How We Became the Loneliest Generation [Documentary]
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ธ.ค. 2023
- In this deep dive episode, we take a look at the loneliness epidemic. Its origins, causes and some solutions.
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TH-cam videos used:
- • Happiness
- • Loneliness as a "marke...
- • I Have No Friends
- • I'm 31 And Have No Fri...
- • I’m 30 years old and I...
- • 25 Years Old: I Have N...
- • "I have no friends"- i...
- • Being Friendless in Japan
- • Japanese People Rent F...
Studies, articles and research mentioned in the video:
- ourworldindata.org/loneliness...
- www.sciencedirect.com/science...
- www.cedars-sinai.org/blog/why...
- www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
- [www.discoveryaba.com/statisti... by Age&text=Here are some loneliness statistics, in a survey by YouGov](www.discoveryaba.com/statisti....
- www.sciencedirect.com/science...
- www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/arti...
- static1.squarespace.com/stati...
- www.americansurveycenter.org/...
- www.bmj.com/content/376/bmj-2...
- www.sciencedirect.com/science...
- psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-0...
- www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
- guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/...
- www.bluezones.com/2018/08/moa...
- www.newyorker.com/magazine/20...
- www.washingtonpost.com/techno...
- psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-0...
- www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
- www.health.harvard.edu/blog/i...
- www.bluezones.com/2018/08/moa...
Producer: Dagogo Altraide
Writers: Meehan Kathan, Piriye Altraide, Dagogo Altraide
Research: Meehan Kathan, Dagogo Altraide
Editors: Tanzim Uddin, Dagogo Altraide - วิทยาศาสตร์และเทคโนโลยี
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This topic is not something I'd usually do on ColdFusion, but it's something I have been intrigued by for a long time and an issue that's very important to me. I tried to approach the "solutions" on a broad angle since I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, so do speak to a professional if you think you need help with chronic loneliness. But I hope I have been able to shed some light on this crucial topic! Be kind to each other and thanks for watching!
No morals nor principles
So happy to see you covering this- it’s such an important conversation.
I think it's a no brainer why we have this crisis at this time. And since you're sort of a prohet of Black Mirror paradox, AI companions will try to solve this, causing another crisis eventually.
I choose to be lonely not because I hate people but I certainly hate my country for not providing me a decent job so that I could get some respect in society.
In South East Asia, and especially in East Asia, culture also plays a significant role due to the emphasis on 'Social Harmony.'
To maintain the status quo of 'Social Harmony,' there is a tendency for people who diverge from the mainstream to be shunned, as it is perceived to be easier than trying to understand the person.
Robin Williams once said "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
Yet he killed himself.
Robin had lots of friends and support in the decades he was in show business. But he is a prime example of why the person you see on camera, isn’t often the same person behind the scenes.
@@KratostheThirda lot of those people get suicided though. Don't know about Robin but like Avicii or Chester Bennington pretty likely.
@@daniel_960_we all went through the thought of suicide or being with death once in our life time. The problem with suicidal people wants answers "right" away., trying to control things that are out of their hand. Problems, situation and even desires for people. All of these suicidal thoughts roots from the desire for control. If things doesn't went the way they wanted,. they just kill themselves out of misery.
@@naknampucha5236 meant the music industry is deeply fucked up. But yeah.
@@daniel_960_ Hollywood is deeply f’ed up too.
Drinking alone in my apartment and this video pops up in the notification :')
Same right now
Drinking will make it even worse. Stay strong
Hi friend
Hope things get better for you man 🙏
Pulling up to the liquor store now to then come home after alone
Man it sucks out here, social media has made 100% of all people narcissists.
I have met many who have huge self esteem and identity issues over social media. Humble, kind people.
But people jaded with life cause some 17 year old made millions selling some gadget or gimmick, and they have worked at the local Wendy's for 10 years and nothing has changed for the better.
I love how we say that loneliness is structural because of economic strain, architecture, technology…and then say that a therapist is going to help you with the underlying causes of loneliness. What are they going to do? Shore up the economy so I can move back to my home town? Build a public square in my neighborhood? Relocate some childhood friends?
So much this.
There is no personal solution to systemic problems.
Any media that doesn't address this is only propaganda at best.
The therapist is probably experiencing extreme loneliness as she tries to focus on other peoples problems all day
The faith in “therapy” is nit far removed from faith in the parish priest
I agree.
Just buy betterhelp bro. $100 per hour will fix you. Therapy the biggest scam I ever seen.
The disappearance of third places is a big difference. In my younger years, we had places and spaces to meet, chat and discuss. I still love libraries for this reason. However, they’re getting eroded year by year.
Poor urban planning and zoning greatly contributed to this. A lot of places are missing playgrounds, dog parks, skate parks, grass fields just because NIMBYs want their “peace and quiet” and don’t understand the detrimental effects of their selfishness.
So true. This is really sad.
@@empi492can't goto a playground. I'm a guy and there'll inevitably be a hyper-reactive mom there.
That's just one example, as a rule I don't go out because those similar situations. The few who are ignorant to how they make the world less enjoyable for us all.
Volunteering provides a great 3rd place. See if there are animal shelters or food pantries
Having friends is cringe
_"People think being alone makes you lonely, but that's not true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world."_
Oh yes, try being someone against enforced medical experimentation and being surrounded by compliant, judgemental people.
🎯
Great quote, I'm not sure why this piece was missed to be addressed in this video. Sometimes people have other people in their lives but they are unhealthy, either by having unhealthy habits like drinking often or numbing out in similar ways, or by being entangled in drama regularly, or by being very judgmental or gossiping regularly and so on and so on...this widespread society issue of a lack of good human qualities is a huge contributor why people don't engage as often, it leaves them feeling stressed, exhausted, used, confused, it's no wonder they distance themselves as a coping mechanism, not necessarily the best one. People in general aren't open to feedback so if you asked them to not be the things mentioned above, they would get offended and mad. This issue is so much more complex.
I’ve heard this quote many times. But in reality both can be true
Wise words
I think part of the problem also is trust. You may make friends as an acquaintance, but it often takes years to trust someone. Also, just because you have known someone for years, it does not necessarily mean you know them well. People can be fake too. I know a few people in my circle of friends who are just not genuine. People come and go and it is very difficult to find lifelong friends who are sincere and have your interest at heart. Excellent video!
This and also the ubiquotousness of public shaming practices on social media makes it very hard to develop trust.
No one considers the possibility that THEY might also not be a great friend who has their friend's interest at heart. People like to complain about others never having their best interest at heart but I rarely hear people say "im also not a good friend".
Yes instant gratification
So true. The only person I trust is my bf and it took 3 years for me to realize this guy is legit coming from someone who doesn’t trust people easily. Actions speak louder than words.
Being older now and tired after work I have since lost contact with most friends. Coworkers are the next closest thing but I don’t fully trust them nor do I confide in them.
When I was growing up everyone just connected. Then American 'values' infiltrated the planet and all the Western countries, and even Asia is affected now, is in competition, its all about ME and money is no.1.
All my life, since I was a little kid. I've felt unwanted and lonely. It just won't go away, but I've come to terms with it.
that's part of the solution - coming to terms with loneliness. I spend most of my time alone, but I've learned not to feel "lonely". Next time you watch tv, have a look at the ads that come on. There's SO much focus on "the individual" these days - it's very common for the story to follow a single person for the entire ad. Society is moving in that direction unfortunately, all we can do is get our little snippets of social interaction wherever we can. I chat to people in shops, I call my dad once or twice a week, I catch up with friends once a month or so. It all helps, and it all adds up.
@@GlennSyndalliusYou should join a religion mate. Or a book club trust me.
