Why your habits never stick
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ก.ย. 2022
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Hi there 👋 If you're new to my videos my name is Matt D'Avella. I'm a documentary filmmaker, entrepreneur and TH-camr. I've made a couple documentaries for Netflix. I also teach courses on everything from filmmaking to habit change. If you like to nerd out about self-development as much as I do, you can subscribe for weekly videos.
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🎬 Credits
Director… Matt D'Avella
Producers… Matt D’Avella & Emma Norris
Editors… Matt D’Avella & Spencer Torok
🎥 INTERVIEW CREDITS
Director… Matt D’Avella
DP... Chris Newhard
B Cam... Dan Mendenhall
Gaffer... James Powers
Grip... Jon Barden
Sound Op... Joey DeFeo - ภาพยนตร์และแอนิเมชัน
My key takeaway from this video - 3:38 Matt: "As counterintuitive as it sounds, when you stop focusing on the long-term benefits that you're seeking, and start focusing on making the habit immediately enjoyable, you'll find that behavior change starts to get a little more effortless."
I wrote that down actually .
John Williams wrote a great book called 'Screw work let's play'. In that book he talks about the futility of rigid goals. He says if goals worked more people would not only achieve them but be satisfied in achieving them. Instead even if people attain their goals there's often a sense a of emptiness and a constant focus on the future. He advocates for making each moment your best moment it can be and endeavoring to live some version of your dream now no matter how small. Life is a series of moments built on each other so lots of good moments becomes a great life. Eckhart Tolle puts it more simply when he calls this "the power of now".
Yes!! I've actually found it recently easier to get my gym class in if I make my choice based on what I feel most energized by that day, rather than "well, the most technically effective split would be..." So I've had five days of cardio recently. At least that's five days I showed up, rather than doing my one cardio day and then feeling guilty that I didn't feel like doing yoga the next day.
same
@@excel04 This Concept was excatly what I was looking for. I will immediately apply it.
Thank you so much guy. I think you are 18, that's impressive! You're definitely going to enjoy a great life, believe me!
As a 22 year old man that feels stuck often, this video was much needed. I’m writing this stuff down and I will apply this stuff to make my life a little less stressful and foggy.
Don’t stress you’re still so young. Just get out and do stuff
I’m also 22 and feel the same. I want to have a productive day every day but I sometimes like to procrastinated like play golf, or take more time on doing hw then intended.
You’re 22, don’t put so much pressure on yourself. That was def me at 22
I’m the same age and feel that way as well quite often. If you haven’t already, you should read/listen to Atomic Habits by James Clear. It expands on ideas in this video and has really helped me to get better at building habits.
Good luck man
I think a lot of this also comes down to our self talk. With the gym as a great example. If we keep saying “suck because I can’t keep up this gym habit” when we miss one morning versus “bummer this morning didn’t work out. When else can I get to the gym today?” we can beat back that rigidity. Becoming the kind of person who goes to the gym every day instead of the person who is a failure if they miss one is a huge identity shift.
yes how we talk to ourselves is definitely key as it can create an immediate positive or negative environment, going back to what was said about instant gratification. If our words are kind, instantly there's an improvement.
Yes, I agree. THanks my friend
Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. When I miss my routines or habits it really gets me down. But life isn’t rigid. So my routines shouldn’t be either. Flexibility for the win!
Yess🙌🏻
Atomic habits: arrange physical things to make doing desired things easier, and undesirable habits harder.
Exactlyyy
Can you explain what this means. I quite don't understand. Thank you 😊
@@floricelmendez2223 For example, let's say you want to break the habit of watching TV and replace it with doing yoga. You could move the TV remote to a different room, so you would have to go out of your way to retrieve the remote to actually watch TV, and you could replace where the TV remote used to be with something like a yoga mat nearby to encourage your new desired habit.
@@mxnuscript wow thanks! I really appreciate you going out of your way for helping me. Great example too 👍😊✨
I want to break habit of scrolling phone, what can I do to make this harder since I'm mostly free and mobile is the only timepass
I think I unintentionally learned the "do the fun thing while doing something not fun" a couple weeks ago. I love watching netflix, but I always watch while I work and it kills my productivity. I tried to tell myself to only watch my show when doing the dishes or cooking food, and it honestly makes me look forward to doing the dishes... which sounds crazy 🤣
I can never stick to a rigid schedule and always thought I was just lazy. Lately I've adopted a more "chaotic" approach with very little structure and basically no planning besides a to-do list and I actually started getting shit done! The part about variability actually surprised me, I thought I was an outlier because how everyone always seemed to talk about their very strict schedules.
