers/20 year olds don't respect their elders wether they are family, associates from work or strangers on the street. Why would anyone want to go spend their hard earned $$$ to experience that?! 🤷🏿
My first three jobs before I left the country for the first time for 7 months was in the service industry. I can't believe the low level of basic courtesy by some employees at stores, restaurants, etc. Take a trip to Japan, Thailand, Bali, Latin America, West and north Africa and notice the difference in how you are treated and the change in your stress levels.
I am currently working my way back out of the U.S. so I can start a family and have a more stress free life in a place with with real whole food, nationalized healthcare (like I had in Japan), with people who have more of a community mindset (we not I) and good public transportation. I only plan to visit to see family, close friends and take care of business
I am content i don't live in America!
It's not easy, that's for sure... But bringing order out of chaos makes one more competent. We wear our passions out in the open. And in dealing with them, we learn so much about ourselves.
Hopefully other countries don't get to the point that the United States has which is a weak semblance of family and community at best.
Lucky you!
Money literally dictates your entire life
What part of this video discussed money?
@@AccidentallyIntentional oh sorry I'll just stop talking
@@AccidentallyIntentional I think @KimTrails999 is making a general point that people spend a lot of their time chasing/making money to where they feel there is no real time left over to make a meaningful relationship (without the free floating cash to do it)
I’m in college & people don’t socialize in my classes. I ask a few girls out to lunch… that all said no.
Eric, this broke my heart to read. I am SO sorry this has been your experience. Especially if the intention was clear that it wasn’t even a date as much as just getting to make a new friend. My immediate (but certainly not comprehensive) suggestion would be: keep trying! I know how hard rejection can be, and what’s also true is you’re worth finding and building incredible relationships! Even being transparent and saying “I want to get to know more people on campus and make new friends” can go a LONG way!
So nothing has changed. You need lots of money. The chicks dating when I was in school (98-02) got weekend trips to Miami, etc. You buy that commodity. It's nothing new. Also, lie about your major. That'll help a little.
@@MidNightRider2001 yeah lying definitely sets any type of relationship up for success 🤦🏼♀️😂
I was born in the 50's, grew up in the 60's and came of age in the 70's. We weren't inundated with entertainment, we went out and created, we played. Creation was off the charts, we were poor so we made our own to toys.
Video games took off in the 80's, video games became the new babysitter.
I love that!
I've noticed this. Seems like 5 years ago my community was partying, cooking out, and going dancing. Bars were busy. There was a lot of live music. I don't know where that went. I figured it was the result of social distancing during covid. Yet several years later I still don't feel the 2019 vibe.
I'm OK with it in the sense that I do just as well alone as with friends. Always have, even 50 years ago.
What really jolted me me was sitting in a cafe in Florence on a beautiful day while the two young people next to me were buried in their phones. FFS, just stay home and look at Florence on your phone.
Wow. It is startling, and we are worth having meaningful relationships - even if it means unplugging from our phones for a time to truly be present!
Have you ever heard what women want in men today?
No, thank you, I'd rather stay home and spend my money on my vacations, toys, and home.
1. >6' Tall - Number one reason
2. >6 figures, >$200,000
3. 6 pack
4. >6" way down there
To name a few.
This video has nothing to do with romantic relationships and what women are looking for. Its about friendships
Too dangerous out there ,too expensive staying in the cellar watching dvd collection drinking tea,coffee sharping knives,sharping hawthorn stakes,stringing garlic necklaces filling squirt guns with holy water
At dinner I generally cut off my phone. Unless I want to listen to music. Well, I'm taking a walk on my days off 9 times out of 10, I don't take my phone with me. I leave it on The charger and even cut it off.
Let’s go!!
@@AccidentallyIntentional I I actually have a few real life people that I converse with. The world can do without me for a little while.
Nah I'm good most people out there today lack any substance.
It's telling that she stopped reading/reacting to the article when it touched on Covid as a factor. But as I remember that's what really kicked the antisocial aspects of phone use into overdrive. The senses of aloneness and fear were overwhelming. And it never went away, we just stopped talking or doing anything about it. The average American has now had Covid two or three times and many venues - schools, theaters, gyms, family gatherings - are still greatly underattended. And *no one* dates. All by itself, there could be your reason for loss of hangout time.
That’s why I didn’t feel as though I needed to go into any further detail because there seems to be a communal self-awareness around the fact that covid really jolted this dilemma - not the only factor, as there are many, but one nonetheless
@@AccidentallyIntentional Fair enough. It was only a minor niggle anyway. Thank you for an insightful and thoughtful piece - you did a great job there.
Likes on social media is more important than interpersonal activity.
