This topic is not something I'd usually do on ColdFusion, but it's something I have been intrigued by for a long time and an issue that's very important to me. I tried to approach the "solutions" on a broad angle since I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, so do speak to a professional if you think you need help with chronic loneliness. But I hope I have been able to shed some light on this crucial topic! Be kind to each other and thanks for watching!
I think it's a no brainer why we have this crisis at this time. And since you're sort of a prohet of Black Mirror paradox, AI companions will try to solve this, causing another crisis eventually.
I choose to be lonely not because I hate people but I certainly hate my country for not providing me a decent job so that I could get some respect in society.
In South East Asia, and especially in East Asia, culture also plays a significant role due to the emphasis on 'Social Harmony.' To maintain the status quo of 'Social Harmony,' there is a tendency for people who diverge from the mainstream to be shunned, as it is perceived to be easier than trying to understand the person.
The disappearance of third places is a big difference. In my younger years, we had places and spaces to meet, chat and discuss. I still love libraries for this reason. However, they’re getting eroded year by year.
@empi492can't goto a playground. I'm a guy and there'll inevitably be a hyper-reactive mom there. That's just one example, as a rule I don't go out because those similar situations. The few who are ignorant to how they make the world less enjoyable for us all.
Robin Williams once said "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
Yet he killed himself. Robin had lots of friends and support in the decades he was in show business. But he is a prime example of why the person you see on camera, isn’t often the same person behind the scenes.
@@daniel_960_we all went through the thought of suicide or being with death once in our life time. The problem with suicidal people wants answers "right" away., trying to control things that are out of their hand. Problems, situation and even desires for people. All of these suicidal thoughts roots from the desire for control. If things doesn't went the way they wanted,. they just kill themselves out of misery.
Using AI to fix loneliness is like ripping down the walls of your house to burn to keep warm, or like trying to drink yourself out of depression or trying to borrow your way out of debt
This seems like a comment from someone who is quite perceptive and articulate in his/her communication! @coldfusion should really have loved your comment.
The pandemic of loneliness is not merely a consequence of external factors; it also reflects an internal shift in societal values. Gratitude, empathy, and genuine human connections are often overshadowed by individualism and the pursuit of instant gratification. In a society that values productivity and achievement over the well-being of its members, loneliness becomes an unintended epidemic
Great quote, I'm not sure why this piece was missed to be addressed in this video. Sometimes people have other people in their lives but they are unhealthy, either by having unhealthy habits like drinking often or numbing out in similar ways, or by being entangled in drama regularly, or by being very judgmental or gossiping regularly and so on and so on...this widespread society issue of a lack of good human qualities is a huge contributor why people don't engage as often, it leaves them feeling stressed, exhausted, used, confused, it's no wonder they distance themselves as a coping mechanism, not necessarily the best one. People in general aren't open to feedback so if you asked them to not be the things mentioned above, they would get offended and mad. This issue is so much more complex.
I'm older and don't have any family close by. My lonliness drastically reduced when I got a dog, specifically, a Boxer. People were shocked to see a 70 year old lady out walking a Boxer; they were curious and stopped to talk. If you're younger, feel like you're not accepted, and can swing it, I would definitely recommend getting a dog. My baby girl got me to come out of my old lady shell.
I LOVE dogs, but unfortunately with work and sometimes health issues, I can’t bring a Dog into this life :( it probably wouldn’t be fair to it I’ve had them before. Will always love them, forever. And I would love one again but yeah, as stated, they deserve better I’m considering a Cat though. They’re a little more independent right? I wish I could walk them though, and be social with them at times, but I’m also more introverted these days, perhaps we would click better?
Man in the 90s I knew all my neighbors - everyone was always around and had block parties all the time. We had a blizzard in 96’ and had a spontaneous party, such a fun memory. There’s no hope for that now. I can’t even get my apt neighbors to speak to me now and we basically live in the same space. Lack of interdependence, technology, individualism, over working culture, materialism, eroding of 3rd places, economic forces…
man, i'm going to a "block party" in the quad at the community college today. i didn't even know they're having one until i cut thru' yesterday. flyer didn't say it's just for students. it's a _community_ college, and i'm a community member, and an alumni (freshmore: more than a freshman, but not quite a sophmore) i still use their library all the time. just go outside and talk to people. you'll be fine
Man, I'm impressed! You actually had that situation exist in your stomping grounds as late as the 90s? In my old neighborhood all that started disappearing when the mid/late 70s hit with peanut boy Jimmy Carter and the disco years, and was totally annihilated once Reagan took office with his corporate "make as much money as you can" Wall Street mentality
I think part of the problem also is trust. You may make friends as an acquaintance, but it often takes years to trust someone. Also, just because you have known someone for years, it does not necessarily mean you know them well. People can be fake too. I know a few people in my circle of friends who are just not genuine. People come and go and it is very difficult to find lifelong friends who are sincere and have your interest at heart. Excellent video!
No one considers the possibility that THEY might also not be a great friend who has their friend's interest at heart. People like to complain about others never having their best interest at heart but I rarely hear people say "im also not a good friend".
So true. The only person I trust is my bf and it took 3 years for me to realize this guy is legit coming from someone who doesn’t trust people easily. Actions speak louder than words. Being older now and tired after work I have since lost contact with most friends. Coworkers are the next closest thing but I don’t fully trust them nor do I confide in them.
When I was growing up everyone just connected. Then American 'values' infiltrated the planet and all the Western countries, and even Asia is affected now, is in competition, its all about ME and money is no.1.
I am currently suffering from severe loneliness. I’m 48 years old, have dealt with a lot of trauma from losing family members and friends, to watching my generation tear itself apart. Being a computer technician for almost 30 years now, I have played my part (albeit at a small one) In the birth of consumer Internet, the rise in technology, and the rises of social media. even though my role would be considered minuscule at best, I was still a part of the chain. Now, I am divorced, no children of my own, I go to work, I come home, and that’s it. I don’t know how to talk to other people because I don’t think they will ever understand me. I think differently, I feel differently, I think about others, and not myself. I know somethings wrong with the world, but I don’t know where to even begin to start making a difference, or a change that will help me help myself, and help others as well. Dagogo, I am so glad you worked this story. For the longest time I felt like I was alone, and that people didn’t recognize how I felt. Thank you for calling attention to this very real and very serious problem.
I don't feel lonely to be honest, it's quite the opposite actually, but what I found about relationships especially with long-term friends is that they very often don't grow with you as a person or in a different direction. This means that the friends you gained over the years will simply become unappealing to you and if you don't know how to make new friends, you will simply end up alone.
That is an interesting observation. I think there is some truth to this depending on where you were in life when you connected. What happens is that you spend less time together as the years go by. And I do feel that it is important to keep reaching out to connect with people.
@@HVAC356you’re lucky. My friends I had growing up arent people I’d chosen if I was where I’m at today. I came from a broken home and had a lot of trauma and was drawn to friendships of similar toxicity. I have nothing in common with those people today as I’ve done a lot of self growth and healing. They are still stuck in the past and still carry toxic traits. I have no friends. I’ve tried to make new friends but those relationships don’t seem to stick long term.
Exactly, I also found out that i wasnt lonely the whole time. It was a lack of productive activities and exercise. Also I get the same feeling when I am sick and unable to perform my entire daily tasks.
I don’t trust anyone anymore. I have a handful of friends but few. I prefer to be alone. I feel safer. I’m tired of abusive relationships & me trying to be nice
@@alulim4968 I totally get how the OP feels. At 53 I've been burned so many times in my professional and personal lives yet wouldn't dream of intentionally burning someone else, it's just not who I am...but it has left me alone and just drifting at this point...luckily $$ isn't an issue as I made sure to look after myself, but others don't want to play nice and I'm over it so I'm at a loss to know what to do next.
I love how we say that loneliness is structural because of economic strain, architecture, technology…and then say that a therapist is going to help you with the underlying causes of loneliness. What are they going to do? Shore up the economy so I can move back to my home town? Build a public square in my neighborhood? Relocate some childhood friends?
I grew up with a turtle at 10 years old. She was my best and only friend. Having a pet to care for helped the loneliness, especially since they look at you with unconditional love - or at the very least an excitement for food. Turtle was my preference because I was allergic to cats/dogs. Laid back and a long-time companion.
I deeply empathize with this. Many of my close friends, who I was formerly close to, would rather stay in their online bubble, with endless Discord calls full of shallow conversation. Never wanting to do anything in real life or feel alive. And when one got sick I was there to help care for him, and when he got better, BACK to the bubble he went. Dopamine addiction is crippling to some people.
I felt very lonely in my late 20's. It had a lot to do with both economics and social circumstances. When I was able to fix my economic problems, I could start focusing more on building connections, which I have struggles with my entire life. I choose to live in a collective to be around other people more often, and this has helped a lot. I choose to get engaged in my housing community, and started helping neighbours with things. This has been greatly appreciated. I'm realtively young and quite handy, while a lot of my neighbours are old. And I'm also engaged in groups on Meetup and other platforms, so I regularly meet people there as well. I still struggle to build deep connections. But constantly putting myself into situations where there's a lot of people greatly increases my chances of making lasting friendships.
The economics part makes sense In general hopefulness for a better future is a big deal and having a job gives purpose and you need to have the time and energy to engage in the community
15:35 I'm 100% sure that the reason most people get lonely badly is because ADHD syndrome, it affects them badly, they don't even aware they're suffering this syndrom. Back then, I had no friend, despite that, I didn't feel loney at all. I had thought there was something wrong with me, then I found out I'm extraordinary mindful, so that this prowess helps me overcome the loneliness. I think people need to practice meditation to get their mind and brain mindful. 👌
After three years of disengagement, I realized the more I isolated, the more my health declined. Mentally and physically. Meeting people online in 2023 isn’t like it was in the early-mid 2000’s - social media can be so overwhelming with endless profiles and overstimulation at your fingertips. Now more than ever, people are hypersensitive, dismissive, and at times, downright rude! Socializing is for sure a muscle that needs constant exercise. Nowadays, I intentionally put myself in spaces that support human interaction, be it church, the gym, yoga, in-person classes, etc. A simple smile and a hello is enough to make me feel good. Add in a 30-second dialogue and I’m on cloud 9 lol. I don’t always get it right, though. There are people sometimes who look like they want to speak to me and I’ll instead look away because, well, I still deal with a bit of nervousness and anxiety. This is a marathon and I have to be patient with myself as I re-enter society naturally. Baby steps will have to suffice for now and I’m okay with that 😊
So different now. In the earlier social media days I meet ppl who talked to for long time. It seemed more about ppl seeking connections and hobbies etc. Now I can't remember the last time I even made an online friend despite being so many more ppl online
Recently a few people decided to open up a store and place to play card games and meet & chill with friends/people, the idea being focused on offering a great experience rather than just making money. It's so simple yet so profound and the positive impact things like this can have just as an example. No alcohol required as well. This is in a small city in the Netherlands but I do hope we'll get to see more and more things like this.
@@justanothermortal1373 Humans are social animals and communication is very important. In this world of high tech, always online and news headlines invading our everyday lives, playing casual card games with friends and family is a necessary breather.
@@prefixsuffix It already is an epidemic. Even the 80’s and 90’s were more dangerous, even in the United States. But nobody was fixated on screens as people are now.
I have met many who have huge self esteem and identity issues over social media. Humble, kind people. But people jaded with life cause some 17 year old made millions selling some gadget or gimmick, and they have worked at the local Wendy's for 10 years and nothing has changed for the better.
I feel like that's the main factor. Most people probably think that their time is much better spend on themselves, working on something or studying. Much simpler to do alone. Nothing to organize, nobody's preferences to take into consideration.
@kurzgesagt did a great video on this too. One huge problem is, as a lonely person, you unlearn how to even reach out to people, to a point where even when they reach out to you, you decline or find excuses not to engage. I'm close to 40 years old and I haven't seen such a thing in my life. It's like relations are dropping dead left and right and nobody is questioning it.
Probably indicative how all-encompassing this shift is. I always intellectualized how we were all connected, one big "organism", each individual part cursed with self-awareness, but I could never quite unify that idea with reality so easily and frighteningly as now. Far-right politics pop up everywhere like some natural reaction to something, the epidemic of isolation and loneliness, decline in welfare and trust in government, and top that of with a collective decline in mental health. On good days I figure that it's the agonizing growing pains of society in major transformation. On bad days I feel utter hopelessness. Too many bad days lately. Late-stage capitalism (of such form of it as we suffer today) is a terrible fate. A smart man asked once "What's more likely in your mind? the end of the world, or the end of capitalism?" I think most people answer the same and it's a chilling response.
I think it’s rather the loss of wisdom from older generations. Broken family structures , likewise social health. Otherwise we wouldn’t be surprised to learn that human are individualistic. We are social when it benefit the individuals. The internet became my grandma and grandpa, but I have to be selective careful with this collective wisdom, filtering out biases. Not to mention the level of greed and corruption of ruling class as the contributing factor to the decline of society. I’m starting my 40s. No longer delusional about needing human connection, and understand that solitude is preferable in most cases.
I've been lonely for most of my life, there was a short period of time in college where I had a close group of friends and I was really happy then. I'm getting older, it's a shame to have spent life suffering from a condition that I can fix. I don't have to be lonely, there must be some group of people out there who'd like my company. It hurts to see that 40 year old guy who just spent his life in his room, because you know that where lots of people are headed in the future. Best of luck to all the lonely people, I hope you find some friendly eyes to connect with.
I recently just hung out with friends, or people I just know, and a few strangers. The many hours I was with them, I felt socially awkward, and it raised my anxiety, not knowing that is because of loneliness. I'm 34 , got separated, and then divorced in the pandemic. Lost my job and had to take a 50% pay cut. I have no children and no partner. So I've been having lots of heartburn lately, and I've been thinking it's because of the caffeine drinks. Now, I know that it may be the effects of loneliness. My job doesn't help either. I work 12 hours at night, 5 to 6 times a week. So I'm glad I got to see this video. Now, it gives me the strength to seek a different employment. I woke up alone today, but after watching this video, I'm going to start making a difference to myself. Thank you, Dagogo
Change you job and be more exposed to the Sun light, aka vitamin D intake. You'll feel better. And listen more to your body/mind when it sounds the "alarm".
It took me until very recently to figure out I had anxiety disorders, and in seeking treatment for that I was able to overcome the social akwardness, before I'd be very reserved but would become chatty if I knew you well enough and now I have much less qualms about going up to somebody and chatting up. I see what you write and I feel very identified to how I felt before. I know it might not be possible, but try to ignore that awkwardness, or set up in a different environment some new interactions. Don't go from 0 to 100, but at least try to inch your way closer. Getting a better job is key though. While I'm close to suspending treatment, I think they key follow on will be to rely on those social connections I was now able to forge, I hope I can maintain them. I hope for your sake you can do something similar as well. You're important, the world needs you, promise.
One big problem of loneliness is that it can become a vicious cycle, the more time we spend alone the more the protective armour around us thicken and the more the armour thicken the harder it is to find new genuine connections. As mentioned in the video, it's a consequence of the fight or flight instinct because we've not evolved for loneliness which is historically deadly for us humans
@momytik True, but it's also different from culture to culture, region to region. Especially when you're already struggling, the stigma of being different or "a loser" it's definitely going to make very hard to build new connections, that's also a big reason why being informed and reaching a diagnosis is so important because eventually when you know who you are there's a possibility to find like minded people with which you can fit in and being accepted for who you are but all of this is almost impossible in the absence of government welfare, at least for most people
Not to mention the fact that most people end up not being worth the time. Lots of users and abusers out there who love to prey on people who've obviously been abused before, or simply good people. Unfortunately, I feel at this point that it is impossible for me to ever make new friends -- not after going through so much trouble and pain. Every time I try to even hang out with someone for the first time, I just end up getting too stressed out to finally prepare for it. I had a lot to offer. Now I've got nothing for y'all...
I think social media has completely commoditized friendship. The fact that people will pay other people to hang out with them says everything. It seems that unless you are of a similar social or economic status as someone else, friendships are being treated more like jobs nowadays.
Nigh everything has been commodified in this modern day dystopia. Friendships are fake, and relationships are toxic or outright borderline 'impossible'.
In my own case here in the Philippines, I still see many of my fellow neighbors greeting and talking to us whenever they pass by. Even while waiting for a public transport vehicle, I managed to start a conversation with random strangers who were also waiting for a ride. And every time someone brought up a topic, everyone joined the discussion. It doesn't really matter what topic was being discussed; I would really find random individuals talking to one another while waiting in front of the ATM, near a hospital, or while listening to a church homily during the Yuletide season. Those scenes truly bring hope and happiness to me as a Filipino amidst the difficulties we are going through.😊🇵🇭❤️😌
This exactly how it is here in Uganda and I noticed most African countries. 😊 You cannot switch off your phone for a day without being hunted down by worried neighbors 😂
One reason for loneliness is financial difficulties. For example I can’t hang out sometimes because I got bills and goals to achieve. People who are busy working all the time of course feel lonely. Because even if you have friends you’re exhausted and the only thing you need is neat bedroom.
Lonliest generation because we have 8 BILLIONS of us, and i cant stop myself to think i wish it were half, i don't like looking at crowds of people, financial difficulties and less jobs Because of 8 BILL people of us the problems are many solutions very LESS, the pressure to be next Zuckerberg or bezos or musk life span of 85 years etc etc influx of information to everybody not just you, ITS CUT THROAT COMPETITION, and although people are kinder to each other in general, SELF KINDNESS IS ABSENT.