It may actually be low grade depression or what used to be called dysthymia. Give a shrink a try. Once you are better, the whole world may open up for you. Definitely worth a try.
@@GlennSyndallius Good advice. Come to terms with loneliness instead of causing something drastic because of the pain of being alone.
@@j3an725 why are you telling him what to do? In my life, most of the people that have given me advice about how to avoid loneliness were the ones who were the most MESSED UP with their emotions - that they were merely projecting their own deep loneliness to others.
Using AI to fix loneliness is like ripping down the walls of your house to burn to keep warm, or like trying to drink yourself out of depression or trying to borrow your way out of debt
This seems like a comment from someone who is quite perceptive and articulate in his/her communication! @coldfusion should really have loved your comment.
Very well said.
This level of comment can be done by someone who personally experiences the subject
Indeed. Arguing for AI to fix loneliness is as enlightened as arguing for videogames, TV and VR, etc to fix loneliness.
Give me AI instead of a human any day!
I'm older and don't have any family close by. My lonliness drastically reduced when I got a dog, specifically, a Boxer. People were shocked to see a 70 year old lady out walking a Boxer; they were curious and stopped to talk. If you're younger, feel like you're not accepted, and can swing it, I would definitely recommend getting a dog. My baby girl got me to come out of my old lady shell.
I have found dogs make better people than most people.
i will try that.
😂😂😂 You can't make this up!!!!!!
I LOVE dogs, but unfortunately with work and sometimes health issues, I can’t bring a Dog into this life :( it probably wouldn’t be fair to it
I’ve had them before. Will always love them, forever. And I would love one again but yeah, as stated, they deserve better
I’m considering a Cat though. They’re a little more independent right? I wish I could walk them though, and be social with them at times, but I’m also more introverted these days, perhaps we would click better?
That's great to hear. Good for you. 💕
we are all selfish and self-centered, it's tiring dealing with people
people are tired, or poor, or fearing for their status that's why
in China, they aren't.
in Russia, they aren't.
in Iran, they aren't.
in African nations, they aren't.
certainly in Palestine, they aren't.
the west is only true in regards with this.
So, it's not just me. I had no idea how widespread the problem has become. Thanks for this.
The pandemic of loneliness is not merely a consequence of external factors; it also reflects an internal shift in societal values. Gratitude, empathy, and genuine human connections are often overshadowed by individualism and the pursuit of instant gratification. In a society that values productivity and achievement over the well-being of its members, loneliness becomes an unintended epidemic
Amen! I completely agree 🙏
Very true the more we as humans are drawn to instant gratification. The lonelier we become. It’s not worth it
Written very well like a ChatGPT bot. 😂
I would wager also that the reactionary shift towards dogmatic traditionalism is a considerable factor in the isolation/self-isolation of persons
"unintended"?? On that point I disagree. Its a facet of Capitalism.
I don't feel lonely to be honest, it's quite the opposite actually, but what I found about relationships especially with long-term friends is that they very often don't grow with you as a person or in a different direction. This means that the friends you gained over the years will simply become unappealing to you and if you don't know how to make new friends, you will simply end up alone.
You're wrong. Nothing is like an old friend a friend for 40 years
That is an interesting observation. I think there is some truth to this depending on where you were in life when you connected. What happens is that you spend less time together as the years go by. And I do feel that it is important to keep reaching out to connect with people.
@@HVAC356you’re lucky. My friends I had growing up arent people I’d chosen if I was where I’m at today. I came from a broken home and had a lot of trauma and was drawn to friendships of similar toxicity. I have nothing in common with those people today as I’ve done a lot of self growth and healing. They are still stuck in the past and still carry toxic traits. I have no friends. I’ve tried to make new friends but those relationships don’t seem to stick long term.
Exactly, I also found out that i wasnt lonely the whole time. It was a lack of productive activities and exercise. Also I get the same feeling when I am sick and unable to perform my entire daily tasks.
Thanks for this dialogue.
Ain't just the young. I'm fifty and have been alone for nearly twenty years. The first fifteen were painful, everyday empty and hopeless. Eventually, about five years ago, things went numb. I'm still lonely, but now emotions are dulled, seemingly pointless, save the tears at random times. It's depression, sure, but there's no cure when there's no connection.
I’m 44 male and divorced with two children. I would be where you’re at except for the fact my kids give me purpose. One reason why people have pets. You need a purpose.😊my motto is sacrifice,suffering,service.
Well sure u can see there is no future.
💀🔥💥💨 how can u be happy.
Jesus is the best friend we can have.
Sorry to hear that, man.
Nearly 57 and been alone 17 years. It's partly my fault as dating sites are not for me and the few girls I have approached were either out my league or younger so I got turned down. I don't cry about it. It's the hand I got and that's all there is to it.
My adulthood i was so nomadic, having to move cities and states to chase jobs in my chosen profession. But even if I'd stayed home, almost all of my friends from high school has moved away for similar reasons. It's so hard to develop lasting friendships when you only have a few years to spare at a time
I think that was mentioned in the vid - displaced people find it quite a bit harder. I've displaced myself a few times too, moving for work or just a change of scenery. I've got a few core friends left, so maybe I'm lucky in that sense, but yeah... I'm in my 40s, I've found that as I age, most of my friends have gotten partners, gotten married and had kids, so they disappear into their family lives as their kids/partner take top priority. It's understandable, there's no malice there, but as a single 40-something it certainly leaves you isolated!
The worst loneliness is the kind you feel while you're with someone you love.
Can you elaborate?
@@bigmanontheinternet3824 it's like that line from the song Once in a Lifetime "this is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife... ...What have I done". It's the feeling of total isolation from not only those around you, but from your own decisions to grow close to those people, a self alienation. I've found myself questioning my choices in a partner many times before a breakup, for various reasons, you can't square how you think of yourself now and the person who you really were and are becoming. The secret fear of a future with that person mixing badly with a sense of self alienating regret, ultimately leading to an unbearable feeling of loneliness. Those two can exist in isolation but they're much worse together.
Then take the feeling of alienation you might experience with a parent. For example, if a parent or child does something idiotic or something you feel should be outside of your character, the sense of separation you want to feel is bound up in the fear that the negativity you see in them is also in yourself.
Both play into this disconnect between your conscious and unconscious self as well as your past and present. It's the moment you realize that not only do others not know you but you don't know yourself.
Family can do this. 😢
Yes plz elaborate
You mean with someone who doesn't love you back.
I am currently suffering from severe loneliness. I’m 48 years old, have dealt with a lot of trauma from losing family members and friends, to watching my generation tear itself apart. Being a computer technician for almost 30 years now, I have played my part (albeit at a small one) In the birth of consumer Internet, the rise in technology, and the rises of social media. even though my role would be considered minuscule at best, I was still a part of the chain. Now, I am divorced, no children of my own, I go to work, I come home, and that’s it. I don’t know how to talk to other people because I don’t think they will ever understand me. I think differently, I feel differently, I think about others, and not myself. I know somethings wrong with the world, but I don’t know where to even begin to start making a difference, or a change that will help me help myself, and help others as well.
Dagogo, I am so glad you worked this story. For the longest time I felt like I was alone, and that people didn’t recognize how I felt. Thank you for calling attention to this very real and very serious problem.
Skull isshuou
Have you tried having A real Relationship with God through Christ Jesus, I bet you will find that is the missing link. God bless.
@@josephkimogele3484oh god damn. Here we go. Scram
From one tech to another of the same age, I will be your friend. Start a conversation about computers with me and the deeper things will follow.
I feel you, bro.
