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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 มี.ค. 2021
- A listener asks Dr. McGrath what she should do about the pain she feels from making herself think of intrusive thoughts around POCD just to see if they bother her.
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I suffer from POCD which has gotten better. I had to avoid parks, even younger members of my family because i thought that i was going to do something, get a tingling response and contemplated suicide just to stop children getting hurt which should never happen. I still break down in tears when i get intrusive images but my therapist reassured me that im not a Pedophile as she's heard the same things with many clients and told her about all the women i've fallen in love and how great it felt etc. She also told me that if you was a Pedophile it would have emerged in puberty, not tell anyone, possibly collected CP, groom children etc. I know not all of them do but i bet it must be so hard not act on it.
At the end of the day, it cant go away, you have to be the soldier of your own body
Can I ask for advice? Why do we have ocd? Like ocd of Endocannibalism eating dead people? Someone help
I'm 21 and I've dealt with POCD for nearly 3 years I'm miserable
Ive also had it for 3 years and im also miserable.
@@crusaderknight4792 I am so sorry
It gets better; just keep going.
One day you will have your life back, it won't be the life you've left behind but it will be a life worth living, and you will be such a resilient M***er Fu**er, nothing will break you again. Good people bounce back, don't ever forget that.
Damn, I'm 5 months into this, in the first weeks I was so afraid it would last months, and here I am.
"nothing will break you again" Hope you're right.
I'm sorry you guys are 3 years into this hell, nobody deserve this.
@@RosfieldCont You'll make it through this
Sometimes I find myself wanting to indulge these intrusive thoughts to see if I DO secretly actually want these thoughts and I don’t know if that’s a part of ocd or not. Having a name for intrusive pedophilic thoughts is great but how do I know I’m not just ashamed instead of not a pedophile. I go through this cycle of am I aren’t I must be but it disgusts me but yadayada pretty much all day. Not diagnosed but I’ve also never talked about it with a psychologist. They popped up when I got younger siblings and have returned since I moved back in with them + I am psychotic/manic all of the time hhhh I need to send this to my therapist don’t mind me
I’ve talked to my therapist and mom about it and they’re both very understanding and yeah I struggle with this too
Stay strong
I'm gonna kindly just say this: You are not your thoughts. As long as you don't act on them.
When's that going to matter?all of world population want me dead.how am i supposed to socialize when i know if they know me they would despise ,kill or at very least ostracize me.i feel bad for anyone who ever showed me compassion. I'm just fucked to my core it's like i was born to die.
But that’s the thing. We’re terrified we will.
@@ayeshacanning-kishver Yeah I was just trying to help at the time I made this comment. I may not be able to understand considering I'm not a psychiatrist.
@@ayeshacanning-kishverIt's weird for me, because I know that I won't ever hurt a child. I WON'T. I can't do it. But I'm scared that part of me WANTS to and I'm in denial or I pushed it down.
I know that in reality, I don't see kids in that way. I just think they're adorable little peanuts, and they deserve the best and to be protected. But, it doesn't make the fear go away.
@@LostSauce-44I know! It’s horrible, I’m so anxious around kids and I don’t like being in their presence! I have to try and stop myself from trying myself to feel something down there just to self sabotage or prove that I’m not.
What I thought would allow me to calm down about being terrified of being a pedophile would be looking up things about monsters that actually did heinous things.
And only just reading about them on Wikipedia has officially traumatized me to a point that I might probably never forget. So although you still feel worried a little that you might be like them and you’re just denying it or some other type of absurd and downright messed up bullshit, when you actually think back about what you read you want to barf and most importantly put the guy that did all this evil shit through an extremely slow meat grinder legs first… so it’s reassuring in that sense cause it reminds you that people that do the stuff you fear of doing don’t actually feel anything, to be able to do such evil things they have to literally have no soul. And so just the fact that you are scared reminds you that you feel shit and so you won’t really be able to harm anyone.