I used to volunteer at a free clinic. It blew my mind that pretty much every patient we saw was on an antidepressant. It made me wonder if all of them actually had a neurochemical imbalance, or if they were just depressed because they were obviously poor with not many options. Antidepressants are very much over prescribed and there could be a lot more help for lower income people than there actually is. Great video, keep them coming
Everybody is on that stuff because they live in a very sad world right now. Most people seem normal on the outside but the minute things don't go their way, they snap and go crazy and attack you. People are lonely because people are exhausting to deal with.
The main reason of all problems is that our civilization abandoned Christianity. People started to believe that the alternative of salvation is to making money. That is why they don't believe anymore for values such as being for other peoples, being for communities etc. because it won't bring them money, indivudual success and position in global hierarchy. Christianity (especially Catholic Christianity) is the only religion, philosophy and value system which depends on being for others, not only for yourself
I'm 38, divorced, no girlfriend and I have no friends but I don't feel lonely all the time. Sometimes, it creeps up on me but whenever that happens I go to public places like parks, zoo's, cinemas, concerts etc. and that feeling goes away.
I am an older divorced man and I got burned out on the drama that others brought to my life. I only associate with others if we have a shared interest or I need to talk to them. I removed everybody from my life who is a mental drain and I am mostly content.
Sadly you are not alone. I had the same problem a few years ago but met my Filipino wife online 11 years ago and my life is now full of love, support and kindness and I couldn't be happier even though I an in my 60s now so take heart.
You forgot homeless which I am plus all the things you said and worse, life is worthless, I hope god will take my soul very soon, never asked to be born anyway
TH-cam is a real downer. Many creators love depressive topics like that so they get clicks from the depressed people. The first step to end depression is to quit watching TH-cam for leisure.
@@erenjaeger2191 Don't say that. I can't imagine what that's like but stay strong brother. God loves you and has a plan for you no matter how it may seem right now stay strong in faith. The more faith you have in God, the more you will be rewarded. Keep working hard, grinding, and most importantly put God first. Pray, ask him to change your situation in faith, and keep seeking him for who he is and not what he can give you. Seek God first and his righteousness and everything will be given unto you
I think the fact everyone compares themselves with things they see online instead of what they see in real life has a lot to do with it. False praise and fake friends are never a good substitute for a Real Hug or Family and Friends you can hang out with or call on for help.
Back in college I knew a lot of people who would go to social events and take pictures with random people to inflate their profiles. They would take the pictures and leave with minimal participation.
Yeah, I agree, even Marcus Aurelius said(roman emperor = the most successful man in the entire world t that time) that constant comparing ourselves with others will lead to constant unhapiness with ourselves.
also to add insult to injury, people only learn socializing and communication from Movie and Series, where in the film you've to constantly making a Snide Remarks in order for your film to be funny. but try that in the real world, it'll be treated as an insult or verbal abuse. , nobody like to be shamed, or for their shameful stuff to be exposed to the public for a laugh, therefore, don't socialize and you won't open yourself for an unnecessary risk
Maybe it’s the rise of narcissism because of social media flexing? I ended 90% of my friendships because they were toxic. I have very few friends now but less drama and stress. My mental health actually got better.
Yeah the reason in the end is that people get focused more on themselves/individualistic. You ended 90% of your relationships because you are narcistic too.
I grew up lonely and unable to make friends. It was such a deep source of shame. My belief was: "there's something terribly wrong with me - I'm a total misfit and it's my fault, especially since I haven't a clue why." It took me 50 years to figure out why - the role of deep emotional wounds from complex trauma (C-PTSD) embedding disempowering beliefs that shaped my thoughts, feelings, Interpretations and actions. I used to feel all alone in my loneliness. Now that I have healed so much from the inside out, I see I was, ironically, never alone in loneliness. The first step for me was to totally befriend myself. To practice unconditional self-compassion. (This is not egoistic. It actually HELPS me recognize and learn from my errors.) My healing journey inspires me to dedicate the rest of my life to helping others reach out and connect. That's the beauty of Post Traumatic Growth. I extend a HUGE thank you to you and the many others who are helping remove the burden of shame, break the silence about this issue, and who are seeking solutions. ❤😊❤
Great question! I'm glad you asked. It wasn't overnight, that's for certain. It started with a commitment to befriend myself. After all, wherever you go, there YOU are! When I wasn't my own friend, I didn't believe others could be. I closed myself off, not seeing the love that was there. After making the decision to be kind to myself, it took years of meditation, where you can't run away from yourself - your thoughts, your feelings, your memories and dreams... Getting to know yourself develops deeper understanding. Understanding leads to compassion. And forgiveness. And when you can understand and forgive yourself, you can better understand and forgive others. You see your imperfections as gifts, because no one is perfect! Underneath your problems - and everyone's problems - there is a pain that is crying for healing. And compassion is the medicine. I hope that helps, Christian. Blessings on your journey of self compassion.
yeah CPTSD is a messy beast isn't it. I had 2 years of therapy to work through my issues there. I'm MUCH better now at handling situations that would've caused CPTSD before, but entirely 'cured'. Part of it stays with you forever, I think. I think it's important to address some of the trauma head-on whenever you can. Best of luck.
@@flamissia4I'm sorry that does not make any sense to me. i just can not ignore the decades of disappointment of life and how bleak it looks from my lonely point at 54 years, looking down the hill at decay and isolation. life feels like such a waste. i just want to forget it all, I'm an unmotivated loser, and I will never see hope in the future.
@@peterbelanger4094 Dear Peter, I feel for your pain and sense of hopelessness. However, those are just thoughts and beliefs, not the reality of what is possible for you. The good news is our brains are flexible, and we can either remain stuck in the identity we created for ourselves, or be open to change and growth at any age. I have 62 years and am growing and healing and evolving more than ever. The practice of meditation allows us to look compassionately at one's thoughts and emotions, and release them. Because in each present moment, they are just thoughts, not the reality of the moment. There's only here, now. And your own beautiful beating heart. I hope that helps and you try meditation. Blessings!🙏☀️
True story, I had new neighbors move in 5 years ago, after about 6 months I thought I'd walk over and say hi. They look at me so standoffish like I was doing something super weird, I remember walking back thinking well that was kind of strange. Fast forward to now, they moved out and new people moved in. I waited a few months again, but I didn't want to go over and say hi, even though I had a super weird experience with the other folks. But again, they made it kind of weird, instead of just a normal thing people do to say hi. If they move out, I'm not sure if I'm up for more.
Loneliness came thanks to the rise of digital entertainment. As a 35 year old, I saw it happen. My childhood was awesome socially. 20's was still awesome, though by the time I turned 30, people changed, DRASTICALLY. Over time, Face to face meetups turned into phone calls turned into text messages turned into likes and swipes. It's sad af. Most people would rather watch Friends, than to actually hang out with real friends. Socializing takes effort. Cheap entertainment (on screens) does not. That means, most people will go for cheap entertainment. That is why TikTok and TH-cam are killing it. That's a fucked up reality that we can't turn around without getting rid of the technology.
Well said. I live in rural montana and grew up here. We are very much behind the times, but even here in a very community centric area I'm watching people slowly stop caring about their neighbors. People don't go out and meet to do anything anymore
Well it's also a symptom of the destruction of family. The rise in the marriage and divorce industry, shaming women or men who want to be home makers, lack of social support for men, subsidizing of single parents, corporate push to get people to work more/be in the office more, the commodification of housing into a speculative asset which destroys opportunity for the young and immigrants, etc. People are growing up in neighborhoods without other kids, or they have only one parent and little to no siblings, or their parents have no money to do activities, or the parents are gone all day at work, etc. It's the death of family that leads to the death of community. The intervention of government and corporations in our lives started this.
Same! But the part we have to face more or less people wanted this. A certain subset of people are unwell enough they do not like giving of self to others and only like to take what they want. Another amount of people are injured enough they feel demotivated to interact because of the inherent risks. There are people that manage both the above motives by seeking control including of others. And on you go. These kinds of mentalities and situations spur on escapism and intimate disconnect. Not to mention the lack of social skills and affective empathy the above issue can cause and perpetuate. I have the experience you have of seeing things drop off a cliff but also from the inside as well. It look me decade plus to connect my social withdrawal with traumatic emotional experiences and the concomitant hunger that caused me to over stay in unhealthy situations after that withdrawal. Now I'm battling losing my ability to be socially appropriate and maintain affective not only cognitive empathy.
Friends wasn’t a bad sitcom, most of my friends watched it when I was a teen. It was noted for expressing values that worked well in the 90’s feminist movement, when women wanted to be independent and not involved with a traditional family.
Ironically, the programmers and entrepreneurs who created these toxic technologies have no trouble finding women, “oh! I love smart men! Intelligent is attractive to me. He makes me laugh!” Give me a fucking break. Superficial people
Grew up as kid in 90s and early 00s. Those were the best days before the Internet era fully kicked off & smart phones becoming popular. As kids we would play outside, meet new people, go to community events and activities. I've become more alone as time as gone on and become older, but I got use to being within my own company & do not have any negative effects.
yeah same here mate - I'm a 90s kid. We'd actually go out onto the street and play with the neighborhood kids! What a surreal concept! I think gaming is part of the problem... kids choose to spend all their time on the internet and on gaming consoles these days - they're not really social environments, they're just staring at a screen for hours. It's not cool. Also, they'll all need glasses by 30. :D
2001, a friend of mine went to the dropping of the ball in Time Square by himself. Came back, saying five minutes after midnight, he felt a loneliness he had never felt in his lifetime
This is so true. Loneliness is not being alone - that is solitude. Loneliness is being among other people you have no connection to. We weren't designed for this - we used to live in small groups where everyone knew everyone else. Now we are surrounded by people we know nothing about, and they know nothing about us.
Everytime i come across this problem I'm caught off guard because its obvious that there are a lot of people having the same issue and that all that is missing is how these people can come together. Thet guy was definitely not the only one who wanted to go see the ball drop and had no one to go with
@osaimola as far as the person I was talking about, he didn't have to go alone he could easily have found someone to go with him it was something he wanted to do. I'm not sure why. I have seen him many times go to a bar and leave with the prettiest girl in the bar he had that kind of skill. Maybe this was his Mt Everest of picking up a chick.
Ofc they did. Those people weren't together to celebrate a culture together. Most were in a pre-designated group, or with family. Became very obvious when I went to a convention. A place full of people "just like me" with panels on topics I'd never hear outside of some specific groups. Never felt lonelier. Couldn't make much more than small talk. Could barely get a hi in in many cases. I didn't even go to day 2 or 3. Wasn't worth it.
Recently my family went through a very tough 2 years. We lost our home, their was serious health problems for my husband and we felt like the world was 100% against us. Their was the feeling of loneliness,being extremely isolated and no definite certainty in our lives. I personally felt completely hopeless. I prayed every day that we would be okay and find the stability we that my family desperately needed. In February of this year we had that prayer answered. We now rent a beautiful home and have an amazing landlord. My family faced the challenges head-on and we are now very close as a family. I give credit to my creator and my family for overcoming so much. When the world gave us lemons we made lemonade.
Part of the problem also lies within how devious people have become. When you do open up to someone and try being a friend you are most likely going to be betrayed at some point in the near future. We are at a point where people dont know what loyalty, selflessness, and love really is. They think they do but really dont. When people who know nothing about those things are raising the next generation, what do you thing that said next generation will teach their offspring?
People nowadays are lonely and feel lonely, because they have too much power over their own circumstances. Much of social interaction used to be and still is involuntary, and through that involuntary socialising people can find friends and partners. But people also don't like involuntary socialising, because it brings about different difficulties and inconveniences. Then when something becomes easier to do, it often involves less socialising, and humans usually choose easiness over everything else. So paradoxically while we make our lives more comfortable we also make them lonelier. Other people can often be a pain, it's annoying to try and fit everyone's different needs and wants together. It can be hard to do even for two people. At the same time this modern society has taught us that we can endlessly choose and customise everything to suit it to our specific wants and needs. The problem is that we cannot do that to other people, we cannot customise a friend that is convenient to ourselves at all times. That's why lots of people have ditched face2face socialising and moved to socialising through messages and apps, which gives us greater ability to customise our interactions, but in doing this we sacrifice real human connections and interactions to get out of minor inconveniences. And then we become lonely.
you summed it up so well! this "customizing" culture is why i will never use a dating app. it never seemed right to me that people talk about their potential matches as though they were items on a menu! people are so much more than that and i'll admit, i have fallen into the trap of preferring the internet over the inconveniences of real human beings. but at the end of the day, we are social creatures & most of us NEED that real interaction. AI won't solve this problem anytime soon.
I think texting also encourages perfectionism. We don't always have to act ourselves online. I, for instance, talk in a rather cheery mood online although I'm dealing with debilitating stress on the inside. And noone can even tell anyway because they can't see my face, they can't read my mannerisms.
Hi, everyone! Allow me to ilustrate friendships expressed, lts say, in a Weeding Day! Weeding , civil and religiuos ceremonies is people complying with social norms in the presence of friends and family.Then I had friends that visited me at my home and saw my weeding dress: white fine fabric with two ruffles ondulating near the hem , long , close to the floor. To my shock and surprise, my so called friend arrived very early in Church, with a Red long dress with Three layers standing in our red carpet.My future husband wearing royal blue suit stood firm and strong till I arrived and we got married. It seems like nothing, but It started to show ruffles, red ruffles in Miss Universe contests and competition for the past 30 years plus. The point: it was not friendship! I suffered all my married life because of this bad influence. It was in the 1970's .I was a young girl in my mid twenties. I had recently graduated as a Dr. I wss marrying a Phd in Finances. My fiancee was american, I was from South America and my" friend" was from Puerto Rico, relocated to live in South America. I was shosen to be his bride, also to simbolize cultural friendship with United States. However, this dream was shadered, destroyed. People must be aware that narrative has been transformed and acts like this one described influencing: punish loyalty and criminalise solidariety in a very profound way. Therefore, please love each other and don't pay attention to what comes and goes on the environment filled with jealous people. God Bless!
Part of the challenge, on the front of people feeling like their friendships are fake and superficial, saying "we need to change our culture" doesn't fix that, because it's just asking people to make more unnatural connections that aren't trusted and are treated more as an obligation than a relationship.
exactly. That's why generic advices such as "go out and reach out" don't work. The problem is people are less and less genuine (sometimes for good reasons, i.e. it can be risky to be an open book) hence at best one gets acquaintances and not friends
I see exactly what you mean especially on your last point. If people start a relationship more out of obligation than willingness, it's immediately going to feel fake and just saying change the culture wont do much. Though I do feel for the way we handle relationships as culture we gotta first change how we individually handle relationships. Most people(myself included) tend to be individualistic and that probably informs how I go about my relationships too. So for culture to change we have to be more communal in the way we socialize.
People need to develop their interpersonal skills and regain empathy in an active way. I have notice more deterioration in ability to share and achieve intimacy than before. It's what I call becoming socially feral.
we do need to change our culture...those parts of our culture that make it difficult for people who are ALREADY friends to meet up easily! (work culture, smartphone/netflix addiction & car dependency)
Traveling the world in the 90´ every Hotel Lobby was a meeting point with making music together, playing games, drinks and chat with people from all around the world. Now people sitting in the Lobby alone watchin videos from home on the smartphone. We lost humanity !
Hostels today are like that. I met so many great friends travelling and I met most of them in hostels. If you are willing to meet new people and are in an environment where talking to strangers still seems culturally acceptable then you can do it!
That's a pretty strange thing to say, because that means you don't trust anybody. Maybe it's also important to maintain some border. Don't give $10K to a random person that promises you to give it back tomorrow. Maybe give him $10 and see how trustworthy he is. Small steps.
As a millenial, I felt this in my soul. From playing outside with neighbors, traveling with friends, then BOOM doom scrolling in social media suffering from anxiety and PTSD. I can’t imagine how most of the younger generation feels, at least I experienced an amazing childhood. Technologu definitely made us more lonely than it did go connect us.
Same, same..... our childhoods were joyous for the most part, we hung out with friends, had connections. The times before the internet then boom one day it all changed. We were becoming adults right at the beginning of the social media/internet explosion and it changed everything. Our only saving grace is we knew of a time before all that had happened so we could revert back to those instincts if we were forced to. Adapt. The kids today? I really dont know...
i feel like this is true b/c of the social pressure. we are socialized to try and seem "serious" and "mature" as adults & to speak in a "professional" manner so as not to appear childish. so we hold ourselves back and keep a mask on our faces. we avoid speaking passionately about the things we really care about, b/c that would be "cringe." when we leave the interaction we overthink what we said b/c we're scared of being judged. all this playing pretend and going through the motions may make us feel gratified at first, that we didn't "mess up," but in the end our relationships are less genuine. le petit prince, the children's book, nailed it when the narrator said he'd have to "bring himself down" to the level of a grownup when talking to them. he'd switch from talking about his deepest thoughts to discussing "politics" and "neckties." what a shallow existence, and also sad!
I don't know what you mean, the sources he sites in the video are from the media. This has been covered extensively in mainstream news, magazines, blogs and on social media.
Maybe it's more to do with 401k accounts being tied directly to people using tech... Nobody wants, line go down... Capitalism (today), the Internet (1996), and the division being instigated that started after the civil rights movement...(1960). I am not shocked at all, that this "phenomenon" started when it did. Whether it was actually the government, or just the same kind of saturation propaganda we deal with today, doesn't really matter, the outcomes are the same. This is the result of austerity politics, and the loneliness is a loss of cultural and social autonomy. (Check out down the rabbit hole's video, on the mouse utopia experiments...) While simultaneously being constantly told that it's immigrants and others... Power structures, class warfare, leaded gasoline, forever chemicals, on your own healthcare... It's like we purposefully left anyone who didn't keep up, out in the cold... And everyone else is just dealing with the repercussions of that tidal wave. Their generation made it on their own merit, not the extra millions of people with disposable incomes... the third spaces...social, and enlightenment movements, keeping fulfilled productivity do high. Driving whatever the late 1960's, and forward, propaganda and inside attacks, which destroyed education for the next what 3 generations so far... Thoughts was so dangerous as to merit the purposeful destruction of education... leading to a rise in individual spiritualism, which still pervades today...
