The best thing for mental health? I ignored it. Here's what happened.
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.พ. 2025
- During what was supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life, I became depressed. Then I tried to hide it from my best friend and wife. Here's how I got out of that mess.
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Learn more:
Social Support: A Review: taylorlab.psyc...
Too Reluctant to Reach Out: Receiving Social Support Is More Positive Than Expressers Expect: journals.sagep...
A Prosociality Paradox: How Miscalibrated Social Cognition Creates a Misplaced Barrier to Prosocial Action: journals.sagep...
Relational Regulation Theory: A New Approach to Explain the Link Between Perceived Social Support and Mental Health: pubmed.ncbi.nl...
New Look at Social Support: A Theoretical Perspective on Thriving through Relationships: www.ncbi.nlm.n...
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If you or someone you know needs help immediately, you should take one of the following actions:
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go to your nearest hospital emergency room
For information purposes only. Does not constitute clinical advice. Consult your local medical authority for advice. The information in this video was accurate as of the upload date, May 17 2023.
That Safe friend is hard to find. I don't want my life distress being used as gossip currency, so the "helpers" can be praised by everyone and their uncle! A confidante needs confidentiality, the tongue can start a fire and not everyone who hears that news has good intentions.
I get this completely. I know of so many people where someone tells them something with the intention of keeping it quiet and not disclosing it, and at the next get together with a bunch of friends where that person is not present, the topic comes up and is no longer a secret, which the person intended it to be, probably seeking a safe space. This has led me to distrust so intensely, which in itself is not a good thing. I now exclude myself from such gossip and voice my displeasure with the topic. I've also for a while started being that friend that others look for in order to speak openly to, where they can be assured and not worry that I would repeat their story. Those topics and discussions won't come out my mouth, and other people eventually see that and hopefully think, "this guy seems like a genuine trustworthy person who if I needed someone to open up to about something that is difficult to speak about" that I would be that go to person.
This is why I only talk to my therapist and a friend I trust.
This is also how I experienced postpartum depression - rage, exhaustion, and a deep need for connection while also isolating. Thanks for sharing this! I wish that parents shared more of this stuff so that it could be normalized. ❤
I feel like that I don’t want to reach out for help, because so many people around me also are going through their stuff. It’s hard to find the balance of getting what you need/want, without being a burden to someone else, or feeling selfish about it. Thank you for sharing this. It hit on a lot of levels.
I get it. That's what being connected to a larger community is so helpful, you can get and give support among a larger group of people. BUT connection to community is so hard now and it seems to be getting harder.
can you pls do a video on purpose and meaning in life. the question (what is the sense of all of this?) is literally ruining my life
@@draliWhat do you mean please?
I’m trying not to cry. I just heard about/watched you on Dr. Mike. You are literally voicing a lot of what I’ve been dealing with my whole life and right now. I am not in a good place emotionally but watching these videos are truly helping me get more outside perspective because in my head, everything is jumbled up and clouded. Thank you so much for the content.
I was “with” you during the time you were pulling away from TH-cam. I tried to make sure I posted comments asking you to stick around. I’m so happy you did. Thank you for all you share with us. Many blessings
RELATE. This is so me. I feel like a burden who can't reciprocate or be the ideal friend I want to be. I always feel I'm struggling too much to reach out. Thank you for sharing
Very kind of you to share your experience and also your wife's and best friend's perspective on it. Thanks
What an honest human emotive video! Thank you for sharing. The end was touching💕
Aww thank you. I filmed the end just a few hours before wrapping up the video. Can't believe I almost didn't put it in there...
oh man I was moved to tears by the end of this. thank u dr mattu for sharing your story, sharing your vulnerabilities and sharing your beautiful loved ones. you are truly blessed for the friendship you have mashallah. bless you and your family
Hi Sir
Could you please make a video on how to cope up with loneliness and attachment issues, for someone who had emotionally unavailable and abusive parents as a child?
This would really be helpful for a lot of us.
Thanks a lot for producing such good content.
Take care
Amazing! 👏 Not only is it incredibly powerful for folks to hear your story, but I find it so valuable to hear a fellow therapist sharing how we experience mental health fluctuations just like everyone else. Such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing, and to your wife and best friend as well. (sidebar: I'm fully aware I'm months late in sending you an email. Life! I still have it on my to-do list 🙃)
I am very grateful to be in a position now where I can authentically share my story, the good, bad, and ugly. The world wasn't setup for me to do this back in grad school and now that I have a platform I hope to use it in a way that helps others tell their mental health stories.
@@drali 💯 I couldn't have said it better 🙏 keep it up!
Thank you so much for this. Your bravery and the support from your loved ones and the transparency is so impactful, inspiring and comforting.
This was such a fantastic episode and video! I’ve always admired how incredibly vulnerable and honest you are with your audience and how beautifully you’re able to articulate your thoughts and experiences into an intriguing narrative. As a fellow psychologist, it’s really inspiring to see and hear. Great work, Dr. Mattu I’m looking forward to more of these to come!
Thanks for sharing your story, your vulnerability. I am not a parent, but it helps me understand others. I know so many parents who feel the same; they need to hear this too.