My mental health is still a fucking mess, and this has been the worst year of my life but things like this gives me a bit of hope to keep going and maybe find a light at the end of the tunnel..
Yes these videos help people.
Love the Rush bobbleheads in the background! Really enjoyed the vid.
It has been 3 years since the height of my POCD, and I’m in a better place now than I’ve ever been in my life. Sharing my story here in case it’s helpful to anyone-
I am a 27 year old cis male who identifies as gay or queer, having always been attracted to men and more masculine-appearing nonbinary people. My POCD has followed suit, with the focus being boys, and I have no history of being sexually abused.
I don’t know when my POCD began. I’ve had it as long as I can remember, which used to scare me because people in these forums can usually point to a specific incident or time when it started. I’ve also dealt with many other forms of OCD and related issues since childhood, such as the need for things to feel “just right”, intrusive thoughts, perfectionism, and more.
Back then, and to this day, I find myself aesthetically drawn to certain people. I have always had a sense of what is nice looking to me, in any gender and any age, but especially men/boys. This really messed with my head as I got older, because I would mistakenly believe that appreciation meant sexual attraction.
It got really bad in late 2019 and early 2020. I was spending hours upon hours each day researching, ruminating, testing myself, even coming up with hypothetical scenarios to see how my body and mind would react.
One interesting aspect of my POCD is that I was never worried about doing something harmful. I knew for a fact I would never have sexual contact with a child, and even if I suddenly developed the desire to, I knew my values were strong enough to deter me.
Rather, the anxiety behind my POCD centered on having an attraction to minors in the first place- what it said about me as a person, the rejection it might bring, the implications for my life, etc.
Whenever I considered seeing an OCD specialist, I would think “Aren’t they biased? Aren’t they going to assume I have POCD even if I don’t?” What I believe now is that everyone is biased, OCD specialist or not, but mental health providers who aren’t trained in OCD are extremely biased to believe someone is a MAP when they aren’t.
In July of 2021, I started an anti-anxiety medication (escitalopram) for the first time in my life. It was absolutely life changing for my social anxiety and helped a decent amount with my OCD as well. About 6 months later in January 2022, I started seeing a therapist who specializes in OCD.
Two years later, I still don’t have a definitive answer as to whether I’m attracted to minors or not, and that no longer bothers me. I accept the fact that it could be true, and go about my life as usual.
I still have groinal responses sometimes, but they no longer mean anything to me. For example, I’ve had a groinal response to a picture of an anthropomorphized dog before, and I know I’m not sexually attracted to dogs. I understand now that it’s not as black and white as it once felt.
I still find some kids good looking aesthetically, but that no longer makes me feel like a monster. I have no sexual desire toward children, and I genuinely feel like if that desire developed, I’d be okay- I would find a way to cope with it.
Medication and therapy are not for everyone, but they were instrumental for me in reaching the place I am today. The other major factor, I believe, was learning more about the MAP community and trying to empathize with rather than distance myself from MAPs.
In societies all around the world, and even in these forums, MAPs are so often vilified and mischaracterized. I have come to embrace the fact that thoughts and feelings do not equate to behavior, and that what defines someone’s character is their actions, not something internal. “MAP” and “Pedophile” are not synonymous with child abuser.
With all of that said, my two recommendations would be:
1. Find a mental health provider who specializes in OCD and is familiar with POCD
2. Give yourself permission to let this be the end of your research for today. It doesn’t have to be your last time ever, but I encourage you to take a break and go do something that brings you fulfillment
Please feel free to email me for the long version or for support in general- connor8752@yahoo.com
Thank you for sharing your story.
When I’m around the problem I get scared and mortified and I feel like a bad person and that I’m the worst and I should not be happy
You are not your thoughts
@@tambourine36 I’m doing better I no longer have these intrusive thoughts and able to enjoy life but I have new intrusive thoughts about having a heart attack but I know it’s not real
I've been suffering this for over a month now. I'm really scared...being around kids makes me anxious and I fear I might do something despite having zero intentions of even touching a kid.