I've had two major loneliness panic attacks, one in 2020 and another in 2022. During these episodes I went out of my way to push away every single person I knew just trying to find the one person that actually wanted to be there. I seem to have stabilized since then but I've completely given up on making friends. Something in my brain won't let me attach to people anymore.
Yeah same here man. I really don't try to connect with people anymore. I am just kind of like, what's the point? I am going to get used and abused again. I don't wanna go through that again.
that's part of the solution - coming to terms with loneliness. I spend most of my time alone, but I've learned not to feel "lonely". Next time you watch tv, have a look at the ads that come on. There's SO much focus on "the individual" these days - it's very common for the story to follow a single person for the entire ad. Society is moving in that direction unfortunately, all we can do is get our little snippets of social interaction wherever we can. I chat to people in shops, I call my dad once or twice a week, I catch up with friends once a month or so. It all helps, and it all adds up.
It may actually be low grade depression or what used to be called dysthymia. Give a shrink a try. Once you are better, the whole world may open up for you. Definitely worth a try.
@@j3in725 why are you telling him what to do? In my life, most of the people that have given me advice about how to avoid loneliness were the ones who were the most MESSED UP with their emotions - that they were merely projecting their own deep loneliness to others.
@@bigmanontheinternet3824 it's like that line from the song Once in a Lifetime "this is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife... ...What have I done". It's the feeling of total isolation from not only those around you, but from your own decisions to grow close to those people, a self alienation. I've found myself questioning my choices in a partner many times before a breakup, for various reasons, you can't square how you think of yourself now and the person who you really were and are becoming. The secret fear of a future with that person mixing badly with a sense of self alienating regret, ultimately leading to an unbearable feeling of loneliness. Those two can exist in isolation but they're much worse together. Then take the feeling of alienation you might experience with a parent. For example, if a parent or child does something idiotic or something you feel should be outside of your character, the sense of separation you want to feel is bound up in the fear that the negativity you see in them is also in yourself. Both play into this disconnect between your conscious and unconscious self as well as your past and present. It's the moment you realize that not only do others not know you but you don't know yourself.
I consider myself extremely fortunate. During the pandemic lockdowns in 2020, I had many friends who(like myself) felt that the lockdowns were too much, and made it a point to visit each other regularly, and speak over the phone every week. We would take turns meeting at ppl's houses to help each other with home rapairs/home improvement projects, for homemade dinners, and game nights. We kept the groups fairly small, but we always rotated around so we could share our talents with each other. When we were together, we also made it a point to always share with everyone what we were thankful for. It didn't matter how mundane, as long as we didn't take things for granted. We have kept the trend going even to this day, adding more ppl into the fold whenever they were available. And it has kept us sane & emotionally balanced throughout all of this.
That is fantastic that you all did that! I too can relate in that I and my friends did similar things at that time. I'm fortunate in that I did not feel the intense sense of loneliness as many people did during the lockdowns.
Fortunately I had the same experience online. I met and talked to people again during the pandemic, until we attended to a meet at a geek convention. I never have the feeling of being hugged by someone who's different from my family or a neighbor because of the age. It was a unique moment for me before to move out and find a new home, which the loneliness came back to me, affecting my routines.
Yes I am going thru loneliness I got so depeess more than ever I get manic attack I'm leaving alone isolated, my son died 2017, life is just lonelier tough I'm longing for connection u want family a Tru friend my own family..Pls Pray for me to overcome and find happiness again...bless everyone who are enduring in loneliness and emptiness
I can confirm that writing down things you have achieved and things you are grateful for before going to bed has a massive impact. It starts off small: Like being proud that you went outside for a short walk or that a cashier smiled at you. Eventually you train your brain to pick up more and more of these positive signals and you automatically start to take a moment to recognise all the good things that you do and the good things that happen to you. This in turn makes you much more positive towards the world and others, brightening other people's days. I can highly recommend doing it!
"The system isn’t broke. It’s working fine. Oppressive and chaotic is how it was designed." (th-cam.com/video/JgFgnXtF9Cc/w-d-xo.html)“We are the one’s the system’s tearing down”(th-cam.com/video/BQ4tAbwi31I/w-d-xo.html).
I have moved dozens of times and so have my friends. All things aside, this makes it harder to sustain a social network. Constantly making new friends is exhausting, and it’s not easy to find the motivation to get invested in new people when they can move at the drop of a hat.
I can relate; it feels overwhelming to start building a network whenever you move, especially when you factor in age. The older you get, the harder it is to connect. In my community, I've observed that this rule holds true.
I was so lonely this past weekend. I wore a beautiful dress to go shopping and literally no one was looking at no one! Everyone was in their own world. I came home and cried I never felt more alone in my life. No connection, not even a hello. I felt empty.
I’m 36 years young, I have no wife or children last relationship was less than a year ago and I can understand how younger people feel. Everyone feels to busy these days to care about others.
28 here, same no wife/GF or children, last relationship was more than 7 years ago, moved back to living with 50 y/o father as he is same as me, alone. Don't know what I will do after he's gone but till then neither of us are alone.
@@legionsk1208 31 year, same thing. Last relationship was 10 years ago, moved back with parents. Grand parents passed away a few years ago, now i am extremely worried about my parents passing away. Then i will truely be alone. The only time i don't feel lonely is when i am at work, i've become a workaholic applying for overtime whenever it's offered. I dread of reccession. Since coworkers are not friends. If i get laid off i will have to connect with existing cliques at other workplaces.
i married at 38. i was meditating myself to sleep everyday in the years leading up to that. the pain of loneliness is real and manifests itself as a heaviness of the heart, which gets progressively worse, as the body gets older. the 30s are also the period when we realise our work/profession doesn't define who we are and life isn't all about that.
im 40 was living my own american dream. My last friend went back to poland in 2016 loved watching movies with mates i diont have any left. 2 died of cancer 2 suicide others iw lost contact with. Yet i was happy then my physical health got fucke used to run train go to raves dancing my legs off. Now i cant even put clothes properly ssitting is pain cant walk far. Im fucking stuck home alone and im useless nowadays i would not want to be with myself in same room cant blame anybody for not wanting to spend time with me im no fun at all and my health only getting worse. If you think being lonely sucks then being basically disabled and lonely is the next level of LOW. Got my TH-cam with over 1000 houurs of video footage of events i recorded over years. Only antidepresants and drugs keep me around at this point. Wish i could go drive my sports car around track like i used to i driving is just pain think iw done 300 miles with it over whole year. Got everything i ever wanted and its worthless i cant enjoy anything anymore...
I personally feel that adult friendships can be even more detrimental than childhood lack thereof. I've been trying to find good friends for a very long time, but I don't like going to bars, and my only other option is meeting people at a grocery store lol. It is very isolating, and if I'm fairly well balanced and experiencing this, I can't imagine how some people may feel... those who are already in distress. Even being an introvert, I still notice the complete lack of quality friendships. But what do we do about it? It seems everyone nowadays wants friends who will just agree with them Hook Line & sinker. I would rather have a friend to test me on my ideas, yet respect me for my differences. I can't be the only one feeling like this.... I have an artistic painting of Robin Williams in my home, and underneath his face is a quote he had made, and it sounded exactly like what you said. " I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone"..
No, your other option to make friends is at the gym. The grocery store doesn't make sense because everyone is there very briefly, and not talking much.
@@Leukick the grocery store was just a rhetorical idea. Im a competitive powerlifter, so when I go into the gym, im completely focused, I cant break my concentration, or it could be an injury (im recovering from back surgery), or a loss of progress. I do wish that our culture had sonething similar to what Spain has, as well as an area of Japan. They have city squares, where people gather after work, kids play, the adults do their work, socialize, or read, and theres just tangible presence. I also just read about Kyoto, Japan (I think it was Kyoto, but I could be very wrong), but this town/city has the highest average lifespan, and part of what they do is have lifelong friends. They set aside a day each week, similar to church, and they catch up and connect. These people are between the ages of 70-95, and they're up, dancing and smiling with each other. You can tell that they are healthy through and through.
Honestly, I don't mind getting into debates (not the same as arguments) with friends. I have a good core group of online friends, but it's hard to get people together for a physical event, due to travel distances.
It's a really weird situation because there are not many places where people can meet each other and talk. If you do try to talk to someone, they look at you like you're crazy or that something is wrong with you. I am tired of people judging me so I don't really try to talk to people anymore. And the few friends that I do make, they are not really good friends. They are always working and trying to make more money. All they care about is money. They move and leave the city so they can make more money somewhere else.
I found great peace in accepting that I will probably die alone and that the greatest trick I played on myself was convincing myself that most people don't. It's okay. We share this abyss together. ❤️
I don't normally post comments on videos I watch. But this video came timely in my life when I don't know what I'm feeling for the past 1 month. I don't understand. Perhaps it's loneliness. First thing I'll do after watching this video is to be grateful to my friends and family. I feel like nowadays I don't thank them enough. Thank you again for posting this video. Your hardwork has touched at least one life. Cheers!
I’ve felt loneliness since I was 6. I had 3 other siblings and every so often I would still feel lonely. I simply learned how to accept that even when people are in my presence I will always feel alone. Only 2 relationships made me feel less lonely. Yesterday I went to a Christmas dinner with my coworkers and a yearning desire to leave popped up in my mind. My loneliness is literally self induced and I don’t understand why I run with it.
Maybe there is a lack of connection to yourself. Do you know who you truly are? Can you be vulnerable with yourself and with others? Or are you defensive and on high alert for threats (real or imagined) from others? I share a lot of things you stated and these are some of the things that I ask myself and have helped me.
One thing that I found out when you drink a lot, alone you may become sort of "numbed" and become more outgoing at the bar, party, company holiday dinners, but, the next day, all you have is a nasty hangover, I quit drinking 25 years ago, good choice , lost 25 lbs. Lowered my blood pressure, and have more energy, was only 45 when I quit,70 now. Happy New Year everyone
Ain't just the young. I'm fifty and have been alone for nearly twenty years. The first fifteen were painful, everyday empty and hopeless. Eventually, about five years ago, things went numb. I'm still lonely, but now emotions are dulled, seemingly pointless, save the tears at random times. It's depression, sure, but there's no cure when there's no connection.
I’m 44 male and divorced with two children. I would be where you’re at except for the fact my kids give me purpose. One reason why people have pets. You need a purpose.😊my motto is sacrifice,suffering,service.
Nearly 57 and been alone 17 years. It's partly my fault as dating sites are not for me and the few girls I have approached were either out my league or younger so I got turned down. I don't cry about it. It's the hand I got and that's all there is to it.
The biggest thing that has helped me is to find something I am interested in and then find a group that does that kind of thing and get together with them regularly. Whether it is volunteering for a nonprofit or finding a group that likes to build things together, it's really easy to continue to get together with these people because it's something you enjoy doing.
Non profit makes money. Your giving your energy to corporations hidden behind a charity/community hub label. Be aware of this. Whenever you see non profit think profit. And don't give your time/money to fake charities either.
thats how people have been making friends for decades prior to the internet.....its called getting a hobby and then connecting with those with similar hobbies.....honestly, after watching this, it appears people are just too lazy to make friends oppose to "not knowing how", just like the second girl that was crying about not having friends, when the root of the problem was she feels "awkward", which is an excuse to allow you to get out of doing something. In life you get what you put in.
Perhaps find a public place, like a park, and hang out every day. You'll eventually meet people. Give it time. Be persistent. Make it a part of your daily routine. There are many people in the same boat. If you have a few dollars to spare, help out folks with their hand out. It's a win-win thing to do.
This video is excellent. I have no friends except via long-distance online relationships, and you've covered just how hard it is to find/maintain actual close friendships. We have no third spaces where you can just hang out without spending money, we have no spare time, we have no extra money to go to venues that have replaced the third spaces, and we have a culture where even the media downplays the importance of friendship in people's lives except for young children (I will always point to the show "Friends" as the perfect example, since it's ostensibly about a circle of friends but is more concerned with romance & coined the repulsive concept of "friendzoning" as part of its general disdain for friendships). There's no easy answer to it, and you've conveyed that well. It's a frustrating problem and not one that can easily be remedied.
Friends brainwashed a lot of people, particularly young women. Then Sex in the City comes out which pushed the message of being independent, rather than being close, having family and raising children. The creator of that show is now admitting she regrets her decisions. Too little, too late. She now gets to lie in the bed she created.
I hope you're ok now (saw that you posted this 2 weeks ago). Feel free to reply to my comment if you need someone to chat to - I'll try and monitor my YT comments in case anything pops up.
@@alanaatkinson551 feel free to vent here if you need it and you don't mind doing it publicly, I'll respond. Otherwise maybe we can find a way that you can shoot me some PMs (I don't think TH-cam has a msging function).
You all told a whole generation that socializing was going to ruin their life and ruin their 20’s. That doing anything outside of working was going to leave them broke and homeless on the street. Don’t go out. Don’t drink. Don’t smoke. Don’t go here or there. Don’t do this. Don’t do that. Pretty much told them not to live life at all. Anything in life can be done in excess or abused, that doesn’t mean generalize things and say anyone who does it is a terrible human who won’t be anything in life. Even if you mess up that apart of the BEAUTY of life. Living and learning. Growing as a person. You become who you are/ meant to be through experiences and living life. They taught a whole generation to be afraid of living life. To be afraid of making mistakes. To be afraid of possibly getting hurt or hurting other. Once again that’s apart of the BEAUTY in life. Live and you learn. You can’t stay sheltered hiding in the house or behind screens forever. Making every decision based off the fear of failing or being judged. A generation that has been shackled and kept from living. Ofc they would all feel depressed, lost, anxious, and alone. You haven’t given them the freedom to live
How about interest groups? This is what saved me after I was widowed and moved far away. I joined a garden club and my friendships have constantly grown from being in a group.
yes, i run a well being group, and we meet once a month to do colouring, diamond painting, reading, writing thank you letters, by plants as we meet at the famers market, it is a very small group but sensible no drama types of people
I'm 31. I love Johann Hari. 5 years of loneliness in Colorado. Was a QC Inspector. Now can't find a job. Justice system issues. A couple bad relationships who were also my dealers who abandoned me...a couple broken bones...addiction. Isolated. 5 years of banging drugs. Now hated by my family as I slowly decay away in this basement. I needed this. Thank you.
Never give up!! You are an intelligent capable young person that is able to overcome the adversities . Keep fighting. Travel alone, abroad, you will get away from trouble and will meet lots of nice people. Greetings from Spain in Europe. ;)
This may sound a bit drastic, but what about starting new? Just throw everything out of the window, move away and change the environment. Because environment is what makes you who you are. And I don't think you want to be who you are. Change is needed.
In my life experience I have been forced into loneliness. I was picked on as a child by my brothers and sisters and their friends. I was bullied by a lot of people. I had only a select group of people that I actually called friends. I even had the ability to have children taken away from me when I was an infant. I was married, but I didn’t last now I’m in my late 40s I don’t have any actual close friends.
I felt really lonely in grade school, I tried really hard to make friends and fit in, but I felt lonely and disconnected from "myself." I decided to give up, and I felt really happy to just be myself and do whatever I wanted. I naturally found my communities I vibed with through my interests. _Get hobbies_ And lets be honest, school is a fancy prison where we're all forced to do things we don't want to do and hear about things we don't care about. You'll connect with people better when you pursue for yourself. People carry that into their adult life and that's why people are lost and confused in a cycle of people pleasing and acting for the sake of paying bills.
@@Steverz32 I joined a hobby club in my neighbourhood, and now I'm volunteering. They're mostly seniors but I'm trying to attract new and younger members through social media - they're less likely to show in person for meetups but I'm trying to turn it back into a social club. The hardest part is the diversity of my city - less than 50% have English as a first language now. I speak to lots of people who have social anxiety for different reasons, so having patience and being encouraging to practice and participate is really important.
@@estycki that you are trying is 1/2 the battle👍 when I was at this point in my life, I joined an R/C car club & meeting new friends of all races and ages changed my life. YOU GO @estycki I believe in you😊😃
It's not just about how to make friends, it's also about WHO wants to put the effort into talking to strangers and maintaining those relationships. As an adult, I've met so many people who, just like me, complained of feeling lonely and wishing they had more friends. But once you started talking to them to get to know them better, they completely shut off and it becomes a one-side friendship. Due to relentless bullying and abuse, I spent my entire teenage years friendless. I haven't been able to connect deeply with anyone in college, so I'm now almost 30, still friendless aside from my immediate family and my boyfriend.
It’s like trying to friend someone who is part of the mob. Your statement isn’t as extreme of course. But people are too quick to aggression when things don’t go their way, which is one of the reasons why we are divided right now.
I can relate. I've tried over the years to make just coffee mates and people to do things with but in the end it always me who ends up maintaining the friendship, so I've given up I have hobbies and interests so these fill the gaps.
Exactly! People complain about not having friends even though they make no effort to maintain their friendships. I have gotten to the point at which I no longer expect anything from anyone. PS: I know I myself am not perfect. Sometimes I get angry over petty things, but even so, I try working through issues instead of simply ending the relationship. The solution to our loneliness is not "cutting off those who challenge us and our opinions", but instead, learning to compromise and see things from another perspective.
I used to have alot of friends. But they made me feel lonely since I didn't feel appreciated. Now that I have cut most of them out of my life and have learned to enjoy my company I don't feel lonely anymore. People suck.