Introvert here, I love being alone and i keep myself away of people and most social media platforms or social gatherings of any kind, I don't need many friends, just a bunch of really good ones, I believe that in most people's lives there is too much strangers and that's a problem, A healthy social life should be less people but deeper relationships. Rural areas are much healthy social environments in my opinion.
Watching this made me burst out in tears. This says a lot of what has been happening in my life.
I hope you're ok now (saw that you posted this 2 weeks ago). Feel free to reply to my comment if you need someone to chat to - I'll try and monitor my YT comments in case anything pops up.
@@GlennSyndallius Actually no, things are not okay. The worst part is I have no one in my circle to relieve the stress.
@@alanaatkinson551 feel free to vent here if you need it and you don't mind doing it publicly, I'll respond. Otherwise maybe we can find a way that you can shoot me some PMs (I don't think TH-cam has a msging function).
@alanaatkinson551 hope you get help ❤
Same
Despite the risk of being laughed at, I'm here for anyone seeking a friend, you are not alone 🤗🤗
This is really cute. We need more of this natural goodness!
Where are you from?
@@LucciClips Texas, USA
I grew up with a turtle at 10 years old. She was my best and only friend. Having a pet to care for helped the loneliness, especially since they look at you with unconditional love - or at the very least an excitement for food.
Turtle was my preference because I was allergic to cats/dogs. Laid back and a long-time companion.
I hope you are much better now
That's a great suggestion. Atleast I don't have to see my beloved die😬
was it a ninja turtle
Sweet story! I'm really hoping his name was Leonardo... :)
Why is it that having pet as a companion is okay but it's not for AI?
I grew up with a numerous family. Day in and day out there was always someone with me. Once I turned 17, I left home and enjoyed solitude and the new privacy. Im 40 now and still enjoy being alone although I do have a partner now and dogs. I did feel that when I got my dog in my late 30’s my life improved drastically. By the time my partner came, everything was just good. The trick is a healthy balance of interaction.
16:00
i wasn't expecting to cry when i opened this vid, but the heartfelt sadness of that young lady emptied me out.
Recently a few people decided to open up a store and place to play card games and meet & chill with friends/people, the idea being focused on offering a great experience rather than just making money.
It's so simple yet so profound and the positive impact things like this can have just as an example. No alcohol required as well.
This is in a small city in the Netherlands but I do hope we'll get to see more and more things like this.
where can I find it?
I think the concept of having a cafe where people are able to just come in and make friends with people is a heartwarming concept.
@@justanothermortal1373 Humans are social animals and communication is very important.
In this world of high tech, always online and news headlines invading our everyday lives, playing casual card games with friends and family is a necessary breather.
@@prefixsuffix The internet happened. That's why so many people are lonely and depressed.
People need actual communication. Texting doesn't cut it.
@@prefixsuffix It already is an epidemic.
Even the 80’s and 90’s were more dangerous, even in the United States. But nobody was fixated on screens as people are now.
Loneliness came thanks to the rise of digital entertainment.
As a 35 year old, I saw it happen. My childhood was awesome socially. 20's was still awesome, though by the time I turned 30, people changed, DRASTICALLY.
Over time, Face to face meetups turned into phone calls turned into text messages turned into likes and swipes. It's sad af.
Most people would rather watch Friends, than to actually hang out with real friends.
Socializing takes effort. Cheap entertainment (on screens) does not.
That means, most people will go for cheap entertainment. That is why TikTok and TH-cam are killing it.
That's a fucked up reality that we can't turn around without getting rid of the technology.
Well said. I live in rural montana and grew up here. We are very much behind the times, but even here in a very community centric area I'm watching people slowly stop caring about their neighbors. People don't go out and meet to do anything anymore
Well it's also a symptom of the destruction of family. The rise in the marriage and divorce industry, shaming women or men who want to be home makers, lack of social support for men, subsidizing of single parents, corporate push to get people to work more/be in the office more, the commodification of housing into a speculative asset which destroys opportunity for the young and immigrants, etc. People are growing up in neighborhoods without other kids, or they have only one parent and little to no siblings, or their parents have no money to do activities, or the parents are gone all day at work, etc.
It's the death of family that leads to the death of community. The intervention of government and corporations in our lives started this.
Same! But the part we have to face more or less people wanted this. A certain subset of people are unwell enough they do not like giving of self to others and only like to take what they want. Another amount of people are injured enough they feel demotivated to interact because of the inherent risks. There are people that manage both the above motives by seeking control including of others. And on you go. These kinds of mentalities and situations spur on escapism and intimate disconnect. Not to mention the lack of social skills and affective empathy the above issue can cause and perpetuate. I have the experience you have of seeing things drop off a cliff but also from the inside as well. It look me decade plus to connect my social withdrawal with traumatic emotional experiences and the concomitant hunger that caused me to over stay in unhealthy situations after that withdrawal. Now I'm battling losing my ability to be socially appropriate and maintain affective not only cognitive empathy.
Friends wasn’t a bad sitcom, most of my friends watched it when I was a teen.
It was noted for expressing values that worked well in the 90’s feminist movement, when women wanted to be independent and not involved with a traditional family.
Ironically, the programmers and entrepreneurs who created these toxic technologies have no trouble finding women, “oh! I love smart men! Intelligent is attractive to me. He makes me laugh!” Give me a fucking break. Superficial people
1-reach out
2-self acceptence , reflection and compassion
3-attitude of gratitude
4-social media reduction only 30 min
5-giving to others
6-connection,
This is one of the best videos I have every seen anywhere. My sincerest congratulations to the Coldfusion staff for this incredibly important video.
I felt very lonely in my late 20's. It had a lot to do with both economics and social circumstances. When I was able to fix my economic problems, I could start focusing more on building connections, which I have struggles with my entire life. I choose to live in a collective to be around other people more often, and this has helped a lot. I choose to get engaged in my housing community, and started helping neighbours with things. This has been greatly appreciated. I'm realtively young and quite handy, while a lot of my neighbours are old. And I'm also engaged in groups on Meetup and other platforms, so I regularly meet people there as well. I still struggle to build deep connections. But constantly putting myself into situations where there's a lot of people greatly increases my chances of making lasting friendships.
The economics part makes sense In general hopefulness for a better future is a big deal and having a job gives purpose and you need to have the time and energy to engage in the community
15:35 I'm 100% sure that the reason most people get lonely badly is because ADHD syndrome, it affects them badly, they don't even aware they're suffering this syndrom. Back then, I had no friend, despite that, I didn't feel loney at all. I had thought there was something wrong with me, then I found out I'm extraordinary mindful, so that this prowess helps me overcome the loneliness. I think people need to practice meditation to get their mind and brain mindful. 👌
Seems like a wonderful experience, if you truly want to know my answer, on this topic at hand.
After three years of disengagement, I realized the more I isolated, the more my health declined. Mentally and physically. Meeting people online in 2023 isn’t like it was in the early-mid 2000’s - social media can be so overwhelming with endless profiles and overstimulation at your fingertips. Now more than ever, people are hypersensitive, dismissive, and at times, downright rude! Socializing is for sure a muscle that needs constant exercise. Nowadays, I intentionally put myself in spaces that support human interaction, be it church, the gym, yoga, in-person classes, etc. A simple smile and a hello is enough to make me feel good. Add in a 30-second dialogue and I’m on cloud 9 lol. I don’t always get it right, though. There are people sometimes who look like they want to speak to me and I’ll instead look away because, well, I still deal with a bit of nervousness and anxiety. This is a marathon and I have to be patient with myself as I re-enter society naturally. Baby steps will have to suffice for now and I’m okay with that 😊
So different now. In the earlier social media days I meet ppl who talked to for long time. It seemed more about ppl seeking connections and hobbies etc. Now I can't remember the last time I even made an online friend despite being so many more ppl online
Yeah social media is saturated now.