Timestamps:
0:27 Why your habits never stick
1:19 Long tail effects of our actions are a modern predicament
2:11 How to use habits changes to our advantage
3:51 How to keep consistency in your behavior change
5:38 Sticking your habits long enough for them to become automatic
8:14 Think carefully about what the obstacles are going to be in context of success
9:35 Ask yourself a few questions before start changing
Thanks for the video!
Thanks
Thank you!
Thank you:)
thanks
I did manage to build a new habit: watching every single new video from Matt, 'cause they're great
Having that second and third best time as an alternate is so crucial. Things come up and sometimes that “ideal” time-slot gets taken up by something else that is more urgent. This video was a solid reminder that if the ideal time slips away, there is another option.
Exactly
I always had a lingering thought in the back of my mind that variability was the issue because I'm super rigid with my routines. This video reaffirmed that strongly and I can't thank you enough for that.
So to apply your lessons:
1. Exercise - Varying the timing and intensity based on when I get off work and my energy levels.
2. Money - Setting a fixed amount to save every month for important things, but also varying the amount I give myself for leisure depending on how many times I performed a certain habit in a month.
3. Sleep - I'm setting a reminder that pings me to go to bed, but I will vary the time each month/week so I won't fall into rigidity.
Fingers crossed!!
Variability wins over consistency, when consistency breeds rigidity.
I built a gym habit that is flexible. I will go 3-6 times a week, any days of the week, 1 hour of working out, and I can do anything in that hour. It’s not the most efficient for gains, but I’ve maintained my gym habit for years now.
I weigh 108 lbs now, which looks just right on my petite frame. I have a jawline now! 🥳 and my knees don’t hurt when climbing the stairs.
Awesome! Love to hear that! 🙌🏽
I've been trying to be more consistent in my drum practice routine. Using insights from your video, I see that I should prepare my dinner for the next day the night before. Then, when I come home from work I will practice for an hour with the reward being the dinner I prepared the night before. I think this will eliminate a lot of the friction that is keeping me from forming my practice routine.
I actually noticed that I'm already applying this technique. I've always loved training and going to the gym, but reading has always been my weakest habbit. So by setting my reading time to the train journey to and from the gym I've managed to pick up the habbit and have already read three books in the last two months
Definitely incorporating "frequent and flexible" approach. I was missing that angle as I thought doing something at the same time every day meant it was a routine.
Amazing video Matt! Thank you! My biggest take away is going to be focusing on flexibility instead of consistent rigidity and to be more kind and loving towards myself. if I don’t make the exact schedule i had planned, I will still get it done when I can and not punish myself for not being perfect! ❤️
Ninety percent of success is just showing up. I have been going to the gym for the past 3 months without fail, but I also don't force myself to go at a certain time. I just make sure I go that day and give it my best when I'm there
I recently finally concreted my habit of waking up every single morning at 6:45. Your videos have been super integral in that happening, so thank you! Great video as always!
Always good to take responsibility for your actions, especially helps with habits. Great video!
I’ve had to overhaul how I approach studying, working out and journaling by practising mediocre consistency.
Now I try to put in consistent 40-60% effort into my habits - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on yt channel.
historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort & surprisingly/unsurprisingly its adds up. And I’ve made the most progress in my mental health and physical health to date.
This was so helpful. I've been applying this flexibility approach for a week now and it truly works! I used to feel defeated for not working out at a certain time and would just give up until tomorrow to try again. Now, I feel like my habits are much more attainable once I take that pressure off. Consistency > Perfection.
I think another additional tip I would love to add is embracing the identity of that particular habit.
A good way to embrace it is to ask yourself is: "why do you want to ?" If your answer is very end goal related, your chances of success might be slim but instead if you tell yourself I'm the type of person that does that habit, you might stick it with more.
For example, I wanted to exercise more consistently. This time, instead of telling myself I'm working out for a "six pack", I told myself, I work out because I am an ACTIVE person. When I kept reaffirming that identity, not only did I work out consistently (9 months now) but it was easier to get back up whenever I fell off.
This coupled with other habit sticking methods will really help stick with habits.
Great point, 'start a new habit by being flexible and consistent', I noticed the ones that stick I naturally did this.
Stick with habits are difficult 😆 but heyyy stop procrastinating do not think about it, just do it!!!
Hi Matt, this and the previous video you made really helped me. I started to read the book How to change and created a fresh start, today complete my first week of quitting coke and working out in the morning. Thanks for your work a big hug from Colombia :) Happy week
One study amongst privileged professionals in the US doesn’t not universally extrapolate . It’s anti-science to rely so heavily on a single source. Tens of thousands of studies support consistency.