I remember the days in the U.S. when most were more friendly an acknowledging of one another in passing. Small town on a larger scale. People struck up conversations with strangers while waiting in line during more casual situations. Now, not only does that not happen as often, but I hear younger generations (particularly from the U.K. for some reason) making comments like, "Huh? You talk to people in line?"
In Europe people always minded to themselves, especially northern Europe, I'd say US tradition of striking a convo with a stranger is an outlier, not really practiced anywhere in the world, and it was a shock when a clerk at the Walmart register told me my t-shirt was lovely. I was caught off guard completely. But I must also point out that it's cool and all but also draining because it's superficial, like that thing where people say wassup, but it's not a question, you have to respond to that to every person
Lmao this literally still happens. Not sure why ppl keep pushing this false narrative that everyone was friendly and open back in the day when that just isn’t true. Everything is relative
Watching your video, I noticed that those people affected by loneliness cited being rejected by society, or at least they felt that way. Although some of them also might grew up not being used to social interaction, I can't help feeling that it is society itself that is pushing people to this end by way of expectations, mostly economic expectation. People are no longer interested in people; they just connect and network for self-interest - this make people who don't fall into the desired groups to feel left out and withdraw themselves.
Economic expectation: when everything is expensive, you can't afford to always pick up the tab each time you wanna hang out with friends who don't belong to your same economic status anymore, i.e. the poorer one. In my country most people expect you to pay for all if you're starting the invitation to meet up.. it's not sustainable as it will bite into your monthly budget. If only i can meet anyone without affecting my budget, i won't have any worries to spend time with mates.. you gotta secure your financial duties before anything else, if you don't want to retire with zero money..
You nailed why I hate professional networking events, even though the people there, especially at the mid career level, are often genuine in wanting to help you out.
This video is amazing. Thank you for making it. It really tackles a problem that most people try to brush off, but conversely struggle with daily. My sister said it best once: "Humans aren't designed to be alone." We're social creatures, we need each other.
In 1969 I played hooky and staid home from school. I decided to go for a walk, just to go see the real world, I thought. We lived in a nice suburb of Denver Colorado. Like everybody else, my parents had moved to Denver for a good corporate job. So none of my friends had extended family around either. As I wondered the empty suburb streets, no sign of life but knowing the mothers were hidden in their homes, not interacting with anyone save the baby or small children all day. I realized how lonely the suburbs were. They were not the buzz of kids playing and dads mowing lawns during weekdays. We lost a neighborhood mom to suicide. Loneliness is very much part of the cultural environment.
I used to be in a fraternity of hundreds of brothers, but had a close group of 5 or so. Now all graduated, I rarely talk to them anymore. WFH made it far worse, glad you made this I genuinely probably needed it
Yea man, after college it's been impossible to maintain friendships. Had to move to a small town for work and there's basically no opportunities to socialize around here.
I can't tell if WFH has been good or bad for me. 90% of my co workers are awful competitive office snitches and power players. But at the same time, maybe being alone is even worse? Not sure.
@@cowmath77 Yup I know what you're talking about. They exist in casual social groups too but they tend to alienate themselves over time since there's nothing forcing you to interact with them.
My childhood was largely spent playing alone and with animals. I didn't feel lonely until going to schools and being left out of groups. It did make me feel very sad sometimes. But at some point, in my mid to late twenties, I kind of got over it. The Internet helps because I could connect with like minded people so I don't feel so weird and it's okay if I don't have strong connections with the people around me. I can enjoy the human interaction from just going to town, sitting in a coffee shop or something. Anyway i just wanted to comment this because I feel very content now and if someone else is suffering from loneliness I hope they can learn to enjoy it like I did. Don't worry about being awkward or anything. Remember that in 100 years no one will care. Try to focus on helping others instead of feeling sorry for yourself and I promise it will help you too.
At home I feel fine, yet when I'm in society I get lonely. What's interesting, during the covid pandemic, I was fine, in fact. Even my college grades went up during the time when I studied at home throughout the lockdown period. Most probably because I don't have the constant reminder of being left out by society; when I am in society, I do worse. It's actually messed up.
I’ve never felt this lonely in my entire life, when I lost my best friend of 20 years, same class through high school and university (different majors) also married to sisters, I’ve been in the shadows of loneliness for the past 3 years. Don’t know how many times I’ve deleted status updates crying out for a close friend for fear of being judged. Every friend I reach out to seems to not be interested in any close friendship vibes. This feeling is worse than finding true love.
This is very true. I am very lonely. It actually hurts mentally, emotionally, and physically. I can tell my health is not in good shape even though I eat healthier, drink lots of water, and exercise.
It is a fascinating subject that was indeed started ages ago but has now been boosted into full swing thanks to social media which has made disgusting behavior such as ghosting become the social norm rather than the exception.
You WANT to be alone now but if you continue to neglect you'll most likely grow old, bitter and jaded. You only have to look at the stats of how much this epidemic kills the elderly. Good luck, I guess.
If you live in a society like that you're gonna be feeling like that. The other thinks about you the same. I'm from Asia which still has that feeling of community somewhat intact (though it is getting eroded as well) that gives me a sense of being around people. The west sadly does not have any sense of community. People are cynical,skeptical, and untrustworthy of others.
@@xx-wp3mq It doesn't do that because someone's a hermit. It does that because of a myriad of physiological dice rolls. It attacks the lungs. It causes the immune system to attack the lungs. It causes those lungs to fill up with fluid... That's not the poetic "death by heartbreak". That's just drowning.
Not necessarily. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and was very naive. Some folks are just predatory. Now at 46 with much experience I can see early on that many people are to be avoided @@songa4096
I became a Truck driver and spent my life doing it because I was alone. I noticed it started to suck when the Cell phones came into being and multiple weirdos can now call up and bother you when your just trying to do your job.
Loneliness is a feeling I know all too well. Most of my life I have been socially isolated and have struggled to make friends. It’s interesting to see loneliness become such a notable topic and to see all those “I have no friends” videos on TH-cam. Because for me this is how it has always been. I’m in my early 30s now and feel so behind socially. There are so many normal things that I’ve never done due to not having friends. I struggle so much and now after doing some research, I highly suspect that I could be neurodivergent/on the spectrum, which would explain why social connection has been so difficult for me my whole life. It is hard. Some days I do well and I’m okay with being independent and on my own. Other days, it just hits me so damn hard and I just cry. I’m so tired of doing everything alone all the time. I’m so tired of seeing other people have the connections I so desperately wish I could have. I almost feel punished for desiring social connection. But when I try to talk to people I’m just so awkward. Idk if I’ll ever be good enough at social interaction for people to WANT to befriend me. I feel like people are either intimidated by me or put off by me in some way.
'I read what you wrote, and I hear what you've said. I'm a mother of a 34 yr old son who I think is absolutely marvelous. it shocks and saddens me to see how isolated he's become. he's 34 now and has always been very self-conscious and withdrawn. of course, we didn't know about things like Aspergers, etc... when he was in HS. he's tall and handsome. funny and smart. writes the most beautiful stories and poetry. I just don't understand why he can't see his self-worth. your words remind me of him. I finally stopped bugging him to get out and have a life, he seems happy for the most part. I wish he had a friend like you. he would never admit he's lonely. he has the most beautiful and loving Bombay cat, but he does miss out on a lot of things. I was always a hard charger. very high energy. he used to tell me to turn my energy level down a bit because he found it exhausting. instead, I would pester him to get involved in everything. boy scouts, football, baseball, basketball, soccer, competitions at school like art or science. looking back, I'm sure he hated all of it. anyway, just wanted to say you sound like a totally friend-worthy person and I wish I could introduce you to him, to have someone to talk to.
Being alone is the best step outside and you're not alone. I will talk to anyone when I am out and love when I want to walk away I go ...GOD bless ❤❤❤❤❤
I volunteered to do a Catholic religious service at a nursing facility and met wonderful old people hungry for friends. I met two of my best friends ever there. One of the ladies and I went out to lunch every Tuesday for fifteen years.
Life in the US is designed to be individualistic, isolationist, and lonely. To start with, people drive everywhere...to and from work...to and from stores, etc. In most of Europe, Latin America, and Asia people walk or take the train most everywhere thus coming into contact with each other. Also, in cooperative societies they take care of each other and are, therefore, less lonely whereas in individualistic societies it's "I take care of myself, you take care of yourself".
You might think it would help. I'm in the Netherlands and travel by train and bus a lot but in my experience it's very hard to connect to people. Because even if you reach out most people have become very stand-offish. I don't know why, it just feels like they have enough on their minds already. It's a very sad time we live in. I fear more and more people won't make it.
I've noticed something related to this topic at work. I've been working as a professional almost 40 years. Every generation that moves into management, seems to have less and less communication and team work. In the last two years I got a manager that is in his mid 40's, and he doesn't communicate or tell me anything about the company, so I never know what is going on. I will be retiring in a couple of years, so I don't worry about it much. But I can't really function very well on the job when I don't know what is going on with the computer network, or the software, etc. I don't even get introduced to new engineers, which leads to some funny situations, like meeting people and after conversing with them, I find out that they are in the same group as me! But although its funny sometimes, its probably greatly reducing the efficiency of the company, but since I am retiring and have no stock in the company, I don't worry about it.
Did you know that asking about stuff is a thing? If you let yourself not to know about stuff because other people won't do that for you, the greenhorns aren't the only ones with communication issues.
I grew up with a numerous family. Day in and day out there was always someone with me. Once I turned 17, I left home and enjoyed solitude and the new privacy. Im 40 now and still enjoy being alone although I do have a partner now and dogs. I did feel that when I got my dog in my late 30’s my life improved drastically. By the time my partner came, everything was just good. The trick is a healthy balance of interaction.
While I usually don't visit this channel for topics like these, I'm grateful you created this video. It helps me understand what others might be experiencing. Although I wouldn't consider myself lonely and am generally happy with my life, I have several friends and family members who I would classify as lonely. This video serves as a good reminder to check in with our loved ones and show them they're not alone.
If you want friends, you need only to be friendly😊 when you go out, say a cheerful hello to everyone you see! You will become known as someone who has a special happiness to share. We all want a friend to laugh with and talk to. Start a club. Put out the word and meet new people with similar interests, learn something new!
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This topic is not something I'd usually do on ColdFusion, but it's something I have been intrigued by for a long time and an issue that's very important to me. I tried to approach the "solutions" on a broad angle since I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, so do speak to a professional if you think you need help with chronic loneliness. But I hope I have been able to shed some light on this crucial topic! Be kind to each other and thanks for watching!
No morals nor principles
So happy to see you covering this- it’s such an important conversation.
I think it's a no brainer why we have this crisis at this time. And since you're sort of a prohet of Black Mirror paradox, AI companions will try to solve this, causing another crisis eventually.
I choose to be lonely not because I hate people but I certainly hate my country for not providing me a decent job so that I could get some respect in society.
In South East Asia, and especially in East Asia, culture also plays a significant role due to the emphasis on 'Social Harmony.'
To maintain the status quo of 'Social Harmony,' there is a tendency for people who diverge from the mainstream to be shunned, as it is perceived to be easier than trying to understand the person.
The disappearance of third places is a big difference. In my younger years, we had places and spaces to meet, chat and discuss. I still love libraries for this reason. However, they’re getting eroded year by year.
So true. This is really sad.
@empi492can't goto a playground. I'm a guy and there'll inevitably be a hyper-reactive mom there.
That's just one example, as a rule I don't go out because those similar situations. The few who are ignorant to how they make the world less enjoyable for us all.
Volunteering provides a great 3rd place. See if there are animal shelters or food pantries
Having friends is cringe
Individualism and money 😢
Robin Williams once said "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
Yet he killed himself.
Robin had lots of friends and support in the decades he was in show business. But he is a prime example of why the person you see on camera, isn’t often the same person behind the scenes.
@@KratostheThirda lot of those people get suicided though. Don't know about Robin but like Avicii or Chester Bennington pretty likely.
@@daniel_960_we all went through the thought of suicide or being with death once in our life time. The problem with suicidal people wants answers "right" away., trying to control things that are out of their hand. Problems, situation and even desires for people. All of these suicidal thoughts roots from the desire for control. If things doesn't went the way they wanted,. they just kill themselves out of misery.
@@naknampucha5236 meant the music industry is deeply fucked up. But yeah.
@@daniel_960_ Hollywood is deeply f’ed up too.
Using AI to fix loneliness is like ripping down the walls of your house to burn to keep warm, or like trying to drink yourself out of depression or trying to borrow your way out of debt
This seems like a comment from someone who is quite perceptive and articulate in his/her communication! @coldfusion should really have loved your comment.
Very well said.
This level of comment can be done by someone who personally experiences the subject
Indeed. Arguing for AI to fix loneliness is as enlightened as arguing for videogames, TV and VR, etc to fix loneliness.
Give me AI instead of a human any day!
Dating apps are the worst offender. Handing over dating to predatory algorithms was NEVER going to end well.
Ditto Facebook, Instagram, X(Twitter) etc.
To be honest there are a lot of couple who benefits from dating apps. Depends on the region I guess
The pandemic of loneliness is not merely a consequence of external factors; it also reflects an internal shift in societal values. Gratitude, empathy, and genuine human connections are often overshadowed by individualism and the pursuit of instant gratification. In a society that values productivity and achievement over the well-being of its members, loneliness becomes an unintended epidemic
Amen! I completely agree 🙏
Very true the more we as humans are drawn to instant gratification. The lonelier we become. It’s not worth it
Written very well like a ChatGPT bot. 😂
I would wager also that the reactionary shift towards dogmatic traditionalism is a considerable factor in the isolation/self-isolation of persons
"unintended"?? On that point I disagree. Its a facet of Capitalism.
_"People think being alone makes you lonely, but that's not true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world."_
Oh yes, try being someone against enforced medical experimentation and being surrounded by compliant, judgemental people.
🎯
Great quote, I'm not sure why this piece was missed to be addressed in this video. Sometimes people have other people in their lives but they are unhealthy, either by having unhealthy habits like drinking often or numbing out in similar ways, or by being entangled in drama regularly, or by being very judgmental or gossiping regularly and so on and so on...this widespread society issue of a lack of good human qualities is a huge contributor why people don't engage as often, it leaves them feeling stressed, exhausted, used, confused, it's no wonder they distance themselves as a coping mechanism, not necessarily the best one. People in general aren't open to feedback so if you asked them to not be the things mentioned above, they would get offended and mad. This issue is so much more complex.
I’ve heard this quote many times. But in reality both can be true
Wise words
I'm older and don't have any family close by. My lonliness drastically reduced when I got a dog, specifically, a Boxer. People were shocked to see a 70 year old lady out walking a Boxer; they were curious and stopped to talk. If you're younger, feel like you're not accepted, and can swing it, I would definitely recommend getting a dog. My baby girl got me to come out of my old lady shell.
I have found dogs make better people than most people.
i will try that.
😂😂😂 You can't make this up!!!!!!
I LOVE dogs, but unfortunately with work and sometimes health issues, I can’t bring a Dog into this life :( it probably wouldn’t be fair to it
I’ve had them before. Will always love them, forever. And I would love one again but yeah, as stated, they deserve better
I’m considering a Cat though. They’re a little more independent right? I wish I could walk them though, and be social with them at times, but I’m also more introverted these days, perhaps we would click better?
That's great to hear. Good for you. 💕
Man in the 90s I knew all my neighbors - everyone was always around and had block parties all the time. We had a blizzard in 96’ and had a spontaneous party, such a fun memory. There’s no hope for that now. I can’t even get my apt neighbors to speak to me now and we basically live in the same space. Lack of interdependence, technology, individualism, over working culture, materialism, eroding of 3rd places, economic forces…
Were moving and I don't hope the same thing happens to us.
man, i'm going to a "block party" in the quad at the community college today. i didn't even know they're having one until i cut thru' yesterday. flyer didn't say it's just for students. it's a _community_ college, and i'm a community member, and an alumni (freshmore: more than a freshman, but not quite a sophmore) i still use their library all the time. just go outside and talk to people. you'll be fine
I blame Bidenomics.
@@dwayne3191 sure, bidens complicit for not fighting reagan and the bushes harder
Man, I'm impressed! You actually had that situation exist in your stomping grounds as late as the 90s? In my old neighborhood all that started disappearing when the mid/late 70s hit with peanut boy Jimmy Carter and the disco years, and was totally annihilated once Reagan took office with his corporate "make as much money as you can" Wall Street mentality
I think part of the problem also is trust. You may make friends as an acquaintance, but it often takes years to trust someone. Also, just because you have known someone for years, it does not necessarily mean you know them well. People can be fake too. I know a few people in my circle of friends who are just not genuine. People come and go and it is very difficult to find lifelong friends who are sincere and have your interest at heart. Excellent video!
This and also the ubiquotousness of public shaming practices on social media makes it very hard to develop trust.
No one considers the possibility that THEY might also not be a great friend who has their friend's interest at heart. People like to complain about others never having their best interest at heart but I rarely hear people say "im also not a good friend".
Yes instant gratification
So true. The only person I trust is my bf and it took 3 years for me to realize this guy is legit coming from someone who doesn’t trust people easily. Actions speak louder than words.
Being older now and tired after work I have since lost contact with most friends. Coworkers are the next closest thing but I don’t fully trust them nor do I confide in them.
When I was growing up everyone just connected. Then American 'values' infiltrated the planet and all the Western countries, and even Asia is affected now, is in competition, its all about ME and money is no.1.