We don't all believe that!
I will fix a simple dinner enjoy the peace and quite .then read till bedtime and have great dreams
I can tell you another reason why its hard for men to hang out with other men, WIVES. Wives try to isolate husbands from their friends. Happened to me a lot, male friends wives stop them , now I dont even try to make new male friends, I just accept that I am retired at home with my wife and son, and miss those army days of my youth being in a mans world.
Certainly not an objective truth for everyone across the board, though I am sorry if that’s been your personal experience!
@AccidentallyIntentional its actually the majority experience among men. Ive had several gf's who totally tried to keep me from seeing my friends, i ignored them. Still friends with those guys and the gf's are long gone.
EVERY male friend I've had who was single rhen got married, never heard from him again.
@@AccidentallyIntentionalI think it's a bit more complex, but it's certainly a reality for overwhelmingly large swaths of men. Narcissism is groomed into girls from a young age, conversely boys hear a constant message of how they're toxic, abusive, should take a backseat to girls. Male ego is destroyed, and with little belief in their intrinsic worth and potential come into the world with few boundaries and no belief they deserve to fight for those they have. Whereas before men wouldn't accept comments, demands for exclusivity from their girlfriends/wives, to sacrifice their resources, both material and personal, to spend more on them, now these soft, emasculated men allow themselves to be stepped on. Having boundaries, having a spine, being willing to say "no" is now toxic masculinity. To express these means certain ruin. What once was rare, and nearly the sole product of toxic, abusive parents has become common thanks to a toxic educational system, and increasingly, more expansively, toxic society.
I could have had milk and sugar if I wanted at no extra cost. Expect to pay between £2.50 to £3.00 at most places. Places like McDonald's, Greggs (try their steak bake, they also do vegan stuff), local cafes and Subway are cheaper.
My sister had a best friend she knew since grade school (30 years ) who hurt and betrayed her by having sex with her husband. My sister loved her friend as if she was family. I also had " friends" who hurt and betrayed me also. People can hurt you and I found myself withdrawing from engaging with people because I was afraid of getting emotionally and mentally hurt by them. People do desire to have friends but sometimes a friend can be your worst enemy. Some people choose but not desire to be alone to protect themselves from the negativity of people who might hurt them.
Gosh I am so sorry to hear that. I agree - building relationships is absolutely one of the biggest risks a human spirit can take. I’ve been hurt by many so I can certainly relate to the pain there. At the same time, each risk also brings a potential opportunity for a life giving friendship, so I’ve been resolute about looking at it through the lens of “what’s the BEST thing that can happen?”
Gen X here from Germany. I was social in my childhood until through university, but broke with every friendship i had. Most people are boring, self-centered, talking only about themself or discussions are rat-race topics. There is nothing where i can take a value from. I do not see any sense to build up connections. But i confirm to your explanation.
We do not live in stone age era anymore. In our society every service can be purchased with money. For e.g., if i need somebody for help because of moving, i just can order somebody to help me.
It's not all about the phones. 1200 shopping malls were closing every year for a few years. And shopping malls are where people, especially women, got their walking exercise and also their socializing.
Another contributor has been the overwhelming political divide. I remember watching a TH-cam video where they asked liberals if they would have a friend who was conservative. And they all said no.
Also, it became too expensive for young guys to have their own car and own insurance and pay for the gasoline. A lot of them were delaying getting their driver's license and just hanging out with friends online.
Another contributor has been what the schools have been telling young people. They say that white males are bad, and now we've got all these militant feminists and depressed young white men.
Also, boys/men aren't playing baseball and football and basketball in the streets and parks anymore. That used to be how a lot of guys met each other. And women would hang out on the sidelines and sometimes participate.
And, so many people quit church.
(Side note: TV shows have always been about people who are doing other things than watching tv. We've always had a tendency to stare at a screen and watch other people live life.)