Thanks for sharing!! Goes to show that no one is immune to mental health problems. Ur story is going to help a lot of people! Best of luck to you and your wife!
Interesting story doc, definitely depression involved, but a message i'm getting is that there was a lot of anxiety. Sounds like intrusive negative thoughts were racing through your head, slowly conditioning your subconscious into an state of helplessness, it also lead to indifference and emotional bluntness, expressions of anger as a way to cope with the fear and irrational problems, and as a result you also adopted the avoidant-dismissive attachment style, another cause for it could be the guilt you felt led to you not wanting to be a burden on anyone around you, you isolated your emotions, thoughts and perception into yourself, closing of from the rest of the world. Self-doubt and self-criticism kicked in, questioning how you feel about others and they about you, low key insecurity. This is just a raw summary of what I'm understanding from your words, of course I might be mega wrong and off point.
In my experience also, support from the people around you, family, friends, and similar is very important, I'd say even critical, because it will keep your head "above the surface". Without them "drowning" advances very fast and in the worst case scenario leads to suicide. They will find ways to help you, they care about you and are usually the first ones to notice that something is not right, by that I mean notice even before you yourself surface the problem. Being surrounded by good and smart people is important, since there is cases where the depressed person is labeled as crazy, lazy, useless, sometimes friends try to help by getting you out, but it can end up triggering negative thoughts if it's not a place or environment that's in your comfort zone. In my opinion the worst thing one could doing self-help without the guidance of others, why, in case of failure of the attempt to get better you will relapse badly and it's going to get you even more depressed, blaming yourself for being a failure. So guidance and care for others, openness for outside help and to different methods is key in healing, talking is a good way to temporary alleviate the condition. The people around me are the reason I didn't do the act of taking my own life and I'm forever grateful for having them. Still under depression for 10 years now, but it's controlled, I suspect it's a symptom of hormonal disbalance and am working on it right now.
I'm glad you're doing better, I wish you good health and fortune doc!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience here. Def anxiety and depression were colliding into a really bad combination for my mental health. I agree that so much of what helps comes back to connection with people with trust and a community that supports each other.
Dr Ali Mattu where are you? Please upload more videos. Your videos really help people! Please come bak
I was wondering the same thing
I can't thank you enough for sharing this. It's a relief to feel so validated.
We truly appreciate all your references you have made to the DSM. Every single one of them that you have made. It makes it seem like you are not using your personal opinions and experiences.
He is back boyz 🔥🔥
and I've got SO MUCH good stuff coming your way 🙌🏽 Thanks for being patient with me while I figured things out.
Thank you so much for sharing, I can see a lot of what you said in my own internal monologue at the moment, and it's so reassuring to see how much just letting people help really changed things for you.
I don't ask for help because my friends KNOW who I was before. They have SEEN what I've become. They KNOW I need help and they tell me "one day you'll get it"
I don't want to be around them. We only have ONE life. If I had the opportunity to save my friends life, I would DO whatever I could.
It makes me so sad that I don't want to be around them at all.
Hello @linamarie84 my exams are coming soon so i was scrolling about psychological videos as I'm a Psychology Master's student. I know that you love your friends and obviously I feel the same that they love you back too and sometimes when you grow up around people who have seen you for many years it is very hard for any person to generally change their view of another person, and it doesn't have to be always that they are the bad person that they don't get you. If you like, you do something different that will make you feel like you're growing, maybe going to the gym or starting a new job or getting a new haircut ( you might need to start alone but eventually will get similar people, and you also always don't need to cut off the old people as it is very trendy topic nowadays😅). Think about it like this- you would not go wearing pajamas to a restaurant but that doesn't mean you should stop wearing pyjamas, it's just that you know how to dress for the situation.
A very important video! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼 your story.. accepting help is essential.. precious baby
The baby is precious 🥰
Oh wow, that was like the best video ever. Thanks for sharing!
👆🏽best comment ever
It takes courage to admit feeling these “not social acceptable feelings”. so congratulations to you! because they are indeed part of the human experience, and therefore we should not be ashamed of them, but to be understanding. happy u are better! :)
So good. Thanks for what you do here
Thanks for the supportive comment!
It must be cool to have friends from childhood
We have the Eastwood mall here and I'm so glad it's thriving and growing. But your right most all dying off
Solid video on that topic here: th-cam.com/video/sBEajQWy-LU/w-d-xo.html
@@drali that's a good video especially the reusage of the malls. I always envision medical parks or inside theme parks. Our mall area just got a bass pro shops and they are adding to the mall with more construction. Hopefully it will be enjoyable for many years to come. And the lady in the video was right I am one who loves exploring abandoned buildings for the nostalgic value of what once was.
You're amazing!
Right back at you my friend!
So much strength from your vulnerability ❤ Thanks for sharing Dr. Mattu!
There was a few moments where anyone else but him was able to talk, I really want to hear his wife's experience too😭
I hope you guys are doing better, im a mommy and it's an everyday struggle... some days are just more rewarding than others.. were all learning as we go, I hope it becomes easier too!
Who is here after Dr. K'/HGGs stream?