I am currently suffering from severe loneliness. I’m 48 years old, have dealt with a lot of trauma from losing family members and friends, to watching my generation tear itself apart. Being a computer technician for almost 30 years now, I have played my part (albeit at a small one) In the birth of consumer Internet, the rise in technology, and the rises of social media. even though my role would be considered minuscule at best, I was still a part of the chain. Now, I am divorced, no children of my own, I go to work, I come home, and that’s it. I don’t know how to talk to other people because I don’t think they will ever understand me. I think differently, I feel differently, I think about others, and not myself. I know somethings wrong with the world, but I don’t know where to even begin to start making a difference, or a change that will help me help myself, and help others as well.
Dagogo, I am so glad you worked this story. For the longest time I felt like I was alone, and that people didn’t recognize how I felt. Thank you for calling attention to this very real and very serious problem.
Skull isshuou
Have you tried having A real Relationship with God through Christ Jesus, I bet you will find that is the missing link. God bless.
@@josephkimogele3484oh god damn. Here we go. Scram
From one tech to another of the same age, I will be your friend. Start a conversation about computers with me and the deeper things will follow.
I feel you, bro.
I don't feel lonely to be honest, it's quite the opposite actually, but what I found about relationships especially with long-term friends is that they very often don't grow with you as a person or in a different direction. This means that the friends you gained over the years will simply become unappealing to you and if you don't know how to make new friends, you will simply end up alone.
You're wrong. Nothing is like an old friend a friend for 40 years
That is an interesting observation. I think there is some truth to this depending on where you were in life when you connected. What happens is that you spend less time together as the years go by. And I do feel that it is important to keep reaching out to connect with people.
@@HVAC356you’re lucky. My friends I had growing up arent people I’d chosen if I was where I’m at today. I came from a broken home and had a lot of trauma and was drawn to friendships of similar toxicity. I have nothing in common with those people today as I’ve done a lot of self growth and healing. They are still stuck in the past and still carry toxic traits. I have no friends. I’ve tried to make new friends but those relationships don’t seem to stick long term.
Exactly, I also found out that i wasnt lonely the whole time. It was a lack of productive activities and exercise. Also I get the same feeling when I am sick and unable to perform my entire daily tasks.
Thanks for this dialogue.
I don’t trust anyone anymore. I have a handful of friends but few. I prefer to be alone. I feel safer. I’m tired of abusive relationships & me trying to be nice
All the more power to you, my friend!
Who needs friends, when you can have MORE GPUs?
And have MORE AI?
it's time to get back at the dumb masses.
Same thing I’m going through rn and why I’m doing online school
Go to therapy and fix your mind.
Otherwise when you'll realize how misserable you are being alone will be too late to make an actual change.
@@alulim4968 I totally get how the OP feels. At 53 I've been burned so many times in my professional and personal lives yet wouldn't dream of intentionally burning someone else, it's just not who I am...but it has left me alone and just drifting at this point...luckily $$ isn't an issue as I made sure to look after myself, but others don't want to play nice and I'm over it so I'm at a loss to know what to do next.
I love how we say that loneliness is structural because of economic strain, architecture, technology…and then say that a therapist is going to help you with the underlying causes of loneliness. What are they going to do? Shore up the economy so I can move back to my home town? Build a public square in my neighborhood? Relocate some childhood friends?
So much this.
There is no personal solution to systemic problems.
Any media that doesn't address this is only propaganda at best.
The therapist is probably experiencing extreme loneliness as she tries to focus on other peoples problems all day
The faith in “therapy” is nit far removed from faith in the parish priest
I agree.
Just buy betterhelp bro. $100 per hour will fix you. Therapy the biggest scam I ever seen.
Drinking alone in my apartment and this video pops up in the notification :')
Same right now
Drinking will make it even worse. Stay strong
Hi friend
Hope things get better for you man 🙏
Pulling up to the liquor store now to then come home after alone
I grew up with a turtle at 10 years old. She was my best and only friend. Having a pet to care for helped the loneliness, especially since they look at you with unconditional love - or at the very least an excitement for food.
Turtle was my preference because I was allergic to cats/dogs. Laid back and a long-time companion.
I hope you are much better now
That's a great suggestion. Atleast I don't have to see my beloved die😬
was it a ninja turtle
Sweet story! I'm really hoping his name was Leonardo... :)
Why is it that having pet as a companion is okay but it's not for AI?
I'm done attempting to reach out to people. it's embarrassing. My own family won't even spend any time with me. it's soul crushing.
Buy a pet. They never missuse your human values.
@@CeylonTast.Adopt!
I deeply empathize with this. Many of my close friends, who I was formerly close to, would rather stay in their online bubble, with endless Discord calls full of shallow conversation. Never wanting to do anything in real life or feel alive. And when one got sick I was there to help care for him, and when he got better, BACK to the bubble he went. Dopamine addiction is crippling to some people.
I am alone at 68....
I felt very lonely in my late 20's. It had a lot to do with both economics and social circumstances. When I was able to fix my economic problems, I could start focusing more on building connections, which I have struggles with my entire life. I choose to live in a collective to be around other people more often, and this has helped a lot. I choose to get engaged in my housing community, and started helping neighbours with things. This has been greatly appreciated. I'm realtively young and quite handy, while a lot of my neighbours are old. And I'm also engaged in groups on Meetup and other platforms, so I regularly meet people there as well. I still struggle to build deep connections. But constantly putting myself into situations where there's a lot of people greatly increases my chances of making lasting friendships.
The economics part makes sense In general hopefulness for a better future is a big deal and having a job gives purpose and you need to have the time and energy to engage in the community
15:35 I'm 100% sure that the reason most people get lonely badly is because ADHD syndrome, it affects them badly, they don't even aware they're suffering this syndrom. Back then, I had no friend, despite that, I didn't feel loney at all. I had thought there was something wrong with me, then I found out I'm extraordinary mindful, so that this prowess helps me overcome the loneliness. I think people need to practice meditation to get their mind and brain mindful. 👌
Seems like a wonderful experience, if you truly want to know my answer, on this topic at hand.
After three years of disengagement, I realized the more I isolated, the more my health declined. Mentally and physically. Meeting people online in 2023 isn’t like it was in the early-mid 2000’s - social media can be so overwhelming with endless profiles and overstimulation at your fingertips. Now more than ever, people are hypersensitive, dismissive, and at times, downright rude! Socializing is for sure a muscle that needs constant exercise. Nowadays, I intentionally put myself in spaces that support human interaction, be it church, the gym, yoga, in-person classes, etc. A simple smile and a hello is enough to make me feel good. Add in a 30-second dialogue and I’m on cloud 9 lol. I don’t always get it right, though. There are people sometimes who look like they want to speak to me and I’ll instead look away because, well, I still deal with a bit of nervousness and anxiety. This is a marathon and I have to be patient with myself as I re-enter society naturally. Baby steps will have to suffice for now and I’m okay with that 😊
So different now. In the earlier social media days I meet ppl who talked to for long time. It seemed more about ppl seeking connections and hobbies etc. Now I can't remember the last time I even made an online friend despite being so many more ppl online
Yeah social media is saturated now.
So proud of you 👏!!
I believe we cant truly be healthy without community.
stay up bro. You're not alone. im Dino. peace
Recently a few people decided to open up a store and place to play card games and meet & chill with friends/people, the idea being focused on offering a great experience rather than just making money.
It's so simple yet so profound and the positive impact things like this can have just as an example. No alcohol required as well.
This is in a small city in the Netherlands but I do hope we'll get to see more and more things like this.
where can I find it?
I think the concept of having a cafe where people are able to just come in and make friends with people is a heartwarming concept.
@@justanothermortal1373 Humans are social animals and communication is very important.
In this world of high tech, always online and news headlines invading our everyday lives, playing casual card games with friends and family is a necessary breather.
@@prefixsuffix The internet happened. That's why so many people are lonely and depressed.
People need actual communication. Texting doesn't cut it.
@@prefixsuffix It already is an epidemic.
Even the 80’s and 90’s were more dangerous, even in the United States. But nobody was fixated on screens as people are now.
Man it sucks out here, social media has made 100% of all people narcissists.
I have met many who have huge self esteem and identity issues over social media. Humble, kind people.
But people jaded with life cause some 17 year old made millions selling some gadget or gimmick, and they have worked at the local Wendy's for 10 years and nothing has changed for the better.
Very true.
I sense that quite a bit, and it nearly enrages me.
I feel like that's the main factor. Most people probably think that their time is much better spend on themselves, working on something or studying. Much simpler to do alone. Nothing to organize, nobody's preferences to take into consideration.
I would say it's definitely up there but not 100%. 😆
@kurzgesagt did a great video on this too. One huge problem is, as a lonely person, you unlearn how to even reach out to people, to a point where even when they reach out to you, you decline or find excuses not to engage. I'm close to 40 years old and I haven't seen such a thing in my life. It's like relations are dropping dead left and right and nobody is questioning it.
Probably indicative how all-encompassing this shift is. I always intellectualized how we were all connected, one big "organism", each individual part cursed with self-awareness, but I could never quite unify that idea with reality so easily and frighteningly as now. Far-right politics pop up everywhere like some natural reaction to something, the epidemic of isolation and loneliness, decline in welfare and trust in government, and top that of with a collective decline in mental health.
On good days I figure that it's the agonizing growing pains of society in major transformation. On bad days I feel utter hopelessness. Too many bad days lately.
Late-stage capitalism (of such form of it as we suffer today) is a terrible fate. A smart man asked once "What's more likely in your mind? the end of the world, or the end of capitalism?"
I think most people answer the same and it's a chilling response.
I think it’s rather the loss of wisdom from older generations. Broken family structures , likewise social health. Otherwise we wouldn’t be surprised to learn that human are individualistic. We are social when it benefit the individuals. The internet became my grandma and grandpa, but I have to be selective careful with this collective wisdom, filtering out biases. Not to mention the level of greed and corruption of ruling class as the contributing factor to the decline of society.
I’m starting my 40s. No longer delusional about needing human connection, and understand that solitude is preferable in most cases.
I lost all my friends and family the past couple of years. Just me and the cats. I love the peace to be completely honest.
Neither will touch on the social changes that can't be discussed because the consequences were not good, but can't be acknowledged.
@@blurgle9185Right, poor communists having socialization would have better?
I've been lonely for most of my life, there was a short period of time in college where I had a close group of friends and I was really happy then. I'm getting older, it's a shame to have spent life suffering from a condition that I can fix. I don't have to be lonely, there must be some group of people out there who'd like my company. It hurts to see that 40 year old guy who just spent his life in his room, because you know that where lots of people are headed in the future. Best of luck to all the lonely people, I hope you find some friendly eyes to connect with.
Youre a citizen of what country?
@@Jaereum1 Really that made you laugh? What kind of POS would troll this comment section.
@@user-it6rh2tn2e USA
Most 40 yr olds are busy with work and family that being alone in the room for 1 hour would be a miracle.
Travel bro travel. I started travelling on weekends and I don't feel lonely anymore
Being lonely is better than being in the company of toxic, untrustworthy, fake, judgmental and selfish people.
I get it dinesh
And that's what recent administrations have been working on ... creating more toxic, untrustworthy, fake, judgmental and selfish people.
exploitative and ungrateful ones as well.
I recently just hung out with friends, or people I just know, and a few strangers. The many hours I was with them, I felt socially awkward, and it raised my anxiety, not knowing that is because of loneliness. I'm 34 , got separated, and then divorced in the pandemic. Lost my job and had to take a 50% pay cut. I have no children and no partner. So I've been having lots of heartburn lately, and I've been thinking it's because of the caffeine drinks. Now, I know that it may be the effects of loneliness. My job doesn't help either. I work 12 hours at night, 5 to 6 times a week. So I'm glad I got to see this video. Now, it gives me the strength to seek a different employment. I woke up alone today, but after watching this video, I'm going to start making a difference to myself. Thank you, Dagogo
Wow. Everything seem to hit you at once. Take heart and seek a step at once.
God lead you to a better ground.🎉
Change you job and be more exposed to the Sun light, aka vitamin D intake. You'll feel better. And listen more to your body/mind when it sounds the "alarm".
It took me until very recently to figure out I had anxiety disorders, and in seeking treatment for that I was able to overcome the social akwardness, before I'd be very reserved but would become chatty if I knew you well enough and now I have much less qualms about going up to somebody and chatting up. I see what you write and I feel very identified to how I felt before. I know it might not be possible, but try to ignore that awkwardness, or set up in a different environment some new interactions. Don't go from 0 to 100, but at least try to inch your way closer. Getting a better job is key though.
While I'm close to suspending treatment, I think they key follow on will be to rely on those social connections I was now able to forge, I hope I can maintain them. I hope for your sake you can do something similar as well.
You're important, the world needs you, promise.
Heartburn is likely due to too much bed rest
Please get yourself outside and exercising, if you don't already. Alone or socially. In particular, hiking and cycling groups can be amazing.
One big problem of loneliness is that it can become a vicious cycle, the more time we spend alone the more the protective armour around us thicken and the more the armour thicken the harder it is to find new genuine connections.
As mentioned in the video, it's a consequence of the fight or flight instinct because we've not evolved for loneliness which is historically deadly for us humans
@momytik True, but it's also different from culture to culture, region to region.
Especially when you're already struggling, the stigma of being different or "a loser" it's definitely going to make very hard to build new connections, that's also a big reason why being informed and reaching a diagnosis is so important because eventually when you know who you are there's a possibility to find like minded people with which you can fit in and being accepted for who you are but all of this is almost impossible in the absence of government welfare, at least for most people
Not to mention the fact that most people end up not being worth the time. Lots of users and abusers out there who love to prey on people who've obviously been abused before, or simply good people. Unfortunately, I feel at this point that it is impossible for me to ever make new friends -- not after going through so much trouble and pain. Every time I try to even hang out with someone for the first time, I just end up getting too stressed out to finally prepare for it. I had a lot to offer. Now I've got nothing for y'all...
I think social media has completely commoditized friendship. The fact that people will pay other people to hang out with them says everything. It seems that unless you are of a similar social or economic status as someone else, friendships are being treated more like jobs nowadays.
So is it really a bad thing or just the evolution of humanity and friendships?
So is it really a bad thing or just the evolution of humanity and friendships?
Nigh everything has been commodified in this modern day dystopia. Friendships are fake, and relationships are toxic or outright borderline 'impossible'.
People pay to get someone to pretend being their friends? Wow, I didn't except something THIS pathetic.
join a health club
In my own case here in the Philippines, I still see many of my fellow neighbors greeting and talking to us whenever they pass by. Even while waiting for a public transport vehicle, I managed to start a conversation with random strangers who were also waiting for a ride. And every time someone brought up a topic, everyone joined the discussion. It doesn't really matter what topic was being discussed; I would really find random individuals talking to one another while waiting in front of the ATM, near a hospital, or while listening to a church homily during the Yuletide season. Those scenes truly bring hope and happiness to me as a Filipino amidst the difficulties we are going through.😊🇵🇭❤️😌
I’m Filipino American and I’ve never been to the Philippines. I’d love to experience that when I go there.
This exactly how it is here in Uganda and I noticed most African countries. 😊 You cannot switch off your phone for a day without being hunted down by worried neighbors 😂
One reason for loneliness is financial difficulties. For example I can’t hang out sometimes because I got bills and goals to achieve. People who are busy working all the time of course feel lonely. Because even if you have friends you’re exhausted and the only thing you need is neat bedroom.
I totally agree
Lonliest generation because we have 8 BILLIONS of us, and i cant stop myself to think i wish it were half, i don't like looking at crowds of people, financial difficulties and less jobs Because of 8 BILL people of us the problems are many solutions very LESS, the pressure to be next Zuckerberg or bezos or musk life span of 85 years etc etc influx of information to everybody not just you, ITS CUT THROAT COMPETITION, and although people are kinder to each other in general, SELF KINDNESS IS ABSENT.
True
Real Slavery
I used to volunteer at a free clinic. It blew my mind that pretty much every patient we saw was on an antidepressant. It made me wonder if all of them actually had a neurochemical imbalance, or if they were just depressed because they were obviously poor with not many options. Antidepressants are very much over prescribed and there could be a lot more help for lower income people than there actually is. Great video, keep them coming
Everybody is on that stuff because they live in a very sad world right now. Most people seem normal on the outside but the minute things don't go their way, they snap and go crazy and attack you. People are lonely because people are exhausting to deal with.
@@jRex918 Exactly. This is why I’m a lone wolf myself.
Pets make me happier than most people.
Agreed! Vitamin supplements and a healthy diet actually worked better than any antidepressant!
The main reason of all problems is that our civilization abandoned Christianity. People started to believe that the alternative of salvation is to making money. That is why they don't believe anymore for values such as being for other peoples, being for communities etc. because it won't bring them money, indivudual success and position in global hierarchy. Christianity (especially Catholic Christianity) is the only religion, philosophy and value system which depends on being for others, not only for yourself
Poor diet causes depression
I'm 38, divorced, no girlfriend and I have no friends but I don't feel lonely all the time. Sometimes, it creeps up on me but whenever that happens I go to public places like parks, zoo's, cinemas, concerts etc. and that feeling goes away.
I am an older divorced man and I got burned out on the drama that others brought to my life. I only associate with others if we have a shared interest or I need to talk to them. I removed everybody from my life who is a mental drain and I am mostly content.
I'm almost your age. We are fortunate we don't get lonely! I get so caught up and happy w my hobbies I forget to reply to ppl 🤔
Better to be alone than in stress by the spouse
Sadly you are not alone. I had the same problem a few years ago but met my Filipino wife online 11 years ago and my life is now full of love, support and kindness and I couldn't be happier even though I an in my 60s now so take heart.