Tons of contributors for sure. There’s definitely no sweeping generalization that can explain any of it. There’s a ton pulling us apart from each other and causing division AND we are still worth fighting to find and build RICH relationships! It’s both and :)
I'm 50. I'm no longer sociable myself but that's an age thing in myself or an age thing around me I can't tell. I was the last of people I knew to get a phone at all and was never into video games, I couldn't afford that stuff. Lots of bmx and skating for me. Now I'm addicted to looking at a screen. Watching the news, you tube, useless TV but it's my addiction. I've had other addictions and screens do something to my brain that sopififucs used to. I think three is something worth looking into there. I call it electric valium. That's my personal problem. As for the breakdown of society, especially bad recently. I noticed it change drastically after covid. I know I never re socialised, I guess a lot of people didn't. Personally I feel like I'm looking at life throgh my own square, depersonakized view. I'd say I'm not alone. I remember seeing the covid screens in shops going yo and saying "they will never come down". I was right. People are not used to actually contacting. We are always acting to a degree. But now we are really, literally acting our way through lives. But try saying that. People just stay stop moaning.. Fake happiness is the enemy. Calling out this uncongruity is the answer and I'm happy to see you discussing it. We need to he having this conversation all the time and inky this conversation because as you say it is now life or death. We need each other now more than ever. Maybe people's assemblies, or pointless meetings. Social brainstorming sessions bringing this out into the light of day. And I don't just mean getting together at festivals for example. I really don't know what the answer is but loneliness is the world's biggest existential threat right now unhappy people do dangerous things
I was a street entertainer for a living for a decade. Look at town designing. There are no places to gather let alone sit. Cities are for going door to door spending money and then go home. That can get addressed. Better public space encouraging people to just sit in a plaza together even if just quietly. Watching out for each other's kids or dogs etc. Relationships happen by accident
@@averyhowell7873 Hence the title of this YT channel :) I agree with this synopsis! We have to create our own opportunities for connection now!
Damn normies are just now starting to get lonely? Hell I've been lonely my entire f****** life. Never had more than two friends. And I haven't seen them for over 5 years.
😂 well, for what it’s worth, I believe you’re worth having RICH relationships too!
Dont have time or patience to fix the damaged people so i stay at home read old books watch old movies feed the squirrels read old westerns learned to be a hermit years ago happy lost in my memories and books
Ty for this info. Being a man usually is more difficult then being a woman - socially and romantically
The line at 2:38 is incorrectly read by you. It reads ..."then whining about 'parties of one' would feel silly. You read it as ..."then whining about parties...one would feel silly". I am really enjoying your video and subject matter, and this observation is not a negative criticism, but to point out that to read it incorrectly changes the point of the sentence and the what the writer actually said. Anyway, thanks for the video!
Good catch! I’m mostly glad to hear that I read the remainder correctly as I was zipping thru that article 😂 Thanks for looking out! I’ve linked the full article in the description!
Get over it. I don't want to hang out with anyone Male or female , people dont talk to each other cannot put the phone down
I’m sorry that’s been your experience! I can tell you that is not the case for everyone though, so be encouraged! There is a WHOLE bunch of us that desire connection and will seek it and do so without phone distractions :) and I believe you’re worth that too!
This is such an important topic. And I admire your ability to speak off the cuff so well.
Such a generous thing to say! Thank you, and thanks so much for watching!
I always found socialising to be boring unless it was about talking about something that interested me. And reality doesn't interest me, because it's really boring. And most people want to talk about reality, and not about whatever niche escapism I happen to be interested in at the moment. Internet is much more entertaining compared to people in reality. I never miss them.
Call someone during an emergency? I don't even have a phone.
I went for a cup of tea yesterday (no milk or sugar) £2.80, not a pot, just a cup. Shocking, £2.80 for a cup of water and a teabag. UK watcher here.
Wow! I need to start saving then! I’m going to be visiting soon :)
Four words: Join a bowling league! The book "Bowling Alone" was written nearly 30 years ago mentioning that people no longer joined fraternal organizations, recreational sports leagues, volunteer organizations such as PTA and the like. Amazing that this is being "rediscovered" here in 2024.
Great call!
@@AccidentallyIntentionalfew seem to be talking about the number of people who are doing their "hanging out" online now. A lot of people socialize on live streaming apps and such too.
You know you dont have to talk all the time learn to turn that off and sit in silence really listen to what the earth and nature is saying
I wish this was the case. Good relationships gives a rich life and existence, but I don't know anyone that wants to hang out. It's too expensive. Everything is too expensive. Outside of work time is time to work on my business.
Everyone is stuck. Everyone is offended. Everyone is trying to sell a course or do coaching because our economy is circular and going nowhere.
Not everyone! :)
Go to a Starbucks and on the front door says no cell phones that store would be empty. Nobody talks about anything anymore.
Actually, this would be an awesome sociology study! There are groups on college campuses now (such as the Re:connect Movement) where it is organized time where a bunch of college students meet up, put their phone in a lock box, and build relationships without distraction - and Gen Z LOVES it!
immediate communication has put an end to hanging out. The abandonment of malls has cut down on socializing. In the 70s, you hung out at the mall.
So let’s be the change!
Fine example of handling such a difficult subject.
Thanks for watching and joining the conversation!
@@AccidentallyIntentional
Looking forward to being involved.
No thank you staying home by myself reading old books
Okay!