So proud of you 👏!!
I believe we cant truly be healthy without community.
stay up bro. You're not alone. im Dino. peace
What a brilliant podcast. It should be shared and shared and shared again. Forget about anything else online.
The older i get the more i like being alone.
Me too 👍
@kurzgesagt did a great video on this too. One huge problem is, as a lonely person, you unlearn how to even reach out to people, to a point where even when they reach out to you, you decline or find excuses not to engage. I'm close to 40 years old and I haven't seen such a thing in my life. It's like relations are dropping dead left and right and nobody is questioning it.
Probably indicative how all-encompassing this shift is. I always intellectualized how we were all connected, one big "organism", each individual part cursed with self-awareness, but I could never quite unify that idea with reality so easily and frighteningly as now. Far-right politics pop up everywhere like some natural reaction to something, the epidemic of isolation and loneliness, decline in welfare and trust in government, and top that of with a collective decline in mental health.
On good days I figure that it's the agonizing growing pains of society in major transformation. On bad days I feel utter hopelessness. Too many bad days lately.
Late-stage capitalism (of such form of it as we suffer today) is a terrible fate. A smart man asked once "What's more likely in your mind? the end of the world, or the end of capitalism?"
I think most people answer the same and it's a chilling response.
I think it’s rather the loss of wisdom from older generations. Broken family structures , likewise social health. Otherwise we wouldn’t be surprised to learn that human are individualistic. We are social when it benefit the individuals. The internet became my grandma and grandpa, but I have to be selective careful with this collective wisdom, filtering out biases. Not to mention the level of greed and corruption of ruling class as the contributing factor to the decline of society.
I’m starting my 40s. No longer delusional about needing human connection, and understand that solitude is preferable in most cases.
I lost all my friends and family the past couple of years. Just me and the cats. I love the peace to be completely honest.
Neither will touch on the social changes that can't be discussed because the consequences were not good, but can't be acknowledged.
@@blurgle9185Right, poor communists having socialization would have better?
One big problem of loneliness is that it can become a vicious cycle, the more time we spend alone the more the protective armour around us thicken and the more the armour thicken the harder it is to find new genuine connections.
As mentioned in the video, it's a consequence of the fight or flight instinct because we've not evolved for loneliness which is historically deadly for us humans
@momytik True, but it's also different from culture to culture, region to region.
Especially when you're already struggling, the stigma of being different or "a loser" it's definitely going to make very hard to build new connections, that's also a big reason why being informed and reaching a diagnosis is so important because eventually when you know who you are there's a possibility to find like minded people with which you can fit in and being accepted for who you are but all of this is almost impossible in the absence of government welfare, at least for most people
Not to mention the fact that most people end up not being worth the time. Lots of users and abusers out there who love to prey on people who've obviously been abused before, or simply good people. Unfortunately, I feel at this point that it is impossible for me to ever make new friends -- not after going through so much trouble and pain. Every time I try to even hang out with someone for the first time, I just end up getting too stressed out to finally prepare for it. I had a lot to offer. Now I've got nothing for y'all...
I go to the gym, and boardgame clubs. Also get a job with much interaction
Like as a cashier at Wegmans
A topic that needed to be given a platform. ..well done cold fusion
I'm 38, divorced, no girlfriend and I have no friends but I don't feel lonely all the time. Sometimes, it creeps up on me but whenever that happens I go to public places like parks, zoo's, cinemas, concerts etc. and that feeling goes away.
I am an older divorced man and I got burned out on the drama that others brought to my life. I only associate with others if we have a shared interest or I need to talk to them. I removed everybody from my life who is a mental drain and I am mostly content.
I'm almost your age. We are fortunate we don't get lonely! I get so caught up and happy w my hobbies I forget to reply to ppl 🤔
Better to be alone than in stress by the spouse
Sadly you are not alone. I had the same problem a few years ago but met my Filipino wife online 11 years ago and my life is now full of love, support and kindness and I couldn't be happier even though I an in my 60s now so take heart.
Thank you for sharing my friend ❤️ I am in a similar situation actually almost identical. Stay strong brother 👍
One reason for loneliness is financial difficulties. For example I can’t hang out sometimes because I got bills and goals to achieve. People who are busy working all the time of course feel lonely. Because even if you have friends you’re exhausted and the only thing you need is neat bedroom.
I totally agree
Lonliest generation because we have 8 BILLIONS of us, and i cant stop myself to think i wish it were half, i don't like looking at crowds of people, financial difficulties and less jobs Because of 8 BILL people of us the problems are many solutions very LESS, the pressure to be next Zuckerberg or bezos or musk life span of 85 years etc etc influx of information to everybody not just you, ITS CUT THROAT COMPETITION, and although people are kinder to each other in general, SELF KINDNESS IS ABSENT.
True
Real Slavery
When I was a kid in the days before television, computers and the stupid Internet, people actually spoke to each other, amazing isn't it.
I have experienced loneliness at different times in my life and I have learned that connection is everything. Being there for each other is what sustains us in this life.
I used to volunteer at a free clinic. It blew my mind that pretty much every patient we saw was on an antidepressant. It made me wonder if all of them actually had a neurochemical imbalance, or if they were just depressed because they were obviously poor with not many options. Antidepressants are very much over prescribed and there could be a lot more help for lower income people than there actually is. Great video, keep them coming
Everybody is on that stuff because they live in a very sad world right now. Most people seem normal on the outside but the minute things don't go their way, they snap and go crazy and attack you. People are lonely because people are exhausting to deal with.
@@jRex918 Exactly. This is why I’m a lone wolf myself.
Pets make me happier than most people.
Agreed! Vitamin supplements and a healthy diet actually worked better than any antidepressant!
The main reason of all problems is that our civilization abandoned Christianity. People started to believe that the alternative of salvation is to making money. That is why they don't believe anymore for values such as being for other peoples, being for communities etc. because it won't bring them money, indivudual success and position in global hierarchy. Christianity (especially Catholic Christianity) is the only religion, philosophy and value system which depends on being for others, not only for yourself
Poor diet causes depression
You opened my eyes on this subject. Thank you.
Fantastic documentary. Thank you for making it. Anyone reading this you are loved and worth something.
Let’s stay strong together 💪
My biggest advice for combatting loneliness is to check out your local library and sign up for a library card. We don't give libraries enough credit for being the awesome community resources that they are. Most libraries run book clubs, movie discussion groups, and a plethora of other events and activities offering plenty of opportunities to connect with people that have similar values to you. On top of that, librarians are usually very knowledgeable about the local areas they serve, and can help you find interest groups and gathering spaces that suit your specific interests if the library programming doesn't suit you.
Yes. I use the library!! Also you can see shows &obtain free passes to museums.
just wish libraries didn't look so dodgy and outdated. Makes me not wanna hang out there.
I go to our library. It is usually a solitary experience but at least people there are not in a rat race, as they are in stores.
My library is beautiful and has a massive collection, but most the folks there are homeless. And not just down on their luck, lost a job or got a foreclosure homeless but that strung out on meth and watching porn while escaping the heat/cold between highs homeless. They don’t necessarily pose a problem for me personally, I actually work with the government to provide assistance to some, but just like everyone else, I’m put off from visiting because I’m just going to get hustled for some change or hear porn from someone’s speakers or see a guy use a study room as a bedroom. I feel for them, really I do, but we simply allow a facility for everyone become a shelter between 7 and 8 with the excuse of it being “for everyone.”