Thank you for sharing my friend ❤️ I am in a similar situation actually almost identical. Stay strong brother 👍
TOTALLY isolated, friendless, unemployed, unmarried, lonely as hell, heartbroken, etc - and this video pops up in my TH-cam feed. 😢
Where do you live?
You forgot homeless which I am plus all the things you said and worse, life is worthless, I hope god will take my soul very soon, never asked to be born anyway
TH-cam is a real downer. Many creators love depressive topics like that so they get clicks from the depressed people.
The first step to end depression is to quit watching TH-cam for leisure.
@@erenjaeger2191 Don't say that. I can't imagine what that's like but stay strong brother. God loves you and has a plan for you no matter how it may seem right now stay strong in faith. The more faith you have in God, the more you will be rewarded. Keep working hard, grinding, and most importantly put God first. Pray, ask him to change your situation in faith, and keep seeking him for who he is and not what he can give you. Seek God first and his righteousness and everything will be given unto you
Story of my life lol
I think the fact everyone compares themselves with things they see online instead of what they see in real life has a lot to do with it.
False praise and fake friends are never a good substitute for a Real Hug or Family and Friends you can hang out with or call on for help.
That's exactly what is going on here. Instagram was and has been under fire for that exact reason. Look it up, it's pretty interesting.
Back in college I knew a lot of people who would go to social events and take pictures with random people to inflate their profiles. They would take the pictures and leave with minimal participation.
Yeah, I agree, even Marcus Aurelius said(roman emperor = the most successful man in the entire world t that time) that constant comparing ourselves with others will lead to constant unhapiness with ourselves.
also to add insult to injury, people only learn socializing and communication from Movie and Series,
where in the film you've to constantly making a Snide Remarks in order for your film to be funny.
but try that in the real world, it'll be treated as an insult or verbal abuse.
, nobody like to be shamed, or for their shameful stuff to be exposed to the public for a laugh,
therefore, don't socialize and you won't open yourself for an unnecessary risk
Yep
Maybe it’s the rise of narcissism because of social media flexing? I ended 90% of my friendships because they were toxic. I have very few friends now but less drama and stress. My mental health actually got better.
feel u bro, I did the same, gotta have better standards for yourself
Yeah the reason in the end is that people get focused more on themselves/individualistic.
You ended 90% of your relationships because you are narcistic too.
Left social media over 6 years ago. I don't even wanna think about where my mental health would be if I were still on it in 2023.
Remember the thing about toxicity is all dependent on the dose you receive. Sometimes giving up on people is not the wisest choice
except if you were the toxic trashy friend all along lol
I grew up lonely and unable to make friends. It was such a deep source of shame. My belief was: "there's something terribly wrong with me - I'm a total misfit and it's my fault, especially since I haven't a clue why." It took me 50 years to figure out why - the role of deep emotional wounds from complex trauma (C-PTSD) embedding disempowering beliefs that shaped my thoughts, feelings, Interpretations and actions.
I used to feel all alone in my loneliness. Now that I have healed so much from the inside out, I see I was, ironically, never alone in loneliness. The first step for me was to totally befriend myself. To practice unconditional self-compassion. (This is not egoistic. It actually HELPS me recognize and learn from my errors.) My healing journey inspires me to dedicate the rest of my life to helping others reach out and connect. That's the beauty of Post Traumatic Growth.
I extend a HUGE thank you to you and the many others who are helping remove the burden of shame, break the silence about this issue, and who are seeking solutions. ❤😊❤
May I ask, how did you practice self compassion?
Great question! I'm glad you asked. It wasn't overnight, that's for certain. It started with a commitment to befriend myself. After all, wherever you go, there YOU are! When I wasn't my own friend, I didn't believe others could be. I closed myself off, not seeing the love that was there. After making the decision to be kind to myself, it took years of meditation, where you can't run away from yourself - your thoughts, your feelings, your memories and dreams... Getting to know yourself develops deeper understanding. Understanding leads to compassion. And forgiveness. And when you can understand and forgive yourself, you can better understand and forgive others. You see your imperfections as gifts, because no one is perfect! Underneath your problems - and everyone's problems - there is a pain that is crying for healing. And compassion is the medicine. I hope that helps, Christian. Blessings on your journey of self compassion.
yeah CPTSD is a messy beast isn't it. I had 2 years of therapy to work through my issues there. I'm MUCH better now at handling situations that would've caused CPTSD before, but entirely 'cured'. Part of it stays with you forever, I think. I think it's important to address some of the trauma head-on whenever you can. Best of luck.
@@flamissia4I'm sorry that does not make any sense to me. i just can not ignore the decades of disappointment of life and how bleak it looks from my lonely point at 54 years, looking down the hill at decay and isolation. life feels like such a waste. i just want to forget it all, I'm an unmotivated loser, and I will never see hope in the future.
@@peterbelanger4094 Dear Peter, I feel for your pain and sense of hopelessness. However, those are just thoughts and beliefs, not the reality of what is possible for you. The good news is our brains are flexible, and we can either remain stuck in the identity we created for ourselves, or be open to change and growth at any age. I have 62 years and am growing and healing and evolving more than ever. The practice of meditation allows us to look compassionately at one's thoughts and emotions, and release them. Because in each present moment, they are just thoughts, not the reality of the moment. There's only here, now. And your own beautiful beating heart. I hope that helps and you try meditation. Blessings!🙏☀️
True story, I had new neighbors move in 5 years ago, after about 6 months I thought I'd walk over and say hi. They look at me so standoffish like I was doing something super weird, I remember walking back thinking well that was kind of strange. Fast forward to now, they moved out and new people moved in. I waited a few months again, but I didn't want to go over and say hi, even though I had a super weird experience with the other folks. But again, they made it kind of weird, instead of just a normal thing people do to say hi. If they move out, I'm not sure if I'm up for more.
It is called reality.... Welcome
Loneliness came thanks to the rise of digital entertainment.
As a 35 year old, I saw it happen. My childhood was awesome socially. 20's was still awesome, though by the time I turned 30, people changed, DRASTICALLY.
Over time, Face to face meetups turned into phone calls turned into text messages turned into likes and swipes. It's sad af.
Most people would rather watch Friends, than to actually hang out with real friends.
Socializing takes effort. Cheap entertainment (on screens) does not.
That means, most people will go for cheap entertainment. That is why TikTok and TH-cam are killing it.
That's a fucked up reality that we can't turn around without getting rid of the technology.
Well said. I live in rural montana and grew up here. We are very much behind the times, but even here in a very community centric area I'm watching people slowly stop caring about their neighbors. People don't go out and meet to do anything anymore
Well it's also a symptom of the destruction of family. The rise in the marriage and divorce industry, shaming women or men who want to be home makers, lack of social support for men, subsidizing of single parents, corporate push to get people to work more/be in the office more, the commodification of housing into a speculative asset which destroys opportunity for the young and immigrants, etc. People are growing up in neighborhoods without other kids, or they have only one parent and little to no siblings, or their parents have no money to do activities, or the parents are gone all day at work, etc.
It's the death of family that leads to the death of community. The intervention of government and corporations in our lives started this.
Same! But the part we have to face more or less people wanted this. A certain subset of people are unwell enough they do not like giving of self to others and only like to take what they want. Another amount of people are injured enough they feel demotivated to interact because of the inherent risks. There are people that manage both the above motives by seeking control including of others. And on you go. These kinds of mentalities and situations spur on escapism and intimate disconnect. Not to mention the lack of social skills and affective empathy the above issue can cause and perpetuate. I have the experience you have of seeing things drop off a cliff but also from the inside as well. It look me decade plus to connect my social withdrawal with traumatic emotional experiences and the concomitant hunger that caused me to over stay in unhealthy situations after that withdrawal. Now I'm battling losing my ability to be socially appropriate and maintain affective not only cognitive empathy.
Friends wasn’t a bad sitcom, most of my friends watched it when I was a teen.
It was noted for expressing values that worked well in the 90’s feminist movement, when women wanted to be independent and not involved with a traditional family.
Ironically, the programmers and entrepreneurs who created these toxic technologies have no trouble finding women, “oh! I love smart men! Intelligent is attractive to me. He makes me laugh!” Give me a fucking break. Superficial people
Grew up as kid in 90s and early 00s. Those were the best days before the Internet era fully kicked off & smart phones becoming popular. As kids we would play outside, meet new people, go to community events and activities.
I've become more alone as time as gone on and become older, but I got use to being within my own company & do not have any negative effects.
Ringing the Doorbell l, can Kevin come out and play, mr mcallister?
Omhhhgg we lost kevin😂😂
Maybe only in the US. Ask a brazilian like or maybe a russian about how idyllic the 90s were.
90s kids enjoying the tom sawyer animation tv series is the king of the good times.. So simple life yet beautiful. 😏
yeah same here mate - I'm a 90s kid. We'd actually go out onto the street and play with the neighborhood kids! What a surreal concept! I think gaming is part of the problem... kids choose to spend all their time on the internet and on gaming consoles these days - they're not really social environments, they're just staring at a screen for hours. It's not cool. Also, they'll all need glasses by 30. :D
@@phosspatharios9680LOLOLOLOL. Don’t be so mad about the 90’s your comment ☠️ me 😂
2001, a friend of mine went to the dropping of the ball in Time Square by himself. Came back, saying five minutes after midnight, he felt a loneliness he had never felt in his lifetime
This is so true. Loneliness is not being alone - that is solitude. Loneliness is being among other people you have no connection to. We weren't designed for this - we used to live in small groups where everyone knew everyone else. Now we are surrounded by people we know nothing about, and they know nothing about us.
Everytime i come across this problem I'm caught off guard because its obvious that there are a lot of people having the same issue and that all that is missing is how these people can come together.
Thet guy was definitely not the only one who wanted to go see the ball drop and had no one to go with
@osaimola as far as the person I was talking about, he didn't have to go alone he could easily have found someone to go with him it was something he wanted to do. I'm not sure why. I have seen him many times go to a bar and leave with the prettiest girl in the bar he had that kind of skill. Maybe this was his Mt Everest of picking up a chick.
Ofc they did. Those people weren't together to celebrate a culture together. Most were in a pre-designated group, or with family.
Became very obvious when I went to a convention. A place full of people "just like me" with panels on topics I'd never hear outside of some specific groups.
Never felt lonelier. Couldn't make much more than small talk. Could barely get a hi in in many cases. I didn't even go to day 2 or 3. Wasn't worth it.
Recently my family went through a very tough 2 years. We lost our home, their was serious health problems for my husband and we felt like the world was 100% against us. Their was the feeling of loneliness,being extremely isolated and no definite certainty in our lives. I personally felt completely hopeless. I prayed every day that we would be okay and find the stability we that my family desperately needed. In February of this year we had that prayer answered. We now rent a beautiful home and have an amazing landlord. My family faced the challenges head-on and we are now very close as a family. I give credit to my creator and my family for overcoming so much. When the world gave us lemons we made lemonade.
Part of the problem also lies within how devious people have become. When you do open up to someone and try being a friend you are most likely going to be betrayed at some point in the near future. We are at a point where people dont know what loyalty, selflessness, and love really is. They think they do but really dont. When people who know nothing about those things are raising the next generation, what do you thing that said next generation will teach their offspring?
I think you can choose being alone but saying everyone is devious is also the problem. A bunch of “devious” vs “self righteous only do good ppl “
"Devious" people have always existed. The inability of people to learn, cope, and adapt to them is new.
@@jtcali2086this. If you never interact with them how can you learn to spot them?
That’s really sad but are only hope is the internet to resort to now
That’s your perception. We’re not any more devious than we used to be.
People nowadays are lonely and feel lonely, because they have too much power over their own circumstances. Much of social interaction used to be and still is involuntary, and through that involuntary socialising people can find friends and partners. But people also don't like involuntary socialising, because it brings about different difficulties and inconveniences.
Then when something becomes easier to do, it often involves less socialising, and humans usually choose easiness over everything else. So paradoxically while we make our lives more comfortable we also make them lonelier.
Other people can often be a pain, it's annoying to try and fit everyone's different needs and wants together. It can be hard to do even for two people. At the same time this modern society has taught us that we can endlessly choose and customise everything to suit it to our specific wants and needs.
The problem is that we cannot do that to other people, we cannot customise a friend that is convenient to ourselves at all times. That's why lots of people have ditched face2face socialising and moved to socialising through messages and apps, which gives us greater ability to customise our interactions, but in doing this we sacrifice real human connections and interactions to get out of minor inconveniences. And then we become lonely.
you summed it up so well! this "customizing" culture is why i will never use a dating app. it never seemed right to me that people talk about their potential matches as though they were items on a menu! people are so much more than that and i'll admit, i have fallen into the trap of preferring the internet over the inconveniences of real human beings. but at the end of the day, we are social creatures & most of us NEED that real interaction. AI won't solve this problem anytime soon.
I think texting also encourages perfectionism. We don't always have to act ourselves online. I, for instance, talk in a rather cheery mood online although I'm dealing with debilitating stress on the inside. And noone can even tell anyway because they can't see my face, they can't read my mannerisms.
one of the few sane replies!
Factsssssssssss exactly what I was trying to say on my comment
Hi, everyone!
Allow me to ilustrate friendships expressed, lts say, in a Weeding Day!
Weeding , civil and religiuos ceremonies is people complying with social norms in the presence of friends and family.Then I had friends that visited me at my home and saw my weeding dress: white fine fabric with two ruffles ondulating near the hem , long , close to the floor.
To my shock and surprise, my so called friend arrived very early in Church, with a Red long dress with Three layers standing in our red carpet.My future husband wearing royal blue suit stood firm and strong till I arrived and we got married.
It seems like nothing, but It started to show ruffles, red ruffles in Miss Universe contests and competition for the past 30 years plus.
The point: it was not friendship!
I suffered all my married life because of this bad influence.
It was in the 1970's .I was a young girl in my mid twenties. I had recently graduated as a Dr. I wss marrying a Phd in Finances. My fiancee was american, I was from South America and my" friend" was from Puerto Rico, relocated to live in South America.
I was shosen to be his bride, also to simbolize cultural friendship with United States.
However, this dream was shadered, destroyed.
People must be aware that narrative has been transformed and acts like this one described influencing: punish loyalty and criminalise solidariety in a very profound way.
Therefore, please love each other and don't pay attention to what comes and goes on the environment filled with jealous people.
God Bless!
Part of the challenge, on the front of people feeling like their friendships are fake and superficial, saying "we need to change our culture" doesn't fix that, because it's just asking people to make more unnatural connections that aren't trusted and are treated more as an obligation than a relationship.
exactly. That's why generic advices such as "go out and reach out" don't work. The problem is people are less and less genuine (sometimes for good reasons, i.e. it can be risky to be an open book) hence at best one gets acquaintances and not friends
I see exactly what you mean especially on your last point. If people start a relationship more out of obligation than willingness, it's immediately going to feel fake and just saying change the culture wont do much. Though I do feel for the way we handle relationships as culture we gotta first change how we individually handle relationships. Most people(myself included) tend to be individualistic and that probably informs how I go about my relationships too. So for culture to change we have to be more communal in the way we socialize.
People need to develop their interpersonal skills and regain empathy in an active way. I have notice more deterioration in ability to share and achieve intimacy than before. It's what I call becoming socially feral.
we do need to change our culture...those parts of our culture that make it difficult for people who are ALREADY friends to meet up easily! (work culture, smartphone/netflix addiction & car dependency)
@@fernthaisetthawatkul5569 it is all about culture
Traveling the world in the 90´ every Hotel Lobby was a meeting point with making music together, playing games, drinks and chat with people from all around the world. Now people sitting in the Lobby alone watchin videos from home on the smartphone. We lost humanity !
Hostels today are like that. I met so many great friends travelling and I met most of them in hostels. If you are willing to meet new people and are in an environment where talking to strangers still seems culturally acceptable then you can do it!
Peak content for humanity in it‘s current state. My heart goes out to you for making this video! ❤
I’m glad you’re addressing this. I’ve noticed this as well. We live in a much different, more distant world despite all this tech we have now.
Because we live in a world where u can't trust nobody, even your family and friends 💯
Try working with the elderly. They are much more trustworthy and would love a younger friend.
@@lindalambert8727 The only people I talk to are 3x my age or older.
Trust people with what?
That's not the reason
That's a pretty strange thing to say, because that means you don't trust anybody.
Maybe it's also important to maintain some border. Don't give $10K to a random person that promises you to give it back tomorrow. Maybe give him $10 and see how trustworthy he is. Small steps.
As a millenial, I felt this in my soul. From playing outside with neighbors, traveling with friends, then BOOM doom scrolling in social media suffering from anxiety and PTSD. I can’t imagine how most of the younger generation feels, at least I experienced an amazing childhood. Technologu definitely made us more lonely than it did go connect us.
Same, same..... our childhoods were joyous for the most part, we hung out with friends, had connections. The times before the internet then boom one day it all changed. We were becoming adults right at the beginning of the social media/internet explosion and it changed everything.
Our only saving grace is we knew of a time before all that had happened so we could revert back to those instincts if we were forced to. Adapt. The kids today? I really dont know...
making meaningful connections with people as an adult is incredibly difficult. I think most people just stop trying
i feel like this is true b/c of the social pressure. we are socialized to try and seem "serious" and "mature" as adults & to speak in a "professional" manner so as not to appear childish. so we hold ourselves back and keep a mask on our faces. we avoid speaking passionately about the things we really care about, b/c that would be "cringe." when we leave the interaction we overthink what we said b/c we're scared of being judged. all this playing pretend and going through the motions may make us feel gratified at first, that we didn't "mess up," but in the end our relationships are less genuine. le petit prince, the children's book, nailed it when the narrator said he'd have to "bring himself down" to the level of a grownup when talking to them. he'd switch from talking about his deepest thoughts to discussing "politics" and "neckties." what a shallow existence, and also sad!