And I fear that, despite how tight-lipped I am on my personal life, word might get out on the internet somehow and those catching wind of it will misunderstand things or become paranoid (much like me overthinking all this) and I'll get cancelled...
I’m 19 and Heavily have POCD with anime and manga and it’s terrifying me because I also feel objectively that the industry is too oversexualised which is disgusting. i’m also an artist which is heavily scaring me drawing characters say who are 16,17 but often the characters may not “look their age” so I feel like drawing and watching will turn me into a P*d*. As someone getting into religion I also learnt that in a specific religion drawing living things is forbidden and it’s made me think in a very binary way that If I suppress my desire from drawing anime and manga (which I love so much and it’s like my number 1 passion) that I will be fine but if I betray God and follow my desire if you will then I will turn into a P*d* because I couldn’t sacrifice something for god and instead followed my desire. I actually only began looking into religion because when drawing anime and manga am thinking about the over sexualisation in the industry and thinking is this character okay to draw? or, Did I find this character attractive or a feature of them even though they are 14,15,16 🤢🤢🤢 and it is really affecting my life as I’m thinking whether I give up drawing characters, anime and manga all together because idk if it is POCD because objectively the industry is heavily oversexualised unnecessarily and also characters are sometimes not drawn of age if you will. So i’m constantly checking, did I find this character attractive and then researching a characters age, convincing myself that drawing living things - specifically anime
in my case is a ‘desire’ that I can’t control and that drawing this I am betraying god and ‘accepting’ P*d*ph*ll*a and that I will turn into a p*d* because of drawing. also
for context my ocd could latch onto this because in the first lockdown period the anime naruto really changed my life and helped me get into shape and even helped get me out of depression at the time so maybe this is why ocd latches onto this but the issue feels ‘real’ because objectively the industry is so unecessarily sexualised so now i’m really beginning to question if this is really just ocd or whether God has put rules in place because he knew things like drawing living beings can actually become immoral and make you think and become a bad person/do bad stuff. I hope someone can relate to this as It’s really detroying my life atm.
I’m 20 and have this fear it interferes with my life so sad 😭
Im 15 and i have POCD😢
You aint alone bro
@@cluckinbelljr5194 😢
bro me too 😭
sexual abuse or molestation can contribute to it , expecially in teen years.
@@redbloomings7523 nah I never do that 💀
24, going on 5 years now. Started after my father told me he assaulted me as a child. Thoughts started to spiral and 5 years later I just want to give up. I feel I can’t work. God I hate this.
Pocd os brutal man. Even this comment triggered me
@@andrewjennings7306 it is but every theme can feel like the worst. The more you fear it the worst it gets! It gets better
@@user-jz5tm8hg5x is masturbation part of it?
@@andrewjennings7306 same here
I’m so sorry that happened to you. 😢
Im 15 and i have pocd
i wish you the best of luck brother. i'm also 15 and i have it too. wish you the best of luck
@@wardenpk751 Thanks man, its been getting way better
in 13 and have it
Nvm shit just beat me down fr
@@RussianSpyNikolai sorry bro
Can u be scared of having pocd but not actually having it? Because I don’t have thoughts about it or anything to do with children just my brain keeps thinking about it
U should see a psychologist about this
To me that sounds like it is POCD. People with it aren’t actually pedos. It’s intrusive and very unwanted thoughts that you obsess over, and they’re not something you want to think about.
Same here how r u doing now
@@raphplayzzz5994 I’m doing great it goes away my bro 🙂
@@luftwaffe8127 aight thanks bro how long did it take you?
Do we get pocd at early age as if i m 17 ... And though we have done x-ray and doctor confirmed i have copd ... Is it ?