For men, relationships doesn't worth it anymore
Who wanted to hang out nowadays when everything we talk about has to be politically correct. What you discussed could be posted on the X, Facebook, and Telegram within a minute.
Let’s be and find friends that accept you for who you are and what values you hold, even if it means having different beliefs! 💪
Obviously written by an extrovert.
How is that obvious? 😂 We introverts don’t get a pass on building relationships and hanging out. We are ALL worth that! 💪
@@AccidentallyIntentional even introverts need friends that they can hang out with on occasion.
@@benstandard I am one, so I agree! haha
I think people today no longer have the innocents of making friendships as it was over 30 years ago. Could it be that humanity has become so morally and spiritually degraded in their relationships with each other ? Could it be just a part of the natural evolution of humanity going in a different direction ? I don't believe it's just due to advances in technology and cell phone usage .
It’s definitely much different than it was, and there’s tons of contributing factors. I think the good news is that we each individually get to decide what to do now, and become extremely intentional in our investments of time with others! 💪
When I spend time with my family, they are glued to their phones or the television. They are in their 50s and 80s.
Most of my friends don’t make time to hang out. Even though we are in our 40s and very few of us have children, they don’t hang out much - preferring to stay in for “self-care“. Which seems to include posting memes on social media about how much they hate people and binge watching streaming series.
When I do see my friends, they are glued to their phones. I prefer in person interaction. I’m an atheist, so I got back into the club scene and found the Middle-Aged People Why Go Out. I don’t feel close to anyone. I’m lonely and I miss the people I care about most.
I can absolutely see how the advent of the smartphone adversely affected my marriage. I loved my husband in every cell of my being, but we became glued to the screens in our home. I miss him terribly.
I prefer spending a night each week with the man I’ve been having sex with. We use our phones so little around each other that we often forget to take pictures when we’re dressed up to go dancing. It’s kind of awesome.
I feel that some blame must be laid at the feet of mental health professionals and self care, influencers for their constant advice to cut people out of your life “who don’t bring you constant joy.” They will never take responsibility for their influence on the loneliness epidemic.
Thanks for sharing this Erin! One thing that has helped me address smartphone usage with my family is truly just sharing my heart. “Hey family, this may sound weird and uncomfortable, but I really love you guys and love spending time with you, because time is so precious. When *WE* (keyword- include yourself) are on our phones, it feels as though what’s more important is the phone, than who’s right in front of us. It would mean a lot to me if we could spend some phone free time together!”
I feel this so deeply. Thank you for your encouraging words, I really needed that ray of hope. I've been slowly getting better at taking those risks and have made a couple of new friends, and for that I am grateful beyond words. I love the parallel to physical exercise though, because while sitting around can make those stretches feel really uncomfortable, awkward, and intimidating, with enough practice it does eventually become easy again ❤️
This has equally encouraged me! Keep investing and building those RICH relationships! You are so worth it, and so is the risk!
I am decades ahead of the curve it turns out... I was a committed curmudgeon and isolationist all my life... But THAT was my childhood traumas being too difficult to deal with... Born out of wedlock from possible date rape, my mother abandoned me emotionally the minute I arrived. She never connected. I never learned how.
I am now 71 years old, and have been slowly repairing my own life. It's a good thing that I have a small group of very good friends that love me and tolerate my sadness and anger issues...
I would also like to say that early on I had a near death experience where my guardian angel told me that I was 'being given a chance to make amends'... So this is not someone else's fault... Not my mother's (she had her own traumas), not the world's... I brought this karma into this life myself... And as such am responsible for reversing it.
Every lesson is accompanied by a challenge... The challenge IS the lesson. School challenges you with homework and problem solving. Sports with discipline and the never give up spirit. Humanity's lesson is Spiritual growth. And Connection/Disconnection right now is our task to understand and master.
That last sentence hits the nail on the head. I am so sorry about all of the traumatic experiences you’ve been forced to go through (and now grow through) throughout you life, that were not by your hand but in your lap. AND I am so proud of you for making a decision to believe you’re worth the work, and worth finding and building those RICH relationships!
YOU ARE SOOOOOOO CORRECT! THIS PLACE IS A MESS☣
Let’s be the change!
Then stop supporting Joe Biden!
Connection is medicine
100%
After hearing lots of discourse on US public transport, I wonder if it is because of the extreme low trust society state that would result in that
Definitely.
People are tired of people meddling in their business!
That's easy. Everyone is waiting to be offended, waiting to punish 😢😢
Do you truly believe people *want* to be offended? Or more so we’ve come to learn that choosing offense is easiest in order to blame others? I do another full episode on how choosing offense is holding us back :)
That's only the woke side. Feminism and the woke ( they maybe the same thing ) have caused that crap in which you speak of.