I don't mean to demean your advice, but I'd rather be alone the rest of my life then seek out the fucking library to make friends lol.
Part of the problem also lies within how devious people have become. When you do open up to someone and try being a friend you are most likely going to be betrayed at some point in the near future. We are at a point where people dont know what loyalty, selflessness, and love really is. They think they do but really dont. When people who know nothing about those things are raising the next generation, what do you thing that said next generation will teach their offspring?
I think you can choose being alone but saying everyone is devious is also the problem. A bunch of “devious” vs “self righteous only do good ppl “
"Devious" people have always existed. The inability of people to learn, cope, and adapt to them is new.
@@jtcali2086this. If you never interact with them how can you learn to spot them?
That’s really sad but are only hope is the internet to resort to now
That’s your perception. We’re not any more devious than we used to be.
Thank you very much for such a brilliant documentary on such an important and often ignored subject of loneliness.
Thank you. I am one of those people who has become isolated and lonely. I often thought it was down to me but seeing this as made me realise that there's so many just like me 😢
Because we live in a world where u can't trust nobody, even your family and friends 💯
Try working with the elderly. They are much more trustworthy and would love a younger friend.
@@lindalambert8727 The only people I talk to are 3x my age or older.
Trust people with what?
That's not the reason
That's a pretty strange thing to say, because that means you don't trust anybody.
Maybe it's also important to maintain some border. Don't give $10K to a random person that promises you to give it back tomorrow. Maybe give him $10 and see how trustworthy he is. Small steps.
2001, a friend of mine went to the dropping of the ball in Time Square by himself. Came back, saying five minutes after midnight, he felt a loneliness he had never felt in his lifetime
its true. You are so alone you have no one to go out with anywhere to. So what are you choices? stay inside and do nothing. Or in desperation go out alone. What happens every single time, I can atest to this because I tried. You feel worse when you do go out by yourself. You feel a sense of pain and loneliness far worse then had you just stayed home.
Its like you are alone and you know you are alone, you are surviving. But only when you go out surrounded by people who aren't alone and yet yourself totally alone. Do you truly realize just how alone you are. It hits you like a ton of bricks. You end up coming home feeling worse then anything and wondering why you even went out, even though you kind of almost had a fun time while there.
This is so true. Loneliness is not being alone - that is solitude. Loneliness is being among other people you have no connection to. We weren't designed for this - we used to live in small groups where everyone knew everyone else. Now we are surrounded by people we know nothing about, and they know nothing about us.
Everytime i come across this problem I'm caught off guard because its obvious that there are a lot of people having the same issue and that all that is missing is how these people can come together.
Thet guy was definitely not the only one who wanted to go see the ball drop and had no one to go with
@osaimola as far as the person I was talking about, he didn't have to go alone he could easily have found someone to go with him it was something he wanted to do. I'm not sure why. I have seen him many times go to a bar and leave with the prettiest girl in the bar he had that kind of skill. Maybe this was his Mt Everest of picking up a chick.
Great video dude 💪. This message needs to be spread.
Fantastic in-depth video... keep em coming guys
Maybe it’s the rise of narcissism because of social media flexing? I ended 90% of my friendships because they were toxic. I have very few friends now but less drama and stress. My mental health actually got better.
feel u bro, I did the same, gotta have better standards for yourself
Yeah the reason in the end is that people get focused more on themselves/individualistic.
You ended 90% of your relationships because you are narcistic too.
Left social media over 6 years ago. I don't even wanna think about where my mental health would be if I were still on it in 2023.
Remember the thing about toxicity is all dependent on the dose you receive. Sometimes giving up on people is not the wisest choice
except if you were the toxic trashy friend all along lol
I've been lonely for most of my life, there was a short period of time in college where I had a close group of friends and I was really happy then. I'm getting older, it's a shame to have spent life suffering from a condition that I can fix. I don't have to be lonely, there must be some group of people out there who'd like my company. It hurts to see that 40 year old guy who just spent his life in his room, because you know that where lots of people are headed in the future. Best of luck to all the lonely people, I hope you find some friendly eyes to connect with.
Youre a citizen of what country?
@@Jaereum1 Really that made you laugh? What kind of POS would troll this comment section.
@@user-it6rh2tn2e USA
Most 40 yr olds are busy with work and family that being alone in the room for 1 hour would be a miracle.
Travel bro travel. I started travelling on weekends and I don't feel lonely anymore
Thanks ColdFusion for making this documentary and shedding some light on this ever increasily important subject. I'm gratefull to you, I've learnt a lot and i'll be implementing your tips in my daily life. :)
Giving is one of the greatest keys to opening up life for oneself :
Had picked up two jet skis and had opportunities to invite people to go out on an adventure: I had people call me to express that going out was the greatest outing they had all year ! Had a chance to bond with people and other relationships came forth ! Never wait for someone else to make something happen :
I think the fact everyone compares themselves with things they see online instead of what they see in real life has a lot to do with it.
False praise and fake friends are never a good substitute for a Real Hug or Family and Friends you can hang out with or call on for help.
That's exactly what is going on here. Instagram was and has been under fire for that exact reason. Look it up, it's pretty interesting.
Back in college I knew a lot of people who would go to social events and take pictures with random people to inflate their profiles. They would take the pictures and leave with minimal participation.
Yeah, I agree, even Marcus Aurelius said(roman emperor = the most successful man in the entire world t that time) that constant comparing ourselves with others will lead to constant unhapiness with ourselves.
also to add insult to injury, people only learn socializing and communication from Movie and Series,
where in the film you've to constantly making a Snide Remarks in order for your film to be funny.
but try that in the real world, it'll be treated as an insult or verbal abuse.
, nobody like to be shamed, or for their shameful stuff to be exposed to the public for a laugh,
therefore, don't socialize and you won't open yourself for an unnecessary risk
Yep
Grew up as kid in 90s and early 00s. Those were the best days before the Internet era fully kicked off & smart phones becoming popular. As kids we would play outside, meet new people, go to community events and activities.
I've become more alone as time as gone on and become older, but I got use to being within my own company & do not have any negative effects.
Ringing the Doorbell l, can Kevin come out and play, mr mcallister?
Omhhhgg we lost kevin😂😂
Maybe only in the US. Ask a brazilian like or maybe a russian about how idyllic the 90s were.
90s kids enjoying the tom sawyer animation tv series is the king of the good times.. So simple life yet beautiful. 😏
yeah same here mate - I'm a 90s kid. We'd actually go out onto the street and play with the neighborhood kids! What a surreal concept! I think gaming is part of the problem... kids choose to spend all their time on the internet and on gaming consoles these days - they're not really social environments, they're just staring at a screen for hours. It's not cool. Also, they'll all need glasses by 30. :D
@@phosspatharios9680LOLOLOLOL. Don’t be so mad about the 90’s your comment ☠️ me 😂
To be alone is also to be protected from evil people. I am happy being alone. 🐣🌹
I don't normally post comments on videos I watch. But this video came timely in my life when I don't know what I'm feeling for the past 1 month. I don't understand. Perhaps it's loneliness. First thing I'll do after watching this video is to be grateful to my friends and family. I feel like nowadays I don't thank them enough. Thank you again for posting this video. Your hardwork has touched at least one life. Cheers!
as an introvert I sometimes feel that others (and the society) impose on me that I should feel lonely.. This has confused me so much when I was younger. Later I have realised that I just prefer to spend a lot of time alone and that is okay and I dont have to give in to pressure to socialize when I am not feeling up for it...
Ditto I like to be alone but made to feel like there is something wrong with me. But I am lonely too as when I do feel like calling someone I don’t have anyone to call
Society pushes people to be extraverted it has been noted in the book called “Quiet” by Susan Cain
@@One-Ring-To-Rule-Them-Alllearn the difference between being alone and lonely.