Thank you for addressing this topic. It seems that the media is afraid to acknowledge this until it’s to the point where they can’t ignore it.
The media is what is causing it.
There's also stigma and mockery of lonely people unfortunately which doesn't help lonely people to open up and seek help
I don't know what you mean, the sources he sites in the video are from the media. This has been covered extensively in mainstream news, magazines, blogs and on social media.
The "Media" is part of the problem...a big part!
Maybe it's more to do with 401k accounts being tied directly to people using tech... Nobody wants, line go down...
Capitalism (today), the Internet (1996), and the division being instigated that started after the civil rights movement...(1960).
I am not shocked at all, that this "phenomenon" started when it did. Whether it was actually the government, or just the same kind of saturation propaganda we deal with today, doesn't really matter, the outcomes are the same.
This is the result of austerity politics, and the loneliness is a loss of cultural and social autonomy. (Check out down the rabbit hole's video, on the mouse utopia experiments...) While simultaneously being constantly told that it's immigrants and others...
Power structures, class warfare, leaded gasoline, forever chemicals, on your own healthcare... It's like we purposefully left anyone who didn't keep up, out in the cold... And everyone else is just dealing with the repercussions of that tidal wave.
Their generation made it on their own merit, not the extra millions of people with disposable incomes... the third spaces...social, and enlightenment movements, keeping fulfilled productivity do high. Driving whatever the late 1960's, and forward, propaganda and inside attacks, which destroyed education for the next what 3 generations so far... Thoughts was so dangerous as to merit the purposeful destruction of education... leading to a rise in individual spiritualism, which still pervades today...
I've had two major loneliness panic attacks, one in 2020 and another in 2022. During these episodes I went out of my way to push away every single person I knew just trying to find the one person that actually wanted to be there. I seem to have stabilized since then but I've completely given up on making friends. Something in my brain won't let me attach to people anymore.
Your not alone my friend, we're here with you.
❤
Yeah same here man. I really don't try to connect with people anymore. I am just kind of like, what's the point? I am going to get used and abused again. I don't wanna go through that again.
I never noticed a difference during covid... did everything I always did and realized how lonely I was but never noticed until society pointed out 😅
same.....i just cut everyone out of my life who i feel could give two shits about my existence and don't really care to make any more friends.
Single and lonely with chronic illness and bipolar disorder. The video was very useful
All my life, since I was a little kid. I've felt unwanted and lonely. It just won't go away, but I've come to terms with it.
that's part of the solution - coming to terms with loneliness. I spend most of my time alone, but I've learned not to feel "lonely". Next time you watch tv, have a look at the ads that come on. There's SO much focus on "the individual" these days - it's very common for the story to follow a single person for the entire ad. Society is moving in that direction unfortunately, all we can do is get our little snippets of social interaction wherever we can. I chat to people in shops, I call my dad once or twice a week, I catch up with friends once a month or so. It all helps, and it all adds up.
@@GlennSyndalliusYou should join a religion mate. Or a book club trust me.
It may actually be low grade depression or what used to be called dysthymia. Give a shrink a try. Once you are better, the whole world may open up for you. Definitely worth a try.
@@GlennSyndallius Good advice. Come to terms with loneliness instead of causing something drastic because of the pain of being alone.
@@j3in725 why are you telling him what to do? In my life, most of the people that have given me advice about how to avoid loneliness were the ones who were the most MESSED UP with their emotions - that they were merely projecting their own deep loneliness to others.
The worst loneliness is the kind you feel while you're with someone you love.
Can you elaborate?
@@bigmanontheinternet3824 it's like that line from the song Once in a Lifetime "this is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife... ...What have I done". It's the feeling of total isolation from not only those around you, but from your own decisions to grow close to those people, a self alienation. I've found myself questioning my choices in a partner many times before a breakup, for various reasons, you can't square how you think of yourself now and the person who you really were and are becoming. The secret fear of a future with that person mixing badly with a sense of self alienating regret, ultimately leading to an unbearable feeling of loneliness. Those two can exist in isolation but they're much worse together.
Then take the feeling of alienation you might experience with a parent. For example, if a parent or child does something idiotic or something you feel should be outside of your character, the sense of separation you want to feel is bound up in the fear that the negativity you see in them is also in yourself.
Both play into this disconnect between your conscious and unconscious self as well as your past and present. It's the moment you realize that not only do others not know you but you don't know yourself.
Family can do this. 😢
Yes plz elaborate
You mean with someone who doesn't love you back.
I consider myself extremely fortunate. During the pandemic lockdowns in 2020, I had many friends who(like myself) felt that the lockdowns were too much, and made it a point to visit each other regularly, and speak over the phone every week. We would take turns meeting at ppl's houses to help each other with home rapairs/home improvement projects, for homemade dinners, and game nights. We kept the groups fairly small, but we always rotated around so we could share our talents with each other. When we were together, we also made it a point to always share with everyone what we were thankful for. It didn't matter how mundane, as long as we didn't take things for granted. We have kept the trend going even to this day, adding more ppl into the fold whenever they were available. And it has kept us sane & emotionally balanced throughout all of this.
Cherish them
That is fantastic that you all did that! I too can relate in that I and my friends did similar things at that time. I'm fortunate in that I did not feel the intense sense of loneliness as many people did during the lockdowns.
@@stephenberry3379 That's good to hear! Relationships are so important. They can be a lot of work, but the healthy relationships are worth it.
@@otterlyfresh2886 I do. I'm grateful for them everyday
Fortunately I had the same experience online. I met and talked to people again during the pandemic, until we attended to a meet at a geek convention. I never have the feeling of being hugged by someone who's different from my family or a neighbor because of the age.
It was a unique moment for me before to move out and find a new home, which the loneliness came back to me, affecting my routines.
Yes I am going thru loneliness I got so depeess more than ever I get manic attack I'm leaving alone isolated, my son died 2017, life is just lonelier tough I'm longing for connection u want family a Tru friend my own family..Pls Pray for me to overcome and find happiness again...bless everyone who are enduring in loneliness and emptiness
I can confirm that writing down things you have achieved and things you are grateful for before going to bed has a massive impact. It starts off small: Like being proud that you went outside for a short walk or that a cashier smiled at you. Eventually you train your brain to pick up more and more of these positive signals and you automatically start to take a moment to recognise all the good things that you do and the good things that happen to you. This in turn makes you much more positive towards the world and others, brightening other people's days. I can highly recommend doing it!
This is helpful and timely advice. TYSM 🥰
So, it's not just me. I had no idea how widespread the problem has become. Thanks for this.
we are alone together.
You're not a failure.
Modern society is shallow, stupid and sheepish.
Modern economy pays really bad.
Modern housing prices are way too high.
"The system isn’t broke. It’s working fine. Oppressive and chaotic is how it was designed." (th-cam.com/video/JgFgnXtF9Cc/w-d-xo.html)“We are the one’s the system’s tearing down”(th-cam.com/video/BQ4tAbwi31I/w-d-xo.html).
Horrible isn't it. No on even looks at each other in the street these days.
I have moved dozens of times and so have my friends. All things aside, this makes it harder to sustain a social network. Constantly making new friends is exhausting, and it’s not easy to find the motivation to get invested in new people when they can move at the drop of a hat.
So stop moving...???
@@gypsylips1950 "when they can move at the drop of a hat"
I can relate; it feels overwhelming to start building a network whenever you move, especially when you factor in age. The older you get, the harder it is to connect. In my community, I've observed that this rule holds true.
I can relate to that ...I somtimes envy people that have a town to call home
I was so lonely this past weekend. I wore a beautiful dress to go shopping and literally no one was looking at no one! Everyone was in their own world. I came home and cried I never felt more alone in my life. No connection, not even a hello. I felt empty.
@@cmilly3970come down buddy, she didn’t say she was a feminist.
Not even the old men??
@@Klausepoppe Not this time 😂 honestly even they are scarce now
Connection to others is not the same that validation from others, just saying.
😂
I’m 36 years young, I have no wife or children last relationship was less than a year ago and I can understand how younger people feel. Everyone feels to busy these days to care about others.
28 here, same no wife/GF or children, last relationship was more than 7 years ago, moved back to living with 50 y/o father as he is same as me, alone.
Don't know what I will do after he's gone but till then neither of us are alone.
@@legionsk1208 31 year, same thing. Last relationship was 10 years ago, moved back with parents. Grand parents passed away a few years ago, now i am extremely worried about my parents passing away. Then i will truely be alone.
The only time i don't feel lonely is when i am at work, i've become a workaholic applying for overtime whenever it's offered. I dread of reccession. Since coworkers are not friends. If i get laid off i will have to connect with existing cliques at other workplaces.
Same...36 and alone for a long long time.
i married at 38. i was meditating myself to sleep everyday in the years leading up to that. the pain of loneliness is real and manifests itself as a heaviness of the heart, which gets progressively worse, as the body gets older. the 30s are also the period when we realise our work/profession doesn't define who we are and life isn't all about that.
im 40 was living my own american dream. My last friend went back to poland in 2016 loved watching movies with mates i diont have any left. 2 died of cancer 2 suicide others iw lost contact with. Yet i was happy then my physical health got fucke used to run train go to raves dancing my legs off. Now i cant even put clothes properly ssitting is pain cant walk far. Im fucking stuck home alone and im useless nowadays i would not want to be with myself in same room cant blame anybody for not wanting to spend time with me im no fun at all and my health only getting worse. If you think being lonely sucks then being basically disabled and lonely is the next level of LOW. Got my TH-cam with over 1000 houurs of video footage of events i recorded over years. Only antidepresants and drugs keep me around at this point. Wish i could go drive my sports car around track like i used to i driving is just pain think iw done 300 miles with it over whole year. Got everything i ever wanted and its worthless i cant enjoy anything anymore...
I personally feel that adult friendships can be even more detrimental than childhood lack thereof. I've been trying to find good friends for a very long time, but I don't like going to bars, and my only other option is meeting people at a grocery store lol. It is very isolating, and if I'm fairly well balanced and experiencing this, I can't imagine how some people may feel... those who are already in distress. Even being an introvert, I still notice the complete lack of quality friendships. But what do we do about it? It seems everyone nowadays wants friends who will just agree with them Hook Line & sinker. I would rather have a friend to test me on my ideas, yet respect me for my differences. I can't be the only one feeling like this.... I have an artistic painting of Robin Williams in my home, and underneath his face is a quote he had made, and it sounded exactly like what you said. " I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone"..
No, your other option to make friends is at the gym. The grocery store doesn't make sense because everyone is there very briefly, and not talking much.
@@Leukick the grocery store was just a rhetorical idea. Im a competitive powerlifter, so when I go into the gym, im completely focused, I cant break my concentration, or it could be an injury (im recovering from back surgery), or a loss of progress.
I do wish that our culture had sonething similar to what Spain has, as well as an area of Japan. They have city squares, where people gather after work, kids play, the adults do their work, socialize, or read, and theres just tangible presence. I also just read about Kyoto, Japan (I think it was Kyoto, but I could be very wrong), but this town/city has the highest average lifespan, and part of what they do is have lifelong friends. They set aside a day each week, similar to church, and they catch up and connect. These people are between the ages of 70-95, and they're up, dancing and smiling with each other. You can tell that they are healthy through and through.
@@digitalphoenix72people in japan are even more lonely than the west in some cases
Honestly, I don't mind getting into debates (not the same as arguments) with friends. I have a good core group of online friends, but it's hard to get people together for a physical event, due to travel distances.
It's a really weird situation because there are not many places where people can meet each other and talk. If you do try to talk to someone, they look at you like you're crazy or that something is wrong with you. I am tired of people judging me so I don't really try to talk to people anymore. And the few friends that I do make, they are not really good friends. They are always working and trying to make more money. All they care about is money. They move and leave the city so they can make more money somewhere else.
I found great peace in accepting that I will probably die alone and that the greatest trick I played on myself was convincing myself that most people don't.
It's okay. We share this abyss together. ❤️
I don't normally post comments on videos I watch. But this video came timely in my life when I don't know what I'm feeling for the past 1 month. I don't understand. Perhaps it's loneliness. First thing I'll do after watching this video is to be grateful to my friends and family. I feel like nowadays I don't thank them enough. Thank you again for posting this video. Your hardwork has touched at least one life. Cheers!
I’ve felt loneliness since I was 6. I had 3 other siblings and every so often I would still feel lonely. I simply learned how to accept that even when people are in my presence I will always feel alone. Only 2 relationships made me feel less lonely. Yesterday I went to a Christmas dinner with my coworkers and a yearning desire to leave popped up in my mind. My loneliness is literally self induced and I don’t understand why I run with it.
I hate being with people and am never lonely. If I am with people I can only take it for s long then I have to go.
Maybe there is a lack of connection to yourself. Do you know who you truly are? Can you be vulnerable with yourself and with others? Or are you defensive and on high alert for threats (real or imagined) from others? I share a lot of things you stated and these are some of the things that I ask myself and have helped me.
I have the same feel but with my family. The closest is my mom, the rest are too distant.
One thing that I found out when you drink a lot, alone you may become sort of "numbed" and become more outgoing at the bar, party, company holiday dinners, but, the next day, all you have is a nasty hangover, I quit drinking 25 years ago, good choice , lost 25 lbs. Lowered my blood pressure, and have more energy, was only 45 when I quit,70 now. Happy New Year everyone
I think your yearning to leave an office dinner is pretty natural, tho. I don't blame you at all - I'd rather chew tin foil! 😉
Ain't just the young. I'm fifty and have been alone for nearly twenty years. The first fifteen were painful, everyday empty and hopeless. Eventually, about five years ago, things went numb. I'm still lonely, but now emotions are dulled, seemingly pointless, save the tears at random times. It's depression, sure, but there's no cure when there's no connection.
I’m 44 male and divorced with two children. I would be where you’re at except for the fact my kids give me purpose. One reason why people have pets. You need a purpose.😊my motto is sacrifice,suffering,service.
Well sure u can see there is no future.
💀🔥💥💨 how can u be happy.
Jesus is the best friend we can have.
Sorry to hear that, man.
Nearly 57 and been alone 17 years. It's partly my fault as dating sites are not for me and the few girls I have approached were either out my league or younger so I got turned down. I don't cry about it. It's the hand I got and that's all there is to it.
The biggest thing that has helped me is to find something I am interested in and then find a group that does that kind of thing and get together with them regularly. Whether it is volunteering for a nonprofit or finding a group that likes to build things together, it's really easy to continue to get together with these people because it's something you enjoy doing.
Non profit makes money. Your giving your energy to corporations hidden behind a charity/community hub label. Be aware of this. Whenever you see non profit think profit. And don't give your time/money to fake charities either.
indeed! joining meetups is a way to socialize and meet people share a common interest.
thats how people have been making friends for decades prior to the internet.....its called getting a hobby and then connecting with those with similar hobbies.....honestly, after watching this, it appears people are just too lazy to make friends oppose to "not knowing how", just like the second girl that was crying about not having friends, when the root of the problem was she feels "awkward", which is an excuse to allow you to get out of doing something.
In life you get what you put in.
It's basically finding and getting where you 'belong', where you can feel and say you belong, among people you belong with.
26:21
@@bGzzzzzif it was so easy then this video wouldn’t be so popular.
A populous that is afraid, and disconnected is very easy to control. do not think for a moment that the situation we find ourselves in wasn't planned.
This hit home. I literally do not have family or friends. Been very lonely and depressed for 5 years now. I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Please reach out and join social groups that are free eg meetup groups. Check your library for free programs or book clubs. Good luck
Please find a club or group to join 🤗
@Timmah200 you will be fine.😊
Perhaps find a public place, like a park, and hang out every day. You'll eventually meet people. Give it time. Be persistent. Make it a part of your daily routine. There are many people in the same boat.
If you have a few dollars to spare, help out folks with their hand out. It's a win-win thing to do.
@@MayetteBthat’s a very dismissive reply, shame on you
This video is excellent. I have no friends except via long-distance online relationships, and you've covered just how hard it is to find/maintain actual close friendships. We have no third spaces where you can just hang out without spending money, we have no spare time, we have no extra money to go to venues that have replaced the third spaces, and we have a culture where even the media downplays the importance of friendship in people's lives except for young children (I will always point to the show "Friends" as the perfect example, since it's ostensibly about a circle of friends but is more concerned with romance & coined the repulsive concept of "friendzoning" as part of its general disdain for friendships). There's no easy answer to it, and you've conveyed that well. It's a frustrating problem and not one that can easily be remedied.
Friends brainwashed a lot of people, particularly young women. Then Sex in the City comes out which pushed the message of being independent, rather than being close, having family and raising children.
The creator of that show is now admitting she regrets her decisions. Too little, too late. She now gets to lie in the bed she created.
Watching this made me burst out in tears. This says a lot of what has been happening in my life.
I hope you're ok now (saw that you posted this 2 weeks ago). Feel free to reply to my comment if you need someone to chat to - I'll try and monitor my YT comments in case anything pops up.
@@GlennSyndallius Actually no, things are not okay. The worst part is I have no one in my circle to relieve the stress.
@@alanaatkinson551 feel free to vent here if you need it and you don't mind doing it publicly, I'll respond. Otherwise maybe we can find a way that you can shoot me some PMs (I don't think TH-cam has a msging function).