I need this kind of help but I don't have money and I can't let anyone know, this would ruin my life if it got out. Please pray for me :(
I too have POCD and I struggle with it and I have mental compoltions.😢
I’m so confident that I have POCD, I don’t wanna self diagnose but Im scared to go to a doctor to get a diagnosis, how will I even present this?
If you feel you have it, book a consultation with a OCD therapist trained in POCD to talk to about it and they can help you. Good luck!
i hate this ocd. i really do. i've recently started having these thoughts 3 months ago. It hurts. Everytime they occur i shake my head so they can leave. i cant even sleep anymore they're so bad. i don't wanna be a bad person. i don't want to be a bad guy. I wouldn't hurt anyone. I cant live with myself if these things are running through my head everyday. I don't know what to do. I'm glad i talked to my therapist about it. Because i can get my mind off it easily now. But still. It sucks.
Are you okay? It’s honestly scary I don’t look at kids
Yo I got this shit too man i just don’t want to be around kids either i just feel like guilty because i wouldn’t wanna go to prison and get my ass kicked for being a pedophile
How do you deal with fear of sleep in particular with sleep paralysis fear. This happens to me often and I dread sleep.
Hi, I think the first or one of the first things to do, is to consult with a sleep therapist, and they also do some tests, to check any that can cause it, organic, and if something is wrong at brain level.
Hope everything will be solved soon. But I think that's an approach that any professional should begin with to understand it at a deeper level and discard something else.
Blessings.
I have the same question too lol
Oh my gosh same... I’ve always put a blanket over my head since I was 13 and I’d leave a small gap for my mouth to breathe. But it causes me to sweat at night and I constantly need to shower. I’m just scared one night I do get sleep paralysis even tho I’ve never experienced it
@@grace0336 hey, I used to have this fear, although it was not so extreme. I would recommend using a sleeping mask instead of a blanket, less sweat. If you haven’t experienced it, chances r u won’t experience it for a very long time. I’ve only had one experience and it was quickly ended because I remembered what to do in that situation. Nothing scary or bad happened. You can always consult a therapist if you have enough money, but sometimes it’s hard to build courage to do that. I hope this helps.
I would make sleep time a heaven, fun time! Choose a soft light if you are afraid of the dark pink purple blue or orange, make it very cozy, cozy blankets lots of soft pillows teddy bear, something that gives you comfort and you can hold on, maybe some warm tea or milk, soft music or guided meditation and just let yourself rest. sleep paralysis happened to me a lot, it really means that in some area in your life your in a lot of stress, if it happens to you sleep paralysis try to remember that you are having sleep paralysis and be brave in the moment, someone told me to move your pinky finger because unblocks the rest of the body sounds silly but it worked for me
Can u have ocd but the feeling of no fear or anxious or anxiety
Yes
yes, happened with me you can get used to thoughts which can make you feel like you are not bothered and your thoughts are just real because you are not getting that anxiety spike every time
It makes me sick, i hate it.
Wait you are woman ??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELEIVE IN A GOD THAT CREATED ME?
You dont need to believe go to the police station and say that you are phedo
I know, it’s really hard. But you CAN get through this. Talk to a trusted person, or find a OCD therapist that specialises in POCD.
God doesn't make mistakes, but your brain chemistry does.
@@user-iu6sp5bb4kno they aren’t, OCD causes intrusive thoughts about this kind of stuff. People with POCD are not dangerous or gross. It is uncomfortable and uncontrollable. Please educate yourself.
A thought isn’t just a thought when your dealing with groinal responses
So im a pedo??? what???
@@alex604-7 OfCourse not....
@@alex604-7 Nah he just meant that this shit feels real af.
This isn’t helpful to comment on a page about POCD. People (I included) can spiral and overthink and it can undo the work that we’ve put in, and put us back to a bad space.
There was study that some patients had to look at a tv that showed animal sex. The patients felt groinal responses.. What i am trying to say is that if you think about a sex thought... the body can response even if you dislike what you see. And fear can do it to.