@@maiaautumne2167being alone and lonely and lonely are different things did you not listen to the video
@@Arctic-fox717no society is pushing people to be manufactured, alienated and isolated
I've had two major loneliness panic attacks, one in 2020 and another in 2022. During these episodes I went out of my way to push away every single person I knew just trying to find the one person that actually wanted to be there. I seem to have stabilized since then but I've completely given up on making friends. Something in my brain won't let me attach to people anymore.
Your not alone my friend, we're here with you.
❤
Yeah same here man. I really don't try to connect with people anymore. I am just kind of like, what's the point? I am going to get used and abused again. I don't wanna go through that again.
I never noticed a difference during covid... did everything I always did and realized how lonely I was but never noticed until society pointed out 😅
same.....i just cut everyone out of my life who i feel could give two shits about my existence and don't really care to make any more friends.
Wow so much great information and helpful tips. As someone who is isolated more than not this has really opened my eyes on this problem.
I love this video, it feels a lot more real than most "loneliness epidemic" vids out there, so much so that when it came to the advice portion - which i usually roll my eyes at - i felt like it was coming from a place of genuine care and empathy, and I listened.
I think social media has completely commoditized friendship. The fact that people will pay other people to hang out with them says everything. It seems that unless you are of a similar social or economic status as someone else, friendships are being treated more like jobs nowadays.
So is it really a bad thing or just the evolution of humanity and friendships?
So is it really a bad thing or just the evolution of humanity and friendships?
Nigh everything has been commodified in this modern day dystopia. Friendships are fake, and relationships are toxic or outright borderline 'impossible'.
People pay to get someone to pretend being their friends? Wow, I didn't except something THIS pathetic.
join a health club
I recently just hung out with friends, or people I just know, and a few strangers. The many hours I was with them, I felt socially awkward, and it raised my anxiety, not knowing that is because of loneliness. I'm 34 , got separated, and then divorced in the pandemic. Lost my job and had to take a 50% pay cut. I have no children and no partner. So I've been having lots of heartburn lately, and I've been thinking it's because of the caffeine drinks. Now, I know that it may be the effects of loneliness. My job doesn't help either. I work 12 hours at night, 5 to 6 times a week. So I'm glad I got to see this video. Now, it gives me the strength to seek a different employment. I woke up alone today, but after watching this video, I'm going to start making a difference to myself. Thank you, Dagogo
Wow. Everything seem to hit you at once. Take heart and seek a step at once.
God lead you to a better ground.🎉
Change you job and be more exposed to the Sun light, aka vitamin D intake. You'll feel better. And listen more to your body/mind when it sounds the "alarm".
It took me until very recently to figure out I had anxiety disorders, and in seeking treatment for that I was able to overcome the social akwardness, before I'd be very reserved but would become chatty if I knew you well enough and now I have much less qualms about going up to somebody and chatting up. I see what you write and I feel very identified to how I felt before. I know it might not be possible, but try to ignore that awkwardness, or set up in a different environment some new interactions. Don't go from 0 to 100, but at least try to inch your way closer. Getting a better job is key though.
While I'm close to suspending treatment, I think they key follow on will be to rely on those social connections I was now able to forge, I hope I can maintain them. I hope for your sake you can do something similar as well.
You're important, the world needs you, promise.
Heartburn is likely due to too much bed rest
Please get yourself outside and exercising, if you don't already. Alone or socially. In particular, hiking and cycling groups can be amazing.
It really hits hard when this video pops up and I just recently lost a friend to loneliness/ depression. ..
Awesome episode 👏! Trying to combat loneliness. I am getting better and like the suggestions! Bravo 👏
Part of the challenge, on the front of people feeling like their friendships are fake and superficial, saying "we need to change our culture" doesn't fix that, because it's just asking people to make more unnatural connections that aren't trusted and are treated more as an obligation than a relationship.
exactly. That's why generic advices such as "go out and reach out" don't work. The problem is people are less and less genuine (sometimes for good reasons, i.e. it can be risky to be an open book) hence at best one gets acquaintances and not friends
I see exactly what you mean especially on your last point. If people start a relationship more out of obligation than willingness, it's immediately going to feel fake and just saying change the culture wont do much. Though I do feel for the way we handle relationships as culture we gotta first change how we individually handle relationships. Most people(myself included) tend to be individualistic and that probably informs how I go about my relationships too. So for culture to change we have to be more communal in the way we socialize.
People need to develop their interpersonal skills and regain empathy in an active way. I have notice more deterioration in ability to share and achieve intimacy than before. It's what I call becoming socially feral.
we do need to change our culture...those parts of our culture that make it difficult for people who are ALREADY friends to meet up easily! (work culture, smartphone/netflix addiction & car dependency)
@@fernthaisetthawatkul5569 it is all about culture
making meaningful connections with people as an adult is incredibly difficult. I think most people just stop trying
i feel like this is true b/c of the social pressure. we are socialized to try and seem "serious" and "mature" as adults & to speak in a "professional" manner so as not to appear childish. so we hold ourselves back and keep a mask on our faces. we avoid speaking passionately about the things we really care about, b/c that would be "cringe." when we leave the interaction we overthink what we said b/c we're scared of being judged. all this playing pretend and going through the motions may make us feel gratified at first, that we didn't "mess up," but in the end our relationships are less genuine. le petit prince, the children's book, nailed it when the narrator said he'd have to "bring himself down" to the level of a grownup when talking to them. he'd switch from talking about his deepest thoughts to discussing "politics" and "neckties." what a shallow existence, and also sad!
Thanks for the video it was inspiring and was definitely something I needed to hear.
Thank you for this. Gratitude turned my life around 4 years ago, and I'm passing on the loving guidance to my kids.
I grew up lonely and unable to make friends. It was such a deep source of shame. My belief was: "there's something terribly wrong with me - I'm a total misfit and it's my fault, especially since I haven't a clue why." It took me 50 years to figure out why - the role of deep emotional wounds from complex trauma (C-PTSD) embedding disempowering beliefs that shaped my thoughts, feelings, Interpretations and actions.
I used to feel all alone in my loneliness. Now that I have healed so much from the inside out, I see I was, ironically, never alone in loneliness. The first step for me was to totally befriend myself. To practice unconditional self-compassion. (This is not egoistic. It actually HELPS me recognize and learn from my errors.) My healing journey inspires me to dedicate the rest of my life to helping others reach out and connect. That's the beauty of Post Traumatic Growth.
I extend a HUGE thank you to you and the many others who are helping remove the burden of shame, break the silence about this issue, and who are seeking solutions. ❤😊❤
May I ask, how did you practice self compassion?
Great question! I'm glad you asked. It wasn't overnight, that's for certain. It started with a commitment to befriend myself. After all, wherever you go, there YOU are! When I wasn't my own friend, I didn't believe others could be. I closed myself off, not seeing the love that was there. After making the decision to be kind to myself, it took years of meditation, where you can't run away from yourself - your thoughts, your feelings, your memories and dreams... Getting to know yourself develops deeper understanding. Understanding leads to compassion. And forgiveness. And when you can understand and forgive yourself, you can better understand and forgive others. You see your imperfections as gifts, because no one is perfect! Underneath your problems - and everyone's problems - there is a pain that is crying for healing. And compassion is the medicine. I hope that helps, Christian. Blessings on your journey of self compassion.
yeah CPTSD is a messy beast isn't it. I had 2 years of therapy to work through my issues there. I'm MUCH better now at handling situations that would've caused CPTSD before, but entirely 'cured'. Part of it stays with you forever, I think. I think it's important to address some of the trauma head-on whenever you can. Best of luck.