@alanaatkinson551 hope you get help ❤
Same
You all told a whole generation that socializing was going to ruin their life and ruin their 20’s. That doing anything outside of working was going to leave them broke and homeless on the street. Don’t go out. Don’t drink. Don’t smoke. Don’t go here or there. Don’t do this. Don’t do that. Pretty much told them not to live life at all. Anything in life can be done in excess or abused, that doesn’t mean generalize things and say anyone who does it is a terrible human who won’t be anything in life. Even if you mess up that apart of the BEAUTY of life. Living and learning. Growing as a person. You become who you are/ meant to be through experiences and living life. They taught a whole generation to be afraid of living life. To be afraid of making mistakes. To be afraid of possibly getting hurt or hurting other. Once again that’s apart of the BEAUTY in life. Live and you learn. You can’t stay sheltered hiding in the house or behind screens forever. Making every decision based off the fear of failing or being judged. A generation that has been shackled and kept from living. Ofc they would all feel depressed, lost, anxious, and alone. You haven’t given them the freedom to live
How about interest groups? This is what saved me after I was widowed and moved far away. I joined a garden club and my friendships have constantly grown from being in a group.
Indeed. I moved away from family but joined an embroidery circle introduced by a coworker in my new hometown.
Where did you move to?
Semi-rural Western Oregon.....love it! @@JadeMoniqueEvelynElizabe-kn3dd
yes, i run a well being group, and we meet once a month to do colouring, diamond painting, reading, writing thank you letters, by plants as we meet at the famers market, it is a very small group but sensible no drama types of people
This is something that women organize organically when they aren’t working. So we’re going to need to take women’s rights pretty soon
I'm 31. I love Johann Hari.
5 years of loneliness in Colorado.
Was a QC Inspector. Now can't find a job. Justice system issues. A couple bad relationships who were also my dealers who abandoned me...a couple broken bones...addiction. Isolated. 5 years of banging drugs. Now hated by my family as I slowly decay away in this basement.
I needed this. Thank you.
I feel for you. I am isolated in rural northern California. This video helped me, too
Never give up!! You are an intelligent capable young person that is able to overcome the adversities . Keep fighting. Travel alone, abroad, you will get away from trouble and will meet lots of nice people. Greetings from Spain in Europe. ;)
God bless dear. I understand your suffering
This may sound a bit drastic, but what about starting new? Just throw everything out of the window, move away and change the environment. Because environment is what makes you who you are. And I don't think you want to be who you are. Change is needed.
In my life experience I have been forced into loneliness. I was picked on as a child by my brothers and sisters and their friends. I was bullied by a lot of people. I had only a select group of people that I actually called friends. I even had the ability to have children taken away from me when I was an infant. I was married, but I didn’t last now I’m in my late 40s I don’t have any actual close friends.
4real 😊
I am so sorry 😣 it must have been hard. Try being more involved with your local associations it might help
@@khadyadjisall5708 I have had to forgive a lot of people in my life. Trusting in Jesus Christ is the best thing I can ever do.
At least you were married. Most can't even get a date.
Life wasn't like this at all in the 90's or even early 2000's. We gathered up and met face to face. We were always doing things with other people.
I felt really lonely in grade school, I tried really hard to make friends and fit in, but I felt lonely and disconnected from "myself." I decided to give up, and I felt really happy to just be myself and do whatever I wanted. I naturally found my communities I vibed with through my interests. _Get hobbies_
And lets be honest, school is a fancy prison where we're all forced to do things we don't want to do and hear about things we don't care about. You'll connect with people better when you pursue for yourself. People carry that into their adult life and that's why people are lost and confused in a cycle of people pleasing and acting for the sake of paying bills.
You are correct in saying get hobbies & meet new people👍
@@Steverz32 I joined a hobby club in my neighbourhood, and now I'm volunteering. They're mostly seniors but I'm trying to attract new and younger members through social media - they're less likely to show in person for meetups but I'm trying to turn it back into a social club. The hardest part is the diversity of my city - less than 50% have English as a first language now. I speak to lots of people who have social anxiety for different reasons, so having patience and being encouraging to practice and participate is really important.
@@estycki that you are trying is 1/2 the battle👍 when I was at this point in my life, I joined an R/C car club & meeting new friends of all races and ages changed my life. YOU GO @estycki I believe in you😊😃
It's not just about how to make friends, it's also about WHO wants to put the effort into talking to strangers and maintaining those relationships. As an adult, I've met so many people who, just like me, complained of feeling lonely and wishing they had more friends. But once you started talking to them to get to know them better, they completely shut off and it becomes a one-side friendship.
Due to relentless bullying and abuse, I spent my entire teenage years friendless. I haven't been able to connect deeply with anyone in college, so I'm now almost 30, still friendless aside from my immediate family and my boyfriend.
It’s like trying to friend someone who is part of the mob.
Your statement isn’t as extreme of course. But people are too quick to aggression when things don’t go their way, which is one of the reasons why we are divided right now.
I am having the same issue. People put no effort into making friends.
I can relate. I've tried over the years to make just coffee mates and people to do things with but in the end it always me who ends up maintaining the friendship, so I've given up
I have hobbies and interests so these fill the gaps.
Exactly! People complain about not having friends even though they make no effort to maintain their friendships. I have gotten to the point at which I no longer expect anything from anyone.
PS: I know I myself am not perfect. Sometimes I get angry over petty things, but even so, I try working through issues instead of simply ending the relationship. The solution to our loneliness is not "cutting off those who challenge us and our opinions", but instead, learning to compromise and see things from another perspective.
@@chris_hawk: 🙌🏽Truth 🙌🏽
Stay awesome‼️🤙🏽
I used to have alot of friends. But they made me feel lonely since I didn't feel appreciated. Now that I have cut most of them out of my life and have learned to enjoy my company I don't feel lonely anymore. People suck.
me too, i havent talked to my friends in months but i realised i didnt miss them at all
It really hits hard when this video pops up and I just recently lost a friend to loneliness/ depression. ..
I remember the days in the U.S. when most were more friendly an acknowledging of one another in passing. Small town on a larger scale. People struck up conversations with strangers while waiting in line during more casual situations. Now, not only does that not happen as often, but I hear younger generations (particularly from the U.K. for some reason) making comments like, "Huh? You talk to people in line?"
In Europe people always minded to themselves, especially northern Europe, I'd say US tradition of striking a convo with a stranger is an outlier, not really practiced anywhere in the world, and it was a shock when a clerk at the Walmart register told me my t-shirt was lovely. I was caught off guard completely. But I must also point out that it's cool and all but also draining because it's superficial, like that thing where people say wassup, but it's not a question, you have to respond to that to every person
UK is a prime example, a big reason is diversity, UK has a lot of gimmegrants, so its no surprise
People in the UK don't use the term "in line". That's american. We queue.
@@richardswaby6339mb the person in question was half Brit half American
Lmao this literally still happens. Not sure why ppl keep pushing this false narrative that everyone was friendly and open back in the day when that just isn’t true. Everything is relative
Watching your video, I noticed that those people affected by loneliness cited being rejected by society, or at least they felt that way. Although some of them also might grew up not being used to social interaction, I can't help feeling that it is society itself that is pushing people to this end by way of expectations, mostly economic expectation. People are no longer interested in people; they just connect and network for self-interest - this make people who don't fall into the desired groups to feel left out and withdraw themselves.
Bingo, we're cogs in the machine. A machine that needs to grow and grow and grow every year. It isn't sustainable.
Interesting.
It’s not that people don’t ‘fit in,’ it’s that a broken society creates these people. Can you really blame them for their struggles?
Economic expectation: when everything is expensive, you can't afford to always pick up the tab each time you wanna hang out with friends who don't belong to your same economic status anymore, i.e. the poorer one. In my country most people expect you to pay for all if you're starting the invitation to meet up.. it's not sustainable as it will bite into your monthly budget. If only i can meet anyone without affecting my budget, i won't have any worries to spend time with mates.. you gotta secure your financial duties before anything else, if you don't want to retire with zero money..
You nailed why I hate professional networking events, even though the people there, especially at the mid career level, are often genuine in wanting to help you out.
This video is amazing. Thank you for making it.
It really tackles a problem that most people try to brush off, but conversely struggle with daily.
My sister said it best once: "Humans aren't designed to be alone." We're social creatures, we need each other.
In 1969 I played hooky and staid home from school. I decided to go for a walk, just to go see the real world, I thought.
We lived in a nice suburb of Denver Colorado. Like everybody else, my parents had moved to Denver for a good corporate job.
So none of my friends had extended family around either. As I wondered the empty suburb streets, no sign of life but knowing the mothers were hidden in their homes, not interacting with anyone save the baby or small children all day.
I realized how lonely the suburbs were. They were not the buzz of kids playing and dads mowing lawns during weekdays.
We lost a neighborhood mom to suicide. Loneliness is very much part of the cultural environment.
I used to be in a fraternity of hundreds of brothers, but had a close group of 5 or so. Now all graduated, I rarely talk to them anymore. WFH made it far worse, glad you made this I genuinely probably needed it
Yea man, after college it's been impossible to maintain friendships. Had to move to a small town for work and there's basically no opportunities to socialize around here.
I can't tell if WFH has been good or bad for me. 90% of my co workers are awful competitive office snitches and power players. But at the same time, maybe being alone is even worse? Not sure.
@@cowmath77 Yup I know what you're talking about. They exist in casual social groups too but they tend to alienate themselves over time since there's nothing forcing you to interact with them.
I worked 3 jobs from home during the lockdown. Felt like that was my entire life summed up in a nutshell for two years.
WFH Is overrated.
My childhood was largely spent playing alone and with animals. I didn't feel lonely until going to schools and being left out of groups. It did make me feel very sad sometimes.
But at some point, in my mid to late twenties, I kind of got over it. The Internet helps because I could connect with like minded people so I don't feel so weird and it's okay if I don't have strong connections with the people around me. I can enjoy the human interaction from just going to town, sitting in a coffee shop or something.
Anyway i just wanted to comment this because I feel very content now and if someone else is suffering from loneliness I hope they can learn to enjoy it like I did. Don't worry about being awkward or anything. Remember that in 100 years no one will care. Try to focus on helping others instead of feeling sorry for yourself and I promise it will help you too.
Yep good to remember this will all end. In the meantime, adopting an animal could transform ones life. Certainly did mine 🐾
At home I feel fine, yet when I'm in society I get lonely. What's interesting, during the covid pandemic, I was fine, in fact. Even my college grades went up during the time when I studied at home throughout the lockdown period. Most probably because I don't have the constant reminder of being left out by society; when I am in society, I do worse. It's actually messed up.
Excellent advice!
Women’s rights. Instead of planning activities for you your mom was working
Yep. Feel the exact same way. It's more like people won't remember in 100 minutes.
I’ve never felt this lonely in my entire life, when I lost my best friend of 20 years, same class through high school and university (different majors) also married to sisters, I’ve been in the shadows of loneliness for the past 3 years. Don’t know how many times I’ve deleted status updates crying out for a close friend for fear of being judged. Every friend I reach out to seems to not be interested in any close friendship vibes. This feeling is worse than finding true love.
This is very true. I am very lonely. It actually hurts mentally, emotionally, and physically. I can tell my health is not in good shape even though I eat healthier, drink lots of water, and exercise.
Perfectly broken down 💯
Feed is anime and economics 😂
@@anderson2718same
@@anderson2718man of culture
It is a fascinating subject that was indeed started ages ago but has now been boosted into full swing thanks to social media which has made disgusting behavior such as ghosting become the social norm rather than the exception.
😂
This is probably one of the most important videos on any platform right now. Thank you for this
I WANT to be alone. People are dangerous, judgemental and untrustworthy. I have better time by myself than I do with others
You WANT to be alone now but if you continue to neglect you'll most likely grow old, bitter and jaded. You only have to look at the stats of how much this epidemic kills the elderly.
Good luck, I guess.
If you live in a society like that you're gonna be feeling like that. The other thinks about you the same. I'm from Asia which still has that feeling of community somewhat intact (though it is getting eroded as well) that gives me a sense of being around people. The west sadly does not have any sense of community. People are cynical,skeptical, and untrustworthy of others.
@@xx-wp3mq It doesn't do that because someone's a hermit. It does that because of a myriad of physiological dice rolls. It attacks the lungs. It causes the immune system to attack the lungs. It causes those lungs to fill up with fluid...
That's not the poetic "death by heartbreak". That's just drowning.
Do you ever ponder about why you think that? Why do you view other people in this way?
Not necessarily. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and was very naive. Some folks are just predatory. Now at 46 with much experience I can see early on that many people are to be avoided @@songa4096
I became a Truck driver and spent my life doing it because I was alone. I noticed it started to suck when the Cell phones came into being and multiple weirdos can now call up and bother you when your just trying to do your job.
Hahahahah yes
Loneliness is a feeling I know all too well. Most of my life I have been socially isolated and have struggled to make friends. It’s interesting to see loneliness become such a notable topic and to see all those “I have no friends” videos on TH-cam. Because for me this is how it has always been. I’m in my early 30s now and feel so behind socially. There are so many normal things that I’ve never done due to not having friends. I struggle so much and now after doing some research, I highly suspect that I could be neurodivergent/on the spectrum, which would explain why social connection has been so difficult for me my whole life.
It is hard. Some days I do well and I’m okay with being independent and on my own. Other days, it just hits me so damn hard and I just cry. I’m so tired of doing everything alone all the time. I’m so tired of seeing other people have the connections I so desperately wish I could have. I almost feel punished for desiring social connection. But when I try to talk to people I’m just so awkward. Idk if I’ll ever be good enough at social interaction for people to WANT to befriend me. I feel like people are either intimidated by me or put off by me in some way.
'I read what you wrote, and I hear what you've said. I'm a mother of a 34 yr old son who I think is absolutely marvelous. it shocks and saddens me to see how isolated he's become. he's 34 now and has always been very self-conscious and withdrawn. of course, we didn't know about things like Aspergers, etc... when he was in HS. he's tall and handsome. funny and smart. writes the most beautiful stories and poetry. I just don't understand why he can't see his self-worth. your words remind me of him. I finally stopped bugging him to get out and have a life, he seems happy for the most part. I wish he had a friend like you. he would never admit he's lonely. he has the most beautiful and loving Bombay cat, but he does miss out on a lot of things.
I was always a hard charger. very high energy. he used to tell me to turn my energy level down a bit because he found it exhausting. instead, I would pester him to get involved in everything. boy scouts, football, baseball, basketball, soccer, competitions at school like art or science. looking back, I'm sure he hated all of it. anyway, just wanted to say you sound like a totally friend-worthy person and I wish I could introduce you to him, to have someone to talk to.
I have experienced the same thing
Being alone is the best step outside and you're not alone. I will talk to anyone when I am out and love when I want to walk away I go ...GOD bless ❤❤❤❤❤
I volunteered to do a Catholic religious service at a nursing facility and met wonderful old people hungry for friends. I met two of my best friends ever there. One of the ladies and I went out to lunch every Tuesday for fifteen years.
Do you want to be friend with me
Life in the US is designed to be individualistic, isolationist, and lonely. To start with, people drive everywhere...to and from work...to and from stores, etc. In most of Europe, Latin America, and Asia people walk or take the train most everywhere thus coming into contact with each other. Also, in cooperative societies they take care of each other and are, therefore, less lonely whereas in individualistic societies it's "I take care of myself, you take care of yourself".
I can not afford to drive my car because of YOUR war in ukraine vs Russia. IF I had the means of course I would drive like you...
I can tell you : You can be lonely even if you live in centre of european city.
"Life in the US is designed to be individualistic, isolationist, and lonely," how come it wasn't an issue before though?
People in the US are waaaay more friendly than here in London lol Things aren't necessarily better in all European countries.
You might think it would help. I'm in the Netherlands and travel by train and bus a lot but in my experience it's very hard to connect to people. Because even if you reach out most people have become very stand-offish. I don't know why, it just feels like they have enough on their minds already. It's a very sad time we live in. I fear more and more people won't make it.
I've noticed something related to this topic at work. I've been working as a professional almost 40 years. Every generation that moves into management, seems to have less and less communication and team work. In the last two years I got a manager that is in his mid 40's, and he doesn't communicate or tell me anything about the company, so I never know what is going on. I will be retiring in a couple of years, so I don't worry about it much. But I can't really function very well on the job when I don't know what is going on with the computer network, or the software, etc. I don't even get introduced to new engineers, which leads to some funny situations, like meeting people and after conversing with them, I find out that they are in the same group as me! But although its funny sometimes, its probably greatly reducing the efficiency of the company, but since I am retiring and have no stock in the company, I don't worry about it.
Did you know that asking about stuff is a thing? If you let yourself not to know about stuff because other people won't do that for you, the greenhorns aren't the only ones with communication issues.
It makes me sick…how people want to make money out of the misery of others…it’s not solving the problem, it’s accelerating it…when it is enough?
Despite the risk of being laughed at, I'm here for anyone seeking a friend, you are not alone 🤗🤗
This is really cute. We need more of this natural goodness!
Where are you from?
@@LucciClips Texas, USA
can we be friends. but im in Asia
@@xxastutexx2098 absolutely 😊
I grew up with a numerous family. Day in and day out there was always someone with me. Once I turned 17, I left home and enjoyed solitude and the new privacy. Im 40 now and still enjoy being alone although I do have a partner now and dogs. I did feel that when I got my dog in my late 30’s my life improved drastically. By the time my partner came, everything was just good. The trick is a healthy balance of interaction.
While I usually don't visit this channel for topics like these, I'm grateful you created this video. It helps me understand what others might be experiencing. Although I wouldn't consider myself lonely and am generally happy with my life, I have several friends and family members who I would classify as lonely. This video serves as a good reminder to check in with our loved ones and show them they're not alone.
If you want friends, you need only to be friendly😊 when you go out, say a cheerful hello to everyone you see! You will become known as someone who has a special happiness to share. We all want a friend to laugh with and talk to. Start a club. Put out the word and meet new people with similar interests, learn something new!