Exactly what I needed to hear right now as I am about to start a new habit very soon. Been putting it off for too long! Will be using your advise! Always love and appreciate your videos!
Always love your videos,somehow you always manage to add a new thing to learn in each and every one of them.
Six weeks ago I started running 3times a week and what made me stick to it even though I usually give up after a few days, is I have an app to track my progress where I can take a photo each time.i like to see the photo each time and share it with my friends and they see my evolution and get motivated to run too. I kept the goal very simple and unique: running 3 times a week no matter when how how long or anything and not to get caught up in any type of performance,just this one goal for now and I will review my goal after 12 weeks. I'm so proud and impressed that I kept the discipline this far, what really helped was to have a lot of flexibility like you say in this video, and to not get caught up in performance. Thanks Matt for your amazing videos,always motivating ✨
Your videos have definitely inspired me to get into the habit of actually making videos and starting this channel for real. Been a fan for years! I appreciate you Matt.
Such a good video! I’m trying to record my album and stick to it, when I would always give up in the past. What I’m doing differently this time is paying attention to all the internal narrative that would discourage me in the past and sitting in silence with it.. I listen to it, I talk to myself, and weirdly I always end up recharged at the end.. Not easy, but definitely helpful..
PS: Your videos are insanely helpful and so qualitative.. Such a blessing to have access to amazing free content like that 🙏🏽🤍
I love this approach so much! Thank you for bringing on Kaity hearing her wisdom was so enriching.
I love the idea of identifying potential barriers before you start and being prepared for them. Thanks Katie and Matt 🙏🏼
Needed to hear this today 🙌🏼
You videos always Re teach me accountability for my action. If I’m slacking my whole process gets thrown off
Its kinda similar with the fresh start problem for me,
Everyday in the morning there is a fresh start, but if smth happens and you miss it , you need to adapt and move on without losing track
Awesome! I have been changing since 2005. I made a vow to embrace change. So far, so good! Thanks for all your help Matt!
Awesome video and great points - staying realistic is sooo important when setting goals and/or systems. Thanks for this 🙏🏻
The high quality content in this video is astonishing in all aspects especially video quality too.
Seriously, the rigidity comment about habits probably changed my entire outlook on consistency. THANK YOU. Up until now, I've usually been in a 'do it or bust' mentality, but now I know I need to be more flexible and that it's ok to do your habits at different times!
I've noticed this specifically in my own life when I tried to be too rigid with my routines. If I ended up missing a day I would beat myself up for not being able to stick to my plan A which made the process stressful and unenjoyable. I've noticed that having a rebound plan that allows for another time to do the habit has helped tremendously.
As mentioned in the video, when coming with a plan to change and cultivate a habit, we need to know what are the common obstacles that we will face. One thing to note is that, to know what are the common obstacles requires us learn what are those common obstacles. And that is to constantly try, and experience failures and reflecting what caused those failures.
Another great video Matt! I’ve been writing a lot about habits recently, so it was very nice to see this come at this time.
I have a couple habits I’m working on, but one of the main ones is building a consistent reading habit. I really like to read, but I’m a slow reader but I also feel the urge/pressure to get through books quickly. So I expect myself to read a crap ton of pages in one sitting. That never really happens though. So now I’m forcing myself to start out just reading one page of my book of choice(rereading Essentialism) a day because I understand now that it’s not about getting through books fast, it’s about becoming someone that reads consistently.
I’m one month in and really feeling good about this journey!
Ahhh I love this! I'm definitely guilty of becoming too rigid with my habits, so this was a great eye-opener. I'm going to start planning for variability and being more flexible. I know that also allows the opportunity for new ideas and improvements, so this will be fun to play with! 😊 Great stuff as always, Matt!
1. Making the behaviour change fun will make you stick to it
2. To be consistent, dont be rigid, let your change be frequent and flexible.
3. Think about the obstacles, strategize your victory and make it intentional , dont just run but figure out the path to your finish line
You've totally upped your game with the video quality and this new crisp podcast style episode. LOVED. IT @Matt
“Fluidity in our routines help us to be consistent”
This is my key takeaway from this video.
I love your expert guests! Really elevates your vids ❤️
I am trying best to build good habits and you helped a lot your rule of not to miss the work continues for two days helped me a lot ❤️
I love how honest this video is man!!
Hi.
thank you very much for your work.
I have been watching this channel for a long time.