@@rosa-heidemarieI'm sorry that does not make any sense to me. i just can not ignore the decades of disappointment of life and how bleak it looks from my lonely point at 54 years, looking down the hill at decay and isolation. life feels like such a waste. i just want to forget it all, I'm an unmotivated loser, and I will never see hope in the future.
@@peterbelanger4094 Dear Peter, I feel for your pain and sense of hopelessness. However, those are just thoughts and beliefs, not the reality of what is possible for you. The good news is our brains are flexible, and we can either remain stuck in the identity we created for ourselves, or be open to change and growth at any age. I have 62 years and am growing and healing and evolving more than ever. The practice of meditation allows us to look compassionately at one's thoughts and emotions, and release them. Because in each present moment, they are just thoughts, not the reality of the moment. There's only here, now. And your own beautiful beating heart. I hope that helps and you try meditation. Blessings!🙏☀️
I WANT to be alone. People are dangerous, judgemental and untrustworthy. I have better time by myself than I do with others
You WANT to be alone now but if you continue to neglect you'll most likely grow old, bitter and jaded. You only have to look at the stats of how much this epidemic kills the elderly.
Good luck, I guess.
If you live in a society like that you're gonna be feeling like that. The other thinks about you the same. I'm from Asia which still has that feeling of community somewhat intact (though it is getting eroded as well) that gives me a sense of being around people. The west sadly does not have any sense of community. People are cynical,skeptical, and untrustworthy of others.
@@xx-wp3mq It doesn't do that because someone's a hermit. It does that because of a myriad of physiological dice rolls. It attacks the lungs. It causes the immune system to attack the lungs. It causes those lungs to fill up with fluid...
That's not the poetic "death by heartbreak". That's just drowning.
Do you ever ponder about why you think that? Why do you view other people in this way?
Not necessarily. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and was very naive. Some folks are just predatory. Now at 46 with much experience I can see early on that many people are to be avoided @@songa4096
Sometimes the problem is having toxic people around that are invalidating and cause feelings of unhappiness. The struggle is to find uplifting people. A wise senior once said ask yourself, "Do I like myself when I'm with this person?" If the answer is no than it's better to be alone and search for other friends
I can relate. I had good friends in 2004 to 2009. We met in weekly aNime/geek club in NYC. We met on Thursday evenings. I loved it. We did gaming, movies, charity, and holiday parties. Christmas was the Best!🎉 Then we all went separate ways. Worst decision ever. Some are married & alone, single & alone, and successful in career & alone.
We should of stayed!
Peak content for humanity in it‘s current state. My heart goes out to you for making this video! ❤
Thank you for addressing this topic. It seems that the media is afraid to acknowledge this until it’s to the point where they can’t ignore it.
The media is what is causing it.
There's also stigma and mockery of lonely people unfortunately which doesn't help lonely people to open up and seek help
I don't know what you mean, the sources he sites in the video are from the media. This has been covered extensively in mainstream news, magazines, blogs and on social media.
The "Media" is part of the problem...a big part!
Maybe it's more to do with 401k accounts being tied directly to people using tech... Nobody wants, line go down...
Capitalism (today), the Internet (1996), and the division being instigated that started after the civil rights movement...(1960).
I am not shocked at all, that this "phenomenon" started when it did. Whether it was actually the government, or just the same kind of saturation propaganda we deal with today, doesn't really matter, the outcomes are the same.
This is the result of austerity politics, and the loneliness is a loss of cultural and social autonomy. (Check out down the rabbit hole's video, on the mouse utopia experiments...) While simultaneously being constantly told that it's immigrants and others...
Power structures, class warfare, leaded gasoline, forever chemicals, on your own healthcare... It's like we purposefully left anyone who didn't keep up, out in the cold... And everyone else is just dealing with the repercussions of that tidal wave.
Their generation made it on their own merit, not the extra millions of people with disposable incomes... the third spaces...social, and enlightenment movements, keeping fulfilled productivity do high. Driving whatever the late 1960's, and forward, propaganda and inside attacks, which destroyed education for the next what 3 generations so far... Thoughts was so dangerous as to merit the purposeful destruction of education... leading to a rise in individual spiritualism, which still pervades today...
Thanks for doing this video, I learned a lot.
The computer revolution gave me like minded people. It gave me new life with someone to share with. It is a tool and it has served me well. Thankyou. Born 1959...
it started with social media and advertising yourself as a brand. makes people less relatable and more divisive. the commodification of relationships on social media.
and i think theres mass underlying financial anxiety felt by more people than ever. straining relationships in many ways.
Society is going through a divorce pay attention
It did not start with social media. Social media only accelerated an ongoing trend and the pandemic accelerated it further. Watch the video.
Cell phones. People are hooked. Especially the younger generation. They don't talk anymore and don't gather with friends. It's sad.
so true! that's the main culprit I'd also say...
I doubt it.
You can look at only the ways in which the interent can isolate people, but it is also a great resource for meeting people irl as well.
It is not useful to blame the tool rather than examine how it is being used imo.
bruh
Strong episode, thank you!
Firstly, thank you for your documentary, research, time and dedication to such an important and not spoken much about cause within society. Loneliness is ripe within our fading communities and our every day lives. Lonely people live amongst us in many shapes, ages and genders. Rich and Poor. I do believe striving for a sense of community is key. Bringing people together and people bringing people together. Highlighting the point that even being around people does not mean you are not lonely. Community Gardens, meeting areas, community events, more pet friendly housing, pet friendly areas, all could be money well spent by our governments. A sense of togetherness..small effects make a bigger impact than people realize.
It's not just about how to make friends, it's also about WHO wants to put the effort into talking to strangers and maintaining those relationships. As an adult, I've met so many people who, just like me, complained of feeling lonely and wishing they had more friends. But once you started talking to them to get to know them better, they completely shut off and it becomes a one-side friendship.
Due to relentless bullying and abuse, I spent my entire teenage years friendless. I haven't been able to connect deeply with anyone in college, so I'm now almost 30, still friendless aside from my immediate family and my boyfriend.
It’s like trying to friend someone who is part of the mob.
Your statement isn’t as extreme of course. But people are too quick to aggression when things don’t go their way, which is one of the reasons why we are divided right now.
I am having the same issue. People put no effort into making friends.
I can relate. I've tried over the years to make just coffee mates and people to do things with but in the end it always me who ends up maintaining the friendship, so I've given up
I have hobbies and interests so these fill the gaps.
Exactly! People complain about not having friends even though they make no effort to maintain their friendships. I have gotten to the point at which I no longer expect anything from anyone.
PS: I know I myself am not perfect. Sometimes I get angry over petty things, but even so, I try working through issues instead of simply ending the relationship. The solution to our loneliness is not "cutting off those who challenge us and our opinions", but instead, learning to compromise and see things from another perspective.
@@chris_hawk: 🙌🏽Truth 🙌🏽
Stay awesome‼️🤙🏽
People nowadays are lonely and feel lonely, because they have too much power over their own circumstances. Much of social interaction used to be and still is involuntary, and through that involuntary socialising people can find friends and partners. But people also don't like involuntary socialising, because it brings about different difficulties and inconveniences.
Then when something becomes easier to do, it often involves less socialising, and humans usually choose easiness over everything else. So paradoxically while we make our lives more comfortable we also make them lonelier.
Other people can often be a pain, it's annoying to try and fit everyone's different needs and wants together. It can be hard to do even for two people. At the same time this modern society has taught us that we can endlessly choose and customise everything to suit it to our specific wants and needs.