Have not thought of my "social fitness", ty for this!
Right?! Such a great reframe!
You fix it Iam semi retired bare minimum existence
We need even more woke and social media! This will cure the loneliness
Or….wait for it…being social in real life :)
LOL
@@AccidentallyIntentionalWhat you want will definitely improve society but it's unlikely to happen.
I found this piece to be Quite Interesting.
Thanks for watching!
I didn't have any close friends before it was cool.
According to the data, 61% of Americans don’t have one close friend, so you aren’t alone!
Facebook, Instagram, TikToc should be sued into oblivion like they did with the Tobacco companies.
The trials are definitely interesting to watch!
Too costly, prices have doubled under the dems.
Ex employees have come out and said they purposely made social media addictive on purpose. Making people the product they prosper off of.
Great video - I love your passionate expressiveness, your very authentic feelings about your subject that you're communicating very well, and of course the subject matter itself is absolutely fascinating and very topical - but.... I just get the feeling it's.. going over my head. I mean literally, physically, kind of being directed at someone standing behind me with their eyes in a position just above my head. That's because you've positioned your camera lens just below the screen showing your face being recorded, and you're looking at your face rather than the camera lens. It would be sooo much better if you were able to do everything the same except look right at the lens, because then we viewers would think that you're looking right at us, not at a point above us. It's also kind of relevant and important too to the subject matter, because it's about human connection, and nothing says 'human connection' more than looking at someone in the eye when you're talking to them. Incidentally, my rambling, conversational style in making this comment is also relevant to the topic, because it's an example of how posting something becomes such an easy way to get a sense of connecting with others. I look forward to seeing more of your great work which is so relevant in this post-covid world.
Thanks so much for that feedback! I actually look directly at the lens the entire time my head is up, and keep the camera screen facing the opposite direction so that I don’t even get tempted to look away from the lens, because I agree, its the worst when it feels like someone is looking elsewhere! 😂 Maybe it was my laptop I was reading the article from being placed too low, causing too much distance as I look back and forth down from laptop and back up?? I’ll work to close that gap in the future so that we maintain a conversational style! Keep fighting for RICH relationships! ❤️ And thanks for watching!
@@AccidentallyIntentional Yes I should have known from your clear awareness of the ins and outs of relationship-building etc that you'd be fully au fait with the need for eye-contact. I see quite a few you tubers - prominent ones even - who clearly look at their image and I mistook what appears to me to be an apparent slight above-eye-level focus to be that as well. But it's too slight to be that anyway, it's like you're looking at my eyebrows. There must be something about your camera angle or some other factor that is creating the effect, it's very slight but I can't help being aware of it. Maybe it's just me! Anyway I really like your stuff so I look forward to seeing lots more of it.
This is a great commentary. Thanks for the great video.
Thanks for taking the time to watch and be part of the conversation!
Your welcome. @@AccidentallyIntentional
As far as I know, I'm the last person in civilization who has never owned a phone in this century. I'm gregarious, is what I am.
What about landline phone service?
Since the Convid scare, people are still afraid to hang out 😢
Hang out? Why, to watch everyone stare at their phones? Nah
Nope, to agree to do the exact opposite, and fight for genuine unplugged connection :)
I love your passion to the subject
Thank you!
__
I'm a large friendly male. Every word thst us large friendlies say, every move us large friendlies make, every gaze that us large friendlies focus out into the world, well, all of it is filmed, monitored, and subject to misinterpretation. I'm friendly anyway. But I've always been a risk taker. I worry about my tall sons.
Wow! "Go first", I love this!
Thank you!
Solutions ..I like it..
Now we need action on the solutions :)
As someone who goes out quite often, the smartphone actually is significantly important. Sometimes we just wanna rest after talking for a while, and take a look at our phones, if not, there will be awkward pauses in conversations staring at each other, as no one can always keep yapping all the time. And news in phones provide excellent conversation starters.
It sounds like you have a healthier relationship with your phone than most! Also, awkward isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a normal human thing :)
"Rich relationships" ....
that's rich 😂😂😂
You don't think you're worth having meaningful relationships? I'm sorry to hear that if so!
Sorry your caught in this mess sounds like you read the bible so you know what is going on my tribe no longer exists all gone dont know these zombies walking the earth not adopting any one right now
Single people often think they are excused from ever hosting a party. Once or twice a year seems like a minimum to host something.
Are you speaking of that singles perspective firsthand?
70s were best decade in US, then came Raegan tax cuts snd things went south
Tax cuts dud not do this, welfare programs, entitlement and a sick woke movement did this and your phone, and feminism