I watch several videos at a time to recharge my batteries and start acting, to stop worrying over trifles, to find new ideas for my life.
the main character (narrator) is charismatic, the texts are short and full of meaning, the quality of the visual content is excellent.
this is exactly the content that is sometimes very necessary.
all the best!!!
Also the issue is too many choices.
I went to a new gym and saw machines I've never seen before and it was honestly overwhelming.
Explains why Soulcycle is successful because you just workout on the bike the whole time and don't need to preplan where your next machine is and whether it'll be occupied or broken.
I know you weren't asking, but I reccomend checking out Hybrid Calisthenics' free workout plan! Ive found that someone else's planning takes out the decision fatigue with working out
@@moeystar2325 thank you! 😊
Hey guys, excuse me if I enter in this conversation. Butin my opinion the excercise selection should start from your goals. Most of the time stop don't even need that vriety of machines, just a barbell, a rack and a bunch of weights
@@mario8833 Totally agree! I started off with Stronglifts 5x5 years ago because I was tired of being a twig. Put on 30kg over the next two years with just a barbell and maybe five exercises. There's no need to complicate things in the beginning. Almost anything is better than nothing, so consistency matters more than perfection.
This was helpful. I'm going to try it for walking because I need to start exercising, but now I know where I'm going to walk, relaxing and beautiful areas, and not into the busy streets which give me a headache.
Great advice! And actionable. While watching the video, I paused and added a Friday "backup" exercise time to my calendar in case I skip my Thursday workout, which I often do just because I'm still recovering from my Tuesday workout.
In my opinion, the temptations bundle tip seems catered more towards neurotypical brains , then neurodivergent ones.
The Google study made alot of sense to me as I felt the same thing from my personal experience.
Lastly preparing for future struggle might be overwhelming at times, but I do feel it's a necessary evil.
Thank you for another great video, she is one of the most interesting guests you had over the years and I am glad you brought her back.
Love that you visited with Katy again! I have the book on my 'to read" list on Apple Books, but you're sure selling it. It feels like I'm getting a sponsored ad from Matt each week to buy this book. I hope you and Nat are doing well. Thank you for your content. ♥
Such a helpful video. I'm working on my health and my writing. Except I haven't been writing in the way I expected. This video was really encouraging, thank you.
Matt these last two videos with Katie have been amazing
Ur the best
So good
Let's not forget that the biggest payouts in the markets don't come from great performances but rather it's great promotions. Stay invested, diversification for streams of incomes is very important.
Many of us don't know where to invest our money so we invest it on wrong place and to the wrong people.
My trading journey was a matriculation to high and low, literally just like the market going up and down, now I'm constantly up.
Hello, I'm new to this online investment Bitcoin trade and i've been making huge losses but recently, I seen a lot of people earning from it. Please can someone tell me what to do?
Investing in forex is the best investment anyone can do this year, because it has made a lot of people millionaires.
@John Alvarez Yeah that's true, I knew Mr Xender Smith since 2019 July 6th when he hosted a seminar at New York, I had to travel with my mom because she want to invest over $90K, am happy it was successful, she has been earning weekly on BTC.
Thank for sharing your experience through this video I have watched 3 videos about minimalism which were really important for me to save money,time, maintain discipline at the age of 17 .. many many thanks from Nepal 🇳🇵. It was really helpful for me.
I LOVE how you've worked the snack food into the video. Genius 😃
For the very first time, I already do what is being recommended in this video.. Felt like I've finally got Matt's mindset
I am planning on working on my eating habits. As someone who has lost 90lbs and then has yo-yoed for the past year with their weight, I want to be more consistent with my nutrition.
Thank you for some great takeaways from the video!
Great video! I had some aha moments. Starting from the finish line will help me to Do the little steps it needs to acomplish my dreams. That Was a good one. Seeing me Holding my own book in hands and people looking at me thinking where do i know her from is very motivating to start writing the book if my dreams. And reading/listening to my favorite book only on the treatmill or while walking at fresh air.... supergenious!!!!!!
habit stacking is very good strategy! Thanks Matt for your videos!
I’m gonna tackle my habit of taking supplements cause I always forgot about it. This time around I might pair my supplement taking with video watching/ fun activities so I actually enjoy it. Thanks Matt & Katy for this awesome video that breaks the stigma of habit building!
I work shifts so waiting to figure out a consistent routine has been giving me an excuse to procrastinate. I want to start looking after myself better and studying regularly (my veterinary job means there's always something to learn!) but have been having trouble fitting everything in and finding 'the best time' to do these things, meaning if I don't make my 8am yoga session before work, I'm likely not going to do a session at home after work, because its not going to be perfect. This video was really helpful in just reminding me that although perfect practise makes perfect, pretty good practise still makes pretty good, thanks Matt!