The problem is that we cannot do that to other people, we cannot customise a friend that is convenient to ourselves at all times. That's why lots of people have ditched face2face socialising and moved to socialising through messages and apps, which gives us greater ability to customise our interactions, but in doing this we sacrifice real human connections and interactions to get out of minor inconveniences. And then we become lonely.
you summed it up so well! this "customizing" culture is why i will never use a dating app. it never seemed right to me that people talk about their potential matches as though they were items on a menu! people are so much more than that and i'll admit, i have fallen into the trap of preferring the internet over the inconveniences of real human beings. but at the end of the day, we are social creatures & most of us NEED that real interaction. AI won't solve this problem anytime soon.
I think texting also encourages perfectionism. We don't always have to act ourselves online. I, for instance, talk in a rather cheery mood online although I'm dealing with debilitating stress on the inside. And noone can even tell anyway because they can't see my face, they can't read my mannerisms.
one of the few sane replies!
Factsssssssssss exactly what I was trying to say on my comment
Hi, everyone!
Allow me to ilustrate friendships expressed, lts say, in a Weeding Day!
Weeding , civil and religiuos ceremonies is people complying with social norms in the presence of friends and family.Then I had friends that visited me at my home and saw my weeding dress: white fine fabric with two ruffles ondulating near the hem , long , close to the floor.
To my shock and surprise, my so called friend arrived very early in Church, with a Red long dress with Three layers standing in our red carpet.My future husband wearing royal blue suit stood firm and strong till I arrived and we got married.
It seems like nothing, but It started to show ruffles, red ruffles in Miss Universe contests and competition for the past 30 years plus.
The point: it was not friendship!
I suffered all my married life because of this bad influence.
It was in the 1970's .I was a young girl in my mid twenties. I had recently graduated as a Dr. I wss marrying a Phd in Finances. My fiancee was american, I was from South America and my" friend" was from Puerto Rico, relocated to live in South America.
I was shosen to be his bride, also to simbolize cultural friendship with United States.
However, this dream was shadered, destroyed.
People must be aware that narrative has been transformed and acts like this one described influencing: punish loyalty and criminalise solidariety in a very profound way.
Therefore, please love each other and don't pay attention to what comes and goes on the environment filled with jealous people.
God Bless!
This is your best video. Thank you.
I think the most dangerous thing about the Loneliest Generation is that you adapt to it and don't try to change the situation. For example, I have no friends, I broke up with my long-time girlfriend, I stay far away from my family, but I still feel fine with it despite feeling empty.
I can confirm that writing down things you have achieved and things you are grateful for before going to bed has a massive impact. It starts off small: Like being proud that you went outside for a short walk or that a cashier smiled at you. Eventually you train your brain to pick up more and more of these positive signals and you automatically start to take a moment to recognise all the good things that you do and the good things that happen to you. This in turn makes you much more positive towards the world and others, brightening other people's days. I can highly recommend doing it!
This is helpful and timely advice. TYSM 🥰
I’m glad you’re addressing this. I’ve noticed this as well. We live in a much different, more distant world despite all this tech we have now.
Are you kidding? I grew up in a time when everyone else had friends... Except me. I was tormented, harassed, bullied. Now? I'm thankful I learned how to be happy to be alone, and find the internet a wonderful tool to learn about an endless number of things. Don't be so quick to feel bad about being alone. At least you are not alone, being alone.
I found great peace in accepting that I will probably die alone and that the greatest trick I played on myself was convincing myself that most people don't.
It's okay. We share this abyss together. ❤️
Loneliness can lead to taking one's own life. I know there are those who've come to that point. They don't want to go on living in loneliness.
Loneliness is Curable! BE A GENUINE FRIEND! BUT NOT A DOORMAT! Things Will Change Around Proverbs 17:17
Its a lie. The difference between loneliness and alone is that one enjoys been to him or herself. Don't mind the world.
Maybe that's why school shootings occur?
I hope you're not in that mindset too. Please try and reach out to other people if you feel yourself slipping down that slippery slope.
Quick story from me: I've struggled with depression plenty of times over the years, it comes in waves for me, I'm usually able to talk myself out of it. Sometimes, though, it gets really bad... and there's ONE thing that has helped me in those really bad moments.
Finding something to live for. You've GOT TO have something. Something irrefutable that just never changes and never goes away.
For me, it's a really simple thing. Beauty. I live for beauty. You can find beauty in soooooo many things, if you look hard enough. A single leaf on a freshly mown lawn. A fish swimming in a pond.
I once spent half an hour watching an ant try and drag a small crumb of bread back into his nest.
And of course, another source of beauty is a beautiful woman :) And yes, of course, it can be a beautiful man, if you're that way inclined. However you get your inspiration is perfectly fine, I think. As long as it's not hurting anyone else.
ask for help. therapy
Thanks for talking on this topic
Very important topic and I’m glad this topic is being addressed
Thank you , it is very help full to help others 👍
I used to be in a fraternity of hundreds of brothers, but had a close group of 5 or so. Now all graduated, I rarely talk to them anymore. WFH made it far worse, glad you made this I genuinely probably needed it
Yea man, after college it's been impossible to maintain friendships. Had to move to a small town for work and there's basically no opportunities to socialize around here.
I can't tell if WFH has been good or bad for me. 90% of my co workers are awful competitive office snitches and power players. But at the same time, maybe being alone is even worse? Not sure.
@@cowmath77 Yup I know what you're talking about. They exist in casual social groups too but they tend to alienate themselves over time since there's nothing forcing you to interact with them.
I worked 3 jobs from home during the lockdown. Felt like that was my entire life summed up in a nutshell for two years.
WFH Is overrated.
I live alone, but there is a great difference between being alone and being lonely.
Excellent work. Thank you y gracias ✨️
Thank you for an excellent article. It actually made me feel more normal.
I’m 36 years young, I have no wife or children last relationship was less than a year ago and I can understand how younger people feel. Everyone feels to busy these days to care about others.
28 here, same no wife/GF or children, last relationship was more than 7 years ago, moved back to living with 50 y/o father as he is same as me, alone.
Don't know what I will do after he's gone but till then neither of us are alone.
@@legionsk1208 31 year, same thing. Last relationship was 10 years ago, moved back with parents. Grand parents passed away a few years ago, now i am extremely worried about my parents passing away. Then i will truely be alone.
The only time i don't feel lonely is when i am at work, i've become a workaholic applying for overtime whenever it's offered. I dread of reccession. Since coworkers are not friends. If i get laid off i will have to connect with existing cliques at other workplaces.
Same...36 and alone for a long long time.
i married at 38. i was meditating myself to sleep everyday in the years leading up to that. the pain of loneliness is real and manifests itself as a heaviness of the heart, which gets progressively worse, as the body gets older. the 30s are also the period when we realise our work/profession doesn't define who we are and life isn't all about that.
im 40 was living my own american dream. My last friend went back to poland in 2016 loved watching movies with mates i diont have any left. 2 died of cancer 2 suicide others iw lost contact with. Yet i was happy then my physical health got fucke used to run train go to raves dancing my legs off. Now i cant even put clothes properly ssitting is pain cant walk far. Im fucking stuck home alone and im useless nowadays i would not want to be with myself in same room cant blame anybody for not wanting to spend time with me im no fun at all and my health only getting worse. If you think being lonely sucks then being basically disabled and lonely is the next level of LOW. Got my TH-cam with over 1000 houurs of video footage of events i recorded over years. Only antidepresants and drugs keep me around at this point. Wish i could go drive my sports car around track like i used to i driving is just pain think iw done 300 miles with it over whole year. Got everything i ever wanted and its worthless i cant enjoy anything anymore...