Sir please talk about adhd, there is so much content available on the internet it is so tiresome to figure out how to deal with it effectively without meds
Here are some resources I've found most helpful: How to ADHD channel with Jessica McCabe (especially the "How to do the thing" playlist). Cas from Clutterbug's handful of videos about her ADHD hacks. HealthyGamerGG's ADHD videos. ADDitude mag articles and newsletter.
Also, attending an ADHD support group for tips and validation (CHADD is good).
Best wishes to you!😃
@@bellaluce7088 hey thanks!! Just seeing this comment now!
Omg when you mentioned Westgate and Vallco I was not expecting that!
First of all the BEST thing you can do for mental health is focus on physical health. Exercise, sleep, and whole food diet minimizing sugar.
That will take most people’s disorders to subclinical levels. From that stable foundation you can begin to do deep healing work with a therapist.
Thank you for being so vulnerable ❤
Always an inspiration to me.
Thank YOU!!!!
Valco! Grew up in Cupertino - rancho rinconada to be specific. Enjoying your videos man.
You mention journaling on your interview with Dr Mike. Can you do an episode on journaling? SO many options out there - what's yours?
I never thought that I will have anxiety because well it never came across my mind. Recently I have been thinking about this problem that I have, chronic nausea. With all my test coming back negative, I was at a loss. I am now wondering if I have any anxiety which would result in my constant state of nausea. Came across your video and now Im certain I should get this checked out. Hopefully I will be provided with more insights.
a therapist took advantage of a mentally ill married man who was in a state of emotional distress. He suffers from separation anxiety and has abandonment issues, among others.
She is a mental health counselor and had full knowledge of the above.
While I was in Texas helping my mom she convinced him to leave me and become her lover. She waited until he was at his most venerable then used her knowledge to manipulate him.
This may not be illegal because he was not her patient but defiantly unethical. She devastated a family. Destroyed a 28 year marriage and caused massive emotional harm. As a therapists
She is support to help people with this kind of emotional trauma not case it i am a basket case and wont seek out therapy because i dont trust any of them now.
Best video ever made.
I just found this channel. Did you stop making videos?
No, I just took a pause while I’ve just been working on some writing projects. New videos will be out later this summer.
@@drali Looking forward to it!
Would love for you to have a conversation with Dr. K from HealthyGamer!
Where have you been?
Hi, this is a video suggestion/question;
Does attachment style affect how you treat social anxiety? If so, how?
Hi, thank you for the video.
Quick question:
can you please recommend lectures and material to go through for person like me who doesn't have a psychology background but wants to become a counselor soon. Lectures I should go through to strengthen my base in psychology and counselling, core concepts, learning to read people etc etc. so much so that once I am done with counselling diploma and these lectures, I don't feel the need that I should have done bachelors in psychology and I am able to take clients with strong cases (not diagnosed ones of course since I won't be am actual therapist)
i inhale my breath without inhaling it and that to, deliberately which causes pain to my lower lungs and I do it more often and I'm afraid that If i do it continuously then I'll die... what should i do?
Can you do a video on Dr. Albert Ellis?
Hello sir.. Iam first yr AIIMS student & I indeed want to study psychology.. so what should i do with it ??🙏.. as i have also experienced from mental issue .. so it mademy desire more strong to learn about it ..
Your son looks so much like Nguyen :D
can you pls do a video on purpose and meaning in life. the question (what is the sense of all of this?) is literally ruining my life
How to email u?
Sir please make a detailed video on list of Universities that offer best psychology majors in the US and canada
Sounds like what the average population of Americans go through daily. So sad. Survival mode+Depression
Please make video about overcoming theophobia
I have not been able to do this comment for a long time but today I am saying it, I am talking about this problem with a lot of hope. I don't know how to talk about my problem. but what I know and understand by googling is that my problem is "TRICHOPHILIA". If you make a video or tell me about it, it will be very beneficial and helpful to me. I have been suffering from this problem for many days. Please help me doctor. Is it any disorder?
All Thad good advice I’d great , but did you 1:34 1:36 considers prescribing G
GABE IN NATURAL MEDICINE AS A HELPING ADVICE ‼️😊 2:25
Which psychology field is most highest paying, Clinical psychology, forensic psychology or Neuro psychology?
Do u understand Hindi
Tech cant solve ANYTHING sorry. Onlly human to human.
Aghhhh 😒😒
1st
Thanks for being here!
@@drali Thanks for content creating
I just join you for learn English 😅
i dont know what to do , i think i have social anxiety. im open with my family members and my bestfriend and even people in gym , but with friends at school i cant realy talk or with teachers and sometimes with girls i get nervous and i want to get out of that place and want to stay alone . the only place that i dont feel anxiety is gym , there i can comunicate with people more fluently im more open with people basicly i feel safe there.
Would you want to increase your subscribers/views/likes/comments and videos SEO Score?
Just now I visit your TH-cam Channel and Seen your can not optimize your Channel well. Your Videos SEO score is only 36.5/100.😓😓
If your want to optimize your Channel, I will work for you and grow your Channel in organically.
I Like you doc, but give us more podcast or longer video, we are growing with you, definitely, but and also you with us by feedback.. 🫶