Matt D'Avella videos are always worth the wait!!❤️💯
I've been watching this video several times, and now, I understand it better. The important thing is to show up. It doesn't matter in which part of the day, just do it.
Thanks! this really resonates with me. You’ve made me remember the concept of “Implementation Intention” of Atomic Habits. Also, I didn’t know that being flexible with the routine was good. I tend to be rigid with my schedule.
The best TH-camr! Thanks a lot, Matt! You rock!
Consistency breeds rigidity 🤔 so move towards frequent and flexible. Love this takeaway! As I’m building the habit of posting a video on TH-cam weekly to grow my channel I appreciated hearing this.
Same ☺️
Thank you for creating this video!
Man, you are the only creator whose every video just bangs. Thank you for your videos. It really truly helps us.
Matt's videos are pretty good, but there are other creators who consistently produce high quality content, as well.
Right now I'm making efforts to wake up early in the mornings and whenever i wake up,all the goals that i wanna reach that day are faded in the moment like I don't have any activities to do so i go to bed after turning off the alarm but i decided to put a glass of water to drink it immediately after waking up to be refreshed and a list of my activities, hope it works and thank you so much for your help and advices.🙏♥️♥️
Frequency is such a good way to look at it. It’s very hard to really keep a consistent schedule, with work and a kid and having flexibility does make a difference.
It's great to see Matt upload weekly, it looks like he was able to stick to the habit of it.
Great work on the sponsor integration. I normally try to skip these but you do such I good job I sit through them :)
Love the quality content and video. Keeps me coming back 😃
I hope everyone going into the new school year sticks with healthy habits and does well!
Been beating myself up for breaking my good sleeping habits lately, but things happen and there’s always tomorrow. Thanks for the video!
Awesome video. Thanks, Matt!
What an interesting new perspective on consistency. Thanks for sharing. Definitely plan on checking out her book! Great video Matt! Cheers!
I think the idea with first and second best time is great!
I haven't heard it anywhere else
You're doing more visuals then usual, I like it, I hope everyone feels the same.
So so soooooo helpful. Thank you, Matt! Amazing work 👏🏽
Dear Matt, hello from Kazakhstan! thank you for all you have done! It is really matters, interesting and usable. Take care and go on.
currently doing the 75 hard challenge as a way to build constructive habits and consistency! Highly recommend!!
I got to try this flexibility, I always try to do the whole schedule, I never have a schedule that last for more than few days because life gets in the way, I'm now documenting my day to day habits and journey on my TH-cam channel, so we shall see if this actually works for me, I document everything to inspire people that you can make it from the bottom to the top
always go with the "no guilt today!" option
From my experience this is really useful. Listening to true crime podcast while walking outside just makes it so enjoyable and now I am always looking forward to walking everyday.
Thank you for this video, very needed
Your videos are very helpful. Gonna keep on watching them to shape my character but on unrelated topic, your house looks really nice. I wish you could give us a video tour 🙏
I don't usually stop to write comments on TH-cam, but this is worth it.
Thank you, Matt. The production value of your videos is *stellar*, the content is perfect and based on scientific studies, and the script is so well written that the video feels like it has 2 minutes and not 10.
I'm amazed by how your already great videos are getting better and better. And all that while you're running a company on the side. You're an inspiring human being. Thank you.
This is a great video that explains unique approach to aiming to build habits. I will definitely be putting this to a test :)
Agreed
Today morning I wrote in my journal ,I need a change..soon after I got your video🌟
I am working on consistently preparing and practicing my pageant walk and interview skills. I think for years I have inconsistently prioritized this dream of mine, but this video came as a beautiful reminder that there is room for flexibility in my practice :)
Excellent video on making new habits stick! Need advice on quitting bad habits
One of your better videos, Matt. Great stuff!
Beautiful video as always! I am trying to stick to a healthier diet and hit the gym weekly 💪
I think it’s just about mindful and present. Doing things that are honest to you and as of service to you can work. Not labeling everything wrong or bad, because if you do, you resist. What resists, persists. So just let go. Accept what is and embody the change you want to see. Nothing can make you more or less. So choose the lifestyle you want. Become fluid. And you’ll do what you want, embody the change you wanna see and it becomes effortless than making yourself do it.
Very nice video, I loved your approach to how reconnect with your goals and actually change a bad habit
Love your blue shirt in this video Matt! So funny to see you in a shirt other than your classic tshirt!